My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 380: Nuthead

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

So, Justin met Jimmy Buffett. And yet, somehow, that is not the thing we end up spending the most time talking about this episode. No, instead, we create a horror movie franchise that's going to really push our brand into the NEXT LEVEL. Suggested talking points: Justin's Very Good Day, The Next Level, Celebrity Heaven, Infinite Pizza Engine, Claiming Planets, A New and Profitable Horror Franchise

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother being an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy. Hey, I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. So, how was your weekends? Yeah, it was pretty good. I watched some new stuff. There's a new

let me tell you about my weekend. Okay, I did want to hear about Travis's cooking show he's watching. It's really good. Nadia from Great British Bake Off is on it. I love the Big Family Cooking Show. It's the Big Family Cooking Show. Justin, I know you had a big weekend, but let's talk about the Big Family Cooking Show. It's just two big families, and I mean gigantic nine foot tall sort of goliaths, and they smash all the eggs. In the second challenge show, you get to see their giant homes. And they eat a whole turkey bones and all, and they climb up their beanstalk to their big castle in the sky. It's so good. Let's just talk about that for the intro. That's the intro, I think, because nothing else. Justin, I know you had kind of a

buck wild time, but again, these giant families are cooking and fighting. There's a big fight at the end of each episode. I want to talk about my thing. Your thing didn't make headlines. My thing made headlines. Actually, the big families did go around. They crushed many areas in Wales. Yeah, so I, my good buddy Lynn and Sydney and I went and saw. Now it's just your buddy, Lynn, and not ours. Well, our good buddy, Lynn, fine. Thank you. Yes, you're right. Thank you, Travis. I went to go see Escape to Margaritaville and double feature of Hamilton. Is that the sequel to Escape from LA? We went and saw Hamilton and Escape to Margaritaville with my new best buddy, Mr. James Buffett, and it was

basically the best thing that's ever happened to me. Jimmy Buffett is basically the nicest person that I know, certainly the nicest person that is worth a half billion dollars easily. He wins that pretty much hands down. I got to ask, because I know you put some thought into this. You knew you were meeting James the Parrot Man and James the Parrot King, and you knew you were meeting him. It's going to be a momentous moment in your life. What are you aware for that? How do you dress yourself for that occasion, I'm wondering. I did initially have a Hawaiian shirt with a sport coat over it, and then Sidney was like, I don't think so. I was like, you are correct. That's right, because we are also seeing Hamilton the same day, and that would be quite the look.

You could take a classier selection from the Thomas Bahama collection. I ended up going with a button down with tasteful palm trees and a small tasteful palm trees on the button down, just a wink and a nod. One thing that was probably my favorite, there were many, it was basically the wildest day of my life, but my favorite thing that happened is that we were having brunch while we were waiting for Jimmy to arrive, and Lynn and I ordered margaritas to kind of get in the spirit of things, because we were going to go see Escape to Margarita theme day, and the margaritas were still on our table when Mr. Buffett arrived in order to latte, and he did notice, like, oh, you guys are already having margaritas. I was like, ah,

god damn it, okay. We did order it to have a fun time, and we did not think about the reality. That was just supposed to be a joke for you and Lynn. Not a joke, just living in the day, which, like, the greatest thing about Jimmy Buffett is he is exactly Jimmy Buffett. All the time, like, he is just- He's 24-7 Jimmy Buffett. 24-7 Jimmy Buffett all the time, like, the best, having fun, the best, like, so excited that we were having margaritas, that we were living that Pared Head lifestyle so into it, and his show was an absolute fucking delight. If I can say my favorite joke from the show, co-written by, I will add, Mr. Mike O'Malley. Whoa. Yes. Really singing the leaderboard, Mo. Yes.

Mr. Mike O'Malley, co-written with Greg Garcia. My favorite joke in it. Oh, it's a good- It's a percolating there. It's a fucking good one. The- It's set at this, like, island bar hotel called Margaritaville. Yes. And the lady who runs it says, and in the morning, we've got a top-notch breakfast Buffett. She said, the lady who's just shown up says, I think you- I'm pretty sure it's pronounced buffet. And she says, no, I think you're thinking of the singer. It's a fucking- I was on the floor. No, it's good. It's good. But we need to address, does Jimmy Buffett exist in this, in the fiction of this world? Does Jimmy Buffett exist in Jimmy

Buffett's escape from Margaritaville? Well, that's a good question, Griffin, because like, in Mamma Mia, are the characters ever referenced that they are singing Abba songs? Yeah. I don't think so. I really do need a question. I really need my question answered, because the answer is, yes, that is a pretty wild sort of world that they've built there. We are talking about a show where a gentleman shapes an LSD flashback through the power of his mind so that undead insurance salesman wear Technicolor suits and do a kick line. How do I get to this show immediately? Yeah. How do you go right now? It's in Chicago for another three weeks, and it's moving to that big Broadway, we call Broadway, and it was great.

And I was seated across the aisle from James throughout the show, and he was loving it. Was it a whole time like tapping you like, oh, this part, you're going to love this part? Wait, you're going to love this. No, he got, I told him, Sidney and I told him when we first showed up, that we were really paranoid about spoilers, because we didn't want to know the tunes that were in it or anything. And every time he would be about to talk about something in the show, he would stop himself like, oh, no, I'm sorry. Wait, I'm going to let you see it. Was he not torn to shreds from by the audience there, just trying to get a piece of James? Oh, my man, it did get a little bit World War Z in there, because we saw Hamilton with Lynn, and then we saw

escape to Margaritaville with James. I wish he could have gone to a screening of the My Brother, My Brother Me TV show with all of them with you in the audience like, oh yeah, this is how it is. Me too, boys. Me too. We got the big three right here. Lynn was trying to stay covert, so when people did start applauding as he walked in, I just kind of turned around and waved my hands like, thank you, thank you so much. I do make several podcasts. Thank you so much for recognizing that. I did meet two Mbem-Bam fans at Hamilton, Patrick and Heather, who like, saved my poor ego. It's like, we've heard of you, like, oh, good, yes, yes. People cheered for Lynn at Hamilton, and he had to eventually like stand up, and everybody was

like taking pictures and stuff. Mr. Buffett came in and was trying to cloak it, you know, a little bit, mainly because you don't want to distract from the show that people paid a lot of money for and want to watch, but he did get spotted, and then people started cheering, and then people just like sort of gang rushed, so there was like 20 people just like trying to get a taste, and he was very nice and accommodating to everybody, but I was having a full-blown like, where are the exits? Panic attack over there, but he was super nice to everybody, and I don't know, it was wild, and I can't thank Lynn enough for such a... I mean, it just was out of hand. Justin, I need to ask you a question. I know this is weird, I realize this is weird, but like,

this is my one chance to ask this question. How did Jimmy Buffett smell? I have to know this also! I have to know this also! Did he smell like boatwood or pineapples or tanning lotion? Faintly of coconut. Like, if you want to know the answer, it's faintly of coconut. Do you think that that's a scent that he applies to himself, or do you think just his DNA has sort of absorbed enough of this? He was bitten by a radioactive coconut at some point in his life. The greatest thing about the... I keep saying the greatest thing, but like, one of the highlights is how deeply into Hamilton Jimmy Buffett is. To these, like, my Cindy was seated next to James throughout, for the performance of Hamilton, and she heard him

like, singing along with several numbers. So like, my wife is probably the only person who's heard like, the Jimmy Buffett covers. God damn, release that album, Jimmy! I know, how about that album? Where's that album? Yeah! A couple people, because Lynn and Jimmy were in the same area, we're just like, you guys got to do something together. And all I could think is like, what the fuck would that be? Exactly, if Lynn and Jimmy collaborated on something, and then I realized, it would be my brother, my brother made musical. That is like literally the only, the only, like, Venn diagram section of that that could exist. But anyway, it was great, and I don't want to bloviate about it anymore, because it was, but it was, but I did appreciate that, like,

I was seated with them for both shows, so like, there are a lot of people around Chicago that have like, inexplicable pictures of me. Just like weird pictures of me, like, losing my mind in the general radius. So I apologize to anybody that I was making weird faces in your cool pictures. Anyway, let's start the show, because we still have to do this advice podcast. I haven't bought my, my, my villa at the Margaritaville retirement community. Yes. Quite yet. Didn't bring it, didn't want to broach the subject with James. You didn't think he'd get you in, Gratis? See, I feel like he could get me in, right? Like, if anybody could, he could get me in.

But like, I feel like he would be the man 70 years old, and came straight from a five-day surf weekend to this show, flew himself, Natch, to this show for a five-day surf weekend. I feel like he would be very judgmental of me if I tried to retire at 37. Anyway. How about this question? Yeah. Yeah. I have a favorite pizza place that I go to once a week. Sorry. I accidentally saw the second email. We'll get to that. We'll get to that later. And I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna skip to that and then we'll come back.

Well, no, we've given this person a tea, a taste of having their question read on the show. We will do the pizza. You know what? Let's do the second question. We'll circle back. We'll do the pizza. We'll circle back. The second question. Because I don't think we're gonna have that much to add. Second question is this. How do I take it to the next level? That's from Gmail. I included this because I'm very excited to pitch my idea for next year's, next year's theme. Elevate 18, taking it to the next level. All right. All right. All right. I feel like, I feel like the theme for 2018,

we need to be, we need to be realistic about how well we have sort of followed through on past year's themes. Because I don't know that we've kept things especially serpentine. I don't think we especially fixed nothing in 2016. I would say shit done broke a little bit more than average. 2015 we were on it. I feel like 2015 we stayed on it. Can we really stick with Elevate 18? I would love, I just feel like it's too early to, I can't transition into the next year yet. We still have two months to zag on them. I love this theme, but like, two days ago, our buddy Lynn got up on stage with Jimmy Buffett and sang Margaritaville to raise

money for AIDS research. I think we're still, I'm still zagging. I'm still alive. I can give you the second one that I came up with, which actually fits what you're discussing now, which is percolate teen, letting it simmer. Okay, that's so achievable. Yeah, yeah. Because that's my day to day. Also, there's a lot of things that rhyme with eight. So maybe, again, let's just take some time. Okay, but those are my two front runners. I want to make it clear. Elevate teen, take it to the next level, or percolate teen, letting it simmer. And what, and what I love about those two is that they are diametrically opposed to each other. And I'm also now realizing I might be misinformed on what percolating is.

It might not be like a slow simmer. No, let's get it percolating. That means it's like, it's elevating, but much slower than. Yeah, yeah. How do I take it to the next level though? I think there's, can I say this? There's a lot of bad ways to take next level party drugs. What about just do everything, like you're doing stuff already, right? Almost never. I do disagree with that. I'm almost never doing stuff. You're doing some stuff. Just do it harder and twice. Like if you do everything, you take everything you do today, except do it harder and twice, you're going to be elevating. You're going to be reaching the next level very easily. I ate that chili last night. Last time it was

chili nights, so I'm going to tell you one thing. I'm going to be doing harder and twice. Griffin again. I have to eat that chili. Andrew McElroy. It's strong. It's got beef and beans and tomatoes in it. You know it's my fave three. Don't lecture to me about the value of chili, okay? Yes, obviously. Chili's amazing. It's one of the two foods I can eat. Griffin, you have to stop eating chili. It's like if Superman kept coming on our podcast talking about how he eats kryptonite. It's like Superman, stop fucking eating the kryptonite. It's always so good. It's got beans in it. It's my favorite flavor. Yeah, like if Batman came on, he's like, what are you doing today, Batman? Just thinking

about my dead parents. What are you doing now, Batman? Let me offer another suggestion of how to take it to the next level. Okay. Two words. Hype person. Too expensive. In this economy, no way. Well, maybe you could barter it. You know, like hype person for each other. All hype person for you. You hype person for me. Don't pay another person. You can't afford that. In this economy, just have a boom box that is constantly playing. Get ready for this by Too Unlimited. Yeah. Like for everything you're doing, like you're jumping hurdles, have Too Unlimited in the background. You're making pizza for your family. Too Unlimited. Just pump it up. Just pump it up. And a hand mirror and you can be your own hype person. Now that's getting some

stranger things upside down. Like you look in your mirror and you're like, you're doing great. You know, and it's just a nice positive affirmation. The more you can look in the mirror and say, I'm amazing. That's what I do every day. And I'm fucking so many levels above. Multiple times a day. We actually have to pause the podcast so Travis can do it. Yeah. Well, he keeps a mirror around because he says it helps him in case there's a Medusa. And I don't disagree. And I know that I have at least one brother who won't be turned to stone. Take that. I want to hear a yahoo, but Griffin, first I wanted to mention to anybody who wasn't aware we are going to be coming to the Midwest this week. Fuck. It's so soon. We're going to be

doing Chicago, Minneapolis, Milwaukee. We have already sold out of one of the Chicago shows and the Minneapolis shows. If you want to come to Chicago, please come. It's going to be a very fun show. It's going to be our first one of the tour and it's going to be hype. I think there's going to be a lot of hype energy. We're going to take it to the next level. We're going to take it to the next level basically. And Milwaukee is going to be the last one. So we're just going to be leaving it all out on the table. There are the bookends and you got to come see them. McElroyshows.com slash tours and you can get tickets for those. Please come. We would love to see you. There's a lot of great seats available at the first Chicago show, especially Milwaukee's

running low, but Chicago, there's a lot of seats available. So please, please, please, please, please come. We would really love to see you. All right. You got it. Thanks Griffin. I'm glad you're going to be there. Here's a yahoo from Seth Carlson. Thank you Seth. It's an anonymous yahoo answers user, but JK Simmons is up in a farmer's insurance ad at the top of the screen. So it is JK Simmons. And it's great that it's JK Simmons because the question is can celebrities and normal people have their own separate heavens when they die? Let me put it to y'all this way. Celebrities are different people. No matter how human beings, they become whoa. No matter no matter how human beings they become while being in the spotlight with millions and millions

of people watching them from all over the world. They cannot do what real normal people do in their everyday life. When we are normal people, we live in a normal life without having paparazzi and the media following us around anywhere we go. When we are normal people, we live our lives anonymously. Not publicly. Did you guys know what a celebrity is? Because this person's got a whole paragraph. Even without seeing millions of pictures of yourself all over the web and without seeing yourself on Wikipedia, blogs, videos, posters, newspapers, websites and all of the above. Not to mention your full name and date of birth being shown to the whole entire world where people know that you're real full information. I feel like this person has lost the plot of the original

question. Not to mention your full name and date of birth being shown to the whole entire world where people know that you're real full information and personal life. Do you agree? With what part? With what? Are you talking about people getting doxed in heaven? What are you talking about? I'm very confused because up till now I've been led to believe that stars are just like us. That they get coffee just like us. They walk their dogs just like us. They go to the store just like us. They smell faintly of coconut just like us. Yeah, so I'm confused. I have to circle back to the coconut smell because I'm wondering if it's synesthetic in a way. You see him and you think of his music and the smell and perhaps even the taste of that sweet nut enters your

mouth. I think that maybe it's like a psychotropic effect. If you put a scientific smeller up, they wouldn't detect it, but it is entering into your mind space. Okay, so speaking of James as long as we're on the topic, if there's a heaven that I go to and Jimmy Buffett isn't there, that's not heaven for me. Flipside. If there's a heaven that Jimmy Buffett goes to and he's got some portly lad trying to shove a guitar into his hands, so he'll play boat drinks 24 hours a day. Not heaven for him. That's not heaven for him. Right. I mean, flipside, flipside, I'm at the breakfast buffet because you know it's fucking like Great Wall of China, the breakfast buffet in heaven. Everything you can have. Believe it's pronounced Buffett. Jesus pleases is also up there and he's

great. That's actually the name of the breakfast buffet. Jesus pleases. And then you're up there and you're on the breakfast buffet and you have to wait in line, but it's a short line. And who's that next to you in the line? It's Don Cheadle. And you're like, oh, wow, Don Cheadle, that's cool, but I don't really know what. Did you die? Did you pass well? Oh, no. Did I die? Oh, God. I'm saying it's uncomfortable sometimes when you see a celeb and you don't know how to interact with them. If I see Don Cheadle at the breakfast buffet in heaven, and Jesus pleases, that's gonna be uncomfortable for me. Like I don't necessarily want to interact with celebrities day in, day out because I feel like I will do a bad job of it. Don't you think given that a little bit of that

discomfort is like, when am I ever gonna see Don Cheadle again? But in heaven, that answer is, I don't know, whenever, like forever. Whenever you want to see Don Cheadle, I guess. Yeah. So like that idea of like, I don't feel like talking to Don Cheadle now, I'll do it any other time in the infinite, you know, expanse of forever. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this the five people you get to meet in heaven? Is this like you have to pick the five celebs that like inhabit your heaven? Is that what this book is about? I may have misunderstood that. I didn't think that was the five people you get to meet in heaven. Like there was a limitation. I thought it was a book and not an application that you... Not like when you got there, St. Peter was like,

you got five. You got five, okay. And don't laminate the list, am I right? Because then how do you change? It's a joke from friends. Travis, Travis just got bumped off the list for his friends, Duke. That's just a deep... Oh, Paul is just trying. So wait a minute, St. Peter, I only get five? Yeah, you only get five. Ah, Jesus. Okay, so you got four. Wait a minute. No, I wasn't using... You know, he's around anyway, but that's fine. You burned one. Damn it. Carl, damn it from Idaho. I got you in. The first person you ask for is infinite persons. And then they're like, you got it. Or a funny celebrity impersonator. Yes. Give me rich little up there. I've got all the celebs. I was like, rich little Frank Caliendo. And nobody else, just those two sucker.

Give my three to Frank. Give the other three to Frank. I just want separate heavens for famous people. They've earned it. Holy shit. They don't deserve me to be around them. They didn't do nothing to deserve that. It's heaven, not hell. Oh, shit. That's the Twilight Zone twist, right? Of like, ah, as a celebrity, I'm so excited to have my own private heaven where I don't have to deal with like the adoration. And then like on day three, they're like, I can't deal with this like seclusion. And I like having fans in an audience. I thought heaven would be great. And then like a dude in a red suit pops up. He's like, oh, did you think this was heaven? Gotcha, it's heck. You're in heaven. And the, I mean, the, the choicest thing about celebrity heaven is judging by the

headlines of the past couple of weeks, it is not going to be as crowded as I assumed. No, it would be just a little bit ago. I think you're going to have some room to stretch your legs in there. All right, here's the question. I have a favorite pizza place that I go to once a week. With every pizza you order, they give you a coupon. Bring back 12 coupons and you'll get a free pizza. That's a wild way of doing that. They just didn't want to spring for those punching machines on the card, huh? All right, that's fine. Here's a piece of trash. Bring me 12 pieces of trash and you get a free pizza. Yeah. You turn it into a fucking World of Warcraft quest, free, free Zaw. Anyway, I collected all these coupons and went in on my birthday

for the Frieza. Good. Good poor Manto. Frieza, Frieza. I went in there, I collected my 12 coupons and I got the bad guy from Dragon Ball Z. When the cashier told me the price, I handed him the coupons and he said, oh, okay, you have enough of them. He wasn't annoyed or anything. He just didn't show any emotion at all. It really kind of ruined the mood of the site about this free pizza. I know customer service is difficult and annoying and all, but I think the cashier should have to act excited when people bring in 12 coupons to not ruin the special moment. What do you think, brothers? That's from Apprehensive and Appleton. This is so good because there's two things going on right here. One, you are bringing these things in and you say, time for you to experience a loss

and time for you to financially surrender yourself to me. But at the same time, just in the World of Warcraft quest, I can't get that out of my head because I do want to amazing travel. I'm like a golden glow that surrounds you for a second. Yeah, you're getting one over on them. They never thought anyone would do this. They made it as annoying as humanly possible. The coupons are cut in different shapes. This is not even like you bring them a neat even stack of beautiful rectangular paper. One of them is like a star and one of them is like a very, very, very small circle. Maybe they're bummed because they know that if you're using a coupon for a Frieza, the chances of you tipping are nothing or have been reduced to nil. Maybe

that's the lack of excitement about that. You got a tip. Even on a Frieza, y'all know that, right? Y'all got a tip on everything. Okay. You tip on a carry out, right? You guys tip on a carry out? I do now because I joked once about not doing it and many people were like, you have to. And I was like, oh, okay. And now I do. That's how suggestible Travis is. Maybe they didn't do enough at once. What I'm saying is if you order six pizzas and they're like, oh, hell yeah. What a great day. And then you bring in 72 coupons. They're like, so that'll be basically $150. And you're like, oh, well, basically the prestige. And then you bring out like 72 coupons. That's going to get a reward.

You open a briefcase and you have all of them banded together in the briefcase. And you're like, I'll pay for it with this. I'm like, thanks. Assuming you get a coupon for the Frieza, for the Goku, if you will get an eat right there, 144 pizzas, you will then get 12 coupons just from the Frieza's that you can use to get another Frieza. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just figured out the infinite pizza equation. I'm pretty sure if you just do 144, you will generate an infinite engine. And you have built an engine of pizza building that is is infinite, infinite pizza. There's not that pepperoni, virtual moment. I'm trying to get like a perpetual moment. There's nothing in there, but to a perpetual pepper. Keep going. Let's get there. Each pizza

costs $10 is up $1440. That's that's a lot. Right. That's a lot. It's a lot of money to invest in something. But then mathematically, I ran the numbers infinite pizza. So just think about it. What you do is you donate those pizzas to like a local shelter or library or something. And then you also get on Buzzfeed. Yeah. Yeah. And then people will donate you more money to give to give to buy 144 new pizzas. And then I started to invest those pizzas. And you use that interest to buy more pizzas. But you got to be careful because again, guys, the economy fuck. Oh, you build that pizza bubble. We haven't talked about the economy in a while, but it's I feel like it's really off the rails a little bit. Yeah. In this economy is in the toilet.

Or is it good now? I don't even know where the economy is. That's how off the rails it is. Is it could be good or it could be bad and there's no way of tracking it. It should not have come as a surprise to you. This person would not be excited if you'd ever watched any of the mini extreme couponing television programs that are available to you, which I would highly attempt to deter you from. It is not an enjoyable way of spending time. But the grand finale of those shows is always someone meticulously handing over like 150 coupons to get all this free toilet paper they could ever want for their butt. And the person who is on the receiving end of that behind the register, you can watch them learning that they lack the capability of killing someone

with their mind because that is what they are attempting to do is to try to stop this person's heart with their eyeballs because they are not gized about the way they're spending their time. I think if that's your position, you should be able to grill them on what they're going to be using all of this stuff for. For instance, oh yeah, you really got one over on us this time. Boy, you must be doing some heavy duty shits to need this much, huh? Tell me everything about that. Boy, you guys really love mustard. Put it on everything, huh? Drink some of that. Hey, drink a whole, I'll let you do this because you've got the right pieces of paper from the newspaper. Boy, this is a fucked up shitty system. But go ahead and drink a whole container of mustard for me

right now and we'll get the bathroom ready for you because apparently it disagrees with you. You better start eating those pickles right now if you're going to eat them before they expire. Go on. Open a jar of pickles and eat it in front of me. I got a lot of coupons this game and I need something to entertain them. I got plenty of time. Get one of those spicy boys out and get your crunch on right in front of me. Entertain me, pickle lover. You've never seen, I love watching, there's certain moments on the extreme couponing shows where you can actually watch the cashier's worldview crumble around them when they ring all of them in and realize that somehow through the machinations of this clipper, they owe money back to the person.

It's rare, but it does happen. It's like, according to this, I owe you $5 and like in that moment, they cease to under, like you can watch this person realize they have no idea how capitalism or bartering trade or the world itself works and I just assume after that they go live in the woods. Oh, full-blown hunter forager like done. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I've seen too much and I've seen it and the shine came off the capitalism apple. I'm in the woods now. See you. The other great thing about those shows is when the person gives you a tour of their stocks that they've gotten with it and there's always a shot where it's like and over here, I've got 30 cans of peas and I wish the camera would just like stay on them like straight

for like three minutes, like not move, just like force them to stand there and confront the fact that they will die someday and when they do, they will have peas just litter. Your children are going to have to, god damn, how many boxes of expired peas do we have to carry out before the estate sale? I am awesome man. Look upon my peas. But then you realize that and you say, and maybe this is how we elevate teen, you say I'm not going to let these peas outlive me. It's peas morning, noon, and night. We're getting British up in here. It's all peas all the way down, baby. You're trying to kill me, peas? You tried to outlive me, peas? Oh, shit, we got fucking 20 crates. We have two metric tons of toilet paper and I'm fucking 58 years old. Let's get it going. Crampies,

crampies, crampies, shit, shit, shit. Yeah, I need those, hey plumber, plumber, get over here. I need those wide pipes because I'm going to die in 20 to 30 years according to medical science. Maybe these peas will keep me alive a little bit longer, but I'm not going to let this bastard toilet paper out. Let me, you hear me? Toilet paper? Get over here plumber and double pipes, two toilets. Let's go. What do you kids want for dinner tonight? Split pea soup. Oh, you want me to split the peas and therefore effectively double the number of peas? I fucking think not, Jeremy. I think not. You're going to have your usual peas shaped into a hamburger shape on a pea bun. Get to eating. And then you're going to go shit, Jeremy, because we got to. We all need to chip in here.

You're going to make yourself, I know I've always told you to not make the mummy hand, but I am issuing a house wide decree, everyone mummy hands for their toilet paper usage. Everybody has to mummy hand. We're going to get through this. You got any teachers that are real pieces of shit? Here's the perfect time to go to the money stuff. Our first sponsor this week is MeUndies. MeUndies, I don't like when they include language in these, but I'm just going to have to say it. MeUndies makes your, makes undies that your butt is proud to wear. And we're not the only ones who love MeUndies. Listen to what? Long time listener and MeUndies enthusiast Christian has to say, okay, this is from a listener,

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off your first order one last time, naturebox.com slash my brother. Got a message here for Rosemary Traveille. I don't know why you had to say it like you're at a Renfair. I just really like that. And there's a lot to that. One, it's got Trav in it, which you know that's the best. Yeah, but also it's just a beautiful name. It's a good name. It's from Craig. Oh, don't say Craig's name like that after we're given Rosemary the Shakespeare. Well, I'm going to go with Gregory Jamonson. That's okay, Gregory. That's you. Gregory Jamonson. And Gregory writes, I don't know what Davis will be read on or even one month, but we shall get snacks tonight. Parenthetical, you are the best. Love, Gregory. I don't know about this character, Trav. I feel

like he needs, I feel like my name is Jumbo Tron. And when I say that, I think maybe I should be a robot about it. Yeah, start him over. Start him over. Okay. This message is for Rosemary Traveille. Jumbo Tron, you're back. It's from Craig. Well, don't read the message a second time, Jumbo Tron. Jumbo Tron. I don't know. I know. Let me try the next one. You got a virus from his message is war, Bevan, like Kevin with B. It's from Chris and Sarah. I feel like we could do, I feel like. To Bevan. Okay. Master of psychology. I'm losing it now. Yeah, you are. I'm just melting. You fought off the demons of anxiety, persevered over the terrors of academia and created one incredible kick-ass thesis, all while being an amazing

friend and partner. Thank you for letting us bask in your glory. We loved being your companions for these adventures and look forward to the ones to come. See, Jumbo Tron couldn't have delivered an emotional message like that because. Well, he is real, but his love is not real. What you don't know, Griffin, is halfway when my voice changed. That is when I bicentennial manned. Oh, you got a penis. Yeah. Jumbo Tron got a penis. He got a penis that can come in everything. That's my favorite line from that movie is Oliver Platt gives him a penis and he's like, can it come? And Oliver's like, it can come in everything. Come in everything or come and everything? Come and everything. Bicentennial man then says like, oh, like a real penis. Cool. So great job, Bevan.

What is the everything? Pee, you know, and whistle, whistle. Looks just cool. Well, no. No, not really. Oh, sorry about that. Just had to dispatch some goons real quick. Hi, I'm April Wolfe, lead film critic at LA Weekly. And when I'm not kicking butt, I'm hosting the new Maximum Fun podcast, Switchblade Sisters. Do you love genre films? Do you love female filmmakers? Do you love discussions on craft? If your answer is yes, you'll love Switchblade Sisters. Every episode, I invite one female filmmaker on and we talk in depth about their fave genre film and how it influenced their own work. So we're talking horror, action, sci-fi, fantasy, bizarro, and

exploitation cinema. Mothers lock up your sons because the Switchblade Sisters are coming for you available at MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts. How about this one? A cinema by Jace Parker. Thank you, Jace. It's from Yahoo Answers user Yasin who asks, What if we can breath in space but the government tells us we can't so we don't try to escape? Hell yeah. What if we can breath in space but the government tells us we can't so we don't try to escape? Earth? Like we don't try to- Earth is the biggest prison. I think we can all agree on that. Earth is a big prison and maybe I don't want to be, you know, reigned on. Gross. I shouldn't

have to. I want to go above the rain up in space where I definitely can't breathe but government tells me I can't because they're up there doing who knows what. Why would the government want to keep you on earth? I think that they'd be fine if you wanted to blast off to new frontiers. Well because I'm saying space is cool and we're doing stuff up there maybe. Yeah, well we're definitely doing stuff up there. I mean we can fly around like second life or you know punch an asteroid or maybe they're afraid one of us will get to the moon and be like this is mine and it's like well damn it. Well shoot we didn't call- nobody called it. Nobody's called dibs yet on moon. We should have thought of that when we were there maybe. Didn't they

call dibs on them? They put their flag there right? There's a position at NASA, this is not a joke at NASA that was hiring in the last few years that was like galactic preservationist and it was like a person who made sure that like nobody like called the moon. Like it was like they made sure that like folks were cool about all the planets and stuff and nobody tried to get up to some shit. Did they like wait up there with a big space flashlight? Like you kids get out of here doing sex on Jupiter. I mean the only question about that is like exactly how many- I'll be generous and say weeks before Craig the galactic preservationist is like oh no this is Craig's moon. Yeah yeah no for sure. Yeah like I fully do have ownership and

jurisdiction over this moon. Definitely and guess what Jupiter's got like 17 moons. I'm not going to claim Io but I'm going to get one of the smaller ones that nobody knows the name of. The one with all the exotics on it. Yeah. Huff my shorts. I'm Craig. I take Nessus. Here's the thing can I just say and this is a bold move but I think it's going to stick. I claim Mercury. Oh, Trav. No no no hear me out. I have a very strong sense that when I do that someone this will be like an airbud situation where it's like wait well that's got to be against the rules and then they'll flip through the book and realize there's no rule against me claiming Mercury and it holds up in a court of law. Mercury's mine. I'm going to take Uranus but just so I

can rename it like cool planet and people can't make the joke anymore. A good joke though. I want to take me to get there. Can I Google them up? Now it'll take me 17 hours to get to Uranus Road in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and that is kind of still funny like Uranus Road like drive my car my F-150 into Uranus. How about another Yahoo? Yeah sure. I mean this one's sent in by Morgan Davies. Let's keep it wavy and it's from Yahoo Answers user Cassandra who asks nightmare about a nut head. Since a few days ago I keep having this nightmare about seeing a nut head everywhere. Wait what? It's just a man dressed in casual clothes with a giant nut as a head. I can't explain what nut it is in shape but I would say a walnut. In the dream I would see him appear to

me like a ghost through house windows from the inside on the ending of a road not too far. Street corners, libraries, fire exit and other creepy places he would disappear two seconds after I spot him. Other people won't spot him. It's kind of like those horror movie scenes where they see a ghost of a loved one or a deceased person from a haunted home and only one or two people see it but others don't. I get very scared and I start saying short prayers feeling that I haven't seen anything like this in my life. The dream is very continuous and does that mean I need deliverance? He doesn't have eyes, mouth, nose, ears etc but I can sense he's looking at me or just in my presence before I spot him and disappear. What the fuck? What do you think can happen next

in the dream? I'm not having any mental problems or disturbances. You're going to die. You're gonna die from a nut attack. You have a nut allergy. That might be the real one. You have a nut allergy and this is your body talking to your brain, your fucking lungs and your whatever gets bad when you have a nut allergy your blood it's like in your brain like yo be afraid of walnuts Thanksgiving's coming up. Stay on your toes. It is weird to sneak nuts in there. I know. It is so weird to be the origin of a creepypasta like I didn't know what it felt like to be the first person that someone heard a story from that heard the story from someone like with the middle man of a creepypasta. This is like okay in many ways I think scarier than Slenderman. I think we have

and this is why I did want to talk about is I think we could get a lot of profit a lot of financial profit and this bad or good economy it's good to diversify your portfolio. Neutral? It might be neutral economy. No one's neutral. I think it's chaotic but anyway it's definitely chaotic but anyway night head I think has a lot of potential. Yeah we found our offering. Now we'll get this dumb show for seven years we finally found our platform to get off and that's kind of just like nut head. The sci-fi original movie nut head by the McRoy brothers and nut head very scary will we get sued by the planters peanut who and all that that's happening are we gonna be sued by a planters peanut because he's got a sort of cool style these days and I'm worried that maybe we could see some

is there a nut head out there already that we're gonna I guess the Ohio State Buckeye mascot is kind of like that. He's kind of like that but it's like you know what nut that is. Well a Buckeye is really more it's like a seed. And he's got a warm and inviting face that says like it's football time baby this nut doesn't have a face and he doesn't say anything does he carry around big nutcrackers though. No I think I think he's just a here's the thing we could go with a lot of like accessories but I think man in a suit right like casual look casual look casual look yeah so like a jay through top and some corduroy pants but and just like moves with stillness like moves in a very controlled manner and it's just ever present in your dream hellscape.

I don't know that he needs any accessories except maybe a walnut-shaped car. Now that's now we're on some busy world of Richard's scary but spelled like S-C-A-R-Y. Exactly yeah yeah yeah but maybe you don't see that till dream 12 and like dream one through 11 you're like oh god oh god. Dream 12 he gets in his walnut car propeller pops up on top he flies away and he has a fun time in the sky with his worm. And on and on 12 you're like hey well oh wait who is your nut heads fun. But then in dream 13 he's back and this time he has a hundred knives. Yeah oh so maybe not a nut head. The thing I don't love about this that I would want to tweak this IP that we've created from y'all who answer is the casual clothes that just strikes me as very strange that

you're like nut predator would be just in in sweats like I don't think that's that could be a lot scarier I think. Maybe you're invading nut heads home in this dream. You're in nut head stream right so like nut head when he's out scaring or they let's say they let's not assume when they're out scaring yeah they're in like full like scary tux right or whatever and when they're at home they're in like you know maybe a polo and some me on these lounge pants and it's an interesting look but it's theirs and then they're like keep looking at you through windows because they're like what the fuck oh she's back she's back she's back oh yeah the nut head wakes up in the middle of the night next to their partner in bed and shakes them because they had the dream again

and then nut head looks at them and says nothing nothing I mean I don't have a mouth but we have to clear that head talking for like a few films in I feel like I mean they probably just rattle around and the nut bumps up against the husk and so it sounds like you know and that's you know what very scary like I love that but you know what is what is scary except the abnormal so to to the nut family like they're you know rattling around it's like yeah that's normal and then they see a human and their face opens up yeah and there's like jagged bones and shit in there that's terrifying like human being faces are scary as shit if Travis you're got a good point I've got my mouth is full of sharp bones and a lot of those bones have metal in them because I eat a lot of

sour patch kids right and can you imagine that like it's all wet and pink and gross and I got that and you got this weird like exposed organ in your mouth it's like and it can like it it lick what's going on with that is it poisonous if I'm a nut eat nuts yeah you eat nuts nuts don't eat you yeah you if you were eating even eating sour patch kids would be hugely disturbing to nuts like they eat the children yeah because they don't know the difference between night I think this is important important part of the character is that they're an idiot because it's yeah that's the one thing about like uh the the good thing about uh the nut man is that not just not the good thing about that is he is extremely noble so like if you turn off the lights in room he's

like I've gone blind yeah I know it's a very scary idiot you know how they talk about like the dinosaurs had a brain the size of a walnut yeah this is what this this this is what they're talking about okay but it's a large you know oh no it's quite large oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god what if it's not a big walnut you open the window you're like oh my god it's a headless man no no no look there's a little walnut on there on a regular size neck on a regular size neck it just tapers up to a walnut the story talking like steep taper on the neck what's scarier what's scarier because I think small walnut is much much much much much much scarier yeah good good I mean like if you see a large nut you are in a horror situation you are

going to know that you need to crack it like it's obvious you need to bury an axe in there if it's a small nut like good luck good luck yeah like you'd have to hold still well and imagine the scene of like you look out the window and it what looks like just like a regular walnut sitting on the window sill and you're like oh somebody left a walnut on my way but then it stands up in their shoulders shoulders get out of town there's a Travis shaped hole in the wall okay from a marketing perspective though is tiny nut head gonna be a lot harder to cosplay because I feel like that's true people are gonna want to bring this character to to cons well it's gonna it's gonna require head binding and a very very intense you guys shrink your head down and that's all there's to it

let me offer a solution that I think the boys in r&d and marketing are gonna be happy with it is a creature with a small nut head but they wear a helmet that that looks like a big nut and you don't find that out till maybe movie four um so the entire time they've had a small nut in there right okay I think we would be remiss not doing our duty if we did not maybe even explore the space of what if the head is truck nuts like I feel like it's our job as doing a comedy podcast three got three dudes on it if it's not can we not can we not do the Wayans Brothers work for them like they're obviously going to be parodying this with truck nuts yeah I don't know that we want to I mean if you want to beat them to the punch it for scary movie 80

like I'm I'm fine with that if you want to go ahead and say like they got options you could do nut head and they could do butt head and then there's a big butt up in there there's a lot of fun stuff who I mean I this is the big question that if everybody's sort of asking that are on the tip of their tongue and I did want to hold the cards close to the vest but I think we should go ahead and just get it out there who's playing nut head let me google best actors like Martin Sheen as a nut head it's an it's a nobody would see that one coming I feel like and I feel like he's he needs uh you know he's been out of limelight for a little bit gotta be Vigo get me oh my god Vigo Martin gotta be Idris Elba Idris Elba is in everything I don't like he's way too busy but you

know who we might be able to have some chance with his Mads yeah gotta get mad oh my god Justin you are actually doing a very good job at casting nut head like Mads Mikkelson is nut head um IRL he's real life nut head like I heard he's been looking for a franchise and this could be I mean sure he was in you know Dr. Strange and Star Wars and scene or out but like this could be his franchise that is just Mads because you know once he's retired he's gonna want to work the con circuit and what better way of establishing those sort of bona fides than with a huge horror franchise that is all Mads I'm worried that we just took the first draft and kind of ran with it because nut head I think is very good is there another are there other characters that we could generate here

like lamp do you mean like a nut head kids club kind of thing well no it's maybe before we go all in on nut head is lamp body anything and this is a person with Mads Mikkelson's head and I think we could get better acting out of him that way but then his neck and everything below is just one very big lamp that's sort of the direction I would love to explore what you need in in a good horror character I think is what you need is the reveal of like so maybe it's like the tips of their fingers or micro machines you know so it's like oh that's just a normal per oh no oh no they got micro machines on their fingers they got micro machines for fienders get is guitar bone or anything is that anything no prince already did that back in the right it's done guitar boners done

what about cream cheese feet cream cheese feet is very scary now can they ambulate well they I think they kind of slip and slide all over the place that's a bad area away yeah yeah let me pitch this washboard abs but literal okay okay okay all right I love that we could probably combine all these for the avengers style I thought you meant in one person with a lamp body but washboard abs and cream cheese feet and a walnut for a head this is just a big pile of things in my this character exists in my garage right now that's it that's the reveal right so you know in a movie where it's like you you see a scary shadow in the lightning flash and you're like oh that's a person and you turn it on and it's just oh it's just a pile of things on the chair the pile of things on the chair is the

killer oh and maybe madz is the guy who owns the house and he doesn't realize until it's too late and we can call it madz in the real nut and he doesn't maybe because then we get a psychological horror element of is it the lamp a real but it is a real and it's all okay so madz mickelson and martin sheen are roommates loving it so far uh in college bring it in college but now but yeah no they went back because martin sheen retired and went back because he wants to get his masters and like processes he has to prove to his dad that he can inherit the hotel fortune and so he goes back right and madz realized he never really had a childhood because he was a child star and so now he wants to go back to college to get his madsters uh-huh and they've rented an apartment

and when does nut head even show up in this fucking feature travis well nut head comes at the end where uh nut head reaches up and you just see like a hand which is actually unidentifiable as nut head because okay hold on hold on hold on travis has just suggested an innovation which i believe is bigger than nut head bigger than anything where and it's it's a secret horror movie sarin dipping you fucking two sacking beckons dale or beckonsworth no one's can remember right now griffin can't get together they put the number in the book oh fate brought them back to while you were sleeping you woke up and got penciled through his balls but i love him and not you and i'm so sorry and then sandi and the other one getting bed and good night and then a hand

and comes up from under the bed it reaches up and grabs at the persons grabs after grabs after it's so scary and then it cuts to black and then all the things you say to me because i'm one step you know and it was like it's like it's a horror movie a whole time dumb dumb exactly just people say like it's so scary and you'll be watching the whole thing like this doesn't seem that scary it's very scary they're out on a lake and then uh oh jason jumps out of the lake at the end spook spook spook smash cut to black and there you said and here's my innovation if i might take this innovation even further the post credit sequence is an hour and 45 minutes long and it's been fighting the nut head it's been fighting the nut head so it's

like stick around for after the credits but do make sure you go to the bathroom during the credits and get something to eat and maybe call the babysitter and tell him the movie is about to start yeah and i think it maybe it doesn't have to be an hour 45 minutes i think this is in every movie and so in in while you were sleeping two uh still woke they have to fight off the nut head and they probably have a little bit of trouble with it but then they push them in front of the train tracks and it's a very poetic and great way to kill the nut head Thor Ragnarok they you know beat the devil or whatever at the end i haven't seen it because i don't go movies anymore but they they beat them and they're like yeah we did it and they have the big feast at the end and

Thor's there and the Hulk there and they're all having fun and then nut head reaches up on a table everything is saying a man and then it cuts to the end of the credits and they're like nut head smash into the like killing with their superpowers their big hammer uh huh so it could be i mean it's just it doesn't have to be a horror movie it's just before the movie kit in someone has to fight the nut head and that can i tell you something we're gonna make bank on that yeah because that you're gonna make money from nut head being in every movie ever made yeah right like and it's and it's gonna create one big like nut averse where like every movie is connected by nut head and in the way ends when they do the scary movie 80 sequel and they do have truck nuts at the end of it and

they do all their fun jokes at the end of it they're gonna have to confront the nut head and there's there's nothing they can and it's gonna confuse i thought this was a parody why is the nut head and he has to be in all movies all they pass the law it's all it's uh i have i have terrible news uh we have put all this in the podcast oh no tm tm tm tm tm tm oh i thought you were saying because the past 25 minutes have been sort of a freestyle uh just nonsense sort of diarrhea sort of pinata situation no no no no that's that's all fine um that is however the conclusion of our podcast we hope you've uh inexplicably enjoyed yourself uh throughout um want to one last time because this last time i'll get to talk to you until it happens macklewayshows.com slash tours

please go get tickets for the chicago show and our milwaukee show um they're gonna be a lot of fun i promise they will be fun and also somewhat buck wild and please send in uh your questions for those shows and when you do just a little brief reminder on the best way to get your your questions on the shows anything that's like looking for actual help about a non-serious situation like those are the two best scenarios like just a funny story that you saw we appreciate the funny stories it's just please understand it is just not a very good uh launch pad for us to do our thing and the same is like if you are asking about like a really serious situation between friends or whatever it's that's we're not going to make goofs about your very serious life situation um so when

you send those in just make sure to put either chicago milwaukee or minneapolis in the subject line so i can find them quickly and easily oh and same for yahoo's i could really use some help from my my my yahoo soldiers out there just because we're doing four shows back to back to back and need a lot of stuff also i should mention next episode that goes up will be a live show from one of these things but we're gonna try not to uh put up two in a row like we've done in the past we'll hang on to these and we're gonna have a lot of live shows in the bank i'm not sure what we should do with them but we'll figure it out also thanks to john rogerick in the long winters for these sort of theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed it's a fantastic album

we're so grateful that we're able to use that as our theme song and thanks to maximumfun.org for letting us be on the on the network you can check out all the great shows there at maximumfun.org shows like late of the lady and stop podcasting yourself and join jesse go and judge on hodgeman and all kinds of great shows all at maximumfun.org and we have other stuff that you can find at macaroyshows.com uh i also i want to mention because it's it's not a maximum fun and it's new and i'm really enjoying doing it me and my friend tibie started a podcast called run a doctor who fancast uh we were about to wrap up the eccleston season and they were going to jump around uh to tenet and matt smith and uh capaldi episodes so that when the new season premieres with

joey wittiger we can talk about that um you can find it on itunes or on twitter it's run fancast but yeah we're having a really great time doing it and uh i hope you enjoy it uh y'all want to wrap it up yeah all right this one is sent in by a ton of people thank you everybody it's from yahoo answers user malcom who asks is every greg blood related i can't find any information my name is jester macaroy i try this macaroy i'm griffin macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips uh oh what's that coming from under the bed oh no he's here and then we have to fight the nut head just like it's the end of the thing play with me you stopped recording didn't you

hey maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported what's up i'm jane's the co-host of minority corner and look at that i'm a neck a the other co-host of minority corner girl guess what what we just hit our 100th episode what and what do you think is going to be in store for the next 100 probably some more fuge with jennifer hudson and i'm telling you we'll probably do more investigative reporting too like we did with the kodak and their racist film not to mention exposing the truth like how we did with the ugly history of the texas rangers but we always lighten the mood with the splash of pop culture olivia popes new wig have you seen that it's popping

just like your lip gloss and jenna jackson and you know we like to put our nerd glasses on and talk about things like marvel true that's it i don't speak about tc but you just did why all from a perspective that's black queer and ladylike so come on over and learn laugh and play and join the corner it's a lot of fun i'm having fun right now minority corner