My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 349: Face 2 Face: Remembering How to Do Live Shows in Portland

Episode Date: April 3, 2017

Listen in to our nearly two-hour-long live show in beautiful Portland, Ore., which we performed after not doing a live show for over six months. It was also our first live show using lavalier mics, wh...ich led to a lot of what we in the comedy industry like to call "working the room." Suggested talking points: Identity Coupon, Magic Fight, JRMY, Bespoke Munch Squad, Plane Refund, Cyberpiracy, Orgasm Howl, Dick Pic Pokedex, Toot Hypnosis, Dr. Dr., Pee Encounters, Interruptions

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Well, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to what I can only assume is the beginning of the downturn of my brother Michael. I'm so glad you could be here for the apex of our program. I'll be after which that, listen, I've seen a lot of behind the music. This is what they show just before and shortly after, like, as we're walking upstage, Travis will be like, you know what, I've always wanted to try math. We, uh, we realized when we were just backstage that we hadn't done one of these in six months. And so, uh, like my body, like my nervous system didn't know how to react to this many people
Starting point is 00:00:51 all essentially yelling at me very loud. And so like my fighter, my fighter flight response actually kicked in and I tapped my chest and that wasn't like, oh, thank you. I'm so honored. It was like, my heart is like fucking racing right now with a short, with a small tonal shift. We would have had to leave. I know there's like a, like a weird part of my brain that's like, you need to get the fuck at it. Uh, first off, can I get a little more monitor?
Starting point is 00:01:15 I don't know what that means, but I like to say it every time. Uh, secondly, welcome to my brother. My brother made an advice show for the Machinera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy. I'm your middle is brother, Travis Patrick McElroy. Drop it. And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary. This, uh, like the land miners emerging from, from a six month long slumber.
Starting point is 00:01:54 We have returned and that's going to do it for us. We want to say thank you to John Roderick, this little, this little Mariah Carey headset thing that they're talking about that. Yeah, we'll talk about that. They actually send you this when you get 30 under 30. Because you know, you can do your Ted talk. As soon as you know, imagine this. So here's the, here's the really special thing about tonight's show
Starting point is 00:02:15 that I'm so excited about that you won't be, but we really were. Because it didn't ever occur to us. Watch this. You ready? We can stand up. I could do the whole show from back here. Where's Travis? They wonder.
Starting point is 00:02:34 So we can just kind of, if energy is flagging, we could just sort of like get up around the stage, like Def Comedy Jam and just like get, get some, we won't do that much. Yeah, we'll immediately forget we could do it. And as long as we're like taking people behind the, behind the curtain, like, uh, we all have just like children's bladders. And so this technology may actually allow us to run to the zone. And still participate in our communal comedy. Leave the bathroom door open.
Starting point is 00:03:12 I'll hear the japes. Oh man, I really am a little, I'm a little freaked out right now. We've also, we've also had a lot of sugar today. Yeah, we have had both booty donuts and blue star donuts. And you said I couldn't do local references. I did it. I mean, you did successfully name two donut places here. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Now I'm doing the slow carb thing. So on the, the Saturdays, I get to just like eat like a garbage person. And this is my first one. So I was so excited. Like I was literally woke up first thing this morning and just like, we need to walk to get donuts and Travis and I walked 20 minutes in the rain to go get donuts. It's worth it too. Should we start doing the thing we do on the podcast?
Starting point is 00:03:58 My brother, my brother, and we have so much time without the open. I just want to spend a minute with them. Yeah. We don't have an opener. So we were hoping if it's okay with you all, extra long, extra weird, is that? Okay. Now let's hold on. The other thing is we say weird a lot.
Starting point is 00:04:19 I'm not trying to curry local favor. I know that would be like the whack. Like I don't get, when we do a show at Boston, I'm like, not like this show is going to have extra beans like that. Like it's, it's Portland known for being weird and remaining. So yeah. Interesting. It's like the old slogan, keep Boston beans.
Starting point is 00:04:45 On this show, we take your questions and we turn them alchemy like into wisdom. We are going to do questions from the audience, probably a lot of them, since we have a lot of time to kill. So we'll do a good amount. I don't want to over promise. I'd rather under promise and over. But we do have the one rule. Does everyone know what the audience question rule is?
Starting point is 00:05:03 That's right. No, no danger of that one. That's some, some, some like weird podcast angel just got its wings. Okay. All right. Here we go. Questions and podcasts. We can't go six months without doing these again.
Starting point is 00:05:17 I literally, it's like learning to walk again. Please be patient with us. We'll cut out the bad parts and only you will experience. If I'm worth, so here's the thing. No. If I'm working as a cashier, why did I stand up? If I'm working, now standing and I'm getting very nervous sitting down.
Starting point is 00:05:43 If I'm working, oh, we should mention, we've still got to post this. We can't do a lot of visual humor like this. They don't have to know this is just for them. Okay. If you, if they laugh and you don't know why, get your feet off the couch. That's vegan leather.
Starting point is 00:06:04 It really is. That's not a Portland knot. How do I get out of this bit? You know, okay. So here's the first question. If I'm working as a cashier and someone hands me their credit card and the card has a cool picture of their family or their dog or something on it, is it cool if I just take a sec to scope it out in front of them?
Starting point is 00:06:26 Is it more rude to completely ignore it after they've gone through all the trouble of getting a custom card like that? If I look, should I react and give them a thumbs up or something? Maybe I could say something like nice family and dog. That's from not stealing your credit card information, just checking out that cool family and dog in Portland. Are you here? You're here.
Starting point is 00:06:48 Didn't make it. Oh, no. Is there a way to say the two words nice family without it sounding like a threat? Yeah, yeah. Like you're in fucking case fear. Yeah, nice family. That only ends with it'd be a shame if something happened. I didn't know that you could get this first thing that I want to address
Starting point is 00:07:07 is I didn't know you could get custom cards printed because if so, you know I'm going to get a hologram, a Charizard or Blastoise on there. Um, and then like that's good because like you go to Chipotle or whatever and you can purchase your goods, but also if you're if you're losing the big game. Wouldn't it be way cooler with Pikachu though? Because everybody loves Pikachu, right? Of the Pokemon, he's probably the best one, wouldn't you say? Griffin, don't you agree that Pikachu?
