My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 340: Doritos-Blasted Crow

Episode Date: January 31, 2017

We spend a good 20 minutes of this episode talking about fast food and 20 minutes about workplace kissing etiquette, leaving us with a tidy 20 mintues to address virtually all of your other concerns. As if you'd have any other concerns, after all the fast food and work kissing discussion. Suggested talking points: 20 Minute Chunks, Touchable Carbs, Lost at Wendy's, Torn Pants Dreams, A Professionally Blown Kiss, I Am Glenn Close, Amusement Park Kisses, Herpes Trout

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis Sherman McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 Under 30 Media Illuminated from McElroy, and boys, here we are. A lot of folks said we wouldn't make it to 340,

but here we are, and this is it now, isn't it? Who said that? Looks like we made it. The haters and the critics and the critic cartoon with John Lovitz. I had an idea because we've been going at this for 340 episodes. We've been doing this for 19 years. Y'all think you can fight these tears? No, you can't because we've been going for so long, and the main criticism we've been getting from the critic cartoon is that they're just so stale, just extremely stale. Yeah, a lot of people have said it's stale now. They say it's crusty. They say it's got crust. It says, like, year old wheat fins. I said, I still fuck with year old wheat fins. They're still wheat fins, like, hello. Especially if they're one of those, like, rosemary and olive

oil. Like, one of the flavor blasted ones. Absolutely, Travis. Pizza blasted wheat fins, yes. So, I had a sort of- I like Triskets better. Whoa. Well, now this is the whole thing. Whoa. Triskets are like a single use case food stuff. There's like two- Triskets are a better cheese conveyance than wheat fins. Well, yeah, just because there's more area upon which for the cheese- Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Justin, did you just say you don't fuck with cheese? I don't fuck with cheese on cracker. I like raw cheese. I don't fuck with that. You know that. You know that about me. I don't fuck with raw cheese. I didn't know that. I don't fuck with raw cheese.

So, wait, it's got to be grilled or no? That's it? That's the only sort of- No, it's got to be melted. I don't like the texture of raw cheese. I like cooked cheese, pizza, yes, grilled cheese, yes. I got you a fucking fondue set for Christmas, I did not know I was getting you essentially a mandatory cheese like conversion device. That's exciting. That fondue set is the Ellis Island of my cheese. You have to come here first and give me your time. I'm hungry. Yeah. Literally. Okay, so listen, fuckos. Okay. 340 is so stale. People hate it. People like old cheese. Like old cheese. And so,

I had an idea to mix up. It can be like a special episode. Maybe we do it every 340. Next one is popping up at 680 here in 2024 or whatever. And that my idea is just to change the structure of the show a little bit. It's a very special episode. You know how TV shows do special episodes sometimes where like there was the real life Simpsons that one time. And then there was the episode of Simpsons where you saw Homer's dick and everybody was so excited about it and like as a TV guy, like catch it, Homer's dick. What's it going to be like? Weird? Probably. It's going to be like that. It'll be our Homer's dick episode. And my idea for the structure, you guys ready for this? I think it's quite clever. Shows an hour long. Okay. What if we each have

a 20 minute chunk of the podcast where we can do our own thing and we can kind of dial out a little bit and just step back and just do what we want to do and just take a quick 20 minute break. And I'll volunteer to take this first chunk because I think that's only fair. And right now we're at 4 minutes. So right now I have 16 minutes. But during my 16 minute break, I can get some things done that I can't get done because my baby has stopped sleeping like he's in a fucking nightmare in Elm Street movie. And I can just like go cut my nails. You can take care of your dream warrior baby. I can take care of my dream warrior baby or I can take care of my me and sleep on the rug of my office. Let me tell you why this is an amazing idea, Griffin. Well, hold on. I want to

tell everybody else. I want to do this. I will wake up with like 90 seconds left and cut my nails because I've been meaning to do it for like a week and a half. And I haven't been able to cut my nails for a week and a half. So dad light hashtag dad life. I love this because it's like arrested development sort of take on it. Like we'll never get all the original guys in the same room again. So this is like a spin off episode. Not only that, but the most commonly heard feedback we get is I can't tell the difference between your voices. So like no, if we don't announce it, I think we could go long chunks of the show without talking. And I don't think if we just occasionally said like and I'm Justin and like whoever says it, it doesn't really matter. People

will be like, yeah, this tracks. I think that was all three of them. And the chemistry between the three of us is excellent, right? That it is the it's the the witches cauldron in which our comedy magic is mixed up. And we cast our spell like the fucking Sanderson sisters. But what about the individual one on one stuff? We don't get that anymore. So I'm going to go to fucking sleep on the floor of my office without a pillow or blanket or anything. And I'm going to cut my nails and we'll see what like you guys are you have what you guys are bringing to the table. And then and then I'll come back and we'll do me and Travis and me and Justin. This is going to be weird when we hit where Yahoo answers would normally go or we just won't have it. Yeah. Yeah. Or yeah,

fucking shit. You're right. I wouldn't trust you guys to to to get the good yahoo's going. I would trust you guys to do sad libs. I think I think you would handle it with dignity and a plume. A dog could do sad lives Travis with the work that you do could be easily recreated by a dog. How awesome would that be? It would be good, though. That's a dog. I might have to work that out. That is a dog's purpose. So to do. Oh, listen to that. Listen, we got to jump into here. She's doing it. I love what she just said boner. Oh, I love it. So that's that's a good one. These are better than mine. Oh, no. Yeah, these are really good. I do enjoy how much of Griffin's time we've we've used up with this praddling on. Yeah, I'm actually starting to feel because now

I was fine when it was like four minutes, but now it's like almost seven and I could do so much stuff in the seven minutes that I no longer have anymore. I could go to heaven. You know what I mean? Yeah, I love that. Do a little closet kissing or I could just cut my fucking nails for once because it's it's getting pretty Guinness Book of World Records over here, folks. It's rough stuff. Yeah. Just as a test from the last time you heard me talk, I just like got up and left for my microphone and just went away. I kept my headphones on so I could hear you guys. But like, I was in the other room. I was just enjoying the moment. I don't want folks to get mad at us either and say like, if the you guys aren't taking this seriously, I did this shows that my everything.

Are you kidding me right now? But but I will just leave to go take a nap. I will take. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll start by carrying the load. Griffin, you obviously can't sleep now because you've only got 13 minutes almost. You're right. I'll sacrifice. I'll sacrifice my block. Okay, great. I don't think we're going to do your idea, but I would like to read a question if you guys are ready. Oh, all right. Okay. Just I want you to know that I'm going to spread my 20 minutes throughout the show. So if there's like a 30 second chunk, we're like, Travis hasn't said anything for a while. That's my time. Okay. So just your usual, just the usual thing, sort of way. I'm probably going

to zone out and like check my Twitter replies to see what people have said about me. Hey, what's the sound? What's that? Really? Really? I want a munch. Squat. I want to munch. Squat. Here's the thing about the munch squad, Justin, especially when you lead with it. I put about three to four hours of work into putting together a question list. And then we lead off with a munch squad. And it just, it just, I have told you so many fucking times, just save the ones we don't use. You never do it. But those are old. They get stale like old cheese, Justin. They're evergreen, Travis. Just recycle them. If we don't use them, I've told you a thousand times. Well, we just keep getting these topical problems.

That shut up. That's ridiculous. At the rate, at the rate, we, Travis puts together a list of like 14 questions and then we answer three during the show. If we reused ones from the back catalog, we would be answering questions today like, I'm sad that friends is ending. Yeah, I know everybody has, everybody in America has probably felt a vibe this week of like, things are really good. And I wonder if you're, that's weird. For me, it was opposite. No, I'm pretty sure everybody in America has felt this way and you haven't exactly known why. But this is about osmosis. It's about fluid intelligence. It's something about awareness that we all share. And that awareness is that finally, after months of being denied it,

finally, Taco Bell has dropped it on us. That's right. The naked chicken chalupa is in stores nationwide as a Jan 26. Here's the subhead of the price release. Well, I explain, explain what the subhead of the price release explains it. The shell is the chicken. The chicken is the shell. When you eat a sandwich and you eat a taco, you are participating in a unspoken social agreement that there are parts of your food you're allowed to touch with your bare grubby, nasty naked hands. And it's the, you know, it's the carbohydrate parts of the food experience. You can touch it right on the carbs. That's fine. And you can eat where you touched it on the carbs. And that's fine because we all agree that that's okay. This and its bastard brother, the double down,

is such a perversion of that rule. Because that's the part of the food that is not good to touch. It's not good to touch. That's not good. No, it feels pleasant. I'm sure it feels pleasant or whatever. But like, that's not the touching part of the food. It's not the carbohydrate. Quick sidebar before we talk about this. I'm sorry that this podcast is like it is sometimes. Quick sidebar. When you guys are driving and your wife is in the passenger seat and you're on a road trip and you stop for food on the way, Sydney had this thing where she would unwrap the food, halfway, so I could hold it in a wrapper while I ate the food. And after 10 years, I finally told her that's insane. I just need to hold the sandwich like, like just the whole thing.

Do you guys run into this issue and where do you stand on it? As long as we don't touch this food. My problem is that if I do that, I will, I might, I will be very cognizant of the fact that I don't want to eat the wrapper and seem like some sort, seem like some sort of comedy fat man. There's nothing worse than like pulling away and seeing a bite mark into the paper. In the paper, but I already swallowed it and it was like, damn, that checker's paper, though, is got like a spice to it. That's the problem right there. Give me some flavored edible paper. You see people like that on my strange addiction all the time. You know, people don't eat their mattresses. The first bite is always by accident. My strange addiction,

the original Munch Squad. I want a Munch of mattress. Justin, to answer your question, if I am traveling, my food of choice is always and will always be the Dairy Queen chicken strip basket with gravy and toast within it. Are you fucking kidding me that when you're operating a motor vehicle, your food of choice is adipable? It's a dip. It's a little dry 40 to 50 miles out of my way to find a Dairy Queen if I'm on the road. Yeah, but it's adipable, but it's also got gravy and a Justin. How often do you find gravy? You don't in a fast food experience. If you're eating fast food while you're driving, you have to let go of the fact that you will not like I'm living catch up free on this one. This one's a catch up

freemish because I can't be dipping while I'm driving. Anyway, you've practiced it a bajillion times, which I have. Did we ever tell this story of when we were doing the Pacific Northwest shows in Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver, and it was Riley's birthday and she was with us, and so you stopped at a DQ and we got our ice cream cake that was hard as cinder block and we ate micrometer of it and then Travis tried to give the cake back to the people at the register as if to say you can hand out free slices to folks if you want. And then I think we just sort of set it on top of the garbage can and got back on that lonely road. I do want to note I wasn't trying to get a refund for the unused portion of it. Travis went up there and said, you guys sell

ice cream here, huh? How about you give this ice cream away for free? And they said, no. And he said, well, we'll throw it away if not. And they said, welcome to DQ. We don't care where the ice cream ends up as long as it's not here. So the naked chalupa is the question on everybody's mind, the naked chicken chalupa. Taco Bell is coming unshelled with its latest food innovation. It's coming unspooled. It's becoming unraveled. Coming in the form of the first taco shell made entirely of marinated all white crispy chicken as if history has its eyes on Taco Bell. First, we won the space race and now we've won the taco shell, but it's chicken race. No, that means you've that means you lost the Earth race if you made a chicken shell.

What's so that's what I have to say about it. What is Marisa Thalberg, chief marketing officer to talk about Corbett to say? Well, she has to say this. Something that's delicious yet different is bound to ruffle some feathers. Some might even collect their tongues at it. However, fuck, this is funny. However, we feel confident that once our fans get a taste of the naked chicken chalupa, they're going to understand exactly why this is our next big fun and craveable innovation. Following the footsteps of the Doritos Locos taco five years ago. And the case of my god, the slow march of time. It is a nightmare. You can tell they kind of fail it, though, right? Like, listen, we need another hit. We need to hit. So bad. We need to hit.

It's been five years since the taco taco, loco taco, Doritos taco. The shell. What's the shell? Well, it's four ounces of marinated all white meat, antibiotic for a chicken, kicked up with bold Mexican spices and seasoning and it's packed with fresh. Now, they describe the chicken there with the claws that is missing from that sense, of course, is that has been bent into a fucking taco shell into a ghoulish smile. Also, there's diced right tomatoes, cheddar cheese and creamy avocado ranch. Justin, can I tell you why I am just the most fucking pissed off at this press release? Oh, geez. Why are you so angry? In the first sentence, the chicken pun twice. Yeah. And then nothing. Yeah. I'm in the desert right now looking for a good chicken pun oasis,

but there is none. I do want to just point something out very quickly. Please do this. On the antibiotic free section, there's an asterisk. Horrifyingly, there's an asterisk. And if we scroll down to the end of the press release, it says antibiotic chicken in this case means chicken raised without antibiotics, important to human medicine. Okay, so. All right. So what you mean? This chicken does not have rubella. Good. Good. So it doesn't give this chicken penicillin. Don't you worry. Okay, great. But other ones? Yeah. But it's antibiotic free. You got it. Eat your chicken, tubby. And you're going to have to enjoy it on a wing and a prayer. If this is the last episode of our show, there's not a Mabin Bam 341. I want everybody to know

it is because I have walked into the Taco Bell that is around the corner from my house. And I did have a bomb strapped to my chest. I did demand that they make me a Doritos Locos chicken chalupa mistake taco. If you think that is a fucking comment, you don't know these motherfuckers. Can you blast it and then crunchwrap it? What, sir? I can't look at my chest. Look at the device. Crunchwrap and blast the chicken shell. I have nothing left to live for. I'm in a Taco Bell ordering food hacks. Give it. Spray the chicken with Doritos dust and then wrap it in cinnamon sugar. Wrap it. Why are you having trouble with this? That's a flavor that'll give them something to squawk about. That would be good to demand it in a crunchwrap. And they say, well, sir, to do that,

we'd have to have a flat chicken piece. Like, yeah. I know. Can you imagine? Can you imagine flat chicken? Feeling peckish. Stop it. Travis, I wait. I have one more. Take your 20 minutes. This is something to crow about. It's in there. I haven't. Yeah, that's right. We use all natural antibiotic free crows in our naked chicken. Yeah, like a rooster crows. If antibiotic free. Do you want to buy to this? Yes, you cockle doodle do. If antibiotic free means some antibiotics, then naked chicken chalupa could certainly mean naked crows chalupa. These are crows that spent some time with chickens like during spring break. Hey, listen, I don't want to panic anybody. Yeah, Reggie, I've been the lead food scientist here for how long

about about 10 years. You've really been fucking it up. Yeah. Now listen, yesterday I killed a crow. And when I carved its breast, I collected the bones for the ritual. I collected the bones in the ritual. I carved the breast mean normally discarded. And then I came upon a terrifying realization. It was a perfect you. The breasts of the crow had formed a taco shell. This is a sign for the ancients. Margaret, can you bread this? Bread this for once. And Margaret, we're going to need more crows. You are thinking far too far outside of the bun. You need to think a little bit closer to the bun. You're as far from the bun as like you're on some like Lovecraftian, like Miss Katonic University. That's how that's how fucking far you are from the bun.

You need to leave the university and move just like a few miles closer to the bun. Please. People forget that like outside the bun encompasses all existence that is not contained within the bun. There are no borders on being outside the bun limits are what keeps society on rails, Taco Bell. Get back near the bun, please. Please keep the bun. We're talking on the seventh or eighth meal shit at this point. We're on eighth meal. Everything's topsy turvy. Get back on the bun. I want Taco Bell needs to way overcorrect. And their next thing is like we made a hamburger. We're sorry. We're sorry. We're sorry. We're sorry. We're in the bun. We're in the bun. We're in the bun. We're in the bun. Let's just keep this fucking fast food train rolling real quick because

I have a really good Yahoo here from Brooks O's Oglesby. Thank you. It's from Yahoo answers user Rebecca. Autaba user Rebecca says asks, what is Wendy's policy when you're lost? Is it true that if you go through the drive through at Wendy's and say you're lost, they have to give you a free cheeseburger? What? Hey, I don't know where I am. And I thought I was supposed to be here, but I'm not. So yes, sir, pull around. You know the drill. Get your free cheese. But not directions. No, no, no, no. Well, look under the bun, Justin. Where's I 10? I'm trying to get I'm trying to get on the 10. Oh, good luck with that. Here's your cheeseburger. No charge. Having a rough day, huh? It could be scary being lost. It could be

scary being lost. What if you're a little kid? I can't find my parents. Oh, shit. Here you go. I'm sorry about your I'm sorry about your folks. You can you don't even have a car. Do you have a phone right now? Shit. Can I use your phone? No, no, there's a burger. Here's a burger, though. You know, I think we laugh. But do you can you, Justin and Griffin, can you tell me 100% that Wendy's will not give you a free cheeseburger if you are lost? That's what I'm saying. I don't know. Dave Thomas is a kind kind soul, probably. I don't know. I'm just saying I think Dave Thomas probably if I remember this urban legend correctly, Dave Thomas used to hand over the hamburger. You would you would pull up and say your loss. There would be

a beat and then your passenger door would open. Hey, you having a little bit of trouble? Yeah, like a like a Saint Bernard. He would come find you and bring you back to the Wendy's wrapped around his neck. And you had to eat it off his neck. You couldn't remove it from his neck. He was a nasty, nasty old man. Now the problem is is that once Dave Thomas saved you, you then owed him a life debt and you would have to come work at Wendy's for a fair wage. This was not a weird like this was not taking advantage of people. That was just how he hired people. And that way you were never lost again because you just knew you worked at Wendy's. Now sometimes Dave Thomas would wear his neck burger on like a long chain. So it just like

sort of be greasy on his on his bare chest. And so you you'd be in there and you'd be like, I'm I'm lost. I'm trying to find the I'm trying to get on Research Highway and but then Dave Thomas is there. He's like, but now you're found. And he just sort of puts his chest like on you. I know where Dave, I don't know where I am. I know where you are. Your home. I know where you are. I know where you're going to be your home right now. Wendy's. That's right. Shackle noise. Now I'm actually doing I'm doing gluten free. So can I get a cup of chili? Oh, yeah, hold on. Oh, why do we serve it so hot? Quick, quick, quick, quick. I'm a good guy. You're not going to want to eat the chili. It's just kind of hamburgers

