My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 328: The Anxiety-Free Cruise

Episode Date: November 8, 2016

We know tensions are high right now, and the last thing we want is for our weekly goof parade to add to that. So, this week, we've charted a course to chill-ass waters as part of the MBMBaM Anxiety-Free Cruise. Come on board! There's plenty of cabins available. Suggested talking points: The Anxiety Gator, Bus Ghost, Minimum Dinner Age, Beer Cheese, Footwear Secrets, Sperm or Egg, Muscle Prank, Finger Food Panic

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody, and welcome to The Island. Whoa! My name is Justin Island Boy. McElroy here. Wait, hold on. Let me just, I have prepared this for you. Let me get it finished, stirring it up. I got the mint out of there. Perfect. I've prepared you this mojito. Please take it. Take a sip. Make sure the mint's not too pronounced. Sometimes my muddling gets away

from me. I'm still Justin McElroy, by the way. Hi there. I am Travis. Hammock time. McElroy, stop. Hammock time. Take a little nap here. I've strung this hammock up over the cool white sand between these two palm trees. You can just slightly hear the crackle of a bonfire down the beach. We're getting some roast pork ready for you. But for right now, you just take a little nap here. Hi, I'm Griffin. Coconut bra, McElroy. And hey, where'd my plate with a nice fresh sandwich on it go? Oh, looks like a couple little hermit crabs got it and scuttling down the beach. That's okay, little dudes. You can keep that one. Just listen to that fucking tide roll in. So soft. Welcome to our super chill, anxiety free oasis. Welcome to my brother, my brother, me island,

a place where you can get away from it all for an hour and just fucking chill. There's a lot going on in all of our lives right now. And I mean everybody. Some people are having babies. Some people are about to have babies. There's election stuff going on. Hey, man. Hey, excuse me. I'm Gary. And it looks to me like you brought some anxiety into the anxiety free episodes. I'm gonna need you to put that in this basket. We're just gonna push it on down the river. There's a river and a beach. So put that right in here now. Visualize it floating away. And listen, I know you got some stress from freak out juice in there too. I need you to just barf all that up right here in this basket and down the river it goes. And where did the baskets end up?

It's a mystery that will never solve. It's like lost season five. A gator just ate my anxiety. Does that make me feel better or worse? Feel bad for the gator. Yeah, well, deffo. Yeah, that's the anxiety gator. He's got the weight of a nation's woes upon his scaly shoulders. He's a fucking hero. He's a champion and we're not gonna dwell on him, though. That's his problem. Don't look at my anxiety gator. It's not your problem anymore. Welcome to this super chill episode of My Brother, My Brother, It's gonna be so relaxing. I'm gonna do a Jimmy Buffett tune later. Oh, that'll be nice. Yeah, I think that'll be really nice. That'll be up a little later in the show. I want to know more about Gary. I've got a kite

museum. A museum all full of kites? Yeah, they're all my kites. I bought them. That's great, Gary. Nobody's gonna try to take them from you soon. I know they won't because that would give me anxiety and that's against the law here. Is it just a room full of store-bought kites? Gary? Yeah, I did some decor on some of them. Cut little holes in fun shapes. Now, they don't fly so much anymore, but that's okay. These aren't flying kites. These are display kites. You don't have any fighter kites like Doug Plunney's dad made. You're right. I don't. See, damn it, Justin. I don't have those and now I'm damn it, Justin. I'll get you on later, so don't even worry about it. Oh, nice. That was close. We'll get to our

music a little later. We got a lot of fun, easy-going questions for you. It's just gonna be a real chill episode here at the island. I'm going to routinely just smell my baby's head. Just smell my baby's head. Take me away. Oh, take me away. Here's our first question. I go to college and my school has a shuttle system to help us get around the campus. It's not real efficient, but it beats walking around late at night. Tonight was really busy with lots of people getting on and off and I made the mistake of sitting in the very back. The shuttle driver forgot about me and general social nervousness has stopped me from speaking up. Now, the shuttle driver parked and went into a Popeyes. I presumed to pick up his dinner and he has left me sitting

in the Popeyes parking lot. I am locked in and oh my God, I have no idea what to do. Do I feel like we cough when he comes back? Do I wait until other people come on and then leave with them? Please help me. This has gone on for far too long and I'm terrified. I'll become the shuttle ghost. Please help my God help Meek and Marooned in Maryland and there's a post script. PS, this is not the first time this has happened, but last time it was just with the McDonald's drive-thru. This may be the most lose-lose scenario. Like lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose scenario. I don't know if it's that I'm just a little bit like sleep deprived. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. First of all, the good news is you're at Popeyes. You can go in there and you

can get some of that good chicken. Also, another sort of follow-up question here is your bus driver, Elliot Kalen, because if so, just like asking the good things to get. He's got the good reccos. Oh, I have an idea. I have an idea. Move up to the front seat of the show and be waiting patiently and when he comes back, just say, did you grab those biscuits for me? And now it's on him. Now, he's forgotten a whole interaction he had. Can you imagine Travis, you are this shuttle bus driver, the end of a long shift, dropping off ungrateful college users and then finally dropped them all off. Time to lock this baby up and go in for my favorite part of my whole week, my Popeyes chicken meal. My doctor says I can only

have one Popeyes chicken meal per month or else I'll instantly die. So I'm really going to savor it. And so you get it and you have it and you savor it and then you go and you open up the bus that you think is empty and some smart Alec is just like, Hey, where's my you would you would you would have a lot to feed the anxiety gator after that particular run. What do you do? Do you cough in the back and he turns around and just throws his Popeyes at you? I'm coming up with solutions and none of them. The problem I keep coming up against is this, if you alert him to your presence, he is going to feel obligated to drive you somewhere. Yeah. And his food is going to get cold. And that's no good. And he's going to resist that. I'm worried about you indirectly murdering this man.

Yeah. The show that was going to come back and you're going to go ahead and he's just going to die. Yeah, he'll die. That's the main concern. That's my main point of concern right now is how do you not kill this hardworking Popeyes man? Here's here's okay. Here's an option. When he returns to the van or it's a shuttle, when he returns to the shuttle, just stand up very slowly in the back and start slow clapping. Okay. And then when he's like, excuse me, you say congratulations. And he'll be like, what? And you'll say, well, I am a secret writer. I am paid by the shuttle company. I've been evaluating your performance all day. And you have done one hell of a job. In all my years, I've not seen better service in a shuttle driver. So congratulations. I want to be

telling HQ, if you could just drop me off at HQ, which looks like a dorm, very much like a dorm at your leisure, feel free to enjoy your chicken you've earned it. But if you could just do that for me, I'm so proud of you and you've done such a wonderful job. I can't. I've decided that this person might like shuttle ghost is the appropriate thing because you live in that shuttle now. But you do other people. Yes. Other people though, if you find yourself in this scenario, I would say that this is one of the few scenarios I can think of that out like outreaches anxiety and social anxiety, you have to say something before it gets to this point. Like you have like, if you're the last one on the bus, you could just say like, drop me off anywhere. Don't wait until

you're already parked and locked in the shuttle at the bus. It might be too late. I yeah, it might be too late for you. I take Umbridge with the post script of this bus driver driving their bus through a McDonald's drive through. Because if I was working a drive through and I saw a fucking bus pull up to the you know, the burger zone, I would just throw myself in the deep fryer. There is no way I want to handle an order that convoluted for everybody on the bus. Do you think it was the same shuttle driver both times? But if you're like a ham, they're like, damn it. Again. God, damn it. They've still been on the shuttle. They haven't figured out a way to get get off yet. Can I read you a food related who?

Oh, is that like a brick? Yeah, because it's got an exclamation point. We don't always we don't always enunciate that. So I'm thinking we just sort of back load. We make the word bottom heavy a little bit more and just pick you who it's in its fucking death throws. And I just I want to party with Yahoo! before it's gone. This one was sent in by Pete Carl Two. Maybe the second but like he specifically mentions in the email that he wants to be called PK2, which is a very good name and also I think a kind of drug. Thank you, PK2. It's by Yahoo! Answers user. Oh, it loaded for a second and just Sarah. Sarah asks, how old do you have to be to eat out at a restaurant? My friends and I, six of us in total, are planning to go out to the mall.

There are restaurants in the mall and we're wondering if we're allowed to go out to eat at legit places. For example, Lazy Dog Cafe Bistro. I hope there's not an actual place on earth called Cafe Bistro. That's crazy. We're all we're all 13 years old. If we can't go to restaurants like stated above, does anyone know what sort of places we could possibly go to? Now I know you're hearing this and you think Griffin, this is a stupid question. This is a stupid question for dumb people, but there's a right answer to it in there because if you're a host or a hostess at an outback's take house and a fleet of six year olds walks in, how's that going to shape up? How's that particular encounter going to break down? I feel like it's interesting to me because had they said it's me

and one friend, I would have said 13 is too young. But for some reason, 613, I'm wondering if there's some kind of like conglomerate age rule of thumb that if your combined age is older than 75 but younger than 200, that group of people is allowed to go to that thing. It has never been my experience that the more tweens and a flock, the better socially it is for everybody else around. I guess I understand that as a patron of the restaurant. If I looked over and saw two 13 year olds having a meal together, it would be weird. But if I see six of them, I'm like, oh, they're celebrating something. If you see two 13 year olds eating together, they're filming a scene for Boy Meets World. Absolutely. At the end. Or they just got out

of their first date at Prince of Egypt and they were just wowed by a beautiful historic tale with music by the Osmonds. And they just wanted to get a, you know, a blooming onion and then maybe go home and see what happens. Prince of Egypt has inspired me, honey. Let's go home and see what happens. So it's six 13 year olds looking for a place to eat? Let's abstract it. You're the host of the Olive Garden. Justin, I know this is a fucking dream for you. Finally, I rose up. Rose up the ranks. You are a host of Olive Garden. And let's stick with two, because I like the idea of it being two of them. Two important things to discuss. I'm just going to say a number and we'll walk it up. Okay. Two five year olds walk in and I'm like,

no, spaghetti, please. Spaghetti, please. So that makes my night. I'm going to be on, I'm going to be on the nightly news, I think in the local news, like you'll never believe it. Last two five year olds had a spaghetti date. I can definitely say like Disney has taught me that the gap between two dogs coming in for spaghetti and five year olds, I definitely don't allow between that though. Like you're either two dogs or five years old. It's obviously adorable, right? But this is a fucking business. This is a place of business. And they're unaccompanied? They are unaccompanied. These are just two fives. Pesca, please. Do you want spaghetti and peas? Or you just like, do you have money? Like you guys are not as concerned about these two five

year olds. How did you get here? How are you getting home? Griffin, I just don't know how I would look them in their tiny eyeballs and turn them on. No, go away. Go away hungry five year olds. Here's a handful of Andy's mints. Never come back to the Olive Garden. Let's walk it up. Ten year olds. Two ten year olds. No. Hard no from Travis. Hard no. That what are you, you're turning them away? Yeah. Not without parents. What if they just got off work? They just want to relax. Yeah. That's a good point. I don't know. They can't, they can't go see a James Bond movie by themselves. I don't know if they can eat by themselves. They, you will need to cut their food. I'm definitely going to need to see the green.

