My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 394: Face 2 Face: I Fritos Hard

Episode Date: February 19, 2018

Justin's on paternity leave this week, so we're proud to present our live show from stunning Milwaukee from last November! We were all suffering unavoidable injuries this show, and inexplicably, it turned the episode into a pretty randy engagement.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy, and I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. You know folks, here we are. It's the end of a tour.

It's the end of our four days tour, and we are not as young as we once were. Time works. Yeah, and this tour has been plagued with completely unavoidable injuries. Was anybody at the Minneapolis show last night? All right, don't tell what happened, but I suffered a very brave injury. On top of Griffin's unavoidable injury? Brave. Hurray. Brave. Griffin fell backwards in his chair. It's really the only injury you can sustain in our format. We don't have a lot of pyrotechnics. Well, that's not true. It made the local newspaper headlines that said Hero Boy has good fall. Yeah. Hero Boy saves show with pratfall. I had the unavoidable injury of one of the hosts of

Hello for the Major Tavern, Adel Refai. You know how sometimes you unavoidably arm wrestle someone seven times? Because you unavoidably drink. Because you unavoidably drink bourbon? And like then you wake up and you're old and like your shoulders and your arms hurt. And then the next day, different parts of your body hurt. That's what old age is, by the way, young people. I have sustained a 48-hour spectrum of injuries from arm wrestling, some of which took 36 hours to develop. And I have a fever right now. And so this morning. I had a fever so bad last night that I started trying to figure out who would be Justin tonight. Yeah. That's how bad this fever was. And I know, listen,

you're all listening to this right now and you're like, money back please. And I get that. And this one. But no, but no, no. There's no refunds. We need that body for like, we need that money for operations, apparently, to our old, old bodies. Here's the thing. We woke up this morning real early. And then we got on a train. Not just any train, the Empire Builder. The Empire Builder. It's a line that goes from Chicago to Seattle. We took it just on the brief leg, the two brief leg, from Minneapolis to Milwaukee, which was only six hours. And I don't think there's anything that six hours were at the end of it. I think, oh man, I can't believe it's over. But that's the way I fell after this train today. I couldn't believe that I had to get off the train. It healed my back.

Yep. Yeah. It made me not have drunkenly arm wrestled out of reply. It was amazing. Justin still does have a fever. But I'm feeling good now. I was feeling a little rough. 45 seconds ago. Back there. But then I came out and I got some meat. I opened up a tall, cool glass of Milwaukee energy. And now you've fed it into me. So appreciate that. And just so you know, and I don't, I don't like to throw my power behind things lightly, but ride more trains. Yeah, they're great. I want them to have a resurgence that I can take a train like to the grocery store. Even their announcements are like a hundred times better than airplane announcements. Can you have

the, can we, hold on, I'll see if it'll work. I don't know if we got permission from, there was a gentleman named Will who kept doing announcements that were the best shit I'd ever heard in my entire life. And I looked forward to them because he wasn't doing the usual like Southwest Airlines Austin Powers impression. All right, let's do it. See me hear this. Okay. I'll do my best. So those people come say hi, come grab that vodka tonic, that cheating juice, ice, cold, air. As Will, I had, and you know what? I didn't need those things, but you know, I had to get down there to see that guy. And he was as delightful as you would hope he would be in person. It was

amazing. Thank you Will. Thank you trains. Thank you. Should we do our thing where we do any of the questions? So we got an advice show as you've certainly guessed by now. We're going to take an intermission. So, I mean, not right now, but we will be taking intermission, intermission like, we're going to be taking several intermission. Justin will be asleep during the whole intermission just straight up. But when we've got an eight minute diarrhea intermission, I'll let you know. But when we come back, when we come back from intermission, we're going to do audience questions. So we want you to be thinking about those now prepping and stealing yourself for when you stand up and there's lights up and you're like, oh, shit, there's a lot of people

here. Yeah. And you had to talk about it. I have a coworker who immediately after crossing the doorway of the bathroom starts unbuckling and unzipping his pants as he walks to the urinal. He doesn't seem to have a medical condition or even have to go with any urgency. My question to you brothers is how close to the toilet do you need to be in order to start getting ready? Who's that? Who's that by no name? Are you here? Holy shit. Are you nine feet tall? I don't know if that came from the balcony or if they're nine feet tall. It's a good question because if you think about it, the if you're not close enough and Nina was the name. I don't know why I didn't close enough and Nina. Okay. So the weird thing

is if you think about it, you if you start that literally the second before you cross the threshold of the bathroom, it's a crime and then you get across through the threshold and it's not a crime anymore. So it was so what do we do? What do we even do? And yeah, so I feel like from a legality perspective, you're fine once you cross the threshold. Holy shit. I've never thought about it before, but there I can't think of any other. Well, maybe a bedroom, a room that's like it's okay. If you do it in here, it's not a crime zone. Yeah, like does that idea of like we have designated that there's something in this paint that protects your nudity. It's lead. So Jesus can't see you and Superman. Jesus and Superman can't see what happens in the bathroom. I would be,

I wouldn't do this not from a question of decency, but just of like, like my pants falling down. I mean, that's funny once. Yeah, or not. If you get in the bathroom and you're just like, what? Like it's kind of you walk to the urinal with your pants around your ankles like you're a toddler. That's what I'm saying. It's maybe funny once. If you're, if you're that person, they mentioned that I don't think they have a medical condition. What medical condition would necessitate? I need constant breeze on my zone. You know, the problem here is that we have lost something in the world and specifically in this country. Human decency. No, but yes, bathroom attendance, because it was their job to say. What are they going to do? It was their job

like, no, you're suggesting it was a bathroom attendance job to let you know and begin. Consummate your toilet. Yes, right this way, sir. Nope, not yet. I saw it. Go right ahead. When we, dad and I flew in together and we went and boy are his arms tired. No. No, even I'm going to say no to that one. No, we flew in through Atlanta and boy are his arms tired. So our, our airplane landed in Atlanta before leaving for another dammit stop and they had a bathroom attendant in there and we were waiting in line. You're going to have to, I wish I had like a diagram, but we were waiting in line for the toilet stalls

and there was a line of urinals in front of us and then there was a line of urinals to the right that would have been out of sight for us and there was a bathroom attendant standing right in front of dad and I and he was going urinals and then pointed at the ones that were open to our right and then again urinals right here and then he said urinals right over here fellas there's several urinals open right here fellas urinals right here like five times and eventually I have to look at this man dead in the eye and say I'm going to poop like I know thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I'm going to poop you should have just walked over and pooped in the urinal like you're the boss went in Atlanta you're the expert I guess yeah it's

your bathroom man if you if you want to attend to that I guess that's your prerogative uh how about a yahoo this yahoo was actually sent by a lot of people thank you everybody who sent this one and it's by yahoo answers user amber who asks what did christian gray say in the clean tv version of the movie 50 shades of gray he said I don't make love I blank hard what word did he say there in the clean version of the movie suitable for tv I cannot but I cannot believe tbs would put in the elbow grease required to get this cut going yeah I get hard I am I am hard no see I don't think that would work that's still not I don't have what is it I don't make love I don't make love I don't make love I hump I don't make love I hump you don't understand

what censorship is I feel like I don't make love I love hard I think you can I think you you can allude to having I think it's just like the f word that they're having a problem what did I just I think it's fuck sorry we're all grown-ups here I'm like it's gonna be a dribble joke yeah um I I don't make love I digital hand appears I don't make love I you know they use that digital hand so much during the movie it covers this is my secret room in here we're gonna shh and do shh in the during the sex scenes they edit in like eight of them just all angled at different different nope nope that would be so good nobody wants to

look at the the black censor bars anymore they just want to see like a guy up there just like and he's like watching as he keeps up with it like oh god why are they moving so much I think they should just have digital parents fingers come in in front of the screen just like four fingers cover what you see but digital guy who's blocking the whole screen right would be great because he's watching and he's like whoa no way oh your parents would be watching too they wanted to watch an erotic film they're not gonna miss out on some of the erotic scenes yes it's there for no parents put on an erotic film and be like oh no I keep saying erotic film no parents put on an erotic film period you're all welcome sleep well um what if it was what if they just leaned into

the censorship it was like I don't make love I study hard and you should do here's a pencil and a candle I pray hard so extra hard and loud sign my prey contract this is 50 shades of prey they should this is no they're missing a money making opportunity I don't make love I Fritos what Christian you got my Fritos jeans put your Fritos on the floor I'm gonna spray Doritos all over your Pringles are you ready to get flavor blasted are you ready to get flavor blasted I'm making it feel like a bag of Doritos covering the sex scenes and a lot of movies with sex scenes that go on TBS or USA characters welcome what they do is they

just zoom and like tight crop on the non sexual parts of the sex that's happening and I feel like for this movie it would it's just like a tiny frame a slow band like a photo frame background just like his dog this is like just crops that if you cut all the sex scenes out of 50 shades of prey it's basically a short film about a very rich businessman that does not go to work I haven't seen 50 the second one 50 shades harder 50 shades 50 shades harder 50 shades danker is it the one and now when he just goes to work the whole time we were we were talking about a question we were thinking about doing that we decided not to do but during the discussion of that Travis introduced the phrase into the world 50 shades of gray smr and we're not going to do

anything with that it's just I wanted to record yeah thank you very much yeah I'm so I was so proud of it you know how like you hatch a baby bird and then someone's like I'm gonna kill that you know like oh I wish you would I wish you would just stay that's how I felt stay in the world I wish you wouldn't kill my baby bird but I get it it's not funny I went to Penn Station before seeing Thor Ragnarok with one of my friends no spoilers while at Penn Station my friend began to make sex sounds and faces while eating a sandwich this is a raunchy it's a very randy affair all the questions are sexually themed sorry we should have warned you ahead of time uh this is a very sexual because as we start to get sick and beating up get home we're a we're severely broken people

I think I've got a fever yeah you do when asked why he was doing this he looked at me dead in the eyes and said it's just that good he's a very enthusiastic person but this behavior takes that to a new level can I remain friends with him should I just never go to Penn Station with him again help me brothers are you here is your friend here and if you are here please just a yes noise yes just a regular yes it would be fine okay yeah is it possible your friend hadn't like never had a sandwich before because here's the thing I'm not this is nothing against sandwich chains but to have a sandwich is like my god yeah it's not possible like that's like legend so you can have a sandwich orgasm and still be demure about it yeah just

like you like it like the when Harry met Sally but you eat it and you're like and then that's it I'm gonna finish this sandwich it's not all yelling yelling that seemed to be more upsetting if she was like trying to cloak it wouldn't it I'll have um I'll actually have another table if you could move me away from that woman that would be great what uh do you remember off the top of your head which Penn Station offering it was what sandwich it was your friend enjoyed the club sandwich that's it wasn't even hot it wasn't even hot it was a club a cold club sandwich there's not even like a good or bad with that it's just to bread and the cheese and then meat I mean when I when I lived in LA the this is a story about a good sandwich you ate

one time I'll walk off the stage no no no no it's when we lived in Culver City there was university housing next to us and every sunday for six months we could hear someone make loud sex noises yeah and here's the thing it was every sunday from three to four and the thing was there was no peak or valley to it it was three o'clock to three oh oh oh one for an hour and I bring this up because much like that your friend was trying to prove something about how much they were enjoying the sandwich like we get it or how loud an orgasm they can have both of which are kind of meaningless accomplishments I feel like did it continue throughout the day did he see Thor Ragnarok and like oh the fight I love when Thor does it ever

you get a free popcorn refill it's such a great value extra butter yeah I've never sounded like that having sex ever how about a different what what what I mean I know what it is this just came in this one was just came in so hot I didn't even know I was going to do it

till I found it on my how did it how did it get on your iPad it was on here and I forgot about it and then it popped up while I was looking for something else haunted doll watch um this is kind of a different one because usually we have a tapestry of a narrative and this is a much shorter kind of thing but I just wanted to highlight a user on ebay that posted a lot of haunted dolls they're regular indiana jones and haunted dolls with all of their discoveries her name's punk and leah and one again punk and leah and she does short stories wait the user is punk and leah punk and leah the doll doesn't write short stories no

oh man that would have been a good homework hack here we go here's the first one haunted doll possessed by demonic entity this doll is so chilling she screams random times nights are favorable has been caught turning her head on her own and my pets will even not go near end of listing oh that's it that's the listing new doll this doll scares the shit out of me it always moves on its own which is terrifying and we've even heard laughs in the middle of the night I thought I could handle it this is the next level haunted I need it gone end of listing price price to move I didn't even wait how much how much go back to that one how much

$18 I need it gone I didn't even know you could cuss on ebay new doll don't let the sweet face fool you I've had many haunted items throughout the years but never one that completely moved in front of me and bald daylight literally scared the shit out of me end of listing this sweet petite little thing is evil the core I've woke up now numerous times with her in my bed I have removed it from my house in hopes of profiting this from happiness again I want her gone any offer is considered $25 don't let the cute face fool you this possessed doll is terrifying she likes to disappear she don't like to say where you put her and she even giggles at night I'm ready for her to disappear forever she scares the hell out of me please beware end of listing I do like that

there's a sliding scale of this one scares the shit out of me this one just scares the hell out of me it's not as bad these are all from the same person and they were all posted within an hour of each other hey hey leah how are things at your house seems like you've got kind of a wild house right now hey leah why not one bulk sale is hey do you want some scary as shit dolls at a low low price have I got a group deal for you I want all these bastards gone here's my question usually when you do a haunted doll watch it's like well they will watch over anybody sleeping healing but who is scanning through ebay like where's the scariest fucking asshole i can buy they're I mean they're all pretty scary to me but I don't know I scare you first

but then if you get one that's like shh I got you I have calming energies that would actually be right now kind of nice all right griffin yet did you ever got who I did and it is sent by level 9000 yah drew drew a drew Davenport it's yah drew answers user sorry something has gone wrong or try to reload the page and see if the data will appear on my laptop it has not appeared on the laptop guess I'm gonna call this one Annabelle randy randabelle asks if someone came up with the idea of a meat drink would you drink it it seems as if people will try anything these days what I want to order you did come up with the idea of a drink what if someone came up on my oh wait I just did oh no I just came up with the idea of a meat drink we've made drink out of

everything yeah vegetables yes fruits yes grains yes orbits orbits the fifth element Zeema Zeema the sixth element but now meat you gotta cloak it pretty good I think like v8 won't even don't have the courage to put vegetable in it they're gonna shorten it if they could just call that drink vegetables lots no one would like it but you do have they put an eight so it's a finite number like yes I'm drinking eight no veggies though but say you gotta hide the meat so what I think you should do is it should just say on the bottle pepsi but then in really small letters below that it says meat and it and it doesn't have a lot of meat it could just be one little when you start production it could just be one tiny little boba tea bubble of meat yeah and

you could be drinking your pepsi unaware and just like a lot of you just went oh how often you drink your pepsi and think I wonder what's in this so you what I'm saying is you do that and then gradually over the weeks and months you add a little more meat into it and you make the font bigger on meat so eventually it just says meat and then at the bottom like printed on the bottom it's just like a pepsi coat product and it's pretty much all meat at that point just a big cylinder of meat in a drink this is great because I feel like the biggest roadblock of any new culinary idea it's just getting people over their hang ups no yeah just do you have a solution for it or I don't know maybe maybe tell them they've been drinking meat all along and something else

when we were like I don't mean like what do you think is an orange juice oh shit you're right I guess there's meat orange juice is just like fruit meat I possess no critical thinking skills so yeah I guess orange juice is me you just gotta get like a Kardashian to be like I love meat drink I love meat drink by which I mean sunny delight Paul's got my meat drink hold on thanks Paul it's just coffee hey with booze uh broth oops oh man it is like a meat damn it you've been drinking it this whole time well you hopefully you have not been drinking bra hope we don't have an audience of octogenarians that have just been nursing broth this whole time um my god damn it was right in front of us the whole time

broth god damn I got another question okay all right I'm an illustrator pursuing my art degree at an art school we get it in the area and notice something troubling during my time at art school um we have to take figure drawing classes you know where you draw naked people for hours in basically the dark it's a great way to learn about the human body but whenever we have male models many of my classmates refuse to draw the pippus how do you advise and encourage my fellow students to stop being cowards and draw that dang dick already see like we said very sexual show yeah no kidding wait wait wait are you here

yeah very close when you say refuse like refuse is it like they just robe and someone loudly announces I'm gonna stop at the dick and there's nothing you can say did isn't this homework again the dog ate the penis part of my drawing when you turn it in does the deger would turn it with like a circle and an x like didn't draw that you came you came so close your art was wrong I am into this idea of just drawing all of it including that nasty thing and then you just grab at the penis part of the art and you tear it away and then you could say like got caught in the subway doors again if you were the person who was modeling for this and after the class you were like

I'm gonna go look at some of the art and then you looked at all the art and no one drew your dick you might have a second or two where you're like why did I have to have my dick I mean if you aren't gonna it's kind of a tree falls in the forest kind of thing of what if a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw the tree stick if nobody you don't want to draw my dick I don't want you to draw my dick I'm fine if you're modeling and no one draws your dick you pretty much just had your dick out yeah basically maybe a like a nice bikini brief down there to make people feel more comfortable that's worse I feel like no here's what you do then you have the so the the model wears underpants maybe me on these and this is beautiful beautiful

by the way yeah this whole process is beautiful I don't want to stigmatize nude art drawings no nude art is great they're wearing their underpants right and then whoever wants to draw that can and then they leave and then the real fun begins and then someone else comes in and they're wearing a bodysuit except for a cut out around their penis and then anyone who wants to draw the penis can finish the drawing maybe alternatively we take the art drawn by your coward classmates who are afraid it is beautiful afraid of the human body and we just well you know fill in the space by going online on literally any game that involves drawing at all any sort of universe literally anything where anybody is allowed to draw anything in an online environment

and we take the ocean of dicks from those and we copy and paste what if you may be sort of adjusted the pose of the life model so their pose was sort of like huh undeniable like pointing two fingers with the finger guns pointing at their penis because then if you draw that and don't draw with their point to that is bad art we're about five minutes in by the way and that's the first time one of us said the word penis fair enough we're children i am right now picturing a television show now how i thought that was gonna no maybe a youtube series of somebody in like a green screen bodysuit except for a cut out oh no the penis oh no no no no no i wouldn't and then it's just the adventures of a penis hanging on different blizzards yeah and listen i know no you don't

have a child and i think it's funny as shit all right but that place would have to be the bathroom or the bedroom the two places the two places you could shoot something like that um maybe come up with like draw your uh and then get like copies of your drawing in sticker form and then you can just walk around and like add it to everyone's drawing but like i you're welcome colabo yeah you can borrow my penis that i drew i worked really hard on it let me you should draw just the penis next time how about this everyone we have another yahoo i feel exhausted by the tone of the episode this one is also standard by level 9000 yah drew drew drew davenport thank you true it's from yah drew answers user jonathan santana who asks is it possible to build toy

with fake muscles skin veins bones organs etc i want to have a toy smurf with fake muscles veins skin bones organs exception some you know sorry i read that wrong i want to have a toy smurf with fake muscles veins skin bones organs etc you know i don't so where can i possibly order to get one and what would be an estimate on how much it would cost ps i want it to be realistic not faith-looking this person wants to get into some some gargamel play and i appreciate that i celebrate them what is gargamel play until he asks terrified it's just like welcome to another gargamel play video i'm gonna squish some more of those delicious smurfs with my sexy red boots and then you just squish them for money on a webcam but just smurfs just how did we turn this one

okay okay hold on to that point griffin if somebody says i want a toy with muscles skin bones and organs that's really they're either going to crush it yeah in a movie that they're making at home like autopsy it that's worse fucking or eat it you just kind of slid that in there oh what did i i know did she just kind of slip that in there no i stand by it i it's just i'm so tired of talking about like i should make it clear i know we're talking about a lot of dirty stuff if y'all try to get up to those audience lines and ask those dirty questions it'll disappear it's kind of an act one act two thing okay so oh shit do you think they want to make a fake crime scene and maybe they want to play like smurf pro and then somebody smurf this guy smurf this

fucking dude his smurf and smurf guts are everywhere get a smurf yeah who answers user drake bijou answered check in stores and that's the best answer please please please please go to your local toys rs or kb toys hey i'm looking for a so let me know if you have this i know holidays are around inventory limited i get it and i should have been more proactive is i'm looking for a smurf with real muscles pain skin bones organs etc real skin yes you heard me and i know is always right i could just go on amazon but you know what i support local shops like toys or us a little mom and pop mom and pop smurf body shops bye god bless can you imagine if you went into a toys or us and said that to a player like we

don't have it but i know a guy i know a guy we can get the smurf he's the grossest person ever that's kind of his thing is you're gonna love him but he'll have what you need i really should have kept my head on a swivel with this question because i should have known there's only really one use for a smurf for real organs yeah i'm sorry everybody it's probably smudger than there's x or e i feel like i've disappointed myself that's all daddy can i listen to your podcast no no not this one daddy wishes he didn't listen to his podcast i don't see why the next generation should hey everybody this is griffin thank you so much for listening to our live episode from

jesus like last november that we recorded in milwaukee i think at this point we've put up all of the shows from a midwest tour we had such a great time and thank you midwestern territory for for welcoming us with wide open arms sorry that we were turning the favor by turning in like an inexplicably randy episode we're putting up a live show because justin and sydney just had a baby and we are very happy and very excited uh i'm gonna be traveling this weekend to hunting to go meter and uh yeah we're just we're really excited and and so justin's taking a little bit of time off and so we got this live episode for you and we hope that you enjoy it and i'm here right now to tell you about our advertisers this week our first one is squarespace squarespace

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out the middleman and sells directly to the consumer we have a casper mattress we all do actually that we that we all sleep on and you know i got one in the guest room that i sleep on and it's so comfy i say when i sleep on it only occasionally and i've talked about my reasons for doing so and i'm not going to get into it again but they are gastrointestinal in nature and i don't think casper loves it when i bring that up but it's a very very comfortable bed regardless of why you sleep on it casper brand mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amount of sink and the right amount of ounce you can be sure of your purchase with casper's 100 night risk-free sleep on it trial you can also get 50 towards selected

mattresses by visiting casper.com slash my brother and using the promo code my brother at checkout terms and conditions they do apply on that one got a few jumbotrons here this first one is to tell you all about megan and rj's quest to ruin classic literature one book at a time on the podcast oh no lit class which is a very good name for a podcast you can listen to it at oh no lit class dot com or wherever you get your podcast oh no lit class is a comedy literature podcast hosted by two bitter english grads here to tell you all the weird and sexy things you never knew about the books you had to read in school were a fun foul mouthed rather they are were also pretty fun and foul mouth but they're a fun foul mouthed spark notes for your ears

mixing plot summaries author bios and trivia with filthy jokes bad impressions and worse singing learn what book was written as a petty act of spite how the author of the scarlet letter got stuck shoveling poop huh and why dracula absolutely deserves to be kink shamed i don't know if i agree with that i don't own that sometimes we just read the things that people write in the letters although i do want to know more okay anyway that's oh no lit class oh no lit class dot com or wherever you get your podcast have a message here for chelsea and it's from rob the best and rob wrote that so keep that in mind as i read this message hey chelsea you are such a great friend it is such a blast playing board games world building and spending hours theory crafting dark souls lore

together that's absolutely my jam uh previously you paid the brothers to say that i was the best and now i am paying them to officially make you the coolest seriously brothers she is the coolest here's to more gun deer goofs uh there's nothing funny about champion gun deer uh you know they've been through a lot and they're a real pain in the ass first boss boy i hope everybody listen this display dark souls 3 uh anyway congratulations chelsea you are now officially the coolest got another message here this one's for bill and it's from gretchen and kasey who's a bill we're so excited that you're moving to portland we're really looking forward to spending more i don't know why i made that sound sarcastic we're really looking forward to spending more time with you in old ways metal gear

metal gear and new macaroy show listening parties combine those two ain't no ain't no law against that um may mansion land west continue to grow in numbers and radness love kasey and gretchen uh congratulations metal gear metal gear metal gear hey thanks for listening to uh the show and thank you for treating me about the show and thank you to john rogerick in the long winters for these for theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed thanks for the maximum fun network well thanks to them but thanks for them god and jesus so many great shows on the network just go to maximumfund.org and you're gonna you're just gonna love what you hear uh i'm gonna hop off here right now i think we'll probably have a new episode next i mean we'll have a new we'll have an episode

next week but uh i think justin will be back and ready to record uh so we will be around to knock out a new episode for you and uh i hope you'll stay tuned for that one so uh i'll talk to you next week and goodbye hey this is griffin macaroy hi this is rachel macaroy and we've got a new podcast on maximum fun called wonderful wonderful it's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about things like overalls 24 hours pseudofed the grand prize game the fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators the soundtrack to the movie dick tracy the beach potion we call bud light line all these things and more every wednesday and we'll also talk about things that you're excited about you can find us on

maximumfund.org or itunes or wherever i don't know just search wonderful google it you'll probably get there trevus trevus is exhausting right now and probably will be the remainder of the show you know how you're like oh when i go to a rock show and it takes them forever to come on stage they're probably like partying no i had to use the bathroom but it was upstairs and we pressed for the elevator and it was taking a while and i thought i'll just run up eight stairs eight flights of stairs not eight huge one-story high stairs and i made it four floors and we had already called the elevator so the elevator came down and we're like don't worry about it he's running up the stairs so they're like okay fine and then he ran and i came slow it ran thank you so much for that i hobbled back

down the stairs i was like what was i thinking and then we had to call the elevator again and when we say call the elevator there's a literal person who's running there's my and they know our shame yes maya's right uh so we're gonna start doing some uh audition okay all right uh so we're gonna try and then we're gonna turn things over to you oh my gosh this has never happened take it take it take it i want a munch

i want too much hey everybody welcome to munch squad it's a podcast inside a podcast what a delight now griffin why did you ip theft our brother i ip thefted our brother because for in the two hours preceding the show justin was unconscious for an hour and a half of it and I thought I would sort of help you out with a munch squad. There is one pair of footprints tracked through an Arby's is where you carried me. Here where you stepped on all the roast beef. That was because there are horny people on the internet in my child. We can't say the word. Alright, banned words for half two of the show. Horny, boner, any variation of pep is peep is beeper. Beeper is even off limits. So Taco Bell's done

something. Returning munch squad favorite Taco Bell. Well this is a... they're sort of they're broadening the horizons of what munch squad can be. It's a collab-o project with food favorite Forever 21. Press release. Taco Bell and Forever 21 are making wardrobes a whole lot saucier this fall. Oh no! Excellent. Taco Bell and Forever 21 will come together this October. This October to celebrate personal style and self-expression ahead of the launch of Taco Bell's first fashion collection collaboration. These two like-minded brands. What? Accurate. Accurate. Together. We both want to sell stuff. Together at the intersection of culture and innovation. Are joining forces to make fall

wardrobes a whole lot saucier. While they're at it, they'll help fans keep the heat up and the fun on in more ways than one. Unless these clothes are lined with hot sauce, there is only the one way that clothes keep you warm. By capturing the content that personifies quote forever Taco Bell, you literally just described college. The essence of the preview event, fans can actively take part in the ultimate fashion after-party. Here's some quotes from Marissa Thalberg, chief marketing officer at Taco Bell Corp, who has almost certainly been on the show before. Certainly. We often think of Taco Bell as the fast fashion of food. What?

What could that possibly mean? You don't even think of Taco Bell as the fast food of food. We often think of Taco Bell as the fast fashion of food, given how we continuously introduce innovative limited edition products that everyone can enjoy. So when it came time for our first ever retail collaboration, we knew our partner had to be the leader in actual fast fashion. Is that something? We've seen our fans get individually creative in expressing their love for Taco Bell through fashion. No, you haven't. You've seen sweatpants and more sweatpants. And we believe this collection with Forever 21 is going to be everything they could expect from

us in extending the Taco Bell lifestyle. Sad. Too fashion, original, affordable, creative, a little quirky, and definitely fun. So fun. I kind of jump back a little bit. I love that they say we often think of Taco Bell as something like, okay, you can think about your own thing in whatever way you want. I'm not sure you can say other people think about it. It ain't true. I have to read this next quote from Linda Chang, forever 21 vice president of merchandising, who says in her first sentence, we are excited about this partnership with Taco Bell. This is what you got in the fashion industry, right, Linda? It's maybe a bit of a one sided relationship. Forever 21. Hell yeah, fast food fashion.

That's nothing, but we're here for it. Listen, we're just trying to beat Amazon. Food like fashion is driven by trends and culture, I guess. Merging fashion and food in this collection gives our customers a new way to experience both our brands. When was the last time food was driven by trends? The only time that food, Taco Bell and fashion have combined is when you get meat on your pants from your Taco Bell accident. That said, I am excited to hear there's a way I can experience the Taco Bell brand without ingesting it. That is, I'm excited of a new, that other avenue. Well, because you want to support them, but God, not through my mouth. Yeah, this is the one human body I have. Yeah, that's it. I assume that their combination

of saucy and clothing is sauce on clothing. No, it's like it's clothing that looks like sauce. It's very fun and very Spencer's gifts. Why not Spencer's gifts? That's your, like, let's look in the deep dark truth of Merit Taco Bell. All right, so we want to get to audience questions All right, audience questions. What? I want a munch. I want two munch. You know I was going to take care of you, Milwaukee. Infermed, infermed or no, you will munch. I'm so sorry that was this comes to us direct from me. I mean, is the date line on this particular release, Burger King restaurants uniquely use fire to flame grill the whopper sandwich

also known as America's favorite burger register mark. Getting fired might not be fun, but at Burger King restaurants, getting fired like the flame grill whopper sandwich is always a good thing. What is this generic defines fire? We're going to burn you so bad with our hot grills. We're going, we're going someplace with this. This is why Burger King restaurants will give a free whopper sandwich to anyone who's been fired. But there's a hook. You must publicly confess to getting can on LinkedIn. That's right. Own your fire. Own your fire. Own your fire peasant. Do you want a free burger? Enjoy your free burger. I'm in your career. An employed person for $1.99. So here's what you do

with your life. The one that you have, you remember you have the one life, right? With your life, you go to LinkedIn and post the following public message admitting you got fired. You know there's specific wording. Quote. Imagine seeing this out of context like, okay, three years in PR at triple point. And then right below that it says, I got fired. I want a free whopper. Hashtag whopper severance. Wow. Those I can't, I can't believe the founder of Google is applying for a job here seems over qualified. Let's check that linked. Absolutely not. Absolutely not before Google. They begged for a burger. If you post that, you're going to receive a personalized link to get registered and receive a whopper severance package in the mail,

which comes with a, so here's the fucking thing gang. You lose your job and you got some time on your hands and what you're going to do is post about getting fired on LinkedIn because you want a free hamburger and then Burger King sends you a link to register for a thing where eventually they'll mail you a car for a free hamburger that you will get the mail and be like, what the fuck is this? I've been gainfully employed for three years. Smash cut door open slowly onto suburban home. It has been set. Let Travis finish his smash cut. Smash cut. Honey, how is work? Well, I've got bad news and I've got good news. Bad news is I got fired. We've lost everything. We've lost our benefits and you know how we just bought the house. But good news. I've got dinner covered

in six months. For one of us. For me. Not our three triplets. It has been said. It's a very sad story. It has been said that when one door closes, another one opens. This, this promotion is here by the providence of God. That's my favorite end. It's a wonderful life. You've lost everything, George, but I brought you this coupon. In this case, it's a door to a delicious flavored Whopper sandwich. That's cool. It's a tiny door. It's a little door to a Whopper sandwich. So anyway, that's the thing. Travis, do you have a munch squad? Well, I wrote a sad lib. No, he didn't. He did. He did. He did not. I did not because even I don't enjoy them anymore. Okay, so you said, Justin, I want to put out a formal apology. I'm sorry. I stepped to the throne.

I should have. No, no, no, no. It's all good. All right. Let's get lower lights on us and all the lights on them. All the lights that you have. Oh my God. Whoa. So we're going to ask your name and your question. And then we're going to ask your name and your question, whichever one we think we can decide, we can do the most help on. We'll dig a little bit deeper into that one. It doesn't mean you lost if you don't get paid. It actually in many ways means you won. Yeah. You get to sit down, which is always a win. What is your name? Anna. Hi, Anna. What is your question? So when I first started dating my partner, he did this goof and I didn't listen to your podcast and I was really confused why he knew so much about farm life. Then during

a recent Rose Better Best episode, I realized that farm wisdom wasn't an original goof of his, which did. He is here, but he does want me to say that he never actually claimed it was his own goof. He was just really cute and I didn't want to like ruin what we had going on. Yeah. And we're marrying now and I want to know what we should name our dog. Okay. All right. And your name and question. My name is Lane. I'm not sure I can top that, but just talk about some shit for a while and twist it at the very end. Lane, just speak from the heart. It's not a competition, Lane. Okay. I work in a tea shop and we have free samples, a lot of free samples right at the front. And I'm not always right

there to like hand them out to people. So when people come up and try it, I, you know, try and casually walk towards them and tell them about what we have there and they run. Okay. They just like once, one out of every 100 will stay, but most of them just like bolts like, oh, uh, just try and buy. Yeah. They just came in to score some free tea and then how do I get people to stick around for your, your, your tea lessons? I think yours was very funny. One word answer, name it goat. A dog named goat is a very good name. It's a good name for a dog. I hope that helps. Is it a good name for a dog? It's a good goat. Goat is a fucking kick ass name for a dog. This is my dog goat. And then when people ask you why you say it stands for greatest of all time.

Can you, can you wait, wait, wait, go back to the mic. I'm not done. This is, can you name it something like, and I apologize, but bear with me, like dookie butt and, and, and your house is going to have to burn down a little bit, but that's less great, but dog saves you. Newspaper has to write it up and that's awesome. Good. Thank you. This is going to be in the headline. Okay, so when you go to the people, do you sneak up behind them like a tea vampire and whisper in their ear like, do you like what you're tasting? Like Vlava the Infuser. Are you, are you?

Don't, you only encourage him. It was a good one. Samar, you're detecting some nice tenants. That one's got a real good tenant. What do you buy? What are you brewing? Got a lot of good teas on sale, stranger. When you, when you walk towards them, are you carrying like eight cups of tea like slush, slush, slush, come here. Oh no, wait, this is a good question. Are you walking towards them? Are you running towards them? Usually walking. Are you ever holding two knives? To be fair, I think one knife would do it. One knife would do it.

All right. I'm, I'm, I'm thinking about if I, if I walk into this store and tea is like one of those things where you want to feel like you get it, but unless you are like a student of it, you probably also understand that you have no fucking idea what you're talking. Like I enjoy tea. I don't know fucking anything about tea. So if you see somebody coming over to me and be like, let me explain to you about tea, I will be like, I can't, I gotta go. But, but if you walk over and you say, ooh, I see you've chosen the best tea in the store. All of a sudden I'm like, hey, I am a tea genius. Oh, can I take it one step further? Yeah. You have to wait outside. You can't come from the back. You have to come in from the outside and then like,

like you are also a customer. Be so impressed at this other customer in the wild because nothing would make me feel better than someone who has no ulterior motive telling me I picked a good tea. The problem is that you're sneaking up from behind them. So the, what I'm going to need you to do is to hide behind the counter and then as they're getting the tea, I want you to just slowly sort of edge up. You've always been having tea, Mr. Torrance. Did that help? Yes, actually. Oh, fantastic. I'm realizing, I'm realizing right now that maybe our second person didn't make it down. Hey, what's up? What's your name? Red. Red. Hi, Red. What is your question? Red. Hates linguine or loves it? My partner in crime is obsessed with the movie Ratatouille. Okay. Hell,

yes. And will not stop talking about the movie Ratatouille and I'm starting to believe that she likes Ratatouille more than me. How can I get her a decent bath from the dirty rat people? That is the most wild thing to be jealous of. I feel like, all right. And your question, your name and question. I'm Adrienne. Hi, Adrienne. And this has been something that's been plaguing me for about two years now. About two years ago, I realized on my iPhone, there was a downloaded version of who let the dogs out. But it was a karaoke version. I didn't download it and the only other person who shares my iTunes account, my mom, also has no idea how the hell it got there. She doesn't know the password still, so I know it wasn't. Okay. And caveat, I can't get it off my iPhone. Wait. I've

now transferred it to two different iPhones throughout the two years and it won't go away. Delete it. I've deleted it. It won't. It's the mask. All right. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, because I don't know what you're going to do, but I do want to say this. Have you taken it to like a genius bar? I'm like, no, no, stop. You've killed it. I think I do have the audio evidence if you need to hear it as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, obviously, I feel like Ratatouille is not going to hurt you. You need to get on board with Ratatouille and share the love with your partner. Share the love. It's a wonderful cartoon mouse and all it wants to do is cook

in a kitchen and make the kitchen. And the music is amazing. Music is amazing and it's a beautiful film about the triumph of the rat spirit. The voice acting, the animation. It's a wonderful film. Everything is great about it. You have nothing to be afraid of. Unless... No, there's no unless. You're super good. I promise. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Red. All right. Here it is. Yes, please. Bump that shit full volume. That just sounds like the song. It's... Wait. Everyone be quiet. Does it get... Be quiet. Yeah. Now we're just listening to who let the dogs out. It sounds like that. It's actually us.

It's actually me and Travis doing it. And so much out is who let the dogs out. Who, who, who, who, who let the dogs out. Who, who, who, who, who, who. Okay. Okay. It's a fucking fun tune though. Listen. All right. Listen. Can I know I'm sorry, Griffin? I'm sorry. We can all shit on who let the dogs out. But we all love it. You have got on your phone basically a party starter. Right now? In an awkward situation that you're in, if you just slowly start turning up the volume and people are like, is that the fucking Baja man? I have to ask a question. If you don't want to answer, it's fine. But do you like to party? Do you like to party? Hard. Okay.

Then you said that the two people have access to your iTunes account is your mom and you, Adrian, when there's a third person that has access to it and might be drunk, Adrian, because yeah, I have Adrian not only downloaded it, she flipped a special switch that only she knows about can never delete. Do not let sober Adrian delete permanent passcode. I mean, you know the culprit now, but there is it's beyond she's a way better hacker. There's just nothing you can do about it. Does that help? Yeah. Great. Fantastic. Thank you very much. Okay, one last question. No, we've already got you picked. Yes, you've got it.

Hello, my name is Morgan. Hi, Morgan. What is your question, Morgan? So back in June, my sister went on her honeymoon with her now husband to Las Vegas. She comes back and she hands me a keychain with my name on it and a picture frame from Las Vegas of like all the cool shit and a picture of her and her husband. And I told her like, oh man, thanks. This is great. But I'm kind of feel bad because I'm actually lying to her. So how can I How can I layer down easy that this was actually the worst gift? Okay, that's savage, Morgan. Morgan, it sounds like you maybe don't even want an advice. You just wanted the most public way to drag your sister.

I'm sorry, we've been missing. I have no idea what this is, such a good idea of it. Great. Now you're getting more and more popular by the day. Okay, thank you. And what is your name? My name is Eli. Hi, Eli. What is your question? So I'm transgender. I identify as a trans man. And I've only been using the men's, thank you.

All right. And I've only been using the men's room for about three years. And the only thing I know about using the men's room is that we're supposed to make like super aggressive, no eye contact. I like the way you phrase those like, I'm just like straight. And so I'm Travis. I'm just wondering if there's anything else that I don't know I'm supposed to be doing in the men's room.

Morgan, thank you so much. Morgan, I think just only buy your sister airport gifts because I think that's the level you all are on right now. Put it away until your sister and her husband come over. That's how adults do it. How do you display a key chain? Okay. Does that thank you, Morgan?

Thank you. Eli. Uh, some things you need to do in the bathroom, run water and make it sound like you're washing your hands. Jesus. One thing I like to do is not wash my hands. And then as I'm leaving, say, I never touched it. He literally did this because I did this today at dinner.

He said, I didn't touch it and left. I didn't touch it. It was really cool. I didn't touch it. Oh, this, this works a lot. Wash your hands, look up in the mirror and just go. And then walk out the door. Yeah.

That will always play because even if you're a complete stranger to the person next to you, they'll just think, yeah. One of the, one of the big good ones that they never tell you about in any of the books is, you should try to start unbuckling your pants as you walk through the door. So that way you're good and ready. Did we help? Does it help? Definitely.

Yes. Thank you, Eli. All right. That is going to do it for us folks. Thank you to uh, uh, we're going to wrap up there. Thank you to the Riverside for having us this theater rules. Yes. Honest to God, we've been in a lot of theater and they're all really, really great.

This one has golden, this one has a free golden tea golf machine upstairs. Which we are fucking terrible at. Thank you to uh, uh, America's favorite Paul Saborn for, uh, uh, for running and for, for, for being our, our, our dad came up. Thank you to our dad, Clint McElroy for, uh, but, but Paul, Paul is, Paul is kind of the dad of two, of two. He's our tour daddy. He's our tour daddy kind of.

He made you take, you guys get on the train? Okay. We did. Thank you, Paul. Thank you. Um, if you liked when Paul came out and like sit down on iPads and stuff, go check out Paul and Storm. It is his musical group.

It's fucking fantastic. And they, uh, will be on the JoCo crews along with me and my wife Teresa and my dad, and John a hundred other people and Jean Gray. A lot of amazing people. You can find out more details about that. JoCo crews, joco crews.com. Uh, also want to say the, the posters, if you haven't got one, get one of those. They're done by Steven Sugar.

They're fantastic. And they are beautiful. And thank you to John Rodger going along winters for the use of our theme song. It's departure off the album, putting the days to bed. And also thank you Milwaukee. Thank you Milwaukee. This was fucking great. No shit.

You're the best. Y'all have been an amazing audience. You saved us. You saved our lives. Thank you to Amtrak. Thank you to Amtrak. Thank you to Will, the guy in the cafe on the train. Ice, cold, beer.

Here's a final yahoo. Final yahoo that was sent in by, uh, the delivery man, Seth Carlson. Thank you, Seth. Oh, sorry. Real quick. Oh man. We're not going to be able to hang out after the show. Yes.

Because we have early fake and fly. Because Justin has a fever, Gryffinville over, and I arm wrestle too much. Also, I fly back to Austin at like 6am tomorrow. Yeah, it sucks. Okay. Anyway, delivery man, Seth Carlson. We love you all very much. We do love you so much.

Please just let him read the fucking thing. But please let me read the fucking thing. One last thing. No. Thank you, Seth. It's yahoo answers user. Stupid. That is it.

Asks. No, it's called, it's called stupid. Asks. Does the word badass mean not good but? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Gryffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, and me.

Kiss your dad's square on the lips. Hey, girls, do you want me to say that I want you? Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I love forget me nots. I'm Jesse.

I'm Jordan. And we've been doing Jordan and Jesse go for almost 10 years now. And it's not gotten any easier to describe. So we asked our fans to do it for us. Jordan and Jesse go is a weekly conversation with two best pals. Two hilarious friends. The hilarious smart kids. Talking about hilarious stuff that happens to them.

Mostly really stupid stuff. Awkward anecdotes, insane tangents, heartfelt stuff. It's like being thrown in the middle of a hilarious conversation between you and your best pals. It's a show that makes me laugh every week, which is pretty rare and wonderful. Might be the best thing on the internet. One of the funniest things you will hear. And it's the best part of my week. And has kept me company for the past seven years through all sorts of life.

I love those guys. That's Jordan and Jesse go, the comedy podcast that's been named Best of iTunes. Every Monday on Maximumfun.org or your favorite podcasting software. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.