that we couldn't sell. You knew that, right? Okay, it's kind of hamburgers and ketchup and we make it real hot. I don't even we don't even put beans in it. I don't know how the fuck they get in there. Where are these beans coming from? We've discovered some sort of alchemy that turns salt package. They just turn into beans in the cauldron. Now these kids will love this. Did you know that there was no beans in Wendy's chili? You just thought there were and it's one of those like reality distortion things. During a meeting at work yesterday afternoon, I noticed a tear. Okay, I thought it was tear, but that wouldn't make sense with the rest of the sentence. I noticed a tear in the seat of

co-worker's pants. Somebody cried in my co-worker's pants. A single tear in their pants. It was vertical, four or five inches long, but very narrow. You could see his black underwear, but nothing revealing. After the meeting, I was going to- You couldn't see his balls or whatever. I know balls on this one. After the meeting, I was going to tell him about it, but I decided not to, so he wouldn't worry about it for the rest of the day. I figured he would find it as soon as he got home and tell him about it would only embarrass him when he couldn't do anything about it. Am I good or should I have mentioned it to him? That's from Tom, Torn in the Twin Cities. Or Tom. Or Tom. It looks like Tom.

Are in, man. They trick you sometimes because it just looks like the M shape. Can we lay down a blanket and then we can like just sort of wipe any future questions like this just off this light and lay down a blanket like my friend had a booger or my friend had some stuff in there to be with my friend, you know, and just say like always tell them you always, you may not want to hear it. It may be challenging to hear it, but you need to fucking get your shit right. And I don't know what this guy does except maybe he goes home. Everybody's always, always, always, always, always, always looking for an excuse to take a half day at work. And this is, this is, this is decent justification. For sure. Always, always, always. If I have shit in my teeth, tell me, fucking tell me. If I have a big

just, just snozzberry in there, just tell me about it so I can go deal with my shit. Also, like you can do things, like there's things you can do in a context that off it, like let them put a couple safety pins in there or maybe some fucking masking tape, tie a jacket around his waist. Yeah, tie a jacket around the waist, safety pins, no matter what, it's going to be bringing back like a mid-auts hot topic look that is really popping off again. But I, I really like the question asker's justification of like, I didn't want him to worry about it for the rest of the day. So instead you let him get home and, and realize that and think about like all the lunches he did and all the times he stood in front of people without knowing it. So now he could worry about

it for the rest of his life. What if, but like the Bible says you should address the plank in your own eye before you worry about the dust in your neighbor's eye. What if you were like, hey, listen, you have a small tear in the back of your pants and they spin around on you and you're like, you're not wearing pants. You forgot pants today. You have a two by four in your eye. And also you just discovered that you're back in high school because you never finished that one class. So you didn't really graduate and you have to take that math test again, but you don't remember any of the math. Whoa, what? Am I the only one who has that dream? That's not a, it's not a dream. This was a real scenario Justin was addressing.

Yeah, I'm just trying to, I'm trying to figure out what scenario you might find yourself in when you're not wearing any pants and you don't even know it until something said it. It was just kind of a funny joke for our podcast, Trav. Sorry, you got so hung up. No, I like, I like this though. I liked it. That's Travis's pitch to a fun new game and that's what if these questions are dreams and it's an advice having that we've never really explored before, which is like, oh, you dreamed this. It didn't, it didn't happen. You dreamt it, so you're fine. That would be a good tactic to take with your co-worker like, hey, these are tearing your pants, but before you get worried, none of this is real.

Kiss me. Kiss me right now. Your teeth are falling out. I'll eat that stapler. It's marshmallows. Justin, can you do the next question after this one because I love it and I want to do it right now. The one after it is great too. Travis really did a good job. Yeah, it's too bad we're only going to get to do like one more of these because we spent a lot of time talking about nasty chicken. I work in an office with the rest of my company and at the end of the day, we exchanged pleasantries saying good night, have a good weekend, etc. However, sometimes my brain interrupts these rote actions and tells me blow them a kiss.

Hey, blow them a kiss. I've never done it. Thank God for impulse control, but the fleeing thought springs into my head up to a couple of times a month. How do I fight these thoughts down and make it go away? Or should I embrace this freedom from standard and dive in? That's from Newark. Is there a method? Is there a way to blow a kiss that is not childish? Has anybody ever blown a kiss and be like cool or professional or adult sexy? I think if you practiced it well enough, you could do blow kiss into finger guns. I just did it and I think if you just kiss your hand and then very slightly extend it, you don't create a fucking launch pad that you then boost your kiss off of like some sort of VTOL plane. If you

just like and then just sort of very lightly, don't even lay it flat, just take it away from your face. That's kind of a cool look. I'm doing it. I know you can't see it, but it does kind of look cool how I'm doing it. Maybe blow a kiss in your right hand and what's that in your left hand? A dove. Okay, that's just direct. I don't want you to have to have a bird. I think the only context in which blowing a kiss is acceptable for a professional setting is if your job is James Bond villain and you just put him in a trap that's supposed to kill him. If you do that, you blow him a kiss. It's like very, that's very evil, very taunting. I love that. But other than that, no, ever. I'm pretty sure. Dang. I feel like you didn't really think about it.

Okay. Bond villain, killing James Bond for sure. That one's definite. Yeah. Maybe if you just fired someone and you're a real jerk, you'd be like, that's good. I thought that's what you were gonna say, but you said a real jerk. But yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one, too. Or it could just be like your new thing. I think it could be cute. I don't know. I mean, it would be a fucking zag though, right? I mean, it would be a zag and a half. That's a zag and a half. I like this idea of your brain as like this friend of yours who like always comes up with suggestions and it's like, well, you know what? Try blowing a kiss. And it's like, no, it's like, maybe if just once you tried it, your friend would be like, okay, thank you for acknowledging my input. I was wrong.

