My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 375: Massage Drone Switcheroo

Episode Date: October 9, 2017

Thank you all for joining us as Griffin makes a startling announcement about a decision he's made this fateful, aromatic day. He asks for your patience and your strength in these trying, nasty times. Suggested talking points: Stinkboy Press Conference, Rory's Bucket, Sexy Bean, Jimmy Buffettttt's Daiquiritown, A Deep Red Color, Rub Runner

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. Thank you all for joining us. I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. Griffin, you brought us here to, I mean...

I want to thank you all for joining me here. I want to thank the press. I want to thank my... We never used the press room here at my brother and my brother in the HQ. We've had one for years. This is our first proper press conference. I'm so glad that my family is supporting me through this difficult time as I make these trying announcements to you. And I ask for your patience. I ask for God. I ask for God's bliss and... You ask for God? Just like, give him to you? This is a press conference and I don't think there's so much of a back and forth at the press conference until we get the proper Q&A segment. I was going to say I'm pretty sure that's what a press conference is, but go on.

Well, okay. It's not so much a conversation. It's me talking about... Now, I need God's help on this one in my family. I love them and they love me and support me through this announcement that I have to make these trying times is that I have decided today. I think I'm just probably not going to end up taking... Have taken a shower. I think by the clock will roll over and it's going to be October 9th and on October 8th when I look back in my diary and I have the usual section in the diary, it says shower time. That won't exist. There won't be an entry for that. And it's a difficult decision that I made. And it's 7.30 central time right now while we're recording this. And I could ostensibly take one after the recording, but then a night shower just doesn't

make any sense in my life right now. And have there been times today where I could have taken a shower instead of playing Starter of the Valley? The answer to that is of course yes. But it's just... Are you ready to open it up to questions, please? I want to thank my family and God one more time because I think that's important because I'll need both their help to get through this one, I think. And it's not like I've been sitting around all day. I've been out in the hot sun. There's been a little bit of sweat. I did go to the farmer's market. I did go to an open house. There is an aroma, but it's just today's a stink boy day. No showers today for me. And thanks to God and family. Travis, I believe you had a question. We'll open up to you tonight.

I do have a question. First, I want to say thank you so much for having us. Well, thank you and God. And God and family. And I also want to say it feels weird to go first episode to 375 episodes and still talking about your showering habits. Or lack thereof. I hate to interrupt. Thank you. So here's my question. Do you normally shower every day? That's an excellent question, Travis. Yes, I do. I honor my body with the wet room, is what I call it sometimes, or the small wet room. And I'll get in there and lather up with my soaps and my oils. And I do try to get clean every single day,

Travis, because every day. Yeah, I think it's just a nice little bookend to either the morning or the afternoon, as the case may be. Probably not the evening, because it is evening time and I will not be taking a shower after the recording. But yeah, I do. I do typically try to keep my situation squeaky as the case may be. Thank you very much for your question and God. Anybody else? Uh, excuse me, can I have a question? Yeah, Justin McRoy, please. Are you reaching this decision just now, or did you have a moment where you were like, I should get in the shower and didn't? Did you cross a barrier at some point from which

there was no return? So there was a moment, yes. Rachel took the baby and they did go to target to shop for various sundries and I did stay home. And I had the thought in my mind, this would be a good opportunity for me to go get in the small wet room, uninterrupted by baby cries or any sort of other situation that may need. And so I made the decision in that moment that I was instead going to, I had a crop, a big crop of cranberries come in on Stardew Valley. And so I did decide that I'm just going to sort of plop right down on the couch. And I had the thought in my mind, this is a lie. But I had the thought in my mind is I'll harvest these cranberries, go sell them, maybe pop in the

mine for a second, give some gifts to my, you know, my beloveds, and then I'll go get in the shower. But then I saw the, the Honda drive back into the part, into the driveway. And I knew like that that was never going to be a part of the plan. And so I do want to apologize to my family and the Lord for that one. Cause I knew I'm getting some reports that when your wife did return in the Honda, the upon entering the house, she said, the stink is still here. Excuse me, this is my question. I'm reading this quote verbatim. This quote is from God. From your bride. And it says, the stink, the stink is still here. You swore you would not

be the stink man upon my return and yet here the stink lies surrounding you like a tapestry, lies and stink both drape you like a, it says here a dirty rug. Yeah. Not sure. That must be a little bit of illustrative sort of language. And it hurt, but it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, but I knew that the hurt was my own and that like I've caused it and I forced it to happen. I knew the moment she did walk in and her and the child, the baby both looked at the gym shorts I had been wearing all day and sort of looked upon them with disgust. And I knew in that moment that mistakes had been made. Mistakes have been made. We can't go out there and perform 100% every single time. Sometimes Stardew Valley just came out and I'm, want to get my cranberries going.

Another question. Sorry, Mr. McGregor. Sorry, over here, over here. Mr. McGregor, let's get the follow up from Justin and then we'll hop on over to Travis. Are you, at this point, are you able to play Stardew Valley without a guide? Because that kind of put me off when I was playing at the first time. Yeah, I know all the crop rotations and everything. Thank you. I know the profit ladders and the statistics and thank you very much. And it is because of that dedication to my craft that kept me from the wet room. Travis, go ahead with your question, please. Thank you very much. Travis McRae, Godtimes. Just a quick question. Are you worried that this breaking of your small wet room pattern will lead to

further not using the small wet room in the future? Well, and I'm so glad that you've asked this, Travis, because I'm looking at my calendar. Tomorrow is Columbus Day, which is traditionally stink boy holiday, where all the stink boys gather and celebrate not having taken a shower that day. Now, the thought of going two days in a row, I think I would need to consult a physician at that point because who knows what sort of bacterium have climbed up into me just because I have stayed out of the wet room that they hate so bad. But I don't love the way I feel right now. I will be completely honest. I don't love the way I feel. Follow up question to that point, sir. Then why not take a fucking shower? Sorry, I've been doing this press conference so

long that my tongue got real dry. It's the principle of the thing, and I don't ask you to understand or respect my decisions, but I do expect you to respect them. Okay. Family and God. Unrelated, this weekend I was at Disney World, and I saw an old man walking around without shoes or socks, and I just wanted you guys to know that. Okay, so I need you to, I need, why don't you come up here and we'll switch. Okay. All right, everybody, I think you all think I think family is Justin McRipe. I was at Epcot. I think I was near Norway, and I saw an old man walking around, and he didn't have shoes on or socks, and he didn't seem shameful, and he had a T-shirt on. I think it was a Big Dogs T-shirt and khaki shorts, and he had no socks or shoes at Disney World.

That's not what Walt wanted, and that's not what Mickey wants, and I'm pretty sure about that. Walt envisioned his experimental prototype City of Tomorrow. I don't think, or Epcot, I don't think that he envisioned old men walking around without shoes or socks. Now, sorry, Justin, Justin, quick question here from Griffin McRoy from Disney. Yeah, Griffin, go ahead. From Disney Adventures. Did you follow this gentleman just to make sure that he was removed from the park by a big burly security guard who was dressed up like Pete from the Goofiverse? Yeah, Pete came in and had comical handcuffs that were still very much real, and he was escorted into Spaceship Earth, where I assume he will be kept until his death. May I press

comments on this real quick? You don't have a question about the Disney or...? I don't. I repeat, he was an old man without socks or shoes walking around. Yeah, I can't believe you don't have anything for that, Travis. I'm saying it, no, it's just very... Well, okay, run it back. Okay, Travis McRoy, Goofy. Goofy. No favor, just Goofy. Travis gets the news, and he takes it back to Goofy, and he tells it to Goofy when on one, and he has to talk real slow. Is it possible that this old, shoeless man was some sort of new character or cast member that you weren't aware of? Are you up to date on all of your Disney movies? I have a three-year-old, so yes. Yes, I've seen all of them. I know all the movies now.

Okay, so now my thing. All right, Justin, get the fuck off this. Justin, get the fuck off the stage. Thank you. Hello, thank you very much. I'm Travis McRoy. Yeah, thank God, thank God, and thank your family. I want to thank God for giving me a ride here. I'm predicting he doesn't have anything. I think this is just because he wanted to press... No, no, no, I do. Justin didn't thank God and his family, so his didn't count. I have to apologize to everyone. It is with shame that I announce I took two showers today, and I'm worried that, cosmically, I took Griffin's away from him. It's entirely possible. It would explain my... Griffin McRoy's shower boy express. I was at a hotel this morning, and they didn't have hot water, but I needed to wash my hair,

so I just kind of stuck my head under. It was horrible, so when I got home to my real home, where there was hot water, I took a second shower, and even as I did it, I thought, wow, I'm enjoying this in a way that only Griffin McRoy normally enjoys his showers. And I, can I be honest, I luxuriated in it. I did shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, the trifecta that you only do when you know you've got time, and it was great. It was amazing. Go to McRoy's shower boy express. I'm just curious about how you plan on repaying this. To me, are we going to set up some sort of schedule where perhaps I get to take two showers one day, and you don't get to take any, or what's the sort of way to make this right with Griffin?

Thank you so much for asking. I would much rather do kind of an installment plan, reach of my showers for like two weeks is one minute shorter, and each of yours is one minute longer. Maybe you don't get to use soap in one. Right, exactly. Thank you. Rather than just skipping the whole thing. Thank you, and God. Thanks, God. So this is an advice show, and here's the first question. Recently, my husband and I bought our first house together. Congratulations. Soon after we bought our house, we met our next door neighbor whose name, we will say is Rory, because that's hard to say. Can I, all right, I'll just go with that. You can say Dennis if you want. I also just want to say I always love when people include these

fake names as though like saying his actual name Jerry would totally give him away. Well, I mean, fandoms are capable of literally anything, and you know I love our listeners, but anything's possible. As they got that shrimp heaven now kid, it got elected mayor of a city and he's not in any way capable of doing that. As we settled into our home, I began doing yard work and used a big orange bucket. Thank you for the aesthetic details. They really helped to paint a picture. A big orange bucket that I found in the home to take pulled weeds and throw in the brush in the backyard. After using this bucket a few times, I noticed that it has Rory or Dennis written across it. I didn't make the connection at first, so I continued to use it until I finally click.

What? You didn't make the connection at first. That's not a very difficult connection. That's a good easy connection, I feel like. It's not fucking Zodiac Killer, it's San Rory on it. Or Dennis, did the former homeowner steal this bucket? Am I stealing this bucket? Do I return it to the owner? Do I hide it behind his shed? Do I buy my own orange bucket and write my name across it and pretend that this nightmare never happened? Help! That's from the real Bucket Thief. Sounds like your conscience has already spoken, just based on the title that you've chosen for yourself there, that you know this is bucket crime and you are continuing to be party to it. You're not the perpetrator, but you are an accomplice, certainly. You are profiting from

the bucket theft. This is actually a really good question because you legally bought everything in the house. If they left it there, that's your property. You own it. I would assume a loaning scenario would happen because it would take... I would need a bucket pretty bad to talk to somebody. I would break it in my neighbor's home. Look at him over there using that beautiful orange bucket again. One of these days when he's not looking, it'll be mine. He could throw anything in there and carry it from place to place as minimal effort. I bet he could even put liquids in there. No way. Yeah, yeah.

I asked him, I said, Dennis, where'd you get that nice bucket? And he told me to fuck up. Can you believe that, Valerie? He told me to fuck up. So I'm putting together a team. I need someone who can do flips, someone who can lift things. A guy who has pencils. Valerie, you're going to seduce him and I don't listen. I know I've had you seduce a lot of neighbors for a lot of buckets, but this one's different. It's big and orange. This is one last job. After this one, we can retire. This is... I don't know my neighbors super well and I feel genuinely guilty about that

because on paper, I like the idea of knowing all my neighbors and getting together for backyard barbecues and bocce ball and what have you. And this seems like a good opportunity to go talk to your neighbor. You know what I mean? I would never just go ring the doorbell and invite them to dinner, although I'm sure they would be into that because of my considerable anxiety. But if I had a reason to go talk to them, I think you should jump at it. I think everybody could do better to know their neighbors a little bit better and this seems like a chance to do that and have a reason for it. I bought a house recently and we have a big

bay window in the living room and there's this older gentleman who lives in the house across the street and he likes to spend his time on nice days just sitting on a chair on his lawn. And so I like to stand in front of my bay window and look at him and saying, old man, look at my life. And I laugh really hard every time I do it. But you don't go talk to him and see if he needs anything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are... I should advise you Travis, you're in a window right now where you... please don't be like me in every house I've ever owned. Please learn your neighbors' names now and

write them down somewhere because you won't need them frequently enough to remember them and you are definitely going to get to a window where it would be weird to ask them their name. Like you're hurtling towards that window from the day you buy the house. Are you ready? That lady that comes over... my across the street neighbor that comes over to use my phone sometimes. I... she told me her name once the first time she borrowed the phone and I didn't know it's going to be a repeated thing so I didn't remember it. And now look at me.

We actually play with fire one step deeper where Teresa and I within the walls of our own home refer to anyone who lives around us as neighborino. So I was like, did you see what neighborino was doing over there? Oh, what was neighborino doing? And one of these days I will talk to that person and I will call him neighborino to their face because I'm a monster who can't control themselves. Neighborino's fun. Yeah, that sounds like you're on some planned or shit.

I don't even... I don't even have... I have... there's an old... every day I drive the daycare, drop my son off, not every day, like four days a week. And when I drive back, it always times out that I drive by an old man who lives near me. He's always chomping an unlit cigar, he's walking his dog, passing the same street every time we are kindred spirits. We are always in the same place, don't know nothing about him, except he likes to walk his dog in that street and chew an unlit cigar.

I'm going to call him Jack from now on because he looks like a Jack. I... so having just bought a house, this is the first permanent residence like house we've ever bought. And it's amazing how your psychology changes. I took my dog out into the backyard to use the restroom. Her, not me. And I will often use the small wet room and then put pajama pants back on. And so like I was wearing some Muppets pajama pants that Mary Smirrell got me.

They're great. And I made eye contact with my neighbor who was like fully dressed because it was 2.30 in the afternoon. And he was dressed like, you know, a person, an adult. And I realized like, oh, I can't just move now. I own this place. I'm trapped here forever. And to you, I'll always be that 12 year old adult who lives next door.

Yeah, be careful. And that, that dookie is going to stay there and you own that house. And you got to do something about it. If it's a rental or a lease, you can leave. And then in a year or so won't be your problem. Didn't think about that, I bet. You talking about dog dookie? I cleaned it up.

So Hey, girlfriend, girlfriend of Yahoo. Yeah, I got one for you. It's sent in by a Zooey or Zoey Porter. Thank you. It's from Yahoo Answers user. What? I'll go do a rado.

Oh, this is br.answers.yahoo.com. Okay. It's, it's yeah. All right. It's something. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry, something's gone wrong.

Ask this question. I'm going to call him. Raquel asks, Do you think that Mr. Bean is sexy? I read this and at first I thought maybe it's one of those dang trolls. Maybe we got a real ogre in the mix, a real shrek situation on our hands.

But then I pondered it and I don't know where to land on. The last thing I want to do is objectify Mr. Bean or actor Rowan Atkinson who plays Mr. Bean. But it's, it's, it's an interesting sort of subject to tackle because is Mr., is Mr. Bean sexy? Is I guess the core sort of question I'm struggling with. Is successful and success can be sexy, right? Probably one of the best known British characters of all time.

Funny. A lot of people think that the humor can be sexy or sexual. Makes you really horny when you laugh at it. And prudence and a good problem solver. And I think there's a lot of qualities about Mr. Bean that is sexy and makes you horny if you really want to joke down it. Were there ever any racier Mr. Bean bit? I'm not, listen, I'm not trying to get blue.

I'm not saying like a sexy. I'm glad you asked that Travis because there was the one in the swimming pool where he gets really scared up on the diving board and crawls down for him. But he's wearing a very tight fitting sort of pair of trunks or bathing suit where you can see I guess a little bit of his butt. And probably if you look really hard on the 4k blue rays, a little bit of penile shape. Or is it called the Mr. Bean?

Yeah. Yeah. Was there, because I think there could have been a lot of humor. I just see a lot of like situations ripe for humor. Like Mr. Bean shaves his balls. Right, that's funny. Right in itself. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Thank you Justin, yes. You did say Mr. Bean, so we are going to have to take a quick break. Very flexible friend. I have to save my balls, Mr. Wayne. If you'll excuse me. That's not what Bain even sounded like. That was Sean Connery kind of a maybe.

That's the only way I can do Bain. Is to do kind of Bain Connery. His take on Bain. I want to just hop into the comments here and just pick some of those apart. Rimos Jr. 107 says, in his own way, lol. And I like that to anybody.

He is confident, I think, in the way that he does his stuff and confidence is... Well, here's... Let me tell you what's messed up about this question, Griffin, that I've just realized psychologically. The only reason someone asks this question is, A, they believe he is sexy

and are looking for confirmation. Or B, someone has told them that Mr. Bain is sexy and they disagree. But in either case, a human being has stated or felt that he is sexy answering the question. This isn't a question you think like, I don't and no one I know does,

but maybe the internet thinks otherwise. You only ask this if you want confirmation. And beauty's in the eye of the holder, especially when you're looking at Bain. I want to dive down into this one from user Freebird, who says, when he, i.e. Rowan Atkinson, is dressed as Blackadder, Elizabethan version,

and that leather doublet and that beard. And then they say, not F, like apostrophe A-L-F, like maybe you're saying it with a bit of an affectation, but I'm glad that apostrophe is there. Or else this person would have said, not Alph.

It's not Alph. He didn't play Alph. He's not Alph. He isn't Alph. Not Alph. Just to be clear. Now you're not talking about Alphar. Now, I guess in what we need to dive into next,

and we still have the Mr. Bain question on the table, but if Alph is sexy or not. Well, this is how you build like a logical threat. If we can establish that Alph is sexy, I think that will prove that Mr. Bain is sexy. I know it's hard to... Via the transitive property. Yes, exactly.

Thank you. A equals B, C equals Alph. Is Mr. Bain... Justin, you've been sort of quiet on the subject. I'll tell you what Alph is really good at. Nope. Oh, God. I was going to make a joke about eating cats,

and I think you can see where I was going, but I'm not going to say... Travis, you can park the car outside, but everyone knows you drove there. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry, friendo. That's the best metaphor I've ever heard for that kind of...

Thank you, Justin. Rules are rules. Here's another question. Justin's moving on before he wants to weigh in on the comedy. I'll just say it. I think, yeah, he's pretty sexy. Okay. I think, yeah, strong silent type, et cetera, et cetera.

In the last city I lived, there is what I and many others believe to be an authentic, bona fide Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. After visiting, I never got the hype. Okay. Until I saw a photo from an actual Margaritaville, thanks, Justin, and realized that ours isn't the real thing. Instead, it's just this fancy seaside bar and grill

that has stolen the good name Margaritaville... Oh, my God. ...for their own uses. Everyone I've talked to believes that this place is the real deal straight from the J-Man himself. What do I do? How do I expose this establishment for their blatant fraud and that's from confused in paradise?

Okay, so... Hmm. The fact that there were eight T's in Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville should have been the first hip-hop. Because that's not the real Jimmy Buffett. It was Jimmy Buffett's... ...dackery town. Here's the thing.

Don't you think if you looked at him and played and said, this is a Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, right? And they responded, Well... What? That's hard to say. What is a Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, really? I...

That's a weird... Listen, I don't think James is particularly lotigious, but I think that he does try to keep the Margaritaville thing pretty close to the vest. What with the chain of restaurants and the rum Yeah, it's all like he's walking around everyone drinking a Margaritaville and he's like, No, it's facts in our hand.

That's mine. You got to pay me $5. But I do think in this one case, you're probably right, Justin. In this one case, if you call it Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, you just can't. That's James's. James wrote that for himself and he shared it with us, but not in this way.

This is a... I'll tell you what, though. I do have to call into question your determination here because, like, you didn't... This is probably the... I assume the biggest platform in which you will share this information and you withheld a lot of crucial details that I would need to decide.

That we could use to completely put them on fucking blast. Yeah, right. They would be... They would be currently being annihilated right now. I would help them in a non-existence. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Please don't do that.

But, like... No, don't do that at all. We aren't lawyers. We aren't experts. And I also don't want the burden of costing a number of people their jobs on my conscience. No, obviously not. So, like...

But you don't have to close it. Just call it something else. Yeah. Do call it something else. Jimmy Buffett, would you care for a margarita, sir? I think, Trev, I'm not... I'm, again, no legal expert. I think calling your restaurant Jimmy Buffett's fucking anything.

Yeah, it's probably just going to get you a little bit harder. Can I hit you with a possible name? Tony Keith's, I love this pub and restaurant. He's not using that anymore, I see. What's that? He's not using that anymore. He might even just give it to you. Well, that's it.

Now, who is Tony Keith, though? It's the real question. Mmm. Uh... Uh... McBottles. What about a McBottles? Mc...

Hi, welcome to Burger King. It's... Welcome to Burger's King. It's the new good restaurant, still flame-boiled. You're going to love these good burgers. You can have it whichever way. Have it whichever way you'd like it to be today. Our king isn't creepy.

McBottles, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it. Ba-ba-ba-ba-doo. Hmm? Okay. Cindy's. Cindy's. Our hamburger patties are octagons.

It's weird, right? It's weird. We say welcome to the octagon when you come in. This is... Welcome to R.C.'s. Open it up. Opening up a restaurant is the most, like, risky thing you can do in the business world, right?

Like, what's the... Like, nine out of every ten, like, flop in the first year or so, like... Well, you have to think that your only goal when you open a restaurant is you have to think in your head, like, you know how up till now people have not known where to get food? Well, now. Yeah. Yeah, let me step in.

Why run the risk of, in addition to, like, the pressures of the free food market, open yourself up to a cease and desist from the historically chill island man, Jimmy Buffett. Oh, shit. It doesn't... It does not make sense to me. Unless. Unless. Yes.

This place was open first. Jimmy was a big fan. Oh, shit. My great-great-grandfather James T. Buffett loves margaritas and villages. And he combined those loves into Jimmy Buffett's margaritas. And this no-talent hack comes in and says, hello, my name is Dennis La Jolla. And I'm going to take it all. Now, there's also a possibility that it's a fair use parody.

And we should always keep that in mind, too. That's an option. I think just keep... If Jimmy's ever in town, just slide him a card. Just walk up to him. This won't be a problem. Just walk up to him, slide him a note and just with an address. Or if you can meet him in a parking garage, that would actually be great, too, if you

could arrange that. But not... Maybe it's totally legal to open up a bar based on any song title. And then it's... Because it's public domain is what that is. And I took one sort of law class in college. And it was mostly fair use law. But I think if you called a bar, you ought to know or...

You ought to know would be the worst name for a restaurant ever. Because it kind of implies you ought to know what's in here. You ought to know what our food is. I think if you open up a restaurant and you call it Despacito featuring Daddy Yankee, then you're totally in the clear. But you have to put Daddy Yankee in quotes because it is a person's actual name. Now that is a restaurant I would go to, Despacito featuring Daddy Yankee. And you have to say it like that because of the quotes.

Not a lot of people know this, but if you ever look at copyright documents, it actually just says we would really appreciate it if you didn't. But there's no legal ramifications to breaking copyright. It's just kind of like, hey, it would be really cool if you didn't make a movie called Mad Max. We'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't. It's trademarked, so please don't, please. But if you do, there's nothing we can do about it. Let's take a break right now and travel over to the Money Zone to earn our...

Money. We're going to talk about stuff and get money from it. Great, because that's a craft. Our first sponsor is MeUndies. And we told you all about their underwear and it's extremely good underwear and everybody should have it. But if underwear is not your thing, we are excited to announce that MeUndies socks are finally here. MeUndies socks are spun from premium materials. They're dedicated to making the most comfortable pair of underwear and now socks you will ever own.

I got a couple pairs of these socks and they are... They fit real nice. They feel real nice. They got a nice grip on them and they have a sort of covert hemline. A lot of people will look and be like, are you wearing socks? You're like, no, they're just barely there MeUndies. So comfortable, so fashionable, so stylish. Have you guys ever thought about the fact that socks are like the donut holes of underpants?

Whoa, that's deep. Because you put your foot through the leg hole to put them on, right? And the sock stays on your foot and the rest goes up around your thing. So like if you sewed the sock to the leg hole, you'd close it up. Well, that would not be very comfortable. No, but this is what I'm saying. It is the donut hole of underpants. I've thought about it for the past 12 seconds and decided what you just said was garbo nonsense.

You know what? Here's the thing though, Griffin. You're going to be lying awake in your own face. No, won't. Yes, I will. That part will be true. Yes, okay. And then it's going to hit you if like, oh, that makes total sense.

Because if the sock was sewn to the bottom of the underpants, I'd try to pull the underpants on, but I couldn't get past my feet. But if I pulled hard enough, but if I pulled hard enough, the underpants would come with it. Sock would stay on my foot. Boom. Sock, underpants, separated. Might be garbo nonsense. I'll think about it though.

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I should also say, along with socks, they've also just started doing bralettes. You know, super comfy bras. And I was also there looking, they do hoodies too. Did you know that? What? Yeah. Let me get one of those hoodies, meundies. Yeah.

Especially if you head into the fall. I'm going to check that shit out. I still haven't gotten any of those sleep pants. I need to get those lounge pants. Got to get those lounge pants. They are life changing. Who wants to tell us about our next sponsor? I do.

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Sorry. 100 snacks. That's still a lot of snacks. Still a lot of snacks. I shouldn't have gone there. They have 10 snacks. No way. They have no snacks.

No way. Hold on. Hold on. Can this be right? Is this right? They've added 100 new snacks? No. Hold on.

I've got us in an email to check that. No, it says it. Yeah. Just got confirmed. 100. They just responded. They seem a little stressed out going from no product at all to 100 times that. All snacks.

Not how that math works. No. Come on. You know what I mean, though. You don't have to get fucking pedantic about it. Simple ingredients. No artificial colors, flavors, and sweeteners, so you can feel good about what you're eating, like salt and pepper, little loops, or big island pineapple.

I know we always talk about the same ones. You know, it's good to fruit star. I got a new Jammy Jam. They just sent me a box and it had a pumpkin spice chocolate chip biscotti in it. You know, I'm dunking those in my coffee with the hazelnut creamer all morning long. Good stuff. Whoa, that sounds good. I just got a French toast kettle corn.

Love that. Love that. Yeah. If you want to try this and you should go to naturebox.com, you choose the snacks you want, and naturebox will deliver them right to your door. If you ever try one you don't like, impossible, naturebox will replace it for free. And right now, naturebox is offering our listeners 50% off your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash my brother.

That's naturebox.com slash my brother for 50% off your first order. Go, experience the nature box. I got a new tagline. Okay, sorry. Feel the crunch. Ooh, I like that. Not all these snacks are crunchy though. Leave them out long enough.

Okay. Think inside the box. Have we done that one before? No. Please read this Jumbotron. Okay, I got a Jumbotron, and here's the thing. This is the first time anyone's ever do it, and I'm going to tell you right now, folks. It's the last time.

I'm only going to allow this one message to slip past us, and it goes a little something like this. This message is for Courtney Hall and Lin-Manuel Miranda. And it's from Vicky, aka Internet Magpie. Thank you, Courtney, for all of the joy your writing on Pajiba brings to my life. Thank you, Lin, for all of the joy and feels and car crying. Thank you both for unknowingly joining forces to introduce me to MBNBAM. Great job to all.

Vicky, you're great. I appreciate that message a lot. Vicky, this is a very good message, and I like this idea of just like, dear Edgar Wright, just saw a baby driver. He's a good flick. He made some good flicks. Man, I like it. I don't know if you listen or not, but keep it going.

Actually, that's going to be my rule from now on. The only way you can do this from now on is to write to people who we know for sure does not listen to my brother and brother. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. We have to 100% know that that person not only doesn't listen, but has never heard the name McElroy before. For sure.

Actually, yeah, ad sales are, they're about to go back on sale. Ooh. The Jumbotrons are going to go out. I'm looking right now to try to get this. Hold on one second. I just got it. I'll read the next one. This is Jumbotron number two from Ryan 2.0 Brown from Mark Beve.

Ryan 2.0. Note the same Ryan who sent you a shirt from his dojo, which increased your headbutting power. Thank you. Oh, did you get that? Cause I also got one. Maybe it was a different dojo shirt. I got a different dojo shirt, but it did make me headbutt way better.

Like increase my headbutt strength by like 100. You have been one of my closest friends. I've been there for the birth of both your children. You're a great human and a wonderful father. If you doubt it, the brothers have now said it, so it's an irrefutable fact. I'm glad to call you brother, Mark. That's, that's also lovely. That's a very sincere and nice.

It's a primo message. Thank you, Mark, for sharing that and for giving Ryan, hopefully a good message. We don't know if Ryan listens, but I hope so. Well, Stop podcasting yourself. We don't even know anymore. Find it on maximumfund.org or wherever you download your podcasts. Justin, you got that details?

Uh, Jumbotrons for Mac, MB and BAM, the zonecast, wonderful pod and greatest generation, 2018 Jumbotrons go on sale to PM Easter standard time. Or is it? Yeah, but Easter standard time at that point. Easter standard time on November 1st. Cool. They sell out extremely quickly. So if you want to get a message on the show, make sure you're ready.

We also do them on Shmanners, by the way. So if you want to do personal. Yeah. On any of our podcasts on MaxFun. Just hop on. That's not actually accurate. We don't do them on Sumbons. Gotcha.

Sucka. Sorry. I don't know why. They're really talked about it. How do you want to talk about it now? Cause you sound really, you sound super. I probably need to talk about it with Sydney. You sound PO'd.

No, we just don't. Well, now the energy is weird cause you sound super PO'd, dude. I'm not super. Do you want to do a press conference about it? This always has helped us in the past. Oh, oh God. This has become a defense mechanism, Justin. I want a deflect.

One, two, one. Squad. What a burger. The name of the restaurant. Can't make you laugh. What a burger. Up until now, everyone has known what a burger as the place at the Dallas airport where I saw Cardinals.

That's in a race. That's in a race. What a burger thing. But there's a new thing in town. What a burger is launching. The tree is a burger with creamy chili sauce. This press release, I like because a lot of times in these press releases, people are trying too hard.

And I feel like in this one, they didn't try very much at all. And maybe they were just sort of writing it word by word, not really knowing what the next word would be. Teresa, a type of ground sausage that derives its bold taste profile and deep red color from a fresh blend of spices is already a staple in many places and gaining in popularity. So already, what a burger is on the defensive. They're saying Teresa is actually good. So calm down.

We're late to this category. But trust us, lots of other people do it. I also really liked the first of that sentence. Sounds straight off Wikipedia. Here's what it, but then the second half of the sentence kind of peters out like a kid who like copied and paste it and like, well, I can't just leave that. I have to add something to it. And also I really liked the book and also characters were good.

The dog represented industrial revolution. The sizzling chorizo gives the burger a bold taste while a blend of fire roasted poblano peppers, red peppers and onions give it a fresh bite. What a burger combined these two ingredients with the new creamy chili sauce, two slices of Monterey Jack cheese and two fresh all beef patties for a unique burger with the perfect balance of spice. So those two paragraphs are already in it, right? And then they go into Rich's office and they're like, Rich, help me.

I wrote two paragraphs and I don't fucking know what else to say. We can't just send out two paragraphs and Rich is like, no problem. I've got it. Quote, Mexican style chorizo makes this burger unique with his deep red color. We're still very hung up on the deep red color of chorizo. That's very important. With its deep red color, fresh blend of spices and bold flavorful profile says Rich, the what a burger vice president of marketing and innovation, the flavors on this burger

blend nicely for a balance. But savory taste, we think our customers will really enjoy it. Now I want to take two things I need to break off here. He clarifies that it's savory. Okay. You're not Cinnabon. There's not a question in my mind of what the flavor profile is going to be on this burger.

You do not need to clarify for me that it is a savory taste. And then he says, we think our customers will really enjoy it, which I really appreciate the humility because he kind of very easily said no, but no. He said, think, listen, we took our breast guests and here's what we know. There's a bold red color on this. Spices and it's a fresh blend and a bite and there's spices and a deep red color. And we're out of ideas over here at what a burger. So if you listen, other people are doing it, just trust us about this.

If you have anything, if you have any new ideas, please let us know. We are just hard to, I love that in like that statement, there's so many different like so many synonyms for blend and spices. The mix of flavors is great. The blend of spices is great. The morass of taste stations. It's wonderful. You're going to love that.

It's just everything that you do be like, we put a bunch of like fucking flavors in it. Is that okay? Do you, you're going to eat it? You won't even know if you like it. There's just so much flavor and then you'll be done. Please enjoy it. We hope we, we think you will. The chorizo burger is only available for a limited time and then in a parenthetical,

it says no exact dates to share. So they're really just taking. Whenever the, whenever the chorizo runs out. Yeah. Whenever I stop liking it, you can tell us we'll take it away. We bought 50 pounds of chorizo from somebody that promises people like it. We're just going to see what happens. Our sister's kid has invested in chorizo.

He's promised us you'll really like it. I, these motherfuckers have, I kid you not a bullet pointed list that I will spare you, but a bullet pointed list of everything that is on the burger and it covers exactly. They, they didn't impose and then they wanted to break it down into like the real nitty gritty of exactly what's on this motherfucker and that is available for a limited time. They're also doing a spiced up chorizo sausage. What a burger late night and breakfast with the, uh, uh, and then there's a tequito. I just slice of American cheese in it, which does seem strange.

Not how the tequito was intended, but okay. I just like, I would eat one of these. I think it sounds good. I'm a fan of chorizo, but I will say this blend of lots of meat and spicy sauce and spicy cheese. Like they may as well get like fucking Oscar de la Hoya to come in and duct tape this to a boxing glove and just punch it directly into my stomach. Cause it will be, that will essentially be the result of this event. Just get like Chuck Liddell to come in and duct tape it to his foot and just kick it right into like my fucking ribs.

Cause that'll basically be about where I'm at. I'm sorry. They have a list. There's four things in the tequito. There's a soft flour tortilla, scrambled eggs, chorizo. There's a colon and it says fresh blend of spices, sizzling, bold, flavorful, deep red color. You get this, right? It's red.

Fucking red. One slice of American cheese. Listen, the trees, it's just deep red. It's so beautiful and none of us can bring ourselves to taste it. But here's what we know about it just from observing it. Deep red color and there seems to be a lot of fucking spices in there. Yeah. I'm going to eat one of these.

I'm going to eat one of these tomorrow. Yeah. Which means I'll talk to you guys on Thursday. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, please. This one's sent by Hannah Troxel. Thank you, Hannah. It's a yahoo answers user.

Amen. A-Y-M-E-N. Amen asks, if I want to make a spa, what will really put it over the top? And how can I beat other competitors? One more time? If I want to make a spa, what will really put it over the top? And how can I beat other competitors? You go to the spa, maybe you're getting a rub or oils applied to you or some sort of exfoliating treatment or maybe you're in a mud situation for a while.

That's all standard operating procedure. This person wants to take their spa over the top and beat the shit out of their competitors and Travis has that. I've stalled for long enough. Go, Travis. I've got it. Thank you. Every other spa, right? Every other spa.

Thank you. Pampers. Yeah. Pampers here, right? They treat you like a little baby who needs a good rub down. Oh, you need a baby on a rub. Right? Not this spa.

This spa is fucking hardcore. You got people yelling at you like you massage rocks. Yeah. They like, you have to like slide down, I don't know, like sandpaper to take fully your skin. It's a really, it is not a relaxing experience at all. When you said this spa rocks, I wish you had stopped because that painted such a beautiful picture in my mind of Travis McElroy's rock and roll spa, which is a great name for a business. So much better than Tony Kiesel of this public restaurant. That I think we could have a lot of fun with it.

Like maybe we just have like a lot of, you know, heavy shredding taking place in the background while people assail you with sandpaper and rolling pins. But in a way that still feels good at the end of the day, but you're also listening to Pantera. Here's what we're going to call it. We're going to call it Dick's Last Spa and Resort. And it's going to be, that's very good. By the way, take a moment to let it sink in because it's like really good. And that's all that I had for that. Great, great.

Because Dick's Last Spa and Resort, do you understand that? Yeah, it's good. I have another one. I have another idea here. This is my idea. Take a laugh, take a laugh, Justin. Anyone who's ever been to a spa knows that there's always a moment where they like leave you alone in a room or like set something down in front of you. And you have a moment where like, what am I supposed to do?

But you're afraid to ask. But then after that comes a nice relaxing experience. But what if the whole spa was just built to confuse you into relaxation? Okay. Okay. And so like you walk into a room, they hand you a plunger and say, I'll be back when you're ready and leave. And the room is completely empty, right? And you're just left to figure out and they never come back.

You walk in, there's a table there and the room is dark and they say, okay, so any trouble areas? Oh, your neck and shoulders. Okay, you work at the desk. You seem tense. All right. So go ahead and lay down. We'll get started. Go ahead and undress to my level of comfort.

Good luck. Goodbye. And then you walk into a walk-in closet and say, dress more to your level of comfort and then leave. And you're like, is that two more jackets? Where am I at with this? If we really are looking to improve the spa process, I wish they would just say get, take off all of the clothes and get on the table. Get it out. Dress to your level of comfort is a very kind way of saying like, ooh, you gonna do naked?

Okay. I got a massage when I was like 22 and they said that and left the room and I was like, I honestly had not even thought about that part of the equation and huge anxiety. And so I just thought like, does that mean underwear? It probably means underwear. It didn't mean underwear at all. I guessed wrong. I made an incorrect guess.

I think we have found an easy way to improve your spa is just directly clarified. You should be a like multiple posted signage. Exactly how much you should undress. This is the correct level of part of each spa. Like if you move into this room and you haven't redressed from the last room, bad, bad job, robe, you're fine. That's fine. This is robe comfort here. Wait outside your competitors and as people leave, offer them a massage.

And if they let you, then just start loudly announced like, hey, this guy just left this spa and he's letting me massage. He must not have done a very good job because I wouldn't want that. So you stand outside. El Haji try to relax some more. And if you can, then they must not have been relaxed. Must not have been very good. Must not have been a very good massage. I got a massage about a month ago.

It's feeling extremely stressed out. I thought I'm going to treat myself. I went in. I literally slept through the whole fucking thing. Like, is that level of pressure good? Yeah, it's good. Gone. Out.

Done. For an out. And so like, I think that a good sort of new process would just be if they see you. I'd snore. So I, they definitely knew maybe a little pinch, a little courtesy pinch, right, right in the, you know, the armpit fat. Just get in there and just say like, hey, sorry, you were snoring. And I don't want you to miss a thing because you paid a lot of money for this and it's supposed to be nice. I have a tendency.

If anyone ever asked me like a question about how much pressure I could take, I am a monster and we'll say 10 when that's not true. And so like, I got this massage at the moment was like one to 10. And I was like, 10. And it was, it hurts so bad. It hurts so much. But if you say something, it'll drop down to three. I couldn't say it. I couldn't say it.

And it was always like, just as I was about to say like, no, you know what? No, uncle, uncle, you win. Like she wouldn't move to another spot. And so it was just like, by the end of that, like half hour or whatever, 60 minutes, it was, I was just, I was, my whole body was a knot. I walked out of there like a fucking pretzel because I was so, I was so stressed out from my massage because I was too terrible a person to say like, oh, you know, actually let's go to like the six. Like, which I say now to you. Yeah. And it's like the most normal thing.

Speaking of anxiety, I got a couples massage with my wife one time years ago before we had children. And when we arrived for a massage, there was a male masseuse and a woman masseuse. And we were asked in the moment to sort of pick who we wanted to do a quick draft and the fucking calculations that I had to go. The Kobayashi Maru of that situation. It's impossible. There's nothing. There's no option for me there. I like, I'll rub myself and you both rub her.

I think is where I ended up. To be clear, where you're saying that because like, you don't want to come off as homophobic. But you also. I don't want to come off as homophobic, but I also don't want to come off as like, oh, hello. Yeah. Absolutely. And I don't want to come off as like, there's just no right answer, I guess is what I'm saying. There's no way.

You should have decided this ahead of time. To look at a person and say, I would like to pay you to touch me. It's one thing if I walk into a room and they're the only other person there. Massage therapy is a legit, very good, very helpful thing. Absolutely. It's a very good contribution to society. It's, it's. I understand what you're saying.

In what I'm saying is. It's a challenge. If I walk into a room and there's one other person there, I know where we stand. But if I walk into a room and pick someone from a lineup. Yeah. That person knows I picked them over somebody else and that feels weird to me. And also the other person is like, so not me. All right.

Cool. Okay. Super good at this. What we're touching on is that it's a very intimate thing. I think in the massage is, is it? I think because it's, it's another person rubbing you all over and it shouldn't be sexualized. And I'm not saying I'm not introducing sexuality into it whatsoever. So it's a very intimate thing.

And this decision should not be in my hands. It should just be the situation that I find myself in. Yeah. I'm perfectly happy. Either way, I just don't want to have to make the choice. Perfect spot over the top better than competitors. You don't make that call. You show up.

The massage is $1,000. And but you don't get to pick and they tell you just get nude and they pinch you if you fall asleep. And then also they say, go ahead and get dressed to naked and lie down and it'll be totally great. And you lie down and you feel hands on your back, perfect amount of pressure every time. And you're like, whoa. And you sort of get the inkling that this was not the person that walked me into the room.

And you feel sort of somebody get leaning down close to you and then you hear, let me sail, let me sail, let the orinoco flow. And it is Inya. They just have Inya to do it. And you get the live performance right there. It's not coming through. It's not coming through any sort of loudspeaker situation. It's really her and it's only time and it's right there.

And that's why it's $1,000. Okay. All right. Here's an same thing. Pinch the dress signs, but the massage is $100,000. Oh God. And when you walk in, the first thing you do is they take a snip of your hair and that's three months before.

And then when you walk in, you lay down on the table and you feel hands are strong, but familiar and you look up, it's you. They've cloned you and just give you into a sort of massage drone. The year is 2178. Yeah. And they've cloned you. And you start to say like, I'm tense over and they're like, I know. I know.

I was tense there too three months ago. I remember. Now that is going, I mean, go ahead and say, this is a great premise for a sci-fi novel, but at the end of that session, you do have to murder them with your own hands because there can't be two of you walking around. There's going to be a, there's going to be a lot. There's going to be a lot of pivots is what I was going to say. So it's going to be, oh well, no, I am Justin and I, I am Justin and I paid $100,000 for

the massage. I'm going to go listen to the most beautiful classical music composition. Okay. So you're the drone then, right? Okay. I'm not going to go listen to the most beautiful Chopin piece. I will go listen to Jimmy Buffett is his name and I love him in all of his songs. Jimmy Buffett, I love music.

I love Jimmy Buffett. You're, so you're the drone then. And where's Justin's body? Ah, shoot. We got another one. So you're just going to drive, you're just going to drive yourself home? Yes. I have eaten the keys and I am prepared to operate a motor vehicle.

I'm prepared to interface with the Tacoma. All right. So you're the drone. Oh, all right. I understand. Somebody call the, somebody call in the fucking rub runner cause we got ourselves another one. Nice. Um, I think the most relaxing thing you could do in a massage is like the person that comes

in and like they ask you how much and you're like, hmm, it's perfectly rude. It's fine. It's fine. Then during the massage you lean down and you say, it's $100,000. And you feel him tense up and the 30 seconds later you say, but I'm going to give you a discount. It's going to be 20 bucks. That would be the most relaxing moment of my life to suddenly find out.

Yeah. Right. Like I can't afford that. I can't afford that. I'm walking on sunshine. It's not just that you say it's $100,000 and you instantly see where all the knots are when their body tenses up. That's where you care.

Very good. And it's in you telling you. So like that's, that's, it's, it's not the worst way to find out that you are now completely financially destitute. Folks, that is going to do it for us this week. Thank you so much. I hope we didn't stigmatize massage in any way. I can't stress enough.

I love it. And I'm not, I, I wasn't trying to say it's weird and sexual. I'm saying is wonderful. I just don't like, I'd never liked being the captain of a, of a team in, in sports either to like say like you, but not you, but you, I don't like doing it. It's an, it's an intimate thing. I think when you struggle with anxiety and just like talking to somebody, then it's, this introduces a few sort of things that are a little bit challenging to, to get, get,

to deal with, but it's good. It's good. If you have any fun stories in your massage therapist or we got anything wrong or you just want to share, I would love to start checking out a massage therapy more regularly because I think it's fascinating. I wanted to say we are going to be doing a, we added a show in Chicago. It's going to be Thursday, November 16th at 7pm at the Chicago theater. We don't currently have a link to it on our tour page, but Travis is going to do that,

that before you hear this. I will do it before this comes out. Yeah, before this comes out. So you can go to macroryshows.com for slash tours and there are plenty of good seats available for that one. So we would love it if you would come out and hang with us because that will be a fun show. I think it's our first one of the, the tour.

So we're going to be all fresh, all fresh and ready for you. But there's great seats available and all the tickets are 35 bucks. So come on out. And if you already bought tickets to see us on the next day, buy them again. The show is completely different. Come on out. You've given people enough of a chance at this point to buy tickets. I think if you want to come, we would love to, to have you there.

So come on out and see us. We would love to see you. I just want to say I had a great time in New York, Comic-Con this past weekend. If I had to see you. Great. If I didn't, I'm sorry. Maybe next time. But I also want to say I had a great time hanging out with the folks that I'll be hanging out

with at the Jonathan Colton cruise this year. And if you've never been, like I've never been, I think you should maybe check it out and consider coming. You can find out all the details jococruise.com, j-o-c-o-cruise.com. They were telling me about it this weekend and like I'm super psyched. I hope you all can come. Hang out on a boat for a week and like thick and party. Don't ever just say that like that again.

Thick and party, jococruise.com. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song as a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's a very good album. Go ahead and get it ready for winter because it's a good little winter album and a good fall. And you know what? It's a good summer and spring album also.

And big thanks to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. You can go to maximumfun.org and check out all the great podcasts there. Shows like Lady to Lady, Judge John Hodgman, The Greatest Generation. There's a new one called Heat Rocks. Heat Rocks. That's really cool if you want, especially if you're something like me who's old and doesn't find out about new music anymore because you're old and you don't encounter it. Heat Rocks is a really fun show where Oliver Wang and Morgan Rhodes have a guest on and

just have them tell them what their Heat Rock is, just their jam. And then they talk about that jam and play lots of other tunes and it's really cool. So check that one out. Also a quick plug for my in-laws starting a new podcast called Still Waiting for Guffman about community theater is a very good name for a podcast. And you can find it on iTunes wherever fine podcasts are sold. And if you like community theater, I think you're going to think it's really cute and fun and cute and fun.

So check it totally out. And also you can go to macaroyshows.com and check out all of our shit. Do y'all want that? That final? Yeah. The final y'all who was sent in by the delivery man Seth Carlson. Thank you Seth. It's y'all who answers user.

Yeah, it's me who asks, how do I join the Japanese mafia also known as the jacuzza? My name is Justin Macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy. That made me so happy. I couldn't even laugh. This has been my favorite part. I mean you kissed your dad before on the list. I now just only want to talk about a hot tub mafia, please.

Too late. Start the show over. Too late. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I love it.

Good stuff. Oh man, every time. Well, I hope that you're enjoying this podcast you're listening to as much as we are pretending to. But anyway, why not listen to another podcast too? It's called The Flop House. And on our podcast, we have recently watched a movie, often a bad movie, and we review it on our podcast, but mainly talk about other stuff and I don't know, hang out.

It's all about hanging out, feeling like you're being with your best friends. Who are your best friends? Us three. Dan McCoy, Emmy award-winning writer for The Daily Show. Stuart Wellington, owner of the best bar in Brooklyn, Hinterlands, and Elliott Kalen. Former Emmy-winning head writer for The Daily Show with John Stuart. Former head writer of Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Return. So many things.

Author of The Upcoming Children's Books. All right, that's enough. The Elliott's credits just go on and on. Yeah, but if you like the idea of listening to three funny guys talk about bad movies, then why not come over and listen to The Flop House? It's available at maximumfund.org or wherever fine podcasts are found. So get out of here.