My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 341: An Erotic Balloon Puzzle

Episode Date: February 7, 2017

How about that Super Bowl, and all the things that happened during it? You know a lot of people are calling it the Super Bowl, but -- heh -- we're not sure it was that "Super." Anyways, those are the jokes we're doing this week, hope you like 'em. Suggested talking points: A Super Bowl Christmas, Michael Jorban, Figginsworth, The Mole: Sexual Bonanza Edition, Two Horses, Lemon Flash Mob, The Final Piece is Teamwork

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother for the 130-mini-illuminary group of McElroy. Ladies and gentlemen, I am so pleased to be the ones to reveal to everyone who

didn't watch the Super Bowl last night that Spuzz McKenzie is back. He's back! Spuzz is back! Big dog! The big dog is back, and he's starring in the only commercial that did something. It was the only commercial that I remember, because it had a dog that drank beer, which is very, very good. Very good. It's very, very good stuff, and every other commercial was like, oh no, my dumb, ugly brother turned into a babe because of this product. Tight! My brother's so smoking hot now. So congratulations, Spuzz McKenzie,

and whatever beer product I don't quite remember, you represent because you've won it. You won the big game. But it's the easy to remember because the name's right in there sort of. No, that's not it. Pretty sure it's Ying Ling. I think it's McKenzie. I think it's Big Dog Beer. I think it's called Big Dog Beer. That's right, Travis, because it tastes

so bad, and dogs will drink it too. That's the flavor profile. It's actually made for dogs. That's what most people don't know. But humans can drink it too. That's Spuzz Tagline. So Spuzz McKenzie was created in 1987. Everybody got very upset. So was I. Yeah, exactly. Everybody got very upset about Spuzz McKenzie because they thought it was a that it was marketing beer to kids because it was no chill, fun dog, right? And that they retired Spuzz in 1989 because there was a lot of controversy that he was

like that this was targeted at kids. So that seems silly. But then Spuzz McKenzie shows back up in 2017 and I was nine when he went off the air and I was pretty fucking stoked to see Spuzz McKenzie. There is a chance that maybe he did, in fact, have a large market impact on America's youth. To be fair, credit where credit is due, though, I did appreciate how this time they made sure that this Spuzz McKenzie commercial was not for kids, that this was for adults only. And it was just a lot of dog boners. A lot of dog hogs. That is a good point, Travis. And I was made uncomfortable by

the many dog penises and I had to I looked away and I made my family look away. Tone Lokesong, Funky Colmedina lists Spuzz McKenzie as one of the dogs trying to get into his house. I don't remember Funky Colmedina having that much plot in it. There's a long plot. Is there a verse? It's just like, and then I shut the door. And then there's not a problem anymore because dogs can't get through doors unless they have a special door installed in the door. And I don't have it. My God, the window. I forgot to close it. It's actually kind of an epic poem, really. It's the Gilgamesh of our time. The harpies crashed my boat. Oh, what? Why are you on a boat now?

The fleece was mine. Wild thing. We weren't fooled, Tone. We weren't fooled. We weren't fooled by your theft, by your beat theft. How about that? How about that football game, too? Because a lot of people were confused at during the point where they lost the ball and they couldn't they couldn't play for a little bit because the ball was gone. You remember? Like, I guess I guess one of the boys threw the football super hard and then like and I was watching on the on the camera. They had all those all those wonderful cameras filming it and I swear to God, I just couldn't see where the ball went and then they couldn't play for a while until somebody ran at the Toys R Us and bought a new

football. You know, Griffin, the craziest part of the game to me, what I thought, what I thought was the craziest part, where the game ended in a tie and the the Birdman and the like American soldier men, they were like, we did great. Everybody played good in it and they shook hands and they were back in their locker rooms getting changed. Some of them were already in their khakis and then like somebody ran in. They're like, wait, wait, wait, we just checked the rulebook. We have to keep we have to keep going. It can't end in a tie and they're like, what? What? Yeah, you have to keep playing. And so half of them were still out in their khakis and polos. Yeah, exchanging Christmas gifts. Yeah. And then they were like, okay,

sorry, Justin makes a good point that the season goes through Christmas so they don't get to celebrate Christmas until after the Super Bowl. And it's really where's that movie? A Super Bowl Christmas? Where's that film? That's what I want to see. So yeah, I remember now Travis hearing about it in the news, they ran the locker room and they're like, it can't end in a tie and they're like, well, this is unprecedented. What should we do? And they're like, I don't know, we could flip a coin to decide the fate of the final football game. Are you sure that's a good idea? Yeah, let's just flip a coin. It's like the last football game and the whole planet is watching and other planets are also tuned in. And yeah, we got a tie in our hands. Let's just flip an old

coin and then we'll let one of you boys try to do a touchdown. And the other guys, no, sorry, they guessed which side the coin would be on because it's football. It's football. You know, I did like, I did like how they did it. It was just a one on one touch. So one guy with the ball, one guy trying to stop him. It was like some like NFL, you know, like 2K sports kind of stuff where just one guy we're running and the other guy chasing him. And he did get in the touchdown zone. He did get in there. Yeah. Supposing Kinsey's real name was Honeytree Evil Eye. And she was from Pennsylvania. That's pretty good. It was a lady. Did you know that? A lady dog? Supposing Kinsey was a lady dog named Honeytree Evil Eye. Do you think that they cast a lady

dog so that they wouldn't have to deal with dog boners? With the dicks. That seems like a 100% probability scraps. I would put that on one though. Yes. I love, he's the original party animal and I love that. He just loved the party and he was out there having good times and he cared about friends. It was weird to me, the overtly sexual attention that Spud's McKenzie received from ladies in print ads. Oh yeah, she loved him. Yeah, she loved him. They loved him. Yeah, but it's still a dog. It's not like Joe Camel where it's an anthropomorphicized camel. Yeah, I'll fuck Joe Camel for sure. I thought that Lady Gaga's performance in the middle of the game was a big surprise. Very few people saw that coming that she was gonna show up and put on a

little concert for everybody. I love the duet between her and Spud's McKenzie. Yes. Which it was scary at first because at first they thought it was just a wild dog storming the field so they tried to shoot the dog, but this is no dog's purpose. He avoided all of the shots and he got up on stage and Lady Gaga was like, please stop shooting at me and this dog, and then they sang all their songs. I wasn't expecting Lady Gaga's performance, which was fucking phenomenal, to be quite such a stunt spectacular because boy, she just kept jumping off of things. Do you think that there was someone when she jumped off the top of the arena who went, well, that's the end of the show, I guess. Is this art? Is this part of the performance art?

Jesus. She also had a flotilla of robots at her command, and if I had given you an infinite amount of time, if you put a bunch of monkeys that are in with typewriters and given them infinite amount of time to guess what Lady Gaga would do with a flotilla of robots at her command, I bet pretty low on the list would be form an American flag and then later the Pepsi logo. Yeah. It seems like that would not be how Gaga would use her flotilla of robots at her command. She would basically be like a fucking call of duty villain. She would fucking use those drones to take over the Pentagon or something like that. This is Gaga's country. This is one nation under Gaga now. When she jumped, there was this moment where I was like, are they going to form a fucking

glider underneath her, like Green Goblin style? Oh my. Yeah, exactly. I was so excited, but no Travis. Oh man. Travis just made a dope Megamind, Paul. I love Megamind. This is a good movie, man. Get the press it deserved. You've got to Megamind, dude. That flick though. Can you do a retroactive Megamind watch? Hell yeah. Anytime. Go watch Megamind. It's great. Oh hell yeah, dude. Megamind at one point puts on a hologram that for some reason inexplicably looks like Greg Keneer, like almost exactly like Greg Keneer. Never addressed. There's a Neil Young song. It's the anti-sellout anthem called This Notes For You, obviously parodying the Budweiser thing. And Neil Young says he ain't singing for spuds in the title track of

the album. Man, Neil Young, you really fucking stuck at the spuds McGeeley. Damn Neil, you really made me think about some stuff by slamming that beer dog. I really need to reevaluate some stuff because Neil put forward another thinker. You really put that fucking dog on blast. You taught that dog. Can we do the stuff that we do? Griffin spuds McGeeley's back. I know and I'm fucking feeling it. I had a hard time sleeping last night. You don't remember it. Of course I remember it. It's a dog that likes to party on beer with friends. There is a pretty good though like in an alternate reality where spuds McKenzie did not exist in 1987 to 1989 and he just appeared last night. That ad would have set the world on fire. Are you kidding me? Why is the dog a ghost? Why

is he talking? Why does he drink beer? Why does he want you to party with your buds? I do not understand. Hi, kids. This is three old man macarons talking to you now. There was a time in America where an animal was your go-to beer-selling device. For example, three frogs each one saying bud wiser doesn't sound funny to you now but back in our day that was the shit. It was on t-shirts. Everybody referenced it everywhere. There was the Coors light snake and he would just show up and he would reach under your fridge and you'd be like time for a nice crisp natural light. Ow, fuck. Then you pull back your hand. You've been bitten and you die and then it's a sort of a morality tale. I believe Coors light had a wolf. Yeah, a sweet wolf. I'm looking at

Wikipedia now. It's just the Coors snake. I'm just now realizing that the bud wiser frogs were referenced in our television program and Swans McKenzie wasn't. There goes another shot of relevance that we could have. Let's please God. Okay, we're not going to have another one of those shows. He was just called beer wolf? Sorry, what? The Coors light wolf was just called beer wolf. Beer wolf? I think it was supposed to play on werewolf. He started up his own podcast network. For somebody who's never heard it said out loud. I think so. Beer wolf? That's kind of Oh, well. All right. And beer wolf came out before Spudzer Kinsey. So Spudzer Kinsey was the hydrox or the Oreo or whatever. Hey guys, I'm a huge Space Jam fan. Fuck yeah. And for Christmas,

my friend ordered me a Michael Jordan Space Jam Jersey. However, he lives across our big ass state and while the Jersey was supposed to arrive while I was visiting, it didn't. He said he will mail it to me when he arrived when it arrives, but not as February and still no Space Jam Jersey. I really want this Jersey. So how do I ask him the status of my Christmas gift without sounding like a greedy asshole? That's Hannah from Texas. You gotta get this Jersey. You gotta get the Jersey. You gotta get it. You gotta get it. There's no social faux pas. Too great. If it ends with you wearing the Space Jam, Toon Squad, Jordan, Jersey. Holy shit. That's a good look, though. That's a good look. Can you imagine like rolling up to like your weekly just like

pick up basketball game? Oh, but what's that? You have a sweet ass new Space Jam Jersey. Yeah, I don't want to play with you. You have cartoon stretch powers and that's absolutely cheating. I won't be party to that. Could you tell your friend that you're trying to line up your Halloween costume a little early this year and you just want to confirm thumbs up or thumbs down status of the Jersey? I mean, you could also just tell them that since you told me that this thing exists and it belongs to me, my life has been spent in anguish every moment that I know it's mine, but I do not have it. And the only way to bring peace to my troubled mind is for you to either come to me and give me the Jersey personally or mail it right now and I will I will Venmo

use some some cash. That seems like a pretty good actually like I don't think it's rude to let your friend know that your frothing demand increases for this Jersey like you only this is all you can think about please please release me from this prison. It's all I can think about please why have you done this to me? What if you get the Jersey and you had to work so hard you did drive all the way from from you know from East Texas behind the pine curtain all the way over in Amarillo and you're like I've I've made my journey I finished my quest let me get that Jersey and you open it up and you look at the back and it says Jorben on it and you're like who would make this who would even make who would print this Jersey out and be like yeah thank you for

calling Toon Squad Jersey manufacturing this is Greg how can I help you and like let me get one it says Jorben on it and you're like are you sure because I've seen the movie many times and we kind of make I kind of we kind of make like novelty you sure Jorben yeah that was the man's name Michael Jorben number 26 and you get so mad and you throw it in fire and you scream at your friend only to them find out that that was a limited edition like yeah that's worth a million dollars or not his name really is Michael Jorben and we've all been saying it wrong this whole time but he's very polite man um do you guys want to know who are you worried about space jam that's not no just hold on a second I'm a little worried about hold on one second just one second I'm

just about to say something super important and we all know this is now this is now I'm serious this is very important I'm a little worried that our social media just existences one space jam two becomes closer to fruition yeah it's just going to become untenable oh I think I've been thinking about leaving Twitter for quite some time and I think that's going to be the old escape pod it's going to be the one right because it's just going to be a lot of people tweeting space jam to information at us pretty much constantly yeah maybe we should just start our like a separate account that's just for people to tweet space jam to information to right and it insta it's insta deletes the tweets after they're sent uh okay Griffin I'm ready for that

y'all here it comes and it's from Rachel Rose in game recognize game thank you Rachel it's yahoo answers user they are anonymous but their name is Jorben asks why do most butlers came from England why do most butlers came from England no additional details provided or required hey what's up my name's Stevie and I'm here to uh polish streets polish your uh polish your China so what do you got some silverware let me see that ha ha rub rub rub got it my name's Stevie by the way I am from Minneapolis okay straight talk real real question here brothers have you in your lives ever actually encountered a butler oh jeez a personal physical encounter with a butler like you've gone to someone's home we're not talking about not talking about like an alpha

penny worth looking dude we're not talking about like a uh uh you know a person you hire to help clean or whatever you're talking about an actual like this this suit this suited but yeah this is a person who like lives in the home who like answers the door and brings people to the parlor to yeah the the master of the house I guess not pretty much no no right yeah I mean I don't know that they exist I don't think I've been to no they do exist I watched this amazing show called you can't get the help on uh it's it was from England um but it was a it was a real yeah exactly there's a long tradition there of of of this sort of thing I think culturally people understand it better there is I'm just saying to say the butlers are better yeah in Britain is what I'm gonna say

wow I happen to think American butlers are the best I mean we don't know we don't know they don't yeah that's the thing they know one one of the episodes I watched this is your fella this old fella was um trying to find someone to take care of his weapon collection who could like really do it up right like all his Asian weapons and it was pretty much the episode was pretty much this stream of uh young men coming in wanting to check out old weapons and him like grilling them about how sweet they were and then echoing that like they are in fact sweet and here's some sweet and like how you would swing them and stuff like that wow and then like quizzing them on their application of how sweet they were to swing to be able to use these ancient weapons that's a cool life

it's a cool life that's a cool life you put together there for yourself congratulations to you can I become the world's first American butler I think I'd be pretty good at it you're you got so much to overcome I don't think so I like nice things and I like people who like nice things and I think I can I think I can help their things seem nicer that's what that's what a butler does right they like hello I'm here to make their things seem nicer um but say that in an American accent Griffin oh hey what's up I'm Griffin I'm here to make their things seem nicer no you're not you're here to rob me get out no I'm not look at my suit look at my cool suit look look at my little mustache it's fun and flirty let me inside and I'll make your things seem nicer

mustache yeah come on like come on in what are you doing well you're not oh you're having friends over for chili hi welcome I'm Griffin the butler please come in for chili they have saltines let's get you out of those wet clothes hold on so the the reason that we don't I think the reason that we have not encountered um an American butler is in our day today is like it would be I would think fairly expensive to keep a human on retainer right like to keep a person who lives at your house and does shit for you would be expensive right yeah yes Bob Euker's character was a sports writer and his wife went to law school what in the living fuck are they doing with a butler first of any butler but secondly a butler like class distinction and also

worn martin if I may yeah mr. Belvedere I do not understand how they are affording mr. Belvedere level talent on a sports writer salary it does I cannot and his wife is rocking up law school bills and she's like yeah I'd love one I love a butler I assume an inheritance is that an inherit mr. Belvedere that's okay I thought of the inheritance of money but now that you mentioned it maybe maybe mr. Butler served uh Euker senior uh inventor of the card game where all of his money came from and then sure just passed uh mr. Belvedere down to his son Bob I'd rather not no come on well there's streaks on all the time I I you know I was not crazy about this but when I saw the fucking streaks on the child I was like I gotta get in there and do my shit gonna get nasty

on them I don't I just don't get it like they just put that up there and expected us to all sort of swallow it and I don't understand it doesn't make sense how they could afford mr. Belvedere I don't get it I might get on some love actually shit here for a second but you know how when British people are in America and they talk people like oh that's fancy uh and so that I think that's why I think that's why we make that association I think the reverse would be true where if I went to London and I was like hey what's up I'm a butler they would hear my particular manner of speech and it would be like that's a fancy boy gotta have him in my house gotta have him you know wax in my cars and teach my kids some valuable lessons that's what that's what it was

meaningful to me because I would show up and I would make I would invite people into the parlor and I would like help them throw great parties but then the kids would come to me and they'd be like I don't know about school and I'd be like fucking tell me about it dude and then they would be enriched and you teach them like skateboard and I teach them how to fucking skateboard and be cool and how to like smoke yeah I just want to know where to find an American butler I just won't I just want to know about one American butler or maybe one of us could become the first I would hire Griffin as my butler yeah thanks for being a pretty good butler I know that's what I'm saying because I'll do whatever the fuck yeah I don't I won't complain you know whatever the fuck

how is a butler different from a valid they're not I'm I'm not I'm both you can fire me whenever you want to and I will not make a big deal out of it that's like my number one thing like this is this is I'm at your leisure and then I'm gone bye Richie Rich had a butler he's American isn't he I want to seriously I want to put you guys in the headspace for a second there imagine for Christmas that I said I'm buying you one year of butler each open the envelope and it's just a name it's like Figginsworth Mr. Figginsworth it's coming to your house okay yeah can you imagine just from like a social anxiety can you imagine the mental math knowing as what you do today Mr. Figginsworth shows up today can you imagine the mental

math you would have to run every time I would never ask him to do anything no another plate of pizza rolls sir yeah thank you Figginsworth I wouldn't know can I ask him to clean the windows I have no fucking clue can I ask him to go get my coat it's right upstairs I just gotta get it myself I don't I don't even change the rechargeable batteries in your xbox controller sir yes thank you the only impact he would have on my house is like I would have to open up another account on Netflix so he could have like his own shit because like other than that I cannot fathom a world where I'd ask him to do anything like I would have the confidence to ask him to do anything no I'll get that Figginsworth can I do no please please please it's fine you always do it

well sir I you always do it Figginsworth take a break it's your day Figginsworth today's your day you look at the look at the chore look at the chore wheel Figginsworth it's your day off go fly go fly a kite go buy and fly a kite Figginsworth here's some money I love you Figginsworth hey hey I love you Figginsworth I love you love you sorry I didn't ask you to do anything this month maybe next month maybe next month you'll have it there sir thank you Figginsworth would you like me to ask me to do stuff for you sir yes please that would be great his the thing about butlers they don't tell you is that they have to take their time off while you're sleeping yeah so if you go to sleep that's when the butler really can play and if you hear him roaming around your house sometimes

that's just because that's the only free time he gets so he's got to make the most of it yeah hey what does he do what does he even did you eat dishonored too while I was asleep yes sir I was playing that I was playing that you jumped onto my save I took care of it for you sir well it's like I didn't need you to I mean I was struggling in that segment oh you brought down to low chaos nice nice yes lord Gregory dies at the end Figginsworth they're fired no sir no please not like this here's another question I was just informed a woman I know is throwing a quote play party aka a swinger sex party and I wasn't invited there does not exist a reality in which I'd actually want to go to this party however she invited several of my friends and I

didn't make the cut and I'm left wondering if this is because she used me as an introverted awkward prude and not the potentially sexy fun-loving lady that I am how can I better exude a invite me to your orgy I don't want to go vibe without being a creepy weirdo and that's from brooding on the bacchanalia blacklist I don't get this question even a little bit at all I love this question let me tell you why okay this person is bummed that they did not get invited to a party they don't want to go to yeah that's the thing like if you take all the sex out of it that's what it boils down to if somebody invited me to go to a swinger sex party I would I would I would say no thank I would say no thank you and I would feel kind of uncomfortable having to turn down that invite

for anything it's not because of the subject matter the party it's just like when you have to turn down an invite to anything it is a discomfort when somebody scopes out my situation it says I absolutely should not invite griffin to this because he would have to say no to that they have done me a wonderful service and I can't imagine this is such a high stakes invite are you fucking kidding me to have to turn this down would be would be really rough stuff this is such a great service this person has done for you yeah also you don't want to be the person in an orgy that's the pity invite you know what I mean that's a real bummer it's just like it's just it I'm gonna go out on a limb here and I'm gonna invite you to this very personal pan party and it's very personal

and I'm going out on a limb do you want to come to the sex party uh no ah shit I wish I hadn't invited you the personal pan sex party um like they do need a designated watcher and everyone though maybe that's something you could volunteer for just the person who watches all the sex sex stuff happening yeah and puts you know number stickers on everybody to tell them how good they're doing or you could just be like in the coat check yeah you could do coat check I don't understand maybe just send an edible arrangement you know yeah I couldn't make it apologies you enjoy the sort of person that you're the sort of person that wouldn't want to go to an orgy you weren't invited to the orgy it's a fucking your friend nailed it like they crushed it

we're gonna get an email from their friend that's just like hey I'd fucking crush I had no advice needed I fucking crushed it with the evites on this fucking I sent out some fun jib jab evites to my orgy and I fucking crushed it with who I invited I got a 100 yes zero percent no rating I thought about my friend Stacy but then I was like nah she doesn't seem like she'd be down and I saved us both a really uncomfortable uh no to that so yeah 100% if I just wanted to brag crush it jib jab dot com go great comedy source what we're dealing with here is like a VIN diagram with a very very very very small overlap and one says people who don't want to go to orgies and the other circle says people who want to be invited to orgies and you are the one person in the overlap

that exists I can't um we should wait I think there's a delineation between orgy and swing or sex party I just want to make sure that we acknowledge that there is that we understand there's a difference it's just like we're trying to use efficiency of language here okay fine we get it I have a speech impediment I'm not very good with my s's so I like to stick with non s words thank you very much there are no there's no like there's no judgment here no 100% this is fantastic I'm so glad it's happening go America or whatever country this is happening in I do have an issue why do you know about this party someone at some point is doing this so fucking wrong to me you just it's just implied obviously you don't tell people

that you're going to a fun sex party with some people they know I don't think it's a judgment thing as much as like it's just more fun that way it's just not done it's just it's unprecedented any party especially if you're because this is how I imagine the invite goes it's like a one-on-one it's not like you stand up in the break room and go hey by the way having a party later if anybody wants to come so clearly in this one-on-one invite you know that there's some exclusionary tactics happening here so for you to then on any party go around being like yeah got invited to a party did you like no that's not how you deal with that check this shit check this shit out though sex parties off and popping and it's going so good

and lots of love making going on it's great and then who walks in it's fucking Anderson Cooper and he's like there's a mole and then all of a sudden we get that fucking return revival of the mole that we've all been waiting for but it's like a very very very erotic mole that would be that would be the best television show that's ever ever are you kidding me with this rating I need you to stop with this bonanza you're having and take this quiz on who the mole is can we wait I'm almost finished with my bonanza yes you can wait it's fine I'm the designated watcher for this one anyway so continue the bonanza please enjoy your bonanza just know that the love you make maybe with the mole well you've ruined it I have no problem with that Anderson oh okay okay I don't

want to make love to the model I might have underestimated how much people cared about not having sex with the mole I will say this the mole is fucking smoking hot and really good at doing it so so you got that going for you so you got that maybe you don't want to vote him off the island or however the mole works it's been a long time I just can't see a world where a mod reshaw doesn't try to sneak in there though yeah it seems like he would definitely want to be the guy like I don't think I don't think Anderson can handle this one on his own I do need to just go ahead and yeah help help him on this one on this Mitch one of the two hosts is a mole but we won't tell you which one man I miss the mole fuck yeah mole's good show it's a good television show all right time to go

the money zone follow me I'll show you the way gotta tell you about it gotta tell you about a box I got yesterday not yesterday it was a few days ago I opened it and my nose is full of the of the passionate smell of a beautiful beautiful blooms a bunch of beautiful blooms because it's from pro flowers because it's that time of year where pro flowers sends us flowers and all of a sudden I have flowers in my house and at first I panicked because I'm like I don't know what to do with these things but then I remember you just sort of look at them and smell them and they're great because they what is it Travis well I was just gonna say like I can give you a 99% guarantee from my brother my brother and me to you that these

flowers will not contain a listening device oh no no listening devices here that's not how pro flowers does it if it if there's a listening device it was planted thereby you know I guess the whatever postal service delivered them so they have really they have these are great flowers good prices and right now you can get two dozen assorted roses with a free glass vase for $29.99 plus shipping and handling that's what we've got beautiful vase with some beautiful roses it really lightens up the kitchen and can I tell you a secret Griffin please you can reuse that vase yeah no I realized we put it on this on the counter and I placed it in between two identical vases that we have full of some lovely like gemstones I don't break into my house though please they're

not real gemstones I don't just have a big earn full of rubies and emeralds but right now the only way to get two dozen assorted roses with a free glass vase starting at $29.99 I just I know I said 20 and then a bunch of nine sounds it's 29.99 just go to proflowers.com use the code my brother that's proflowers.com click on the microphone and type in the code my brother don't wait this deal expires soon no valentine's day is coming up and a lot of people are just looking for like a fun special way to celebrate here it is this is it you found it you found it I would like to tell you about Casper yeah it's a mattress company that's done change the mattress game I got two in my house one that I sleep on in my bedroom and one that I sleep on in the nursery

when my baby's being real fussy and I don't want to bother my wife I put my baby in her crib and I sleep in the on the Casper mattress in the nursery and everybody sleeps okay I'll say not great but the quality of the sleep is good it's the baby screaming that is the biggest effect on the sleep and not the mattress that's just that's a little insight onto the Travis McRoy sleep scape but it has nothing to do with whether or not Casper is great because it is yeah it's a fucking great it's a great great old mattress we got one in the guest room and every time we have guests over they always talk about how how sick it is have you talked about the free trial and return policy you can sleep on a casper for 100 days with free delivery to the US and Canada and if you

don't like it that's not possible but you get painless returns so no big deal um $50 towards any mattress purchase can be yours by going to casper.com slash my brother and using promo code my brother all one word at checkout terms and conditions plot jesson can you tell me about this next message yes this uh message is that the person who wrote the message wrote also wrote a book so they're kind of multifaceted yeah just writing a bunch of things so a bunch of different like vehicles it's called systematic how systems biology is transforming modern medicine and it explains how simple biological pieces work together to do complicated things how the neurons in your brain work together to allow you to think how the microbes in your gut might influence your weight and mood

how bamboo flowering schedules create swarms of rats in India every 48 years and how gerbils in Kazakhstan get bubonic plague can you can you take another run at saying the name of that country Kazakhstan Kazakhstan well agreed to disagree no don't have no disagreement to be found here sir whichever one of you that is interrupting me so rudely can i please just read the call to action i mean i guess i guess so but just the country has a way of saying it but go go for it sorry um pick up a i think this is like a mexico mexico kind of thing definitely not a copy of systematic at amazon barns and noble or your local bookstore starting february 7th 2017 uh which is tomorrow you can go get it you should say what they said in their message though because they kind of they

kind of they did throw a little shade they said which was definitely 11 months ago but it wasn't it's tomorrow it's tomorrow you fucking asshole nailed thanks for the money thanks for the money but anyways pick up systematic uh now now you can write a third thing it's an apology note looking forward to it uh i have a message here for melanie uh and it's from your little sister who says happy birthday melanie i love you so much and to express just how much you mean to me i chose the sweetest baby brother in the whole world to tell you so on your favorite podcast you're my best friend an amazing older sister and i love you tremendously here's to you um this one is also i miss you miss you tremendously oh what did i say kazakhstan i miss you tremendously here's

to you uh and this is supposed to go up in february so we're guys i'm feeling good about how we're starting this year off with i mean with regards to jumbo trons and literally in no other regard literally no other way am i cool with how the how we're doing so far except for this one way we're doing it pretty good the first ever very very fun day is coming to tally hall in chicago on february 11 with media sponsorship from wbez 91.5 advanced tickets are sold out but we will have limited number of tickets for sale at the door so come on out for a day jam packed with five great max fun podcasts for local shows and a comic showcase for more information please visit maximumfun.org slash very very fun day

so another question here from a listener and it goes oh no we're gonna do a yahoo shush okay you're the boss hmm media luminary swinging his 30 on the 30 around how about this one from morgan davie keep it waving morgan davie it's from yahoo answers user lisa r who says what is a good argument to convince my parents to let me have a two horses hello hello hi i've been dreading the conversation convincing my parents to allow me to get another horse right now i have a horse that i was going to use for barrel racing which um i'll interject here is when you stuff a horse into a barrel and then you stand on top of the barrel and you just kind of run with

it all wacky um but turned out to be better at western pleasure and that's where i don't know man i'm gonna need one y'all to google i know that means you're not going to pay attention to the rest of the question but i must know what western pleasure is travis i know i know just one of you i need one of you to listen to the rest of the question it is a western style competition at horse shows that evaluate horses on manners and suitability of the horse couldn't have found couldn't find a better name yeah western pleasure fucking sick we're gonna get into horse manners here in a second why couldn't we just fucking i'm gonna start a new podcast and i have zero time for new projects right now i swore to i swore to myself no new projects but now i must

have a podcast called western pleasure and it's this it's a fan it's a fancast for northern exposure um i uh okay right now i have a horse that i was going to use for barrel racing but turned out to be better at western pleasure and i have gotten very attached to this horse anyways so now i'd like to add a new that's just a bad sentence construction so that western pleasure i have grown very attached to this horse uh anyway so now i'd like to add a new speed horse and do not know how to come about this conversation with my parents i feel like their main argument point will be why do you need two horses please help me so we've we've done gosh how many questions about horses all of them secretly there's an undercurrent of horse in everything and we've talked about

convincing the parents to let me get a horse this is a this is a new and exciting avenue for us which is what if there's another one uh this is a super quick sidebar i did uh search western pleasure in itunes and while it returned no podcast it did return a book oh good handsome ty steel a professional horse trainer is looking to add to his income by offering horseback riding lessons that its horse arm all right unfortunately he accidentally places his ad in the personal section of the local newspaper gordon berghardt recently transferred from new york to the midwest comes across the ad his overactive libido causes him to misinterpret the ad as offering something far different than what ty and ten fucking yes happens when gordon arrives at the farm for his

lesson and that is the book by terrio riley called western pleasure and you can get it for 199 tear my fucking pants off western pleasure hell yeah what's a good argument to convince my parents to let me have two horses though um i mean here's the thing you said came up with the best argument okay well did you just interrupt me or is the the fucking i just interrupt it no i just interrupted you but i came up with a really good joke and i didn't want to wait i well that's the trickle in the travest macaroy story holy shit shit you make me do it fucking go for it then best argument for two horses i have four legs yeah i mean that's a good dammit you're right all right worth it but the legs would have to be

sorry travis the legs would have to be arranged i am a senator no no no no see dummy it can't be like that it has to be broke the joke it has to be four horizontally aligned a perpendicular i'm a comb of legs you have to be a comb right i'm a human centipede just getting started okay the best argument and i'm being serious here because i want to seriously fucking help this person because that used to mean something around here is you said parents plural s you got two parents two horses romantic rides romantic horse dates for the folks i'll use this motherfucker for western pleasure i'll use this i'm a fuck for speed racing and then on the weekends you take him out to the ranch you're having a good time out there romantic time maybe you start feeling

things that you haven't felt he's gotten a little bit stale going out on horseback's going to change all that hmm the problem is convincing your parents that two horses is not a case of diminishing returns because it you have to feed feed two separate horses now you have to like stable two separate horses now and you can't ride both of them you singular cannot ride both of them at the same time so i how do you convince your parents that it is an increase it is a return on investment and i think the answer is you have to convince them the horse is magical oh okay not that you need another horse general but you need this specific horse see this horse is fire type the one i got now fire type and so when a water type comes around i'm fucked so i need to get me a grass type horse

that can just kidding all horses are grass type is all they is silly geese uh here's what you got to do i got a solution for you on this one this one i got a solution for what you're going to do is you're going to buy two horses before your parents find out oh i see once they're um once they are both there you marry them so you're there and then your parents are like you've got to sell one of these bad boys and you say well mom dad they're married yeah so um no i don't think that i'm going to sell one because they're a married pair of married couple i do like justin in this scenario that you have assumed that the person asking this question is someone who has the means to purchase two horses they're just afraid of the condemnation from their parents i

thought you're going to say the means to marry a horse at which point i was going to just jump through the internet travis and tell you everybody can marry a horse it's all make believe and we're all just having make believe fun when we talk about these things i could go out and marry two horses right now i can i could marry two dogs if i wanted to i guess that's true technically speaking he's i couldn't come up with any argument yeah there's no argument against me yeah absolutely so i think if you marry the horses then legally your parents can't make use of either one of them yeah marry them to each other or you marry them no you marry them to each other travis okay i just justin just wanted to make sure we all understood what page we were on

you were on a bad page no no no i just wanted to make sure everyone knew what page we all optioned in the fucking choose choose your own adventure novel and you got ate by a yeti sir and then i married the yeti you married the yeti you loved the yeti very very much i'm going to ask another question the other day in my intro to criminal justice class a student who got a whole lemon and started to peel it and then he asked me for the time so i told him and he went oh okay in a sad tone of voice and put his partially peeled living back and he put his partially peeled living back and he was back almost ashamed of his actions my question is this what should i do if the situation comes up again what is the code word

that i could use so i could get this man to enjoy his living in class i think he's some kind of such a sleeper agent and i need advice and that's confused and such a thing on court this is we have been getting listen before we talk about this i just want to say we have been getting some fucking all-time questions from yeah the last like the past few weeks yeah have been all-time questions and i can't thank you enough for making this show palatable um there's so many there's so many i love our listeners and i believe i listen i believe you if you come to us with a question yet that is a sacred bond of trust you put forward i believe you except i don't believe this person because there's so many there's so many angles to this

dangle that is just unimaginable the fact that this person is apparently going to eat a lemon is like not even chief among them but that they un unpeeled they unspooled this lemon a little bit found out that the time was bad or wrong and then put the partially unpeeled just gonna let some of the raw flesh of the fruit touch the inside of my jansport what this this kind of thing always makes me feel oh i'm an old man now i'm 33 i'm not as hip as i used to be this always makes me fear like that this is a reference or a meme or some kind of internet joke that was like a setup that like you were supposed to respond a certain way like what's the fox say you're like this is math class what are you talking about what are you talking about okay this is a this was a gag from

last night's american dad well he didn't fucking see that of course oh i've got it start so you're saying that you're saying that after they asked for what time you should have looked at them with the eyes and said what's that yeah exactly that's exactly yeah here's what i think the proper responses in this situation they start peeling the lemon they say excuse you do you have the time you do a dramatic take make eye contact with them in whisper it's the sour hour and then just everything goes crazy i mean i i think you could even be more on the nose than that and just say it's time for me to watch you apparently eat a lemon like one like one might eat a delicious tangelo and i'm very much looking forward to it so please don't don't don't cock block me again i gotta watch this pop

off please i've been thinking about it all week since you bailed on me last week you left me devastated i do enjoy the image of a person who attends their class with a lemon and not a phone so they have the one thing they do have a lemon with them they left the house today with a lemon and not a phone yeah doesn't this make this reminds me of like those logic puzzles where it's like two men meet at a restaurant and order albatross and say for old times sake and when they take a bite they flink themselves off a brick like this is like there's some explanation here that i just don't understand and it's like well you have to know that lemon is also another word for and it's like odd all makes sense now is there possibly maybe like a university wide protest a very subtle

protest we're like all right at noon we're all gonna eat our lemons right we'll all eat a lemon at the same time maybe maybe you're maybe you're on to it maybe it's just this person feels like being very disruptive today so they take a big juicy bite of their lemon while the professor's talking about criminal justice and he's like what's really important to understand about juris prudence and then this person's just like chomp oh can you please do you mind not doing that in the middle of my class hey it's we're allowed to eat i looked it up in the bylaws huh kankersores oh the kankersores are they're barking is it is it maybe a flash mob is there maybe a flash mob happening and this person's one role in the flash mob is to eat a lemon at the exact moment there's like

some improv everywhere shit i don't know but they missed it they missed it that's it yeah that's what they yeah it's not that they're too early it's that they're too late and the the whole fucking uh mousetrap style like uh uh what's the word for like the rube goldberg machine oh they were sort of started yeah exactly them eating the lemon was started so there's just a flash mob like waiting at 1201 like come on cherry come on and then jerry shows up the class at 101 because they forgot about daylight savings time and it's like what time is it you're like it's 101 you're like oh oh no the mob's gonna be so mad at me they plan on doing a flash mob to let zeppelin's the lemon song and then they're like ah fuck i even brought the prop i guess i gotta eat it now

um this is amazing i can't imagine it's so good is there another good question that you want to do um my office puts a 1000 piece puzzle in the break room oh man for everyone to work on when finished a picture of the puzzle is taken displayed and a new puzzle is put out although people work on the puzzles i'm always the one who completes them nice am i good or should i let someone else know the sweet satisfaction of putting in that final piece and that's from puzzling cleveland ohio um this is a good question but also i want to address the fact that you work at an office we're hanging on the walls i guess might come into your office to do business and see a fucking framed picture of just like a bunch of balloons that's that's pretty cool you guys really into

balloons and what is that ice cream and that's uh that's the album cover of sergeant peppers lovely hearts club band boy you guys are into a lot of diverse topics i see i love this super cool pixar slash google workspace where the bosses are like no we don't care if you spend hours on end in the break room working on a puzzle whatever we're cool here it's a it's a puzzle qa facility so it is part of their here's what i would do fucking mix it up are you ready for this when you're about to put in the final piece of the puzzle put something underneath the puzzle flip it over upside down wait for someone to enter the room and then put the last piece in oh and they'll look at you and you'll just be like that's how i do it fucking bobby budding from

slit your short side i put the puzzle in like i could put it together backwards i feel like the picture is cheap that is so and you become a fucking office legend i have another way of doing a good and that is just when you're about to crush it you call everybody in guys come in here i'm about to crush this puzzle folks come in to watch you smash the puzzle and you get that last piece and here it goes and you like hold it way up in the air like you're gonna slam dunk it like oh you're bringing your arm down and everybody's like cheering and clapping because they're about to be set free from the puzzle and then you spring your arm down but then your arm hooks and crooks and you put it in your mouth and you eat it and then everybody's like whoa yo james what the fuck

and then you say there's a final piece of the puzzle is you teamwork is the final piece of the puzzle and everybody claps now you're the boss you've inspired everybody and they take a picture this this puzzle without a piece and all of a sudden it's like an office episode because it didn't go right but they learned something why wouldn't they just frame the puzzle why do they take a picture that is that for like so we could do it again later uh do they have that few puzzles yeah we gotta keep this this is a fucking premise strategy guide on balloon puzzle what if we get an issue as a reference for the next time like it looks like this when it's done that'd be sick if i've fucking worked out office and they have me put together a thousand

piece balloon puzzle and it took me a month and then all of a sudden they brought in and they're like guess what same balloon puzzle i'd be like fuck yeah all right guys let's get it together we know the green one's there at the bottom left and let's just work from there i can't imagine i can't imagine i think being the person to finish the puzzle i get it yeah can't imagine being the person to start the puzzle what would be worse than that like if i see a pile of puzzle pieces i'm just gonna keep on walking there's no words on heaven or it's gonna make me start the sorting process unless you find those tasty corners you find those corners and then all of a sudden you're like my work here is done everything you do will

be built on the back of my major accomplishment here i am now the now i'm the puzzle master you know um ooh that's what you when you get to that last piece you take that last piece you go out in the office and you find the person who's been having a rough time maybe like they just lost the big account and you walk up to them and you like kind of flip it to them like you're flipping them a quarter and you're like you need this more than i do and like they get to squish the puzzle they can squish the puzzle one thing that you could do is um take early on in the process steal one piece of the puzzle and then um put it in a giant sack of foam waffles and make them like slip around and look for it that's how um mark summers have been a double there uh at

his office and he got fired for that but then he got a job at double there so it all worked out in the end another thing you could do is buy go to spincer's gifts and bring bring like a hundred dollars because you're going to want to purchase a lot of fun stuff in there but you buy a sexy erotic puzzle um just like a good doing it puzzle and then everybody's putting together this balloon puzzle at work and then you go in to finish it you shut and lock the doors you throw that balloon puzzle away and you put down this finished sex puzzle and then when people come in you'd be like yeah i guess we just couldn't see it until it was finished but damn jerry you picked up a pre-fucking erotic puzzle bud a lot of hunks in this puzzle a lot of hunks a lot of hunky hunky

puzzles a lot of a lot of fucking trouser dogs in this one huh bud hey hey jerry this this puzzle is called western pleasure that's not a fucking wild man figure that out i mean it's fucking good it's tasteful and like very like sexy but like i also thought it was gonna be balloons i'm as surprised as anyone right i thought balloons until the moment i put the dick one in and then this one piece did have the dick in it then you fucking reach down you pop a piece out and you shift the rest of the puzzle a little bit it's fucking one of those lintricular ventricular dealies and all of a sudden it turns into balloons as soon as you pop that one piece out what is this sorcery that's another thing you could also do folks that's gonna do it for us this week i'm

my brother my brother me we hope you've enjoyed yourself we last week put out the trailer for our tv show if you want to watch that uh you could check out c-sos facebook page or c-sos youtube channel or just fine i mean it's not hard to find media it's 2017 just like find it find on youtube and wherever go watch it a lot of people liked it that was very gratifying yeah um i'm very excited for we're gonna like more and more stuff so it's gonna keep coming out until the show comes out on the 23rd i am holy shit guys that's very soon huh two weeks two weeks holy shit all right well um i think i think everybody's gonna dig it so if you don't please don't tell us because the podcast can be bad like we've made like 4 000 of these whatever but we only made six of the tv show

and so if you think it's bad it would hurt my feelings very much yeah it would hurt hurt feelings um and uh if you we've heard from a lot of people i just want to clarify this on the show we've heard from a lot of people who do not live in america and as such uh have difficulty accessing c-so i'm sorry for that very very sorry for that the that situation exists uh we also have like no there's no reality in which we have any control over that whatsoever um and the c-so would be worse for our people i mean if they could just flip a switch i'm sure i'm sure this which it is not because they hate canada and you know like it's there's there's like bonkers licensing stuff um involved i mean i'm talking about which we also have no yeah we're never

asked we have no idea um but uh ask them like that's the best thing you can do just tell them on twitter like hey i live in this area and i'd really like to watch the show i understand people are frustrated please don't be like mean about it and be like fuck you guys that's that that's they're really they were really nice and they let us make a tv show with a lot of money yeah so like i don't know um i want to thank john roger for the long winters for the use of our theme song instead of parter off the album putting the days to bed can i do that can i do can i do that please do hey thanks that was that was it also to the international thing i did want to say um if history is any indication there will be one episode of the show that is

freely available on youtube so everybody will at least be able to watch one episode of it i believe we're also working on an event uh on the 15th of this month that we're going to be streaming and we are going to be doing you know kind of a press event showing an episode and doing a q and a afterwards which you should be able to watch uh watch our our twitter stream and our facebook page for the details on that yeah we should know more by next week's episode so hopefully we'll have the details then but we want to make sure we get as many people included as possible uh thanks to max fun for having us go to maxfunfun.org check out all the great podcasts there um uh congrats to jessie and therisa having another baby um very very exciting the the portland

show sold out very very quickly oh yeah um there's a thread started on the facebook group uh for people who weren't able to get tickets and are looking for tickets because there's always like you got tickets and then you found out you had to work that night or something and you're not able to go um if you do end up with tickets that you're unable to use posting in the facebook group is a super cool thing to do um and we know it sold out really quick um and and we apologize that they went so fast but hopefully there will be some ticket exchanges made and some people who weren't able to attend are able to go if you're going to be at that show and you have questions you can start sending them in now just put portland live show in the subject line so we can start

grouping those questions together um and we'll see you there uh you all want that final yeah yes i'm gonna give it to you then here it comes it's from uh sent in by dana scarborough thank you dana it's by yahoo answers user c who asks are flautists capable of expelling poisoned darts from a flute my name is just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy i'm griffin macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad score on the lips the girls didn't want to say maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported going into a bullseye interview i know it's somebody who does amazing work but it's an actual conversation i don't know

where it's headed the absolutely you're absolutely right you said it actually better than i did so i have to think about what that means hey these are this this this is the straight talk that that you're going to get on the show bullseye creators you know creators you need to know find it at maximum fun dot org or wherever you get podcasts