My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 337: Seaburglars of the Archipelago

Episode Date: January 10, 2017

Last week, we kinda threw our hat over the fence vis-a-vis zagging on y’all. This week, we’re trying to adhere to this new philosophy with an episode chock-full of surprises and twists and turns and … uh … shocking … revelations? Suggested talking points: Zag Update, Fushigi Update, Robe Rules, Gary Spangler, Volvo Comms, Good Mugshots, 50 First Fake Dates

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome back to the jungle of 2017. My brother, my brother and me is the podcast, and I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy. And I am the brother that is in the middle, Travis Patrick McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 Under 30 Media Illuminary Griffin McElroy. Gonna try to get that in every app,

just get it in real fast. Work on your brand. Practice saying it real fast, so it's not a big distraction, 30 Under 30 Media Illuminary. So, it's 20 serpentino, we're zagging left and right. Well, no, but- We are zag nuts. I mean, you can't zag left and right. We are zagging either left or right, and then the other direction that would technically be a zig. Incorrect. Incorrect. Okay, okay. Okay, that's okay. I see what you're saying, and you're getting to the root of it, I think. We're close there. There's something to what you're saying, because one would be a zig, but I wasn't thinking in sequence, but I guess once

you started in a line, all lefts are zigs, all rights are zags. But you can't zag every time, because then you're not zagging. You know what I mean? If you zag, zag, zag, zag, zag, that's nothing. You got a zag, zag, zag, zig. What? What? What? That's a zig comfort. Oh my God, Tres, are you suggesting that this week we zig on them? Maybe we zig, Griffin. All right, I do want to say that at this point, I have mostly purged my Facebook friends and Twitter followers and LinkedIn connections and Friendster friendos of all non-30 Under 30 Media Illuminaries, but you two have made the cut. You're some of the, we call you standards, or we call you non-30s. You two are some of the only non-30s that I have

on my list. And following you two on social, it's not as enlightening as the other stuff is, but I noticed that you've been doing some mad zagging just in this one week where we've been trying this bold new experiment. Well, we do have to congratulate, I think the zag of the week, I think has to go to Forbes, honestly. Like, you don't zag much harder than naming Griffin one of the... Yeah, I definitely, definitely, I put people under 30 in media on a list. I was like, is that like best or most? Is it most? Most would make sense. Best, I, I, I vor Nintendo toys professionally. So I'm not sure, I'm not sure how I can go, you know, up against a, you know, a Jesse Eisenberg who would also be considered for media, I think, or a Joseph

Gordon-Levitt who has his own media company beat that most... Wait, he's not 30? No, definitely not. That dude's like 22 years old. So, thank you Forbes for the honor. You zagged all of us pretty hard. Jesse Gordon-Levitt's 35 years old. Thank God. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank Jesus. Travis, your zag, you have, so what I like about you Travis is you're working on a zag now and you've also got a prospective zag in the future that you want to chase down. I have four Zags. Oh my God. I have major Zags and minor Zags that I have, I have charted throughout the year and then I'll probably just surprise myself, zag on myself and do stuff that's not in there. Right now, working on electric guitar. Yeah, so you started, you've never played an acoustic,

right? That's where most folks get there. Okay. Because, because, because. You want to shred? I want to shred. Every time I've ever picked up an instrument ever, if I was not immediately magically good at it, I have then set it down and it has been dead to me. Okay. And I sat down with my new electric guitar for an hour the other day, like yesterday, just practicing, moving my fingers up and down the frets. Like that was it for an hour. I'm committed to becoming good at this long term and not just like, I'm going to learn to play three chords and call it a day. Like I'm going to fucking shred. Okay. This year. I'm going to learn three chords and call it a day has been working for me on guitar for about 15 years. Well, don't knock it till you try

it, buddy. Also, I do very much enjoy the rationale of the electric guitar, which is to say, I don't know how to play this, but I do wish it was louder. Yeah. I do wish I could hear better what I was doing so poorly. And my name, I would love my neighbors to know I'm, I'm just starting out something over here. This isn't anything. Everyone's got to check this out. My baby's going to love this. Oh yeah. Would it tell me to run down those other zags though, Trav? Oh, I don't know how much I want to give away. I'll do some minor zags. I've decided to get really into dips. I'm going to make, I'm going to master guacamole. Okay. Well, that's that's not okay. I'm also going to get a sleeve tattoo. Yeah, that'll zag me pretty good. Yes. Yeah,

because I was looking at Travis. I was looking over here. There you are over here over here on the yeah, see, that's the thing you're thinking. Oh, guacamole. Yeah, guacamole. Tattoos. Is, can you get tattoos of just a big glistening bowl of guaco? Perhaps. I mean, I can. I don't know if I will. I'm done with your zags. Justin, your zags surprised me very much, but I'm very excited by it. Can you tell? Yeah, today, I took a Taekwondo class on Wednesday. Got the key and everything. Two classes, one key, $30. Walk me through, is this going to be a continuing thing or did you just do one and done it? Oh no, I'm headed for mastery. I asked them to put me on the mastery track. Yeah.

It's the one thing that they said. Two questions. That was attainable. Yeah. Two important questions. One, tell me everything that happened in the class. Okay. And two, number two, number two, because maybe you want to start with number two is why did you choose this particular discipline of all of the martial arts sort of specializations? Well, I researched them all very much. And the one that was five minutes from my house was Taekwondo. That's how Bruce Lee did his thing. Yeah, that's how Bruce Lee got started. When I arrived, so this is fun. They told me I should show up and observe a class. And when I showed up, I said, you know, I was interested in maybe taking a class and the lady like disappeared

behind the counter and came back with a ghee. And I was like, oh, apparently I'm just taking a Taekwondo class today. This is not what I had anticipated. And I had just ridden a strenuous 20 minutes on the stationary bike. Yeah. But right before I was not in any sort of headspace to start learning Taekwondo, the other thing that surprised me about Taekwondo class, one of the biggest surprise is this how early I started punching. Like when I was instructed to punch, I kind of looked around like, I don't know how to punch. You don't think they're going to let you punch day one, right? No. You don't show up to med school day one and they're like, all right, cut this dude. What? Cut this dude right now. Wait, so what do they dangle in front

of you if they let you punch day one? You know what I mean? What's the cliffhanger that brings you back for day two? I guess punching in a way that would have any sort of effect on anything on earth would be good. Punching with purpose. So important Taekwondo question. Yeah. You're keeping mine. I've had one class. Go on. Does it got belts? Yeah, it's got belts. I'm headed. I feel like, okay, so here's my actual thing. I know that a black belt would take a very long time, right? So I've sort of ruled that out. That's probably not in my future. But I feel like if I get any color belt, most people don't know the order in which the belts come, right? So if I attain a yellow belt and I can tell people like, oh yeah, I'm a yellow belt in Taekwondo, they're not going

to know if that's impressive or not. That's number two. That's like the second one. Well, you know that and I know that now after my one Taekwondo class. But yeah, it was actually, you know, here's the surprising thing. It was very hard. What with the physicality of punching and kicking for an hour. That was not great. That part was a little hard for me. I've been trying to think of my own zag I can do because you guys are setting a pretty bonkers precedent over there. And just by saying this, I'm ruining this zag and I definitely won't be able to do it after I say it. But how great would it be if my zag was that I also took Taekwondo classes without telling you guys and then at our next live show, Justin and I had to fight each other. While I accompanied

you on electric guitar. Oh man, that's a good look in that shit. Damn it. Maybe I'll edit this out of the podcast. Justin and I will just like, well, I don't edit the podcast. Well, no, it's too late. Everybody knows now that Justin and I are martial arts enemies. Well, we're the masters of rival dojos. Damn it. The idea that I would actually come in contact with another person with punches and kicking while doing Taekwondo while doing my Taekwondo art occurred to me about 15 seconds ago when you said that I even repaired myself through the eventuality that I would someday meet another person who I had to be good better at punching and kicking them or else you will be punished with with with physical harm. Oh, they steal my belt. That's it. That's it. My belt.

There's only like five black belts around going around and they sort of cycle, you know, they sort of cycle in and out. You got to beat, you got to beat a black belt in order to take them down. Or if you have like a fancy, you know, black tie affair, like a wedding or something coming up, you can you can ask them to borrow it because you don't want to clash. I don't know what the Zag has. I'm taking I'm taking Zag suggestions. And you can't think about it too much is the thing. I drove past that place and I didn't even plan to take a Taekwondo class. The Zag came to me. Yeah, I think if you're open to the Zag, you it'll it'll come to you. I did want to give a maybe we'll do a few of these regularly. 2017 is the year we're zi we're zagging on them.

They think we're going to zig we zag. Yeah, Zag watch, Zag watch. Yeah, quick Zag watch. I want to give a shout out to Holly from or perhaps Haley. It's it's it's hard to say on in the Facebook group who has no black blacksmithing experience, but has decided that they're going to make several swords and attempt to sell them at the Bristol Renaissance Fair in Wisconsin, Wisconsin. And just to prove it, there's a video of them just like making a sword. What appears to be a grill. Maybe it's well. I will buy that sword. I will buy a sword from you. Yeah. Get in contact, tweet at me and let me know how I can pay you to commission. So I want to say I'm going to commission your 10th sword. I do not want your first one. Nobody wants your first one. I'll

take the first one and then I'll frame it and then in 20 years when you're a master blacksmith, I'll hand it back to you fucking Bartlett for America style. That's a good that's a damn that's a good Zag. Wow, great. Really good Zag. Let's go. Griffin, I have an idea for you. Let me take your Zag to you. Okay, keep in mind that I have like two hours of free time a week. Yeah, you should start raising chickens. Oh, that would be while my cat def defo murdered them. You put them in a thing. No, he'll he'll break in like it'll it'll be bad. It'll be bad. Okay, ostriches. Now we're now we're cooking with gas. It's bad gas and it's bad food that we're cooking but we are it is being cooked. I think we should do some questions since we did negative

one last episode. Yeah, let's get into it. Let me decide up front though just so people are waiting on it or not. Do we want to update the fishy arts patronage or no? I haven't I haven't seen anything that really blew my I blew my you know I sell lots of people buying them. But I haven't I haven't really seen we can't just give it out to every it's not some these millennials and their participation trophies is just not going to happen with this one. I need to see that fucking I it doesn't have to be the best fishy I've ever seen but I do need to see that fucking spark of life. I do want to compliment will far is the first fishy art video that I was seen on our Facebook page. Okay, yeah, well the music that it's actually set to okay but will

guess what there was a drop in the video so like I got to see that spark I saw at least one drop in will's video and if I if I see a drop that just shows me that there's the sparks just not there yet will. I'm just adding him to the fishy arts patronage list if you make your own fishy art it has to be bespoke for us exclusively and you can put on our Facebook page hashtag fishy art or on Twitter hashtag fishy art but do include the hashtag fishy art or else we'll might we won't be able to an accident find it. God this is the dumbest thing we've ever done. It's dumb we're giving away $500. Someone offered any chunks someone offered emailed us to offer to donate more money to the fishy art space patronage and I had this moment I had two moments the first one

was hell yes let's build this up and then my other one was oh no this would snowball very quickly yeah I cannot be I can I have two full-time jobs I cannot be oversee the world's largest fishy art patronage after after a certain monetary amount we would reach the point where anytime anything bad happened to anyone else in the world we would feel pretty weird about how we've sort of channeled our philanthropy in this one very specific very useless avenue yeah all right so we didn't know questions last week so we're gonna actually do some this week on our podcast of questions I just received a robe as a Christmas gift and my god how have I been living without one it feels like a blanket is hugging you needless to say I haven't gotten dressed today is that

needless to say huh however I have a couple of friends coming by to hang out watch a movie in a short while my inclination is to put on real clothes but then I thought maybe this is fine first is it my place there it's my place they're coming to it's not like a walking in someone's house in pajama secondly this is very much a let's watch a movie in chill not let's have a serious conversation about life hang out third maybe I zig when they expect me to zag anyhow I'll definitely have gone for it by the time you see this email but maybe you'll be able to vibe me for future situations like this pajama party in Portland yo um so many variables huh because you were you're wearing pants under that bad boy right because if not you can't

entertain folks it doesn't seem like that was that's good that had that happened to them it's very robe dependent isn't it I mean I feel like if you if you show up in a okay if I show up to a party and the host is wearing um a silken robe perhaps one that that's heavily ornamented with some sorts of with with embroidery perhaps like a half there like a full half like a half kind of vibe but like cool so like if they did that I think I would feel like this is gonna pop off like this is gonna be ribbed to the max I don't know that I would feel that way if it was like just like Garfield popping up from a pocket it's like I hate Monday so I'm staying in my robe and oh row was like had like lots of nits on it oh yeah and like mustard and just lasagna just lasagna

stains on it to to continue the Garfield sort of metaphor and also it would have like a big streak of Odie's s*** it's just despicable yeah it's just soaked in John's tears it's robe dependent I think well the problem I think the problem is you run the risk of your friend showing up and you giving off the vibe of like I don't want you here I wish you weren't here yeah exactly rather just be laying around in my robe like you're really imposing you want one that says welcome to my boudoir like that's what you know I don't think you want no maybe in bright flashing letters what the f*** is both of you talking about Justin especially this this was my main red flag that went up when this question was asked which is like I don't you don't want your friends

to think you're trying to get them down into the f***ing grotto to like get to get weird on them especially when you use the phrase uh watch a movie and chill there are connotations to that these days yeah for some reason the millennials have taken that from us and now it means to have do sex stuff while Orange is the new black plays in the background not sex it doesn't have to be sex stuff you just said the boudoir what the f*** else does that mean I meant to say bungalow that's the problem welcome to my bungalow now now we're getting somewhere now we're on habitation I think what I'm saying is I don't think like sex stuff I feel like if I show up in the host is in a robe and they have like nice slippers like you know what I mean like nice then it's the kind

of party where maybe some sorts of drugs that I'm would have no way of procuring otherwise might be exchanged and they'd be like in a tea and it would be like so chill you know like it's that kind of scene when was the last time you went to somebody else's house Justin that was not really that was not related to it's been a minute huh it's been a minute I here's here's my advice I would say that this is perfectly acceptable on the condition that ahead of time you make these plans with your friends like hey let's have a super chill day where we all like just hang out in pajamas and robes and like just like watch cartoons or whatever because I think that that's fine but if they show up and they're like dressed you know like they're going out and hanging out and doing an event and

they show up and you're in pajamas and robe then it's weird but if everybody's having like a Saturday morning cartoon hang out like let's just be chill maybe naps will happen and we won't have to like end the party just because I want to take a nap that's fine you just have to establish that vibe before him you also gotta be careful with your signaling not to other people but to yourself right like if you put on a robe part of the reason that feels so luxurious is the the supposition that you now can't do anything like nothing can be expected of me I'm wearing this robe like the world's got to take it back see if you start wearing a robe and then going about your day to day one you're going to lose the power of that connotation you're not you're going to think

like oh the robe I'm wearing a robe this is what I do my taxes in like that's not going to be luxurious or pleasant for you at all you're going to need an assortment of robes you're going to need your tax robe you're laying a round robe you're time to make the doughnuts robe so you're you're suggesting that this person do it sort of in the Japanese style with a with a formal kimono and a semi-formal kimono and then one that you wear to funerals yep that's what I'm saying do you guys want a yahoo I can't podcast in sweatpants what I can't podcast in sweatpants I think it's sweatpants is robe adjacent I can't podcast if you've ever heard me on a podcast like 99.9% of the time almost almost without fail just pant pants unless my jeans are in the wash

I I cannot podcast or do any work in sweatpants it's always jeans we're in jeans right now always jeans can't do it in sweatpants that's insane my body can't make the connections you took that you're on that Elizabeth Gilbert tip she came she came to our podcast and told us not to wear sweatpants when we podcasted and Elizabeth I'm very sorry you are you are a bastion of great advice but it's it's 1044 a.m. and I need to do me I need to do me Elizabeth I work out of my home I have to keep the lines yeah clear I have to I have to make those lines clear I can't I can't do it and I think a robe might be kind of the same thing I don't know definitely the same thing you this person is a blanket that you wear that is not work time stuff yeah socialization time for sure

you don't want but what I'm saying is if it is a robe hang out if that's the event you're like I did this with my friends on Christmas like come over we're gonna watch Christmas movies and hang out in our pajamas and eat Christmas cookies like cool but not like a hey every time we hang out from now on get used to this robe because you'll always be seeing it forever this is me now here's a good measuring stick imagine you open the door in a t-shirt and jeans and then at about an hour in you leave the room and return in a robe try to think about the signal that would send because I think that might make it a little clearer right like if I say somebody does that to me I think oh I should we should go this is very passive aggressive but you you want us to go we

should go now um can I do with a yahoo yes it's sent in by Jeffrey Corbello thank you Jeffrey it's by yahoo answers user Wilma and I just want to give another shout out to the fucking yahoo ad department because it's not telling me Melissa McCarthy's dead this time thank you it's an advertisement for spam and what I'm seeing here boys is just the sweatiest looking bowl of macaroni and cheese that uh has ever been devised on god's green earth and there are just these sort of desperate islands of spam floating around in this bowl and it is maybe the gnarliest thing I've ever seen and it also says save one dollar on the advertisement and like how much could this possibly cost me I don't want to get all prices righty on me here but damn this is a gnarly looking bowl of

food stuff that you have shown me it's just a visually challenging website every time I visit it now and I can't wait for it to die speaking of spam I just have to say this real quick I got an email about a voice changer with effects app that is spam and the uh icon of this uh fake account is Guy Fieri pointing at me directly and the subject line of the spam email is all caps this is spam don't judge all right all right that's a new game zag you guys click through you got me on that one that's quite a zag oh I thought of a zag I did this week that didn't even bring up I watched diners drive-ins and dives on demand it wasn't just on and I just had the tv on I saw it out the triple d you pouted your fist on your sweaty

cheese dust coated fist on the table and said I demand it was three diners drives a dive it was 330 in the morning I got on kayak.com and bought a fucking one-way ticket to Flavortown did you actually do this at 330 in the morning yeah that's that's when Henry likes to party with with his uncle Guy all right it's so cute he pulls his sunglasses off his head but then they just snap directly back yeah on that cool strap um Wilma asks need oh and this is in Yahoo products Yahoo mail sending and receiving messages so I think it's time we give back to the community Wilma asks need email that I sent to Gary Spangler need email that I sent to Gary Spangler we never do like IT you know technology advice here Wilma has sent a delicate email to Gary Spangler

and we all do this in the heat of passion we click that send button then we think oh gosh I shouldn't have clicked that send button on this Yahoo mail service I use um how do we get this email yeah yeah are you trying to look them up and like what are you what are you doing like a social hacking where you call them and ask them to delete all his emails don't you worry about it oh Jesus no I'm no I'm worried about it well okay there's a Gary Spangler oh god trap this is getting I don't want to do anything to Gary Spangler well no but I want to make sure that we are not talking about like an actual person that might this might get worse you said a full name Griffin you'd have said a first

last name in this yahoo answer so what there's lots of Gary Spanglers we didn't say like Gary Spangler from the Bronx well this is what's interesting to me Griffin when I google that name yeah the first 10 responses are like all the same dude oh maybe it's Gary Spangler then so say we said eight a Spangler with an a so say we sent him a delicate email and we are an old person and we just need that email back very much because there was stuff in there that in vino veritas you know sipping those those my ties and we got that we got some some of that liquid courage and so we sent an email to Gary Spangler but we shouldn't have sent the Spangler missive how do I retrieve it through yahoo's mail service

hmm I think if you just email him again with the subject line undo it all I think it does it oh you have to type the whole email backwards and then send it to him and that will erase it you're saying an anti-email fascinating stuff I also think you can just respond hey Gary sorry about that my kid was on the computer have no idea what they sent you anyways hit me back love Wilma love Wilma that wasn't me again I would never say that to you Gary I hate you you can't put that genie back on the bottom I mean you sending an opposite email that deletes the other email is not a thing but if you send them another email with the exact opposite sentiment you zagged on them and they're not gonna know which sentiment

is the real sentiment god I wish I hadn't sent that fucking email to Gary Spangler he won't forget he won't forget he's Gary Spangler he's Gary Spangler and he he his his alarm is strong he can hold both emails in his mind at one time and know that I both love him and hate him damn you Gary Spangler damn your strong alarm how do I get this fucking email back from Gary Spangler you guys aren't helping me at all you can't Griffin you can't so what you need to do you have to bury it in the avalanche of other emails oh my god you just have to start like sending just constant email cut and paste passages from Shakespeare you know what I mean just send him content after content until eventually that one email doesn't even register Gary Spangler

because he's received thousands of emails from you Gary Spangler staying at a nice hotel and there's something going on in the ballroom some sort of conference he doesn't really understand so he pokes his head in and says hi everybody my name is Gary Spangler and I'm just wondering what you're and everybody in the room goes like what you're the Gary Spangler because the conference is for porn bot developers and this man has been made famous through his minis you said dude you put my kids through college thank you Gary Spangler what was in this fucking email to Gary Spangler though because now this Wilma's got like eyewitnesses now like now she's got a now she's got a paper trail leading back to Gary Spangler oh yeah and she's claimed the crime too

you can't erase this from y'all forget how do you get it back from y'all who mail how do you get back from y'all who answers yeah Gary Spangler okay Gary Spangler is gonna Google himself yeah Gary Spangler is gonna Google so he's gonna see this Wilma and he and then he's gonna come to you what was that email Wilma I couldn't find it because my email box the inbox is just a blighted wasteland of pornography that's how I say that you burned you burned my email from the inside out Wilma it's poison inside it's toxic inside of there Wilma I had no one ever goes in no one ever comes out I had I had e-business to do on there just kidding we're both 96 it's too bad Wilma I've always loved you I thought maybe you felt the same maybe if I'd

gotten an email from you that had not been retrieved or buried in pornography damn it damn it Wilma I'm Gary Spangler nobody treats me this way I feel like you guys aren't into Gary Spangler as much as I am you've built a rich mythology in your head that I'm trying desperately to access oh just jump on the fucking spang train baby there's room for all of us on here we can put all our hopes and dreams into Gary Spangler I mean I believe in him that's not the question right like I believe in Gary Spangler the question is does Gary Spangler believe in me damn it here's another question for you guys my brothers I was recently on a long road trip and about halfway through I passed a driver whose car's fuel door was open I wanted to figure out some

way to let the driver know without freaking them out making them think there was some worst problem with their car but I failed to do so before I was out of sight what's the best way to quickly let a fellow driver know about a oh fellow driver a fellow driver I don't know about a small problem with your car without freaking them out thanks for your help terrible southern driver see I sensed the southern coming yeah I try to inject it damn why we gotta we gotta all get down on trucker life I'm in my Volkswagen Golf I want to get a CB radio and we all need one don't we for just for situations like these this is no joke one time I saw that I was this is when I worked at a place in Charleston and I was driving back and forth between Huntington and Charleston

every day and I saw a car with their fuel door open and like the gas cap like you know fluttering in the wind so I called dad at the radio station and said hey dad could you announce on the radio but if someone's driving to Charleston and like this you know make of car color of car that this license plate and this motherfucker did it dad did that dad that's inappropriate use that's narrow casting yeah violation FCC law that's no good so if you see this just call my dad and tell him to announce it on the radio that's what I did as far as I see it there are two options one you do a fucking sick s transporter style oh you can press a button to pop up in your own fuel door and then you spin your car 180 degrees and drive

side by side with them and high five them so they push each other back into place that's one option it's tough to do the other options we all just start rocking cb radios because you know on Star Trek whenever they see another ship then they hail them I want to do that from my golf to somebody's Jedda pretty weep uh it's griffin there's griffin in the golf you ever think there's a moment in Star Trek where they hail another ship and the other ship is surprised that their ship could do that like what is that what's that beeping that's crazy someone investigate that light you know like we've been in space we haven't seen another ship for like 10 years that's crazy space I have definitely griffin had the exact thought unlike not as a joke the exact thought

you're describing of like you know what I'm on this lonesome road with these other cars I'm gonna go just like hail the car and just like see what's going on and then I realized like I don't do that in life like this car you call a body exactly in my body car that I'm driving with my spirit I don't like do that like I could do that like I could hail someone at Starbucks and just say like hey you know what we're both at Starbucks was your story I don't do that but for some reason if I can like do a yui and slam on the brakes and put them into the into the eververse yeah no longer see or hear pick this body up at an old junkyard she's not the fastest ship in the verse but she gets the job done there's a lot of love at this hull it would be fun to also be able to

shut down hailing frequent that that's the move that I really do want to be able to do to be able to open hailing channels to be able to discuss with them how things are going and then when things go rogue just like close close close frequencies close off great shields great shields comes down divert calm power to shields and then fire across their bow divert calm power to shields and then you just start honking what those are my shields those are my shields great job great job we would need to use the great job horn I mean we would need a uh uh what do we have we have the great job horn we have the fuck you horn and then we have the we just have the the general

alert horn and this is another problem that would be fixed by this tri horn system where if you heard the alert horn you would check your fucking car out for all of it and you would see you don't need a horn that's like your gas door is open you just need the alert horn and if you get tagged with that you know to check your shit out pull over and check your shit out because there's something wrong god honda get at me volkswagen you are dealing with a lot of stuff right now but fucking get at me you're still hanging on the volkswagen huh yeah they're begging they're begging to take it back and you just want to keep killing earth well and i'll get it i'll i'll you know i'll get it fixed i'll devise my own system i'll put a fucking brita filter up in there i just i just

divested myself in my uh beetle on friday oh yeah and uh let me say the lady who took it back did not seem very jize to be there yeah seem like maybe it's kind of a tough time a tough time for them to be in that gig well maybe you shouldn't have sold me a lie car a car full of lies car full of lies thank you for taking it back though i didn't have room for my car seat in it it was kind of a bad choice i mean mine's kicky and fun to drive and it's got you know got a lot of get up and go and great mileage but it's full of fucking lies so that's your problem that's your problem now hey can we uh go to the money's home yeah follow me i'll show you the way you're ready for a zag i got a zag for you the original chuckle boys would like to talk to you

about investment we're all adults now yeah well i mean some of us are we're put on a very prestigious list and i don't want to keep dropping it like several times per episode but the list is prestigious and you know it is because i'm pronouncing that word the correct way now finally um bill gates bill and melinda gates came to my house and said you've been pronouncing that word wrong now that you're on that very prestigious list that's how you're supposed to say it anyway they they told me betterment well i shouldn't say that betterment is what you're gonna have to use to to manage your your portfolio because they they just want you to have that good good money uh using a system that is lower cost than other financial services and it's easy to use nobody understands investing

except for i mean some people do i guess and included in that very small number uh is not you but is betterment they uh it's a better way to invest your money and it's your money you should understand where it's going they combine time tested investing principles with the transparency and ease of use you expect from great technology focusing on lower fees and taxes because if you're paying fees it's losing you're missing the point right like i mean like i've only been investing since i've been on the prestigious list which has not been very very long but i do know that that fungibly just doesn't that just doesn't add up now we do want to be upfront investing involves risk right there's no yes there's no guarantee that's great but it does

involve risk but right now you can get you can get one month uh managed free and to find out what you need to do to qualify for that one month of free management just go to betterment.com slash mb mb am that's betterment.com slash mb mb am betterment investing made better i really don't know anything about money so a service that helps me out with that using technology it sounds like a pretty great thing to me as far as i'm concerned this may as well be an advertisement for wizard school um another thing that i don't really know about but it would be cool if someone could help me out with it i want to tell everybody about squarespace um websites are getting pretty hot and you're probably wondering how everybody's making them because it doesn't

seem to be a button on your computer or anything like that the secret is squarespace we're supported by squarespace so we're yes we're a bit biased but it's time for you to this is a copy here i didn't make this up make your next move make your next website that's right it's time to zag even squarespace knows that you need to make a website this week that's going to zag people in a pretty wild way these are award-winning templates and they're the most beautiful way to present your ideas online and it's all in one it's an all-in-one platform you can make beautiful websites with this platform and then there's nothing to install you don't patch you don't upgrade ever and it's got award-winning 24-7 customer support you should make a website at least i yeah i i should do this because i just

went to griffin macaroy.com which i remembered direct redirects to my tumblr which i have not updated since september and one of the top things on there is a list of um overwatch characters with monster factory names on them and so like very if you hear you see me on the Forbes 30 under 30 and you say i want to know more about this young media luminary one of the very first things you see at griffin macaroy.com is a picture of soldier 76 from overwatch with the name grandpa piss on it and that's one of my first sort of rep my brand representations need to fix that what just what website would you make on squarespace well i can't fucking do justin macaroy.com because justin macaroy got it

i'm i'm sorry but he's my arch enemy he works for cbc vancouver people tweet at me at crimes getting done in vancouver all the time that's cool i try to investigate him myself it seems like a pretty good platform for me to start investigating crime you should have invited him out to the vancouver show he could have jumped his ass yeah ladies and gentlemen welcome to the stage justin macaroy and i'm just in the back getting blazed yeah um i i have a message here and it's for julie lang wait did we give the did we give the thing the thing oh farts i hope so but if not you can get a free let me let me know i'll do it because you fucked up you guys didn't even ask me what i what website i would make and i thought of a real humdinger all

right trev what website would you make i would make a website about my conspiracy theory that chuck the show is a reboot of the computer war tennis shoes and uh i would call all my readers chuckles so if you want to get a free trial and 10 off your first purchase you visit squarespace.com slash my brother don't be a chuckled about it um i have a message here for julie lang and it's from charlie lang who says hi mom hope you're having fun while i'm off at college i know dad won't listen to blathered with you uh but i'm still your podcast buddy even if i'm half a country away also sorry to travis for that dinner invitation in june but ma dared me and i'm way too easily bribed hope this message makes it up from uh makes up for it ma firm handshake love your pumpkin uh and

that's very sweet and it's supposed to go up in january so what's up now charlie and julie we crushed it travis do you remember this dinden invitation i do i believe they tweeted it me or emailed me to let me know that they were in uh los angeles while i was still there yeah and offered to take me out and i didn't do that and i don't want the lengths to take it personally no i don't like interacting with humans in that way no i mean one out of every hundred people on twitter will just be a skin taker and you it's not you like i know it's not you charlie but if there was a one percent chance would you would you throw it all away would you have the courage i don't think if you have one shot yeah but not have your skin take him would you take it well i have a personal

message too as long as we're throwing these around yeah sure brandon it's for brandon muller 2004 and it's from bb bearded bro right right yeah right right hi brandon i love you i hope you grow up big and stretch arm strong if you ever get the time you should play some mech warra online with me roleplay servers only and by the time this comes out i'll be most likely living in the woods again without high bandwidth internet so i might need help come find me ps see you in hell winky face is this actually tight and the preferred time frame is night afternoon time which is my favorite part of the whole thing is this okay was this email supposed to be sent through time channels to actually land in 2004 okay cool cool regardless we were paid for it so

i could care less honestly my job here it's done yeah it might also have been generated by some kind of bot that just like collected every tenth word it saw on twitter and strung it into some kind of message that makes that makes a lot of sense to me yeah that tracks hey guys this is adam conover you may know me for my true tv show adam ruins everything well guess what now we're doing a podcast version right here on maximum fun what we do is we take all the interesting fascinating experts that we talked to for just a couple minutes on the show and we sit with them for an entire podcast really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work find adam ruins everything wherever you get your podcasts or at maximum fun dot org

hey i have one yahoo here and it's from morgan navy keep it waving morgan navy thank you it's by yahoo answers user uh sting has come to save yahoo answers and look at that the profile pictures the wrestler sting with his fun makeup um sting the wrestler asks is there any way to take a good mug shot i know it's never a good thing to get arrested but it happens right nah um so what would your attitude be like going in for your mug shot would you just try to make the best of it and take a good pick or still be sad it just never nobody wants to get arrested but everyone does not as not as much true that sentiment the secret to a good one i've seen a lot of celeb mug shots and i think the secret is you gotta have a facial expression that says

i bet i'm famous by now because otherwise you won't it won't happen for you yeah you know what i mean like that's sort of like the secret like take the mug shot that you feel like expresses the life that you want to have not the one that you do have currently an aspirational mug shot which should be a great compliment to the domain i do own sexy mug shots dot com i do every time i press s on my keyboard while google chrome is open it autofills to that and i keep reminding myself it is a domain that you a madman owns and not some weird fetish i got into like three years ago that google chrome google chrome remembers if you want to see our youtube videos the most recent one came out seven months ago sorry oops we got we should probably do better at that

yeah um sexy mug shots dot com is the only url you need i love your idea about aspirational superstar mug shots though because i would go with the tim allen sort of rugged true grit ass cowboy man mug shot you see that and you think like this guy's a gonna be a home improvement star and also handsome is just all get out i'm looking at it now and this is a this is are you this is the most handsome tim allen has ever ever looked there's also the handsome mug shot guy who happened last year and now he's he's been released from prison and now he has like a bugatti or something people are just like crazy about this guy and his handsome face so i think there's a lot of opportunities there you know if it were me what i would do when i had a mug shot taken

he's try to like screw my face up into like a weird face and like mess my hair all up and like mess my beard all up and try to look as unrecognizable as possible in my mug shot and then as soon as the mug shot was taken i'd like shave my beard and like get my hair cut short and like bleach it blonde and maybe like you know wipe off that fake face tattoo i had that kind of thing because then the next time someone saw my mug shot back that's not me that's a really great that's actually not a bad they wouldn't let you do that but it's like yes like a good idea it's a good idea they they debt like they explicitly wouldn't let you do that maybe that's why tim allen shaved off that jeff bridge's true great ass cowboy mustache that he had in a sexy picture do you guys think

the do you guys have it in your area the magazine that oh yes oh yeah station okay so this is like a common thing everywhere right it's not just here in huntington um the magazine i meant if i could fit it like what i was i'm talking about the magazine they sell at the gas station that has pictures of everybody's mug shots that are just like someone realized that that was a free renewable resource and they decided to bring that that hot property not sure what the the market is there like i would love to see some down on their luck people who made some pretty bad mistakes i would love to see just sort of a cattle a yearbook of them of sad thing of sad stuff i would say uh here i have an idea i have an i have an idea guys what if we combined mug shots and instagram filters or snapchat

filters what do you mean you know what i mean so like you took your mug shot and then like a rainbow was coming out of your mouth what i mean that's fun don't get me wrong it's super fun um you know what i would do if i was getting my mug shot taken what i would stand there and do exactly like what the arresting officer told me to do and i would be respectful and sort of acknowledged that i had done a crime and got caught at doing the crime and so like i lost the game of law and so i have to you know sort of deal with the consequences of it i wouldn't you know act like an asshole and do some fun like goofy stuff um i would i would stand there and i would be very like um compliant so then you'd say and now let's do a funny one yeah or you know what i would do

when i got my mug shot taken is not get arrested because i'm a good i'm like a really good boy who doesn't do illegal things so that's the that's the that's the real thing to a good mug shot is don't be in a position to have one taken at all the best mug shot is the ones you don't take that's true you miss a hundred percent of the mug shots you don't take i work at a craft brewery in vancouver because i'm a cool boy we have a regular customer who stops by every few weeks each time he visits he has a new first date all dates look very similar he either has a type or is a murder they are all brunette and slightly taller than him here's the kicker every time he comes in he pretends that he has never been to the brewery before oh my god so things like oh what's

good and what should we get i don't know much about this craft beer scene i see this man more than i see my parents oh man this stinks this stinks what question is do i confirm him on his next date do i let the illusion continue additional info every time he gets a flight of beer and they've described here four or five ounce beers they share it and he rarely gets another beer only if the date is going super well also not the best tipper uh that's from slinging beers to quote strangers in vancouver canada i have an idea oh have you really let me say let me say this travis have you really thought this through really there was a lot to absorb i have go with me here i think you'll both enjoy this you have to groundhog's day this man he's gonna come in and you're gonna go

steven no man he's gonna kind of like make big eyes and you're gonna say i haven't seen you since high school and you are going to spout all these facts about him that you know from him coming in and that he knows you know from him coming in and see how long he can keep up the illusion that your old buddies from your high school days in front of his date oh my god that's actually kind of good i mean they won't do it they won't that's insane but this is pretty good they go on a bunch of first dates and it doesn't you know they're unlucky in love or whatever vancouver's a big city you know there's probably a big a dating scene there big tender game up there that's fine whatever but that combined with the pretending you've never been to this place that you take all of your first

dates to is it's beyond it's a whole nother level why would you do this what's the advantage of doing this if you're taking a first date somewhere you want it to be like a place that you know is cool right this sounds like a hip cool place hip cool craft brewery so you want to take your first date there and be like i know this cool craft brewery that i go to sometimes why the fuck would you pretend that you haven't been there before unless you're trying to like do do a really really unsavory zag it is this is no bueno i mean i did i did one summer take like five or six different dates to go see pirates of the carabin the first one um and each time i get a damn like i haven't seen the movie yet well i really love the movie griffin and i wanted more excuse sorry did you say you

want to you pretend it like you hadn't seen it well that would be weird if i was like hey date number three do you want to go see this movie i've already seen four times so in fucking because she might say no she'll fucking barbosa stabs jack at the end of it and you're like oh you have to pretend like oh no he's dead but then he has that coin and you're like i knew he wasn't dead before the movie when the movie starts there's a lot of boy this is quite a character which johnny tebs make and i don't know if he's gonna be able to keep it together for a whole movie and then at the end you have to be like wow he really did pull it off huh he really stuck the landing and you know what i love this movie you have a moment that marked at like 90 minutes where you

go wait a minute this reminds me of Keith Richards wait is this based on a ride and do you and you say that before like i really love the ride i hope there's a pie rats hmm novel huh what are some kind of adventures on the high seas what are these uh what are these ocean thieves the the the are these like sky pirates who are these sea burglars the one that's hardest to commit to is every time you see carrot nightly you have to say is that robin right pin she looks fantastic hey hey does anybody know is that robin right pin oh legolas is in this one i love my daughter i loved him in elizabeth town travis that's that's also not why did you do that why didn't you say i was 18 and i just really

loved the pirate to the caribbean griffin i'm not gonna sit here and make excuses to you huh like you're perfect i'm just saying you could just say like let's go see pirates of the caribbean i've already seen it and it's really great and i think you're gonna like it i saw it nine times in theaters at what point do i not have to like keep at what point are you forcibly removed from the podcast when we find a new host because that's the that's that's a good question that i love the very listen there's a very good movie i was 18 there weren't a lot of good movies on that summer not a lot of good movies before pirates of the caribbean dang not that summer no i uh it was i love that movie a lot you guys i and it's not like i stayed with it for the whole series i didn't

see the rest of them nine times in theaters just that one just pirates of the caribbean and i would say only like six of that was like i desperately want to see the other like three was like our family went once and then like friends wanted to go i'm just saying i have very good reason for seeing pirates of the caribbean nine times in theaters okay miserable piece of shit let's take it to the leaderboard moe uh let's see uh finding nemo yes matrix loaded bruce almighty x2 terminator three he's actually got a really good point all these movies kind of blow except for finding nemo bad boys too oh that's a good one okay too fast too furious you miserable piece of shit it the italian the italian job mystic fucking river see biscuit that's not a good date movie

it's like a date movie daddy date kangaroo fucking jack charlie's angels full throttle a lot of sequels huh a lot of sequels that year a lot of sequels in remakes huh spike it's 3d june june 20th from justin to kelly on lee's hulk wow what a bad summer holy shit travis you were not kidding thank you is parts of the caribbean actually a good movie or did it just come out like on the same day as the league of extraordinary gentlemen great question justin is it a good movie or did it just come out at the same time as johnny english a great question justin salient grain was it was it actually great and it come out two weeks before laura croft tomb raider the cradle of life it's hard to say what what is the truth here and

what is fake oh man tough to say when when when contrasted from the bright light of the secret lives of dentists uh it's really tough okay i get what you're saying i get it uh that folks that's gonna do it for our podcast oh oh sorry sorry sorry sorry you put this fucking person on blast the next time we come in jerry you come in here every week stop it stop this stop it stop this behavior maybe he's like oh maybe he's one of like septuplets that's no no trav maybe he's got blank slate disease maybe he's got the clean clean slate maybe uh all right let's end the show but call but call like a police officer or a private detective or like a bodyguard or drill bit taylor type figure any here to do this confrontation you are not going to want to do

this confrontation get a drill bit taylor to do it for you also summer 2003 great flick drill bit taylor thank you anyway that's gonna do it for our podcast um my brother my brother and me sorry i on a wild hair because i was looking through my domains a little bit ago i clicked through to which one vapes because i was curious where the lead board was at not a lot of big surprises dang cook johnny depp jared leto kid rock russell brand macklemore so top six um highest rating woman milie syris coming in at number yeah i was like yeah all right yeah i really do like those if you click through the leaderboards now at the bottom of the leaderboard there's a new segment called confirm vapors and it just says john q sack and then underneath his name says cannot hide

what a good website it's like there it is this one's out we can't vote on this one now yeah all right this one's out um so anyway that's our show my brother my brother made we hope you have enjoyed it thoroughly and you had fun listening to it and i hope you're gonna have some good zags this week got some good ones planned uh don't sleep on this year we slept out we slept on every other year's motto this one is too fun not to do zag going them zag like i would like to do a quick plug uh a new show it's just been added to the max fun network the network of which we are apart and it is my favorite podcast in the world it's hosted by a media luminary and his wife um and it's called rose buddies and it stars let me check my notes griffin mackroy and rachel mackroy they

talk about the bachelor the bachelor at bachelor in paradise and other like reality uh love shows and it is no joke my favorite podcast in the world even if you don't care about any of those properties and you might even be disgusted by them i would say that the quality of the show and the fact that it is the funniest show around kind of negates the need to actually watch the source material to enjoy the show you should check it out rose buddies uh on maximum fun dot org and also on itunes check it out you're gonna love it thank you travi that's very sweet if you're well careful it might actually lead to you watching the bachelor though oh and it's it's brain that did happen to me yeah um there's lots of other great shows on the network though like

shmanners which travis does with his wife teresa that is so good and saw bones which jesson does with sydney that is also so good and a bunch of other shows that we don't do like jordan jesse go and stop podcasting yourself and throwing shade in the flop house speaking of jordan jesse go um oh yeah weekend uh at sketch fest um i am going to be doing jordan jesse go uh at one p.m on saturday um uh come see that so you can still get tickets for it um you know just search sketch fest jordan jesse go i guess and they also they they just celebrated their 10 year anniversary of doing the show which is bananas and congratulations jordan jesse uh that show was like super formative for us like we were big fans of that and that's sort of how we got involved with the network and so

we we we wouldn't be here on max fun if it hadn't been for for jordan jesse go so uh it's a great show congratulations guys and here's here's to ten more ten more go um also good years also on saturday at sketch fest uh at 4 30 i'm going to be doing obsessed with joe subscribeshaw uh talking about video games with rebecca watson uh so that is also happening this saturday saturday the 14th at san francisco sketch fest i'll see you there uh i wanted to give a quick plug to a podcast i have not talked about in a long time but has continued to grow this is not a max fun show but it's called quarter pointed featuring uh my father-in-law uh tommy smurl and uh mike meadows who i guess is my cousin it's hard to you know it gets confusing but mike's a lawyer and they do a show that educates

you in law uh i mainly want to highlight it this week because all of their episode titles are always something v something else and they're always a delight but this week's episode is called rasputen versus john bennett and you really can't beat that for an episode title yeah it's i'm probably i am gripped yeah i mean you're on the edge of your seat sure and it's the beginning of season two of quarter pointed which is a good idea we should have done seasons damn it uh but anyway quarter pointed is the other podcast and thanks to john roger can allow winters for the use of our theme song instead of part you're off the album putting the days to bed um you've got it at this point i'm sure but if not uh pick it up tell your friends to pick it up and it's really really a

fantastic album and i think you're gonna like it a lot should we touch we should we tie one off is that is that anything no i don't know no i think it's something i'd like to read the last question it was sent in by nicholas potter thank you nicholas is by yahoo answers user sharon asks who asks when is the best time to have a root beer float i'm just a magaroy i'm travis magaroy i'm media luminary 3903 your griffin magaroy this has been my brother my brother and me because your dad's square on the lips hi this is griffin magaroy hi this is rachel mackerel and we're the hosts of rosebuddies it's a podcast about the bachelor family of products we watch the bachelor the bachelorette and bachelor

paradise yes it is garbage television but we're the king and queen of this garbage pile where the raccoons in charge around here so join us on tuesdays because the tv shows on monday's and basically we'll recap what we saw and we'll just sort of scoop the garbage around us and make a little fort out of it no viewing required but it's it's a good tv show what are you doing maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported