My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 348: Stardust and Dino Piss

Episode Date: March 27, 2017

Happy second week of the MaxFunDrive! Everyone has been absolutely killing it! Let's finish strong with an episode that, no shit, starts with an in-depth, 15-minute-long discussion about Craig T. Nelson's body of work. Suggested talking points: Craig Twitter Nelson, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Owning Tables, Beltblaster, Willem Dafoe in the Upside-Down, Cell-Free Dads, Vampire Times, ;), All Drinks are Water

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new craze And the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it Just say, hey, I want it Hello everybody, welcome my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis Patrick McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary Patrick Davis. Tyler Griffin McElroy Right before the Irish sounding names, you know? Right before we started, like literally a half a second before Justin went in, he whispered, trust me, into the microphone. And I do, but I am scared as hell, I think, a little bit.

Don't be scared. Don't be scared. It's just, I have it. I can't, I couldn't tell you guys about the intro without spoiling the intro. All right, give it. Because then we'll miss the, I don't know how I've managed to sit on it this long, but here it comes, the best thing that happened yesterday. I was flying after visiting my brother and his beautiful new baby. Oh yeah, I forgot to text, but did you get home all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

I don't know why we do that. We all text each other after we get home from a flight. Like, hey, I got home all right. As if like, what's the, what's the opposite? I mean, I guess there is an opposite, right? But it's so powerful. Well, because you were so worried about me all day until, well, I mean, that doesn't hold up in this one because you defo didn't text or anything.

But I just always assumed that we as macros just have no object permanence. And like, that's why we need people. But because as soon as they leave our side, it's like, they're gone. They're going forever until we get the text that's like, I'm okay. I'm fine. Thank God. You're more, you're more likely to get in car accident than plane accident. So like, should I text you guys like, got back from Arby's?

It's all good. Don't worry about it. You don't do that. I don't have for long. It was a long way away Arby's. If it was a destination Arby's. All Arby's are destination Arby's just sorry. What was the greatest thing you ever saw in the airport?

Thank you. Jebus. So I went through Houston and I had to take a little tram on the way back from front to from terminal to terminal. Houston's a buck wild airport, by the way. Houston looked at how every other airport was doing it and it was like, nah, we're going to try a whole other thing. You got to take a tram to all the terminals and all and our gates board like 10 in a group

and you got to wait to go down to them. It's bizarre. It's a weird airport. But I'm navigating this bizarre system and who should I see on the tram next to me? But mister. Craig T. Nelson. I got a Craig T. Nelson sighting fresh. A brown leather jacket.

Of course. Approximately eight feet tall. Wearing a very large ring in Texas. The prime Primo Craig T. Nelson. And a Primo Craig. What was his security detail wearing? It was Louis and Phillip, which is his nicknames for his biceps. Because he's Craig T. Nelson.

Is he toned? He's 72 years old. He looks fucking fantastic. Yeah. There is no way this human man is 72 years old. He looked like a demigod. Yeah. He looks amazing.

Which is you wouldn't think. I think Craig T. Nelson has had some times where I mean, I don't think he was as toned as cut in poltergeist, for example. Right. But I guess like, I guess as he reached a silver year, so it's just like it's time to get serious about my health. And so Craig T. Nelson got really diesel, got really yoked. I'm into the, I'm so jealous, Justin.

I'd love a Craig Siding. It was like such a good Craig Siding. And the best part of this Craig Siding is that we were going to the same gate. So like not the same gate, but the same, because the way they do it there, it's like 10 in a group. So like we're going to the same area, I guess. You made me think for a second that he was going to the same gate as you.

And he was getting on a plane to Huntington with you to go see what Huntington was all about. No, you all would know about that. It was kind of weird that went like, I did, okay. This is embarrassing. I did have a moment where I was like, I got a TV show. I can go say hi.

Nope. Abort, abort. You can't. I got like, hey, our fellow TV star. It's me, Hoops. Remember my show? Anyway, we're going to the same area. So I got to just observe Craig in his day to day.

Perfect gentleman, obviously. Houston is an absolute nightmare in terms of shopping. It's more restaurants and shopping than gates. I walked past three burger places to get to my gate. We take care of you here in Texas. But I did see, I only saw one person sort of like make the connection because they felt like they had to. And I heard the person,

like he's walking this way and the person's walking towards me. And this person just goes, love your work. That's good. And I think that's code for, I forgot what coach was called. I forgot the name of the show coach. I forgot your name. I forgot the name of the show coach. Good work, sports teacher.

My one shot. I did learn from this murals later that he's or was on parenthood. I think it was all over parenthood. Also on grace and Frankie. I mean, either, but that's the problem. Parenthables. I mean, and I just kind of reiterate.

Craig seems to look fucking great. You look great, yeah. If I looked like Craig T. Nelson looks now and you knew my age, you would be like, he's a really, that looks, that's a good look in 36. Yeah. I would be, I would swat bodies with Craig T. Nelson. Justin, let me ask you a question.

Because this is a calculation I do anytime I see like a recognizable celebrity. I do a calculation in my head of, is this, is this the type of celebrity, are they at a place down their career? Are they the type of person that if I walk up to them and talk to them, they will be happy that someone came up to them? Or will they be like, again, I'm just trying to walk. Almost never.

Will they? Oh, good. Interruption. My favorite. I'm going to disagree Griffin, because I think there's two ends of the bell curve. We're like over here, where we are, we're happy when people come up and talk to us. Yes. And over here, where like the kid from Jerry Maguire is,

he's probably happy when people come up and talk to him. You know what I mean? But what about in the middle? If I had, if I had a fucking walk on roll on coach, where I had four lines in one episode, where I was sort of a tertiary character, you could not talk to me. You could not approach me. You know why?

Because I had hung out with Craig T. Nelson, and I had gotten some of that stardust on me. And then that makes me unapproachable. So yes, as of right now, I am to approach me. Come on, come at me. But if they ever reboot coach, and I'm on it even a little bit, that's it. You missed your window.

Craig T. Nelson does not tweet a lot. In case you're, I almost tweeted at him. And his last tweet was in 2011. Can you read it word for word, please? I've got a lot of requests to weigh in on the PSU scandal. As a former coach, I think we need to protect our kids at ABC News. Yeah, I mean, that's not a bad take. Yeah.

This is very important. His first tweet was, the man only did seven tweets. Got in, got out, did his art, got out. You didn't overstay his welcome. His first one said, my personal assistant told me I should be on Twitter. I'm still not convinced that this is a good idea. And it seems like he never quite bought the company in line there. I have a very, sorry, Joe, good.

I have a very important question. Okay. When he says a former coach, was he actually a coach in real life at some point? Does he mean as a former coach, capital C? Like, as one might, like David Tennant might say, as a former doctor. That doesn't mean he was a doctor in real life. At least Craig T. Nelson saying that as someone who has embodied the role of coach, I have a lot of thoughts on this.

Craig had a lot of pretty good tweets in his time. It is wild. It is wild three-month dalliance with Twitter, all of which came in 2011. Let's go through his whole body of work then. Why not? We've done two sevens of it. Let's buy the whole thing. So there were a couple of replies.

And I'm, so I'm not gonna, okay. No, actually, I'm going to read all of his tweets. This is the entire tweet bibliography of Craig T. Nelson. His next tweet. I can't wait for fault TV to start. Check out my new show, Parenthood. Nice. No, that's good.

A lot of people were like. That's good. It's like I was TV. I like TV just like you like TV. And check out my new show, Parenthood. His next one is a tweet to Charlie Day. Says, thanks for the shout out on it. It's always sunny. I really like the show.

Good, good, good tweet presence so far. Yeah, he's connected. He's figured out how to like connect with other influencers. This is good. This is, I'm proud of him actually. This is a, this is a very buck wild tweet. Uh-oh. This says.

Is it turning on us? It's at Fox News and says, you should consider following noted author slash outdoorsman Larry Dablemont. He just joined and I love his stuff. So if I could just get this clear. Hold on. Craig T. Nelson is treating at Fox News to tell their Twitter account to follow a guy he knows named Larry that just joined

because he's a noted outdoorsman and he loves this stuff. If you click through to Larry Dablemont, it is now registered to someone named Eric Cohen. So Larry also, this is, this is Craig's fourth tweet and he's telling the Fox News Twitter account has to better utilize the medium of Twitter. The next tweet, dear coach fans, I will be. He may as well just said dear everyone.

Dear coach fans, I will be making a special appearance in Springfield, Missouri for Saturdays. Hashtag Saturdays. I don't know what that is, but I'm sad I missed it six years ago. Next tweet, this man brings it all together. He says at Larry Dablemont, my agent encouraged me to read your blog. I love it. Maybe we can get a hunt in when I come in to Missouri for Saturdays.

This is like an ARG. What's going on? And then he talks about the PSU Skate all the end of Craig T. That's seriously the seven tweets you meet in heaven. That's the only seven tweets you need is what's up. I don't want to be on here, but here I am. Yeah, I was on coach. I found this dude.

Anyway, this is cool. Hey, dude. Hey, Fox, you should follow this dude. Hey, dude, you want to go home when I come in town for Saturdays? By the way, come at me if you're a fan of coach. I think the PSU scandal is really, really bad. It's really bad what happened over there. Coach out.

I tweeted all I could tweet. There's nothing. I've hit, oh, see, that's the thing. You got to spread out your seven subjects of tweet over several years. And he used all seven Twitter subjects up in what? Larry Dablemont, Larry Dablemont part two, a scandal. He hit all the bullet points. Crushed it.

I should mention two things. The first one is that is not a verified account. Oh, God. So there's every chance that that might not. There is no, it is the best. It is the best evidence of Craig T. Nelson's Twitter presence. Because I was going to tweet at him and be like, Houston, what's up?

Check out the Whataburger. It's dope as hell. But I didn't do that because he had been off for so long. And I thought that would have been a little bit pitiful. Secondly, welcome to Max Fun Drive Week part two. Sorry about spending 13 of your minutes. I have one last thing. One last thing.

One last thing. Do you think the T in his name stands for Twitter because he's so good at it? And then one actual last thing is the answer to that question is no. Nobody knows what the T stands for because once somebody speaks that out loud, he's banished from this realm. Can I also say just one? I also just want to say I'm sorry for saying that Jonathan Lipnick, he was at the other end of the bell curve of career for most.

I feel bad about that now. I actually don't know what he's been up to. We don't know what he's done. For all I know, he's working a bunch. I reached it in my brain. That was the poll. I'm not proud of it. I'm so sorry.

Mr. Lipnicky, if you're listening, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Welcome to Max Fun Drive Week. Welcome to Max Fun Drive, everybody, including Craig T. Nelson, who I hope is listening at this point. And Jonathan Lipnicky, who I hope is. And Johnny Lips. Jonathan Lipnicky is cut out of wood now.

He's fucking crazy hard. He's also yulked. Him and Craig T. Nelson hit up the Iron Church together. Getting ready for Incredibles 2, which is going to be a live action movie. Anyway, so. Max Fun Drive, huh? Max Fun Drive.

We get paid for this, if you can believe it. And it's all thanks to you, our beloved listeners. We'll tell you more about the Max Fun Drive in a little bit. We would have more time to do it now, but we did spend 14 and a half minutes talking about Craig T. Nelson. Craig Twitter Nelson, man. Craig, Craig, Craig, Twitter, Nelson. Can we get him verified, please?

Can we please verify this six year old Twitter account? Maximumfun.org. Ford slash donate is the place to go. You'll get all the details there, and we're going to go through them again, but it goes like this. If you like our show, if you like other shows, Maximum Fun, they take money to put together.

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Go there right now and get all the details, but we need to start our program because of the extended period of time we spent talking about Twitter Nelson. Here comes our first question. I've been dating this guy for a few weeks, and I went to his apartment recently. I found out that he lives with two other people, but zero tables. There's not even a kitchen table.

Their kitchen area is just a pile of groceries. It's bothering me that my boyfriend doesn't own a table anywhere in his apartment. Oh my God. How do I buy a table for another person without it being weird? That's from tabletop troubles in Topeka. Well, first of all, congratulations to these folks doing it in the Japanese style.

That's really cool. This is not the Japanese style. It's important that everybody in it. They definitely got tables. The tables are maybe a little bit lower than you're used to, but they are elevated off the ground. This is an incredible opportunity for you. Yeah, because you're going to give them a transformative gift someday.

Yeah, what if they just don't know? Yeah. What is this? What is this four-legged high floor? What? The high floor. Do you mean the table that I bought you? The up floor.

What's more upsetting? The lack of tables or their kitchen area is just a pile of groceries. Yeah, I'm confused by that. Do they not have a refrigerator either? Do they live on Paper Street? They don't have cabinets. They don't have counters. How decrepit are we talking here?

Are they in some kind of Frank Lloyd White House where everything is the same level? There's no couches. There's no counters. This is my new house, Nasty Kitchen. And what I've done here is there's no furniture, so you just keep all your eggs and stuff right on the floor. Right as God invented.

I call it Flat Town. Call it Yucky Flat Town. I think you should get... Start off small. Start off small with an end table that you put in the middle. A night stand. And then you slowly, a night stand perhaps. I was going to suggest actually maybe a card table.

Because what that does is I want you to try out this life, but if you don't like it, then you can just throw it away or put it in a closet or something and let it fold it up and put it away. And then you don't have to ever think about it again. So it's not like you have to live with this forever kind of situation. You only need one really good table, right? Oh, we have a coffee table and a dining room table and like a kitchen counter.

And really the coffee table is the only one we really use. So you just need the one good table. Like what do you play your board games on? You just set it down on the floor and hunch over it. That's not good for you or your back. You know what, maybe this is like a life... Whatever the life-changing joy of tidying up or whatever the book's called, we're like...

Yeah, I actually think life changing magic of tidying up, I think. Yeah, when they walked up to their tables, they put their hands on it and they thought, does this bring me joy? And they thought, no, this is just a flat service. I hate this actually. Guys, I got an outside the box one for you. Does this table bring any of you joy?

And it's like, you know what? Go to thick fit. No, we just throw our bills on there. And then they pile up. It looks terrible. Let's not table. Let's not. Does this bring you guys joy?

All it does is it sits in this little compartment. We never look at it. Are you talking about the hot water heater? Yeah, fuck that thing. Get the fuck out of here. I hate you, hot water heater. It's just taking up space. It's just taking up space and we never see it.

Oh boy, my shower's so cold now, but fuck that hot water heater. I'm too proud to go back. Also, my metabolism is raging. I feel amazing. It's wild. My skin is clean and clear and under control. Does this bring you joy?

No, it stinks all the time. Get rid of it. This is the trash can. You wanted to get rid of the trash can? Where's the trash go? All over. We sort of dissipate the stink by hiding it all over the house. Does this bring me joy?

No, I can't see what food we have. Yeah, but it's the refrigerator. Yeah, but it hides the food away. I want to see the food. It's gone. Get out of here, you joyless cube. Does this bring me joy? It's hard and I fall on it.

Oh, that's the floor. Now you've gotten rid of the floor. It doesn't bring you joy, but I do think it is important to be around for sure. Now just taking up space. No, wasting everybody's time. Get on a table. You need a fucking table.

Now I'm turning, I'm starting to get kind of frustrated now. Get on a table. Is it, maybe the apartment's like cramped or something and so they don't have a lot of table room, but it's such an essential, you got to have a table. It's a table is a chair's best friend. Here's my theory. This is my working theory on why they don't have a table.

When Teresa and I moved from Cincinnati to Los Angeles, we got rid of our old microwave and said, we'll just get a new microwave when we get there. Okay. Then we got there and did not immediately buy a microwave. And then time began to pass and the momentum of not having a microwave built up and built up to the point where in the entire two years

we lived in Los Angeles, we never bought a microwave. Because after a while, there was just no pressure to do it because it had already been six months. We just hadn't bought one yet. And then when we moved back to Cincinnati, the house we moved into had a microwave in it already, like attached to the oven. And we remembered, oh fuck yeah, microwaves are incredible.

How did we go two years without one? So my theory is these people moved into this place, none of them had a table. And they said, oh, we'll go get one of those. And then they just didn't for a while. And now time has passed and they've begun living their lives without a table. And they have forgotten how fucking efficient

having a section of the floor raised up to a reachable level is. Yeah, the up floor. It's wild. Can you read this next question? Because I was going to do a yahoo, but this next question is funnier than any yahoo could ever dream to be. I just found out the guy I'm dating puts his belt on his pants before he puts the pants on his body.

All time. Am I good? Or do I need to end things now before I realize he's actually an alien? That's from dating E.T. in Boston. That's the wildest. This is literally a million roaches living inside of Vincent D'Onofrio alien. Yes, yes, yes. Sugar water, sugar water, sugar water for sure.

Definitely, definitely, definitely. 100% a bunch of D'Onofrio roaches. You need to get out of the house, swap maneuvers, slice the pie. Don't let him see you. He's a bunch of roaches in a skin, man. You have to go. You have to go. Go, go, go, go.

Quick. The cab's outside. I called it for you already. Get in there. He's a bunch of roaches in an alien skin suit. I think she should probably alert the authorities. Oh, yeah. First, because you don't want him to run this grip on some other

unsuspecting, earthling person. I mean, there are some specific authorities you need to call, and they are, the men in black. Because it's, it's, it's, I don't know how you get in touch with the men in black. I don't know what like what. If she calls the men in black, the men in black are going to come and they're going to like do the flashy thing to us and all of our listeners and our racist episodes.

They're going to erase the episode. They've definitely done it before too, don't you think? For sure. Yeah, that's what happened to the Portland audio from our last live show. From our last live show. We got too close to the truth. We got too close. So we did get into some next level shit.

Well, they only flash Travis because we only lost his audio. How could a person do this to me? How could a person do this to me? I've been trying to run through in my head, like sometimes we get questions like this and you think like, okay, I can see one factor where maybe this is why they do it because this would be better. I cannot imagine an element of this where this system is better, where you'd rather have floppy, like just a denim mess that you're trying to thread

your leather friend through. It's like, do you want to start your day with some needlepoint? Like, I would rather not. I would rather just go ahead and put on my pens if that's okay with you. It would be so much harder to do. It's very difficult to get it in your floppy loose trousers. And it's so weird to do. It's not good to do.

I don't understand. Especially when you picture this person just sitting there and, you know, they're, I was going to say me undies, but probably not me undies. That me undies seems above the level of this part. They're just sitting there and like, you know, their briefs just like calmly, silently threading a belt through their pants. Now, devil's advocate, and I'm using that term literally because it's possible this person's actually the devil.

Sometimes it can be hard to get it in that back loop that you can't see so good. That's right under your sacrum or whatever. And so maybe this is this person's, maybe they're on some next level shit, right? Like, we always got to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're on some next level shit. I have some trouble getting it in that loop. Not a lot of trouble that has led me to institute some pretty major life changes like this person has, but maybe they just like tried to get it in that back loop

one too many times. It was like, fuck this. I'm doing it off my body from now on. I'm done missing loops. I'm done with the whole thing. But missing loops is one of the top 10 reasons that you have an S.O. Like, you get into relationships so that you have someone else in your life to say like, hey, you missed a loop.

You missed a loop. Stupid dragon. All right, I'm going to read it. Can I read a Yahoo now or do we have more things to just drag this person for? I just don't. I'm trying. I feel like, okay, I feel like her specific brand of comedy is two things. One, so random.

Just really like family guy used to be. But the other thing about it is that it's positive. I want, it's like Travis said, I want to come up with something before I want to leave some sliver of light. So this person is just not like, we've just banished their beloved to some sort of extra realm. And I really would like to come with some sliver of light that might give them like, just let them sleep because this is a comedy podcast and they're not going to act on any of this, but they do have to sleep next to this person.

I want to give them something to cling to. Here's what you should do. Here's what you need to do. Once again, I think just like the table scenario, tell this person like, hey, have you ever thought about putting your belt on after you put your pants on? And then watch the light come over their face as they're like. Yeah, this is another, it's another opportunity to change this person's life, maybe. I have a changing joy of putting on your pants and then putting the belt on.

Putting your pants on normal like a person. Marie, call Marie says you should touch all the articles of clothing and let them sort of tell you what they want, that you should thank them after like, if you wear your shoes all day, you should thank your shoes. And, um. Sorry, who's this is saying these wild things? Marie Kondo of the author of the life changing magic of tidying up. Okay.

Which Travis and I both referenced now. And I guess we're just, she's kind of a fixture. Yeah. But she says you should talk to your clothes. Maybe he talked to his pants and they were like, oh, you know, it'd be so nice. Treat me so right. Hey, Douglas, as long as I've got you here, you know, it would be just delectable. If you would use those two sweet, sweet, supplying fingers to pry open the belt loops

on my waist ring and then just slowly, slowly make a listen, Douglas. Make eye contact with me. Where's the eyes? Where are the eyes on you? Where are pants eyes? They're the pants eyes of the, uh, the wind button. The windows to their soul. Yeah.

The button, you gotta stare up my button while you do it, Douglas. And just slide that belt through. Just belt blast me, Douglas. Belt to blast me, you sweet human boy. Then make me George. Make me the George when my purpose has been served. My sir, please, Douglas. My service is done.

Make me a George. Free me from your business casual dealings, Douglas. Let me be on a lake. Make me George. Please, Douglas. Make me George. I want to go to a lake. I want to play George as George.

Frolick with me, Douglas. Frolick in the lilacs with me, Douglas. Make me George, please. And when my time in your service is done. You do not give me the goodwill. You burn me up because I will not take another lover after you, Douglas. No, Douglas. No, Douglas.

I will not. It is not how I am. Push me out into a canoe and set fire to it, Douglas. I like the idea, by the way, that someone finds someone else's handmade Jorts and Goodwill. It's like, God, hell yeah. That's to have them. For sure.

These are good. I'm going to take these to a lake. Are these bespoke? Been looking for some lake ware. Um, can I read this yahoo from Love 9000 at your Juju damn port? Yeah. It's from Yadru answers user.

Sorry, something's gone wrong because this answer, it did get taken down. But I found the cash. So I'm going to say this one's from Douglas. Thank you, Douglas. It's, uh, but for asking this, thank you for your courage. Douglas asks, is Willem Dafoe trying to tell me something in my dream? I forgot about Willem Dafoe when I seen Spider-Man for the first time. I was nine when I seen the movie.

And when I got introduced to him again, when I watched Mississippi Burning, I had this dream about him. I was laying in my bed and closed my eyes. And the next thing you know, it's black. I can't see a thing. Then suddenly, Willem Dafoe pops into my dream from nowhere. He's smiling at me and so focused. He mouthed something to me that is hard to see.

He mouthed something to me that is hard to see. It was like he was saying thank you to me. What does this mean? Um, there's only one answer to this. Lala yahoo answers user Lala gave the answer a new change in your life. And the asker actually rated this answer and gave it two out of five stars. So they were not satisfied with this. So I'm hoping maybe we can do a little bit better than Lala.

Before we get into it, I have a quick question. Would you rather, like we always do on the show every week, would you rather have Willem Dafoe smile at you or like frown at you, scowl at you? I can't decide which one is better or worse. Either way, it's a story. Um, if Willem Dafoe comes into your dream though and mouthed something that you can't quite hear because you're in the upside down, what's, what's, what's that?

What does that even mean? Is that really Willem Dafoe's like consciousness that he sends out? He's a dream walker. Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Um, I want to, I want y'all to hop in the time machine with me. We're going to head back to May 4th, 2015. Episode 250 of my brother and my brother made the best in the biz.

And now I thought this question sounded familiar to me, but I was only partially right. This is a question from episode 250. For no reason, I've been crying over Willem Dafoe. I was in my room watching one of his interviews and when it finished, I turned it over to watch TV. A few days later, I burst out in tears and I don't know if it was me thinking about Willem or it was something else.

I haven't been paying attention to him as much as I used to. Uh, I have been doing it for a few days. My boyfriend knows the reason for my crying. He's comforted me about it. My friend Maggie told me to stop crying and to shut up about Willem Dafoe. I've looked up to him since I was nine years old. I'm 17 now though. My boyfriend said, just remember, I'm here for you if you need anything,

or if you want to talk about things like celebrities, then I'm here for you. If you guys are going to say it's your hormones, it's not. I can tell you this isn't going on for days. I go outside a lot, so don't say it's that either. Could someone please help me? Is crying over a celebrity normal? What is Willem Dafoe? Oh, okay.

Doing. What is he doing? He's definitely projecting himself into like some sort of midnight channel-esque sort of shadow world where he can walk between our consciousness. When it's raining at midnight, Willem Dafoe pops up on the TV and tells you, the day you'll die and the name of your true love. So he gives Andy takes. And also what time Spider-Man 1 is going to be on TBS?

The answer is always, always, always, always, always. TBS, we've got Spider-Man 1. That's their fucking motto. So I don't want to be mean to Willem Dafoe, but I think he's a shadow that walks between our collective subconscious. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think that's mean. Yeah. I mean, if you think about it, have you ever, you've seen Willem Dafoe a lot, right? I mean, not in person. Exactly. Yeah. We've never seen Willem Dafoe in person. Isn't that interesting?

Isn't that curious? Now, just suggesting that anytime Willem Dafoe's in a movie, he's been portrayed in motion capture by Andy Serkis. No, I'm saying that he is only lives in movies and TV. And in our dreams, apparently. Apparently, TV and movies aren't enough for him anymore, and he's just started to come into our minds directly. When Alexander Graham Bell discovered the electronic transmission,

he sent a recording of what? Happy Birthday or Mary Had a Little Lamb? And it was like, Mary, Mary Had a Little Lamb's Feast was White as Snow. And then it was like, hello, Daniel. Daniel, it's me. You've set me free. It's Willem Dafoe. I exist here in the Midnight Channel.

And then I noticed since then, just everything, fucking Dallas. Watch Dallas. Look in the background. There he is. Yeah. It's him. Looking for a door. Looking for the door out.

Steve Gutenberg opens his printing press. He's so stoked. He finally cracked it. He stole that wine press technology from the Italians, and he made it his own and turned it into a printing press. And he's so stoked. And he lifts it up after typesetting the first page of the Bible. And what's there?

Is it the first page of the Bible? It is not. It is the face of Willem Dafoe staring him back. It made him like Ascii art of this Gutenberg press. Exactly. I thought you were going to say, is it Three Men on a Baby? That scene where there's the shadow behind the curtains that nobody knew what it was, and everybody thinks it's a ghost?

No, that's Willem. Just looking for his starring role in the picture. He's a good actor, though. I like his work. He's a good actor, for sure. I'm saying, have you ever seen him be bad in something? Never. Never.

He's just so fucking consistent. Spider-Man, for sure, definitely was not good in that. No, he was. Sorry, Justin, he was very good in that. OK, agree to disagree. That's fine. I mean, he played the Green Goblin. Did you want like a reserved, quiet performance?

No, my problems with his performance were probably Sam Raimi-centric to be fair. Yeah. Let's take a moment to talk about the Max Fund Drive. Instead of talking about actors for like a fucking second here on this Star Watch podcast. Yeah, don't worry. We'll get back to it.

Yeah, we're going to get there. Don't worry. So the Max Fund Drive is, let me back up. Maximumfund.org is a podcast website. It's, let me just start again. Maximum Fund is a podcast network. It's a podcast website, and you go to it, and you click on the right hyperlinks,

and then a widget's going to start playing your favorite guys. Now, Griffin, you've lost me. What is a website? You type in the right AOL keyword, and you click on the right widgets, and then the guys are going to start going. Maximumfund is a podcast network. It's got a website, maximumfund.org.

Those two are related, but they're not the same thing. Maximumfund has a lot of fantastic shows, and every year they expand that family of shows to offer you new audio delights. And once a year, we come to you and say, hey, can you help us make this thing? And we ask you to do that by pledging a certain amount of money that you can give us per month to help keep these shows operational.

I mean, for, and let me put it to you this way, at $5, which is the lowest donation level, you're going to get access to a bonus archive of audio that has a lot of things in it. There's like seven episodes of My Brother, My Brother, and Me. There's videos that we've made. There's clips from live shows. There's an exclusive clip from our CISO TV show

that you can only get by donating to Maximumfund. There's, I mean, there's, and that's just our show. There's an absolute buckwild amount of stuff on there, and you can enjoy all of it if you can donate just $5 a month. Even if you only listened to one show, if you only listened to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, it breaks down like a buck 25 per episode. And that really, it means the world, seriously.

And listen, I've also seen people say, I can't give anything. And like, I understand that. I've also been there. But just knowing that you wish you could and that you're tweeting about it and you're telling people about the show, like it means the world to us. I love Max Fun Drive, not only because like, you know,

the energy, there's all these like fun bonus episodes that go up because I'm also a fan of the shows on the network. But seeing people tweet about how much the shows mean to them and how much the network means to them is like, I love it. It makes me feel very special and it reminds me of why, you know, why we make the shows and why we do the things that we do. If you want to give a little bit more at $10 per month,

you can get an exclusive enamel pin made by Megan Lynne Cot. And there's a specific pin designed for all of the shows, for Mbem Bam, it is a cool looking snake that says Zag on them on it. And I think now that we've passed 10,000, right? If you're a donor to the network, you will also get an opportunity to buy additional pins. And the proceeds that are gonna go to-

If you have $10 or not, donor. Yeah, then the proceeds that will go to charity. So you don't, if just picking one stresses, yeah, there will be an opportunity to complete the set. At $20 per month, you can get the keep in touch kit. That gets you nine custom note cards plus envelopes. It's got designs by Brian Sunny D. Fernandez. There's a four color rocket pin,

a getting their rocket stamp and a rocket shaped candle that was made by Erica Huff, friend of the show for Rose Buddies. And we have a lot of her candles and they smell real, real good. So that's what you get at $20 per month. There's higher tiers, but we'll talk about those later. But yeah, it just, if you have the means and you spend a lot of time with us, just think about supporting us at whatever level

you are comfortable with, even if it's just five bucks. At five bucks, you get like a bonkers amount of bonus content. So- I was wrong, by the way. It's 10 episodes of My Brother Remember Other Me. Oh my God. One episode of, I know. One episode of Big Gulp that we recorded live

and us riffing a couple of videos, a live show from Austin and that exclusive clip. And that's just our show. The other shows have tons of stuff on there too. It's, I want somebody to go through and add it all up because it's multiple days at this point easily, maybe into the weeks. And not only that, but like because it's Max Fun,

not only do you get the donor bonus stuff, but there's always all kinds of extras that happen throughout the two weeks. We put up our pilot episode of The Macro Brothers will be in Trolls 2. I've done a couple live stream things. I've got more coming up. I'm going to do a nail care, nail painting stream

because that has been in high demand because we hit a goal. And if we hit 20,000, which is our new stretch goal, Max Fun is going to do an event, a show, I guess, of sorts, in the Grand Canyon with Jesse Thorne, me, Stuart Wellington from the Lop House, and Aaron Gibson from Throwing Shade. We're going to fly in five donors chosen at random,

get them some burrows. We're all going to ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and do like a Max Fun show event. And be bucked off of the burrow to fall all the way down the Grand Canyon. Do you want to die with my brother? Do you want to die with me? We'll go out in a blaze of glory.

And burrows sounds like a good way to go. So just do it now while you're thinking about it. Maxfunfund.org slash donate. And thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you to everybody who's donated and upgraded. When you donate, you get to choose the specific shows that you listen to. And your money goes directly to the shows that you choose.

So you are directly supporting us and we invest that money back in the show. Like we cover our travel expenses with it sometimes. I just bought a new sound board that I spent that good, good money on. So you're doing that. But you're also like supporting us and helping us like turn this into a job, turn this into a career

and try out new stuff and launch new shows and just sort of spend more time doing this. So again, Maxfunfund.org slash donate. And thank you again, thank you, thank you, thank you. Without meaning to, I have once again made the first kind of like four questions on a theme of people doing things that are inexplicable. I can't mean to, but we've just been getting

so many questions lately. But I think like subconsciously, I've started building thematic episodes. Interesting. So let's continue with our theme. Hey, brothers. So my dad doesn't own a cell phone claiming he doesn't need one. Cool.

Instead, he'll use the phone at work to call us and tell us when he's coming home. If my dad is anywhere else though and needs to contact us, he will either ask a stranger to borrow their cell phone or ask an employee to use their phone. Just recently, my dad called me and the car ID said it was McDonald's. I don't want my dad to inconvenience these people any longer. How do I convince my dad to finally get a cell phone?

And that's from secondhand anxiety in Florida. I'm getting third hand anxiety from this. Obviously we recoil from this, but is there not a part of you that thinks like, boy, that that might be nice. Yeah, definitely. It would be nice to be the sort of person that you could look around and say, well, everyone else has cell phones.

I don't think I need one. Someone there will have one. Literally everybody else has them. So I think I'm okay. There'll be somebody else around that I can use their cell phone. I can't imagine living that. I really, I can't imagine it. I know.

I have, I have thought many times about like, you know, you go into a movie and like you, you know, you silence or turn off your cell phone. You should turn it off and I have like a little panic every time I do of like, what if somebody needs to get a hold of me during this hour and 45 minutes? And like, I think about what if I just didn't have a phone ever, right? And I could just like go to dinner without worrying about, oh, I felt a buzz in my pocket. What if it's important? I better check it because there was a time in our lifetimes where like, if you weren't home,

people would just call your house and leave a message. And maybe you heard it like five hours later and that was fine. And everybody was just okay with that. That's cool. I like that kind of like, wouldn't it be nice to just have the freedom to not do this for a while? But to do that, but then also be like, Hey, can I borrow your your phone? That's the thing that you're doing. There's the rub.

Our shock at this is a very privileged like position to take, right? Like cell phones are fucking expensive. And like, of course, not everybody has one. That's kind of a kind of a whack assumption. At the same time, though, like if I get a call and the call is from McDonald's, that's going to be maybe the worst moment of my life. Because I'm going to, I don't know that I will answer. I probably won't answer that call.

Sorry, dad. Or maybe I will if I expect like, Oh boy, a car from a call from Frisch's big boy. Well, this is my dad. That one's going to be my dad. Because one time you're going to your dad. What would that call for McDonald's be? Hey, did you have some nugs last week? There's going to be one of those though, right?

Trav, where you answer like, Dad, will you please get a fucking cell phone? It's like, all right, we're doing a customer service about the shamrock shake. And I'm sorry. It's it's it's that part to me is un untenable. Your dad is pulling a power play here because think about it. Think through it. If he needs a cell phone, he can get one. If you need your dad, that's tough nuggies.

Oh, you can't get this man. This man is saying to you like, no, you can't have me. I'm I'm elusive. I want it to be special when you nail me. When you when you when you manage to to corral me into talking to you, it should feel like an event because it's your dad is holding himself hostage from you. Exactly. Exactly.

But he's also valuing himself higher so that when you do manage to get a call from your dad, it's like seeing Craig T. Nelson at the airport. It's that level of excitement. Got my dad found him. All right. He's at McDonald's. Go move move SWAT team. Go activate.

Here's what you should do. I thought I think I have an answer. Okay. You should tell your dad that you've been getting like some like telemarketers and some, you know, kind of scam calls and you're not answering calls from unknown numbers anymore. But I mean, that doesn't work. Hold the view. That doesn't work.

The caller ID tells you this from McDonald's. Then that's all you call me from that McDonald's because it's a number I know. And they use the code word duck tails. Then I'll know. I think you should pay someone to to to tag your dad. Oh, I think you should get someone like graffiti. No, I think you should get someone to tranquilize. Get up on my dad.

Tranquilize your dad. Okay. Well, that's a very expensive. What Griffin is suggesting is a tail. I don't think a dad tail is necessary. I don't think every time poor Oscar, the dad looks at his rear view mirror and sees like a white Camaro, the same white Camaro that's always there. I don't think he needs that in his life.

So it seems like a lot. What I was suggesting was Mark Echo's get up on my dad. Get up on my dad and put your art up on my dad. Your spray art. I'm suggesting that you tranquilize him and you give him like an GPS tag. Geocache. So geocache your dad and then call. Then you can just like call the nearest phone to your dad or wherever.

If you need him, you just see what phones are around there and call and say like, Hey, can you yell the name Oscar very loud to try to get Oscar the dad over here? So I may speak with him about whether or not he wants to go see Rogue One this afternoon. Please. If you have a moment. I have a very related Yahoo that I would be delighted if you all would let me read. Okay. I was sent by Amelia Burger.

Thank you, Amelia. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Dirk. And it's a similar vein of like how did folks get in touch without phones, right? But the wording of this question is maybe the best. Dirk asks, how did people know when to meet back in vampire times? I know. I know that they wrote more letters. You got all to get through it.

I know that they wrote more letters and stuff, but back in vampire times, how did you make plans with friends? Did they just wait around all day and hope that they ran into each other? Oh, God, what is wrong with our schools? You can make all the plans you want. The vampires are going to ruin them. Well, you can write a letter. It's like meet me at Ye Olde Arby's this afternoon,

but a vampire is just going to be waiting there to harangue you. Hey, meet me there at 2 p.m. Can't do that. Because we're making 2 a.m. Because the sun is an issue. The sun is bad for vampires. So, let's set the stage. It's vampire times.

There's no electronic communication, which of course means Willem Dafoe is still trapped in that spectral cage somewhere before Alexander Graham Bell let him out. And I want to get in touch with you. I want to get in touch with Dad to go see Rogue One. Do I just like go to the theater and just like hope he like, do I just yell out my window like, Dad, Dad, Dad, Rogue One, Rogue One? And just like hope that he like falls under the thrall of my voice somewhere? Or is it do I like fucking the end of Christmas Carol just like pay a boy?

Just be like, go find my dad and invite him to the theater. It was a live performance of Rogue One. You have to send your familiar. You got to send your Renfield, right? And your Renfield goes and like delivers the message to your vampire dad. And then vampire dad like gives them, I guess, some bugs to eat or something. And then Renfield returns to you. And actually, can I tell you something?

It was actually a much more efficient system than we have now. I suppose so. In many ways. In many ways it wasn't, but in many ways it was. If you think about it. But like in vampire times, how did folks know to meet up though? It's a good question. I mean, that's why we had public like public houses, right?

Was that a thing? I've heard that term before. Are those just houses where people could be at? And yeah, you've been there for a bite. Maybe this is what maybe this is what town criers were doing. This is what John Criers were up to where you would go and you'd be like, Hey, town crier, can you holler for my dad and just tell him meet the theater live performance of Rogue One at 4 p.m.

And then we're going to run the fuck home before sunset. Because we don't have movies yet. So we're just reading the script to Rogue One out loud. And we're going to get the fuck home before the sun sets because it's going to get choppy out here. So you're in your amazing like, Dave is a pink berry. Everyone, Dave's a pink berry. Like that's what the town crier does. He just broadly announces your locale.

He's just flipping through index cards just like, Greg is at Jamba Juice. Susan is at J Crew and she's waiting for Michelle. Tyler's at Orange Julius. Lot of juice stores back in vampire time. It's really gentrified here. Timothy has been killed by a vampire. Michael has been killed by a vampire.

Okay, I have I have an actual question for you. If a vampire was stalking and trying to kill a specific person, okay, would it be easier for the vampire to track and kill this person back then? When you there was a limited number of places you could be and you probably should tell somebody where you're going to be or else it's going to be like a whole thing or now when we have like technology and Twitter and everything and like Foursquare and what have you, when would be an easier time for a vampire to find people? Here's what I'll say.

I've got in my house, which I just don't I don't leave this house because food is sent to me by Blue Apron and then I stay inside the house all day and hang out with my wife and my baby and I play Zelda non-stop and Persona non-stop and so I just don't leave the house and Vampos can't come in here without permission, which I am not going to hand out lightly to a Vampo. Thank you. So but I think back in the day it'd be like time to go outside to the well chomp dead. Okay, that's a good point because the follow-up question I have, Justin, along those same lines is do you think it was easier back in vampire times

for a vampire to gain permission to enter your house because everyone was like so dumb and trusting and now everyone just hates every other human being and it's a lot harder to get somebody to let you into their house? Like if somebody came to my door now, not only would I not let them in, I probably wouldn't even go to the door. Like they'll leave, if they have something for me, they'll just leave it there. Like if they haven't told me they're coming over, I'm not letting them in. I always kind of assumed that the vampire has to be invited in thing is something that

vampires made up and spread around because it's so fucking funny. Can you imagine nothing? Like it would be a nightly hilarious event for you to like see some dumb human standing in the window like neater, neater, neater. You just like pounce through the window and eat them. Like that's got to be the funniest shit. Yeah, um man, what happened all the vampos then though? Because it's not vampo times now.

Where did they go? I bet they're on Wall Street. And that is topical because they're bleeding us dry. Am I right? Because they're bleeding us dry. Yeah, man. On Wall Street. I bet they're all bankers.

Money never sleeps because they suck blood. I guarantee that's got to be a tagline for a movie somewhere, right? Vampire bankers, these interest rates suck. Something like that. Something along those lines. Trading stocks and biting knocks. Do you mean next? That's a bad rhyme.

Having sex and biting next. And now it's like sexy, like Wall Street, like powerful, power. Mr. Big. Mr. Big up at the top turns out he's a vampire the whole time. And he's the one who wants to be with you. I have a friend that I frequently- Hold on, hold on, hold on. I think Rachel locked herself out.

One second. There's Joe, his witness is right outside my window. So I'm gonna be down here for a little bit. Okay, what are they doing Griffin? Are you okay? They won't leave, they keep knocking. This is literally germane to the conversation we were just having about not wanting to open the door for strangers.

Are you okay? I mean, I'm good. I just don't, I don't want them to know I'm in here. You don't want to have to talk to other human beings? Yeah, we're good. We're good though. Let's just, just move on. I bet Jehovah's Witnesses, by the way,

would not be so fucking cavalier if we're still in vampire time. Absolutely not. I think Justin, you would find that most people wouldn't be. Yeah, not just you. Yeah, that's a good point. Let's go ahead and move on to keep, you just take the reins for a little bit. I'm trying this one out.

I have a friend that I frequently communicate via text formats. I am Twitter text messages. And this friend frequently, as a way of expressing playfulness or a joke, sincerely uses the winky emoticon semicolon close parentheses. Yeah, I know what it is. It gives me the absolute heebie-jeebies and makes me feel bad to look at them every single time.

What's a cool way to get my friend to stop being a text grosso? And that is from skieved by semicolons. Can't people have quarks anymore? Can't people just have a quark, a fun quark? Do we have to sand the edges off of everyone? Oscar doesn't want a phone. He's a dad. That's his law.

He could just live it. Why can't he just live it? Why can't this person just use the emoticon if they want to? Sexy Wall Street Vampire just wants to trade stocks and bite nox. Why can't we just let them do that and be them? It is murder. So that's actually, yeah. That one's a crime.

That was a wow. Hold on, Griffin. Biting a nox doesn't have to be murder. You can stop shy of draining the person. That's true. Let me get a smack of rule of that. Good neck, honey. Do they do this IRL?

And that's another sort of emoticon that means in the flesh world. Do they winkle a lot, you know? Do they winkle a lot in real life? It doesn't make you LOL. Does it make you LOL or does it make you you, which stands for uncomfortable? You've just reminded me. I've never had an opportunity to share this story and I really want to. It was very brief anecdote.

I was listening to NPR and they did an ad read for, I guess, a play that was going on locally about text and the internet and stuff. And the announcer said, with plenty of jokes, it'll give you lots of laugh out louds. I assume that the tech said LOLs and they just went ahead and said the whole thing. And it's one of my favorite things I've ever heard in my whole life. That's so good. This gives me laugh out louds. That's my shit.

If you could review our podcast and just say that it gave me laugh out louds. I would appreciate it. This is an easy fix. This is a one sentence fix. Hey, that thing that you do, it's like not how you're supposed to use the thing. So just think about it. Like Google that emoticon and its proper usage and then like maybe you could stop doing it. Is it inherently like sexy playful when you wink?

Like we've got a lot of winking questions. I'm so old, I don't know what the problem is. What's the problem? I need like, I needed that. You should probably see this question is still buffering because they could probably hit a little bit. That is an excellent point. I don't actually know.

Is it bad? Let me pitch this, Justin. All right. Two scenarios. Had a great time hanging out last night, like colon parentheses, smiley face. Oh, they had a great time. Had a great time hanging out last night, winky emoticon. Yeah, it's it's it's different for sure.

There's a different vibe. I texted, I just texted YouTube boys. Okay. Yeah. I don't care for that. This is innocuous enough. I just texted having a great time recording with y'all and then a winky emoticon. The wink makes it seem like there's an underlying secret,

like having a great time recording with you all. And my balls are out. With my balls hanging out of my pants. I once did a business dealing of a house transaction with a couple and- Listen, a Wall Street vampire over here. One of the people in the house transaction used ellipses at the end of every text. Oh, man. Like every single text there was an ellipses.

So and we were talking a lot about like house stuff. Like we'll have someone look at the wiring dot dot dot. So are you mad about it? Yeah. Are you really not going to do it? I don't understand. That's like the most loaded three periods you can put in anything. There's no room for furtive disappointment when you're dealing,

when you're spending a bunch of money on a house. I guess we'll fix the plumbing. I always think of the ellipses in that scenario as like the thing that people do in like really tense horror movies where it's like we haven't seen him in weeks dot dot dot dot. Yeah, exactly. The old man at the gas station that's like you don't want to go up to that cabin. Winky smiley face.

Winky wink. Oops, I did the wrong one. But you want to fog? Eggplant peach. Eggplant peach. That's my wiener. That's your whatever. Taster's choice.

How about another Yahoo? Yeah. This one was sent in by, ah shit, there's a lot of really good ones. How about this one from Earham, why is this, I think Earham is by Yahoo, answers user Charmista asks. Does adding flavor to water makes it juice?

Well, I want to drink more water. And only way I think I'd enjoy it is if I add flavor, but would that change the water into juice and not give me the same benefits as plain water? I like this. You get that, you get the commercials for that's the, you know, smart water turbo drops or whatever. And it's like add this to make your water less boring. This is, this isn't your dad's water.

This is turbo drop cool water and it turns blue and I guess it has a flavor to it. Does it stop at that point? Does it stop being water? And now it's like, well, I didn't make sense to drink what it, you're supposed to drink eight cups of water a day. You can't eat, you can't drink eight cups of juice a day, right? We're going to make a lot of jokes here folks, but I want to be honest,

this is Travis pulling back the curtain for a second. I don't know. Yeah, I know a lot of times we don't know. We sort of figure it out by just sort of bouncing off each other, just being a couple goofballs. Here's a, here's a question, right? Okay, so like if I get a Diet Coke with lemon, which is the only way that I get Diet Coke,

if I get a Diet Coke with lemon, I know, if I get a Diet Coke with lemon and I put some in it, it's Diet Coke with lemon. If I do that with water, I'm, I'm hurtling towards lemonade. I'm like, yeah, there is a very thin line of deviance from water before it loses the label, I feel like. This is true because every morning I take eight cups of water and I put some ground up shit in it

and now it's coffee, it's not water anymore. That's it, you guys just unlocked it. You guys just unlocked the fucking secret and I was hoping we would get here. But this is like, I'm like Morpheus right now, like welcome to the next level boys, because every drink is just water with some stuff in it. Every drink in the world is just,

you go to one of those fucking make your own flavor adventure soda machines and what do you think happens in there? You're like, I want orange Fanta with a cherry splash and a little bit of Mountain Dew in it. That's just, they're adding syrups to carbon to water that has been added bubbles to it and it's all water folks just with different stuff in it.

You know what I mean? That's great. Wine is just grape water that grapes ate and then they got old and squeezed and then that water that took a different form as grape stuff came out and now it's wet, ain't it? It's wet and red and it tastes weird, but that's water in there, sorta.

Here's a yahoo, I have a yahoo answer from, oh they're, it's not on here. I don't know where you would see it. I've never read one. Is every drink made out of water? Yeah. That is the question here and the only divergence from that is pretty much

everything you could want to drink contains some water. There are potable liquids such as glycerin that you could drink even though they are ahydrous, which I guess means don't hydrate you. Then it's not a liquid. I'm sorry. Liquid means water plus something. It's all remixed.

If you drink fucking beer, that's just remixed water. Does somebody put their fun spin on? No, we can do this, hold on. We can do it. What about milk? You know, it's just water with cow leave. With cow stuff in it. Yeah.

Cows drink the water and that help, if a cow doesn't drink water, they die straight up. That's what's up and a lot of people won't tell you that. I'll tell you that to your face. Cows die if they don't drink water. They drink that water, it nourishes them, and then it goes down in their teeth and it mix up with a cow's stuff and it juices out and then I drink it and I get very sick.

What about clearly Canadian? That might actually, damn, that might be the exception. No, it's just water they added bubbles to and distinct Canadian flavors and it's exciting Canadian water. Next. What about LaCroix? LaCroix is water with the most, a droplet. I actually think that LaCroix doesn't have flavoring in it

and it's all fucking psychosomatic. Like you see a green. Amber's new clothes. Yeah, you see a green can. You're like, this tastes like lime and you drink it and it's like, no, it's just kind of like bubbly water, but you're like, mm, lime, yummy, yummy, yum. No, it tastes like green can because that's your brain sees.

Next. Um, I have some, I have something that might be germane to this and it's like something to think about along these lines. Every, basically every molecule of what we, of course, we have the same, you know, most of the same water molecules here on earth as it will have been on earth. Did you realize that pretty much every water molecule that you drink was at one time peed out by a dinosaur?

I think about it all the time, Justin. That's a pretty, I think that's very empowering. I think it's a pretty rock and roll thing to be able to start your day with a big glass of dinosaur piss. We're all made of star stuff and dyno pee. We're, you're like, I'm, how are you gonna start your day? You fucking amazing creature. Well, I think we're gonna drink some dinosaur piss

and fucking kick ass all day long. Like, yeah, that sounds pretty rocking. That's actually a really good idea. Most watermelon molecules haven't been drunk by people before. You're not drinking secondhand water from people. You're drinking it from dinosaurs. Yeah. You have to think about it.

And powerful. Think about that the next time you're in a pool and somebody says to them, we're like, oh, don't pee in the pool. And you're like, a fucking T-Rex already pissed in here. Shut up, Dennis. Dennis, you dick. Pissed it all out. Did you guys know that the original name for Jasta was dyno piss,

but it didn't test well? So they changed it to Jasta. Surge almost nabbed that one too. Surge was like, let's be honest. This is dyno piss. Um, thank you all so much for listening to our podcast. We want to one more time just remind you that the Max Fun Drive is going on. This is our last Max Fun Drive episode.

We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week. But right now, if you like us, if you like our show and you can spare a little bit of cash, um, you know, five bucks a month all the way up to $200, whatever you can afford. So we talked about, we talked about the $5 level and the $10 level and the $20 level. I would like to tell you about the $35 level. It is one of my favorites.

I know. And here's the thing, all of the rewards stack. So at $35, you get the bonus content that you get at $5, the pen that you get at $10, the Cuban touch kit that you get at $20. But you also get a set of engraved beer mugs with the Max Fun rocket logo right on there. Now I say beer mugs. You can use these for any beverage you want.

It's all going to be water-based. So some kind of water-based beverage in there, no glycerin. And it's going to make just a stunning addition to any glassware collection that you might have. And then at $100, you get all that stuff. Plus you get entered into the monthly culture club. And what this is, is every month a Max Fun producer or a Max Fun host, someone that works with Max Fun, is going to pick some form of media.

Maybe it's an album or a movie or a book, something that means a lot to them. And you're going to get sent that along with a note as to why they picked it. So it's like everybody is enjoying the same media that month, binding you all together, cosmically. Then at $200 a month, which listen, I realize $200 a month is a pretty not insubstantial sum. But it goes a long way to support an artist that you love.

And for $200 a month, you get all that stuff, plus free registration to Max FunCon 2018. And Max FunCon is the fucking best thing of the year. We love going to it. It's like summer camp for cool kids. It's the best. And you're going to be registered to do that in 2018 because you're a $200 a month donor.

Whatever level you can support us at, we appreciate you so much. And we do take this money and we invest some of it back into the show and buy new equipment and stuff like that. But mostly like the support we've gotten from our network is the reason why we've been able to, like we started out, it was just Mibin Bam on the Max Fun Network. And then we started doing Adventure Zone. I started doing Rose Buddies.

Travis started doing Shmanners and trends like these and a bunch of other podcasts. Justin started doing Sawbones. We've expanded and been able to do all that stuff because of the support that we've gotten from y'all because we can treat this like a job. We can treat this like a career. And we're just so grateful that we've been given the opportunity

to make all of this fun stuff because of the support that y'all give us. Now, before we wrap up, and I know we're heading towards wrap up, I do want to just read a question. We don't have to even discuss it. I just like it so much. We'll save it for next time. No, Griffin, please, please let me say it. All right.

Please, please. An exterminator just came to my apartment. He was throwing little blue things under my kitchen counter and I asked what they were. He said that they were calcium packets because when mice eat calcium, it goes straight to their hearts and they have a little mouse heart attack, his words. Why does it go straight to their heart?

Because, quote, mice have no bones, just a skeleton, end quote. My exterminator said, mice have no bones, just a skeleton. And then proceeded to explain that rats have an exoskeleton. He did this while spraying my home with chemicals. Am I good? And that's from Skeletal Head Scratcher. Get out of the house right now. You have to move.

He then proceeded to put his belt on his pants on the floor before strapping them onto his body. On my- My belt's come a little loose. I feel excuse me from the room. On my planet, Bortelotron 6, mice have an exoskeleton. Now please allow me to belt my pants. Juice, would you be more into-

Justin's definitely afraid of mice. Would you be more into them if they had an exoskeleton? More, because then I feel like it's a fair fight. Okay. You versus mice? Yeah. The scary thing about mice isn't that they're going to hurt me. It's that they're going to like-

They're so fragile that I think that's what scares me. Interesting. Yeah, but if they could like fight back, I'd be like, oh, game on, motherf- If a mouse just came out in the suit from Alien, they would also be clankier and probably slower, like easier to keep tabs on, right? And they would talk. Also, I can't believe how many times you have to say this.

Don't hire somebody to kill the mice in your house. You've got to befriend them and open up a fun cheese factory like in Mouse Hunt with Nathan Lane. Yeah, I think about it. That's it. Just think about them. They're just little guys. They're just doing their best.

Well, last time, maximumfund.org, four slash donate. If you can help us out, it would really mean the world. But that is going to do it for us. Thanks, John, Roger. Come along with us. She's a theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting these days to bed.

It's really good. It's a really good track. Oh, I want to say, if you're listening to this on Monday, if we were able to get it out in time tonight, Cincinnati, Ohio at the Rook in OTR. There's the Maxfun meetup. I am going to be at it. Play some board games.

It's a board game bar. Play some board games. I made some baked goods, some chess bars, some peanut butter cup cookies. I made them during a baking livestream last night, and I'm going to bring those for everybody to eat. 7 p.m. at the Rook. I think there's like a $20 minimum for us to use.

So you need to buy some food there, some drinks there and stuff. But come out and hang out tonight. If you listen to this in time. Yeah, they will. I'll get it up soon. This final yahoo was sent in by Brooks Oglesby. Thank you, Brooks.

It's about yahoo answers. User. Sorry, something's gone wrong. What a bad website. Franklin asks, What does David Spade mean to you? My name is Justin McElroy. My name is Travis McElroy.

One time he flipped me off. What? Stop the podcast. Stop the ending. Turn off the song. What happened? Why did he do that? I was on a trip with my choir to New York in high school.

And we were walking through New York City. And he was coming out of the TRL building, or wherever TRL is formed. And we were like, oh my God, it's David Spade. Where TRL is formed? Where they artisanally shape and mold it? Yes, where the oompa-loompas put together TRL. Nobody ever goes in.

Nobody ever comes out. And we saw David Spade. And I believe he was maybe fresh off of Joe Dirt perhaps. And we all said, oh my God, David Spade. And he turned as he was getting into a black escalade, turned to a group of about 35 teenagers ranging from 14 to 18, turned to us, looked at us, smiled, flipped us all off. Rockstar.

Like gave us the finger and kind of a wave. So funny. And got into his car. And his driver drove them away. Yikes. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad.

Score on the lips. I can't stress enough. There was no malice in it, I don't think. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.