My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 329: The Laser Tag Embassy

Episode Date: November 15, 2016

During these frightening times, most of us are probably looking for a place where we can be free from opression and worry altogether. In today's episode, we believe we've discovered that very place: The Honorable Laser Tag Arena. Suggested talking points: Music Review Season, Kama Sutra Gift, Laser Tag Cheating, Healing Samantha, Penis Cake Strategies, Homemade Trampoline, Tinder Detective, Dramatic Sandler

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, an advice shift for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy. Well, it's happened again.

What has? It's November and that means it's time for music reviews. It's always my favorite time of year when November music reviews time rolls around. I feel like we never get to talk about music the rest of the year. It's always so nice to hit. I think what is it? I think it's the third Monday or the second Monday of the most musical month of the year. Yeah, so I'd like to start out by talking about a new album that's very important to me. It's the new opus from Jimmy Eat World. Whoa, what do you got? And it's called... We ate it all up. Dinner's done. We done ate the world.

I'd like to go sort of track by track because these boys, these jimmies are really wearing their hats and hearts right on their sleeve with this one. A lot of their pathos is present in a lot of the tracks and you really feel like in the first track, which is called seriously, we're going to eat the whole world like Galactus did. They have an lyric in the chorus that's like, yum, yum, eat it up, whole planet, yum. And when I hear that, I just think like, yeah, that's today. That is today. I've got an album that I'm really actually very excited about and it's a new one. I guess who's back? It's Sting. Sting is here. Sting's here, everyone. Hey, everyone. Sting's back. I've been hoping to hear about this album and your sort of skewed

perspective on it here in music November. So I'm hoping that you can sort of give me, just like break me off a little piece of that Kit Kat bar. Well, I hope that you're not like expecting some hard criticism because I am so excited about 57th and 9th named after, of course, the intersection he crossed on his way to the studio where he recorded it. Wow. Really grass when it draws there. Gordon just looked outside and said where he was and this was the record he made. So what sort of melodic delights does Gordon have for us this time, Justin? Well, Gordon has been away from pop rock music for 13 years since his 2003 album, Sacred Love. But he's back after 13 years with a big disc of 10 songs. So if you're wondering,

it's a big it's like physically large. No, it's just a 10 big hits that took him 13 years. So if you're wondering the rate at which Gordon Sumner comes up with good songs, it is 0.75 songs per year because it took him 13 years and he's back with 10 songs. He's got everybody on this one, Garth, Madonna, Tony Bennett. Just everybody's on this one. And everybody likes to make jokes about his dick and how it takes him a long time to nut. But I think that maybe this man just like is sort of has like a sloth brain in there. Well, he might just be moving on like a different time scale than the rest of us. He will live to be 300, but his 300 years will be the same as 100 human years. Travis, what sort of melodic delights do you have for us? And also, I'm going

to blackball Fallout Boy. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair, Griffin. Well, I'm very excited because for the first time ever, there's a six LP set. It's a career spanning vinyl box set that encompasses the entirety of the Evanescence studio albums. They're all available now, Fallen, The Open Door, Evanescence, and those last two, according to the Evanescence website, are making their vinyl debut. And for the first time ever, the commercial debut for the previously unreleased demo album, Origin. Kevin Essence. That was the original name of the band. And it was about, it was this man named Kevin and his Essence. It was sort of a book report on a man named Kevin, but then things got kind of dark. And it also features the first new Evanescence studio

recording in years, even in death, recorded in 2016. They're still at it. Rip Evanescence, Rip Kevin Essence, devoted musicians, thank you for your sacrifice. Yeah, that's what Leslie Odom Jr. Hey, get here's good news. He's got Christmas record out. Oh, that's simply Christmas. That sounds like that's amazing to hear. Fucking good, doesn't it? Oh, he should have called it Oh, Dom, All You Faithful. Oh, Dom, All You Faithful would have been a very good name. Would have been a great name. It would have been a very good name. But I'm very tired. You know what would have been a great name for Gordon's new? Oh, Travis, I'm so fucking tired. Fucking tired. So tired. Fuck. You know what would have been a good name for, you know what would have been a great name for

Gordon's album? What? Fucking anything else. Maybe Gordon's tired too. A Sleigh Bells is back. Sleigh Bells, fuck, what did you name it? Sleigh Bells is back, but it's not a Christmas album called Jingle Bells, because that would be a very good name for a Christmas record from Sleigh Bells. No, it's called Jessica Rabbit, and I'm sure it's very good. I like Sleigh Bells. Pink Floyd's back. What? Record from 1967. It's the early years of Pink Floyd. Oh, man, we've had a lot of music. Let's, can we just head down, ass up, do these fucking advice questions? Yeah, of course. You know, the Hold Steady just re-released some albums with bonus tracks. Got to pick up those.

Celebration Sunday, and almost killed me. Those are out. Love them. Give them, fork them over. Okay. If you don't want to hear about any, Trish and Garth are back with the Christmas record, by the way. If you want to get that and Leslie's record and just play them at the same time, and just have a really good sync up. They sync up perfectly. It sounds like a trio. A trio. I mean, yeah, originally that was sort of the arrangement as they were doing all these beautiful three-part harmonies, but there was beef. And so, you know, you know how it goes. You know how sometimes they take harmony albums and they split it up, and they release them in separate. Please, I'm so tired. Can we please get to the first advice? Of course,

we can get to the first advice. Deep Blue Something's back. I knew it, you son of a bit. You are literally killing me in hell. At Denny's for their shift. No, no, I'm sure that they're still killing it. I'd got to see Deep Blue Something. They're not together. Is there anybody else you want me to check on real quick? Please set me free from this genie's curse. Please, God, start reading in a question. Let Griffin become Jin. I'm sorry, but Deep Blue Something, if you're listening, by the way,

you seem like swell guys. I'm just kidding. My wife and I recently moved into a new house. This week, I came home. I've done it. I've ascended. I came home to find that our neighbors had left us a gift on our front porch. It was the new Christmas album. Stop, freeze, God. Oh, no, I'm not Jin anymore. I'm back in the back of the lamp. Damn it. Robbie Williams is back, and Robbie Robertson is actually back also. And it seems like they could have worked that out better because that's going to cost the market confusion, I worry. But no, they left a gift and it's not unusual in the neighborhood because they previously really received potted plants, loads of bread, bags of apples. No, no, no. Thank

you. No, sorry. What? Thank you for the chore and the mold and the rot. I really appreciate all this in my trash can. However, this week's gift was slightly more different. We received a book. Specifically, we received Come Us Sutra, classic lovemaking techniques reinterpreted. Travis, there was an attached photo. Did you check there? Just trust me. I trust you. I don't need to see their dirty book. My question is twofold. One, how the fuck do I face my neighbors after they've given us such a thing? And two, what do I say if they ask me if we got their gift? That's a clever location based name. I'll answer the second one first. You say, oh, yeah, we got it and then just wink a bunch till they leave. We got it all night long. Make a ring with your finger

and then with your fingers in your left hand and then make a second, a very skewed ring with your pinky and ring finger on your left hand and then put like two of your fingers on your right hand into them in and out, in and out, in and out in like different ways until they leave you alone forever. This won't happen, right? You got my fuck, like, strategy guide, right? You got my pro strat, no scope, fuck guide, right? Yeah, you got my game facts to vagina. You got my fuck tome, didn't you? It was the one. My fucking amicon. I got you the fuck you're an amicon. You're supposed to open it and just like let it free the fuck within you, the undead fuck all around. You got my, you got my prima game strategy guide to letting that hog

go wild, right? You got that? Yes, good. Excellent. It shows you where to find all this secret collectibles in there. You got my chick track about dick tracks, right? Right. So I don't think this is gonna, I don't think somebody's ever gonna come up to you and be like, you got that dick book, right? Good, good, good. Well, there's two, okay. There's two things, though. It's one of two scenarios. Either the one who gave you this is like the weird beard who's, you know, that's not fair. Maybe they're just a little too open. It's the person who's a little too open with all the neighbors and like everyone's like, yeah, that's Gary. That's who Gary is. Or it's somebody who thought this would be really funny. Yeah, I think it's funny.

So fun. It's, and like, let's be honest, it's hysterical. It's really good. Your reaction to it is making it even better. Here's where I'm at. I also think the act of leaving a bag, a big old bag full of apples on somebody's front doorstep is also pretty funny. I use the apples. Here's the apples. Here are the apples. Now they're your apples. These are your apples now. Now you're the apple, ma'am. Now you have all the apples. What are you gonna do with this power? Bread and a potted plan I get. Like, I bake this bread. Enjoy it. This is like, I went to the store and I saw a bag of apples and I was like, this is Trisha all over. But the thing about it is, there's an inherent weirdness, though, to just leaving it on the porch versus knocking on the

door and handing it to them. Like, that's a welcome to the neighborhood. Now we've had a face-to-face conversation as neighbors versus like this sneaky, like, thief-in-the-night gift giving process that makes it inherently weird. Yeah. I'm trying. I just like went on a visual journey in my head trying to imagine coming home after a long day at going to the BP to get beer and coming back and finding a bag of apples on my doorstep and just thinking about the procedure. Now you want me to eat them with my mouth? Like, if I listen, if I buy a bag of apples at the store that is symbolic of a new commitment I've made to wellness, you cannot force this on me. Like, you can't force this lifestyle. I would feel like I was in, like, a 90s movie about the

fear of surveillance. I just, like, spin around staring into the bushes and trees screaming, who did this? Yeah. Who did this to me? Now I do want to point out, so dark, the con of man, that we are so distracted by this apple bag that we are not considering the boner guide that this person really did receive and how to struggle with that reality that they find themselves in. I feel like a good, I think you could, like, cut out a lot of the potential conversations that may happen about this book by letting the neighborhood know that you got it, if you know what I'm saying. What, Xerox is like pictures of a yard sign? I'm saying you open up those windows. Uh-oh. And you just open up a webcam site. No, no, no, no, no. Just open up those windows and let the,

just the stink lines come out. Hell yeah. You open up the windows when your neighbor walks past, you're just like, hey, remember that book you got me? I adapted it into a movie. Yeah. And then just go for it. And then just let them feel the reek of it, you know? Yeah. I adapted it into a stage play. This is a live theater happening. Um, do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, please. Uh, I got a lot of good ones this week. Thank you all very, very much. I want to make clear out all of that. We're not kink shaming anyone who uses- No, not yahoo. It's just like a it's just presumptuous or funny. It's either presumptuous or very funny. I think it's very funny. I think it's very funny. I might think it's very funny.

It is also representative of like how weird we are about sex. It's just like, that's a very personal. If it's not funny, it's a very personal thing to like, suppose, like, I don't know. That's a weird like, no, like, no, sorry. Listen, we're the most accepting people you'll meet on the face of the earth, but there's still social norms that we have to try to like cling to, I think. Please don't leave a fuck by numbers on my front porch. And don't get funny and mail us one. Fuck you. Nope. It's already done. It's already done. It's already done. We already have one. We have six. We have seven. We have 12 now between the three of us. That's fine.

We'll donate them to Goodwill. Don't worry. No. Hey, I'll fucking use it. Brooks Oglesby sent this in. Thank you, Brooks. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Please load. Please Yahoo. Please Yahoo. Please Yahoo. Please Yahoo. I already lost Vine. I cannot lose you as well. This morning I was on the John, loaded up the Vines. They won't load. I think that's it. Are you kidding me? We're done. Time of death. By Kevin Essence asks, How can you cheat at laser tag? I am going to play laser tag sometime, I guess. They make their beats with it. I need to know how to cheat so that I don't lose, and so I can beat some little losers. Any ideas for cheating would be greatly appreciated. Thanks,

bros. Just off the top of your dome. How old is this question asker? Like 26 years old. Cool. Right there with you. How do you fucking cheat at laser tag? Hand across the vest. Next question. Yeah. Hand across the vest. This sensor could be in the gun though. And also it's like infrared beams, which I think can penetrate Travis' flesh. You're going to need a lead skin suit. Now that's, now we're talking. Now we're talking. If you go in there with a bulletproof vest over the laser tag vest, then you might be okay. It's not cheating. Putting your arm across the vest isn't going to guarantee a win. It just gives you an edge. What's your laser tag

edge, Griffin? Because there's also just like blind firing, where you just like pin yourself behind a wall and like you lean out. So like there's no sensor visible and you're just fighting. Okay, but I do want to say if there was a gunfight happening and I was in this gunfight, and I just like turned, poked my arm out around the corner and blind fired, I don't think the person I was in the gunfight with would be like, hey, that's cheating, sir. That's a, you know, Griffin, you're, it's an excellent point. Why are you, why, we shouldn't call it cheating. This is laser war. You know what I mean? If I put a guard over my sensor, I think that we are inters gaming our children here and teaching them laser

war. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's the only war of the future. Sure. Yeah, laser war. We're training an entire generation for laser war. I guess, yeah, it's hard, right? Cause this is like a physical folk game. It's hard to like, you can't really like plug a game genie into your vest. So in terms of like cheating this physical thing, I think the right answer is like steroids, human growth hormones, things like that. Cause you're going to say training, but yours is way easier. Well, training. Oh God, Travis, training is not cheating. I feel though, if you, okay, I kind of think that if you play laser tag to get better at it for like an event you have coming up, that's such a weird thing to do that it almost is cheating. Like that's basically everyone should be going in with

the same level of incompetence, I think, except for the assumption that I think everybody who has played any amount of video games makes that like when I get in there, I'm going to fucking savage them. No, you're not. You're going to get super tired. You're going to get so tired so fast from running around so much and hiding and trying to do these fucking like metal gear solid dives. You're going to dive, you're going to land right on your keys and that's it. You're going to lose savage by these like little 12 year olds who have a tenacity and ferocity that has been forever lost to you, a 36 year old man. Laser tag falls under these category of things like bowling and darts for me, which is like if any significant amount of time has passed between the last time

I attempted them, it's very easy for me to convince myself that I think I'm pretty good at it until I try again and I'm like, oh, no, wait, that is why I'm going to just jam this needle right into that buttock and I'm going to get you huge and crazy in there. Everybody else is going to roll up and they're going to be on a fairly even playing field, which is that they're going to get very tired very fast unless they're young children, except for you with your huge crazy big body and you are going to be indefatigable. You will not be able to be fatigued. You will be able to jump super, super high and just rain lasers down upon all these tweens and stuff because your body for how long, how long will this treatment last Griffin? I mean, it depends on the strain, right?

Like I've got that Michael's secret stuff that I jam every time I'm about to go tagging and it makes me big and crazy and it really like gives me a lot of not only like mass that I can use to like be big and strong, but it also just makes me like really just like really crazy aggressive, like very, very, very, very aggressive. It shuts down whatever inhibitors I have that like keep me from getting like crazy in there. Hey, here's one that might be cheating that people to never do is hostages. That's one that you never see people do that. Just like grab that 12 year old, you still got body mass on him, grab that 12 year old and just use him as a human shield. Like his team's going to be terrified to take the shot. They won't be able to take the shot and if they shoot in the

head, it does nothing. So shoot through me. Tilly, Tilly shoot through me. You have to take him out. Scholar, Scholar, it's okay. We always do this. What happened? This is always a possibility we trade for this. There is that does break one rule, which is to say legal laws, federal legal laws. Like it may not break laser tag rules. I don't think Billy Bob's is going to have like a don't grab and use kids as human shields, but I'm pretty sure that is in like the Constitution somewhere. So like, but it is cheating, but I'm cheating Griffin. Like if you don't break rules, it's not cheating. If I could rob a bank and I get caught and be like, I'm just cheating. Taking up with the ref. It's just it's a game shark chill, dude.

Well, okay, but they do. Okay. Laws are different on a football field. Do those because like if you did football things to people in real life, you go to prison. Yeah, that's true. That used to be the case. I don't know. But you, if you do football things to people in real life, you go to prison. I don't, I don't know if that applies in laser tech. Like I don't want to be a fly on the wall for that manager conversation with the Billy Bob's. Hey, listen guys, I don't want to, I don't want anybody to take advantage of this, but I do want to let you all know that when you're in there, it's basically international waters. Think of it as like the laser tag embassy. There's really no laws in there. So if you guys are going to go smoke your pot,

please do it in the laser tag arena where it is 100% legal. You'll see in the one quarter. I do have a fairly robust grow operation, but John Law can't touch me because it is in a laser tag arena. Yeah. And also when you, when you in the, in a laser tag arena, the manager can marry you. If you were on a football team, a professional football team, and it was Sunday, and you're geared up for the big game, if you sat down and stole somebody's identity from the opposing team, would they be able to stop you? Like could they do it on the field with like your iPad and your hand running down the field? That's what I'm saying. Like as the play is going on, you're stealing his identity. Like as you run past him, you're like, Hey, look at me. Now I'm

chano chosinco. Sorry. I don't have a lot of football players on of the current age at my fingertips. I think that would be legal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This just came in hot, hot off the presses hot. Whoa, this one is, is, is burning my hands here. It's a, I got a haunted doll watch. Oh good. Good news guys. I've been combing eBay for some of the latest and greatest and haunted doll advances. And I got for you a real treat today. It's a haunted doll named Samantha. And it's a spooky name. She was as all haunted dolls must legally be found after the seller's grandma passed away. They're having that's what that's what keeps this economy afloat. It's always just making more ghosts.

