My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 412: Robocup

Episode Date: June 25, 2018

Your body was destroyed in the attack -- but hey, don't sweat it! We've made it better with our inscrutable technologies. Faster. Stronger. Able to hold like, way, way more liquid. You're gonna LOVE it! Suggested talking points: Jurassic World Watch, The Jenga Situation, How Does Food Do It, Mystery Jamba Juice, Da' Wine, Nasty Disney World

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello and welcome to my brother brother brother being advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother 30 under 30 Griffin McElroy. I'm thinking about how around Halloween when I do that hello, I might stop before I get to the O. Oh yeah. I'm seeing the hell demons,

I'm seeing skeletons and you know blood volcanoes and I'm getting real quite spooked and it's June so how could you do this to me now? I am literally vibrating with anticipation because we got ourselves a watch Jurassic World lost world kingdom of dinosaurs coming out. Who knows when that's what this oh that's what makes this watch so exciting. I don't even know when the movie comes out. You've all seen the posters that just say Jeff's in it. It's a big and everybody's so excited about Jeff coming back doing his thing. Jeff's in this one folks. He's in it. Confirmed. Yeah, we got a lot of sort of classic stuff in here. We got Jeff in it and he says the great line about how everything can get all fucked up sometimes and Richard Schiff

comes back he gets chomped by another Tyrannosaurus rex. Well he got robotic legs after he was chomped in half the first time. Yeah his top half lived inside the T-Rex for a long time but then he got out of Sarlacc pit like Boba Fett and then they gave him new legs and then he shows up to the park like I think I'm really gonna be able to and then a pterodactyl comes picks him up drops him in a T-Rex's mouth and it's supposed to be funny I guess that he dies. So Jeff went in the first one. What in the first Jurassic World? Well it's hard to say because there was a lot of jungle in there and there was a lot of wide shots he might have been hiding in the forest living his new life. Jeff wasn't in that one. Jeff's in two. Jeff's in Jurassic World it done fell back

but think the thing that I found out today Jeff is also the like tutorial voice in Jurassic World Evolution the video game is Dr. Ian Malcolm. Okay. So he just reignited the passion for the role I guess and is willing to just do it. Jurassic World brand toilet paper is very good take it for me life finds a way and so you can do the commercial for it. Hi I'm popular actor Jeff Goldblum from apartments.com. If you if you have to lay an egg and then he looks at the camera for a minute straight and then that's the end of the commercial he says if you have to lay an egg and then he slowly lifts up the the TP. Here's the thing I think what happened was he did that that Thor movie he did the Thor movie and he was like you know what I like being in these big movies. I love

I missed being in the movies these apartment.com ads are very good and I am making a good amount of money. Jeff Goldblum plays a character called Brad Belflower in the apartments.com ads and we were watching one this campaign has been ongoing for several years now we were watching one in city said why does it say his name is Brad said well and she said I thought he was just playing Jeff Goldblum. I think you thought he was just playing Jeff Goldblum popular actor showing people how to find the best apartments for them is that something you would trust Jeff Goldblum to do and the answer of course is yes yeah sure in a heartbeat yeah that's because the Trivago guy isn't playing himself I assume. No it's not true his name is David Trivago. Oh yeah can I tell you I got two

theories about Jurassic world lost world you don't want to talk about Trivago guy. No I well my theory number one is he's in it as Trivago guy. I don't like how when you search for any hotel accommodations on Trivago the first result is always my guest room and sure the Trivago guy trying to get you to stay at his crib. The picture of the bed has him lying in the bed kind of like head up on one hand you know on his elbow kind of thing. Paris Tassel was if you just awoken him from a nap. And there's a big paragraph in there about how he lost all his shirts in a fire and that's why he's not wearing any of his picks. It's weird. It's so straight. But it is a good way to demonstrate the size of the bed to give me some sort of context. My house is for Trivago

guys tall yeah right. There's plenty of room for you to stretch out in my one and a half Trivago guy sized bed. Here's my theory about the Jurassic World Lost World. One they're finally going to show the dinosaurs in this one. This one oh it's going to have them. Been waiting. I think we're finally going to see them. Unfair the Richard Schiff got chopped in half off screen. Yes I needed I needed to see that to finish. I have to. Number two my theory is at the end it's going to pull back camera pulls back and all of that was inside a dome with super intelligent dinosaurs looking in and saying like yes our experiment to breed extinct humans is going very well. Yeah into phase one on to phase two. Yes. Let's get Chris proud up here let's get him nude. Your thing would

make more sense. I think Travis your thing would be more logical if the humans were the animals in this world. It would make more sense than the fact that they done did the park again. They did it again. They did it again. You know how in the first one Jeff is like this is so wack and everybody's like hey Jeff can you calm down we're just really excited to see dinosaurs. I think at that point even the audience is like hey don't listen to him. I really want to see you dinosaur and then when everybody starts getting eaten he's like let's go fast story like he's like yeah I told you so. When it be rad I haven't seen the film. When it be rad and this one feels like super jazzed about it. Like you just like my old friends dinosaurs are you shitting me.

Hell yeah I'm so stoked. Who wouldn't want to see a fucking dinosaur. This is incredible. This is amazing. The claws the teeth. He sees a big pile of dookies like that's a lot of shit. I love it. I like it this time. Very excited. My roommate and I do not get along. Our relationship went downhill when she bought a Jenga board. We're going to talk about it. Just wait. She asked casually from time to time usually I would be cooking dinner when I'd play Jenga with her. I have a nine to five job but I'm off at home at varying times so I was hesitant to make plans with her to play Jenga that I probably couldn't keep. I told her just to ask me when I'm at home and not cooking and I would play Jenga with her. The shit really hit the wall one night.

I came home and all the lights in the house were off. I walked in the living room looking for the light switch when I heard something moving in the dark. When I turn on the lights it was my roommate playing Jenga by herself in the dark. I don't really want to play Jenga with her anymore but I feel like she might light my room on fire if I don't indulge her. What do I do? That's from Gmail. So I was very thrilled by this question because I've never heard anybody in my life say a Jenga board. I don't know even what that could be and I thought maybe they meant a Ouija board. And just fucked up the worst. And just fucked up the words but it got weirder because I've also never heard somebody say they're going to play Ouija. I've

never heard that so I think that it is a Jenga but a Jenga board. I mean I don't know what I would call it instead but it's certainly there's nothing more like the Jenga play set I guess. I don't know it's certainly not a board. I also not to not to nitpick a little bit. I've also never heard the phrase the shit hit the wall though I get listen through context I totally understand what it means. Unless it's being used literally. We missed the fan. We threw it at the fan and the fan moved and then it hit the wall. Because the lights were off. Because the lights were on the dark. They were using the Jenga in the dark to hone their senses. Yes. You don't need your eyes your sight in order to get a really good Jenga going. You just need to sort of

feel it out. And the more you can kind of hone that I think the better kind of player you're going to be. So I wouldn't be too freaked out about that. They're probably not going to set your room on fire. They are I guess the worst case scenario going to kick your ass so bad at Jenga so bad that you'll never be able to leave the house again. Seems like the more likely scenario. Would you guys play Jenga right if I was like you want to play some Jenga right now. Would you guys play Jenga right now. I mean I would get on some sort of gig economy service to have somebody come to my house and set up the board for me because I couldn't possibly be and I just called it a board. So it's catching on. But I would I would love to play Jenga with you right

now. Just I don't have the the prerequisite you know 40 minutes required to set up the Jenga game only to have your dumb unskilled hands not topple the whole shit over and sending it crashing down to the floor and you're laughing like oh guess I did a bad job and I'm crying actual tears because I have to be so excited for the game. I guess in my mind I'm kind of I would just love to play Jenga so much right now. Yeah really. Well listen Justin everyone loves to play Jenga but Griffin is dead on you know and everyone's fine playing Jenga but nobody wants to do the work to set the hours to set it up. Yes there was a bar here in Cincinnati since closed called Neons and they had like giant Jenga. The big Jenga yeah. And it was like huge blocks right and the

thing would like it sat on a table and the the board itself was often you know four feet high and that's really great because it takes Jenga is not only a game of skill but also turns it into a truly dangerous game. Dangerous for everyone in the bar no matter how close you are to it because you could be sitting at the other end of the bar having a drink with your friend just like I'm so sorry he left you I know that you all were trying to make it work out and please if there's anything I know this feeling if there's anything I can do just as the Jenga board falls over and it does sound like two buildings collapsing into each other like the rampage monster squished them together and it sort of scares the living shit out of

everyone. It's not a fun environment. Quickly tell me the truth. At what point do you say Jenga as it's falling? As it's falling do you say Jenga? You screamed it for everyone to dive out of the way as one might yell timber. Yeah. Jenga! And you died. That's right. See that's not right. Do you chant Jenga to try to psych someone out? Do you say uh do you say it when you're done saying it up like uh Jenga? Well is Jenga good or is Jenga bad? Oh no. Nobody's ever really dialed into that where is do you yell it when you're excited because the Jenga's about to happen or do you use it as Justin suggests as a sort of you know wizard's curse? Jenga is derived from Ku Jenga a Swahili word which means to build according to the thepedia. I think as it's

falling does not does not track. That's an un-Jenga. D-Jenga. Let me try this. Let me see what you think about this. The board falls. It's scattered. Everyone looks at it in silence for a moment and the person who knocked it over just whispers Jenga and it's just kind of admitting defeat and it's time to build again. Yeah I guess the cycle begins anew. I mean I wouldn't I would leave the situation. I used to date the situation but he loved playing Jenga so much. Yeah. It didn't work out. He used to date the situation? And the situation from Juru Ushor he loves Jenga and he loved me for a time but he loved Jenga more. He loved it so much because each of the big big bricks look like one of his individual strong fingers. And so Justin did you give the the situation an

ultimatum and you said like it's me or the Jenga? I thought you were going to ask if I gave him his first Jenga set because a lot of people say that and it's not true. He already had one. We found it at a lake house that we rented together and he got so into it at that point. It's when I really started to lose him. But so you found it at the lake house but you did show him how to play? Everybody knows how to play Jenga. It's very obvious. If you see it set up all you can think is I'd love to knock this down but I'd love to make it look like it was an accident. That's your main reaction when you see the Jenga thing is how can I knock this down and make it look like I didn't mean to? And so everybody knows the rules of Jenga in their heart.

Do you ever hear from the situation now? Yeah, when was the last time you talked to a situation? You know what? I always hear from him when there's a new limited edition set released because he thinks that I'm going to be excited about it too. Like hey, did you hear there's Donkey Kong Jenga? Hey, did you hear there's Jenga blank or there's giant giant Jenga? You remember sex Jenga where they would write like a little sexy things you're supposed to do when you pull the bricks out. Is there any less sexual situation imaginable on earth than playing Jenga? I don't like conflating that at the act of beautiful love making with a lot of brick removal tension. So, oh wait, the question of course. Yes, of course, all apologies. You should just

play Jenga because it was fun and I love to play Jenga. If I have time, I'll get over there. If you want me to play Jenga with your roommate instead of you, I'm happy to do it. Let me ask you guys this. Is there a level of bad you could be at Jenga that the roommate would no longer want to play with you? Yes. Can you hide or burn one of the Jenga bricks and they'll never be able to play with that set again? Especially if you can get the bottom ones. Well. Or every night, every night, burn three Jenga bricks, right? That's great. The tower just gets shorter and shorter and shorter. That's good. That's shortening the length of the game or extending it. Or are you extending the length of the game by doing that? Okay. So, every night, add three Jenga bricks.

Add three Jenga bricks and then they'll get tired of setting it up. Well, eventually it gets pinched between the table and the ceiling and then the friction is as such that nobody can remove any bricks and now you just have sort of a cool wood column in your home and that's going to raise the property values. I would give any amount of money for you to read Yahoo. Here's one from Merritt Palmer. Thank you, Merritt. It's Yahoo Answers User Question Mark. We'll call him. Bev asks, what makes something food? Huh. The fact that this had to be asked by this person makes me wonder what their last, say, hour has been like. You know what I mean? What the hour leading up to them getting on Yahoo and typing this question in was like. Let me pose this

to you two. Is paper food? I mean, maybe it would be better instead of Travis going down the list of all inanimate objects that are extant. We could create a reference guy. I was going to make a point. I wasn't just speaking hypothetically. Okay. Yes. Paper is food. You could season paper in such a way that it would be pleasant to eat. Like a fucking paprika cigarette? What are you talking about? You could make it pretty good. You could season it and make it good to eat, and then it's got fiber in it and probably a vitamin. Justin, you are fucking with my point on purpose because you know I was going to say, oh, it's not food, but you can eat it. Now, you've taken that away from me. You raised the specter of the question. The bounds of the question

are what things are food. How does food do it? Just because you don't want to eat paper doesn't mean it's not food. But here's my point is if you got a burrito wrapped in paper and you took a bite of it with the paper still on, you would go to jail. Yes. It would not be pleasant. Not all food is pleasant. That's a good point. See, I was thinking here, if you want to eat it with, and if you want to eat it, put it in your tummy and taste good, then that's the sort of three things you need for food. But there's a lot of things that are food, like for me, a vegetable that I don't think it tastes tasty. I don't want it in my belly. I don't think I want it in my mouth. I don't desire it, but it's still food, isn't it? So shit. Yeah, it's still food. I mean, everybody's talking

about a hot dog sandwich or not, but I think we all agree these things are food. Maybe food is completely subjective. One man's food is another man's treasure. Yeah, you know, I look at grass and I'm like, no, thank you, but a cow looks at grass and a cow's like, yum, yum, yum. Now, that's what I call food. And then I look at the cow and I say, well, do you know? The cow thinks I'm just me, but I see the cow and I say, that's like 10 hamburgers because I'm a fucking big, big wild animal, just a big idiot. Who also can't measure how big a hamburger is compared to a cow? Yeah. All right, Travis, how many hamburgers can you get out of a cow? Answer me truthfully. And not sliders. 35. That's right. 35 hamburgers. No, he's right. He got it right.

He got it right. He got the right answer. It's like, what is food? What is food? Is toothpaste food? No, stop. You got to stop asking these dumb questions for the jokes. No, listen, toothpaste isn't food and I can back that up because if you, it has chemicals in it that would make you sick, if you eat more than a portion of it. Sure. And a portion is a deck of cards or the palm of your hand. So if you eat more, you should be able to eat a portion, which is a deck of cards or the palm of your hand. That's about the size of a portion of any food. And you should be able to eat a portion of anything. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying that's how much toothpaste you were putting on your brush every time. No, that's how much food you should be able to eat of something

for to qualify as food. There should be nothing where if you ate more than a deck of card size of it, you would be sick. You'd be dead. What if you ate a deck of cards of salt? Here's what's fucking me, salt is food. Here's what's fucking me up, salt is food. Eat a deck of cards of salt, you're good. Here's what's fucking me up. I don't think so. I think you get very sick. Here's what's fucking me up though. You take the sticky stuff of dough. That ain't food. No, that's not food. You put it in the hot area, get it out. Now it's food. What? You have by cooking it and killing some of the latent bacteria in it by cooking it, you have made it qualify for food of rule

number one. Sorry, rule of food number one. You can eat a deck of it and be okay. What about a novelty size deck of playing cards? No, a deck of it, a portion. This is the rule. If you eat a deck of raw dough that you can still get salmonella, get sick. That ain't food, cousin. Hey, family, that ain't food. Let me ask you this, Justin, is drink food? Stop. You're just being a pisser right now, Trav. I'm just trying to create new rules for food. I've got one for you. Okay. Where if you eat a deck of palm of hand, if it makes you sick, that ain't food. Does one must derive some form of nutrition for it to be food? No, because cotton candy's food. Shit. Can I cook a deck of toothpaste? Oh. No, you would just

exaggerate. That's not food. We need more rules. If you eat a deck of it and you're healthy still, that's food. That's fucked up, though, because I can't do that for cheese. No, there has to be rules, Justin. What other rules, Justin? You're founding a new religion here, Justin. I came up with the one. I came up with the one. My rule is great. I could eat a candle. I could eat a playing card deck size of candle, and I think I would live. Probably not, though. I didn't say live. I said get sick, and I think my friend, my young friend, I think that if you ate a candle the size of your fist, you'd probably not be feeling tip-top for the rest of the day. That is a food, brother. I'm

looking around my room thinking about things I could eat a playing card deck size of. I'll give you one. I'm playing cards. It's rule two. If someone, no, it can't just be someone, because there would be people that would eat a candle and say, I loved it. I'm going to say, if there's 20 people anywhere on earth who do enjoy eating the thing, it also then is food. Does that include YouTube prank videos? Ah, shit, yeah. You don't, you would be so sick. If you ate a deck of playing cards, they're waxed. You would be sick. It's not food. I'm not going to tell you how my fucking trick works, dude. I ate a deck of playing cards, and I'm still here alive to tell the tale. You figure it out.

Dude, does anybody have another rule for food? I already fucking gave you one. My esoteric one. Would you eat this in front of the pope? Hey, let's pretend for a second. Because I would eat some ribs in front of the pope. What is the number one food that you at least want to eat in front of a potential employer, my own resume? Yeah, probably a cake with pictures of their family on it. You're not even applying yourself to the context of the question. I wouldn't want to eat their lunch. Okay, but you all are like, if the man had seen the sawdust, he wouldn't have died. Lateral thinking puzzled me. Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it.

I just want a good answer. Yeah, I got a good answer. It could be a hot dog that you've written the word dickhead and mustard on the top of it. How about Taco Bell, a big bag of Taco Bell, and instead of a receipt inside, there's a piece of paper that says, I stole this. How about a big bag of Taco Bell? And also, you're at Quedoba. Oh, you're applying for a job at Quedoba? Yeah. Let me, I would like to suggest a pretty dynamic change to the way we are thinking about things. I would like to suggest we split this into two categories. Food, F-O-O-D, and that's where your sandwiches, you know, your salads, your, what you would think of when you think of food goes. And then food, F-U,

with an omelette over it, where we can put stuff like some paper, a leaf you found outside. You can't, that, okay, the word you're looking for is edible. We have two rules for food, Travis. Yes, but no rules for food. Everything else is food. If it's edible and not food, it's food. Yes, this is what I'm saying. Okay, here are the two rules we have for food. If you can eat a deck of it and not get sick, and 20 people anywhere like it. But it can't be the same 20 people who are just like stunting to expand the list. I think we're on it, we got a good start here, and then everything else is feud. Everything else is feud, a new food-like product from Travis McRoy.

Gang, I'm thinking it might just be easier to just do a list. See? All the things that are food. Listen, I'm just saying that I think we will find less things that aren't food than it. So if we went, can we get the folks down in MIT on this? Recently, I moved to a small town that's about three by three miles long, nine square miles. Next question, nice try. How big is my town? How big's my town in square mileage? There's your answer. Next. Sometimes while I'm working at my retail job, I'll see customers with a nice cold Jamba Juice and think about treating myself to one. The problem is that there isn't a Jamba Juice in my town at all.

The closest neighboring town that has one is about a 40-minute drive. I spent all my time Googling and can't find one in my or my neighboring towns. Would it be okay for me to ask a customer where the Jamba Juice is? Do my customers drive 40 minutes for juice? Should I? That's from Jamba Juice Junkie. Well, let me make one quick reaction. Your customers drive 80 minutes for a Jamba Juice. Sure. That's a fucking great point, Travis. Thank you so much. How is there even juice left in the cup by the time they get to you? How do you not immediately drain one of these? Maybe they take like a cooler with them. They buy eight Jamba Juices at once, put it in some dry ice, have it all leak. Do you know how far I would have to drive

to get into Jamba Juice? Uh-oh. Ooh, how far, Justin? Well, it wouldn't be 40 minutes, my man. Our town is a little bit bigger than nine by nine square miles, but your boy Hoops would need to drive three and a half hours to get to Jamba Juice. Whoa. So I'd have to really be craving that. I don't know if I've ever had this juice. Is it good? I mean, it's not three and a half hours. Sorry, as Travis O'Reilly points out, seven hours. I mean, just so you don't feel bad, Justin here in Cincinnati, which I would call a smallish major city. That's a juice town. That's a juice town. The closest one is in Lexington, 81 miles away. Maybe what, or really you're realizing here right now is that maybe Jamba Juice needs to open some more local

house or question asker needs to. Oh my God, Travis. Yes. The universe has been speaking to you with these brave pilgrims and their delicious juice. The universe is telling you, Dillip, listen, it's time to open the Jamba Juice. The market is here. The market is here. Your town is full of people that love Jamba Juice and hate driving. The time has come. And maybe if you want to save on some fees and some negotiating with Jamba Juice, just open a Jombo Juice. Same exact everything else, but now it's you and you don't have to pay for a franchise. Open a Jombo Juice. And you're going to work with your friend Paul Rubens. You're going to open a Jombo Juice and Jomparagon, I guess, would have to get in on it to do like V.O. and stuff.

I don't think you can ask them where they got the juice though. You don't think? Because that conversation would go, hey, where did you get that? And they would say, Jamba Juice. Or maybe they're getting it from like a speak juicy and they can't tell you where because it's like an underground Jamba Juice here in town that you're not allowed to know about because you just moved there. Or maybe it's not a real Jamba Juice that they're getting their juice from. It's an old footlocker that somebody's just crushing up some oranges and apples and what have you in. And then they say, they sell it to them and they say, this will be $60. And they say, that seems stiff. And they say, well, can I tell you, we're a real Jamba Juice. And you don't want

to burst their bubble that they're drinking bootleg Jamba Juice. Haven't you noticed that it's just like solo cups with the words Jamba Juice written onto it? And it's got a lot of seeds. Like many seeds. It's so seeding. It's pretty much all seeds. How far would you guys drive for juice? How far would I drive for juice? I wouldn't go to my kitchen for juice, Jamba. If I handed you a cold juice right now, you would just up turn the cup, huh? Yes, onto your head. Hey, folks, it's just sugar. Whoa. You're welcome. Yeah. Didn't even think political would happen on this show, but just. This one got political. I'm just mad because I tried to do a juice fast once on the day of trick-or-treat,

and I only made it four hours. Did you try to juice a bit, honey? And you're like, this is not producing much. Nothing. This is nothing. Oh boy, it was bad though. Uh, let's take a quick trip over to the money. Hey, can I tell you about Blue Apron? Can I tell you about Blue Apron? Yeah, Justin, you do it. Every Friday, I go out on and I open my front door, and you know what's waiting for me? Don't say a cardboard box. It's so much more than that. It's a world of cuisine. Now, this is all food. Not the box. Not the box. Not the frozen elements. The box is viewed, and the frozen elements are probably viewed too, but don't

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And there's no membership fees. You can skip any month. You can cancel anytime. Shipping is covered. And if you don't like a model, they'll replace it. No questions asked. It's a great deal. Have you tried Jason Big's Power Wine? That no? That one hasn't come yet. You gotta, I think, request it. Well, it takes a specific sort of profile answer and it's one that you wouldn't normally sort of fill in there. You have to really be looking for Jason Big's Power Wine. But they ask you things like what's your favorite movie and you do have to say, you know, American Pie, Saving Silverman, something like that. And it's like, name one word, one adjective,

how you want your wine. And you said, you have to say, like, psyched up. Or just big, but two G's. Or you just put in, it says any additional details and you can just type in there. I want to drink the Jason Big's Power Wine. And that'll usually get it to you there. And I know you're probably wondering, is it red? Is it white? It doesn't have a discernible color. It's kind of opalescent, I guess, would be the word I would use. Yeah. Chunky. So you can discover great wine today if you go to triwink.com slash my brother. That's triwink, T R Y W I N C dot com slash my brother. And when you do, you'll get $20 off your first shipment. That's triwink.com slash my brother for $20 off. Go check it out.

I want to tell you about a podcast. This one's called I hate it, but I love it. That's the name of it. It is not my review of the show. It's called I hate it, but I love it. You can find it at hatelovepodcast.com or wherever you get your podcasts. I hate it, but I love it is a super fun podcast about the pop culture you love and hate simultaneously. Each week, hosts and best pals Kat and Jocelyn discuss a movie or TV show that they both love and hate like Game of Thrones, Armageddon, The Devil Wears Prada or anything JJ Abrams ever made. Then they try to figure out why they feel that way. Oh, and did I mention they're Canadian? That's not really important, but any Canadians listening right now just got a little bit excited. You should listen.

I think you should listen no matter where you live, but Canadians, you're going to love all of the great Canadian sensibilities present in this show, I bet. So that's I hate it, but I love it. You can find it on your podcast destination. We have a message for future Annie and it's from present Annie and it says, Annie, I hope you aren't driving to work right now while you hear this. It's okay if you are. I'm not disappointed in you. All things take time. You're probably absolutely crushing it no matter what you're doing. I hope things are better then than now. Don't settle. You can always do better. Also, Madison, I hope you're good. This was for me, though. They wanted this to air in March, so I super duper hope that things are going well for

you because it's been a few months. You had a few bonus months there tacked on to the end where things have almost certainly started doing better. I have to imagine they've gotten better at this point. I mean, the span, I mean, the events of everything that's happened between March and June is nothing but just no clouds in the sky, beautiful, bright, sunshiny day. Annie, I think you're great and I bet you are crushing it no matter what you're doing. We're proud of you. Madison, quit trying to jump in on Annie's thing. Yeah, Madison, back off. This is for Annie. I actually wonder about Annie's situation because since Annie, I hope you aren't driving to work right now while you hear this.

It's okay if you are. Are they disappointed? There's a few things that can be disappointed. One, that they're listening to the show still. They have maybe wanted to stop. I hope that's not the case. They heard it. It could be they wanted to stop driving to work and they promised themselves they would start walking or riding their bike. That may be another thing or it could be that they wanted them to have a different job. I think, Matt, I thought I took it as I'm disappointed in you for listening to anything while driving to work, a time when you should be focusing on driving. Yeah, you should be driving, paying attention to driving.

This is for Pat and it's from Sam. Hi, Pat. I know we said we weren't going to do this, but you're proposing to Rebecca today, so that seems like a big deal. Since this is going to be in the future, happy wedding. Congrats on that coming up. Unless she says no, which would be a colossal bummer. Not that I need to tell you that. In that case, keep your chin up, bud. I love you and that's for whenever, man. Okay. A lot going on. Yeah. A lot going on. I feel like I need some Reddit fan club to break down the timeline for this. I need an inception flow chart to follow.

What I love about this Jumbotron is what this makes me think is that Sam was talking to Pat and Pat was like, yeah, I'm going to propose to Rebecca today. Whatever you do, don't get me a Jumbotron that wishes me a future happy wedding and Sam says, okay, I won't do this and then jumps onto the phone and it's like, I know we said we weren't going to do this. It seems like Pat has been wronged before by Sam in this exact way because I don't know why else they would need to warn them otherwise. Well, Adam, we're still putting out the greatest discovery podcast while we wait for season two. What are we doing with these episodes? We've talked to a whole bunch of interesting people like the Wall Street Journal's Ben Fritz and MaximumFun.org's own

Danielle Radford. We're kind of using this time to find ways to entertain ourselves and you while we wait for the next season. So catch yourself up with Star Trek Discovery and join us Tuesday on the greatest discovery. It's on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcast. How about a Yahoo? Yeah, actually, no. Okay. It's time to play the game that's shaking up America. We return to it every week or so. What do you got? Celebrity Wine. Why not? Welcome to Celebrity Wine. Why not? Very good show. Did you know you were going to do this before I talked about Jason Biggs's Power Wine? Celebrity Wine, why not, is a new show. It's a quiz show. My brother,

my brother, and me, where I'm going to tell you, I forget how we, how did we, what were the rules? I think you gave us the name of the wine and we tried to guess the celebrity and the rating. Okay. If I remember correctly. I am going to, okay, the list is still shared with you and I'm going to hit you with the name and the score of a wine and you're going to tell me which actor from our list is responsible for it. I mean, don't tell us the score though. That's half the fun. Yes. You will guess the score after. So I'm going to say our first one today, our first wine. Let me open up this bottle. Hello, gentlemen. My name is Somalia Justin and I'm so happy you came to our restaurant. Today, we have a fine bottle for you. It's a

Ferguson Crest 2014 Private Reserves Aral. It's from the center, Yanez Valley. And it's, oh, half of the label has worn off here. I can't read the celebrity, but I know that a very considerable celebrity was attached to this wine. Oh, I know it. Yeah, I do too. It's not the hardest one you've given us before in this restaurant. It did take a second. Is that by Fergie Furr? Is that Fergie's wine? That's Fergie Furr. That's Fergie's wine. Give me the score. Oh, man. Now, it's around you of the scale here. Really, between 80 and 100 is really the work. I'm going to say 87. I'm going to say 83. Well, that's a 90 on this one. Hey, great wine, Fergie. Fergie did a good job. She tried her best and she was very, very, very

pleased. I'm going to Google just to real quick see how original our nation's sort of wine critics are. Fergie wine, Fergalicious. And see how many people sort of led with that. Yeah, yeah. And it looks like my computer just imploded. It just sort of disappeared in my desk. It Googled it too hard and died. So gentlemen, please enjoy the Ferguson Crest 2014. Look out for Candied Blackberry and Black Current Meet With Lilacs on the concentrated gooey nose of this bottling. Gooey nose? That's what wine enthusiast fucking said. I kid you not. It's a gooey nose. Just a gooey nose on Fergie's wine. Fergie, this one's got a gooey nose. Next up, gentlemen, if you'll follow me over to Toscana, Italy, we're going to be sampling the

Il Pallagio 2012 Sister Moon Red. Say it again. This is the Il Pallagio 2012 Sister Moon Red from Toscana, Italy. You're going to be looking for a polished palette showing mature red plums tobacco and vanilla. I'm going to say Lorraine Bracco. I don't know who that is. I don't either. I mean, how as bad as I want it to be, Mike Ditka. I don't think it is Mike Ditka. It sounds fancy, so I'm going to say either Brad Pitt, Angelline Jolie or Sting. I'm going to say Brad Pitt, Angelline Jolie. Oh, it was Sting, sir. So close. I'm actually, I have to be honest with you guys, I'm at a bit of an advantage here because while on vacation this summer, I did have a bottle of Brad Pitt and Angelline Jolie's wine. Ah, shit. So here's the question for all of you here on the

call. Who's better at wine? Stinger, Fergie. Oh, no. I'm going to say Sting is an 82. I'm going to say Sting didn't make good wine. I think Sting, 82 feels right to me, Trav. You know, it's 88. He did a great job. It wasn't as good as Fergie did, but yeah, we got one more in Celebrity Wine. Why not? I'm really excited about this one. Gentlemen, let me re, let me summon my character back up. Thank you. Gentlemen, our last wine, because I can tell you're getting a little inebriated here at the table. Our last is a 2012 Cabernet Savignon, a cab sav in the Lingo's from the Columbia Valley of Washington, and it is called Pursued by Bear. It's 2012 Cabernet Savignon Pursued by Bear, this little Shakespearean pun. It provides plenty of immediate appeal,

but will only benefit from some time in the cellar. Fang, go down the list here. This isn't the Jeff Gordon Speedwine. It's not the Mario Andretti Speedwine. I want to say Kyle McLaughlin, because Pursued by Bear seems like somebody who has a fun, like, understanding of Shakespeare, and also the fact that I think it's in Washington State, which is where I think Twin Peaks is. Wait, is it from Washington? I'm sorry, gentlemen, the owner says I cannot remember. Oh, this game stinks. My descriptions. I'm going to say Kyle McLaughlin. It is from Washington. I've checked with the owner. He said I could share that from you. It is from Columbia Valley. It's probably Kyle McLaughlin. So, sirs, just so I can quantify this,

you think Kyle McLaughlin decided to make a wine of Washington because he was in a TV show there 25 years ago? Yes. Is that sort of? No, they did the reboot. This is, I told you, was a 2012. It was a 2012 Cab Sav. Someone from Washington said, you know who I bet is a big fan of us because he shot a TV show here and they reached out to Kyle McLaughlin. All right, I'm going to change it. I'm going to change it to. You're a coward. Sam Neal. The answer is Kyle McLaughlin. Yes, I stuck with my gut, Griffin. You are rewarded. You get a second pour here. That's bullshit.

Here you go, sir, enjoy. I told you it had a fun, actory name pursued by Bear. I know, but Justin came out with all this negative energy and it ruined my vibe. Don't be bullied by our older brother. Who is better at making wine, Agent Dale Cooper or Fergie Ferg? Probably. I'm going to go high because I'm betting that Kyle McLaughlin really got involved in the process and was a sickler for quality. I'm going to say a 95. I'm going to say that I've doubted Fergie in the past and it has not served me well. I think her wine's better. Kyle McLaughlin's Pursuit by Bear 2012

Capsav comes in at 93 points for my enthusiasm. Second only to Earth's best celebrity winemaker, Boz Skaggs. We all remember Boz is the best. What's my dick-cause-fucking-wine call? Sir, if you want me to... I'm going to get kicked out of this fucking winery. I'm googling it. If you want Mike Ditka's 2011 Cabernet Savignon called the icon. I'm sorry, I know he's got three. He's got a Merlot called the player and he's got a Capsav called the coach. I want a coach! Order all three of those right now. Hi, Mike Ditka. It's me, your wine producer. We need a name for this wine. What are some words you know? Uh, the player? Uh, the coach? And the ball. No, we're not going to do the ball wine.

It's Mike Ditka's ball wine. Freshly sweet. It's got notes of current. It's got notes of strawberry in it and a little bit of pigskin, baby. Can we do the wine? No, we can't do the wine, sir. Congratulations to Colin McLaughlin and Fergie for shocking the haters and producing a better wine than steak. Uh, how about one of Yahoo? Yeah, I love that. This one's sent in by Alan. Alan, thank you, Alan. I'm sorry, I almost attributed it to you. It's Yahoo Answers User Question Mark, so Mike Ditka asks, Uh, what to wear to laser tag? I'm Mike Ditka. From Filly Guy. From Filly. It is really, it is really hot and I haven't got any black tanks and stuff.

Could I possibly wear a play suit, blue, or is that too much? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a play suit? Mm-hmm. A play suit, Travis. I'm glad you asked. I googled it. It's not anything. It's not anything that exists in the world. This is so tough because you have to find something that is both resistant to lasers and nacho cheese afterwards. Yeah. Something hydrophobic and laser phobic. What? Oh, I've got it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to answer this one so quickly. We'll have to do another one, but I have the answer and the answer is you're going to want to dress like an employee

of the laser tag place. Okay. Okay. Kind of a covert. Sure. You get blasted, peer-to-peer, and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Can you see my clothes? I'm a journalist. I'm covering this laser war. Are you trying to get yourself thrown out of here? Because I have that power. Could you do like a RoboCup outfit? Did I say RoboCup? You did. RoboCup. This police officer got killed by a big gang and they're like, we can save him, make him even better than before. And he wakes up and he's like, uh-oh. Wait a minute. Uh-oh.

What did you do to me? You're like, well, you got a little handle there, cute little floral pattern. You got your own saucer. You got a saucer. This is your partner, saucer. He used to be a firefighter, but we fucked him up too. So anyway. Do you have any cool robot powers? You can hold different beverages inside. And is it going to hurt when it's a hop? Oh, it'll hurt. How long will they stay hot or cold? You are not insulated. You're sort of a guy cup. Sorry about that. Sorry about all of it. We tried to order RoboCup parts, but Jeff over here fucked up the order form to the typo on it.

So you're going to get what you get. Hey, at least this, you're not dead. Yeah, I guess. I guess. I'd rather be. Well, the bad news is we don't know how to kill a cup. So what do I do now? Am I supposed to fight crime? Oh, well, if you want. I guess. I mean, you're not suited for that if we're being honest. You're a cup. It feels like a tall order. And let me check this out. I heard Disney's making a live action beauty in the beast. Now we're going to get you down there casting. Can you do a chip? Oh, wait, they made that like four years ago. Fuck, man. I don't know. You might have a job on Sunset Boulevard. Get your picture taken with Chip the cup from Beauty and

the Beast. You know, you could make $20 a day. No, sorry, you can't charge for those. They might have a sequel in the works, you never know. Might be uniquely suited. Now get on out of here. We're going to turn someone into Tupperware. Well, hold on. A sequel that would be Beauty and the Handsome Dude and all of his human house servants. Everything still good? Yep. OK, roll credits. No, it's called just called Gaston's Funeral. Don't nobody want to go to that. Anyway, you're a cup now. Get on. We had a conversation about this. We were talking about. OK, so we are doing three shows in Orlando and one show, no? Yeah, one show in Orlando

at the end of August. So we're thinking about like ducking our heads into Disney for a few days while we're down there. And the one thing that Charlie was really firm on is that she does not want to see Gaston. She wants to and she does not want to see Gaston. And she said, and we sitting over talking and I guess in the same room as her and sitting very briefly said like, well, sweetie, you know, you realize that's not the same. And then she stopped herself. We can't really go down that road. We can't go down the, you know, it's not the same Gaston road. Yeah, because you take that one brick out and it all sort of tumbles around you. And then I very helpfully jumped in and said, well, Gaston died. So that's a different Gaston.

That was not better. So helpful, Justin. That was not better, actually. So it's a cyborg Gaston, nothing to be afraid of there or brought back to life with dark magics. Again, not an unstoppable Gaston zombie. Not anything to be afraid of there. Why do they have that pervert Gaston even at the park? I hate that guy. Why does he get, he's a very bad per, and you know what, he's not bad and like the traditional like, I'll steal your voice and then become the, no, he like is a racist and like, and he gets killed for it and like, whatever. But it's wild that he's like, everyone pose with me, expectorating. I'm a cool guy who tried to force a woman to marry me against her will by imprisoning her dad.

Yeah. I gaslighted her dad. It was great. I ate it. I ate it all, a griffin's eggs and spit on his car. And it's like, Jesus, dude. You know, here's the thing though. Listen, I don't want to blow this whole thing wide open. But if you think about it, the beast also imprisoned Belle's dad in an attempt to try to force her to marry him. So it seems like both of them kind of suck. I mean, there should be maybe a bad Disney world we're Gaston, the beast, the bad guy from Pocahontas who was like, real bad. Real world. Real bad. Pretty bad. Not fun bad. Like a lot of the, you know, Ursula, this is a different podcast. This is not our podcast. I mean, I just, it's a different park. It's nasty Disney world

where bad kids go. Nasty Disney world where all the villains are capped and the bad kids can elect to go to it. They are, they haven't been redeemed. You know what? If you, if you know it, it's sort of a heaven and hell situation. Are there still rides? Yes, the rides are way cooler. The rides are so much cooler, so much more dangerous and action packed. The food's all nachos, more or less, just all, just big spicy beef nachos, pretty much all over. And you can just shit anywhere. It's nasty Disney world. It's where all the, it's where good Disney world keeps all the mosquitoes. Listen, it's not pluses and minuses. The rides are cooler. There are mosquitoes everywhere. It's fine. Everybody's seed from Toy Story. It's cool. It's really cool. You get a paintball gun

when you go in. And that's nice too, because then, like, if you're an employee at regular Disney world and they're like, Todd, I noticed that you were taking 40 minute breaks instead of 30 minute breaks. You don't want to have to work nasty Disney, do you? Yeah, of course not. But then you, okay, because Jafar will sell you some skunk weed. It's got, it's not all, it's not all bad. Folks, that's going to do it for us. Thank you so much for listening to our program. If you came out to see us in San Francisco or Phoenix, thank you for coming out. Tragic news, or I guess, I don't know, depends on your perspective. Yeah, maybe you don't care. If at the Phoenix show, that audio was

just fucking mulch. Just fucking mulch. So that show will never be released. That is your show to treasure and enjoy. If you made a secret pirate copy of it, please let us know, because otherwise it's lost to the ether. So don't, sorry about that. But, you know, it's a special show that you get to treasure in your heart now and no one else will ever hear. But thank you for coming out. Like I mentioned, we do have some other appearances coming up. If you want to come see us, go to MacquarieShows.com for such tours. We're going to be all over this great, land, and we hope that you will join us. That includes not only our live shows, but also some adventure zone, graphic novel book events. We're doing like,

live read and graphic novel stuff in July. And then throughout July and August, some combination of us and our dad and the artist, Carrie Peach, are going to be stopping at our kind of local bookstore establishments for meet and greets and signing. So if you don't want to miss that, macquarieshows.com slash tours. I want to thank John Rodgerick and the Long Winters for these for our theme song, It's a Departure, off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's a choice cut. As we say in the music industry, you're going to just love these tunes. And hey, thanks to Max Fun for having us on the network. Go to maximumfun.org and check out all the great shows there. You're going to find something that you're going to enjoy. Maybe it's Bubble, the new sci-fi

sort of fiction podcast that Jordan Morris wrote and a bunch of folks starred in. We have guest spots in an episode that I don't think has come out yet. But it's a very fun show that I bet you're just going to dig because everybody worked really hard on it. It's called Bubble and all that's at maximumfun.org. I've done a couple quick guest spots. Well, I've done a couple of guest spots on a D&D live stream show called Dice Camera Action. It's from Wizards. You can find it at twitch.tv slash D&D or it's on the D&D YouTube channel. You can search for Dice Camera Action and it's just been a real blast. I brought Magnus back to play with them and it's been fun playing Magnus again and playing with these folks and Chris Perkins is the DM and he's one of our inspirations. So I'm a

big fan of it and I recommend everybody check it out. Yeah, how about that final? Hit me. This one was sent in by Alan. Also, it's Yahoo! Answers user JackM who asks, I accidentally shifted the uppercase. How do I get back to lower cases so my passwords will work? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, me because your dad's around the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hi, I'm Vince. And I'm Teresa. And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Whether you are a parent or just no kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent.

Turns out it isn't what we thought it would be. For example, stickers on car windows? It's no longer about what type of monster would let that happen and more like realizing you are that monster. So join us each week as we judge you less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job. Download One Bad Mother on Maximumfun.org or Apple podcasts. And yes, there will be swears.