My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 334: BYOBurger

Episode Date: December 20, 2016

This episode sure is like a hurricane folks! We're scopin' the horizon and we're seeing a duck blur! Forewarning: brace your ears for the most terrifying impressions known to man. Also, a lot of Juggalo talk. Suggested Talking Points: DuckTales Scope, Buchin’, Bounce House Castle In The Clouds, Monkey LaLa Regrets, Squirrel Biscuits, DogsOnly Dot Com, Juggalo Family Values, Full Coverage Chug

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother-my-brother-me, an advice show for the Modulara. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. We just forced our editor to cut out three minutes of us talking about Terrace House before we could start the program.

It's an epidemic, folks. Guys, we've got a brand new watch, and I can't stress enough how legitimate this watch is, and I'm very excited about it. Yesterday, Newsman out, DuckTales reboot cast. Have you seen it? Griffin, are you losing your mind about this DuckTales cast? It's an insane DuckTales cast, but I have a problem with making this a watch, boys. I don't think the small screen can be a watch. I think on a watch, if it was Passengers' Watch, if it was Star Wars, there's a new Star Wars, that's a big blockbuster watch. Bobby Moynihan, Danny Putty, Ben Schwartz, David Tan, are you kidding me with the facts?

I think it's Pewdie because Danny Putty is the fun new holiday toy. You put it on the newspaper and, yeah, Danny Putty. It's hot as hell. Is it a watch, though? Because another problem I have with it is, it's not here yet. I can't watch it. Okay, well, how about we're watching the horizon? We're scoping. This is a scope. Then it's a scope. If we're doing a watch, then I'm sorry, but it has to be. Trolls is on DVD now, probably. It might be. Guess what I want to ask you guys? They put out the cast list, right? It's pretty like they revealed a lot here, but there's still some major characters that they

haven't announced the casting for, and I want to throw it to us to make that decision for them. Here's the characters that I didn't see on that list. One, the big ones jump right out to me, Magic or Dispel. Always trying to get that number one dime so she can cast Magic with it. Two, Gyro Gear Loose. Sorry. This is in a segment where you want to make jokes about the actors and actresses that we think could fill these roles. You just want to sort of spout lore and show off how many DuckTales characters you know. Well, I mean, I do want to talk about, but yes, mostly I wanted to talk about. Also, I had this really great joke that you just stepped on where I was going to talk about Gyro Gear Loose, or it might be Euro Gear Loose,

and I wasn't sure how it's pronounced. It was really good. I've been working on it for weeks. Oh, God, I'm sorry to step on that one. That's okay. They'll fix it in post. Okay, so let's start with Magic or Dispel. Griffin, where are you at? I mean, Emily Blunt. I know she's busy, but not too busy for DuckTales. If David Tenet is in the mix, if Beck Bennett, is Beck Bennett still on SNL? Yeah. He's busy too. Get in there. Oh, Kate McKinnon. Okay, yeah. I mean, any SNL. Let's just make it an all SNL cast.

Yeah. Can I hit you guys with a sick Magic or Dispel, and it's Miss Jessica Walter. Oh, shit. Yeah, from downtown. Shit, that's good, Justin. It's really good. Is this going to, are we going to get a revival of hot cartoons from my kid age? Are we going to get a tailspin starring Denzel Washington as Baloo? That would be amazing. Reprising his character from Flight just replacing Baloo. He flies the plane upside down. Drunk, I think? I didn't see it. I saw the trailer,

and I think he was drunk. Just screaming, wahoo. I've seen it. It was amazing. Here's my question. Here's my question. Here's my question. It's 2016. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It will be 2017. Donald. Donald. That's what you're wondering. Well, Donald's a big one, but 2017 is when this is coming out. It's hitting shores 2017. What's taking him so long? You're just drawing funny pictures.

Well, one, but two, what kind of dark gritty elements do you think they're going to put in now that weren't there in our childhood? Guns. Okay. Is Kane has got a poison tip? It is fatal. That's a new thing. I wonder if there'll be whole storylines about income inequality in Duckburg. Interesting. We'll raise some troubling. It's a troubling visual. I mean, once you realize he's absolutely one of the

.01 percenters. He probably, the series probably opens with him getting big for a cabinet position. I mean, let's see. And I think the first episode, we have to watch Launchpad McQuacks or nope, sorry, Robo Duck's grizzly surgery that turns him, that replaces all of his fleshy duck parts with cyber cybernetic stuff. So like the lung, the lungs are gone. The duck lungs are gone. That weird spiral PP, that's gone. He's got to carry them all in a backpack now.

I would like to pitch, if you're listening to this Disney XD, and I know he's super busy, listen, you can't find a business or man in show business right now, but Fit and Crack Show, aka Gizmo Duck, is Lin-Manuel Miranda. That would be amazing casting. That'd be really good. Please make that happen. And he could really sell the duck screams because he's awake during the Robo surgery. And I don't know why they make us look at this and I don't know why it's a children's cartoon. If I could just put it in my hat here for Donald, because I feel like my Donald is so

nightmare inducing, as I've tried to replicate it for our child, it's so bad that my wife makes me do it on command just to make fun of me because she's that much in Disney. Hey, break me off a piece of football cream. You guys gave me a line from DuckTales 2017 that the Donald might say. My God, my God, there's duck guts everywhere. Okay, yeah. You sound like, it sounds like an interstellar transmission from the cataracts, which is an alien species that's just sort of based around violence.

You might also be some kind of like the fly hybrid between Donald Duck and the fish from Peewee's Playhouse. Yeah. Do you think when you're trying to get your Donald, you have to sound like that for like a hundred hours and then it just like gels, like it just comes to you? You think that's ours? I know, bud. No, I think you're born with it. I think either you've got it or you don't. Yeah. And you do. Congratulations, Justin. Baby, you got it. You got that sound I've been looking for.

You guys would be interested in a new podcast called Let Me Hear Your Donald. And it's just, you talk to new parents or parents who've been in the game for a while, any parents and just like, let me hear your Donald real quick. Let me hear the Donald you're working with. I mean, if the last year has taught me anything, it's that just we can do basically anything up here and people will listen to it. So. Yeah. Yeah, too true. Do you want to hear mine? Yeah, let's hear your Donald.

Hello, I am Donald Duck. No, that's not anything. Now, I know what you're thinking. That's not it, but here's what I'm planning. I'm going to read books about Donald Duck to my child long before she ever sees him in any kind of moving picture. And so then when she hears that, that person's doing it wrong. That's how Donald. So no, no old Disney cartoons, no Kingdom Hearts. Not, not, not until she's like five or six, you know what I mean?

I put myself out there actually real quick. Can I just hear, I'm going to leave you boys with Uncle Scrooge in your best Donald and not a joke, but like right now, cold, give it your best to try to make that classic Donald. I've got, I've got. Because we all have a lot of training on expense. Sure. That'll make it perfect. Even better. What a nice timber that will lend to your performance.

Okay. I'm going to do my best. Yeah. Okay. Justin, did you do yours one more time as a reference for me? This is what Donald is supposed to sound like. No, no, you do yours right now, cold. I'm not stalling for you anymore. Make the sound of Donald with your mouth.

I can't. I got nothing. I'm going to leave you boys with Uncle Scrooge safe. No, I think I'm just going Bobcat gold plate. Yeah. Travis, I need you to do it for real and not don't laugh through it. This is serious. Don't fuck with Travis. Stop laughing. This is hilarious moment.

Okay. You're Donald. It doesn't help that Jesus is looking at me in horror. Good. That's horrifying. Oh, God. It sounds like if Dobby got run over by a truck. Travis said he's going to finish it. I've never even practiced it before.

Please. This is my first time. Travis, if this takes the rest of the episode, I do need you to finish the line read. Yes. What's the rest of the line? I'm going to leave you boys with Uncle Scrooge. That's the line.

Yes, Teresa. It sounds terrible. I know. It's like, it's just funny. Yes, honey. I know it's bad. Sounds like Smudge from that Christian Cup of Chips. I used to watch. Okay. Wait. Hold on. Hold on.

Griffin, you do yours. Yeah. Griffin, let's hear your on fire. Let me hear your Donald real quick. That's pretty good. I didn't enunciate very good, but I did the sound. I mean, you didn't know words, but you had the sound there for sure. If we can combine Griffin's and mine

in some kind of weird overlay. Is that close? Am I doing anything? Let's please anything. Boy, that is a good game. That's the best games in Switch One Fapes. Okay. So questions from listeners. We take them, we answer them.

That's how we do it. And here we go. I'm a big kombucha enthusiast. I've been riding this fermented freight train for about two months now. So my question is this, is it appropriate to bring a bottle of kombucha to a restaurant?

If I know they don't have it available, or is it a no outside food or drinks or deal like at a movie theater, please help me, brothers. The prospect of washing down a meal without a drink is daunting to me. So should I bring my beverage of choice or just suck it up and order a water there? And that's from Boochin in Bremerton, Washington.

This is- Love the booch. Gotta have my booch. Who got the booch? Listen to me. Listen to me. Don't. Are you kidding me? I don't care if it's kombucha. I don't-

First of all, I don't, I'm not entirely sure I know it. It's like a fermented tea. It's like mildly, like very, very slightly alcoholic. Like one per cent. Hello. No, you can't.

You can't. For so many reasons. First of all, you can't just bring stuff into a restaurant. You can't. There should be- I'm gonna invent a food detector. And they can also use it at the airport

because you're not supposed to bring that through security either. But you walk through the door of this Applebee's and you step through the food detector. And if you've got a secret bottle of booch, then you are shown the door again. Turn around. See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow. Hold on, girlfriend. I want to stop you there because I feel like you're missing an opportunity there because I like this idea of bringing something in only because the restaurant doesn't serve it. So like, if you get there and you're- And they're like,

what would you like for dessert? And you're like, you know what I could really go for? Slice a chocolate cake. And they're like, I don't have- We don't have chocolate cake. I'm sorry.

And you go, I'm gonna have to go off menu. And you just like dive into your tote bag and pull out a slice of chocolate cake. You know what I mean? It's a very, it's a very new interpretation of the term off menu. Well, you gave them the chance.

Like you offered them the opportunity to offer you chocolate cake and they didn't have it. This is- No, Travis, you're joking, right? This is a joke. Yes, of course I am joking. Okay, for fuck's sake.

I mean, you really scare me there for a second because this person's- I'm pretty sure they're not joking. I think they want to bring their stink tea into this Applebee's and then be like, sorry, you didn't have stink tea. No, of course they didn't have stink tea.

I can't go to a fucking sushi restaurant and be like, hot dog, please. And they're like, no hot dogs. There is hot dogs. Thank you. There is hot dogs. There is hot dog. They're really okay.

Do you like hot dogs? How about these hot dogs? There is precedent for this, though, a little bit in a practice that has always creeped me out. And that is there are restaurants that are BYOB. Like they don't have- This is not that.

This is not this point. But it is. But it is. But kombucha is alcoholic. But the Applebee's isn't BYOB. If you bring a fucking six or a Bud Light Lime into Applebee's, you will be arrested by the cops.

This is, you can't just bring stuff into a restaurant because they don't have it because there's a reason they don't have it. They're trying to create a fucking atmosphere. They're trying to create a cohesive dining experience. Right. And if you bring a- And kombucha doesn't pair with the jalapeno boats.

If you bring your own rice and sushi grade tuna into a fucking chilies so you can make the maki rolls that you want, you can't fucking do that because it's a chilies. They're a Southwestern fun Tex-Mex restaurant. You can't bring sushi in there. Griffin, what do you think about

bringing your own food to like a hibachi restaurant so that the person starts cooking the food and you on the other side of the table just start cooking food for them and you're flipping shrimps into each other's mouths and everything's just getting all higgledy-piggledy? Or not even for them. But you just like,

let me get the shrimp tapanyaki and then I'm gonna just lay this hamburger patty down on this corner of the grill. You're not gonna use this corner of the grill. This is my corner of the grill. Is it not BYO burger? Shit. Well, I think that I would sooner-

I actually think this is more socially appropriate at the movie theater. Like everybody's sneaking- Yeah, everybody knows what's up. And it's dark. Nobody cares. Nobody's gonna judge you. I also think kombucha.

No tea. No shit. Well, I guess actually yes, some tea. You- It's like a- It's kind of a joke- Jokey thing to be like, oh, I brought my own-

I brought my own kombucha to drink. Isn't it? Isn't that like a- It's like a Bad Mad TV sketch a little bit. Yeah, it's a Portlandia sketch. Yeah, I think that's correct. Yeah, on that fucking CBS show that's like, millennials are dumb shits,

that would be like one of the things that one of the characters did. And I'm not saying it's a fair representation, but I am saying like, it's maybe the- the optics, optically speaking, it's the worst possible drink to do this with. What if- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

You get your kombucha out, pour it in a glass. A waiter comes by, give it a side eye, and he's like, hey, where's that from? And you say, another waiter brought it to me. A dinosaur waiter. See, he's like- Todd did this. Todd, Toddlin, his name was Toddlin.

And he came by and said, do you need drinks? And I asked for kombucha and he got me one. I don't think we serve kombucha. This, I may have gotten, it may be a new edition or I may have gotten the last one, I don't know. But Toddlin did bring it to me. He is an employed official waiter at the restaurant. You know him.

You know Toddlin. You know Toddlin, right? He brought this to me. You love Toddlin. What are you talking about? This is good. You're like, incepting Toddlin into this guy. Like, you remember, he was your best man.

Remember, you guys went on that five-day walkabout together and it changed your life. Check your name tag, what's it say? And then it says Toddlin. He's like- Oh, shit. Whoa, you got me. Hey, do you boys want a yahoo?

I'd love that. Just want to send him by Nicholas Potter, who needs an honorific because- It's crushing time. Nick of, no, that's awful. You never like any of my honorifics. Yeah, they're all pretty bad. It's from Yahoo Answers user, shame.

Whoa. Shame asks, would you rather live under the sea or up in the sky? We've been on the land for a while and it's pretty good. But we've basically used it all up. All the minerals, all the animals down here, we're just like, apparently, I read Newsweek sometimes and apparently we're making a real mess of it. Yeah, it's a real stink of things.

So this is a really, because I thought about this for a long time and the yahoo responses to this are almost evenly perfectly divided. So I want to put the question to you boys. Under the sea, up in the sky. I'm going to ask you a question. It's probably obvious, but I just want to clarify. In some sort of habitat in both circumstances, right? Like, I'm not like little mermaiding just like swimming around.

A cloud village or a little coral kingdom. Okay, okay. So like, we're talking like Columbia or sea lab. You know what I mean? Or Rapture, I mean, if you wanted to do both bioshocks. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's probably the obvious one, huh? I think it would be a little bit more open air concept.

But yeah, and also not very racist. Which one can you bail on the easiest when it goes full cult? Because it will go full cult. Interesting. I feel like the sky kingdom would be easy to, I mean, you just have to get a parachute. You just walk, right? You just walk far enough and you're not in the sky kingdom anymore. You're not very anymore, right?

I mean, oxygenation is going to be a problem in both of these environs. Well, we'll see. That's certainly not ideal. I mean, it depends on how high you go, Justin. What? How high you go. Like you could maybe just be like 30 feet in the air. You're still in the air?

If I come to the top of a mountain, I've read back of the box. If I come to the top of the mountain, I have to make cupcakes different and weird. Like certainly there's going to be some difference in pressure in this cloud kingdom. Alistair, wait, now hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Now, Travis, when you envision the sky kingdom, are you tell? I just need to clarify something. I want to circle back on something you said.

When you envision the sky kingdom, are you literally thinking of something that's floating? Just like there, like floating above the ground? First of all, you laugh when the Lord of the blue, you're right there. You're right there. I can grab your sneaks. I would argue that the other one is way dumber because think of how much harder it would be to resupply and move things back and forth. They're both dumb.

But if you're like 30,000 feet in the air, if you're 30 feet in the air, a rope ladder is going to cover you. Yeah, and people can bring you down too, like instantly. Yeah, my bouts house castle full of helium might be a terrible idea now that I think about it. Let me give you this, this quandary. Up in the sky, up in the sky, it's obviously great, right? There's lots of clouds, but that's about it.

And there's like some birds, I guess, and stars at night. That's great. Down under the sea, there's so many different like fish, like beautiful fishies to look at. And there's like caverns with like hidden gold that you could go swim around in and like play in the underwater caverns. You could go and just like, there's so many unexplored species, you could go find a new species. I just saw this fish and it's just made out of like, it's just this ball of feathers.

It's super fucked up. And I hate looking at it, but if I was the one that discovered it, I would be so psyched. So if you like, there's so many opportunities for fun adventures under the sea, up in the sky, it's just like clouds. And that's pretty much all you get. But there's also driven up in the clouds, very little chance that you run into something giant and terrifying. Oh, you mean like a fucking airplane, Travis?

No, I mean like a giant squid or like perhaps the first discovered sea monster. You know what I mean? Like the ocean is huge and very dense and full of shit. And we don't know what that shit is in the sky. I'm pretty sure there ain't dragons. You know what I mean? Like I'm pretty confident there aren't dragons. But if scientists come out tomorrow and they're like, yeah, turns out sea monsters, totally

real. I would not be surprised. Yeah, not a shock. They probably would have a better name for it. I don't think scientists normally classify things as monsters. I think I would say. I don't know. You've seen the show River Monsters?

It's not science. I would say I've been thinking about it. And I think I'll go with Sky just because I don't want to get all pruney. Sure. But you're in a habitat, so you're fine. I'd go swimming. Last night, this is a sidebar to related to scuba and underwater activities. Last night, I was trolling Apple TV for something to watch to turn on the Smithsonian channel.

And I there is a special there about this amazing place for diving. And it is in Roatan, which was an island that I lived on for a month and didn't do it. I didn't dive there. And as soon as I start watching the special, I'm literally like overwhelmed by the beauty, the incredible reef beauty of Roatan that I did not experience. Worse, I have a very clear memory of someone inviting me to partake in scuba there. And that night I heard there were hermit crab races and kind of wanted to check that out. And I'm literally watching this this film where every like there's like all dude upon all dudes

like it's the most amazing scuba on the planet. People come from all over. It's a pilgrimage. You have to do it at least once. It's like, I did it. I did do it once. And I did go ahead and check out the hermit crab races instead of getting into the scuba. How were the action?

How were the fucking hermit crab races, though? Pretty thrilling. They were fucking great. And I I bet and I picked a winning one. I got a certificate and everything and helped charity. It was like fantastic. So I like I had a had a great cocktail and just a great time because sort of a banana coconut thing of memory serves.

Monkey La La was the name of it. It was a great cocktail that I had. And it was a fun night. I didn't see like the most amazing untouched pristine reefs on in the hemisphere. But I did get to see those little sons of bitches screwed around. That's funny. You know, it's fun. I mean, it's fun.

I did feel like I wasted a bit of an opportunity. That was very I would pay so much money to see Justin sit down with these old dudes from this documentary about this scuba. I have Justin attempt to justify to them why the races for charities was like, well, but you guys also miss some pretty cool shit. They I feel like I should have gotten the equal time in the documentary. I'm like, sure. Sure, boys.

That's all sounds great. If you want to get wet. How about this? Get yourself a nice Monkey La La and over to the Blue Bahia. And let's see some hermit crab races. You guys get a certificate. Bam. Yeah.

Do you like them animals? Did you have to see any eels down there? Well, yeah, we saw a couple of eels. Yeah. Exactly. No, thanks. Keep them. Are we winners?

I watched the whole thing. And that's probably the saddest thing I've ever done in my life. Probably the saddest thing is watch documentary about an amazing place. I'll never go again. But I did go once and just kind of kicked it and watched Star Wars on TV and got on the Internet and stuff. I had a boat I went out on like a little paddle boat. I guess I did experience that.

Didn't get like deep. Yeah, didn't get in it. Went to the crab races. You saw the tops of the coral and that's the best part for me. That's the nipples. That's what they're called. My dad has found himself in a bit of a jam. He hosted a company party with some co-workers at our house last weekend.

One of the co-workers is vegan and brought over a tin of these brown cookie biscuit things shaped and decorated like little squirrels. When she gave them to my dad, she referred to them as squirrel biscuits. My dad replied some of the effect of, oh, Violet, our dog loves squirrels. To which she replied, well, I'm sure she'll love these too. The problem is we have no idea whether these squirrel biscuits are actually meant for people or dogs. The co-worker did not specifically mention that they were either. And a cursory taste doesn't disprove either possibility.

How does one ask a vegan co-worker if their cookies are meant for animals or people without offending her or making a fool of ourselves? And that's from biscuit bamboozled in Brooklyn. Holy shit. I don't want to shut this question down, but generally speaking, when dealing with foodstuffs, if a cursory taste test doesn't clear up whether it is food for humans or for dogs, then it is for a garbage can. If that is, if there is still a gray, I don't know if this is human food or dog food.

Well, there's a place for this, a toilet or garbage can. Listen, I hate to break it to you guys, but from working at Pessemer, there are lots of like dog biscuit cookies that are like the ingredients are like peanut butter, flour, eggs. And it's like, wait, hold on. Who is this for? And it's like, it's completely the same stuff. That's the thing is that like human food and dog food, there's only certain things that they can't eat.

So there is like a whole menu of like dog cookies that are basically the same ingredients as human cookies. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. But we live in America, the most over, it's the most over-fooded country ever to exist. If somebody says like, here's a, Wendy's has a new hamburger and it's huge and delicious for dogs, then I would be like, what's on it? They'd like meat patty, lettuce, mustard, mayo, bacon, some Swiss, caramelized onions, and a brioche bun.

I'm like, that sounds good. It's for dogs though? Yeah, it's definitely for dogs. Oh, that's a shame. Oh, I guess I'll just have a spicy chicken boy. It is for, it's a spicy chicken boy for dogs? No, this one's, see, it's under the human side of the menu. Yeah, to Griffin's point.

Well, then I want, I want that. To Griffin's point, presumably this question asks her who doesn't know where to get other cookies. Like, they could get other ones for sure. Would you give them to the dog? I hear your dog in the background like, this sounds good as hell. Well, she's now trying to weigh in. She's like, wait, hold on, let me tell you my side of the story. This is actually an interesting thing, because I was just thinking, well, just better safe than sorry, give them to the dog.

But if they're not made with ingredients, dogs can get down on, then that would be bad. But the co, I guess the coworker did say that the dog would enjoy them. Oh, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I got it.

I got it. You need to ask your coworker about this with very, or your dad's coworker with very little details, and you're going to do it like this. You know, my, my dog keeps begging for one of those cookies. Is it okay if I give them one, what's in it? That way you're not saying, I think these are dog cookies. And you're not saying, I'm eating them. You're just, you've made a tacit, you've made a tacit endorsement of the fact that you've been eating them, if you say that.

No, no, no. It's just, there's no reality in which you close a tin, and the dog's like, hey, I remember what's in there. No, he doesn't. You buzz off. You know, I have no idea what's in here. Go away. And also Travis, it also leaves the door open for, yes, these are dog cookies, but you, a human being, can eat them too. And I am saying that that is unacceptable.

You just, you should, here's what you should say to these co-workers. Straight up. Dead ass. Is this for humans or dogs? And they'd be like, I guess either one could, no, shut the, shut your fucking mouth. You tell me which one this is for. Now. Now.

Humans or dogsies. Now. Well. Oh, my dog, you know, my, when I was making them, my dog jumped up in the counter and ate a cup. Okay. Fucking question answered. Don't do this to me again. Don't cook for me again.

Okay. I got a pretty good one. What if you were to ask them for the recipe and they'll almost certainly give you a link and the link will either go to like fourdogsonly.com or four people as well. Fourdogsonly.com is actually a dating site for dogs only. Is that a dog voice? That was Scooby-Doo and Sarah Dorser. Oh man, you're good at all the cartoon voices today. Whoa, whoa, whoa, is Mel Blank here?

I will say one caveat too, because I know we're going to get tweets about it, but sometimes when I smell begging strips, I think, all right, that's, all right. This, this is all right. I'll think, I'd think, you know what? I wouldn't kick it out of bed for being begging strips. Griffin doesn't know it's not bacon. Okay. For $22.95, and I do mean $2,295, I can buy fourdogsonly.com.

Oh, that's a lot of juice. I know we have a lot of fun here buying web domains all the fucking time, but don't spend that much money on that website. You're right. Unless we start making a podcast for dogs. Only. Only. If you help them download it, we'll know. There will be like a Voight Conf test, but for dogs.

And it'll be like, hey, click this button. And if they click it, it's like you failed. You're a human. Come on. You're a human. Let's try. You guys want to go to the Money Tum? I would love to.

Follow me. Okay. Wow, we're here. Wow, it's beautiful. The legends are true. And what's that smell? It's begging strips. I saw it right over that ridge.

It's the bridge to Terabivia Money Zone. Be careful. Be careful on that wet bridge. Be careful on that wet bridge. That's a pretty bad bridge now that I think about it. I've always romanticized that book in its titular bridge, but fuck that bridge. That's a shitty bridge. That's a fucking awful bridge.

Travis, tell me about Blue Apron. Well, you know, I will say that Theresa and I, a new baby, you know, it's hard to find a time to go out grocery shopping. So it's really nice to know that we have these like, like fully ready to be made. All the ingredients are right there in one place. Meals from Blue Apron. Blue Apron is a meal subscription service.

They send you everything you need and the quantities you need with the like easy to follow directions right there. So that's the thing is like, I think if everybody like had their druthers, if it was up to them, I think everybody would make these like beautiful meals every night. But you know, unless you're like a trained chef, it's so hard to know like what ingredients you'll need when you're at the store. It's so hard to know like, oh, is that, am I going to need four of those or three of those? Like right off the top of your head without looking up the recipe.

Well, Blue Apron takes care of that for you. They send you everything you need. And then you make these amazing, like delicious and, you know, in many ways, good for you. I mean, like as much as eating a well balanced meal will do you, right to your door. And it's less than $10 per person per meal. You know, it's a different menu every week and it's like, it's wonderfully amazing like meals you wouldn't think of making for yourself. You know, last night we had latkes and beef and like these roasted carrots and beets.

It was amazing. It was incredible. So you should check it out. Upcoming meals include like roasted pork and braised cabbage with barley and glazed apples, Thai green coconut curry with sweet potato and jasmine rice, brown butter and chestnut gnocchi with Brussels spouts and pea shoot salad. Like these are incredible meals. You make these meals for somebody. They're going to be like, what, are you, did you go to some kind of fancy chef school?

And you say, yes, yes, I did during that summer when you don't know what happened to me. I was at chef's school for all you know. So you want to go check it out. You can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash my brother. You love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home cooked meals with blue apron. So don't wait. That's blueapron.com slash my brother.

Travis, it's pronounced, it's pronounced gnocchi. Damn it. Guess what underwear I'm wearing right now? Oh, I don't know. Don't guess that's weird. You crazy. Is it the like the like light green with the pink palm fronds? Was it the one with the palm fronds on your butt and your juicy butt?

No, it's the ghost ones from Halloween. Mine's sort of like an abstract. It's just like it looks like stained. It looks like my penis is stained glass. Mine's the one that looks like the the art from the the Nickelodeon news kid show. Oh, Nick news. Yeah. Travis has Linda Ellerby on his right butt cheek.

These underwear belong in a museum, but you're going to put them on your genitals because that's how you do. And that's how me undies do. They're super comfortable. They cost the price of two cocktails and it's well worth it. You only remember the cocktails. You just can get just have a great time and get drunk. That's no good.

Save it. Just keep just send it back. Send the drink back. Get a refund and buy yourself some new underwear. If you're listening to this episode at a bar right now, stand up, leave. Go get some undies. The underwear is made of modal, which is a special fabric

with incredible raw materials that are scientifically proven to be three times softer than cotton. They're really comfortable and they're only sold to me undies where you can get free shipping in the U.S. and Canada for a limited time. Everyone in our audience gets 20% off their first order, but you got to go to this special URL. It's me undies.com slash my brother. They have this better day guarantee.

You got nothing to lose. So don't wait. Go to me undies.com slash my brother right now for 20% off your first order. Treat yourself. Treat yourself. Good underwear. I'm going to do it. All right.

You do it. Got a message here for Roman Mars. Hi, Roman. Different Roman Mars. Super common name. Oh, shoot. It's from Adam who says, great job. Keep up the good work.

And that's next available. So we did it. Best message ever. Best recipient ever. Good body of the message. Also, Roman has a great body. Go on. Just a good message.

Now talk more about Roman Mars' body, please. Talk about the various curves and angles of Roman Mars' bodies. Talk about his sinews. He's an extremely angular man. He's a well-built man and he can do a podcast episode all about the details that went into building himself. It's really fun. I've met him in person a couple of times and the only thing about Roman is,

and I'm trying to be quiet because I don't want to be here this part if he's listening, the only thing about Roman is he starts podcasting a lot of times when you are not ready for him. You don't know. Like you're just talking to him about your day and then you just see a microphone kind of descend from the ceiling that he had rigged earlier. And it's like, hey, Rome, we call him Rome, he insists on it. We're like, hey, Rome, not now, you know? Not right now, I think.

You'll be like, I wonder why sunflowers look the way you do, look the way they do. And then you look over, here comes a microphone from the ceiling. You're like, oh, I'm about to get, yep, I'm about to get invisible. Okay, he's going to. The microphone is, that's where the name of the show comes from. The microphone is extremely well camouflaged. But not, but not, but not completely. Not completely.

But if you look, you'll see it. But it's, I mean, it's in there. But if you're not paying attention, your eyes will slide right off of it. Slide right past it. Razzle, dazzle. I want to tell you guys about The Daughter of the Stars by Brenna Campbell on Amazon. It's a new book. It's actually in my stack of like two read books,

which admittedly I'm moving through far too slowly thanks to a new baby. But Brenna Campbell's first epic fantasy novel, Daughter of the Stars is here. A young sorceress and her anxious, wear-bear boyfriend must embark on a treacherous journey to stop an evil king all while on the run from the monstrous man she's being forced to marry. This book includes centaurs, evil demigods, bulls that can see the future, eels that cause thunderstorms, unicorns, forest lions, and cobras that can change color to mimic anything they see. So check out Daughter of the Stars by Brenna Campbell, B-R-Y-N-N-A Campbell on Amazon.

Hopefully the next edition will lose the eels and then maybe we'll talk. Listen, it's 10 bucks and pay her back five dollars on Kindle. You can't afford not to read this book. I'm Hal Lovelin. I'm Danielle Raffer. I am Michael Eagle. And we are the hosts of Tights and Fights, Maximum Fun's newest podcast dedicated to all things wrestling. We'll be talking about Sasha Banks, the women's revolution, Sasha Banks,

the brand split, and Sasha Banks' wigs. And we'll also be talking about wrestler fashion. Some wrestlers wear too many clothes. Some wrestlers don't wear enough clothes at all. And I'll be doing impressions of all your favorite wrestlers. New episodes, Thursdays on Maximum Fun, or wherever you get your podcast. Oh yeah, dig it. Um, do you guys want a yahoo?

Yes. Okay, well then how about this one from Zoe Kinski right and high. Thank you Zoe. It's yahoo answers user. Sorry, something's gone wrong. Call him. Brett asks. What are some juggalo prayers?

What are some juggalo prayers? What are some juggalo prayers? No details, no further details? I mean, what word in this are you having trouble with? Prayer, a cosmic sort of shout to the sky, a plea with celestial. And then juggalo is they like that one kind of crazy band. Like a lot, so much so that they do all kinds of whack shit. I guess Griffin, the snag for me is why liking ICP would necessitate its own liturgy.

I mean, it requires its own beverage and aesthetic. I don't think this is outrageous. Okay, so here's the question. Oh, here's the question. Is it prayers related specifically to juggalo related things? Or juggalo prayers for everyday things? Are you praying to God or to the juggalo band members? Or to Hatchet Man?

Or to Hatchet Man is sort of a symbolic representative of the juggalo band. Like, would you say, Hatchet Man, please help me do good on my biology test today? Or would you say like, Dear God, please don't let me get trampled at the ICP show? I mean, this person delivering a juggalo prayer definitely isn't taking a biology exam. And I don't want to be hateful, but. I do have some. Oh, good. I found these juggalosfromlife.com.

Now, this site does look unofficial. So I'm not sure that these prayers speak for the entirety of the juggalo family. And I apologize for that. Here's the first. I pledge allegiance to the Hatchet of the underground juggalo society. Sort of a parody, sort of like a weird owl. A parody. And to the ninjas for which it stands, one family under clowns full of freaks with Fago

and Needon for all. I don't know what's that last one. That is a general reference. Oh, second prayer. We will never die alone. Juggalos will carry on, swing our hatchets if we must, each and every one of us. So what if you deliver this juggalo prayer? And then obviously the juggalo band members.

I shouldn't be doing it because I'm not a juggalo priest. Right. It's not it's this is this is we hope we haven't offended any of our juggalo listeners. But you deliver this and the members of the ICP, Alt J, Killer Mike, they all hear it. And they they say thank you for these good. Thank you for these prayers for our band. But then maybe God hears some of it too. And he's like, he's like, oh, that's a fun.

That's kind of a new one. God is allowed to listen to all prayers. It should be pointed out. So what do you like? We will never die alone. Juggalos will carry on, swing our hatchets if we must, each and every one of us. So like, what are you asking for here? Because I'm here to help.

Oh, no, sorry, God. We're actually good. We're good. Oh, this is awkward. I would like to know what God would make of the fourth prayer, which goes like this. Mass murder makes me happy. Dead bodies make me happy. Okay.

Say what you will of me. I'll always have juggalo family. And it's a fun. The funnest thing about juggalos, which I think are amazing and wonderful, broadly speaking, is that like they can turn pretty much anything into a family value. They can like, they have co-opted their mass murder and dead bodies. It's like family, like this is something our family celebrates. It may not be for your family, but our juggalo family believes that mass murder

makes us happy as you dead bodies. And let me tell you family value. Let me tell you why this disappoints me. I was immediately struck by a belief prayer number two, the line swing our hatchets if we must, which I appreciated. I appreciated the restraint that they were not looking for opportunities to swing their hatchets, but they recognize that there would be a time when they must. I think it's a prayer number four.

And it seems like they, that restraint is out the window. I don't understand. Sure, sure. It's different sects. There is, I found another juggalo prayer and it says, when I die, show no pity, send my soul to juggalo city, dig my grave six feet deep, put two matches at my feet, put two hatchets on my chest and tell my homies I did my best. This one is sweet.

This one has like, this one's kind of sweet because it's like, I did my, I did my best. And it's also asking some stuff and there's some, there's some actual requests. Ritual ritual is, what do you think juggalo city is like Gary, Indiana? It's probably a, what's it called, a hole in rock? Is that the name of where they have the juggalo festival? Hmm, actually juggalo city is up in the sky. It's in the clouds. It's in the clouds.

It's a floating sky city, it's a gathering, right? That's the, it's in, it's just the name of the place, right? Do you know 100% more about juggalo than I do? I promise. I have found cave and juggalo prayers. Cave and rock, but that was 2007 to 2013. It moved to a place that is literally called legend valley, which is so fucking good. Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray Shangri-La my soul to keep. But if I'm dead before I wake, I pray to ninjas my axe to take. Pass it on from clown to clown and I'll have fun from the underground. Swinging hatchets now worldwide, hatchets held high. That's juggalo pride. Okay. The thing is, when you get a new hatchet that has been passed down to you, you have to memorize the names of the ninjas before you that have wielded that axe.

And they can be, I mean, it could be weeks. It can be, it can be very, a long process, but it is, it is essential to have that appreciation. I can't think of anything I love enough that if given the opportunity to go to like a dope, like, just like a great sort of fun festival where that whole community gets together, I can't think of anything that I love enough that I would be down for that if all 50,000 of those people also had axes. I'm a big like, it could be like a Pokemon, Carly Rae Jepsen cross fest. Yeah, it's like, all the attendees had axes and hatchets.

Come trade with the queen. She's, she's doling out shinies. And I'd be like, that sounds fucking tight. They're like 50,000 people are going to be there. She's going to be playing nonstop for three straight days. I'm like, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, sign me up. Everyone's going to have an axe and you'll have an axe. Well, that seems dangerous, doesn't it?

Like, what if a trade goes wrong? What if like, she starts playing store and just the party gets way too lit? But they're not looking for mass murder, right? No, actually, they prayed. They prayed for it. Pray for it. And you may not even, I don't care if you, if they're, if you're at a place, there's 50,000 small axes.

You don't, it doesn't have to be intentional. At least 10 people are going to get chopped. I have discovered the 13 juggalo commandments. This seems like a lot of juggalo talk though. Yeah, it seems like we've talked about juggalos in about 20 minutes. May I just pick three of my favorite? How about your one favorite? I don't want juggalos to feel like I'm putting them on a blast.

Okay, we'll start with one. We'll start with one. We'll just do one. All right. This is the first commandment. I should also put out in the top corner of this image is the letters J-N-C-O. So like, just right up there, Janko. Commandment one.

Thou shalt always holla a whoop whoop to let thy neighbor know you're around. That's easy. That one's easy to do. Number three. No, we just, we said one juggalo commandment. Oh, okay, but, okay, but, okay, but five is thou shalt always QB shit wakin' in wilds. Okay, that's it. You got two, you got double the commandments we allowed you to say.

I want juggalos to know that this show is a place for them to feel comforted and welcome. They don't even have to holla a whoop whoop to let us know they're around. They're welcome here anytime. I would prefer though that they leave the mass murder at another podcast. There's probably other podcasts that would be a little more, maybe my favorite mass murder. That could be one that they might enjoy that murder side of them over there. And over here, they can just like have a good time and enjoy themselves.

Yes, this is more of a, this is like the, the come down. This is more of the like, uh, this is where we come to get away from all the mass murder. I am right now going to change our iTunes description to the gathering of the juggalo's chill out tent. Oh, let's not do no, no, no, no, let's not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I want this to be it. No, no, no, no, no, I want this to be a safe place for juggalos,

but I think they've done some pretty dubious stuff in the past it. Maybe maybe we don't want to be their official sort of source. How about instead Justine, you just are priming a category we'll be comedy, a second category we'll be I CP podcast. Let's know maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe not. Maybe we don't do it. Show me a group that hasn't made some missteps. I think they've made some pretty, pretty bad missteps that we don't

maybe want to that hasn't had some French members get out there and get in. Fuck wild. OK. Every little I have ever met has been pleasant, calm and an average level of interest in mass murder. I would say like not disinterested, but like a very healthy amount of interest in mass murder, conceptually, I would say. Every group that has murder prayers has some bad apples in it. People take that shit too seriously.

Some people take that shit too seriously to get a little too wicked and wild. The scriptures are open to interpretation. That's why they're it's a living document. Violent J didn't mean murder or mass murder, literally. I mean, conceptually, maybe the mass murdering of like evil ideas. You know, I mean, yes, or prejudice. Use your hatchet to kill prejudice on a mass basis. Yeah. Every time you see prejudice, hit it with your small acts

that you carry around with you because you like this band very much. This is my small acts. I carry it around with me because I like this band very much. The other day, I caught side of myself drinking a bottle of beer in my reflection and realized for the first time the way I drink looks a lot stranger than I thought. I put my whole mouth over the opening to drink rather than simply bringing the bottle to lips and sipping.

Is that weird? Do you see other people who drink like that? I'm 26 years old. And even though it might look weird, maybe it could be my thing. Is it? Is it? Old, wide mouth, Greg. Is it too weird to be sustainable or am I just being paranoid

and it doesn't change or it doesn't matter at all? That's from cheerlessly chugging. This is I don't know why you clowns are laughing. If this is this is a perfectly valid way to consume a bottled beverage. You get excited. You want it in there so fast, you don't want to lose a drop and you're in your snot trough. You know what I mean?

You got a 100 percent coverage. I'll tell you why it's funny to me, along with the fact that it is a great question. And that is I have had many friends over the years, especially during college that were constantly in search of like what their thing was. And I love the idea of the way you put your mouth on a beer bottle is your thing. That's like what you're known as.

Oh, man, I love having that dude at parties. The way he puts his mouth on that bottle. It's awesome. So good. I lose it every time because it's both funny and innovative. And it's real. I see people chugging and drinking like real fast. I don't know.

I don't know how these people are doing it. I just don't get it. I watch you see in movies and it's like, here's a cool guy. Look at how fast he drinks a beer. And it's like, I don't know. I can't drink any fluid that fast. I don't know how these people are doing it. Maybe I do the full coverage of the bottle.

I don't know. Now I'm fucking paranoid about my own technique. I actually don't think you could chug a beer bottle in the method that this person is describing because I feel like the fit the physics would get in your way. Like you couldn't replace the beer with air and you'd have a vacuum and wouldn't be able to continue drinking it. You just have to poke a hole in the bottom of the bottle.

OK, that's a commitment. Yeah, you're going to need a really hot nail and patients. Do you guys drink beer bottles like this? It's been a long time since I drank a beer bottle. I always I choose to decant. No, I really do choose to decant. I mean, I don't know what's in the bottom of that fucking Coors. That'd be some sediment in there.

I don't not interested at Theresa gives me a hard time because I never finished the last quarter inch of any bottled beer ever. Because I just assume that there's some like, you know, from like home brewing and craft brewing, you do end up with stuff down there. Like I'm not I'm not making that up. But I doubt that that's true of like a Miller high life. You know what I mean? That's why I drink it.

I don't want to fuck. I don't want to have to strain my shit through cheesecloth before I drink it. I just want to get fucked up in this pool. This community pool that I'm going to get kicked out of with your blood like lines with my blood like lines that are half backwash when you buy them. And that is a convenience, because then you can just throw them away when they get warm. Speaking of somebody who you guys lived with for a month, you also both don't finish the second half of any of your sodas ever.