Just making more ghosts. There's not a lot of haunted doll stories to start with. So I was walking through the Kmart and there on the shelf was a Barbie was a Barbie and it was weird. My grandma was a kind loving spirit and my on angelica was a healer and a psychic in her country. I guess they cross the boundaries or like, well, I've lost it. I was taken care of by my aunt. So I learned how to perceive and work with energy. So they're just like, yeah, they're just establishing their bonafides using different forms of communication such as a pendulum and automatic riding in order to give my buyers as much information as I can about my spirit dolls. Okay, we trust you. We trust you. This doll's name is Samantha porcelain head, arms and legs,

16 inches tall, blonde, wavy hair, Victorian attire. It plays music, which is just I can't. I can't believe that. So here's the thing about Samantha that's real fun. She's an angel of healing. Whoa, hold on. Hold on. She has the ability to heal those that are in need. She uses her eyes to transmit healing energy. And with the beam of white therial light, she can be asked to heal a particular part of the body. Her gaze is very intense. You almost feel our scanning your entire being with her eyes. Okay, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. Oftentimes in a Hanadol watch, the seller will say things like having them around affects your luck or like they their very presence will make you upset or something will move energy orbs while you're

not looking. The idea of saying her eyes emit a white beam of light is a pretty testable claim. What do you got? Goiters? Look at this thing. The one thing though is this seller has 210 transactions with 100% positive feedback. Yeah. My goiters are gone. I don't know what to say. My goiters are gone. Bought the doll, goiters up and left, moved out. So when you wind her up and you listen to her melody, you gaze into her eyes and you can feel a warmth think of your being. This is the time that you focus on the healing that you need. And the shingles, the shingles just fall right off and they're gone. Thank you, Angel Doll. 100% satisfaction. Excellent. Just what I needed. To answer your two biggest questions,

yes, this person is selling their magic doll that heals people and they're doing it for starting bid of $55. So yeah, which seems like a kind of a steal for a magic doll that heals you with eye beams. They really want to buy a AAA video game. My goitre medicine is $70. So this is an excellent bargain. And their last line is eBay forbids the sale of inanimate objects. Therefore, this is being sold as a doll for entertainment purposes. They do not ban the sale of inanimate objects. No, I don't think you know. I don't know what you think inanimate means, but it's not that. It's not ghosts. I recently bought an SNES cartridge of Chrono Trigger and it doesn't up and fucking move. But if it did. But if it did. Can I say something? I have a thing that I want to

sell on eBay. I have an Oculus Rift that I want to sell on eBay and I feel like this program has delegitimized the platform to the point where I wonder if that's even a good idea. Well, you can't sell it unless it like, does it sprout legs? Yeah, unless it can like banish your dark thoughts, then I don't think unless like my my, you know, great, great aunt died and inhabited the virtual reality headset. And now every time I try to play, you know, some sort of fun, fun 3D space shooter, my my great, great aunt appears and is like, let me get that dark energy out of you. I don't think it's applicable for the platform. Correct. Where does the music come from from the porcelain doll?

I don't know. I'll be wind up, right? I'll wind up. Yeah, you wind it up and the music just starts and the healing energy. I bet it does. She's blue, too. She's blue, too. You just connected to your phone. Do you think it even does play music? Like if they're willing to say it, she's healing beef. Is that what you're going to be upset about? Like, this music doesn't work. Like Tom Notch 100%. But like, I couldn't get the music to play. I mean, that is a great question, Justin. There's a lie on the description. So am I going to get this thing and it's actually wood, not porcelain, like painted wood? Like, wow, this sucks. Contact

with the seller. Hey, this is painted wood. This isn't porcelain. Like, yeah, dude, all that was lies. It was all lies. I said it was a healing angel. You should have known that everything I say is bunk. Yeah. And it's wild, by the way, that people can run all this fucking game and then at the very end be like, psych. eBay says I have to say psych. So psych, like, oh, well, why did I actually, you should have put that first. Also, I will say that comes in bullshit. It seems like a weird skirting to be like, and now after I've claimed all that, it's just a doll like eBay. Yeah. Like, why is they're doing it? They're working around the system, eBay. Yeah. I have to make a penis cake for my sister's bachelorette party.

Hey, should we have that be like the have that like be the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, like to be continued teaser to get people to listen past the advertising break. Yeah, this is the new thing we're trying. And so, so you know that's waiting for you. But first, let's go to the money zone. Let me tell you about Squarespace. Okay, do it. All right, my brother, my brother, me is sponsored in part this week by Squarespace. Hey, you're not reading this, are you? This is all coming from the heart, right? No, that actually just came off the top of my dome. I don't know if you know this,

this isn't our first money zone. We've actually talked about Squarespace a lot. And you know, here's the thing, maybe you've heard it a bunch and it's kind of gone in a one ear and out the other. But you know what, maybe in your heart, you've been planning a website for too long. It's sat there just in your heart growing fallow because you did not water the seed of your idea for a website. But you should, you should plant it in Squarespace. And water it with the Squarespace water. Okay. I might have lost the pot. Okay, yes. Not your best metaphor, I would say. I thought it started strong, but then definitely kind of spun into sleepy Travis near the end. I mean, yeah, your metaphor was just like,

it's like a farm and it wasn't good. Well, I thought it was clear because Squarespace, it's easy. They have a lot of different options. Like farming? Like farming. They have a lot of like, a lot of tools that'll help you make a fast and awesome website. They got like tractors and shovels on the farm, so. Exactly. They have beautiful templates. That's not a farm. Also, website designs, is that a thing? Yeah. The way that they lay out the rows of peas. Yeah. Or like a Travis, like a barn. Yes, exactly. And they have a really awesome 24 seven customer support. That's like farm wizards. Like farm wizards. Exactly. So no matter what your technical concerns are, customer support can help you.

Oh yeah, corn. Like corn. So right now you can start a free trial today at Squarespace.com slash my brother and you'll get 10% off your first purchase. If you have an idea for a website or you just want to check out and see what's available there, highly recommend. I made a website there macro shows.com took me like 40 minutes and I'm very happy with it and I brag about it all the time. I think I brag about it every time we do a Squarespace ad. So trust me, they make it fast and easy. You don't have to know anything about coding or anything about website building. They give you all the tools you need plus the customer support. Go check it out. Squarespace.com slash my brother and you get 10% off and what you get 10% off your purchase and that's like when you go

to a farm and you blackmail them for free vegetables. Exactly. The hardest thing about being a farm wizard is that when the farmer assumes just because they bring the cord of virgin blood and the eye of tree frogs that you demanded, they don't also have to bring seeds. It's like you have to meet me halfway. Yeah, where am I supposed to pull these potatoes out of my ass? Because I can. That is where they come from. But it's a lot harder. I'm an amazing wizard but it's tough. I want to tell you all about Blue Apron. We've talked about Blue Apron so much and for good reason because I really, really like Blue Apron. I've learned how to cook because of Blue Apron. The way that it works is for less than 10 bucks a meal, Blue Apron, they will deliver seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned

ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals. This month they have stuff like pan-seared chicken with roasted fall vegetables and butter capersauce, spicy lotus root and purple carrot stir-fry with sweet potato noodles, lemongrass roasted pork and Romanesco cauliflower and coconut rice. The meals are really, really great and easy to prepare and they teach you so much about learning the fundamentals of cooking so that even when you're not cooking a Blue Apron thing, like you're better at it. It's a really wonderful thing that I cannot imagine going without. And you can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free with free shipping if you go to blueapron.com slash mybrother. That's blueapron.com slash mybrother.

So we've got some Jumbotrons to share with you, but first we do want to remind you that the my brother, my brother meet Jumbotron window is going to be opening back up November 28th at noon Pacific and there's the potential of them selling very quickly. They have in the past, that's why we kind of had to put a pause on them so we could catch up a little bit. So if you have been interested in picking up one of those spots, just know it's going to be first come, first serve starting on November 28th at noon Pacific and those spots will run sometime in 2017. So let's get into the the Jumbotrons for this week though. The first one is for Richard, aka Daniel Jackson. Okay, it's an odd nickname, fine. The message is

from Craig, aka twabbles one. I never would have thought that Halo 3 would increase our friendship from cousins to besties, wink, wink, macarons. No, it's dead, it's gone. It's dead, let it go. We might make one for Christmas. I don't get it. What's that about? Our trip to North Carolina to watch Griffin help me. Eva? Eva 3.0, maybe even Galleon? I don't know. I don't know. It's still one of my favorite memories and I'm really honored to be one of your best friends. P.S., happy birthday. That's awesome. Yeah, it's really nice. It's even Galleon 3.0. You cannot redo. It's a fantasy science fiction anime film from 2012. So you got it in one. Got in one. Happy birthday. Congrats on getting those sick KD ratios in Halo 3. Finish the fight.

I'm going to give the Covenant back their bomb, Master Chief. Cortana is back doing their thing. Look out for the flood. Wardhog. There's some nasty customers. Wardhogs. Phantom Menace. Phantom Menace and Anakin Skywalker. I have a message for Teddy and it's from your brothers, Will and John, who say, hey, brother, this is from your brothers by your favorite brothers. Have a great birthday and rock on. And then guitar riff. Justin, can you do the thing with your mouth? Wait, hold on. Was that the Star Spangled Banner? It sounds like the Star Spangled Banner, but Jimi Hendrix keeps getting sleepy. Is that Phantom of the Opera? That's Phantom of the Opera. What are you doing?

That's good. I'll do it on them. That's Oklahoma. This is fun. It's like a hard rock show tunes block. Is that Valley High? Wow, you got it very quickly. I will play this game for another half hour. Yeah, let's do it. You're going to wash that man right out of my hair. You're a real South Pacific. I was trying to trick you with that one. Well, this has been our fun new game. I shouldn't have been able to solve it with more melody. Are you just doing guitar for the rap words?

Sorry, that was not very good. I can see why they use words and things now. What garbage? Pick up the fucking Hamilton mixtape. It's all Justin making his fucking distorted kazoo guitar noise for all the songs. Sorry. Shit. What movies should I go see this weekend? Should I care about the Emmys? Is this meme already dead? Is VR cool? What happened to choose your own adventure book? I think we're Russians for real. For answers to these questions and so much more, come on over to Pop Rocket, a pop culture roundtable show with me, Guy Brannum, Winter Mitchell, Margaret Woppler,

and Oliver Wang. Catch us every Wednesday on maximumfun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcast. I'm not going to judge. Give me that dick question though. Oh, yeah, that's right. The dick question. I have to make a penis cake for my sister's bachelorette party. What type of penis should I make? There are so many variations. Additional notes. My sister and her fiance are both officers in the Navy. I would like to incorporate this into the penis cake somehow. That's from Matron of Dishonor in California. Maybe an anchor tattoo on there?

Yeah, a lot of sailors. Is it? I mean, there's bigger questions that we need to ask first. Like, is this, is it cut? Well, when they serve the cake, you probably will be. That's fun. Oh, that's something. You can do like a layer of fondant that you sort of brist right off there. Oh, that's fun. I would watch an entire season of Great British Bake Off that was just phallic novelty cakes. Hard, hard, yeah. Oh, I disagree, Paul. I think it's a very good bake. I think it's a wonderful penis. I think it's a wonderful bake. How many people do you have to serve? Because this is like, that's going to inform the scale that you're working with. Are you dealing with 10? Are you dealing with 30 people? Hey, Tammy and her family aren't going

to make it, honey, so let's go flaccid. Yeah, babe, just a little chubbings. There's going to be like any of us. It's going to be like any of it. We just need like half mass. Like you're watching a, like a really sexy lingerie commercial, like that kind of kind of vibe. Like a JC Penney's catalog page that you shouldn't be looking at. One of those. Watching a Benedict Cumberbatch movie when he does the thing with his eyes, where he's like looking straight into the, you know what I'm talking about. When he barrels the camera. Barrels the camera. Barrels the camera. You get a, you get a Cumberbatch half chubb, you know, you know, a Cumberboner. You want a good Navy joke in

there? You could tattoo welcome aboard on the penis. Yeah. That's a reference to every Navy man's favorite movie down Periscope. It could also say mission accomplished. That's fine. That's addicted. Did it? Yeah. Well, just like a jaunty cap on there. Like a, like a naval, you know, a naval officer's jaunty cap on there. And maybe it's winking. Is it too weird to make it like an anthropomorphicized dweener? Absolutely not, Travis. Eyes and mouth like saying like, hey, come eat me up, ladies and gentlemen and whoever's present. What, we're dancing around this question. Justin, you've got, you've got the flour, you've got the pastry spoon. What kind of dingaling are you, are you doing? Straight up and down

traditional circle, circle oval? What do you do? Do you do the balls? Is it weird without balls? Yeah, Travis, it's pretty weird without balls, I think. It's kind of balls are sort of an important. The balls are the easy thing. Yeah. But the balls just form the shape though without balls. It's got, you would have to sit there and go, it's a penis. Yeah. It's a penis. Everybody, it's a penis. Is that clear? Is that clear? I made a, okay, you guys get it? Okay. Have you guys ever seen a penis cake? Yeah, dude. I've seen more penis cake. I'll see more, I've seen more penis cakes than you'll ever forget. The only time I ever saw one is the first time and only time that I did mushrooms and I thought that I had gone, gone down. I thought that I had gone way past,

way out there on the edge because my Jason's brothers made him a penis cake and I thought that I had done lost my mind. Yeah, you dreamt it. It was a wonderful dream you had. No, I woke up the next morning and it was still there and I was like, well, thank fuck for that. Yeah. At least it wasn't, you know, that, that, that pastry dick was your constant in that moment. Do you guys want a yahoo? You know what would be impressive? I guess not. I've been watching a lot of those like baking competition shows on Food Network, 3D like standing cake, not laying down on a tray. Everyone does laying down on a tray. I'm talking a vertical build with maybe some smaller penises on like scaffolding, edible, all edible, like the juicer scaffolding in Fragile Rock,

littler penises around it like they're building the bigger penis in the middle. Like the juicer scaffolding in Fragile Rock. Like the juicer scaffolding when the juicers build penises. So you want them to make like basically fucking barra door out of penises just like reaching up to a monument that will live past the time of the penis upon which it is based. Sure. You know, something to remind future generations of the of the penis that existed once. Yeah. I think that that's really inspiring Travis. I'm just saying if you're gonna do the thing, do it. You know what? Yeah. Win the penis cake competition. So let's never talk about penis cakes ever again.

Or penises. You know, we could do like a fun moratorium on talking about this. That would be good. Here's a jar and I'm going to put a quarter in it. It's the cock jar. So no, don't put that in there. Stop it Daniel. Daniel came along and you know what he did. He's fired. He put his formula in the jar. He put his formula right in the jar. He's always misinterpreting intentionally. This one was sent in by fucking Brooks Oglesby again. Somebody needs a nickname, huh? Or an honorific at least. We'll think about it. It's from Yahoo Answers user. Sorry, something's gone wrong. There's a Keybler commercial at the top of the page. So we'll send him by

Garrison Keybler. Thank you, Garrison. It's by Yahoo Answers. I already said who it was by. So tired. Garrison Keybler asks, homemade trampoline? Would it be possible to make your own homemade trampoline and what materials would you need? This is great. It harkens back to a simpler time. Yeah. Back when everything wasn't store bought when we used to like use our hands to make the trampolines we needed. Yeah. We weren't just going to the trampoline store and bought, you know, the big box trampoline store and just buying a trampoline. We were crafting the trampoline. We had our own like heirloom trampolines that like our grandpa's made that we used to bounce on and remember the time before the Great War, you know?

And now everybody's just going to like the tramp store and buying a trampoline that means nothing to them and then they throw it away each season and buy a new one. Yeah. Everything you can stand on is a trampoline. It's just the degree to which it is a good and serviceable trampoline, right? Like the carpeting, a bad trampoline, beds, a slightly better trampoline. Do you measure that? Do you measure is the metric how fun and bounceable it is or how the potential for child harm? Because that's what I like. If I'm going to pop my own knee up and bust my nose with my own fucking knee, that's a trampoline. What I just did. Have you done that? Oh, everybody's done that. Yeah. Riley broke her leg on one. Yeah. It's like a bad bounce. Just a bad bounce, Mary. That's a

bad bounce, Mary. Isn't a trampoline fun because you think about the idea of the number of things that like we've gotten rid of because of the threat that they put like lawn darts. We've gotten rid of toys that have threatened children and yet trampolines seem to endure like no amount of child injury will ever undo the trampoline from our consciousness. We have definitely as a society like turned a blind eye towards trampolines. We've all just accepted the risk of like, no, listen, I know, but like, I'm not what am I going to do? Not have a trampoline? Come on. I'm trying to get clever and put that fucking net that netting up around the trampoline. And it's like, dog, all you've done is created a goal for me to try to bounce over. You put that net up. It's like,

how high is that eight feet? Okay, mission, mission accepted. Here I go. Popcorn. Popcorn me, Dylan. I'm out of here. I need to go to fucking Jupiter. Bounce me, bro. Hey, at any point during this conversation, and please be honest, have you guys had the fleeing thought that, man, it'd be pretty fun to jump on a trampoline right now? I think it would go, I think I could get three jumps on a trampoline before my spine just telescopes. For me, for me, Justin, trampolines are the child version of the hot tub. Let me explain. Seems like super fun idea. And then three minutes after you've entered it, you think, so this is it. This is what I, this is what I'm doing now for like, I just jump on it. I'm just,

okay. How long should I stay up here? So it doesn't look weird that I didn't just like get immediately out. But how do you make one though? Because I kind of need some springs. Yeah. Springs seem important. And like, I can't think of what the trampo material there at the top would be except reclaimed trampo mesh from another trampo. You go harvest. You know, if you steal one, that's another, that's a pretty big heist, but what about tarpoline? Could you use just a big tarp and some springs and then a room? And just a room? This might be a little bit off the beaten path, but I think if you're going to build your own trampoline, you should really make it like an in-ground trampoline

and maybe cover it with leaves and then like jump off a balcony and like really scare the shit out of your friends. Just to prank people. God. God, Yahoo! Interest has the worst commercials. Oh, imagine, oh, imagine that where you're like you call your friend Dylan over to your house and you say, Dylan, last night I was struck by lightning and I've developed these magical powers and then just go running across the yard and jump where you know the trampoline is and spring way higher into the air than you should. And just see how long Dylan buys your new personas like the Springer. Yeah, until the first time he's like thinks he's funny and then throws your frisbee up on top of the house and he's like, well, it should be no problem, right?

Yeah, come on. I can't control the powers, Dylan. Come and go. How dare you. I just like. You know that, Dylan. Yahoo is showing me an ad right now. You remember when they said Melissa McCarthy died? Uh-huh. Trying to get me a click. Now it's Ellen's shocking goodbye. Her fans were stunned by her leaked secret. She kept it hidden from the world the whole time. And this is linking to a website called PrettySkinStore.com. So many secrets are just revealed through these official Yahoo advertisements that Ellen's skin was purchased from another person's body. We have to help some more people. We're going to speed up some and bang through some of these

questions. Please. I was on a popular dating app looking for local singles and while swiping, I came across my friend's fiance and her dating profile. Oh, God. They have been together for at least a couple of years and we meet weekly to play board games. I've been able to play it cool so far, but it is slowly eating away at me. I screenshot the profile photo. Good job, fucking ace detective. But I don't know what to do. The spy over here. Yeah, fucking check out. Encyclopedia brown. Could they be in some sort of open relationship type thing? And how do I find that out? Or did I just stumble on the worst thing ever? Please help. I didn't swipe right. And that's from please let this be an open relationship thing in Washington state.

Oh, shit. Hey, hey, hey. You need to destroy your phone and you don't and you need to destroy your phone and then like it's in the cloud. Harriet. So maybe you could go into your cloud and remove that too and forget this ever happened and move on with your life. There are I'm like fucking opening my third eye and there's no I'm looking at all the outcomes possible and there's none good for you. Well, here's what you have to do. You have to go and talk to the fiance that you found on the dating profile and say, Hey, what's the deal with this? And if it turns out to be something shady, then they need to tell their partner or you will. And then you have to build Bixby your way out of town and move on to the next town where you'll make new friends and start a new life.

That's exactly it, Travis. You can if you want to do this, you're going to have to pack your bags and move away because there's no reality in which this breaks good. No reality. No, you're the messenger here and it tends to go bad for the messenger. If I got news for you, buckaroonie, if you really really stumbled onto something like unscrupulous and shady and you confront this person about it, guess what they're going to do? They're going to lie. They're going to lie about it because they are a shady person. Unless they're not, unless they're not, unless they're not. But this is what I'm saying, Griffin. And if they're not, mind your fucking business. I know it's bad. There's just no, what I'm saying is like, I'm not presupposing anything about anybody

in it. If you have an relationship, that's great. Again, none of your business like you have, like you can't. You can't. You can't. If you do, if you decide to, just know, listen, I get that impulse of wanting to protect your friend and like, I think that that is very admirable. Just know nobody gets out of this clean. If it breaks bad, nobody comes out of this shining. Like because like you're going to be the person, even if you did the right thing and you like told your friend and you saved them from entering this shady relationship permanently, you're still the one who broke them up. Even if you did the right thing, it breaks bad. So just like, know that. Please listen. Let's do something light. Let me do one last Yahoo. Before we get into the outro.

Because that one, that one got pretty, pretty heavy. Okay, go. Broke the locals be again, hat trick. Well done. It's from y'all. Sorry, something's gone wrong. It's from fucking Allen. Thank you, Allen. It's by Yahoo. Instructor Allen, who asks, how many of you think Adam Sandler is misusing his talents in movies? First off, let me say that I do realize Sandler's roots are in comedy as a former comedian and he found himself in a niche with kids and slapstick humor. That said, I think he's misusing his talents as an actor. Personally, my two favorite movies of him are Spanglish and The Wedding Singer because he's actually playing an adult, not a juvenile infantile character designed to reach people over the age of 10. He's clearly smart and he has talent,

but the Billy Madison or obscene movies he has directed like Mama's Boy, showing college kids having sex with grandma or seniors having their diapers changed is rude, disrespectful, and frankly, TMI. Hold on. I just hope as he gets older, he will use his brain more in movie making and go for a more grown-up audience. Well, he did make a movie called Grown Ups. He did. He made two movies called Grown Ups. I don't know if he thinks he's appealing to the common man with his older movies and if he does, it's a sad testament to how far society has regressed. Don't get me wrong. The kids' movies were funny, but they get too old and then there's an update that I don't. People get very defensive. It's very interesting that it's interesting you should bring up Adam

Sandler in this episode because the one and only time I did mushrooms, I watched Punch Drunk Love and it became a cartoon and bled out on the walls and was incredible and I've never had the courage to watch it again since because there's no way it lives up to that experience. But I do remember thoroughly enjoying it. I do want to also say I'm a cop and this whole podcast has been a long sting and both of you guys are going to drug jails. Oh no. Mr. Sandler, the diaper changing, it's gotta go. TMI. It's because it's TMI, Adam. Mr. Sandler. I wish he would grow up from the movies he made first and now he's making older movies. That's how time works. That's how linear time works. I don't like the movies where he's a young man making young jokes. Not if you have

the click remote. If you have the click remote, it doesn't have to work like that. It's just so funny to me to say I think he's raising his time doing comedy. He should do more movies like The Looting Singer, a comedy. He should do more Spanglish. Spanglish too. What are they going to do this time? What's that crazy family going to do this time? Rain over me too. Rain over me too. He's still very, very upset. Cobbler too, still cobblin. Cobblin too. Somebody's got to put these fucking shoes together. Adults do. No diapers in this one. That was my review. Six stars. I'm pretty sure blended was not a comedy. Chikil O'Neil was in it and everything he touches turns to Joke Gold. But that was the hat trick of the Barry Moore Sandler combo.

And I like how mature it was since that if subjects handled sensitively. It was really dealing with some real ass shit because they did Wedding Singer, which I guess was pretty adult and then 51st dates, a lot, a lot of heavy themes in there. And I think in blended, they were both single parents and maybe they killed someone together. I didn't see it. Can I, can I go, can I go and go back to bed and Justin, you could go to and Travis, you just recap the entire plot of blended and then. I haven't seen it, but I can tell you what I think happens in it. Okay. And when it's over, that's the end of the episode. Are your usual stuff? Thanks, John Rodgers, like the Long Winters, Maximum Fun and all that stuff, but. I'm not going to talk anymore about

blended, not till I see it. And then I will report back. It'll be like a book report, but for movies. I'm very much looking forward to that. I cannot wait for your book report on blended. Yes, something to something to finally something to look forward to. So great chat. We'll have that next week. It's just gonna be all about blended. We are going to here's here's one thing that's a kind of fun on the horizon. We do a podcast with the fellas from the worst idea of all time. It is an annual eternal podcast that will never stop no matter what called till death do us blart. And every year on, we release it on the American Thanksgiving every year. And it is a review of the film. We're going to be recording that soon.

And that'll be there for you. So if you don't, if you miss that the first time around, go ahead and subscribe, catch up. You don't want to be lost. The film is Paul Bartmell cop two. Did you say that? I believe I did. But pop on markup two is the name of the film. It's such a good film because it's impossible to say quickly. Like you just adjust and try pop on my car pop on my car too. I'm Pablo Marca. I am the man's in here to kill you. I also wanted to I'm working on a project, a little bit of a fundraiser. There are some people. So I recorded a quick like chat thing, a little message to people eight minutes long. And as part of it, I talked about that if you're scared and feeling alone, I'm holding your hand. And some people really kind of took that and ran

with it online to try to make sure that everybody knows that they're supported and that they're all connected and that nobody needs to feel alone. And it inspired me to take it one step further. And I had a bunch of awesome artists, including Kate Leth and David Pemberton and Taylor Smalls working on one for me and a ton of other people on Twitter submitted designs for I am holding your hand buttons that I am selling and the profits for it are going to support the ACLU. So if you're interested in checking them out, you can go to bit.ly forward slash I am holding your hand all one word all lowercase and maybe buy a button for a good cause and then also wearing the button could signal someone who needs to know in the moment that they're not alone. It could

say like, Hey, I'm here for you. That was kind of the impetus for the whole project. And if you find yourself needing to hear a little bit more in depth what I talked about on that eight minute recording, I've got it pinned to the top of my Twitter account and you can listen to it there. Thank you for your support. Is there anything else major on the horizon? One more thing only because I forgot to mention it last time. I did get a new Cincinnati PO Box set up. It's under macro shows content. Some people asked me with, you know, the baby being born if I'd set that up yet. I did. It is PO Box 36384 Cincinnati, Ohio 45236.

So yeah, if you got stuff for all three of us, I know it's a pain, but it would really help if you would just send those to the boxes because we don't live together and it just ends up, I don't want anything to get lost in the shuffle, I guess is what I'm saying. Yeah. I also just want to say and I don't want to get too heavy because I think that folks don't want more heavy stuff right now, but like how much I appreciate this community and the support y'all show each other and us is like the kind of the thing that helped me get through when I guess when this goes up last week. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you all very much and we'll keep trying to make a fun show that you can listen to and just put all your-

No, we're not going to try. We're not going to try. We're not going to try. We're going to fucking continue to do it and it's going to be better than ever. Yeah. And everybody's going to listen to it in the world. That one's a little over a bit of an overreach, but we are going to continue before though. Nothing can stop this ever. I'm just like guys, I'm just like this Yahoo pages open and the ad is forget needing a gun. This tactical flashlight can blind a bear. And now it's a Philadelphia cream cheese advertisement. Yeah, it can blind a bear. If you click it, it links to fucking slow cooker recipes. There's just no- There's no- Consistency. There's no- No. Okay, Griffin, give me that final Yahoo.

Yeah, thanks. Also thanks to John Roderick and Long Winters. Thank you to MaximumFun. Go to MacRoyShows.com. It's got all our shit. Okay, final Yahoo. Send them by Morgan Davy. Keep it wavy, Morgan Davy. It's by Yahoo Answers User. Robert. Robert, one loaded. It's from Robert. Everything's going to be okay. Robert asks, what was that cartoon movie that had a bunch of cars? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. Instead of door busting for a plasma TV this Black Friday, how about you stay in and

snag the best deal of all? MaxFunCon 2017 tickets. MaxFunCon West returns to Lake Arrowhead next June and MaxFunCon East is back in the Poconos next September. Tickets for both go on sale Friday, November 25th and they're going to sell out fast. So mark your calendars and visit maxfuncon.com on November 25th to secure your spot. MaxFunCon. Way more fun than a smart watch or whatever. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.