My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 376: Face 2 Face: Shrimp, Heaven, Live!

Episode Date: October 16, 2017

Here's our star-studded live show from the gorgeous King's Theater in Brooklyn, NY! We still cannot believe they allowed us to do a show there. It was irresponsible, is what it was.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby?

What's up, baby? What's up? What's up, baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby?

What's up, baby? What's up, baby? What's up, baby? Shrimp Heaven way Shrimp Heaven way Shrimp Heaven way Shrimp Heaven now

Shrimp Heaven now Oh shrimp heaven, shrimp heaven now If I sing will you sing with me? Shrimp heaven when? Shrimp heaven now Shrimp heaven, shrimp heaven now Are you ready motherfuckers? Shrimp heaven when?

Shrimp heaven now Shrimp heaven, shrimp heaven It's familiar, but not too familiar But not too not familiar It's a new craze Shrimp heaven now Shrimp heaven now Shrimp heaven now

Shrimp heaven now Shrimp heaven now Who was that guy? I gotta watch security, everyone. That's the Phantom of the King's Theater. One more time for our friend Lynn, if you don't mind. Keep an eye on that guy. Hey, by the way, Lynn, you're so welcome for your big break.

So glad we could provide that left. Hello and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle as brother, Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. I just want to start things off.

I want to say thank you to Paul, who gave us this terrible ticking clock to our deaths. That's right in front of me. The Chilean miners who emerged so many years ago. We've returned here. How long before that reference just becomes self-referential instead of actually referencing? When people say like the Chilean miners and you're like,

you mean my brother and my brother and me, guys? Listen, I have spent my entire life wondering what 300,000 horny people look like. There's 300,000 people. 3,000 horny people. Hey, y'all sound like 300,000 people. Brooklyn, best fans in the world. Best friends in the world.

Fledges and shit. Every time I come to Brooklyn, I say it always sounds like there's one person's 300. I did the math bad. Never mind. That's so bad. We got to stop pre-drinking. I say it every time.

Enduring drinking and post-drinking. We're old. Wow, there's, I mean, we had some fun there, but there's a fucking lot of people. Here's a nice thing though, statistically, some of you will enjoy the show. Yeah. The more people are here, the better chance they have

that someone walks out going, you know, that was pretty good. We got to touch on, like, every fetish we can think of. So they're walking out like, you know, I didn't enjoy most of it. The fuck stuff though. Chef's kiss. That one part where they talking about the stuff on the butt? Love it.

Love it. So we've been, we found the butt fan. So we've been together now for a couple of days, and this is a horrible transition from talking about the butt fan. But I, I, we're all, you know, hot young dads, hot young daddies, and I love, I love being around you all in your element, because I get to see, like, how y'all are dad now. And I was wondering if we could start the show out of Travis.

You could tell me about the little anecdote that you shared with me shortly, a few moments ago. About your, your father of the year sort of moment. Go to the trap. He's about to say a sentence, and I'm so excited for it. I mean, are you like me, that you've been spending the last 30 seconds envisioning exactly how he's going to phrase it? It's like, it's like cellar door.

It's like the most phonetically pleasing sentence imaginable. He's going to say it, and I'm excited because the crowd's going to just explode. I should preface this. Say, if you, if you, listen, if you, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You have to say the sentence. There's nine words, Travis, that you have to say. I dropped a fidget spinner on my baby's head. There it is.

It went down real good. I know. Let me preface this. I have impulse control problems. So my baby was taking a nap. Yeah. It gets better, right? I looked at my wife and said, wouldn't it be funny?

If I spun this so that it spun upon her forehead. Hey, how long you been in the fidget spinning game? Cause that's a pro level maneuver. Not long, Griffin. Apparently not. Not long. And let me be clear. At that moment, my brain unchecked went, yeah.

And so spun it. And I kind of jokingly waved it over my daughter's head. At which point it spun off my fingers. And bonked my sleeping daughter in the face. And she woke up. And I shoved her back to sleep saying, forget. I'll never recover from this. It's a pretty sad comment on the state of affairs though,

that when Travis told us his anecdote, my and Griffin first reaction was, well, there's the intro. And his loss is our gain. Listen, I wish I could say I'm just doing my best, but I'm clearly not. That wasn't. No. And I also should be clear, and this is, I can't,

I can't stress this enough. I did not buy this fidget spinner. It's really important to me that you all know that. I feel like most fidget spinners should say on, have printed on them. Not for sale. I didn't buy this. This was a gift.

It was in a bag that was given to me at an event. And I said, well, this is my end. Finally, the fidget spinner lifestyle I've been looking for. Hey, real quick. Better drop this on my kids. Real quick question. Anybody in here have a fidget spinner with them right now? Wait, please.

Just a show of hands. I'm just trying to get an idea. Are they still happening? Just get the spinners up in the air. I'm curious if spinners are still hot. Oh God, I feel a breeze coming from the audience. It's so nice. So if you've never listened,

anybody never listened to our show before? Okay. Okay, how weird was that song about shrimp? We take your questions and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom. We're very smart and good at things. And this is how we help. They dropped the fidget spinner. It's not that bad.

There's some things we're okay at. I should actually just leave the stage now. Let's get in it. What is the etiquette for telling someone that they were in your dream last night? Is it ever acceptable? Is it ever not awkward? What if it was a particularly rad dream where you fought zombies together? Does that make it okay?

It's from Dreaming Duo in Ohio and New York. Are you here? All right. Can I just say at live shows, whenever we ask that question, are you here? There's always this weird half a beat where I think they're not here, and then someone says, woo, and I think they're lying. Like, they waited to see if someone else responded first.

Yeah, they're playing an extended game of werewolf. Like, oh, I'm here. Yeah, I've been here the whole time, for sure. I was the here one that was here. There is no way you can tell me, in a sentence, I had this dream about you last night where we were fighting zombies, where I'm not going to be looking for the gap in that sentence, where you edited out, and then we did it in the dream.

The problem really comes from, like, every time you say to someone, you were in my dream last night, they immediately become 13 years old, and they, like, start 13-year-old giggling like, was I any good? And it's like, that's the problem. That's the problem. Like, let's just break that down.

That's the equivalent of saying, hey, I was talking about you yesterday, and I'm like, about boning me? I may be alone in this. I don't think I am. I'm pretty sure everybody else is in the same boat. But whenever I hear someone start a vignette with, so I had this dream last night, my initial, my immediate reaction is, oh, good,

I had some other stuff I had to think about. Let me go ahead and fire that up real quick. To be fair, you can pretty much respond to any dream sentence with, really? Wow. Great. How many, how many clouds? I feel the same way about, I have this idea for a movie,

and I'm like, ah, great, what was it that I had to get at Costco today? That explains so much. Yeah, the both of those were subtly targeted at Travis. He's got a lot of pitches. Some of them were good. And you'll never know. Because I don't pay attention to them. How about a yahoo?

I just say, I now have this ticking down, letting me know how long we've spent on some bits. And it's like, that was a two minute bit. Oh, no. Thank you. Save me for myself. You're welcome. It'll be my burden.

This one was sent in by Morgan Davy. Keep it wavy, Morgan Davy. Morgan Davy, are you here? Nope. It's by Yahoo. I don't know where anyone lives. Yahoo answers, anonymous Yahoo answers, and I'm going to call him Kevin,

asks, look, some Kevin's in the crowd tonight. What's up, my Kevin? Oh, I'm feeling, I'm feeling these Kevin's. Uh, okay. Kevin asks, can I eat a meatball sub while sick? I have a stuffy nose, a sore throat, and I threw up around midnight, but, but I feel better today.

Can I eat it? The next two sentences are so good. I want it so bad. My dad made them, by the way, it's not from Subway or anything. I, okay, I will say Kevin's defense, the traditional Kevin's defense. Every time I am sick,

there's something in my brain that goes, you know what you want? And it's like the word, like you want a hamburger, right? And I was like, I don't. I can't. That's all I create. Like my body's like, let's,

let's really flush this out. The way, the way you think about eating when you are sick is so whack, because it's like, oh, I've got a cold. That means I can only eat dry Cheerios. And it's like, probably not. I want dry waffles. That's all I ever want. Toast up some waffles.

I think that's a nature versus nurture thing where like if you're 10 and your parents are like, oh, you're sick. Here's some toast and Sprite. You're like, that's sick food. All right. Here we go. I want to talk about it.

Flat Sprite is the thing we do love. What do you love? I would lose my fucking gourd. If I went into a restaurant, I saw someone eating toast and flat Sprite. What if you went to a doctor and the doctor was like, hmm, I see. Let me prescribe.

Let me prescribe. This is going to sound a little weird. Hang with me. A meatball sub. It's got all the vitamins you need. Homemade meatball sub. Homemade. Don't go to Subway.

Don't go to Subway or something. I feel like a quiz nose. I'm a doctor. I do have to say, this is some not great data. Yeah. I was about to say, I've only been a dad nine months. Yeah. And like, my Henry right now has an ear infection.

My initial instinct was not, oh, that's too bad. I'm going to make some meatball subway sandwiches. Meatball sub is a meal to take some prep. Yeah. You got to go buy that shit. You don't just have meatball sub fixings. I've never thought, oh, my sweet boy is ill. I'm going to make a crock pot based meal.

Instead, I just leave town for five days. Hey, I want to apologize because earlier, Travis made it sound like Kevin's dad was never prepared for things. And it may be that Kevin's dad shops ahead of time, or maybe every Tuesday's Meatball Sub Tuesday. He just hasn't read it. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Meatball Sub Tuesday waits for no man. Kevin, can you imagine if it's Monday and you start feeling bad and like, just snorting lines of emergency like, I can't. It's tomorrow. Not today, Jesus. Kevin's dad is sitting bedside like, you're missing out too bad. I can't break the chain. More for me.

I'm going to eat yours. Save it for tomorrow. I wish I could, Kevin. It's not tomorrow. It's Wednesday. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Sadly, Wednesday is dry cereal and flat spray. You missed it by that much.

Griffin, I didn't want you to miss out on your lifelong dream. Okay. I wanted to, I wanted to do something really quick. Hold on. It's working. Yeah. Wonderwall. All right.

Everyone get ready to sing Wonderwall. Absolute silence. He's not starting to look quiet. Should I figure your friends out and get the tube quick? Shit. Start over. Start again. Sounds like hot, hot, hot.

They fucking stole that melody. It's a long song. It's an original composition. Can I say my favorite thing about that? The theme from Rugrats. He held his hand like a creature where this was the head. I was very scared. I think it was like...

So different. Ooh, there's different voices. This one's called sneaky. That was from Rugrats nights. Where it got a little racy. I gotta say, I haven't talked much in the last two minutes and I'd really like to work Griffin piano segments into every show. It would only be the Rugrats theme song.

Hey, everybody. Thanks for coming out tonight. I'm going to play a little tune you may learn. Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam. Do we have the... Can someone reach out to Klasky Supo to see if we can use that? Oh, no. Oh, no.

This might never make it to air for legal reasons. Ask Mark Mothersball. This is genuine. I've killed the momentum of the live show. I love socks. I have almost 50. The end. No, not in.

Thank you. Socks. What do I do? I have almost 50 pairs and I'm even subscribed to a monthly sock delivery service. Oh, nice. My friend, you should stop. Do they sponsor us? I'm assuming they would use the brand name.

Unfortunately, I usually wear long pants in the colder seasons and no one can see my great foot mittens. I don't care for that. Don't care for that. That's not happening in case anybody's curious whether or not that's happening. Foot mittens is not happening. How can I show off my neat socks while still looking cool? That's from Super Socks, a supporter in Central Jersey.

Are you here? Right. Can I get verbal confirmation via woo that sock mittens is not happening? You're going to let it go. No, it's happening. Okay. It's happening. Sorry.

They're sticking with it. The sock's on the outside. Okay. Of the pants? You took the pants. Of the shoe. You just jumped right to it. It's not, okay.

It's not the socks you're wearing. It's the socks you're displaying. Okay. So you have two pairs of socks on one protecting your foot. It is a one-off sock experience. Okay. It is a bespoke sock experience. Sandals in option.

No. No. I just wanted to pitch that hypothetical. The problem with cool socks is that they're only cool if they are discovered like an ancient treasure. And you have to react to it. Like, oh, oh, yeah. I forgot I was wearing my hilarious seabone socks. You can't be like, yes.

If someone's like, oh, are those puppy dogs on your socks? Yes. Well, you shouldn't really respond to anything like that, Travis. I'm not sure that observation is specific. Unless the question is, are you the murderer? Yeah. Right. Did you bring the silver dagger?

Yes. Yes. Is that a, that's a direct quarrel reference? Probably. These motherfuckers have been talking about Poirot for literally every fucking conversation. I'm in the middle of blue train. Be cool, everyone. Don't spoil Mr. The Blue Train, everybody.

I skipped the big four because Justin tells me I don't have to. Travis said, I propose nothing. Can I skip the big four? It's this all weekend. Like, all weekend. Griffin was in the room and Travis said, can I skip the big four? I'm on the blue train. And Griffin's like, what the fuck are you talking?

Are you having an aphasia? What are you talking about? I have a yahoo here. I'm very excited about it. We're not done. We're not done talking about fucking socks. Don't move away from Poirot. You don't want to talk about socks.

You just want to talk about Poirot more. Well, yeah. I'll talk about the, okay. Did we address the viability of socks over shoes? Because I think people are going to see that and think, that's a fucking rebel right there. Right now, people love their shoes, right? You clean, you got those beautiful white vans. You clean them when someone scuffs your vans, right?

What the fuck are you talking about? This is more incomprehensible than the Poirot chat. I'm talking about damn Daniel, didn't damn Daniel... You're talking about 2017, you can't talk about damn Daniel. Damn Daniel turned 85 and he died. You can't talk about fucking damn Daniel, September 2017. I like that Travis stepped on the thing I was saying to get in his great thing and then looked at me like I'm going to cut the noose down.

No, no, no, dog, you're going to dangle. You're going to dangle while I watch. I had a joke in my head where the punchline was going to be Patch Adams and you fucking killed me. You ruined it. And I'm going to watch you dangle. Can you make your Patch Adams joke and pull me out? No, because it wasn't a joke.

Like 90% of what he said. No, it wasn't a joke. Then what were you going to say? It wasn't a joke. Hey, did you guys see that super sad? It wasn't a joke. It was something I was going to say with increasing levels of volume and then say it like it was a joke and people would laugh at it.

Our formula, our whole pattern. Classic. How about this Yahoo that was said in a totally fucking shit? That's weird, right? Because you're putting a thing on your foot. This Yahoo was sent in by Seth Carlson. Thank you, Seth. This Yahoo answers user Florin asks,

Florin? Can feeding take place via smell? On a very small scale, of course. I'm thinking about the sinuses and mucos membranes. I feel like the end? Yeah. Yeah, end of question. I'm thinking about them.

I feel like the vibe of this show got very confrontational and I like in the interest of science, if we could just ran it back a little bit. Let's all get on the same team and say that and make fun of this person for their bad questions. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. We just talked about not being confrontational and you just told me to hold on five times.

But I said it, I thought I said it in a pleasant, off mic, I thought I said it in a pleasant way. Yeah, it was good. I was pleased to buy it. Okay. Because here's the thing, like, you smell and you taste very close together. Yeah, those holes are right next door.

Right there. They are face neighbors. It is connected. Let me get you with this. You get a big bowl of soup, big hearty bowl of soup. That's what I was thinking about. And you smell it and it smells great because you got it from Panera Bread.

We got any Panera Bread fans here tonight? That's nothing. We don't have to do that every time we reference a brand of any kind. The steam is coming up off the soup and it's getting in your nose. What's the steam made out of, if not the soup? Like, everybody, the reason you didn't laugh very hard

is that great joke. Yeah. You're thinking about it now, aren't you? Right? You're thinking about it. The steam is coming up off the soup and you're smelling it. It smells like the soup

and that's because there's soup in the steam. Because that's the thing, you might say, like, oh, steam is just water vapor. Okay, cool. Why does it smell like soup? The smell comes from. Yeah, that's weird. Thanks, Neil deGrasse.

I said, nice try. Because here's the thing. Imagine this. You put some soup on a burner, right? Okay. You leave it there for too long. It dries out. So some soup lit away.

How? Where'd it go? I guess it was in the fucking smell, right? But now this ruins it because now I get my big hearty Panera soup and I set it down at the table and crack the lid open. The steam comes up.

Oh, my soup's getting away. Yeah. Soup escaped. Sid, can you get nutrients through smell? Can you get nutrients through smell? Can you eat with smell? Can you eat with smell? She says no.

Sid, play with us. Sid, play in the space, Sid. Oh, shit. What if you could get nutrients through smell and every time you sneeze, you were losing nutrients in your body? Whoa. Hold on.

Wait. You suggested that every time you sneeze, you're letting smell out of your body. Yeah. Have you ever tried to smell a sneeze? I haven't. No, I guess not. It smells terrible.

Smells like soup. Yeah, I had it. Well, here's the thing, Griffin. It was in a hurry. You breathe it in through your nose. Yeah. Where does it go? And that smell?

It's, holy shit. You're right. What else is in this game of your nose? Yes. Excuse us. This is the brother moment. This is for you. This is for us.

And you breathe in through your nose, right? Yeah. All right. This hasn't been entertaining at all, but I've learned a lot about smelling. On the magic screw bus. I shaved my head several months ago. No, you didn't.

It's the next question. I shaved my head several months ago, and while I'm loving the hashtag bald girl life, it's come with a unique problem. Every once in a while, an intrepid stranger on the street, the kindest adjective you could use, by the way. I read it as a question.

Yeah. On the street, will approach me and start rubbing my head with absolutely exactly. Thank you. In their defense, it's very fuzzy and inviting head. Don't defend.

Don't you dare. Attack them. In their attack, fuck off. Yeah. Yeah. Am I wrong in thinking this is completely unacceptable? No. What should I do when a total stranger

tries to pet me like some kind of weird dog? And that's from Rosie, the razor in New York City. Yeah. Is that you? Rosie, are you here? No, no. Are you here?

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Here's the thing. Can you let me ask you a question? Okay. If you had not shaved your head, and another human being on this planet

approached you like this. Like a fucking invasion of the body snatchers. Yeah. Would that be okay? Crap, absolutely not. It's heinous and it's awful. And I think the only thing you can do is rub their head back, but like, but fucking, but fucking hard.

Like, here's the thing. If a stranger walks up to you and rubs your head, you could punch them in the face. And then if the cops are called, and it's like, what happened, that other person always has to start that story with, well, I approached another human being and started touching them.

So I was rubbing this person's head and then, like, there's no, the story's over. You're already in handcuffs going to jail. Do you know Taekwondo? If I might suggest. Justin, show us a move you might use against the potential. What do you want me to say?

Travis is good. Hold on, wait, wait, wait. Set it up. Travis will play the hair person. I'll be bad touch. Travis is bad touch and Justin, you will play the part of the touchy. Well, but hopefully you will not be touch ed.

So here we go. Yeah, I'll play by play it. Stand over there a little bit and we'll see you both. All right, here we go. So Justin, what is he doing? Set the scene. Let's do like a, hey everybody,

let's take the audience. What's a fun thing for Justin to be doing? Painting. Vaping. Justin, you're vaping. So Justin's just vaping. And he doesn't have the hair and Travis is looking at him vaping

and he's coming at him real. Hey Travis, Travis, hey Travis, three quarters for me. I can't see. Here we go. Open up a little bit. Travis is going and then Justin chops the hand away with a fist.

Okay, no, no, no, no, stop. Hold on, go back. You're telling me, now I'm rooting for this guy because you're telling me that you tried to grab and your hand got punched away once and you were like, okay, that's one. Oh no, no, we're having a fight. All right, so let's try again.

Justin's hit punch, punch. And now my brother's. Now Justin and Travis are fighting. Okay, I'm just saying when you hit my arm it hurt really bad. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've never used Taekwondo like that before. That was an inappropriate usage.

It's part of my oath that I will never misuse Taekwondo. You're out of the dojo. It's not a dojo. Good try though. Big it. I'm sorry I punched you in the tummy. It's a, it doesn't matter.

I swore on my oath that I would never misuse Taekwondo. And I feel like. Justin's going to be off for the rest of the show because he knows that he's broken his safer bond. I feel like I might have misused Taekwondo. But you didn't because look at how many people you made happy. Okay.

Y'all promise never to tell Master Cruck at Tri State Taekwondo that I misuse Taekwondo. But tell me did a great job because my tendons hurt really bad. I didn't mean to hit you. I'm really sorry. I wanted to look good for the stage. Here.

Do you want some ice or something? No, I've got beer. Okay. How about a yahoo? Yeah. This, this yahoo was sent in to me by probably 50 people. Thank you 50 people.

It's from yahoo answers user Lewis who asks, anyone know a way to take hot sauce to school without bringing the whole bottle? Is this what, is this what Beyonce was talking about? And she says she has hot sauce in her bag just some loose, some loose chalula just flowing around in there going hither and yawn. You could hoop it.

You could what? What? You could hoop it? It's when you... Say it. You could put a bunch of hot sauce in a condom and put it up your butt. Let's have it, let's...

I'm not proud of knowing. No, nobody's proud. The risk reward of this for hot sauce is buck wire. Like I hate, I hate bland bologna as much as the next guy for sure, but I'm not sure it's worth like anal torture. How did he die? Well, he was rubbing this woman's head and then the condom of hot sauce in his butt exploded.

He got punched in the tummy and... She punched him in the butt and the hot sauce exploded. Anyway, I guess law and order was out of ideas so this is our series finale. Everyone, get out of here, Ice Cube. I'm Dick Wolf and I've been set free. You're free, Dick. I used my last wish to set you free, Dick Wolf.

We did an episode where they talked about a condom full of hot sauce in a butt exploded. I as an IBS sufferer, this would actually be a pretty good like simulation. Just sort of as an outreach program. Can I just say how glad I am we do live shows because it's like the one time someone on stage mentions having IBS and people in the audience

like, yeah! Me too! Yeah, like you just drop Brian Fellows or Mango like, oh, my favorite character, IBS. I packed my lunch in middle school and for all three years... Thank you, Ben. ...whoops it every time.

And I didn't do a good job. It was mostly bags of potato chips and star crunches. But I went through a phase where, fuck me, I just wanted some chips and salsa on the go. And so I would take a little Tupperware guy, a little Tupper guy full of salsa, locker salsa I guess that would sit in my locker for four hours.

And I would have myself a little treat and all of my friends would look at me like, what the fuck are you doing? We have to be seen with you and you have a Tupperware container of salsa that you have sort of partitioned for yourself. This is a thing and I may have talked about this before but the real is that now as an adult

and I was a 33 year old legal adult, I think about the fact that my lunch strategy was like, I took food and put it in a room temperature box for four hours and then I ate it. Sometimes it occurs to me that I didn't have a refrigerator at my disposal and it makes me retroactively sick. Like I have 10 year old food poisoning.

The idea that my sandwich with fucking meat on it sat in a box for like five hours and then I ate it like a monster. Travis, you're saying this reminds me of something. I love this! I want a munch! I want two munchs! Ticka-ticka dinkadinkaaa dinkadinkaa

I want a munch! Ticka-ticka dinkadinkaaa I want two munchss! Ticka-ticka dinkada-t Zakata Welcome ready to munch squad There is so much more to that song than i remembered It's a big crowd, big show Gotta do a big munch squad

So if you point your browser to ta.cu, you're gonna find the Taco Bell website. Holy shit! Holy shit! Fuck off! That's a Justin McElroy web address. No, I wish. I wish I'd had that foresight, but they got talk.co. Did you just hide it from me?

No, I don't want you to look too quick. Well, no, because I'm holding the mic in this hand. I saw a picture of the JPEG. I saw the JPEG, and I wished I hadn't seen it. So Taco Bell has turned breakfast inside out with its naked egg taco, which debuted on August 31st. That was...this is a press release. That was the most unappetizing sent.

We took your favorite meal. Fuck, it turned it inside out with a naked egg. Fuck. A naked egg, because I'm pretty sure I've seen the video where you can hatch the egg without the shell and you wrap it in saran wrap. So... Thanks BuzzFeed. So it's a taco shell made of fried egg, stuff full of beloved morning flavors,

and it has apparently reinvented the breakfast taco experience. Okay, so... Am I supposed to touch it? Here's the first problem that I want you to deal with in your heads. Imagine a fried egg, and it's a big-ass circle, okay? Imagine that, and imagine someone folded it up and then filled it with eggs, more eggs, gross, and cheese. I already have a problem because if you take an egg and fold it... Just let me finish, please let me finish, for one time.

This is literally my podcast. Please stop talking to me. So, you take an egg, put more eggs in it, then you put some cheese and some other items that I'll discuss later, and potatoes, I guess, and stuff, and you fold it into a taco shape. Can you imagine that for me in your heads real quick? Okay. Now, in your mind's eye, I want you to put it on its side and realize that it's a fucking omelette. Taco Bell, you've done nothing.

You've changed adjacency. You've changed... You've rotated a food item. You've rotated an existing food item. It's nothing. But let's see how they make something into nothing. No stranger to shell innovation. Fuck you, that's even a thing.

Fuck you that that is a problem that I have to deal with. No stranger to being a food pervert. Taco Bell. Taco Bell got real nasty on this one. Taco Bell revealed its latest game-changing breakfast offering, the naked egg taco, created with a masterful shell, fuck. Words mean nothing anymore. Let me stop you because the problem with the use of the word shell is,

you know what eggs aren't? Yeah. Right. Yes. I've never picked up an egg and be like, hmm, like it's floppy. I think you meant to say, I've never picked up an egg, period, with your hands.

You don't do it. So anyway, the naked egg taco creates a masterful shell, made entirely of a fried egg. The naked egg taco flips the breakfast classic inside out. Or on its side. Or on its side. Thank you, Travis. That's literally what they're doing.

The reimagined breakfast taco delivers a mouthful of crispy potatoes, bacon, or sausage, and cheese. Oh, I just thought about putting it in my mouth for the first time. I just thought about the word reimagined, because that pictured people thinking about it. People thought about it. Oh, guys, I've got it. The guy in question is actually Liz Matthews,

chief food innovation officer at Taco Bell Corp. Can you imagine if that was your fucking job, Donald? Yeah. Egg toucher. That's too much. He's something nasty. That's too much pressure. I would go in day one like, listen, I can't get this nasty.

I know how nasty you want me to be right now. I can't get this nasty for you. Quote from Liz. The naked egg taco strips down the traditional breakfast taco. The traditional breakfast taco. It strips down your understanding of what it is to eat. This ain't your grandpa's breakfast taco. I live in Austin.

