My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 296: Shower Boys

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

THANKS FOR THE MONEY CHUMPS. You thought all that was going to help support the podcast you're about to listen to? No way - we just needed some seed money to launch our heart's true passion: A Podcast about renovating people's showers against their will. Welcome to: Shower Boys: Episode One. Suggested talking points: New Projects, Babysitting Whoopsies, Dyngus Day, Buzzers, Hogbasket, Ambien Olympics, Haunting Value

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's familiar, but not too familiar, but not too not familiar. It's a new place, and because you wanted to say, hey, I wanna, just say, hey, I wanna. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the One We're Phoning In, because the Max Fun Drive is over, we got your money, and now we're just gonna. These laurels are awful comfortable.

Oh boy, the laurels. We put out the best shows that we could. Still not good enough for some of you, that's fine. I hear you. I hear you, but you know what, we're doing our best right now, but not, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. We did our best. That was our best. We did our best. We're all out of best juice. I am giving a solid 63%. Welcome, my brother, my brother, me, and advice you for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, just in McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Now, I did wanna mention here at the top of the show that we, like, sort of one of the things that we talk about during the Max Fun Drive is how your money has helped us expand, and to that point, I'm really excited

to announce a new project that I'm working on. It is a Home Improvement podcast, fancast of the show Home Improvement. No, it's an actual, I improve a home. It's very specifically a specific room in that home, which is to say, and by room, I mean, part of the, I'm talking about showers. I'm doing a new show, and it's all about improving showers. Is it improving? Where are you starting? Which shower gets the first episode? You know that saying, don't shit where you eat? Yep. I'm shitting right on my dinner plate, because I'm doing it right in my own master bath. You eat in your shower? I don't know if you hear that noise. That's my co-host on the show, Matthew. He's a new friend of mine that I just made this morning. But we're fast friends. Brothers,

one might say, we're basically new property brothers, but just friends. And technically, he works for me right now. And so, yeah, he's just in there banging away. And this is, so this is also technically the, this is the first episode of Shower Boys, which is what I decided to call the podcast, because it's just me and Matthew just like living it up. In the shower. Oh, I heard him weighing in on this just now. Yeah, he speaks mostly through Morse code as he bangs on pipes and tiles and stuff like that. If Shower Boys doesn't work out, and it won't, then we, I think we could pivot and do like a prank show where we just steal people's showers. You know what I mean? Maybe, or maybe like another funny prank might be you ruined the podcast that we do.

By, now how did I, how? Just like now, I mean, it's a good example now of how you like, you're ruining it now. Just because the banging and the clanging in the closet. Well, people like the, people like a sense of place, don't they? This is technically, this is some people's ASMR, is pipe banging. You think people are triggered by the sound of tiles being destroyed? Oh yeah, he is really fucking them up. He's going hog. I think he actually, I think he, maybe, I think he might actually be able to hear what I'm saying in here. And I think he's like trying to show what a big strong boy he is in the shower. Griffin, is Matthew a big strong boy? He's a big boy. Yeah, he's a big strong lad. He's in there doing it all by himself.

He's like going to get that, that, that play out by himself is like, damn, damn, Matthew, back at it again. Okay, so this is an advice show. We're about showers. This is, remember, it's both shows. And also shower. This is two podcasts together. Open, just take the left of your butt out. And you're going to hear shower boys in the right ear, but now there's going to be a lot across. You actually don't want to take any of your earbuds out. You might miss. Here's just sort of a programming note about shower boys. I'm worried that I'm, if I'm going to be sort of the mouthpiece, like, I guess shower boys conceptually, as I've imagined it, is I will sort of talk about like what, what the shower is and like what my vision for it

is while he does all the work. And then I don't think I'll have much to add in terms of like practically useful information. It's just basically, it's going to be me talking about what showers do while you hear banging and clattering in the background. Sounds great. I actually, do you think that would be a pretty good podcast, just like interviewing people who have actual skills about how to apply those skills? Just like, maybe it's just called like, how do grown-ups do it? Yeah. And just ask a grown-up how they do it. He is just busting ass in there. He is kicking the showers. See, I watched enough home improvement shows to know that you messed up by letting somebody

else do the demo. Demo is the easy part. That's true. I actually have, I actually have Richard Karn in there too. And he's keeping an eye on shit. You paid for a car appearance fee? No. Are you crazy? He was outside jogging and he needed to take a shit. And I was like, he can use my bathroom, but Matthew's in there. Can you keep an eye on stuff? And Karn's just been laid up on that toilet for like an hour and a half now. I walked in on, I walked down, I put my head in there, just like make sure he had, you know, TP and stuff. Make sure you're Matthew wasn't too uncomfortable with the whole situation. And he was white as a, white as a sheet. Wait, Matthew. I think it was or Karn was. Both, both, but Karn whiter. I think a pretty good

joke to do if you're Richard Karn is invite someone over to repair your shit and then just stand near them kind of like judgmentally. Like, mm-hmm. Well, not how I would have done it, but oh, you're usually free. I don't think so, Matthew. I'm not sure, Matthew. I have a lock in there. I should point that out too. Both. What? Both. I have both of them locked in the toilet chamber. Oh, so do you think the banging is actually him trying to escape? Do you think the banging is him trying to kill Richard Karn? Like a mouse hunt situation where he just can't catch that rascally Karn? God, how did Richard Karn get so tidy? I can tell you, I can tell you how he's been just based on like the time to like

mass exodus ratio, like he's probably like dropped like 120 pounds in the john. Maybe that sounded like Matthew banging on tiles is just Karn shitting in the toilet. Dropping hammers. Listen, listen, I'm going to ask a question for advice. Okay. That's what this show is about. Hey, thank you everyone for a max fun drive, by the way. Yeah, it was really awesome. We loved it. It was awesome. You all killed it this year. It went so well. We're yeah, we're pleased as punch. Very pleased. I apologize. I genuinely do apologize that this work is happening behind me. It's either this or this show is late. So we thought this would be better. Well, so we're sorry. I will not stop thinking it is hysterical that a man is hammering

two feet from where you're making your show. I'm an adult woman with a job and stuff, but sometimes babysit for a family friend for arguably too much money. The family's great. I chill and play video games with the kids and their parents always tell me I can invite my boyfriend to join too. They don't know him super well, but he's cool. My question is this, if I bring him over to play video games and watch movies, do I have to split the cash with him? That's from Confused Caregiver in Canberra. Where's Canberra? Australia, I think. Okay. Pulled that right up. Wait. Yeah, you guessed that. Ask Matthew. It is in Australia. You fucking crushed it. No, you're so funny. It's the capital, by the way. Good job, guys.

Thank you. Well, I got it. Here's the way to solve this. He's over there. You're playing what? Halo 2 with them on these kids' first generation Xbox that they don't have. And you're racking up sweet kills and stuff. And then one of the kids falls down a well, but just straight up baby Jessica's themself like real good. Is the playing Halo? No, you're distracted by getting all the great scores and the stuff that happens in Halo. And kid baby Jessica's boop died. And does the blame, does the blame get split equally between you and the boyfriend? Because if not, the money should not be split. Does that make sense? I mean, yeah. If something horrible happens to the children, then, and your boyfriend's

over, but you're the babysitter. You're the one whose name is on the contract. I feel like you're the one that's going to get in trouble. That's all a babysitter is. It's just like a person to carry the blame. I'm more confused as to why you jump to a child and not just like the kid gets sick and throws up. You jump to baby Jessica well situation. I feel like that. I'm more confused about why that was your. I guess I just got something bad that could happen. It's literally the worst thing that could happen. It's a really bad thing that can happen, though, because even the kid like if the kid does like the problem with the well is. Okay, listen, babysitting scenarios. The kid eats poison. Ah, well, easy come easy go. Kid falls in a well. The impetus is on you to get

the kid out of the fucking well. Yeah, that's that's still a problem you can solve. That's Yeah, that's a solve. That is a solvable problem. Like if your baby sitting in my kid and the kid falls down well and I come home and the kid's still in the well, you're not getting a tip. Yeah, you know what I mean? Why didn't you go get the kid? That is fair. I just think, yeah, I think you don't split it. I think it's yours. This is your job. If I'm at Arby's and my wife comes to hang out with me during my shift at Arby's, I don't give her a portion of my Arby's paycheck. I give her, you know, some curly fries and maybe a big fish sandwich. That's an excellent point. And like, is the boyfriend doing anything to help or is he just there?

Is he doing burpees? Is he changing diapers? Is he just guarding the well? Is he just standing at the ready at the well like a fucking goalie looking for like incoming kids? Because if he undertakes well guardianship, I feel like that's worth 20%. I think you need a flow chart of percentage of if he does this much, then he gets like a 10% like well guarding fee, right? If he changes one diaper, it's like 2% per diaper, right? And then you have just, you have like a star chart, kind of like he gets a little check marks and gold stars to determine how much of your sweet baby sitting cage he's going to get. Yeah. I don't think you can let him interact with the kids at all. Because if he does that, if he helps like, if he helps one of them reach the cookie jar or

God forbid teaches one of them a valuable life lesson, you're sunk. You have, that's a legal claim. If you see him turning a chair around to sit backwards on it, you get him out of the house. He's trying to get some of your money. Yeah, absolutely. What if he, what if he comes in when at the boyfriend, you don't give the boyfriend any money though, you may want to fold him into the operation because what if you don't give him any money? And then as you're leaving, he like looks at the, how much the parents gave you and he's like, hmm, listen, just friend to friend, you're really getting ready to have the coals here. If you call Dylan's baby sitting services, we will, we are going to cut you a very, very optimal rate. Friends and

family. He undercut you. Yeah, he's got undercutter. Let's know. Here's you, Susan, you stand over here. I'll stand right here. We'll let the kids decide. Which one do you want to come to? Oh, but then it turns out he's got a pocket full of bacon. He's got it baked. What? I was gonna say fun sized Snickers. But kids can't smell that. That's a good point. You mean something aromatic? You stink like Snickers, old man. Do you guys want to know? I smell a stink of Snickers on you. Please let me read this Yahoo. Okay. Okay. I'm being quiet. I don't, I feel like I'm being more quiet than I usually am. You don't want to wake up Matthew. He's falling asleep while chiseling. He could be on Twitter right now just like putting up all the jokes as I say him.

And this is a closed set. A bunch of people sent this in, including a guy named Travis Pace. Thank you, Travis. It's by Yahoo Answers user. You're welcome. They're anonymous. We're going to call them, there's something trending called Dingus Day. Oh, it's an actual day in, okay. There's a day, it's Easter Monday. It's called Dingus Day. And well, sorry guys, I gotta take a break from the show and learn everything about Dingus Day. Dingus Day celebrations are widespread and popular in Buffalo, New York, Wyandotte and Hamtrak in Michigan, South Bend and La Porte in Indiana and Hanover, New Hampshire. Give me a minute. There's something funny in here because it's called Dingus Day. Yeah, you feel like it almost has to have something.

It just seems like second Easter. They do a polka and they exchange eggs and they roll eggs and stuff, but they call it Dingus Day. That seems disrespectful. It's like Good Friday and then Saturday and then Easter Sunday. And you follow that up with the High Holy Day with Dingus Day? It feels like it should be something like Mondo Monday or something like, it's going to be awesome and not like you're a real dingus. Dingus Day was created in Bible times and it was created to you as an opportunity to make fun of the people who thought Jesus was down for the count. You just come around like, I told you, you dingus. I tried to tell you, I said, my boyfriend's coming back and you're like, no, no, no, but look at the stone. It done rolled away, dingus. Give me an egg.

Anyway, happy Dingus Day to everybody. This guy who was asked by Dingus Day, brother to Morris Day, Dingus asks, if I let a bee sting in on my male part, will it make it bigger? One more time. If I let a bee sting in on my male part, Matthew's loving this one, will it make it bigger? Talking about his if you get a bee sting up on there, oh my, you're going to get some extra shove meat. Yes, but not for permanent. So you're going to have to time it till just before the reveal. Travis, you didn't get that, but you didn't get that butt out fast enough. As soon as you said yes, I let a bee sting me on my Johnson. But now, Griffin, you're going to have to just keep

having a bee sting you every hour. I don't know how long swelling lasts until the reveal. And God help you if you get a career in pornography. Then it's like before every scene, like bring in the bees, you get a fluffer, you get a buzzer, the buzzer brings in the bee. I didn't know if that was clear. I have an idea for a 300 episode celebration. Um, for a 300th, we mark this very auspicious occasion by going one episode without fucking talking about dicks. Like just one, if we could just do one where we don't talk about hogs, or I don't know how to hear the phrase hog or Johnson or dick, just like one episode without dicks. What about what if I, what if I call it, and this will be appropriate now because of the bees,

if I call it my lumpo. I mean, I still, I'm still, my lumpo bumpens. Hi, I'm lumpo bumpens. Do you have an EpiPen? I got it beyond this. I don't like a lot of tent, nuchant tunes, but a lumpo bumpo is probably the one that I can groove to the most. Probably my favorite Ted Nugent song is lumpo bumpo by Ted Nugent. The delicious candy treat turned rocker. Yeah, it was his follow up to cat's garage fever, where he said, what other animal could inflict pain on you, but in a sexy way? I've got it. Bees saying lumpo bumpo. I did that too loud. Now I'm embarrassed.

Matthew knows too much. He can't let him leave. I mean, he made it. And then he was about to release a song and then he saw Striper in their uniforms like, well, they've already got this beat like locked down. The whole bee thing is really there. They have a whole choir of lumpo bumpos. Where do they get the bees though? That's what I want to know. Do they have a special compartment in the bus in their tour bus that all the bees sleep in? This is why all the bees are dying out. The answer's no, right? I mean, the answer's no. Yeah, Justin, it's not a fucking like Bugs Bunny cartoon where he gets stung on the hand and his whole hand swells up.

Unless. Unless. I mean, you get that, there's like that bee sting like lip gloss that was real hot in the nineties until it definitely probably kills some teens that you would put it on your lips and it would sting, but then your lips would get kissable, plump, kissable, plump, kissable bumpos. So you want to plump up your bumper? I think if you're plumping those bumpos, then you're, I think a bee sting would absolutely work. I don't think it is a, I don't think it's a great solution. I would be curious as to, even if you did discover that the answer was a definitive yes. Bees are not the most sort of like tamable creatures. I mean, what are you going to rub some pollen on it? Like, how do you

train a bee to sting your dick? Well, you would have to make the bee feel threatened by your dick. By the way, because a bee sting, you does kill the bee. What a fucking, what a, what a pristine in that. What a meaningful, what a meaningful death for that, for that poor bee. How did you go? Oh, good news. Bee, St. Peter. St. Peter. I sting the dudes. What? St. Peter. St. Peter? Well, no, it would be, it would be the, the Heinonette Cheerios bees, probably the first face you see in bee. I believe his name is Buzz. Okay. Well, great. Good work. It's not mine. I think his name actually is Buzz. No, I know. I'm saying shitty job, General Mills. It's very first thought. Who are the five bees you meet in heaven? I could only come up with like three. I

mean, there's like Buzz and then all the stugs in a bee movie. The bee from the Simpsons, I guess, but he's a man in a bee costume. Yeah. I was going to say the fly from rescue rangers, but he's a fly, of course, zipper is a fly. Yeah, not explicitly not a bee, but not a bee, but like, I'm just trying to think, why is there such under-representation of bees in the media? I mean, they made a bee, they made a bee movie. Most animals don't get like, hey, buddy, it's Armadillo movie. No, we got a bee movie. No, because they cause leprosy. That's not true. I got another question here. I cohabit, is that the word? Cohabit? Cohabit with my SO. Her mother continually buys furniture items that are likely to be used by

both of us, bed frame, dresser, rugs, et cetera. While this is great on the one hand as I get new shit, I also abhor my mother-in-law's taste. All these items are gaudy and usually poorly made. The real trouble is that I try to politely say, no, I don't feel like that fits our decor, but these things just keep showing up in my house. How do I get an inlaw to stop buying me invitation Victorian shit when I'm more of an American craftsman kind of guy? That's from settling in Seattle. PS, if it helps, my SO has no preference on one style versus the other. I'm confused because at first when I heard this, I thought it was like, she was gifting you this stuff because y'all weren't getting your own stuff or you couldn't get

your own stuff. In which case, I thought it was like a gift horse scenario. Whatever the next time your mother-in-law brings over some furniture, you say, oh, sweet firewood. And then she's like, what? And you're like, I said, oh, sweet firewood. And then you just sit in silence until she leaves the room. That's good. I called it kindling. Kindling. Thanks for the kindling, mama. What if you, every time she brought you in your cabinet, you put an arm man in it and you shut and locked it and you open it up again and said, nope, not this one. I'm sorry, Griffin. I'm sorry to do this. It's the key. It's not the cabinet because later they use it on a trunk. They use it so it's not cabinet specific. But as long as the mother-in-law doesn't know that. Yeah, Travis. Obviously,

I know the secret of the magical source, the arcane source for Indian and cupboard. But you're just looking for a way to get rid of some old furniture. And I think this is a good one. Why'd you go, why you gotta put me on blasts like that, Travis? You know I'm in a ball and he just plays right now. I just love you so much. I love you so much. I had to do it. I think that, okay, I had a question as we were reading this question, which is you use the phrase S-O. Are you using mother-in-law to literally describe someone who is now legally related to you? Or are you using it for shorthand of a significant other's mother? Is she using it legally or casually? Yes. I've never met anybody who's used the word in-laws casually before. Well see,

I wouldn't think that either except that they say S-O rather than to just say like wife or husband or like partner or anything like that. Maybe it stands for superior officer and they're in the military. I have a new three-step process for this for questions like this. It goes like this. Are you gonna say shit? This is a flow chart. Okay. Are you gonna say shit? If yes, the problem is solved. If no, go to step two. Step two. Fucking learn to live with it, my man, because that's it. That's all you got. I thought you said there were three steps. Yes. Well, it's a three-step flow chart. So there's three questions. It doesn't fucking matter. Listen, either say something or tough it up. You got furniture, okay? This is not that big of a problem. Just put your drinks on it.

You know, look at this way. If she's not worried about your taste, you shouldn't be worried about whether or not you have to use the stuff she sends you. So we have a segment on Shower Boys and it's all about sort of like rehab addicts. You know, I think about that's kind of a fucked up name for a show, don't you think? Anyway, you know, they rehab furniture and then breathe new life into it. Oh. So we'll do like just sort of a sample episode right now. I thought that was a completely different thing. We'll do a sample episode right now. When do you guys be this person? I've got all this furniture. What do I do? Oh, let me see. Oh, this is good stuff. What is this? Is this imitation Victorian? I love the woodwork, but you say you're not a fan of it.

I'm not a fan of it. I don't like it. It offends my sensibilities. Okay, here's like a bunch of stickers. Here's like a bunch of stickers. I got some of these out of the official PlayStation magazine and then a lot of these are bumper stickers I got from the library and then. Is this a Garbage Pail Kids' Sheet? Yeah, it's a sheet of vintage Garbage Pail Kids and I'm going to need you to actually reimburse me for that. I got those for $200. Can I just stick the outline sticker part on it and you keep the actual stickers? Yeah, I want you to ruin it without using it. That's absolutely what I want you to do. No. Okay. What? Nothing tastes as good as Garbage Pail feels. Put these on your thing. Give me $200 right now or else I'll burn your

house. Wait, wait, wait. This is my favorite segment of the show or else I'll burn your house to the ground. Oh, will you use the furniture as kindling? No, I'm not going to solve your problem like that. You can't backdoor trick me. So you will burn my house to the ground, but first you will remove the offending furniture from said house so that I will be left with nothing but the furniture that I sew despise. And the stickers because I can't exchange, I can't return these. It's funny. Sounds like a deal. $200. $200. Storage wars. That's another sort of angle for, there it goes. There's another angle of shower boys is it kind of has like a, what's that show called junkyard buddies where they break into the break into storage units

kind of have that going on where we go to houses and we just auction off and then I break it in or into them and the family's there and it's like, sorry, I auctioned it auction. The auction law says nine tenths of possession. This is his now. Probably the best episode of storage wars ever would be one where halfway through the auction, somebody shows up and like, what are you doing? These are my personal belongings. Yeah. I pay for this. This sucks. How about you want another question or another Yahoo? What are we doing here? Yeah, I don't have that many, but sure. This one was sent in by Michelle Cassidy. Thank you, Michelle. It's by Yahoo Answers user Goofoo who asks, and let me know if we've talked too much about this already, but Goofoo asks,

should truck nuts be made illegal? They are distracting. Oh, shit. Another contractor just got here. Sorry, I got to welcome them into my home one sec. Hi, if you're listening to this, you've stumbled on another episode of contractor buddies, the sequel to shower buddies. Why now, there are two contractors in the house. They will be competing both for Griffin's money and his love. Which contractor will win? If you listen closely, you'll be able to hear Griffin pretend he's a grown up who knows what needs to happen in order for this exchange to take place. He has just been handed a business card by the contractor and he is forced to pretend as though he won't immediately lose it. As the contractor outlines their plans, Griffin's going to nod in an agreeable fashion.

He will not comprehend anything that they're saying. Griffin may gesture towards a bag and say, those are your tools? Great, great. At some point, Griffin may be asked to assist in a menial fashion with this exchange. He will do it wrong. I cannot emphasize this enough. His anxiety over the situation will paralyze him. What a pickle, guys. What a jar of pickles I've got myself into, because that wasn't another contractor. It was actually a private detective looking for Richard Karn. I had to kill him. I had to kill him, but luckily Matthew could keep a secret. He's just going to help me. He's going to put him in the shower wall. But you're going to lose significant inches in your shower, Griffin. No, I know, but I'm going to gain inches in freedom of not being in

prison, because now I've got murder one and card napping. Should truck nuts be made illegal? I was driving today behind a truck today that had truck nuts. I laughed a little bit when I saw them at first, but while driving behind the truck, I found myself mesmerized by those things bouncing around, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of them. Those things are so distracting that they can potentially cause accidents. Should truck nuts be made illegal? I like how many times they said the word those things, and I would actually prefer if we could stick to that vernacular as well. Wouldn't it be great if that was like in the new James Bond movie? They pressed a button and just like deployed those things, and suddenly like the enemy, the whatever the specter agents were so

distracted by their pendulous nature that they like careened off a cliff. Yeah, that'd be funny as fuck, dude. If truck nuts were the new Caltrips. Well, if Judy Dennis was like, I check this out, I'm back to life. That was her, that was her leaping from her casket, right? Yeah, but now with truck nuts. We can't use a damn, we can't say these things. Well, like, damn, look at those truck nuts. All right, that joke was, that joke was rough, so that one was in, that one was in shower voice. That wasn't a good one. Because it needs, it needs considerable rehab. I'm gonna do a little bit word swap. Okay. Look at those truck nuts. Damn, Judy Dench. Is that better or worse? Where are we at? It's not even a joke at that. It's nothing at all. Well, I was trying to make it sound

like I was saying, damn, Judy Dench, but instead I said, damn, Judy Dench. Oh, that's good. You can use that for a lot of things. Yeah, I mean, you could follow up, damn, Judy Dench, with pretty much anything. Damn, Judy Dench, back at it again with the white Keds. Were they Keds or Vans? They were Vans. Vans, Vans, yeah. It's all right. Maybe he, I mean, he might also have white Keds. Did you just preview, sneak preview the next day of Daniel? Hey guys, this is the Mabin Bam shower boys. No, fuck Mabin Bam. I'm only about shower boys now. I'm kind of just Tarzan swinging from project to project. And this is the one I'm really invested in now. And it's the sequel to Damn Daniel. And I'm proud to announce it here on shower boys. All this talk of truck nuts has

got me wanting to buy some for myself. For your Volkswagen? No. For my Kia Sportage. For my 2008 Kia Sportage. I would love to see the fair truck nuts hanging from a Kia Sportage. Just the sensible truck nuts. Yeah, I got a Kia Sportage. And these woman notes look like. I wanted to sound cool saying that, but also very quiet. It's important that I emphasize the 2008 because that had the most unappealing body design of any Kia Sportage. It's the Minkus of cars. But not with this fucking cool hog basket hanging from it. Could you put truck nuts on Minkus and make him cool? Yes. God, let's get out of this. Let's, Jettison. I fucking, the truck nuts. Okay, the crazy thing about truck nuts to me and there are

many. Oh, look at this amazing second. By God, talk about truck nuts for a second. The thing that you have to remember about truck nuts is that by definition, what precedes that is somebody in a store and they see nuts hanging off of a hook. And they say, I'd love to put those bad boys on my vehicle. No, you got to run it back further. Someone sat down with like a sketch pad and drew them. And at first went, because if you ever noticed, drew them symmetrically and went, no, no, no, no, not believable. So then they redrew them so that one nut hung slightly lower and they say, yes, a little bit. Yes, yes, yes. And then a sculptor took it, took that design. There's a factory where they make those lovingly cast them. There's a factory where they make those.

And there's people who work at that factory as their jobs. Mr. Johnson, thank you for joining us on, uh, on bring your parent to work day. Please tell the class what you do. I'd really rather not. Hey, bring your parents. Hey, bring your parent to work. They would be crazy. Oh, oh, whoops. Uh, you know what? Fuck it. Money's up. Uh, here we go. Truck nuts are a high quality novelty, automotive accessory that hang from any bumper and let folks show the world their nuts. This is our first sponsor available in white, blue, flesh, black, red, yellow, chrome and green and camo when you just really can't anymore. When you want nuts on your car, but you don't want anybody to know about it or see them.

How much would you guys be willing to pay for truck nuts? $14.99. $19.99. Fucking $15. Exactly. Griffin, off by a penny, you crushed it. Uh, they're the toughest in the industry and they're guaranteed not to fade, chip, crack or break. Hey, are these gonna, hey, um, I want to buy these. Are they going to chip at all? Is chipping going to be a concern for these, this hog basket? How much, how much nut mass will I lose over the course of, say, a calendar year? Are these resistant from the Tars and other perils of the road? Uh, I should mention that, uh, the truck nuts, like you can also get bumper stickers about truck nuts, which there's very little funnier to me than the idea of starting to have a truck that's bumper sticker, but no

truck nuts. Yeah, watch, watch this space. I got the first few payments in exciting developments here coming soon. How many, uh, how many Osama Bin Laden related bumper stickers do you think are available on the truck? Oh my God. Three. Did you guess, did you guess two? No, he guessed three. You said it out loud. You heard them. They are selling a bumper sticker that has a picture of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden and it says one down, one to go. That's not even applicable anymore. Um, where can I buy a truck? Maybe that person was saying, that's what I'll buy my truck. I will buy my truck nuts on the day that Osama Bin Laden is killed. That doesn't be celebratory truck nuts. Um, where can I buy a truck vagina? Yeah. Yeah, that's the real question. Um, what I

really like is that our first sponsor is actually Bull and Branch and in the copy that they've sent us, this is the first line of the copy. Please feel free to ad-lib the intro with a personalized story. I think we've kind of done, I think we kind of did that. There you got it. Um, somebody told me about Bull and Branch. I slept on Bull and Branch sheets last night. Oh yeah, how'd I go? They were glorious. Uh, we've had them for a while now as we wash them, they get more and more comfortable. Um, a thing I've never experienced with sheets before. Um, you know why? Because they don't worry about thread count or any of that bull roar. They just get really good quality, uh, cotton and material and stuff. And that's what they use and they make them real good. And now

you'd think real good sheets, huh? I've been taken in by real good sheets before and I had to pay an astronomical price at the department store. Well, you're a fool. You could have ordered them on bull and branch.com and it would have been way cheaper because they have way less overhead. They don't have that brick and mortar stuff to pay for. They have a website which is not a brick and mortar place. It's a, it's a bits and bytes place and bits and bytes are a lot cheaper. And now you can try them risk free for 30 nights. And if you don't love them, you can send them back and you just got to go to bull and branch. It's B O L L and branch.com. And if you go to bull and branch and use the promo code my brother, you get 20% off your entire order and they don't just

have sheets. They got towels, they got blankets, they got duvet covers, everything plus free shipping. I'm a big fan and I think you will be too. Where's that website in the promo code again, Traff? It's bull and branch B O L L A N D B R A N C H.com with the promo code my brother all one word. I don't want it. Oh, you go ahead Griffin. I want to tell you all about Club W. It's a, it's a wonderful service that takes bottles of wine and gets them to your house, your kitchen, your glass and your mouth and your tummy. We have a special segment on shower boys called Wine Time. It's just, I just get like loaded drunk, like really fucked up and just keep asking questions about like where they are at in the project. And you're basically describing Rose

Buddies at this point though. That, yeah, that's a good point. But like if Griffin were on the bachelor standing behind them going, you guys got a kiss? What are you doing? Hey, Kale, are you feeling it? It seemed like you guys are really feeling it. Club W though. It's going to get you wine to your house and not just any old wine. Oops. It's wine time came early today, folks. Not just, not just any wine. Wine, that is going to be delicious. And it's going to be tailored specifically for you. There's an easy six question quiz. Figures out what your palette is like so that every bottle you receive is perfectly tailored to your taste. They got a no risk guarantee. You're going to love what they

send you. Right now, Club W is offering listeners $20 off your first order when you go to clubw.com slash my brother. That's all one word. Of course it is. It's a URL, clubw.com slash my brother. And not only that, Club W is actually going to pay for your shipping on orders of four bottles or more. And of course you're going to want, what are you going to get? Two bottles and knock that out over a lunch. Take something off your duty list. Go to clubw.com slash my brother. Get $20 off your first order now. Get some great wine. Perfect for you. All right. This next one is a puzzle. I got a personal message. This is, and I hope this makes sense to literally one human being on earth because it seems to be specifically targeted at that person. This is a message for

Isabel. And the message is this. That's Panini. And it's from, we have no idea. Nobody. There's nothing in this field. Maybe the universe sort of conspired to send Isabel a message as if to say like, hey, go for it. That, go for it. This is the singularity. What does that mean? The internet generated this that like the, the, the content. This is the Google, this is the Google Go bot blown off steam. The AI consciousness wants Isabel to know that's Panini. I have no idea what this message means. I'm worried about it. Yeah, it's weird, but like, thanks for the message. I guess. Thanks for the $100. Thanks for the $100 Google Go bot. I don't know where you got money from. You probably hacked into your dad's account

or something. I want to, I want to read another one. Hopefully you enjoy that, Isabel, if you're a human and not a computer. I got a message for Dylan. And this is from Sarah. Happy anniversary to the best hunky boy. Thank you for making these past five years amazing with your premium goofs, cartoons in the Japanese style, pointy hair and really great hugs. Sounds like a cool person, honestly. To me, sounds like a good person. You're my best friend and the best cat stepfather and obese tabby could ask for. I'm so glad that I met you and here's to many more years together. I love you. And then it says at the end, that's Panini. That's weird. It's weird. This is weird, guys. I'm looking at the rest of the questions that we have picked out and the yahoo's that I had

selected from the ones that people sent in. And let me just like, so let me read this yahoo right now. It's from yahoo answers you should that's Panini and they asked that's Panini. Oh no. So happy anniversary Dylan and Sarah. I can't imagine when that must have been months ago, I'm sure. But I hope we're in the future. Maybe maybe Sarah overshot it. And she got it in like eight months before their anniversary. And we read it too soon. Maybe. I'm Jesse Thorn. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer right? Well then you've got it coming. Thanks to Uncle Sam. You can learn to get grants for education. Learn to ride a llama. Print money.

The old fashioned way. Force your dog to stop being so rambunctious. Make a souffle that sets and stays set. Mount the heads of your enemies on spikes. Grind your own corrective lenses. Using just rock salt and diamonds. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Don't wait. Right now. Jordan, Jesse, go 123 itunes street or wherever you download podcasts. Here's another question. I take a prescription ambient every night to go to sleep. While it works great, I do suffer from one of the known side effects, sleep eating. I apparently get out of bed and make delicious but terribly high calorie snacks before falling asleep for good. For example, my wife informed me that last night I made an ice cream sandwich using Pop Tarts and Magic Shell.

Oh, shit. Damn. Wow. Damn. What's up? You can have a pop up in LA with that. That's like a new hot thing you just created. I usually have a vague recollection of my nighttime nauseating the next day, but I'm not disappointed in both the unhealthy eating and the kitchen messes that I leave. Brothers, how can I prevent myself from creating these late night shame snacks while still using my sleep aid as intended? That's from midnight? Midnight mangya? Yeah, sure. Sure. Can I tell the story real quick? Sure. I feel like we all have a good dad ambient story ranging from the not hilarious, like the time he fell down some stairs to the hysterical, like the time my car got broken into in the West End of Huntington,

and this was at about 7.30, 8 p.m. I called daddy. I was like, daddy, I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm scared, I'm sad, my car got broken into, somebody stole my tapes, and as soon as I called him, I told him what had happened, and I needed him to come over. His reaction was not what I expected. I was expecting like a, oh, don't worry son, I'll be there in just a moment. What I got was a, oh, shit, because daddy had just popped a fistful of Ambien, and when he showed up, he was not in a good state, not in like a safe driving place, certainly. So I sent him home, and when I got home at around like 11.30, thanks, Huntington cops, you got there real quick and speedy like, never, never. I feel like your boy came out, didn't he? Who? Your boy came. I came, didn't I? Yeah, I came.

Yeah, you came, you relieved dad. Yeah. And when I got home, where I lived with my daddy, there's a big old box, empty box of Jolly Pirate Donuts, like a dozen. Oh, daddy! Yeah. And daddy had just taken them to church. No recollection, no memory of these sweet donuts going, going down the hatch. But unless he got like a couple and like as, as goofed up as he was, was like, no, I want them in a big boy box. You put those two donuts in a big boy box. I believe we confirmed on a receipt that he bought a dozen. Okay, well, my dad. We did some encyclopedia Browning. Anyway, that's, that's a good one. That's a good story. Yeah, Ambien, I can't believe that shit's legal. You know, some people really rely on it and need it. No, I know that, but it seems like,

it seems like, I don't know, man. I mean, I like to get high on party and stuff. But I see dad get like, whoa, dude, like, uh-oh, uh-oh, steno.ambien before. Yeah, I mean, I think the obvious answer is to lock your bedroom door from the inside, because maybe you, okay, wait a minute, I don't know about much about sleep eating. Are you just like, are you just like the second you wake up and start sleeping? Are you just making repeated motions of moving your hand from a place in front of you up to your mouth and then chewing? Like, you're making the, like, if your robot was programmed to eat, like, are you just doing that until you run into some food? Or do you have, like, the mental acuity to, like, go eat, like, to unlock a door that you lock? This is a good,

like, have you ever caught yourself eating, like, sardines and graham crackers and just, like, whatever, like, your hands sweet? What if, okay, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it. You gotta accentuate the positive, you set up a webcam every night, you film yourself doing it, new hit YouTube cooking show, sleep eating with Dave. It's like, it's like that drunk kitchen YouTube show. Yes. But it's sleep eating. This seems exceedingly dangerous. Yeah, it seems really, you know what you should do? Oh, oh, this is even better. What is everybody here to eat, no matter who they are, and no matter what kind it is, vegetables, obviously. So what you do is you put a tray of vegetables by your bed every night. So when you wake up to start sleeping,

oh, what's that? Some healthy options? Excellent, these are so close. I'll just go ahead and eat this celery with, like, low-fat cream cheese on it, get some anise on the log going maybe with a saltanus on there. Yeah. And you can like, force yourself to eat healthy vegetables, but you don't have to, like, know you're doing it, you know? Well, why don't you, if we want to get, you really fit, like, if we want to get your body so right when you're asleep, because who's got the time in the waking hours? Why don't you put those vegetables in the kitchen where you're normally going to go to snack down, get rid of all your unhealthy foods so you don't accidentally fall into some of that, and then put between yourself and your kitchen a big fun obstacle course.

Yeah, and then do film that, because, holy shit, I would love, I would love to peep that, are you kidding me? I would love to watch, I would love to watch our sleepy dad, like, try to climb up a ramp. Sleepy ninja warrior. What if it was live stream? Like, can you imagine if you could subscribe to this? Wait, wait, new sounds. Trying to diagnose what's going on. Is that the new shower? They're just, like, dragging it in from the front door? I don't think that's how it works. Sorry, go on. What if you could live stream it, so, like, imagine you're sitting around living your life and you get a notification on your phone, like, here you go again, here you go, time to do it. Is this the night you die? Is this the night? No, the obstacle course would be made

out of fun, like, foamy pads and stuff. This would be safe, it would be safe for the user. And there will be, like, referees and lifeguards on duty at all times. I gotta be honest, as long as we're talking about, like, turning your negative experience into a positive, like, web streaming entertainment experience for me, let's just do a fucking cooking show, because you've unlocked something like primal and amazing with this ice cream sandwich made of pop tarts and magic shell situation. Like, I don't think a sober mind is gonna be able to crack that potential nut. I think this is probably how Guy Fieri comes up with most of his stuff, most of his goodies. Just like in a full-on trip. I think most of Guy Fieri's

goodies come from, like, I think Flavortown exists only in his ambient adult mind. And, like, he wakes up the next morning and it's like the gnomes have done the cobbling for him, you know what I mean? And then made a cobbler. Out of nachos. He's like, what? Sick. Thanks gnomes. But it's really him. He's just fucked up. Do you think when he bites into it, he just goes, Noom Chomsky. No, what? What? What? What? How could this be? Is it back? It's back. It's hot a doll watch. I got a live one here coming in straight from the electronic bay. This is, here's the listing. I'm going to read it to you and where I take pauses is where there are periods. Hot a doll. Ghost meter

active. Paranormal. Supernatural. Witch's doll. Okay, so there's the listing. So here's the listing and I'm going to read the description. It's a short one, so let me get through it. She comes from a haunted antique auction that was held a few days ago in nearby the pointed hat store in Port Jervis. I was told this vessel is antique and very viable for collectors, but I felt more attracted to it because of its haunting value. That's like I saw a $20 doll and I just can't shake how good of a value that is. The spell attached to this doll has been in it for many, many years. The spirit is the spirit of a Native American Indian just covering all the bases there and it's a female spirit of 18 to 24 years old. The spirit is very attached to the vessel and

refused to move on. We had some paranormal experts who made purpose of buying spirit dolls to help them stay moving to the other side and not staying stuck in a vessel. This worked out well in the past with the other vessels, but I saw it as experts. I wouldn't recommend to try this this vessel because she clearly stated she wants to remain in this vessel and it ends with good luck, comma, as though they were killed men type it. It's not a ringing endorsement. No, the thing I wanted to hit on is she comes from a haunted antique auction that was held a few days ago in nearby the pointed hat store at Port German's. Held a few days ago, this person is flipping haunted dolls.

Yeah, they are buying haunted dolls. The prices are downright spooky. They're flipping these dolls. They're getting it. They're polishing it up, taking some great photography, writing a great story, and they're flipping haunted dolls. What did you think they meant when they said they wanted to keep them moving on, Justin? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. From into your hands so you can start and join them at home right now. They got to stay in the haunted doll bubble. Is there someone out there, hypothetically speaking, who in an attempt to keep this market from becoming flooded and over saturated because a flooded haunted doll market

is bad for everyone, is de-haunting dolls, is actually making them move on. I'm thinking of like the exorcist from, well, the exorcist or poltergeist, just like blasting, busting ghouls out of these dolls so that the ones that are definitely still haunted are like increasing value. Do you think that's happening out there somewhere? Yeah. I mean, there's got to be some kind of haunted doll decommissioner. Because like, okay, because what you don't want, there would have to be some kind of governing body because you don't want somebody to like move the spirit on from the doll, but then continue to flip it like it is a haunted doll. So you need some kind of like certified 100% haunted. Yeah. Like still.

What you could do is just head on over to the electronic bay and search banishing kit. Oh, yeah. And you've got 17 different results for different ways to ban. Now, here's the one thing that does trouble me a little bit about these 17 different banishing kits is that they're all wildly different, which almost makes me wonder. Yeah. You know, what are they affected? You want to get to see their 17 different kinds of spirits ofs. Yeah, fire type, water type, grass type, ground type, dark type, steel type, fairy type, dragon type, ice type, flying type, bug type, psychic. Oh, oh, it's getting real in there. Oh, God, I hope that's I hope that that buzz was being used on on ceramic and not on carn flash. Well, that's gonna do it for us, folks.

Thank you for joining us for another episode of my brother, my brother and me. We hope you had sorry, Travis, did you have something that you wanted to interrupt to say? Well, I just some people tune out during the housekeeping and I wanted to let everyone know we're coming up on our 300th episode and I'm working on like a project for it, a sound collage. So if you would like to, you can email mbnbammemories at gmail.com with a 10 to 15 second sound clip of you saying since I started listening to my brother, my brother and me blank, thanks mbnbam. And it would be great if the blank was filled in. What if only bad things have happened to them since that's great as long as it's not really a bummer. It's got to be funny or sincere,

but no bummers, just the general no bummers. Cool. So I don't know what to say. What do we say? Thank you. I think we say thank you. Thank you once again for everybody who came out for the Maxfun drive. This year we wrapped up with like 8600 new and upgrading donors, which is like we I mean our original goal was 5000. So y'all crushed it. Thank you so, so much. We'll keep doing the damn thing. We'll keep expanding, launching new exciting projects. Watch this space. You can check out all the macroi shows at macroishows.com. The one I want to highlight this week is still buffering with Justin's wife, Sidney, and her sister Riley. They put out some real club banger episodes during the Maxfun drive.

I especially enjoyed the how to music episode. It made me feel very nostalgic and very out of touch at the same time. That's what they do there. It's really wild finding out how the kids are doing things nowadays because it's like it's out there. Just to hear Sidney talk about like mixtapes and Riley's reactions to them made me very happy. Also go check out the other shows on the Maxfun Fun Network. If you're a donor, you're supporting all of them. Go to maxfunfun.org. I'm a said slash donate. Don't not that one anymore. Just maxfunfun.org and check out all the great shows on there like Throwing Shade and Bullseye and Stop Podcasting Yourself and Jordan Jesse Goh. Ten of really great shows. They're all there, all waiting for you. And thanks to John Roderick

in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song instead of Parcher off the album Putting the Days to Bed. It's a wonderful song. Catchy tune. So that's it. Griffin, do you have a last yahoo so that we can really think about and chew on? I got finally yahoo here. It was sent in by, I still have this tab for Dengas to open. I still can't believe it. Sent in by Ethan McDermott. Thank you, Ethan. It's by a who answers user. Sorry, something's gone wrong. Dan, Dan asks. I ate a whole can of baked beans. It would be great if the initial details were again. My name's Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips.

Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and is standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, what do you do, adventurers? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, us, we're the hosts of the adventure zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons. Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I rolled the charm new listeners. It is very effective against all odds. Everybody wear the macro as we host the adventure zones and podcasts where we play Dungeons and Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a

lot of them and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us. We come out every other Thursday on the Maximumfun network. You can find us on iTunes or on Maximumfun.org. I think this promo is a critical hit.