My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 326: Open-Source Burger King

Episode Date: October 25, 2016

It is time that we throw off the tyranny of our fast food oppressors and begin to truly, finally Have It Our Way. Our campaign will be a brutal one, but once our liberty is secure, well -- bah dah bah-bah-bah, We're Lovin' It. Suggested talking points: Doctor Strange Watch, Jumanji Toilet Paper, Four Course Fast Food Meal, Jackie Chan Stories!!, Tacos and Salad, Pad Thief, Marilyn Monroe and Guns

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me in the advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your most mystical, baby-est brother, Griffin McElroy. Wait, most mystical? Wow, that could only mean one thing.

That's right, Justin. It's time to go back to the movies. Hit the red carpet and grab me some corn from the stands because we're too... It's Dr. Strange, watch everybody. Marvel's back. They've done the damn thing again, and we're here for another high-flying action adventure with everyone's favorite wizard, Dr. Strange. And who's that up in the mix? It's the Cumberbatch. It's the Cumberbatch, and he's doing his great American accent. Everyone loves when that happens. What's that behind your ear? It's a coin from the world's greatest powerful wizard. Wow, thank you, Dr. Strange. You're welcome, Griffin. I am not a Britishman, and this is...

I'm a really American man, and this is how it sounds, my normal American voice. Okay, I also just a side note here. I can't stress enough how on board with this watch and excited I am. Did Marvel think that everybody was so enamored and well-versed with the true history of Dr. Strange that we wouldn't accept a British Dr. Strange? We can't change the accent. We can't make him British. You do not understand. I'm Benedict Cumberbatch, and I am an American man from Montana, and this is my regular voice, and I'm not a British man, and when I speak in British,

it gets very exhausting. Two people can do decent American accents that are British. They're Emma Thompson and Hugh Laurie. That's it. Those are the only ones. I don't believe that Hugh Laurie is British. I think that that was a lie perpetrated by Blackadder and Jeeps and Wooster, but you know what? I'm willing to be proven wrong. Let's get back to this watch, though. Let's get back to this watch because Aber Cadabra, it's going to reach out and grab you this film, and it's going to grab your heart is the other thing because there's a romance in the movie, and you watch it, and you go like, I think the real magic was not the way that he bends and makes the cities all crumpled

up and weird. It was love the whole time I had. Yeah. The rabbit that he pulls out of his hat is actually the ghost of his wife that passed away, and that's an angle that is very controversial. It'll change that, but not the accent. A little weird. Yeah, that's a little strange. And also, I thought it was a nice touch, some for the kids, that they gave him that whimsical talking cartoon cape sidekick, like he puts the cape around, and it's like, you know, that's his buddy, and it talks to him, which is just going to be great for merchandising. Yeah, Don Caper is the name they went with. Which is strange one. A strange one indeed. You know the thing that's crazy about this new Marvel superhero?

He's a weird though, right? He's a really weird guy. He's very strange. I thought it was weird at the end of the movie, they just revealed that he's actually grown up Harry Potter, and then he says, that's right, I'm grown up Harry Potter, and then he leans over, and Spider-Man's been there the whole time, and then they kiss, and then Spider-Man's like, nothing strange about this doctor. And they all kiss. You know what I thought? I thought it was weird. Which part was weird for you? Yeah, well, because I saw on all the blogs that there was going to be a cameo by David Copperfield, but then he's like in the whole

movie. So did the whole movie as Dr. Strange. Yeah, which is weird, but you don't know it till the end, and then it's revealed that it's actually been the hen the whole time, not in a mask or anything, but just like you just couldn't tell. And then American Benedict Cumberbatch just plays Dr. Strange's friend Jeremy. It's so good though. Jeremy Regeler. Jeremy Regeler is his name, and he's really good and super duper American. So American. The one thing I like is the 15-minute montage at the beginning, which is when he's just a regular brain surgeon, and it's just a montage of people learning with

their brain surgeon's actual name is and saying, no, I don't think so. I think probably not on this one with what it all is my brain, you know? I think I'm just going to go with any other name pretty much. No, it's pronounced strange. No, it's not. It's not. It's I know the word. I may need brain surgery, but I can still figure out that I'm not going to go to Dr. Strange. Yeah. I thought it was weird when he gets his magical powers, and then there's like a 30-minute montage where he uses them to make girls

like dresses like blow around all crazy at the park, and he gets a boner. And he goes, oh, wow, a boner just for me. Hey, everybody, I've got a boner. The fixation on the goatee giving him powers, and the one scene where it gets shorn off, and in real time, he has to grow it back on a park bench is so odd to me. But you know what? I liked it. As cinematographically speaking, it totally makes sense. So because they really, at least that shot, that 25-minute shot of him growing his goatee back,

is really earned. I did think it was weird that the movie is nine hours long. Yeah, but I mean, they need to get it. In the hair scene, they just had to get into that tree of life shit, like the POV of each individual follicle, the cells, and the nutrients just sort of mixing together. And then you see a big yellow blob fall down, and it pans out, and his beard's back, and he's been eating an egg salad sandwich. It's so weird. What was weird for you?

Weirdest thing is when he goes to order a sandwich at the deli, and the guy takes his name, and the guy is Chris Angel, and when he gives him his name, Chris Angel's like, and how do you spell that? And it's like, oh, weird. It's like he's twinkling his fingers at the camera, and there's like sparks and stuff. It's like, yes, spell, I get it. But why is Chris Angel so prominent in it? Why is he so prominent? And then he's in the rest of the movie, too.

And I thought it was weird when during that sandwich scene, when Jeremy, Dr. Strange, a good friend and roommate says like, could I get some crisps? And he's like, oh, fuck. I mean, no. Do you know what I thought was weird? What about in this one, Trav? What I thought was weird, but I'm really glad they did it in retrospect. This was the first movie to show the characters going to the bathroom.

They'd be in the middle of a scene, and then they were just like, hold on one second, and they'd go to the bathroom. And they'd like in real time show like Jeremy sitting in the living room for like 10 minutes waiting for Dr. Strange to come back from the bathroom. I thought it was bold. And at first I didn't get it. Well, I'm not no spoilers, but it ends up playing into the finale. That they've been going to the bathroom the whole time.

He gets in a big boss magical fight with Professor Peculiar, and Jeremy's there helping him out, but he dies. Oh shit, sorry. Triven, I said no spoilers. And then anyway, him and Professor Peculiar, he's like, can we stop? Can we stop for a moment? So my idea is I have got to make a very magical dookie.

And Professor Peculiar is like, yes. And then he also goes. I thought the strangest scene for me is the crossover thing where Wolverine shows up and he's like, hey, bub, it's clobbering time. And then Dr. Strange does a spell that makes his fingers melt. Okay. That was strange because obviously that's going to conquer Wolverine right away. But then Spider-Man comes and he melts his fingers

and also Thor and Iron Man and Black Widow and Hawkeye and Captain America. And he melts all their fingers off. And what's really crazy is then Batman swoops in and they all spend like 45 minutes just beating the fucking shit out of them. And the whole time they're just yelling about how stupid DC is and how bad and childish the movies are. But they don't have any fingers while they're doing it. No, but they beat him to death.

And then like three of them peel off like the Hulk and Iron Man and Daredevil. They peel and Electra. They peel off to go use the bathroom together. The weird thing is after Batman killed. What was strange for you, Justin? What was weird? What was weird, Justin? You watched the whole movie.

Same scene. Which of the scene was? But after they killed Batman and then Dr. Strange conjures a life-sized Calvin to pee on him. On him. It's like so because it's like just a, I don't know if it's a meme. Like I'm a meme culture. It's kind of like a yeah.

And but then he casts another spell and the Calvin turns into Stanley and he's like Excelsior. But there's like a stream of piss coming out of his old cartoon dick. I want the sidebar. I thought it was really fun. The Stanley cameo when they pulled up the Stanley's house and he opens the front door and he's like, I told you, I didn't want to be in this one.

And they're like hilarious. Thanks, Stan. Thanks, Stan. Should we do some advice? Yeah, I got some advice. I got some advice. Go see this fucking movie. Yeah, it is an absolute trip.

I mean, plan your day around it. You need to bring two, it's nine hours. You need to bring two meals in with you. And maybe a thermos to like maybe with coffee. Because it's like I said, nine hours long. It's a full day's journey. We just bought a house and when we looked in the attic, we found 280 rolls of toilet paper in unopened 40-pack boxes.

I did the math and at Sam's Club, this is $137 with the toilet paper. Oh my God. To make it stranger promo, cross promo. The toilet paper wasn't there at the home inspection a month beforehand. Okay. All right. I'm weirded out. Should we use it?

Am I good? And that's from Vext in Virginia. That was excellent reading, Justin. You're not only good, you are great. You might have a magic house. I mean, it could be like the giving tree or perhaps a smart house situation where they know that you're gonna do some work.

280 rolls, I can make that last for like three months. Dude, are you kidding me? That's awesome. Yeah, you can have that taken off your plate for so long. He does so much good stuff to find out there. Did you say you could do 280 rolls for three months? That's like three rolls a day. Well, if it depends on the brand,

because some of them you really gotta like, I don't want to get it. We talked so much bathroom jive last week, I would rather avoid these choppy waters. I don't want to talk about bathrooms. I want to talk about a concerning realization I had because I was thinking, well, this makes sense. Because what happened was they did the home inspection and then they were trying to clean out that one room

where they had all their stuff because that's in every one. You open that one door and you're like, whoa, you're keeping it all in here, huh? Yeah. Just and so they were like cleaning it all out. And then they were looking for a place to store that toilet paper and they thought, the attic, they'll never find that out. That's fine.

But it does raise a troubling question. That means that the previous owners of this house looked at 280 rolls of toilet paper and said, we're not gonna need this where we're going. Like what? You definitely will need it, I think. Unless you moved into the sewer where your stuff just kind of goes, but you didn't.

You probably moved into a house. Yeah, for sure, an apartment or something. There's a risky scenario here in which the previous owners come back and say, hey, we left our 280 rolls of toilet paper and we do need them. We just completely forgot about them. I thought that they had grabbed them. They thought I had grabbed them and we left them.

And you're like, I don't know what you're talking about. I think legally when you do the signing at the house, everything that is in the house is, I think this is true, your legal property. That's why you got to clean out those drawers. Can you imagine if you just realized you accidentally signed over 280 rolls of toilet paper to someone? Like that's gonna ruin your week.

Yeah, that's bad. I mean, not for the $137 that it cost you. I mean, that's a hit. But when you sell or buy a house, it's such a huge financial transaction. I think $137 at that point is kind of a drop in the bucket. But I think the sort of emotional turmoil that is involved with acquiring and checking out with 740 pack with this TP Fort that you've purchased

and then getting that in your house and then up into the attic and then to leave all that good, hard work up there. I don't know, man. I mean, that's a real situation is maybe they did this and I don't know why they did it. Maybe they didn't know why they did it, but they got it up there and they're like, well, we don't need that stuff.

And I certainly don't want to move 600 pounds of toilet paper again. So I do have a twist on this though. What if, obviously, you're good to use it. What if it's a bad brand? What if it's a brand that you don't need? There's some bad brands. Myself, personally, I only fucks with Quilted Northern Ultra Plush, which is my jam.

It's in the purple package. It's the only thing I use. Damn, dude, how tender is your ender? If you've got to go with something that has been hand stitched. Griffin, statistically, you spend one-third of your life in the bathroom. And if you're going to do that- No, bud. Shouldn't treat yourself to the finest bathroom experience possible.

I mean, yeah, enjoy the go. But there's a middle grounds between that school toilet paper, which is actually not- It doesn't exist, but it's- No, that's just the promise of toilet paper. And what you're dealing with, which is all of those adjectives that you said, it sounded like you're just describing a Quilt. Like they have a memaw, like actually make a Quilt,

and they cut it up in a TP size, and they roll it up and you buy each roll for $90. I'm pretty sure, Griffin, that was like the Quilted Northern commercial campaign for a while. It was like a knitting circle, and they were quilting the toilet paper for you to put on your butt. Now it's just those nasty fucking bears, where the mom's like, get that dookie off your bum.

And it's like, yo, dog, what family is this? Mom, I don't need that much toilet paper to clean the feces off my bum hole. Hey, son, don't, don't. I'm in the kitchen making ravioli right now. I don't want you to come in here and be like, I only needed two sheets to excavate the, like, no, dude, stop it. I'm not even in your family. I'm watching from home.

I don't know what ab wizard, Dr. Strange, thought that I wanted to be a part of this. Because if I was a member of this family, I would be like, you're sharing too much about the go. Yeah, maybe that's how bears is though. I'm not enjoying the go right now. Maybe that's how bears is. What if it's a bad brand?

What if it's a bad brand? You can't return it. No. You can't sell it. No, but what you've got, Justin, you don't have 280 rolls of toilet paper at that point. You got 280 rolls a piece of mind. Because you never have to worry about that moment when, like,

you just got home, you barely made it home, and you really have to, you know, you have to deuce, you have to number Tuesday, and you get to the door, or you get to the bathroom, and you're like, oh, somebody didn't replace it and we're out. The attic, I've got it, the attic. You, I think if you have that peace of mind, Travis, if you have that security,

knowing that you've got TP, I think you're going to be pretty laxie-daisical about maintaining your own good, good supply. And I think you're going to chase sort of that self-defeating part of your subconscious that wants to destroy itself, and you're just going to let yourself get down to the bare bones. Okay, you're going to have to have someone you trust hide it from you, and then, then you can contact them

in case of emergency, but then they have to hide it again. They need to get a pager, okay? Yeah. You can't risk them being at some atomic battery in it. Like, you cannot have this pager go down. You are my number one caught, you can't go out of town. You can't go on vacation, okay? If you're going to go to your daughter's recital,

you better sit in the back row, because I couldn't eat you anymore. Put on this necklace. We could universalize this position, and then like the pager goes off and someone's like, are you a doctor? You're like, no, I'm someone's poo father. And you're like, oh, god, of course, go, go.

Put on this, this Gregg alert necklace. And if it starts a buzzing, hop in the whip. How often would you call it just like, no, just, and they run over it, huh? Here it is. I got it just testing. No, just to make sure. That was a very good response.

Now go hide, go hide that again, because I cannot be bothered. And I find my friends to you, so I know where the cash is now. So you got to relocate it. All of it. It's a constant battle of wits. This is the other thing you should know.

I'm always going to be trying to find it. I'm going to follow you home. I'm going to be watching your every move. I want to get a Google card to follow you around and fill your location. I'm going to find it. We're locked in this struggle for the rest of our lives, Jerry. I don't know why I agreed to this.

Hey, did you guys see Rat Race 2? Yeah, the plot was like fucked up. Like, I don't know why Seth Green and Roan Akins like agreed to do this one. It's like they've sort of taken, it's kind of a departure. Have you guys seen the new Dan Brown Tom Hanks movie? Like the hunt is great and the puzzles are top flight, but man alive.

One last thing because I know we've been hitting this question really hard, but the only other thing I could think for why you would hide this much of a treasure in the attic, I think there's an outside chance there's a Jumanji situation. So just make that all I'm going to say is be careful. More like Pumanji. And the show's canceled. Thanks for listening, everybody.

I didn't know, I thought we were going to make it to 400. Like that was at least my dream is 400. We make it there in around 2018 or so, but like I guess this is, I guess we've come to the end of the rainbow. Is it time to start planning for 420? Or is that like too much? Like I don't know how we're going to do that one. What episode are we on now?

We're at like 326. 326. So it's a couple of years out, but it'll sneak up on you. It'll be a little less than two years. So it'll be probably, it'll be about August 2018. If that, by that point, we don't have the worldwide legal, that worldwide legal, legal, that legal, legal, then like what the fuck is, what's up? What have we been up to?

I've also been alerted by a few listeners that we have, we said in like that on the first episode, we said that on episode 350, Keenan and Kel would be on it. And I do have to say in our defense, nobody could have guessed that Keenan would still be on SNL. There, there is no reality in 2010. Not, not for lack of, not for lack of talent. Like he's the best dude on there, obviously. Yeah.

He's out of control, but he's also now the longest running cast member. Yeah. Well, Bobby Moynihan, I think maybe. No, no, no. He's the most tenured and he's also tied for like longest run ever with Daryl Hammond. Damn dog. No way, really?

Yeah. Yeah. I thought Tim Meadows had a long run. Tim Meadows was 10 years. Keenan's been on there for like 14 now, I think. Good. Wow. Wow.

Way to really dig in. Yeah. He, he, he found what he was going to do and he was just, he just decided to move in. Also, we just need to evangelize as much as we can. Cause I know there's people out there who haven't seen it. Go watch David Pumpkins. Just go watch. It's called, I think it's called Haunted Elevator.

It's a SNL sketch from this past weekend. It's really important to me and it's going to be important to you too, once you've seen it. I, I thought that they had really nailed it with the, the land episode, which was maybe the best I've seen in like five years. It was extremely good, but sorry, sorry dude. You didn't have David Pumpkins, which is. Didn't have David Pumpkins. Monumental.

Okay. So here we go. I got a yahoo here and it's from Paul Kovacier. Hey, how does that work? Justin, you drink Kovacier. Kovacier? Kovacier. It's C-O-U-R-V-O-I-S-I-E-R.

Kovacier? I think it might be, or it's Corvosaur. I don't know. Anyway. Corvosaur. Yes, the new. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday at the Civic Arena. Corvosaur.

It's the fourth evolution of Bulbasaur. Crystal, yahoo answers user Crystal asks, Have you ever bought burgers at one place and fries at another? I prefer. I think there's an outside chance Justin's laughing because the answer, I'd be yes. I prefer Hardee's burgers, but I don't like their fries, so I usually get them at McDonald's. People probably think I'm weird walking into McDonald's to buy fries while carrying a Hardee's bag.

Hold on. I wasn't expecting that twist. I thought we were talking drive-thru. Um, I mean, that doesn't, to me, if you've gone to more than one fast food restaurant to put a meal together, that food has ceased to be fast. Now it's, now you could have cooked that up in the time it took you to drive to Mickey D's and then to Hardee's or vice versa.

Do you know what I like to do? I like to get the burger at Wendy's, the fries at Burger King, because I like them crisper. There's something about the Pepsi at Taco Bell and the Apple Pies at McDonald's and then the fried chicken at KRC and the tacos at Jack in the Box. And now you've got like a five-course meal. That's that song that McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Pizza. See, that was actually just instructions for how to put together a bomb-ass meal, a bomb-ass 10-course meal.

You know the problem with that though, realistically speaking, is the first would be inedibly cold by the time you finish your run. This basically needs to be a food court kind of scenario, I think, for it to be in any way appetizing. You could also construct some kind of like foil-lined warming bag, or maybe like a toaster oven plugged in to the cigarette lighter of your car. So you just pop into, you pop into hardies and you're like, just throw it in my box, drop it right in there, it says my good food box from all over.

Is the label on this box? Just toss it in here, because I've got other stops to make and you know why? Hardies, it's because your fries are fucking trash. If they sold, you know, the pizza delivery guys have those. They should sell those really, because I'm not going to eat this whole pizza all at once. I would, how will, how luxurious would that be, right? If every time you popped it out, it was like delivery fresh. That would be amazing.

Well, I mean, the bag's not magic, Justin. I don't believe it's plugged in. It's, it can be plugged in. I believe it's charged up with enough pizza heating energy to get through a tough night of slinging zah. Yeah. And then, and then you just use that to keep the pizzas warm, right? Well, then they're worried about the proprietary technology getting out,

because they don't want you to realize that really the delivery boy is just sitting in their car with like a stack of these. And then they just call them and they're like, hey, go there now. They're not make, they just make a big stack. Damn Travis, how dark the con of man, we are awesome. That's another damn brown mystery solved. I'm just trying to get the word out. I think I have an idea for an eatery for a delicacy.

And it's not, I don't know if it's an especially novel idea, because I'm actually convinced that this is actually how Jack in the Box got its start. Because you go to Jack in the Box, you're like, what do you need? Tacos, chicken, pita, a salad, burger, fries, onion rings and some soup and tacos. I mentioned that. All right, bud. We got them. 1250.

I think maybe Jack in the Box, like the original just burger and fries and people will start to bring in their Taco Bell tacos into the spot and then rolling out and it's like, well, we're missing out on a lot of food dollars. So they just rolled with it. Jack in the Box is like a drunk McDonald's because McDonald's was like, let's try bratwurst. No, no, no, no. Let's do pizza for a bit.

Oh, this is stupid. Jack in the Box is like, I think we're going to have tacos now. And they're like, yeah, forever actually. It's not a limited time. Anyway, my idea. You can also just get like a tray of like frozen shrimp if you want. Well, fuck it. Who cares?

My idea is a very open source, freeware, Linux based fast food restaurant where I'll go to Wendy's in the morning and I'll get a bunch of all the shit. I'll get frosties from Wendy's and some of their chicken sandwiches like those spicy chicken sandwiches and their chili. Bring that on home. McDonald's, what's up? Give me y'all the fries that you got on your shelf. Just let me introduce myself.

I'm going to make you go fucking bankrupt with my better fast. Just go all over TacoBug at the Chicken Fresco Tacos because they're really low calorie and that's an option I need sometimes. And then at like, I don't know, 10% markup, sell all that shit at my own spot. And it's just, we got all the good eats that you crave here. Everything. How am I, I would do that. For 10% markup, that is nothing.

I would roll up and be like, ooh, Chicken Fresco Tacos, we get that. And some McDonald's fries and a frosty with some chili. Oh, fuck yeah. Hello. But then they don't stock the fries you want. Like, they don't have the special, you know, you don't have rallies fries. Don't fucking poke holes in my Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Dream Code of a restaurant. Of course you've got those rally fries.

What do you guys' favorite fast food fries go? Travis, go. Burger King, they're crispier. Griffin, go. McDonald's, it's like eating the ends of a mop that somebody cut off and just covered in oil and salt. Only fresh, though. Old McDonald's fries are the absolute pits.

My answer is rallies, they're the best. Or checkers, I believe, on the left coast. Well, we can't. Well, okay, hold on. We can't include seasoned Curly's. This is a completely different world. Checkers' rallies don't have season codes. If that's the conversation, who's that poking their hand in the door?

Hey, guys, it's me, Arby's. Don't mind me. Get him out of here. Hey, rally's doesn't have seasoned Curly's. They're seasoned. They're not Curly. Listen, folks at home, I know there's going to be a temptation for you to tweet your favorite French fries at us.

Please don't do that. I could not give less of a shit. But do you tweet them? Please do tweet them at Ashton Kutcher. And tag, put a hashtag with BimBim on there so we could see it all. But just don't directly tweet your favorite French fries at us. And don't contextualize it at all. Just tweet like A plus K.

Send him a picture of some good French fries you had one time. A plus K is his Twitter handle. That's his Twitter handle. The list is to throw it out. And he, I imagine you go into Griffin's place and we will have toys for the kids. Just loose toys laying around. Don't steal those kids, I'll say, because I'll be outside of every door. Just like, did you put the toy back?

And then you go up and there's a machine like they have at the airports and candy stores with the jelly bellies where you just pull a handle and you get your favorite jelly belly. Except it's like rally fries, Arby fries. What the fuck ever. Do it your way. It should just be a bag with a scale at the end of the line. Like a candy store just chuck as much slop in there as you want. You will need to hire somebody to stand by the scale to look at you with a face that says,

I'm not judging you. Don't worry about it. Go to town. You should call it last meal. No, because it's good. It's a good idea. This isn't a joke idea. This isn't a joke idea about bad food.

This is good. No, no, not about bad food. This is a good idea, not a bad joke. What you're describing Griffin is releasing all ties of self control that you have by saying, I need to pick one fast food place and just go there and then go home. Providing this kind of option, it could undo many people like myself. Maybe, but it's time. I'm talking about stripping away the fucking DRM that McDonald's puts on its fries,

where you have to go to McDonald's to get McDonald's fries. There should just be an open source solution. You're a real disruptor Griffin. You're also going to save gasoline. How about that? You're going to save gasoline. Oh boy. Global warming.

Now we got global cooling. What the fuck happened? Griffin's place did it. Have you been? They have great toys and all the fries. Griffin's place sounds like a rehab. I love you, but I don't think you should probably call it Griffin's place. They said that about McDonald's probably when it started.

It also sounds like a dance club for teens. Maybe we don't go to McDonald's and buy their stuff. Maybe I just have all the recipes and I'm in the back custom cooking them up. You know, cooking them up to order. You're probably going to have to do a food truck, Griffin, because I don't think you'll have to be floating at this point, because if you stay in place, you're going to be arrested and probably sued for cooking other people's food.

You'll have to be on the run constantly. Yeah, damn it. Yeah, that's true. Still, it's worth it. If I can save, if I can disrupt the planet, I'm going to do the damn thing. Come to my restaurant. It's really good. Listen, if we're ever going to afford this,

then we're going to need a cash infusion. And the only way I can think to do that is to head over to the money tone. Hey, can I tell you about Squarespace? Please do. I wish you would. Well, you see, Squarespace makes website building easy for those of us who don't know two shits about website design. Okay.

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And that could be you smugly smiling at your friends when they compliment something that you spent 45 minutes making. Yeah. It's they make good, beautiful websites. And if you need a website, they got your back. That's all you need. And you can get a free trial and you can start it today. If you go to squarespace.com slash mybrother,

you'll get 10% off your first purchase. That's squarespace.com slash mybrother all on word. Get 10% off your first purchase. Hey, can I talk about Casper though? Yeah, please. Yes. Because I just got a Casper mattress. Yay.

What? I haven't been on it though. Oh. We got it for the, we got a trundle bed out in the nursery and the in-laws were in town this past weekend and they got to utilize it, but not me. I'll get on it someday though. It looked really inviting and comfortable.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're sponsored in part this week by Casper, which is an online retailer of premium, obsessively engineered mattresses for a fraction of the price. I did, I did lay down on it. It's comfy. I just didn't get my Zs on. But what I will say is getting it in that surprisingly little box

and then deploying it, I felt like some sort of tech romance. I felt like, I felt like Dr. Strange and his friend Jeremy, just like making this small thing become very big and comfortable. That is my favorite scene by the way in the movie when they're just like setting up their apartment. And it's like, I want to say 35, 40 minutes of them just like unpacking IKEA furniture. I think they do Casper mattresses and they're like putting stuff together.

They order pizza at one point. They take a break to watch an episode of Bob's Burgers in real time. They have a pizza fight at each other. It's really, really fun. Anyway, Casper, they've got a risk-free trial and return policy. You can sleep on a Casper for 100 days and they have free deliveries to the U.S. and Canada and painless returns. If you don't like it, just send it on back and you got 100 days to check it out.

And the mattresses are, they're American-made, strong, tough mattresses. Well, not tough. They're, I mean, they're comfortable. Anyway, Mbam-Bam listeners, they can get 50 bucks towards a mattress purchase. If you go to Casper.com slash my brother and you use the promo code, my brother, all one word at checkout, terms and conditions apply. Should we mention? Yeah.

We hope you like hearing us talk about Casper mattresses because we're going to spend some time doing that in a special bonus episode that's going to be mostly focused on Casper mattresses. It's going to be really comfortable. It's going to be very chill. It's going to be very ASMR. It's going to be slightly spooky, I imagine. So stay tuned for more details on our spooktacular Casper episode special.

But do start cooking up your best like sleepy time questions because it's going to be a very spooky time. It's a very confusing episode thematically, but it's going to be, it's going to be a hit. Have you guys heard the news? Oh, yeah, about the about that baseball show. The baseball show. It's a comedy podcast that uses baseball as a jumping off point to discuss sports culture, pop culture, zeitgeist and stories about baseball that don't require an advanced

understanding of stats or sabre metrics. Far from being a, quote, hot take or news analysis show, the tone is casual and from the viewpoint of two lifelong fans and comedians. You can download our weekly episode on iTunes, Stitcher or wherever fine podcaster found. This is it's called that baseball show. And as you can tell from there, the one promise they make is they'll never talk about baseball. It's pretty much everything. No, I think they do actually talk a lot about baseball.

You think they'll be off to some baseball and what an exciting time to baseball because there's two teams in it for the big one and nobody thought they would. And but they did it. They did baseball a lot better than everybody else. And then I guess everybody voted on who they thought did the best job. And then based on that, they got the the pennant and then they move on to the big one. So congratulations to those teams and to all their fans. This must be really exciting for you that your bad baseball teams did finally get it.

Finally pulled it out. It's like crazy. Like I heard the news of the two teams that made it and I was like, those are both bad baseball teams. Bad baseball teams. That's weird. How did they? So did, yeah, that's a good point, Justin.

Did everybody else just get worse than these two bad baseball teams? Is baseball worse? I think it might have just been their rotation. Like it just came up in the books and everybody just went, okay. And they had their game to them. Because I know there's a lot. I don't really follow baseball, but I know there's a long time there where like the Yankees, like everybody was pretty bad except the Yankees were like,

they did okay. And so they won all the baseball for like a hundred years or something crazy like that. Yep. But these two teams are like, not good, but they're doing it. And they're getting it done. They won the vote. But isn't that just America? You know what I mean?

Everyone gets a chance. That America, it more this and more on that baseball show, finding it on iTunes or wherever fine podcasters sold. I have another message that I'm going to read because why not? It's for Nat, but never Nate. And it's from Laura and Monica. Very mysterious. Hi, not Nate.

Do you ever wonder why everyone else sucks? Does the lateness of the oncoming asteroid keep you up at night? What about your loud deaf cat? Are we just naming things you hate like mushrooms, bacon, mayonnaise and ranch dressing? Yes, we are. And we have no solutions for any of your problems. But I bet you forgot your cancer came back. And that's from Laura and Monica.

Okay. I mean, it's an approach. It's definitely one you could. Certainly. If you want to try to keep somebody's mind off something, just focusing on the things they hate. Yeah. That's like what Patch Adams did, but the opposite of it.

The opposite of what he did. We have to assume, considering that we now know this is their strategy, that he hates our show, right? I mean, that has to be the assumption. And the good news is there, there's like 325 episodes, just 325 hours of you. It's just hateable material. So in serious though, not Nate, shit.

Why would you even put that in there? Why would you do that in there except to trip us up? You know how Justin is. Why would you do this to him? Hang in there, pal. We believe in you. MaxLensStore.com, because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.

What's this? Come on down on the cruise. It's a cruise we're taking together. Holy shit. And who's the captain of the ship? It's Jackie Chan. Here's a story. I forgot about Jackie Chan stories.

We've been on sort of a dry spell of Jackie Chan stories. So here's a random Jackie Chan story. I love his segment. I'm so excited. Jackie Chan buys a Segway every movie he's on. At some point, he gives away the Segway to a crew member. A friend who does craft services was lugging a bunch of ice up a hill and Jackie was rolling by on his Segway.

Notice he was struggling and, since his Segway had saddlebags, gave him the Segway and said, you need this more than I do. Then walked the rest of the way up the hill to set. Now the craft service friend uses the Segway to deliver people trays of food on sets. And that's from Taylor. Holy shit.

That's the best. It's the best. Is it the truth? And the answer, according to a cursory Google search, is yes, absolutely. It's the truth. Of course it's the truth. I just love the idea that Jackie Chan buys a Segway

and then waits to see someone in need before deciding who to give it to. It's not like, oh, you did a great job in the movie. Have a Segway. But it's just looking to see someone struggling with something and he's like, them. This is it. They need this more than I do.

Jackie Chan's not only a fan and frequent purchaser of Subways. This dude owns a Segway dealership in Hong Kong. I was in Hong Kong last year while I did a nice swing on by. Let me get one of those Jackie Chan Segways. This one, I think he's working there. These ones never fall over.

But when they do fall over, it's like really charming. And they put it at the end of the movie. God, I would kill for a Jackie Chan Segway. I would, oh man. I would kill for a Jackie Chan Segway movie. Why isn't there a movie featuring Jackie Chan on Segway? It would be like Fast and the Furious, but it'd be like kind of slow in Jackie Chan.

Fuck. Paul Blart Mall Cop 3. Oh my God. Right. He goes to Hong Kong to do some like international mall copying and who's there? Why is the head of the Hong Kong Mall Cop's Jackie Chan? Paul Blart Mall Cop 3.

Jackie Chan's in this one is the Subway. Okay. I got to save this for Death Bart. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on to it.

Yeah. Are we going into another fucking segment? No, no, no. I'm going to read a question. No. This is just the outro music to Jackie Chan's story. None of our vits have outro music. I share my dorm at college with another girl

who has recently been. I want a munch squad. I want too much squad. Once again, you've done this thing again where some innocent person is going to hear the first sentence of their question. It'd be like, oh, they're doing that. Oh, we'll circle back to it.

Hey guys, did you hear the news of fucking 90s are back? The 90s are back. This is a trend I've noticed with fast food press releases, which is what we read here on Munch Squad. They are written as though the person has just been unfrozen or uncomed after a very long break from society and is just now catching up. This is literally how this starts.

October 4th is National Taco Day, and Wendy's is celebrating by giving fans a taste of nostalgia with the return of its beloved taco salad. That's right. In an era of covers, comebacks, remakes, and reboots, the 1990s classic is back on the menu. Yeah, it's kind of a reboot, sort of a spiritual successor to salads with taco shit in it.

Sort of a remaster, criterion collection, of salad with meat goo all upon it. It's just the thing about the taco salad is, like let's, before we, I want to contextualize this before we get to the choice quote. This is a salad that is made by dumping tortilla chips on a plate, and then they dump, they take the chili that is already made from their burger livens

and cut into chili, and then they dump that chili on there, and then put some shame lettuce on. And this is what 90s kids are just gaga about. This is the crazy taste they just can't replicate at home. It's all toad the wet sprocket and fucking gooey meaty salads from Wendy's, my favorite. But this is just me. This is just me bloating about it.

Let's get it from an expert. An expert like, no shit, Carl Laredo, president of Wendy's brand marketing, and cattle rustler, and main antagonist in a fast food based fiction novel. I've never watched Longmire, but I'm sure he's on it. Carl Laredo says, Wendy's taco salad is an old time classic, and over the years, fans of the original have asked if we're ever bringing it out of retirement.

We love how nostalgic and passionate our loyal taco salad fans are, and we look forward to introducing it to a new generation of fans with the same build, quality and grills. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go capture those Macmillan boys. Damn, damn, Carl, that is, I know I'm salivating as soon as you said build. Look at the build of that salad with all its points and jutting edges. With the same sloppy architecture. It's built using all the ingredients that made it so popular

when it first hit the menu. Oh God, thank God, I thought lettuce and chips would be in short supply. The ingredients for a taco salad are taco and salad. The taco salad starts with a bed of fresh hand chopped iceberg and rumy lettuce, and is then topped with Wendy's signature chili, hand diced tomatoes, and shredded cheddar cheese, and it really says this next part. Beyond that, anything on the salad is your call.

The freedom, the power, and anything. It lets you concoct your own unique flavorful taco salad creation. I need to get to worry. My worry is that there's too many options, and I'd be crippled by choice. I would just be frozen in place by the unknowing of it all. Do you think that would go to McDonald's and get like their chili and put it on there and then go to Jack in the Box and get like a chicken pita sandwich to just have on the sizes?

Because I want it my way, damn it. I bet there's nobody the workers that the Wendy's drive through love more than the guy that wants to lovingly personalize his taco salad. I'll have a taco salad. Okay, that'll be $5.99. Just pull it. Hold up, Bob. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't start making that bad boy yet. I got to lay hands on it. Can I just meet you at the window? I want to see it. I want to see it happen. Just can you just lay out a tray? Can you hold the tray out here to my car and let me just sort of go fuck wild on it?

I've been thinking about this bad boy for the last three days. I think I've got the numbers figured out. I'm ready to form to build my masterpiece. Hey, dump a frosty on it, sir. We can't. We can't. We'll go to jail for that. But then they just turn and Colorado's sitting at the table

and he just nods at them and they're like, okay, frosty it is. Dump it up into a big old sprite into it. Listen, I've got a kid. I can't do shit like this anymore. It's irresponsible. Can I read this Yahoo? I want to read the question that I read because I otherwise will forget. I just want to read it and we'll solve it real quick.

And then Yahoo prompts. Okay. I share my dorm at college with another girl who's recently been using my menstrual pads. I paid 20 bucks for them. So I feel like- Damn, each? What?

I would have no way of knowing. I paid 20 bucks for them because I only buy tampons. So I feel like I should ask her to buy her own, at least before she uses a ball of mine. But I'm also a shitty roommate. Should I let her have the pads as an apology for being messy and staying up too late? Or put my foot down. I also pay for our toilet paper, paper towels, and tissues, by the way.

And that's from MIFT in Montreal. We're out of our depth. I literally have no- I would believe any price that you told me. 20 bucks. I don't know what per unit what we're talking about here. That's beside the point though, I suppose. We could see how many rolls-

We could use some quick math and see how many rolls of toilet paper that translates to just to give it some basis. But it's hard to say. It's hard to say. So I think here's the thing. If you have an economy of justification in your mind, which is to say, let her have the pads as an apology for being messy and staying up too late, then it sounds like you have a way of justifying it for yourself.

And if it doesn't upset you too bad, then I guess you're good. I don't- Minstrel pads seems like a thing that I wouldn't want to use consistently from somebody else. Is that a weird thing to say? Like, the only thing I can- There is no- I cannot equate it to anything over on my side of the business.

But like, I don't know. I don't think a hygiene product like that, I would want to just yank from a roommate on a regular basis, because that's an obvious infraction. Well, because the problem is especially dancing around my limits of knowledge, something that you need only during a specific time, you would totally forget to replace assuming you had some left over. But then they're not there because Rumi took them.

I would be so mad. When you have your minstrel, you need to know that you've got your supply. And if it's all gone and it's time for the minstrel, then that's just going to be a really uncomfortable situation. Yeah, I think that you've got what, so do you bring it up? You have a friend hide them. I think you've got- Or you can hide them yourself is not a bad plan.

And then they can do it, they'll just buy their own damn stuff. I'm so out of my depth on any, even once non-involving minstrel pads, like I'm so out of my depth on roommate civility questions now, and I think that's why we don't do as many, is because I didn't like dealing with that stuff when I was one of those. And now I haven't gotten better at it, I don't think. Just charting these waters. Yeah, I never had a roommate, so that's hard to say.

How about this Yahoo? Yeah. Cinnamon by Molly Bruce, thank you Molly. See how he answers you. Zrrrrrr... Oh, come on, it's trying to load. Kevin has 0% best answers. Oh, oh, Kevin.

He's only got one answer, actually. Let's hop in at Kevin's activity and just see what he's been up to. It's about reprogramming a Mercedes keychip to a different Mercedes. Maybe he's a high-priced car thief. Anyway, Kevin asks, Marilyn Monroe poses with two handguns in her hands crossed over each other. I want to put it on a shirt for a friend. Where can I get the image so I can enlarge it?

Wait, what? Trying to get this picture on a shirt and it's Marilyn Monroe. Okay. And she's got two fucking handguns. And she's got her hands crossed over her chest and she's got these two guns in her hands and it's Marilyn Monroe from Seven Year Itch. But she's got two big cool guns.

So I want to get this on a shirt. And I think Kevin obviously wants to handle it legally. So like, what are the steps? I think obviously first step is just go to Monroe Estate and sort of picture design to them and see what they think of the idea. Okay, just to clarify, currently this image does not exist anywhere but Kevin's head. Yes. I did a quick Google image search and I'm here to tell you boys

if you want to picture Marilyn Monroe with two guns, you're in luck because there are, I would describe it as a lot of them available at a quick Google image search. I'm Googled now. I'm the Googled one and there's 100,000 pictures of Marilyn Monroe with guns. What's going on on the internet? Fuck me. We need another internet.

We need a different internet. We all need to get on fucking Lycos or Java or some shit and get on a sailboat. We need to find a chunk of internet ice that we can break off with all of us on it because this one's fucking done with. Why are there so many? She does look really cool though. She looks so cool.

But why are there so many is the question. Why is there 200,000 million, billion, results of actress, star of stage and screen Marilyn Monroe with two guns? Why does this happen? Why are there so many potleys on them? Well, I know why. I mean, you get one. It's just... There's Marilyn Monroe holding guns.

Marilyn Monroe banned it. Marilyn Monroe holding money. Is there money and guns? Let's see. I just found a picture of her holding three ice cream cones and it's real so I don't know if that balances it out at all. Quick, Google Marilyn Monroe holding puppies. Okay. I'm just typing Marilyn Monroe holding to like...

Marilyn Monroe, weed and puppies. My God, there's a lot of pictures of Marilyn Monroe holding puppies. Dag gummit. Dag gummit. Just a big, big, big, big joint in your mouth. Huge and guns. I'm just gonna put Marilyn Monroe holding two weeds and see what comes up. Yeah, see how many... I'm sorry for this question.

Hold on. It's just a lot of her with weeds. Oh, good. I apologize for this question, everybody. I thought this was gonna be a fun one. Can you imagine her holding... Yeah, you don't need to imagine. There's some sort of community somewhere that has imagined it, realized it, gone to the Monroe estate

and I guess her granddaughter's like, yeah, that's fucking choice. Do that shit. Dude, crush it, dude. Crush that shit, dude. Put it on a jacket and ship me one. I miss my grandma. I used to blaze it with her all the time.

Fuck yeah, she loves guns. When I started looking at it and I thought I only saw one gun, I was like, nah. And then I saw the second gun and I was like, yeah. And then I saw the weed and I was like, dude, they come in medium because that's my size for it. Here's one. Here's one. Here's one I found.

No guns are weeding this one, unfortunately, but it is the actress, stars, stages, cream, merman, Monroe. And a skeleton is giving her a tattoo and it says diamonds are forever on it. I'm actually, I'm really bummed out that I can't find an image of Marilyn Monroe wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt that says, don't have a cow man.

It's all I want now in the world and it doesn't exist. So someone could Photoshop that and I'm not talking about it. I don't want like a shitty, you just like copy and pasted. I want it to really look like she's wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt that says, don't have a cow man. Please. One bright thing I can tell you guys is that my quick Google image search for Marilyn Monroe

fucking son up the hedgehog has yielded no joy. So we've still got that corner of the Internet is still okay. That's that one safe. How about Marilyn Monroe wearing a fanny pack? Now, why would that be part of the thing? Why would it go? I think we should wrap the episode up because this is going to be my whole day now.

Just Marilyn Monroe holding so many different things. So many illegal things. Maybe this is a powerful image that we don't know about. Like, and we're, I hope we're not being disrespectful. I don't know if there's a community for whom Marilyn Monroe holding two guns and also weed is like a powerful image that's important to them. It's certainly prevalent.

If someone can explain to me the image of Marilyn Monroe getting a shoulder tattoo from a skeleton in the words diamonds are forever. And there's a big diamond over the skeleton. Why is the skeleton tattooing Marilyn Monroe? Why is any of this happening? And why does it say diamonds are forever on the thing? One other thing to note is that there are no pictures

on the entire Internet of Marilyn Monroe holding three guns. So I guess at some point taste does kick in. It's just that's not done. You know what's strange though is I just Googled Marilyn Monroe and there's no pictures of her not holding guns or weed are being tattooed by a bony skeleton man. Do you think this is, oh, this is probably one of those fun Google Halloween filters where I dress this up

all the images in a costume. And this costume is like some sort of weird ICP wet dream. Well, folks, we hope you've enjoyed my brother and my brother. Is there a picture of a gun holding Marilyn Monroe? Two guns, one gun holding two Marilyn Monroe. I can't. I can't do this show anymore. It's really mean.

Okay, so I miss my cool grandma so much she would fucking toke it with me and we'd go shoot at the house. We would just shoot at the side of the house with my high fucking cool, seven-year-age grandma. Are you saying the only merch that Monroe has stayed ever used are ones where Marilyn Monroe is holding two guns or smoking weed?

Yes. That was it. It was in her will. That's what it said in her will. Google in quotes, some like it pot. Oh, no, she did. She did party. Okay, so let's wrap it up, huh?

Yeah, let's wrap it up. Thanks so much for listening to my brother and my brother and me. We hope you enjoyed it. We did our best at it. So like we said, we're doing a Casper mattress special. It'll be in addition to our regular weekly app. Yes, and it will be coming out soon. Hopefully like either on or before Halloween.

So if you have any either a sleeping like advice questions or spooky advice questions or sleeping spooky advice questions, email them to us with Casper somewhere in the subject line so we can find them very easily. And then hopefully that'll be up soon. I want to thank John Rodger in the Long Winters for the use of a theme song instead of Parture. Off the album, Putting the Days to Bed.

It's a wonderful album that you should definitely go listen to. I also want to thank Maximum Fun for having us on their network. Go to MaximumFun.org and just start clicking on some shows. Listen to shows like The Beef and Dairy Network and Throwing Shade and Jordan Jesse Go. There's a ton of good shows on that network. If you like our shows, you can go to McElroyShows.com and go listen to all of the podcasts that we do

and watch our video stuff. You can find our contact info all at McElroyShows.com. Also, I just watched PBS did a special documentary about Hamilton and I believe it's called Hamilton's America. Theresa and I watched it and it's just real, real good and you can watch it in its entirety right now on PBS. I think if you just search Hamilton's America PBS, you should be able to find it

or you can go to bit.ly forward slash mb mb am ham doc if you just want to find it directly but it's really, really good. Now don't get confused if you get turned over to the ham doctor and this is a man who creates wonderful sinful delights for your Easter dinners or if your ham gets broken and fucked up, he should be able to fix up for you. He will fix your ham.

And I do want to encourage everybody to get out there to your local Cineplex, your local world of cine and just check out Dr. Strange. It's going to be out there for you November 4th. Yeah, limited one weekend engagement. Yeah, Tilda's in it, Rachel's in it, Mads, the whole family's here for this. Just support independent filmmaking here.

Which Tilda, Swinton, oh, that's not my favorite. That's not my favorite. My favorite Chew-a-Tell is in it as well. So we've got like a bunch of stars in this gallery. A rogue's gallery. Yeah, it's a good flick. I was hoping for Tilda Jordan. So did you say John Rodger thing?

I did him, yeah. Well then that's all the show there is. Yeah, we ran out of road. Let's just blast off with our last question. All right, 3, 2, 1. This one's sent in by Zoe Kensky. Riding high. Thank you, Zoe.

It's by Yahoo Answers user Ghost who asks, Am I the only one who thinks the actor Dwayne Johnson looks like the rock from WWE? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, and my dad's school wear on the lips.

Listen up, Midwestern Max Funsters. Do not miss out on the inaugural Chicago Podcast Festival, November 17th through 19th. Catch the hilarious ladies of Lady to Lady and the witty and incisive Aneke and James from Minority Corner. Plus Bullseye with Jesse Thorne will feature interviews with some pretty heavy hitters

like Andre Rojo and Dwayne Kennedy. Don't snooze, don't lose. Tickets are available right now. Visit MaximumFun.org and buy them.