My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 410: Game Man

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

You can take the boys out of the video game industry, but you can't take all these video games out of the boys, because WOW, they are lodged REAL deep in there. Suggested talking points: The Triple, Jeans Investment, Roogie's Bump, Spoiled Plants, Hungry Ghost, The Worst Slider, How to Be Captain

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the Modgenera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis Mario McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Crash, Griffin McElroy Bandicoot. It's time to power up. That's the stinger that I produced.

Yeah, do you want to hear it again? Yeah, click play on it because I know you pre-recorded it. Sure. Play it again. Yeah. It's time to power up. That was really good, Justin. Yeah, we're getting pumped for the triple, electronic three. We are psyched out of our minds, not going. Well, you can take the boy out of the games industry, but you can't take the games out of the boy because I swallowed like 14 Nintendo DS cartridges back in 2009 and hadn't seen them yet. I swallowed a lot of those Switch cartridges. They tasted bad, but I couldn't help it. Yeah, you get them down fast enough you don't get the taste in your mouth. Nice try there, Reggie. Can I tell you guys what I'm really excited about at E3?

Yeah, it is. Tell me what it is. Justin has reminded me of it, or I thought it was Griffin. I can't wait for that new Crash Bandicoot game starting Randy Bandicoot. Yeah, we all love Randy Bandicoot. He's the nasty Crash Bandicoot who cusses and- Yes, finally an NC17 Crash Bandicoot game. And with Randy, you get all the jeans. He doesn't cut them off at the calf. He goes full ankle jeans and he cusses and has a gun. So we're all- I'm looking forward to that. We all love Randy Bandicoot. I'm going to say this, but I'm not sure that I'm correct. I believe Randy Bandicoot is owned by Nintendo, so that's probably going to be the big Nintendo installation this year. I think 2016,

it was Zelda, 2017, it was Mario, 2018, Randy Bandicoot. Randy Bandicoot, love it. There's new Mario, everybody's looking forward to. This time, it's sort of more serious. And he's older in this one. He's like 70? So old Mario's coming out. And then this one, I think he's got a grandson, and he's teaching his grandson about how toxic masculinity is bad, and he's like, you gotta use your rage to fight, but you use your heart to temper it. Why are you looking forward to Justin? The MasterChef, that's right, Gordon Ramsay is back in Halo, and it's just called that. Yeah, sure. And that's all we know so far, but we can speculate about what's going to happen in the

game. Yeah, it's almost like the developers of Halo panicked because they couldn't think of a funny joke fast enough. And so they just sort of said the first thing that came to their mind. Well, now why would they be trying to come up with a joke, Griffin? That doesn't make sense. PlayStation 5. Oh, okay. I've been out of the loop a little bit. Is PlayStation 5 going to be a sort of going concern at the big day? I'm looking forward to Xbox XXT. I'm looking forward to Ubi Soft Press Conference. Tony Hawk is supposed to come out and just apologize to everyone. And that's something I've been looking for. I mean, I need that to move on. Griffin, you said you were worried about excluding people. So if you don't follow video games

very closely, you may not have gotten that. So I was hoping you could take a few minutes to just explain why that last joke was funny. Sure. So here's what happened. Nintendo Press Conference 2013. Nintendo came out and they're like, here's our new system. Everybody's going to love it. It's got it all. Mario, Zelda, the Eternal Darkness 2, all the games you've been looking forward to. And this is that just the prototype is the only one that we've got that does a billion pixel graphics and is free and everybody's and Tony Hawk doing his dumb shit kickflips up onto the stage, knocks it over and breaks it. So none of us got it. And instead, we got the Wii U, a real bastard of a video game product. And so he feels he's felt really bad

about that for a long time. I will also say so as not to exclude people. If you are going to E3 and you don't care about video games, please, please, please, please get some chicken tendos. Got me know how they are because I'm not going to be able to make this year. And chicken tendos are my favorite part of E3. So if anybody's going to be there, feel free to tweet pictures to me of your chicken tendos. Get them. Let me know how they are. If you see big the cat, please ask him to be a guest on my brother, my brother and we would love to have him never had a cat. I'm excited for I think I heard some Scuttlebutt this year. Nintendo's got a big announcement. They're finally ready to release the game man.

Yes, he's all grown up. He's all grown up to fuck. Tetris, I mean, that's right. Fuck Tetris is the first game announced for the game, man. It takes eight very horny triple A batteries, very sexual, flesh colored triple A batteries. It takes 16 of them. Every time you clear a line and you slot that last little tetromino into the hole in such a pleasing way, there's just a dude and he comes in through the bad game man speakers and it's just like, oh yeah. So don't play this one at church, kids. We've got you like, did you like when the Game Boy was black and white? Well, this, the game man's got a new color and it's jizz. Oh no. Now that word's just there, Justin. Oh no.

I didn't say it. Shigeru Miyamoto said it in his original design document for the game man recently unearthed by the Library of Congress and some rogue game developers just made the game man without Nintendo's express written permission. It's an unlicensed sequel. This is the problem I have with the game man is that I don't mind all the updates they've made to the graphics cards and the sound cards and all the new games. That's all great. Why do they have to give the game man realistic, muscly arms? I find it off pudding and they're fully articulate. They move on their own. Yeah. I do not care for it. I got all the tattoos that say ready to jerk it and they gave it extra fingers so it would have room for all

those letters. I got home from work the other day and my game man that Nintendo sent me early, I came home. He was just grilling up some steaks out on the back porch and I was like, that's not safe. And he said, he said, cram it. Oh, no. And he kicked my ass. Yeah. Oh, no. Griffin. I said, I said, game man, what kind of beer do you want? And he said, bad. And I said, can you be more specific? What's a bad beer? He said, here. So that's all he cared about. He doesn't have a palette for a great beer. He just wants to guzzle down whatever's around. He made me do 60 push-ups in front of my wife, the game man. I don't care for it. You know, I'm willing to review it now. Listen, maybe they'll do some updates

that will make him not so angry. And I do look forward to that. But like, come on. He pushed me into an umbrella stand and said he fixed my car. But here's the thing, guys, it wasn't broken and I would tear the stack of Bibles. It wasn't broken. So I don't know what exactly he did. Now, I will say this about the game man is that I will love this 40 pound mobile game console that kicks my ass and makes me do push-ups in front of my wife if they just put Animal Crossing on it. I'll do that for you. It's the thing about the game man is he doesn't have a screen. So he's just telling you what your character is doing in Animal Crossing and you make, you can make requests. You know, it almost seems like Nintendo has just hired a fleet of men to come to my house and yell

at me. And I don't, they don't, they don't come with games and they don't even seem to, they seem to just be human men who Nintendo has sent to bully me. I don't understand this. What is this business plan, Nintendo? I wish I could tell you, Chad, but I was left in disgrace from the games industry. So you know what's, you know what's so powerful about my brother, my brother and me? We can all agree that the games man segment was excellent and good. And in a traditional writer's room, what they would probably do is say, what's funny about E3, keep throwing things out and then eventually hit upon the game man and then put that into the show that they're doing. But what's so powerful about my brother, my brother and me is we're going to use all of it. We're going to

harness all the things we said before when we were trying to find something funny and that will still be there for you. You could see the roadmap, you know, because it, you see some of this stuff on TV and you think, how are they coming up with it? And my brother, my brother, me, we have the courage to say, here's how guessing until we get lucky. Just kind of closing our eyes and spinning around a lot and pointing at something. Yeah. Knocking down all the vases in the room until we find one that's full of rubber chickens. Yeah. How about a regular question though? How do I convince my boyfriend to wear shorts more often? He's got the legs and ass of a Greek God and the world needs to know. He's not self-conscious about his body.

He just likes blue jeans. And that's from Gam loving girlfriend. What a frustration to keep those beautiful pipes under denim wrap. Yeah. If only there was some way that you could wear jeans and shorts at the same time. No, it's not that, Trev. You don't understand. Sometimes I'm at home right now. I've been working from home all day. I could have changed into shorts at any point, but I'm wearing these denim boots because it's for me. Now, there is another compromise here. And that's that you got to get those, that George Michael jeans where it's just, you can see it all the definition of each nut. It's just right there for you. The world is yours. Do you mean girlfriend because the jeans be so tight or because they'd be so like ripped up?

I think both is good. I think if you can get the rips mostly in the calf zone so that people can see like a neat sort of striation effect as if to show how old your jeans are. That can be really good, but otherwise you just want these puppies as tight as possible. Gripping, gripping, always gripping. Well, you can also get some sliced up jeans in like the butt region. So it's like, ooh, there a button there? Yes, there is. There is. That's confirmed. You know, maybe he's just trying to break in a new pair of shrink to fits and you got to wear those. Jesse Thorne says you have to wear them for 17 years. You put your baby in a pair of tiny shrink to fit jeans and then you don't let them escape until they graduate high school.

And that's true because they grow with you. They form. Jesse Thorne says that. That's what Jesse Thorne says. Jesse Thorne says that on the graduation day that they can emerge from their old dirty jeans like a chrysalis, but until then they must grow in the same pair of jeans, same pair of shrink to fit. So if your boyfriend is breaking in a pair of shrink to fits, that is an investment that you may not appreciate now, but much like the hen saving corn as the grasshopper played in the field. Once the fall comes around, you'll be so excited about these great jeans and the investment that he put into them. So at the end of that parable, Justin, is the grasshopper come around like,

hey, I want to eat some corn. I'm a grasshopper. Hey, I know I'm the world's first corn eating grasshopper. So really the world shouldn't be surprised that I didn't save any corn because who knew? But I saw your corn and I was like, fuck, that looks good. It's, I know it's about a hen. There's a hen in there somewhere. There's a hen in there somewhere. She asks a bunch of things to help her plant the corn and they say maybe it's just a bunch of different animals, none of which are grasshoppers. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. And all of them are wearing some really tight sex jeans. Yeah, for sure. How about a Yahoo? Yeah, this one was sent in by Fizz. Thanks, Fizz. It's an anonymous

Yahoo Answers user. So I'm a calm, I think this is the Papa John guy and this advertisement says, no, it's the coach of some sort of sports team, but he sure as hell looks like the Papa John's man anyway. Papa John asks, can the calves theoretically sign me to a 15 day contract if I could win them the championship against Golden State? How much maximum would I be able to earn in 15 days if I can win the title for the calves with my sidekick Lebron? This is an interesting question. I don't know anything about basketball contracts or the sport at large, but would it be possible if I put up like my highlight reel of dunking and, you know, sick threes and then somebody at the Cleveland Cavaliers sees it and says,

these are two factors, these are two things that we are deficient in is dunks and threes and then sign me for two weeks and change to get in there just as long as they're playing the Golden State Warriors and I can get in there and win and then the contract's over and I'm free. Well, Griffin, I think so because I remember not too long ago, I think it was about two months ago when you injured your knees in that freak accident and then they healed in such a way that you could dunk like like a dunking machine. Yeah. And so I could see that happening as like, you know, maybe just one day you're at a Cavs game and like somebody like drops their popcorn, but whoa, you jump and you grab it and they're like, who was that?

My flubber knees and thank you for bringing that up, Trav. But definitely haven't brought that up before because I wasn't trying to keep it private or anything. But yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah, I got hit by two different cars at the same time. You won for each knee. So thanks, Trav. Well, added it back so it sounds like I'm talking about someone else. Probably wondering how that happened. It was during a drag race, of course. Thank you, Travis. I'm sorry. Travis was alluding to the hit teen comedy rookie of the year. Oh, was I? Funky about loving when he injured the kid injures his arm in such a way that makes him great at pitching. That's, of course, possible and ludicrous at the same time. But they never

explore the extension of that reality in that fiction that I want to see the like pro baseball players lining up to attempt to give themselves the same injury that this child was stood. Yeah, like purposely like going into the doctor and having them like jam various shives and what have you into their musculature to try to reenact this terrible accident. That would be ghoulish, but I think it'd be worth it for the Blu-ray. Also, could we could we just for a little bit? I would like one scene edited in for like the the 25th anniversary Blu-ray edition of rookie of the year that's just like major league baseball's lawyers being like, well, this child is 15, so we probably can't legally work for us, right?

There's laws against this. Is there not? I want the scene where the kid's arm heals and he's like, oh, man, I really like having that cool pitching arm. I wonder what other parts of my body I can sort of modify like that. And he just whams himself right in the goners with a big meat tenderizer, just thinking like, maybe more powerful balls, I guess. No, that one didn't work. Hey, mom, hospital again, hospital. Call an Uber. What do you think he Rowan Gardner goes on? Yeah, what's up? That was a deep pull goes on to like, what's he do after that? He, you know, he lands again. He does an underhanded pitch in the MLB and he wins the big game spoiler for rookie of the year. What does he do with the rest of his life? Let's write some fan fiction.

Probably tours around malls, right? He signs things in malls. Or goes from school to school showing kids that drugs are bad by throwing a baseball weird and fast. Yeah, drugs are bad, but it's okay to like injure yourself to be better at sports. Oh, I have breaking news. The film of Rookie of the Year is based on a 1954 American comedy. The name of which is Ruggies Bump. Sorry, Justin, neither the words you just said were words. Can you take another swing at it? Ruggies Bump. It still sounds like you're saying Ruggie, like noogie, but with an R. My friends, the film is called Ruggies Bump. According to the poster, Ruggie is the miracle kid with the Super Zoom Ball. And is the name of the film is Ruggies Bump. It is Ruggie. It's Ruggie,

Ruggie, not Ruggie, Ruggie. And I don't know why. And this is, this is the kid with the Super Zoom Ball, right? This is the one with the Super Zoom Ball. They call him Ruggie. On the poster, does it say written by cocaine? Plot is a young boy who loves baseball, develops a strange bump on his arm. Wait. Ruggie. Ruggie's got a strange bump on his arm and it gives him the Super Zoom Ball. The bump has such an effect on his pitching arm that he soon finds himself playing for a Major League Baseball team. As stupid as the, as stupid as the, he fell and broke his arm and the tendons re-healed too tight is, it's got to be better than my, my tumor that makes me good at pitching. A strange bump. My strange bump. One question. Ruggie's bump, I call it. That's right,

Ruggie. Oh my God, it's talking. That was my question. It definitely talks, right? And was voiced by like Jimmy Stewart or something. Had to talk. I'm looking at one of the variations of the poster for it and it's Ruggie's bump featuring the Brooklyn Dodgers. So that's a pretty cool year for the Brooklyn Dodgers and a good year for the movie when you have to advertise the fact that you tricked a baseball team to being in it. That was the, that was the least we've ever answered a question. Let's move on. I can't stop thinking about the phrase Ruggie's bump. Ruggie's bump is my movie. I'm sorry, sir, but the outlook doesn't look good. It seems that you have Ruggie's bump. Not Ruggie's bump. How long do I have? Like three weeks, but they're going to be three

really fun major league weeks. I want to do a sequel to Ruggie's bump. And it's the same thing, but the kid hates baseball. And he doesn't want to, I don't want to do that, doctor. Well, could you just cure my strange bump please? Just cure my strange bump? I could destroy a beautiful bump like that. Put my t-shirts fit. I'm a junior in college living in a student apartment complex. One of my roommates asked me to watch his plants farm wise in Europe for the summer. And I said, yes. So now I'm alone in my apartment babysitting an irony board covered in plants. My question is this, my plant owning roommate left a gallon of jug of artisanal water from some fancy well next to the plants. It looks expensive and it's almost empty. Do I have to buy more expensive

artisanal water? Can I just water them with tap water? Will the plants tell on me? And that's from confused plant sitter in Colorado. I mean, they'll tell on you by dying because they're not getting their special water. Their special water. Their secret stuff. Their secret plant stuff. It is Michael Jordan's sweat, definitely. That's what they drank in Space Jam, right? I haven't seen it in a long time. When they say Michael's secret stuff, they're talking about his- Michael's piss. His fluids. Thank you, Travis. Thank you. Yeah, no, Daffy Duck's spraying happily, Michael, MJ's piss. Thank you, Travis, for thinking of Porky Pig and all his friends just spraying MJ's piss right into the god to be good at basketball. What's up with that Space Jam, too? Yeah, come on.

Where's that? Water has the following in it. A little bit of hydrogen, twice as much oxygen, or perhaps flip that. I don't think there's anything else in this stuff, right? Like, the water comes off the most beautiful glacier and the stuff that comes out of my, you know, my street tap is just water, right? It's the same chemicals. So who cares, man? Well, the plants care because they need their special- Yeah, minerals. The special minerals. Special minerals. They need the minerals. What kinds of things do plants need? Let's just go back and forth listing some of the most important things that plants need in their water, Travis. Compassion. Kisses. Okay. Plants need kisses, he says. Yeah. And they need money. Plants need

your money. I mean, for me, it's always been water, sunshine, and for bees to have sex on them. Is that what that's about? Is that why we're so concerned about the bees? Yeah, we need them to get nasty in all our beautiful plants or else all the corn and blueberries are denso. I don't understand giving plants more than they need to live. I don't believe that there's certain waters that's better for plants because they're getting the dirty water from the sky, right? Like many plants are doing just fine with our shitty dirty water. Yeah. So why do they need special? I don't believe that these plants need special water. How do you even know how much? I bought my wife a plant from Mother's Day and then I hung it outside and then I gave

it various amounts of water, just hoping that I would stumble on the right combination that would keep it alive. I was not successful, but how do you even know how much water to give the things? I do also, I love J-Man because I feel the same way that if I have a plant in my house, it is not about, I hope I can help this plant flourish, but rather I just hope I can beat the clock on plant death. Like I'm not trying to have the world's best fern. I merely want it to last longer than six months and that's a big old W for me. That's why I like pro flowers. That ship has sailed. It's not about keep this alive. It's like preserve this corpse. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's no pressure there. I'm a mortuary, not a hospital. And also, what do you do if you

have to iron clothes? Oh my shit, Justin, you're right. You just didn't even think about that. Yeah. Can't possibly move these precious spoiled plants. These pampered plants. Maybe that's it. Maybe you need to toughen these plants up and take them on like a survival weekend. Take the plants on a road trip. You and your friend Jack Black in the front seat, these plants in the back seat, a wild sort of road trip. Yeah. You're trying to keep these plants alive, but have they ever really lived? Yeah. They're going to be uncomfortable about it at first. They're going to be like, are you sure about this? And then some bees are going to start having sex on them and they're like, well, this is how it's supposed to be. And then it turns out,

oh no, it's weed and you've been pulled over. Oh shit. Oh, is it been weed the whole time? I think it's been, oh no, it's been weed the whole time. Have the plants been weed the whole time because your friend isn't a friend of yours. It's a friend of Cheech Marin. That's what I was talking about with stoners. I was playing some Destiny earlier today and I was playing with some Rando's online gang. I heard somebody take the longest bong rip I ever heard. I thought they were pulling a prank on me. It was literally a good, probably 45 seconds. Not a joke, not an exaggeration, a good like, hey, hold on, everybody don't start it up yet. Go ahead and kill all this stuff in the room and I'll be ready for the boss. Here we go.

Like 45 seconds. I felt like I was like going up a hill on a roller coaster made of a bong. That was nothing. I was sitting here trying to formulate a rookie of the year version joke of like, maybe this person had asthma, damaged their lungs, and now they're able to take these ridiculous rips. I couldn't get there. The doctor said the only treatment for a rookie's bump is giant giant bong rips. It's just juicy rips. Hey, I got a quick yahu here. This one is sent in by Erica Batty. Thank you, Erica. It's the yahu who answers user question mark who asks, If you die hungry, is your ghost hungry forever? Please don't answer this with ghosts aren't real.

I know there's no physical proof, but I'm airing on the side of caution. Always so smart when you're talking about the supernatural. You're driving down the road heading to hardies and you've got a hearty hunger and you're growing in your belly and you got to get there soon because you're you're not you and you're hungry and you do a quick like cool hairpin turn into the you know, the hearties drive through and you flip the car explode. Yeah, and you've died hungry and there's your ghost. It can never enter the hearties and even if it could and couldn't eat the tangible burgers is your ghost hungry forever. I'm just going to go ahead and mention that in the hello for the magic tavern they do you discuss the hunger ghost so it's okay you don't need to tweet at us

about that you have a ghost it's never sated right we have a finite number of resources on this planet a finite amount of resources on this planet this ghost could eat their way through our food supply and really put our whole ecosystem in something of a bind because the ghost could just single handedly eat up all our dang hot dogs and all all of our good stuff the ghost could just chomp it all down now here's my question j-man when i eat a sandwich does that create a ghost sandwich we've definitely talked about this before what does that say about us i know it's a bummer um i mean what does that say about us no it's rough but listen does this carry over to all known desires if i really want to listen to dave matthew's band but first i'm gonna use the toilet and i

definitely die on it then am i always gonna be floating around spectral world just like damn i'd love to hear ants marching right now but my wife is too sad to turn on his feel-good tunes what is i think that the worst like sensation to die with and have forever is being afraid like if you die of fright and then you're just a scared ghost forever because like what are you gonna do yeah as a ghost to not be scared maybe sleepy sleepy's also bad sleepy ghost would be all right because what else you gonna do that's fair what i have to have to go to the bathroom ghost that's no good because then you have to you can never see yours is so bad mine was pretty good if you're a sleepy ghost then it's like well i'm in this big spooky mansion i don't i've read all the books by

floating through them as i do and i don't have anything to do but i'm always really sleepy so i'm just gonna sack out for a few hundred years maybe some neighborhood kids wondering here i'll give them a little spooker in get out and turn the light off on your way please maybe crank down that a c a couple degrees and turn on the fan in the bedroom give me some white noise the horny i feel like i feel like horny ghost is a phrase my mouth has said before and i can't reason should it would happen other than this show should we put an embargo on ghost jokes then we need a moratorium all right so now that we know that this is the last ghost bit let's talk about some of our favorite ghostly memories here on my brother my brother me some of our favorite ghost humor we've

ever done um i wow i can't think of one good one so maybe let's go the monies on folks our first sponsor this week is bowl and branch don't you get excited when you know you get to slip in to your spectral sheets and give yourself a nice ghostly nap if you're gonna if your ghost is gonna sleep for a hundred years you should do it on the best sheets available from bowl and branch and uh they're they're made from pure 100 organic cotton they start out super soft and you know where they go from there did you guess less soft you're incorrect because they get softer over time lots of great reviews shipping is free you could try them for 30 nights and if you don't love them send them back for a refund i also want to say not just sheets i've got a set of towels from

bowl and branch oh yeah and i've had them now for like uh you know almost a year maybe over a year and unlike some towels i've had the more i wash them like they stay consistently that like soft fluffy new towel kind of feeling love that need love these towels uh you're gonna get $50 off your first set of sheets at bowl and branch dot com promo code my brother so go to bowl and branch dot com today for $50 off your first set of sheets that's b o l l and branch dot com promo code my brother hey stitch fix how's it how's it going pal i i'm gonna talk about you for a minute hey stitch fix just thanks um kind of don't love you being here in the room while i do it i kind of need my space go ahead i like to watch oh no here's here's your $200 go ahead thanks talk about the

surface all right uh they send you just let me know if i go slower all right um so just because the sense of style can be elusive for some doesn't mean it's impossible to attain discover the style you never knew you had with a little help from stitch sorry can you put your shirt back on just yeah but i just got five new ones in a box from myself so i'm gonna change into one of these new looks and i'd like you to give me your feedback all right go ahead yeah they're all really good i mean you bought them for yourself so it's not like well i didn't actually i had one of the people that work inside of me choose them i got my favorite i told of my favorite styles and my budget and they selected five brand new clothing i guess yeah it's just for me no i can see them

rattling around inside of you whenever you move you're huge by the way um so anyway what you do is you answer some questions about your size's favorite styles and budget and your personal stylist will hand select five new brand new clothing items just for you you send back anything you don't want and shipping's free both ways so you only pay for for what you keep my size is extra what's that extra yeah you just are extra yes extra me okay so you can get your fix whenever you want regardless of which size you wear even if that size is company or you can sign up to receive scheduled shipments hurry to stitchfix.com slash my brother to get started now keep all five items you receive and you'll get 25 percent off your entire purchase go to

stitchfix.com what i didn't approve that oh it's just too great of a deal i'm gonna go broke with that kind of a deal well you want me to haul her around inside of you and see if i can find the culprit yes look check check my armpit for jerry he's a new guy and i think he's the kind of nincompoop that would have a a dumb idea like going to stitchfix.com slash my brother and keep 25 percent off when you keep all five items that sounds like a jerry original okay and travi you want to read this next message i sure do griffin thank you for asking are you getting married and you want a beautiful memory to last a lifetime sure i know woman that can satisfy me stitchfix oh goodness oh i thought he'd be gone hey hey stitchfix listen i swear i've

seen blue apron eyeing you from the other side of the room yes this will do okay now that we've i did someone with access to plentiful scallions yeah so now that we've got two companies get married travis maybe start this message from a different sort of corporate sponsor going yeah uh are you getting married and want a beautiful memory to last a lifetime are you also huge geeks and don't want to be judged for cutting your cake with a replica of sting then have wait the artist don't cut your cake with me a stupid then we got the videographer for you david trough right will film your wedding and make it look as epic as you always knew it could be for more info check out your wedding

dot film or contact david at d trough right w r i g h t at yahoo.com that's y o u r w e d d i n g dot film or contact d t r o t h w r i g h t at yahoo.com spell yahoo what spell yahoo travis you can spell yahoo also y a h o o dot c o m thank you for all your geek wedding videography needs i have a message for elie and it's from reina and it goes a little something like this to my very good big brother elie surprise i honestly don't even have anything important to say here i had an extra hundo lying around and just thought it'd be cool to sneak this up on you now listen to one of the mackle boys say these funny words bum fuzzle oh justin i'm so sad you want this i'm so sorry you lost the luck of the draw here pal booper snoo i deserved it for the stitch fix

thing i mean i lost a sponsor the least i can do is earn us uh a hundred bucks that's all i guess thanks boys love you lots and that's from elie from reina you kind of messed up this attribution there that one is from reina to elie there we go here's a message for angela and it's from scott who says dearest angela you are the most important person of all time and you are taking the world by storm chumb chumbo and numbo my favorite pawn stars characters now bow before your glowing righteousness you are vibing and keeping it tight in ways that other humans cannot begin to fathom your power is endless you are a new god the earth trembles before you today the day of your birth sweet jesus uh are we supposed to be as scared of angela as i am in

this moment uh i think angela is powerful and radical i am i am trembling yeah i'm really glad we got to share oh nope she just stepped on my house with her huge foot yeah she's big powerful too bad hey this is john rodrick of america i know that guy he also made the theme song for my brother my brother and me and you've teamed up with uh your friend adam and uh guy you also know ban harrison hey you're my friend and we make a war movie podcast called friendly fire now you may be turned off by the premise right then and there but you would be wrong well it's because it's about so much more than war or war films war movies are also a great window into filmmaking and the way our culture thinks of itself and other cultures think of themselves so listen to

friendly fire on the maximum fun dot org every friday or get it wherever you get podcasts i'll think oh what oh they got a new uh is this diamond dave what's going on oh jesus his guitar got very sick okay i want a munch squad i want too much squad juicy need to get down to guitar center bud and get that shit looked at

i gotta get this thing in the shop i've been having to do a lot of munch squads lately um where the copy is the star of the show because the products haven't been as really buck wild as we need to get on a munch squad a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in the quick service restaurant industry but i want to say thank you fizzles as i've said no times on the toilet thank you fizzles for bringing the heat uh with the new breadstick sliders now if you're in the indianapolis area you may have seen these spring up here the test market for these bad boys um and they're just as terrifying as they sound you know the fizzoli's breadsticks that they used to bring you infinite of if you're seated at the table um but now don't

do that anymore i don't think um the breadsticks the the very you know the super sloppy ones that seemed like eating even one is a dare kind of scenario you know what i mean yeah these little salty little missiles yeah so what they've done is they've got one of those motherfuckers in half and stuffed a bunch of pepperoni in there uh they're perfect as a it says here shareable snack now let's not think about let's think about that for a second hmm a shareable snack doesn't seem like one thing should be a shareable snack like if you come to me and you say i've been snacking on this breadstick full of pepperoni would you like to share it with me i i think the answer would almost always be no thank you very much perfect is a shareable snack throughout the day

what i know i know they don't mean that like that sounds i know they don't mean like i'm gonna put the rest of you in the ziplock bag see you at 3 p.m sounds almost like a breadstick slider because you talk to your friend and you say you got anything going on from 10 a.m to 4 p.m because we're gonna eat these all day as science people are at all days think the revolutionary new ways to indulge in these famous breadsticks include the revolutionary words mean things you know huh pepperoni pizza breadsticks each order includes six of fizzoli signature garlic breadstick halves and then they top them with mozzarella and pepperoni and then they bake them to a golden perfection so what they've done if you can visualize this oh they're served with marinara

for dipping these savory cheesy pull apart breadsticks are perfect to share or keep all to yourself or share wait please share if you can visualize that they've cut the breadsticks in half and then dump pizza on them these are breadstick size right like these are yeah the very thin very thin non-sandwich size yeah so you can get it's like one pepperoni width max maybe maybe the italian breadstick sliders are fizzoli signature garlic breadstick halves made into slider buns and filled with fresh premium ingredients to create three new italian breadstick sliders well you can't just keep saying the smashed meatball breadstick slider that's two meatballs topped with fizzoli signature marinara sliced mozzarella baked and finished with a garlic

sorry a basil basil pesto drizzle and they don't detail why it's a smashed meatball breadstick slider but i think we can all guess yeah they just can't stop fucking it up there's a spicy italian breadstick slider that's sliced genoise lami and capicola topped with sliced mozzarella and baked and topped with pepperoni oh i'm sorry i'm trying not to laugh but i was just thinking that the probably the most fucked up thing you could do as a farmer is to look at a pig right before you butcher it and tell it that it's going to be it's going to be used in a spicy italian breadstick slider it's just the meanest it's like i can't imagine a warranty dignity the pig the pig's like i'm at least going to olive garden right

and the farmer's like oh no friend you're not an olive garden pig oh no you're not you're not an olive garden pig culinary manager rick patralia has uh one of the more sinister sounding munch quad quotes i've encountered we listen and pay attention to our guests tastes and preferences in order to craft menu items that we know they'll enjoy so that's like rick's like yeah we've been watching you dirty sons of bitches we got we got close we smelled the stinkier trash hole of a mouth we know what you put in there our guests love our signature unlimited breadsticks so we set out so i guess they are still unlimited so we set out to create more ways for them to be enjoyed you asked for this and now you've got it you got it you dirty pigs we're excited to

give our loyal fans in indianapolis the first chance to try these delicious new menu items they are the perfect snack for any occasion after all life is always better with breadsticks what the fuck are you talking about rick what are you saying using this word snack is this like take it with you and then you know when when the moment comes and you'll know when it is snack on it if i saw someone pull one of these out on the subway i would jump right out of the door onto the tracks to my death no way because i don't know what that person's capable actually i do know what that person's capable of i just finished up lunch at fizzoli's a couple hours ago and i got a couple more hours until i can go back to fizzoli's for dinner i wish there was something in between

that i could do to kind of tide me over a cheesy boat across the river sticks that is quick man can i say something though right at this moment yeah i'd fuck these up yeah i would annihilate god i would annihilate them i'm coming to indianapolis to eat these these dirty dirty treats i'm coming and hey i'm announcing on my brother my brother and me show in indianapolis uh just to eat these nasty bugs hey how about a yahoo yeah give it to me here's one that was sent by graham roebuck thanks graham it's anonymous yahoo answers users so i'm gonna call him uh ruggy ruggy asks how does one become a ship captain i don't mean a captain of a cruise ship or being a captain as a career i just mean in general for instance let's just say i bought a boat for my for myself and my family

how do you determine who is the captain or another example how would jack sparrow have become a captain i don't mean all the technical stuff about davie jones and all that because i know that part of it i just mean that obviously he didn't go to university or college and professionally obtain a license to be captain so how does that all work these days okay first of all yahoo answers question ask your ruggy how dare you undercut the pirates of the caribbean point i was going to make about how jack sparrow became a captain how dare you take travis's joke away from him how dare you i was going to talk about how he made a deal with javie dones to raise the black pearl from the bottom of the ocean and thereby granting him a ship that allowed him to become a captain and you took that

from me you know trav though i think you found a way somehow why i'm so glad we got those those uh little peaks and valleys into the waveform you can imagine my relief at that you know i've never seen a yahoo answers person that is so belligerent so on guard about learning information that they are not actively seeking out yes they have felt they've built a logical for an impenetrable logical fortress around themselves to keep themselves from any general tidbit that they're not actively seeking out so that the the scenario presented here that i was attracted to is i buy a boat for myself and my family how do you determine who's the captain is it the one let's say the three of us get together and we're out on you know the big lake and i say i got a surprise for everybody i

bought a big boat am i the captain just because i'm the one that dished out the cash for because i'm not convinced that i would be the best captain no griffin captain is something that like everyone knows about somebody and it's just like like you have to say everybody on three point to the person who is the captain and i guarantee you nine times out of ten everyone's gonna point at the same person everyone will just inherently be like that is the captain because it's not a position that's earned or granted or anything one it's just born a captain or else why would you be allowed to like perform weddings and stuff and throw people in the brig if it just meant nothing you know what i mean like you are you are preordained to be a captain at birth it's like when martin shore inherited a boat

and he went down to go look at it and he had no idea what to do he wandered the street there's that 15 minute scene in captain ron of him wandering the streets of the place in florida i guess and until he found a captain and he couldn't do it himself even though he had written a red written and read several books about nautical matters yeah he knew he was a boat scholar he knew the information but he didn't he hadn't absorbed it wasn't in his marrow of the waves yes i have a theory by the way listener that i'd like to put in your brain because i think about it all the time i developed a theory upon one of my many viewings of captain ron that it was a you know how um that one uh uh the one diehard movie diehard with with a vengeance was originally written as a lethal

weapon film you guys know this this bit of trivia and then they repurpose it as a diehard film absolutely not i have i have it didn't know that i have this theory that um captain ron was originally written as a national lampoon film which i assume would have been titled national lampoons caribbean vacation uh because if you think about if you replace uh uh chevy chase in the martin short role and then you replace captain ron with cousin eddie who for some reason has some sort of nautical knowledge you know we can get that in post and figure that in the syrupy process well that's why they switched it over they couldn't crack that nut if you're if you replace all that stuff it is beat for beat what that film would have been that imaginary film that i came up with

would have been captain ron i i would swear on a sack of bibles it was written as a national lampoon movie and no one will ever one of the vacation films specifically and uh i've never found any uh validation of this online but if you're the screenwriter of that film and please get in touch i would like to return to a thought exercise that travis presented just a few minutes ago before we talked about captain ron for a long long time the longest time that's ever been i would like each of us i'll count to three and then each of us say the name of which of the three of us would be the captain you are allowed to say yourself okay okay and i want no hurt feelings i don't want us to get our ego in this this doesn't mean anything it's a joke

for a podcast but when we do buy a boat it is going to be legally binding okay okay one two three travis travis yeah okay okay cool i thought that might be the case is it and now let me say this let's count three and everybody say the reason why okay so uh one two three because you see the pirates of the caribbean okay so that we're all dang one was beard that's a sea beard to catch the salt air that is fair yeah that's great we can sort of stand behind travis and draft on him he's gonna get all that nasty start he's sort of like god's air purifier with that beard thank you i like that griffin and i our heads are in the same place that was like travis has probably the most nautical knowledge just through osmosis of seeing

pirates of the caribbean movies i have a new game okay it's called who's the captain and i'm gonna name some casts of some films and you tell me some ensemble casts and you're gonna tell me who's the captain okay now let me ask just to clarify are we talking about the actors or the characters oh man that's tough i think the actors right which actor is the most captain like okay okay this first one starts out hard and it only gets harder the uh fuck this site just give me a fucking ad blocker fuck fuck you damn it'd be such a shame if we weren't able to do this bit you think fuck me i'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight okay here we go oh thank christ the breakfast club the breakfast club we're talking emilio talking molly sheety uh ante

michael hall jed nelson my ringwald hold on hold on alley stop alley stop the game okay there wasn't a boat in breakfast there wasn't a boat it doesn't have to be a boat is it oh oh who is the captain okay who if they all bought a boat as soon as the movie ended who's the captain yeah okay well this is a trick it's a trick question justin why is that because i think that emilio asifas will be appointed captain but by the end of the film we find out that like jud jud nelson is the captain see i was gonna say molly ringwald this is not the best game though it's the only problem okay let's try it again maybe the first round was just a little off steven baldwin gabriel burn benicio littoro kevin paul at chess momentary and kevin spacy okay i know who's not the captain yeah i know

who's gonna get killed suspects who it is so we're gonna say who of those people is the captain are you ready kevin paulik yeah we're so i was leaning too see i was thinking benicio i was gonna give him the captainship okay let me get your friends your friend group and see if you figure out who the which one from the captain let me okay i have one to pitch for you okay star trek first contact okay who's the captain who's the captain of that one on star trek first cat on star warf that one's warf that one is warf that is that one it's warf his name is already a boat thing related uh folks thank you so much for listening to our dumb dumb podcast my brother my brother me we hope you've enjoyed yourself um we know we've enjoyed having you uh one dimension as always uh at the

beginning of a month i guess it's sort of we're getting closer to mid-month now it's unfathomable as that may be uh we've got a new pin in the mackleroy merch squad which you can find at mackleroymerch.com this month's new pin is a beautiful shrimp with uh angelic halo on it designed by alana hoit you can find that pin along with a lot of other great merchandise uh that one's only available through june though so uh make sure you get that if you want it uh also want to say uh we have the san francisco and phoenix shows coming up thanks san francisco yeah well in fact i know san francisco is cold out i think there are still some tickets to that phoenix show so if you want to join us you can go to mackleroyshows.com slash tours and get your tickets

there and you can also get tickets to our other upcoming shows in orlando and atlanta as well as our adventure zone graphic novel book tour which is coming up in mid july i want to thank john rogerkin the long winters for the use for a theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed it's got all the songs on it uh ever recorded so saturday night fever uh all of the other songs and that's all on uh putting the days to bed by the long winters and thanks to max fun for having us on the networking go to maximumfun.org check out all the great shows there shows like the beef and dairy network and international waters and bull's eye and all the great shows at maximumfun.org if you want to hear other stuff we do it's all at

mackleroyshows.com uh y'all want that final yeah you know it it was sent in by andy schiff thanks andy it's yahoo answers user question mark so i'll call him uh bernard asks is the ass all that matters these days the money is just mackerel and i vote yes i try this mackerel and the research this isn't in yet my name is griffin mackerel and i'm not this is gross i'm not a joke about that this is my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips so maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

we've all made mistakes in book club right you drink a little too much you don't actually read the book and if you're under the bubble in fairhaven your individual will get subsumed by the collective hey maybe i just let him go and whip us up some guac we do not require guac we require only nutrients and expansion you will become book club you will eat pray and love with us join book club bubble the sci-fi comedy from maximumfun.org just open your podcast app and search for bubble