You just leave them lying around 12 ounces is so much. Give it to me in the Japanese style. Give me a tiny, give me a tiny, discreet six ounce or and I'll slam it. And that's because that's all the soda you need. And it also makes you feel like a giant. I love it. I don't want to drink. Here's a 29 ounce Coke Zero.

It's like that's going to take me a whole week to finish that. What a chore. Give me a little a little ball of it. How dope would it be? You remember those balls of apple juice they had on Boy Meets World? I want to drink every beverage out of that. It's the perfect amount of fluid. And I could shut that probably pretty good and I would look cool doing it.

It's not that I mind the cost of the wasted sodas. It's just the inconvenience. And I mean, cleaning. Well, that's why you got to start composting those. That doesn't make sense. Well, you let them ferment and they become like, you know, soda beer. Worms eat them and then they turn into biofuels. Look it up.

There's a lot of science on it. I'll share. There's a lot of science on the Christian Science Monitor website. Folks, that's going to do it for us. Thank you so much for enjoying our program with us. I this this is not a plug. So much is just as to say we're two months out now approximately from the My Brother, My Brother Me TV show on CISO. And we've seen all the episodes now.

And I think I think you are really going to like it. I hope you're looking forward to it, because I think you're going to really enjoy it. And I just want to say that we've started to get trailers for it. And it's crazy that we made a thing that has a trailer. I know that's weird to say, but like that was the that's a very recent thing that kind of stuck out to me, like, oh, this thing has a trailer. That's that's something. And I know I know that a lot of people are listening to this

and they are not in America and they're right now. CISO is not available outside of America. I mean, I'm sure it's a thing that, you know, they know about, they're aware of. And we know that that's a bummer. But the good news is at least one episode will be available on YouTube for everybody. So everybody will get to see at least one episode. But we really think you're going to dig it. And we won't have a lot of say in this stuff.

Like if you are in another country and you want CISO, like honestly, the best thing you could do is just let them know. And I'm not saying like launch a big, you know, social media campaign or whatever. But like if you would like to see it and you can't let them know just so they know that there's, you know, there's a demand there and they know how to prioritize that stuff. I guess I maybe that would help. I don't run a streaming TV service.

So I'm talking out of my ass here. This isn't like just what I can't tell you is we cannot help. Like I'm like everything for the last six years. We have very little control over it at this point. Yeah. I want to thank John Roderick in the Long Winters for the use for a theme song instead of partying off the album, putting the days to bed. It's a fucking great album, great holidays gift. John Roderick also made a Christmas album with Jonathan Colton

called Christmas at a Time. You won Christmas at a Time. It's really, really good. I don't even know if you can still get it, but if you can, another great holiday gift, great music. You shouldn't get it this way unless you can't buy it, but it is on Spotify. So you can check it out there. Also, quick updates. MBMBm Angels hit 100 percent.

You done did it again. You're all incredible. Um, I am supremely touched by that. Yeah, you're wonderful. And the world builders, I think when this comes out, there'll be two days left on it. This is Patrick Rothfuss's charity that goes to benefit Heifer International. Our updated goal was 2,500.

And we've already raised for the my brother, my brother and me team 3,500. So and I think they're well over two million for the charity overall. So there's still some time left to donate when you hear this. And you can go to bit.ly. Ford slash MBMB AMWB. Two more quick things. If you're going to be at San Francisco sketch fest this year, the first weekend, the 12, 13, 14, that that weekend in January, I am going to be there.

I'm going on. Joseph Scrimshaw show obsessed Saturday afternoon at 430, I think. And I'm doing Jordan, Jesse, go Saturday afternoon at one. So if you want to come out and see those, you totally should. Otherwise, I'll just be hanging out seeing shows myself. Um, what else? Anything else we think? Max fun.

Thank you, Max fun. Check out all the other shows on maximumfund.org. Go to MacRoyshows.com to check out all the other projects that we do. Get in your candle nights questions, because that's the next step. Yeah. Um, are we going to try to do that early? Do we know? I think maybe folks, you know, they usually after after Christmas day, there's such a

calm down. What if we were there waiting for him on the 26th? I mean, it's fine by me. I just don't know when we do it. We'll figure it out. OK, that's coming up. Um, yeah, I think that's it. Justin, are you OK? Yeah, I I was looking to see here's here's actually what was happening.

I was looking at our team on World Builders, and I was trying to figure out some teams that we can make fun of that were beating. But I thought that's probably not the spirit or charity. And then there are other teams, many teams that are beating us. And I don't want it to be a thing. So that's what that's the mental math that I've been running in my head. So that makes sense. That all tracks got so good at being philanthropists.

No, I mean, it's just like I can't take any credit for it. So bragging about it seems weird or maybe that's a good time for bragging. I don't actually know, you know what I mean? Because it is like boasting for people you care about. And I think that's really nice, like really nice to me. I mean, I do still want to kick everybody's ass. Yeah, I do want to be nice. Anyway, let's get we're done.

Yeah. Finally, Yahoo! This one is sent in by Level 9000. Yadru, Dru, Dru Davenport. Thank you, Dru. It's Yadru Answers user. Chaz Van Blom, who asks, where can I find a free JPEG image of Tim Allen dressed as Santa Claus?

Free, free. Mind you, my name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I think 20 damn dollars for this Tim Allen JPEG. Damn it. It is glossy, though. I'm Travis McRoy. This is with my brother, my brother, my

kiss your dad's square on the lips. What do Maria Bamford, Jad Abumrod, Dick Cavett, Phoebe Robinson, Dan Deegan, W. Kamau Bell, Brooke Gladstone, and Andrew W. K. have in common. They've all been speakers and performers at past Max Funcons. Every Max Funcon is a murderous row of amazing standup comedians, thoughtful cultural leaders and skilled artists. And Max Funcon and Max Funcon East 2017 will be no different.

Visit maxfuncon.com for dates and more information and to grab your ticket before they're gone. Maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported.