My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 300: The Three Hundredth One

Episode Date: April 25, 2016

Thanks, gang. Suggested talking points: The Clowns, Frutopia Key Party, The Five Hardest Tricks, Hot Tub Invitations, Pilot Dreams, Nude Art, Raffi Curses

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new craze, and the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Just say, hey, I want it. Isn't it rich? Aren't we a pair? To me here lies on the ground, and you in midair. Send in the clowns. No. No, you know what, this time we're not sending. No, there aren't any fucking clowns this time, Justin. One who keeps tearing. To be fair, Griffin, I think the point of

the song is supposed to be that there are no clowns to send in, and in fact, the singer and the person being sung to are the clowns. Desiree, Traff Desiree. I know, but I was making it more general, Justin. I'm just exhausted by it. Justin's become the fucking Scott Bakula of this podcast. I'm not doing this episode unless I get to sing in it. Oh, I thought you meant that Scott Bakula's song, Send in the Clowns, on just a fuck ton of episodes. Do you remember that, how there were like 10 quantum leaps in a row where he just apropos of nothing, sung, send in the clowns? Yeah, that's like his whole thing. And singing Send in the Clowns? Yeah, it was like a platform for his musical career.

When he released his album that was all Send in the Clowns? Yeah, it was weird. It was just 10 tracks. And what's weird is it wasn't just the same song 10 times over. It was 10 discrete recordings. And he did them in different styles. There was the Calypso Send in the Clowns, a Jazz Send in the Clowns, Sling Send in the Clowns. The Zydeco Send in the Clowns was actually really great and it was a chart-topping hit. Isn't it rich? Wait, no, no, no, don't start over, don't start over, don't start over. Isn't it queer? Don't start over, don't start over. This is the end. Oh, okay, okay. Losing my timing this late in my career. Where are the clowns? I feel like you lost the key, maybe like a stanza back. There are two be clowns.

Are there clowns? He found them. Don't bother. Whoa. They are here. They are here. There they are. All right, all right, a Lady Gaga second finish. Well, maybe next year. Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, Adventure 300. It's gonna be amazing for you, Justin, when Griffin cuts that entire song. The whole fucking thing. Not any of it. Well, this is the show that you signed on for. You've been with us for 300, and here we are, volume two. Okay, so we didn't have an episode zero, so is episode two coming to a close or is episode two beginning? Episode two, was everything else? Episode one, part one, part two, part three.

Yeah, you guys know you're supposed to listen to all of those first 300 episodes back to back over a 300 hour just fucking sweat lodge, right? Don't do that. That would be disastrous. My name is Justin McRoy, and I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy, your middle-list brother, Travis McRoy. I'm Scott Bakula, and today I'll be playing the role of the baby's brother, Griffin McRoy. Well, here we are, folks. We did it for 300. I started thinking when I was coming downstairs, I thought, you know what, this is 300. Got to do a really great show, and then I thought, you know what, I'm the one being celebrated here. Right, exactly.

Why should we have to work harder to make a really good one? Do you remember when Mashed did its 300th episode and they really phoned it in? I do just want to check in with you guys and make sure that we are still definitely on for this 300 Roman Centurion bit. Oh, my god, yeah. We were supposed to wear our leather bracers and stuff. Yeah, well, more importantly, we're supposed to be nude from the waist up and then all oily and stuff. Nah, this is why we haven't done video for several hundred episodes. I turned up, we decided to Google Hangout, not for volume two, just for, uh, because we, because we, the skype is shitting the bed again. And when I turned it on,

Griffin was in a black tank top, and it was weird because it was like, it felt like a betrayal of sorts. Like, he was going to do a whole show and not tell us he was wearing a black tank top. Yeah. Well, I changed, I've changed out of that. Yeah, Griffin is now oiling himself up. And I will say, it looks like he's drawn on his chest hair. I think that's my takeaway from this. The chest hair is hard to like, you got to really grease her down, you know? Yeah. And then you got to stipple it on to give it a little extra color and depth. Um, okay, so I'm closing this. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, one last thing. I can't look away, Justin.

Wait, wait, wait, I'm almost done. I'm almost done. Wait. Are you really almost done? Yeah, look, look. This is Sparta. That was the end of the joke. Now you're tallying off. You disgust me. So anyway, this is my brother. My brother made an advice show for the modern era. We help people. Please just turn your video off. I'll give you anything. It's off. No, it's not off. I turned it off. Don't you dare. Griffin, we're looking right at your nudity. I turned the video off. Okay. We have a lot of people to help. We have a lot of special guests. We have a lot of fun in store, a lot of surprises. What have we learned? Can we talk? Someone will die, somebody will fly. We got some, save the cheerleader, save the world. We got some special things for this 300th episode,

which you may not think just hearing the beginning of it. But man, this water-based lubricant is going to stay on my body, I guess, for a while. Is that Extreme Restrains brand lubricant? Yeah, it is. Bringing them back into the fold. Welcome back to the family Extreme Restrains. We're going to get you back on the podcast one way or another. We'll get you inside the podcast if you know what I mean. And I do. So here's a question. So later tonight, I'm going to a party where I'm signed up to bring the drinks. Along with a few other things I brought, I am also bringing some already open half full soda bottles. Is this appropriate? The soda isn't too old, and I'm not going to drink them all by myself. Since it takes you guys several months to respond,

I'm going to bring them anyway. Maybe future me can go back in time to warn me of the awkward situation that may or may not ensue. That's from Don't Want to Be Wasteful in Washington. If people do that, please send a follow up to let us know how it went. Two liters of soda. Let's really finally crack this nut open because we've been like dancing around it for long enough. I only, like most people, buy two liters of soda for parties because I don't want to have to have a bunch of cans taking up refrigerator space. So I buy two liters of soda for parties and it lets you get a variety of things. Inevitably, all the diet soda gets drunk. The regular soda is just like there, but I feel like I should have it on hand for people. And then I'm left with like

four two liters of varying levels of emptiness. It feels like such a waste to throw them out, but I never do that. I don't like ice in my drink. Do you send them homeless prizes at the end of the night? You know, this is actually how the Blue Man group got started. They were like, we gotta do something with these. They blew it. That's them blowing into them. Sorry, my foley wasn't on point. No, just one of them had some sort of lung condition and it's just like, that's how we talk. Like guys, I think we should start the number one Vegas Percussive Act and we'll paint ourselves. Sorry, I'm a longer. Got the consumption. I think that this is why BYOB is a thing, isn't it? That you say like, hey, bring whatever two liter you want and then take

that shit with you when you go. Well, no, that's not the taking. That's different. Take only pictures, leave only footprints. That's not. Okay, first off, that's not what BYOB brings. Bring your own beverage. No, that's not what it means. But then there's a secret series of letters, a silent series of letters that come after it that signify and then take your half-empty two liters home with you. Thank you. What if it was BYOB, B-T-S-E-B? Bring your own beverage but take someone else's beverage. Okay, so you're just kind of, it's like a Yankee swap for bevs. That's way better. I was gonna say like a beverage key party, but yours is better. Well, you fuck the beverages? Well, no, you just take a different beverage to bet. Well, I ended up with Mellow Yellow. All right,

I've always been curious. We haven't even addressed the fucking question at hand, which is, is it okay for this person to bring old soda? Hi, I brought old soda. Yeah, soda seemed better days, but it's still potable. Go for it. I brought an old soda and a half-empty box of club crackers like out of the packages. Where do I put this? I wrapped up some old cheese and some saran wrap and this is some flat soda. Thanks for inviting me. Do you remember, yeah, do you remember summer Pepsi where you could unscrew the cap and then type the code into the website and get a hacky sack? Yeah, it's from 1999, but it's still good. You can still put some whiskey in there. I brought a half-empty bottle of Jasta. Do you want me to put it in the fridge or leave it out so people

can get at it or guys, frutopia party, come get it. The only way to test to see if two liters soda is still potable is that I have found that I utilize in my day-to-day is dump a little down the sink and see if it fizzes up or not. If it doesn't fizz up, it's already up, so just leave it tilted and get that syrup out. But if it fizzes a little bit, sometimes I'll still be like, well, it didn't fizz that much. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna dump it the rest of the way out. Can you give me a fizz or it's not where it is? That's what I always say. Fizz, that's a good soda pop rule of thumb. God, we need more rules of thumb out of our wisdom and that's the first really useful life hack that we've been able to produce.

Come along. You belong. Fizz of Cuviercola. Exactly. They've got the flavors orange grape and cherry. That's not a good spread. But yeah, no regular soda flavors. Hey, do you guys want a Yahoo? Yeah. Did we address it? Don't do that. Is that answered? Don't do that. Go to the store and get a two liter for 99 cents. Go to Sam's Club. Buy a four liter of Dr. Lightning and then it's gonna cost you 61 cents and then you take that to the party and you have the best night of your life. You just get jacked on Dr. Lightning. You get a fucking prescription from Dr. Lightning. You drink all four liters of that bad boy of that extra big jug and then you're ready to go.

Is it Dr. Lightning? I'm not sure that's accurate. I think it is. But he's a doctor in history. They got Dr. Lightning. They've got Mr. Cool. They've got the Pibster Esquire. They've got Pibster Esquire. They have soda time, exclamation point. They've got Mountain Don't. None don't.

I need to turn my AC off. I think I can come up with more soda names. Okay. Yeah. Let's just bounce them off each other. Popsie. Now what's, okay. Diet cork. Diet vanilla cork. We got a whole cork family.

Have you had oops all soda? I wish Justin was here to hear that. That was a good one. Shit. That's good. I was going to go with caffeine free diet rainwater. But nothing. I couldn't pull it together. How about this Yahoo?

And it was sent in by level 9000. Yeah. Drew Drew. Drew Davenport. Big ups to my main man Drew Davenport. Keeping it, keeping it real for three centuries. I don't know. Actually, I don't think he was on at the very beginning. But he was early, early adopter.

And this, this was also sent in by Aaron Keese, who's gotten a few enough Yahoo's on the show now. Where I need to know how to pronounce the last name there. Thank you to both of you. So, Yahoo answers user Chris G. My boss at Polygon, Chris Grant, who asks, What are the five hardest tricks for a magician to do? Oh, good question.

Ollie 360 Jesus spin. No, it's called Christ air. It's not called a Jesus spin. No, Jesus spin, I think is what slime dancers do. The five hardest tricks for a magician to do. Justin, I mean, the three of us all know them. Let's just start with number five. The fifth hardest trick for a magician to do, Justin, is?

Doves. Now, which, which one? Just like finding them is kind of a trick, because it's like, where did you get that? Yeah. You know? It's not like there's a Dove store. No, you can't just buy a Dove.

No, I'm not sure if that was on Prime. Yeah, you can prime it. So they probably have those at the pet store, right? Magic Doves? No. Yeah, Doves, just regular Doves. You buy them at the pet store, you got to. There's no other place to buy them at the pet store.

Do you think if you walk in with like a top hat and a cane and a cape in the pet store, they're like, I saw you coming. I got to know you. And just point to a sign that's like no magicians. No magicians. I know what you're going to, you're going to stuff this in a, in a pie tin, aren't you? I hate that.

Well, a clever magician leaves the costume at home, and then they buy another animal and then pretend like the Dove is just like a, I got a wild hair at my ass. You know, I think I'm going to get a Dove too. But that doesn't work if you're buying a wild hair, because then they'll think the worst of you. Yeah, no, it's not a, if you buy those in a bundle, that's you get taken to Magic Shale, definitely.

But otherwise, like you can just get something expendable too. Like, can I get like, I've wanted this for a long time. I think I'm going to get 30 tadpoles. And yeah, you know what? How about a Dove? How about a Dove? And then you go outside. Wait, how much are those Doves?

Can I get a price check on Dove? But then you get outside, you take that bag full of tadpoles and you just fucking throw it on the ground. Throw it down a sewer, at least it will have a shot. Yeah. Do you come to eat a bunch of frogs? Good luck. And you God knows, I'm a fucking mess, man.

I can't take care of you guys. I saw the price you all had on Doves, and I just couldn't help myself. That can't be beat. I didn't even want to do it when I came in today. But that salesperson is 30 tadpoles, one for each day of the month, depending on the month. That salesperson over there, they really sold me on it.

Sorry, you're pointing at an aquarium. That's an empty aquarium. Well, there we go. Well, give that fish a promotion. Here's your change, sir. Where'd your coin go? It's behind your ear. God damn it.

Oh, so tired of this. The fourth is, of course, cutting a woman into 37s. Mm-hmm. Half is easy, but to get 37 equal portions takes a lot of calculation, a lot of planning. It's not even like you can do half season and half season. It's not factorable by two. So that's, yeah, it's a rough one.

But you know you're watching Hannibal with a magician because every few minutes, it's like, yeah, right. Yeah, I wish. I wish it could look like that. You also have to get 36 very little people. Very little borrower size. Yeah. Griffin, what's the third?

The third hardest magic trick is de-levitating. And that's like getting up there so easy. Everybody is like, you know how you haven't heard of David Copperfield lately? It's because he didn't get the second step of it down. And like the first step is like he's in Vegas. He's like, this time I'm going to take my act outdoors, right in front of that big Bellagio fountain baby.

Here I go, levitating, up I go. Pretty incredible, huh? What if I made an airplane disappear while I was up here? Nah, just kidding. Anyway, here I, hey, this is weird. Hey, I've never gone up this far before. Oh no. Oh God, oh God.

Hey, does anybody have like a rope or something? Just, hey, does anybody, can someone like fly a drone up here and give, does anybody, oh shit. Into the fucking sun, gone. David Copperfield gone from the earth. Never learned how to de-levitate. He's the only human satellite. He's the only one.

Do you think they just keep, do you think that, okay, if he levitated into space, he was already defying the laws of gravity, right? And the laws of God. And the laws of God. So I wouldn't think that he is being propelled, he's being propelled by something outside of the natural laws that we understand, right?

You think he'd be okay in space? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying that like, okay, I think David Copperfield's icy corpse would continue to rock it through the depths of infinity. Indeed, going farther than any man has gone before, not to say he's a mere man. He's become much more than that, I think.

He's a vessel for something. Our wishes and dreams as an American people, I think. For levitation magic. For levitation magic, certainly. And the number two hardest magic trick is becoming a successful magician when your name is also Chris Angel. Because- But C-H-R-I-S.

Yeah, just regular Chris Angel. Hi, I'm Chris, Mr. For Angel. I have a regular haircut and a face like a person. And I do not look like an embodiment of the sand man. I freak the heart is more my thing. Chris Angel, heart freak. I got you roses. Aw.

Aw, that's sweet. My heart is freaked. Heart freak. Hey, do you remember that one time when you told your 10-year-old, when you were 10 years old and you told your best friend that all you wanted was a silver pony with a golden mane? I got that for you. Heart freaked.

Hey, I heard about you and Sheila. Are you doing okay? Heart freak. That's really nice of you to ask. Hey, man, I know Cinco de Mayo's coming up, but I know that that was the day of the big boat accident for you. So I'm just calling to check and make sure that you're doing all right and see if you need any company.

Heart freak. And the number one hardest trick as a magician is explaining what you do to your grandmother. That seemed like it actually would be pretty easy. Yeah, they had magicians back then, I think. Great-grandmother? How far back do I have to go before you get burned as a witch? Not, sadly, not that far back.

That's so far, yeah. Now, maybe you have to- What's so amazing? I'm listening to this heart freak stuff. My new number one superpower, most requested superpower, would be being able to say exactly what a person needed to hear in any given moment. You know what I mean?

Like, haven't there been moments in your life where if one person had just looked human-like? I heard about the Cinco de Mayo boat accident, and I just want to make sure that you're okay. And you just burst into tears and you know it's all going to be okay. Except for the fact that your whole family just like Cinco de Mayo'd. They sunk a de Mayo'd. What I love about that, Justin, is maybe it's epic.

Maybe it's like something incredibly tragic that's just happened to you. But also maybe it's just like you wore a pair of shoes that day and you're like, I'm not sure about these. And you just look at them and you go like, you were right. The shoes are great. And they're just like- Thank you.

Just to like debrief a little bit, it would have been nice for either of you guys to say something about my body while I was glistening up or said something like, wow Griffin, you can really pull off an A-frame tank top. I think that you should try that look out more often. And instead I got what could be called either- You either ignored it or derided it. And either way, it made my-

You didn't freak my heart. You fucked it. Gross. So it's our 300th episode. We wanted to do something special for it. By which we mean we wanted to bully the people who have formerly been guestsberts on My Brother, My Brother and Me into saying how the show, how being on the show has affected their lives.

Let's hear from some of those lucky individuals right now. Hello everybody. It's Bill Corbett from Rift Tracks and Mystery Science Theater here. And I just wanted to tell you how much my life has gotten better since being a guest on My Brother, My Brother and Me. Oh man. You know, I did not expect this, but I'm just thinking clearer. I'm feeling better.

I'm feeling vim and vigor. I suddenly know how to play the oboe. Where did that come from? And I smell better. I, you know, I've gotten remarks on how good I smell. And before, you know, it was either neutral or those remarks went in the other direction. I am embarrassed to say. But yeah, I mean, people have said that I smell like something like a

some subtle combination of honeysuckle and citrus. And I'm loving it. I don't know how those guys did it, but they did it. And I suspect that that was sort of their mojo going on underneath while I was chatting about things that did not seem to be relevant to my bodily funk or lack thereof. My bodily scent now. I'm on top of the world.

Thanks guys. I love My Brother and My Brother and Me. And I'd be back to yammer with those guys anytime. Thanks very much. Bye. Hey, my Bambam, it's Cameron Esposito. I'm calling for my Uber helicopter, which I never would have been on. Had it not been for my appearance on My Brother, My Brother and Me.

Before being on My Brother, My Brother and Me, I was just a struggling comic living in a basement owned by a parent of mine. Now I'm a major celebrity. I live in the Hollywood sign and I go see Hamilton every day. Thanks so much, my Bambam. Yo, what's up my Bambam? It's stage in Screensland, Manuel Miranda. Before I started listening to my Bambam, I was a broke

songwriter of some note. I'd written one musical since then. Since I started listening on a weekly basis. I've since written Eat, Pray, Love and Signature of All Things. And I'm doing really well. Married to a Brazilian man. He loves me very much. Thank you very much.

My Bambam, you changed my life. Stay cool, babies. I'll see you on the appreciation page. Since I appeared as a guest verb on My Brother, My Brother and Me, my life has opened up and changed in so many incredible creative ways. I got a MacArthur Genius grant and I wrote a highly successful Broadway play about our founding fathers and I wrote it in the form of like a rap opera, which is incredible because until I was on My Brother, My Brother and Me,

I didn't even know anything about hip hop. But it's almost like just talking to the brothers made me a master of that art form. So I'm really grateful because I just can't even imagine where my career would be without it. My roommate and I recently moved into a new apartment and used the complex as hot tub almost every night. We had expected to meet some of our neighbors this way, but nobody else seems to be interested in tubbing down. How do we get people to join us in the jacuz?

Tub with me in KC. Um, people have Pavlovian responses to things. You see a commercial for Bojangles and a new Bojangles just open in Huntington and you think, I have got to get the Bojangles right now. I've got a bad case of the Bojangles, which sounds like a disorder for the craving of it, but also the restaurant itself. It's actually sounds like some sort of leg disease. Some sort of leg.

Yeah, something that you would get like Jake Legg. I came up too fast from scuba diving and now I've got Bojangles. I've got Bojangles real bad in my knee joints. All my angles are boged. Did you guys see that they had to put up a sign? I did. A traffic sign to direct to direct the Bojangles traffic in Huntington. So great.

How is that not going to be so much? How is that not going to be in every Bojangles commercial like ever from now? Like this town has got a craving for some chocolate. I want to see a fucking Taco Bell case of lupa commercial where it's just a Taco Bell in Huntington, West Virginia that has just been raised to the ground. Just savaged. But anyway, I think that the foolproof way to do this is every time I hear the song by Ashkron Hotshub and I have to get in a hot like I deeply it's not a novelty record

to me. It is like a religion, a siren song for that bubbly water. Here's my concern with this question about your sperm count. Yeah, you don't cook your goose. I don't want to boil my boys. I'm worried that there's nothing less inviting than being invited to a hot tub by strings. Absolutely. There's no invitation.

You should more quickly turn down. If I just picturing these roommates sitting in a hot tub in an empty courtyard, just like anybody want to get in on this? It's like I've never this is very positive. It's good point. I've never been in a hot tub and thought, man, I'd love to get a few more ingredients in this person's suit. Yeah, I really like the stranger drop in.

Yeah, I have a few people I don't know come and see me in this very vulnerable position. You never get to know people faster than when you're boiled alive with them. Yeah. Well, there's also no good way to segue into you're going to join us in the hot tub. Cool. You're my neighbor, right? Cool. I'm in apartment 23B.

Oh, cool. That's good to hear. Anyway, are you clean? Hey, by the way, before you get in, I see a dip to towing. Could you just retract that for a second? And I'm going to run a quick panel on you. All right. Do you have a clean body?

Excellent. Excellent. Join me. If a sane person sees other people in the hot tub, they have the same person response, which is, well, that hot tub is in use. It's currently occupied. Do you see people peeking through the fence in trunks, just like staring at you longingly? They're waiting for you to vacate.

That's why there's nothing worse than seeing one person in an eight-person hot tub while eight people are waiting to get in. Yeah. And they're just like, one, two, three, you're done. I'm literally. What do you say, like, I'd love to, hey, how the bubbles tonight would love to get in there with? Let me just slip into the hot tub with you. I'm trying to think of a honeypot you could build.

If you were in a hot tub and you knew you had that moment where you saw somebody through the fence wearing their trunkies ready to get in, I'm trying to think of a way that you could signal, hey, come on into this hot tub. The water is just fine. Without it, it also seemed like you're signaling, like, get in this hot tub and let's fuck tonight. Okay. Well, then you disqualified what I was going to say with that second half, which was you just spread your arms and smile.

But that doesn't work. That doesn't work. That's definitely, like, let's fuck. How about a big frosty buck in a Bud Light line? Oh, are you talking about fuck beer? That's what that is when you have it next to a hot tub. Come on in. Let's get Randy.

What if you could pull the big bucket of Bud Light line out of the hot tub? As it goes, like, guess what I got? Bud Light line. It's a new thing that I'm working on. Not only is it refreshing, it's good for a sore throat. Maybe you could take a hot tub in a full business suit, because that says three. Like, I'm looking to engage with other professionals.

You got to have, but you got to have, like, a laptop or, like, one of those old, like, paper roll calculators to make it look like you are not paying attention to them. And, like, if they get in the hot tub, it is not going to be a big fucking deal, since you are not going to, like, you got to be, oh my god, this is it. This is it. What is a hot tub but a hot, water-filled subway car? You just got to treat it like a subway where it's like, I'm not going to engage you.

You're not going to engage me. Just getting this hot water together and let's get to our destination, which is to say relaxation station. But that would literally, like, that defeats the whole purpose of this person's thing. They want to meet new people. Well, once they're in, you put the calculator away and you say, all right, let's start doing this thing.

No, Griffin, you're missing, no. You get everybody in the subway, right? You get everybody in the hot tub subway, the hot tub way. And then you have a drum, a bucket drum band come in, because that's the moment when everybody on the subway connects with each other and makes eye contact and they're like, I also hate this. Hey guys, my name's Derek. I came to play your hot tub tonight.

Just asking for donations, whatever you feel comfortable giving. And who's that coming up? The hot tub way is like, oh, I also hate this. I also hate this. Hey guys, my name's Mark. I hope you're enjoying the hot tub tonight. Anyways, I do flips. I did so that the whole family can enjoy.

And then what's that coming up from the drain? It's a flash mob. They've got a great skip planned. And then you have to move away because you've accomplished your dreams and it's time to move on. Listen, guys, our troop is called improv everywhere, and that includes hot tub sewers, the secret sewer that's reserved exclusively for hot tub water.

What if you had a roll of name tags next to the hot tub? So when the person, like you kind of waved them down and then just said, hey, greetings, glad you could make it. This is a mixer I plan. Justin, take us that further. What? You hire somebody with like a folding table outside the hot tub, waiting for people to come up so they can sign them in

and say, who's next for the hot tub experience? That solves the other problem. This is a 360 hot tub experience. Put a big sign on the front that says mandatory hot tub mixer today. Yeah, but we also solved the other problem with that because you say, what's your name? Denise. OK, Denise.

Let me just write that down. Here's your name tag. By the way, are you clean? Are you clean? You have to tell me. Just draw a little frowny face on there if you're dirty. And a little smiley face on there if you're clean. We're talking a big game right now.

We're talking a big old game. If you held up a bag or a briefcase with $100,000 in it, I probably wouldn't get in a hot tub with you. I'm saying there's nothing you could do. Well, the money's wet for starters. Somebody wants that. Oh, Griffin, you've hit the nail on the head. You have to act like you don't want them to get in the hot tub.

That's the only time anyone ever gets in a hot tub with me is when I'm like, I hope that I keep the thoughts of all to myself. So no, it's three middle aged people. That's a good point. I wonder when this question after sitting in the hot tub, are they just looking a little too thirsty? Are they maybe like a little wanting to get around too much? Maybe you go the other way and just any time you see a person

just yell like, please no, please no. Stay away. I'm dirty. This is my water. I would worry that maybe everyone in the apartment complex knows something you don't. If you're the only people that ever use the hot tub, maybe they're like, that's where all the raccoons pee. Like, holy shit, Travis.

Yes. You mean hepatitis, canyon? No, thank you. I'd rather not. Wait, you put it in that water hole where all those people died that one time? Clemidea Lagoon? No, thank you.

No, thank you. But that's the hot tub time machine, but the shitty one that takes you into the robot annihilated future. You don't want to get in that one. That's not a fun romp. Well, neither were the movies. Hey. The second one was dump.

This is my brother, my brother and me starring Justin Griffin and the only person who's seen both hot tub time machine movies. It was on a plane. My brother, my brother and me is supported in part by Casper, an online retailer of premium obsessively engineered matches for a fraction of the price. We have a Casper in our guest room,

and it is incredibly comfortable. I think at least one of you guys has slept on it, right? I think both of us. Probably at different points. Yeah, it's a comfortable bed in there, right? Why, I've slept on mattresses all across this great land of ours, Justin. Travis would know if he'd slept on a bed

that I had previously slept on, and that's all I'm going to say about it. Gross. They got a risk-free trial. Slime time. You can try sleeping or sliming on a Casper for 100 days with free delivery and painless returns. Mattresses are made in America,

and they're really, really well priced. We're talking like 500 bucks for a twin mattress, $9.50 for a king, and that's at the top end, $9.50. It'd be nigh impossible to be in a mattress store and certainly not going to beat the quality. And you get their Schwampum open in a really fun way. Schwampum? Yeah.

Yeah, they come all sealed up in a box, and then you open them and they unfold. Like, you know those little plastic things you used to drop in water, and they got hot and foam things unfolded from them in the form of a dragon? That but a mattress. Our listeners can get $50 towards any mattress

by visiting casper.com slash mybrother and using the promo code mybrother. Don't throw the mattresses into hot water. Hey, listen, terms and conditions apply. The beds are all haunted. That's why they named it what they fucking named it. They tried to sneak that shit in. That's not even the fine print.

They put it in the big print and just hope that you don't even notice. I love them. They've been good to us. They've been real good to us. All the beds are haunted. Casper.com slash mybrother. Got another sponsor here.

Maybe you've heard of them, harrys.com. They sent me a box with a razor and some gel in it and it gave me a smooth finish. Should be called not harrys.com. How good is that new razor handle? It's so comfortable. It's good as hell. It's like holding a finely tuned sword.

Did I cut out? Did you guys know? I said more like not harrys.com. Yeah, and it's a great point, Travis, and well made. Griffin, tell me about harrys. Well, they supported us in part this week. Listen, buying razors is the worst fucking thing ever because they put them in little oceans, 11 safes

and you can't get in there. But you can't get in there because each of the razors cost $100,000. They cost too much. That's why two guys started harrys.com. They sell high quality blades that provide a close comfortable shave for half the price that you're used to.

So I know I said $100,000, so that would mean these are $50,000. No, they're much, much cheaper than that. These are German engineered five blade cartridges. You got a close comfy shave. You got a good quality razor. You get a full refund if you're not happy. And you get factory direct prices.

You cut out the middle made. You say, get the fuck out of here, CBS. Get out of here, Norman Reedus. What's the New York chain? No, that was it. If Norman Reedus tries to sell you some razors. They ship, don't buy from him, scruffy little goon. They ship these razors right to your door.

You can get a Truman starter set. It's a good option for new customers. It's an amazing deal for just $15. You get the razor handle. You get some moisturizing shave cream and three of Harry's five blade German engineered razors. You give all of our listeners $5 off your first purchase at harrys.com.

And use the promo code mybrother all one word. That's harrys.com and use the code mybrother all one word. More like not harrys. God Travis. Cause like cause you have hair and then you shave it off. Travis, read the personal message. You got it. This is to Molly Groupie and it's from Garrett Baird.

And the message is happy birthday, Molly. You're an awesome cousin. And as always, my favorite Facebook friend. I hope you're enjoying your birthday in snowy Wisconsin. I already know that I'm your favorite cousin, but I hope this really cements me further into that status. Much love, Garrett. And trap.

What's the requested timeframe on this birthday message? That would be over two months ago, Justin. Hey, happy birthday, mall. Sorry. Didn't Garrett didn't get you nothing. He's trying his best. The beauty of this Garrett is not only if you've submitted yourself as the favorite cousin,

you can now fuck up a couple of times. Like by having your message read two months late, perhaps, or by totally bomb. Yeah, just whatever. Like you can get away with it now because not only did you get Molly a happy birthday message, you timed it out perfectly so that it was on our special 300th episode.

Yeah, this is going to be such a big app. I got a message to Jabba J from Maddie. It says, hey, my sweet Jabba J, it's me, your wife. We've been married for a year and it's great. I love you so much, happy anniversary. I'm writing this as you're cracking up of a glass shark for the millionth time. I think you love glass shark more than me.

Sorry, this got weirdly confrontational at the end. Justin just made that part up. And oh, got this one pretty darn. Wow. Wow. April 24th is the request of time frame on that. So just about stuck the landing. I want you to know that Jabba shouldn't feel bad. I've listened to glass sharks so many times.

I may be reaching up towards a million too. You're not alone. Remind me, what was that? Which one? It was the one where we talked about Scott Bakula. Oh, OK, thank you. Does that narrow it down? Yeah.

When Scott Bakula swam down that pool and ate that gift. Let's let's take people inside the show a little bit. We got a lot of guest spurts on the show this week, which is very exciting for us. There is one guest spur that we have reached out to to try to book on our program that their manager gave us a Pasaruni. Just a strong pass. Just a strong pass.

There is one human that we haven't reached out to that many people because I don't know. There's not a lot of people that we think would be a great fit for this. There's one person. I'm not going to say who, but let's just say it was a polite but hard no. I think we've had a lot of people that we've reached out to who just didn't even bother to respond. This is the first one to just make sure you guys know.

Go fuck yourselves. It just said at the end, it just said, oh no. And you know, sometimes you get a response from someone's rep. And you think, oh, I bet that even didn't make it across the person's desk. I bet the rep just said no offhand. I would like to think that this was a solid no from the person themselves. Yeah, I think it's a personal. I like to think this came directly from the desk of.

Let's say bought Dracula. Let's say, let's say got Dracula. Okay, let's say Scott Bakula, Jr. But maybe let's say bought Scatula. Like, I just want to say that for the record, in case he's listening to this, because it may be just too nervous to come on the show because he's a big fan, big fan. I want to say it did not disappoint me in the slightest. I would have been disappointed if he'd agreed to it.

Yeah, I, you know what? He's just he's like big fish. You know, it's going to take me a while to reel in Scott Bakula. But when I do, there's like an. Then you'll die. I'll die. That'll be the last day of your life. You'll die.

And then he'll carry you out into the lake. Yeah. Scott Bakula won't even go see Hamilton because he's worried Lynn will try to get him to talk to it. New to maximum fun, the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. All sponsored by Grey's X, the latest grass replacement pellet from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Find us at maximumfun.org or on iTunes or wherever you get your podcast from. And if it's not clear, this is a comedy podcast.

Beef out. Um, here's one from level 9000. Yeah, ju ju ju Davenport. Thank you. Sure. It's by Andrew answers user the mystic who asks. What do pilots dream about? Fucking, oh man.

I didn't even read this. The top answer from liver girl 98 is you would have to ask pilots. That's fucking great. Yeah. You went to your answers, not pilot answers. What do you guys think pilots dream about? Well, that's the thing, right? They get to experience the majesty of flight.

Sorry, can you say that one again? Yeah, I added like an extra like an umlaut syllable to it. It was like you in there somewhere. They get to experience the magic of flying. You're transferred to great gardens for a second. They get to experience the magic of flight. Flight, mother. Flight.

A floutis. They dream about like not being in the air and they're like, I'm walking. That would probably be a wonderful break for them. Yeah, because you know what? I bet I get nervous when I drive like on the freeway and I'm going like 60 miles an hour. I bet like the whole time you're flying a plane, it's nonstop terrifying. You think you're probably just tense the whole time because like, you know, like you're defying gravity.

Yeah, you're going against everything that is right and natural. Yeah, you have to use that outside the window. Yeah, it's David Copperfield. There he goes again. There goes my hero up to space. Oh shit, he's not coming down this. Oh fuck, breaker breaker. I just saw David Copperfield die.

Feeling pretty upset about it. This is now a truck. Being a pilot is really an abomination. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they just dream of one day being freed from their flight to prison. What do you mean? Like they don't have to fly anymore. They're tired of breaking the laws of man.

Yeah, but it's also like once you've done it, it's so addictive. The power of rising above the pole, you're trapped by this big blue bastard and you're just being drawn back to earth but then escaping earth but then having to return and struggle. That struggle of like being free for one moment and knowing you have to return and knowing that nothing in life will ever please you the way that that moment of breaking the grasp of this planetary asshole. Let me, you know, the hardest part of being a pilot isn't flying the plane. It's hiding your utter delight and it all going smoothly and landing safely.

Like you want to hop out and just kiss the ground and rejoice but you don't want the passengers to see that. You don't want to get on the horn and just be like, hey everybody, really glad that we left. Can you believe that? Close call. Every pilot after they get off a plane, if you actually hang, everybody gets off the plane as quick as they possibly can because people are monsters.

If you hang out for like a second and you thank the pilot because he just defied the laws of gravity, you would hear every pilot when they're done flying. They always say like, never again. That was, I swear to God, I say it every time. That was the last time. That was so dangerous. There's no way. I didn't think I'd be able to pull it off that time.

I'm not going to lie. Like I just look, I looked down and suddenly it was like, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. It's like, there's your way. This goes well. Every time, if you're a pilot in DC and you ask people, so where you flying to? They say, New York, are you fucking shit? Are you kidding me?

Seriously? You're going to go up there to get there? Seriously? Every time a pilot gets told that their flight's going like over the ocean, they're just like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Really? Fuck, fuck. What am I supposed to do when it goes wrong?

We're just like, we're just like chomping boats flavor right now. That's their game. We do this guy, they do the sea. That's always the weirdest part of the in flight announcement when the pilot tries to talk everyone into getting off the plane and getting on a cruise ship. Won't you guys rather, they have like casinos and like bars and stuff. That sounds way more fun. The real answer to this question is it depends on which pilot you're talking about.

Okay, so if you're the co-pilot, you go to sleep every night and dream of one day just getting that big chair. Killing the pilot. Killing the pilot and getting that big chair where you finally get to take control. If you're a pilot, then you dream of becoming the super pilot. The pilot that rides on the top of the plane is actually steering the whole thing. The one that Teen Wolfs up there. You play and grab the reins and bring this baby on home.

A pilot, co-pilot and super pilot and the super pilot just Teen Wolfs up the entire flight. The super pilot doesn't sleep, doesn't sleep, doesn't need to dream high on cocaine all day. No, he just leads the pack of horses that power the plane. Do you guys think that pilots, they dream about all this like the sexy shaped clouds that they saw that day? Saw one, swear to God, Jeff. Looked just like a boob. Saw one, Jeff.

You're not going to believe this shit, dude. Round. Check this shit out, dude. Dude, check it out. It was round, but then there was like a little hole in the middle of it. Jeff, I swear to God, dude. Dylan, Dylan, wake up, wake up, get your camera. Fuck that cloud, fuck that cloud.

Dude, two nimbuses came together against Osiris. Huge hog, dude. I fucking like lost my nut, bro. Bro, it looked like a huge hog and I loved it. Dude, I saw this huge old hog cloud and you know I'm going to be dreaming about that tonight. They don't teach you that stuff in aviation college. Wish I was the fucking super pilot so I could have just like gone face first, just did a swan dive into that big old beautiful cumulo hog.

If I was a pilot, I would tell everybody my Instagram username when the flight took off and then I just keep hitting them with pics the whole flight. Hey, got a new one up. Let's get those likes going. Let's get the faves. Here's a question. I take figure drawing class in college where we have to draw nude models. Drawing the model no longer feels awkward.

With the exception of one model in particular, my friends and I have noticed that rather than staring at a wall or an inanimate object, she stares directly at each of our eyes as we draw her. If we try to look away or break eye contact, she'll continue to stare at each of us one by one with her lips upturned in a sort of strange smile. Brothers, how can we make these three hour long class periods less uncomfortable? That's from new drawing in New York. Holy shit.

This is exactly what I would do if I were in this scenario. And I would just keep shouting days upon me. Drink it in. Yes, this is the human body. And it is also supposed to look like this. None of this is weird. Your eyes may be tempted to merely flip past my dark materials, but please stay.

Let them feast. Let them repast. Fill your corneas with my beauty. Drink deep from my fleshy torso. We're in this together. This moment, you and I paint. Paint like the wind. Two flesh becomes one.

I love it. Millions of years of evolution have led to this moment. Let them feast. My body shall forever be the standard by which you judge beauty. Don't let this moment pass by, Derek. I would definitely, definitely memorize the class list. Oh, for sure. Which one of you motherfuckers is Brandon?

I hear you won the spelling bee in third grade. Are you proud of that now? Holy shit. I just got a fucking great idea. Uh-oh. You're in a life-drawing class, right? The life-drawing person is nude, nude, totally nude up in front of the class. Okay.

Great. What's the art teacher doing? Nothing, right? They're saying, like, draw this motherfucker. I don't know why they don't have clothes on. Sorry. You did a good job. They do a great job drawing them.

Why don't you make the nude model a teacher, but not the art teacher, because they're not going to have anything to add. What if you could go to your nude drawing class, and that nude drawing person was also teaching you anthropology? Oh, double, double learning. Double learning. So you're, like, drawing them nude, and, like, when you hear key stuff, you already have a paper and a pen there.

Yeah. You're just, like, taking notes around their figure. I like the idea better of the art teacher doing it, because then they can be like, now, Brandon, I've scoped out your work, and I noticed that you tend to skimp out on the butt meat. Don't, Brandon. It's juicy, Brandon.

Don't act like an ape. Brandon, look where I'm pointing. I'm going to move. Guys, everybody stop drawing for a second. Brandon, look where I'm pointing. Draw that butt. Good. All right.

I'm back in position. I bet it'd be a real power move if the art teacher was walking around looking at everyone's drawings, of you drawing, you know, of everyone drawing the nude model, but when they got to yours, you had drawn what you imagined the art teacher looks like nude. I don't think that's appropriate behavior. And then you just, like, look at them and go,

ah, I don't know what happened. I started with them, and then one thing led to another. You know what? I'm going to drop out of college now. Now, Brandon, I see that you haven't painted anything as much as you have pencil traced, Spider-Man from one of your comic books. And let me just say, you got it perfect.

A plus. You got the goods. You got the goods, and I do too. Swip. That's right. You knew all along. I really am the real Spider-Man. All those movies you see up there,

you think those are works of fun fantasy fiction. Nope. It's me, your art teacher. Nude Spider-Man. Mrs. Naked Art Teacher, Mrs. Spider-Man. I know you would think it should be Spider- whatever. Don't worry about it.

This ointment that I rub all over my body for a joke that I did 50 minutes ago is, like, irritating. My skin feels bad on me. Yeah. You don't like it, huh? I don't like how I thought it would make me feel good. The opposite is true. Just should we do one more yahoo?

Yes. Okay. Let's do a quick one. Yes. I also have four closers this week. I thought it was episode 300. Let's just have a little pinata there at the end. This first one is sitting by Erin Keys.

Thank you, Erin. It's by an anonymous yahoo user. This anonymous user asks, I am looking for hype clean songs. I need an intro song for an event I do with middle schoolers. Songs like Dessert, Awesome by the Black Eyed Peas. The time is now. They have to be clean songs,

not even clean versions of songs, like truly clean songs. Also, trying to use current relevant songs, so staying away from rock songs, like Seven Nation Army or Crazy Train. All suggestions are appreciated. Doesn't sound like it. Doesn't sound like you appreciate,

because I respond on this Crazy Train, and you say, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. I told you no. What about just the entirety of Wilinium? Any, anything from the will. The will you. Is it just language?

Language or I think adult concepts. Like a lot of sugar raise music you hear it, and you go, this is fun music. I'd love to share this with my family. But then you hear it, and there's adult situations in there, like a one night stand. That's a sex thing.

Yeah, and the halo, I believe, is a condom. You think it's a condom, and that's a prophylactic. Why would you have a condom hanging from the corner of your four-post bed? That's not where the condoms go. It sounds like you had a really wild night, but I certainly don't want to sing about it

in front of my middle school class. That's the problem, Griffin. You got to get to the bottom of the true meaning of all the songs. Maybe there's no wordy nerds, but maybe they say like, I'm riding on a dragon, and you're like, oh, that's heroin, I think,

or cocaine. Yeah. You also have to keep in mind the intent of the artist, because you listen to any sugar-ray music, and even the cleanest sugar-ray songs are hard for me to enjoy the subject matter of it, because I know that that day, that that song was recorded,

Mark McGrath probably punched a kid. Probably punched a child, and it's like, I don't know if I can feel okay about that. And this is a fact. Every sugar-ray song is about masturbation. Go back and listen. I just want to fly, yeah. In the rap part, maybe you listen to the chorus,

and you don't listen to the rapping going on behind it, but the guy's just like, jerking off all night. Yep. You know, have you ever heard the phrase, I want to go sugar-my-ray? That's why.

I'm going to go McGrath, I'm a Mark. Justin, a clean hype song for you? Just something by Rafi, I guess. One of the- The baby bull who gives me fucking pump, dog. Like the hard ones, you know what I mean? He's like, especially if I was in Canada, if he just like ripped into like,

if I could get Rafi to do a heavy metal version of C-A-N-A-D-A, like I would, I think that that would really get me like ripe before battle. Yeah, man. For going into battle. What if he did a song called Adult Beluga, but it was an all curse word version of Baby Beluga, where every, I don't just mean you drop some curses in there.

I'm saying you replace every noun, every verb, every conjunction. And then the one, the one, the one time he says fuck in the song Baby Beluga, you would just switch that out with another curse word. Yeah, you wouldn't switch that one. You don't want to mess with the artist's intent too much. He definitely meant to say fuck at that one part. This big fucking whale, Baby Beluga.

Can you believe this shit, Baby Beluga? It's as big as shit, but it starts little, but it's still big. I'm just saying comparatively fuck. That's two curse words, Travis. We explicitly said there's only one curse word. Well, there's only one secret curse word in this. Aw, dick, look at all that plankton. He's going to eat it all up.

We're almost the end of our show, but before we close, we have just a few more former guests. We're talking about how our show has changed their life. So let's hear from now. Greetings, brothers and listeners to brothers, and I'm talking about specific brothers, Travis, Justin, Griffin, my brothers, my brothers, and them. This is John Hodgman of the Judge John Hodgman podcast,

and once and I, dare hope, future guestpert on the My Brother, My Brother and Me podcast. Appearing on My Brother, My Brother and Me was very important to me because it reminded me that I am an only child, and I have no brothers. And am thus incredibly sad, sad, and wiser still to have bathed in their wisdom. Also, via them, I managed to meet Lin-Manuel Miranda of Hamilton fame, and My Brothers, My Brothers and Me's fame.

And that has been a great delight in my life, and the confluence of meeting all those brothers and that one Lin inspired me in my new life's work. My Brothers, My Brothers and Me, a rap musical, which I have already copywritten in Singapore, so no one can stop me. Thanks, guys, for giving me a purpose in life. Hey, this is Dan Savage from the Savage Love Cast,

and I just want to offer my congratulations to everybody. To all the brothers at My Brother, My Brother and Me on the occasion of your 300th episode. And I want to once again thank you guys for having me on your show as a guest because my career was really going nowhere until that moment. Thank you, My Brother, My Brother and Me, for all you've done for me. Hey, this is John Roderick of Seattle's The Long Winters Band. You know, obviously, to those of you who are My Brother, My Brother and Me fans,

the guys a long time ago wrote me kind of out of the blue and asked if they could use my song. It's a departure as the theme song for the podcast. And at the time, I had never heard of these ding-a-lings, and I was like, yeah, okay kids, you can use my song as the theme to your podcast. I hope it goes well for you. I hope you make it past five episodes. Good luck, Godspeed. And of course, history played out in such a way that it was a successful podcast,

and it introduced a lot of people to my music. And over time, I've grown to be friends with the McElroy Brothers, who are lovely, lovely, lovely people. Their whole extended family, which frankly sort of roams the earth in a way that's vaguely culty, honestly, when you see them all together. You get that kind of strange feeling that it's maybe like one of those hippie families that travels around in an old converted school bus, and I don't know, maybe has some strange unorthodox practices, but nonetheless.

And in fact, even, let me say, let me say that that has influenced me as well, because it made me realize that I wanted to be kind of part of a weird hippie cult, but I don't have two other brothers. So I've started to have to manufacture that in my own life, but that's beside the point. What I want to say is that my brother, my brother in me, and the entire, again, weird cult of Max Funcon, or the Maximum Fun Network, I'm really getting kind of lost here. Again, because frankly, I'm not sure what they do. I've never listened to their podcast, but they have been very influential on me,

on my career. And I know that a lot of you have discovered my music as a result of listening to it repeatedly over and over, and listening to the brothers extol my virtues and sing my praises to you. I can't think of a more generous group of weird West Virginia mountain people. And so I would like to thank them and congratulate them on their 40 years of service to the podcasting industry. Boy, that's all I have to say, except that you should all also listen to my podcast, Roderick, on the line. I don't know why you don't already. I'm kind of astonished, because I feel like my podcast should be as big as my brother and my brother in me.

I don't have the two other brothers. Maybe that's why. But so, with that, I love you guys. Good job. Thanks for continuing to make me relevant, even as I decline into late middle age. And good luck. Godspeed. Cheers. Thank you all. We're at the end of our program now, episode 300. And I just want to take a moment to say a very sincere thank you. We've been at this for six years, if you can believe that shit. And a lot of people told us that this would never work. A lot of people tried to stand in our way and try to mess our show up and just mess everything up and ruin it for us. And they never did, because if you find people listening, it has really meant the world to us. As a show that

started as an excuse for us to just talk to each other more, because we had to move to separate places, it has become kind of an extended family for me. And I feel really lucky to have you all here weekend and week out. And even for the bad ones, you still find something to like about them. And I've always really appreciated that. We quite sincerely would not be where we are if it weren't for you. I mean, word of mouth and you guys liking the show and telling people to listen and sharing it has been the most powerful force driving the show. And I go through the emails every week and I see on Twitter people talking about loving the show and liking the show. And it means the world to me. I put out the call for people to send in what's changed in their

lives since listening to my brother and my brother and me. And I got like over 150 responses. I edited down a thing that you'll hear later on at the end of the show. But I was touched. Like literally, I teared up just at the response and everybody with everything, all the nice things you guys said it meant a lot to me. I wasn't able to put all of them in because I ended up with like a half hour's worth of audio. And this has been maybe our most masturbatory episode. But that seemed a little like we don't want to finish. You know what I mean? Maybe as a thank you, a genuine thank you for these people who have changed our lives. Maybe fewer jerk off jokes. We want to talk about the tantric masturbation that is 300 episodes.

Yeah, fantastic. Okay. Yeah, no, seriously, you've changed our lives. Thank you. Thank you. And I will eventually put out maybe like a YouTube video or special audio thing of all the responses I got because they were also great. I want everyone to be able to hear all of them. But and thank you to our guests who sounded off. We had Lin-Manuel Miranda, we got John Hodgman, Elizabeth Gilbert, John Roderick, Dan Savage, Cameron Esposito, Bill Corbett. We also want to say thank you to Max Fun. We joined Max Fun on what episode 32? Yeah, like 268 episodes ago. And we would not be where we were where we are if it weren't for Max Fun. And you know, we have so many shows on Max Fun now. Thank you to Max Fun Fun. They just added a new show that

I am a huge fan of already called The Beef and Dairy Network. So good. Listen to episode eight. It'll blow your mind. It's my favorite episode. I feel like I've learned a lot about how cheese and steak get made. It's so good. It's a very it's a very short show too, which I love. Yeah, and it's funny and weird. And it's great. If you like this show, you can check out all the other Macquarie shows at macquarieshows.com. All our Twitter accounts are there. All of our Facebook groups are there. The contact info is there. Everything's there that you need to find. So go check it out. Thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for these for our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. I think we're going to keep it going through

volume two, just like the fan reaction has been so great. So let's keep that tune rocking. And you can hear it on that album, putting the days to bed. Go buy it and listen to it. Let's get to let's wrap this thing up. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Here's a here's a salvo of final yahoo's because I found four really good final yahoo's and I didn't want to just like trash three of them and stick around afterwards for the the whole thanks in BNBA and memories thing. This one was sent in by Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by yeah, Drew answers user anonymous who asks, do members of Lincoln Park smoke marijuana? Drew sent this one into thank you, Drew. It's by yahoo answers user Kurt H who says, do you think Winona Ryder is bad?

Brooks Oglesby sent this one. And thank you, Brooks by yahoo answers user Eric Cartman who says, do you think the KFC in heaven will have a bigger menu? Final one was sent in by Ryden High. Zoe Kinski. Thank you, Zoe. It's by yahoo answers user Big who asks, can I hire someone to do vape tricks at my son's birthday party? I'm still Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother may kiss your dad's score on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Since I started listening to my brother, my brother and me. Since I started listening. Since I started listening. My commute

has gone from miserable to mommy sales for my haunted doll business have been great. I've come to appreciate the F bomb and those who use it liberally with relish style and panache. I started to figure out that I was very weird and no very different ways. I laugh a hell of a lot more. I've discovered I'm not the only one that asks random questions to themselves. Things that if you ever asked anyone else, they'd wonder if you've been drinking all day. I've discovered the beauty of ASMR. I'm at the love of my life. We got engaged. We got married. We even drove round trip from Nebraska to Minneapolis to listen to three goofballs from West Virginia give hilariously bad advice. I've started calling my own brother small. We live very different lives

in different parts of our country and it's kind of hard to keep in contact. That wasn't really funny, but I hope my German accent makes it funny. I can no longer tell my students great job without saying it like that or just busting out laughing. I now refer to everything in my life as boys. I saw a fish a few days ago and I thought, oh, that's a wet boy. That's not right. But I love it. I've learned to use jelly as a tool to climb my way up the social ladder. To quote Archimedes, give me jelly in a place to stand and I will move the world. I got my master's degree from college, not university. This is America. I started saying things like my dude and fish lifters a lot. I've achieved notoriety beyond my mildest dreams. I make my girlfriend laugh a lot more by quoting

the show, mostly when I say, ooh, mommy. People have stopped sitting next to me on the subway. I've graduated high school. I broke a Guinness World Record. I won a national championship. I'm halfway done college. And most importantly, I've grown a mustache. My nine and seven-year-old daughters have learned words like fuck, shit, jizz, dick, hog, and of course, hachimachi. Hey, McElroy's. It's your old pal, Ira. Thanks to MBMBAM. Whenever I introduce myself to a stranger as Ira Ray, there's a pretty good chance that they'll immediately respond with, are you Ira Ray? Which wouldn't make any sense in any world other than this one. So thanks. My housemate Bob Peterson upgraded from a one horsepower kitchen aid standing mixer to a

1.5 horsepower kitchen aid standing mixer. I'm at the love of my life and equally weird, if not weirder, partner in crime. I just can't stop fucking ghosts. I've become a nun. I'm pretty sure that's an unrelated development, though. I've started to slowly monomorphize into a beautiful butterfly, where each segment is a different McElroy brother, and I couldn't be happier about it. I laugh every time I meet somebody named Ron, Deborah, or Daryl. Thanks, MBMBAM. Thanks, Mabin BAM. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks, Mabin BAM. Thanks. Thanks, Mabin BAM. Thanks, Mabin BAM.

Thanks, Mabin BAM. Thank you, MBMBAM. Thanks. Thanks, MBMBAM. Thanks. Thanks, MBMBAM. Thank you, MBMBAM. Thanks. Thanks, Mabin BAM. Thanks, Mabin BAM. Thanks, MBMBAM.