My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 330: President Shaq Neal

Episode Date: November 22, 2016

"Hey, you! Come over here! Wanna tell you about something important. One time, about ten years back, I did play a Street Fighter. And it filled me with a terrible rage. A real fury. Went outside, sun blinding my eyes -- and I'll be damned if I didn't start doing a Street Fight, right then and there. Got this scar, right here, above my nose. See it? Anyways, here's my homemade Kingdom Hearts fan zine." Suggested talking points: That Creep, Adult Weed School, Shaq v. Shaq, Make it Sleazy Today, Mr. Stuffy Hates Games, Jackin' In, Merkin Punnett Square

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new face Ain't the girls here you wanted to say, hey, I wanna Just say, hey, I wanna Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the

modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Hey, guys, I was wondering, because of the holiday, if we could just go around the table that we sit at every week, we'd never mentioned that. What the fuck was that noise? I didn't hear what I'm afraid there's a raptor in Justin's room. Yeah, it sounded like a wild animal screech. It's my new, my new text tone is all screeches.

Oh, that's horrible. Yeah, it wasn't a good investment, but I don't know how to change it because I'm my nanny. How much did you pay for that on the Nokia app store? $100,000, which is $100,000 for the screeches. And then I know you also bought the midi ringtone of Macklemore's Thrift Store, and that one is a little bit brand as well. It's the generic version of Thrift Shop that you could only license half the title. So it's just that nonstop, like crazy.

Good loop. No, I was wondering if we could talk about what we're thankful for. Of course. Tis the season. Let's go around this giant mahogany table with the mother of pearl inlay. Great. And just to sort of continue this metaphor, I'm going to reach over to a big box I have right next to me, and that says life on it. And as I pick it up, you realize it's not a box. It's a big old garbage can. And I bend it and I dump all the garbage out onto the table.

And now I'm just sort of sifting through it, just looking for the little just little things that haven't been touched by the trash. Oh, man, there's melted ice cream all over here that's gone skunked. Oh, here's a good thing. There's a new Pokemon game out. Got that going for you. No problem. I do have that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Game Freak. Thank you, Nintendo. Been enjoying a lot of Tara's House Boys and Girls in the City on Netflix.

Just I think you get a real kick out of that one. Sorry. What's it called again? Tara's House. It does sound like Tara's House. I thought you said Tara's House Boys in the City. And I was like, I don't I do think I will enjoy this show. Thank you. That would be a different show. And that is those are the only two points of light in the darkness. I would like to before we get too much further in the episode,

just plant a seed for everyone to think about. Okay. Okay. 2016 is ending. And we, I would say, erroneously labeled this year. 2016 Building Bridges. Fuck that shit. No, we didn't. No, we didn't. We labeled it and then nobody did the fucking thing. That's true. Okay.

I would say that we unsuccessfully encouraged everyone. 2016 Building Bridges. We didn't focus on it because we didn't talk about it for 40 fucking episodes. That wasn't a mistake. That was on us. So I want to just plant into everybody's head that it is coming up on 2017 and we will need a new brand. I thought we'd go a little bit smaller and just go with 2017. Just make it a year about Kevin's.

Just fuck that one Kevin. Let's find one Kevin and just try to make them have an okay year. I like that. I like the scale of that. I'll tell you what I'm thankful for. What's that, Justin? Look outside your window. Do you see it? Do you see the tree bells?

Do you hear the lights? That's right. It's that creep. Are we on that Christmas creep? We're on that Christmas creep already. We're on that Christmas creep. We're on that Christmas creep. Well, we're on that Christmas creep.

I'm so excited to just get all the candy canes out. I store them all. I don't let anybody do them even though they try. Because they all want a delicious taste of those red and white treats. And I say no, those are decorative. I'm ready for all the Christmas inflatables. This year at the Home Depot, I saw a Christmas dragon. It was like a six foot tall inflatable dragon

who was wearing like a Santa hat and eating a candy cane. You know, your traditional Christmas dragon. Nice. I'm going to go ahead and take... Look at this, guys. I actually have a candy cane right here. And I'm just going to gingerly place it on top of the trash life pile right there. How festive. Oh, and I'm going to put my security blanket around the bottom of the thing

and maybe hang a few lights on there. Griffin, oh, what's that? Your trash pile is now a Christmas tree. Oh, but it's... You know what? It still stinks like old ass ice cream, don't it? It does. It does do that.

I'm glad we're talking about inflatables because they're a disaster. They put the big ones up. They get bigger. Like, I don't know who's buying these like 30 foot tall sanas that were... The Smerls. Your in-laws are the ones. Yeah. But besides them, I don't know how that...

I mean, that's not an industry. It's a cottage industry, perhaps. My daughter loves those damn things. And the thing about it is she loves them so much that she doesn't want them outside, where she wants them like a cool place as far as she's concerned, is in our dining room for those. So right now... I came home from shooting the Mbem-Bem show one night and was... I had some bejesus in me, but then I entered the house and the bejesus very quickly left

because there was a giant inflatable spider in the middle of the room who is apparently Charlie's best friend. Yeah. That spider has been usurped by three inflatable snowmen that are connected together. Okay, it's a lot. And play Jingle Bells. Here's the thing. How, when do they play them, you ask?

Always. They always play them. And there is 10 seconds in between, I've clocked it, in between each rendition of this 45-second riff on Jingle Bells. It's the only 10 seconds of my day that's pleasant. And if I want to silence them, I have to kill my daughter's friends and then plug them. And she watches in terror as they die. I mean, they pull the...

Wait, hold on. Hold on. Those motherfuckers only have one setting. It's either on and playing or off. Those are the two ones that you could have. And the calm is, of course, quicker replaced by my daughter's streaks of terror than her best friends in the world, the three snowmen that want to kill daddy, have been silenced. Jingle Bells, it was such a bad one.

I want to poke another hole in this inflatable business plan. Well, no, that's bad for them. They very quickly go bad. This thing that normally sits out of doors and plays music constantly, that seems unnecessary. Yeah. Yeah, who's at four? I don't know. I don't know who's at four.

It's not for me. It's anti-me. It's not for me. Guys, we're going to find our way to candle nights together, winging a prayer, just fucking scraping around the ground. We're going to fucking find it. Like holes, the movie, we're going to find this candle night's hole and we're going to climb into it, but then out of it.

And you know what? I'm not willing to give up on building bridges yet, folks. There's still five good weeks of 2016 left. Go build those bridges. I have an idea popped in my head for 2017. I'm going to pitch it. Just I want to give everybody a lot of time to ruminate on this one. I think we can really nail it this year.

20 Bevantine, enjoying a refreshing beverage. And it doesn't have to be an alcobev. It can be a lemonade. Or it could be a hot drink. You just have some hot cocoa. Hot cocoa year round. So it's 20 Bevantine, like, you know, with apostrophe team. Like, what are you doing?

I'm just straight Bevantine. That's fine. I love that. Let's get into doing the fucking podcast show. Let's do the damn thing. Here on this show, my brother, my brother, and me, we take your questions and turn them alchemy like into wisdom. Here comes the first one.

Now that the recreational use of marijuana has been legalized in California, my sweet and law-abiding husband wants to try it. I want him to love my favorite flower just as much as I do. Nice. What movies slash music slash munchies would you recommend I have on hand for his initiation into the recreational cannabis world?

And that's from Holly. I would like to go a different direction with this and say that you have a wonderful opportunity here to just really convince your husband that there's, like, all of these, like, requirements and things you have to do or else it will go very bad. Like, when someone tries to tell you the right way to drink absinthe,

you just set up all these little, like, things, like, well, did you let it come to room temperature? Just all of these little things. Did you wear the weed goggles for protection? No, God. Oh, God, wash your hands right now. No. You could try to convince him that things sink with each other.

That's good. Not the one boring one that everybody knows, but, like, different ones. Like, if you watch Jungle the Jungle and listen to the entirety of Snow's Informer album at the same time, then you'll get higher, probably double higher. That is true, though.

That is true. That one actually is real. I mean, I've been out of the game, like, I've been, like, out of the height of my game for a bit, so, like, to give you earnest recommendations would be, like, kick it with your roommate's Outback Steakhouse co-workers and just, like, eat some Starburst

and play Star Fox 64, trying to get the perfect score on it. But, like, I don't know that that experience would necessarily hold up, but it probably does, actually, and it sounds good, and I would love to find some of that kind flower, and I would love to kiss it. I would love to receive a kiss from that sweet green angel,

and then, like, sit down with Fox McLeod and Slipy and the whole gang. The whole crew is there for this one. But I would say, I think we can agree, like, the worst thing you want to do is, like, just drop him in the deep end and, like, take him to, you know, Crazy Steve's birthday,

where everybody always gets 420 high, and you just, like, drop him in the middle of these experience blazers. You expect this? He's an amateur. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You don't want to take him to a dead mouse thing. Yeah, no.

The last thing you want is somebody just, like, skateboarding by and lowering their sunglasses, and they're like, first time, old man. Yeah, they're wearing swim trunks, but they're not going swimming. Those are just their weed shorts, which you would know, idiot. Unless.

Unless. He's the one. No. Unless we're dealing with, like, a Morpheus and Neo on the edge of the building scenario, where you just need to push him off the building, and then, oh, he's going to do it. Oh, no, he just falls into the concrete.

Hi. Is this a doctor? This is Holly. Listen, my husband keeps smoking it, all of it, and he's not getting higher. And I'm worried that he might be the one, the one chosen to smoke all the butt and never get high from it,

and for some sort of government testing purposes. I don't know exactly what the practical application is that I hadn't thought through that far. The very dangerous thing about this? Well, Travis, this whole metaphor about jumping off a fucking building is, like, that's hyper-dangerous. That's Nuvo dangerous.

The worrying thing is that everybody, the first time they get high, thinks they're really, really good at it. I was sitting in my friend's bathtub with a couple, not nude. It was not full, but I think it was a Halloween party, and it just snuck off, and I was like,

what's this? What's this kind of green flower? I think I'll enjoy it. And I did it, and I was like, I'm great at this. This is my, this could be my thing now. This could be my characteristic, because I'm really good and funny at being,

but you know I was just, you know the kid was straight slobbering. You know this kid was straight slobbering on himself, just like non-stop, like trying to have a conversation with you, just like, not doing a good job of it. I would say the main thing you want to avoid is just, like, don't turn it into a stunt.

Like, kind of like Travis was saying, like, don't get a bunch of people around who, like, know it's his first time or whatever, and don't, like, make a big production out of it. Just do something you guys both enjoy, and just smoke it, I guess. Just enjoy it. We got to destigmatize it.

It's legal a lot of places now. Oh, here. I'm gonna, we should go to Cal, I'm gonna move, because now I am sick at it. I'm gonna move to Cali, and I'm gonna open up Griffin McRoy's weed school for adults. Oh, I love that.

Griffin McRoy's adult weed school, and it's just me just going like, calm down, calm down. It's okay. You're just a boy. It's a boy. It's the drug. You feel weird, because you smoked it.

Yeah. Now, this is called a Puppasan chair. Get on in there. Have fun, right? Enjoy. It's okay. You ever feel this comfortable before? Probably not.

Duggy? Duggy, you're slobbering too much. I'll get the spray bottle out, Duggy. Speaking of Puppasan chair, we have, like, Justin and his wonderful family provided for Baby BB a, like, a swing chair thing, and I am the most jealous human being that that does not exist for adults.

It seems like the fucking most soothing, like, that you would hop in, strap on, and then it would just, like, slowly rock you while it played, like, rain music. Yeah, cowboy take me away. I mean, babies get a lot of dope shit that I want, like, I would like, like, straight up. If I could have a passy to, like,

satisfy this oral fixation 24-7, and have it not be a big deal, like, you know how cowboys can, like, put a piece of straw in their mouth, and they're like, hey, what's that? It's a straw. And you're like, fuck, that looks cool, but they're just doing it to have something in that mouth.

And I can't do, like, I can't do, I can't have an adult passy, unless, again, I am very high at the deadmail show. They never have seen, if in westerns, you ever think about this? They don't have scenes in westerns where, like, a cowboy finds his friend, and he's just, like, on his hands and knees,

like, looking on the ground for something you put in his mouth. Like, they already just have it, right? But, like, you don't ever see them, like, selecting it or chewing on one, and it's not right and spit, or they put it too far, oh, it was dirty.

Sorry. Sorry. They were with the guts to show that. Yeah. Hey, you chewing on that hay dog? I am. Where'd you get that? Over there?

Oh, man, dog peed over there. That dog is a dog. Yeah, you know, that's my dog's favorite spot. Dug. Cowboy Dug. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, sure. This one's sent in by level9000yajoojoojoojoojoojoo.

It's by YajooAnswers user, jack, who asks. Can youngshack take down a large male wolf? Oh, I thought that was going to go a different way. I thought you were going to ask if youngshack could take down oldshack. Yes, yes, of course. Of course, of course. Well, Griffin, but oldshack has the same size.

Oldshack is the same experience. Oh, no. Oldshack is the same size of youngshack. But oldshack has the experience, life experience, and experience on the court, and probably a lot more like lucrative endorsement deals with like the general and such. Fucking Google search.

OK, first of all, that would not give him any sort of combat advantage. Google search like Shack falling down this year, and it's like 35,000 results. Because as that man has grown, and his experience has grown, his center of gravity has like vanished. He doesn't have one.

Yeah, it is. Oldshack though, the Travis's credit, is a lot more connected. So I could see all like youngshack showing up for his game with oldshack, and like oldshack is just like somehow politically. He's like Varus now. He's like, from Game of Thrones,

he's like politically manipulating the course. He had one of his, yo, I had one of my little birds put gum on your shoes. And so Varus Shack is like politically, like I had your ball weighted. One of my little birds weighted your ball. Welcome to our round table pip session of Looper 2. OK, no, I'm into this.

Oldshack benefits more experience. We're not talking about the basketball court either. I think life experience. Yeah. A physical fight. And I think you get out on that court and you throw as many elbows as he's thrown. I think you get pretty fucking good at throwing elbows.

So he has that going for him. And not only that, but I think oldshack is going to bring a certain level headedness, a certain patience, a certain calculation that maybe youngshack will attach to the ledge. Oh, it's too fiery. Yeah.

For sure. I just can't get over the hump of old bones, old center of gravity, very fall, very falling, much falling, extremely falling over all the time. Every episode of Sports Center or whatever the fuck show he's on, they're like, and please welcome our very special close friend, Shaquille O'Neal, and he comes out and he falls. He falls immediately down on his big old body.

I don't think that's accurate. I don't think he's falling quite as much as you're making him sound like he's falling. He pulls out his like rolling chair and it always rolls too far backwards and he just sits right down on the ground. And he breaks the ground. To be fair, Griffin, that is because he is a bit of a jokester.

I think that those falls are mostly prat falls. I would say 85% are prat falls. I think he wants you to think that. But I think that's very generous to the old basketball player, Shaquille O'Neal. Fair like Sha, old Shaq would bring a chair where like young, like he might bring that rolly chair with him. Maybe he's been not falling,

but practicing some different fighting techniques that you have rolling chairs. So like when he finally gets there and then he's like, yo, old Shaq, choose your weapon. And old Shaq's like, I've picked rolling chairs. Young Shaq is not going to be prepared for that. And old Shaq's just going to be like spinning around, all kinds of fun things.

Well, he also, let's say this, we're saying young Shaq. Old Shaq is just Shaq today. Young Shaq, I'm going to say Shaquille O'Neal day one, his NBA debut. Okay. So this would be pre Shaq Fu, which old Shaq, you know, it's been a grip, but he remembers the movements. He remembers the incantations. He remembers the ancient scrolls.

Who do you guys think medium Shaq would side with? He's busy. Okay. He's busy fighting Godzilla, I think. Old Shaq could, depending on how young, young Shaq is, old Shaq could bring like a laptop with him and be like, let me show you some greatest hits you've got coming up. I've been through these.

I've grown. You're still going to have to get through the critical deception to Kazam. Yeah. Game beat by Aaron Carter. Like you have a lot of indignities that you're about to suffer. And I've already like grown and been hardened by them. Yeah. These blemishes on your perfect dunking career.

Do you think by the end of it, they're going to work together to stop maybe a greater evil? Like the oldest Shaq. Oldest Shaq and baby Shaq have teamed up. So young Shaq and old Shaq have to team up to fight against them. They're going to have to do what it takes to stop President Shaq. They're going to have to go through and. Which is not out of the realm of possibility. Let's all let's all take a moment and acknowledge.

Anything could happen, folks. 2024. It's his turn. President oldest Shaq. Naked. Naked Shaq. It's time for you to go back in time for your last mission. Cool.

And then in 2024 Shaq wins 2024. Who's that on the ticket? Opposing him while Republican upstart Aaron Carter. How could this be? How could this be that again? No. I'm telling you, the polls are leaning towards Shaq. You need to look at history.

There's President here. He has an inexplicable edge. Mr. President, I don't know why you're so worried. You're clearly going to beat him. Mr. President, you have to sleep. You have to please. I brought the technology. It's called the CD player.

Let me spin you out this single real quick. Oh man, President Shaq. Help us. Shaq, you're doing your best. He's doing his very best up there. He done so hard, he unannexed Crimea. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Thank you, President Shaq, O'Neal. Please, I'm just Shaq Neal now. The Irish thing wasn't testing good. My name is Shaq Neal. And that's how you eat Shaq. Ah man. So here's another question. I work as a bartender slash cashier at a small place in lower Manhattan.

It's small enough that I usually end up chatting for a short bit with customers. It's a fairly busy place and I've noticed that I have one, really only have two goodbyes. See ya and have a good one. These are some basic farewells. Multiple times a customer and I have said have a good one in unison. Can the brothers think of fresh unique ways to say bye to customers? And that's from not so noteworthy in New York.

I have a good one is so choice. That's a primo, that's a primo farewell. Because it's like, it's a wish. It's not just saying like, I'm acknowledging you're leaving. It is a wish for the future. Do what it takes to have a good one. Just have a good, this is my command to you. Get out there and have a good one.

Maybe, maybe the key is you take to have a good one formula and you just rotate in different descriptive words. Have a good one. Have a great one. Have a weird one. Have a, like, and you just cycle through. That way you don't have to like come up with a new one whole clock. Because the only other option I came up with was something along the lines of like,

why don't you skate on out of here or something like that. That's just weird, folks. That's just a weird one. And if you're just being weird for weird sake, what are you even doing? I like one, I like to, sometimes I'll do one to just keep people on their toes. Because I want them, when they've moved away from my brand, I still want my brand to be like rattling around up there. So I'll try something like, I'll try something like, hey, take it sleazy.

Because they don't see that coming. Or like, even like keep it sleazy or nice and easy sleazy. Make it, make it sleazy. Make it sleazy today. Is another one. I like to just like leave them smiling. Like they walk out going like, all right. So I'll be like, hey, dance like nobody's watching.

Oh, that's good. Hey, love like you'll never be hurt. I love that. What do you think about that? See, I prefer to leave them like with a little bit of a head scratcher. Leave them something. So like as they walk out, I say something like, wait, don't have the tortillas. And then like, they're out the door and they're like, wait, what?

And maybe like that night, like they go to their friend's house for dinner and their friend's like, yeah, I made tacos. You can have the hard shell or the soft shell. And they're like, and like, you know, maybe and maybe it lands one in a hundred times. But like when it lands, that one time, fuck, that's good. And then all the other times though, also happened though. It's a thing you forget sometimes, Travis, that there's still the 99 other ones that do happen still.

That do have to do it. And they hate it. They hated it. And also the one that it did work for probably, you probably scared them very badly and for no reason. So that's not necessarily, I think, a successful like thing to say to somebody. Well, you know, you throw it at the wall. You see what sticks.

I can't guess either. Everyone's going to be on a winner. But you know, we're all just trying to find our own way in this crazy mixture of marble. Well, your way sucks. Your way sucks. The way that you came up with was a bad way. How about this one? Is this one, are you going to think just real hard?

Yeah, I got it. I've got it. As they walk out, you say, until we see each other again, just know I love you. Okay. That's good. That's caring. And then you read them. And don't have the tortillas.

Yeah, I think you keep coming back to that. Well, I'm just trying to work on a brand, maybe a t-shirt I can sell at the bar that says like, don't have the tortillas with like my face kind of giving a thumbs up. But on the back, it says, until we see each other again, I love you. And the only thing you sell there at the bar is tortillas. And then it's like, well, now I've got to try them. What's he hated? Why are tortillas sales down?

Well, honey. Well, there's this one really bad barista who scares people very badly and for no reason all the time. Yeah, they don't like the restaurant anymore. Maybe you just dropped some first Corinthians on them. So nice. Just give them the love is patient, love is kind. Bye.

Well, hold on. I'm not done. It does not. Hold on. Hold on. I got to go. Like the bus is right. It does not envy.

Stop. Stop walking out the door. It does not boast. Come back. But he's not proud. Get back here. Hey, that guy didn't pay. I'm just kidding.

He did. But I was doing something. So you're going to drop all the first Corinthians on them? Just the whole first. Yeah. And not even the wedding versus talking about all of that good chapter. You're going to go like New Kin James or what? What's new with this?

What's new with this version? A lot more profanity. Interesting. Yeah. It's a big change. It's weird because I wouldn't think they would allow that. The Bible people. Should we go to the money zone?

Yeah. Take me there. Yeah. Let's go. Oh, I don't know how to. I don't know the way. Let me show you the way. Look in your heart.

Let's go to the main. I want to tell you about sheets. Nice. Great. Better than Wawa. I want to start here. Have you just been sleeping on bare mattress? That is gross.

You are putting your skin into that thing directly and you can't put your mattress into the washing machine unless you have like a giant ass washing machine for Paul Bunyan. And you don't. So you got to put sheets on it. Sheets are like fabric covers for your mattress. We can't do this with every advert. We can't be like, OK, Squarespace.

So here's what the Internet is. It's a box that you plug into the wall and then people fucking scream at you. I'm just I'm just trying to establish a baseline. Now that we've done that and you know that sheets are closed for your mattress. Snacks are like snacks are like they're like small dinners. I don't know where you at.

Underwear is like underwear is like genital sheets. It's weird. It's like, you know what sheets are, right? Oh, fuck. Fuck. No. OK. So you're gentle.

You're gentle. You got to know what your genitals is. Certainly. So Bowen Branch is a company that believes in good quality sheets for reasonable prices because they don't worry about stuff like thread count or anything like that. They just get good quality material and they make awesome bad ass sheets.

They don't have overhead like brick and mortar stores or that kind of thing. It's all online. And if you go to bowlenbranch.com that the B-O-L-L and branch.com you can get $50 off a set of sheets by using the promo code mybrother all one word. And you're just going to change the way you sleep by getting some sheets that feel like you're like you're,

you know, best friends with your mattress now. And maybe like it's like, oh, I've got it. With benefits. I've got it. You're going to she's all that your mattress. What's that? The ponytail comes down and you take the glasses off. Oh my God, your mattress has been beautiful the whole time.

It just needed a makeover with some Bowen Branch sheets. So go to bowlenbranch.com, promo code mybrother all one word. I thought the mattress was beautiful, even with the giant mattress sized pair of glasses on. You're a fucking saint, Griffin. I want to tell you about trunk club. Okay. It's a thing that I think my brothers have used

and I have not, they haven't sent me any trunks. Get a trunk. So like this is, this is sort of like a tale of revenge and jealousy now. Travis, tell me about your trunk club experience. How have you liked having this on your body? I am actually wearing the jeans I got from trunk club right now. They continue to be the best pair of jeans I've ever under my entire life. And the process of having a personal stylist who kind of walked through

my requirements and my style and the things that I would use the clothes for made me come away from the shopping experience, maybe feeling the most confident about the clothes I'd ever purchased. Yeah, you got that sexy, right? Yeah. And I didn't walk away thinking, wait, is this actually a good look or do I just think it's a good look because I don't know what a good look is. It was nice to have somebody go, listen, I know exactly what you need.

Let me pull up a few options for you. You try them on, you tell me what you like and you return what you don't and you don't pay for what you return. And that's the deal with trunk club. They send you a trunk of, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Where they curated, curated styles and outfits for you and then you send back what you don't like and you only pay for what you keep. I don't know.

I don't know anything about clothes or anything. And I can't be calling Jesse, you know, all hours of the day. Every day. Ask him for tips. So trunk club is great. It's like a Jesse in your phone that mails your clothes. Exactly. It's like a secret Jesse.

That's actually the tagline. It says it right here. And so if you go to trunkclub.com slash my brother, you just type in your measurements and you share your likes and dislikes and trunk club is going to send you a trunk of clothing straight to your door, handpicked by your very own personal stylist. And if you're in Dallas, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, D.C. or Charleston, we're going to say Charleston, South Carolina there because I don't think they

mean West Virginia. You can stop by one of the trunk club club houses, which I did in Los Angeles and it's super cool and it's, I highly recommend it. You get to work with your stylist in person for free. Try the clothes on right there. It's super swag, really cool. And it's not a subscription service. They're not just going to like keep charging you every month and sending you stuff.

You only get the stuff that you need. So go to trunkclub.com slash my brother and check it out. I've got a personal message here. But before we do that, I want to remind everybody that Jumbotron orders, you remember we filled up, we're going to start opening orders for 2017. And that's going to be, and I think we're, they're just going to do the whole year in one run as long as, like, as long as it lasts. So this feels kind of lame to like advertise this because everybody's just

been really cool about it, but we want to make sure if you want something in 2017 in the Jumbotron, you get it. And if you want to do that, those orders are going to open up Monday, November 28th. That's the Monday after Thanksgiving at noon Pacific. So 3pm Eastern. But you can, you can get your Jumbotrons for 2017. Then don't sleep on it. Just, you know, plan ahead and, and get, get out there.

Well, don't get out there. You don't have to. You're not going to go to the fucking my brother, my brother and me store. Get in there. Get in here. Come in here. Get logged in there. Get logged in.

Also, I want to encourage you guys to go watch something called the Jeff and David show. You can watch them play video games with informative commentary, bizarre digressions and high quality puns. The channel is all about in that inevitable conversation with your friends that starts with, you've got to play this game. Everybody likes video games, but. Not me. I think they're bad for.

Kids. Mortal Kombat. Never. That's my character stuff. His name is stuffy. That character is very prominent stuffy is very prominent on the Jeff and David shows. If you want more stuff. Pinball.

Let's just go. You watch the Jeff and David show on YouTube. Go YouTube.com slash the Jeff and David show. I played a street fighter once and then I went to the street and I did a murder. Most foul. A great character. I'm really into the Kingdom Hearts fandom. What?

Yeah. Didn't expect that. I ship Sora and Mickey. You do what? I want to see Sora get out of that weird jumpsuit and Mickey take off those classic red pants. I ship Goofy and the Keyblade. Think about it.

How do you do that? Don't think about it. You're not ready to think. I have the key to sexual doors you couldn't even conceive of the Keyblade I mean. What are you saying to me right now? Have a good one. Anyway. Anyway enjoy your movie.

Oh that's a great goodbye sign off into your movie. Don't probably watch a movie. Oh Mr. Stuffy. He's so confusing right? Because he hates video games but he wants to play Kingdom Hearts and watch them like kiss. He's the most confusing theater usher that we've ever had on this show. And he's like yeah like I'm at the theater like I came to see your rival today with my kids. Please don't do this in front of my family.

And I'm in front of my kids. Yeah. No just email me links and I'll check out your stuff and I'll let you know. Don't do this and please don't invite my kids into this. It's fine. I'll run or something. This is between you and me Stuffy. I'm not kink shaming you it's just like can we please go watch the rival together.

I came to the theater today to see this movie with my kids. Look at these pictures of Riku that I drew. I don't don't show my kids those images. I'm looking at the images and they're unsatisfactory Stuffy. Do you love them? What's your deal? I have a message for Nicole. It's from David.

Call of duty hasn't been good for 10 years. Okay. Okay. Happy birthday Nicole. You are the best roommate I've ever had. I even got you a special present and it's right behind you. A little to the left. No not there.

Maybe on the right. Maybe it wasn't delivered. I guess you just get the birthday wishes from the brothers macroi. But that's nothing to see is that and that time frame is as close to June 28th as possible. Oh god that present has disintegrated into ash. That present has just rotted away. Sorry. Sorry everybody.

Sorry especially Nicole and David. If this had panned out though and there was for a while there I thought there was an actual physical present component to this. That would have been a really tricky needle to thread. No I shouldn't. Yeah no kidding. Sit perfectly still. I'm going to put something back here.

Don't move. Don't move. For fucking six months. Frantically checks every Monday. I've been miserying you for the past six months just tying you up in the bed here waiting for this moment. Please. Now the prestige. Hello internet I'm your husband host Travis McElroy.

And I'm your wife host Teresa McElroy. And together we present Shmanners. It's extraordinary etiquette. For ordinary occasions. We explain the historical significance of everyday etiquette topics then answer your questions relating to modern life. So join us weekly on maximumfun.org or wherever podcasts are found. No RSVP required.

Check out Shmanners. Manor Shmanners. Get it. Recently has been brought to my attention that the CEO of the company I work for who is kind of an ass thinks memes is the hip young term for graphics. Oh god. As a result. The memes for Kingdom Hearts 3 look so good.

Look at those memes. You won't see that on the Nintendo. Uh there is so whenever she wants a social media post or a public newsletter to contain imagery from our design team she asks for lots of real good memes. Oh no no. Um apparently she has been doing this for at least a year and nobody has pointed it out. Do I tell her the mistake she is making or do I let it go and pray she never brings up the term in conversation with business partners.

You do not bring it up. No. If you go in there. It's from it's not the same thing in Georgia. Justin you've really I don't want to. We usually wait until after the show to like give each other notes. Yeah are you really been slacking on reading the names. Sorry.

It's not your fault I know you're going and we're all you know we're all going through it but I just there's a certain expectation that people work hard on these questions and they want a little bit of recognition. Okay well I'm sorry I'm really sorry. Don't apologize to me. That's from it's not the same thing in Georgia. Nailed it. I would say the problem is that you if the kids still got it.

If you do that if you bring this up to your boss you are taking this away from all of your co-workers because every time your boss says could we put a couple more memes in there. They smile and it's like it's a birthday cake day at work you know what I mean like that's a little thing for them and if you take that away from them you're the worst. Monsters. But the risk here is are they actually putting memes really in the in the thing because that's a no good because the real definition of a meme isn't graphics it is a joke that people think is still funny the three millionth time they see it yes and that ain't that that dog won't hunt.

I also think that I find it funny that people make a meme and post it and then it never gets shared around at which point I don't think that's a meme what is it what is it then I think that's just a picture with some bullshit on it but as soon as it gets clicked a bunch now it's a meme I don't think you could just make a meme a meme has to be made by the masses I feel like if you try to meme and it doesn't you should be you should have like your e access revoked for a bit like if you take a run at it and you just try to viral out and you don't I think you got a game of thrones it like you win or you die no sorry no more what's this you put big block letters on a picture of alph and it says no god no no no no sorry that's a one week penalty red card you're actually

upload it just so everybody knows like hey just a description on this this one's called snarky out and the thing about him is is he used him if it's like not snarky you know what I mean yeah it's like it's like a meta meme yeah and at that point that's when your aol um your your trial version just ends at that point it's been 12 years now and it was going really well for a while but your time just ran out that was the end of the disc and that was the end of the disc you probably thought like you pay money to comcast every every month for like internet access you probably thought that was what no is actually that disc you used in 1996 and you actually weirdly you just hit 100 hours so that was no more internet for you I actually I can sympathize because as I believe

we've caught on the show before there was a period for about a month when I thought emojis was new teen slang for emotions um so I am so good I am sympathetic to this person but we live in a world where you can google thing I mean you can just search and see what it is now I will say this though also in defense the meme has taken on a like even meme the definition of that has evolved since like the advent of the internet like if you go back to like meme pool for example like that was not in that was not what that was yeah it's exclusively used to describe images with text on them at this point or video or whatever with with text on them in slight variations but like that was not the original meaning of meme so like maybe she's on some new

shit what I was gonna say is because you you said that we're google and that's a great example anytime I look anything up no matter what I use to do it I describe it as google like I googled it I looked it up and the same with like I have a really bad habit of referring to internet as wi-fi just in general I'll just like sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry and I'm saying that as an apology to the people who just had to hear you say that you refer to the internet as wi-fi well like when I didn't have internet for a while after I'd moved here to Cincinnati and we had to wait two weeks like not on purpose I wasn't like you know what I'm calling this wi-fi now but I just kept like accidentally saying well we don't have wi-fi yet and they'd be like oh but I'm like I like we don't

have internet at all I don't know why I said it like that the most interesting article on wi-fi yesterday it was so it was really fascinating but I mean like the service not the well the intangible but physical idea of having internet versus internet service you know what I mean because everywhere you go nowadays you walk in and you ask if they have wi-fi you don't go into the coffee shop and say do you have internet I can connect to can I get some of that you have wi-fi right so like the idea of when someone comes into your house and they ask if you have internet they're not asking if you have a spare ethernet cable they can connect to your phone so it becomes shorthand to say we don't have wi-fi can I jack in that's what I'm saying now and that's a good

that's a good good bye as well you know I'm gonna start wandering into places with the computer attached to a long long long ethernet cord and just asking me like so where can I uh jack in where's the best place for me to jack in and then when it's time to leave say okay I'm gonna jack off camera I'm jacking off can I unplug your telephone it's important I need to I need to reboot I'm sorry to advance for all the screeching that's about to happen uh from my computer my family my sweet two brothers it's time for a really great new segment on the show and I don't think it's gonna last very long but it's called garbage yahoo ads this one is um celeb juice daily and it is a picture of Oprah and she's crying but the the tear is so obviously photo shopped into the corner

of her eye and the text on this crying Oprah is shocking Oprah secret revealed Oprah announces she is finally getting married you won't believe who she is marrying so let me just click right into that is that me it says Travis whoa uh I accept she's she's getting she is getting married to no not dr. Oz could try to make me think come on give me put that shit in the lead and now it's telling me about some skin solution now it's talking about dr. Oz's wrinkle secret it's talking about dr. Oz's wrinkle secret this is not a horrible horrible wrinkle secret okay all right close I waited a long time and I'm finally going to reveal to someone my wrinkle secret

then he just rips open his shirt and just has wrinkles this this but it spells out I did it this fucking article is wild um first of all it's people-magazine.xyz I don't think it's real and it's it's official Oprah Winfrey is getting married that's the headline and then like by graph three it's like uh read on to find out who she's marrying and then the next paragraph is like so anyway dr. Oz is helping Oprah out with her skin and then it's a lot of that and it's about a lot of people who know about dr. Oz's wrinkle secret and going down a little bit further and it's like uh Martha Stewart died you're really throwing the garbage spaghetti at the wall oh man I need to jack off this thing because it is like really this is everything that's

wrong with the internet with everything that's wrong with wi-fi I just hate what wi-fi is becoming I gotta jack off this yahoo is sent in by oh god I'm a child this is sent in by uh game recognize game Rachel Rosen thank you Rachel it's by yahoo answers user Zach who asks why are merkins considered cool but two pays are not god and that's a good question that's a really good question because I see a big not real bush and I say bazinga but I see a two-pay and I'm like why are you trying to hide this question if you put a merkin on your head does it stop being cool yeah yeah if you put a two-pay on your downtown does it start being cool actually there's a punnett square and it goes merkin on your bush that's okay two-pay on your head not so cool nay nay nay

nay nay merkin on your head what are you doing two-pay on your bush fucking great that is the best that's maybe the best possible arrangement because pubes on your you get the you get your pubis zone on your head and it's like come on you look like a clown but you get a long lustrous mane down there you could do you could really do something with that griffin do you remember the exact moment you decided not to devote yourself to making that satisfactory jingle do you remember the exact moment where you said I know I'm actually not gonna rhyme it I'm just gonna just delve right in it's just I can't guys I love you and I'm sorry because this is gonna be another it's just like a disjointed mess right now but another ad just popped up it's just four sentences

Obama's hidden rebate bombshell taxpayers claim before December 16th okay that one's fine us day of reckoning hyphen us day of reckoning you just wanted to do that one twice car insurance $19 month I don't and then the last one is just log into your email now that's just a reminder call your dad check on your Amazon order status maybe this is a list of things that people are asking Siri right now does it say reckoning with a K and wet reckoning without a K and like a question mark I just reckoning the top banner of the of this website is for Amazon channels see shows up in the mix that's a good advertisement now that's what I call advertisement now the the sidebar is a little

smoky hillshire farm they've got two new flavors they're very excited about okay the ads are good right now but like they're constantly shifting constantly changing do you have to look at the bad ones before they'll show you the good ones is that the story I think they're just trying to make this website uninhabitable like it's like it's like I've bought a house and I've lived in this house for six years but they like it just installed a door that wild raccoons can crawl through why are merkins considered cool but two days fucking aren't it's a double standard how do you think they get on how do you think they stay on because if I see somebody with like a sick ass pillow we bush and then but they also have an elastic band sort of stretching around

their their butt cheeks I'm gonna think like well one of those cool things cancels out the other very not cool things it's gotta be double stick tape right double stick tape would hurt hmm that's why it's so cool like a piercing it's like a pubis piercing I did a quick search for merkin on amazon oh god what it delivered to me was an item called the sas crotch now I know what you're wondering justin what could that be well here's what here's what you got oh it sounds devilish so it's a it's a giant merkin okay that's great I have a long pubis so the better it's a giant merkin a lot of land mass down there to cover that's that you wear on the exterior and it has a belt that you used so it is a belt situation it's a belt situation oh sorry

when you said exterior I thought you meant of your skin you're talking about the pants this is on the exterior of your pants this is a comical merkin this is sort of a medical grade merkin sort of a coil man merkin yeah and it's like just a hilarious giant merkin that you wear with a belt and super quick I do just want to add there's a spot in there for a beer bottle so you can just sort of have your beer bottle there okay in your sas crotch okay I will say here I like this and I'll tell you why if you like it if it were just a weird holster at your crotch to put your beer bottle into that's weird if it were just a giant comical merkin that you wore with the belt outside your clothes that's weird but you've created a functional weird giant merkin this is a multitasker

and I think Alton Brown would agree I appreciate that yeah sure Alton Brown known merkin enthusiast I just like I think there's probably people who are publicly challenged who who need this type of coverage the sas crotch you see something like this no not the sas crotch like a merkin a genuine murk and I think they would see something of this and be like are you making fun of me is that what this is I you're saying the sas crotch is like a kind of a gag on them it's maybe a little insensitive well don't tell that to the reviewers of this product all four of them have given it five stars and they are great way into it if I could just share with you guys a few notes on the sas crotch please this is a huge hit at a 50 birthday party I'm planning on ordering more great laughs

okay um just I don't think more will be increasingly funny I think if you wear multiple sas crutches you're kind of going to lose the plot well I thought it was I assumed that when they said they're going to order more it was to like hand out as someone showed up to your party yeah or you're like or your funeral this person one of one of the reviewers says that they're thinking of adding a second one to their wardrobe so I can have one dedicated for work you know that's nice when you're just at the office you want one nicely groomed sas crotch yeah I worked I worked down at the fart hole what's that it's just awful they let us wear whatever and a lot of us are taking a lot of us are sort of abusing the trust that has been placed in us with the with the dress

don't eat the tortillas don't eat the fucking tortillas there they get the very first reviewer of the sas crotch I'm going to read this now I'm going to leave the sas crotch alone forever okay I wish I could give the sas crotch 10 stars it's worth its weight it's gold I recently purchased one on a whim for a music festival I was unprepared for the glory that was about to be bestowed upon me not only did I get through the security line with no hassle they thought it was my actual groin beard well no they don't at how hands-free I was holding my $13 can of light I was complimented by both men and women alike it was as if the contents of what I hid with my sas crotch was infinite signed Thomas sas crotch yeah um some stuff some things one nobody thought it was your

real bush this guy's bush was crazy it was so it was so lustrous that it grew through his pants like a wild plant no also like a music festival really how was Mumford and Sons it was uh pretty good I had trouble focusing on Mumford and his excellent sons because this guy had this really funny and really good like really believable um so anyway sas how was bush oh man it's so funny like the guy had a beer no the band they got back together for that music festival oh I skipped it I just sort of got down on my knees and just like looked at this dude's funny bush prop did they do glycerin his bush what are you talking about but yes yeah they did it yeah it was fine can we get back to talking about the sas crotch um before we leave you I want to do a

quick uh trolls watch update oh my god did you go how did one get into my cart how did a sas crotch get out of there Justin don't get out of there no no no please I love you just please don't do this I'm not buying a sas crotch um uh but if you wear sas crotch to do our live shows for me then now on a beer pretty fucking hilarious oh please no Justin everybody this this this company is going to experience like a five million percent bump in sales that's they're gonna be like whoa we gotta do more of this it's it's irresponsible don't buy a number the number one novelty fake you becare beer holder um I just want to say I did go and see trolls uh it was the first movie I took my daughter to and a great time was had by all so just to put a button and trolls watch it was

a delight uh trolls is a fine film full of great songs and a really positive uplifting message I cried twice during movie trolls and I would recommend it to anyone who likes uh to feel alive and I would say trolls is a fine picture I've heard there's a lot of and I don't want to get back into the habit of making this uh a constant component of every entertainment property that I am involved in but I've heard there's a lot of swallow play uh yeah yeah I should say so and that's and that's and that and I'll say about that is neat that's actually now going on like the poster for trolls meet it's it's swallow play neat

I would like to uh before we go before we hop feet first into the wrap up I want to remind everybody that coming up is American Thanksgiving and that means the second episode of Till Death U.S. Bart our yearly podcast with the guys from The Worst Idea of All Time where we watch and review Paul Bartmell Cop 2 um now if you've missed previous episodes and you're worried that you won't have time to catch up do not worry there's only one other one we do it once a year every year for the rest of our lives and then for the rest of whoever's life takes it after us which is for me Stuart Wellington um but you can go check it out Till Death U.S. Bart we've already recorded episode two it is just a real hoot had a real good time doing it that will be out on American

Thanksgiving this Thursday like talking to those boys and just hate watching this fucking movie yeah it's a bad film not a good watch it is the opposite of trolls in every conceivable way um I want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the Usurothium song instead of Parcher off the album putting the days to bed uh go go pick up that album it is a good holiday listen uh Roderick actually has a holiday album he did with Jonathan Colton that's also really excellent that you should add to your collection called One Christmas at a Time um yeah uh anything what oh I've got something I just wanted to say uh I talked about it last week uh I was doing a thing why it's still going where uh I'm selling some buttons and other stuff to raise money for the

ACLU um we have so far raised about uh last time I checked four thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars awesome that's for the ACLU if you want to check it out you can go to bit.ly forward slash I am holding your hand um and there's buttons and magnets and water bottles and uh tote bags and key check buttons and merkins uh sas grotches a bunch of stuff uh but you can go check it out and it's gonna stay up for a while uh I don't have any plans on to stop it so go check it out bit.ly forward slash I am holding your hand uh also thanks to Maximum Fund for having us on the network we are our proud members of this network we think it's so cool and a source of like constant positivity which I you know have loved since we've uh I mean I loved it before we were

even on the network and now I think it's more important than ever so go listen to some other shows on the Maximum Fund network uh by going to maximumfund.org and checking out stuff like Jordan Jesse Goh and stop podcasting yourself and throwing shade and One Bad Mother uh if you want to listen to other podcasts or video stuff uh with us on it you can go to macoroyshows.com I just recently started doing a new video series called Touch the Skyrim where me and Nick Robinson from Polygon just gets just gets so deep in Skyrim and just fuck it right up with a bunch of stupid mods uh so that's a new thing I've been doing that's been pretty fun um anything anything I think that'll do it oh I do want to mention something real quick that we like almost

never talk about but we have a group on Facebook called the My Brother My Brother Me Appreciation Community um and it's uh if you are not a member you should join it's really fun and there's a lot of fun cool people there and a lot of people sharing stuff related to the show and cool projects or whatever so you should go check it out if you're on Facebook don't sell any fucking sunglasses yeah don't sell jeans yeah sell no jeans that's gonna do it first Griffin do you have a final yahoo that we can probably do this one got sent in by a couple folks Dan Green and Jeffrey Corbello sent this same one in thanks y'all it's from yahoo answers user Angela who asks I need a word that begins with J not jelly I'm just a macaroy I'm Travis Macaroy I'm Griffin

Macaroy through my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips just say creativity comedy and new friends are waiting for you at Max Funcon 2017 Max Funcon West returns to Lake Arrowhead in June and Max Funcon East is back in the Poconos in September don't miss a stellar lineup of hilarious comedians live podcast recordings of your favorite Max Fun shows and an embarrassment of amazing classes to choose from tickets for Max Funcon East and West go on sale Friday November 25th don't miss your chance to be part of an unforgettable weekend visit Max Funcon dot com to buy your tickets on November 25th maximum fun dot or comedy and culture

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