My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 307: Face 2 Face: Would You Rather DeVito?

Episode Date: June 13, 2016

We're coming to you live from the Playstation Theatre in New York, NY! We assume that you, like our live audience, are "horny for this"! Along with being a great episode, it features a big announcement and special guest John Hodgman with a very special presentation! Suggested Talking Points: America's Next Top Cop, Flower Eater, James in the Cloud, Dope Raisins, Karn-al Pleasures, Yellow, Doing Great, MARK

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's familiar but not too familiar Hey, thanks. Oh, hello. Did you drop the thing?

Yeah, no, I started the thing. The thing is going. This is it. We're in it now. We're in the shit. We're in the part that the people paid the money for. We're in the part that the people paid the money for. It's familiar. head we're in it now we're in the shit we're in the part that the people paid the money like Chilean miners emerging from the ground we are here with you the

podcast viewing public to sell our wares what's on offer today podcast podcast sale and honey I made honey I figured it out he made it himself welcome to my brother my brother mean advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I tickled you huh cuz it's the name of the shit and then it was your name I'm your middle-aged brother Travis McElroy and I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy all right that's fine all right we get it thank you all for joining us here live at the PlayStation Theatre yeah and now just a clever bit we do have some stuff like we're super excited to be here's

a nice place like centrally located right across from Guy Fieri's shit store this whole thing his whole like as Fieri watches overall his chubby museum but it is a PlayStation theater so just like we got some stuff out of the way and just the first thing is yo fuck Xbox right the whole fucking family man the first Xbox Xbox one you can't call it Xbox one again Xbox 360 sounds like you skipped 359 of them idiots cameo suck my dick blinks the time sweeper stuff my dick time sweeper you got nothing brute force suck my dick I don't know I mean blah blah exclusive

games but yeah follow halo halo reach around my butt and grab my balls yeah fuck Xbox fuck Xbox oh who's that over the horizon it's Nintendo fuck you guys Luigi can suck my balls okay that's good you know a Nintendo thing now I will say this I will say this though yeah backstage I got smoked out by crash bandicoot that do fucking rules he's so cool and chill he's so fucking cool and who let the spliff spy or the dragon did of course he did the reason I broke this live how old am I three three said I broke up when I was introduced to myself as I was think I was thinking about how just a second ago Griffin told

us as he has told us before every live show we've ever done in our lives okay this is gonna make me sound terrible this is it I told you that in confidence obviously okay but he when he said was all they horny for this one now there is listen listen now listen though no listen though for real it's mind over matter I'm extremely nervous I get so scared back there but that's the that's the old saying if you're nervous just picture everyone in the crowd horny just for this just for this one just for this one just for this one just for this one I believe you also use the term wet and wild that's just in

reference to the stunts that we're gonna be doing okay we've got a lot of fun falls we've been practicing I want to say you you all are very very special tonight not just because you're here but because you also be the first human beings to hear us say out loud that we are doing a television show in the near future yeah um so here's the thing that's good the house lights are good you could be the sage lights even down a little bit help me out with the glare here's the things

coming next year and here's the other thing we're this is true we're filming in Huntington West Virginia so uh I guess my question and I can't see you guys right now but I'm trusting you're still there my question is this are you all horny for this one so that is going to be available on CISO TV who we are for big fans of so much don't wait to subscribe to CISO do it right now they got so much better stuff you could right now leave this eater and I think I'll watch Hidden America which is probably going to be better than whatever we put up here they're also the first company that we

went to and they didn't immediately see what we look like and we're like no absolutely not you can't not on tv no wait with your face and everything you realize this is the bigger screen right not the computer one or the ipad one the one of the people's home and we looked into that truth about cats and dogs technology that they did in the movie where I haven't seen it I'm gonna let you f***ing hang if you think I'm gonna f***ing tarzan to your rescue with cats and all right now here it goes here it goes here it goes here it goes oh here we go Jeanine Garofalo turned Uma Thurman into a human puppy I think nailed it I'm a dude who loves to walk around the apartment in my underwear I step in the door and boom my

clothes are off now my roommates don't mind this but one of them is Arabian being his room while he summers in Chicago right row he is when he summers in Chicago while he summers in Chicago he has rented the room to a nice couple and has asked that in his three-month absence I reframed some semi-nudity so he doesn't get a bad review I hate the idea of giving up on my freedom it's not my problem or is it am I the asshole here for wanting to continue a clothes-free lifestyle that's from nudist in New York you're in boxes are you here are Aussie also born is that you I I was f***ing running a list of things I hope you don't sound like in my head welcome to the apartment check out my dick

dear Airbnb review this was a cool house centrally located great neighborhood great neighborhood um very affordable the other thing about it is I can draw Chris's penis from memory I can tell you curious about every nook and cranny of Chris's penis do you have an hour okay sit down he's got a lot of them act one the shaft five star 10 out of 10 would recommend it's great no it's great it's great the penis great good stuff great um how is this not a criminal crime for criminals I can't like bounce on my wife who I live with and be like someone else is going to be here for a while they're going to eat all the fruit by the foot later no it's cool I'm going to get like 150 bucks it's totally cool do you

