My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 299: The Shorting Hat

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

This is it: The end of an era. In this episode, we put the opening chapter of the MBMBaM experience behind us. Join us for a deep gaze into the TIME PORTAL, where all possible podcast futures will be revealed. Suggested talking points: The End of Vol. 1, Sunglasses Discovery, Yahoo's Demise, Hogshorts, Check Revival, Stink Jacket

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Welcome to the end of volume one. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother. That's the sound of that cover closing on the book.

Okay. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. That's the time portal, period. That's the time portal. Please don't look into the time portal. Holy shit, don't look into the time portal, because if you are looking back at yourself from the future, the total collapse. When you look into the time portal, sometimes the time portal looks back and says, please stop looking in my portal. Please stop looking at me, you, and then we have a full blown TTC, and then the singularity. Welcome to the end of my brother, my brother, and me, volume one, as we like to think of it. The first season of my brother, my brother, and me ended on episode 200. There's six seasons in a volume, and then three volumes

in a book. So this is, yeah. Okay, so we're still in book one. Seven books in the Chronicle of Narnia. Gotcha. Welcome to the Chronicles of Narnia. I'm your host, Mr. Tumnus. I'm your host, Aslan. I'm your host, Tummy Tumnus, his son. His son, Tummy Tumnus. Yeah, we've been doing the show for 298 times before this. Is it, is it actually more, does that count all of them? Does that count like Tatino's and... I don't think it counts. We have bonus episodes. Yeah, we've done this shit more than 300s, but let's fake it, I guess. We had the non-canonical ones that we had to seal away in that vault to be studied by top men. The Elseworlds. We had the super homophobic episodes, and we put those

into the episode furnace to power our hate ship. We had the super jugglerphobic episodes, and we sent them to the Library of Congress, so they'd be kept forever enshrined in wherever truisms are kept. Let's look, let's do a quick look backward, and then a quick look forward, because I imagine there'll be a lot of... And then a look down, and then a look to your left, and a look to your right. One of these podcasts will not make it to 400s. One of these podcasts will die. I think we should, we're gonna do a lot of celebrate in 300. Should we? I have an idea. Do you guys want to hear the idea? Yes. Yeah. Episode 300, I think we should wear some sort of leather harness. Maybe we get back in touch with

Extreme Restraints and see if they will send us some sort of leather-studded loincloth situation, and then we record the 300 episode topless, and we just like baby oil ourselves up, up there. And then down there, down there, it's a leather-studded sort of loincloth situation up here, super-duper slippery muscles. See, Griffin, that is a complete opposite direction. Well, you know, I'm gonna say it's more of a parallel direction I was going to go, which I was gonna say we adopt episode 300 to 399, the subtitle of all the episodes is Coastin' to 400. Okay, so you're sort of paving a road, a mental road out in front of us. I can see this beautiful highway stretching, and this is a fucking easy highway. We'll just think

like the first 300 were us clicking up, you know, the roller coaster, and then 300 to 399 is all downhill. Well, except, well, yes, it'd be literally like nobody would listen to that. If we put, you paint me this picture, Travis, of how we would spend less time working on this show, how we would endeavor a smaller amount of effort into the creation of this podcast. Each week, we would only publish two of the three audio tracks for each of us. I mean, we could do this right now, because I still have them have been banned Portland of our Portland live show. That's the artisanal, like hipster one where it's like, oh, I like the ever so it's where you can't make out anything that somebody's well, it's the it's the one for

people who hate Travis, which is there's not any of them. There's nobody everybody loves Travis fact. There's fewer than there used to be. Well, I've been campaigning pretty hard. I've been hitting the old trail, the PR, kissing all those babies and what have you. Yeah, this has been two or nine and episodes is pretty much the same way. Griffin, what do you envision is sort of like as we open up volume two of this book next week? Don't open it yet, Travis, call it back. Wait, shit, I broke it. I broke it right in half, like an 1800 strong man. Oh, boy. So what are you? How do you envision the show changing in more stunts, more sex, more sex stunts, more sex stunts? Well, you get your meter out and you spin on it like a top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then what else? New friends, new Pokemon. You'll get to learn Griffin's third evolution. Bigger challenges, hotter, hotter summers, bigger challenges, cooler nights. Wetter. What's that? Just wetter. Just wetter, yeah. Whatever that means to you. Wetter. I'm going to get stronger. I'll get stronger. I don't know how that's going to reflect in the show, but if I need to start going to the gym and get and increase my lift weight to just keep things fresh and interesting, I can do that. Maybe I'll just stand up once an episode and pick up a heavy thing and that'll be a fun new bit. New bits, definitely new bits. What if we added like a storyline, like an overall arc where it's like maybe this episode,

like along with all the Goofs and stuff, you also find out that Griffin is like having some trouble with a co-worker. Yeah, sure. And by episode 400, like maybe it's a zombie thing. Our attempt at like a coherent storyline back around the Powerade days, it was so very, very successful and entertaining. Well, we had that spinoff series. I would love to return to that. Yeah, it went so, so good. I think all that is waiting for us and more, still waiting on a confirmation, a dedication to the Slippery Boy record environment for episode 300. And then we're going to make so many fun 300 jokes. Oh, I see. I thought you were just pitching

like a weird sex thing. You are making a reference to the hit mind-bending film 300. Was it mind-bending? Well, there was a lot of weird issues. There were like people with like elephant heads and like monsters, but it was also kind of real, but it was also kind of monster thing. And then there was, you know, you remember the things in the movie that were kind of real, but kind of weren't. And you're like, what is this history? My only problem with this is I don't think we have baby oil here at the house. And I'm not going to go buy baby oil because like that checkout process is going to be uncomfortable. What do you need this for? You have a baby? Yes.

Especially if you just buy baby oil and nothing else. So you clearly like drove to the place and then you just like get one bottle and you put it down or in front. You don't even do self-checkout. You go to the one person working at two o'clock in the afternoon. You make sure they know. I need this right now. Yeah. So I'll probably just use Vicks vapor rub. Perfect. This is a... I'll turn the ceiling fan and the air conditioner on a full blast and just like be connected with the universe. You know what I mean? Like be so aware, so woke, so woke. Last week I was walking my dog in the woods and I stumbled across a pair of very nice sunglasses. They were simply laying by the side of the trail. I looked around but saw no other

people. I also did not see a dead body to whom they might belong. Kind of a weird place to go. I broke my sunglasses that day. So under the assumption that fate had shown upon me, I took them. Am I good? That's from polarized peepers. Jesus. I would be so afraid of an eyes of kid Midas situation here. Oh my God. Yes. Have you made it? How many wishes have you made? What? Eyes of kid Midas? Yeah. Sorry, I'm not familiar with eyes of kid Midas. A kid finds glasses on a sunglasses on a plateau in the woods after being bullied and then finds he has like magic wishing powers that, oh spoiler, we're all turned out bad. It's kind of like hatchet but for a boy's face. Yes. I can't believe the cracks in my cultural literacy begin here and they begin

with the eyes of kid Midas. Yeah. This is where I start to lose my cool. Here's a short list of places where if you find sunglasses, you need to return them to who they might belong to. A, a friend's house. You didn't find those. You've stolen them because they were where they were. That's just where they put them. B, a friend's head. Yeah, that's the worst one you could have done. A sunglasses store. A sunglasses store that's shoplifting. Again, it's not that big a deal and that's why it's C on the list, not A. How about a shoneys or an olive garden? You take that to the manager. Hi, I found this. Can I get a free bread stick? The answer to that is yes. We'll do that no matter what regardless of the sunglasses situation. It's not a one-in-one-out

policy. Welcome to Fizzoli's. I'd like some bread sticks. That'll be six pairs of sunglasses. What is it when it brought those to shield their eyes from the sauce mess? Exactly. You'll be sauce blind. You'll go sauce blind for at least six days. And then you won't be able to see sauce. Boy, a heartbreaking thing. Oh man, this spaghetti's wetter than I thought it would be and more flavorful. It's all just gray. Okay. List of places where if you find sunglasses, do not need to do anything. A, outside, anywhere. End of list. But Griffin, what if the question is not one of morality but one of hygiene or, you know, sunglass spirits? Haunted sun. Okay. Yeah. I guess I didn't even consider that,

Trav. Haunted sunglasses. But what if you're afraid of like sunglass mites? Not a thing. You basically pop them on your face? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You basically participated in like a one-person litter cleanup project. It's like a special geocache just for you. Exactly. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know who hid it, but you do know who found it, and it's you. It's got to sign the ground where you found it. Before you pick them up, say, Hey, thanks for coming out. We hope to have a really good impact today. And then you pick up the sunglasses and say, Well, that's going to do it for us guys. I think we're all pretty bush. Vicki brought pizza that's in her back of her truck. It's a soda pop. If you want some soda

pop and pizza that's available. I hope you'll come out with me next time. There's sunglasses or really any items of value out here in the forest. There are lots of clean canteens, so everybody keep an eye out for some litter that looks like a clean canteen. Also, it doesn't seem to be any trash cans right here. So when you're done with that soda pop and pizza, you can just throw the bottles just like wherever the fuck you want, man. Whatever. There's a lot of woods out here, so nobody'll ever find it. The fact. Don't pollute unless you have to and then fuck it. Because there's no trash can. Here's the thing. I mean, you can take the glasses. Take them. Take them. If the sunlight is shining on them and you're not in a friend's house, take the glasses.

They want to be worn. They want to protect you from that sun. The other thing is, if your glasses broke that day, this is a gift. This is some forces come together. Maybe it's serendipity. Maybe it's sliding doors. Maybe it's better off dead. Maybe it's. Must love dogs. Maybe it's the Matrix trilogy. I don't know what it is. I don't think John Cusack's in that one. The forces have come together to give you these sunglasses because they want to protect your eyes because maybe in the future, we're going to need your eyes. You know what I mean? We're all parts of a much bigger machine and like a cog can't tell like, oh man, I'm inside of a gun. They just know they're a cog.

And a gun. You know what I mean? Yeah, but they are. I do want to make this super clear. They're definitely sentient there, right? Like we can all agree on that. The cogs are all aware. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, cool. That's what I'm making sure. How about a Yahoo? I'd love that. I'd love that. I think that would go down real smooth. I want to bring this one up and then we'll do another one because this one's not really much of a discussion topic, but I think celebrating the first book, the first volume, I wanted to read this one from Ben Shreve. It's from Yahoo Answers user question mark who asks, are you all aware that we are the laughing stock of the internet? Many people take Yahoo Answers as a joke. They're right, of course, but it still hurts.

Oh God. Oh God. So that, that closes the book on Yahoo Answers. We have a lot of fun out here. Volume one is done. Can I keep reading this though or is the book like gone? Do you have a different? Yeah, I want to hear the rest of it. Do we get a shout out? Let me just get to the meat. Like, do we get a shout out? To who? To us. For like, to us. Bringing to light. The Yahoo Answers like phenomenal. What, that they're a fucking joke? That they're a fucking clown pit? Like, do they use this as an example? Like one of the most popular and arguably like the first one. Oh yeah, here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Anonymous said,

Jimmy Fallon does a bit where they sing actual questions and answers from Yahoo Answers. There are a few oddballs on here. Wait, that's not us though, Griffin. We're not. Yeah, they didn't mention us. We're not Jimmy Fallon. And how we changed the game. And how we actually started the game. We are the game. The game is named after us. The game is inside all of us. We are. We are game. Game is us. Oh, here's one. Here's one. Here's one. Okay. My brother, my brother and me does a bit where they sing actual questions and answers from Yahoo Answers. There are a few oddballs on here. Now, hold on. Okay, now, hold on. I think you just read the. I want to be where Jimmy Fallon is. Okay. I want to see

see him play his fun games because if you wait, Griffin, if you sing anymore, we have to pay Disney. Okay, damn it. Lots of people are arguing with this sentiment. SportsMD, which is a fucking great username, says Dr. Sports is basically what this man is. Okay, cool. Moving on. Dr. Sports says, I never seen anyone talk bad about Yahoo. This is a respectable site where you can learn a lot from. It's not like Facebook where you post every meal you ate or the people you slept with. Uh, dope guys had had sex with Michelle last night, ate some ball and spaghetti. Has some amazing risotto boned down on tyler. They're great night. I had to see you guys in the morning when I'll have pancakes and Steven. Y'all, I had three hot dogs for lunch. Anyway,

here's the lyrics to Mambo number five. Rama. I had a little comic business, a little side business selling comics at the mall from a stand with my friend Tommy. And we were, it was one of those like weekend shows. We were selling dad's old comics and we got to cut the money and we were next to a guy the entire weekend who sold sports cards and he had a linen jacket that I would pay upwards of $1,000 for this, this, this windbreaker more accurately. And on the back, it just said Dr. Rice and we were obsessed with him the whole time. What could that possibly as we're, as we're leaving, we worked up the courage to ask. So Dr. Rice, what are you a doctrine? And he fucking dead. I straight, cold looks us

square in our young, irrational faces and says sports. Awesome. I, I, he lived in Huntington, I'm assuming. So every time I go anywhere, but more in some places, I keep hoping I'll see him again and just assume that I'll, you know, run into him so I can try to buy his jacket. You may be dead. Even it'll probably be cheaper. Well, it might be more expensive. Maybe it's an heirloom now. Please. How about rice was my father. Just call me Mr. Sports. Um, I haven't, I haven't gone to school for this shit. I'm not, I'm, I'm a fan, not an expert. I got another Yahoo here. It was sent in by Aaron keys or kiss. KYS. How do you think that case? Yeah. Thank, thank you, Aaron. It's by Yahoo answers user question mark. Hey,

is Yahoo answers slowly being deleted off the internet and like nobody's like it made me aware of this fact. I have actually heard no BS like from, from people in the Yahoo answers organization, uh, or in the Yahoo organization who like think there's a possible chance that it's on our Facebook group. We were talking about this, that there's a chance that the Yahoo answers will just become like vestigial and deleted. And I think it's going to be, I think it's going to be a sad long affair. I think they're going to drag this execution out. I don't think they're going to flip. I don't think Melissa mayors going to like put her foot on the neck of Yahoo answers and then just like execute the thing. I think I got one group in like Sims online that like stood

around like altogether as the server was deleted around them. This is the death of a virtual world. This is like fucking the, the, the Star Wars online apocalypse. Like this is, this is, this is terrible. And then it'll be into the show, right? That's the end of Mbam. Yeah. We'll have accomplished our only goal. Yeah, to bring them down. It took us longer than really it should have, but hey, now we will, I'll just, it will be kind of relief to not have to go there anymore. I'm assuming, um, do something different. Yeah. I mean, I'm not the one with the fucking waiters on just like diving into the stank anymore. I got people for that. Like Aaron. Yeah. Thank you, Aaron. It's about Yahoo answers. Use your question mark to ask how to get my mom.

Sorry. Let me try this again. How to get an American how to get me mom to buy me shorts when I haven't, how to get me mom to buy me shorts when I haven't worn them for years. So it's possible that he means, or they mean getting their mother to buy the shorts they already own that they haven't worn for years. It's like, Hey, me mom, buy me shorts. It'll, it'll be a fair price. They say Dr. Rice on the butt. Don't you want that $1,000? Um, so when I was little, uh, I remember wearing shorts sometimes. They were comfortable and easy to wear and easy to wear. Um, as I got older and into my later years in primary school, I wore them less and less until then, until then for some reason I went off them completely and ceased to own a pair when I became like 11 since starting

secondary school and put away such childish pants. Since starting secondary school, I have not worn shorts, not even for PE or my sports clubs. You're playing fucking jeans soccer. What are you talking about? All of these pinstripe dress pants. Um, since then, I've seen other boys in shorts and at that time sort of half-wished unconsciously in the back of my mind sometimes. Okay, I have to read this, I have to read this phrase again. Uh, and at that time, sort of half-wished unconsciously in the back of my mind sometimes that I was wearing those shorts. That's the least you can want to wear shorts. What is this feeling? What is this feeling at the back of my mind? I can barely grasp. Aside from explicitly not wanting to wear, not wanting to wear shorts on the spectrum of shorts, that

emotion they just described is like the lowest one you can have. Hey, Doug, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, why do you ask? Oh, I just saw a look flit across your face for a reason. It was a micro, a microaggression. It was a micro expression. Nobody, other than like your pastor that raised you and adopted you from like a baby would be able to detect this emotion. It turns you into a killing machine. Yeah, okay, so cargo shorts, Bermuda shorts, fleece shorts, gym shorts, etc. Just a quick little list of what some shorts are. However, the desire was never enough to actually even consider in my mind wearing them again. This guy's got a real mind palace, got a new librarian. What hurdle is he overcoming that the desire must be so strong to overcome his not wearing shorts? I gotta keep

going, I gotta keep going. It had sort of became hardwired in my mind that I did not like shorts, even though when I saw other boys wearing them, there was a few seconds where I could see myself wearing those shorts. Thing is, it has sort of become hardwired in my parents' minds too, as sometimes when we've been out and see a family in shorts or something, mom, me mom's remarked, we're not a shorts family or none of us. My mom's remarked, we're not a shorts family or none of us like shorts. I have seen old photos of my older brother wearing shorts when he was about 10 to 12 years old before the boat accident. I know it's from his 11th birthday because someone's forcibly ripping

the shorts from it. In recent years, however, the desire to wear shorts has sort of slowly returned. Okay, a little bit more, two updates to this question. I know everything about this person now. I first started wearing them for PE again when I borrowed some from the spare kit box, basically a box full of old shorts, muddy trainers, etc. My fucking beautiful dark twisted fantasy, just a box of these forbidden small paints. Surely no one will notice. These shirts gone missing. He cracks that shit open in the fucking like Zelda discovery theme plays. My treasure. You got some shorts. I have taken some home and me mom did discover them and wonder how they got there. What the fuck is this? I learned it from watching you.

Did discover them and wonder how they got there, but I just said I don't know or something and hid them away. Now you're thinking, well, why don't you just say I want to wear shorts or something? Well, it's not so easy. If I just said that out of the blue, she'd probably fainter something. She'd be so shocked. I want to try and sort of bring it up casually in a conversation, if you know what I mean, but I don't know how can anyone help me out. Thanks. Listen, this is just like any other thing that you do when you're a kid and you're not supposed to do and you have a secret compartment. You two had secret compartments where you kept your dark materials and I know what both of them were because that was my sort of role in the family,

was a little sneak feat and I would sneak in and creep in and tap into your sin. That's what this person needs to get is like a little hideaway junk box where they keep their shorts and then you put them in your backpack. It'll be like this toaster strudels commercial where like the mom gives them those shitty ass pop tarts and then their friend Dylan is like, here's those toaster strudels. Hey, what do you do with your pop tarts? It opens up the locker and like a million of the grossest looking pop tarts ever fall out. It's going to be like that, but with little pants without the sleeves on. You need to open some kind of like big brothers, big sisters like safe place where like people after 11 can go to like wear shorts and like you

show up and do whatever. Just maybe just lay around and read a book. Just live their life in shorts. I have a name for it. Okay. Hog shorts. Sorry, say again. Hog shorts. It's for little short wizards. Okay, so. Hog shorts. Okay. Is there a shorting shorts that you put it on? It's just like there's no houses here, man. Just fucking kick it. The shorting hat. Thank you. When Hagrid shows up when you're 11 and your parents are trying to make you wear pants and you're like, no, you're a shorts boy, Harry. Come with me. You're a shorts boy. So there's just one house at hog shorts and it's shorts. No, you could separate it into like cargo, Bermuda, like tear away. That's fun. You would be, okay, let's, let's real quick go around the bike. I've got it.

I've got the shorting hat in my hands right now. I'm about to put it on Travis's head. Here we go. Let's put it right. Tear away. Wow. Jesus. It didn't even need to like think about it at all. He's just like new. That is your own personal choice, Griffin. Um, you had, you had a couple pairs of them. Oh yeah. Zipped off of the knee. It was the, it was like the nineties. Oh man. The cool thing to do was unzip it 70% of the way. So it looked like your pants were just talking and they were just saying, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee over and over. Yeah, it was pretty great. That was pretty good. If you ever wanted to get caught on fences because it's constantly just a

constant getting caught on fence issue. Would Jorts be the Slytherin of hog shorts? Um, yes, because here's the thing about the Slytherin house is that they're all evil fucks, but they're brilliant. You know what I mean? And I see him, I see a person wearing Jorts and I go like, where did you get your advanced post grad degree? I won't even go into defending Slytherin, by the way. I'm, we'll talk about that on our after show. My brother, my brother and you? Yeah, our after show. And my headcanon in the real Harry Potter, House Hufflepuff was just like shorts, like mandatory, like they were the only house that was allowed to wear shorts. And everybody else was wearing like cool ass robes and like, you know, British fancy

lad long wear, but like House Hufflepuff was just like, yeah, whatever. We know what we are. Yeah. Hufflepuff just wore shorts and commemorative T-shirts from Marathons their uncles didn't run. Yeah. They wore shorts and they wore old play T-shirts. Something tells me Dr. Rice was a Hufflepuff. There's something about him that rings Hufflepuff to me, maybe Ravenclaw. Hey, I have a great idea for this person. Why don't they start by wearing pants and every, let's say two months, they cut a half inch off of the pants. So on their deathbed, they'll just be going on their balls. Finally accrued shorts. Right. Well, no, at that point it would be just like a very small necklace. It's just gone all that they've just unspooled all the way up

to the neck. Hey, here's a good idea nobody ever thinks about. You buy pants, you buy shorts, right? Yeah. Yeah. And you buy the shorts because they only, you only want them to cover half of your legs, right? Right, right, right. Yeah. Maybe instead of buying both pants and shorts, we should buy pants and then just wait for, for it to get to, to, cause there, if you buy pants when you're four, right? This can be so fucking funny. Uh-huh. Wait, you buy pants when you're four and then you get older and when you're eight and your legs are twice as long, you're still wearing those pants, but now they're shorts. So you like, they convert over time as your legs grow in length. Do you understand what I'm saying

to you? I do. And I know what people at home are wondering, how do the jeans companies continue to make money? That's easy with the panels that you add into the pants so it fits on the waist. Right. And also they're, um, like modifiable so you could get like fun characters on the pockets and you could have them like velcroed on and off. And also some of them have drugs, so they're, they're working at a good profit because the gene companies also sell drugs now. Wait, drugs like prescription drugs or drugs like bad, bad drugs? Doctors, doctors wouldn't prescribe these with their worst enemies pin. Now these are some hard, hard drugs that have no business at a pharmacy or anywhere in society. Can I hit you with an inverse idea? A patented

griffin flipping it, flip, flip thought. We're going to have more flip thoughts in volume too. Yeah, definitely. Um, here's my flip idea. Shorts you put on in the morning when it's warm, that expand throughout the day. So at night when it's cooler, they've grown and encased over your legs and then they, but then they keep going and eventually they disappear right when you get into bed. Wait, hold on, hold on. Are we talking like Venetian shorts that you can unroll or like zip on shorts? I'm saying this is a fabric that we crush down somehow so that it's shorts length. And then as you go about the day doing your warm, fun shorts activities, then the shorts naturally heat up and in doing so it cooks the crushed fabric

and it makes them extend and just sort of consume your legs. Maybe there's sort of a biophysical, nanotechnological sort of thing going on in there and then it keeps going and then your legs are protected from the cool moonlight and then you get in bed. They're gone. Perfect. What do I do in the weeks where I have to work nights at the podcast plant? You just are wearing pants. You should be wearing pants. You guys are wearing pants right now, right? Like you're not wearing shorts like just out of like respect for the process because we're making a podcast right now. We're not like... I am wearing my work shorts. Important question. Are there dress shorts? Are there shorts you could wear to church

that someone would be like, yes, yes. If you ever see Jesse Thorne wearing shorts, those are dress shorts. Okay. He makes them dress shorts by definition. And these are the ones you took from him from his house? We are different sizes. Thank you. No, these are just khaki shorts. How that ass look though? Uh, sorry? How? Uh-huh. Does that juicy ass look though? Good question. Like all macarons, I do not have a butt. There's no butt. Not true. Don't look like nothing down there.

I'm fucking rumpy, dumpal, still skin over here. I don't know what the crap you're talking about. I didn't know about that. I don't want to know about that. Mine's just two bladed ass bones. That's all I've got back there. That's a shame. I didn't know that. I thought we were all just sort of gifted with these fucking like... We used to... Travis used to be called the Bodie Butt Boy. And you can get a nickname like the Bodie... Till this day by passing strangers. You don't get a nickname like the Bodie Butt Boy without a Bodie Butt. It was ironic like you call a big guy tiny.

Right. I wondered why my nickname growing up was always Primo Dumber. Thought it was because I was regular. But now I've just intuited it's because I had the Good Butt Jeans. And that was a fun double entendre. And you can expect more of those in volume two. Should we go to the Money Zone? We're already there. Look around you. Do you expect that? I didn't. You scared me a little bit. I'm already there.

I constructed around you while you talked. About my fucking tight awesome ass. I can't actually right now with any of that. I want to talk to you folks about Headspace. Okay. Headspace is your number one place to build mental websites. Yeah. Think it beautiful. Headspace. No. Headspace is about meditation.

Here's kind of a radical idea. The only way that you can intake the world around you is filtered through your mind. So you can't observe or take in any sensation that isn't filtered through your mind first. So if your mind's not right and calm and cool, then it's going to throw literally everything off in your whole reality, like your whole existence is going to be off kilter because of this. But I have an answer for you. It's Headspace. It's meditation made simple guided meditations that you listen to whenever you want,

wherever you want, right on your phone, computer or tablet. I've done Headspace a lot of the courses and they're really, really great. First off, my dude on the meditations has a great voice, Andy. I believe he is named. He doesn't, he doesn't like frequently identify himself as Andy and it's time to meditate. Hey, what's up? It's your boy Andy here. Hey, it's your boy Andy.

What's got you stressed? Fuck that shit. We're going to get through this together, bro. Yeah, he is. Andy is actually a former Buddhist monk with a degree in circus arts. So he's like the best. Is there an option where I can just kind of hang out with him? It's like hanging out with him except he's speaking directly to you.

It's rooted in thousands of your tradition with thousands of scientific studies that show it's positive effects. If you have never tried, and I know Travis is going to back me up on this, if you have not tried meditation, you have to. It's like, it's ridiculously easy and ridiculously helpful. Before I started doing meditation, as I suspect many people do, think of it as like, well, it's got to be like heavily religious and all about like, oh, you meditate.

No, like most of the time it's just about like, hey, chill out, breathe, like get your mind right, clear all that shit. And here's the thing. You might also be sitting there picturing someone like sitting on a post for like 12 hours, like meditate. No, this is like 10 minute sessions that can really change where you're at and really help you out without a big commitment. Speaking of the number 10, you can download the Free Headspace app

and begin their Take 10 program that features 10 days of guided meditation each about 10 minutes long by going to headspace.com slash my brother. Now, I've never- It's a 100% free way of experiencing the benefits of meditation in your busy modern life. I've actually never meditated before. Seriously? Yeah, but, but I do watch the music video for the song Crazy Frog a whole lot. Uh-huh.

Like if the woes of the day get to me in my soul, in my mind, I'll just put on Crazy Frog. Is that to, is that, what am I trying to say here? Because this is not just a stupid, one of my stupid jokes. I love the Crazy Frog. I think he's hysterical. Headspace.com slash my brother is the website to go forget about this. Ironically, I'm next to school. Where space?

I'm, I want you to know, I'm a big fan of Squarespace. I built the macaroyshows.com website on Squarespace. I just built Squarespace for Enterobang, the new podcast that I do with my friend Tybee. Hey, tell me about, tell me about Enterobang, Travis. Well, Enterobang is a show in which Tybee and I, we address issues that like are frustrating us in the world, that are frustrating other people in the world, and we just kind of talk through them.

It's like the most open, honest, like most real Travis Macaroy you can get anywhere else. Filtered, unfiltered. Unfiltered, emotional. Do you guys cuss a whole lot? We, we cuss. We cuss. Awesome. We use blue language.

We talk about everything. Every, no holds barred. Everything's on the table. And we just launched a Patreon to encourage people to support the show. And so we needed a website on which to do it. And like we were kind of freaking out. I made a really solidly polished, beautiful website on Squarespace in about an hour. And I'm not, and not just that.

It's, I'm also like really proud of the website. Like I'm really proud to show it off to people. It's at enterobangcast.com. Took me an hour and it does everything I need to. It's got an embedded podcast player. It's got links to all of our contacts. It's got links to everything. The, the macroshows.com, we can update it in like the blink of an eye.

It's really amazing how much you can do on Squarespace with absolutely no idea what you're doing. And not only that, there's so many like tutorials. They've got Squarespace help stuff. You can tweet at them and get a really quick response. It's amazing. I'm a big fan of it. I highly recommend, and you can start a free trial today by going to squarespace.com slash my brother.

Dude, I guarantee if you've been thinking of like starting a website, knock it out in an hour on Squarespace. Squarespace, you should. Squarespace. Squarespace, bang it out. I want to tell you guys about my favorite podcast about brothers. Hey, wait a minute. Hold on.

Wait a second. I want to tell you about a podcast called A Brother's Quarrel. Now stop me if you've heard this one before. It has brothers in it. And then they talk about stuff. Cool, cool. I'm just now reading. Should we sue?

What's the? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're going to jail. Get this podcast before we get it like legally taken down. So let's do the advertisement first and get their money. And like that's not going to help them. Like if we get their money, like they can't spend it on expanding their. Okay, all right, all right. Break.

I want to tell you guys about A Brother's Quarrel. It's a podcast about two brothers who try to debate things, but they end up just trailing off and arguing about, and here's just a list of some argument topics. Wizard Eugenics, Stealing Hitler's Wallet, or A Political Human Skull Feng Shui. All of that sounds very good. I was just checking, like running that through the codex of things

that we've talked about, and I think we are clear there. I don't think there's grounds for a suit there. Those are pretty specific topics, but A Brother's Quarrel podcast has everything you need. They got, their tagline is two brothers, so there's one less brother than there is here. That's 33% worse than us. They only have one mic.

We just have our own mic, because we each produce sort of a smell from the face that is bad to be around, and they have no shame, which that one actually tracks. That one, they're kind of on the same page. It's possible that there's two brothers and they're each 50% taller than we, like one of us, so the two of them together equals three brothers.

Yeah, it's also possible that there's two brothers and then one guy named Mike, and then it's just like a kind of a weird name for a podcast. I would call that two brothers, a mic, and a podcast place. That's good. That's just another thing you could have named it. Anyway, you can find that show, A Brother's Quarrel, on iTunes, and also at abqpodcast on Twitter.

I've got a message for Jake, and it's from Grace. From State Farm? Do you guys remember that? Hey Jake, it's me, your girlfriend. It's been five years of good times. Thanks for being cute and sweet and funny. You rocked that meondies hat. All right, see ya.

That was from... Nice. That was from Jake's girlfriend, Grace, which I wanted to state again here because I made that terrible dumb Jake's from State Farm joke. And I feel like I buried Grace's name. Do you guys think that you rocked that meondies hat as like coded language for Grace wanting to like compliment

how Jake actually looks in meondies? And like just didn't want to embarrass him on the podcast or something? Your downtown situation looks good under all that meondies fabric. I feel like, well, it doesn't say where he's wearing it. That's a fantastic point. Oh.

Like maybe it's on his dick. Oh. Did you guys see that coming? I thought you meant like he was balancing it on his tummy. Or he was sweating it on his finger like a cool kid. Or maybe it's past the regressive like, hey, I really, really, really like... I like how you wore that meondies hat to my grandmother's funeral.

That was so tasteful. That was really sick, dude. All right, see ya. That's the best way to end every romantic message. Hey, I think you're great. I really, I'm really glad you're in my life. All right, see ya. Dup!

Peace. Grace out. Sorry about your G-Maw sucks, dude. Later. Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Kerry. Ross. Hi, Kerry. What do you think is creepier?

Okay. You jump into a swimming pool. All of a sudden, the water goes away and instead of water, there is the bones of your dead ancestors. Or our show. That's pretty tough because we visited a live exorcism. We joined the Ordo-Templey Orientus where we had to worship a naked lady.

Oh, and we joined that Tony-Olamo cult. They were scary. Super creepy. We joined the Aethery Society. We tried penis enlargement, or at least I did. Oh boy, I tried breast enlargement. We have basically done every creepy weird fringe thing except for thousands more,

which we will get to if you listen to our show. I'd still say the swimming pool of my ancestors bones. Well, and I don't even know if people should listen. I guess they shouldn't. But if you want to, we're at maximum fun and this show is called Oh No, Ross and Kerry. I recently celebrated a birthday and received a check from my grandparents

who live in Delaware. While in my wallet, I check lost a corner and now it's compromised. What to do? Chalk it up to $100 lost or call my G-parents that I talk to maybe once a year? Damn, you get $100 for talking once a year? Are you, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are you 100 years old? Because that's the only way because this makes sense to me. I'm leaning towards sitting it back with a thank you card with an explanation so that they may void it as well as put the ball in their court. Oh, fuck. Thoughts? A few consequences of cutting quarters

in Charleston. Um, that's actually wait. Your thing is way better than anything we could come up with. Of sitting it, sitting it back to them, like, looks like you goofed up. Anyway. Anyway. Thanks for this to get a waste.

Anyway. So, um, my... Yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes. Oops, oops, oops. Pretty uncomfortable, yikes, um. And also, the meter's running on interest. So, yeee. Oh, yikes, yikes, yikes.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, make sure you void it and, uh, ah, ah. My address is still the same. It wasn't the same. Still have the same old address, uh. Thanks so much for this hypothetical money in the future. Great. Looking forward to your correspondence. Wait, I have a great idea.

Same thing, sort of, but in the thank you note, just write this gift to me so much to me. Do you think before I cash it, you all could take a picture of yourselves holding it with kind of like a thumbs up, so I can remember it forever because the bank will keep it. Can you take it and do that? And then when it's missed in a quarter,

they tell you just like, what? The post office did it again. Well, I guess avoid that and write a new one. What if they just mail you back the same check and they're like, well, here's the check. Maybe you missed how this process works. Wait, no, wait, mine's perfect and can still work if it's a video, if it's a video instead.

And they say, hey, listen, Dylan is cool. This is Dylan's G-Pod and G while coming at you. And you're saying if you take that video to the bank? On your phone. I see you furrowing your brow at that missing corner. Before you say anything, check the iPhone. Give me a second. Sir, we can't accept this check.

The corner of it's gone and the check's been compromised. Okay, now wait, before you poo poo me and you rain on my whole parade, I'd like to show you this video of any old man that I have on YouTube. Note the similar nose shapes. You can do it live with Skype and that way you could also include,

they'll be so tired of you trying to help your grandpa troubleshoot Skype. They're in the lobby of the bank. They'll probably just cash it for you anyway. How compromised is the corner of this check? How much would you have to lose off a check before a bank wouldn't take you? Okay, so it would have to be the bottom.

Bottom left, like lose those numbers down there. So then how did that happen in your wallet? There's that jelly in there. Oh no. Silverfish in his wallet. I am kind of in an uncomfortable place of thinking about how many times I did this when I was younger and I hated the bank.

Like I got nervous to do anything involving any sort of building where government happened. And that's how little I knew about the whole situation is that I thought the bank was government and hey man, look around. How old were you when you were going to the bank Griffin? I mean I was like 18, 19 years old

and I would get like a check and I didn't have any money because I was in college and I had none of the money. And I would get like a $20 check from a grandparent and I wouldn't like immediately rush to cash it because it's $20. But then when I had like negative dollars I would be like I could use that Twunski but it's been like two months.

Is that still cool? That was like the health potion that you had sat on for a while and now you could like pop the cork on it. Yes, except it had been months and then my grandma would look at her bank account and be like oh, where'd that health potion go? And then she would think that like somebody is like fucking robbed of the blind.

Somebody has hacked into her bank account and is robbing her. That check I wrote for therapeutic socks last week bounced. That's weird how that happened. Well, I needed those. I needed those to keep my feet, but hmm. Thank you, Skylar. I'll just live with the gout, I guess.

Thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed that. That $20 you probably spent on Doritos and spliffs. Spliffs, you know, weed spliffs. Yeah, spliffs. I just went super hard at the gym but I forgot to change a shirt. Since the one I worked out, this is soaked in my glory sweat.

I'm walking out with my jacket on, but nothing underneath. If I still want to go out, grab a beer and shoot pool. Am I good? That's from Commando up top in the Commonwealth. And aside from turning yourself into a mini boss in a brawling video game, I think that you're fun. In a fucking eight-bit foot. Hey, man, this is our turn.

Duck off, pimp, squeak. She is my girl now. You'll never rescue the president's daughter from Viper. Taste my steel. Only now do I realize I wasted my potential. I could have been a teacher. Batter up. And then he hits it with a pool cue.

Well, hold on. I dropped out of nursing school. I kidnap women because I don't love myself. This is... I'm not going to give this one a hard pass. Really? Not that I'm passing on a question. You were super possessive about literally everything.

I'm just passing on this situation. You know what I mean? If I saw this person at the local pool shooting hall and they rolled up like, hey, would you like to play a game? I just kidnapped the president's daughter. I would look at them and I would see just their chest and tummy underneath of...

I'm imagining a suit jacket? That's probably not right, is it? Yeah. It's a jacket that zips all the way up. Some suit jackets do that. Okay. Cool. Sorry, what?

Like a zip-up suit jacket. The sensation that this person is describing of wearing a zip-up jacket with no shirt, I only have an association with like, I forgot that it's garbage day. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That's the look.

I think that... Here's the thing. I have no problem with this person finishing their workout, throwing just a jacket on, and going home. Because that's like a stop-gap, like I had to, I couldn't just buy...

Well, yeah, Travi, what's the fucking... Travi, you're getting the fucking alternative. Oh no, I live at the gym now, dang. Well, you go wear your sweaty, gross shirt home. But like, I don't think you have to do that, I think you have. But like, as soon as you're like, and also I'm going to stop and run some errands and maybe kick back and really relax.

Go home, get a t-shirt, and then go to the pool hall. It kind of depends on what kind of a workout you had, right? Because if you just did some light cardio, and you just did like a little bit of something, and you wanted to get that blood pumping, that heart rate up, and then you go home and you have a light sweat situation and a little bit of stink,

I think you could disguise that. If you were on some Dolvet shit, if you were, you know, doing full cardio and strength resistance training, fucking medicine balls, fucking yoga balls, a fucking racket ball, spinning,

and yoga lattes, and you were on that Dolvet shit, and you have the visible stink waves coming off you, you've got to go home and wash your body off. But you don't have the stink waves of, I sat around for four days. You have the stink wave of, I worked hard to get this beautiful.

Doesn't matter Travis, that's a sour scent, and I don't want to be around it when I'm trying to shoot my billiards. That's fair Griffin, I didn't mean to infringe on your billiards time. If they're playing billiards and every time they lean over and the hoodie is no longer clinging

to their sticky, stinky body, and just like a little bit of that slimer ghost comes out, no. Oh, oh, wait, hold on, unless. Unless. Unless.

You use the jacket as like a hustle maneuver. Like you, someone comes over to play you and then you're like, okay, well let me just unzip my jacket. And now just your bare chest is hanging out as a brilliant distraction against your opponent.

You are going to need to time this out with the money you put in the jukebox adjust right. Oh yeah, I guess I can play. Hold on, just wait like one more song. Okay, I'm free now, I'm free now. I'm free now, come on, let's play.

Rack them quick, rack them quick. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And pan them all, zip. You gotta time it right there and you gotta make sure that your song's next because the last thing you want to do is like, rack them, zip. Where are you in the world?

Stop turning. It's September day. Hold on, let me zip this back up. You didn't see that. Unrack them, unrack them. Put them back, put them back. Here comes, here comes, here comes, here comes, here comes. Yeah baby, here comes, here comes zip.

I've seen fire and I've seen rain. Fuck, come on. Why is this even in the jukebox? The country version of James Taylor. I've seen fire and I've seen rain. Hold on, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, zip. Mary, did you know that your baby boy... This is a Christmas song.

No, this is a Christmas song. Why is this even in the jukebox? Actually, this one's fine. Actually, this one's fine. Let's just do this. If that place, just do it slower. And then it's like, well guys, come on, where are we going? This has been my brother, my brother and me

at an advice show for the modern era. Closing the book on volume one. What changes are in store for volume two? Episode 300. We may never know. Do we get to take a break after 300? Do we get to like, skip a fucking... Like, have we not earned it?

How can we survey... Like, you can't really appreciate, you know? Yeah, you can't really appreciate how much... Yeah. You know what I mean? We're like neck deep in the fucking content mill. Wait, it's hard for us to like take a step back and look at really Peru's volume one,

figure out what works, what didn't work. We should take like one, maybe two years off. I like this. Just like... Yeah, maybe like one or two years off. Psst, if you're... Okay, everybody else... Not Justin and Griffin.

Justin and Griffin, you stay there. I'm going to keep doing the show for that one to two years, but it'll just be me. The show will just be called Me. And then we're going to add the brothers back in slowly over time. And it'll be my brother and me. Yeah. And then we'll add in one more.

And then we'll just keep adding... Gooo! We'll keep... Punch! Hey, ladies! Do you guys know the show My Brother and Me? Do you guys remember the Nickelodeon show My Brother and Me? There was a great episode they did about Goo Punch.

I think Goo, who is a character on that show named Goo, had like a soft drink that he was paddling. And I also remember the little boy, like to say, hanging with the big kids. And that's like me now. Like, this podcast has given me an avenue to hang with the big kids. And I'm very excited about that. Are we the big kids or the listeners of the big kids?

Good question. I think you're... Yeah. I want to thank John Rodger for the long winters and for the use of our theme song. It's an departure off the album, putting the days to bed. It's a shame we're going to have to change it for volume two. It served us well over the episodes. But no, I'm just kidding.

It's... We got that shit for life. I would like to encourage everyone to go check out macrowayshows.com. I mentioned it earlier. It has all the macroway podcasts and video projects and all that stuff, along with like the P.O. Box addresses, all the Twitter accounts, all the Facebook groups, that kind of stuff. And I just want to remind everyone to go check out Interobang.

You can find it interobangcast.com. Check out the Patreon and maybe consider becoming a supporter. It would mean the world to me. But if something else, just check out the show. If that is not a Max Fun product, right? You're not double dipping. That is correct. This is a brand new show that me and my friend, Ty,

you've started unaffiliated with any network. We do it because we love it and because we hope that you'll love it. So even if you aren't interested in becoming a patron, I totally understand that. But maybe give the show a listen. It's on iTunes. You can find it on Pocketcast and on macrowayshows.com. And if you just hate it,

then there's a bunch of other shows for you to listen to on Maxfunfun.org. Talk about shows like Stop Podcasting Yourself. I said that weird. Yeah. Stop Podcasting Yourself. I'm talking about shows like Bull's Eye. I'm talking about shows like Lady Two Lady. I'm talking about shows like Getting Curious.

We do other shows on the network, like The Adventure Zone, Swap Bones, and Shmanners. A lot of great shows. Oh, no. Ross and Carrie. Oh, no. See, that's one where the inflection is really going to be careful. A lot of great shows.

Maxfunfun.org. Check it out. Also, speaking of Maxfunfun, we have a bunch of merch, both our show related and other Maxfun show related, at maxfunstore.com. I'm right now wearing my Rocket Crocodile Flop House t-shirt. It's super cool. I gotta get that.

Oh, it's so good. And there's a really cool Saw Bones t-shirt that Theresa likes to rock that I highly recommend for everyone. So go check that out. And we haven't mentioned in a while, if you're looking for where to submit questions and Yahoo answers stuff, mbmbamatmaxfunfun.org. All right.

Finally, Yahoo. It was sent in by level9000. Yeah, Drew, Drew, Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Let's kill Hitler, who asks, if celebrities were Pokemon, who would you use your master ball for?

Oh, my name is Justin McIlroy. Jared Leto. I'm Travis McIlroy. Rob Lowe. See, I can't say Carly Rae Jepsen, because then it sounds like I want to put her in like a weird cage or something. Too late now. Yeah, it's out there.

I'm Griffin McIlroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Hooray. Good. Let's be honest. We live in a world with too much media.

You need a podcast on the front lines, figuring out what's great. We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branham. I'm a comedian. I'm Wintern Mitchell. I call myself a digital strategist.

I'm Oliver Wing. Academic and disc junkie. Margaret Woppler. J.S.S.Wee. As Jonah Least. And we watch, listen to, and read everything so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love.

Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Pop Rocket. Every Wednesday from MaximumFun.org.