They're going to need to flash that wad before I let them in. But that's, that's discrimination though. That's going to be hard. Like, okay, I'm rethinking the five year olds because what if they're like, what if they're like, I'll have the Thai peanut noodles, please. And you say, do you have a peanut allergy? And they say, I have absolutely no idea. Let's find out together. I'm a real badass five year old with a leather jacket, by the way. Do you know the number that makes the big ambulances come? Just in case I do have an adverse reaction to the peanuts. Do you know, do you know the big, they're big, loud, scary cars, and they put sick people into them to go to the, to the hops settle. Is that right? Am I saying

that correctly? I've written down here just a list of all of my food allergies just to make sure there's no confusion. This is just like a squiggle. Yes. Yes, that's exactly right. I don't see the issue here. Do you take American Express? And I had an oopsie if you could send someone out. I did have a Duke and also this is very important. I did see a fire truck today. So excellent. Thank you very much. I'll await my dish. I will need you to cut it up for me. What if, what if two 150 year olds come just see this is what I'm saying sort of slug slop their way. They're like skin mass like in through the door leaving a trail of just spume behind them and they fit nurses bring them in and wheel

barrows. Yeah, just sort of filling the wheelbarrows with their self-crud and they say Piscotty please. Travis, this one's for you. Would you sit these two 150 year old wheelbarrow people? I would grip them but not together. Interesting. I would find them like a table with an empty seat, two tables I guess with an empty seat at each and I would just kind of force a Tuesdays with Maury kind of scenario where I would let these. I would ride your old to one 150 year old. I liked the scene in Tuesdays with Maury where the small boy had to dump the spaghetti onto the 150 year old Maury man and then he just sort of, he sort of sat there and he'd Mitch described, Mitch Album described in graphic detail how the spaghetti sort of just sort of

like formed into his 150 year old sloppy body. It just kind of was engulfed by his skin bag and it just kind of was Maury at that point. Excuse me waiter, when you bring the spaghetti, could you bring a lot of it in a small pool? Yes, I believe it's the Patch Adams. I hate to go off menu but it's my life dream to to sweat. Could you serve that? A swimming pool full of noodles? And the five year old leans over and says, I'll have what he's having. Yeah, that's good. You guys hear that? I didn't. I actually didn't. I didn't. Yeah, because my Skype is breaking up pretty bad right now. I just hear like three seconds of silence. Yeah, it's weird. Oh, that's so strange. I want a mud squad.

Hold on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is the anxiety free fucking island parties on Travis. Let's go. I can't yell. It would wake my baby up. I don't, that's causing me anxiety. Squad. There it is. I said it with a smile. Is that better? A little bit. You can tell me if you want to hear the difference. Squad, squad. Justin, what violent delights do you have for us this week? Well, who's first I should say who's hungry? I actually kind of am right now, but I bet that's not going to last. That's not going to impact it. Is it going to be a fucking kids pool full of spaghetti that a 150 year old man can just kind of like slap around in? No, but slops the right

word because we're headed over to Carl Jr.'s or Hardie's depending on where you are. And we're just keep, we're just going to keep on driving. We're going to pull in and we are going to order the Budweiser beer cheese bacon burger. No, no, no. Do you know? Do you know how when you have Budweiser and cheese, you think good, but when I washed one down with the other, I really liked that combo. Well, good news. Hardie's is there for you. It's like this is the equivalent of like it's a fresh new salad, but we washed it with toilet water. Do you know how they're known for pioneering in the quick service restaurant industry by regularly releasing creatively charged industry first premium burger

offerings? Well, according to this press release, they have done it again with the Budweiser beer cheese bacon burger. Now this is served on a brioche style premium bun brioche style bun, not brioche, but there's something in that style as inspired by the artist formerly known as brioche. It's so far from brioche. We can't legally call it brioche. Yeah, it is. We really have the bread boys breathing down our neck if we tried to pull that shit again. But do not sweat it. It is premium as fuck. This is a primo fake brie. This is this is the same like fast food restaurant that like put potato chips and a hot dog on a hamburger, right? They'll put fucking anything on a hamburger at Hardie's. But listen, this is a new burger with this is piled high with thick cut apple wood

smoked bacon. Nobody knows still what apple wood is and what that does to the flavor of the bacon, but it is apple wood. And it's got Swiss cheese on it, but the cheese don't stop there. It's topped with Budweiser beer cheese. Why did they double? Why did they double cheese this one? Who was it? Who is that? Can I ask who the chef was on this project? Yeah, who ate this without cheese was like not cheesy enough. Yeah, but it's a hot and creamy cheddar cheese sauce blended with the classic taste of America's number one full flavored lager. So when you drink Budweiser and think that getting drunk is fine, but I'm really here for the flavor, I wish it was in a non-alcoholic cheese. They've got you. Are you sure that the cheese? First of all, I'm still obsessed with this

lair of Swiss and its purpose. I think I think it might be load bearing. I think it may sound like a lair of Swiss. It sounds like they had another burger delaying around and they're like, okay, well, just serve this like, no, we've already served them. Are you sure, Justin, it's non-alcoholic cheese? Positive, it is non-alcoholic cheese. That would really turn this whole thing around for me. There is one situation in which Budweiser is your choice and it is when you are at some sort of tailgating party and that's it and you don't want to be there and you want to just sort of have like a cold, a cool friend in your hand. I actually think that's the Budweiser slogan, your choice of beer when you didn't get to choose the beer that would

be there. Yeah, it is football happening and you didn't really get a say in it. We're your cool friend in your hand. But by the way, this version of it, there's no alcohol. So what are you fucking doing? I got Brad Haley on the line. I got Brad Haley on the line. He's the chief marketing officer. What's he sound like I wonder? Carl. Our new Budweiser beer cheese bacon burger combines the best of what we do with Budweiser beer cheese sauce. Applewood smoked bacon and caramelized onions on the char boiled grass fed all natural beef patty. It really is a beer and burger lovers dream come true. Hey beer and burger lovers, dream beer here. Hey guys, can you dream bigger for me? Can you do that for me burger and beer lovers? You're dreaming of Budweiser

and fast food cheese on your burgers and beer? Here's what I want. Here's a dream I have. This would be a fun crazy weird like a hamburger stout. That's crazy. That's a dream. A burger that it sounds like maybe someone actually spilled some beer on and then it sat long enough for it to no longer be alcoholic. So maybe not the dream I have. I don't know if any beer lover that's like, you know what my dream? Like if I could just have Budweiser but not not alcoholic and in cheese form that's my dream. Now. Is there more quotes? Are there more tasty quotes because I have an idea? It is being promoted with a documentary style new ad campaign. No fuck that. See this is my idea. Fuck that ad campaign. Okay. I think instead of doing the patented Carl's commercial

that's basically just like a you know a woman on a car and the burger is getting just all over. Same vein but control F find Jessica Simpson. Control R replace with one of the Budweiser horses. One of those Clydesdales and this Clydesdale is up on a Ferrari and he is just smashing this fucking thing to pieces because he weighs two tons and he is not supposed to be up there but also he is he is just ruined with this beer cheese just all over him and he's enjoying I think he would enjoy the burger but there's no way like he's just slopping and he just like smashed a hoof through the windshield and is freaking the fuck out. Yeah and then the last second of the commercial they cut to the Budweiser frogs and they're like now we're horny. Yeah and then they fuck right there

and then they have a baby and then they lay eggs and then out of the eggs emerges the Carl Jr. slash Hardy's Budweiser beer cheese bacon burger. Loving it and then the three frogs are on the car and they're eating the burger but the hot cheese falls on them and burns them to death and they say what a decadent decadent way to die. They take turns saying the words in it. I should have mentioned that Josh Halpern who's the vice president of small format and on-premise for Anheuser Bush was complimenting the Carl Jr. and Hardy's partnership and he says Carl Jr. and Hardy's are known for pushing boundaries and they truly share Anheuser Bush's commitment to quality ingredients and authenticity. Could we leave some boundary could did we when we started pushing

boundaries did anybody stop for a second to think what's on the fucking outside of those boundaries and maybe we put those boundaries up for good reason. I have put some weird shit on a sandwich and no one's ever been like no one's ever said that Travis he sure does push boundaries. They've just said that Travis he sure has made some sandwich monstrosities in his time. He's a human wreck. Anyway not anymore now I'm someone's father. Yeah can we do a quick question. I think we got time for one more quick question from the manager. Yes please. I own several calf high socks as a result of various circumstances. However as a big boy my calf high socks quickly become very uncomfortable ankle socks. I get to the bottom of my sock drawer and I start wondering

if garters can be everyday wear. How do I ensure maximum ankle comfort and that's from trying not to have a cow over my calves in Montana. I'm curious what everybody's sock choices are because I have evolved. I've evolved several times in my life and I'm curious where you're all at. I know you were into those tall tall gold toe shits for a while. Used to be into that. Then I got into like the sneaky ones that are real small and she just love the sandwich. Hello. Don't tell. Don't you tell. Tell you what I love. Black ankle socks. They're like black. They're like you know like your traditional white sock only black. They go with nothing but they also don't ever get dengy and gross looking.

I fucking got a subscription to Foot Cartigan not a sponsor of the show. Just a proud member of their community. Every month I get a fun new sock pattern. I'm like rip Taylor down there now every day but when it's time for something a little bit more serious I have a 16 pack of very short very sexy puma socks that Rachel got me at Costco and I'll wear those and they breathe and then if I have to like leave the office and go to the basketball court it's just an all day thing. It's an all day wear. I bought a bunch of dark socks right before we filmed our show because Maximum Thorn. Maximum I am Maximum Thorn. Maximum Thorn. Maximum Thorn founder and

style guru Jesse Thorn told me quote I don't want to be on TV wearing white socks. So I bought a bunch of dark socks because that had not even entered my I had no idea. I guess the white socks and I'll tell you the fun thing about starting to wear dark socks more is like they probably look the best when you're wearing that outfit. They're the least durable I think style wise. You took one article of clothing away and you're a disaster. This is true. You switched to shorts because it gets a little hot. Oops you're a mess. You're a total wreck. I really I have a few pairs of the fancier pattern socks like Griffin described and I love them. I love them so very much but my chosen footwear is cowboy

boots and it feels weird to have that kind of flashiness and no one can see it. It just feels like the most narcissistic sock choice to put on a flashy like I have a pair I got from Lootcrate not a sponsor of the show just a big fan that are Sonic the Hedgehog themed with rings all the way up. Oh well don't wear those. No don't wear those. Don't wear those. But that's just a secret for me. But that's just a secret for me. But now everybody knows Travis I'm going to assume you're always wearing them. In my mind when I picture you holding my beautiful new niece you're wearing those fucking socks and I can't take you seriously. I'm so much father and I accidentally wore a pair of Deadpool socks to the NICU because it was what I grabbed out in

the dark out of the drawer. Now no one could see him because I was wearing long pants but I knew I knew I was someone's father holding wearing holding a baby wearing some Deadpool socks maybe also I wore the Sonic socks on a different day but that was on purpose so I could have my own little Sonic secret just for me. Did somebody else at the hospital look over and like look at your feet and look at you holding a small human life and then you looked at them and smiled and just said gotta go fast chili dogs. And then I slant with my free hand because one hand had the baby I just slammed the chili dog in one like one mouthful with my left hand. Yeah and then Dr. Robotnik came in and turned all the babies into bad robots and then you had to fight them all off.

Dude dude dude dude. Man I love that little blue bastard. I wish he was real. Gotta go fast. Gotta hope that's what heaven is like. Going fast. Let's go to the money zone. We talked a lot about socks here today and those are fine but they don't touch your date. Unless you're the red hot chili peppers I guess. I want to tell you about meundies. It doesn't just touch your dick. Touching genitalia you got down there. Whatever you're working with meundies will cover it and keep that your secret. Imaginary world we're putting on a new pair of underwear isn't just fresh. You're stepping into a better day. It's the first thing you put on the last thing you take off unless you're nasty. Why would you settle for anything less than the best feeling

underwear on the planet? I do want to say sometimes I wear meundies as socks but that's just because I have a very random personality and a very random South Park humor. I do it but only because I have a very polished floor and I like to really slide around on it. Yeah it's fun. That modal really really go. It's a real slickery fabric. It's a special fabric made with the best in-class raw materials that are scientifically proven to be three times softer than cotton. For a limited time our listeners get 20% off your first order but you got to go to our special URL meundies.com slash my brother. Go to meundies.com slash my brother. Right now for 20% off your first order that's meundies.com slash my brother. Do you guys feel

like we don't do a lot of evening recordings? Do you guys feel like I'm in a really good voice tonight? I feel really I'm articulating things really well. I feel really good about it. It's funny I feel like my throat is full of Anheuser-Busch beer cheese. Yeah I just feel like mine's rough and raw. I coated mine in that good wet cheese because I went to Carl's Jr. and I said hold the burger please just a small cup just take one of those free water cups fill it in with you know that you know that golden stuff I crave. When Carl wants to please me he's only got cheese me. You know they will actually put it on fries for you but they they crumble bacon on top of it because why not? Health is why not health. Oh yeah living as living life health with health in it not even

like a lot of health but like a normal amount of health is why you wouldn't I think oh and self-respect is the only other reason. That's the only other thing. There's just to health and self-respect is why not to do it. As a new dad I would like to tell you guys about the most important thing in the world. Sleep. I was trying to come up with a joke there but you see I'm so sleep deprived I couldn't think of anything funny to say right now and I'm going to keep this anxiety free Teresa and I are sleeping two hours at a time and then feeding for an hour feeding the baby for an hour. Damn that's not hungry thirsty baby. Yeah well there's a lot of diaper changing in there too and like unwrapping and rewrapping of various onesies and swaddlers and stuff and then

we sleep for two hours and I tell you what if we weren't doing it on a Casper mattress I don't know that we would get to really just save of those two hours like we are now you know but it's easy to lay right back down fall right back asleep thanks to our Casper mattress Casper is a sponsor to show this week as well as we're still working on that episode it kind of got thrown for a loop because Halloween special. Yeah well we weren't anticipating a surprise baby and it kind of threw off the schedule a little bit but Casper is an online retailer of premium obsessively engineered mattresses and the best thing is they're a fraction of the price of what you would pay at like a big box mattress store because they keep their overhead down and you know it's all

done online and when you open it up it's real fun they ship it to you like in a box that looks way too small for mattress to be in you open it up it kind of fooms out like it impresses everybody it's it's really cool everybody that you've invited to your mattress unboxing which should be all your closest friends really but they have a risk free trial and return policy so you can try sleeping on a Casper for a hundred days with free delivery to the US and Canada and painless returns and the mattresses are made in America which is always great if you love America like I do pricing is about $500 for a twin size mattress and $950 for a king size mattress which is just a great deal for anyone who's anyone can tell you who's ever shopped for mattresses before

and my brother my brother me listeners can get $50 towards any mattress purchase by going to casper.com slash my brother and use the promo code my brother all one word at checkout terms and conditions apply um we got some jump what's wrong nothing i'd read it in the first personal message oh no we're gonna get there i do want to say uh we have not had any openings for jumbotrons lately it's because we just got all full up uh but maximum fun is going to open up some slots in 2017 so if you do want to get a message on the show um uh those slots are going to open up on monday november 28th that's cyber monday at noon uh pacific uh so uh the the spots are again going to be in 2017 it's weird even like having to like say this it's so uh humbling

and great that folks are uh just like so excited to get messages on the show that uh they are they have filled us right the hell up for like a whole year um but if you want to get a message on the show in 2017 uh again those spots are going to open up cyber monday monday november 28th at 12 noon pacific just do you want to read this message since you were goofing on it yeah i just got a kick out of uh and this is this is adjacent to what you're just discussing this is a message for kate and it's from leslie and it says it was between this or another haunted doll this year happy birthday kate do that's it's like a d with 15 o's after it and it just says she'll know so hopefully kate appreciated that um maybe that's her asmr the reason i laughed is because the uh preferred

time frame for this message to air uh is it says next recording april 8th is was her birthday but i totally get if you can't make that date happen uh yeah yeah that is putting it mildly y'all we used to joke about like we're closer to the next birthday then we are like a month closer to the next birthday than we are the last one so maybe since we're selling all the jumbo trunks for 2017 like all at once maybe they can like be shuffled in such a way where that would be fine yeah i don't know that sounds like a nightmare to try to do we we should or for stacey to do that but i have it when you when you buy a jumbo tron date it for like say happy birthday in 2018 yeah and then they'll all be hopefully early uh i have another message here this one is for smart sexy science lady and

it's from your bearded bus driver bow maybe boyy or maybe just bow i don't know uh they say to smart sexy science lady hey i want to just say how much i love you lady i may not have the weekends off anymore uh but we will try to find time to do things together like listening to all of the macroe brothers content thank you for making my life easier and more enjoyable hopefully i do the same for you now this does sound like they know each other i'm gonna bring you home some good good Popeyes later by the way there's a ghost in my bus again and i'm gonna need you to call the priest this does sound like they know each other and this is definitely like a relationship message but there's also a world in which this is a bus driver who's seen like a sexy science lady come

on his bus and usually as the weekends off so he works mondays but now they've changed his schedule so he doesn't have weekends off anymore and this is like his misconnections like this is his ad a woman that that this person is attracted to walks on to the bus with two urlenmeyer flasks full of fluid every and it's like blue and like green science fluid and so he just knows what her field is and she looks at a ballad goes hmm and then mixes them and there's a little like cloud that comes out of the top that's quickly jots down her observations that's fun hi everybody i'm justin macaroy and i'm dr cindy macaroy every week we release a medical history podcast called saw bones we go over the history of the dumbest grossest weirdest stuff humans have

been doing to each other since the dawn of mankind but it's a funny show but it's also so disgusting and stomach turning you won't believe it but it's also like funny it's funny it is the wildest grossest nastiest stuff you can imagine it's a real hoot it's called saw bones and we release it every week on itunes wherever podcasts are sold and right here on maximumfun.org do you guys want to yahoo yeah when are we gonna do this musical number i'm wondering when will be the best time to just sort of deploy that i think maybe the end the end of the show or maybe okay yeah all right that sounds good what if we forget though probably want me yeah probably want what we do though so this one was sent in by uh brandon giles brandon giles friend friend friend of uh the the the show

the the fam brandon giles thank you brands by yahoo answers user they're anonymous and for good reason because their fucking question is which is the baby the egg or the sperm guys how is this not like how is this not like a chicken or the egg uh cake or pie diaper or bucket like situation or i think it's obvious the the sperm is the baby and the egg is the house this is a good theory chavis can you uh talk for maybe like 10 whole minutes about the science behind what you just said well griffin let me explain i'm pretty sure the egg stays in one place once it settles into the uterine lining and you have no idea that's active and mobile and finds the egg yeah so it seems like the sperm is active before the egg is so it seems like it starts there yeah that's if you're going by

motility or mobility i can't remember which one's which do you just want to also point out that you just had a baby uh a couple weeks ago and i'm expecting the doctor explained all this to me yeah i just i guess i just sort of wasn't paying attention i about the whole birds and the bees process i just know it's a lot of fun for me right it actually it wasn't until when i held the baby for the it actually wasn't until i held the baby for the first time but the doctor kind of leaned her head around the corner went by the way it started with sperm and like she just kind of ran away yeah it was very this was sperm first and lived in an egg house and the doctor's coach she was wearing she was actually wrapped herself in toilet paper in like

a reasonable semocra of a doctor's coat it was weird and i've never seen her before and i was at a 7-11 uh-huh i have another theory and i'm sorry dr travis no please it's the inverse theory and again theory because all of this is unprovable i think the egg might be the baby and but it's not active yet and then my sperm is like a magic spell that just brings that that egg to life so you're saying that the um the the egg is an android and the sperm is like the wish that haley joe osmond makes on a star yeah in ai basically that's one good way to think about it i mean i crack open a chick uh the an ordinary chicken's egg to make a french toast or some sort of uh late night egg meal and what's in there is just like a chicken that didn't quite get

the start it needed from the magic spell cast by his daddy nut that's really good well until he's with that last part about rooster nut but other than that that was actually a really well posited theory think about it so like i guess another way you could think about it is the egg is kind of like our body and that nut is sort of like the soul like we our bodies are just these fleshy exo suits that and this is the theory guys this is it the sperm just kind of climbs inside the egg and the sperm is like the alive thing but then the egg grows and grows and grows and becomes like the body the baby body but that sperm is in there sort of controlling it from within like the little funny alien from men in black okay so you're saying basically that um

basically the you're saying basically that the egg is sort of the the the yager and the sperm is the the charlie hunnam and no but you're saying basically that's right right that's basically it yeah it's i mean any way you want to shake it any other sort of mech based thing you want to reference um yes i'm out i'm out okay i try to figure out there's voltron and then the five the wait i was gonna make it here in the gond poll but i think i there are listeners of this show who would know but that stuff better than myself you guys have to agree with me right because every other sort of thing you could think of is complete garbage and really what i may have just sort of unlocked life if you think about it mm-hmm well i'm trying to remember how look who's talking starts

yeah what's the first shot i'm pretty sure the egg lands and you can hear the egg think like i'm just a body waiting for a little soul and then a sperm shows up and i think he's got a fun accent but i want to do it because i can't do accents and he says oh i know that's all this in i'm a nut so i'm a little bit so long toy and then he just like swims in and then i think it's bruce willis i think it turns into bruce willis yeah and i think the whole movie like i think kirstie alley keeps looking at the baby and growing all this becomes some sperm animated my egg yeah just and she says that line a lot yeah a few times feels like travis and i might be doing most of the scientific heavy lifting on this question just wanted to get you just

want to get your be quiet yeah no i i feel like you guys have really covered the scientific end of this i really i can't help but take a more religious approach so i'm kind of abstaining because i don't want to step on any toes i mean the abstaining would be a more sort of religious approach to the to the process but i'm i think i'm just my i'm looking at my body now i'm talking right i'm moving my hands i'm gesticulating all this is just coming from some common that's inside me and it's just like it's fucking pulling the tendons and the strings and it's like making me think the things i think wait hold on griffin are you pitching like a meat dave scenario in which the sperms are controlling your body do not get it twisted

that is explicitly what i'm saying everybody is everybody's just a sperm suit i mean that's a gross way of thinking about the beautiful miracle that is life and existence but yeah trav yeah uh here here's a question you want to move on from this huh you don't want to spend another 13 minutes sort of unpacking it i have one i want to read really quick just to give a quick thumbs up or down uh quick am i good clearance um i pranked a guy in college i replaced his protein powder with nest quick and he said i was dead to him i found out we're in the same wedding party if i don't go to the wedding am i good that's from pranks men and charleston this is uh the i know you wanted to get through this quick we have to acknowledge the fact that this is a

pretty bonkers prank to pull right because like it's one of those pranks where it's like like so what like so what you change you change the beverage to a tastier beverage and also there's fucking literally no way that this person would have known that they were not drinking protein powder anymore yeah his roommate was going to the gym and cranking it shredding it goes home to give his muscles what they crave and they just get that bunny milk yeah that's not doing them any good yeah and the problem is if you miss one serving of the protein powder all your muscles deflate yeah but guys they don't tell you it's a razor's edge kind of regime this guy deflated so much you could see the sperm pilot inside of them because i think this one i know you wanted to

move on but i have to think that your body grows right your sperm pilot probably grows too so it's like the size like a big snake in you is that what you're saying is that what your fucking spine is holy shit you guys it's your skull and your spine it's it it makes sense it looks like it looks like it looks like that nut it just looks like the nut if you think about it it's like your brain is there your brain is there and like that's like your brain would be in the skull of the sperm like telling it how to swim good to get in the egg it all makes so much sense it all makes a lot of fucking sense you practice not wide open they have to go to the wedding right they still have to go yeah you have to go you have to go this is the most innocuous prank ever don't sweat it don't sweat

it i went to a halloween party with my friends i didn't know what to expect at this party and when i got there i saw that there were finger foods which causes me pretty severe anxiety what i smoked far too much weed and discovered just how serious my anxiety is i had an emotional breakdown right there in front of the spinach dip can i come back from this and hang out with my friends or do i need to leave town and that's for too high for this shit in organ i don't want to rag on this person's anxiety obviously this is a fucking anxiety-free zone i could see i could see why you would get you know freaked out i would request that we not put the finger foods into the anxiety basket and send it down to the anxiety alligators you probably enjoy it yeah i'll be the anxiety

alligator for this particular anxiety by which i mean pass that dip down griffin's way because jesus i'll destroy it um oh man i don't do we need to record like a come down i let me let me say that i will say this to you yeah this seems so innocuous to me that i actually think you might have given your friends a gift with this because this is a fun story of that time one of their friends was so high that they cried over spinach dip that's not i don't know that there's a friend of yours right now who's like i fucking hope they never show up again like it's not like i hope they always show up everywhere that was amazing yeah right like that's a fun story of like i remember there's one time in college they got so high they cried over spinach dip that's funny it's not like

you got so drunk that you like you know wrecked their car or like set their couch on fire but but but when you're i don't know how to explain this to you boys when you're sailing on that on the ss good cush you can do you can do some pretty you can do some stuff sometimes that may seem kind of whack to the outside observer in a way that makes them sort of like a bit uncomfy um i don't know if you i i feel like i have a similar story to this where one time i was at a party and i was the first mate of that particular voyage and um i saw an x and it gave me a it gave me a real bad real bad feelings that i did my x yeah i saw an x that my my big sperm didn't really know how to handle and

it's um all you know doobered up state and so my friend uh who was the one who who invited me on the boat so to speak uh he told me to grab onto the back of his shirt and the two of us ran from the party just squealing and giggling to the point of tears uh while he's sort of quarterback like snuck me out of the party uh like through the fucking front porch that everybody else was hanging out on and i remember thinking the next morning like i need to shoot myself into space i now because i live on the fucking sun now i live on i'm the king of mercury now because i can never ever face any of those people ever again but they don't know what was wrong with you you could they probably knew what was wrong with me at the same time like i don't i don't know judgment if i see

somebody who's like on that ship on that rocking and rolling boat uh and i see them having a bad time i don't hold it against them it's just i get where this person is coming from and i can see them not laughing it right off i feel like you have to before it gets to a judgment so i feel like everybody's seen the like if you party in your friend's party i feel like you've probably everybody's seen their friends over party everyone has party too much i feel like that you don't enter the judgment zone until it becomes like oh they're they're the one who parties too much every single time like five or six times of crying at spinach dip or yeah or one time of you physically fighting the spinach dip like you show up to the party on the good kush and then you see the spinach dip and

you immediately fight it before anybody can enjoy it and it's homemade and you just keep yelling i'm strong to the phoenix yeah and just like over and over again yeah uh folks that's gonna do it for us on our uh anxiety-free cruise we hope you enjoyed maybe doing a job i hope you did i feel i feel like it was pretty pretty chill i think it was a pretty chill zone i would like to i would like to pitch something okay i would like to pitch like a 20 second bubble in which i can say something that may induce anxiety but then justin you're gonna swing it right back with your musical number yeah okay well let's save that for the fair let's save that for like literally the end of the show how about that how about we we finish this we hop on the bubble and then we get right back on the boat

real quick okay but now i've got anxiety about this anxiety thing that's coming no it's it's so fine i i do want to say maybe this will help i have a daughter now oh yeah she's doing great her name is barbara lee mackroy we're calling her bb lee um and lee is her middle name it's not like a hyphen everything it's barbara lee mackroy bb lee uh she was born on october 25th um she was a little early but she's healthy and she's home and everything's going great can i ask you i gotta ask a question she's a beautiful baby and congratulations but um which was the baby the egg or the sperm do you know like because you're right up against it now i mean i i really thought it was the sperm but now i'm convinced that the sperm is just piloting yeah sure the egg and that really makes the most

sense to me everyone i gotta tell you good um but bb's doing great therese is doing great uh we're all doing great um you know i and i do i i do want to say i have been deeply moved and by everybody on twitter and facebook and everywhere that has just like since she was born poured out so much support and love and like everybody has been so like happy to see pictures of her and you know we we spent a little time in the nicu and it was very scary at first and knowing that there was just this like squad of people this like huge uh like support network of people telling us like hey it's gonna it's going great you guys are great everything's going to be fine she looks beautiful like all that stuff it meant the world to us um so we just want to say thank you for everybody who has supported

us uh during the beginning of uh this new phase of our family so thank you everybody um i want to thank john roger in the long winters for the use of our theme song instead of parts of the album putting the days to bed um thank thank you very much this good song also want to thank maximum fun for having us on the network go to maximumfun.org and just click on all the shows you see there you're gonna love uh more than six of them i bet uh also we have a bunch of other uh podcasts and video projects that we do you can find all those at mackleroyshows.com um if you guys announced that february for release date for the my brother my brother and me tv show we did we talked about that last week but yeah february what is it 21st 23rd 23rd 23rd of course that is when the

mbm show is going to come out on cso we've seen some rough cuts of the episodes now and uh guys you're gonna you're just gonna love it it's gonna fix everything yeah it's gonna fix it all justin did you talk about you and sydney going on the joco cruise yeah well i thought i mentioned on saw bones i didn't mention it here uh we're gonna be sydney and i are gonna be on the joco cruise we're gonna be it's gonna be in march i believe um we're there with a ton of cool people uh john the colton obviously will weaton uh our buddy howlublin um um um um um night veil uh is gonna be there uh a ton of galesbone like a ton of really cool uh mathy weiner creator madman like it's gonna be a really cool thing and if you go to joco cruise dot com you can get a cabin and come on the

cruise this it's gonna be fun yeah okay that is so real quick bubble hey everybody it's travis go vote please god if you're if you're hearing this on monday or tuesday go vote i november 8th is mine and justin's birthday this is our special birthday episode all we want for your our birthday if you're a registered american voter and you have the ability to go vote go vote i will also say because it is my birthday go vote for hillary clinton because i want her to win and i definitely don't want donald trump to win so yeah please do that for us yes anyway go vote and now wait and wait you hear that sound please go vote for hillary clinton and pop that was the anxiety bubble oh we're off of it and that means we're back on the cruise

do you guys want to go ahead and sign off and i'll just play us out how's that sound yeah you want to find out you guys want that final yahoo yeah go for it yeah this final yahoo was sent in by level 9000 yajujujujujubu or thank you jerry it's yaju answers user beccarella who asks alice in wonderland too book i'm writing i'm just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy i'm griffin macaroy kiss your dad square the lips boat drinks boys in the band ordered boat drinks visitor scored on the home rink everything seems to be wrong i'm gonna do a mashup keep going and i said what about she said well i got to fly to st. somewhere

you don't have to go home but you can't stay you're ruining everything nobody cares they're all right and i said what about people are not gonna be able to i say this in time and boat drinks came in i'm gonna start over i'm gonna start over if you don't if you keep going we'll start over you don't have to go home but you can't stay you're here nobody cares they're all right here we go here we go here we go here we go here we go here we go 20 degrees boat drinks let's go around boat drinks boat drinks boat drinks boys in the boat drinks where the face lies in the van with the boat drinks boat drinks boys in the justin fucking we're doing a round stop stop stop all right try to shut up try to shut up

boat drinks i'm starting over this is beginning again boys in the band ordered boat drinks boat boys in the band ordered boats boys in the band ordered boating you're ruining the soldier rounds okay there's no rounds it won't sink properly okay yeah here we go here we go you're right boat drinks boat drinks boys i'll start again but i'm trying to do an egg boat drinks it's not gonna sink it's gonna sound like garbage starting again boat drinks drink boat drinks boys in the band ordered boat drinks don't use duerly visitor scored on the home rink everyone seems to be fine rob just fine fine fun i'll just take off my headphones it's fine 24

jimmy buffett is a garbage artist go print out a jimmy buffett song lyric chart and the throat and the fucking garbage could you be me somewhere i'm gonna put all of jimmy buffett songs on a jump drive and flush it down a toilet here on earth they're in space uh just if you hear this pick the century and i'll pick the spot this is all fair use jimmy james i know i should be leaving this climate i've got a verse but can't rhyme it oh and gotta go where it says it's morey all right now now you guys can sing all of this part because we're just gonna repeat all right i'm gonna skip the last verse we're just gonna repeat i gotta go where it's warm i gotta go where it's warm i gotta go where it's warm i gotta go where

it's warm go keep fucking singing drinks is that it everything seems to be wrong and resolve the chord progression i gotta go where it's warm and the end of the show boat drinks oh god you resolved it boat drinks boat please resolve it boat drinks my my my anxiety is through the fucking roof right now you're just worried about jb suitus well don't be he's a very chill dude he's not in it for the money

the first ever chicago podcast festival is just around the corner don't miss your shot to catch max fun's own bullseye lady-to-lady and minority corner performing live for your entertainment split single was just added to the bullseye lineup in addition to the previously announced and amazing dwayne kennedy and andre royo bullseye and lady-to-lady are november 17th and minority corner is november 18th visit maximumfund.org and peep the live shows column on the right side to grab your tickets right now before time runs out maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported