My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 304: Chicken Soup for Boys

Episode Date: May 23, 2016

This episode's just full of heapin' helpin's of that good old down-home wisdom -- the kind that just warms up yer bones and renews your spirit, right when you need it. It's sagely as heck. Dig on into a plateful of grateful. Suggested talking points: Pony Time, Pasketti Interrupted, Potato Soup for the Spirit, Coke Dad, MUNCH SQUAD, Crack for Kid Planet

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother. My brother means advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. You know what that alarm sound means on my phone? It's Pony Time. It's Pony Time, everybody. Welcome to the Pony Time segment of My Brother,

My Brother and Me. This is the first time that we've properly called it that, although if you think about it, we've done Pony Time maybe 700 times in the 303 episodes we've done this show. Pony Time is a special time of year where we talk about all the exciting course races and the winners and just like what's new, what's happening in the whole Pony industry. Obviously, the Kentucky Derby, which is what I call it. It's like a fun little pet name for it. It has happened, and then of course the Preakness wrapped up last week. I like to call it the Freakness. Okay. Because I'm really excited about it. I get really freaked out.

Yeah. And then of course, I think the Churchill Downs, I said of course, but I don't actually know. I think the Churchill Downs are today. There's no part of the Pony Time segment where I fact check stuff and maybe we'll organically get to that point. But let's talk about like the horses and like what's going on. Like Nyquist, very, very exciting. I'm looking at the Kentucky Derby again. The Kentucky Derby. The Kentucky Derby results here. Looks like Nyquist pulled off a commanding win, one and one quarters lengths ahead of Exagerator, who I think we can all agree is a piece of shit. Yeah, he's fucking Exagerator. Nyquist sounds like it should be a sleepy horse. Because it sounds like Nyquil. Yeah. It's actually a very, very fast horse is the thing,

very awake and fast. No, no, I mean, maybe it's an ironic thing, like when you call a big guy tiny. I don't know. I don't know. His fast horses are getting so popular in these races now. Yeah. It definitely seems to be the trend. Back in my day, everyone used to just have slow artisanal horses. Yeah. Looks like, and of course, following them close behind, four and a half horse lengths behind. By the way, that's a wonderful measurement. Can I use that for other things? And I just bought a new mattress. I wish I'd thought to be like, I'm looking for one that's like three quarters horse length. It's pretty, it's kind of fun if you think about the fact that like those people also know about feet. Yeah. Like they all know about it. They know what they are. It's definitely some like

cubit shit, right? Or it's just like, oh, it's the length of my arm. Like what about his arm? Oh, it's the length of his arm too. Oh, okay. Some disappointing finishes in the Kentucky Derby, like Gun Runner, Mohamen, Sudden Breaking News, Brody's Cause. Brody's Cause is probably the best horse I've ever heard. Brody's Cause is more woven necklaces for everyone. There's Danzing Candy, not Dancing Candy, Oscar nominated, Majesto. Majesto's probably... Sounds like the one that we made up. Yeah. If there's one that we... Well, no, if we were to make one up, it would be like Mama's Exquisite Supress, it would be... That's true. Majesto sounds like the horse couldn't decide between being a racer and being a magician.

Let me just hop over to the previous results, see if Nyquist is still on that triple crown run, and know that piece of shit exaggerator snuck in like a thief in the night, took it away. Nyquist got beat by a horse named Cherry Wine too. Nyquist finished third. Cherry Wine came in second. Cherry Wine didn't even fucking fight, and not fight race. Well, it's kind of a fight. Didn't even fight in the Kentucky Derby. And at that point, it's like, why are you... If you're not even going to go for the triple crown, why the fuck are you here? I got the single crown. Go the fuck up. I won a race, and I kept the horse from getting the triple crown. Good job. You're a fucking troll at this point. Let him approach glory.

Wait, Griffin, in your opinion, what's better? A triple crown earned or a triple crown given? Both are better than a triple crown stolen, which is what Cherry Wine did. And it's technically what Exaggerator did. Exaggerator, you lost the first race dog. It's time to fucking get out of the race because you're not going to win the triple crown. Are you suggesting that if any horse that wins... If a horse wins the first one, any horse that beats that horse after that is just like... A usurper to the third crown. Being a real dick. To the third crown blocker. Some disappointing finishes in the pregness I'd like to go down. Uncle Lino, fellowship, awesome speed. Oh, that's painful, isn't it? To name a horse awesome speed and have it not

finish in the top, what, like three? Fucking dude finish ninth. It's okay. Actually, we've revised the horse's name in light of recent events. That was just called disappointment. I do want to talk about the... There were two very disappointing finishes in the pregness and those were the two horses that were destroyed because they died. They died during the pregness. There were two horses that were destroyed. At least one of them destroyed itself, right? It both were destroyed and I don't want to joke about it too much because it's very, very, very sad. Again, that verb is not... It's the verb is joyous. Yeah, but it's triumphant. It's a triumphant. Yeah, but like the thing it describes is very, very sad, but that's kind of a weird...

Kind of a weird ending to a sports event. Like, how was the Broncos game? Well, they lost and Peyton Manning died. In it, during it. How was it? How was it? It was okay. Tony Romo, he fucking died. He threw so hard that his body ripped in half. He threw so hard, his heart just stopped and he died right, like literally right there on the 50 and then his team fucking lost, couldn't even win one for the Romo. He died. I know that they pay really close attention to the genetics of a horse before they breed him. Yeah. Do you think that question comes up? Like, did... So, was that... So, will it be fast? Yeah. Yeah, very, very fast. So fast. Will it be like a beautiful chestnut brown color? Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely,

definitely, definitely, definitely. Definitely. Is there any chance of it just like racing really... Like, you know how it's going to run really fast? Any chance of it dying because of the speed at which it runs? I bet that the answer to that question is always this. Well, there's always a chance. I mean, God could just take it, you know what I mean? That's what it is. God watched the horses ran too fast and beautiful and God's like, not on the ground anymore. Time to race amongst the clouds. You're pulling my cherry at now. Yeah. Now, the saddest part is one of the horses that died, broke its leg, very, very sad, was destroyed. It was Pramedia, four-year-old Philly, died on the track, very, very sad. The other one, and this is even sadder, just died after

winning a race, after winning a race, just like trotting on back to the stall, died just instantly standing up. That horse's name was Homeboy Chris. Can we fucking please... Can we not spare the ones with the most beautiful names? Is that not... I also, I guess I say it is a tragedy that Homeboy Chris fell in the line of duty. It's sad when any horse dies. But Homeboy Chris did win, which adds a little bit of an epic spin to like, you win your race and then like, back in your stall, you know, you close your eyes. Like that, there's a little bit of like beauty to that. John Henry kind of beat the steam engine and then yeah. I've seen a lot of controversy. There's been a lot. I've been following all the horse bloids. And there's been a lot of

controversy that the Pimlico race course where the Preakness is hosted had a muddy track situation that might be why Nyquist didn't perform as well as everybody was expecting. But it also might be why two of the athletes died. How have you done the... Tell me about the choices you made while making the turf. They were apparently pretty bad choices because two of the athletes died. I also read at one point that the problem might be that like, the horse, at least one of them, already had a bunch of injuries and they just drugged it up real good so it could race good. Like, who's in charge of this shit? Is there not somebody who's going, wait, what did you do? Oh, hold on. What did you do? Get the fuck out. What's the other horse beside the

Homeboy Chris? It doesn't matter. Yeah, I just needed a name. Pramedia? Pramedia. Do you think there's a part like as sad as it is to lose Homeboy Chris? And I'm like, I'm still talking about it. Nobody has... If Pramedia is watching from beyond the beyond, there's got to be a little bit of relief on Pramedia's part. Like, oh, thank God, I did not want to be the only horse that died at this thing because that would be a hot topic. And now like two die, it's like maybe not our fault. Yeah. And at least now Pramedia has the comfort of being like forever, like a statistic. Like, well, there's one preakness, two horses, same day, same day. Like that doesn't that... This has got to be the worst preakness, right?

And it requires definitely some like, some kind of restructuring to your race program when two of the contestants die. I'm not sure what the criteria is for judging the success or failure of a preakness organizer. I'm pretty sure two horses going on to meet their eternal reward is probably a demerit or two. If you're fucking preakness has a KD ratio, you fucked up dog. If it were any other competition, like how did the evening of Jeopardy go? Well, bad news. Two of the contestants dropped dead. Oh, well, we probably need to look at the buzzers or whatever because something's not horribly wrong. Like they were giving this guy the job description. And they said, okay, listen, it's an easy gig. All you have to do is make a big circle

that beautiful horses can run around on. And then the guy's like out the door and like, as he's getting in his car, they're like, oh, and don't let any of them die on it. What? No, listen, come back. Don't let your horses die on the circle. Okay, bye. Bye. Sounds good. Checks in the mail. It's the it's the exciting. I put a bunch of holes in there. It's an exciting thing about horse racing, though, right? Because there can only be one winner. And there can only be one triple crown winner. And sometimes there's lots of zero triple crown winners. And the rest of the horses are losers. But then below that is a whole nother strata of like super losers. I super lost the preakness. I lost the preakness. Arguably, the most one can lose at any

endeavor. Now, listen, I hope that nobody gets the wrong impression that thinks we think it's funny when horses die. No, it's the saddest thing ever. If you were watching, if you're like, I don't fuck you up if you were watching that. No way. Okay, I can't imagine. And then we are respectful of it. Like, I think I personally purchased the meat up with Chris. No, come on. To share with my family. No, friends at family or friends of family. No, no, somebody should eat them. Don't you think? Yeah. Like very tooth rocky, right? It is. I mean, like, not the other horses. That seems weird. That's messed up. But maybe homeboy Chris was the stallion that will mount the world or whatever and needs to be consumed by a child. I can't. It's been

a long time since I read it. Listen, let's get to the advice. We wasted 10 minutes talking about that. That's what happens about when you get us going on horses. Can we stop killing horses? Can we please just stop? Can we rain that in maybe a little bit? Also, side note, when the one that broke its leg broke its leg, it threw its rider and broke his collarbone. Let's look at this whole thing again, huh? Yeah, if you're gonna be back to the start, if you're gonna be humanist pieces of shit about all this, then fine, there is a human cost, one collarbone. Now, of course, when that person broke their collarbone, I don't think anybody walked up to them and swiftly executed them. I don't think I don't think whoever

was riding that pony was destroyed as well. I think they can still, like, use their other arm to eat a hot dog, which they probably did later that day because more is expected of them than just riding a horse. There's a more sort of cohesive human experience there beyond the track. And we didn't afford that opportunity to homeboy Chris. If anyone's listening and your horse breaks the leg and you're like, well, I'll take care of it. I will. I'll fix that horse. I will see Biz get the shit out of that horse. Just call me. Okay, okay. Now it's time for advice. I do want a horse, by the way, like legit. I've been thinking about it. But like one way it has a leg that doesn't work so it can just like chill in my

office and just like lay around. Yeah, I got a significant couch in here. Yeah. All right. Tonight, my boyfriend took me out for dinner at the OG after a long day at work. Oh, always goes down good. It was lovely until we just hung out while we were trying to eat to tell us her life story. What? I went from acknowledging response to one word answers to a laugh, a hmm, finally just nodding my head and hoping each time she walked away, it would be the last she would finish the sentence, walk two steps and step back to say more. Oh my God. We gassed about being late for a movie, paid and booked out there only need leftovers in the parking lot. How can we avoid this situation? Slash, what do I do to make it

end? Slash, am I doomed to live an OG-less life? Please help, ravenous Rebecca. There's a lot of variables here. I don't know if you were actually late for a movie or if you were just like. Sounds like a scam. Yeah, sounds like a really old scam roof. I don't think that this is necessarily so bad of a thing for a person to do, like talk to you and make a, we get so many questions coming from the other end of like, well, we get less of them now because I think we made our stance pretty clear of like, I want to know more about this person working in a service industry. So how can I like, talk to them? How can I become friends or how can I date this person who I know who works in a service industry?

It's rare that we get it coming the other way where it's like this person in the service industry is coming on a little strong. But like, I don't necessarily think, I know you came there to eat and you probably want to like eat and hang out. Griffin, that's the problem is there's three periods to a meal at a restaurant before your food, during your food and after your food. And before and after, they can talk to me all they want. But once the food is there and I'm supposed to actively be engaging my talking hole with food, don't talk to me. This is absolutely untenable. This is absolutely like, I'm sorry, there's no, okay, I have a daughter, she'll be two in August. Okay, if I am at dinner with my wife is through some Herculean schedule,

arranging like Jedi mind shit, where I've like tricked somebody into like, caring for my child and I've turned my wife into thinking that it's okay for her to leave our child and like, it has been quite a day, let me tell you. And if you decide that like, in this brief 90 minutes that I get to actually speak with my wife, that you would just like to pull up a chair and do a little dinner theater, do a little fucking masquerade to go along with my breadsticks. And for the rest of the meal, I shall be Samuel Clevens. Enjoy doing my one man show. How's the Zeppeli? I don't think I don't think if a person puts themselves out there in the way that this sounds like this, this waitress put themselves out there, I don't think it's cool to like,

take steps to shut that down necessarily, but I totally understand what you guys are saying. And like, the happiest moment in anyone's life is not their wedding or their birth of their first child or whatever, it's when you see that tray of food coming, oh, and you count the plates, and you count the number of people at your table and you say these numbers are the same, the number of plates equals the number of people. I've cracked the code and here it comes. I've cracked the Piscetti code and then the Piscetti gets there and you eat it all up and it makes you so happy. Yeah, it's good to order things with visual signifiers, like if there's a menu item that has a large flag in it, I'll always get that because then I know it's covered. So I understand,

I think it's a tricky situation. The problem is that it's never okay to be like, and our interaction is done now, please go away, waitress. Yeah, because that's what Dingdong people do. Yeah, but the Piscetti, no, the point is a great point, Justin. You're a food prisoner. It's not like you can say, listen, this has been so fun, but from now on, I'm just going to go get my own refills. Is there a key or something to the soda machine that I need? Okay, thanks. All right, I'm just going to do my own thing because it would be very nice actually, now that I say that aloud, if both parties had that option. You as a server should be able to say, listen, this is the pits. You are just the most disrevenable human being.

Here's the key to the soda machine. Yeah. Are you good? Cool. So like a Lyft driver Uber system where the wait staff gets to rate you, you get to rate the wait stuff, and then the next time you come in, they're like, no, he's got like four stars. Like, no, I'm not waiting on him. Like you can wait on him because you're new. I like the four star metric that you came up with there because a four star metric intimates that like most of the time it's fine, but there was one or two times where it was not fine. And I want to know that story because it was just not fine enough. It was super down to four out of five, but not so not fine that they're like banned from the restaurant. It's like, it's like 10 fives and then like two ones. And it's like, hey, two

ones, come here. Tell me what the fuck's going on before I sit down in that seat. Do you guys want a yahoo? I just super quick just to actually give me an answer. There's fucking no solution. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. The good news is that eventually it's done and you can like go back again and like hope that that person's not working or go somewhere else. The good news is you're not trapped there for all eternity and you can eventually like leave. Okay, I'm going to come down on the other side of this. You have no idea what kind of day that person's had. Maybe they just needed to wrap about some stuff. Yeah, but Griffin, this is a custody or interaction. The point that it's a custody time is not going to go away. I get your point, but this is not like, oh, they were

a little bit short with me. Like I'm here to eat a meal with the person I'm with, not to act as your therapist for the day. And I usually come down on that side of like, you don't know their life, but like your job is to leave them alone and let them enjoy their meal and come back when they need you. Like that's the basis of your job, not to sit there and be like, and let me tell you a little bit more about me. Like you're not, you don't need bedside manner as a waiter. Oh, I totally agree. I totally agree. Could just be having kind of a hard day though. Okay. How about this? Yeah, this one was sent in by Rebecca usage, you kid. I'm gonna say usage. Thank you, Rebecca. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Sorry, something's gone wrong. Let's call them Carly G because that's

lower on the list. Thank you. Thank you for your bravery. Carly G asks, chicken soup for boys. I was wondering if there were any chicken soup books aimed at boys 14s. Oh, I thought you meant like literal specials. Yeah. Mom is exquisite soup recipe. Chicken soup just filled with like hot wheel cars. I had a whole joke that instead of chicken and noodles, it was chicken and doodles. All right. All right. Yeah, I'm going to take you out to Shark Tank and see if I can get some investors. For my money, it seems like boys, boy teens. Boy teens. Boy teens are why other people need those fucking chicken soup books. Teen boys, teen boys create the chicken soup market. Please help me book. I've dealt with boy

teens all fucking day. So my boy teens are like the common cold that has necessitated the soup. As a publisher or author of the chicken soup books, which I don't know if those books have authors or if they just like take a bunch of shit out of readers digest and then they get somebody to chop and screw it. I always assume they were the first tentative experiments of a rogue AI. Okay. Yeah. I always just assumed they had one and then they just like control F, search doll, replace pronouns and like, you know, just like, well, let's change that to a he and done. Because you would think my chicken soup for boys would be like, don't put your fucking finger up there. Like don't snip, don't scratch and don't tug on that. Don't fucking just fucking stop.

But the thing is that books too effective. The whole chicken soup for blank economy is going to just collapse around me. You know, the chicken soup for a boy teen soul could just be one page with one sentence and he just says, put it away. You put it the fuck away dog. And that could apply to every situation. I was a boy teen, put it away. Just put that away. Just put it away. Physically. Whether that means your attitude or your wiener. Mentally, spiritually, put that thing away. I feel like that's such a powerful concept Travis. I feel like we could start, we could incorporate that into more of our just put it away. Put it away. Just don't anymore. You guys want to know a quick, very true thing. I'm going to guess just based on sort of your whole role

here in the organization that you have Googled the chicken soup series and you have an interesting factoid about maybe the number of books that there are in this series. No, not about that. It's about the chicken soup for the soul brand large breed adult dog food. What? What? Because food is more than just nutrition. It's also about comfort, love and appreciation. Here's a fucking dog food with the chicken soup for the soul brand on it. Chicken soup for the soul brand dog food. You can't do that. You can't have food stuff in the name of a product. It can't be like, what's up? This is hamburger helper's kid wine. What? Yeah, it's wine for kids, but it's made by hamburger helper. What? They're just somewhere there was a board meeting or some kind of product

pitch meeting where someone went, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Because I like, I'm like digging deep in Amazon and there's some like really, really good chicken soup for the soul books. Yeah, like very, very much into. But the weird thing about the dog food is that you would think there would be some sort of in between licensing that got them to that point. But no, as near as I can figure, they like made every book and they had a meeting like anybody come up with any other books. What about chicken soup with the prisoner's soul? Nope, we did that one already. What about chicken soup for the soul? A book of miracles? Nope, it exists. What about chicken soup for the soul? I can't believe my dog did that. Nope, exists. Who is that book? Okay,

have we stopped on and making these for a specific audience? They're getting like super duper specific. What haven't we done guys? Chicken soup for Travis Patrick McRoy, which I don't own. Maybe what if we did dog food? Have we done napkins? There is a game. There's a chicken soup for the game. And I bet it's fun and shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not called chicken soup for the game, is it? No, it's called chicken soup for the soul. Count your blessings, the game with an attitude of gratitude. If it was from the number one best selling series as if there was any fucking doubt. I thought it was chicken soup for the game all about like how to seduce women. Okay, part of me is mystery presents chicken soup for the game.

I'm disappointed to learn that it's not called chicken soup for the game because if they started to follow that name and convention, they could literally sell anything like chicken soup for the bowling ball. It's a line of high quality bowling balls. What does that have to do with chicken soup? Fuck you. Is the chicken soup for the soul brand dog food chicken soup flavored? I think it's just the books that nobody buys. Like, oh, nobody really bought chicken soup for the boy grandpa. So let's just chunk those up and make some puppies eat them. This is our new product chicken soup for the hamster cage. Hey guys. Yeah. Can I add to a quick review? Yeah, yeah. Chicken soup for the soul porn game. Yeah, I would love to. This one comes to us from Seattle Mist.

We thought this game sound like good wholesome fun, but it constantly references pop culture, which is annoying. There are lots of people who pay little or no attention to that kind of thing. So unless you're really hip in quotes on all the current fads, celebrities and lifestyles, you want to pass on this game? We've tweaked the questions before to suit our family, but it took a lot of tweaking and now it sits on the shelf. Okay. Hey, hey, you want to come over and play grandma and pee pops fucking bootleg chicken soup for the soul to rowdy ex ex ex edition with no references to pop culture. What's grandma's favorite book? Uh, the notebook? No, no pop culture. It's the Bible.

Idiot. Um, it says the idea of it's they're talking about it's a shame because it could be a great game. The idea of looking on the bright side of things is great. That's why we bought the game. One of our sons tends to be an ear. Well, yeah, he's got parents making bootleg chicken soup for the soul for games. I'd say that's reason to be depressed. Dear parents might I watch anything even PBS. I'll take three, two, one contacted this way. No, we're going to play chicken soup for the soul. Our edition again, but there's only three questions and all of them are why are you sad? Listen, we tried to play that chicken soup for the soul board game. It was so worldly and very secular. It was a very secular worldly game. Uh, and we had to make your own bootleg version of

it. Uh, we're proud to present a new line of products called potato soup for your for your spirit. It's a whole new thing different from that other. Let's call it what it is. Shit. What are you firefighter? Don't read that chicken soup book. It's full of shit. Potato soup for spirits with the doctor calls for. We don't reference anything in potato soup for the spirit except potato soup, which is referenced quite a bit. They made dog food before chicken soup. Yeah. Like, like, well, what are they fucking going to call it? Justin chicken soup for the chicken soup for the soul chicken soup for the tummy. Well, what if the chicken? Okay, I gotta say, I gotta say for the tummy. So like what if you

tell me you have a soul if you've been making a line of books and products and dog food and bowling balls for like 200 years called chicken soup for the boy grandpa. And then you release chicken soup and it's not the best fucking chicken soup that's ever slipped betwixt these lips. Like I think it probably discredits the rest of your product. Like I eat that soup and it's just okay. And I think like, well, maybe I don't need to know what this book says about my firefighter. It turns out they don't know shit about chicken soup. Yeah, they don't have any idea. They don't know what's fucking good for me. It's all carrots. What? This is just a can of carrots. Do you think is there a law preventing me from reading chicken soup for the firefighter soul or chicken soup for

the grandma's soul groups that I will never I'm more likely to become a grandma than a firefighter. But like, am I allowed to read the books not designed for me or is there some sort of security like eye scanner or if you're allowed to read it, but they're just full of so much slang and jargon. Yeah, yeah, like they've got firefighters have like 18 different word for like the embers that land on your nose, but no word for snow, but no word for snow. Not weird. Think about it. And the grandma one is just like a lot of like long sense retired racist words for really well any race, the whole rainbow of races, the whole spectrum. My dad just got the iPhone six plus a large phone and has been calling it his cocaine tray

in public and in private. When I bring it up, he smiles and says, Oh, am I embarrassed in here? What do that's from cocaine confused in California? God, it's really good. Yeah. So good. Have you considered starting a Dungeons and Dragons podcast with him? That's so good. Oh, I'm sorry. Am I embarrassing you? I mean, confusing more than anything, dad, but chase your bliss. Go for it. It's a solid joke. Milk it when he says when he here's the way to get him to stop it next time he calls this good cocaine trade, just not be like nice. Nice dude. Nice dude. And then you take out David and then you take out your phone, do a line of blow off of it. While making intense eye contact with him. Yeah. And you say you want

to bump old man. We'll go we'll go line for long line line for line to like you go shot for shy. Is that a thing people do with coke? Only I've got each other to like coke races. Yeah, it's like Lady and the Tramp where they start on opposite ends of a line and then they come together and they're nose kissing. Mm hmm. Don't nose kiss your dad. Let's go to the buddy. Justin, can I see your question? Yeah. How are you sleeping? Uh, not actually. Cool. Cool. Thanks, baby. My wife, as you know, is and maybe the internet doesn't know, but is pregnant. And so she has not been. Congratulations. Oh, I forgot to tell you guys. Sorry. But so she's, you know, she's been sleeping infrequently as as pregnant ladies are

like to do. And I can tell you something. We've got that Casper mattress and I am not disturbed when she gets up and isn't able to sleep. I'm able to sleep in a different direction. What? I thought you were maybe going to say like the Casper mattress is so great that it can lull my, um, my otherwise bothered pregnant wife, uh, directly to slumber town. I really haven't asked her about it, but like I have been, I've been continuing to sleep great. Oh, like, yeah. Um, a straight through the night. Um, no amount of her tossing and turning and wailing and gnashing of teeth can disturb my slumber on a Casper mattress. Um, Casper mattress is incredible. They send it straight to your door and they, they, through whatever black magic they've done,

they've, are they able to keep costs down to the point where it almost seems unbelievable. Um, you could get a twin size mattress for as low as $500, a king size mattress for only $950, which is an amazing, amazing deal. The mattresses are incredible. They're incredibly comfortable. I mean, since we got ours, we've been sleeping better than ever before. Um, and it has a risk-free trial and return policy, which means you can sleep on it for a hundred days. And if you don't like it, you just return it. And they're made in America, which if you only want to sleep on American things, you've done it. Um, what's the special offer you ask? That's a good question. Justin, what is the special offer? What's the special offer, Trav? Let me tell you. Oh, okay.

I thought you were asking me, but I just asked you. Yeah, I know. I'm with you. Okay. NBBA listeners can get $50 towards any mattress purchase if they go to Casper.com slash my brother and use promo code mybrother on one word at checkout terms and get it in supply. Go do that. That's Casper.com slash mybrother and then use promo code mybrother at checkout. You gotta do them both. Um, can I talk to you guys about Harry's? Uh, yeah, you don't need to. I'm like a big fan, but go ahead. I've never shaved before in my life, but please, please, please tell me anything. Yeah, you'll treat me from this beard prison. You haven't heard of Harry's. That's because you are a Harry, like from Harry in the, uh,

Henderson's. Guys, they should call it not Harry's. Holy shit, Travis. It's so fucking good. I just, I just shit my pants. Thank you. Shit your pants good. That's a shit. That's a shit. That's a shit. My pants. Good joke. Thank you. Thank you. Put it up on the board. Thanks guys. So what is it? Uh, it's a place we, I was going to talk about it, but this is all fine. This ad is going great. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. It's just, it's the, it's the shaving thing. We're supported in part this week by Harry's.com. You gotta ask yourself, Hey, why are razors? Why do they cost $140 per razor? And they're locked inside of like Magneto's fucking mind prison. And why are they so sharp? And why are they so

fucking sharp? Um, no, razors that you buy in the store are a piece of shit. They're so overpriced that people are more likely to steal them. If you make a razor cost as much as a television, yeah, people are going to steal those shits because it's way smaller than a television crime of the century. Easy crime. It's like, it's the copper wire of hygiene products. Uh, Harry's fixes all of that. They're good quality, German engineered, five blade cartridges, get a close comfy shave, quality guaranteed. You get a full refund if you're not happy with the shave. And then the price, it's factory direct. You cut out, get the, you say, get the fuck out of here, Walgreens. You say, get the fuck out of here. Dwayne ready. Is it ready or read? No one's quite

sure who that is named after. But anyway, you say, get the fuck out of here, Dwayne, whoever. Cause these, these razors. Dwayne the Ralph Johnson. Well, no, not we, I would never say that to him. These razors from here, you say, get in here, or get in here, Dwayne and shave me. I want a full body shave from Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Not asking too much. I don't think that's asking too much at all. Uh, so they sell their blades at half the price of the leading brand. Uh, they have a Truman starter set. It's a great option for new customers. It's an amazing deal for just 15 bucks. You get a razor handle, moisturizing shave cream and three of Harry's five blade German engineered razors. Harry's

will give you, uh, five bucks off. Uh, just cause you're a listener of our show. If you go to harry's.com and use the promo code, my brother, all in word, that's H A R R Y S.com. And use the promo code, my brother, get that cool, cool set for five bucks off. I've got a message for Steve Prittis. It's from Beth, AKA amp. Awesome. Amp. Happy birthday to the only one who managed to melt this once icy heart with cuddles and kisses and the occasional cup of tea. Love you always, Steve, my perfect boyfriend, partner and future husband, heart sign from your cheesy girlfriend slash wife, Beth. It's like a time traveling message in there, isn't it? What are you talking about? Well, cause she says that Steve is her boyfriend and then she identifies herself as both girlfriend

and wife as though she has become unstuck in time and exists in both the present and the future when they are married, the time travelers, wife. Maybe this is when they first meet. This is the first time Steve has heard of Beth. Oh, fuck. Yeah. The lake house. Maybe this is when they move into the lake house. This is when they move into the lake house and they're like, I'm going to go check out the bathroom. Whoa. I'm in caveman times. Get me the fuck out of here, Sandra Bullock. I'm trying, but I just can't get Ziggy to answer me. Happy birthday, Steve. I'm not talking about fucking quantum leap again. I got a message for Avatar from Rishi and it says the Tron want to accommodate my entire LJ entry. He wrote,

so I quote, I saw him on stage and he was singing out to heaven. I swear arms outstretched, sew up pieces of himself. Just so free. I started crying. You avatar Isaacs wrote that about Chris Martin after a Coldplay concert. I'm laughing already and it was all yellow. You losing. That's amazing. This is all time. Do you guys want to read it? I feel bad that I got to read it. Okay, wait, we each get to do. Hold on. Line readings. Okay. Okay, go ahead. I go ahead. Okay. I saw him on stage and he was singing out to heaven. I swear arms outstretched, so at peace with himself, just so free. I started crying. Fuck. This is the meanest thing anybody's ever done on this show. It's like the meanest thing

that he was ever done, but it's like it's it's bulletproof. I mean, it's like it's fucking good. It's Teflon. Like you can't. What are you going to do? Say you didn't write that live journal? You did. You did put it on my journal. It's right there. By the way, I'm sorry to hear that our Jumbotron 3000 cannot accept your full LJ entry in BNB AM at maximum work or just an at team Google.com. If you want to just shoot that over my way and I can enjoy it in its entirety. Hi, are you a fan of Star Trek? The next generation? Well, that's weird because it's a corny show. But my friends, Ben Harrison and Adam Pranikah do a lovely podcast about it. It's called The Greatest Generation and it's on MaximumFun.org. I thought that this podcast was a bad idea,

but I was wrong. Please listen to The Greatest Generation on MaximumFun.org. Um, do you guys want a yahoo? No, because it's time for the hottest new feature that is on my brother and my brother and me and it's called Munch Squad. I want to rock. Fear has gripped my heart with its long, icy hand. You know how, okay, so Munch Squad is a new feature on my brother and my brother and me hosted by Justin Mercury. You know how like you're always hearing about great new fast food items. Oh, fuck. But you find out about them from somebody else, right? Well, no longer, because on my brother and my brother and me, I'm going to be bringing you the latest and greatest from fast food and it's going to be direct from the people making them. I'm not interested in what

some YouTube commenter thinks of the hottest fast food items. I want to take it straight from the professionals who are paid to know about this stuff. Okay. So I'm going to be bringing you the dirt, the scoop, direct scoop and probably there will be scoops of dirt, at least a few of these items, I would imagine. I just want to get ahead of this and I want to say you didn't tell us about this ahead of time. Correct. Any crunching or munching you do into your microphone? I'm not eating it. This is literally just PR. That's all I'm bringing you is the direct feed from the companies making the right food. Oh my God. So you're not even eating the food? I'm not going to get my fucking bite. I'm not an expert like these people. I'm not paid to know what's good and what's bad

in the world of fast food. So during this segment, you're just going to read PR bursts. I'm going to read it with my own sort of like twisted spin, which means yes, I'm just going to read it with no editorialization whatsoever. All right. This first item, this is, you're going to, this has been, can we guess who the company is? I imagine it will be pretty evident if they talk about like, yeah, you will know this one. I'm still going to guess. Go for it. Okay. This is just a game for me. Like if it says like, if it says like so much cheese, you'll come. It's like, oh, TGI Fridays. The first one is called the naked crispy chicken taco. Okay. And it is, it started getting tested in September. Some people started, started showing up there.

Um, BuzzFeed says that this is a Tex-Max chain, which is literally the height of generosity. Yeah. I mean, it, it, it's a food business. It's a food, it's a food repository. This is a Tex-Max adjacent restaurant. Uh, so what's the naked fried, uh, what's the naked crispy chicken taco? Well, it's like a taco. Hey, can I say something? Bad fucking start. Bad fucking start, but you know what taco? Okay. Hold that image in your mind, but get ready to spin it. It's like a taco, except instead of a crispy corn shell, they have a very thin filet of fried chicken. No. And that is making up the shell of the, yeah. Uh, that is the, uh, that is the, the item which we were talking about today. Just for you. If you're at home, you can feel free to Google this, but I went ahead and

just dropped you guys in a little image there in your Skype window. You can check that out. It is a very thin filet of fried chicken. I hate every, I hate every pixel of this fucking image you just sent me. So let's, let's hear about it from the experts. Okay. Don't, don't, you don't want to hear about it from me. Okay. And they're just, look, when is this going to happen? Uh, Kat Garcia Taco Bell's senior manager marketing says, we're just, uh, planning what's the right, we're just playing around. We're just, we're just having fun. We're just playing around, man. It got its start when Taco Bell senior director of innovation. Uh, I was, you'll remember, fired for that position in disgrace in 2012. Uh, Heather Monteshaugh, who imagined a taco

shell made from chicken Milanese, but one night when she was super duper, duper, duper high and drunk, simultaneously. Um, so, uh, this is a quote from, uh, chief marketing officer, Marissa Thalberg. I'm so, so sorry. Please God forgive me. Think of all the crazy firsts that existed in time in civilization. Dare, dare we say light bulb, flight, chicken taco. Dare we say even the creation of the wheel? Probably go fucking home. Go home. Well, they did make the wheel out of a thin filet of fried chicken. That's a really good thing. Um, so this is like a become a fashion project of Steve Gomez, Taco Bell's manager of product development. Um, uh, he literally says it's a passion project, which like, that's your passion. Hey, dude, you think that's code for fetish? Hey,

buddy, your passion fucking sucks. Gar, Garcia, uh, said he was, uh, he was worried that consumers, uh, uh, might think it's a weird fair food or it's gestery is his word. I'm worried that the consumers might have the final thought on the, this mortal coil of this is like fair food before they, they promptly die. Um, and, uh, he said, when you explain to someone, they create a visualization in their mind, but then you put it in front of them and you're like, try it. And then it's like, okay, I get it. I'm looking at a fucking business insider article about this taco. And I think the way that business insider got tipped off is this tweet from Twitter user jock jawk and it's a picture image of this, um, fucking accident. Uh, and the tweet says,

yo, Taco Bell, I found a location that had a taco shell made out of chicken. It was so good. Any more info on this? So just to like walk through this person's day, they went to Taco Bell and they were like, Hey, welcome to Taco Bell. What would you like? Oh, by the way, I don't know if you're interested, but we do have this, uh, essentially forbidden menu item. You've never, I guarantee you've never had it before. It's just like we're having some fun with, I imagine like the opening scene in grim ones where it's like, I don't really feel like a quesalupa or a taco or a burrito day. Like, well, that's all we have. Unless you want to try this like crazy shit, unless you want to try this crazy garbage that

will definitely kill your heart. I like that he's asking for more info. We're fucking context. Do you need my dude? It's a fucking fried chicken taco. My tweet to Taco Bell would have been like, of course I ordered like, of course I ordered this because I'm like the beginning of Grimmons, like my curiosity was peaked. And I just want to know like, here's the store number, send all these people to fucking jail. And I just want to know, will you be responsible for taking care of my family when I'm dead? Yeah, certainly this, this, this franchise has gone rogue. Yeah. This is a rogue Taco Bell that must be put down. There's Taco Bell. They must stop at all costs. Just want you to know that your employees have done this. There's no punishment harsh enough.

So I really need you to think outside the bun. Time to call in your treaties with the Burger King and put a stop to it. I want to read you guys the fucking quote of the thing, the whole thing. And this is from Garcia again, we're back to Garcia. I just love it so much. Taco Bell has found in the test that the vegetables somehow managed to give the meaty deep fried chalupa a quote, health halo in the eyes of consumers. We were getting feedback like it's so healthy. It's so fresh said Garcia. That really surprised us because it's fried chicken. That's his quote. That's Garcia's quote. That really surprised us because it's fried chicken. Do you think that it really surprises us is not like how healthy people thought it were,

but like how easy everyone was to fool into eating? Yeah, like every fucking time we think that we've crossed the Rubicon, America's like, hey, there's another Rubicon up ahead. Let's keep going. When we debuted the chicken bad taco at some slug stores, we expected to be run out of town on a rail. But here we are, the mayor's of Flavortown. Yeah. We don't know what's going on. We were really surprised. I would be surprised at the people who ate this experiment, knew there were vegetables in it because I feel like it's a very human response, certainly an American response to when I see fried chicken, I have this almost predatory response of just like, I need to put that in my throat like as fast as I possibly can. And if there are vegetables in

the way of that goal, I will, of course, eat them, but it's just like the path there. That means to an end. I would eat this. So that's your much-quad report for today. I would consume this thing. I will consume this thing. Well, of course we're going to. That's the thing, right? Yeah, okay. They said that every Gomez says every year the benchmark gets higher and higher for new big taco innovation ideas, says Gomez. Is big taco capitalized? I want to know whose fucking problem that particular arms race is. Taco Bell, like that's your, that's on you. It's you're in a race with yourself. Yeah. We got Taco Cabana down here, but they don't like, they would have to just be like, it's a gun. It's a fucking gun that shoots a taco

into your tummy. Del Taco, which is just one step away from just calling themselves Bell Taco, is like, they're just happy to be considered in the same like taco store discussion as the Taco Bell. I don't know that anyone else is like, we made a taco out of chocolate. Like nobody's doing that. Are you talking, are you talking about a taco taco? Well, I said it and then I immediately regretted it because I knew a taco taco was a thing. Let's see. We put taco meat inside of a live alligator's mouth and now you consume the whole thing in one bite. You fucking fringe the gator. Fringe this meat out of this alligator's mouth. We call it a croco taco. We call it a bayou, a bayou blaster.

I, uh, I want to hear you another Yahoo. Okay. I got this one and it's from Morgan Davy. Thank you, Morgan. Uh, it's from Yahoo Answers user Bill who asks, Bill launched his account on April 30th, 2016. Just fucking wanted to get in before Yahoo goes away forever. Did you guys see somebody in the Facebook group or somebody emailed us that like got some scuttle butt from people like on Yahoo who were just like, oh yeah, Yahoo Answers, like we will get rid of that shit as quickly as we possibly can. Oh really? I'm saying I, I, it's not looking good. Anyway, Bill asks, does space weed exist in the Star Wars Canon? Fuck it. Oh God. Good question.

I want to hear about that. Space Doja. Can we not agree that the person most likely to really just like get bathed is Yoda, right? Oh, it's Yoda. Do Dago Bong. Ah, Dago Bong is very good. That's why Darth Vader sound like that. He's just hot boxing that man. Darth Vapor. Darth Vapor. Smoke instead of Snoke. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. All right. Yoda? Well, we got to feel like we already did, Yoda. Do you? Chewbonga. Chewbonga. Oh yeah. Bong solo? Is that to you? I feel like maybe we should do less of the Bong and maybe we should start telling jokes. Yeah, a joke would be good. Um, by the way, if my fucking, if my Twitter applies, turn into a fucking Star Wars weed wasteland, I swear, God, I'll delete my account.

You'll come up and you'll find an egg in my place. I do not need that in my life right now. Do you guys think when Lin wrote the song, wrote the music for that one scene of Force Awakens, he had to like ask questions about the canon of it to like really nail the song? And like, one of those questions had to be like, all right, we're in like a good time party spot. People are definitely blazing on some space weed, right? And JJ Abrams was like, of course. Yeah, dude. Of course they are. You've just blown my mind, Griffin, because the fact of the matter is with how much extended universe there is in this canon, there's definitely a scene of somebody smoking some kind of like space opium. Well, there's a death, there's a death

sticks, right? Like when people think, I believe you, Griffin, you could have said literally so many tries to sell one to Obi-Kanobi. That's what I call him. Like I just cut the one out because I'm a busy guy. Uh, well, that's spice. Isn't that a thing spice in Star Wars? Probably no, I'm not. Oh, guys, you're getting fucking way off track. Of course there's drugs into the Star Wars universe. Of course there are. Han Solo is a fucking smuggler. Like why do you think that job is this if he's not like peddling? Smuggling waffles. And Han Solo is like, oh, what a fun time guy. Uh, and I don't want to. He's a drug runner. He's like, hey, it's me, Han Solo, ha ha, Dashing Rogue. Anyway, here's some crack. Now, hold on, he's not the dealer, Griffin. He's the mule.

Yeah. Hey, thanks. Hey, welcome to Kid Planet. Thanks. This is my, this is my luggage. All right, come on in. Thanks. Step, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk. Hey, here's that crack for Kid Planet. Yeah, get that out there. Get that out there. Where's my, where's my mini? We'll get you the crack as soon as Chewbacca shits it out later. It's all ballooned up there. Yeah. Every time that Han Solo flakes on the rebellion, you have to remember that he is doing it to go trit's work crack. Yeah, he's, he's back and he saved us as we attacked the Death Star. Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Kid Planet. I gotta go. Oh, it's Ice Planet Hoth. We haven't seen Luke in a while. I'm gonna go out looking for him and I'm gonna go just like

drop off some, a few little crack nugs. You know, he was gonna go poach some Wampa. You know, you're, you know, he was stoked when he heard it was the Ice Planet. It gets right there. It's like, well, this is not what I expected at all. This is a very, this is a much more literal take on that concept than I, I, I sort of expected. Yeah, I bet he smuggled some really dope shit though. Oh no. Yeah, he smuggled robots and like fucking war heroes and like, he had those monsters in the worst scene in the new movie. But then like, then there was out very much, he drew a line anywhere. No, God, no, he's gotta get the work where he can. It's definitely competitive field. If somebody wants him to take crack to Kid Planet,

like, here's the thing, the thing that's crazier is when the new movie starts. Hoth's hole is in the new movie, by the way. When the new movie starts, he's back on this grind. Yeah, no. He's in the, he's, he's in that hut again. You know, he's moving that good stuff. Yeah. I got a shipment of a Ewok goldbladders here. Keep it down. Keep it down. Keep it down. Shit's illegal on this planet. You smoke though. Everywhere. Enjoy. I gotta go deliver some crack. You smoke some of that. Oh man. Why do you think those old guys are so happy all the fucking time? It's because their livers produce crack. That's where it comes from. Folks, that's gonna do it for us. Thank you so much for listening.

We have a few things that we just want to run through. If you're gonna be at the, our live shows in early June in DC and New York, sadly, they're sold out if you don't already have tickets. But if you do have tickets, you're gonna be there. Please send us questions to address at the show. Sending questions with DC live show or NYC live show in the subject line, all caps. We make sure to see it. If you're planning on asking us a question at the show, like, don't not send in a question because of that, because honestly, we only get to three or four audience questions and we always have tons of people waiting. So go ahead and send in your questions and we'll, and we'll answer them during the show. You all right? You get exhausted? I just thought you

guys were like, pick it up and do something. You did great. I was waiting for the end of your pain to sigh. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's it. I just did an interview on uprocks. Yeah. It was really fun. Yeah, that was cool. Maybe you feel like you're a big deal. It's nice to feel like a big deal for us. You can check that out. I'll tweet it or you can just search like uprocks with two X's and Travis McRoy and it comes up. It was a lovely interview with David Pemberton. It was really good. So there's a bunch of other shows on the Maxphone network. If you like this show, I guarantee you there will be at least one other show on the network, probably like eight other shows on the network, though, that you'll really enjoy. I'm talking about shows like The

Beef and Dairy Network. I'm talking about shows like Throwing Shade. I'm talking about shows like Jordan Jesse Goh and John Hodgman and Stop Podcasting Yourself. There's a ton of really good shows. If you want to hear us do more shows, go to McRoyshows.com. We got a bunch of other podcasts like The Adventure Zone. We're about to start a new arc on The Adventure Zone. I would say it's actually a good time to get on because we're about to start a new arc, but I feel like at this point you should probably start at the beginning or else you'll be lost. But I also want to plug Rose Buddies, which is the Bachelor-themed show that I do with my wife, Rachel. I'm very, very proud of this show. I love doing it so much and a new season of The Bachelor starts tonight. It's actually

The Bachelor right? I'm inspired by you Griffin. I got a group together. You're fucking kidding. And we're doing the draft and everything. Yeah, so our last episode was a preview of this upcoming season and then a rules for how we do our fantasy league. It's so much fun. Yeah, that was our most recent episode, so you could listen to that today and be ready for the episode tonight and then listen all season when we talk about it. Anyway, that's one of the shows. There's many, many other ones. I also wanted to plug one of my shows that's not on any network, a little independent show called Interrobang with Travis and Tybee, where we talk about things that are frustrating us and maybe frustrating you. And it's a very honest, heartfelt, scary, scary show to make.

And I really love doing it and it's a great show and people seem to like it. And I'd love for you to check it out. You can go to interrobangcast.com and check it out. Also, Justin and I are doing a series of Monster Factory videos. If you've never watched Monster Factory, it's videos that me and Justin do for Polygon where we make ugly, ugly, not ugly, they're beautiful characters in games that allow you to do so. And then challenging characters. Let me just fuck games up. And then Totino's, friend of the family at this point, Totino's, who sponsored the MacRoy family, Totino's Fun Hour here on Mbem-Bem has sponsored a three episode run of Monster Factory episodes, which we are conducting in Second Life. The second of those three episodes goes up today and

holy fucking shit. It turned out so good, Justin. Is it good? It's a good old episode. Yeah. So yeah, go check out Monster Factory. You can find it on YouTube. You can find it on Polygon's YouTube channel. You can just search Monster Factory and you'll find it there. You can also go to MacRoyShows.com. Everything's there, including our contact, and our Twitter and Facebook, everything. Thanks to John Rodger and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song, It's a Departure, off Putting the Days to Bed. It's a really, really great album. Listen to it now. Get pumped for the summer months. I know it's a band called the Long Winters, but you can listen to it for all seasons. Griffin, do you have a final yahu

for us? Oh, hell yeah, I do. So I'm sending by Aaron Keese. Thank you, Aaron. Aaron might need a nickname soon. It's from Yahoo Answers user Bruce. The keyster. The keyster. That's terrible. We'll come up with something better. It's from Yahoo Answers user, and this is all caps, so I am going to shout it. I apologize. Bruce. And then Bruce's question is also in all caps, so I'm going to have to shout it as well. I apologize. Bruce's question is, Is this Yahoo email support? My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips.

Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy. Every Tuesday, we bring you Saw Bones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening. Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas, or why we tried to eat mummies for a while, or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximum Fun Network with Saw Bones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.