My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 373: Face 2 Face: Bonefolders

Episode Date: September 27, 2017

It's our late show from Boston's beautiful Wilbur Theater! We spent almost all of it doing audience questions, with ... mixed results, I think it's safe to say. It got pretty buckwild.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? Hey everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother mean advice show for the Modgen era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy.

I'm your middleest brother Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother 30 under 30 media luminary girl from McElroy. Hey, can we vape in here or what? I heard 10 people say no. That's enough, that's a quorum. So this is our fourth show in three days, which is the road. For real artists, that would not seem like a lot of work. No, we've done four hours of work in three days.

That's how you put it like that, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. I did saw bones though, so I'm actually at four and a half. Now for lesser artists, that would mean finally about to get home, gonna just phone this one in. But for us, it means... One day I hope to be as confident as that person was to shout get drunk in a very big crowded dark room.

I was gonna say get weird. Which I hope you've all learned the folly of yelling shit, because you never know what I'm gonna say next, so don't try to guess where I'm gonna go, because you better get it right. Now had you gotten it right, you would have won $1,000. American. American dollars. In our contest.

In an effort to get weird, I have done my Judd Nelson cosplay. Oh my God, you did just put that on for this show, there's like a new look. Yeah. Because I love you. So we're so happy to be here back in the Wilbur for our... Feels like ages since we've been back in the Wilbur. I know, for our fourth performance at the Wilbur in beautiful Boston, Massachusetts. As we are driving in today, well we're from the airport, I saw something happen here in

Boston that made me the happiest I've ever been. And it was that at the Boston Tea Party boat exhibit thing. Museum. Sometimes they call them history museums. There was a box that people are encouraged to throw off the boat. And then reel back in on a rope. Which I do not think they made them do. Very funny, Gregory, now pull it back up.

You've made your point to the British, but I do want some tea. I am thirsty. Do you think they had a moment after the tea party where they were like, hell yeah, we did it. And then right after we're like, man, I would like some tea though. Oh man, the river smells like nap time. Man. Why did we throw all our tea in?

Why did we save some tea? You think that one guy was like, listen, I'm into all of this. So definitely, definitely into it. My mom sent me this chamomile in this box here that I've got here. So all this, great. Do it all. The break. Yeah, definitely.

Story of tonight. Totally into it. Got a sore throat. If I could just get a bag. Just save me a little bit of the chamomile tea. So we're going to be leaving it all out on the court tonight. And we're very excited about that. I think what we've talked about is we're going to go for a little bit and then we're

just going to do a fuck ton of audience questions because they usually go so super good. So we're going to, we're going to hear them all out tonight. And so should we, I should say we're going to get weird, please remain calm. Only one of us can be weird at a time. And it's our turn. We've earned this bad show you're about to see. No, it's going to be good. We're going to tonight.

We fix it all. We're going to fix everything. So hold on. There's a lot wrong. There's a lot of shit. We can't get with tonight. We will fix 90% of everything. Yes.

I love that. That's good. We can stick with that. But first we're going to get into some questions that were sent into us from our audience. What we do is we take your questions and turn them out, could be like into wisdom. And we're experts. So my mom's coworker recently came to her asking advice about a situation. She thinks someone has physically snuck into her house pink panther style and passworded

her Wi-Fi so she can't use it. The perfect crime. She doesn't believe that there's a password that comes with the unit and instead wants to install security cameras and get a whole new laptop to catch this apparent Wi-Fi. What with the security camera? How would the security cameras connect to the laptop is question number one. Right. She's just plug in a VHS recorder.

How do we convince her that there is no ninja but instead just look at the user manual and that's from Aaron. I mean what you just said sounds like a pretty good start. Yeah. I wish. I wish. Listen, I like myself a lot. Okay.

Kicking off with that. Full stop. I can't imagine being in a scenario where I was like, yeah, I'm having trouble with the password as somebody said it and somebody said the very reasonable, oh, it comes pre-programmed. And I said, no, must be a burglar situation. Must be a ninja. I've been Ocean's 14. Yeah.

Fucking Clooney got in here. Perfect crime. Got in here without a trace. Put a Wi-Fi password without a trace except for the sticker that he left at the bottom of the router that tells you what the fucking default password is. That's what he wants you to think about. That's what he wants you to think about. That he falls in love with Catherine St. John's because of the password sticker.

You should. Okay. Are you here? No. Okay. Cool. They must have been so distraught about this that they couldn't make it. You should not, if you're listening to this later, you should not stop this from happening

because the end result is going to be that this person is going to set up cameras on a laptop and then the password will be there again and they will spend the rest of their lives reviewing that film. Right. Yeah. Trying to spot. Trying to spot a frame. The old St. Nick sneaks in.

Is this? Wait. No. Okay. Remember you wanted to jog it back and jog it back. Right there. You see it, right? That's your cat.

No. It looks like my cat. No. That's my password. No. I've spent seven years reviewing the film. Also. It couldn't be anything other than the cat.

No. I want to say don't do this because why are people so eager to remove these wonderful angels from my life? Yes. Thank you. My boss says bust a nut, but in the wrong way, should I correct them? It's like always know because I'm a person alive in the world and I want to know that they exist.

I'd like a ladle magic, please. Yeah. Save some for the rest of us. How about a Yahoo answer? Yes. This one was sent in by Caitlin. Thank you. Caitlin.

It's from Yahoo Answers user anonymous. I'm telling you, like 90% of Yahoo Answers users are like, I love getting bad advice from stuff, but I don't want my name attached to it. We will call them Ronald. Ronald asks, can a dolphin tell if you're hungover? Okay, wait, before, before we answer that question, I have another question, which is, how could you tell if the dolphin could tell? Yeah.

That's why they're asking Yahoo Answers. This was easy to discern. They would have, yeah, no, that's fair. But like if it's like, that dolphin is kind of side-dying me. Yeah. I think he knows. Well, okay. You laugh.

And I heard, thank you for that. It is a comedy show, but like also maybe they are the smartest creatures. Yeah. And not only that, they have a sort of energy about them or just like, if any animal could tell I was hungover, it would be a dolphin. How cool is your life, by the way, where you have a dolphin meeting opportunity and you do not step completely correct to it? Like if I, I know I'm going to be the dolphin, I'm going to be my best mate.

Yeah. I'm going to spend five days just practicing my petting motions. Yes. I'm going to have an updated resume with me. Yeah. Okay. So here's what I'm thinking. You're riding the dolphin.

Slow down, slow down. Oh, wait, oh. Wait, how, one more time, show me how you were holding the dolphin, which sounds like a euphemism, but it is MB, MBAM, ride the dolphin. So you get on the dolphin. If you think about it, your mouth is going to be directly over the, what do you know with your hands? No, no, no.

I'm drawing an imaginary column of breath air from my mouth to the blowhole. So the air is going to be going from your mouth to the blowhole. And what are you, what's wrong? Nothing. You're fine. Great. I'm drawing from your mouth to the blowhole. Does it?

Okay. Are there any scientists here who can tell me if they breathe air in through the blowhole? It's not called a suckhole. I know a few of you just yelled and I also wanted to say, I know you're not fucking scientists. I don't think, I don't think Lisa Frank would do quite so many stickers of this animal if they had an appendage called a suckhole. I don't think Sega would have made Echo the dolphin if it had a suckhole on it that it used to communicate telepathically.

All right. So at level three, you're going to come up again. So there's kind of a barrier there. The rocks are down. You're going to have to use your suckhole powers. Suck in the blow pit fish with your suckhole, shoot it at the evil air. There were like fucking scary aliens in that game. You remember it and you think, oh, it's just peace will swim through the ocean.

No one remembers Echo the dolphin except you. But could it do but could they because would they a lot of times dolphins do seem to be judgy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I wonder what, I mean, other than the fact that they've got basically way chiller lives than us. I don't know what they're lording over.

Do you think if the dolphin could tell, they wouldn't be cool about it, right? No way. They'd be like, they get up in your ear and like, fuck, fuck, damn it. God, I, I meted a dolphin once and I was not hung over, but I had extremely bad diarrhea. So it was a Tuesday and the dolphin didn't say anything. So we're good. We're good folks. Now.

Okay. You didn't have diarrhea on the dolphin, right? If I did, I don't think I'd be talking about it in front of my 1000 new friends, Justin. No, I don't think I'd tell my I diary it on a dolphin story to my room full of 1000 strangers. Justin, I don't think I would do that. Fair, but I am trying to establish the premise that all you've proven is that dolphins cannot sense that prior to and directly after you will, your dolphin experience, you'll be having very liquid and frequent bowel movements.

Why the fuck are we using dogs to sniff shit out? We should be walking dolphins through airports. Yeah. Yes, we should Travis be walking dolphins through airports. You're right. We'd build them a suit. Idiot. Fuck me, I guess.

I'm the asshole. Our household vacuum was still functional in a technical sense. It's got a great suck hole on it, that vacuum. It isn't quite what it used to be since my housemate sucked up an entire crew length sock with it, which he left for me to discover and extract after weeks of shrugging noncommittally every time I wanted it allowed why the suction was so bad. I continued to do my best with what we had, feeling that I wasn't in a financial position to purchase a new vacuum, but my mother recently took pity on me and my dustbound purgatory

and purchased one for me on the condition that my sock vacuuming housemate never be allowed to use it. What are some lies I can tell my housemate about the powerful, highly efficient vacuum sounds coming from my room every Sunday? How do I keep him from discovering the new appliance and taking another vacuum? It's like vacuum. Who's that from? The sheet has disappeared. Let's move on.

Kill the moe. Are you here? Man, we're doing bad. This is the problem with having an early show in a late show. I'm pretty sure we qualified. First of all, nobody vacuums there anything once a week. That is the most buck wild thing. How much dust are you generating?

I don't think your roommate will be too upset about the fact that they don't have to vacuum anymore. Yeah, I don't think you need a fabrication for like, I'm just going to vacuum the house from now on. The entire apartment is me. I wish I could have been inside your roommate's head the first time you used the vacuum post-sock experiment and you said, huh, what do you think's wrong with this? And they went, huh, that is a stumper. I wish I could be inside your roommate's head when they were vacuuming and they saw a big full-length sock on the ground and they were like, I don't want to fucking pick it.

Oh, whatever. Yeah, because it was not, I think you very generously say it was mistaken in here. It was not. Your roommate looked at the sock and looked at where the hamper was and thought, ah, actually fuck this. Did a quick cost-benefit analysis of bending down to get the sock. You know, they always show you in the commercials though how many socks they can pick up and suck you going. They shouldn't put that in the commercials because it's like, look, sock after sock. It just sucks these bad boys up and eats them for lunch.

I know we don't. I'm going to get a little weird and advocate a direct approach. I'm pretty sure if you look at your roommate and say, yeah, my mom bought me this after you broke my last one and she doesn't want me to let you use it. That's a pretty good explanation. Because you're a fiend, you can continue to use the awful vacuum. Yeah. Like, I would say that you should not be direct.

If it weren't for the fact, your roommate did leave it for you to find that face. Yeah, they not only intentionally sucked it up, they left it as a little mystery for you to uncover. They have lost vacuum privilege. That's right. They don't deserve it anymore. I would love to lose vacuum privilege. Yeah. Right.

This is sort of like how I used to fake an allergy to Windex at Blockbuster. If you do a bad enough job at something, eventually people just... I swore for two years at Blockbuster that no one had trained me how to vacuum. And the only time you vacuum at Blockbuster is 12.15 in the morning because you closed at midnight and that's the last thing that happens. And nobody's going to be like, 12.15, time to train this pudgy liar how to vacuum. They'll just go ahead and vacuum for you. So I went two years without ever learning.

Anyway. Hi, person in the front row taking a selfie. Hey! That's a little distracting, but go back to business. No, no, let's do it. Okay, hold on. Here. Hi!

Okay. How about a yahoo? Yeah, please. Please send them by Level 9000, yah-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru. I can do better than that. Level 9000, yah-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru-dru. Thank you, Drew. Did you say Drew, Dave?

No. I said Drew Davenport and it's from yahoo answers user youngspungy. Who asks, what's in your dream stable? For our equine science class, my friend and I have to design... Wait, what? Good point, Travis. My friend and I have to design our very own dream stable. We've chosen to be a boarding facility.

Apparently, we have unlimited money, so we get to spend obscene and offensive amounts of money. Here's all the stuff we have for a somewhat classy... Obscene and offensive. Eww! It's just ten weeners. I don't know anything. We have all the stuff for a somewhat classy little boarding facility.

Indoor, outdoor arenas, designated riding pastures, trails, a bunch of other boring stuff. We've included the prices of manure spread. Nope, still boring. Is there anything I'm missing or anything fancy and so frivolous that my friend and I just must include? My mom suggested chandeliers in the indoor and barns. Yeah, you just read the last line.

I thought that'd be pretty fun. My friend and I are going to show Obama how to really spend billions. I... Look at him sitting there so smug thinking he knows how to spend billions. We'll show him! I hope he does get this documentation somehow. He's like, well, these ain't been good. Got me.

No offense intended. Well, tough shit. Thanks. You're welcome. What's in your dream stable? What's in your dream stable? The chandelier feels like a cheat because you should at least put something in that I can imagine the horses could give a shit about.

Yeah. I don't even know. I'm not a horse genius, but I don't even think they could look up at him. If they were directly above, I'm not sure a horse could get up there to sneak a peek is what I'm saying. Not an angle, of course. I need a chart, but if you... Imagine a horse.

Never mind, I'm done. Maybe some fancy sconces instead. Maybe some sconces right at eye level. Yeah. Or maybe just more oats. Because it's a horse. You're thinking of a very horse-based user experience. I'm more thinking about me.

You're right. Let me do this. Apparently we have unlimited money. Okay. How about unlimited horses? If I walk into this fucking tesseract, this four-dimensional hyper-stable, and there's just infinite horses, but the horses are just infinitely long,

like in fucking Interstellar. Whoa. And I reach through the horse, and I'm sending messages to my daughter. Whoa. Suddenly, Interstellar makes so much sense. I get it. Fucking Christopher Nolan sitting at home, like, finally.

You're asking about my dream stable. Thank you. Infinite horses, but what if they were in... What if it was a... What if it was like a horse vending machine, where you could just go and press a bunch of buttons, and a horse come out? You know what? Here's the thing.

We're talking about obscene amounts of money. The idea of a horse vending machine? You got over it so fucking quick. Okay, can I tell you why? Here's what bothered me most about the image you created. Okay. Are they in little plastic-cleared... It's not a gashapon.

Okay, so it's more you see in behind the metal spirals. You see a big claw. Oh, my horse is stuck. Oh, I got two horses. Well, shit. I can't take care of two horses. I'll just leave it in the tray. The good news is they both died,

because this is a dumb idea if you think about it. It would be a very big machine, and the fall would probably kill all the horses. It is an interactive horse mass grave. Alright, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got a whole lot of pre-dead horses here, and you can kill anyone. What dispensing solution?

65 cents, and their soul is yours. I think we should make a movie theater for the horses, and I hear what you're saying, horses don't like movies. And I get it, I do, but have you ever taken a horse to the movies? I bet you haven't. I want a theater with seats that are comfortable for horses, because none of them are. I probably wouldn't like movie theaters

if they were built for people with half as many appendages as I have, which is what horses have to go through all the time, because they have four legs, and also, I just think we should make a movie theater for horses. Well, Justin, I like that. Can I... In closing. Can I alley you?

That was a good book report. Can I... What it, you have unlimited resources? Yes. Movie theater for horses. Also, movie studio that makes movies for horses. For horses, thank you, Travis. Okay, but like...

Directed by Christopher Nolan. They said they would be like... What, secretary? I can think of like a billion... No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Those are about horses. Yes.

They're co-opting a horse narrative. Four horses. Just like a carrot that swings for two hours. But also, buy horses. So we're gonna need to think about cameras a little bit. Yeah. And just really go back to the drawing board. And editing software.

Four horses. We will need a big director's chair. And how big are those job peres gonna be? Yeah. You just need to change the mouse. So confident in it. And they can take it from there. The problem with horse movies is this.

Uh-huh. That it would be like the Christian movies they make sometimes, where they trick you into it by putting a big name Hollywood star in there, like Jeff Fahey. And then you think, oh, shit, new Jeff Fahey movie. I'm stoked. And then you get to the end and it's like, one man's inspirational journey.

You're like, wait a minute. Hold on. You almost got me, Jeff. Of dream stable is for real. A new four horses, buy horses. If we have unlimited money, could we just have a room in the dream stable that has infinite money inside of it?

Shit, I hacked your whole question. I have infinite money now. I wish Scrooge McDuck's bin was like that to when he dove in. He would just keep going. He got like entrapped like a grain silo? Yeah, exactly. Here I go. And he'd be like, oh, shit.

I thought I wanted an infinite money, but I guess I don't. And then it's like Twilight Zone. Eggs. Can I just say Scrooge McDuck, richest duck on earth, right? Yeah, for sure. I can't think of a richer duck. He has a lot of empty space in his money bin. It was very aspirational.

Right. Even though he's got the most money a duck could have, he's still got about five, six of that. Yeah. He doesn't want to be able to dive into it. He wants to be able to walk comfortably onto the surface of his mind. Right. So at some point as he was designing the money bin,

surely someone went, that's big enough, right? Don't you think that's big enough? No. No. Because he knows the more money he makes, the less it hurts when he hits the money. So he's like punishing himself. Why doesn't he just have dollar bills?

He's got so many fucking coins. He's rich. Maybe that's it. It's all pennies. So it seems like a lot of money. It's like, yeah, you're super rich. He has like $310. He should just dive in and land on a credit card.

Is there a rich jag who has died IRL because they wanted this experience and they jump and they're like, oh, fuck. It's hard metal. It's a bunch of little ones. That was the secret. You need the bill to penetrate the surface of the coins. I just started a new job and while it's generally been good, I'm having a problem with my boss.

I work for a streaming company that broadcasts corporate meetings live to the web, so there's no room for failure during an event. That's too bad because every online meeting fucking sucks. Like clockwork, before every event starts, my boss approaches me, takes off his headset, looks me right in the eye and whispers, don't fuck this up. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He pauses and then says even more quietly, don't.

This makes me feel incredibly nervous and even though I'm fairly sure he's just joking around and I have never messed up, he says it with a completely straight face. Brothers, how do I get him to stop doing this? And that's from live stream lament. Listen, I don't... He's a person who's in a position of authority above you and if you messed up it would be embarrassing

and then he says this every time, why do you think he's joking? Yeah, he says it with a, he has given you no social cues to indicate. This is a 100% success rate tactic. It sounds like if you're crushing it, if you're running the world's only successful online business meeting. Yeah, that's the other thing is like this tactic while it may seem a little heavy on the pressure, does seem to be working on you very well.

Is it bad boss behavior to look at your employee and say, don't fuck this? I don't think you're supposed to... I haven't been in an office since I worked at GameStop. If you consider that an office, but I don't think you're supposed to. Wait, hold on. I don't. Nor do any of us, I think. Okay, in any sort of non-home business situation,

I don't think you're supposed to cuss. I don't think you're supposed to cuss. If my boss ever did a cuss toward me, isn't Justin your boss? I'm not, and I haven't been for 18 months, thank you for being my brother, I guess. No, I mean, as older brother. Oh, okay, like, yeah, within our hierarchy, I guess. Oh, as the CEO.

I've never seen an org chart of our family, but I guess... I think we all roll up to dad, I guess. Yeah. Grimwind, do you ever know the Yahoo! should we get in the audience? I just got really uncomfortable with the idea that dad was our boss in any sort of... in any sort of capacity. I say we go to audience. I want to warn... I want to warn everybody,

this is our fourth show of this tour in three days, which, again, is just an astronomical amount of work. In two of the three shows we did before this one, I had to leave the stage to use the bathroom because I drank a lot of liquids, and it's feeling like there's going to be one of those shows, so that's going to happen again at some point. Just to warn you, there's Paul. Hi, Paul.

I'm putting my iPad away. Let's do it. I'm fucking... I'm closing the computer. I'm just... I'm just going to keep sitting here. Don't stand up. That's... that's... that ain't going to do it. Let's start on the right side, and then we'll just sort of just go all over. I see somebody that looks like with blonde hair sitting at the very end of the aisle. Yeah, pointing to your own... top of your head. No, you're pointing the top of your head.

You're the one with the blonde hair. Blonde hair pointing the top of your head. You're standing up. Yes, you're standing up right now, and you're going. There we go. Mike's over here. I'm sorry that we started so far away. And we're scooting. We're scooting. Just scooting and scooting.

Still scooting, and we're scooting, and we're scooting, and we are home. Hi. What up? Hey, you can feel free, everybody, if you're at the mic. Just go ahead and angle it, too. Yeah, shoot it right at your... Also, feel free, everyone, not to yell things out. I had her. It's very... it could be very...

Hi, what's your name? My name is Jen. Hi, Jen. Gem or Jen? Jen. Jen. Got it. Okay.

Jen? Yeah, we got it. Yeah. Just three letters, but we're going to get there eventually. What's your question? So, I have a theory, and I have a really... I would just love to hear your thoughts on this theory. Okay.

Well, thank you for coming to our dissertation. Go on. I know that some of you are college educated. Yeah, I've been to college. Okay. Here he goes. You can't do callbacks to the last episode we did at this theater two hours ago. There we go.

Nice. So, I have a theory that every raccoon is the ghost of a Confederate silver war. Oh, okay. And I just like... Wait, hold on, Gem. Do you? I listen. Do you really?

Do you really, Gem? No, it's serious. I believe this just because raccoons are scoundrels. It's true. They dig in the trash. Gem, listen, you've come to the number one source for scientific discussion on the internet. If that's the evidence you're bringing to your theory, you're going to have to do better than that.

But you better have seen him eating some Johnny cakes or something. I don't know. I mean, y'all are all tied up in the second part of the theory. I'm still... I don't even think I heard the second part of the theory. Because the first part of the theory is I think every raccoon is a ghost. But do you have evidence to support? A ghost...

A ghost probably cannot take my trash, but if it could, it wouldn't. Every trash is another raccoon's treasure. Yeah, but it's not a ghost. It doesn't mean it's a ghost. No, but like... It doesn't mean the raccoon's a ghost. She said a raccoon thing, not a ghost thing. I agree raccoons love trash.

That is not up for debate. Yeah, we're all agreed. That point is settled. I do not think that was part of the thesis statement, but go ahead. Is there a line in a history book that's like, and Confederate soldiers love trash? Love eating trash. Those motherfuckers. Okay, so I want to hear more from you actually more than anything I want my entire life.

So please elaborate for the next 30 seconds. Go ahead. Souls, ghosts, souls also live in raccoons. Okay, so it's a fluke situation where they reincarnate into... Raccoons. Okay, so that's not... You've got to understand that. I understand what you're saying.

I wicked don't, but it's... I want you to workshop the theory a little bit more. Because I think it has... I think it's got legs. Four of them. Four furry little, ringed legs. But what I need you to work on is raccoons or ghosts. Start there, solve that one, and then you can connect me to the other dots.

So thank you very much, Jen. Thank you. I'm sorry, somebody brought a sign like, this is WrestleMania. I have to do, yeah. Don't everybody bring signs though from now on. We want everyone to be able to continue to see it. And our stadium... We don't have stadium seating usually.

Hi. Hi. Hello, I'm Stefan. What was it? I talked during it. Yeah, shut up. Okay. Stefan.

Hey, Stefan. Weird vibe. Just to reiterate, everyone, we're gonna get weird. Please. We need you to be our anchor point. Stefan, bring it down a little... Okay, right here. Okay.

What's up? Well, I was gonna ask about horse-fending machines, but I think we covered that. Oh, okay. How serendipitous. Yeah. So my friend and I have a podcast where we talk about fan theories and hypothetical questions. Is it about raccoons and ghosts? It's not.

It's called Overthinking Out Loud, and you can find it wherever. Okay. Okay. What is it? What is your question? I want to know... How to get free promotion for your podcast, this isn't it. No, sorry, go ahead.

If you guys had any fan theories that you would like to... Can you give us a... About a subject? About anything? It's about anything. It's about anything. Jesus. For instance, anything...

So this one time... I was doing a live show. Okay. And then this person got up and asked a question. And my theory is... They wanted to promote their podcast. Don't be ridiculous. Safon is not promoting his podcast.

He's secretly recording us to include on a future episode. I literally am blanking so fucking hard. So we just told you about Scrooge McDuck and his $310. It's true, yeah. Yeah. Can you... Just credit card. Can you just edit that in?

I think the characters in Mary Poppins, specifically Mary Poppins and Burt, are actually a sort of infinitely living alien beings that have wandered the earth as immortals and possessed powers beyond our own that they... If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. And I'm not going to lay it out for your smart people. You can walk yourself to it. But I've watched that movie too many times, but that's what I think. Maybe just enough times.

Maybe just enough times. Thank you, Safon. Thank you, Safon. Go ahead. I trust the two of you to pick somebody good. Oh, no, this will be great. We're going to pick somebody... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't. You can't pick somebody. They're going to ask their question. Griffin has peed in every show we've done. This is ridiculous. All right. Hurry and ask your question before Griffin gets back. And then he'll have to answer the question without any context.

Okay. Ask quickly. Go, go, go. This should be a good one. My name's Charlotte. Hi, Charlotte. And I also sent this in, but I sent it in yesterday. We all love the good, good, good, good, because your dad's grand lips.

But for me, it's a constant fear because... Hold on one second, Charlotte. I need to put on my emergency live podcast panic vest in case we ramp into a fucking ravine like it feels perilously close to doing right now. Hold on one second. All right. Go ahead, Charlotte. My life is in your fucking hands.

Go ahead. I'm trusting you. I'm not cutting you off, Charlotte. I guess I should probably preface this. No kidding, Charlotte. Also, Charlotte, that's not how a preface works. You preface the things before seeing... You're post-facing it.

You're post-facing it. Okay. Go ahead. Yeah. It's a constant fear of my mother. And she flat out, I'm a 25-year-old married woman. And she, every time she sees me, she kisses me square on the lips. Okay.

Okay. Okay. We're back on track. All right. Is your question, how do I celebrate my parents loving me so much? Well, there's that, but also it really skips me out. So I really don't... Well, it's just right here.

Yeah, no, I know where her mouth is. It seriously skips me out. So I'm wondering, how do I ask her to just... No? Well, stop kissing my mouth. I know we say that sometimes, but we're talking like we're big, confident, not incredibly anxious people. But this is one of those situations where you can be like, I'd rather the mouth kisses

stuff. Yeah, gang. Does the thought cross your mind every time she kisses you right directly on your human mouth? Does the thought cross your head? I'm going to talk to her about that someday. Today is not that bad. It sucks.

Someday. Exactly. Someday. Let me get you with this idea, because I get conversations is bad. Conversations in general is bad. So what if you wean her off of this with like a little side juke, a little side dash, a little wave dash to the left, and all of a sudden, you're doing it like, oh, one of those.

And that was presented in Dolby 5.1 surround sound for our friends at home. You've tried that and it did not work? Oh, no. I would like to Charlotte, someone was running up the aisle behind you for a hot second. I thought it was your mom coming to get you. I was so excited. I was like, so excited. I was flipping out.

They were completely in shadow. I just saw a silhouette, but I was like, oh, shit. Here it goes. Okay. So I've only been a parent for 10 months now. I've been a parent for three years. So I'm gonna, I also have a child. What are we doing?

I'm going to make a bet. I don't think your mom likes doing it either. Your mom is afraid that if she stops, you'll make you, she loves you less. She's afraid that if he doesn't do it, you'll be upset. You'll be upset. She thinks you're into it. I know. Every time she gives it, she's like, God, Tam, this is weird.

It's so weird. I'm 22. Either way, she just couldn't find an off ramp. It's not like you get to a birthday and you're like, well, this is today's the day, 26. Now it's time to stop and Hagrid kicks in your door like you're 26. You don't have to kiss your mom anymore, Ari. Talk to your mother. Talk to your mother.

No one should kiss you on the mouth of that. You really wanting them to. That's a pretty good general rule for life. That seems like the latest episode. We did it. This is it. She's listening. Hi.

Thanks for listening. All right. Stop. Cut it out. Talk to your mom. You guys pick somebody as much. Hey, what's up? This is Griffin.

I'm going to do these real fast because I'm pretty sick and I want to go back to bed, but I'm going to give them the respect that they deserve. Thanks for listening to our live show. We did not want to put up three live shows in a row. We really want to try to space these out, but Travis is moving and then my baby was sick and then I got the sickness and there's just been a series of unfortunate events and so we had to put up another live show, which I'm genuinely sorry about and hopefully we're going to get things back on track soon once I can go like 90 seconds without having to

burst through the door of the bathroom like the Kool-Aid man. So here's an advertisement. It's for Harry's. Harry's is all about getting a great shave at a fair price. They are half the price of the leading five blade razor. They're so confident that you're going to love their blades. They will give you the trial shave set for free when you sign up at harrys.com slash my brother.

You just pay shipping and you get these good blades and you get to try them out. That set includes a weighted ergonomic razor handle, five precision engineered blades with a lubricating strip and trimmer blade, rich lathering shave gel and a travel blade cover. Once again to get that free trial, just go to harrys.com slash my brother right now. That's harrys.com slash my brother. Another message here. This one's for Blue Apron. Blue Apron also sponsoring us this week.

Thank you Blue Apron. It's affordable for less than 10 bucks per person per meal. Blue Apron will deliver seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients that you can use to make delicious home-cooked meals. I'm talking about stuff like skillet, vegetable chili with cornmeal and cheddar drop biscuits, garlic, butter, shrimp and corn with green bean salad and roasted purple tomatoes. I didn't even know it's a meal. It could be a fucking purple.

Thank you Blue Apron. Blue Apron knows you're busy so right now they're offering 30 minute meals. These meals are made with the same flavor and farm fresh ingredients you know and love and are ready in 30 minutes or less. Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash my brother. That's blueapron.com slash my brother. Blue Apron, a better way to cook.

Hey, I also have some Jumbotron messages here. This one is for Aaron and it's from Seth who says, hi Aaron. Knowing you these past six-ish months has been a joy and knowing you for however much more time it is before the brothers read this message will probably also be great as well. I love you very much and I want you to know that you are my Valentine no matter when this message airs. Oh Jesus. That's seven months.

We are closer to the next Valentine's Day than we are to the one that happened in this Gregorian year. We fucked it up so bad Seth and Aaron. You didn't deserve this, but I'm glad you guys are happy together and happy Valentine's Day. It's, you know, 24-7. Just the reason for the season. Got another personal message here.

This one is to Will and it's from your loyal adventurers Roscoe and Stevezy who say, happy birthday Will. We tried to buy you a message on Adventure Zone, the podcast you introduced us to that opened up our world to all things Macaroy, but it sold out in like zero seconds. Sorry about that. But we are sure the brothers will be fine with this TGIF style crossover. Thank you for being our DM and our sweet baby brother. We love you.

We love you too. Sorry you couldn't get on Adventure Zone. It's, you know, it's a hot button commodity. Well, we only do half as many of those as we do these, so boom, bam, you're good to go. That's probably not true either. But if you do want to get a message on the show, just go to maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron. Thank you to everybody who came out to this live show. It was a lot of fun.

We got some more coming up in October and November. Just go to macaroyshows.com slash tours and you can see where we are playing and see where tickets are still available. Thanks to John Rodgerick and the Long Winters for the use of the Hume song instead of Parture off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. Thank you to Justice and Dizzy Rascal for the remix from the video game DJ Hero that we used as the intro to this episode because Justin like really wanted to get pumped up. That was really why we did it and oh, there's a big site gag coming up that we explain a

little bit later on but I didn't want you to be lost where somebody asked a question just as Justin is coming back on stage and then he pivots on his heels and walks right back off stage and it was very funny and I didn't want you to be confused when there's like two minutes of uninterrupted laughter. That is what happens. I think that's it. I'm going to go now, so thanks for listening and go to maximumfund.org, check out all the shows there.

They're great and we'll be back next week. Bye. There is a new series of Star Trek coming out and maximumfund.org has submitted to our blackmail and agreed to host a new show on the network. We're calling it The Greatest Discovery. We've got photographs. We have recordings. We have web browser history on everyone at Maximum Fun.

Those are the things that have allowed us to have a second Star Trek show on Maximum Fun. There is no way they're happy about this, but we will be recapping every episode of Star Trek Discovery, all 15 of them, as they come out over the fall and winter. We hope you'll join us by going to maximumfund.org and looking for The Greatest Discovery or looking for it wherever you download podcasts. How about, okay, somebody with pink hair is pointing to somebody in front of them in the center.

Yes? You're standing up and waving with both hands? Yes. Yes. All right. No, this is good. You have to be very specific because literally every time the person's like, well, I am wearing a fuchsia jacket and I'm wearing a Jamiroquai top hat, but it may be somebody else with

a fuchsia. Hi. What's your name? Danny. Hi, Danny. Hi, Danny. So I need your guys' advice on how to convince my cousin that the patriarchy is real. Okay.

Yeah, because here's the thing, he believes in the gender binary, but he doesn't believe in gravity. You know, you probably don't write country songs, but you've got the start of a great one right there. Danny. Sorry, for the closest thing, I hope Justin ran on stage and then ran back off and I've burrowed into the ground like a mole. Fuck me.

Danny, may I offer a suggestion, a slight tweak on the wording of your question? Okay, yeah. Hi, brothers. I need advice on how to stop talking to my cousin. That's valid. That's valid. Thank you. Because at a certain point, convincing them's not the issue.

Yeah. If you want proof, can you just tell them to look at the replies to any woman's tweet on Twitter literally ever? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You need proof that the patriarchy exists. Let me show you movies. But gravity seems a good place to start.

We could probably start the work. I mean, that was... Did you see Wicked and was like, fuck yeah, let's defy gravity. How does he not believe in gravity? He's a flat earth or two and... You know what? If you had put that sentence earlier, it would have been surprising. Now it's like, oh yeah.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I get it. How do you believe in flat earth but not gravity? Are we glued to the ground? You have a finite number of minutes on this earth. Do not waste them on bad people anymore. This is my permission.

Thank you. Let them go. I know that's harsh. Shit. I know that's harsh. But listen, family is both given but also earned and this person's lost their religions to you. This is important.

This person is not ignorant. They are willfully choosing to not believe in things. To not believe in these two totally dare things. Because anybody who will look at you and go, it is easier to convince them that the earth is flat but it's hard to convince them that gravity exists. Yeah. It's not because someone hasn't tried. Yeah.

This is it. Yeah. You're doing this person. Congratulations though. That's a big milestone. Oh, thank you all the time you freed us. That's room for one more new person. That's great.

Anybody in the market for a cousin today? Let's see some hands. A lot of hands. Who wants a cousin? Hey, I see you. Yeah, a lot of potential cousins for you to choose from. Excellent. We're here on another episode of Cousin Swap.

Extreme cousin makeover. How was that? That was good. It felt brutal to me. Yeah, sorry about that. We just pruned your family tree. He deserves it, honestly. Here we go.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Justin, you're back from the room. You want to pick somebody? Okay. There's somebody who's kind of dancing in the middle. Yeah. Come on down.

We got to stop doing that every time. Hi. What's your name? Hi, brothers. My name is Chelsea. Hi, Chelsea. Oh, thank you. Island time.

I love it. So I'm a third grade teacher. Thank you. Thank you. And one of my students the other day was like, wow, when you smile, it's very creepy. Just quick note, it amazes me that that kid said that, and yet there are adults in this room like, how do I have a direct conversation with someone? Yeah, kids are fucking putting it on blast every single day.

Kids will say the shittiest things. Well, that's why I love them. They're amazing. So my question is, how do I convince them I'm not creepy? Oh, good. Yeah. That's a conversation any adult can have with it. No, no, I'm not creepy.

Yeah. Come back. Yeah. You got to put a ton of effort into it. That's for sure. Yeah. The harder you try to not be creepy, the more effective it will be. That's from my experience.

Have you tried, um, um, have you tried, wait? I don't think it's something. Hold on. There's some. Okay. It's been a long weekend. So something, something fidget spinners. Okay.

But, but you can't, the problem is you can't walk up to them like frizz. I don't know what sounds fidget spinners. Hey, what's up? That is where Ms. Frizzle got her name. You know, in the remake, by the way, what's up? Here's how fidget spinner work. Episode one. Um, you got to like, let the kid like, you're, they like walk in from recess and you're

fidget spinning like, oh, oops. Sorry. Yes. Yeah. It's important to not try. They've got to catch you fidget spinning and vaping. Hey, how cool is your school in vaping? So I need to get a vape.

That's what you're saying. You don't already have a vape. What are you doing? It's 2017. Or as the plane, the three of us. Holy shit. This is the funniest shit ever. The plane we're on today said, uh, uh, there's no smoking on this plane.

It includes e-cigarettes and personal vaporizers. Excuse. Are you a, are you a flight attendant or a cop? No marijuana cigarettes on this plane. Tell me very personal vaporizer does sound like a space age weapon. Yeah. Sure. Um, which you should not have on the airplane to be fair.

So yeah, fidget spin, but make it look like an accident. And don't smile while you're doing it. No. Yeah. So fidget spin very seriously. Yeah. I mean, if you're not, everybody should be taking their spinning extremely seriously. It's not a toy.

Uh, does that help? Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. I would like to propose an experiment. All right. All right. Let's propose an experiment.

Everybody. There's a gentleman. Yeah. Yes. You're sitting in the spotlight. Very excited. So you can do your question, but you have a minute. Well, no.

Come on. This is a bad experiment. You have as much time as you want. Hi. What's your name? Hi. I'm Bailey Olmsted. Hi.

Hi. So Bailey. Bailey. Okay. Like the alcohol. Got it. Um, so I go to school here. I go to Emerson College.

Cool. Shit. All right. A lot of college fans. And, uh, but I'm, I'm from New York. I like Cincinnati. That was, that was what I was expecting. What happened?

We're in Boston. I don't, I don't, I didn't know this. People in Boston don't like New York. Yeah. So that's, Hi. Wait. Hi.

I'm a, I am a child. Please don't boo me. Okay. Is it? Yeah. Don't boo Bailey. But is it because of baseball? Cause it's sad.

Come on gang. This is a better place. We're at a comedy advice podcast show. We don't care about baseball here. And we like, we like the reds. This is kind of my question. Like how do I, how do I be a little bit proud of the fact that I'm from New York in a town that I love in Boston?

And how do I make the two coexist that according to the audience are contradictory. Now Bailey, did you start to get a little disheartened about the chances you get a good answer to this when we just literally just discovered that this is an issue 30 seconds ago? No, no. I, I was a little worried when you're like, what do you mean Bailey? I think that that is the definition of pride. Because I think that if you are proud when everyone is okay with it, that's easy.

But to be proud while people are giving you a hard time is true pride. Oh, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. I am, I'm about to start crying in front of like 2000 people. You know the thing Bailey, this is everybody, I, I love it when people are from places where there's places like Morgantown and Huntington West Virginia, you don't get along because they play each other in the, I shit you not, Friends of Cold Bowl. And there's always, and when you get people from Morgantown in the Huntington, there's

always this like huntington sucks thing. Why can't you just be like, yes, I am from Morgantown. And also here is nice too. They're both in West Virginia and they've both been ravaged by the destruction of the coal industry. We have a lot here in the Northeast, you have a lot more that unites you than separates you. So I think you should be proud of where you're from.

It's got some pretty good things going for it. Not as many as Boston because I'm physically sure. It's a long cold walk back to the hotel. So I can't help you much there. Can you take a thing that's good about New York and a thing that's good about Boston and combine them and as I'm saying this, the only thing I'm thinking about now is pizza chowder. So all your friends were still like fucking up in arms about

inter-relevant baseball season where these two were in close contention here. And just say like, oh, that's too bad. You're still up in arms about that. And you reach into a hearty spoonful of cream and pepperoni. It would be something else. Pizza chowder is a fill-in metaphor for squashing this completely ridiculous East Coast, East Coast beef. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Bailey. All right. Let's do, we've done the center a lot. Let's do back left somewhere. Somebody's waving a hat, I think on the far end. Yeah, you've got your hat in the air and now you're standing up. No, they had the hat in the air. Yeah, you're pointing at yourself with two hands.

Nope. Okay, shit. Both of you point at yourself at the same time. Both of you come down. We're going to be just stumble. Come down. Where does it come down to? You come down simultaneously.

Yes. Okay. This will be fun. All right. We'll do you first and then we'll do you next. Hi. What's your name? Tim.

Hi. Canon's kiss. Thank you very much, Tim. Next up. Okay. No, hold on. No, I'm not. No.

Tim got what he needed. Come on down. No, you'll be good. I'm going to figure that. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Griffin, you look that up. I like your red socks, Josie. Hey, red socks.

Yeah. Hey, Tim. I'm looking at some, I'm looking at a date. Griffin's looking at a website. You may have heard of it. Hey, Tim. I'm on a, I'm gathering data points for you. Tim.

Top result. Are none's allowed to kiss? That is y'all who answers Timothy. Don't be proud of that. All right. Pastor Michael Kelly says not passionately on the lips, but certainly they can give a kiss on the cheek or a hug. Glad we can help, Tim.

Tim. I've sullied myself for you, Tim. Hello, Michael. I've sullied myself for you, Tim. Hello, new person. I'm going to wait. Hold on. Before you, person who had long hair on the balcony standing up,

I've never done a balcony one before. So start making your way down. Yeah, sure. We're going to give it a shot. Okay. What's your name? My name's James. James.

Hello, James. Hi. So I am studying for... Somebody stoked about James. Yes. Somebody, yes. Somebody's got James fever. So I'm studying for a PhD in physics.

And that is not typically the reaction I get. Can I hit you with a question? Yeah, yeah. Is gravity real? It's a theory, but it's pretty well-defined. All right. Is that it? Not for sure.

Whoa. Okay. Can I just say, James? That's way more hedging than I expected you to do. I thought we'd get one three-letter answer. Sorry. 100% for sure, you guys. All right.

Hold on. Wait, let me try some. Yeah, that's good. Oh, yeah. So what's up? So I was wondering how to introduce the fact that I study physics without having people grown or say that they hated their high school class. Might as it just, I'm getting my PhD in motion.

Ooh. That's good. Ooh. Oh. Just step back a little bit. Just step back one little bit. We're going to do both of you. Okay.

Perfect. Right there. Right there. Right there. Why did they have to step? James is not a bear. No. Careful.

Careful. No, they were in the spot. Well, they were in the spot. I just really want to focus on James, because James studies physics. He's not going to have a lot of opportunities for this level of attention. So I just want to make sure he gets his moment. James, next time somebody drops something or does something that physics is in, to be there, that could be anytime somebody moves or interacts with particles.

Sometimes something real physics happens. You could just be like, you know, the reason that happened was physics, and then give him like a little, just a little taste of something interesting, like a bonbon that you know. And then they'll be like hooked, you know, they'll be like, I wish you knew more about this. And you'll be like, good news. Physics is better PR because I was thinking that I can't think of a schoolhouse rock song about physics.

It was like, anytime anything happens when heat or energy is transferred between two things. Is that physics? Which one is it? See, I don't know. Because there wasn't a fucking schoolhouse rock song about it. Can you say you're getting a PhD in psychics, which is what I think the word physics is half the time that I see it written on a page.

It's super effective at the gym because it's good against fighting types. James, you're pandering to me specifically, but I appreciate it. Just say you're getting a PhD in Pokemon. People can even do it. I was asking. James, do we have a second alone? Uh-oh. Everybody stop listening for a second.

What's physics? Like, I know basically what it is, but like 95 fucking percent of you that just laugh, you're only kind of sure what it is. Super quick. Uh, yeah. So, if you want to look at the study of, uh... Rock, dude. We're going to have to come more correct than that.

Let's try one more game. James, what's physics? Make a schoolhouse rock sexy for me. No, I mean, just, you don't have to sing, but like, what's physics? So, our whole universe was formed in a hot, dense place and nearly... No, no, no, no. This is good. James is bad from the theater.

This is good at science. Move this van. All right. Thank you, James. Thank you, James. Don't press it on the left. You first. The person on the right.

Hello. Hi. Hi. What's your name? I'm Callie. Hi, Callie. Okay, so this is also another locational question. Okay.

Uh, I go to college here, but I'm from South Dakota. Okay. Oh, a lot of... Is there a South Dakota Boston beef that I don't know about? Okay, we're good here. And the thing is, is that nobody's met someone from South Dakota. You're the first for me, definitely. Oh, really?

I've never heard that before. Is Mount... I don't know. And all across this great nation of ours, except to South Dakota, is that the... Just between you and me. Oh, shit. This is going to suck so bad. Is that the Mount Rushmore one?

It is. Is that the first question you get anytime anybody says I'm from South Dakota? Is it the Mount Rushmore one? No, they say, are there people there? Oh. Take it from somebody from West Virginia. Or who's going to take care of the cows. All right.

All right. All right. This is a perfect grift opportunity... Okay. ...to convince them of something that exists in South Dakota. I have already convinced people that there are jackalopes, but like... What's another thing I should tell people that happens in South Dakota? Did we do a thing?

Did we have an episode like 100 years ago about a great fog wall that separated the Dakotas where there's some sort of... And nobody here in this audience of 1,000 people remembers it, so it must have not been a great bit. What's a fictional thing? Just tell people, yeah, that's where Dave Cooli is from. You're not going to fucking challenge you. No, I know he's Canadian.

And if so, you just stare at him until they leave. What if... When you say you're from South Dakota and they're like, oh, are there people there? You say, oh, you're thinking of West Dakota. The state nobody mentions. The star no one can remember. Can I ask you a question to help kind of frame this? What is South Dakota?

Other than Mount Rushmore, totally love it. Maybe this is a good opportunity for instead of you running a grift, you could educate our audience and the people who listen at home about stuff about South Dakota. When people talk shit about West Virginia, I'm like, home of soupy sales? Yeah, if you have any comments on like the infrastructure of South Dakota, other times people are fascinated when I complain about the coal industry taking over West Virginia. That's why our education is so bad. Did you like the voice of Chucky?

That's Huntington West Virginia's own Brad Doreff. Michael Servers, you say? All right, this is about it's South Dakota's time to shine. There is the Mitchell Corn Palace. Wait, hold on. No, I don't want to hear what Travis has to say. I want to hear what you have to say about the Mitchell Corn Palace. We're on the edge of our seats.

Every year, Maze is gathered throughout the Dakotas, I guess. There's two of them. I don't think you need to pluralize it. They do mean corn. Because they make murals out of corn around the corn palace, which is actually just the gym. Travis has a great question. I could still make that work for me. You underestimate how much Griffin loves corn.

Corn art? Yeah, corn art. All right, I'm one step closer in my journey to knowing things about South Dakota. I did not think corn art was going to be the first step in this long journey. Mitchell Public Schools mascot is the kernels. I could respect that for sure. But not like a military kernel. No, no, we got it.

Can I ask you, so there's corn on the outside of Mitchell's Corn Palace? Yes. What's on the inside? It's your municipal gym. Wait, Justin Schoak was very good, but your answer was also very good. So let's take turns. Travis, one more. One more again.

There's corn on the outside of Mitchell's Corn Palace. But what's on the inside? The cob. All right, now Travis, reset back to one. Reset and then I'll pick what I'm editing this. I'm going to pick whichever one was better. Okay. So there's corn on the outside of Mitchell's Corn Palace.

But what's on the inside? It's a municipal gym. That's better. It's way better. It's a better one. I say lots of dumb shit. Just start talking mad shit about Nebraska. You don't have to, don't build up South Dakota.

Tear down Nebraska. I already teared down North Dakota. No, no, no. They expect that. They expect that. You all got to team up. You got to unify to Super Dakota. The ultimate Dakota.

Well, Dakota fanning. Watch the throne. Two states have combined. To finally take down Dakota fanning. Does that help? It does. All right. Thank you.

And now you in the aisle. Oh wait, what are you doing? Oh, now we're taking a selfie. I'm 35 years old. I don't understand. And also I'm 36. Oh, there's a lie you don't understand. Hi, what's your name?

Hey, I'm Chloe. Hi, Chloe. Hi. So I work as an art conservator, which it's like an art doctor. Like if it's old and broke and in a museum, my job is to make it not that. Okay. Not in a museum? You steal it?

Yeah, I steal it. I'm an art. You cracked my art puzzle. So like, wait, can you, this is the fucking like episode where I just want to know everything and ask as well. I know. But we got plenty of time for this. It's like painting restoration or is it like you put like.

I do. I specialize in papers, like old books and. It's paper. What do you fucking, what do you do? It like gets moldy and shit. I don't know. You scraped it. Wait, you should, you need to know.

You should know it's your fight. It's your fucking job. The onus of expertise is not on us. Okay, listen. I mean, like it gets, it gets ripped. If it gets wet, you get those nasties. You tape it? I have eight.

No, we hate tape. Don't tape anything. Anyone ever. Yeah, I know. I just, can I start? What's the like weirdest thing that you use to fix boots? Oh, well, one of the weirdest things paintings conservators use is saliva. We're done.

Go on. Okay. Go on with your question. I'm so sorry. I asked about your trade. No, no, no. I need to know. They look like spit on it.

No, they get a cotton swab sort of like for your ears, but longer and bigger and you put in your mouth and use it to clean a painting. Sometimes. Not just cause they forgot to bring anything else with them. Or is it because they are fucking like narcissist pervs like now I'm part of the Mona Lisa. They fucking take their friends to the museum and they're like, you see that one star and starry night. It's about spit on it.

That's definitely the reason 100%. Hey, for a second go about two minutes ago, you talked some bad shit about tape. Is that a thing for you guys? Is that like, are y'all really, really angry at tape? I cannot tell you how many paper conservators I know that have mad beef about tape. I love this fucking world of ours. I know. It's a very good world.

So let's be clear. Tape. Boo. No boo. Spit on it. Yay. I mean, that's about the long and short of it, you know. Okay.

Can I ask you a bunch of questions about the realness of the movie national treasure? Okay. Okay. Okay. Still though, last summer I did intern in the labs of the National Archives where that shit was shot. And there's a part where like Nick Cage like burps onto the Declaration of Independence and a treasure map appears.

Is that how often do you find treasure maps? How often do you like burp onto a like a piece of paper? There's a treasure map. I would say like once a week. I knew it. I know y'all want to get to your questions. I want to know everything about your life. Stop being so fucking fascinating everybody.

Okay. All right. Old question. Sorry. So I fixed old art and shit. We got that. Yeah. But there's this one tool that we use when we want to make a nice sharp crease.

Not an old stuff for like making boxes or whatever it is called. A bone folder, right? Holy shit. Yeah. Oh wait. Oh wait. It gets better. So.

How? That's the best word. So it's made sometimes out of animal bones. Sometimes other stuff nowadays. Okay. Thank you. But. Get fucking the heebie jeebies up here.

It's September. I'm not supposed to get these Halloween spooks already. Go on. Yeah. They are all haunted. It's terrible. Okay. Haunted by a deer who's like don't.

Don't use your bravers. All right. Please. Please. Please. Please let her get your questions. Please just let me say my thing. So common parlance in the paper conservation world is when someone tells you to use your

bone folder to fold something, they'll tell you to bone down hard. Yeah. I'm just. I'm filled with gratitude. Thanks for listening to the last episode of my brother and my brother and me because I've recently realized my life's calling. Teach me your ways. It just goes to show what I've always said, which is paper conservators know how to fucking

party. Yeah. So. Rip that out. Make it your way. We haven't even gotten to the fucking question yet. If your question is how cool is my life? The answer is very.

Well, yes, it is. And I do not want people to stop doing this. I love it. My problem is when this happens at work and someone says, oh, you're going to really have to bone down hard on that one. I know what Justin's doing right now. Yeah, I do that. And then I think it doesn't like they've just been seeing it for so long that it doesn't

connect that it's like very dirty and funny and great. So I think they think I'm like, I'm not going to do that. That's a shitty idea. How do I not make my co-workers think I'm shitting all over their ideas when I laugh at this funny shit that they say? How long, quick brother poll, how long in your life would you have to casually use the phrase? A hundred thousand years. I don't know how long an eon is, but many of them.

Right. Because I'm pretty sure I could be a hundred and two and say I'm like, you're good. You're funny. You're classic. I could have been born with a bone folder in my hand, fucking a hundred and seventy years old. Johnny Boldfolder is going town to town folding bones, fucking, um, there's, this is, this is the, this is the Kobayashi Maru.

It's going to be funny forever. It's not going to, there's no words that we could say up here that will not make bone tail. Especially when someone says to you, you're going to have to bone down hard. I guess the only thing is you just need to start responding, don't I know it? Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.

I think that I'll really solve my problem. I don't think we solved it, but just thank you for this gift you've given all of us. Here tonight. I sense you up there. I knew, I knew. Let's do like one more, maybe. Yeah. Uh, let's see, let's see.

We need to pick one quick. There's a bunch. I picked the last like three apparently. How about, okay, you're pointing to somebody there. You've got your hand. Yeah. Stand on up and you're walking towards us. Here we go.

Yep. All the way over there. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it. Good luck following that one because holy shit. Do you work in an industry with like a really funny named tool? I'm sorry, just real quick, something just occurred to me.

There has to be someone who makes bone folders. Yeah. Okay. We can't, we got to be done with bone folders. We have to, hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Corey. Hi, Corey. All right.

So my old roommate, when he would take a shower, okay, instead of using a towel, he used a bone folder. Can you work? Sorry. Can you just like, I want to hear you and I want to work with you. I want to play in this space with you, Corey, but you're going to have to bone down hard. You're going to have to work like bone folder or something to just like keep this. I'm like riding a wave right now and right now you're my co-pilot and I have used a

bone folder. Have you really? I have. What? Are you shitting me? Nope. This is a good planet. But maybe you're the only two people who've used a bone folder, oh, wait, oh, I'd, show

of hand. Listen, I can't stress enough. I need sincere, serious answers. Don't raise your hand if it's a lie. Raise your hand if you've ever used a bone folder. That's a shit ton of hands. Did you bring one? Okay, sorry.

Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Corey, whatever you're going to say is going to be really important and we're so paying attention to it and definitely not thinking about how quickly we can go backstage in Amazon fucking one day delivery some bone folders. We're definitely not going to be thinking about whether or not we can get bone folders delivered to our hotel tonight before we have to fly home.

And we're definitely not seamless for bone folders. We don't know. We're definitely not thinking about if you can bring a bone folder on an airplane. What's, your roommate used to shower. That sounds, tell me more. After he would shower, instead of using a towel, he would use toilet paper. Good job, Corey. You did.

You pulled it back, my man. Good job. You threaded it. And one time he even went all the way into the kitchen and then used paper towels. And like, I know he has a towel. I've seen it, but he's never used it. So my question is, is he an alien trying to steal my organs or like, like, that's really very wasteful.

It's extremely wasteful. It's extremely wasteful. It's extremely wasteful. The towel's right there. But then you have to wash the towel. You don't got to wash no toilet paper. He just left the toilet paper out, like, damp. How many rolls, so is your roommate, right?

Yeah, old roommate. He used one and a half rolls a day. Never, never once bought any. Have you sent us a question before, because we definitely address TP sort of like, ride sharing. What's interesting, we get a lot of questions where the question revolves around like this person does something weird. And so very rarely does anyone entertain the idea of are they doing it on purpose to fuck

with me. And my guess is one time, first time, your roommate forgot to bring their towel in the bathroom and just dried off a toilet paper and it freaked you out so bad that they just kept doing it. Hey, hold up. Hey, hold up. How do you know they did this? Okay.

So, with the toilet paper, he would leave it hanging, like, on the shower. Shut up. No. Corey. And then, with the paper towels, he didn't know that I was home and I was sitting in the front room and I see him walk into the kitchen and just like, yeah. Was it at least like Downey like fucking triple ply, like, that quilted shit? Did your roommate ever display any like germaphobic?

I don't think so. I thought you were going to say serial killer tendons because the answer is, based on what I know of them, yes. You know, in England, they don't really use paper towels and they probably think it's pretty weird that we do. So maybe he's English. Wait, hold on. That's not how that works.

That makes sense. Because he came to America and he was like, these things fucking rule. Hey, let's just shift for everything. Let's maybe get too real here for a second. Why did you all stop living together? Because if it's not for this, what's worse? Well he also left food out and then we got a bunch of mice. That's bad.

I like the way you said that, though, because it makes it sound like you went and bought a bunch of mice. He left food out, period, and we got a bunch of mice. That's bad, but I've heard that one before. There's other things new to me and exciting. So what's the question? Yes, so is he an alien? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

So I got out with my life. Yes. Move on, Corey. Congratulations. You got an ET experience. How are you? One more. One more.

One more. Come on. Way in the back waving the tube. Way in the back. Yeah, you're pointing to them. Yeah, and then they're coming down the aisle right now. Yeah, come on down. All right.

And anyone who didn't get picked, you're probably going to be thinking about it later, yes, I don't love you as much as the people we face. No. That's not true. I love you all so much. Hi. What's your name? Hi, Emily.

Hi, Emily. Hi, Emily. I love your shirt. Thank you. Thank you. Love yours. Thanks. Got it in the circuit.

This is nice. Tell us some other stuff you like about us. Please don't. Except when she bought her shirt, I made 80 cents. Sorry, go ahead. Maybe she made your shirt. Did you make this shirt? Thank you so much.

Good design. So I'm a female security guard at a truck gate. I am basically the only female there, and I have to deal with a lot of truckers and stuff. What's a truck gate? Like a weighing facility? Yeah. It's where...

Can you get a little... Sorry. Can you get a little closer? I think... It's where vendors will bring the food for supermarkets and stuff. Okay. Okay. Got you.

Got you. Got you. And a lot of these truckers don't talk to women normally, but I'll check them in and out. And I write down their purchase order numbers, and they all think that I'm super enchanted by them because they don't see a lot of women. Whoa. Wait, hold on.

They exist on earth, though, right? What's that? They don't see to exist when they leave your truck gate, right? They see women... Other places. Somewhere, presumably. I don't... They don't act like they do.

Okay. They see me. So they see you, and they go... What? What? Kind of. Like, sometimes, like, if it's raining, they'll be like... Oh, man.

It's... You're sure... In rain. Like, oh... But, you know... Whoa! Fuck! Yeah!

Either way, some of them are really gross. Some of them... Yeah. Agreed. So, no, it's very upsetting. You know, it sounds like it. I'm saying with this tone, because if I said it with the tone I feel, that would be a down into the podcast.

But I'm saying it up here. I lied about having a husband once, and went, oh, my husband went like that, and the guy like leaned over and went, oh, I don't even care. So... Oh! Yes! But that's not even... Hey!

That is not my question. My question is... Hey, Jesus Christ! A real god who has saved me from that being your real question. They all tend to call me things like sweetheart, hun, babe. And it's... Gross. Yeah, it's real gross.

But I've recently started responding with, like, no problem sport, no problem champ, and... Wait, hi! Is your question, how awesome am I doing? Yeah, thanks. The answer is very awesome. Thank you. Can we...

Hey, can we come to you for advice? Yeah. My question is, what else can I use? Because I feel like I need... It happens so often. I feel like I need more than just champ and sport. Okay, but you... Okay, you have to understand that we would never have thought of something as good as

the thing you've already thought of. You could keep going like slugger, kiddo, tiger... Slugger, I like that entire thing. Dilweed, dipshit, fucker, fuck you, piece of shit. Boner. Bone... I feel like the boner wouldn't work. I feel like that would cause me a problem.

Bone folder. Bone folder. What? Don't worry. Can I... Hey, can I... I'll try no problem dad. Just see...

Just fucking see where it goes. No, wait, wait, wait. That might... Maybe... Popo? Popo? No problem, grandpa. Stop!

Prepare! I don't want to go down that avenue so bad. What if... Can I ask you a question? Can you run your security guard at the gate? Yes. Can you just... If they're like, yeah, thanks a lot, sweetie.

You're just like, oh, click. I'm outside. I'm outside with them. Do you have a gun? No, Jesus Travis. I do not have a gun. Travis, so ridiculous. Do you have a taser?

I don't. I have a big flashlight that's very heavy. Hit em. Yeah. No, you don't have to hit all of them. But if you hit one, work it around. Chuckers, love to talk. You know, I'd call their sweet.

She's not very sweet. She's not very sweet. I was wrong. I called her pumpkin. She is no pumpkin. I have thought she's a human being with a big flashlight. I thought she was a baby angel. And it turned out she's actually a human being with a very large flashlight.

You guys are never going to believe this. You guys never believe this. Do you remember? Do you remember that sugar dumpling? I thought she was a sugar dumpling. It turns out she's a person and she's very strong and surprisingly fast. She has a flashlight and she knows how to use it. Yeah.

She's like, yeah, please get the word out. Tell other truckers. And you know what? Listen, this is not wild other truckers, but if this sugar baby angel could turn out to be an actual living human being, we can't really run the risk that others could be too. What if they all have flashlights? What if they all have a very good flashlight? Hey, what if all women have flashlights?

What do we do then? What do we do then? We can't run that risk? Maybe we just play it safe and be cool. That's the big horn they have. So anyway, I guess our answer is flashlight, one of them, and I'm sorry for any repercussions that might hurt her. No, that's not what I'm really going to say.

I'm actually out of here. Thank you so much, folks. That is going to do it for us. Thank you to the Wilbur. Thank you to Paul and AEG and CAA and everybody who has come to get us here. Thank you, Boston. Thank you, Boston. It's an amazing city, and you're always so kind to us.

We really appreciate it. I think we've done more shows here than any other venue ever, and it's seriously the fucking best. I swear to God, I'm not just saying that. It's fucking great. Thank you all so, so much. Hopefully, we got to see some of you before the early show. I have a 4 AM flight, and so we're not going to be hanging out or anything after the show.

We got to meet a bunch of you beforehand, and thank you for being so... Everybody was very cool. You're all great. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Do you all want a final Yahoo answer? Oh, last thing I'll say, just in case you miss it on the way in, are there still posters? Paul?

Probably. There's probably still posters there specific to this tour, so you won't get a chance to buy them any time else if you want to grab them if you want to. We're literally going to throw them in a woodchipper. So please, don't make us carry posters home. Thanks to John Rodger for the long winters, for the use of the hymns on it. Well, well... Thank you to fucking the DJ Hero soundtrack for the song that we used to fix up Look Sharp,

Genesis Remix. Okay, so, finally, Yahoo was sent by the delivery man, Seth Carlson. Thank you, Seth. It's from Yahoo Answers user Andy, who asks, Are Lobsters Italian? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

It's been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Hey, this is Griffin McElroy. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. And we've got a new podcast on Maximum Fun called Wonderful. Wonderful. It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things

that you're excited about. Things like... Overalls. 24 Hours Suda Fed. The grand prize game. The fact that Wombats use their butts to kill predators. The soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy. The beach potion we call Bud Light Line.

All these things and more every Wednesday. And we'll also talk about things that you're excited about. You can find us on Maximum Fun.org or iTunes or wherever. I don't know, just search Wonderful. Google it. You'll probably get there.