My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 314: MBMBaM Summer Club

Episode Date: August 1, 2016

Hey everybody! Get your parents to fill out this form, and pay the one-time $1,100 application fee, and you too can join the MBMBaM Summer Club! We've got all the amenities and classes you could ever need to fully squeeze all the enjoyment out of this hot, hot season. So do our special guestperts for this episode, Jake and Amir! Suggested talking points: Fester's Sex, Damaged Deposits, Toilet Man, Buttery Revenge, Waiting Waiters, Facebook Friendships, RSVP Courtesy, Tinder Quantity, Monorail

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey, everybody, welcome to Club McBinBam. My name is Justin McElroy. My name is Travis McElroy. My name's Kid Vid, which is my Christian name is Gryffin McElroy, the baby's brother. And Kid Vid is like his vacation nom-dupe. Yeah, you know how everybody has a vacation name when they're out on vacation? For this one,

I'm Kid Vid because I'm glued to the screens. Hey, it's Kid Vid and this one, welcome to Club McBinBam. This is our summer series where it's just like the McBinBam you've come to know and love, I hope, but it's kind of a major vibe. Like we took the summer off and we're spending our summer working at like, you know, like a resort and maybe like Justin's teaching volleyball and like Gryffin's teaching beach video games apparently and I'm like maybe doing surfing and maybe like one of us has a crush on Stacey Carose and you know, like we're all just hanging out and you used to our antics at Bayside, but now we're on Oceanside. Do you remember when they made summer Coke and they

just put mangoes or whatever the fuck in there and the flavor was so bad that you were legally allowed to go into a convenience store and kick over the display case? You were legally allowed and in fact, if you did that, you got a free good drink of your choice from the business. They said we're not legally allowed to do that, but thank you for freeing us from this prison. They said we hate summer Coke, is what they said, but you're not going to hate my brother, my brother, me because I'm not on a beach and I'm doing a video game seminar about Fester's Quest. Where did he hide all the light bulbs? Well, that's the kind of thing you're going to reach out. Where's the brick sprite in the wall that you can walk through and there's Morticia and the

husband one having sex, haven't it? You know, Puggy's up to his things. Puggy and Wimmy's Day. Puggy and Wim's Day. Puggy and Wim's Day are into their tricks. Don't bring a Game Genie. And there's Cousin Whom. Don't bring a Game Genie into the seminar. I will skip it across the ocean's waves and it'll be lost to Neptune's bounty. Oh, he can break his game. I hate video game cheaters. It's almost as much as I hate summer Coke. Oh, hey, it's a new ma-bim-bam, club ma-bim-bam guest star, Miguel. He's here to talk to us about some great cocktails for this summer. Take it away, Miguel. Hi, Miguel. I hope you don't have a racist accent. Oh boy, did you have one and now you're thinking of a less racist accent, Miguel?

I kind of thought Travis would be Miguel. I was about to applaud you, Griffin, for jumping in and talking to Miguel to excuse yourself for their sensibility. Oh yeah, I sort of put the bunny ears up for not having to be Miguel in this podcast that you've hoisted on us. Hi, I'm Miguel. Hi, Miguel. Hello. I would like to tell you about Beach Cocktails. Yeah, please. What are we working with, some My Tie, a movie tie, something like that? What I like to do is crack open this coconut and then I pour it into this pineapple and I put a shit ton of rum in there. Hell yeah. Can I ask why you don't just leave the coconut in the coconut, why you have to put it in another vessel? Well, we bought a bunch of pineapples on sale and now we need to use them before the end

of the summer. Sounds like you didn't really think that went through, Miguel, and now you're kind of compromising the product. Well, it's the only thing keeping this island's economy afloat, Griffin, but sure, if you want the economy to go down. Hey, do you know what the sex Easter egg in Festus Quest for the NES? What? Hold on. Time out. No one's getting a drink for 20 minutes. Show me this Easter egg. Oh, it'll take me much longer than 20 minutes to find this sex Easter egg. Keeps moving around on me. Sunsoft, you got me again, guys. It's like house moving castle. You just. Damn, Sunsoft. Keep the porn in one place, my guys. Why you got to make it so hard on a preteen to find the sex Easter eggs?

It's so hard to find the sex Easter eggs in Festus Quest, and the game genie would make it easier. I wish I hadn't skipped it into the ocean. The sad thing is there's at least one person. There's one human being listed this who is currently thinking, man, I still got that table around. I got to dig back into that and find it. That sounds like my stuff. Find that pixelated coitus. Boy, I love the summer months. That's the sound of it. How's the summer for you all? Wait, no, I want to. I'm curious how everybody thinks it would sound. Go miss Morticia. Well, the others really had sex in an ESK.

Okay. Travis, if I could just hear you just one more time. Okay. I think it's more like. Mine would be like spoken through like one of those eight bit voice modulators that they could only get, I think on like Sega Genesis games. So it first came up where they're like, oh, yeah. And it's like, what was that? Oh, yeah. All right, sex. Hey, Stephen, can I talk to you about Fester's Quest real quick? We're about to release it. How did you go so far over budget? The game, it's not that big a game and I can't see where all the money went. Well, there's a sound blaster chip embedded in each cartridge.

And we got that in there to really get the sex noises. You know, you've heard of the mode seven chip. This is the mode sex chip. This is the mode 16. I don't know if we can put this game out. Not for everybody. Oh, just for those diligent children. What's great is you find you find the fastest. You find the fastest class sex Easter egg. And then Fester actually walks towards the camera until he gets very, very close and then he provides like a sound blaster voice chip sex lesson. Why are you saying it's completely natural? Yeah, okay. Approved thumbs up. Release away. Sounds great. We've gone gold, folks.

And that's how Miguel lost his job in the video game industry and ended up slinging drinks. He was just so gratified somebody had found it. How much budget do you spend on diagrams? There's pretty blocky pixels in there. If they have to render anything with any accuracy, I feel like it'd be a little tricky. This does explain why Fester's quest was just like you walked through one door and it was the kill screen because the rest of the game behind the pixelated wall. All the spooky energy could be found just on that first little map. Little did you know the real spooky energy was hiding behind that secret sprite? Um, secret sprite was my second least favorite modified beverage that they released for the summer.

Can we do some advice? I can never find it. Yeah. Because we just spent seven minutes talking about fucking Fester's quest, the NES game made by Sunsoft full of sex. I think it was full of Sunsoft. I've said it so many times now that it must be true. Like I'm trying. I just want to do something really quick. What kind of fucking misguided logic was going on for the Sunsoft corporate family where they thought, you know what kids are like into right now? The fucking Adams family. Not only that, what member of the Adams family has the most heat right now? Yeah. Which one is like real? Because here's the thing. The Adams family movie didn't come out until two years after Fester's quest. So this is trying to, yes Travis, what I'm telling

you is this is trying to capitalize on the heat from the series that ran from 1964 to 1966. And this game came out in 89, right? So it's like, but what are they trying to trade on? It was the brother game to its sister game, which is a game based on the one normal human from the monsters. But it was just like her, it was like a Willy Beamish scenario where she just like walked around town and made friends with people and ate a sandwich. Don't even get me started about Pugsley scavenger hunt. Like why would you think we want to spend a lot of time with Pugsley? And why would you think we'd want to spend that time looking for hidden items in the Adams house? Anyway, can we please not talk about Sunsoft games anymore?

Yeah, I just want to real quick say arrow the acrobat and moving on. Just before we get in, we wanted to tell everybody, we got special guests this week, Jake and Amir from If I Were You, their podcast and of course all their YouTube videos and TV show and everything. They're on our podcast to give some advice to you, the people just like they do on their podcast. And Travis is on their episode that goes live today. Also, Travis is on their podcast. We did a little crossover because there's things also an advice podcast and the beef has been like so real lately. And the the let's call it what it is, which is a full blown social media battlefield. We needed we needed to disarm each other. And so we've done this with this joint operation.

Yeah, so every with everything is cool for now. I really want to stress that for now. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see how it go. So here's the question. My roommate moved out four months ago. He continued to pay his half of the rent while I lived alone until the end of our lease. Considering that I've done all the cleaning, how do I split up the deposit we get back? Does he still deserve half since he paid rent all this time? Or do I get a larger chunk since I was integral in getting the deposit back? That's from courteous cleaner in Kansas. You know, it's a funny thing about a security deposit, especially when you're younger, because I think you do give like they're treating this in this question. I was about to

take unbridge the fact that they're treating it like a bonus and not like money that they're getting back that they paid together. But like the truth of the matter is, when you're that age, it might as well be like, well, never seen that money again. But the thing is, you're right, though, it's not your deposit isn't a reward for cleaning your apartment. It's the money that you needed for them to give you the apartment in the first place. And like he paid half of it. It's like they just held on to your like $500 and then hand it back to you at the end of the year. Can I tell the sorrowful tale of we're gather around the fucking Midnight Society fire. This is part of Mbem Bam Club. It's nighttime on the

beach. I'm about to throw that coffee creamer into the fire, make it spark up. And the words the tale of the Batavia Ohio apartment lost damage deposit because Travis is a goombas appears on the screen. And I tell the story of we had a hookah we used once and it was a fateful time because it fell over and we didn't realize the coal had rolled under the the coffee table. And when we found it, luckily it hadn't burned our house down with us inside of it, but it did burn a perfect circle into the carpet and Travis his fucking tinker tailor mind ticking away tick tick tick. He said, how can I solve this problem? He went into a closet and cut some of the carpet out of that closet and then glued it into the circle that was missing.

And the landlord caught both things. They said you fucked up two parts of the carpet. Now, you are missing a key to this story Griffin. There's a very big element. Oh, yes. Oh, you're right. I burned my foot very badly on the coal. Well, that too. But when we moved in, they were offering a special in which the deposit was only $100. So after we moved out and they tried to get money from me, my justification was, I guess you should have charged more money for the deposit. You should have charged. You should have trusted us less. Yep. And they never got that money. Good. I had a friend in college who he had ridden his apartment hard, I would say.

And put it down wet. He put it down wet. He read it hard. And he's a dear friend. We spent basically our college time there. And then when time came to move out, we all really hated his landlord in that sort of adversarial relationship that college renters can only have with their landlord. And since he knew he wasn't going to get his damage deposit back the day he moved all his stuff out, he burned his initials into the carpet with lighter fluid. Now, I know what you're thinking. That's not how that works. That's still a crime. And the answer is, yes, you're correct, but nothing bad came of it. My friend, Justin was living in his apartment and the landlords informed him that he needed to get the fuck out because they were going to demolish the building halfway through

his lease to turn it into a parking lot for the Marshall University Stadium and that they were not going to refund him any money or anything like that. So we had a party and destroyed his apartment. Like our justification was they were going to demolish the building anyway. Yeah. So we knocked doors out of the frame and kicked holes through walls. Man, we're a bunch of rowdy rebel boys, aren't we? Yeah, for sure. Used to be. Here's the answer to this. First of all, I mean, I'm leaning towards you got to just give them their part of the deposit back because they paid that money probably without agreeing to not get it back if you cleaned up the house. Also, I'm assuming they cleaned up their self mess when they moved out four months ago. And the fact that

they kept paying the rent, like, yeah, I think they get the money back on this one. Yeah, that's true. You've got a whole apartment to yourself for like four months. And they paid the rent for it. Like that's yeah, that's that's yeah, you got to give them their money back. Yeah, sorry. Do you want a yahoo? Absolutely. This one was sent in by this one sent in by level 9000 yajurjur to have important thank you druids by yaju answers user yah dash who by the way still waiting for that other shoe to drop. Still waiting for uncle Verizon should we call it Verizon answers? No, let's just delete this incredibly valuable resource. If anybody like kidding aside, if anybody has a contact over Verizon like that would know

there's the answer is probably nobody right now because who gives a shit but like if anybody could reach out and just put put us in contact with them or we would really appreciate it. Also, we'll do we'll do some synergy and they can call it macroe answers or something like that. We'll have to do some social media campaigning and I don't want to come to that because that can be exhausting. I tried yelling at the the young woman from the eight from the from the Verizon commercials where she's like in the store. And I just yelled last time that I saw those commercials on my TV like please don't take this from me like over and over and over again. In fact, I've done it every time that commercials come on. And that's because that's the secret. You

got to visualize the energy and put it out. I'm pretty I'm pretty good friends with can you hear me now but he moved he's at Sprint now so that's no good either. I bet we could go down to the kiosk at the mall and just see what that kid knows. Which store is the woman from the commercial work at because she I think she's the you're talking about my friend Milana. I think she's the president of oh you're right. Being she probably wouldn't be able to help us out with the Verizon thing unless she knows some sort of government backdoor into Verizon servers. Anyway, her and flow and can you hear me now and all the other human spokes? Where's the beef? Where's the beef is there? They're all there. It's time to make the time to make the bonus. John Machida they're all

there. Dude you're getting the Dell got invited in after Jared left was was kicked out. He was dishonorably discharged. Anyway, y'all sitting around a kitchen table eating Garmin Boza just like being terrifying. Like that one seemed for fire walk with me. Anyway here we go. Yahoo asks that's the user's name. Is there anything you can do to mute the sounds coming from the bathroom if it's about 10 feet from the living room? I don't even understand why I have to ask this. Same bro. How is there not a product on every shelf in every convenience store to do something about muting bathroom noise from urination to defecation? Thank you doctor. Should I just put a button with a music player nearby or I automatically have loud music play when a censor detects the

door closed? That a mute. You're talking about is drowning out. That's boring. Yeah, it baffling. The loud music is a non-starter because if I have friends over and I've made them a big meal and we're watching Bachelorette and then I leave the room and then from down the hallway they just hear, his merchant repairs! Swims up the canton sink! Like they're gonna know what's happening down that hallway. What you need is you need some sort of like airlock scenario and like baffling and maybe some like caulking around like maybe some like a foam that fills up a doorway. Do you think if old timey people who use outhouses like we think of them as so backwards but if you think if they came into our world and the modern world and saw what we did they'd be like

oh my god you do it in the house. You just shit in the house? You just shit in your house? That's a buff wild. That's profane. Wow! You just like basically go in a closet and shit in a hole? What's the matter with you? Let me get this straight. The same place where you nurse your infant baby and lay your head down to sleep on pillows of down is also where you decide to shit? That doesn't make sense. That's repellent. That's all the same air you understand that right? Like we live in the 1700s but even we get that's the same air dog. Next you'll be telling me you let your women vote. What we gotta think about I mean first of all there is a wonderful place on earth that has figured this out and if we did this in the Japanese style we would have a button on the toilet

and this really only covers two onesies because they have a button on most of their toilets that you know they have the bidet function and then pressure, temperature, sweet scent is one of the buttons but then there's a button that just makes water noises happen so nobody can tell what is pee and what is the brook. Griffin you gotta take that a step further. Just splashing. Just have it randomly trigger when no one's in the room all the time at random. Oh I see so I have friends over we're all sitting at the dinner table like everybody knows we're all at the dinner table and from down the hallway it's just she's mad to everybody. What if it just made the noise of a human defecating console? That's what I'm saying. Yeah like camouflage right? Right you

can't hide it so instead you gotta hide in plain sight. Damn Mike where did you get that new car that's fucking awesome. I came into some money I did some let's just say widely distributed voice over work. Oh my god it's like the hunt for Siri it's like the hunt for toilet man because when you press the toilet it's just one guy just going like oh come on and it's like oh you're a little bit extra but you can get expansion packs that include Snoop Dogg and Shaquille and Neil yeah but the base the base pack is just a guy like please um and then like that guy goes to Quiznos or something like that is like let me get a deli scramble and they're like holy shit can you say that again because I think it's him we found him toilet man. Like do you say not like this over and

over again? Can you say not like this like in the matrix movies by the way why did you quote the matrix movies while you're recording this and why did you only record like five sounds and why did you record no sounds of the stool being like deposited it's just human man speaking and why for the women's screaming there is no spoon what was that meant to assemble and even in the women's restrooms they use the same voice box which is weird you would think would you want somebody who's like obviously rocky style scraping for every inch like fighting to the nail or would you want somebody who just like is a stone killer and goes in and no scopes like no just blasts or clean out like no problem I would actually want it to be a variable Justin so some days I could really pull for him oh there's

a dial I could be really proud of him there's a dial that on the toilet before you punch the button that's like how buck wilds about to get in here and it's it's represented by the hospital pain scale well we fucking great is if they could work a little bit of narrative in there you know like if I'm gonna have to listen to this guy crowing about his twos all the time he could at least we're good like he's maybe the spy that would be good or just one time bits and some muttering about his asshole boss or maybe like just a little crying yeah he's like reading his secret government files while he's doing it so you're like piecing together I have to pass this data chip I swallowed in Moscow or maybe you can make it like a romantic storyline where you

can hear him like intermittently practicing his vowels right oh I love that oh he's got a nervous tummy it's a big day for him the third option is of course anti-sound and you may be wondering what is that well every sound has an anti-sound that cancels it out so if you play both at once it's just silence so there has to be some sort of way to put a mic in the turlet and then it generates procedurally anti-sound for your your humiliating splashes I love that grip so I think great idea actually I think that exists it's gotta be like you know I mean like that's the opposite like is the opposite of what a toilet sound and you perhaps the man yes that's a that's a good-ass reference Travis you just somehow went deeper than fester's quest something everyone

can enjoy dear brothers three I work as a print production manager for a small athletic apparel company there are only five employees my boss is very annoying slash childish an unspoken part of my job is to be her friend she complains when we don't when we don't like her personal posts on fb that's facebook they don't say that I was clarifying if I come to work and treat her like my boss and not my bff she retaliates and the office dynamic turns into a weird mean girl spinoff in response I have started to hate bake every Monday I bring in some homemade baked goods to work I find the recipe with the most butter and watch as my co-workers who are on perpetual diets gorge themselves am I good and that's from counting your calories and Cali and they say at the end

as if to cut her off here cut us off here I am looking for a new job okay because that was the obvious hey dog you're like the count of Monte Cristo if he was bad and actually made dope-ass Monte Cristo sandwiches for his his his worst enemies and then had them eat it and they said great sandwich well back to being evil you did not the the revenge plan in the actual novel the count of Monte Cristo is about that well thought through it's it's a weird plan that he has in that book and it was about this uh effective but it's like no it's not this effective because this effective is here's some cupcakes ah fuck ah fuck I just thought about it and I just gave you cupcakes that was bad that was a reward oops I want to be there when this person when question

asked like tells a friend like their devious plan like so I made them get this brownies and they're like oh what'd you put in the brownies and they're like butter there's a sentence in here I want to translate in response I've started to hate bake you just mean bake because baking is love right like you can't in you can't as try as hard as you will you can't put hate into a thing that you bake right uh every Monday I bring homemade baked goods to work that's dope I find the recipe with the most butter you mean the best recipe that there is actually you can only put hate into no bake because you apply a little bit of heat and it bakes right off so you need to do like a cheesecake or maybe like one of those peanut butter cookies that you don't actually have to

bake you could put some hate in those that would be an amazing subplot on uh uh great British bakeoff if one of the contestants like I'm here because Mary Berry killed my nephew in a hit and run and covered it up and I'm getting back into the only way I know how baking the scone the scone was very buttery dear yeah it was yeah hell yeah it was don't eat that oh it's a bad bird fucking paul hollywood like flying through the air that's actually how paul hollywood always sounds that was just our regular paul hollywood can we have have we ever had a discussion about paul hollywood's name the most british the very very british baking man paul hollywood it's his family name I thought people were fucking with him

until literally like two seasons in I thought that paul hollywood like maybe you'd had like a career for a bit trying to make it as an actor or something and people were just trolling him no he's named paul hollywood that would be like paul hollywood if if like um Sylvester Stallone right that's an action movie star hollywood movie star name it'd be like if if his name was like Nigel sconceworth like what no wait but the point the pushback I would say is that paul hollywood would be would be an insane name for any living human it would be like if your name was Doug box office like it sounds like the name you would make up for an action movie star in a fake movie in the movie you were making yeah a bad movie within a movie within a movie it would be

like if his if if there was a man named paul hollywood who was an action movie star and then he traded somehow his name one day just became Nigel breadman and then like paul hollywood Nigel breadman received the title paul hollywood it's like a reverse quickening if your name was paul hollywood and you wanted to go into acting you would legally change your name to something else because no one would believe that your legal name was paul hollywood when you auditioned for anything and hey everybody don't tell me don't don't please please don't tweet or email the show it's like actually hollywood is this building in the uk is the queen's middle name or something I don't I don't want to know okay we we ruined hollywood okay we took that one and we ruined it whatever it was

over in your land I'm sorry it's not that anymore we ruined it it's ours it's ours we ruined it his if his name was paul new york it would be just as fucked up yeah not good um Montana is that I'm trying to think of one american identifiable state or city that it could be paul to pika that's actually pretty great name I like hi I'm paul florida that fool follows me on twitter I need to DM him paul florida yeah paul florida yeah you could think of it trap you could be the first person to ever ask him about his crazy name imagine I bet he's chomping at the bit to unpack that uh let's do one more yahoo this one's sent in by 119 000 yahoo jude again thank you jude it's by uh I didn't say his name jude evanport there write it in the fucking stars uh it's by yahoo answers user

elizabeth smith who asks and really think about this because you're gonna hear it you'll be like this is a dumb question let's move on um but I really need you to really ponder it when do waiters eat if a waiter works from eight to four when does he or she eat lunch how do waiters eat griffin because everybody thinks dumb questions are so obvious they eat whatever's left over on your plate when you pay out and leave no because they're waiting travis during that time if they're i don't i don't want that's what they're waiting for they're waiting for you to leave so they could eat what's on your plate that's why they call them waiters interesting because they're waiting to see what you leave and they're like oh mashed potatoes i'm at all

at nice places they don't even wait till you leave they wait till your view is averted and they'll just snatch away the chicken tender off your plate those nice fancy chicken tender places some restaurants even have extra chairs at each table and you're supposed to order something for the waiter and then they bring the food to you and then they just sit down and have a gab but the trick is you can never actually see them put food in their mouths like so like you look to your left to see where the bathroom is and you look back and their steak's gone yeah they're just like dabbing the corners of their mouth and you're like dang and they're just dabbing they're doing the dance they're just dabbing when do they eat though because that was a funny joke but seriously

i'm looking at these these folks and i'm saying how do you do it because i see like a doctor or a dentist like they're getting your teeth done isn't like a biological daily like several times a daily biological imperative you can like go in your office hours and go you gots to eat between eight and four you'll die otherwise how do the waiters even when do they do it i like to think that there's other waiters who are waiting on the waiters to get what they want when they're back in the bank they're just following the restaurant sir sir sir sir sir i actually work at the restaurant across the street i really need to get back if you can sir how do they eat though i mean we're talking about a little old lady at this point it's waiters all the way down griffin yeah you think

there's there's fewer waiters as the further you go right so restaurant with 16 waiters maybe they have eight waiter waiters that helps them out and then just diminishing returns there's four waiter waiter waiters and it keeps going down to just one waiter waiter waiter waiter and they'll die oh yeah but the but that's nature the wheels the one has to die so that many may live yeah do you think anybody like what would happen if you ordered like you're there with you and your spouse uh or she's only married people are allowed to go to restaurants no i'm just i just needed a number okay so you're there with your spouse or a significant other or just a friend maybe or whatever or you're in significant other or you're somebody a stranger an escort i don't care

we're there with one other person and you order three entrees and when the waiter brings them you say the third one is for you please please take rest those rest those puppies that's what they're on did you know all waiters are secretly hoping that you'll do that did you know the like genies they're waiting to be freed from their prison you know did you know it's like dobby if you give a waiter a dinner they're free and they'll have three waiters and then they're out of a job so like oh they hate it they fit they finish this the the chicken tendos and then you say there will be no tip and then they turn into smoke and fly into the salt checker you've trapped them i'll wait on you now now i waited long enough allow me if you went to a

restaurant okay listen okay if you went to a restaurant that offered you the option to take your own plates into a window at the kitchen when you were done would you but they made it perfectly clear that it's fine if you leave them would you do it is there any bed do i save money if i do it there's nothing there's nothing no no okay travis says no griffin what do you say yeah i do it yeah i would have no choice but i'm so glad they don't offer the option i would have absolutely no no choice i would have to bust my own table i would want some sort of candy from the transaction though oh what a good boy open up here comes a peppermint i would call this restaurant dicks first resort where it's all about how nice everyone could be all the time yeah okay now i'm

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you can send them back you have nothing to lose better than that if you turn if you turn them into ghost costumes you will not that doesn't no that ain't gonna fly that ain't gonna strengthen up between you and your siblings bed because you share a room in a 90s sitcom and you guys are having a tiff as long as you don't puncture them in any way you can probably still return them probably still be okay go to boland branch dot com today for 20 off your entire order that sheets towels blankets debate covers everything plus free shipping and all the products come beautifully packaged in their signature boxes so go to boland branch dot com today for 20 off your entire order and use the promo code my brother and start sleeping a little better for once for a change

can i ask you a question no okay ask just and i'm not in the mood right now okay just i ask you yeah do you know wine no i don't know anything about wine well what if you had a friend that you're really no listen no listen to it oh i don't know anything about wine and i really hate it i wish i did oh are you whining yeah so what if you had friends you not only do you want some wine with that sheet fuck fuck go ahead trap what if you had a friend who knew about wine and could get you wine and all you have to do is answer a few simple questions for them i do his name's jerry he's been hooking me up since i was 15 thanks jerry it's my first jerry shout out first of many first of many can't believe we made it 314 episodes without ending up jerry probably not

makes it jerry yet jerry if you know somebody more reliable than jerry i'd love to hear it though i do i know a little thing called club w now club w is okay so maybe you've done like subscription things you know for snacks or for underpants or for stuff like that well this is for booze which i always appreciate and basically what it is is you answer some questions as far as like do you like chocolate or vanilla do you like sweet or savory not you don't need to know any complicated wine terminology or what kind of palette or do you like chardonnay versus whatever all you need to know is like what kind of candy like what kind of food this is my brother travis he knows one kind of wine you don't need to know anything about wine in order to enjoy wine because

that's what club w is there for you tell them the kind of stuff you like and they make suggestions for you and then they're going to ship it to your house and the best part is along with it come to these cards that will tell you like what you should pair it with what kind of event it's appropriate for and it's got you know it's usually some pretty cool labels and stuff that like your friends probably have never seen in stores before and it's going to make you look like a real cool person who knows their shit about wine even though you don't right right and so what you're going to do is you're going to go to club w.com slash my brother and you're going to get 20 off your first order which is just a crazy deal and not only that but they're going to cover

they're going to cover shipping on that for orders of four bottles or more so you're going to get 20 off by going to club w.com slash my brother and if you order four bottles or more they're going to cover shipping it's a great deal you should go check it out hey i've got a jumbo tron here and this one is for stacy and it's from tim i don't know why it sounds so accusatory yeah supposedly um anyway tim says to stacy stacy three years ago you went sugar daddy dumpster diving and found me i hope that's an end joke i'm sure it is marrying you in april is was was the only way my life could be better you are awesome and i will always love you and now the brothers have recorded permanent proof ps i'm sorry i had that shirt made that said i'm with

bummy love tim tim you should have done better than that tim um this sounds like a wonderful relationship i'm very very happy that you all found each other we got another jumbo tron here this message is for shannon it's from jason and says happy birthday my little ham dancer thanks for introducing me to the mac groy family a fine podcast and more importantly for sharing your life with me and stuff here's to many many more happy years together it's shaping up to be a pretty sweet ride lots of love now and forever you're huppson um you said that word so right um this way it's spelled i'm just reading phonetically huppson i gotta know what a ham dancer does and is i'm imagining a sort of competitive sport where a person dances some sort of beautiful

interpretive dance but the whole time you're throwing ham slices at them trying to get them to stick wait you're throwing at the dancer the dancer's dancing with hand sizes like ribbon dancing no no you're throwing them at the dancer and i think actually this doesn't make sense because we have to be baloney because baloney would have a more uniform um like shape and aerodynamic properties and travel pattern and i it wouldn't be fair because like somebody could bring like a thinly sliced honey ham it's just not the the air resistance alone would stop that from attaching itself to the dancer i think we're gonna have to really workshop this down with the boys in r&b yeah for the great new sport they've been thinking of baloney toss hey max fun community this is

your friend elizabeth gilbert author of you pray love and a bunch of other stuff i am a long time member supporter and devoted follower of maximum fun and now finally i have my own podcast on the network it's called magic lessons and it is me coaching people through their creative issues and problems this season we have some amazing creators that were helping through their joys and struggles of making something out of nothing and then i bring in special guests like glen and doyle melton randon stanton martha beck the poet mark nipo michael ean blacks erid jones gary shingart these amazing friends of mine to come and help coach these people so that they can get their work done i hope you'll tune into it it's called magic lessons and it's all about love

all right folks uh as we mentioned at the top of the show we are joined by very special guests um and right now you can hear me on their podcast if i were you uh we're joined by jake and amir applause all right thank you i'm applause right i'm gonna have to demand actually that you finish this podcast before you go listen to that one like i feel like you dance with the one that brought you and then you dance with oh yeah for sure yeah because they don't know if we're funny or not yet we haven't won over yet we are your rich meaty dinner and they're gonna be your your delicious dessert succulent dessert if you guys weren't dessert what kind of dessert would you be oh it's this kind of podcast i love that a flan bam thank you man

i've always said that about you yeah is that so is that a a treat served at the guy fairies do you kitchen and grill yeah it's that that and it's at a denny's it's at one denny's in actually Cincinnati where you're moving oh that's nice you can actually order that yourself did they steal it from guy fairies the restaurant or did a guy fairies steal it from this one denny's it was actually spontaneously created at the same time parallel thinking it combusted into one magical dessert by the way guy fieri fieri fieri a little respect that's actually jake's brother i think we're joined by jake fieri he doesn't call you travis fieri that's true but that's not my name yeah no but i don't call you that yeah that's why it's true it's one of the

so you guys do a lot of stuff that's video videos and podcasts and video podcasts what's harder videos or podcasts oh videos for sure yeah videos not well you sure because we don't do many of those we do a lot of podcasts it seems like podcasting is harder the why do you guys do a lot more podcast than us we just have the one oh yeah that's fair we're comparing one to one oh yeah that's right if you're comparing 23 to one maybe the podcast yeah we're just comparing our lives to yours yours are harder yeah you also have wives and sometimes children so that's a lot harder than probably any podcast or video one one child equals about eight podcasts i bet that's what you tell him every night before he goes to bed i'll not actually fluctuate depending on the the world

market all right do you know i literally had to come down to do this podcast from trying to get my baby to sleep for an hour and a half gosh so so how many podcasts how many podcasts was she the last thing i whispered to her before she finally drifted off was this was like two and a half podcast yeah please rate leave you please rate and subscribe daddy all right we need your five stars retweet this next lullaby um so we got questions from uh our listeners that we wanted to uh put to you gentlemen uh you have uh you have provided us with a diverse list of uh expertise here but we decided to focus on your expertise with um chris how did you put it electronic communications a digital communication digital communication okay yeah yeah well yeah well you know i waited

till the last minute to put the call out for questions and i didn't want to make it too confusing yeah uh uh you guys also professed a um a lot of expertise uh specifically uh uh jake's expertise according to amir with pornography and it's a jake knows pornography really well this is i'm quoting directly jake knows pornography really well like really well really really well see you soon amir a ps really really really well and honestly i think he undersold it you should have been 10 more ps is each more pornographic than the next but uh i'm going to ask a first question here i move a lot read six cities in the past four years including two and a half years in europe and therefore have made a lot of connections with people all over the world i love a lot of these people

but with the distance the time difference center it isn't easy to keep in touch any advice on how to maintain long distance friendships and that's from disconnected in the midwest what are your thoughts on having different people in different area codes i feel like the the answer is just to be really active on social media like kind of generally so then you're not keeping up with any one you know person of person but you're keeping up with absolutely nobody yeah it's like more people but more loneliness you just post on instagram you like a lot of photos you like people's facebook statuses it's the bare minimum of human connection well not even that people you exist social media is like the cotton candy of human interaction and that it looks like really great and then you really

sink your teeth into it and then it's all it's all gone it wasn't anything at all yeah now your teeth hurt and then and also then the cotton candy says it's gonna murder you whoa and it doesn't get banned from being cotton candy anymore okay i think you were just harassed by someone on snapchat or something and you're you're taking it out on the candy or he was cyber bullied by like a vendor at a carnival that did that happen he didn't give a tip to the cotton candy man i'm gonna tweet about this later you little thug i am master 18 says one of those dudes that did that let me guess how much you weigh thing was just very hateful like i'm gonna guess how much you weigh and then there were like 240 pounds i was like what no and they're like just kidding here's a stuffed animal get the

fuck out of here don't really get super hateful till the end there yeah yeah he didn't stick the lamb he also undersold it aren't you 310 i'm yeah 310 on a good day but if i've got a but if i've got a boxing match tomorrow i can easily get that down to 90 how many stone yeah some people wouldn't even think that 240 is that much no no real man i have friends that have kind of dispersed i feel like facebook is sort of the cheap version of this right like you can still be supportive and sort of connected with them but it's just like there's just one click away hey i like that yeah but you're missing the magic of the pack your bags and move away and that is every time you move is the perfect excuse to stop the friendships you don't actually care about yeah they kind of get stuck in that

where you like live in a city and you're like yeah i don't really like this guy but he's in this group of friends so i have to see him every time we hang out then you get to move and you don't have to do that shit anymore it's a self it's a self-fulfilling prophecy though right because like i have friends who leave austin or friends that i haven't seen in a long time because like we grew up in heighton and moved in different directions throughout the country and then i'll like i'll get an email correspondence from them and i'll be like oh man this person is my friend like you can invoke some like that's true it's so easy to get friendship magic because all i gotta do is like one call and someone's like you you're so special that's what i said the expectation is dirt like it was so easy

it's so easy to like keep friendships going just call them once a year out of the blue it's like it was really good to hear from steven today i like yearly call a yearly check and you just set set a little alert yeah day after their day after their birthday oh that's when you're always late always do the day after if you sound a little distracted at the end of the call it's just because you're making your calendar appointment for the next year something really important happens in your life like oh i can't wait six and a half months to tell steve about this yeah so you call on their birthday and then the next day you call to check in because it's been a while since you had a non birthday call with colin did you see dead did you see deadpool yeah dog like that came

out in february yeah but your birthday is in january so i haven't spoken to you then what do you want from me um is there a way to get people to take digital rsvp seriously i found that facebook rsvp are almost 100 unreliable i thought meetup.com would be more reliant but people seem to flake on these as well when it's saying yes become no but i would rather inconvenience you by making you prepared twice as many guests slash attendees even group emails are a failing uh i organized both small lectures and a kickball team help that's from rsvp in richmond i literally can't make people show up i will i will have them verify and guarantee in digital writing and it does nothing my small lectures yeah i only need four dozen people my friends are like trying to gather smoke please

tell me what to do they will and they get off online and say we'll come out we'll come out and then they would now you joke you joke but that is a fetish a lot of people have which is garbage food they love to know that like snacks and appetizers have been thrown in a garbage can somewhere because of their their actions the kickball is the worst one though like you just kick it towards the goal and you think uh Dylan rsvp and i know he's gonna get this alley up it into the goal for me especially when the rich kids camp shows up to take you on and you don't have any of your poor but lovable friends with you to beat them and you're like i got 20 rsvp's i don't know what happened and then the rich kids beat you up yeah where's my motley crew

with charming misfits i got eight maybes and i figured i could tip the scales if i posted on the event's wall i have a problem with who posts maybe in a facebook event yeah just don't post every your maybe by default well if you don't say anything we'll assume you're maybe yeah i might be at every event in the world tonight i don't know i might be yeah i guess i may be going that's when it's forecast it's like when it's forecasted there's a 50 chance of rain that's basically like oh i don't know yes you're you're no more uh uh aware than you were before you jump the weather it's 50 percent yeah that's that's the least decisive you can be right or you have no idea or is 10 percent now now i'm confused philosophically is it two percent chance

of rain yeah that's more certain i'm not willing to rule it out but there's definitely 50 percent is maximum uncertainty any closer to 100 or zero is yeah you're 50 50 it's a coin flip yeah you're guessing that's what they should say they should just be like i don't know there might be rain bye that's my day and i'm gonna go enjoy my picture 50 50 it could or it couldn't i'm watching the fucking news so that you tell me yes or no i think there's different strata of like digital communications and how seriously you take them so that if i say i'm having a you know a birthday party on facebook and i get 10 people saying yeah i'm in to that but then i get a text message going and i'm saying hey i'm having this birthday party and only five people respond to that

i know that five people are going to show up for some reason like it being a text message it makes it more believable in a way because you wouldn't i'm not gonna start being accountable for things i do on the internet i do a lot of things on the internet i say a lot of things on the internet really fucked up things yeah really dark shit like the the the fingers and hands i use to type into like garbage twitter and say you know terrible just junk 24 hours a day are the same hands i use same computer i use to like rsvp to your thing like there's no i said that on the internet there's no accountability there but then do you have another set of non-garbage hands that you use to type out your your your sms messages no but i use my phone that's different yeah i use

my hands to type and my phone to uh a text and he puts on those gloves that i have the reactive stuff on the tip of the fingers you know those things those are good and why do we do that that's true that like when i text you something my word is bond if i say i'm gonna come to your fucking concert on facebook i'm probably not going to so what if it's uh what if it's an android to iphone green bubble is that just a just a man that's not real yeah well there's well the problem to further shrodinger this shit that those in my experience go through about 50 of the time at that point it's just we're playing calvin ball if it's green what's it mean if it's blue you know it's true that's what i've always said that's what i've always said you have a tattoo yeah it's of

a pineapple but still yeah but if you look close i just noticed it yeah there it is use use the cipher turn it slide turn it 90 degrees 90 degrees to the left oh it's glowing don't look directly at it it's green it must be green it's actually the direct declaration of independence you got it uh i've tried online dating pretty much all of them but if not had any luck we're talking all of the relationships or all of the all of the sexes everybody uh we're talking uh anything from a guy telling me he loves me after three dates to one sending me a link to his youtube so i could see his rap videos before we met fyi we never ended up meeting i guess they were bad raps so or too good and they got too good you were intimidated uh so my question is this what am i

doing wrong what advice can you give me to attract nice normal guys that's from ken jake and amir p s i'm a girl so you guys have to pick a name for this girl all right i'll say the first thing you say the last yep genica twinditch wow all right next question that was really good it's what they call an alley-oop in the comedy game uh this so she's tried everything and she hasn't had any luck yeah no luck on the online there's no the unfortunate thing is that she just needs she needs to keep on trying she has to keep on plugging well what's the best practices what's the tips and tricks i think the only tip is that like almost a hundred percent of guys on these apps suck right so so like and you only need one like i if you you hear about people like yeah i married

a lot like a hundred people and now i found the my soulmate and now we're married it's like okay nobody cares about the 99 failures because you found the one good one it's a numbers game she she just has only been out with maybe eight guys instead of 99 well she should get off if she's on tinder she she should uh switch to bumble oh that's a good upgrade or hinge these are fake or you have to remember we're three very married guys yeah yeah those are real but here's a couple fake ones you know if bumble doesn't work out you should try out juicy oh yeah juicy but if juicy's not good try not you oh yeah not you is really fun or you can try uh taika ti y k a h yeah uh so bumble is one where you when you match somebody the girl is the only person that can

initiate the conversation oh that's so much that of course that solves so many problems yeah so there's like a lot of douchebags who are like oh this app doesn't give me a way to pray on people yeah forget it it we start people out yeah and hinge i think works with it starts with the networks of your friends so like it sets you up with friends of friends or maybe friends of friends oh see i don't actually like that i want complete i want complete and the ability to just break away yeah just no see that your friends with a lot of your exes on facebook so i don't want to have i don't want to go yeah that's it well maybe i do actually yeah but the guys on there might be nicer because you know they're friends of somebody you know rather than a complete stranger but then

how do you tell them that you've been a ghost the whole time and you are only allowed to walk the earth one week out of the year uh i would do it in english just like how you said well and also there's there's another exclusive dating app just for people who walk the earth just one day a year oh yeah that's called march march 15th what that's the name of the eyes brides yeah oh wow that was fast thank jeez it's another tattoo the eyes have it i don't want to andy rooney all over this great guest segment but um i did get i did online dating for like a minute in when i lived in chicago um before i i know well okay it was several months and back then you had like three options and like you have match which is like you got to pay but it's usually a better quality of client

clientele and you had okcupid which is like the wild wild west um and you had farmers only you have farmers only and then like some i don't know what happened but now there's like there really is one for one a day ghosts and there's one for like people who only want to use colonoscopy pictures is their profile page like there's one for every single person so much so that there's like gotta be a dating app out there that only two people use and it's like oh you then they're perfect for each other the colonoscopy pictures one is called deep connections wow he's good and you won't you'll cut out the 45 minutes he took to think about that because he was trusting us for close to an hour hold on hold on eyes brides uh speaking of i

recently saw um the uh the even speaking of all the dating apps there is a uh the room dating website for fans of the room started by uh room director tommy waso oh god i was i was so down with it until that last part yeah um just to just to give you a quick sampling uh i saw this on tumblr there's a list of uh the most popular interests on the room dating dot com and they are as follows pizza computer business football watching diy bio biotechnology kitcher williams the room beta breakers young niche those are the most popular interests but the best of course is watching yeah what's watching how is that different than football just watching and the other category and interest has living intensely do you think anybody's ever like at their wedding some is like

tell me the story how you guys met again like well there's this online dating website that this unwrapped mummy made about his movie it's called watching football watching football is there a point at which everybody just has their own dating app that's just them on it and they're just waiting for people to come join like it gets welcome to lonely steve dot com lonely steve reynolds dot com that's good it is kind of an interesting idea if you just if you were single you like had a website with a picture of your face and people could just come and be like i'll take you yeah share it done like i'll take you this is my bespoke dating website welcome to my future girlfriend welcome to i want to date the lead singer of smash mouth uh let's see um what's the lead singer from smash

smash mouth steve harwell wow steve harwell that is it i was gonna guess guy fietti oh man it's off days it's like a chris gains garden rugs kind of thing it really does seem like they might be the same guy with uh one has bleached hair and the other one doesn't right like you guys they actually lead singer smash mouth bleached his hair okay this is a very odd segue i was on a dating app and i came across the profile for someone i immediately recognized as from a local band that i like a weird amount i might have made a cross stitching of some of their lyrics and hung it over my bed yeah over their bed it says hey now you're an all star get your day one i stare at it every morning to remind myself that i am an all star it's a shrek poster is uh okay i messaged him and

pretended that i didn't recognize him so he wouldn't think i was creepy now we've been chatting which is awesome but i don't know how to come clean it feels like it's too late do i have to tell him i know who who he is and i'm weirdly into his band i am uh obviously i'd take down the cross stitching before we hooked up or should i just accept that if i want this to be a thing i must now live a lie that's from catfish i guess wow you never know if you don't know you never know if you don't grow ever shine if you don't glow oh yeah you never shine if you don't glow that's my pretty good lyrics pretty good lyrics interesting because you can shine and not glow i i would have thought that the easiest way would be to leave the cross stitch up the first time you hooked up yeah and he's like

hey what's the uh don't worry about it i don't want to interrupt the moment and then later like oh i thought i mentioned we did just have sex so i guess everything's cool yeah i would play it cool i think i think you might as well not freak him out until he gets he gets to know the real you and then you're like by the way i'm a pretty big fan and that's like on the honeymoon that's when that comes out you know like at what point is it is an acute story and not a creep story yeah i think you have to wait till you're in love and he's not gonna leave uh yeah live the lie love the lie this isn't a catfish is it though it's not a technical catfish i don't think it's a technical catfish because she's not pretending to be someone she's not she's just for somebody who's not like she's

pretending he's someone he's not oh it is a reverse catfishing this is a dog yeah it's a dog what dog fish dog bird dog yeah i said it's a catfish it's a dog bird oh all right yeah i like a dog bird uh you know they really are quick jeez there's a long game you can play here and that is to just hang in there and don't say anything because if you do continue to date this person eventually you will have to see their band so many fucking times that you actually will no longer be a fan you will actually go full circle and it's like if i have to hear them play walking on the sun one more fucking time i'm going to attempt to walk on the sun myself uh and set myself a light but you just hang in there long enough and you won't be a fan anymore yeah two things one

maybe you can cover up the cross stitching with a poster that says hang in their kitty that's that reminds you to hang in there long enough and two a little bit of an aside as we record this podcast episode smash mouth is doing a concert at the grove right here in LA oh bye what are we doing here they fucking opened for us in boston basically oh like at the wilbur they did a free show the night before that we missed but they're like they're getting around i guess but we did the next day i get to hear someone talk about that they also saw daughtry perform and how much better the free smash mouth show was than the free daughtry show they are yeah they're playing at a mall right now so it's like american girl store uh aro post all and then smash mouth right next to like smash

mouth's tour schedule uh i know she's on the forums i know they're at the grove tonight i'd go see smash mouth i'd fucking absolutely go see them for free at a mall yeah yeah yeah especially if i can hit the gap after um let's see we got another question here i'm a grown ass woman who's been texting for over 10 years but i have yet to figure out just how the hell to end a text conversation if i have to go to work uh or sleep or drive it's easy to say that but otherwise they all seem to stagger slowly towards an awkward clumsy end how do i know when the conversation is over and that's from rachel rosing they never end it's a thread it's a text i hate that answer yeah yeah i mean i'm gonna respond at any time jake yeah no yeah no my time is my own i know

nope but you don't have to i mean you don't have to respond right yes i do you oh so i i'll let text hang forever and i'll just and then i'll respond then i'll be like oh sorry i was doing it's like how do you how do you end an email thread does does it end or does it just naturally just cancel your account yeah i just started throwing my computer away i am every time someone texts me i immediately respond because i'm afraid that if i do not they will think i am dead yeah i mean that's that's tough that's how my life works it's a hard world that we have to live in yeah i feel like there should be you remember when william shatner used to end all of his tweets with my best comma bill um which was very very good and then he realized how just how much of that sweet character space

he was wasting um with that and so he just started doing mbb in all capable capable letters um i wish that there was like an emoji stamp of just like you know my my best griffin and then you know like griffin has left the conversation i wish you could also do that just like griffin has left this text message conversation oh like and people would see that in the chain going offline like on aol well i think the thumbs up emoji is a really is a pretty great stamp actually sure yeah i'd like all of us are such popular internet commodities right i think we have the ability to push something a new sort of standard of communication forward um i would like to put out there and just see if you guys pick it up and run with it the idea that the monorail emoji

can be like the stamp at the end of a conversation as if to say i'm going to get on this monorail and leave this conversation now well that works until you go to disney world not and then you're like i'm about to get on the oh shit oh shit well that's fine too you don't want to get text while you're in disney world somebody would be like hey what are you up to and you would just send them monorail and they'd be like oh they're a disney world they don't want to get my fucking text all day while they're on the new star wars ride uh my uh wife's dad has uh figured out a pretty good solution to this he ends every text to her with love dad so that way he never has to respond if you think about it it's like no no no there was a there was a signature at the end i said love dad

that was the end of it that was the end of our text that was the end of our conversation forever well yeah monorail monorail that's a good idea german it's more michelle bville idea but here are some questions for my dudes jake and amir what tender bio would make you swipe right i don't know if that's the good one or the bad one oh like what tender bio if we saw i'll tell you no justin doesn't know which direction is the good one oh that's the question it depends who's swiping right is right oh yeah right right okay so what's a good tender bio i don't like when it's like hey i'm five foot nine you have to be taller than that sorry like demands or rules right off the bat right if you if you blank swipe left that's what like a lot of bios say um i guess uh if i see

a sincere song or movie quote i'm like kind of a little bit turned off because like maybe that person takes themselves a little bit too seriously what if they announce that they're like a black widow or like a praying mantis but like in human form and they kill their mate is that a left or a right oh that's that's sexy yeah okay especially if like you start to see like kind of like the what is it the red hourglass symbol on their belly yeah you start to realize holy that wasn't a joke what a little spider and i'm using tinder spider you dated a daddy long legs for a couple months yeah i hooked up with a mosquito once which was so awesome of me and i've been i've done that before it's so draining can you say i found that really draining because i just thought of a really oh

okay a quick witted risk well not quick witted yeah i was pretty fast to figure it out i just need a let's set it up one more time yeah okay uh you know i tried that once but it was it was pretty draining wow that's that's malaria that is malaria hey okay we'll edit that in we'll drop that out yeah how there's a there's another question or if you think of a if you think of a better one put it over malaria okay yeah we have that we have that mission impossible technology that philip seamer hoffman tech where you can just play all the sentences you've said so far and have you say new completely original sentences that's awesome there's another question here from lane that one was also from lane how can i get my older co-workers to stop asking me how snapchat works oh man yeah

your parents came for your facebook and now they're coming for snapchat where do we go next young america i'll meet y'all there where shall we retreat late for old blooms my knees aren't as good as they used to be i have to pick up some nexium then i'll meet you guys over there do you think it's because i just recently figured out what snapchat how it works and i think it has to do with people like assume there must be something more to it yeah it's very simple that's why it took me so long because i was like okay but like what do what do you actually do with it because like i'm doing it and it's just people sending me pictures of cats yeah so like what is it really it's pokemon go for people who hate memories i see uh my my sister in law is 15 and sometimes i see her just like

joylessly pounding through all the snapchat she has just to like get him out of her way and clear clear it out and i realize what it actually is is training for uh uh inbox adulthood that's basically what it's like to go through email as an adult so they're like getting great training and how to just uh mindlessly dig through all the garbage that gets dumped on their desks every day can you imagine if that was how email worked if it disappeared after 24 hours fuck that would be so good are you kidding me let's invent a new email app guys edit this part out we're gonna meet afterwards could you try to convince them that snapchat is just taking pictures and texting them to people like they there's text random snaps to themselves to uh friends

of family and insist that they're snapchatting just watch them do anything and say that's snapchatting that's what you just did snapchat is native in your phone here it is snapchat is different for all of us what is your snapchat yeah what's your snapchat story how do you how do you hashtag squad snapchat let us know by answering below you're using your podcast player right now there should be a text box at the bottom where you can input your answer now triple click on the go 30 app i don't have any more questions yeah that's it that we ran out of questions you guys really burned those down we've solved all the issues in the world congratulations more or less yeah those were the most important ones to be sure so what

are you guys working on right now what can people find more of you uh great question the podcast is a big one uh our podcast if i were you uh is on a network head gum that we started so if so what's that podcast all about that podcast is jake and i much like this podcast giving advice so it does sound like this podcast a lot yeah and i was on the most recent one so i might just do their podcast from now on and just leave you guys here that'd be awesome i would move into this room yeah we'll just okay my let my wife move to Cincinnati i'll stay here this apartment all together it's gonna be wacky as the two podcasts become one even worse podcast we negatively affected each other it was not good yeah it'll be like ship goal it'll be like full house if

danny was just a shithead and also didn't have any kids didn't have any family so he was just a a guy living with his his brother and his friend yeah yeah okay brother-in-law and friend all right perfect uh yeah sorry uh the the the podcast is one big thing and then uh our network is another and then we have that show on vimeo lonely and horny which is jake and i sort of taking these questions and answers and putting it in a narrative setting what if this guy didn't know about these podcasts uh this clueless uh man trying to navigate dating in 2016 yeah no we get questions like i'm cheating on my girlfriend at college and it's going great how can i keep my girlfriend from finding out about my new college girlfriend good lord yeah people are people are not good

have you thought about just calling the show just like bad and horny oh maybe season two i was just like how about bad boy bad boy sounds almost too hot oh bad boys is taken yeah bad boy not a singular yeah what about spartan lorence call it bad boy and the only changes that you show up in a leather jacket and then everything else is basically the same there is an episode where amir's wearing the uh ryan gosling jacket from drive yeah the scorpion which was based on a podcast question where it's like a friend in our group keeps wearing this ryan gosling jacket from drive how do we tell him to stop oh i thought you're saying drive was based on a podcast question yes i think it was loosely loosely inspired by this american life episode 12

monorail monorail thank you so much to jake and amir for taking the time to talk with us uh they're nice nice fellas nice boys good boys real good boys real good boys uh want to remind you that you have now i'm going to give you an official uh uh time time remaining to order our uh awesome card game expansion for the game monikers you have nine days left okay for ten bucks you're going to get the macro collection which uh it we'll be back up if you don't know monikers it's a game uh kind of like uh sort of a take on charades but fun and uh you it's a great party game uh one of the very most fun ones you can play it's widely available by the way i saw it in the honey's west virginia target today so it is yeah it's out there um we haven't expanded that game uh full of

jokes from the show and references from all the macro family of products uh uh that that is available there for you we wrote all the cards there's like 112 of them um and it was really hard to write all of them because we didn't know what to say but we did it anyway because we never say die we never give up and you can pre-order it for 10 bucks and once this pre-order period ends we have no plans at the moment to make more than that so the pre-orders are all we're doing so uh you'll want to pre-order those and we'll have them out by uh the before the holiday season i believe we're within the holiday season they'll be there in time of the holidays but you have nine days left and go to mackleroycollection.com pre-order that and uh don't miss out because you'll be really sad um

and you know order a bunch of them to make a killing in the black market that's sure to emerge once that period ends i mean we i guess that's fine well no don't don't don't do that it's fine but don't do that it's fine but don't do that wink um a portion of those sales will also go to grow honeyton that is a new urban farming project here in honeyton uh it's it's supposed to fight addiction with urban farming giving people who are in addiction recovery um a productive way to spend their energies and it's a really cool project growhoneyton.org by the way is the g-r-o-w growhoneyton.org is the website if you want to check more information that but a portion of all sales from our expansion is going to go directly to them so you're helping out a good

cause too so mackleroycollection.com is that website address please go and pre-order that now you only have just nine days left um as we've announced previously we are doing our my brother my brother and me tv show with CISO and we need your questions for that so we've set up uh like a google form that you could fill out submit your questions um if you go to bit.ly forward slash ask mb mb am tv you could submit your questions there um you know there's a couple different kind of guidelines on there and some stuff for you to fill out and then your questions could be featured on the tv show we really need uh your questions so go submit it now um also want to let everyone know that i do a podcast with my friend tibie called entero bang um where

we kind of like talk about the stuff that's frustrating us about the world and try to make sense of it all and we are doing our first ever live show here in los angeles on august 13th at 7 30 p.m at the three clubs tickets are only eight dollars and like i said it's our first show so we're really excited about it and we'd love to have just a great crowd there um you know we're not a hundred percent sure what we're gonna do but we know it's gonna be great um you could get tickets ahead of time if you want to go ahead and get it out of the way and you just know that you're on the list by pay palling us eight bucks with like your contact info uh our paypal is entero bangcast at gmail.com um and in the meantime if you want to go check out the show you can go

to entero bangcast.com uh and check it out and we hope to see you there uh i want to thank maximum fun for having us on their wonderful network you can go to maximumfund.org and check out all the amazing shows on the network they're also super good i guarantee if you just start clicking links you're gonna find uh two to three shows that you are absolutely gonna adore uh i'm talking about shows like the beef and dairy network and one bad mother and uh baby geniuses there's there's so many amazing shows and and you can find them all at maximumfun.org we also have a bunch of other podcasts that we do which you can find all at macroyshows.com that includes the dnd podcast we do uh called the adventure zone that includes saw bones a podcast justin does with his wife

sending about medical history it includes shmanners show that travis does with his wife about uh manners and the the the proper application of them and rosebuddies podcast i do with my wife rachel we're about to uh later this week record the season finale episode talking about the bachelorette and then immediately the day after fucking bachelor in paradise because abc has lost their fucking minds with how they debut content on their channel anyway good news for you though right well because we have to do two podcasts in one week it's not freaking i can't imagine what that's like griffin um well okay then seven podcasts in one week on top of the other six anyway it's on macroyshows.com uh quick uh p o box update griffin now has a p o box which

i swear to god i will put on macroyshows.com i'm like i'm like i'm gonna come to your house great with all our other contact info um i am moving back to cincinati at the end of august so i'm going to discontinue my p o box then um if you've already sent something don't worry about it i i'm still going to be here another month checking it but don't send anything else out new from now forward if you want to send anything you can send it to griffin or justin okay uh and thanks to john roger kind of long winters for these four theme song it's a departure off the album putting the day's bed it's really good griffin you have a final yahoo for us i do a sin in by ridin high so we kinsky thank you so it's by yahoo answers user ddd who asks not the kirby villain it's like

the letter three times ddd asks will bong water get my plants high my name is justin mackerel i'm sure i was mackerel i'm griffin mackerel i this is my brother my brother made kids your dad's square on the lips but will it be maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hello this month's beef and dairy network podcast is an olympic special recorded here on epanema beach in rio de gineiro we'll be tackling all the big issues should athletes be allowed to eat lamb should olympic equestrian riders be able to ride on a cow all these questions and more answered in this month's

beef and dairy network olympic special find us at maximum fun dot org or wherever you get your podcast from