I actually have a very clear picture of what a breakfast is. No, what I mean, a tradition. Something that needs to be subverted and dare I perverted is not like, it's not, okay, allowing us to deliver a new flavor experience. I mean, that's a, that's true. It's eggs. But what's the, oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. You can't say flavors.

The flavor is eggs. It's eggs. It's eggs and potatoes and bacon. Well, I've been there. You didn't say like a meteor rock. You're not bringing a heat. And zebra face. Okay.

Shell innovation is at the core of where we experiment. That's fucking sinister. Can you believe it though? Honey, how was your day at work? I just can't crack it. Crack it. Wait. What if you touched an egg like a nasty person?

Whether it's crispy chicken, biscuits or waffles. Yeah. Fucking list your crimes. Fuck off. The wrap up menu item classics. We bring our fans craveable and unexpected fact. Food experiences that leave them wanting more for the first time ever. This is where it goes off the rails.

Okay. For the first time ever, fans in select cities will have a chance to reserve a table inside Taco Bell and taste its newest menu item leading up to the nationwide debut. I believe you have a Travis. Excuse me. Nasty pink table. Hey, Jeremy, do you have plans for a Saturday? No, I don't.

What do you think of something? Would you like to get really bad diarrhea with me? And just have it for the rest of the Saturday? I would love to get bad diarrhea. Okay. When you make that call the Taco Bell one, who's the poor person who has to answer that? This is Taco Bell, I guess? You want a what?

Yeah. Because you're going to have to have the conversation with this poor employee who just started three weeks ago that like, no, on that day they are in fact taking reservations. You have to try to sell them that bill of goods. I'd like a table near the bathroom, please. Obviously. Okay. Thank you.

And it goes without saying. Table for one. Can I reserve the toilet? Slide it under the door. I'll be ready to go. Events will kick off in New York on Thursday. How'd it go? Hey.

We'll continue with experiences at Taco Bell restaurants in Laguna Beach, Austin, Texas. Good, good, good. And Chicago, you just getting that reservation on your phone? It's over. You missed it. You get through OpenTable. Fans unable to score a seat are encouraged to follow along using the hashtag Naked Egg Taco.

Can you imagine? Hey. Can you imagine? Oh, I couldn't get a table. Oh, I just have to see how it goes. I got to be there for every minute of it. If I ever find Naked Egg Taco in your search history on Twitter, I'm going to put you in prison.

This is fair warning. You're going to prison. Anyway. Hey, folks. This is Griffin McRoy. Just Griffin. Thank you all for listening to our live show from the beautiful King's Theater in Brooklyn, New York.

It was a pretty buck wild show. I don't know if you get this just from listening to it, but the King's Theater is like this huge opulent wonder theater where like 3,000 people were there. I can't believe that they let us even into the theater, let alone perform a show there. Thank you all very much. Thanks to our special guest, Lynn Manuel Miranda. Our other special guest who is going to be helping us out with audience Q&A here in just a little bit.

Before we get to that, I got some ads to tell you about. Before we get to the ads, I wanted to say we have a show that we've added to our next our Midwest tour in November on Thursday, November 16th. We added another show in Chicago and there are still tickets available. If you want to see us in Chicago, just go to McRoyshows.com slash tours and you can find a ticket links there. Yeah. That'll be next month here this weekend though.

We're going to be up and I guess down in Atlanta and Nashville. We'll see everybody there. I think there might be some tickets available for those shows as well. We will see y'all real, real soon. All right. Let's talk about our sponsors this week. Our first sponsor is Lyft. Lyft is a service where you get on your thing and you call a car.

Well, you don't call a car. You just get a car on the application like an application, kind of like Flappy Bird. And then the car shows up and then you get in it and it takes you to where it is that you need to go. Nine out of 10 Lyft rides get a perfect five star rating. And they're the first rideshare platform with tipping built right into the app. If you're a driver, you keep 100% of the tips and they add up fast. So join the rideshare and company that believes in treating its people better.

Just go to lyft.com. That's Lyft by the way. You probably knew that. Lyft.com slash brother today and you can get a $500 new driver bonus. That's lyft.com slash brother. Lyft.com slash brother limited time only terms apply. Also want to tell you about Bowlin Branch. Bowlin Branch makes really fantastic sheets.

That when you sleep on them, when you wake up the next morning, you're taller and food tastes better and colors are more vivid. They said not to specifically say that it makes you taller and jump better and makes food taste better. But I just, it's the damn truth. What makes these sheets unique is that each one is crafted from 100% organic cotton. That means Bowlin Branch sheets not only feel incredible, but they also look amazing. And you're going to get twice the comfort and style at half the price. You can try these sheets for 30 nights and if you're not impressed, you just return them for a full refund.

Just go to BowlinBranch.com today and you'll get $50 off your first set of sheets plus free shipping when you use the promo code mybrother. That's $50 off plus free shipping right now at BowlinBranch.com. That's B-O-L-L and branch.com. Promo code mybrother. BowlinBranch.com promo code mybrother. I've got some Jumbotrons to tell you about, but before that, Jumbotrons are going back on sale for a lot of our shows on Wednesday, November 1st at 11 a.m. Pacific Time.

MaxFun will be selling all spots available for the first six months of 2018. And if the last few sales like this are any indication, these are going to go very, very fast. So if you want to get a message on the show, go to maximamfun.org slash jumbotron for more details. Again, Wednesday, November 1st at 11 a.m. Pacific Time. This first Jumbotron is going to tell you all about MaxFun NYC. Do you live in or around NYC? That's New York City. New York City?

Like the old salsa commercials? Visit maximun.nyc slash join to make new Maximum Fun loving friends, have amazing adventures and get the most out of your city. With 1,500 plus members, MaxFun NYC is the greater NYC area's unofficial Maximum Fun fan and friend community. We share tickets to shows and podcast recordings, play D&D. Most of us start it after Taz. Thank you. We do monthly karaoke, eat and review crazy food in our Munch Squad,

and throw events like a recent trip to being near horses at Medieval Times, or our upcoming Halloween party. Tickets still available. It's a great way to make new, genuinely nice friends who totally get all your good, good macaroy references. It is a good bunch. It is a good bunch of folks. And if you live in the New York area that specifically New York City, like the salsa commercial, then you should check it out.

Again, maximun.nyc slash join. Got another message here. This one's for Heather and it's from James who says, Dear Heath or Heath, probably Heath, happy birthday. Thanks for putting up with my weird job and letting me travel around with questionable folks in these somewhat questionable bands. And being there to pick me up from the airport, no matter how shitty these Canadian roads are. Here's to many more Mbem-Bam picnics. I hope this non-surprising surprise makes your week.

Love, JB. What's in Mbem-Bam picnic? I gotta know. Are you having one right now? Watch out for ants. They're in the jelly. No. Get them out of here.

Ants. Damn it. Thanks to John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed. It's a fantastic album that makes for a very spooky Halloween season, I guess. Thank you also to Maximum Fun for having us. You can go to MaximumFun.org and check out all the great podcasts there. Shows like Lady to Lady, The Greatest Generation, The Beef and Dairy Network, Tights and Fights,

a bunch of good shows all at MaximumFun.org. And if you want to check out other shows and videos and stuff that we do, you can go to McElroyshows.com. Okay, that's it. I'm going to get back to the episode now. Thank you again for bearing with us for these live-ups. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea. Next one will probably be either our live show from Atlanta or Nashville. And then we're going to get right back into, you know, making the sausage, I guess.

I don't know why I put it that way. But yeah, Southeast, we're coming for you this weekend. And enjoy the rest of the episode. Bye. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. I'm Judge John Hodgman. You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I hear their cases. I ask them questions. They're good ones. And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong. Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire one of the worst dad jokes of all time. Instead of cutting his own hair with a phlobe, my husband has his hair cut professionally. I have to join a community theater group. And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Find it every Wednesday at maximumfund.org or wherever you download podcasts. Thanks, Judge John Hodgman. Shall we move on to audience questions? Yes. All right. So we've come to the point in the night where we take audience questions. First and foremost, there's one rule.

Okay. So if you start your question with, this might sound like a bummer, but... We've been hurt before. But, here we are in New York. The biggest little city. Is that right? No. Okay.

Beantown. And... That's Sunday. Okay. But, here's it. What is it? Big Snapple? That's weird.

All right. Move it along. But in order to answer these questions accurately, we found ourselves in need of an expert. And so, we brought an expert in. If you could join us now. Ladies and gentlemen, our dear friend, the smartest guy we know, John Hodgman. Do we have a fourth seat? Oh, we do.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for that big naked egg taco burger. Welcome. I'm so disappointed that you did not opt to sit at the piano, John. That was the visual I was hoping for. I don't play the piano. John, what have you brought with you?

John! Oh, just some copies of my new book, Vacationland. To be published October 24th. I brought one for each of you. Oh, thank you. And one for yourself. And one for myself. Or one for you.

Do you just need me to sign this on the inside? Yeah, if you don't mind. Yes, just to validate my parking, please. Thank you very much. I was hoping there'd be the bit in the middle, like they do in the novelizations of like Star Wars books where there's like pictures of you just like hanging out, wearing some shorts. That'll be for the paperback for sure. Hey, wait!

This isn't the paperback job! No, these are advanced readers copies. You can't get this shit. I'm selling this after the show. Can we get some house lights up, please? So I see that people have lined up. This is not how we usually do it. Fuck it, let's roll with it, because there's a lot of folks out there.

Go away! Don't come line up. After they're done, we'll call all of them. No way we're getting through these people. That's enough, okay? In fact, count back five. That's probably good. Go sit down.

Okay, no, wait, no, we're fine. We're far, we're fine. We'll just get to as many as we can. What's your name? My name is Adi Stein. Hi, Adi Stein. Hello. You guys, I think, went to high school

with a good friend of mine, Brandon McCoy. Oh, yeah, yeah. I did not. College. College? He just had a baby. Oh, great. His first kid, Shilah May.

So I was hoping as a bunch of... No names, please. Sorry. I'll edit it out. As a bunch of sweet young dads. Do you have any pro advice besides don't drop shit on the baby's face? John, if you were to sum up all of your

parenting knowledge into one sentence, what would it be? Don't talk too much. Let that baby tell you what it needs. Don't tell it what it needs. That's actually really good. That's good. That's so good. Especially when the baby can't talk anyway,

so the two of you can just be quiet together for one. Just savor the peace. That's the thing. Babies actually don't need that much. You think they do, but just wait until they ask you for something. You'll be fine. You know what?

Babies really don't need dads. Little babies. You will not tell all of our good friend from college. Brandon. Brandon. And what was the name of the baby again that you revealed without consulting your friend? Shilamay.

Shilamay Brandon. Shilamay Brandon. I'm sure that's not it. Shilamay will not know or care that Brandon exists for about seven years. So Brandon should be watching as much series television as he can right now. Does that help?

I hope so. Excellent. Hello. Hi. Hi. What's your name? I'm Nina. Can I just say, have you all now just sat down on the aisle?

That is so cool of you. We didn't want to. Smartest. That's so smart. Thank you. I appreciate this audience. This line? Right line hasn't figured it out yet.

All right. Sit down. That line knows the score. Hey. Okay. So I dated a girl in high school six years ago. Okay. Sorry.

It seems like you just realized how long ago high school was. We're not going to know that. I get it. For sure. Okay. And so I saw her. Are you looking out? When did you go to high school?

Click, click, click. Okay. I saw her best friend at a food lion when I was home for a day. Okay. This August. Okay. So she made me, the girl I dated, she gave me this necklace. Okay.

She made before we dated. Okay. And her friend asked me, when am I giving it back? Oh. Shit. Is this some dating protocol? I never knew. No, no, no, no, no.

What? I just thought it was buck wild. That is buck wild indeed. What is, what is your ex or anybody they will ever know going to do with the special necklace that she made for you? That is the most buck wild thing I've ever heard. Can I tell you straight up, no matter what the situation is, anyone who says, when are you going to give that thing I gave you with no agreement previous about back?

That's not a thing. That's not a thing. That's nothing. That's nothing. Thank you. If someone says like, I got this book for you and then two years later is like, when am I going to get that book back? Hey Nina, I got this book for you.

It's called Vacation Land. Please don't throw it. Oh, fuck. Okay. Did you hand that back to her? Hey, great. Congratulations. Nina, that's good.

Good read. I'm not, now that's a very kind gesture. I'd like that back in three months, please. Not now. No. That's called a gift. And I do not expect it back even if we become mortal enemies. Thank you, John Huntsman.

You're welcome. And he is planning on becoming mortal enemies right here. Don't get interested. Don't get interested. Oh, Nina. And you know why too. Did we help? Yes.

All right. Right side. Hi. Hi. Hi. My name's Jack. Hi, Jack. Over the summer, my best friend, he came out with me and some of my family to Montauk

out on the beach. Nice place. Nice place if you can drive in our independently mobile. I'm not so much that. So it's kind of a sandy prison. Can you do me a big favor? Yes. Can you turn your hat backwards like you're really cool?

Because all I can see is that there we go. There's a light shining perfectly down on you. And so it looked like you were headless. And I was getting scared that there was some sort of specter or ghoul situation. So we were in a car with some of my extended family. And out in Montauk, there's this place called Gosman's Dock. And there's a ice cream location, a brand. Am I allowed to say brands?

You already did. You heard a bit about Taco Bell, right, my man? For sure? Okay, go ahead. All right. All right. So it's a Ben and Jerry's. Okay.

So we're in the car. We're going to go to Gosman's Dock for dinner and then Ben and Jerry's after. And so my cousin mentions Ben and Jerry's. And my friend Noah, he turns to me and says, what? And for the next, you're not, four hours, Noah maintains under constant interrogation, he pretends that he, a 20-something dude from New York City has never heard of Ben and Jerry's. Okay. Okay.

Let me tell you something, Jack. He is fucking with you. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, for sure. You repeat. So we're in line after dinner at the Ben and Jerry's. When he's standing in the Ben and Jerry's like, I don't believe this. There's no way.

And he taps me on the shoulder and shows me a photo from his Facebook timeline. Uh-huh. I love him and another one of his friends, kicking their heads through a B Ben and Jerry, Ben and Jerry's fucking dick. He was like, they knew what, like he was like, that's the prestige, like, got here. So wait, what do you need advice on? Yeah, what do you need us for? How can I ever, how can I...

How do you kill him? How can I ever trust him again? You can't. Smother him in Chunky Monkey. Yeah, you got to kill him with it. Hey, Noah. Noah, you're dead to Jack. Yeah, fuck you, Noah.

Noah. Noah. This is a weird turn for the... We've never done this before, but fuck you, Noah. I guess. Thank you, Jack. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Noah.

Yes. Hi, my name is Nadia. Who do you want us to say fuck you to, Nadia? Who do you want us to burn down? It's apparently what we're doing now. Hey, the rest of this episode, if you just want us to say fuck you to... What do I do? This is our burn book episode.

Yeah, this is our burn book episode. Who do you want to say fuck you to? No. Who do you want to say fuck you to, Tom? He knows who he is. Tom. Fuck off, Tom. Eat shit, dude.

Tom, you know who the fuck you are. Hey, Tom. I'm putting Tom on my Nina list. Tom, everybody knows your game. Fuck off. All right. Go ahead, Nadia. I'm sorry.

All right. So, when I was a child, I was... Wait, hold on. Let's settle in. I remember summers at winter shims. When I was a child, I was very sensitive to horror movies. I would see a trailer and I would be horrified. I'd cry the whole night long.

It didn't even have to be horror movies. It was mildly spooky. I'd be ruined. Don't turn around. There's a big skeleton right now. You looked. Thank you to the person behind you who pretended to be a big skeleton. That was a tough improv that we gave you, but you reformed it.

He ran with it. Oh, it's a Ghostbusters shirt. Okay. Okay. So, I got started getting very good at avoiding trailers. But then, when I would see a horror movie poster, I would just wonder, what's the story? So, I would Wikipedia the plot and... Hold on.

Nadia, I'm going to like... Please let Nadia finish because this is only going to get better. I just cannot imagine... This is unfathomable. Please go ahead. And then, you know, I wouldn't sleep the whole night long. From the Wikipedia entries, I got it. Yeah.

That you read willingly. But then I learned, you know, not to do that anymore. Okay. So, I had a few quiet years where I only slept badly because... I cannot wait for the elevation of your depravity. Go ahead. So, I had a few years where I slept badly just because I have issues. Is she okay?

But then, in the middle of August, I was at my job and I listened podcasts while I work. And I saw in the little recommended thing something called the No Sleep Podcast. And then I thought to myself, I'm an adult now. I'll be okay. So, I listened for the whole work day from nine to five. Okay. So, I was like, this is great. This is a great podcast.

I'm fine. And then the night came. This, I want to tell you, I don't know if this is a question or if this is a good podcast, anything. I'm fucking hooked. Yeah. Wherever you're going. This is like S-Town, but on our thing.

Yeah. And then, the night came, I set up... For those of you listening along at home, she's got a flashlight underneath her chin. So... And then, the night came. And then... This is not a joke. I've had to pee for about 30 minutes.

And now I'm so spooked that it's going to come out of me if I don't run off the stage. But, we have monitors in the bathrooms back there, so I'm going to listen to the rest of it. And I promise I'll be back in time to give you advice. Okay. Just project. Go ahead. Go ahead. See, so, where were you?

So, you know... Nadia. Nadia. Nadia. Griffin, I needed you. No, Nadia. What I want you to do is go into the bathroom behind him. And when he's washing his face in the mirror, just go...

Okay. Can I tell you? All right. Everybody be quiet for a second. Let Griffin think the monitor's not working. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Hello?

Test? No, no, no. Just do it. This is the water. And this is the well. Drink. So... Ba-ba-duck.

We do that on... Do you do that on baby monitors? We do that on baby monitors at home. We wait till the other one is alone in the room where the other end of the monitor is. We get real close to it. Just go... Ba-ba-duck. We've taught Charlie to do it, which is adorable.

All right. Griffin McBride. Welcome back to the stage. I can go for another fucking hour. Let's do this. Okay. Nadia, what's the question? How do I break this horrible, painful, yet pleasurable cycle?

Let me help you stop listening to this podcast. Are you... Okay. You enjoy it, but it keeps you awake. Is that what you're saying? Yes. So you either have to stop listening to this stuff and don't even read the Wikipedia page or just keep going until you're not scared of it anymore.

Ooh, I like that. Immersion therapy. I get to the end of the podcast to find out. You have what Edgar Allen Poe calls the imp of the perverse and attraction to the thing that you know is bad for you. Edgar Allen Poe's here. What's up, my man? That's right.

It's a beggar. Love your shit. Hey, dude. Spooky books. You are never going to break this attraction. You have to work your way through it. Yeah. I like that.

Till I get you bored of it. So let's go see it this weekend. So does that help? See it with John Hodgman? See it with John Hodgman. We'll fix it all. Just pull him back. Yeah.

Thank you. Hi. What's up? Hi. How's it going? Good. Good. Good.

We're going to go quicker because we've got like five minutes left. I'll blow through this. Hit me. So I was at a comedy club the other night and I went to get some beers from the bar and I paid with a 20, got two beers and I got like $16 and change back. Damn. Whoa. All right.

Where were you? 1860? It wasn't good. Okay. The beer was bad? Yeah. But it was $2 beer, man. Like what do you want?

That's your fault. So I got the two beers in one hand and then I get my change back in the other and I'm trying to put two ones into the tip jar. But I drop all of my money. Yeah. Fuck. Thank you for doing this for me. Yeah.

So you've given me such an enormous gift. So then I reached my hand. Yeah, you did. Tip jar. Oh, hell yeah. Of course you did. Fuckin' Seinfeld motherfucker. Sure you did.

I love it. Let's reenact my favorite Will and Grace plot next. I love this. I only wanted like my 10 back. Okay. So I come out with two ones. You did dog. Dog.

Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog.

You lost the grand prize game. You got out, right? You stopped at that point, right? Oh, okay. Hold on. No. The bartender looks at me. Oh no.

Yeah. And he asks what I'm doing. I'm gonna change from my 16 and then you walk out. And I struggled for an explanation. Then I just dropped the two ones back in the tip jar. Listen. I understand that that was, I want you to feel, there's no advice we can give you. We can just tell you, you did the right thing.

You made a $16 mistake and there's no way to fix it. It could have been a $14 mistake if you had just said two magic words, rubble, rubble, and then we're on out. Yeah. The bartenders love thieves. No, you did right. I don't know what you want me to tell you. No, you did it because you went back in.

I'm sorry. You should have dropped the $16 and be like, ah, God damn it. You may as well have dropped them down a fucking sewer drain. Like they're gone. You could have dropped that $16 and then gone back to that bar for the next two weeks in a row and not tipped and just knelt in your heart. You're fine. You paid it backwards.

You spent $4 on beer. A $16 tip makes you the most generous man in the world. You tipped more than 100%. The only shame is that you weren't like raising your eyebrows at them as you put it in. That's actually the time where you get to look at a goal. Next time when I say, do you know who I am? Remember that this is who I am. I want you to remember this moment when I asked that question in the future.

Have you been back to the bar since? No. You've made a good call. You've made the right decision. Even though you did the wrong thing by going back in there because that's a violation of the tips space, if you do that because you want to correct your error and the bartender says, what are you doing? Just tell them.

Yeah. I dropped my money in there. They are also humans. No, I'm sorry. If I'm a bartender and you said I dropped my money in there, I say that's how it fucking works. True. True.

Now it's across the magic threshold of the jug, and then it became my money. Are we done? You know what you did? You should cut your hand off. Yeah. What are you doing? You're right. One more.

We got one more. Sorry, everybody else in line. This is it. Hi. Hi, I'm Jesse. Hi, Jesse. So I have a five-month-old kitten. Oh.

When he was one-month-old, my mom trained him to drink only out of cups. Oh, hell yeah. And mugs. So now he's five months old, and I still give him a bowl of water every day, but it just gets dirty. So I leave him mugs, but then when I pour myself a mug of like milk or wine, he tries to drink it. Yeah.

What do I do? Enjoy that drunk cat. Yeah. What's the thing going? Wow. It is, listen, a cat's job is to retrain you. We have on our end table a cup for our cat that is always there, and we always have to explain to our friends, that's the cat's cup, and then one time a friend saw the cup

and went, hmm, I'm parched, took a sippy sip, and then I could never talk to them again. Hold on. Hold on. Did you take a sip by leaning over and licking out of it? You had another human being in your house who said, a glass of water, I did not pour myself. They also had a similarly sized glass. It was a classic parent trap mix-up.

This is true because I also have a cat who has strange water drinking habits. You can read all about it in my comic Garfield. And every time anyone cat sits for me, it is basically a 45-minute monologue on why you shouldn't fuck up my cat's schedule, of like, she'll drink out of that, don't touch it. She drinks out of my dog's water bowl, and my dog has just learned not to, not to worry about it. Do you love that kitty though? Yes.

Just let him. It's fine. Thank you. And congratulations again to your mom for messing up your life. One more way. I want to do one more. One more question. I don't care.

Thank you. Thank you and sorry. Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Sorry. The timer's at two seconds.

Oh, no. It's counting up. Sorry. Go ahead. My name's Affate. Hey, what's up? This is my cool baby daughter who put me onto you guys. Oh, nice.

Thank you. I had no idea that you guys even existed until she told me about you guys. Great. Just like the rest of Earth. Right. Exactly. And that is when they were conjured into existence. Right.

Pretty much. And I just wanted to ask, because Lin Manuel was on earlier, and I know that he sometimes raps, and he's a person of color, so he's kind of like a brother, so he's like a fourth brother kind of. Sure. Okay. I'm going to battle-wrap him for the position of fourth brother, or at least, or, or, or, if not that, at least for one of your books, John.

You can rap to be me. You can rap to be Triton. I'm getting pretty tired of it. It's gone eight years now. Lin? I don't know if he's still here. I don't know if he's still here. Oh, you know what?

Battle-wrap Griffin. Hey. Good night, everybody. Oh, no. The clock has a big skull on it. Oh, no, no, no. I want to hear a Griffin battle-wrap this gentleman. I'll just give this to you right now.

Yeah. Okay. Yes. That you won a Peerick victory against my brother in battle-wrapping, but hey, give it up anyway. He's still won. Griffin conceded right away. Yeah.

Shout out, shout out to all the other Black Mbem-bem players. Yeah. What's up? Yeah. Thank you so much. All 15 of us. For the folks at home, Justin and I were literally knocked to the ground as if by a supersonic force.

They're doing tactical blows. They self-taekwondoed themselves to the ground. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Enjoy. Thank you. Okay.

So, I have to get through these real quick. Thank you first to John Hodgman. Thank you to our deal friend, Lin-Win Ol-Miranda. Thank you, Lin. He's great. Thank you to Stillbuffering for opening up for us. Thank you so much. Yes.

In case we didn't say it before, there are posters out in the lobby if you didn't grab one. Yes. We signed some of them. We did our best. We did our best. Thank you to Paul. Thank you, Paul, for helping us out.

Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Sam. Thank you, everybody at AG. Thank you, everybody at this fucking beautiful theater. This is the craziest theater I've ever been in my entire life. Thank you for making it all the way out to Brooklyn. Didn't know that was a thing until New York people told me. We tried to hang out after the shows, but we have an early-ass train tomorrow and we

have an hour to get back to our hotel because we're in the middle of Brooklyn, so we're probably just going to bounce. Thank you for coming. We really appreciate it. We tried to say hey to some folks before the show. We came online to say hi. And sincerely, this has been so wild, and there's so many of you. This is our biggest show ever, and thank you so much.

Also, we should say, along with thanking John, Vacationland is coming out. When, John? October 24th, 2017. Hell yeah. Catch it. If I can spend one second saying, we grew up listening to John Hodgman's books when we went on our family vacations. I remember listening to-

I'm extremely old. Well, you listen to more information than you require going to Nashville with our dad. Pigeon Forge, remember? Pigeon Forge, too. Pigeon Forge, too. And so it's really cool that he was here tonight. Yeah. Thank you, John.

If you have never listened or read any of his books before, you should get on vacation. Yeah, he's a genius. He's very kind. So I am an only child, so I envy you guys, your siblinghood quite a bit, and I am glad to be here with you. Well, you just have to battle-wrap Lynn, and then you can be our fourth brother. That is going to do it for us, Griffin. You have one final question for us.

I sure do. Well, let's pick it. Every week, Griffin picks a yahoo, and then we come back to it next week and talk about it. This one's sent in by Level9000, yahoo, true, true, true, Davenport, thank you, Drew. It's asked by yahoo, who answers user captain, who asks, mad because my life sucks compared to Seth Rogen and Seth McFarland. My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.