My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 379: 6969 Cool Street

Episode Date: November 6, 2017

We hope everyone's having a good ol' morning! Remember to set your clocks an hour back, and then throw your clock away, because it's irrelevant under our fresh, new way of telling time. Suggested talking points: Griffin Time, Dr. Fart's Crosswalk Lessons, Mind Games, Homeowner Grift, Four-Word Poem, Killing an Old Ghost With Beans

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy. And this is your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Gryffindor McElroy.

Did we catch you mid-yan, Gryffindor? You did catch me mid-yan. That was not a goof. Although, I do want to talk about the big DST, the big elephant in the room, the fact that we're not saving daylight anymore, or we are now. I forget which one. We no longer are. We've done away with the shackles of that terrible, terrible policy. I looked at the daylight that we had, and I said, I'm all right. I feel like I have too much daylight, one hour's worth of it, so let's just... It's 2.03 p.m. Texas time right now, and my body feels like it's 11.30 p.m.

And I know it's not... We didn't jump that far, but it still sucks so bad. All of this whole thing sucks so bad, and I was wondering... I had an idea after my second nap today, and I was hoping you all would hear me out. Maybe we could spread the word about it, and maybe get something going. We've gotten lots of things going in this show. We brought back Camo Cargo shorts back in the summer of 2013, and that was very cool, and I was hoping maybe we could do this. I had this idea for new time, how time would do it from now on. This is such a big idea. I need to sit back down. Why were you standing up? That's weird. I was standing because I was getting ready to disagree

with Griffin, and then I sat back down because I just need to listen. You were doing it in the 1776 style, where you had to stand up and tap your cane against it. Here's the idea. I saw an elderly man come to my table, and I was trying to be polite. Sure. You wake up in the morning. Larm gives out a warning. You don't think you're going to make it on time. Parents just don't understand. You wake up in the morning, and it's 9.30. So that's the first step of it. You wake up in the morning, and it is 9.30. Well, I'm hooked so far, Griffin. Now reel me in.

Because 9.30 is a really good one. Because if you wake up at 9.30, it's like, whoa, I slept in so late. I feel great. I feel so energized. But also, there's still a lot of the morning left, and the day's still right in front of you. Because it's 9.30, and it stays 9.30 until, I mean, you probably eat a little something right then, right? And then the next time you get hungry, that's a time that I'm just going to call lunchtime, the lunchtime. All right. So if I'm, I want to make sure I'm keeping up with new time. Awake up. Which I feel like a punchier title would be Macaroy time. Griffin time.

Griffin time. Stop. Stop. Griffin time. Okay. I'll let how quickly you cut us out of that, in case this is a landmark sort of moment. So you wake up and- Well, it's to protect you too, because it could also be, it could also blow up right in my face. So you wake up and it's 9.30. Is it 9.30 because that's when you woke up? Or does everybody- Or that's just what you, that's what wake up time is, you know?

That's just what wake up time is. 9.30. Oh, what a good, holy shit. I haven't slept until 9.30 in a long time, but I still have a lot of my day left over. I'll have a bowl of cereal. To nail it down, whatever time you, when you wake up, it is 9.30. It is not 9.30 and you wake up, you wake up, that is automatically 9.30. Yes. I'm so glad you're with me. And then you're hungry again after the breakfast, and now it's just lunchtime, and we don't need to give that a number. And then as soon as you finish the last bite, the last scrumptious morsel of whatever it is you're having during this midday meal, it's not lunchtime anymore, and it's immediately 4.20. And it doesn't,

you don't have to be, I'm not encouraging drug use at this time. It's just that's, it would be fun- That's the next biggest milestone. It's, well, it's just funny. Yeah. It's just very funny. So wake up 9.30 breakfast. I'm hungry again. Now it's lunchtime. Oh, I can't talk on the phone right now. It's lunchtime. I'll call you back at 4.20. And you fit, sandwich gone. Okay, now it's 4.20. And it's gonna stay, it's gonna stay 4.20 until it just gets dark. And then when it's dark, it's 7 o'clock. Because at 7 o'clock, that's a decent lunch hour.

Also, depending on what time zone you live, and by the way, time zones are not, they don't exist anymore. But the TV, the televisions about the, you know, the good shows are about to start. Because it's 7 o'clock. And 7 o'clock, you know, you eat whenever you feel like it. And then when you get sleepy, it's 2 a.m. And it's like, wow. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, partying. Now it's 2 a.m. Well, no, you partied during 7. When it's 2 a.m., it's like, oh, okay, I should really crash because it's, you know, I've got a long day ahead of me. Oh, this is great because 2 a.m., it's not, I think I should go to bed. It's,

why haven't I gone to bed yet? The responsible thing is to go to bed now. 2 a.m. is you feel good about how much you've partied tonight. And also, you know, like, oh, I'm going to get that good sleep. And you know that you're going to get 7 and a half hours of sleep. Yeah. Because you're going to wake up at 9.30 the next morning. I'm trying to envision the clock in my head. At the top of the clock, it says 9.30. Okay. And then if you go down the clock some. Yeah. And you also, just to be clear, have to manually turn this dial on the clock because you wake up at 9.30, eat breakfast, and then you reach up and you turn the clock to lunchtime. It's more

of a progress chart for yourself. And it's not going to stay on lunchtime very long. It's just how long it takes you to eat the sandwich or bagel or soup or, you know, whatever. And now it's 4.20 and you're going to show your watch to all your friends and be like, get it? And you'll be able to do that for, I mean, until the sun goes down. I don't think that this is your intention, but it does kind of sound like most of the day is taken up by 4.20. Because it kind of sounds like you wake up, you eat breakfast, and then when you finish breakfast, you eat lunch. Then when you finish lunch. You don't eat lunch immediately after breakfast, you dummy.

Then what's between 9.30 and lunch? You just do stuff while it's 9.30. Yeah. You just do stuff until you get hungry again and it's 9.30 the whole time. But when you finish the last bite of your lunch, it is then 4.20 till it's dark. Is this correct? Yeah. Wait, so dark at dark, when it gets dark, it's seven o'clock. I can't believe how much, it's fucking like four or five, I lost count times. And I can't believe you're having this much trouble when it's dark. I just want to know when it's seven o'clock. And when the sun goes down and in the newspaper every day, it's going to say sunrise is at 9.30

and you're going to miss it. And sunset is seven all the time. It's always seven and then you're going to watch Survivor. I like that it's seven because it gives you an hour until the good shows are on. Well, I guess for you, they come on it. Do they come on it? Yeah. So it's always like, the sun's down, turn on TV, Survivor song. And it's what I love about all the times I've picked because they're all brilliant is that each one, when you look at the clock and it's 9.30 AM, you think, I've got a lot of day left ahead of me. When you eat lunch, you're like not thinking about time because you're just really deep, deep, deep, deep in this sandwich or soup. And by the way, in this new time, those are the only two acceptable lunch foods. And that's another thing

we're going to get for 20 is still a lot of the day left ahead of you and seven o'clock, a whole lot of the night left ahead of you until 2 AM. And it's like, Oh, it's dead. It's done. I have to go to sleep right now. Now, along with dietary changes, Griffin, I do also anticipate that this new schedule will require employment changes because it sounds like everyone is going to have to work from home. Well, you'll work when it's 4 20. Well, that's not as that's not how I understood that to work. But then just don't tell you feel it. I feel like this is a this is a this is outside of time. I feel like one of the people one of the people supposed to clean Disneyland because it seems like two AM. Okay, so they go in at 2 AM when they should be a

so they just don't get to sleep anymore. Is that right? Probably not. Probably not. Yeah, I mean, there's lots of there's but for everybody else, you can get a good amount of sleep in there except for the people they could sleep 4 20. It sounds like 4 20 is kind of free free period. Yeah, 4 20 is just sort of a free skate. Go out and do whatever you want. But at seven o'clock, you better watch Survivor and get your vitals because then you have to go to Disneyland and clean it. There's no more seasonal effective disorder. There's no more wars. Okay, because no one knows what time to show up for the war. Yeah, it's like I'm going to show up on the big theater of warfront at 4 20 and then it's sort of a staggered arrival and it's like, well, this isn't let's just

go home. Yeah, what if there was a war and nobody came? You know what I mean? Because it was 4 20 because it was 4 20. Sounds like you guys love it and sounds like America's going to really love this one. And also, I've got all of these watches with four times on it and their price to move. Coming soon to topotaco.com. It's these coming soon to movement watches. It's just sort of a big it's four sort of sections and they're very, very helpful. Before we move on to questions, can I tell you guys something real quick? A true Travis McRoy daily savings time fact. Yeah, I did not know that daylight savings time had any kind of effect last night. I wasn't aware, missed it, didn't catch the buzz, didn't know it was happening. And I realized this morning,

I only found out about it because I saw someone talking about on Twitter because in my house, I only have like two or three analog clocks now. Yeah, like most of my times are like on my phone or my computers and or all my game systems, that kind of thing. And I thought about like, there's a very real chance that there is somebody that doesn't own any analog watches or clocks that daylight savings time could come and go and change and they would never know it. Yeah, it's almost like it's a stupid, stupid, stupid idea that sucks and there's no point to it. And those people are living maybe the most blissful, most wonderful, except that it gets dark at like 3 30 p.m. Yeah, like strange. You're sleepy all day. And there's no reason for you to be sleepy.

I got an extra hour of sleep. But my body's default state when threatened is like, I want a nap. Did you all know that they keep changing the day that daylight savings time ends on? Like in 2005, they pushed it back. So it would be after Halloween. Because the candy lobby. Yes. And it's like, if that's, if it's that pliable, fucking, then do my Griffin time. Like if we're just having fun with it, with time and how it works in the sun and God, then what are we doing? Someday when I'm in charge, I'm going to keep moving spring forward ahead and move fall back back until eventually it's like you turn your clocks forward an hour on Sunday and then turn them back an hour on Monday.

It's still not. It's still like in those two days, everybody's either late or early for everything. Do you know how this is not a joke? I learned this yesterday. Do you know how Amtrak deals with a daylight savings time when it's fall back? So you get an extra hour. Do you know what Amtrak does? Fucking pulls over for an hour and kicks it. That's what Amtrak does to stay on schedule. They're like, well, we got an extra hour. Let's kick it. And wherever they stop next, they just kick it for an hour. All right, the worst. We're literally, we've been Andy Rooney for like 13 minutes. Let's shake it. Let's shake it off. It's pretty fucked up right now. Maybe they could just like get together for this. Can we just like build some bridges, get rid

of daylight savings time, get rid of the penny and let's just do a little house cleaning since we can't do anything like major. Let's like get rid of the penny and daylight savings time. Everybody hates it. How about some questions? Yeah, question. I just moved to a new neighborhood and I passed an elementary school on my way to work. This means I must cross at least one residential intersection that has a crossing guard. What is a child? Yeah. Can I talk about Andy Rooney for a second? You just brought him up. There, there were, he was just an old man blathering on about the stuff that bothered him. I just realized that like there were only, he was on the air for like 100 years and there were only two possible reactions to Andy Rooney. Regular people looking at him

being like, what is this old man going on about? And old people who are like, that's what I'm fucking talking about. Yeah. Like, that seems, this seems like a challenging gig to me. I think if he was born, if he was born 20 years later, we, he would have the most successful podcast in America. Yeah, but the problem is, is that Andy Rooney only asks the questions and he never offered the answers. And I think it's time that I step up and I just go point by point, everything Andy Rooney brought up. Yeah. And I saw that. Now that's a podcast. Andy Tooney. Andy Tooney. He was kind of the first podcaster. He, he was very angry and talking to no one. Like, that's basically it. He would, he would have had a show just called What the, What the Heck

with Andy Rooney and then Marin would be out of a job. I just moved to a new neighborhood and I passed an elementary school on my way to work. This means I must cross at least one residential intersection that has a crossing guard. What is a childless pedestrian to do? Oh my God. Am I offending her if I cross on my own? Because sometimes she's helping a child cross the opposite way. And I feel confident in my own abilities to navigate the intersection. Oh, whoops. This is tough. Or do I wait to help me cross? And if she does start to pull over side, do I have to wait for her to get halfway out before I cross? Is it rude? Okay. So, etc. etc. That you got the question. You get it. Yeah. In Toronto. The, the rub here,

I'm not worried about the crossing guards feelings because like the crossing guard doesn't need to help me out. I'm 30 and I've never been struck by even one vehicle a little bit. I'm batting a thousand visa v being struck. But if a, if a kid is on the other side or on the side of the street that I'm on and I say, fuck this and I just walk across because I don't see a vehicle coming in the light screen. Like, um, I feel like I'm maybe being a bad role model. And I get that. I don't, but it is pretty punk rock. It just, just yell like they'll stop. Trust me. Trust me. They'll stop. Pedestrians have the right of way. See, I am worried about the crossing guard because I'm worried it would be like a Rockadoodle, Chandelier kind of thing. Go on. Where the crossing

guard would see me cross without her help. Yeah. Everything that she understood about how like I'm neat. They can't cross without me, but then she would see me cross without her and she would think, what have I been doing this whole time? Maybe they didn't need me to cross. And then I would have to go on an adventure with an animated kitten boy to fight off some owls or some shit. All right. Let me get, let me give you this. One day you just have the crossing guard hold all the kids back for like a half hour. No crossing. Build up up. I'm talking about a mess of kids. A big old pile. A whole gaggle of kids. Just a gaggle of these little, a conflagration of kiddos. And they chill there for like a half hour, like, what the fuck is going on? And then you show up

in the gaggle and you say, like, this is ridiculous. You don't know what you're talking about, you big goober. And you all you want to do is control me and, you know, my, my, my body. And I say, screw that freedom. And then you start to cross. And then you do get hit by a car while you're going across. And it's something that you, you, but you planned it. It's like, it's like your friend and his soft car. It's Randy's soft Honda. And he comes and he hits you a little bit. I mean, he hits you. He hits you, but it's soft. It's like a pillow fight, you know? It's got to be, it's got to, it's got to look bad. You will go to the hospital. Like, maybe you'll, but you'll be fine eventually. Maybe there's a big crane up in the sky so high up that they don't see it.

And then you get hit by the car and then your body just gets pulled up by the crane really fast into the clouds. And so it's like, you got hit by the car and launched, you know, 400 feet upwards. Oh, and then you hang there with wings and a halo and you say to the kids like, I should have listened. Wings and a halo and you sit back down. You're like, oh no, well, at least heaven's real. Bye. If only I'd paid attention to the crossing guard as you all should from now on. Now I'm off to hang out with Jesus. And then in the future, you can still cross. And it's not that big a deal. And, but now two things are going to happen. One, the kids are still going to see you and be like, Oh, I don't know. I did watch that person get hit so hard.

They turned into angel. And, and the other thing is you're going to look even cooler because of that. Like, oh shit. Wait, you're that person that got hit by the car and you're still doing it. I love your devil may care attitude. I'm not going to follow you because I did watch you get hit so hard that you went to heaven. There's another option. And that is that you dress like a crossing guard. So basically what I'm suggesting is you dress like a crossing guard. And then as you pass, you're like, officer. And then they like tip your hat to you. And the kids are like, well, of course, crossing guard, he knows what he's doing. The faith in the he's had special training and such. Yeah, faith in the institution remains. Because here's the thing. If you don't take the

initiative and just cross yourself, the other kind of this is like, so you want to go, you know, east west, but that crossing guard is crossing kids north south, you're going to stand on the corner, wait for her to get back. And then after you are then like, are you waiting for the crossing guard so you can get it because you're just so I'm like, and then she goes out and you're like, thank you. And then you cross the street like, I don't. It's this situation is so bad that my anxiety would be so legitimately peaked on a daily basis at, you know, it's not I'm walking to work. So it's going to be 930. That I would literally the block before pop open a manhole cover and take the sewer for a couple blocks. A sewer would be a great option. One other one would be

to wear like a black cape and a mask shirt and a t-shirt that says like, Mr. Fart on it. So the kids like see Mr. Fart sneak across when he's not supposed to, but they all are like, they know that's Mr. Fart. You don't want to be like him. Oh, your character, your character's named Jay Walker. I kind of was super crazy about Mr. Fart. No, Mr. Fart. Okay, Mr. Fart is my father. And what I love about Jay Walker and what I love about Mr. Fart is you could do that and do the get hit by a car driven by your friend, Randy and the soft Honda. And it's both good. I'm not sure I like to come up because I do want kids to learn. Wait, hold on. Mr. Fart to the world can sometimes get ahead, but it's not going to pay off. Okay. If you want to play a long game, you can definitely

have like a month of Mr. Fart crossings punctuated. That's my favorite Nintendo game, by the way. Mr. Fart crossing is the best. You can have like a month of Mr. Fart crossings punctuated by Mr. Fart getting hit by a car. And then all the kids are like, fucking finally. Finally, this guy gets his just desserts. Or maybe you pull one of my favorite tropes, which is like the crossing guard and Mr. Fart. Clearly there's animosity there. Clearly there's tension. But just like in that one episode of reboot, when the main bad guy like played a cool guitar solo. Megabyte? Yeah. With the, you know, the cool. I know. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. For his birthday.

Right. For Enzo's birthday. But I can't remember. Bob? That was it. Like that, where there's like a cool moment where the crossing guard and Mr. Fart work together to maybe stop. I really want to introduce Jay Walker to this. Maybe the way you got to stop Jay Walker. The greater evil. How about a yahoo? Yeah, please. I feel like you guys aren't as on board with Jay Walker as I am. That's just Mr. Fart is so much better. Like Jay Walker. But Mr. Fart just crosses whenever. Jay Walker crosses wherever you see. So Mr. Fart at least adheres to where the crossing areas are. Can we get both of them and both of them struck by the same soft Honda? Because then the kids. Yeah. Oh and Jay Walker dies and Mr. Fart lives and that's where he learns like

I don't want to be like Jay Walker. Right. Maybe and maybe Mr. Fart comes down with the halo and angel wings and goes to heaven but Jay Walker is in hell. Oh yeah. I want to go back to medical school become Dr. Fart. Here's one sent in by Hannah Troxel. Thank you Hannah. It's yahoo answers user Penny asks can I play video games in my mind? Can I play video games in my mind? I do not have the money to invest in building a gaming PC. So can I play video games in my imagination? I love this a lot because I love the idea of just being you know at the DMV or at church or in line at yogurt land the only three places I ever go and you're just standing there and somebody's talking to you like the preacher but you're not paying attention because your eyes

are just glassed over because you're just playing with your best friend master chief in your mind in your you know your your your mind castle. In your mind den. In your mind den you're playing with Mario and Yoshi and you can do anything in there and so maybe you're standing there and the preacher's like are you even listening to my we're doing radshack mishakabednego is like my favorite one you're not even paying attention and you're just like I just got all the stars. I just got 30 points you don't even know about that. Oh shoot I lost that sometimes you do still need to lose. You want to amp up the difficulty a little bit. Yeah yeah yeah easy on yourself. Oh no they got me you know. Did you hear preacher man the new shinmiu

game is out shinmiu 3 is here and I'm playing it now. And in my imagination it's very good which is maybe not how it's going to manifest in the physical space. Oh it's so oh how about a game of lucky hit. Did you just say something. No it's in my mind. Good news character is back for no one lives forever three right now on the ricks box. That's right the ricks box the only gaming console in my ricks head. I'm so excited for the ricks box 360 which is when I'm going to get a third lobe. It's got rumble. This lobe's got rumble in it. It's got emotion sensitivity. If I move my head quickly enough I'll make that jump. Now there's two master chiefs and they're kissing. It's a mod I did in my ricks box. Oh look at that I found all the cheat codes

there's just times where you can't there's just times where you can't game out and everybody wishes they're playing video games all the time but sometimes you can't because you're in the yogurt landline or the church line. How far would you need to take the simulation. Are you going to have times when you're on the bus and you want to play ricks box but you can't because you're downloading Bloodborne 2. It's got an update. I mean the batteries on the controller are done and I didn't go get more from the ricks greens. I think you downloading Bloodborne 2 is just you sitting in a bus saying like alright so this time around more guns. That's how you program it. You just have to say it out loud. Alright here's all the monsters that are in it. Here we go.

There's a man who looks like a crow. I do like it because it gives crossover like a whole new world the possibility that we're like it's Bloodborne but also my friend Todd is there. Just crossover everything. My favorite thing about the ricks box 360 is that I'm in all the video games. It's real targeted marketing. Oh man the ricks box. Here's another question. I have a co-worker who's been telling the office an incredible lie for the last two months. She claims she bought a house. She's shown us pictures. Hired people to do repairs and even left early a couple times during packing and moving. The thing is after some suspicious details to her story I had a realtor friend of mine look into this house. Not only is it still for sale

but it's had no offers on it and it's now being rented out to two totally to totally different people. What is the best way to go about letting her know that I know and that's from are you for real at Rockford? What is what is more buck wild in this situation? This is what I'm weighing right now. Okay what is more buck wild in this situation? This lie. This wild lie or the fact that you fucking Shelby would it. So I do not know that I have that. I don't think I have that game in my ricks box to think like you know what I'm gonna talk to a fucking realtor friend of mine and get to the bottom of this. This must have been troubling you so much. I have a most fascinating piece I think you'll like to be very intrigued by. Well I have a showing today and I was gonna

make cookies but yeah I'll take time out of it. Is there no realtor realty confidentiality thing? I'm like I can't just go look up to see if someone owns a house. I mean I'm more interested in what was the detail that it's got 10 toilets in it and no doors. That doesn't sound like a house. I need to get to the bottom of this. That's like the kitchens on the ceiling. Okay so you're fucking lying then. I was hoping this question this question went in with and so my question is what are some great hobbies that I can maybe get into? No but this is the thing that's the thing though. I would love to catch somebody in a grip. We all dream of catching somebody in a grip like this and so I celebrate your initiative. There's only one way. There's only one solution though.

You have to buy the house. Oh my god. You buy that house. You get some pictures like move in get all your shit in there then brings a picture to the office and be like that's so strange because I live there. Done. Or you don't and you'd never tell them but you do try to see it like how buck wild you can make the story get. Yes. Tell me more about the house is the only sentence you need. Tell me again about the basin just whatever and then you're like really? I'm like that's it. It's a pretty cool house but it'd be way cooler if there were two bowling alleys in it and then the next day you show up like it's funny you said that because we just finished the remodel and look at that and it's a picture of you know the galaxy bowl down the street and it's like

oh great house wink that's listen to everybody else. This person is living their own door slamming first right now and they didn't mean to get in this deep. I don't know how it happened but you have a real opportunity here to get in on this grift. This is what that my first action would be going to this person in confidence and saying listen I know the truth and I'm here to tell you I fucking love it let me get a slice of this let me get up in there and then you're like showing up to the office like had a great time at the barbecue at your house. Photoshop pictures of the two of you standing in front of like Zillow pictures of house. At least see if you can get some housewarming swag out of it something get a pineapple a

potted succulent something out of it and then oh no the house burned down fake insurance scam. You do have to have an out you have to have an exit for your grift to sold the house sold the house sold the house again. Oh I put it back for sale flipped it got the property brothers then property brothers came shoot old man came in tie balloons everything floated away so you can find his wife or whatever didn't see the movie I think that's what happens told and I and I didn't get full coverage so that's on me I didn't get a man balloon coverage so shoot shoot I guess sold it damn thing was full of rats they had to sold it. Chocoblock rats or you show up big bushy fake beard on cool hat that says like big construction company big real construction company

and then you show up and like you do you're doing a voice like hey I finished fixing all the turrets in the real house you have all ten of them all ten of them hey you know your kitchen's upside down. I love bowling alleys. It's the most wonderful terrible house I've ever seen in my life what a lucky person you are. I walked into the kitchen get glass of water fell up the ceiling broke my neck and died I'm a ghost. Smash that's you jumping through the window to escape. Is it possible I watch almost exclusively children's programming so this is where my brain goes is it possible your realtor is trying to teach you a lesson about snooping on people because there is very little that's less wild than storming into your office and being like I know you don't

own your house but they do and you've been lied to by your realtor friend that is actually the most believable scenario to me. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this is definitely a backwards not a honeypot. Why would you pick something I'm trying to think through the grip why would you pick a specific like searchable address because like I know how Zillow works and if you told me your address I could just look like I wouldn't need a realtor friend I would just like look at it. I just bought a house you wouldn't know where it is don't worry well I mean they probably they probably gave a fake address but America's so big that there's a house for every address so she probably said like 69 69 Cool Street and it was like oh that's that one does that one is real and

by the way God I'm I'm I'm looking at some houses right now and even if it was like a one bedroom zero bath 35 square foot house for $500,000 if it was on 69 69 Cool Street like I could bulldoze the house and start over you can get a new house you can get you can you can get you know a remodeled kitchen and add at least one bathroom to the house you cannot just get 69 69 Cool Street you cannot just buy that address okay big news oh my fucking god did you just google 69 69 Cool Street yeah there's one and it's in weed sport New York and there I go see I'm not fucking shitting you the city is called weed sport and it's 69 69 Cool Street in weed sport oh my god Justin that is the choicest I mean I've been looking to you know I missed the seasons I gotta get out of Texas

I miss eastern time which is you know not gonna be a thing once my thing takes place but yeah it sounds good is it on the market is it available it does not look to be available fucking I'll show up on the front door like the fucking finale of the O.C. and be like I know you live here but I need to live here did you know your address is the best I put the person that lives there is the coolest fucking curse on earth because it like yeah it's not for sale are you kidding me you can't just buy this address I hope they're pretty cool because we just promped to hundreds of thousands of people to go don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't on this thing no no no but I am but don't you should

No, but don't, don't, don't admire it from afar without touching. It's the most beautiful golden fawn that you've stumbled upon in the forest. Don't spook it. Stay, admire it, but don't, you know, send them anything. Man, weed sport looks like a cool place, too. It's very small. It's actually weed sport. And the town's original name was Hacky Sack, New York.

But they got it confused with hack and sack. And so they changed it to weed sport. Um, God, can we just go to the money zone? Because usually when we do that, we take like a little break and I can just get, you know, talk to Rachel and Henry and start to figure out this big life move where we move up to New York. Our first sponsor this week is Bowlin Branch, but a while since we've heard from them.

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So you only get deliveries when you want them. And each one comes with a step by step easy to follow recipe card and pre-portioned ingredients and they can be prepared in 40 minutes or less. I've talked about this a lot like I didn't know how to cook at all, but I wanted to learn and so I started doing Blue Apron and now like I can I can cook lots of stuff and it's very, very exciting and it's a cool skill to know. Some upcoming meals include shrimp and pesto fettuccine with spinach, sweet pepper chicken with bok choy and rice.

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Go to freshoffflavors.com coupon code my brother. I have a message for Chad and Caitlyn. And that's cheating. We can't do two people. You needed to do two messages. This is for Caitlyn. This is for Caitlyn. We ought to maybe eat some boy. Grant and Amanda or Grimanda. Bleat Bloop achievement unlocked first anniversary

by this year in advance. So congratulations on your first year of wedded bliss or impending divorce. Can you believe the Cubs won the World Series two years in a row? Here's to many more years of happiness, even if Caitlyn is a dirty Yankees fan. Love you both. And wow, that's twice as many sports references as we normally have. And I've been bam. I hope everybody really got a good chuck out of those sort of fever pitch to catch the pitch.

This is the name of the new movie here. And it's, you know, that that big Cubs Yankees rivalry that is going around. And congratulations to the real winners of the the big one. I know the Dodgers and Astros were both in it. So one of them congratulations, whoever did come out on top. You did it. You did it. People are going to tweet at you.

We got lots of baseball teams in my fucking state. But they're going to tweet at you, Griffin. Aren't you afraid of the tweet? I ain't afraid of no tweets. But I know, I know. I can't do more than that, or we'd be sued. In celeb news this week, the hosts of Lady to Lady took a break from hanging with today's hottest comedians, actors and writers to sell a sex machine.

What they do with all that cash rent a party bus to go to Magic Mike Live in Vegas. Of course, all of this on the heels of a salacious, sizzler session with home alone four star French Stuart. Want to know what the fuck we're talking about? Tune into Lady to Lady whenever, wherever you listen to podcasts. Can you keep a secret? Neither can we. How about a Yahoo answer? Uh, yes.

This one was sent in by Dylan Haston or Haston. Thank you, Dylan. It's Yahoo. Anonymous Yahoo Answers user. I'm going to call them in and asks. What is the saddest story you can think of using only four words for sale, baby? Oops. For sale, for sale, baby.

Oops. Unused baby shoes. Cheap, cheap, cheap. Unused baby. Hey, I just shortened that. We just shortened that dumb six word story, you know, forward story. Unused baby shoes. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

That's four words. We can probably, we can probably get it down shorter. I can do it in one word. Okay. Tears. That's actually not that, not that good. Okay. Wait, I can do it.

I can do it in one. Sad. Yeah, still not great. Sad. Wait, maybe if I make that one word really long though. Sad. No, it's not. It's nothing.

Um, I forward sad story. Diarrhea at the prom and that one can be real. I actually don't want to say anything else. All I want are those fucking answers. Oh, it's funny that you say that, Justin, because we got some good ones. Yeah, I bet we do. Faith said, my taco has fallen. Oh, how about this one from Eve who says, this sale is over.

Hashtag only girls know. Oh, jeez. You can't, you can't, okay. You can't, you can't have a sad forward story and then hashtag it to to make it land. That's nothing. Uh, Rikara said, I stepped on Lego. So that's very relatable.

Um, there's five pages. No, no, no, no, hold on. Hold on. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. It's, it's not like deer and deer. I stepped on Lego. Do you mean you stepped on a Lego or some Lego?

It's a five word story. You can't, that's not a drop the article just to get like breezy with it. That doesn't, I step, uh, Lego stepping. Yeah. That dog. Yeah. That dog don't hunt. Sorry.

Oh, actually there, there's a good one. That dog don't hunt. That dog don't hunt. Uh, Socrates says the Clintons are crooks. So wait a minute. This was a day ago. This is still, um, and not that sad. I mean, it's sad for you, I guess.

Do people not know what sound means? I stepped on Lego. That's not sad. It's painful. Do you step on a Lego and feel like just sadness for the Lego? There's a lot of political tweets and there's six pages of answers. It's just, um, are any of them actually sad? Oh, I mean, this one from, from, uh, Bromjeet says love kills people.

Bromjeet was like, I need three and also still three. I got it in three. Hatchet man tattoo fading. See that's sad. That's quite sad. Um, the real reason I wanted to do this was because of a really great and poignant poem, um, that was dropped in here by an anonymous user, but who, it's a shame. They were anonymous because they could be a new poet laureate and I'll try to

separate the words out so you know, you can sort of tell where the four are. My grandpa died too early. And that's, and that's number two early sort of in one sort of word experience. My grandpa died too furious. You know, I would point out here that too early is, uh, redundant because you could just say died early because two are, I mean, it's implied by the early. What about like my or not my? We have to lose my grandpa died on time.

Grandpa died too late. Well, if you're going to cut, drop the my, I mean, grandpa died too early. You don't need the my. That's obvious. Who's grandpa? Who do you think? Why not just grandpa died? Is there a time where your grandpa died?

We're like, yeah, good. That way down smooth. Awesome. Oh, I had it. I had a test tomorrow. Thank you, grandpa. One last present from the old man. I mean, people make a big deal out of that baby shoes one, huh?

But like, it seems wicked easy to do this with even fewer words. I don't think that that's as big of a deal as we sort of make it out to be. Oh, oh, no. What? That's, that's two. Okay. No. Oh, no.

Family explode. Like it's come on, dude. Hemi. Well, that was Hemingway, right? Did that one? Oh, no. Oh, shoot. Wife disappeared.

Oh, no. Puppy melted. Oh, beans. Wolf attack. Oh, no. Family frozen. Family froze. Shoot.

Farted on crush Mondays. Yeah, that was fun because it's got sort of two. It brings you down and then at the end, it's sort of like a funny Garfield thing. How about another question? Stone cold Steve Austin. And then a sad face emoticon because that doesn't count as a word. Yeah, I guess that's fine. I work at an Ethiopian restaurant in Michigan.

Every Thursday, an 80 year old man dressed in hiking gear comes to eat just before close. When I prompt him for his order, it's always the same response. He says, give me the bean combo. There is no bean combo. Oh, man. I asked him to clarify and he just grumpily changes his order. What is the bean combo? And why won't he tell me what it is himself?

And that's from there is no Ethiopian secret menu. Justin, it seems like if any of us are going to know what the bean combo is, it's going to be you. Here's you do get some beans. You cook them up real nice. And then what's that on the side of them? You guessed it. Different beans. Okay.

So you just kind of what kind of cocktail do you like like a garbanzo pinto me? Thank you for asking Griffin. Black beans are the best beans, but then you'd all mix in there. Great northern. It's like that great old tune ebony and ivory. I'm promoting harmony. That's explicitly what the song is about. Sure.

Yeah. How many times this old man comes in here every Thursday. How have you not just been worn down and added a bean combo to the menu? Yeah. Yeah. You know what? You got it. You got it.

Bean combo coming right up. You can name it after him by which I mean you can call it shit head. Like what do you do? You can't go into a restaurant order something that's not there unless it is actually kind of the it's a pretty sick move actually. And we may have actually just found out who lives at 69 69 cool street. Is it possible? He's wearing the same outfit. He's ordering the same thing.

Is it possible that this older gentleman? Definitely. Definitely. I know where you're going and I definitely. Do you know where I'm going? Yeah. Where I'm going is he's doing a groundhog day. Oh, but he's doing it.

He just thinks he's doing a groundhog day. You know, like he thinks he's in groundhog day and to your credit, it sounds like you're reacting the same every time too. So you're not really doing anything to break him out of this groundhog day. Yeah. Here's that bean combo, man. I've done it. I did it. I'm in the right timeline.

Thank you, Annie McTowell. I was going to say it's 1965. Okay. And the Chester dude's name goes his favorite diner Ralph's bean hole and he goes there and he cramps of, you know, his favorite meal, the big bean combo. And he's wearing his hiking gear because he's about to, you know, go out on the big one, the big journey. But the, but Ralph is like, oh, don't go into that ravine. You know, it's dangerous.

Lots of coyotes and crevasses and Chester's like, no, I got this one. And he falls into the crevasse and he lands in a big, he lands in four wolf's mouths and they just make short work of him. And now every Thursday, because that was the day, the fateful day, his unrestful spirit wanders into this place. Now it's an Ethiopian restaurant because Ralph made a lot of bad decisions. He should have offered something besides beans. It was. Yeah, I mean, and so now he comes in and he's like, let me get the bean combo so that I may finally be free because that's what's going to happen. And one day you will cook them some beans and he's just going to disappear because you've sort of, you know, six cents sort of finished his business on this world.

Here's the, if it's any kind of like a regular time, if it's like 7pm every Thursday, what have you just like, okay, what have you just like had a table ready for him? Like with like special care put to it and like a little like plaque with his name, like a little, you know, note card place card with his name. Oh my God. This is going to get you this is going to get you on the this is going to get you on the local news, by the way. Right. This Ethiopian restaurant has gone out of its way to help out this very confused old ghost. Please do it for the vine. Just do it for the vine.

Do it for the vine. Do it for the vine of the old man reacting to this great miracle that you've done. And then you lift the lid and it's beans and people watching at home like, oh, this is a mean prank. It's just beans, but his face at the bean, his face as he looks up and smiles with a tear in his eye as he turns into vapor and finally goes to heaven. Please release this man with beans. Please set him free with beans. You have beans in the back. Just make the old ghost.

Penny is a day. You can set this ghost free with beans. How good is your Ethiopian restaurant doing that you're not listening to your customers? Because to me, it sounds like your customers are crazy for the bean combo and you should probably get on the menu. Also, how good is your Ethiopian restaurant? But this dude consistently doesn't get what he wants. But it's like, I can't say no to it. They never have what I want.

But damn, if it isn't the finest Ethiopian food I've ever had. Guess what? Custer is always right. So you do have bean combo. I want to make. When I'm going to IHOP and I say, let me get an enchilada. I am correct. Yeah, they're going to wrap a thin pancake around some strawberries and they're going to give you a crepe.

Sounds good as hell, though, still. I think I would crush that. Yeah, now I kind of want that. I do kind of want that. Just banish this old ghost. Just kill these ghosts. This Ethiopian restaurant went out of its way to do one final act of kindness and banish this ghost to the hell dimension. It's real ghost.

I'd like you to meet Derek. He went to the store to get beans. There's no more news. It's been a slow week. It's been a slow week. We thought we'd be here and wait for it. It's been real chill. I don't think ghosts are real qualifies us as slow news day.

Well, those were real. Well, not real, but the one we had, we let get away with being. Hello, Earth's Last Ghost, extinguished by an unthoughtful bean dealer. Hello, welcome to news. We've gotten so many complaints about how big and scary everything is all the time. So we thought we'd give you something a little bit more lightweight. We'd like you to meet Jeremy, who went to the store to get beans to kill an old ghost. Here with this package is journalist Amanda Good Camera.

Hi, I'm Amanda Good Camera. It's true, the beans have been displayed and the ghost is no more. The terror that once plagued this Ethiopian restaurant is gone. Thank you, beans. You've done it again. We didn't film the ghost, unfortunately, because fucking Jeremy was a little hot on the trigger, but he told us he went to the store and bought the beans. And we just thought like, yeah, fuck it.

This has been news. Sorry for cussing. We've been canceled. We've been canceled. News is canceled. That is going to do it for us this week, folks. I hope you've enjoyed yourself here on our program. We've certainly enjoyed having you.

I'll say that. Hey, if you live in Chicago or Milwaukee, I think Milwaukee's close to sold out, which is exciting, but we're going to be up there here in a couple of weeks. So if you live there in Chicago, we're going to be there November 16th, the Chicago Theater. Milwaukee, we're going to be at the Riverside Theater on November 19th. You can find tickets at macroshows.com slash tours and come see us if you live there because there's still some tickets available and we'd love to see you. Uh, if you would like to see us, you could also go to podcon.com register for podcon.

It is going to be a very cool convention. We've been sort of involved with all like the planning stuff and setting up the whole thing with the Night Vale folks and Hank Green. And I think it's going to be a really cool event. And if you go to podcon.com, you can just get tickets. Now, even if you're not going to be in the area, they have remote attendance. So it's like, it's like you are there and you'll get, uh, uh, audio recordings of almost all the panels, performances and live recordings from, uh, podcon.

And, uh, this sounds really neat. Uh, two, two more plugs. I promise real quick, uh, Teresa and I, uh, along with our dad, Clint, who does the adventure zone with us, are going to be on the JoCo crews this year. Um, you can go to jococrews.com, jococrews.com. Check out that lineup. It's amazing and come hang out with everybody on a fun boat for a week. Um, and also what was the other thing I was going to say?

Oh yeah, uh, our adventure zone podcast, the D&D podcast where we play with our dad. One, we started a new arc that our dad is DMing where we play a superheroes and it is super fun. So much fun. Dad is doing a great job and we're really pleased with how it's going. In the second episode, we go to a rundown, uh, uh, Bible themed theme park. It's, it's so, so great. And I'm, we're having so much fun and I bet you will too.

Um, and with the adventure zone, we have a graphic novel coming out. And you can go to theadventurezonecomic.com. Um, and pre-order that now. It is the graphic novel adaptation of our first arc here. There'll be Gerblins. So go to theadventurezonecomic.com and pre-order yours now. Two more quick things. Thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song.

It's a departure off the album, painting the days to bed. It's a super, super good album that maybe it's getting a little bit colder. Maybe you're settling in for your own long winter and you want a good soundtrack for it. It is this. Also want to think maximum fun for having us. You can go to maximumfund.org. Check out all the great podcasts.

There shows like stop podcasting yourself, the beef and dairy network. Judge John Hodgman, lady to lady and so many more all at maximumfund.org. Let's wrap it up with a final question. Yeah. Here comes that final Yahoo is sent in by the delivery man, Seth Carlson. Thank you, Seth. It's another anonymous Yahoo answers user. So I'm going to call him.

Bill asks. Is the Joker a Christian? My name is Justin McElroy. Friend Travis, that's right. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported. Hey, this is Griffin McElroy.

Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. And we've got a new podcast on maximum fun called wonderful wonderful. It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about things like overalls 24 hours the grand prize game the fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators the soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy the beach potion we call Bud Lightline all these things and more every Wednesday. And we'll also talk about things that you're excited about.

You can find us on maximumfund.org or iTunes or wherever. I don't know. Just search wonderful Google it. You'll probably get there.