My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 398: Rest in Reese's Pieces

Episode Date: March 19, 2018

We've got all the big news from the big basketball games that have been going on in the big tournament. Who's gonna take home that sweet trophy? More importantly: Which coach has the best, most powerful name? (Hint: It's our coach. Our coach has the most powerful name.) Suggested talking points: Dawn Don Don Dan Dan Tony Tony, Fritter, Magic Brothers and Sisters, Mom's Special Horsey Sauce, MBMBaM Voice Hacks, Headstone Swears, Divom's Surprise, The First Clock

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me in Advice Show for the Modernera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. Exciting week for Marshall basketball. We got us, we, the Herd, me and the guys got into the

finals, the NCAA basketball finals for the third time ever and won our first ever NCAA finals game. Hey, go Herd. We are Marshall. You know what? I've been thinking about it. We are Marshall. Last night, the Herd was thoroughly drugged by WVU to the surprise of, oh, probably a few diehards, but like not me personally, because I kind of suspected that, that, you know, that full court press. You know, but we thundered, we thundered right to second place in that match. And that's how I like to think. In each basketball match, there's a first place and a second place, and you can't feel too bad about second place. But I don't bring you guys here to talk about. What are we talking about? I don't want to talk about being in the paint and

dunkaroos and all the great basketball lingo. I want to address something that I don't know how, it's kind of weird that we haven't addressed on this program before, and I wanted to bring it before you now. Are you two, my brothers, aware that the name of the coach of the thundering Herd is Dan Dan Tony? Wait, question. Are you aware of the fact that the coach of the thundering Herd, the basketball team in our hometown, and we have never brought this up. The man's name is Dan Dan Tony. Okay, is it Dan? Yes. Separate word Dan, separate word Tony, like Tony, Tony, Tony. No, it's as though his name is Dan, first name Dan. Uh-huh. Last name, capital D, apostrophe, capital A, N-T-O-N-I. It's like a fantasy version of if his name wasn't Dan Tony.

He's an adventure zone NPC, we had a hard time naming. So this is like a Bond James Bond kind of thing. Well, no, it'd be a James Bond. That's right. Dan Dan Tony. Dan? Dan Dan Tony? Dan. Dan Dan Tony. Dan Dan Tony. He's three men, and that's what makes him so great at coaching basketball. As we all know, a full basketball team is three people, and he can just sort of divide, his allure is so strong, he divides his mind into three parts, and one is thinking about passing, the other one is thinking about catching and shooting, the third one is thinking about blocking the defenders, and he's a whole team in there in that brain. You seem a little off, Dan Dan Tony. Yeah, Dan too is thinking about lunch. You know how it is. Now, I wanted to say that if he was the

head of a crime family, he would then be Don Dan Dan Tony is one thing I wanted to say is he would be Don Dan Dan Tony. Now, if he was the head of a professional crime family who fought his way there by achieving a high rank in a martial art, then he could be fifth, fifth Don Don Dan Dan Tony. Uh-huh. Yeah. But also, if he had written a Broadway musical that won some kind of award, he could be Don Don Dan Dan Tony Tony award winner. Yeah. That is very good. He could be fifth Don Don Dan Dan Tony Tony award winner. I think that's all the Dan Dan Tony I have. Hold on, we can get more. You think we could get more? Do you think we could get more? If he was also a hat, you could say to someone Don Fifth Dan Don Dan Dan Tony Tony award winner.

Yes. That's one thing you could say. If he was in an early 90s hip hop group that created the hit single if I had no loot, he could be, and also was the other shit and the joke that I've already forgot, he could be Don Don Dan Dan Tony Tony award winner of Tony Tony Tony. Uh-huh. That's, I think, as much as we can squeeze in there. If you were only permitted to wear him at daybreak, then one thing you could say is at Don Don Fifth Don Don Dan Dan Tony Tony award winner of Tony Tony Tony. That's it. End of tone. And if that was a little bit too much, then you could wait. Say yours again, Justin. Okay. At Don Don Fifth Don Don Don Don Tony award winner of Tony Tony Tony. And tone it down, tone it down. Okay. That's too much. All right. So that was a very good joke

about a college basketball coach who is probably going through one of the worst days of his life right now. But hey, he should feel good about their performance. Nobody expected him to get that far. Congratulations to Herd. Congratulations to at Don Don Fifth Don Don Dan Dan Tony Tony award winner of Tony Tony Tony. Tone it down. So should we get the advice or we could talk more. I'm interested in talking more about college basketball. If we want to sort of circle back to the who's remaining in the NCAA tournament and just check out. Thank you to everybody who submitted their questions for our special project. We think that's going to be episode 400 probably. Maybe. Yes. Maybe. We did a weird, we had a weird day last week. We had a weird day last

week and you will be privy to it all. But for now, it's 398. So let's just ruminate in the castle of sand that we've built for ourselves. Here we go. Now, I will just a quick premise. This first question was a vacation question, but I feel like it's fairly universal. So I included here in our regular episode. I've made a habit of designating Saturday as my personal day of rest and self care. So the Bible says Bible says do that Bible says treat yourself on the Sabbath. It's been great. But sometimes I struggle to turn off my power switch. Robot. I still want to robot alert everybody. Shut down the show. I still want to look at my emails, look through Twitter for horrible news, do chores and read watch things that I feel like

I'm supposed to read slash watch instead of things I actually enjoy. I know some cultures have rituals that mark their day of rest, but I don't want to be appropriative. I do, however, want to send my brain the signal that it's okay to be chill for a day. Any suggestions? That's from tired and jittery in Jersey. Can you buy a second phone? That's sort of an off court buddy. A weekend phone. A weekend phone for Saturday and Sunday. And on this phone, you delete a few essential apps. The first you want to get off there is Twitter, of course. And then if you really want to go whole hog, maybe just go ahead and take that off the old working week phone as well. Holy shit. I've just had a million dollar idea. Maybe a billion.

Well, you could just let Griffin finish his bad idea, apparently. His non-million dollar idea. Well, Griffin gave it to me. Let yours accrue some interest. Let me finish my $6 idea. The second app you want to delete off your phone is phone. Nobody needs to get a hold of you on Saturday. Nothing important ever happens on Saturday. And then, to be honest, I had other stuff, but I feel like the wind's really been taken out of my face. This is my weekend phone. It doesn't do phone. It doesn't do Twitter. And it has all the different kinds of Angry Birds installed right on it. And they're happy birds because it's weekend. I even got a legal download of Flappy Bird on here. My cousin Rick put on it for me.

So thanks, Rick. So here's my idea. It's an app for your phone that is like Twitter, but when you go to it, it just generates good news and tells you there's nothing going on and go back to what you're doing. And I call it Fritter. So two things. One, you think that the valuation of this idea is $1 million. Maybe even $2 million. The second thing is that you thought it was worth interrupting my $6. Well, because think about it. So you get the impulse to check Twitter, right? You go to Fritter and it's just like, yeah, nothing's happening. So like you get, it's kind of like, you know, the nicotine gum of Twitter. So you get your fix of going and checking Twitter, but it's just all good news and like nothing's going on. And you're like,

oh, okay. And then you go, and maybe Fritter also just like you program in times and it just shuts down, it puts your phone in airplane mode from like a certain time to a certain time and you can't unlock it. Yeah. I mean, there's lots of ways that we can handle this. We could just do a version of Twitter that every time you click on a tweet, interact with a tweet or whatever, Vengabus starts playing, but it gets twice as loud with each sort of interaction you have. And after a while, it'll destroy your home. It'll destroy the sound waves kind of from your phone will blow up your house. And so you can't, you just will be like, okay, that's enough. I looked at three tweets and it's already like, I can't, I'm done. There's nothing. Is that the name of that

song? Yes. I didn't know it had a name. Yeah. I just thought it was like one of the old ones. It's just like a, wait, what? Like one of the old ones like Cthulhu. Okay. I love the, yeah, I love the, the, how hard you hit that word. I've been sick. Yeah. You got to take care of yourself on the weekends. I just looked, I, I've gone five days recording this on Monday. I've gone five days without tweeting. God almighty, it feels good. Hey y'all, listen. I love interacting with y'all on Twitter and I love hearing from everybody. And I read what you say from time to time. Everybody delete Twitter from your phone right now. Stop listening to this and get rid of it. You will be fine. Do it on your computer.

I promise. You do it on your computer, but you come, you come to Twitter when you're ready for it. Don't let it be like fucking in you, on you, around you, inside you, in your lungs, in your brain, fucking 24 seven. That was one of my favorite things about being on the cruise, being on the joke. It was like my, my hand would go to Twitter and it was like the universe. The cruise was saying, no, I'm not going to let you do this, Travis. I'm not giving you internet right now. And I can't have it. And I would instead interact with my friends in real life and like my, my wife and myself and the world around her. I know you interact with, I interact with myself. All right. What do you mean see pervert? One thing that also will actually help with this. I don't know if

you're into meditation at all, but that could really help to give you control back over like the impulse like to it'll make your actions a lot more deliberate. I think even like 10 minutes of focusing on your breathing in and out in a relaxed position, you're going to be a lot less compulsive, I think, because a lot of what you're reacting to is like just lizard brain habit that you do during the week. So I think try a little bit of meditation to start today. And you may have a little fun. You have a bit more control over the impulse to do some of this stuff and also plug your phone in and walk the hell away from it. You'll be the other shocking thing is how frequently like my desire to look at Twitter is outweighed by my desire to not stand

up. It wins out every single time. We need to, I feel like maybe recalibrate because we just did a bunch of really good advice there and not jokes and people come to us and they expected us to be like Dan Tantoni. Ford on your phone. I assume they're still laughing about the Dan Tantoni stuff. I needed some time to catch the breath. Here's a yahoo that was sent in by level 9000, Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's from an anonymous yahoo answers user, but I'm going to call them Tony Tony Dan Dan asks. That sounds like a fun nickname for Tony Dan, though. Tony Tony Dan Dan asks. Magic to have a brother or sister. And this is the first one of these I think I've ever seen that doesn't have a fucking question mark at the end of it. And it's freaking me the

fuck out. I thought that was automatically generated. I do not know how this person has hacked the answer service to get rid of the question mark, but it just says magic to have a brother or sister. Anyway, if you don't believe in magic, move on. How do you magically, how do you magically make your parents have a baby? What spells can I use? I see. Magic to have a brother or a sister. And you don't want to make a homunculus, of course, because you could lose your arm, your leg, or your whole other brother. And that's a, I'm telling you, you get a big like metal brother and that's fun. It's not ideal. I'm just saying, but he's like impervious to damage. Yeah, but he can't, uh, you know, interact with himself. Listen, if you're trying to get a brother or sister,

you don't want to just do an even trade by, you know, sending your other brother through the door. Truth lost forever. And that's true. That's what I know about this. So be careful. You could gift your parents and all expenses paid weekend at beaches. And that is a kind of magic. It's going to be worked on them in a big, big way. Once they aren't worrying about buying their own cocktails, the right sort of music comes on, the rhythm of the waves. And I think your parents are going to be making love before you know it. And maybe use, magically use telekinesis to remove from their luggage their Jimmy caps. Just right before they go out the door, use that Matilda magic to just abscond with those Jimmy caps. Hey, how come the kids never give the parents the talk?

You ever think about that? Yeah. Yeah. Just kids sits down and parent. Listen, I want to tell you something. It's going to blow your mind, dude. Maybe you could also, how old do you think that this question asker is? Hmm. I would rather not sort of, I need the cover fire of a lot of different possible ages. If they're young enough, they could steal a baby and then not be tried as an adult. So like, that's not magic. That is not magic. That's not magic. That's not magic. Well, if they did like press the digitization to steal the baby and did like some like, look over here, and then they were gone with the baby. That's magic. Yeah. Yeah. And then what they what they what they say to the parents when they bring home this baby that's not theirs? I found it in the fairy glen.

Okay, so that's not going to fly. Well, if the parents don't believe in magic, they can move on. Are you sure you want a brother or sister? Listen, I have a five week old. It's a lot. Are you sure you want to put that on your parents? Like they have you talk a big game about wanting a magical brother or sister. But like, are you going to put in the hours to like change the diapers and everything? Question asker? No, I'm not sure that you are. No, of course not. That's not magic. But Justin, don't you like having brothers? No, I do. They're very profitable. Um, my, my whole, my whole career is based on this whole fraternal energy that we've built here. And I'm, and if you guys, if anything happened to you guys, I don't know how

my net worth would ever recover. That's a weird thing to say with your deep and dead, isn't it? My net worth. Do you think that musical artists who create doing its songs, like, um, how does it feel by D'Angelo untitled? How does it feel? That is a kind of spell to create more brothers and sisters. Yes. D'Angelo is like a bard. Music engages like every part of your brain. It's the closest thing to magic that we have here on this. Yeah. I mean, that song in particular just grabs me right by the, right by the donker. We always put it in our pre-show playlist and I'm not positive what we're trying to achieve with it, always being in there, but

I mean, it's a slammer and it's a jammer and there's no denying it. Yeah, but we book end it with like, you know, fun song, fun song, doing it song, fun song, fun, like, well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, Justin's into some weird, like, fucking ska zydeco. That is just a real hog slayer. So we put that in there right after the, the, how does it feel to just remind people they are at a comedy show and it's not an appropriate place to magically create a new brother or sister. But if during that time, like, what is it? Untitled is what, four and a half, six minutes long? It's like six minutes long. Yeah. That's fine. That's like, you're good. More than enough time. I am deeply uncomfortable. Have another question.

You got it, baby. My mom and I often go out to eat together. I enjoy spending the time with her, except one thing. My mom insists I'm bringing her own condiments. And I don't just mean ketchup packets. Bruh. As if that would be acceptable. If we're going to a place like Arby's, she'll bring Ziploc bags full of her own pickles. Bruh. Why do you want us to dunk on your mom? Why do you want us to dunk on your mom? Why have you done this to your mom? Tomatoes, she doesn't like the ones they have. Oh my God. And the things like salad dressing, ketchup, barbecue sauce, et cetera. She'll often bring sauces from other fast food places that she likes better. Bruh. She also brings baggies full of candy and cookies for dessert. Oh my God.

Why do you offer your mom up as tribute? She says that this is all perfectly normal and no one in the restaurant will notice her doing this. It's not they do. It's not perfectly normal. She knows that. Your mom's fucking with you if she thinks it's normal. Your mom's welcome to do whatever she wants. She's an accomplished lady and a mom and a hard-working woman. She knows that this is messed up. Should I be embarrassed to be seen with this picnic arrangement, or is she right that it's no big deal? Help. That's from Coniment Crisis in Tennessee. There's, there's, there's, there's, oh my God. There's two parts to this. One, your mom is a, is a flavor pioneer, and she's on some next level shit. And why don't they have pickles at Arby's?

What are you going to fucking pair roast beef with a pickle? No. Because they're so restrained otherwise at Arby's Griffin? Yeah, okay. They have, we have the meat. We don't have the old vegetables that we got all vinegary and weird. Okay. Your mom's on some next level shit. I will not deny that. They're like, they're but for the grace of God. I would absolutely love to bring, uh, you know, some, some McDonald's ketchup to the BK because their ketchup is a fucking joke. I get it. That's the first thing. The second thing though, is that this is a social crime. This is not, this is not how we do things here around these parts. We don't bring pickles to Arby's.

As much as I would love to, we can't. And we, one person cannot sort of, that does not represent a groundswell to sort of change the societal norms under which we have all been crushed. And the Arby's corporation has invested a lot of money in making sure that their dishes taste good to the highest number of consumers. Like, where do you get off going behind Arby's back and being like, I think one thing would be pickles. Like, no, you don't actually. But what if Mr. Arby sees that? Mr. Arby sees the pickles and is like, pickles. Of course. Oh, it's a thing you do situation now. But then it's like this embarrassing thing because Arby's don't have pickles where Arby's is like calling McDonald's like, Hey guys, this is hard for me. But like,

where the fuck do you get pickles? Where do you get them pickles? Where do you even get pickles? Which, which part of this? Okay, that's why they won't offer pickles, by the way. They just don't have an idea. They take forever. We try to do it. We put a bunch of cucumbers in a barrel and it takes forever. We don't know what we're doing. We don't have time for that. We don't have time for any of this. Which, which aspect of this is more upsetting? Bringing something that the restaurant like Arby's doesn't have or bringing something they do have, but you like your version better. So bringing pickles, they don't have pickles, but bringing tomatoes because your tomatoes are better. Which one of those? This is, this is mommy's special Hortese sauce. I can't decide which one

if I was an Arby's employee who took a lot of pride in my work, which one I would be more upset by. You would not get the opportunity to see both. Cause if I see one either objects we do not have or objects we do have that you prefer elsewhere, I would have called the police after the first one. You know, maybe it's that you think like McDonald's tomatoes taste better on Arby's sandwiches, but Arby's tomatoes taste better on Subway sandwiches and you're just rotating your tomatoes around. Get it together guys. Teamwork makes you dream work. Call each other. Call each other. You got the wrong tomatoes. It's a, it's a parent trap situation. I, I actually find myself the most disturbed by bringing her like the idea of being in Arby's watching someone

finish their big Montana and then reach into their bag to it's like the Arby's waiter comes over like we all done here and like, can I bring you anything else? Can I get you anything else? No, actually it's time for dessert and then just extracting a bag of hard candies and that your mom sits there and eats in the middle of Arby's. That's very upsetting to me. I think, I cannot have met, I cannot have met. Okay. Your mom knows what she's doing and this may be all to irritate you, which is great. Very good for me. Here's the, I also just want to dispel one thing too. When your mom says that no one will notice, I've worked many, many jobs in my life and after a while any new, any new information that comes into the place that you work, you immediately latch

onto because it's different than everyday else. So I guarantee the crinkle of a plastic bag opening like they are honing in on that like a peregrine falcon that is drawing all of their attention and they are going to talk about four weeks the person who brought pickles into Arby's. I don't think you should rob culture of your mom. Like I think that like if I was seated across the, I mean, I would never eat inside an Arby's. I don't understand, I don't understand it, but if I did eat an Arby's and I saw a woman using her own condiments and extracting pickles from a baggie she brought from home, that would like be all I talked about for the next two days. And your mom is giving that gift to people every single day. Like she's just grinding it out

and making other people's lives delightful and like, I don't understand why we're always rushing to sort of sand the rough edges down off of humanity when it's not hurting anybody. It's just a delightful thing for everyone to enjoy. Maybe just enjoy these eccentricities of your mother because like this is a fun thing that makes your mom special to you and not something that like you need to change about her to make her more bland. She's not stealing from the Arby's and even if she was now she's some kind of, you know, Arby's cat burglar and that's also interesting in its own way. Or maybe just bring like a privacy curtain that you can put up and then whatever you do vis-a-vis pickles and homebrew condiments behind the curtain is nobody's

business pictures your moms and gods. There's going to come a day when Arby's is out of ketchup and they don't have any and it's going to be very embarrassing for Arby's and the people there in Arby's and your mom's going to be like, hey boo, do not trip. And she's going to extract four different catch-ups for you to enjoy and on that day your mother will be the hero of Arby's. Now, will she share with other people? I'm sure she would. She's a very generous particular woman and I'm sure she will share but that day you, it will all make sense. That will be your signs. That will be your swing away Russ. Like this will be why it all makes sense and why it's all been happening and leading to that exact moment when your mom's the Arby's hero.

I do want to say I remember hearing on the news when KFC ran out of chicken your mom came in like some sort of like legendary samurai and came in was like me get some chicken they're like we don't have any chicken and she was like oh it's fine and then she pulled out a big old hefty bag full of raw chicken meat that she carries with her because she prefers her raw chicken meat to KFC's and that is the story of how she became the new Colonel Sanders. Sorry Ariba is a short run but Greg's mom here needs uh needs the hat. Does Colonel Sanders wear a hat? We're never sure. When it's sunny um a lot of people don't talk about the fact that Arby's will fry up whatever meat you bring them. A lot of times after a big day. No questions asked. No questions asked. A lot

of times when I have a big day of fishing I'll bring in my catch of the day and what kind of fish? What? Delicious rainbow trout and then I'll gut it right there on the floor of the Arby's. I'll lay out some newspapers it doesn't do anything but I want to look polite. I'll gut it right there I'll slop the the carcass onto the counter and I'll say fry it up right for me Curtis because Curtis is my guy at the Halgrir Arby's. Fry it up right for me Curtis and then no questions asked he will season it to perfection he will scale it to an extent you are gonna get some scales because it's still Arby's. It's just Curtis. It's just Curtis he's doing his best he doesn't do this a lot but then uh they'll fry it up for you it make a great seafood dinner for you and your family.

Man I am thinking Arby's right now. Yeah now I am kind of fucking hungry. This always happens to me. Arby's how about that sponsored episode? Yeah. Can you get at us please? Come on. Everybody tweeted Arby's. I know they're down. I know they're down the clown when Ballant the Adventure Zone arc uh when the Balance Arc ended they like tweeted about it with a little image they made of like Arby's props dressed up as our characters like they definitely are down the clown. They know our stuff. Give us some money to talk about Arby's for an hour. Come on. Come on. The problem is we've been giving them all this free advertisement we've got to like withhold from you know what 400 to 500 no Arby's mention unless we see that cheddar fucking lock out. Shut it down. Or pay us in a

mountain of freebie coupons that we can give away to listeners at live shows. I will accept that payment if you just send us a mountain of coupons anyway. No I would love money actually. Money would be great too. Half and half 50-50. Because we there I think there is a sort of revenue split we do with Max Fun and if we show up to Jesse's door with a fistful of Arby's coupons and say like did we do it good this time um I think he would be very disappointed. I know Jesse he's gonna go fucking hog wild get some mott sticks some potato cakes some bufferts a couple buffies gonna take his entire beautiful family to all you could eat buffet at Arby's of his own creation um anyway dad's dad's treat this one's on the macaroons everybody get all the god bless us everyone

uh let's go to the money zone yes absolutely hey I want to tell you about me undies these are mine they're my undies whoa you can have them you can have them too they're a great balance a comfortable fit and exciting prints they use a sustainably sourced naturally soft fiber that starts with beechwood trees and ends with amazingly soft fabric me undies adventurous prints are all limited edition and new patterns are released every few weeks and for any first time purchasers when you purchase me undies you get 20 off and free shipping they are so sure you're gonna love their underwear they offer a 100 satisfaction guarantee if you don't love your first pair you get a full refund to get 20 off your first pair

free shipping and a 100 satisfaction guarantee go to me undies.com slash my brother that's me undies.com slash my brother I also want to tell you I want to tell you about Squarespace okay here's the thing I'm a big fan of Squarespace I use it for a lot of different projects and you've probably heard me talk about that before but don't tune me out please please keep listening because Squarespace is great it's so intuitive easy to learn easy to use and easy to make a really amazing website that's going to impress both your friends and also professional people who are maybe looking to hire you or pay you for things you can publish blogs or other content you can sell products and services you can announce an upcoming event or special project which is something we use it for a lot

and it has beautiful customizable templates that help you create that are created by world-class designers and everything is optimized for mobile right out the gate so you don't have to do any kind of special arranging or worry about how it's going to show up on phones it's easy and they have built-in search engine optimization and free secure hosting and the ability to choose from over 200 domain extensions and customer support waiting for you 24-7 if you need it so go to squarespace.com for free trial and when you are ready to launch use the offer code mybrother all one word my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that's squarespace.com promo code mybrother i'll tell you all about ready set comedy it gives listeners

advice on everyday situation wait a fucking second you can find us wherever you listen to podcasts i can't stress this enough no one else is doing this we're very original we did not steal this idea listed our very unique podcast ready set comedy it's one of a kind okay we may have borrowed it slightly but it's still very original well not the very first but we didn't know that when we started fine we straight up stole the premise from a bim bam as it says so very sorry so that's ready set comedy who stole our shit you can find them wherever podcasts are and in court with us soon so we'll see you all in court uh i have a jumbo charm message this one's for lis ard and it's from a secret fan i'm very nervous now let's read the message thanks to the members of

the trash heap for being a bunch of ridiculous nerds over the past year and a half i hope the future is full of memes role playing discussions and even more memes until we achieve world domination in the name of our glorious lizard queen oh no oh yeah i mean finding out about the glorious lizard queen is rough but when anytime an anonymous message shows up on the show i get very nervous but this was pretty benign so thank you for that this next uh this next message is from joseph and it's for tyler and the tsg family shout out to my boy tyler and all of my tsg family for introducing me to the brothers through monster factory because they've gotten me through some very tough times also tyler you're a freak and i'm gonna eat you probably an inside joke but if it's not

get out of there tyler and tyler run run tyler run and tsg family get out of there get out of there the whole career hey guys this is adam conover you may know me for my true tv show adam ruins everything well guess what now we're doing a podcast version right here on maximum fun what we do is we take all the interesting fascinating experts that we talked to for just a couple minutes on the show and we sit with them for an entire podcast really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work find adam ruins everything wherever you get your podcasts or at maximum fun dot org here's a yahoo that i got is from level 9000 yah true true true damn important thank you drew and maybe we don't want to do this one as anonymous user i'm gonna call him rod asks on the

podcast my brother my brother and me how do you tell which one is talking oh i've listened to many episodes and clips of mobim bam and watch the show and i can still never tell who is talking if i'm actively trying i can distinguish griffin but i have never once known if it is justin or travis please i know fans mind this forum for content is there a hack or a guide or anything well i think maybe one of the issues people run into is i also don't know which one of us is talking at any given time and that's why i interrupt so much because sometimes i justin will be talking and i'll think that's me it's just you yeah and that's not going anywhere i shouldn't interrupt myself yeah what am i saying this is garbage this is a bad joke griffin i here's the first i'll say it doesn't

fucking matter it really it really doesn't fucking matter it doesn't matter which one of us is talking yeah this is a widespread problem we're very yeah we get this all the time like we're very rarely giving in in order instructions on how to like fix your kitchen sink or something that would necessitate proper order and and and you really be included into who the advice is coming from just like it doesn't fucking matter i do get tweets it's just like dude your whole mango shit that was a real funny run dude but at least that's on the same show because i get tweets a lot that are like i love you on solbones and that and that's not me i i i also don't do monster factory or quality control that's justin damn dude what do you do someone once tweeted that

they don't listen to schmanners because they don't like me and it's like well hold on a second don't run to listen that's it give it a chance i'm not on that shit um i don't i don't know if we want to do this one i would love to hear it no i have to hear what people have answered oh there's no answers so that's bad for us that's not good for our brand i would say uh here's another yahu this one was sent by adrian cowles thank you adrian yahu answers user blue who asks is there anything you're not allowed to write on a headstone can you say and then there's four asterisks here so i'm gonna assume it says piss or any other swears on a headstone what about any sexual references is it all right if it's only implied for example oh gross for example least exciting

whole live ever been in oh wow i'd prefer a real answer because i'm genuinely curious but if you have a funny reply i'm not gonna reign on your parade dude um what can you put on what can you not put on a headstone because i've never seen one where you're walking through and it's just like you know billups january 14th 1930 to 2005 and then it's like you know germichael and then a couple dates and then you walk and then there's one that's just like ass and that's all it says fuck i'm dead oh fuck can you put whatever name you want on there like can i just put like elvis pressley on mine oh that's really fun right and then people be walking by like oh these are so huh wait huh there's no there's no way right it could be like that um uh what's it called

lintricular pattern where like depending on what angle you're looking at the head the headstone it says different stuff so you look at it from the left and it says like you know elvis pressley but then from the right side it's like no i'm just kidding it's travis no just travis but make one make your look one thing you want to avoid is timeliness um like you often will see headstones with big barcodes on them and they say like scan this with your q-cat for free coupons it's like nobody has a q-cat anymore and nobody even listening to this podcast knows what the fuck you're talking about how much do i have to pay to make my headstone a pokey stop is that still a thing remember me i know how to make the kids remember me by handing out free potions

and pokey balls when you come and pay your respects there's a there's a lucia boss fight happening at travis's final resting place come on teens gather round i dropped the lure out travis he died as he lived fighting rounded by surrounded by teens staring at their phones um that's a good one can you do calvin pissing on the adjacent headstone oh my god it's so good like an eternal flame but with water or piss no i'm not seeing literally spray the headstone i think no erosion would be a factor at that point we don't actually want to erode that seems rude um but would be less rude as if the cartoon boy calvin was pissing on billops tombstone immediately next door and then the billops family would come and say like did you just fucking see this they can't do that

right well there's no law in the books can i so i've bought the plot of land right maybe i go buy it today can i build a tiny house on it now with my land with just a trap door in the living room when you start to feel real close yeah and then i just drop out the bottom and then my tiny house becomes my osomandius tombstone look upon my tiny house can i get a vending machine that is constantly restocked with snickers bars and whatchamacallits and andy cap's hottest fries and talkies but also just little pamphlets just sort of describing my sort of adventure those would be those would be couple better habits no there would be 35 cents same price as a bunch of mints but i gotta cut a profit some way gotta restock this thing don't i

what i'm just saying you're walking you're walking through the the graveyard that's hungry work and then you see one and you're you don't get a lot out of the tombstones you pretend to it's just like oh fredrick long life probably in a couple of the big wars thing what a great life but really you're just thinking like i wish this tombstone was full of whatchamacallits and snickers bars i'm here to satisfy forever that would be that would be a good thing to put on your tombstone i'm here to satisfy or maybe just like maybe it just has treasure with an arrow pointing down and a question mark yeah so that way it's like um are you sure is it worth it huh maybe come back when it's dark dig me up get me out of here here is another question i went to surprise my friend

by going to their house since i haven't seen them in a while but instead of them i scared their mother half to death and learned they were out in a movie now i've been sitting in their bedroom for four hours waiting for them and i think their family thinks i've left i'm afraid to suddenly walk downstairs to take my leave and scare them again as well as make them think i was just snooping slash loitering in their child's bedroom you are how do i leave should i suck it up and go downstairs wait till everyone is asleep to leave stay the night and leave when everyone is gone in the morning help as from confining cleveland what have you done no what have you done to me what have you done to me griffin is there now now i'm there i'm in the room too because you put me there by

making might make me hear this and now i'm in the moment and i'm feeling everything you're feeling and it's a nightmare how could you do this to griffin why can't we ever get a question it's just like why can't we just get a question it's just like i went to a candy store and they were having an everything's free sale and then i'm there with my mind astral projecting into the listeners experience and i'm like mmm candy tape maybe we should just do one episode that's all people sitting in like i found myself in a social like a social situation and i handled it and it wasn't a problem at all and you don't need to worry about it and then i'm there and i'm there and i'm role playing what it would be like to be able to handle literally any social situation

expertly i just i'm confused about the timeline okay you got there the mother was like ah yeah were you trying to sneak into the house it's diva and then you're like um hey i was here to see flinchin and they're like i'm sorry diva flinchin's at a film and then were you like you got the cinema i'll wait i'll wait in their bedroom like i don't understand how you got to the point you're at did you sneak behind the mother what she was making a sandwich like i don't understand how you got into this situation okay because i i'm sorry diva here's diva was it here's the problem it's devam devam divam and flinchin divam there was a moment where the mother in question probably awkwardly said something like would you like to wait for them and what you

should have done is said no no i do not because i have things i could be doing no just tell them i stopped by and tell flinchin to give me a call when they're back the other thing i need to know about this is all right did you go like down the block or is this like a grand gesture three-hour road trip kind of thing oh good question that is very confusing to me i gotta understand what you would say unless you didn't have anywhere else to go folks don't surprise people with presence remember what we were just talking about with social situations i don't think it's great it's not great for me personally if anybody on planet earth showed up out of the blue and was like hey i'm foisting this social situation on you you have not in any way girded yourself

for prepared remarks but now it's happening now i was trying to think that's not a good zone i was trying to think if that like at first i thought well just didn't hold on because if like david tenant or oscar isaac showed up and was like hey i'm gonna hang out with you today but no because i would be unusable as a human exactly yes right like i'm prepared i wouldn't be prepared for it yeah no don't do this if if some butts for candies and butts then this situation would never have happened but the problem is that it did and they're there and now what okay and and now what your only option is to put on flinchin's clothes oh come downstairs and convince the family that you are flinching talented mr flinch hey mother it was a delightful film i really enjoyed it but i've

been in my in in the loo for the past hour and now i'm going out for a stroll no questions i'm wearing this hockey mask for hockey as you've almost certainly surprised i'm playing hockey later mother bye this is a new voice i cooked up mother i'm trying something with my personality mother bye i'm going to toss i'm tossing on the iced skates with my great friend divum and then you duck under the table and take the mask off and some of the clothes off and you pop back up like that's right flinchin we're gonna go and show the penguins who's boss that's right we're playing the pittsburgh penguins maybe you could okay this is good crack open the bedroom door so nobody can see you and just

shout downstairs mother it's flinchin i've been enjoying the company of divum for quite some time and he is now to retire to his domicile you'll see him in a moment don't be frightened be prepared be prepared for his presence this is the worst imaginable situation i think i can't it's hard for me to think of worse ones but okay devum somewhere around the end of hour one you had to start to think a lot you had to start to question it right how did you get the flowers i don't understand how it went so long did you fall asleep flinch looks guys one of those caspers soft you sink right into it does have the right amount of bounce though so maybe i shouldn't say that well it's the right amount of think and bounce true how about another yahoo sure yeah uh

here's one who was sent in it's a person and it was sent in by adrian cowles thank you adrian it's from yahoo answers user oh man naruto asks and the avatar for naruto is is goku so i'm wondering if i should actually read this one at all but it's a good question but clearly if somebody calls themselves naruto and their avatar is goku it makes me assume some things about sort of their their personality and whether or not they actually want to know the answer now which one is it goku it's uh goku asks how did the person who invented the clock know the time oh shit so back to you know art art art amitrius or whatever probably some old fuck just like all right i did it it's got 12 numbers little gears going around and then when a little number points at one of the 12

numbers that lets you know what the hour is the bigger the bigger sort of arm on this one will tell you how many minutes it is and why didn't we just also include minutes from one to 60 on the clock while we wanted it to be hard for griffin to tell what the time is even when he's 30 years old but um so here it is the clock and somebody's like ah cool so what time is it and then the person was like well fuck i do not know what the time is can i just make can i just make that up because it's feeling like i got that three o'clock feeling shit three o'clock blues i think it's around then maybe they just started at like 12 and that's where our whole shit started like it's actually right now whatever time it is when you listen to this 3 p.m but your clock says whatever time

because this old fuck just like started at 12 do you think you try to work backwards like well let's see i'm feeling pretty tired and i had a five hour energy drink five and a half hours ago and that was at actually there wasn't time then either i actually don't know this this old this old fuck this fucking crete was probably just like here's a clock it is uh i just decided it's three o'clock 12 hours in a day once it gets back to three o'clock against a new day and then they let it run and they were like uh hey bud it's like totally different out it's three o'clock again totally different outside it's like real dark i'm real sleepy so what's the deal and then this old piece of shit was just like yeah it's um three two the sequel to three you get two of them in each

day okay so you're just having fun with it at this point then yeah it's the second three you get two of them yeah why why did we start that bad why not just a clock with 24 numbers on it what the fuck why are we so cool that we only have room for 12 numbers on our clock grow up old fuck yeah what the fuck 24 numbers like why wouldn't that be easier this is you're not talking about the there are most countries do it like that but i don't think that i don't think their clocks have 24 numbers on it still this is what i'm saying it's like why do i have to pay attention to whether it says a m or p m on my alarm clock slash coffee maker why can't it just be like military time across the board it's 120 or it's 13 20 because there's nothing sexy about like my birthday is starting

sharp at 17 don't miss it why not i think that's great i'm gonna have dinner at 18 you guys be there come on that's less confusing than wondering if my friend is having dinner at 6 a.m what time does your show start 20 we're like we are children we are fools because that is probably how they do it come on down to the comedy show it's at 20 o'clock worse than just saying eight i can't count above 12 because it sounds ridiculous my show is at 2030 it starts a little later than you would expect not 20 2030 how did they know what fucking time it was it probably was noon it probably they had sundials and shit and so when the sundial was like there's no shadow then like okay this is the middle one this is noon but you just went off so that and that's an hour it starts at 11 i know the views i

don't know what time is because it just invented it i know the view comes on at 11 so if the view just went off it's got to be close to noon let's all just decide let's all just go with the end of the episode of the view first one like 800 bc merida vier is like all right clock man get ready it's gonna be noon we're gonna wrap wrap it up three two one buh buh buh buh buh hi this is your local news we come on after the view uh at noon apparently but top story today it's noon it's wild dude we played it news breaking news it's oh wait i'm getting an update from the booth it's now noon oh one wait what we don't say it like that okay 1201 listen to me hey victoria did you hear 1201 that doesn't now i get why the the dateline the the international dateline starts at the view

i get it now i was always confused as to why like they kept that episode of the view in the archives like in in greenwich and now i know that that's where they keep that episode of the view saved so if anyone's clock ever gets off they can just set it to that episode i mean utc the the greenwich meantime is it starts right at whoopee's house which is very convenient for whoopee if whoopee's late to work and the view gets started late all time the world spins off its axis yes and it's a lot of responsibility but i trust her whoopee stay please i made almas please just stay for breakfast this is one morning it won't be the end of the world uh it might be it might actually be it might actually that explains why that one time when whoopee was late and it still started on time

all of our cartoon friends had to go find her and bring her back to fight that giant owl that's right that's exactly how i remember it as well travis listen we uh thank you so much for listening to this episode um a lot of the things we said weren't true so we'll leave those to to you to sort of sort through can you spot them gum shoes this is true we're doing some shows uh in the next few months and we would love it if you would come and join us for those we're going to be in dallas houston st louis detroit columbus phoenix orlando and atlanta and uh we would love it if you would come join us if you go to macro shows dot com four slash tours is that right trap tours yes plural tour i go to tours

plural then you can uh go uh go go buy tickets to those uh the dallas and houston shows are coming up real soon um so please go buy tickets for those right now and ensure your quality seating all those shows no matter what anybody tells you from now to the end of linear time we'll start at seven pm and i also no matter what i also want to say some of the shows are sold out and i've seen people tweeting about like apparently you know scalpers buy tickets and then charge an arm and a leg there is literally nothing we can do about that i wish we could i wish we could fix it but that's why we do the pre-sales and stuff to try to combat that and we just unfortunately there's nothing we can do but there's something you can do which is buy all the tickets now so scalpers

can't get their grubby hands on them and then sell them for a profit and sell for an arm and a leg hey we want our listeners to profit from scalping we have a new merch store also if you go to um mackleroymerch.com you can find our our new store we partnered up with uh dftba on this one got a bunch and cool new items there's a munch squad shirt there's a shrimp heaven now poster that is absolutely gorgeous and a bunch of other stuff too uh that you can find over at mackleroymerch.com so go check that out if there's an item you don't see on there that you would love to have uh email request at mackleroymerch.com and the people who make those sorts of decisions will see it so please do that uh also want to say i'm going to c2e2 uh in in chicago uh the

conference in chicago coming up april 6th through the 8th um i've got a couple of events going on so i'm going to be doing a couple signings uh on uh friday the 6th um and also on saturday the 7th and i'm doing a show an evening with travis and friends uh with me and uh my wife teresa and symphony sanders from uh welcome to night veil and i'm trying to wrangle some other people too but that's going to be friday night at 6 30 um and i'm also doing a podcast panel on sunday at 4 p.m uh with me teresa symphony and adal uh matt young and uh arnie knee camp adal refye from hello for the magic tavern um you can see that whole schedule and all the times and places and everything at bit.ly slash travis c2e2 um and teresa and i on april 18th are going to be doing

a live shmaners at moon tower comedy festival in uh austin texas you can see all the details about that at bit.ly slash moon tower shmaners uh hey thanks to maximum fun for having us on the network you can go to maximumfun.org and check out all the great podcasts there shows like stop podcasting yourself shows like lady two lady shows like switch blade sisters and a whole bunch of others all at maximumfun.org if you want to see our other shows go to macaroyshows.com and hey thanks to john rochrik and the long winters for the use of our theme song into departure off the album putting the days to bed it is extremely good uh you want that final speaking of max fun drive this oh yeah speaking of max fun i should say max fun drive is coming up it is it's going to start april second

and that's going to coincide with our 400th episode so yeah 400th episode and max fun drive kicking off runs for just two weeks it's going to be big times big times everywhere we'll be running our best episode episode 400 we'll be offering great gifts for new and upgrading members and you can come out and you can support shows like my brother my brother me the adventure zone saw bones wonderful shmaners trends like these uh still buffering all all of the macaroy shows you love and support all the shows you support and love uh don't miss it starts april second um and we'll be talking more about it and announcing the different reward levels and stuff like that but just get ready and we'll see you there keep pumped here's the final i'm sitting by the delivery man seth carlsson

thank you seth it's yahoo answers user snakes everywhere who asks what is the duggy and why does my mom want me to teach her how to will i get in trouble if i don't please help and he's just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy i'm griffin macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported