My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 352: Three Deep On the Window

Episode Date: April 24, 2017

We're out here doing our best, burning the candle at both ends, and SHOOT, wouldn't you know it -- we slept through another dang holiday. Another rose flies by, unsmelled, as we hunch tirelessly over the podcast assembly line. Dang it. Suggested talking points: 420 Missed Connection, Paintball Strats, Bird-based Orbital Decay, Evans Interruptus, Lean On Me, Kitty Litter Delivery Service, Sewer Dancing

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your, I'm, what's even the point? And I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin macro. I'm just going to stick with it. Travis, what's wrong? We seem to join Travis in media res.

I missed it. Let's take a step back and see what happened. I missed it. What? I missed it. Which one? Which did you miss of them? I missed 420. Oh, shoot. Oh, Trav. I know. I know. What were you doing? What were you doing? I wasn't paying attention. I was just, I was just Griffin? Nothing. That's the thing. Oh, shoot. I just didn't. You know? Yeah. So you like, you got up and you were like, just going about your day and you did smoke like a little bit of weed, like one or two joints. But just normal. Just the normal amount. The normal amount. Not like the, not like the buck wild amount that you're supposed to do on the

funny weed day. Trav, I'm so sorry, buddy. Well, you know, it's one of the things, it happens when you work from home and you don't own a calendar and like, you just, you know, all the days start to run together. Like I forgot it was April for a while. You know what I mean? So like, and it wasn't until, you know, on the 21st, all my friends, all my weed friends were like, so what did you get up to yesterday? And I was like, yeah, I just smoked a normal amount of weed and went on about my day. And they were like, what? And then, so not only did I miss it, I was also embarrassed in all the forums. It's such an inspiration to me that 420 is able to, you know, usually people would start to think it passe. They would start to think that scene is

over. It's played 420. We get it. Everybody hysterical. But 420, it's just so good and right to have a day about weed that everybody just like, let's not ruin this for ourselves. Like, let's just all try to be cool about the fact that this is a day about weed and like celebrate that. If you want to come from my 420, you better be prepared for me to come for your Halloween. It's like, what if today it's just all pumpkins and candy and costumes? Like, why? Why? Why today? It's just like the way that people have embraced June 9th or like March 11th. Well, March 11th is National 311 Day where we all get together. And we also, I will say, smoke a considerable amount of weed and listen to 311 together. True. And which is funny,

because on 420, I usually listen to 311 and smoke in an inordinate amount. They're interchangeable, really, those two dates. But then there's June 9th, which I think is special for everyone, obviously. Nice. It's idiot. You know, the dumb. I think I'm going to start becoming a Halloween hipster in the same way that some people are hipsters about 420. I think, I just say, I wore costumes every day last week. I don't need a special day for, you know, that kind of thing. You're being childish with your jokes about pumpkins and candy and sweets and costumes. I'm being childish. Fuck off. Life is so fucking hard. Can you not give me these little checkpoints where I can have just like a little unnecessary celebration?

Some people need to wear costumes to help with chronic pain. Like, yeah, I get it. I just, I just, I don't like people who are down on on holidays for any reason. It's just the year is just long stretches of bullshit garbage. And then we get one day where we can log on to Twitter and say that we're smoking weed, even though we haven't known where to buy weed in 15 years. It just let us have that. Let me have it, please. Please, let me just make jokes about it. I haven't weeded in so long, not since I lived in California, where it's everywhere. It's all over. Well, I, I could, I could say that's inaccurate Travis. I could confirm. I may have, well, that was not recreational though, Justin. That was professional weeding. Yeah, we expensed that. That was expensed

weed. Boy, how did you spend the fourth 20, Justin? Well, I was, I was doing interstate travel, which yes, did make things a little more challenging for sure. But I just sort of drew a lot of pot leaves on my binders, my various binders. I drew pot leaves and white out on those. Took a couple coats, but I got a look that I'm very proud of. And then I drew a guy with a big hat and a funny coat kind of giving a thumbs up. And he was like, yeah, it was cool too. And he was kind of like having some weed, you know, you could tell he was like about to or knew where or had been with weed. Yeah, yeah, way. I spent it, I spent it by unloading about 18 ounces made about 40 Gs. So I think you probably took it a little far. I'm like flucking Walgreens, you know, I come for that.

I come for that Valentine's Day candy momentum. The best time to buy pot at Walgreens is April 21st. A lot of people forget this, but if you go there in April 21st, they are giving the stuff away. I mean, basically. Listen, but if you don't get there till like 3 p.m., it's all just going to be like white marijuana. You know what I mean? The gross kind that nobody wants, you know, those crunchy, those crunchy, normal flakes. Exactly. No, thank you. Should we advise? Yeah, this is an advice show, ostensibly. So we take your questions, turn them alchemy like into wisdom. This first one is, well, there's, I don't know who it's from. It's a very short question. I'm going to play paintball for the first time. Hell yeah. Advice,

strategies. That's from somebody. I don't know. That question made me really, really happy because it's been a long time since we got this like really straightforward to the point. I just want to say side note. Hi, everybody. This is Travis McRoy who goes through all the questions every week. Please stop ending your questions with am I good? It's like all of them, huh? Please stop. It's like 75% of questions end with am I good? And am I good is not an actionable, advisable position. That's not a good question. In the retail industry, we call that a closed question. We need an open ended question here. Thank you. That's what I like about this. Like for instance, this essentially, yeah, who answer question, can you give me advice and strategies for paintball? I will say this,

the last time I played paintball was at a buddy's bachelor party and it was about, it was about 48 degrees outside. And I ran around and scampered and did my fucking Sam fish, your techniques all over that battlefield. And I breathed in so much of that cold Texas air that I got extremely sick for the wedding the next day. So just watch, don't just watch that. I'm not saying you're getting, you're going to a wedding tomorrow, but just don't like this. This is very much the same as my laser tag advice. Do not overexert yourself in all things. I want to congratulate this person because they have obviously come to the right place or they've come to my brother, my brother, me a tactical podcast. And I think that that that shows a lot that your head's already

where it needs to be turning to the right people to support you. You know, if you have even a modicum of strategy with paintball, everybody else is just afraid to get shot. You have to live without that fear. You have to get beyond that fear and be more sort of a symbol. That's the thing that people forget with paintball is that everybody's running around Sam Fisher style and what you lack in that way is, is nobody to stand up and say, I am your God now. Die for me. I'm the, the, the reaper. You know, you get in line, follow behind me and I will lead you to victory or Valhalla or whatever sort of promises you want to make of glory and death. And that's the thing that the people forget to do is become a symbol that people can believe in. Also, just as a aesthetic,

wear clothes that are already spattered in paint and then it's hard to show if they hit you. That's good. Or just wear the mask and like as little protective clothing as you want that says like, I'm not, I'm not scared. I'm not scared of the painful welts that I will develop from your balls of paint. Come at me. I'm looking at a list of terminology here on Wikipedia because I thought it would be funnier than it actually is. There is an entry on here that says, um, street ball paintball played by those who do it simply for the love of the sport. Yes. You're just, yeah, you're describing 99.999. There's like one person out there who is a professional paintballer and I'm sure those people exist who are just like, oh, fuck another day of

paintball. Pretty much everybody else is out there like, great. You know what people don't do enough like covert, like black ops paintball maneuvers, like bring your own armbands so you can switch teams at will. You know what I mean? This both works as espionage, but also if your team is losing, well, now you're on the red team and you're winning just like that. You know what I mean? Or like maybe go hide in the woods until the whole match is over so you don't get shot. Oh yeah, that fucking Hexaw Ridge shit. Yeah. And then you come out and you're like, actually the last person standing was on the blue team and you like take out the last red team member. No, that's not how, that's not how Hexaw did it. Now I did just watch Hexaw Ridge

over the shoulder of somebody sitting in front of me on the airplane. And so I feel pretty, that movie is by the way, as far as I can tell is a two hour long cut of that one scene in Saving Private Ryan, where all the people get horribly injured on the beach. It's just like, I think that was Clint Eastwood made that one. And he was like, I really like that scene. People walk around, legs, no, that was Mel doing that one. Well, that makes a lot more sense now because he likes that saw shit. But it's just like, man, I like that part of the movie. I'd love for it to be two hours. Just a lot of people wandering around horribly, horribly injured. I love it. I agree. Why all these war movies always have to show people getting hurt. You know what I mean?

Where's the fun side? Success? Where's the card games? Every four minutes? Blackadder stuff. Every four minutes, somebody jumps on a fucking grenade in that movie. It's like they had this new like gut launching technology that they were like really fucking psyched to use. The problem with paintball is that no matter how tactical you get, if you pull some sneaky shit and some cool shit and blast a bunch of people, the problem with paintball is they are immediately able to comment on what you've done for them. You know, in war, when you kill people in war, I bet you probably feel guilty later. But like in the immediate, you don't get people like, oh man, come on. Why did you do that? Come on. Man, this is not, that's not cool. We were all

facing the other way and you came up behind the thing. Oh man. It was Todd's birthday and you shot him. You shot Todd on his birthday. This was for him. You ran me through with a bayonet on, man. Come on. Come on, man. You got the bayonet. We were all marching forward in straight lines in our bright red coats and you guys were just like hiding in the trees in the bushes and shit. Oh man. Man, you burned all our Johnny cakes. Come on, man. You shot my butt, dude. Look at that turd. Those turds are using paint cannons and shooting a bunch of people at once. Come on. These blankets are just soaked in paint. You just put paint all over the blankets. Come on. Come on. I don't, I don't. You're not supposed to go in the river. Come on. That's off limits.

They told us. Do you all know who? How come civil war redactors don't use fucking paintball guns? Wouldn't that be the sweetest? Wouldn't that elevate civil war reenactment if they were just like, pop, pop, pop. Like, I know that you're feeling a little bit of that pain. Like, you want to get in it? Get in it. Come in here. Yeah, you want to be in George Washington's fucking mindset. This is civil war hero George Washington. You want to be in that mindset? Okay. But there will be a cost, a pain cost. It's going to sting you and zing you. Have I told you guys my idea for maybe a billion dollar idea for war reenactments? Oh, I thought you're just going to say war. It'd be like, no. No. It's a gun. It's two guns. Okay. Front to back. I called them preenactments

and it's like future wars that you're staging and how you think they would go. And it could go so far as to like, you know, year 30, 17, you know what I mean? And it's like, this is what I think war will be like in the future. But the nice thing about preenactments is they can end however you want. Oh, sure. You don't have to feel like, just because maybe the, you know, the union one, that doesn't hold up in preenactments. You could do whatever you want and it could be different every time. Technically, every time that two nerds are flying their drones close to each other and then they crash into each other and fall to the ground, that's technically a preenactment of the 30, 17 drone, drone battles. And it's also copyright infringement. TM, TM, TM. TM, TM, drone battle

for reenactment. And I think, Travis, we could do a pretty good job accurately preenacting the next war with today's political stuff. I don't follow. What is this on the going on? What is this on the going on? A lot of it. So here's, here's another question. You don't want a yahoo? Yahoo. It's a yahoo question. It's a yahoo question. I wanted to celebrate Science March, which just saying you and Sydney and Chuck participated in. Yes. Is Science March like 420? It was 422 actually. Okay. After, after sort of that good head buzz, the worn off, it's like, let's get out there and win one for Science. This one was sent in by Casey Mayer. Thank you, Casey. It's yahoo answers user question mark who asks, if all the birds in the world held onto a tree

and fly up, will the world move? Science. Damn. Damn, dude. This, this, this one would work for 420 or Science Day. If all the birds in the world grab into it, it would have to be a big old tree, big, big, big tree, deep roots, right? Not to yank him out of the ground. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's. I'm talking about a Yidra cell situation. I know the answer to this, I think, maybe, but here, we often run into this. I feel this urge to point out actual logical answers to this because I know that there will be people on Twitter after the episode goes up and says like, I can't believe you guys didn't say blank, but that, but blank is really funny. And everybody, everybody listening at home, I know they're, they're a bird to eat other

types of birds. And so this sort of bird union would never happen. I get it, but play with us. Just have some fun. Just play with me. Like birds on birds on birds. Like a bird that stands on another bird's shoulder. Oh, man. Just because I don't know how big a tree you could find that would have enough branch space. But if the birds all kind of locked together, Voltron. Eagle holds the branch. Hawk holds the eagle. Fuckin. Pigeon holds the hawk. Sparrow holds the pigeon. Yes. Yes. And then now we're talking about eight wings. That's a lot of torque. That's a lot of lift. Yeah. Is there any actual answers? Did anybody try to like be smart about it? I mean, there's a lot of you'll rip the tree out of the ground before it will play with us. If the birds were

holding on to trees all over the world, they'd be going against each other. Yeah, no shit. That was one fucking tree, dummy. One tree, one big yeager cell. Yeah, who answers user Pranet says an exciting question. I agree. I think I think it can happen. This could follow Newton's first law of motion, which I think states that if a bunch of birds hold onto one tree, they can fly the world away. You know, there's a lot of people, there's probably a lot of naysayers about that. But there is a chance that after the all father creator of the all spark finished creating the earth and Cybertron, after the all father can finish his work, he was going over his like, everything looks good, everything looks good. And then one of the all angels came to him

and said, all father, what is he's like, oh, shit. Oh, God, damn it. Yo, all father, you made a lot of birds. Did you stop to think that maybe there's a lot of them, huh? I'll talk to one of the birds. To make sure at least one doesn't show up. So it'll be I'll make Jerry the bird promise that he won't go. It'll be fine. I like to think I like to think that if these birds do accomplish his feet and then earth is tossed into a state of orbital decay that leads to our agonizing march into the sun's molten core. Yeah, we really can't be too pissed off about that, right? Because it's like birds. Nobody's ever no humans ever done anything that cool birds like literally all of you came together to hurl our planet into the sun. And this is brain. This is coming back

to the war on birds, though, that human bird war that we've been touching on from time to time. This is like the ultimate power play of the birds. Like if we can't have this earth, then let it be dust. If we can't have this planet, no one can. Then let the big burning star in the sky have it. I just so badly want to see the meeting of each leader of every kind of bird all getting together to vote on whether or not they should all hurl the earth into the sun and there's something about that image that just makes me so happy. Just to see like the hawks and the turkeys and well turkeys don't fly. What a turkey. Wait, hold on. I'm going to talk about. Shit. Flightless birds. Yes, flightless birds are going to, especially can I hit you with our main ally in this quest,

the Judas Iscariot for all bird kind is of course penguins. Penguins like, I don't want any, you want to, sorry, you want to throw it into the sun? That's the opposite temperature we like. I like the chilies. So you're saying that like while all the flying birds are like tugging on this tree, there's going to be a bunch of ostriches down there. Like, come on, guys. Come on, y'all. Come on. They'll actually all be laying on their backs, flapping their wings up. Well, penguins will just be mating nonstop. They're like, we got to make more penguins weigh this motherfucker down. There's a penguin nature special narrated by David Tennant. And it's called like spies amongst the nest or something. It's called tuxedo boys.

It's called tuxedo boys, where they've put a bunch of cameras disguised as penguins in amongst the penguins. And I bring this up because there are numerous, numerous times where some penguin will just try to mate with that camera. Like penguin penguins is down. Penguins are down. I always say this, all dressed up in somewhere to go, which is inside of David Tennant's secret camera. Oh, shit. I just realized in my office that I've been working out of for about three years now, there's there's been a completely stationary penguin this entire time. And I've never asked any questions about it. But I'm starting to think David Tennant is watching me do podcasting.

Well, don't don't don't ruin this. I think I'm going to try to make love to this camera. The only thing that gives me peace about this scenario is if you do see the birds trying to pull this shit, and they will eventually, it's fine. Someday they will. The good news about it is you just throw a pack of captain's wafers up there and they're going to forget the whole enterprise. If you hold the line. If you threw one oyster cracker into that mosh pit, they would fucking dissolve. No problem. No problem at all. Here's another question. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that an actor who I admire and think is attractive, Chris Evans wanted to have sex with me. The problem is the problem is I turned him down

saying that I was waiting until marriage to Chris Evans. I have regretted this ever since. I don't have any sort of significant other that would have been cheating on my doing with Chris Evans in my dream. And if Chris Evans himself actually asked me if I wanted to do it with him, I would definitely say yes. How can I write down this terrible mistake awkwardly absent in Arkansas? Okay. I am with this on so many levels because I feel like once a week, I have a dream that is like a movie that is building up to something. In this case, your mind movie was a Chris Evans amateur pornographic film. Well, don't say amateur. You don't know what the quality of this was. If Chris Evans is in it, it's definitely high budget. Okay. That's fair, Travis.

But I have a movie where I find these fucking gloves that let me fly around and give me super strength. But the mad inventor of these gloves needs me to train before he'll let me use them. And so I go into his secret lair and I fucking work my ass off just learning to use these power gloves. And then the fucking big metal doors open and I step outside like, all right, time to fight some. Hey, Griffin, the baby's crying. You need to wake up. And it's like, I just got the power gloves though. Like once a week, Rachel will wake me up because they'll be like, Hey, can you go get the baby? And I'll be like, but I just got the hover bike. I just got the hover bike just now. I think the real concern here that this person in question asked or didn't even address

is the issue of what if you were dealing with like concurrent dreaming and this was not just dream Chris. Oh my God, Travis. But like real Chris Evans was also having this dream, sharing this dream with you. And then Chris Evans woke up like, no, no, no, I would have liked to. I would have done it. Finally, I'd love to have sex. You know what sex feels like on my wiener for once. Chris Evans, sometimes in the movies, they make it pretend like we do, but I've never actually had the wiener feel of sex before. I just want to do sex once where I'm not wearing my trunks, like I have to in the movies where my swim trunks when I make sex in the movies. And it's like, I'm always curious about what if the trunks weren't there? What would happen if you tried to have sex?

So Chris, it's time. Are you ready to have sex? Yeah, let me just get my trunks and we'll get right to it. Actually, Chris, you don't have to wear your trunks every time. Wait, huh? I could do it without the trunks. This is this is heartbreaking. I don't and you what's really a bummer is you can't get back into the Chris Evans sex situation. You can't get the hoverbike. You can't always get you can't always conjure up the gloves because sometimes you lay down like, all right, I'm going to step back into my movie and I'm going to start with the power gloves. It's a little cheat code. And then you close your eyes and all of a sudden you're having sex with Chris Evans. You have to master lucid dreaming. That's it, isn't it? That's the only the only thing now. Here's a little factoid

about the J man. I did kickstart. I am sort of on the forefront of this. I did kickstart. What? I'm just like holding on to my fuck the arms of my chair in like preparation for this whack thing that you've kickstarted. I'm sort of on the forefront of this. I did help to kickstart a lucid dreaming helmet where it's sort of a band that will help you to gain the ability to have lucid dreams. It's called the Aurora. And I'm sort of on the forefront of this experimental technology. The one thing about it is that we did sort of get over that hump in late 2013 and I have not gotten, I haven't gotten, I'm assuming it's still in testing because I have not received my product like this. You don't want to give somebody like spooky dreams

with the wrong head crystals. Justin, Justin, how do you know that you're not somewhere asleep wearing it right now? Oh my God, Justin, I'm just a figment of your shit, dude. This is all a dream, Justin. You can have sex with Chris Evans, whatever you want. Turn it around. Sorry, you think you are a successful podcaster? Oh God, how fucking rich. In West Virginia? In West Virginia, Justin, all of this is just a weird buffalo wing you ate. Don't you get it? One thing is I am reviewing the emails I've received about the Aurora over time and the subject line has now changed from initially it was Aurora, the ultimate lucid dreaming tool to the Aurora Dream Band, the ultimate sleep aid. So I am worried that maybe somewhere along the line

they realize that lucid dreaming may have been flying too close to the sun. It's not just that. A sleep aid is the opposite of a lucid dreaming tool. It's a placid dreaming. It's an extremely placid dreaming tool now. The next email you guys are just going to say, the Aurora headband, it kind of smells like lavender. You'll like it. You can use it to cover your eyes. Oh, dang. Oh, dang. That does help. Please, no one Google to find out how much that was. Actually, legally, I'm putting a legal disclaimer on this. Please, please don't Google that. Okay. I was really into lucid dreaming at the time. All right, thank you. Did you ever pull it? Did you ever get good at it? I don't know, Griffin. I don't have

the fucking band yet, but I think they're going to fulfill. I have feel pretty good. It's been about four years now. I'm feeling good that I'm going to, that we can't be that far away from this tech. Yeah. $150 for the first early bird backers. $160 for later birds out there. I would have loved to get out on that level. 150 early birds sounds pretty sweet. I probably have it by now. Probably about $200 is probably about J-Dog spent on this. And let me look at this thing. I mean, it looks like a very shitty, very small oculus rift. So... If you want, Justin, I could just paint the inside of some goggles black and sell it to you for $120. I could print out some fucking high res glossy J pegs of Chris Evans and just tape them

onto some fucking scuba goggles and put those on your eyes every night. Pretty good to sleep. Actually, I could just probably pay Chris Evans to come hang out with you for a while if you want. Yeah. Should we go to the money zone so you could recoup some of your lost sleep dream band finances? Yeah, let's head in. We're inside it now. We're here. Hi, money zone. Hello. Can I talk about meundies? Please do. Here's what's up with meundies. I want you to take a personal inventory of your wardrobe right now. Is something missing? Something missing in your beautiful wardrobe? I bet these soft modal underwears are missing from your body. Meundies are the best underwear that you can get. They

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that's fine. You can still save because meundies is offering you 20% off your first pair. Just you visit our special URL meundies.com slash my brother and get 20% off your first pair. Go to your underwear drawer up in it, throw all that trash in there away and put it stuff that shit with meundies. Again, meundies.com slash my brother. Go get 20% off your first pair, meundies.com slash my brother. You're gonna love it. I would like to tell you about a box of nature that I received. Did they just send you a bunch of pine cones? Yeah. Oh, God, it's great. I think we've only made that joke eight times so far. I'm talking about nature boxes. Shut your, shut your dick. Nature box is a longtime friend. Hey, how's my shorts, Travis? If you're going to be balls

about it, they make great snacks that actually taste great and are better for you. Hey, listen, I'm a bit of a snack monster from time to time. And I don't mean like a cute, like Sesame Street, like, oh, me love snacks. I mean, like, my God, my God, what have you done? Kind of snack monster. And when Nature Box came into my life, it presented me a snacking opportunity that didn't make me feel like shit for the rest of the day. And I really appreciate that from Nature Box. They make snacks that they don't have are their high quality ingredients that are free from artificial colors, flavors or sweeteners. So you don't have to feel bad about snacking. And they have lots of different options, sweet, savory, spicy, lots of different things for any, any snack

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know that, what I have just said is even weirder than it is on the surface. I want, I've got a personal message here. It's for Charlie, Nicole, Justin and Brittany, and it's from Nelson. And there's an exclamation point. So that was the exact right reading. Thanks for introducing me to these good, good brothers. Our annual Nola trip was a blast. Can't wait to do it again next year. Thank you, brothers. Well, you're very welcome. You're very welcome. Where was my invite? I would love to get down to Nola and show with y'all. Do you think you're the Justin in this message? I did not go to Nola. I have not been to Nola. Oh, y'all, we got to get to Nola. We got to get to Nola. Hey, what would a Nola show be like?

For like, we should do a Nola show. We should definitely go and do a Nola show, huh? Yeah, that should be. You know, we're also going to do a show now because I was just there, Atlanta. Atlanta. We can knock those both out in one trip. Not a big deal. Not even a big deal. Can we also do one at Savannah or is that too close to Atlanta? Oh, I love that. Get down to Tybee. Get down to Tybee for a fucking just beach vacation bash. Get down to that island life. I would love to do a fucking show with the beach in the background and just the waves behind me, just like getting powered by that. How about we do a show with the Beach Boys where I'm just playing drums for them? I would love to do that with the Beach Boys

together. Yeah, I love that. Just us and the Beach Boys. What a better pairing could there be. Alexi, Alexi, are you listening? It's me, Justin. I have a message for you, Alexi. It's from Ali Ash, Ali and Natalie. Hey, Alexi, we all love you very much and we wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Thank you for rolling into our lives and making us laugh about pooping your baby diaper while playing Fallout 4. We're so jazzed that a literal angel brought you to us with all the joy and support you've given us in just a few months. We love you, baby boy. That is so sweet and that's for Alexi. It's a happy birthday, Alexi. What? Is it? Sometimes, sometimes, some crimes go slipping through the cracks. Do you think

that this is for an actual baby or all of these just inside jokes for a grown person? No, I hope not because Fallout 4 was rated by the Entertainment Software Review Board as being in for mature audiences because of graphic violence and probably cussing. If a baby played it, it would literally ruin that baby. That baby would be worthless at that point. Because right from the beginning, if a baby was there whenever it is run around like, fuck a bomb, it would be like, whoa, hold on, baby shouldn't be hearing that. And they'd be like, fuck all this radiation everywhere. Made these fucking ants so big. And then the ant bites you in the torso and you just hacksaw Ridge all over the place. You can't let a baby see that shit.

Are you easily confused by terms like cultural appropriation, cisgender, and woke? Or maybe you find yourself constantly explaining terms like these and you need a place to vent. Do you have a love for all things pop culture, social commentary, and politics? Sounds like you need Minority Corner, where you can learn, laugh, and play. Sounds like blues clues. Only it's more black, gay, and ladylike. James and Anaké will happily administer your weekly dose each and every Friday. You can listen on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcast. Minority Corner. With a K. Because the C was taken.

This guy who was sent in by Rachel Sperling. Game recognized game Rachel Sperling, thank you. It's by Yahoo! Answers user Al Kexis who says, is it weird if two strangers had a mutual agreement to lean on each other on a plane? Well, Lahin, you're on a long flight. Is it weird to ask the passenger sitting next to you before you take off if you could lean on them to sleep and they could lean on you? Would you take this offer? Well, no, because if you're both leaning on each other, you're getting only half the lean. Well, okay, hold on. Because you're performing an equilateral triangle, where you want to do isosceles, you want to lean all the way over with them sitting

at like a 90, they're straight up and down and you're leaning against them. So you're getting maximum lean. Maybe you trade off, maybe take turns leaning. How long is the flight? Like, there are a lot of factors here. How tall is the person? What angle are you going to be leaning at? You know what I mean? Is their head on top of your head? How poofy is their hair? How poofy is your hair? And then there's accessory questions. Do they have padded shoulder pads that would be like a comfy pillow for you to lay on? Big dangly earrings that might get caught in your beard. Do they have some sort of cheek stink that you don't want to be close to? The problem with this is I'm a fidgeter. What if I finish the game I'm enjoying on my

Nintendo Switch and I need, not want, I need to play some more Knights of the Old Republic on my iPad, a very old video game I'm currently enjoying. What if I need to do that? Do I tell them like, excuse me, I have an important announcement. Excuse me, I have some important news about our arrangement. It's change. The game is changed. Oh, that's the ultimate, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's lean on each other. I'll go first and then you do it. And then you're like, what are you doing? Excuse me, flight attendant, look at what this person's done to me, the fucking most brutal betrayal. I love that shit. I get uncomfortable if my elbow touches the other person's elbow. So I don't know. And then let me be clear, not because I have a problem

with contact with another human being. I feel bad being in someone. It makes me feel like Shrek the ogre to like just go now which one is jumping through the world. He's the big green one with the horns with the like his head. It looks like trumpets. And I feel bad moving through the world just putting my elbows against other people and saying, this is my space now. I'm taking this arm rest. I'm going to lean on you and drool on your tweed coat. But this makes me feel bad. I want you to imagine on that flight to Hong Kong, about 13 hours. You are wiped out. 13 hours is such a long time to be seated. And so you don't have this conversation with your names because it would be uncomfortable. But then you look at the people in front of you and they are

full blown, bubblegump person TP together with each other. And you think like, fuck that looks nice because they're getting the best sleep of their lives touching a stranger and they're going to get to Hong Kong. They're going to be all refreshed. And you are not because you were afraid to have this conversation. I had a wonderful moment. I think it was when I was flying back from Portland. It was near the end of the boarding process. And there was a seat. It was a three across seat and I was at the window and my neighbor was in the middle seat and no one was in the aisle seat. And what I realized through body language, both of us were just staring at the door. And as soon as the flight attendant closed the door

and that seat was still empty, like they were in the aisle seat a nanosecond later without any, and we didn't communicate about it. It was not like if that seat stays open, we take this seat and we share it half as your empty space and have it. Like they did it. And all I wanted to do was turn towards them and be like, yes, you've done it. You saw it. Thank you. It was just such an amazing words. Like there are good people in the world. There are still good people in the world. I got to read this Yahoo! Answer response from Bluebell BKK who says, I once traveled with a man I didn't know, but who turned out in preliminary conversation to be the friend of a friend of mine. Why is it that people on Yahoo! Answers talk like they're from

another fucking planet? In preliminary conversation, he was at the window. I was on the aisle and there was an empty seat between us. We agreed that we would both put our feet up on the spare seat for extra comfort and not worry if our legs happened to touch. We traveled comfortably for the six hour flight. How did this combo go down? I'm gonna put my feet up and you can do it too. And listen, odds are, my gams, your pegs, gonna touch. We might hit some turbulence and it might just become a leg milkshake. We might have a little calf to calf contact. Is that gonna be cool with you? It's cool with me. It's fine with you. Let me know. Little calf to calf. That's good. That's a good touch. It's an unfair deal for the person on the aisle because if you're against the window,

you can lean your back against the window and put your feet up in the seat. But if you're in the aisle, you're just like leaning into the aisle to put your feet up. We're ready to get your head touched by butts and genitals nonstop over and over again. Well, and just be killed by the drink cart. Decapitated by a drink cart. The aisle should be the only seat on an airplane. There shouldn't be other seats that aren't. I do not understand people with a window preference on an airplane. Why is your preference to, especially if your flight is longer than 45 minutes long, I cannot fathom being locked in a human prison. Hey, you know how much you like social interactions? How would you like to

be forced to have two of them and everyone knows that you're going to take a shit? You have to time it out and anticipate the person coming out of the bathroom. Brutal part. Because if you make it to the aisle and someone has just stepped in the bathroom, you have to sit back down in the most sheepish, like, well, I guess I missed it. I was three deep in the window on my flight back from New York on Friday, three deep on the window. I immediately recognized this was a problem for me and where I'm at as a person on earth today. I sat down, put on that good Delta screen. I turned around, saw what movies. Ah, fantastic beasts and how to get all of them. Fucking great. Tune in.

That's how to catch them all. And the whole time I'm watching Eddie Redman who do his business and collect all these wonderful beasts, the whole time I'm thinking like, this sounds pretty good right about now. And so I had to ask these people, one of whom had a bottle of wine that they just opened and it sat out on their tray and the other one was doing important work on their laptop that they had set on the tray. I was like, hey, I need to disrupt both of your guys' whole shit for like 10 minutes and don't get comfortable because you know I'm going to be coming back. And so I did my business. I came back to sit down to enjoy Eddie Redman and I'm not kidding.

Like I put the earbuds back in my ears and I press play on the movie and almost instantly I started panicking about like, I know I'm going to need to piss again before this flight is up. And it's all I could think about. Like I just watched Colin Farrell do his acting up on the screen and Eddie Redman do his thing up on the screen. And the whole time I'm like, I wish that I could enjoy this Beast Capture movie for the whole time. It's just like, when's that next piss going to come? And sure enough, it did. And I had to be like, I'm so one person was like building a model ship on their fucking thing and one of them was painting like an anime mech model. And I was like, I need you to put all the caps back on your mini jars of acrylic paint so I can go take my

second piss in an hour. Three deep in the window, dude. Never again. Shit. Can we all disagree? Can we agree from now on if the person in the window seat gets up to go to the bathroom, everybody fucking mad at a tea party, change places, scoot one seat over, rotate. Oh shit, that's good. If you have to get up to go to the bathroom, then you've earned the ILC because you've proven yourself the like the bathroom user of the group. I'm the worst. I would be the worst person on like a red, like I would never want to be next to me on a red eye because if I'm on a red eye flight, I'm going to sleep. That's a whole production. Like the one I'm in the aisle and then I'm full like sensory deprivation chamber, wrapping myself in blankets, mask

on, noise canceling, just fucking 11 floating in the saltwater tank. Like you are not getting shit your pants. You're not getting past your pants. I'm in the upside down. Fuck off. No way. I can't sleep on a plane. So if you're next to me on a red light, you'll just hear me occasionally go, I hate this. I hate this so much. And enough airplane humor, I think. What's the deal with the food? Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. That's our airplane jokes. Today I texted my partner to pick up cat later while she was out. Only problem is I didn't text her. I texted the service department at the dealership where my car is being repaired. There's a reason for this. This too long to read. I may or may not have included several poop emojis.

They replied asking what brand? Then after I tried to laugh it off with a low whoops, they doubled down and said they would go get the cat later for me. I haven't responded and I'm supposed to pick up my car tomorrow and I'm terrified that they'll bring it up. Or worse, maybe they did get the litter. Should I say yes to their offer? Should I just cut my losses and forget about my car? Please help. That's from Scooping Scat in St. Petersburg. Wow. That's a good car dealership. Well, yeah. Yeah. No, it's not because they spent what, six dollars on this box of cat litter and you come in to pick it up and then you bought for the rest of your life, you continue to buy your $20,000 automobile. This is a very small investment.

I'm surprised they don't do shit like this more often. I never got a text from my Volkswagen dealership like, hey, sorry, we lied to you and oops, you're going to have to go through a bunch of stuff. Can we bring you some hot dogs? Yeah, that'd be great actually. Bring it on by. If I relate to a question after this, because my thought, if somebody was like, no, we'll get it, all I can think is like, okay, that's what you say, but are you all just sitting in the repair bay just fucking cackling your faces off at how stupid I am and I'm going to roll up and you're going to be all smiles and you're going to hand me my tidy cat or whatever, but I'm going to say thank you and be grateful to you while you just cackled about how dumb I was to send you this

text and like, I won't know and you won't say and it'll be kind of weird, but what if I show up and it's not there? Do I be like, hey, where's my file? You can't roll up to any sort of car dealership and be like, where's my cat litter? It's like, what are you, this is a car dealership. My cat's been holding a piss for 24 hours just waiting for this. My apartment reached a piss and shit. Where's my cat litter? Like this is a Mazda dealership. I would be so worried that they would get the wrong, even if it's the right brand, they wouldn't get the exact right. My babies are very particular about their Dr. Elsley's cat attract that they enjoy using and I really would not want to trust. I can't find it in local stores, if you know what I mean. I can't find it

in the big box, some of the big boxes, because my babies are very particular about where they do their thing. Yes, Travis, please tell me what you do, Travis, because I don't, I no longer want to continue talking about what I do in the funny joke way. The one thing I was hoping while I was talking about that as fuck, I hope Travis has something to tell me about cat litter because I am just mid-sentence and I can't, I don't know how to finish it. What do people put in the sentences? Good news, I do. Well, the one thing, Travis, I really was hoping that you would- Justin, you're back to my relief. I imagine my relief that my brother, Travis, was there to help me out of the sentence I was in. You're welcome. You are welcome. I'm glad I could help you.

I'm glad I got a proposition. I'll loop this ball for you. An interjection? I had no idea. So happy that Travis is here to deliver me. So please, I'm all ears, Travis. I get the tiny cat, the one with the black lid that is like multiple cat strength, even though I only have the one pretty tiny cat because, and I don't know why everyone doesn't do this, I don't want to smell my cat's piss and shit. So why wouldn't I get the one that's four times as powerful at masking odors as the basic one? Because your fucking cat lowers their your cat lowers their bum a little bit too much into that stuff and it just dissolved. They are corroded. What are you talking about? I don't understand why everybody just doesn't get nuclear

waste for their cats to shit and that the cat will essentially dissolve in as soon as it looks or touches it. What are you talking about? I tried to do, I tried to do lavender scented ones and the cat was not fucking having it at all. She was like, Hey, this is my shit dirt. What are you doing? Do you think that I, a cat out in nature would just find some lavender sand? Come on. I'm going to exercise my veto power right now because I want to hear about where Justin gets his fancy cat litter for his babies. Take that, take that, rewind it back. Uh, in 2014, I kickstarted a brand new kind of cat litter. I'm still waiting. It's not here yet, but they say it's very good for cats and it helps them have lucid dreams. Yeah, lucid dreaming litter.

See, this is why it's good sometimes when Travis interrupts me because then I had time to think of that very funny joke. It wasn't, sorry, sorry listeners, that one wasn't true. He just got zinged by a J-man joke, joking J-man, the jokester jokes is back in the room. He was actually in the corner the entire time he slipped in. Why Travis so rudely interrupted me as he often did it. I covered for him. That's what I like. I have to say non-funny things for a couple of minutes that jokes can like have a sip of his coffee and like put his paper down and like really just sit there for a minute and think about, and then he hands a note card to Justin with like kitty litter that

facilitates lucid dreaming on it. Yeah, yeah. And Justin's like, thank you jokes and jokes just kind of nods and then leaves. Jokes has been kind of a prima donna lately. Like I think we're like a, we've hit a certain level of notoriety that jokes feels like they can sort of, they can kind of, they can kind of push us around a little bit. Sort of like, like the friends cast, you know what I mean? Like I'm not fucking stepping foot into the studio for less than 20 Gs. Can I read this yahoo? Yeah, please. It's from Maddie Miller. Thank you, Maddie. It's from Yahoo Mancers user. They are anonymous, but I'll call them Ross asks, am I allowed to hold dance classes in the sewer? I want to start teaching contemporary dance and

was wanting to teach it in an area that's private so my students wouldn't feel embarrassed, but I can't afford to rent a building and thought the sewers would be a great place to hold the classes at. I just wanted to know if you are allowed to do it. This is unreal. There's no way. I'm sorry. Sometimes people get a little rambunctious on oath answers and they say things that I don't think are true. And to me, I think this is a joke. There is one scenario in which this might be real Justin. This person. T.H. shooting into turtles dance classes. No, but also that. But this person, they're thinking, oh, what do I hold these underground dance classes? And then maybe they watch that scene from Guys and Dolls. Yes. And would they have the craps game in the sewer

in the biggest fucking like pipe distribution sewer ever. Yeah. And they're like underground dance classes underground. Of course. Let me hit you with three arguments. Three arguments. One is free real estate down there. It's the sewers and you don't have to worry about it. It's the sewers and you don't have to worry about it. Can I go open up a manhole cover and just go subterranean and like, I'm cool. I'm cool down there, right? Nobody's going to rent. What do you do? Hey, what are you doing in the sewers? It's like, it's the sewers. It's the sewers. I'm just down here. Am I not allowed to be down here? It's just like a sidewalk underground. It's the sewers. Let me keep doing my dance class. Number two, contemporary dance. Justin, you're telling me the sewers is

not a dope ass place. You're telling me fucking Travis Wall has not fucking choreographed a sewer based dance you're out of your mind. Of course he has. Number three, all that tapping and shuffling is going to sound pretty good echoing down those long, long sewer hallways, whatever those are called. So I think maybe go fuck yourself. Here's the thing, Justin, you might not understand this, but there are two things that legally no one owns. And that is the sky. Yes. And the sewers. Nobody owns the sewers. They've just always been there. They've always been there. Carrying our ship, carrying our ship from us, waiting for me to do my cool dances in it. So Justin, you're rebuttal about how this is a fake joke, please.

Now that I think about it, it would be pretty great to be doing all of my moves. And then when the choreographer's like, where did you learn steps like that? I look at him all haughty and I'm like, the sewer. Yeah. That's where I got it. Of course. Now, I will say this, you're doing your step ball change and you ball change into a human turd. End of dance, end of career. This is not ideal. This is not ideal. Travis Wall would be like, why did you fall down and be like, Travis, I have a pretty good reason for this one. Nigel, Nigel, Nigel, not Nigel Farage, Nigel, Nigel, Nigel, Nigel Thornberry is like, it was a good dance until you totally stepped on and hacksaw ridged that turd,

that human turd all over the place. And it was rough stuff. It was really rough and tough. Me nine out of 10. And Paul, I love your style. I love your moves. It does constantly look like you're on a high alert to step in human duty. Paul is like, I kind of like when you made the turd explode by dancing, stepping on it really hard. I kind of liked it. It was very evocative. It added to Travis's choreography and a really good. I'm here. I'm here for my audition. Oh, good. Come on in. It's going to be great, isn't it? Yes, it's going to be very good. The one thing is to help me get comfortable. I was wondering if I could spread human feces and McDonald's rappers all over the floor of this place so I can do the dancing good because that's how I hit my

marks. Of course. Of course. Of course. Why would you even ask? This is dance. That's my favorite scene in center stage, by the way, where they teach that class about how to hit your poop marks. I've seen center stage way too many times in my life. It doesn't sound like you actually have maybe at all. Yeah, maybe not even once. It's been a while. I have a hard time remembering if there's a scene where they dance on turds or not. It's in the director's cut. I wouldn't Google that, folks. That's going to lead you down to the dark rabbit holes. Just leave that as a mystery for the ages. Oh, dark rabbit holes is another good place to teach dance. Yeah, it's true. Hey, rabbits, clear out. Time to boogie. I think, let's call it there.

Let's say that that's an entire episode of our podcast program. Thank you so much for listening to it. We very much appreciate you. We always do. Here's one we haven't asked about in a while. If you enjoy our program and you would like to help other people enjoy it, one of the best ways you can do that is go to iTunes and find our podcast and leave us a rating and ideally a review if you enjoy the program because a lot of podcast visibility is determined by that. A bunch of y'all have been kind enough to do that recently, but if you have not done that, it would really be great if you would do that. I'm just going to tell a few recent people. Ali P said, fun show. Got away Carson said, I didn't like it, but now I pay for it. I don't know

what that is. Good goose from some good boys. A lot of great reviews in there. If you could leave us one of those, that would just be the best. Thank you so much. I want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song It's a Departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed. I say this every week, but it really is fucking super, super good. I was listening to some non It's a Departure tracks off that album the other day and it's just front to back. It's all bangers. I want to do a quick put. We're on the maximumfun.org network. I want to do a quick plug for one of the shows on the network that has been crushing it lately called We Got This, where they try to settle a debate. Very recently, you could hear Ted Leo talk about the best

breakfast cereal and Weird Al Yankovic talk about the best Money Python song. Like come on. I'm also on an episode. Me and Ben Blacker talk about Batman or Superman. I am Team Superman and I get real ganged up on by Mr. Gagliardi and Mr. Blacker. It is an unfair show for liars and cheats and swindlers. But it's a great program. So go listen to We Got This. If you want to find all the shows that Macroids work on, we have a website called macroshows.com. It also has our PO Box mailing addresses, email addresses. And I also, I realized that with all those shows we do, it might get a little confusing. So I made a handy dandy weekly schedule of like release, what day of the week shows come out on. So you can tell people and direct them towards that

if that might be helpful to you. Macroidshows.com. Let's see. Oh, Jonah Ray is going to be on the show. You probably know him from a bunch of stuff, but mostly he has recently started the new Mystery Sense Theater 3000 reboot, which is awesome. And I have watched a bunch of episodes and thoroughly enjoy it. So if you have questions for him, we know that one of his topics is going to be zombies and zombie related questions. We'll probably have additional topics that we will tweet about. But if you're thinking about zombie related questions, go ahead and email those in now and just put Jonah somewhere in the subject line. What else? Oh, oh, oh. And start getting in your questions for the Austin live show in a month. Yeah. So if you've got those questions,

start sending them in with Austin live show in the subject. I'm going to be doing this Thursday. I'm going to be at the Columbus podcast festival doing, we're doing still buffering, quarter pointed and, uh, uh, Saul bones, uh, on Thursday at the Columbus podcast festival. So come on out, come, uh, just Google that and you'll find the place to buy a ticket tickets are not bad. They're like 10 is a two night event, but if you, it's $10 for one night, $20 for, for two nights. So, um, come on out. That's going to be fun. Uh, do y'all want a final? Yes. This final Yahoo was sent in by Morgan Davy. Keep it wavy. Morgan Davy. It's by Yahoo answers user. Sorry, something's going wrong, but we'll call them Charles. Charles asks,

um, hmm, uh, is there a clean version of tub thumping by Chumbawamba? My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. They do say piss a lot now. This has been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. So the 2017 Max Fun Drive was a huge success. Thank you so much to everyone who joined or upgraded during the drive and to all of our amazing monthly members. To celebrate, we're giving our $10 and higher monthly members the chance to buy additional enamel pins with the profits going to our friends at the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank. What? Yeah. The sale runs April 26th

through May 3rd, and it's your last chance to get your hands on these sweet pins. $10 monthly members should receive a link and a code in their email on April 26th, so keep an eye on your inbox and get your denim jacket ready. For more information, visit maximumfund.org slash pins. And thank you again.