Starting point is 00:07:34 You're about to make me pop off on this stage right now. I'm just curious what you think about Pikachu. He's he's fine. He's fine. He's good for what he is. He's probably the best. Probably no Pokemon graffiti middle fight. All right, fine.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Okay. He evolves into Raichu. He has a better form. Like he has a he has an older brother who's better. They're not even acknowledging that older brothers are better. Thank you. They do if they have better stats and better attacks. You know, I hadn't really thought about it before, but if you do get a custom picture
Starting point is 00:08:20 of your family and or cool dog on your credit card, what you are basically saying is I'd like to bring discussions of how my family looks into transactions. I would like the person I'm transacting with to get a good look at my family's on. This is a good point, Justin. Who are these human beings who are trying to extend transactions with cashiers? Yeah, I need a talking point. None of these three. Yeah, maybe it's somebody put some fucking fun trivia on it and give us something to discuss.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Maybe it's somebody who makes a lot of really like unwise, uh, irresponsible purchases. So they're like a fucking speed boat yet. Rex would hate a speed boat. Rex would hate a speed boat. He's afraid of the dang things. Unless it's just a picture of your daughter in a cabin's cap flipping you off. She would actually, she thinks Molly knows how to party. I should get this vote for her.
Starting point is 00:09:10 She should get the speed boat. Do you think, do you think if you go to the trouble of getting a custom card made, you, you want people to skip it? Absolutely. Like if you handed it to them, they went, no. And like, wait, they're like, uh, excuse me? What do you think of my family? Now listen, if you do, here's the thing though.
Starting point is 00:09:25 If you look at the card, you have to say something. Yeah. Like you can't just pass it out. You can't look and just, okay, a family. Interesting. Side note, why do people want to make it so easy to steal their ID? Yeah. I was just thinking that what you've created here is like a little coupon to your identity.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Right. Here's what, here's my number to all my money. Here's what all my family looks like. You could see we're standing in front of our home. That's our address. And this is how small the dog is guarding that home. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Everybody's wearing a t-shirt that has a design that explains their greatest fear on it. Right. And right below that, there's social security numbers. So you can just steal my whole family's identity if you want. Enjoy. Enjoy my family's identity. Do you guys want to know who? It's up to them.
Starting point is 00:10:14 What happens if you lose that credit card? I'm just looking forward to that call. Like, could I get a new family, please? This one was sent in by Zoe Kinski. Right in high, Zoe Kinski. It is right in high, right? I need to sit down and really write all these. I feel so bad, but there's like,
Starting point is 00:10:30 we've come up with so many honorifics at this point. Thank you, Zoe. It's Yahoo Answers user. The website is bad. We'll refresh it. Oh god, why did I refresh it? Last time this happened, I lost the website. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Everybody turn off the Wi-Fi. Okay, I can't, it's just a funny name. Justin, go. Daaaw. Daaaw asks. I had a funny second half, but you'll never hear it. If David Blaine and Chris Angel got into a fight. How horny would I get?
Starting point is 00:11:11 How would the fight play out? Who cares who wins? I care very much. No matter who wins, we lose. How does the question, how would it play out, not factor in who wins? Yeah, I just want to know if illusions would be used, or if they would just go for straight punching.
Starting point is 00:11:31 If they would go for just straight punching and hair pulling, tell me your opinions. Hold on. This reason is fantasizing about a fight between two magicians in which they just punch each other. Yeah, you just want to see them kick their asses. Um, it would be like... Casparov vs. Deep Blue.
Starting point is 00:11:50 If these two got into a fucking punch fight. Um, is this basically the plot of Incredible Burt Wonderstone? Because I haven't seen it. Travis, please break this down. It is. Largely the plot of... Oh shit, it actually kind of is actually a little bit literally. Have you watched it too?
Starting point is 00:12:08 Jacuzes. We'll talk after the show. Scandalized. I didn't realize you were a wonderhead. Illusions are hard. It's hard in this day and age to... We have magic computers, etc., etc., in our hands. You know, science, magic, indistinguishable, you know.
Starting point is 00:12:29 It's all, it's, yeah. You know, the gold quote. Illusions are hard. I find it hard. I find it hard. Gold quote. Illusions are hard. By Gerald R. Tolkien.
Starting point is 00:12:42 These little phones, man. Did you say Gerald Tolkien? By Gerald Tolkien. Gerald Tolkien, Seth. These phones, man. It's like magic. Crazy. When I did Gandalf, I was like, phones, man.
Starting point is 00:12:55 What? No, that's how I'm trying to get at. The point I'm trying to get at is, illusions are really hard to do. I think the challenge is increased exponentially if someone is fighting you to make them less impressive. Yeah. Just stop punching me for one second.
Starting point is 00:13:12 Stop punching. What's this? I'm literally thinking about David Blaine like running a loop over a woman and Chris Angel's like, she's not floating, it's a hook. Or you can't see it. Or Chris Angel just runs in and just fucking slaps the rope away.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Right. He's like, I'm going to bite this quarter and say, hey, come on, stop. Come on. I'm going to put this cigarette through my hand. Stop, no. If David Blaine paid someone to suck all the oxygen out of the room, he would have a definite increase in vantage.
Starting point is 00:13:48 I mean, it's just science. He trained himself to hold his breath for eight minutes underwater. Ah, I see. If the oxygen shot of the room, Chris Angel's blacked out on the floor, which is a thing, it wasn't a room at all. It was actually the outdoors, mind-free.
Starting point is 00:14:06 See, that's the trick. That's the trick. It's like I've created a prison of ice. Neither of us will be able to own. Are we outside of the prison of ice? Boom. Oh, I lavaliered my lavalier off. Really got to clip this bad boy on.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Yeah. Really pinching around the whole thing. I think David Copperfield should show up and shoot him with a shotgun. What's up? I'm very old and I'm out the game. Pop, dead. I made an airplane disappear.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Why can't I make you two pop, pop, pop? Just because, hold on, just because David Copperfield's not doing specials anymore, it doesn't mean he doesn't still do magic. I don't think he's out of the game. Yeah, we're doing him a disservice by suggesting he would murder people with guns and not with his magic.
Starting point is 00:14:45 He can, he can fly. Okay. Let's cut him a little bit of slack. No one knows that we did that still. Yeah. That one time when he got mugged, he did magic. He palmed his own watch. You heard that?
Starting point is 00:14:57 Somebody said, yeah, so. He got mugged, he got mugged, and while he was getting mugged, he palmed his own watch. So they wouldn't steal it. So the person with him still got mugged. The person with him got mugged. But he was like, Voo, David Copperfield helps those who help them, too.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Geez, Dave, thanks, bud. I had my grandma's ring. He couldn't have palmed that one, too, huh? Don't get greedy, Madeleine. Dave's like, Madeleine, how did you make out? I kept him a watch. Because of my trickery. Hey, and I kept your watch.
Starting point is 00:15:30 But it's fine now. Hey, Madeleine, Madeleine, what time is it? Time for you to learn how to do magic. I guess. I bet that David Copperfield immediately called his parents and were like, you said this would never come in handy. Okay, how about another question? Yes, please.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Hi, brothers. Hi. Hi. I've been having an issue ever since my boyfriend and I started cohabitating. He scares the shit out of me. Bad start? Not on purpose.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Just when he comes home or walks into the room after taking a shower. He's tried saying, hey, as a warning. Or being a bit, or being a bit noisier, unlocking the door. But I'm often cooking or listening to a podcast. Oh, thank you. And you usually jump from fear.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Help me, brothers. What can he do to make his injuries less frightening? And that's from Scared in Seattle. Okay, hold on. Scared in Seattle, you're here. Okay, yeah. Hi. Does your boyfriend have like an old tiny organ
Starting point is 00:16:39 that he plays like a spooky stinger? Or like, meh. Hello. Are you dating Slender Man? Harvey Slender Man. Nice to meet you. I'm an accountant. I struggle with this a lot
Starting point is 00:16:53 because I spend a lot of time editing podcasts and so I've always got the old cans on. And I have YouTube bozos just like, boop boop boop, bonafar, bonafar, bonafar, bonafar, just barking in my ears. And then when Rachel wants to get my attention, there's no good way to do it that doesn't spook me terribly. Could you tie a bell around your boyfriend?
Starting point is 00:17:16 It's a little dehumanizing, but I mean, I'd rather you not get scared. And to be fair, your boyfriend's jangling his keys and saying, hey, he's gone half the way. Maybe you meet him halfway, you get like a Bluetooth speaker and you don't wear headphones. You could try learning Taekwondo,
Starting point is 00:17:32 then you'd be anticipating an attack. At every moment, you'd be praying that someone tries to make a move on you because you're a weapon. I've got an idea that I've been developing for four seconds now. That's for an app. And the app is called J-R-M-Y, Jeremy.
Starting point is 00:17:49 And it's for Jeremy, the boy I'm assuming. What's your name? Matt's already four letters, so that's no good. Yeah. Jeremy's probably an app called Matt, so let's see what Jeremy for right now. Jeremy, it's called Jeremy. And you use it and you're gonna,
Starting point is 00:18:03 this is not Matt, not good for him, but I'll have to be tagged somehow. Or if I be. Maybe he carries an Amiibo with him all the time. He always has an Amiibo on him. And when he comes in the door, your Jeremy app is always running, and it's like, Jeremy's home.
Starting point is 00:18:20 And it like, lets you know, because it knows that he's close because the tag is... Push notification. Push notification. Like, you're listening to podcasts, and it's like, fart boner hi, McRoy's listening to all our shows, we're sellouts.
Starting point is 00:18:29 And then like, you get like, Jeremy's home, and you know like, to be ready. Maybe one butt in, one butt out. Or what if, okay, I'm gonna take that, let me throw this out. What if I just constantly let you know when Jeremy wasn't home? And if it's, if it's not notifying you,
Starting point is 00:18:44 that means he is home. Yeah. So you're listening to our family of incredible products. But there's also a fourth... Jeremy's not home. Jeremy's not home. Jeremy's not home. Jeremy's not home.
Starting point is 00:18:56 Jeremy's not home. Jeremy defences moves. Voltron, forward it. Also, you should get Voltron to protect you. Because then you never be, what fear needs someone with Voltron at their side. He's made of five lions. What if he had a body man?
Starting point is 00:19:21 Think about it. If he had his own like, you know, like Dule Hill was for President Barlett, you could have somebody who like, enters the room before and is like, Jeremy's gonna do it. There's still gonna be scared. That's not, it's not Jeremy himself.
Starting point is 00:19:32 What if it said it was a hype man that you heard coming a mile away. Jeremy! Jeremy! Oh shit! Jeremy's here! Just ringing a cowbell like, who's in the house?
Starting point is 00:19:43 Jeremy! No, I mean literally, he's in the house. I'll be back in the morning. You guys stay in the same room, please. What if you hung Christmas lights all over, like in Stranger Things, and then when Jeremy gets home, he just flicks him up and down,
Starting point is 00:19:59 and that's it. That's the most practical one, I think. That's practical. And also it's festive and nice. Except around Christmas, and it's like, stop it, Jeremy! You're disrupting the spirit. Yahoo!
Starting point is 00:20:13 Another Yahoo? This one was sending, all right. I mean, it's a bad company. You don't have to cheer for Yahoo. They provide a good, oh, yeah, okay. You have a haunted doll down there in the front row,
Starting point is 00:20:24 and it's freaking me out, not because it's a haunted doll. I keep thinking it's a baby, that you're just like, look at these three goofing. Someday, darling. I just keep seeing it out of the corner of my eye, and it's freaking me out.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Yeah. You can even lower it out of eyesight, if you want to see it. It's your seat. You can do whatever you want with it, but... Griffin, are you ready? Yeah, I just lost... I lost the website, unfortunately.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Yeah, no, it's almost like it's a really fucking bad website that I'm gonna dance on, it's fucking grave when Yahoo's gone. When Yahoo's gone, I will do a dance on its grave. Do you need some filler? No, I'll just read another one,
Starting point is 00:21:07 but that one's just got eaten. Can you get it back? It's gone, that's what I'm saying. Rachel, I wasn't. I'll try to remember it. No, I'll forget it. How about this one instead? It was sent in by Rachel Rosen.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Can you hear Rachel? Thank you, Rachel. It's from Yahoo Answers user. It's probably not gonna load. Oh, Ronaldo! It loaded something! Fucking toilet website. I'm gonna get that other tab back.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Ronaldo asks, What would happen if I pinched a police officer for not wearing green today? I don't have that instinct where I look at a police officer and think, I wonder how much stuff I could get away with doing to and on them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:08 What would they let me get away with? I mean, the answer is you're a white man, so pretty much whatever you want. But! But! Whoa, commentary! Whoa! Oh, shit, there he goes!
Starting point is 00:22:22 Sammy's getting fired up! He's getting political! I didn't think that one was worth a laugh. He's going back to his seats. But when you feel bad if you pinch that cop and he turned around and he had like a green lapel pin on? Oh, boy, oh, I did my parts.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Oh, no, it's not. Oh, nothing to see. Nothing to pinch here. Nothing to pinch here? Oh, lady, lady, lady. My grandmother. No, no, no, no, no! It's cool.
Starting point is 00:22:43 We're Irish. It's fine, it's cool. It's a vibe. It's fine. Oh, Delilah! Oh, Delilah? What's going on? You didn't pinch me.
Starting point is 00:22:52 You pinched me, Denny boy. We're Irish. You can tell by our accents. Yeah. Our very good accents. Grimmin, you didn't do one. Do one? Yeah, no, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:23:01 I need you to do one. We all need to be in this. Yeah. Tora lura lura. You pinched me good. I deserve that one, didn't I, laddie? How about that? Tora lura lura.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Have you ever wanted to change your fate? That was brave. That's Scottish. Yeah. It's a quote from the movie Brave, Pixar's best movie. Come at me! Yeah, it's just okay.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Her family turns into bears. Like, what the fuck, guys? Like, you had a good movie? And I was like, my family's bears. Like, what? Everyone's super worried about mom. The children are bears. The kids are bears and they're like having fun.
Starting point is 00:23:49 They could, like, kill a guy. And it's like, oh, my brothers. They killed a guy. Mama mia. Mama mia. Who's actually got away from you? I'm going to pinch a cop. I am.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Next cop I see is not wearing green. I don't care what day that we get this. I want to pinch him. Is it illegal? Who's the bigger Christian? Is it illegal to pinch a cop? Somebody say yes. This is a comedy show.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Yeah. We don't need air tickets. Yeah. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matlock. We'll be the love here. I mean, is it legal to pinch anybody? I didn't wear green yesterday at all.
Starting point is 00:24:30 And I traveled. I was on an airplane. And I saw lots of people wearing lots of green. And I thought, am I going to get pinched? And I thought, no, I'm a 29-year-old man. Like, nobody's going to walk up to me. And I'm like, boop. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Looks like we're going to see that special color on you. The mood I'm in while I'm traveling, I would leap in the air and spin kick them. Like, I have no patience. Yeah. I'm always, like, on high alert. Yeah. High alert.
Starting point is 00:24:54 I'm ready for anything. One other question? Yeah. Don't pinch it. Just like don't pinch a cop, I guess. Just don't pinch anybody? I guess the one teachable moment we have from this is probably don't pinch a cop.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Or you'll get pinched. No, no, no, no. That got in the pause break. That got, like, a bad golf drive applause. I'll take it. How proud do you think I am that I won't accept that? He, he, he, he wanged that one, but it's Jack Nicholas, so. Did I say the right one?
Starting point is 00:25:31 I don't know! I kid Jack Nicholas and Nicholas. Somebody said no. Is it Nicholas or Nicholas... Nicholas Stain? No, no, that one. This June I'm heada It's weird.
Starting point is 00:25:43 God jesus! Hold on, let me try! Hey, there's a mess up. This June I'm had a Yeah. Do you need me to de-drag it? Is it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Is it? Yeah. Even if I... If you could try to read... Just start with a third one. Third question. This June, I'm headed to... Keep going, just keep going.
Starting point is 00:26:02 This June, I'm headed to... I want a munch! One! One, two, munch! One! Welcome to Munch Squad, the show we're going to show. I'm really excited. This is a very new...
Starting point is 00:26:21 This is a very new take on Munch Squad. Not new, precisely, but I owe this one to Matt. Matt's an Australian who saw the thing that we're about to talk about, which is the Chicken Parmy from Ginny's, and it's a pie.
Starting point is 00:26:37 From who's? It's Ginny's Chicken Parmy. Who's Ginny's? I'm going to show... You all won't be able to see this very well. But this is the chicken... For those of you at home, it looks like it's screaming.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Yeah. It looks like a screaming pie. It looks like if you cut a chicken pie in half, and the pie yelled at being cut in half. How could you? No! Well, he's Australian, so he'd be like,
Starting point is 00:27:09 Gore Blimey, how could you? Lidy-dy-dy-dy. It's Gore, we're Australians. So, listen. Listen! You can get this one at Jester's. What is it? Ginny's or Jester's? Ginny's Pie at Jester's.
Starting point is 00:27:25 It's Ginny's... Just shut up. Let me do my podcast. My great award-winning podcast, Munch Squad, within your podcast. We printed out this small space for you. The small retail space
Starting point is 00:27:41 in the corner of this door. So, okay. So, Matt's an Australian, and Matt saw this pie, and he was like, that's a Munch Squad right there. But there was no press release, so Matt emailed the franchise e-manager and said, hi. What?
Starting point is 00:27:59 I need a press release about your chicken parmig. So, wait. This is our first bespoke Munch Squad. So, this is the like, PR blast of this press release. Yeah. This is the first sort of... I'm announcing
Starting point is 00:28:15 the chicken parmig everyone. Here's the reason it's called Ginny's, okay? This is a statewide Jester's Pie competition. And Jen Bogg was the creator of it, okay? And
Starting point is 00:28:31 Jen Bogg from Waikiki has won a statewide Jester's Pie competition with her yummy chicken parmi pie. The soup pie star. Stop it. That's not... That doesn't sound like the thing you want... That was a soup designing competition.
Starting point is 00:28:47 I could meet you halfway, but no, it's soup pie star competition called on members of the public to create a new and unique pie flavor and fucking mission accomplished, I guess. To be sold in Jester's stores across WA. I'm assuming that's western Australia,
Starting point is 00:29:03 is that safe? Yeah. No, it's... Hey, context clues. Come on, y'all. Come on, y'all. I said Australia, alright? They're really gonna like this one in the other country, aren't they? In that one specific northwestern state? We're...
Starting point is 00:29:19 Australia, we're exporting our pies to Washington. As a joke. Yeah, it's a bad pie, mate. We made it as a joke for Washington. Uh, Miss Bogg went out of almost 2,000 entries with about 400 votes for her parmi pie recipe.
Starting point is 00:29:35 It's not very many. It's not impressive. Sorry. Sorry. I don't want to be mean, but was that on internet? Because there's a lot of folks. Considering there were 2,000 entrants, you have to assume most of you were voting for their own pies. And 400 people were like, no, that's actually better than mine. What are the other pies in that game?
Starting point is 00:29:51 Just in mothballs. Yeah. An old soup in a pie. Hey, so here's the quote. Here's the quote from Jenny. I know you're wondering, how did you come up with this... this pie? She says, I love chicken parmies.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Yeah. And I love pies. Yeah. All right. What better way to bring my two loves together than by combining them? No. I love my kid, and I love bourbon. I also love to cook. But I'm pretty accident prone in the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:30:31 I thought you were saying you love your kid and you love bourbon and you love to cook. No. The quote is, I also love to cook. But I'm pretty accident prone in the kitchen. This is an accident, so good job. Good job describing. And I thought I would
Starting point is 00:30:47 leave the cooking to gestures and just sit back and enjoy the new flavor. So she doesn't want to make her own line of chicken parmies that she could sell. Right. She made... this is made... What's in it? Crumbled chicken breast.
Starting point is 00:31:03 That's a bad start. That's not among the things I want chicken to do. It's not supposed to do that. They probably mean... That's probably Australian for it. It has a crust, right? Breaded, maybe? Somebody saying yes.
Starting point is 00:31:19 Why do you know what Australians call... Anyway, it's made with crumbed chicken breast. Mashed potato. Shh. Let's just sneak it in. They won't notice. Neapolitanianos... Ooh! Neapolitan... Neapolitanos and tasty cheese.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Which is better than the alternative. I agree. This is made with good flavors and enjoyable taste. Um... This Australian pub favorite was made available in all gesture stores. Book your plane tickets now.
Starting point is 00:31:51 From Tuesday, March 7th. I have a very, very important question. Wait, I'm almost done. Ms. Bogg even gets a piece of the pie profits. You... She will get 50 C. That could be
Starting point is 00:32:07 literally in the amount of money for every chicken party pie sold. That's the... They sell for a hundred thousand C's. There's one more look because I know you're... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:23 This isn't... There's french fries hiding behind it. They're embarrassed to be there. Look at us out. Is Waikiki in Australia? I'm hearing mixed answers. It's not... How many people thought it was in Hawaii like I did?
Starting point is 00:32:43 And how many people think it's in Australia? Okay. We have our answer. They're not Wikipedia. They paid to be here. Google our audience. I found that yahoo. I rescued it from the depths. What the fuck? Okay. I literally had it. And then literally a second later.
Starting point is 00:33:03 I'm not fucking kidding. A second later. I said here it comes and it refreshed. Sorry, this content's not available right now. I didn't touch anything. It's shy. This is our first shy yahoo answer. Someday you'll start screen capping them. I'm fucking believable. I have no other stalls.
Starting point is 00:33:21 That was my one big stall. Was that... Alright, but I'm going to jump into whatever happens next in the middle of it and be like I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it. Okay, that's fine. Add a little suspense. Hold on, let me... Screenshots of...
Starting point is 00:33:37 No, I'll figure it out. Okay, that's fine. Add a little suspense. Hold on let me... Give me another one. No, I'll figure it out. This June I'm headed to Japan for 10 days. What?
Starting point is 00:33:53 It's a question. It's a question. Also, he's allowed to if he wants. Yeah. Fuck you. Why are you smiling when I'm like, no! How dare you! This June I'm headed to Japan for 10 days. Not me. I'm a question asker.
Starting point is 00:34:11 And two of the four people going with me have decided not to go. Cool friends? After I already purchased the plane tickets. Super cool friends! Holy shit! That's gotta be cheap, right? Flight tickets are banned? 20 bucks? 30 bucks? The tickets are non-refundable,
Starting point is 00:34:27 but I think if I really put in some effort I might be able to get some back. I'm starting to think the extra space on the international flight is more valuable. Please advise. It's from Chase Robinson of... It says Portland or... some other place, I guess.
Starting point is 00:34:43 God, that's good. Chase, you here? Wow, you took a wild chase! Now, Chase, are you really here? Are you an imposter? Okay. You all just can't handle silence, huh? Is that what it is?
Starting point is 00:34:59 It's okay. It's fine. If Chase isn't here, our feelings are hurt. But I will ask you one more time and just please complete silence. Chase, are you here? All right. I think maybe we've gotten a little too hard. Okay. Is a chase here?
Starting point is 00:35:17 Uh... Can you just shout out a number of how much the tickets cost? Two... That is not where the voice came from. Ticket prices fluctuate. Chase. 450, what the fuck? 450, you are not Chase!
Starting point is 00:35:37 That's a good deal, though, Chase. 450 is like, there's a tugboat I found that is gonna go to Japan. So weird old ladies let me dress up like her dog and she's gonna crate me for 450. They let me just sleep in the overhead compartment to get there.
Starting point is 00:35:53 I'm mailing myself like in a fucking flat Stanley novel. I'm flat-standing myself. I'm getting normal to Tokyo. Um... I went to Japan for my honeymoon in 2013. It was $1,300. That's a lot of money to put up your legs,
Starting point is 00:36:13 kind of. Yeah. Like, he's saying if you bought the extra ticket, it would be a lot. If you bought the extra ticket and just ate it so you could have a seat for your backpack to chill on. At that point, you could have just fly for his class. I know you've already bought the tickets.
Starting point is 00:36:29 You can't trade too bad ones for one good one. Okay. But can you? Could you find an eccentric millionaire sitting in first class to be like, you ever know it's like one cheek on one seat, one cheek on the other? You look like a person who
Starting point is 00:36:45 appreciates exotic experiences. And one fucking screen you can have Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar children. And the other one you can have, don't breathe, just like crazy. You get the fucking key change. You get the fruit plate for breakfast.
Starting point is 00:37:03 You'll lose your mind. When I was flying here from Dulles. Guys, he knows where he lives. Kind of a one-way thing. When I was flying here from Dulles, I...
Starting point is 00:37:19 It's in Virginia. It's near D.C. I was flying here and there was another gentleman of large carriage in the row with me. There was a window and I had the aisle and the whole time we were just like, when we first sat down, there was nobody in the middle. And we were both just staring
Starting point is 00:37:35 at that fucking thing, staring at the door willing, no one else to come in. And then when they made the... And you could tell we were both thinking it, that we didn't acknowledge it. And then they made the boarding things like, you know, we're about to start pulling out or whatever we say to you. I don't really listen.
Starting point is 00:37:51 What was it? We're about to fly through the sky like a bird or a dragon. What the fuck? I'm a pilot. I've been doing this for 20 years. I still think it's fucking crazy. We're like dragons up here. How's this magic work? This is Dylan. He's going to stand in front of you and hold a mask
Starting point is 00:38:07 and show you how to put on a seat belt. You're going to play Zeld on your switch and pretend to pay attention. All right. Oops. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Justin broke. Me and this other gentleman were in the row
Starting point is 00:38:23 and when they made that announcement, he wordlessly reached over and just extended the pound. It was so fucking choice. We did not talk the rest of the flight. But as soon as that door shut, we're like bags on the seat,
Starting point is 00:38:41 coats on the seat, pull the thing down, put our drinks on it. We're just like kings of this row. That's nice. That's like you're at it really. He's the best friend I ever had. It's like you're at a classy bar. Read it before it goes away. Okay. I got it because I paired
Starting point is 00:38:57 to my fucking phone. Wait, wait, wait. Can we answer that person? I forget what the question was. I'm too excited about this. I want to answer Chase real quick. Oh. That's a lot of money. That's like so much money probably. It's like so much money, Chase. I try to get some of your money back because it's the worst investment you can make.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Because the moment you touch down, you'd be like, ah, fuck me. I could have had $600. I don't know how standby works, but that feels like something where they give your ticket away. Because there's just like an empty seat and they'd be like, oh yeah, here you go. It's like, ah,
Starting point is 00:39:29 my $1,300 is just gone. Hey, what is the deal with standby? Yeah, what's the deal? Hey, what's the deal? There it is. There he goes. There he goes. My dreams have come true. After listening, my brother was just dancing around
Starting point is 00:39:49 in the fashion of Gerald Seinfeld, doing some of his classic material. No, but really, are those people just showing up and hoping they can get on a plane? Fingers crossed. Got on my back. Back two weeks off work. Here we go. Roll the dice, baby. Roll them bones, Walma. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Hit me. Get your money back. This one was sent in by, I think, John Thomas Mason, but that name disappeared about 35 minutes ago. I think that's who it was. Thank you, John. See how who answers who's your sexy janitor asks. DJ INN. What?
Starting point is 00:40:25 Sexy Jen, like a genie. Janitor, pay attention. Because I got excited. I was about to make a whole run on sexy janitor stuff and you've been over there like, let's see, that's not genie stuff. I've been over here like just working that punch and you're like, oh.
Starting point is 00:40:45 And you're like, that's not a genie. This fucking hot ass janitor asks. It's fucking bonerific custodian. Why are you so mad at me? Accidentally watched illegal movie. I walked in, I walked in on my brother watching a movie. I had not seen this movie.
Starting point is 00:41:17 It was Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar kids. I watched it over someone's shoulder sitting across from me on the plane and I bet it made as much sense doing that as watching it. There was a lot of, there's a lot of spooky imagery and a lot of like,
Starting point is 00:41:33 they made kids kind of weird and I was like, I saw that and I was like, whoa. I watched it on my brother watching Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar kids and cancer children. Who knows? I had not seen this movie so I watched it too. He told me later, he downloaded it
Starting point is 00:41:49 in all caps off of a website. Our fucking audience was just like, revolted. I did not know they toned such a hard line against cyber piracy. No, God! Why?
Starting point is 00:42:09 Why? Why Jesus, no! But I wouldn't rob a bank! You know, you laugh, but put up a television show that isn't available internationally, you'll start to take a pretty hard line against piracy too. Don't you dare! It's fun!
Starting point is 00:42:31 Do it to Billy Zane, do it to Tom Hanks, not to me! My steel gleaming the cube! It's hard to find! Not to me! You do a lot of bits on your podcast about how shoplifting is not only cool, but basically
Starting point is 00:42:47 not a big deal at all. And you sort of accumulate this persona where people think they can come to you and just be like, hey, I stole all your shit! And you're like, okay. All right, I see where we went wrong. That's fine. I guess they do have repercussions sometimes.
Starting point is 00:43:03 I'm sorry. My name is Derek Bestby and checkmate! I stole your thing! I downloaded a movie off a website. This is illegal. How do I hide this from the police so we do not have to go to jail? So, one more question. All right, make total sense.
Starting point is 00:43:23 I'm sorry. I'm just going to ask one more thing. How does Zootopia end? What particular movie snacks did you enjoy when you saw Zootopia? Butter Crunch! Do you mean Popcorn? Yeah! Checkmate! Boo-boo jeez!
Starting point is 00:43:43 It's ju-ju-bees, but I said it funny. That sounded like a racist thing, and I know it wasn't, but it sounded racist to someone. Minugents! Is there a fucking movie candidate that doesn't sound racist when you say it backwards? Seniors!
Starting point is 00:44:03 Snow caps are good. Snow caps are safe. Thank you. One time this reminds me of a different crime that I committed. I ran a red light in LA, and there was red light cameras, and there were like four of them in all of LA, and it's really fucked up
Starting point is 00:44:19 because it's not actually the police. It's like a whole separate agency, and it costs like $800. Oh, shit! And the thing is, you can just not pay it. This is true. There's no... They won't follow up on it. Unless...
Starting point is 00:44:37 Unless... You get arrested for something else. And if you get arrested for something else, they'll be like, oh cool, so you shoplifted. And also I see here, you ran a red light, and at that point you have to pay like $1,600. So you're kind of rolling the bones,
Starting point is 00:44:53 I'm like, I just hope I never get arrested for anything ever! I heard that you don't have to pay those fees because you have the right to face your accuser in court, so if you challenge it, then they can't bring that shit. They have to cut the red light off and bring it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:09 There is no joke, like a laundry list, 100 item long of things you can do to get out of it, and one is to just say, wasn't me. And they're like, ah! They bring the light in, like fucking, what, spark 343? It's like, you talk to it?
Starting point is 00:45:25 Halo? Yeah. Bungie's classic shooter. Oh, fucking amp now, thinking about all my good times. Shooting guys with Master Chief, my best friend. Fuck yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:41 What's your favorite? Halo 4 for me. Fuck yeah, dude. Jet Packs? Let's get into it. I'm an assault rifle man. Yeah, dude. I turn on my Xbox with my friends and I just go at it with Master Chief. I see, and I see the flood show up and I'm like, too scary.
Starting point is 00:45:57 I didn't know it was a scary alien game. What? I tried to play Call of Duty, but it was like, where's Master Chief? Turn off, throw disc back in the GameStop. I don't want it. What did he want?
Starting point is 00:46:17 I want Halo 4 and 5. My good buddy Master Chief. What about Halo 3? Halo 3 was alright. Just kidding, he kicked ass. What about that half of Halo 2 where you played as the Arbiter? That was actually in Halo 2. Did you even play the fucking Halo games?
Starting point is 00:46:37 I thought you were on it. What about that part of Halo 2 where you played as the Arbiter? I'm gonna go. Travis. Master Chief kicks ass. Yeah, dude, fucking green armor. He can carry two guns at a time. What?
Starting point is 00:46:53 I just played Dragon Age. That's not real gamers. Master Chief's only... No, Master Chief's the only good game. Shortly after, Master Chief's my favorite game of all time. I like Master Chief Jr. Hey, I was just...
Starting point is 00:47:19 I was just... Hold on. Let it land. Master Chief Jr. Sounds like Master Chef Jr. It's a thinker, folks. You get it, drive home. Don't check your brains in the door. We got a lot of slow burns here.
Starting point is 00:47:35 I was just... just possessed by the Zool of working in the video games industry for a decade. Folks, the Max Fun Drive is over. And you're enjoying our Portland live show. I hope you're enjoying it.
Starting point is 00:47:53 I look back on it favorably because that was before me and Henry both just got sick and will just always kind of have a cold, I guess, until he leaves for college or whatever. So it's nice to look back and be like, ah, health. The vitality, the spring of youth.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Vitality, how nice. I want to, before we get to our ads this week, I want to say thank you to everybody who donated in the Max Fun Drive. I cannot believe that so many people stepped up and supported the show. It just means the world to me. And if you are a donor,
Starting point is 00:48:25 just in case you missed it, we put up part two of the Adventure Zone bonus featuring special guest Lin-Manuel Miranda. And I'm very proud of it. It was great. Yeah, we broke 24,000 donors, which is like, what did we do last year?
Starting point is 00:48:41 We did like 9,800 last year. How the fuck? Hey, y'all, what the fuck, though? You're amazing. Griffin, how have you celebrated post Max Fun Drive? Oh, dude, I'm glad you asked. I laid perfectly still on a couch and watched almost two whole seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Starting point is 00:48:57 Nice, nice. I'm taking a two-week Twitter hiatus and watching a lot of Psy videos. Psy? Oh, the musician? I've watched like Gangnam Style and I got it from my daddy.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Just like on repeat. It just makes me really happy. I know it's not like... You got the Psy videos from our dad? Our dad sent you Psy videos? No, it's the name of the song. I got it from my daddy. It's not important. This is not your main this week. No. Should we talk about our advertisements?
Starting point is 00:49:29 Please do. I gotta load it up first because here they are. First advertisement is from a service that is near and dear to my heart. That is Blue Apron. We've been using Blue Apron for a long time now and what they do is for less than 10 bucks per person
Starting point is 00:49:45 per meal, they send you seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals. Talking about stuff like spinach and fresh mozzarella. Nice. Nailed it. Got it in one. Pizza. With olives, bell peppers and ricotta salada. Alright, didn't quite get that one.
Starting point is 00:50:03 We watched Henry's Curious George and we accidentally watched nine seasons of it over the course of like two and a half weeks and there's a guy on it named Chef Piscetti and I don't know how this show isn't like under fire because it's sort of a hateful caricature Chef Piscetti is.
Starting point is 00:50:19 Griffin, you say that it's his favorite show. That fool is four months old. What do you mean it's his favorite show? He's not like demanding it. He doesn't wake up and he's like curious George now. He gets these like fever waves and he gets really upset and like cries a lot
Starting point is 00:50:35 very very hard and the only thing that will make this boy like chill out and stop crying and making himself sicker is plopping down in front of Chef Piscetti and get some of his good just caricature of a person, wisdom. So yes Travis, you don't know what the fuck you're talking
Starting point is 00:50:51 about here is George. Save my life. Save my life in the war. Sweet and sour salmon with bok choy carrot and ginger fried rice. Parmesan crusted chicken with creamy roasted broccoli and so you're going to get all
Starting point is 00:51:07 those really really tasty Rachel and I love Blue Apron. We cook all the time using these tasty boxes and you can get you can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash my brother you're you're going to really enjoy it I guarantee it. It's blueapron.com slash
Starting point is 00:51:23 my brother. I want to talk this week about Lyft. So Lyft you know the ride sharing app Lyft is my favorite. I don't I don't know it. This is no judgment on Lyft but they bounced on me and so now it's like baby come back.
Starting point is 00:51:39 To be fair Griffin we do travel a lot so I'm sure you'll get an opportunity to Lyft once again. Some day I'll Lyft again. I use it not only for travel when Teresa and I lived in LA it was just so much more convenient to like call a Lyft and not have to worry about parking or traffic
Starting point is 00:51:55 or anything like that you know especially if you know you're going someplace where you're going to be imbibing alcohol taking a Lyft there and back is so much more responsible and I would say cooler and you know it's an interesting combination because you do Lyft and you both get kind of the luxurious
Starting point is 00:52:11 feeling of having a driver but you also like are making a new friend I when I went to San Francisco for SketchFest and I had a Lyft driver and I asked him if we could like go completely out of the way to stop
Starting point is 00:52:27 at the Golden Gate Bridge before he took me to the airport and he not only was like happy to oblige he like talked to me about San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge and his experience of living there for I think about an hour and 15 minutes of travel and it was just incredible
Starting point is 00:52:43 and he was a really cool dude and you know Lyft is affordable and it's and he's the only driver if you get a Lyft it's going to be this guy. In San Francisco I think he's the only adopter. No, it's a really great option and nothing against taxis
Starting point is 00:52:59 I've had a lot of great experiences in taxis too but I've often found Lyft to be way more affordable and I I'm just a big fan and I'm not just saying that because they're a sponsor I use Lyft all the time and right now Lyft is offering our listeners a special deal
Starting point is 00:53:15 for new users you get three free rides up to $10 each it's a $30 value when you enter the promo code BROTHER just download the free Lyft app today enter the promo code BROTHER in the payment section and you'll get
Starting point is 00:53:31 three free rides up to $10 each it's a great deal go check it out if you haven't tried Lyft do it now use the promo code BROTHER get it I have a couple Jumbotron spots here this one's for Chris with a K aka Cromsler
Starting point is 00:53:47 aka Acidburn well like the letter aka Pinskidan aka Lady Nicon do you think that these are like their graffiti tags? yes also they are oh yeah I mean the last ones are the other ones are mbm
Starting point is 00:54:03 sweet rafts wait hold on they are I don't know this Justin was trying to come up with a name for a human being and he said Cromsler and Pinskidan because he's a mutant why isn't Justin type one doubt
Starting point is 00:54:19 thanks for fulfilling my ridiculous pre-knowing you tweet of only accepting a proposal if it came out alive on Bim Bam show we've gotten pretty hitched by the time that you hear this if so we've probably gotten hitched we've gotten pretty hitched listen we've watched hitched
Starting point is 00:54:35 we hitched up some horses we are so hitched we've probably gotten hitched by the time you hear this if so it was the best day of my life thank you for being attentive affectionate playful six foot one and of course atheist happy anniversary and birthday sugar booger
Starting point is 00:54:51 hack the planet yeah that's congratulations on your wedding maybe if it has happened I'm sure it was wonderful if not then happy tidings happy tidings and good will to all this next
Starting point is 00:55:07 message is for it might be anastasia but I want to go with anastasia because I like that better and it could be joey but I'm going to go with joey joey by now we are happily married what the fuck wait what's going on
Starting point is 00:55:23 hold on these are different people yeah probably oh it's just spring you know it's wedding season everybody's getting hitched watching I guess so that joke is so nice you had to tell it twice well here's the thinker if you think about it his name is hitch
Starting point is 00:55:39 but he also helps people find relationships so he's like hitching people up which is not I don't think people have used that jaren in that way like we're hitching people up when you introduce people to each other but if you think about it it works on two different levels because it's both his name
Starting point is 00:55:55 his name is also the verb that means to attach two people in love exactly so just like think about it we're stalling right now because the rest of this podcast is actually an hour of silence and we don't want anybody to get to that part and we are happily married and what better way to celebrate
Starting point is 00:56:11 than to announce it on our favorite podcast you make me a better man and I'm lucky to have you I can't wait to travel the world with you and spend the rest of our lives together if you're still unsure if the brothers are talking about you our dog's rap name is Lisa lefty or Lopez
Starting point is 00:56:27 somebody just lost their minds they're like but it's me I'm the that they mentioned that's me congratulations on your wedding again maybe
Starting point is 00:56:43 probably right yeah definitely sure and just on your love congratulations on being hitched yeah man like the movie I want to thank I don't know if we did it in the podcast but John, Roger
Starting point is 00:56:59 in the long winters for use for our theme song instead of Partchart putting the album putting the album days to bed and I want to thank all of our Maxfun listeners and everybody who works at Maxfun and go check out all the other amazing Maxfun shows
Starting point is 00:57:15 I will say that the Flophouse is already one of my favorites but every year at least for the last two they've had John Hodgman on for a special episode and they did in 1941 and it was just an absolute treat highly recommend go check it out
Starting point is 00:57:31 and thank you to everybody who came to this Portland show it was a buck wild audience we hadn't done a live show in like six months and so it was a really great thing to come back to so thank you so much now let's get back to it yeah see you later and many more
Starting point is 00:58:13 listen at Maxfunfun.org iTunes or wherever you download podcasts hey I have an announcement to make when my roommate orgasms he yells at the top of his lungs good to hear okay keep going
Starting point is 00:58:39 when my roommate orgasms he yells at is this actually an italic at the top of his lungs it's very loud no yeah and can happen at any time of the night good for your fucking roommate I guess
Starting point is 00:58:55 and Griffin I can't hear you very well you guys sit up and watch your head careful that's sweet yeah you say all I'm not gonna sit here with a fucking bloodied brother it's like I care about him very much
Starting point is 00:59:11 I don't know if he's not black out while we're performing okay I gotta start this at the beginning because there's really good he yells at the top of his lungs it's very loud and can happen at any time of the night and day during weekends it's a little afternoon delight
Starting point is 00:59:31 he does not care if anyone else is home and there's nothing to mask the sound I find his yelling a mix of hilarious, absurd and inconsiderate very sexy, very erotic I like to get back at him with something
Starting point is 00:59:47 of a similar tone hopefully they meaning metaphorically not literally oh I'm right here I'm right here since my baby orgasmed uh I want to get him back with something of a similar tone
Starting point is 01:00:03 before we part ways when our lease ends in a few months what should I do that's from tone down the bone down and bone him okay first off are you here that will be weird is your roommate okay
Starting point is 01:00:21 no wait stop stop stop this is the most important question possibly of all time yes is your roommate here yeah okay no wait I need you you're told for answering this question please come down to this microphone
Starting point is 01:00:37 yeah come on down you did not include in the email what does he yell I have another question by the way that I need you to address after you address Travis's question solo or because that would be
Starting point is 01:00:57 buck wild he's like you did it again done another great search we just got another email from somebody here in Portland it's like I got this dude I bone and he shouts a lot
Starting point is 01:01:13 okay so what's up it's just a wordless yell okay how he does a barbaric yop I know this is wack but like can you break us off a piece I'm going to stop now
Starting point is 01:01:29 just like we're all going to be very professional about this is a scientific setting we just need to know if you can break us off a piece it's just like this ah you know
Starting point is 01:01:53 so okay okay so if I may say this correctly when your roommate makes love he sounds like Randy Quaid flying into the spaceship in the middle of this world that's what you're telling me and you don't have to live with that
Starting point is 01:02:09 so how'd your date go well good for the first about 98.5% right at the end there though it had a weird finish when he turned into Shao Khan from Mortal Kombat but like have you addressed this before
Starting point is 01:02:27 what's your name well actually maybe you don't want to say your name on the podcast no it's cool my name's Ali hi Ali and what's your roommate's full name and no I want to say two things Ali first off I want to thank you so much for coming up to the mic secondly I will ask you to take
Starting point is 01:02:43 your seat now because we're about to say some things that might be weird to say to your face thank you very much thanks Ali there there's a very real possibility that if you address this with your roommate
Starting point is 01:03:01 they have no idea they're actually doing it out loud yeah you just lose yourself in that orgasm now look what's the deal with orgasms please tell me there's very there's very little
Starting point is 01:03:21 I hate more than talking about sex stuff with my brothers and I don't know why we always choose to do it in front of a crowd of a thousand people but this is when we do it I was not expecting this question to take such a like count of Monte Cristo revenge tail twist at the end it's weird it's sort of like
Starting point is 01:03:37 how can I bring it up in a polite way no Ali was like how can I get back at this motherfucker and nail him to the fucking wall you're gonna need to start some kind of like tally mark count because I just think that that'd be a really good look if he comes out and you're just like turning
Starting point is 01:03:53 back from like scored another one Dylan here's what I think and hang with me because it's gonna get worse before it gets better get out the app on your phone iPad called garage band
Starting point is 01:04:13 and you say it's gonna get worse before it gets better you can't come with me halfway through the fucking swamp of sadness we're gonna get through it together he did warn you ahead of time there's a thing on there where you can record a sample that you can then inject it to a keyboard
Starting point is 01:04:29 and then play so you record it and then you lay down a fucking sick hook it's like and then you send that to DJ Khaled you send it to DJ Khaled he puts it in his fucking next summer jam
Starting point is 01:04:47 and then this roommate is listening so you're suggesting kind of like a you'll have to do the bass on your own and probably the unless things are going bad in there can I counter over I I
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