My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 327: Bro's Better, Bro's Best Ch. 92 - 111

Episode Date: November 1, 2016

We're one brother short this week, because -- get this -- Travis is a dad! He's on a break for a bit, so we're keeping the good ship MBMBaM afloat in his absence with this best-of episode. There's some good stuff in the 20 episodes included, although "consistent audio quality" is unfortunately not one of them. 0:40 - The First Bill Clinton Impression 2:18 - The Opposite of Love 6:53 - A Nice Long Run on Dilbert's Tie 12:08 - Adopt a Celebrity 13:39 - Stack Soap 16:09 - Christmas at Golden Corral 17:40 - Jurassic Park Accent 20:57 - Gettin' it in 20 Doz 25:05 - Fear of Tigers 26:16 - Extreme Restraints Jingle 27:45 - How to Improve My Scorpions? 34:01 - HBO Fear 47:33 - Beedogs 48:49 - Austin Powers Party 50:25 - Am I Good? 57:00 - Dark Web Inception 57:38 - I Hate You, Ron 1:01:58 - A Daymare Pile of Watercolor Donors 1:04:04 - MBMBaM Summer Classics Promo 1:05:45 - The Garfield Monstrosity 1:12:12 - Pizza Launcher 1:14:00 - Justin's New Character, Educated Justin 1:16:25 - Final Yahoo

If you change your mind, on the first in line, on the arms still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around, if you've got your place to go when you're feeling down. If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have flown on the arms still free, take a chance on me. Gonna be my very best angel. Hey, that's all relaxed over Nazima. That's my impression of Bill Clinton. I'm actually actually, statistically speaking, a lot of people don't know this. I'm actually the only person on earth who impersonates Bill Clinton.

So that is the actually first Bill Clinton impression that a lot of people hear. You really captured his Zima presidency so well. The thing is, you gotta talk like this. That's it. Talk like Bill Clinton. Maybe a fallatio goof. My fellow Americans, blow your jobs. What's that good?

He's had a good impression. You are gonna call that number. You will call the number and it will not be accidental, it will be drunk. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe a year from now, when you're real sad lonely on Valentine's Day, and you just call her at night and you go, hey Deborah, we have a soak in here about a year. I thought we had something special together. Man, the whole episode, huh?

This is former president Bill Clinton. I'm a ghost now. Now I'm a ghost who loves blowjobs. I love blowjobs, balanced budgets, and hauntings. And yours sounds more like Don Nauts. You got it, the secret to Bill Clinton is you gotta sound like a ghost underneath a bunch of blankets. That's the secret. Hello, Bill Clinton.

And if you feel a little undertaker in there, then... Oh, yes. It's me, former president Bill Clinton. Blowjobs. We're like milk. We're zero sco's. We actually cool other people's love when they drink us. Just to be in our presence kills other people's love.

Yeah, we're the opposite of love. Whatever that is. They need to come up with an opposite of love. How about it, wordsmiths? Stop the love. Even with all your science, you still haven't been able to come up with a word that's the opposite of love. Yeah, it's pretty despicable. You think about Shakespeare.

Shakespeare created eyeball. He created the word puking. Green-eyed monster. Skin, milk, obscene. That's all created by Shakespeare. Couldn't come up with the opposite of love. Pinterest? He did not.

He did. He was talking about someone, I think it was in Two Gentlemen of Verona, where he says, her practicing her sartorial craft, she had a lot of Pinterest because she had a lot of interest in pins. And then the other gentleman of Verona responds, it's not that she loved her, he opposite of loved her. He didn't. He did opposite, then he vomits and blacks out for six hours. It's his longest play as a result.

Lots of theaters, they cut that. They term it down to three hours of vomiting and blacking out. You can usually just turn it into like a dream ballet to kind of convey the time. Or you do like a War of the Roses kind of thing. You're like, hey, buckle in audience. Yeah. Purists to the whole play. This is a three hour song about social networking platform situations.

I am Barbican the Tumblr. Lord Steven of Alive Journal. I don't know what's happening. I would like to have been there on this day when this girlfriend asked this guy how much he loved her and he responded. I don't know. I have to go to Yahoo Answers. A hundred? I literally can't quantify how big is a house.

We have an opportunity here not to equate it to another metric, but to come up with our own metric that we can think about how much money we can make off it. If we sold that shit to Hallmark and we just said like, you know, 50 billion. Throbs. Throbs. Throbs is so good. I'm mad that we had this whole, we were going to have this whole riff and Travis just nailed it right out of the gate. It's throbs, obviously.

It's sexual, but it's also heart related. Okay. So zero throbs is just utter indifference and negative throbs is that hatred or does hatred have its own? Now what is hatred? What is hatred? I'm sorry. I forgot the goof. I'm not even going to do your throb goof now because you ruined my goof.

No, this is, no, please don't take this out on your money making opportunity that we have in front of us. Once a season I get a goof V10. I'm going to get V10's goof as a punishment for you unintentionally killing my goof in the annals of goof film. This is like a goof in the reservoir dogs. Jesus. Travis is cutting a goof ear off. He's dancing. Fuck.

Say your dumb thing about throbs. My internal critic is Rupert Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and whenever I have, no matter what entertainment or media I'm taking in, he's always disappointed in him. That's not a goof. I feel guilty all the time that I'm not reading books. Sometimes for me it's Wanda, sometimes it's Maggie, sometimes they're together. I would watch that buddy comedy all day long. They made it, it's called Taxi. I don't have an internal critic.

Is that normal? You have a lot of external ones. That's a good balance. This one was sent in by Graham Wetterburn. Thank you, Graham. It's by Yahoo. Name Graham. Yeah, it's by Yahoo answers user Raj, who asks, why does Dilbert's tie curve up?

Scott Adams said in an interview with GroundReport.com, no one really knows, including me. Dilbert started as a doodle before I knew he would be famous. I don't remember what I was thinking the day I decided to curl his tie up. Wiki answers search tells me, A, it's a metaphor for his inability to control his environment. B, he's just glad to see you. But IMO, a mini hurricane surrounds him and keeps flapping his tie, smile face. To all Dilbert fans, what do you think? Oh God, who thinks about Dilbert this much?

Apparently not even Scott Adams can be troubled to figure out why his dumb tie is standing up. Man, when you ask this. He's too busy hating women. Yeah. When you ask the sexist creator of Dilbert, like, hey, what's the deal with the tie? He's like, fuck, I don't know. Stop pursuing that line of questioning. Yeah.

Why is this tie sticking up? Because she didn't cook it long enough in the kitchen. I was Scott Adams. Oh shit. Why is this tie sticking up? Why are you not having kids? Yeah, my face. Scott Adams.

Hold on. I really think this Scott Adams character is going somewhere. Why don't you workshop it and come back? Justin's going to go workshop his Scott Adams character. Travis and I are going to goof on the original cue, but Justin's going to go off. I will just workshop his Scott Adams. You guys go forward and I will dip back in a little bit with some more Scott Adams. Let me give you a set up.

It's Scott Adams in a pet shop that's run by a woman. Good, good, good. This is, I also like the person, whoever said number two, he's just happy to see you. Dilbert's just got himself a tie bone there. Nothing weird. Nothing weird about that. He's got a tie reaction. I think it's suggesting that Dilbert is so bound to his job that his tie has literally become

part of his body and when blood flow increases to the tie, it forms a fully erect phallus. And he has a really curvy wiener. Yeah. Just like a hook, like a fish hook wiener. It's just a half chub. If it was a full chub, his tie would be sticking straight out from his neck. Out from his neck. Why are these poodles so expensive?

It must be your time of the month. Well, there he is. Hey, Scott Adams, ladies and gentlemen, the closing. Hey, what's next? What's our next scenario? Scott Adams is an astronaut going to the mood with a female astronaut. Okay, I'll check you out. This is the kind of question, right, that somebody doesn't just, like, ask.

Well, they did ask it. No, but I'm saying, like, this isn't like, oh, just popped in my head. What's up with Dilbert's tie? Like, they've stared at Dilbert every Sunday. Here's a few excerpts from my thesis, my master's thesis. What's the deal with Dilbert? I mean, there are a couple of answers from people who say, Adams has also hinted that the tie may just be displaying an aversion to him.

You may never truly know why Dilbert's tie does what it does. Dilbert's tie doesn't do shit. It's not a real thing. A dude draws it and he doesn't know why he does it that way. Like, there's no deeper truth. I just heard Justin inhale sharply, which makes me think he's ready to give us his Scott Adams goes to the moon goof. Why are you even coming, Angela?

The moon's made of green cheese, not malls. Yeah. I feel like your first opus was a little stronger. And he's also starting to mutate a little bit into the wolf man. 1.7. Can I have one more? Oh, God. I need to redeem myself.

Scott Adams is getting married. Okay, got it. The author who answers your question mark responded, to me, I think that Dilbert's tie curves up to give him some individuality. Here's one of those office setting where he is really just another number in paycheck. Nobody's special. He can replace it any time nobody would notice. I think the curve of his tie makes him stand out,

even though nobody really comments on it. Hey, I think you're projecting a little bit, bro. Yeah, maybe just a touch. And maybe Dilbert's there and Angela in accounting just doesn't want to talk to him, even though he's a super nice guy and he offered to make her dinner. That's why his tie curves up. It's hard, man. He just gets repressed by his triangular boss.

And his dog talks, which is pretty cool. His dog talks and his cat is like an evil scientist. I haven't read it in a while. Yeah, it's been a while, but there's an intern or something. Do you remember we used to have that Dilbert screensaver? Yeah, the Dilbert desktop games. Man, when I was nine, I was with JM. Yeah, we played some real dumb shit.

Hey, Justin, you got that goof ready for us? For all that you are, and all that you will be, and all that we will be together, I do. I want you to get in the kitchen and maybe some hamburger. Help her. Scott Adams. Shit. Is this is this the first live while we've ever done?

If you guys could adopt one celebrity, who would it be? Obviously, not Gilbert Garfrey. He's going to keep you rolling, right? With all the with all like designers. But I don't think that the rest of it would make up for it. Ian McShane. Okay. What would Ian McShane be like Travis?

Mostly, he'd just shuffle around the house in a bathrobe cursing. Sounds pretty good. Yeah, right? Wouldn't that be awesome? And just have friends over him like, oh, don't mind my Ian McShane. Don't let him climb on your lap. Ian, down. Down. Ian, enjoy.

I'm going to go see him, Addy. Oh, he would do that. I'm going to go see him like, hiding up in the corner of the ceiling. This is a problem with a flashlight to get him down. Don't look at him. It's a challenge. Pru. Pru. Geomati. Do you know what the problem with having a pet Geomati is?

He's a Pokemon. Geomati. Geomati, go. He's so skittish. Go. Oh, God. Geomati is the human equivalent of a comically large rabbit, I feel like. Oh, crap.

Justin. What? You got a celeb? I'm not going to adopt a celebrity to make any goddamn sense. They're people. They live in houses. They are human beings. I don't understand. I don't understand the question. And as requested, as promised, I should say,

we have got a jingle that is over a month in the making. Don't fucking talk about that. And it's been something Griffin's been sort of working on in his spare time and his off hours in the basement. Five weeks. About 35 minutes of work on it. Yeah. Just hours of tinkering. He just wants, sometimes he'll say that, can I hear it?

He'll be like, you're not ready. It sounds tinny. Bring up the speaker on the bass. It's got hand claps. It's got bass. It's got kazoo noises. It's got layering. It's going to be amazing. So here it is. My soul.

It's got a divin' for your pleasure. You got a youth stack soul. Don't you waste your soap away. You got a youth stack soul. Buy yourself some bars today. Don't let your skin get dry. Stack soap. Don't use no lie. Stack yourself into the sky.

Buy yourself a little hope with stack soap. Stack soap. Get yourself free. Buy your soap part. That's where you find it. Get it on Kickstarter. It's going to smell so fresh. Soap.

Wah. Wow. I hope I win the Grammy this year for best soap song. Just to take things a little serious for a second, but not too serious because we'll come up the other end. The last time that we all went to Golden Corral was the first Christmas Eve after our mother passed away. We decided that's the time we've got to get in there

and not on the beef hook. That's going to turn us around on Christmas. We were like we'll go out to dinner for Christmas and didn't think of the fact that it's fucking Christmas and everybody in their right mind is closed. Everybody's closed so there's one place that's open. Mother fucking Golden Corral. Don't worry guys because it was the closest restaurant

to the cemetery we had just visited. Pretty good choice Golden Corral. How much does this restaurant cost to eat at? Everything. Do you want to know the saddest part? We weren't the only ones there. It was full of people getting their holiday nosh on. None of them were quite as in good spirits as us.

Nobody made eye contact. Nobody made eye contact. But you could tell the holiday magic was there because a boy would come up to the beef hook and a man would like scoot over a little bit. Come on Junior. Come on. Get on in here.

Watch your hands. I've already gotten through the pre-grizzle. Really tuck into the meat. All those boys over there, they just made a terrible life choice. They probably could have made spaghetti at home or something. Just slosh your sauce and count your blessings. If I go to Italy and talk with an Italian accent,

would I offend the Italians? I'm going to Germany, Austria and Italy May 23rd for 11 days. I just wanted to ask, I talk with an Italian accent but don't speak Italians. Would the Italians find that offensive? I can't imagine. Why?

Why would they? I think they'll find it flattering. They might think they're having a stroke. Why do I understand? I don't understand what you're saying. But it's Italian, it's got to be. It's got to be Italian. Look at you.

What are these new words? God, the kids. He's an innovator. He's a pioneer of the Italian language. I don't understand any of it. You douchebag. You doucher. This is either like,

you either are planning on doing this, which is bad, or you already speak with an Italian accent. But you don't speak Italian and your name is Kevin. So you're not from Italy originally? Do you know why people have accents? Do you know how that happens?

Because they're from the place, Kevin. Jesus, Kevin. Kevin, you are from Nebraska. You speak with an abrasion accent. An abrasion brogue. I've never been to a foreign country, but I have to imagine that it would be the same

as if anyone from Italy rolled up to America. I was like, now I'm going to speak with an American accent. I don't hope for that. It wouldn't be a thing, because I don't think it would be like, Como es Don mi amigo?

Don de esta. I'm no Hispanic. Don de esta la biblioteca. Can't tell me amigo. I sound like the DNA strand of that. Yes, you do. Dinosaurs, me amigo. They in ya ah.

It's too amigo. Oh my God. Don de esta la, Don de esta la thunder lizard. Don de esta. Me con amigo a Jurassic park. Can't as too nombre. Me nombre as Jose Hammond.

Can't as one for play with me amigo. I sure at tops. I wish I knew more Spanish But I don't know any I know how to ask for the library or maybe bookstore. I know how to stay bathroom And mr. Ian Malcolm Christ um Yeah, oh god, don't do this thing Kevin I have recently embarked on the year-long personal crusade to shed of a bunch of extra LB's

I've got a lot to lose so I've broken it down into 20 pound milestones So I have goals to plan against and the first one's coming up soon in general I fit the heavy set ponytail bearded nerd stereotype So recently had the idea should probably mix it up each 20 pound milestone cut my hair shape my beard start dressing a little nicer Do you guys have any other ideas for potential? Me changers health style or otherwise that's trying to rock it in Rochester. First of all, good on you Yeah, I love this question so much. I could faint getting it 20 does get 20 does you were getting it I love the the physical appearance and caring about all that make sure that you're you know

Taking care of your your mental self as well. So maybe on the next milestone you try Something you know food or beverage related that you've never tried before something a little adventurous And maybe find that you have a great palette for wine or you really like Italian food, you know something new wait Hold the fuck up Travis. What are you? Are you saying but as a to reward yourself on this quest to lose weight? What you should get into is wine and Italian food. Okay. Let me strike that Oh, yeah lost 60 pounds time to go to the og and gain it all back What about carb up and slurp down? I will have all the fuzhule

Let me see all the fuzhule that you got on your shelf. Well, just let me introduce myself. I'm fat again Then can I say art? Yes, not only can you say aren't you should have said I'm going to double back and say art You can't you can't I can't you guys edit out your shit all the time He's right about that That he is not wrong. So let's say rather than food and beverage. Let's say culture And maybe go to a museum or go to see a ballet or go to see a symphony something You know that

Maybe you're you're not normally into and you just want to check out and see if maybe you dig it You guys are thinking so small scale I am I am amazed at you This guy is offering us a chance every 20 pounds. He loses He can totally and completely reinvent his entire persona So much so that his friends won't recognize him like you lose 20 pounds cut your hair shave your beard wear sunglasses Constantly and say your name is now ross I lose another 20 pounds

Maybe you go hit the tanning bag constantly and you bleach your teeth And then you change your name again to brock Or the brock or the mr. Mr. The brock And then next time You're gonna be really fit. Maybe get that asshole bleach. Let's see if we can't get a porn career go lose 40 pounds bleach that asshole regain 20 Where are you at now Your friends don't know which side they're coming from lose 40 pounds of fat regain 20 pounds of foot muscle Get in there. What is that?

It's what you use to thrust It's the thrusters. Yeah, it's your Thrusters. I just gotta get your thrusters going and your afterburners. I learned these I'm gonna take your hyper stress try a barrel roll I learned it's not bad news. Our shields are failing Girl girl fire up the tachyon cannons Oh man, I buy I need some more dilithium crystals by which I mean meth Of course in that case it'll be fuck meth because it's the meth that you use for sex

I learned in school that um every muscle is a fuck muscle or you're just not doing it, right? What class was that in health school? Were you going to health school? Health school you dummy I saw an episode of morty recently where mori likes to cure people their fears by something mori believes in called immersion therapy Where he uh, it's like, I know you're afraid of band-aids. It's like we're covering the band-aids Wake up. You've been covered with band-aids this whole time. There was a lady Who was afraid her big fear? Tigers and mori brought a

Can we all keep our fear of tigers? Can we not not be afraid of tigers like that seems like a super Super good one. No debra. Just keep in mind that the tiger is just as afraid of you as you are Oh, no, no, it wasn't sorry. I'm dead They're acting like it's a problem because like I can't even look at frosty flakes Don't get frosty flakes. Don't go to frosty flakes Don't don't eat frosty flakes get the off bland like, you know toasted flakes Get and and don't go to exxon and like I think that's pretty much it, right?

Don't go to any bingles games my day-to-day exposure to tigers is actually pretty low Now I don't have to see a tiger if I don't want to you know what thinking about them I might be a little bit too low. I'm not sure I'm getting enough vitamin t Everybody's got some needs and everybody's got some wants Extreme restraints catalog of sexual products will fulfill both of those things for you So if there's an extreme restraints calm And get an electroshock paddle that goes on your balls Is that a real thing it should be

I'm going to request that you put a real product in there Go to extremestraints.com And buy a ghost that you can fuck every night That's not a thing we need to cite go to extremestraints.com Buy a sexual fish tank You're you're doing an ad for extremer go to extremestraints.com And learn about all the good chicken pot pie recipes On the forums

Holy and accurate everything you're saying right now is a bastardization of this product message It's by yahoo answers user mary maryx30 who asks How do I improve my scorpions? My scorpions are okay, but not the best. How do I improve them? I've been struggling with them for months That's it. That's so important. That's the context Best at what by the way when I said that it was related I meant Completely diametrically best and what in what capacity. Okay. Well with scorpions you have four Basic uh criteria for for judging their quality. Uh-huh. It's their four danger zones, right?

Yeah, the four danger zones you've got to worry about one exoskeleton Yes Two what kind of chitin is he working with? Yeah, can we improve it? How's your chitin? Is he getting enough vitamin d? That's huge for chitin. D is I say I've always said what's your what's that motto? You always tell people and you have it cross stitched up on the uh hanging up there in the den above the fireplace What is it? It's about um It's it's you got to have d if you want

If you don't if you Don't shed your don't shed your skin don't shed that chitin put Fuck Yeah, it took it took our mom weeks to stitch exactly that but griffin And she was not a swearing woman. Yeah She did not enjoy swearing but I mean griffin was very specific So armor Armor, that's number one second. Of course

claws Does it look like a little crab? Do I know if scorpions have claws? How are the penceers? How are the penceers? uh number three obviously pointy tail Uh-huh. What's in there? Who knows caramel poison? I hope I injected some caramel into all your treats. I'm the best scorpion ever And then what's the fourth one heat coming off the genitals?

Uh, how is how is its genital heat? Also, can you find my scorpions genitals for me? Also, can I make a 1980s movies called genital heat? I've been over this motherfuckers thorax with a fine tooth comb No genitals to be found All right, if you see a scorpion in your house Yeah, your very next stop is uh is like a is an open house to buy century 21. Yes pardon me, uh, I This is a lovely open house. Thank you for having me. I'll take it Here's my way. I cannot sell my old house because the scorpion lives there now

It's his now. It is now. I'm gonna try to charge him taxes On the sale, but I don't know how the scorpions do I have money Can we can we improve the the mass marketability of these scorpions? You guys are missing the obvious answer What's that travis steroids? Travis, I don't think that wait You're running away from me because you want to make these scorpions like super beefy. I don't know that they have beef Right. I don't know that they have beef to to imbefin. You know, I think it's just Just one line yet. You gotta you gotta get them on a regime

It's all chitin and on a regimen. It's chitin and just hate in there Maybe you could paint paint paint their shells like hermit crabs. Okay. Now. See I like that paint the scorpion for human for kids for kids This is what i'm talking about. Can we make scorpions the new furbies? Okay, just a tiny cork on on their stingers. Okay, that would be adorable claws though And rubber bands on their claws. I why do I I have I think scorpions are so hateful that if you cork their tails And rubber banded their claws that they'd like Learn to bite or learn how to grow things how to use a gun or just become really spiteful use their words to hurt you

Look at fat today. Jay man Hair's looking a little thin Not as young as you used to be Jay man So he turns into beetle juice, you know, you're reminding me of that It's an old parable It's an old story of the the frog and the scorpion and frog gives the scorpion a ride across the river and halfway across The scorpion starts calling him. I don't know like stupid stuff and the frog starts crying He's like, why are you such an asshole? The scorpion's like, it's in my nature. Yeah. Yeah, and then he's but then does he sting him?

No Because he's got a tiny cork on his tail. Oh, that's right. He just batters him with the cork Like that. Ow. This is my new line of frog save scorpions Each one is twenty dollars. Who is the first to buy? God, can you imagine A frog with a scorpion on its back and the frog is also full of hate And then like you get the you get that lethality of a scorpion with the mobility of a frog Well

We're done and the frog is secreting some sort of hallucinogen So the scorpion scorpion is just freaked out and also the frog has a really high credit score So he's able to like get a house Why would and one of them's played by ray romano. Oh my god, the frog is ray romano Okay, oh and the scorpions played by tim allen. We've got a hit. Listen. This is the least productive Meeting we've had about madagascar four yet And I think I think we need to go back to the drawing board and really see where we went astray I have a theory that it's when we introduce scorpions

Yeah, they ruin everything including our madagascar four production meetings Um, I'm reading more of this yahoo answer and I think that a scorpion is a yoga position. Oh Moving on Oh None of this none of that was helpful to this person But if you you don't know you don't know you throw out of the wall. You see what sticks they might have found something And then here's what sticks scorpions their their feet are like needles Hey brothers

There's someone there's someone really into yoga that's been screaming at their iPod for five minutes You dumb motherfuckers I I don't I don't I'm not saying like lying like I've got a real I've got a real hearty Penis no, I'm not I'm not talking about lying like it's like a it's like a can of sanka down there He's talking about lying like saying things like no, I'm not afraid of masks Yeah, right they're pretending like I'm not afraid of the robot woman from superman 3 should that come up in casual conversations

Oh, you know who I like Uh, you know, uh, you know what never scared me the uh hbo logo they used to show fun movies in the 80s I never never really scared me. I used to scare the ever-loving shit out of you. It was a big deal. It was pretty frightening Hey, y'all, um, thanks for listening to our best of episode Um as you all might have guessed Uh, if you follow us on other social channels, there's a good reason for why we don't have a regular episode out this week And that is that vine is shutting down And I'm just really struggling with it. Yeah, that's the story of the week and vine

Missed it so much. I miss it so much. I learned so many valuable lessons from it But now it's just like what's the like comedy is dead kind of yeah comedy's over Um, I miss it so much because you know, it was nice about it. It was easy. It was so easy one done like one good Toot yeah And that's a that's a viral baby. It's viral content. Um, no the real reason why we don't have an episode this Oh, we do have an episode this week, but it's not a normie Uh, is that travis and tereza had a baby?

What? Yeah, I'm oh, you're not just finding this out. Are you just now? I knew that it's just a little joke for the show See and that joke was the perfect length of time to go into vine perfectly Yes, both both baby and mama are doing well. It is a girl These are all things that travis said I was allowed to announce on the show. It's very exciting. Uh, her name is, uh, bb Barbaralee macaroy and we are so so so happy for travis and tereza And so we're doing this special episode. I guess another programming note that casper Special that we were talking about doing is gonna be not on halloween because that's today

Yeah, but we're gonna we're gonna figure this out Uh, it's sort of as we go so we ask for your patience and we're gonna keep keep churning out the content for you and uh, again, congratulations to travis and tereza And I guess my condolences to myself. Yep Um, is this before the show or is this? No, this will be in the middle. Okay, great Well, that means that uh, we're in the middle of money zone and it's time to, uh, uh, uh, go there and be there Are we I'm already dude. I've been there for the past two minutes Like I've been getting paid this whole time talking about vine going down and my new great niece

Well, that is a well, she's just your niece No, but she's great though. She's okay This is the perfect opportunity for me to tell you about bowl and branch getting a great night's sleep is easier and more Affordable than you might think griffin. You don't need a new expensive mattress or sleeping pills. You need to change your shades Think about it. What's wrong with mine? That's what your skin is touching. These are uh, uh, a bowl and branch means luxury Linen's and you're not paying and like what language does that translate to luxury? Just language of brand Um, these are wonderful sheets luxury sheets can cost $20,000 I bet but uh in a store of a bowl and branch are not going to cost that not even close

They're like a couple hundred bucks. Uh, they'll let you try and risk free for 30 nights And if you don't love them, you can send it back for a full refund That's right You have nothing to lose and they come beautifully packaged Insignature boxes that make you feel like a permanent proper little fancy person. So also these sheets can't be torn up They can't be burned. They're indestructible. They are indestructible. They are the golden fleece They're made of they're all made of golden fleece. So when you sleep on them every night that you sleep on them Your life expectancy increases by one year just to keep that bowl and branch executive listed this from jumping out the window

I should mention that no these are not indestructible sheets. They're just regular Levels of destructibility. We have to say we we have to say that Yeah, legally we have to say that but you guys know There's you all know what's up Bowling branch is going to give you $50 off your first set of sheets when you go to bowl and branch.com and use the promo code My brother that's $50 off your first set of sheets go to bowl B. O. L. L. And branch.com promo code My brother they double your proficiency as a lover

You can last what you can last twice as long go twice as hard all right You do yours now and i'm gonna appreciate you the whole time. I'm not throwing shade. I was that I was hype I was a hype man for this product. That's all we're doing here in the money zone I want to tell all y'all about wink and I know you're hearing that thinking like who's this new Customer, I don't trust them. Yes, you do trust them because it's it's club w They've become they've evolved somebody somebody used the the the leaf stone on club w and they've evolved into wink Wink is wink is well, it's a lot like club w They they are going to help you find the wine that is going to be personalized to your palette

They're going to deliver it right to your door Uh, and yeah, it's called wink now and that's spelled w i in c I know you hear that and you think That's not the normal the way the normal the way it's normally spelled. Well, no, it's it's a new name It's an improved look, but here's the important part still the same amazing wine company Introducing you to wines that you're going to love fantastic Tell me more

I will just calm down. I'm re I'm kind of flying by the seat in my pants right now Like everything has changed like my whole world has changed vine is gone. I've got a second niece I've got two nieces now and you guys didn't even think about how hard that's going to be for me to keep straight And now club w was called wink And it's not spelled with a k it's spelled with a c and like that's great. I'm just like I just need a minute. Okay Okay, take your time wink they they work directly with winemakers and and growers from all over the world to create delicious wine And they deliver it right to your door. They have 100 satisfaction guarantee Which means if you don't like a bottle they send you they will replace it with a bottle that you're gonna love no questions asked

And that means questions like but you drink the whole bottle and you stuck a note inside that said yum yum. I sure love this We're not going to ask that question. We're not going to ask you about that. We're just going to send you another bottle No questions asked. Whoa. The best part is that wink is going to offer our listeners 20 bucks off right now If you go to try wink, that's try with a y wink with a c Dot com slash my brother and they will even cover the shipping think about that you get free wine personalized to your palette delivered right to your door Try wink get 20 20 bucks off and complimentary shipping right now when you go to try wink dot com slash my brother That's try

winc dot com slash my brother um, I want to take a moment to uh Mention to you about a new podcast. It's called driving miss wiki Driving miss wiki is the name of this podcast. It is recorded as the host Uh drives home where uh the host's passenger I wish we had more information about I know I want to actually take the unprecedented step of actually clicking research To the website and researching

Nope, it's taking too long. I can't I can't figure it out Take it come on. Justin hop on nexus lexus. Let's crack this shit driving miss wiki is the name of the podcast Uh, it is recorded on a drive as a passenger reads to the driver who is also the host Uh a wikipedia article and they discuss them Past episodes or not episodes. That's not a word. Wow. You've had a lot of trouble reading this master This is actually your second attempt at it and you fucked it up. Just as bad as the first. Yeah Uh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm just saying it's noteworthy. How bad you're doing

But I am Travis the glue that holds this fucking boat together Holding us together this entire time the show is called driving miss wiki. Let me tell you about it. No god You know not again Some of the topics they've discussed included the company of merchant adventurers marshall island stick charts prog texas and caruncles those are of course Uncle cars cars that are brothers To other cars that have sexually

Reproduced your hosts are parker and mary or marie. Perhaps. Let's crush it. Yeah So I found that out through some research and you can find their podcast at driving miss wiki dot com or by heading over to itunes and searching for driving miss wiki I also want to uh Shout out this message for tuna And it's from twin who says happy 30th birthday to my p.i.c peak Thank you for showing me the wonderful world wonderful world of podcasts, especially mabin bam

I can't wait to record our competing comedy advice podcast and put these clowns out of business for good You do best and I like you a lot. How could you how could you do this? did want to get this one on or around july 2nd so Um pretty good job. I thought um on that note first of all Fucking step up to the plate Yeah, if you want to step into the terror dome if you think you're capable

Go ahead because you know what? Feed my frankenstein. I'm hungry. Yeah, come on. Come on step up. Many have tried some have failed bringing on um Also want to say on the subject of us being extremely late on jumbo trons. There's been a freeze on uh new jumbo tron messages So if you wanted to get a message on the show, you haven't been able to for a while because all our spots got done filled up Uh, they're gonna open on them. This feels like weird to talk about that our listeners are so like Down and so supportive that they have flooded us with jumbo tron messages If you want to get a message on the show, they're gonna open up spots in 2017

Uh on november 28th. That's cyber monday Uh, they're gonna open up. I say they we we don't actually sell the jumbo tron spots max fun Handles that for us and uh, so they're gonna open up some spots in 2017 If you want to get a message on the show november 28th cyber monday, uh, those messages are gonna Those slots are gonna open up. So if you want to get a message on the show next year Which is like your earliest option, uh, go go hop on maximumfund.org slash jumbo tron then uh, and and good luck Good luck Anything else bro? Oh god, they uh just announced today

Uh, and obviously we knew about this the uh the siso show that we did my brother my brother in me tv show has a release date Yep, february 23rd 2017 is when that's going to air And uh, I think I really think you're gonna like it a lot. Yeah, we've been watching some we've been watching some episodes and they're They're they're good, man. I'm really really proud of it and happy about it. I was just we made them so we're biased I know but like i'm so i'm so excited for everybody else to see them I I really think this is going to be one of those situations where I i'm not embarrassed of a thing that we made which is so rare so rare Um, so that's the cool. Um anything else before we let people get back to it. Not that I can think of

Thank you all for sticking with us for this uh this best of episode Uh, I I just like sort of blanket like uh, we have some filler apps prepped for all the shows um, so just expect I guess a little bit of Uh, uh, what's the word i'm looking for here? It may not be I don't know if disruption Yeah, I don't know what like the next it's because we expected these Babies much closer together. So I don't know we don't know exactly How this is all gonna Go, but I think it's gonna be just fine. It's gonna be just fine. Um, we are

Again, so excited for travis and teresa and just expect like Especially once uh, rachel and I have our baby, uh in december Just like expect this podcast to just be like three fucking tim allen's Three fucking ray romano is just laying it down completely inaccessible to all non-dads And they're doing all right, you know money. You're not a dad You're locked the fuck out of this humor because it is all All the way down, baby All dad humor. So anyway, I stepped on another lego

Like shit that you guys are not gonna like at all anymore. Like you're gonna fucking hate it That jambotron problem is gonna resolve itself. Yeah, we're gonna be done with the show. Yeah, it's gonna be guys. It's gonna be shit Anyway, happy halloween I'm bez and i'm teresa and we host the weekly comedy podcast one bad mother We celebrate our moments of parenting genius as well as our failures Just like we're gonna have hot dogs and i'm like And I just like smashes that thing right on my chest and then i'm just crying in the middle of like kids space

While people are like literally dancing with their children parenting can be sad and painfully funny at the same time So join us each week as we admit that this is hard, but we're getting really good at it Find us at maximumfun.org or wherever you download podcasts It's two words alt tab alt tab now, what does that mean? That's shady though when you see When you walk into somebody and you're like, is that a dick and then it flickers Whoa, whoa, whoa, how personal do you think this is going? They're they're live streaming a bris. I assumed it was like I assumed it was like they were looking at bee dogs Travis no one except you looks at bee dogs or has ever looked at me. I think in columbia bee dogs is pretty big

When you say bee dogs, no one knows what the fuck you're talking about. I think I think you guys will find that many people know what i'm talking about. No one knows what bee dogs are except you I see that bee dogs is a pretty big bee dog I want to see how much higher you guys are. I'm gonna tell you that no one knows what bee dogs are I think you'll find that bee dogs are pretty It's like listening to mariah Carey kibbit When you bring up bee dogs, it makes everybody sadder because they don't know what the fuck you're saying And and it's time for them to learn

Um Hey guys, I want to talk to you about bee dogs. No, no, no fair enough fair enough You're not using our show as a platform for spraying your madness What themed party can I have for halloween? I want to attract lots of lovely ladies. Oh behave Oh, no. All right kibbit. I'm gonna have to take this question away from you. Okay Can you please paste the text into our skype window? Okay, you just typed fuck you That is not

What themed party can I have for halloween? I want to attract lots of lovely ladies Oh behave That was Israel. It sounds like Austin Powers had a stroke. I did Oh behave Okay, I think this can I say something I think this person has their heart set on a theme I think the theme has been decided guys. I don't want to get outside of like The question but is it possible that this person has just chosen to live an austin powers lifestyle?

Oh Can I share the top answer? The top answer from yahoo answers is her rock titan says It's april Oh, he's the pragmatist. Oh, that's great This yahoo answer is sent in by dian. Thanks dian Uh, it's by yahoo answers user Jared arc and karski and charski who asks I got arrested for smoking weed in my court date is soon if I come into court in a karate uniform. Am I good?

Am I okay here in what context will the judge make my punishment lenient since he knows I do karate If he knows you've got your karate game, right Additional details since they know I do karate they'll know I do other activities besides chill around and smoke So will that help or no? That see this well, it's like an onion this question This um now this only works if you do a fashion show. So you come in your karate outfit I mean you come in your horse riding outfit. This is a hard hat I do construction things

And also I'm a milkman apparently someone give me a hammer Boy was I ever lucky to get judge samo hung. He's been very he's very lenient about my gi Um in court. He's he samo hung was one of the karate guys on karate guy you say Go on one of the karate guys on walker text stranger. I could have gone for chuck norris, but I feel like his his uh I I think Norris is a hanging judge everyone knows that Is is there anything this gentleman can wear other than a suit

That he sure it says I heart judges. Okay, but that's That's gonna probably not gonna do it because I think I don't think you can wear any shirt That says I heart anything on it and then I heart judges a lot people don't what about a sarcastic Maybe a judge rinehole mask Hey, hey listen judge to judge. Are we cool? Am I good? I've got this judge rinehole mask and a karate gi Are we gonna wave these charges or what can we can we work that into our like catchphrase vernacular the am I good? Anytime you say a something terrible or faux pas just real quick. Oh shit. Am I good?

Am I good? Hey, I came to court in a karate gi. Am I good? So I'm just gonna go I assume the charges have been dropped. Uh-huh. Am I good? I just I just chopped your gavel in half. Am I good? What's that smell? It's not weed. I promise To what extent does the color of belt that this person has all the difference in the world Yeah, for I mean either way you chop it If he's got a white belt, he's not going to a intimidate the judge or be impress him

With the amount of time that he has spent in karate chopping class You can get the white belt blue belt brown belt yellow belt All within like a week and a half If you pay and if you slip a few, you know extra hundos to your to your sensei from what I've seen There if you were to graph my respect for people in the martial arts It's a pretty steady curve up until you hit black belt And then it it branches pretty radically in two different directions where on the one hand I am For some of those people I am like wow really odd by the dedication to your craft and then the other people it's like

Just put on just get a job Is it put on a suit and learn how to play lacrosse and please get your life together It just strikes me as one of those things that in my life if someone were to say to me Oh, yeah, I have a black belt the next two words out of my mouth are prove it. Yeah I don't I don't know what that entails. I don't know if that's like chop through this wall or fight me or what it is But there's something about someone making that statement where I'm like, oh, yeah Prove it, but I think a black belt chop that horse in half a black belt is really a only a value add to a person when

Nobody knows that they have it right like if I got a black belt, I wouldn't tell Fucking I would go take my classes in another state And so so that people what classes. Oh karate karate classes um And then when I came back and like if shit came down and I like did a chop and a kick and a man died Then if you were like, what? I'd be like, oh, don't worry about it I would never ever admit the fact that I have a jacket to the side and show

I'm just a little like glimpse of black belt because if I ever said the word out loud to somebody Oh, I have a black belt They're gonna make all kinds of wild assumptions about me right which are probably all going to be they're gonna be very true Um, but I would rather not be be subject to that. Do you think that when you get the black belt itself? It's reversible In case you want to wear brown shoes Idiot So this is why this is your outfit. Okay, you come in the court

You're wearing brown black dress shoes a black belt and you have a tie and you go to the judge and you say am I good? As you can see I'm in my formal gi am I good now This is my dress gi am I good? I have a funeral to go to I'm gonna karate chop the coffin in half I can't believe you'd hold a karate master here You don't know that the lightning you're bottling up here You can't put me in a cell. I will not be responsible for the damage I do if you lock me in a cell with another person

I'll whittle their bones down and make a key like I can't I can't be responsible I don't know that karate is the kind of thing that you can do if you're high on that sweet sweet doja If you're if you're rocking doja in the dojo like you're I don't think that your skills are gonna be like as as as high as you want them to be No, like three three puns intended Yes, yes and no to the outside observer you will be very bad at karate to your own perception Oh my god, you'll be on a fucking kung fu other playing kill bill style fucking body parallel flat to the ground doing a You against the crazy 88. Yeah just losing your mind chopping off limbs

Mortal combat and fly through the air bicycle kick like You're just laying on the ground and rolling rolling about you're listening to 311 and you're eating starburst Is that got a ftp log in you can check check out you're gonna love you're gonna love my files and folders Don't you don't go too many trees deep because it gets weird I Stay in the index Say let's just say stay in the index. All right. You find yourself four or five folders in just start just don't plug your computer Just pull this string and I'll get you out

You need joseph gordon levit to give you the kick Unless you don't like horse assholes Get joseph gordon levit to give you the kick Um this yahoo was sent in by liana Uh, which was sent to her by her friend keith So thank you both people in this arrangement second for the second here yahoo Uh many many boffins died to bring us this yahoo. So let's really enjoy it Is asked by yahoo answers user geoff who asks

Is it okay to draw on a dog with magic marker? Sometimes when my stepdad ron grounds me. I'll write messages I'll write messages on my dog. He is white with washable marker and send him downstairs Just little messages like if I need food or about how much I hate my stepdad ron My mom said it would make the dog sick is she right? So many more problems with the best stepdad name ever is ron Got some dog mail for you ron fuck off I hate you ron. I hate you so much. Come here mr. Perkins. What's it?

aw man It really helps find that hurts my self. I'm trying so hard. That hurts my ron esteem. I don't like that one bit Can you give me the question while we're talking? Is it okay to draw on a dog with magic marker? Sometimes when my stepdad ron grounds me. I'll write messages on my dog He is white Uh with magic marker. There's little messages like if I need food or about how much I hate my stepdad ron I'm imagining like a yorkshire terrier like bounding down the stairs running up to ron and it's like a message on him like Hey ron. I smell that chili. What the fuck? You're such a bastard. I'm super hungry. He's got a message for you ron. I'm a dog

And also the person asking this question is 32. Yeah God damn you ron Now let now listen to me sparky. I want you downstairs. I want you to find ron Just wiggle in front of him. You gotta make sure he reads this. It's important I've been trapped under this bookcase for two weeks. I gotta get some pasta up here. So hungry also tell ron Fuck you ron If ron wants to rescue me don't fuck clean off. I hate ron Thomas and my mom and ask my mom is back with my fur roll-ups yet

I sent her to the store 20 minutes ago for free roll-ups. Oh, mr. Perkins. You look kind of sick. What happened? Oh, is it the markers? So you're your skin. So you were me mr. Perkins Maybe you learned how to talk english stupid dog ron What a fucking sick where he's just trying to watch extreme hoe makeover This almost said the dog tries to look like a drawing of like a knife stabbed and just an arrow

It says ron. This is you ron. This is what I want to do to you. Look at the dog Oh, Jesus, it says I love you ron on my dog. Oh, we rolled over it says no I don't and he says fuck you ron again on it and it says chill the arrow towards the dog's penis Uh Tyler I thought you were gonna come pick me up from work. Did you not read the dog? I said I said fuck you and fuck your job. I'm not going to pick you up And also that we were out of eggs and also we're out of eggs. Did you tell mom? I wrote it on the dog ron

What else do you want me to do? What else do you want me to do? I can't I can't force the dog to stand in front of you all day Please just read the dog You used all the paper for your stupid novel ron. Yeah, how's that going ron? You get you find a publisher yet? I'm I'm this economy ron. You might as well self publish your stupid shit Put it on kendo. I've got a I've got a tumbler dog. Why don't where I just put messages. Why can't you get a tumbler dog? Can we Make it a new law Sort of like in uh game of thrones when you if you're a bastard your name is snow

Can we make it that when the second you become a stepdad your name becomes it just becomes ron by law Legally speaking I now pronounce you wife and ron It's not even It's not even your name so much is like like url is like an honorary title, but his name is not url You're officially like the dawn of this house. You're done. You're the ron. You're the ron. You're the ron don You're the ron don of this So let's see you got to get uh, wednesday wolf dot com the imps.org mob rules games.com and indiegogo.com wrong actually mob rules games

Will will wouldn't that you busted one out for them? I will give them a final draft of that Come come the end of this promotion. So it's don't take this the wrong way the imps and wednesday wolf I like the idea of daymare pile of watercolor donors. I like that but so far so there Okay, um, what does that cover that covers wednesday wolf and the imp? It covers all three they all want money That's the connector. Everybody wants money. Here we go Oh Hold on we take a second

Build a daymare pile of watercolor donors all these businesses need funds to operate You can help wednesday wolf the imps don't take the wrong way That's almost what it's called the but I ran out of words in the verse Go give them some cash To chase all of their dreams around Whoa, I like how it ended on so that unresolved dreams of dreams I don't know guys Build a daymare pile of watercolor donors you need to give these people lots of cash

That's how the market works. They take your money and turn it into goods and services and you can take those services to the bank While they take your literal money to the bank Visit wednesdaywolf.com the imps.org and don't take this the wrong ways website which you can probably find on google I'm mbmbam your one stop shop for summer classics. Hey beach babies. How's your bikinis? How's your tan lines? You guys like silo green Tune in as we workshop new characters like hey bikini babies. How's those bikinis guy? Another book coolers and babes

That's all Fuck make sure to join us in the gillicuddies deck for party on the gillicuddies deck To the sequel party your deck off at the gillifrey Get your deck wet With two dollars bless your specials all night long The hottest memes the hottest guys the drunkest children the wildest monkeys The craziest boob the very monkeys you've ever seen and good news ladies margaritas are just three dollars all night long Monkeys getting free till midnight

Hey monkey, it's 12 30. Come on in any way. It's monkey. I got it 21 and up for male monkeys 18 for old female monkeys I don't even know if monkeys live that long. What the fuck? Half man half monkeys will be submitted for study at research institutes nation wide So summer's here Summer's here again. Do you guys want a yahoo answer? Yes, yeah, this one was sent in by joshpa pal I haven't decided If it's the kind of question that we could get in trouble for reading yet

Okay, yay Thank you, josh. It's a yahoo answers your question mark who asked really freaked out my girlfriend need help As a teenager I suffered from severe depression and formed a strong bond with the character garfield in his outlook It's sad It's sad but reading garfield anthology obsessively was the only thing that made me feel normal And it eventually took on something of an erotic fixation Oh, no And I think you miss pronounced normal

Reading garfield books obsessively made me feel normal um To avoid feeling like a sicko I do pictures of garfield with a woman's I think a pamela anderson circa 1991 body and garfield's head These drawings eventually evolved into erotic fan fiction starring garfield and myself in my head garfield still has a woman's body But someone reading the stories would think i'm having sex with regular garfield I killed off john and a jealous rage. I didn't touch odie. I enjoy his companionship and don't mind if he watches What the

Fuck the stories are your pretty basic wish fulfillment stuff Uh balanced with the self-loathing rants. I've been doing this pretty basic Nothing out of the ordinary here I've been doing this near daily for years and I have a substantial amount of writing in a folder. I keep buried in eight different folders My girlfriend stumbled across them by accident when they came up in a search and is pretty freaked out How can I show her? I'm just a normal guy with a weird outlet from my psychological problems and not some kind of sicko And then they included a sample of some of the erotic fiction and I didn't think I would ever say this on this podcast But it's too gross to read out loud

Guys, I know Different strokes for different folks. Listen. We've all got something buried deep inside that you never ever ever want anybody to know ever Now i'm not saying mine would be as weird as putting a woman's body on garfield's head But it's pretty fucking weird the secret to not getting made fun of is that you can't tell the entire world Which is on the internet This is a secret you can never you're embarrassed your girlfriend found out so you decided to put it on the internet How bad are you at internet? You can't hide a yahoo answer in folders

It exists because I found it. I I found it and I know it forever now Yeah, I'm just where if jim davis ever saw these drawings. I think he would literally fucking die I think he would fucking die. I think his heart would explode in his chest and he would die He would say my baby and then he'd die. Hey real quick. Just for a second Let's play devil's advocate here and just like get ourselves in this guy's headspace and just like imagine Oh, I'm not I don't want to come on come on come through come through the come through the door We're gonna step into this guy's mind What if I die in this dream?

If you die in the dream, you'll be stuck in in garfield fucking limbo forever You need you need Joseph Gordon. Love it to give you the kick. Yeah. Yeah, but I'll kick you in the head and tell you Hey, give me the kick. I'm ready. Um Which Would you which would no come on? Which would you prefer? Pamela Anderson body and Garfield head or Garfield body and Pamela Anderson head If you had to party down on one of those bad boys

Which would you go with uh additional information the Garfield head is wearing sunglasses The Garfield body suction cup hands or no suction cup hands Uh Either or whichever you will whichever would feel be more pleasurable Is odie there and is he just jerking it so right odie loves what he sees either either way Either scenario odie's down Odious odious down to clown. Uh, there is Justin. Do you want to pick first? Well griffin you ask the question so you have to answer

Fuck I'll say I'll say if it's bill murray's voice Pam body garf head Travis Oh, no, I've already killed myself in this situation Can I throw travis's body at the corpse and by myself enough time Travis's corpse at the creation and by myself enough here's the problem though

You throw it at pam body garf head. Who's that coming up from behind? It's garf body pam head And and it is very upset Okay for many reasons you have in your inventory a dagger and a shield Open doors open doors are west and north Okay Can I I am going to go with pam head Garfield body, but lorenzo music

Um, I have a thing with the real ghostbusters. So I think that would be enough to get me through it And also you're worried you're worried about finishing I can't I can't you also change pam anderson's Garfield now listen if I have if I if it's I have too much respect for bill murray's work If it's lorenzo music pamela anderson's voice if I if I I don't see why pam anderson's voice is not gonna come out of garfield's head The and and I I find larry the crash test down me to be a very soothing sexual influence

So if I can pretend that if it's lorenzo music's voice And I can pretend it's peter finkman of the ghostbusters cartoon or the crash that's done me Or perhaps even tummy gummy from disney's How many other cartoons can you ruin for me right now? I can't that's all lorenzo music said that i'm aware of Probably something else that didn't even that thought didn't even the thought of what would be the most Sexually pleasurable that didn't even cross my mind. This is pure survival instinct I've got all of these pizza shaped discs left over from my teen angriken interturtles sewer boat

All right, just the disc I got rid of the boat, but I've probably got 150 of them Right different years different the ones with like hill hill if you come over to Travis's house He's like coming to the pizza disc room and he's showing you like The ones with small factory imperfections and and that kind of basically all I did was I just stayed Um to the wall directly. Yeah, there's no furniture in the room. There's a body But I don't know I don't ask about it. There are there are five people right now Who just threw down their iPod and like ran into their attic like where's my fucking pizza launcher? I'm going to get dead

Dead You promised You said that if I kept up like gpa that you wouldn't throw away my pizza launcher What do you mean? I'm 32. What do you mean? You died seven years ago. Dad. How long have I been asleep? Dad, I think dad. I think that old man was a genie Dad, I think I got a genie curse Dad, I don't know what today was on TV. He says he's governor What's going on? I used to be Zac Efron and now I'm Steve Buscemi

Help me Dad I've got adult balls and no pizza launcher. What gives? Dad, I wanted my suit to fit over the counter. What's going on? They said I couldn't at the start Is that a prom you'd write to? I can't find Jost on the shelves I've been without electricity for a week

And while I was without electricity, I was down to reading books Oh, okay. So this is this is books, man. This is educated justice. This is your this is your brain on books This is what they do. So in your mind, this is what educated people sound like they I In in circles. I am in electoral circles This is what my friends and I this is how we speak Johnson, I want you to know I picture you right now surrounded by bookcases But your brain has swollen and you just have like a giant Forehead I have I have become top heavy. Um, but without electricity. I was not able to watch my programs

I was not able to play video games And I was forced to read either now. I've been exposed to all the great culture of the world how How shallow is your skin? Can you give me a some sort of salinus rating? It looks like an on fruit by the Did you get book jaundice what happened? No, he was just reading books and eating carrots the entire time as they ran out of power They had to eat their stock of baby carrots. I was forced I was forced to eat the butterflies. I've preserved over the year

Nutritionally devoured, but uh, it's surprisingly very pleasing to the palette. Yeah Yeah, all that all that voice wants to do is eat something beautiful Oh So this is our advice program my brother my brother and me who will don't out intellectual uh Conversational You're like hard right. What is this voice? Yeah, I think you just I think he's turning into a condor also

It's it's bucking underneath me bucking wildly. It wants desperately to go scars god I won't let it. I'm holding on to the reins Sadly as I had oh god, it's devolved into ed grimly. Somebody help me Um, this final yahoo was sent in by Earl Parsons. Thank you, Earl. It's by yahoo answers user sky who asks If I die, is there yahoo answers in heaven? Oh, I'm just a macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy. I'm Griffin Macaroy There's been my brother my brother me kiss your dad score on the lips Keep your heart three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart three stacks. Keep your heart

Man, these girls are smart three stacks. These girls are smart Play your part Do you live in the fictional city of Chicago? Do you love amazing podcasts like max fund's own lady-to-lady minority corner and bullseye Do you enjoy insightful interviews with talented actors and comedians like dwayne kennedy and andre rollo Don't miss your chance to be part of podcast history by attending the first ever chicago podcast festival Lady-to-lady and bullseye take the stage on november 17th and minority corner performs on november 18th Tickets are on sale right now. Visit maximumfund.org for more information and to grab your ticket today

right now