Or maybe it is the way to go. Maybe your brain knows better. Maybe you're conscious. It's like, blow him a kiss. You do it. So like, oh, I like Todd's new thing. And what's that suddenly Todd's CEO? A fucking 1000 years ago, fucking Dark Ages movement bam. There's just the three of us sitting around a stick and a swamp. And somebody was like, I conducted myself with mine surf and felt the extraordinary urge to grasp his hand firmly and shake it, shake it violently. Should I embrace this neurotic and new work? And it's like, that first person was just like, give me that hand sucker. And he grabbed it and shook it was like, this is good. I like it. I don't see I like this. I don't see why this has to be any different from that. You can eat that little paw. What are you

doing? Are you are we fighting? No, we're not fighting, but I want to go down. You can. I'm gonna let you go. Hold on. I'm gonna let you go. I'm just gonna. Hey, look, I feel like we just did business. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's because I grabbed you a bit of advice on this advice show. What about the first time somebody did a fist bump? Like, Oh, God, he's gonna punch me. Are you gonna smack me on top of the head? No friends. No, no friend. A bit of advice. If this is going to be a new thing, if you're going to instant, you have to do it. Soak. You can't acknowledge that you've just done a new thing. You have to do it like, yeah, good night. And then go back to your desk and let them soak it in without you doing it and then kind of watching

their reaction. You can't acknowledge that this is a new thing you're trying. This has to be a thing you've done a million times. You don't even think about it anymore. This is just your thing. I found the way to describe the physical act of this kiss blow that I'm talking about, like the cool, confident kiss blow. That's again, just a very slight, like just barely hand away from it. And imagine that you're Glenn Close and you've just met an enthusiastic young fan. And you're just like, you're walking out of the fucking club where you've just been bumping it all night because you're Glenn Close and you know how to tear shit up. And you see a fan on the street and they're like, Glenn, Glenn, you're so great. I'm so glad that you're getting back on

Broadway. The kiss blow that she does in that moment of just like, she doesn't go through it all the way. It's just, oh, and she takes her hand away from her face just a little bit. You're like, oh, Glenn, Glenn, you've got me. That's sort of the style I'm talking about. Griffin, Justin, I feel like we are missing a big component here that we're not addressing because we keep talking about the kiss. I don't think that's the weird part. I think it's the blowing. That's what I'm talking about. Omit, omit the blow. Just kiss that hand and pull it away a little bit, like Glenn would do. But is that the same? Does that still count as blowing? That's just, but it's not the, you know, it says still count as blowing a kiss if you are just kissing without

the correspondent because then the kiss is just hanging in the air an inch in front of you until you blow it at them. There is a terrible risk that I had not calculated until this exact moment. If you're in a professional setting and you do the kiss your hand and then you blow the kiss over to the other person, if they catch that kiss and put it on their cheek, they have just powerplayed you so fucking bad that you're probably going to have to like quit and give them your job and sign over the business to them or something like depending on what your responsibilities are. But like, you will never get the, that the proverb, the metaphorical ball back in that relationship. You've been, you're going to have to butterfly kiss them if that happens. Yeah,

that's your only option. Or what if they put it on their mouth? Guhat, you're fired. You've been fired at that point. You've been fired from your job. Hey guys, I just really quit because I do think we should go to the money zone, but I was, I did just Google Glyn Close and I'm looking at her Wikipedia page. Uh, first of all, she's 69 years old, nice. And on her Wikipedia page is, and I'm not making this up, there's like in that little sidebar, it's like, Glyn Close at the Albert Nobby's premiere in 2012. She looks amazing. It tells me all about her alma mater, her, her, her many spouses, her kid that she has, her parents. And then right under that is, and you can Google this if you don't believe me, just a picture of her signature.

So I think I'm going to probably steal her identity, I guess. Yeah. Hi, I'm Glyn Close now. Catch me if you can. I'm Glyn Farr. Catch you if you can, Tom Hanks. Because I'm Glyn Close now, motherfucker. The name of this show can be changed to finally, to my brother, my brother, and Glyn. Or Miss Close. I mean, you'll make us, you'll make us call you Glyn Close. Yeah, 30 under 30 media luminary. Glyn Close. Glyn Close. All right, let's go to the money zone. I'm done. Hey, can I tell you guys about Nature Box? Hell yeah, I wish you would. Because I'm on that, I'm on, I'm on that bad, bad baby sleep schedule. And now I snack to survive. Every, like, I eat those big island pineapple, like they are fucking rings from Sonic the Hedgehog,

and they are actually keeping me alive. It is a wonderful service where you go to naturebox.com and you pick the snacks that you want off their list. And then they just show up in a little, basically what is essentially a treasure chest that is sent to your house. These snacks taste great and they're better for you. They're made with high quality ingredients that are free from artificial colors, flavors are sweetener, so you can feel great about snacking. Like I said, big island pineapple, pretty rad. They got whole wheat raspberry figgy bars, love those. Salt and pepper pop pops. Do you know what I would do if I were Nature Box? I think I would release like a companion snack called like Small Island Pineapple. And it's like, you eat them

together and like one makes you big and one makes you tiny. Oh, so it's magic. Sorry, Justin, no. Travis just floated magic food. I mean, that would be a good thing for them to sell. Justin, you and I need to be more careful because sometimes Travis floats things like magic food and we are like, oh, off to the next thing. Sounds good. But I am curious, Travis, what other sort of magic food Nature Box has that they ship you that you know about that they aren't talking about, like the deep like government. They're afraid to let us know about. Yeah, I honestly, I'm afraid I've said too much. Oh, so you couldn't think of it. Right now, you can save even more. Nature Box is offering our fans 50% off your first order when

you go to naturebox.com slash my brother. It's naturebox.com slash my brother get 50% off your first order. One more game, naturebox.com slash my brother. You did a really good job on that ad, Griffin. Thank you, dude. I think Travis probably was a little bit off his game because he was literally tweeting while we were doing that bit. Oh, boy. Justin, give me that good tweet he was doing. I said that his goal is to get my bim bam verified. Can I do that? How do I do that? I still don't know how I got verified. Jesus, that is a very, very, very good Travis McRoy tweet. Well, to be fair, I did tweet that during the lengthy break that we edited out where Justin ran to, I don't know, go to the bathroom, get coffee, check his TV to see what was on Nickelodeon.

I didn't run to the bathroom. I'm not John Candy. I walked to the bathroom. I'm not John Candy in every John Candy movie where he uses the bathroom and has to run to it. I am a gentleman and I walked to the restroom to devastate it. I want to tell you guys about another sponsor, and it's Harry's. We've talked about Harry's many times, but I love the fact that the razors don't cost. I was just looking through the razor section today. Do you know they sell an eight pack? One of the big companies sells an eight pack of razors for forty five dollars. Yes. What? Really? It's lunacy. It's lunacy. I love Harry's. Harry's is like the only like reasonable razor company in the whole world, but there's something kind of so dope about

that. Like, yeah, eight razors. You'll use them in like two months. Forty dollars, please. What are you talking about, Shik? Yeah. What the fuck? I shouldn't have to have a budget line item for razors. Like, that shouldn't be listed among my utilities. And now I don't have to. They're just two dollars a blade compared to the four dollars or five dollars or six dollars that you'll pay at the drug store. Yeah. What if Downey was, what if Downey was like eight rolls of paper towels? That'll be one hundred and sixty dollars. Fuck you. All their products are great, too. Their aftershave is the best I've ever used. Now, Harry's is so confident about the quality of their blades, they want you to try their shave set for free. You heard that right. Just cover shipping when

you sign up. Plus, as a special offer for fans of our show, you go to harrys.com right now and enter code mybrother at checkout and you get a post shave balm also free. It's the best and you can get it for free going to harrys.com and using the code mybrother when you sign up. I want to tell y'all. No, I want to. Okay. Okay. Do you know what? You got to do the thing with the snacks and now I want to do this one. I don't want to do it. Listen, we only get to do this at twice a year in the two weeks leading up to Valentine's Day. So let's. I know. Come on. I don't know why the sound of my little brother calling makes me so happy. I just I just I just I just I've been looking forward to it.

You know, folks, Valentine's Day is just around the corner and pro flowers is making it easier than ever by taking out the guesswork on top. They're already low prices right now. You get two dozen sorted roses with a free glass vase for $29.99 plus shipping and handling or upgrade for another $9.99. You can get two dozen long stem roses with premium vase and chocolate. You can pick your flowers and then check it out in two minutes. This hasn't happened this year, but last year, the first time pre flowers advertised with this, they wanted to send us a sample of their product, which I thought was great. And they showed up and it was beautiful, just beautiful flowers. And you wouldn't believe these came in a box. This is fantastic. They're

really, really, really pretty except the one thing. There's one thing. There's one problem. The one problem is they sent them for all the podcasts I do. So all of a sudden it went from like, oh, beautiful flowers to holy shit, I'm getting stalked. Fucking Max Medina is about to propose to me. He's just fucking packing my house with roses. And it got to be a little bit of a burden. It got to be a little bit burdensome, but they're gorgeous. They're all gorgeous. They're gorgeous flowers for me, but it didn't make it seem like Justin had just died. When it happened to me, I felt that this must be what it's like to like fake your own death. I get to like see the flowers people send to the family. I'm like, oh,

pro flowers really cares that I fake my death. Thank you, pro flowers. Here's the only way to get two dozen assorted roses with free glass vase starting at 2999. Just go to proflowers.com and use the code my brother. All one word. That's proflowers.com. Click on the microphone. Type in the code my brother. Don't wait. This deal expires soon. Can I read the fucking Jumbotron at least? Sure. Yeah, go for it. Who's this message for? It's for Anna, aka Traveler. You're not even going to read the thing right. And it's from... You're not even going to do the impression. And it's from Rosie, aka Potionseller. Potionseller.

Great extract. Traveler. Potionseller. You've seen that video. It's fucking good. See, you don't even know the fucking meme. Listen, a big man on campus, Travis McRae doesn't know all the memes. Potionseller is traveling life. Is he it? Man, he used to get blazed and just fucking roll that shit. Roll that beautiful beam footage. Surprise. By now it's been... Sorry, this isn't now the message. Surprise. By now it's been several months since I introduced you to Mimba Mim. Don't know why it came out like that. And you, like a woman possessed, tore through the first 100 episodes in a matter of days. Those saw bones is your true podcast

Soulmate. Thanks for being there for me during my year off. I'm so glad to be back on campus with you. Happy 21st, Anna. Great job. I'd like to say to Rosie, thank you. That's a beautiful message. Thank you for right in the middle there making sure to let us know that we are Anna's second favorite. Hey, I'll take it. Fine. Yeah. Fine. Are there like Terrace House fancasts? There is. Nick Robinson at Polygon just started doing one. Nice. Yeah. I don't know spoilers. I haven't finished Aloha State, but it's popping off. There's only eight EPs, right? Right now. Yeah. Yeah. We're really pacing ourselves because we blew through season one. Welcome to our segment, Terrace House Break, where we talk about Terrace House. Yeah. My dad asked me this week,

was Terrace House? Because he took a fucking covert snap of me during adventure and recording where I was wearing the beautiful Terrace House shirt that I received for Christmas for my dear brother. And people were going nuts about it. And my dad asked me, was Terrace House? And that it was a real, I didn't know how to explain Terrace House to my dad in a way that would make it appealing enough that he would watch it, which everybody should on earth. I'm Allegra Ringo, and I'm Renee Colbert, and we host a podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog? Renee, can I tell you about a dog I met this week? I wish that you would. In turn, though, can I tell you about a dog hero? May I tell you about a dog breed in a segment I like to call

a mutt minute? I would love that. Could we maybe talk about some dog tech? Could we have some cool guests on, like Lin-Manuel Miranda, Nicole Byer, and Ann Wheaton? I mean, yeah, absolutely. I'm in. You're on board. What do you say we do all of this and put it into a podcast? Yeah, okay. You think? All right. Should we call it, like, I don't know, Can I Pet Your Dog? Sure. All right. What do you say we put it on every Tuesday on Maximum Fun or on iTunes? Sounds good to me. Meeting's over. I have a yahoo here. Can I read it? Yeah, go for it. Okay. You're the boss. What? You're the boss. You're a media luminary. If you feel like it's time for a yahoo,

you should go for it. That's a fucking good point. I'm just going to drop it then. It's also from Brooks Oglesby. Thank you, Brooks. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Rose, who asks, I bet no one has asked this one before. What rides at an amusement park are best for kissing? You know, do you guys remember having to find places to kiss? This will be a good, this will be, you'd be like walking in the park and you'd find like a little secluded grove and you'd think like, I should remember this for later, for when I went to kiss. My good one was the instrument room in the band room, like the instrument closet. It's a good place to kiss. That's a good place to kiss. Good kissing there. I will never forget being a teen

and going on a date to a movie and sitting in the back row so I can do some smooching and then some fucking adults would come and sit like right in front of us. And it's like, I think you guys know exactly what you just did. You've ruined me. I think that you're being assholes right now. Do you think I wanted to see Prince of Egypt in theaters? No. I came here for a reason and that was to kiss. And I was sitting at Donnie Austin singing, he's got a great voice. What are the best rides on an amusement park though? Because tunnel of love is obvious bullshit. If you kiss on the tunnel of love, it's like so like if somebody, if my wife kissed me on a tunnel of love, I'd be like, really? Okay. Because it's here. Stop, stop. This needs to be addressed.

My first thought was the tunnel of love, right? Okay, but stop for a second and think. Oh my god. Holy shit, Justin. You're right. Seriously though, media has perpetrated a lot of lies on us growing up as kids, especially like all cartoons. I've never in my entire adult life, I've traveled all causes to great land of ours. I've never, ever, ever seen a tunnel of love. I've seen a fake Mario Brothers castle that kids could run around and fall and die. Like I've seen a spaceship that spins around so fast that you stick to the walls. I've never seen a tunnel of love in my entire life. Essentially what a tunnel of love is, is a timed hand job challenge. Are you tough enough? You have a jacket. You have 118 seconds. Go. Uh oh. Look up ahead. Do you hear

the clown music? You better hurry. You better hurry and finish to the clown music. That's when the camera flashes. Yeah. Do you want to buy your pictures? I don't, please. Don't, don't show the pictures. What? I think some real next level smooching would happen on bumper cars, but here's the thing. Oh my god. Two separate cars. Yeah. You have to bump to smooch. Okay. It's kind of like that scene in Fast Five or maybe Fast Six where Vin catches Letty in the air and because their cars crash into each other or something like that. Or like that scene. I think it's Fast Five where the rock and Vin Diesel pull up next to each other and smooch and they kiss. They crash their cars into each other and like, you want to fight? Like, no, I have a better idea. And they

do kiss right there. Man. Why did he turn evil though? I'm still so torn up inside of that. It was about family. It was about family, but it's not anymore. Damn it. Damn it. Here's a question. What's it? Did you have something else you want to say about Fast and Furious? I always want to talk about Fast and the Furious on our podcast. There's so many different rides in an amusement park where you could kiss on. I think the best one would be at Universal Studios, the Fast and the Furious. There's a part in the tram ride where it's like, Hey, here's this used to be where we filmed Desperate Housewives. And here's the back lot where we film all of our street scenes. And now, oh, it's Dominic Toretto and gang and they're with us. What's that? There's a bad guy trying to

catch us. We're in a tram, but it's souped up. And let's take a jump. It's like, whoa, hold on. It's weird how they do that at Universal. And they're like, here we are. And there's the lot where we film whatever the fuck. And here was some bad movie that we filmed here. And then, uh, oh, what's that? The trams in the middle of a flood. And it's like, no, you can't be like, here's a tour of Universal. And then you're in, you're imperiled. They also have that studio tour at Universal Studios, Florida. Nothing is filmed there. You're not going to see celebs. Here's Duck Dynasty and end of tour. I went, I went to Universal Studios and we got very excited because there was like a board like posted on a wall that showed what TV shows are filmed in that

studio. And one of them was like Mindy Project. And I saw this family lose their fucking minds that they were like, they filmed Mindy Project here. And I was like, not here, though, like not in a place you're going to go. Why are you so excited? It might as well have said, like, this is where we film Cheers. Like here, like, yeah, you're not going to see it. They don't have to prove that to you. Yeah, you say that. But when we took the NBC studio tour, when we went up into A.H., you know we were losing it. You know we were fucking out. That is true. Thinking about that's where fucking Brian Fellows had done his thing. And the fucking, if you think about it, if you think about it for a second Travis, Studio A.H. is where I said a bottle of sparkling apple juice

to your house. Did you get it was actually if you think about it. This is like I went to Nickelodeon Studios and they let us walk on to the set of the mystery files of Shelby Woo. I want to get to this last question because it's so fucking good. Please. My dad admitted to me that he had never seen Willy Wonka. Now here then it gets more buck wild. Oh my god. He's a huge fan of Gene Wilder. So I told him to watch it. After a year trying to get him to watch Willy Wonka, I finally bought him a Blu-ray player with a copy of Willy Wonka. That was three years ago. Every time I see him, I beg him to watch Willy Wonka and he watches reruns of M.A.S.H. and Big Bang Theory instead. You guys are my last hope. Had our convention to watch this movie. Oh my god. This is all time.

Our question asked here. I did include it in the list here but in the email also included their dad's phone number so we could call their dad. I guess ostensibly call their dad to tell their dad hey we're three people you don't know but fucking watch Willy Wonka old man. Yeah please watch Willy Wonka for a second. This is fucking stellar. Are you kidding me? This is the best question. I love Vin Diesel. Oh yeah man. Fast and furious. Fast and the who now? I'm more of a boiler room kind of guy. Holy shit. Huge fan of Gene Wilder. I haven't seen the Willy Wonka movie but the Frisco kid is awesome. Now I will say this. Great flick. Gene Wilder does have a body of work where you could conceivably be a huge fan of the man and not see Willy Wonka. I don't want it. That's

fair. His other word like fucking the Frisco kid rules. That's fair. Yeah like he basically rolls and everything like fucking watch Silver Shriek and don't come away a huge fan Gene Wilder. It's literally impossible but but the difference here is like that all holds true the first time you bring it up to your dad and you're like so what about Willy Wonka and he's like what you're like Willy Wonka a movie that like is an amazing character study like by Gene Wilder it's like an acting class to watch this and you're like okay cool never gonna watch it. It's like love the man's work. It's like arguably like between I would say between Heath Ledger Joker and and and Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka for like literally the best performance by any actor in any movie literally

ever like I don't think there's a better one. Heath Ledger, Heath Ledger's Joker, Jared Leto's Joker right there and three in the bullet. Gene Wilder's Joker. He would have been fucking waiting for me. Oh my god. Oh my god. He would have been Riddler. He would have been an amazing Riddler. Oh my god Trace it's even better. Or Clock King. Man that motherfucker could have been any of them. He could have been a calendar man fucking he could have been Batman. This is my this is my 65 year old Ward Robin. Hello Batman the Batman Future Show. Damn it. Just put it the movie. Just put it on. Just strap your dad in fucking Clockwork Orange your dad. Now make him watch this culturally important film. It is going to be a weird 20 minutes where your dad's like it's just old people in a

bed. No listen. Why is this kid so sad? He's buying so much chocolate. Okay but you're going to hang in there. You're going to love this movie dad. There's so much candy. I've been watching it for 20 minutes. Now I haven't seen a single sweet. Who is this fat kid? He's getting in front of the TV. There's a very spoiled girl but where's the sweets Jimmy? Where's my Gene? There has been very little of my favorite actor Gene Wilder from the brisk of it. I was shown in the movie and he said oh Gene Wilder I was thinking of somebody else. I was thinking of Gene Hackman. Love that guy's work. I love Gene Hackman stuff. Fucking tail wag dog or whatever. Wag the dog tail. Love him he and that probably. The problem with watching it like for the first time sight unseen is there's a chance he'll

think Arthur Slugworth is the protagonist and he'll start rooting for him from the job. I like the look of this Slugworth guy. He's got gold. He's a mover and a shaker. For some reason I look and sound like him. Do you think Mike TV's last name was TV or that was just a nickname they call them because he liked TV. His last name is T-E-E-V-E-E Mike TV. That's a weird choice by Roald Dahl because none of the other kids are named that way. Yeah my name's a Goose just fat candy. Like it's just such a weird like and uh Mike TV I'll come up with something better later. Yeah I'll figure it out later whatever. It might be T-E-A-V-E-E. I like to think that if I was a pornographic film actor I would be called a Goose just fat candy. Excuse me excuse me just one

moment if could if I just have a moment of your time. I googled to check my spelling and Mike TV and on the Wikipedia page or the sorry the Roald Dahl wiki page for Mike TV there is a behind the scenes fact that the original name for Mike TV was going to be Herpes Trout. Yeah the fuck out of the door. Hey Roald. Roald. Yeah I read through your manuscripts here we were so excited to publish your new book. Um couple notes couple notes uh we felt like the pacing was a little off the first 20 but also uh one of the kids is named Herpes. Yeah one of the children is a sexually diseased fish and maybe we could roll that back a little we could roll to that back a little bit what do you say. And also maybe instead of being a kid who's obsessed with sexually diseased fish

he just watches a lot of TV. Watch a lot of television and there could be a bit of a morality detail there. I know what I need. I old old old men sound like this to Griffin. I'm gonna have to rethink the whole book now. My my life is basically like Anomalysa where every man who isn't one of you two basically just hey Griffin you want to come watch the Royal Rumble today. Yeah sure. So anyway this has been my brother my brother and me it's an advice show for the modern era we hope you've enjoyed yourself we have some exciting announcements for a change so we're doing we're doing things again we're doing things again we're shaking off our torpor against against all odds we're doing things again um so first off and we don't have

specifics on this but the trailer for our show is going to drop this week at some point maybe today maybe tomorrow this is like this is like a super cut trailer with clips like have you all seen it because we saw the original trailer but there was far too much cursing in it yeah we actually had a an original cut that we love that had um like seven like seven fucks in it and then we cut those out it's still very good and like you're not missing anything because we just say that word when we can't think of a funny thing so you're not missing much but uh that trailer will go up somewhere this week so keep an eye on uh at mb mbam or our facebook page and we'll be sure to retweet it from there um also we are doing a live show in portland oregon on march 18th

that's gonna be part of the xoxo fest um which we're excited to be a part of um and yeah it's our first live show in fuck dudes what was the last live show we did cannell nights in september yeah yes graffin then we had babies then we all had babies yeah damn it but uh um we need travi need to gin up a uh bitly link for this okay i'll do it right now okay how about mbam xoxo yeah that's good cool mb mbam bit.ly forward slash mb mbam xoxo and uh we need to address is is the xoxo fest is that zozo is he haunting us again is that zozo back in the mix damn but uh but that's me march 18th doors at six show at seven my brother my brother and me uh the podcast so that'll be popping off we're we're also in the process of planning another live show for later

in the spring and details to follow details to follow but soon should follow soon as soon as we have dates because we know it's like an issue for people to like clear up schedule times and and things like that it's gonna be a single city jam like our boston single city affair yeah so uh but it's gonna be fun so uh fun and good we'll let you know um thank you to john roger and along winters for the use of our theme song instead of part trial the album putting the days to bed it's a wonderful album that you need to have have it somehow um i also want to thank max fun for having us you get a maximum fun dot org check out all the great podcasts there uh they're all free and they're all super great you're gonna love listen to them i guarantee it i got shows like throwing

shade and uh stop podcasting yourself and they have shows like uh one bad mother and lady to lady really really good podcast you can go listen to all maximum fun dot org if you want to hear more podcasts from us uh or want to see video stuff that we do you can go to mackleroyshows.com you can find all our contact info and p o boxes and how to get in touch with us all at mackleroyshows.com um is that it we're done yeah i think so yeah i think so yeah cool i got a final yahoo here from morgan davie keep it wavy morgan davie thank you morgan spyahoo answers user gabriel the angel gabriel the angel who asks where can i get free clarinet sheet music of lincoln park

why is just a macro on travis macro this has been my brother my brother being kissered head square on the lips my name is padrick my name is ariel my name is joe couglin the first time i uh went to max fun con i didn't know anyone i wasn't really nervous about that everyone said not to worry about going alone but i'd make friends right away that i'd have an amazing time it turns out everyone was right i instantly had 200 new friends and i've made lifelong friends at max fun con that i'm going to keep in touch with for the rest of my life if you aren't sure if you belong at max fun con you belong don't be like me don't waste two years being too nervous just go

already join ariel padrick and joe at max fun con tickets for max fun con and max fun con east are on sale now at max fun con dot com maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported