My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 355: The Playbloom

Episode Date: May 15, 2017

This episode is all about the stuff that gets folks' noodle going. It's one of our most thematically consistent episodes yet, which is a shame. A quarter of it was spent talking about a movie that came out in 2015. Cool! Suggested talking points: KNKOs, Five Very Large Posters of Orlando Bloom, Year Ball, Milk Tricks, Infinite Banana, Food Recs, Stuck to the Chair

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle is the brother, brother of the McElroy. Well, I guess that makes me your sweet baby brother 30 and 30 year old man. We were supposed to talk about Eurovision this morning, and then I realized I didn't have anything

funny to say about it because Sweden was robbed by Portugal. It was like an actual robbery perpetrated on the world stage. Yeah, the Swedish song about premature ejaculation is amazing and should have won. It was called I Can't Go On. I don't think they were talking about that nut because he's talking about that it makes him want to take off all his clothes and that the person he's thinking to is so beautiful that he can't go on and he's got to keep it together. I'm saying Eurovision has a vetting process to make sure that nut songs don't get through. Griffin, I'm sorry, this is not a joke I am making. The Sweden song is about premature ejaculation and trying to hold back. You guys are talking about that, and it reminded me of a much more important

fact is that I watched 50 Shades of Grey last night. Talking about that, talking about that. Nut though? Sydney and I had a good post Eurovision drunk going and we decided to keep up the fun. To catch the zeitgeist. 50 Shades of Grey, The Orige, because two, 50 Shades Darker just came out on itens, but we didn't watch that one. We watched 50 Shades and won. Hey everybody, that shit is buck wild. How did we let that happen? Is that where things kind of got away from us? I worry. Do you guys, here's the most prevalent, the most important fact about 50 Shades. And when I brought it up to Sydney because it is ludicrous, she said, oh, well, I won't, that's from the book. So here's what it is. He has a room called the playroom, right?

Christian Grey. That sounds fun. And that's where he keeps cherry and florie and plucky. Harness-y and butt pluggie. No, but he, she says, is that where you keep your X-box? Hey, we play me a cartoon. All right, butt pluggie. You're the boss. Is that where you keep your X-box? And he says no, but I thought it would be rad if he was like, well, yes, but also sex. Yeah, but I don't have a lot of space. I don't have many of the newest games. I have Madden 11. When he goes in there and he says to her, you're going to be my sex person. You're got to, you're my submissive and you're my sex person. She has to like get on the ground on

all fours with like a blindfold or something. And florie and florie is like, what's up? She's all naked. But then, and that's like, and you just wait for me. And then when he comes in, he's got a sandwich. He's like, oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you were there. It is wearing sex jeans. And what I'm saying to you is that he has discreet jeans for sex that are ripped. So he's not wearing the sex jeans at the beginning of the scene. He leaves the room and comes back in wearing sex jeans that he does not remove. Oh, he just wears the sex jeans the entire time he is in the playroom with the with butt pluggy and the X-box and everything. I just saw a Skype notification that you've sent me a link and I think this might be one

that I don't want to know. Just have to click on it. Yeah, it's just if you get a visual of him, it's just like it looks like incredible Hulk post transformation with like torn sex jeans. Yeah, he just like gentleman wears all the time. A quick diversion to express. And now I'm going to fall into the gap if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, if there's a if you he never takes the sex jeans off. He just says she is he never never apparently he's a never nude is what is is that would be such a fucking twist if in shades of gray is like but I'm I just want you to know I want to do all kinds of sex stuff with you. I'm not comfortable being naked though and I will have to turn the lights off. I just want to rub my warm me up against this carpenter cut denim

is my whole thing these sweet jinkos sign this sign this contract I'm going to wear and then the line a a one a sort of the first the preamble is basically about how these jeans never coming off these jeans are mine and I need them and the sex contract is written out on my jeans it's on my jeans and I need these for everything. It's pretty good. It's pretty great. All of the movie is excellent. Can I ask you a question? Anything. Ask me anything AMA. I watched All Fifty Shades Great Drug AMA. Did it? How horn did you get? Yeah. Did I mention the jeans? No, you didn't mention the jeans but you don't have to be childish about it. It's an adult movie for adults and obviously I'm we're all over 30 now and so we can talk about stuff like your chubs like

your chubby. We hear we hear at my brother my brother and me we are sex positive. We have many listeners who are in you know the SM SMM Dom you know sub scene that's totally cool Justin. So however many boners you got chubs it did it again. There's no kink shaming there's jean shaming happening here. What I'm saying is I'm sex positive and Christian Gray is is new to be negative guys. Guys guys guys guys guys guys. Kinko jeans. All right. Very good. KKO you got to get them. You got to get them. You can keep a fucking Game Boy Advance SP in there and also six plugs for a butt in there to have fun with. Not your butt though. Your jeans staying on. The jeans are staying on but you can keep a full bag of jerky in those jeans. Justin where they're opening

You said the jeans were ripped were there openings in the jeans that allowed him to engage or was this like oh, I was going to buy like a extreme restraints Cage for my penis, but I forgot to order it in time and it won't be here till Thursday So I'm gonna do the next best thing and put him in a denim prison No, no He scooches them down below his penis like he's peeing in the trough in a minor league baseball game Like he he just he just scooches them down to do it to do the thing to do the darn thing a lot of avoiding the Subject of the sort of chubby inquisition that

Arousal all right negative or everyone in the movie is very attractive, right? The jeans kill every bit of eroticism because like all I can feel for way to go to Johnson is You know that She she has to be with a man in jeans always Hold on ever oh Justin now you've made me wonder. I see and there's more than one sex scene in fifty shades of gray Did the jeans? Reappear every time you see like wait if we're gonna do it. I'll be right back It's not a single scene Travis what I'm saying to you is there's a couple scenes in this playroom area where they're like the the

supposedly taboo things happen and It it He's always in the jeans and every every time he's in the jeans Maybe you're right. Were you watching this on the stars at 7 p.m. And maybe these jeans were CGI'd in So that like they could they could show it on stars or did he stub his toe and yell oh we's a lover Because that's pretty good a bit where he comes around a corner weird and he kind of jukes real fast in the jeans Take like a half second to catch up with his pubis

Was there much jeans lag on the stars channel you were watching this on animated cartoon jeans There is a she reveals to him but before he gets into his his dark Proclivities he revealed she reveals to him that she's a virgin and his reaction to that is to scoop her up And she says what are you doing and he says I quote I'm rectifying the situation How many chubbies that's why it's Ding-dong shoot man Also in prop like she's supposed to be you know completely

Ignorant of this world right yeah visors a computer and She he says I hope you use this to do some research, okay, it says what should I search? Try submissive Okay, I know she's ignorant of SNM She grew up like Google like is he gonna give her like a boolean walkthrough right now of like how to get information SNM it seems unlikely Justin Having she also like I need to finish this. I need to finish this one point for a move on They take her ignorance of the SNM lifestyles who it's absolute extreme

Because when they're going through the sex contract and she's eliminating genital clamps from the contract as something that like is Good for her. She asked him and this is a direct quote What's a butt plug and I wanted to sit down with her at that point and just walk into the movie purple rows of Cairo style Hey Dakota. Hey Dakota. What do you think of? 2015 you have not yeah exactly picked up in the world the concept of but like I don't care I'm not Travis you don't fucking caveman times, and if it's called a butt plug. Yeah, it's probably we are going to it's a It's a special type of cup that you use for tea. No It's a silly it's a silly little guy and it gets in there and it holds it all up or in or what?

I'm not sure what the function is, but I I bet it feels fucking great damn now I'm all rock hard talking about all this Junk I'm kind of in disbelief of how long we've been talking about 50 shades of gray in May in 14th 2017 AD the year of our Lord Christ Jesus. I just I feel bad for I feel very bad for people who For whom SM is a fetish for them because if this is the world's touchstone for your thing It's not good. It's probably we probably should yeah, it is a negative. I think in terms of awareness It's probably how I feel every time I go to a Superman movie

And I'm like yeah this time they'll get it right and I always walk out like no, I'm not into Superman I don't know why I was here. I'm embarrassed It's as if somebody went and saw a space jam and then went to a basketball game And then was disappointed that nobody was stretching their arms across half of the court to dunk it While a bunch of big colorful monsters, you know hurt hurt The bugs bunny. Okay. Here's a quick. I just I have not read this But here's a headline from Cosmopolitan in case you wanted to know what Christian gray really calls his sex genes Well, it's a god don't fucking tell me now. Are you guys ready? Yes

This is from the book in My closet I strip off all my clothes and from a drawer drawer pull out my favorite jeans my DJ's Dom jeans Happy Mother's Day everybody go out Get to the fucking J crew Get to express and go pick up a new pair of Dom jeans. You're gonna love these things Is it possible? Is it possible? Is it just possible that we're having this conversation?

We're gonna get like 5,000 emails that are like, yeah Dom jeans. Yeah, I don't care I don't I'll take I will take that Because you know what just because it's part of S&M culture if it is I can't be if it is it Cultures can grow and evolve by definition. I I an outsider will help you pass this as an M culture You cannot have Dom jeans that one it sounds like mom jeans. It sounds exactly exactly like mom jeans Dom jeans I slip them on and fasten all the buttons except the top one from the same drawer I retrieved the new riding crop and a gray waffle robe as I leave I grab a few condoms and stuff them into my pocket Here goes show time

Cowboy hat yes or no can't decide in the inside side next time Wait a minute. Wait, is it possible that he needs the jeans to put condoms in? Yes, I want to walk in the room with a handful of condoms because apparently he needs a few several. Yeah, he's extremely safe What's in here? Oh my condoms and Some bazooka Joe and some chapstick as I 33 cents. Yeah I'm looking I'm just found the page you were on Justin this book. I got the e-book on my Kindle now I'm looking through it and I'll let me just catch up to call my Dom jeans put condoms in the pockets I don't call my Dom jeans because I'm a dominant in the

The sexual Congress. I actually call them that because I got them from my friend late Great actor and television producer Dom Delewis. That's funny The Dom Delewis would get him sex like pants for sex in it We've now spent a quarter of this episode talking about 50 shades of gray and if we do any more I think that I think I might just like call this one like episode like 152 or something drop it in sort of in media res Mm-hmm, and so it'll be like more sort of chronologically appropriate Have you guys seen this dress? Is it blue and black or white and gold? I'm so super confused

Okay, so anyway, we'll do a question now. It's apparently I'm not a lot of talk about 50 shades of gray anymore Is there never a moment when he comes out in the jeans there has to be at least one He's probably have multiple partners at least one partner probably to be like. Oh, yeah, what? Christian what's the What's with the jeans What I do is in the jeans he's had he what he does is he takes a woman and they send the contract And then they live in his house In a special room for this and he she asked him like how many women have you had like this?

And he says 15 which seems high But maybe they're not getting scared off by like the whips and stuff Maybe it's just like I can't with the jeans. I have to go I have there is there a line in the contracts. It says like I will not ask about the jeans Promise not to mention the jeans I have a fact that it passes without comment by the way is the most ludicrous thing in the entire film She she comments about everything. She doesn't know what but plugs are he walks in with jeans and she's just like uh-huh Hey showtime

J-man one more one more one more question. Oh my god This is always eating me up and now Justin could possibly answer this for me is The idea of 50 shades of anything referenced in the book. What is the title based on? Travis at one point he says you can't love me and She says why and he says he stares into a window very dramatically and says Cuz I'm 50 shades of fucked up and that is where the title of the book But the name of the book isn't 50 shades of fucked up Which will be a way better title that would be because you could feel when apparently the book is I have not read the book

Apparently the writing leaves something to be desired But you can feel with your entire being when they have lifted a line directly from the book because it sounds like that it is written like the line the first there that I think it's the Masquerade scene when they sort of go away from the party and find a little bedroom and he says I'm gonna rump me a good one and She laughs Yeah, that's litter. That's lip. That's page 169 which is funny Which is also kind of funny the weirdest part about the movie is he only calls it porking. Yeah, every time it's like Why are you so dark and disturbed cuz I like to spank while I pork and it's like weird that that's a weird way of putting it

So here's an actual question. I'm sorry about all the 50 shades talk But if you want me to watch 50 shades to and talk about it No point We're gonna have to do some kind of like go fun to me to make that happen Maybe donate some money to charity in order to make Justin watch 50 shades or maybe to make him not watch 50 shades too So we never have to talk about it again. I thought I was weird how in the movie every time he Achieves climax. He yells toastie like the guy from Mortal Kombat There's like a lot of there's like a lot of like it pulls from it's kind of like

Scott pilgrim like he just pulls from all these different like there's so many Like references to old video games It was originally Michael Sarah, which is why they wrote the jeans in because that was a request Okay, I've been trying to clear out the back of my closet and I ran to an issue trying to deal with well I Have these five very large posters of Orlando Bloom One Pirates of the Caribbean two Lord of the Rings and two Elizabeth towns To for two fucking 24 by 68 like rip these off the side of a fucking theater Elizabeth town promos

I've had a crush on Orlando Bloom since I was a teenager many years ago I had a dedicated wall of Orlando posters and when I moved into my own apartment. They all came with me But only two went up on the wall and tasteful restraint I know I can't make space for the rest, but I feel terrible about throwing them out Should I ask my friends if they want them they don't or sell them good luck, and that's from closet cleaning Canadian Man, that's a humdinger. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention You've you've you've chosen wisely you turning to us. You can't you can't throw him out cuz His spirit isn't his spirit a little bit of it like he'll know I feel like you know every time it

Doesn't happen often, but anytime folks throw away the I'm a bim-bam poster especially if we've signed it We've put a piece of ours and as a piece of our essence and I'm and so when you throw them away It's like I you know I trip and fall over and I'm like oh man it happened didn't I? I'd love to do I'd love to be there when Con Marie Digs into this apartment like I want you to touch each of these objects and tell me if they spark joy Yeah, and if not worth their weight. Let me check. Yep. Yes Yep, yep. Yep. They all spark joy. What else you got? Okay, if you have one you're an Orlando bloom fan fun if you have

Three it's a shrine Like it becomes a shrine to Orlando bloom and that has some powerful symbology I'm not sure you want to necessarily hit your wagon. Well, you leave him offerings of some of Bloom's favorite stuff Bows and arrows. Yeah, I'm sure you got really into that pictures of his friends from from Lord of the Rings like the actors I think they're both still really good buds. He likes those what you do is when you have friends come over you say If we're gonna be friends, you need to know something about me Welcome to my play bloom and then you open the door and it's just coded in your posters This is this is something you need to know about me 50 posters of Orlando bloom

Your friends are confused your friends are confused and you're like, what do your Alvin I see come on say it You know the truth. These are my jeans. Do you know what people are really into these days fellas, huh? very specific museums Okay, somebody will like rent a storefront and like this is my I love Lucy museum now or this is like my bazooka Joe gum Museum or this is my Space Jam museum. Maybe you want to open up an Orlando Bloom museum because because if you could start making money off of it That's a thing like you can turn around to everybody who ever gave you shit about having five like full-sized

Orlando Bloom posters and our loon like the big head posters or it's a full-sized Orlando Bloom on your wall Because now you're making money off Orlando Bloom just like everyone else in Orlando Bloom's life Okay, they're all taking it. I'm glad we've gotten to this. We're all taking advantage of Orlando Bloom all the time should If this person is willing, please get in contact with us because I will literally set you up and pay for a post office box Where everybody with spare Orlando Bloom stuff can mail it to you and we can really trick this shit out like really get it going and make a room in your house that is a You probably get a different tax classification For this one. Yeah, that is the Orlando Bloom museum or the blue or church

church We've all we've all reached a dark and tough time in our lives where we did a little prayer to Orlando Bloom Just to see if he could do anything to help out Troy. He's in Troy Yeah, I got it Got a fourth one. Hey, do you guys want to yahoo? Yeah, no, I'm just sighting about Troy Eric Banna. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Here's a young hit Was he? Yeah, he plays

Killies is one of the Troy boys. I have a good one. They call them. I have a good one here, but it's not loading I'm wondering if my cookies are Fucked up There we go This one was sent by Zoe kinsky right and high. Yes. Thank you Zoe kinsky. It's from yahoo answers user Anonymous it's actually from Jorlando doom Jorlando doom sent this one asked this Jorlando doom asks Oh the page crashed. What does that even mean? How's the page crash? It's the internet. I didn't download it

Yahoo is closing down around you girl, but you have to get out. You're joking, but that is gonna happen one day and y'all never see me again Jorlando doom asks God fuck this website seriously, okay Jorlando doom asks why does the New Year's ball drop instead of go up? This question really fucked me up when I saw it What is the New Year's ball drop instead of go up and then there's the only other text here is update tradition. Yes Dropping balls good answer update to about the gravity response. No shit Sherlock So I'm not gonna go too deep into the other answers that people gave but I think somebody just said like oh Ball can't go up ball go down because of the earth pole. Do you mean gravity?

So I the obvious answer here is that They couldn't get it down like if you raised it and that was like the thing that's cool except Now that ball is just up there now. So you can't Bring it down. You know you can't get it Because you raised it. It's not like a flag or if the ball touches the ground the year stops or whatever Yes, but the symbolism of like the year is here time to raise the ball at some point You're gonna have the reverse symbolism of well bring it back down. I guess but that's how we do it That's how we do it now. It's like count it down and three two one

Well, let's lower this year into the toilet, which is like where it belongs It's not I want to triumphant. I want to count up this year I want to see the ball go up and I want it to be one two three four five six seven eight nine ten and the balls At the top and everyone's like fuck. Yeah, look at that thing up there. Everybody can see it better now because it's higher Go with me. I think we a third option third option We build two mechanical hands and we make it like a tether ball and they bat the ball around and when it tight When though it's all fully wrapped around the pole Happy new year

But it's a it is a billions of water off geese crystals and those will not hold up The hands crystal to Griffin. I don't know what you want from me All right, but I can't make an omelet without breaking a few crystals. I want to shower Time square and razor sharp so I have to ski crystals to take you from the take it from the year ball Do you think listen thin that crowd a little bit? It couldn't hurt griffin. There's too many people there not enough bathrooms They're not allowed to drink. There's no food there I often thought that standing in Times Square for New Year's must be the absolute pits full-blown That I think the crystal hand should be controlled by Ryan Seacrest with a virtual reality helmet. Oh, yeah

That that would be very futuristic. That'd be very today. You would never see that on Dick Clark show That's how Ryan makes it his own Where's that year ball right now though? What do you think now? It's just sitting somewhere, huh? No, I'm saying like I think it's still on top of that building. Oh Shit, I mean first of all a highest opportunity this century I'm saying if you have the year ball you got the power and so we steal the year ball and it's up to us How this how this one goes? Maybe that's what the good year blimp is all about

It's a band of blimp based thieves trying to get the year ball so that they can just improve it What if we just take this whole shit, right? We turn it on its ear and what we do is the ball It raises up right at the beginning of the year and then we continuously lower it when bad shit happens And when it hits the bottom, it's time for a new year no matter what fucking day it is a month It is whatever like well We've used up all the goodness of the year so time to reset and then that's right there. That's new year June 7th, whatever fucking new year. We're done. Well, June 7th is now June 7th is such a fucking wildly inaccurate like you don't realize trap if we started doing this last year it would currently be like

January 3rd 3041 and then like tomorrow would be January 1st 3042 it would just be like History teachers would be like so there's this weird Span of like 650 years that really took place over the course of like well for and It got pretty buck wild there for a second. But anyway, yeah, that's when everybody was like 750 years old You remember it was really fun. It was like a fun way to do it We were talking about Ryan T crest a little bit. Yes, I wanted to share a quick vignette

Uh First congratulations to Ryan. He's the new co-host of with Kelly Rippa. So it's oh permanently Yeah, he's like the new yeah He's the new guy and they had to keep mum about it for a long time and she had this joke Where she said in my house We call it keeping a sea crest Because they had to not tell anybody about it and I just wanted to pass that on to everybody in case in your day-to-day life For well for the rest of it if you want to call secrets secrets

Um, I would very much approve of that and it's something I'm gonna try to implement And I just wanted to share that with everybody that they're called secrets now It's gonna be tough to implement but I'm gonna do I mean, you know me doesn't trip doesn't trip off the tongue No, it doesn't it doesn't it stumbles off the tongue, but Kelly leads and I follow Mm-hmm Kelly says jump I say how high Kelly Rippa and she tells me how high to jump Here's another question my housemate keeps opening the fridge door and fraudulently claiming Balls we're out of milk. He then pauses and says odd just joking How do I explain to him what jokes are that's from George from the internet, you know the one

We're out of milk get it I mean it's the exclamation Balls that gives us a particularly like nutty sort of wild boys Piquant flavor that I really would like an early 2000s like some 41 sort of barf vibe that I just like really Rooving on right now Just sort of just sort of some just a fucking really really really good I Mean that's that made me laugh. I'll be honest Yeah, I understand you laugh to you want to put on a joke clinic

But the the summoning the conjuring of balls from the depths is like that makes me chuckle I think a little bit. Yeah, cuz they weren't Adam did you Griffin? Did you hear the part where they weren't out of milk? Did you hear get that part of the joke? No, that's classic comedy. I'm I was more tickled by this sort of ska curse word balls I Guess I'm just lost in this whole thing. So There is milk No, there is no no no no. Oh, there is me. Oh, there is

Now I get it balls did balls, dude Bulls I got tricked for a second. I thought that there was no milk presents And I panicked I pan I honest to God like I felt my blood Go colds because I was like what what do I put on my frosted flakes later? And I was thinking about having like some like I like a mac and cheese for dinner, but not now Not now, but then but then Justin here's the beauty of this was not only is it fucking hilarious But the relief I felt Sure when I realized like oh there is milk

I Don't think that this person has thought about one of these days They're gonna open that old fridge and you know There really isn't gonna be milk and they can tell whoever they want at that point No one is gonna believe they're gonna go to the store to buy milk and the milk Butcher is gonna say No, I'm pretty sure you have milk nice try but go home I got your number which is funny because you're at a butcher shop

Right the milk butcher being the one who destroys the cows to get the sweet nectar within there's got to be an easier way I just like has there's has to be in a when you go to a really nice resort Sometimes they'll crack the cow right there in front of you just put a straw in it love you can just enjoy it there In your in your chair as you watch the waze roll in it's all balls dude. Can you imagine if that's how it what? fuck Balls man. Oh God, it's just like I'm there on the couch Watching Viva LaBam again. Fuck. Yeah balls. I'm loving it

Just saying it man Every once in a while I checked to see if there's gonna be another jackass movie and it always leads me down some paths of Despair that I read it just gets worse every time I duck my head back in to see how progress is coming on jackass 4 It gets worse and worse and worse and at this point I think I'm gonna stop checking to see if jackass 4 is gonna happen cuz I always end up very depressed Probably better ways for time to be used And money and everything hey, here's a quickie you sin by Rachel Rosen

Nick game recognized game Rachel Rosen. Thank you. It's yahoo answers user Ben who says has there ever been a circular banana? Like you know how some bananas are more curly than others has one ever curled right around into a circle I mean probably All right Travis fruit science expert. I mean, I'm just saying that if you're talking about across the great expansive time Since like the evolution of the modern nanner has there been a nanner that has grown into itself I mean probably If you had a completely circular banana that went all the way around mm-hmm

You could feed Everyone mm-hmm with it forever wait hold up what? It's an infinite banana nobody no beginning and no end of the banana So no matter how many bites you took out of it It's still all there well I see what you're saying if I may one step further in order for that to happen The banana would have to twist back in on itself like a mobius nanner now if you had a mobius nanner You could also have people walk on that banana and walk forever and get real confused

Yeah, and while they're just eating it you've I am you came to my house you came to my house in March, and you brought your lovely family, and we all had a fun time and What it wasn't just my love your lovely family you brought you also brought a literal bucket of Donuts from voodoo doughnuts, and they were a big bucket big big a pork It's not a little bucket a 10 gallon a 10 gallon bucket And they had donuts in them, and I watched you eat a food that is a circle So I know you understand that not all circular foods contain infinite

food Yeah, but bananas traditionally have a beginning and an end right every banana that you've ever seen has a beginning and an end You're talking about terminal bananas You can either bite the beginning of the banana or the bottom of the banana if you're a Goofball, I don't know anybody's bananas that way except maybe mung beans But you but if you have a banana that goes all the way around it's just and I said are you gonna Yeah, it just keeps going so you could bite the top of it. There is no top. You can bite the bottom There is no bottom so since it is an infinite banana. Yeah without beginning or end cool, then

Deoretta speaking quantum. Yeah, et cetera, et cetera Obsters if we didn't harvest bananas, they would just keep growing like that like, you know lobsters are immortal Everybody knows. Yeah, do you think bananas are immortal if we don't you know chop them down? Man, am I right humans? What won't we fuck up? Anyway, I want perfectly round bananas that I can because here's the thing. Uh-huh. I'm going to the park to play with my friends in the grass and Just sort of connect with nature and I take an apple with me I Drop the apple and of course I'm like running in the grass because I'm having a great time and I kick the apple and it goes

So far away because I just had to hold the apple in my hands. What the fuck else am I gonna do with it? It's a big apple. It's a big gala apple a Banana ring I Could wear that as a tiara. I could wear that as a cool bracelet or a belt If it's fucking big enough like Travis said we eat these bananas before we really give him a fair shot so I wear this banana And it's not gonna fall off because I'm wearing it and it looks cool. It looks yellow and cool and Banana not only that gravity you get to the park with your friends and it's like hey

Let's play some ultimate frisbee like we've been talking about all week. Oh, no, throw the throw that my fuck frisbee Nanner time Throw it that's and I would be kind of passive aggressive. I would throw it so Steve would miss so we look like a fucking nerd Um, this is the dumbest our show has ever been and I'm stopping it to go to the money's up How would you even peel it if it's all? You got a great wardrobe you look good you got your perfect jeans with the holes and for sex you got your banana crown What about the things not everybody gets to see that's right you've been part of those store bought underwear five packs that are They're basically like trash on your genitals. So congratulations time to level up your genitals to me undies

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It's a blue apron comm slash my brother you eat these meals and you'll be able to think faster Use the computer faster move stuff with your mind like Lucy We got some Jumbotrons This one is for Teagan and It's from Sarah who specifies not that Teagan and Sarah Which how do you know what Teagan and Sarah was thinking of yeah? I wasn't thinking of the band

I might have been thinking of you. You don't know I was thinking of you and now I feel weird because now I think maybe you are the band I'm so confused Okay, anyways Teagan says no Sarah says to Teagan I'm so happy to spend our four-year anniversary slash Christmas 2016 slash our May birthday slash our five-year anniversary slash Christmas 2017 with you You are so amazing and brave for transitioning into the woman you are Brothers you good good boys make us laugh ourselves seal silly Please tell my girlfriend to stop being so silly and cute and amazing. I can't handle it

That was for either May or December And cut it out. Teagan fucking stop it. Yeah. What yeah, what are you trying to prove? I get it. You're too amazing You're amazing. All right Yes, you're very brave and awesome and radical. I'll get sick of it They're sick of your shit. You're adorable shit Be normal like us We're not cute at all Lower yourselves to our bar

I have a message for my hobbit boyfriend Dave and it's from Your goblin boyfriend Alex. Oops. This isn't the adventure zone. Anyway, happy 12-year anniversary. Whoa Congratulations, Dave and Alex If teenage us knew we'd stay together and still be enjoying D&D sports anime and Pokemon Well, I think they'd be kind of horrified actually but adult me couldn't be happier to be living my life with you You wonderful weirdo and sweet cinnamon roll. I love you. Ah, it's a door man Too adorable message. Very nice. I feel very fortunate. So So happy anniversary

to Dave And I mean I don't know. It takes two to tango I wish we'd known that's awesome y'all. I wish we'd I wish we'd known things. We're gonna get so Fucking charming here in the mind's own and then maybe we wouldn't have spent 20 minutes talking about Dom jeans Like I think it detracted like this could have been our 500 days of summer episode But instead it's sort of a weird like grind house style Like it starts out like really raunchy and raw and a lot of talking about blue jean friction against a wiener

And then it does get like really really really cute. Who knows what the third act will contain. Let's find out I I'm helluvelin. I'm Danielle referee I am Michael Eagle and we are the hosts of tights and fights maximum funds newest podcast dedicated to all things wrestling We'll be talking about Sasha Banks the women's revolution Sasha Banks the brand split and Sasha Banks's wigs And we'll also be talking about wrestler fashion. Some wrestlers wear too many clothes Some wrestlers don't wear enough clothes at all and I'll be doing impressions of all your favorite wrestlers new episodes Thursdays on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcast. Oh, yeah

Here is a question. I'm a regular at a local thought Okay, okay How did you do this bad Hello, I'm so sorry. Oh, we've done it Say it good Prove that you can to me and yourself. Okay, here we go I'm a regular at a local Thai restaurant Okay, now now that we know now that the prestige has been revealed we need that you got to understand Justin knows about

Thai But he also reads One letter at a time sometimes He just like runs through a sentence a letter at a time and just kind of explores the words at the same time as you hear them It's really a fun way to do it whenever you all are ready for the throne If you want to come at the king like come take it come take this throne for me It's not a it's not a throne. It's a job and we all have different jobs and it's pronounced throne easy Okay

I I'm a regular at a local restaurant Sort of what's the sort of genre of restaurant Thai Thai? It's a type of Asian cuisine Thai Whenever I overhear another patron as the wait staff for recommendations I fight the urge to rush over to their table. I'm you know what I'm gonna do actually right now I and I think this is a big moment for our show and for me as a human being I have to increase the text size I think that that's oh Jesus God the text isn't big enough. What are you at? What were you at before like 12 and now you're bumping up to 14 just like regular and then um, um, do you need to get some readers?

Maybe I need some readers. Oh, this is nice. I did it too. This is nice. It's nice, right? It's a lot easier to read I should have been doing this a long time ago so I'm a regular at a local Thai restaurant whenever I overhear another patron as the wait staff for recommendations I fight the urge to rush over to their table and provide them with my favorites Should I continue to resist this urge or should I tell them what's good? That's from the red curry is delicious in Cleveland, Ohio Yeah, you should keep fighting this one. Yeah, I think on this one. That's a battle worth fighting Yeah, so this is a hill you got to die on I think maybe even a little bit to not to continue to not do this thing

It's the most you can I Can't I can't I can maybe count the number of times where I have won at this service on like one finger And it was when I was in like another country where I didn't speak the language even a little bit Well, could I have used like a little bit of help from a from a stranger friend? Otherwise like I'm think I'm good. I think I'm Think I'm good here. I think especially since and I don't mean to point out the obvious here They are talking to an employee of that restaurant when they asked the question, right? And it's their job to answer that question

So I think it might be covered. So I think that resisting that impulse is good now That said what you should do is win the way staff makes recommendation. Just chuckle to yourself and shake your head. No That's totally there's nothing wrong and then it's important you follow that up with when you get your red curry you eat it and you're just like oh Oh Lovin it yummy yum yum yum red curry. I'll have what I'm having I feel like I feel when I have sex sometimes at the end of it, you know what it's called I don't at the end of the meal save one spoonful of your red curry as you're walking out the door Slip the spoon into the person's mouth and whisper in their ear

Wow while they're talking so she's just like yeah, so Jerry walks out of the break room and I Fucked up. That was amazing. What have I done? Got these stupid noodles fuck and they just hand them a piece of paper with a black spot on it And they'll know they'll know it's with a bloody handprint. They know the but it's not blood. It's right. It's red curry I should have got what he said he said he came when he ate this It made him feel like sex time. That's what he said. That's what he said. How are your how are your how are your This is your pad Thai. It's pretty good. I definitely didn't come like that, dude, which is like shoot

I mean don't get me wrong. I gotta go but with this lunch. I gotta go back to work. I can't go back to work with Creamy Dom jeans, but shoot. It sounds like it was a revelation. Damn it Damn, what she'd said something before Is there any let me ask you boys this is there you've made your feelings clear about Receiving the service in a restaurant. I think the problem if and stop me if I'm out of line but I think the problem with Doing this in a restaurant is that and it's and it's odd if you think about it But when we when we have tables at a place we all feel like that's our

Sort of island that's our tip like the other tables aren't there and we're all pretending there aren't tables like this is our Territory like we've staked this out You don't do that at Best Buy if someone crosses your path when you're looking at TVs to also look at TVs You don't get like weirdly territorial about it. It's just as the restaurant You feel like you're renting that space for that moment, which is why I don't approve of community tables by the way Thank you. Thank you very much. I had no thanks, but here's a question. Is there a Business in which you would appreciate this service. Is there a business in which you would want someone to? Just kind of swoop in and drop some some reccos

You know J-man to that point no joke if it was a counter service thing because Teresa and I when we went to Scotland once again different country not quite the same We do speak the language but standing at the counter first day there wasn't sure like what to do what what social customs were different very nice Slightly older than us couple kind of saw our hesitations like since your first time here and we're like yeah I'm like all right Here's what you need to do and they walked us through like where to go to order and like what drinks we should try and that Was very helpful so counter service don't ever walk up to somebody's table

I think you were right, but if you're see someone standing on a counter going I just don't know what to get I think then you can make the reckon keep walking Yeah, I Had it I had I yeah, it only happened to me once it was also an older couple when we were in Tokyo We were in this like huge food mall that was like underground I'm making it sound like it was a cave It was just like in the basement of like a a shopping mall or whatever and there were like a billion food options And this older couple was like you want this and we were like all right

And we did want this very much and they talked about how much it made them come over and over and over And over and over and over again I went to this new Brazilian steakhouse that got in Charleston And I've never been to a restaurant like that before and there were definitely some like I didn't it was terrifying Because I did it the person gave me a list of meat and then left and Didn't come back to tell me what ask what meat I wanted Irresponsible and I waited and waited and waited and it was just sort of like looked sadly as People were getting me and we weren't and it turned out there was this like

Device there was a device on the table that indicated whether or not we were ready for meat that and that information was not Relate to me by the way, which seems to me the biggest faux pas you could make in this venue because like That's how I get it. Why didn't you tell me that every time I go somewhere new? I am terrified that I will Misunderstand a fundamental process that exists in that place like I'll sit down at a table And it's like no no you order from the bar or I'll go to the bar and they're like we have servers Just go sit down at the table So I would say in that circumstance

Having like if you see somebody like milling around and doing that thing that we humans do when we're really feeling dumb of that like Kind of body posture, I think in that circumstance if you want to be like, oh, yeah You just sit down they come right to the table and you just flip it over so that it's green on top And then they know you want me I think that's totally cool And in fact when people do that for me I feel like they're angels sent from God and that's Roma Downey just like Travis you feel very stupid in this moment I'm like I do run my daddy. Thank you very much

And she's like oh just you just put your money you pay it right up there at the front I'm like, oh Roman down. Thanks so much. Good Roma. Hey, thanks. It's a good round killer Roma Well, what I do when I do essence. I just mumble a lot. Um, this guy who was sent in by Zoe kinsky, right, and I thank you climbing that ladder and riding high on it. Thank you Zoe kinsky It's yahoo answers user Victoria Sparda who asks Need help ASAP My rear end is glued to my office chair due to a super glue prank Yes

Yes, not yes Justin. How could you? Yes, it didn't happen. Give me this and let me read to you and you're gonna feel like a real Jag didn't happen a real judge advocate general for your doubting because of the extra details I think are gonna satisfy you Yes, my butt right now glued to the office chair my My fiance and I have a prank war going on right now. He got me good. I admit it But I will get him back so with the exception of nail polish removal remover don't have any what could unstick my skin from this Chair he coated the whole dang seat plus help. I'm honestly stuck to this chair right now

1100 exclamation points Griffin wait wait wait skin Let Travis that is Located in update six the six codex to so I'll get there. Please help I'm honestly stuck to this chair right now Justin. You fucking doubting Thomas. I know this is the wrong section This is in social science gender studies But I know this section is active right now That's why I put it here because this is kind of a real-time issue

Update I wish I was kidding. He put super glue on my chair update to we have a prank work going on Thus, this is the current result update three. All right I know y'all are used to weird questions from some people who are just bored and messing around but sadly This is not one of those questions Justin piece of shit This is no trolley or anything Justin asshole. It's my rear end is stuck to the chair update four when I say office chair I meant my home office chair. It's only me and him at the house He's laughing his head off and refusing to help me update five. Um, let's just say I'm wearing a skirt Hints answering. I think why the skin is on the chair update six. Oh, I found my pocket knife on the desk

I hate to ruin a chair But it looks like I have to cut the chair fabric in order to be able to get up and soak in the tub till the rest comes off Man this sucks balls Must get stuck to the chair my my fiancee got me great now, but but I If you want you Travis if what you have to say is not gonna help this person out of this fucking horrible situation I literally don't want to hear it. No, I actually don't want to hear it I guess I just have two questions for everything help me understand so that I can CSI

The issue to figure out the solution and that is question number one. I Understand that this person says they're wearing a skirt. How much super glue was put onto this seat Soaks through soaked all the way through. Mmm second question How I guess this is the most important question that I have how quickly between application of super glue to seat and You sitting down. It's tight fiance apply that super Was it like they saw you going to sit down and like That's true cuz it gets tacky real quick. Yeah, I mean this whole thing's pretty tacky

This is a prank war they're embroiled in they obviously know how to do this type of stuff and Travis That was a minute and a half where you could have said something to help this person out of time loss is But loss like this person's gonna lose a lot of but matter at this point Griffin. I don't think they are I Don't think this happened. I'm sorry. I'm Griffin. I'm so sorry, but there's six fucking updates This couple loves each other so much and they definitely have a YouTube channel where they just sort of get each Like they fucking just fucking get each other all the time and this is the latest one And I don't understand why you won't help this person out because it's we can be fun and flirty. This is my 50 shades

You're 50 shades of pranks 50 shades of pranks. I got you I but I got you this time I put a bucket of water up on the door sill and you open it up and you got splashed. Oh Yes, I Put that you put the fucking sugar on your grapefruit to eat it for breakfast, but it was Oh There's no milk wait there is Thank you so much for listening to our show you I want to play more in this space though

Closing the door to the playroom Unfortunately, I'm gonna stay in the playroom. We're gonna be in two different rooms for the end of this Fucking trap you in there with jokes I'm gonna leave the area This is a bit of thematically consistent episode, which I always really enjoy And thank you for listening to our program to the second straight episode where Griffin is absent for the ending of it Which is unusual But thank you for listening. Thank you to

Sorry John Rodgers and long winners for the user theme song. It's a departure off the album putting the days to bed Trav were you gonna say I was gonna say thank you to our friends It's Dr. Suley for acting as the go-betweens the mediators between Griffin and Chris Angel so that Griffin could get his beam back I told a lot of really great jokes in the playroom when you guys weren't there. It's a shame Joe's got to hear that's the important thing If if y'all can think of a collaboration we could do with cert because I think they would love to work with us And we'd love to work with them. Are you talking about the Chris Angel the Chris Angel tweet? I do want to say on the subject that I've had a lot of people

When they saw that Cirque de Soleil really signal boosted sort of my whole drama I did just want to say every night when I go to sleep I just see one big eye and there's not really a traditional pupil in there It's just sort of like a big like black hole and I guess that is I like I guess it is Chris and he's in there or whatever Yeah We we're gonna oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, we're gonna do you want to come see my brother my brother me Or the adventure zone either one Because we're gonna be in San Diego during San Diego Comic-Con doing a live show

For both of those podcasts with those programs my brother my brother me and the adventure zone I have the details hold on Also, I just want to say if you're coming to Austin Hit us up with those Mbem-Bem questions, please and y'all who always need yats a lot Yats a lot who's for the for the live shows. So thank you to all my troopers out there my street team So the show is gonna be Where when the Balboa the Balboa all right I'll use that as a search term and I'll search Balboa and submissive well

See what I turn up Balboa on Friday and Saturday night at 10 p.m. So Friday at will be oh my god I believe the first one is Adventure as Taz always first cuz it makes me very scared to do that one. Yeah, so Taz on Friday my BMM on Saturday 10 p.m. At the Balboa We Travis are you gonna make can you make links for tickets? Sure will to call today call the shot call the shot now

we'll say Taz SDCC and MBMB a.m. So bit that L.Y. Ford slash Taz SDCC and bit that L.Y. Ford slash MBMB a.m. SDCC all lowercase Now those tickets will go on sale if if and if you you know, we're not joking when we say this Alright tickets for our shows tend to sell out really quickly and we want everybody to be able to come on Sales for both shows will start at noon Pacific on Wednesday, May 17th That's 3 p.m. Eastern standard time Or is it EDT yet? No one quite knows no one can keep those straight

Either way, it's it's noon Pacific 3 p.m. Eastern Wednesday, May 17th, and those links again Travis are bit dot L.Y. Ford slash Taz SDCC and bit dot L.Y. Ford slash MBMB a.m. SDCC Okay, it's gonna be fun as fuck spider-man is gonna be there We invited him we hope to get him out there. We're gonna have the trailer for Star Wars episode four

We're gonna have that out. You'll be able to check that if you know a famous person. It's gonna be there ask if they'll come to our show, please What if we got the What if What if we got that super old man that they let in all the comic movies for some reason who does the one line and he showed Up and he said like something like he could walk on and he could be like a PA and like we wouldn't even make a big deal out of it That'd be amazing. What's deal like what it always like I think he's dad. I think he's Jocelyton's dad or something There is again this time. He's a janitor You never know where you're gonna say I'm always it's hard for me to enjoy those movies anymore

Cuz like I just don't pay attention to the plot cuz I'm fucking just scouring the background looking for that like old guy You know I Griffin I actually read that they don't like cast him or schedule that or anything He just keeps showing up and then when they go back for the edits, it's like fuck There he is again, they can't get him out. That's sweet though That's sweet though that they let him like be a part of it. Well, he needs it Anyway come to those shows please get tickets when they go on sale, so you don't miss out We would we would love to see everybody there I know there's a lot of things competing for your time there, but hopefully like I don't know 10 p.m

So there's probably it's probably not open anymore. You can't go see spider-man. So might as well come see him at our show Our show our shows at 10 p.m. Yeah, magic hour Shit during STCC Griffin goes till like fucking four or five more some people just don't sleep That's midnight for me my time zone and how I do things it will be a very sleepy set No, it's not it's gonna be weird all right give weirder so come out and see those shows and Griffin do you have a final y'all who for sure do I got one from game recognized game Rachel Rosen? Thank you, Rachel. See I who answers user Joseph Sherman who asks

Why do my eyes change from emerald green to a steel dark blue before and during a storm I've looked but no solution My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother. My brother me kiss your dad Square on the lips Maximum fun or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported From the dawn of time One podcast has unlocked the secrets of science and technology to enrich the lives of billions and now After a year where they've unlocked the golden age of knowledge

They're about to hit warp speed and go stratospheric wait hold up on Oh no Ross and Kerry We don't make extraordinary claims. We investigate them We go undercover with fringe religious groups Investigate paranormal claims and we participate in pseudoscientific medical treatments and then report our findings to you And yes, we've even investigated New episodes every month at maximum fun. Org. Oh, no, Ross and Kerry they show up so you don't have to Hey, Mabin Bambino's Travis here your Middle East brother I'm so excited to announce the first inaugural pod con pod con is a project

It's been in the works for a while now and it's my brother my brother and me Welcome to Night Vale and dear Hank and John aka the vlog brothers aka Hank and John Green We're so excited to be doing a convention to celebrate Podcasting both the podcast we love and the making of those it's going to be December 9th and 10th in Seattle But we're announcing it now Because we need your help putting on this convention Unfortunately is not going to be free and we want it to be great. So we need your help with that So we're starting our crowdfunding campaign today. You can go to pod con dot com

pod con Dot com to contribute to the Indie go-go campaign today And not only will you help support a new project that I think is just gonna be a whole heck of a lot of fun You're also gonna get rewards You can get admission to the convention You know special live stream hangouts You can get someone from Night Vale or my brother my brother and me or Hank and John

To do a voicemail for you thumb drives loaded with some of our favorite episodes and exclusive content VIP events at the convention and even if you can't make it to the convention, you'll be able to access the audio You know, you'll be able to attend remotely and still get a lot of other rewards So if you would like to help support this new project and we sure hope that you do just go to pod con dot com Pick the level that's right for you and let's get this thing rolling. Thanks so much and we'll see you in seattle december 9th and 10th