have to put that in like the Airbnb description like there might be a gun you do you think there's like coded language of like open airplane yeah you know what I mean Derek open Derek open Derek public Derek for used by all why not I don't know wait I'm I was about to make a joke about the guys penis what is the name we settled on Chris Derek Chris Derek Chris Derek Chris Eric Chris Eric mm-hmm hey Chris Derek let me see Rodigan um now I lost the joke but I do remember his name is Chris or Derek and something about his penis that's just comedy math right there name plus penis reference equals audience disappointment six years of blood gasoline apparently um hey do you guys want a yahoo answer

from yahoo answers can you take a moment though and game recognize game Rachel Rosie for me because thank you Rachel it's about yahoo answers user Brian who asks can cops pull over other cops let's say a cop was breaking the law driving down the street for something like speeding or not using a turn signal can another cop get behind him and pull him over ah got you I asked you good this time Derek again Derek's been spelled differently you saw Twitter over there on your phone what oh well I thought we were supposed to tweet I wanted to tweet about the show happened and I thought you guys could handle it cool already big time

Mr. Hollywood fooling it in TVs were the real money is you know the first time we talked about this question I thought of like plain clothes like a dude in a in a car who was like I'm actually a cop but now I'm picturing like someone pulling over another cop car with no yeah but then what if you know why I pulled you over yes fuck I know why you pulled me over what if to catch that cop car the second cop car had to speed and we got a whole human centipede situation whoa they sewed the cops together that seems cruel and unusual that is what happened in that movie which which one the human centipede oh I'm with you now um someone's got to stop them from doing like I mean who watches the watchman yeah exactly exactly that's a that's a good why is nobody ever

thought of seeing if cops are on the level right now we should be a cop for cop cop cop do you think cop cop time to go to jail or work time to come to work with me time to come to work with me you're in jail now cop cop making arrests but no friends you you just said top cop I think top cop that you gotta make it to the top to arrest other cops yeah you gotta be the king of cops you can't arrest from the bottom up you can't be first day on the job arresting the chief first off okay two things first off come in the summer to tlc top cop america's next top cop america's next top cop secondly do you think they would have to get the best cop to catch other cops right how do you think a cop with the best cop not the worst

cop was like I don't know what do you even do is yeah president barack hussein obama and a lot of people forget what they're saying to support um I've never done that one live and it was like I didn't know how it's gonna go it's okay you only said half the silver yeah you kind of like farted the president barack hussein and a lot of people forget about the hussein but it's important obama is he the top cop because it's got it the buck stops here is that what that means the the crime stops here and I'm it like if Joe biden speed and he's like I got you and I'm the only one dog bad luck I was like right behind you in traffic I saw you turn left without the signal I could Joe that's a bad beat dude I'm literally the only dude it's me why'd you do it in front of me I'm top

cop you know this but it's all checks and balances because he can arrest Joe Biden but who can arrest Barack Obama the lowliest the criminals only criminals can arrest the president for speeding I love the world where the president's a driving himself and be just like burning it just like pedal the metal see you bitches in Arlington bye him and show biden have a famous series of pranks that they do back and forth on each other sure and this is the end game um do you think the cops ever I was thinking about when we were saying um come with me to jail I mean work do you think cops if the money's ever tight just like decide to live in jail cut down on the commute just like there's no commute it's like do you think it ever occurs

you're like well I could just go home or I could just live in jail jail I think you got beds and everything you got beds somebody can scoot my desk up close to the bar so I'm gonna do working I'll come back at the end of the day you let me I'll come back I got nowhere else to go I mean you should lock me in for security sake and it's really locking I can't be trusted I can't be trusted who knows I'm a wild man and then if you do get arrested for real you're like used to it a little bit it's like it's you know I'm just back at work I'm just really really busting my ass I'm really spending nights at the old office um how about another question here's another question I got it tell me how to tell me how to live my life a few weeks ago my girlfriend and I splurged on a

fancy meal an upscale restaurant one of the courses I'm already loving it oh shit wait was it you oh yeah yeah you know the only information you got is someone oriented about splurging on a fancy meal and only one person in the audience went I think that's me yeah uh one of the courses was a sun choke dish garnished with dainty purple flowers a sun choke dish this type of fish I believe it's a fish fish hey is it a fish what was that noise is it a fish it's like an artichoke I want one person to answer wherever I'm pointing into the void I was pointing down what's the what is it okay okay don't have to yell okay what's it there so I got you know what we were doing while you were learning about types of fish we're at podcast school getting our degrees in podcast

hey this is this is like ginger nice try sun choke your ginger got him again this garnished with dainty purple flowers I ate some of the flowers and I thought they were okay but I didn't eat them all in case they were just decoration however when the server cleared our table he asked sir would you like to finish your flowers before I take your plate so then I felt obligated to eat the flowers as he watched I suddenly felt inexplicable shame as I chewed I can't imagine why his gaze seemed to suggest yes little fancy boy loves eating little purple flowers doesn't I'm no stranger to public shame I did magic in a talent show when I was six and holy shit later went on to play noompa

loompa in a community theater production trolling chocolate factory tick tick boom my main question is this what's this dude fucking with me am I wrong to feel like he was shaming me for being a fancy flower boy as from blossom binging in Brooklyn yeah hey uh sorry whoever you are I feel like I know you better than my brother sometimes we sometimes we finish a question and have to say like we don't have enough information to answer this that is not a problem this much we totally see what's going on here I take some of that information put it aside save for the winter you could have just written a question I went to a place and a bully made me eat flowers yeah a bully ate me in a whole bouquet what do I do now all right but you are here though right

oh you're real close okay the flower eater how they taste how they taste for how do they taste why are you yelling at him I'm really excited to find out compare it what savory oh I can tell you where the floral element of it came from the fucking root word no pun intended because apparently this is a root vegetable the sun choke um is it possible that you weren't supposed to eat the flowers but the guy had counted how many flowers are on the plate when he put them down and he came back with five and was like maybe one of the rest you know what you're supposed to eat anything you could swallow no you've had a baby for too long that's not actually here fucking markers

dice it's all good in the hood my brother my brother's played I couldn't I was trying to get my baby to eat while still buffering was on my brother's played restaurant with her back backstage just what kind of wild the crazy rock star shenanigans do we get up and 45 minutes later I said the sentence oh yeah they horny for this one so it all bounces out we're very complex that's how I come at you hot and cold let's say this though they got to eat some chicken quesadilla so what's up now mission accomplished um you ate the flowers though and that's great there's no part of that that doesn't make me very very happy I like that this is to any other living person I don't want to put you on blast I'm saying

it's a beautiful thing you've done here that's uh eating uh eating flowers is an infrapinny infrapound situation where you either don't eat the flowers because they're plants or you eat all the flowers because it's like hey when in room you can't roll out plants from being eaten right but like the point he's making is if they're decoration you're not off the hook by eating some yeah like no I just ate some ice cream bar or a candle I'm gonna take six to seven bites out of it no you've committed you're eating the whole candle now you need the waiter to come back and go where is the candle and you go yum yum yum yum in my belly might I suggest the next time this happens should this happen again or happen to anyone out there you eat two flowers the person

says would you like to finish the fire and you go no not they're not the best I've had and you big time them right back I've had better flowers I will say this though I've got a super pretty tummy and you show them your tummy they'll love that they love that they'll probably give me discount that's what restaurants do yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um oops I had lost the name on this one dang it I'll find it here we go it's also from Rachel Rosen came recognize game fuck it's a lot of game recognition going on uh it's from y'all who answers user they're anonymous and you're about to know why this anonymous user will call um Derek yeah got it in one Derek asks help me add to and improve a

stand-up I'm writing most of its observational humor buckle up we got you ideas so far I just run through some of these bullet points some stand-up comedy ideas should I stand up just deliver something I promise the venue we wouldn't stand out all right let me get that spotlight okay okay okay all right yeah no thank you thank you thank you uh uh our phones fall and we panic right our friends fall we laugh do we hey guys uh phones they're getting bigger our laptops are getting smaller yes the best reaction you get from that is someone going yes yeah there's no laughter that stand-up show just if uh phones getting bigger laptops getting smaller

yes yes agreed they certainly are uh huh hey guys if there's no talking during the movie isn't it then a silent movie no it's fucking not but oh my god think about it because it's not oh that's the joke yes yes and no no vintage will stay in words up there in fast seven you can hear um when a guy likes a girl he looks her in the eye when a girl likes a guy she looks away again you're just it's patently untrue but also what's the punch line there just why the sky's blue hey guys why does chicken why does chicken mean wimp a chicken will peck you to pieces so a little bit of that that's all I lost my brother that's a rural Seinfeld okay like we're all having a lot of fun here but let's all agree if we saw a human being like us yeah you know

how like you are like we're humans if we saw a human being stand on stage and say these things as jokes it would be literally the funniest comedian ever seen in my entire life but not I would argue for the right reasons right reasons um what if um hey guys right reasons the word none though this one's real it's just the letter in doing a cartwheel you have to think about that one for like 45 fucking seconds hey it's good hey no word no word in the english language rhymes with month that's another one that wasn't just some weird non sequitur that I did let's just punch these up real quick guys do we have to do other jokes other than these jokes because our phones fall we panic our friends fall we laugh what if your friend is like playing

angry birds on your phone and like asteroid lands on both of them and you lose both you're just your reaction is just i'm i'm neutral i'm completely neutral about this i don't know i'll those two events are they both cancel each other my friend is dead but my but my tiny phone is also dead it's very funny that my friend died but very sad that my phone died um how like dear oh my god you're just standing there doing something do something do i can i still get my numbers are this in the cloud i'll tell you who is in the cloud james now see that's a bit oh yeah we fucking we did do the shit that's a type five thank you that's my time thank you that's my time you want to hit another question

or do you want to punch up some more of those bad boys no i've literally i can't anymore at the grocery store line the clerk got to my last item a large bag of cherries okay i love this crowd this is the second one time around somebody's like oh here comes my shit everybody listen and just shut up shut up here comes the truck here comes my tail okay at the grocery store check out line the clerk got to my last item a large bag of cherries they looked at the bag then at me and said you know these are expensive right it's such a fucking that's like a nuclear berth for like deployed from orbit so fucking good asking them to clarify might have sent their conversation to a super judgy place

so in the future too late too late how should i handle egregious displays of fiscal judgment from cashiers or other service personnel that's from swimming in subtext and that was you who laughed at it yes oh shit okay somebody was just like yeah buy some cherries are you here hi hi hi you are how are the cherries moldy what wait were they artisanal molded cherries um did you take them back after like that you were a real shithead to me and look at your garbage cherries at these prices um maybe they did they kind of were they patronizing when they said it like how could they not be yeah like uh you know these are expensive right good job you did great did you um did you mean get grapes come on uh come on sweetheart hey why don't i put

those why don't i take those back for you and get you some grapes oh i don't know grapes get you ever have raisins they're like dope raisins pre raisins i call them super super wet raisins they're good as heck you're gonna love eating these grapes are like your cherries you know what hold on why don't you eat one cherry just so i can watch this is gonna be adorable sour isn't it wait a little bit sweet oh there's a hard thing in the middle let me find this hold on oh that's cute look at them go look at him eat that cherry for the first time what a sweet boy that'll be a hundred dollars because that was a fucking cherry you just ate they put those as the symbol on slot machines for a reason because you're rich the problem is if someone asks the question you know these are expensive right

there's literally no way to like come out from under that burn you can't say yes like it sound like an adult okay here's the like there's no cool way you're right Travis because what and one answer is oh no that's that's shit the other answer is hell yeah let it let it ride this one's just for me i had a good one hell yeah another expensive i love this shit i promised myself you said one day i would walk in here and i would buy the cherries i saw the rich man i was a kid and i said one day that'll be me i've earned this just say no and like ask if you can have someone help you back with them because you're worried you'll drop them and you can't afford it you know there's this i do could you pretend to put them in the

bank please just don't don't let people see you boss here yeah do put grapes in there yes of course of course of course of course i fucked up thank you for asking thank you look super duper similar okay you can understand how i slipped up but of course i want grapes instead um can we get yeah we are special no no i want the i want the one i want the one you've been teasing with it for two shows um about uh yeah about the the tv question okay all right we got it we'll do two minutes we got a wonderful we're gonna type to about this yahoo that's sent by erin keys thank you erin keys i'm sorry remember you credit me for whatever happens the next two minutes unless it's bad okay okay uh thank you erin keys uh it's from yahoo answers user

la lizard who asks in home improvement are the sons related to tim alan they look so much like in the series home improvement tim alan has three sons brad randy and mark two of the kids look exactly like tim alan i'm frustrated which and i and i have to know are they related in any way maybe not as actual sons in real life but maybe his nephews or something so you're already like backpedaling they just have to be related can someone please help it's killing me i'm thinking about those sons from home improvement so much if they're not related i i don't even know what to think um which two looks like tim alan

fucking it doesn't matter are they related that would be weird though if they got two of his sons and their neighborhood friend stupid reggie this is we wanted three do you got anybody else we got stupid reggie stupid reggie are fine we only expected this to go a season yeah he's a doofus you want him for the acting we can get him he's cheap i always assumed they were this the uh the love child of tim alan and richard carne they those are richard carne's boys yeah oh the carne boys the carne boys yeah i love those carne boys they're at it again they they experience um uh uh carnal pleasures and they shut the fuck up i'm just saying go to prison oh my god if you ever had a late nights and weekend r&b show that would be like the greatest time like he's a dj carnal

you're listening you know we talked about this on the show but he does host a celebrity golf tournament called the carnival that's legit and real and you can buy tickets to just like go to it i guess just hang out with rich rich with sweet rich but no they're david they definitely juniored each other yeah melan and richard carne i did you see that movie junior where tim alan had sex with richard carne i haven't seen it's you know i might not get blue it was romance tender they meant it i did i heard full penetration i didn't see the movie junior but uh the best scene in it was when arn'tch was there in dan de vido i assume made love for 30 minutes tenderly there's a third of the movie yeah they went from cover years if you don't want to hear this from fully soft

like you saw every every act every part of it like them coming in the front door and putting their keys down like how was your day like i'm feeling it you're feeling it yeah fully soft well not right now but like maybe in two minutes okay great let's eat some pasta we got a carb up this is gonna go long that was all you just want to go and put that disclaimer back on it so folks we hate to break into the action here but we want to take a second this non-stop thrill a minute spill a minute action chill a minute chill a minute chill hey chill

hey why don't you chill for a bit let us sell you some shit the first shit this is not shit at all it's actually pretty great is squarespace we're supported in part by them the simplest way to capture your passion with a beautiful website if there's an idea or project you're itching to show the world you should don't keep that locked inside you create something that the whole world can share in your mind's eye squarespace has simple two tools and captivating templates that showcase your hard work is the easy part that wasn't a sentence let me try again showcasing your hard work is the easy part that's more of a sentence that's like a sentence now if you're itching to try squarespace you'll be shocked at how easy it is to use even if you never design anything

try it out give it a shot start a free trial today when you visit squarespace.com slash my brother you should squarespace now how good is squarespace websites you ask i'm glad that you did ask because i made a website inside of which i trapped my brother travis macaroy yeah kind of a phantom zone type it's like a phantom zone place where i've trapped travis and now he spends his days surfing the web helping teens solve mysteries and cyberbullying a lot is he doing the cyberbullying or is he stopping it or what's up he's doing it he's doing it a lot and he's very good at it because he is cyber he is cyber hey goofball why don't you by the way travis is not he's in a cyber dimension that's right that's right he's actually he's he's also at max fun con which i didn't

fucking know he's going to that's cool that's cool i guess we don't i guess we don't tell each other really a unit huh kind of interesting kind of broke away from the shark pack huh tell me about boleyn branch let's tell you about boleyn branch boleyn branch is the place to go my name is boleyn branch okay hi boleyn branch my name is boleyn branch and i want to sell you some sheets yeah that's what they do at boleyn branch uh no it's just boleyn branch and uh what they do is they send you nice nice sheets they have streamlined the sheets buying and sleeping upon process um you've got you got some boleyn branch at your place right love it i we we save this whole time on saw bones we do not sleep on other sheets when those sheets are dirty we wash those sheets and

then put them back on the bed we don't we have other sheets we don't sleep on them it's just boleyn branch that's it we're talking about we're talking about luxury linux luxury at a sensible price sensible but luxurious you want to see how good they feel they're going to let you try and risk free for 30 nights you don't love them they'll let you send them back you got nothing to lose it gets better if you go to bowl that's bo l l and branch dot com today you get 20 off your entire order when you use the promo code my brother it's not just sheets i got towels blankets to make covers everything plus you get free shipping yeah it's all so good just go to blowing branch dot com use the promo code my brother that's all one word my brother my brother my brother oh so

look serious how about a jumbo tron if you want to get a message on this show a personal message to a friend or maybe for a small business just go to maximumfund.org slash jumbo tron they'll help you do that exactly this message is for poopsie poopsie and it's from moopsie got it who says happy birthday six months ago well was that worth the wait since this is halfway late it counts as halfway early so you're welcome love you muchly and even though i know part of your heart belongs to three other dudes they are brothers and married and that's gross get it together grady you're always uh you're still always numbers one through five with me smooth wait man that might be the beginning of the word smooth but i do very much like

that it's a slang term for smooching right or salutations or um uh you know my condolences or best regards like that shit it's done now over with when you're done when you send an email smooth i love that um so uh we got another personal message here another sort of well i think you could call it an e smooth from uh claire uh winnick uh and it sorry it is for claire winnick and it is from the sweet baby nickles brother jake and that's her name is pronounced nickles so i got it right yeah you did very good no problem there happy 30th birthday it says there seemed to be no greater gift than immortalizing you in the intricate mythology of the mobim bamabas nestled on the shelves of an indiana jones s square house somewhere between the lost gushy tapes

they're never getting out stop asking and will i literally i don't have they they were deleted do you not do you guys understand when i delete when i edit something out of a podcast i don't take that audio and then put it in a little folder and say like for for savesies it goes to hell deleted hell uh between the gushy tapes and will them to foe in a handmade green goblin costume your name will live eternally in semi obscurity what you've always wanted and that is for claire happy 30th birthday claire and that's from jake so thanks baby jake thank you jake jake from state farm magic baby jake i like anytime anybody says jake i like to say like jake from state farm like the commercial well you it's worth asking because one out of a million

the person's gonna say yeah in fact yeah that is actually me jake from state farm that's me i'm jake from state farm anyway that's gonna do it for us uh for the the ad portion of our program we got a lot more uh jokes for you lots of jokes thank you everybody who came out to all the live shows in dc in new york thanks to john hodgeman is he out there yet you're just ruining the surprise i don't know we gotta we gotta think of it at some point i'm gonna thank him right now thanks john hodgeman for your help wink with the show yeah um and uh we had a great time hope everybody who came out did too boston we're coming for you dawg both shows sold out thanks boston thanks bean town watch your butt watch your butt bean town smooth smooth hey guys this is adam conover

you may know me from my true tv show adam ruins everything well guess what now we're doing a podcast version right here on maximum fun what we do is we take all the interesting fascinating experts that we talked to for just a couple minutes on the show and we sit with them for an entire podcast really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work find adam ruins everything wherever you get your podcast or at maximum fun dot org should we do our we have a thing okay so like a couple weeks ago i have the thing here at the the og don't read the og but do read the og story okay okay um my brother my brother and me episode 304 a very recent one we had uh we do a segment in the middle of the show called the money zone uh which is where we get paid um and in episode 304

we had a very special part of the money zone where somebody sent in a message that was uh unfortunately the funniest thing that's maybe ever happened on the show they are uh what are their names their names uh uh are avital and rishi um and now who put who on blast uh rishi put avital so fucking on blast that they were like pushed 10 feet into the ground uh and uh it was so good and the uh first off let me say they're here oh yeah i have avital and rishi you guys here just stand up real quick there perfect thank you for oh front row sir hello the best the best thank you for uh this is the fucking funniest thing that's ever happened now um it's a message about it's a message of i mean it's about co-play but it's really about rebirth rebirth i guess and it was a uh

we should set it up a little bit more uh a live journal message that avital wrote uh a while ago about co-play and how transformative uh seeing co-play was and so we read some of the message but there wasn't enough room in the jumbo tron to read the whole message so we have it in its entirety and we and we debated back and forth about which one of us were to read it and the answer was none of us none of us so without further ado uh uh we'd like to welcome to the stage john hodgeman keep it keep it up guys he really needs a okay wait wait hold on time out time out cold play comes on my god and they had started up in my within my place

and i saw him on stage and he was singing to heaven i swear his arms were outstretched he was just so at peace with himself and everything just so free are we not done i started crying not just crying sobbing i dredged everything up and everything melted away and it was me and the words

i cried for everything bad that had happened to anyone that people live in fear that there is injustice and cruelty and that i take what i have for granted i cried on behalf of everything oh god and he sang no one ever said it would be easy and i i knew what he meant it was so meaningful it sounds dumb

it sounds dumb but i was momentarily at peace myself cold play is so awesome all i needed was yellow and ladies and gentlemen john hodger wait wait wait all i needed was yellow and i'm okay again

ladies and gentlemen john hodger brilliant john would you like to stay on stage and help us answer some audience questions yes please yes is there a chair maybe have a chair thank you thank you thank you very much and he's going to read some dope shit i read about train this guy i didn't write it seriously thank you for letting us read that thank you stand up again another big round of applause no it's so wonderful that was so good it was beautifully right it makes me so sad the funny things ever happened on show has nothing to do with us let's say i love you this is life hey thanks

for doing that john so we're gonna take some audience questions and the way this works is this you raise your hand you get called on you come to the microphone you ask us all four of us my brother my brother my brother and me all three all four uh for advice and we help you and there was one rule what's the one rule everybody no bombers that is correct that's right so who has a question that is not obama oh my god the pressure so i saw the gentleman in the light blue shirt come on up yeah the mic is actually behind you yeah yeah well he's walking to the mic may i just say one thing yeah i was very moved by your uh description of armors quartz and agar and dan invito having sex the weird thing is that it wasn't like romantic no they were just like it was purely

of convenience they were parking for signs they were working for science it remind it reminded me that when i was a young person here in new york city my friends and i had a would you rather game with one specific question would you rather cuddle with danie davido nude every night for the rest of your life that one or have danie davido call you every day and have to talk with him for an hour they're both really good things yeah i mean they're they're both good outcomes and we don't make me choose i know and we talked about it for a long time because we couldn't decide and i and i understand you want to ask your question sir but i don't i don't care about you you

and in the year 2012 i took my family on a vacation to london england and we stayed in a hotel and i took my children who are very young at the time they're approximately four years older each now and but at the time they were younger by roughly eight years is a weird thing anyway we went up to the pool of this hotel in london england and because it was london the pool was about the size of a postage stamp and we were there and there was a weird old man there doing exercises uh what do you call the bicep curls yes exactly so and it took me a while to realize why was i the one to get that you i mean you jumped it took me a while to realize that that man was danie davido nice whoa getting some gains and i was like how about that there's

danie davido well children it's time to leave immediately and before we could go danie davido caught my eye and he said daily show i'm like oh jesus kids you're physically putting yourself between them and danie davido and i went over and i'm like hello danie davido who by the way is a hero of mine yeah but danie davido like all i want to do is take my kids back to the room so we could get on with the day but danie davido just started talking and talking and talking about his love for the daily show and then he took his shirt off nice to go swimming show you was john stewart's tattoo no no no he was just going to go swimming and it was this profound weird moment where i realized both versions of my dream are coming true and with that your question

your question i hadn't thought about that i apologize what a wonderful life you've led i love you danie davido all right go on if you're listening please you're welcome anytime yeah i'll cuddle with you or talk to you every day for the rest of my life what if this guy whatever like what's your name in this guy's like my name's steve davido and i'm not entertained could be yep what is what is your real name uh my name's ten and ten okay just a disclaimer you got to eat that might yeah this sounded the sound just disappears levels levels you're great you're gonna shut up and like you told us all right so i should be teaching you one more question about danie davido yes yes sorry sorry go ahead so i should be teaching a first aid course this weekend um but when i saw

the opportunity to come see you guys live um my best friend stepped in and said he would teach the course for me and how do i pay someone back for a treat like this and i don't count john because you weren't part of the original deal but how do i like sweeten it yeah amazing i was gonna get him an xbox but in light of recent events no fucking are you kidding me not so much not so much so i just don't know if you have any ideas commensurate for the have you thought about a playstation 4 yeah it's a good solid cat have you considered a subscription what was so what was a lot of great programming on c so beautiful all good what was the course you were gonna take uh i was gonna teach a first aid you're gonna teach your first aid course is your friend qualified to do this

super not super not no no is like super important you got to keep like a bunch of blood in there all once if you see blood outside bummer that's bad that's bad that's bad that's bad is were you going to be paid to teach this course no volunteer but he's giving up a week don't arrive at the time you're supposed to but now i'm on audio and they know what are they gonna do not pay you but you're fine just don't go so i figured i'd say thank you on the mic to him because i'm gonna play this episode for him to say oh so you just we're gonna edit this out tim no free ride it's a fun arrangement you gotta buy a jumbotron by the way if any of you are thinking about going to that saturday night volunteer first aid course don't don't i would say don't bother the party courts they call it let's

do this let's do this how many people are gonna be at the first story aid course how many people like about 40 40 Jesus that's a lot wow this bit may not work then um because i was gonna say like just give ever there's there's like a thousand people here like just give them like a little nug like a little first aid nug like the first like most important like right now inside no bleeding right it better not be a joke i want to learn something first don't bleed don't believe right okay but if they're already doing that then like oh then stop it stop it there we go great tim everybody tim all right who's next i see this hand i saw this hand go really fast front row come on you did it you did it come on down no bummers all eyes on you here we go hi what's your

name my name is allison hi allison so john i have to tell you i have a really good friend it's our show i'm sorry come on do you john hi allison how are you i'm fine back here i'm gonna tweet more about my tv show do you know my my friend jocelyn who used to work at the daily show sure yeah we're good friends yeah yeah i hate jocelyn yeah she stinks let me tell you she is a fart person you three are all making a big mistake because she's a lovely woman now i bet made a force she is and my whole point is that nice you were very nice to me i met you before once you probably don't remember but i don't it was great it was great for me were you with jocelyn yeah i was yeah i still don't remember i bet you're regretting not pointing your question at us huh we would have remembered you

but anyway nice to see you again oh it's great to see you as well my question do you have something for our desk that we have here we have an inbox it's empty we have an outbox for trans i think she's transitioning to the question i am i am indeed so my question is i was introduced to mother in bam about a year ago by a guy and i'm about to turn 31 and it's fine we didn't work out but it was cool i'm totally mature and whatever cool it's fine groovy fine mature people usually do say stuff like that so whatever but i'm totally great and successful and whatever it's fine my life is i'm doing fucking sick yeah you're doing right can i ask you some advice questions but but i introduce one of my really very good friends from college team in bam and he loves it

however his wife who also happens to be one of my best friends is not as interested cool that's by the way this is quite an emotional journey yeah this is like i'm gonna eat a flowchart so some people like us some people don't and you're doing great yeah so on this event we're like 50-50 you're 100% rad and also you have a friend who knows john yeah i picked up all that it is the key into writing a fantasy novel is world building yeah sorry did you say your name was griffin macaroy's twitter mentions no but for real are you asking us like how to get your friend on board with our brand of comedy two of us now and we're very we have good taste and we're strong if we can get even ourselves and but this one other person outlier is not into it uh how do we convince

who is the person i'm confused who's the person no no it's not jocelyn it's no one you know everyone loves you john don't worry yeah don't worry so this is your friend's wife yeah also my very good friend like did they try they don't know where are they trying they're like do they know we have a tv show now yeah we're like multimedia maybe they'll prefer like a visual medium to be probably not to be fit i've tried i've tried but her husband like walks around the house like laughing to himself dude that's not it no no no that's not really how you sell anything what are you laughing at no you can't hear it be quiet you have listen i've spent a lot of time with baby charlie over the last two days to get someone interested in something you have to be

withholding of it so what has to happen is your friend has to laugh at it and when she's like what is it like it's not for you no no no it's only for cool mature people this is just for cool mature people who are doing great financially it's not for you babies babies wouldn't appreciate our show it's a grown-up podcast and you do you got enough and pretty soon you'll catch her listening to him like i had to find out what all the fuss was about i'm like welcome yeah come with me uh do they live in the area yeah we all live in new york is she here no she's not she's probably going to be a great onboard though if they live in the area it's probably pretty good they didn't get in the show because we ain't got no more seats i took a what's up i've had a tv show for 30

minutes and i fucking lost it i'm a insane person is there is her husband here hey oh you did great but you guys are together but oh that's fantastic okay here's a solution you leave your wife jesus oh no john wait wait wait no no no hold on john john john john john john and you guys john john john john it's your first time here jesson's literally covering his ears like a child which i don't know i'm not about john no we have samplers on youtube they're easier ways to go about this please try our samplers on youtube please maybe get her a t-shirt they're great you guys know this is where this is going just go it wasn't it wasn't it was it i'm trying to draw a hundred is shipping our audience we're doing her best up here who's okay let's get

done from over there i see somebody in a white jacket yes you're waving yes yes yes yes come on down the one who applauded when we picked you that's wonderful hi what's your name hi my name is danny hi danny um first of all i'm wearing a kung fu panda three fuck yeah i was have you seen it it's so good dude i was interning at dreamworks when that episode came out holy shit they must have been you played it for jim dreamworks they must have been so excited here i almost got fired no so my question is um i have had a childhood friend since we were in second grade um unfortunately it has kind of turned into a hate kind of thing okay but this is a long journey but you're on the razor's edge of the bummer county no no no no i got this okay but

i really love his mom she's like a second mom to me and um and she is trying to pay me to tutor her little his little brother uh layer upon layer this is an onion danny so what i'm trying to figure out is how do i avoid that guy while getting paid you don't you rub it right in his face you are getting paid to be in his house he is there for free you are the speck you are the grim specter that haunts him for all his days what's it what's uh i shouldn't ask the friend's name is that's probably a little too personal let's just call him chad and he'll be like uh hey chad you got any uh chad you got any little debbies like you usually have i guess your mom doesn't have money for that anymore i wonder where it went flip flip flip flip flip flip your brother could do math now

fuck you chat i'm out thank you you're welcome oh that's it oh we did it cool yeah fucking fixed it wait um you pick right here in the middle because we never do in the middle right here in the yes yes you got it you're the cool hair come on i think i think that's why we don't get a handle on that ball the the tutor ball you okay with that i'm just fine okay hey hi i'm jessica hi jessica i discovered maximum fun while i was pregnant with my second child right named moxie that's cool that's cool um we're now a few people nodding approvingly hey i think the ship is sailed did uh did moxie sponsor your child because they didn't sponsor my goddamn podcast oh moxie did sponsor your podcast oh no no no

well go on with your question yeah we sent you some money so how can we help you or did you just want to talk to john like you know i want now so john helped name my second child okay so i need you guys to help name my third child hell yeah oh have you considered it it has to start with an m m okay how about how about mmm extreme restraints what about just mmm and you call them mmm for short what about uh mabin bam yeah he really set us up easy for that one macaroy what macaroy macaroy i mean i figured you guys would have enough m names to suggest macklemore shit man have you i've never met a person with the name money but i kind of love it

i'm i'm money you know me you know my style you know me money like are you quoting swingers no here's my driver's license i'm 115 years old i'm benjamin buttoning out um have you thought about mark but said with like a fun way like murk like if somebody's having fun with a guy named mark they're not just gonna say hey mark never hey mark i would have to say that's a winner but we already used that one son about what about mark all caps so it's like this is mark and this is brother mark wait a minute this is for your third child yeah number one is mark yeah number two is moxie yeah now you're looking for another m name yeah you have to stop that might i suggest these are these are human beings you understand that

they're not your craft project come up with something else you you can maybe combine the two older boys names and call marks yeah that's good mark see for short mark or mock i am mock i'm excited for school thank you for the pb and jay mother mock desires applesauce you will bring mock applesauce you are mother do as i say you do is mock all are we called mark mo doc at some point hey mo doc that's very good too um what about um halos for babies kill zones where the real gamers play brought to you by playstation i hope that answers your question

wait wait wait wait wait wait you have to decide right now doing those what mister mister manzi batinka margus manzi batinka i like manzi a lot manzi musta mackerel mavis mustard gas mustard i didn't know what i was getting into when i yeah you're just gonna know fucking free associates you guys literally aren't here right now we're just doing a free association we gave up a word to start with the m and we're adding the m to other words that's a bad job huh assignment humor and now you see my problem my words my words just love love large numbers i think the name was in there somewhere somewhere thank you guys thank you let's see one more one

more yeah right there yes sit right red shirt red shirt yes yes yes red under i think under shirt the good it says goose it's clearly a goosebumps shirt that's so rad excellent which one is that it's it's night of the living dummy i actually i used my alcohol money on this shirt you are going to be fantastic yeah yeah so they don't i'm gonna say you don't drink enough yeah uh so they have your question yes i budget and yes i'm great at it i have vodka in my freezer i couldn't bring that to with me you coulda i have to confess a sin oh shit i murder not i murder a bunch no you know murder bought an xbox no oh that's a great name for your baby murder okay what did you do what you do so last year i made my friend listen to all of the haunted doll

watch segments okay and she got really into it and started selling dolls on ebay hold on it's becoming aroboros it's a snake in his own tail one day we might do a haunted doll watch of your friends haunted dolls that's what i'm worried that's the thing is that she uh hired me to write a couple of doll stories you you wrote haunted doll stories for ebay she paid wait hold on oh shit i'm i'm all about that dollar one of them actually sold and she paid me 25 which amounted to eight dollars consisting of a pair of socks fuck yeah dude kind of a garment based economy yeah it's kind of the barter system so i just i needed to confess that i did i prodded you i technically pro you're exonerated i still have those socks they're really really nice

these guys too hawaiian shirts that's the trade and we'll fight over i wish hawaiian shirts are expensive i know right for sure no thank you all so much for coming thank you john for all of the hard job hard work that you've done uh a big thank you to the playstation theater yes seriously fuck xbox fuck xbox for real blanks the sign time sweeper i can't even say your name good good sequel you did oh wait you did he do a secret he did once it good third sequel you did nerd trap y'all yeah you all felt directly thank you to still buffering yeah a big thank you to star bones hey thank you to see thank you to see so for thank you for seeing so for taking a chance please tweet about that help us spread the word tweet at see so tv and say good job good job

great job yeah don't say good job no well say great job the show turns out uh anything else oh thanks to billions who booked without whom the show would not be possible there yeah thanks billions and uh you want to thank anybody john you want to get some thanks i want to thank all my all my brothers for having me ah he's a sweetheart and uh so are you we have one final yahoo wait hold on i also want to say thank you do are like our wives yes thank you thank you rachel thanks to my baby for being so chilled i was also going to thank all my wives uh how about this final yahoo though this one sent him by level nine thousand yahoo drew drew davenport three answers user sorry something's gone wrong it certainly has who asks is wario really all that bad asking for my children

my name is just i'm travis macaroy i'm griffin macaroy i'm john hodgeman this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips you maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported