My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 413: Faster Car

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

The current world record speedrun of this episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me is a tight 14:51, from runner FastDave69. Can you find all the skips and glitches you need to beat FastDave69's impressive time? Good luck! Suggested talking points: Boyhood Speedrun, Hotel Heist Participation, Divinity of the Burger King, Stranger than Fiction, Papa John's Duel, Donut Fries, Skipping Mario

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy, and folks, it's a special time of year for me. There's an event going on right now, I'm very

passionate about, called Summer Game Sun Quick, where the whole video game speedrun community gets together and starts just burning these bad boys down, crashes there, sonics there. Mario is not there because he said too many cuss words last year, but I was thinking, Justin and Travis, this could be an exciting opportunity for us to sort of expand the brand, reach out to this thriving speedrun audience and maybe we get into the scene, pick some stuff that we think we could really knock down the world records for and climb that time mountain. What I thought I would start out with and I would pitch it to you guys and see what you thought is, I'm a speedrun boyhood. Okay. The movie? The Richard Linklater movie boyhood.

Okay. Okay. Because I watched it and because I tried to be a good Austin boy and I watched all of it and I just thought I could watch this so much. It's not optimized. I could get through this a lot faster. You watch the boy and the boy learns like a lesson when he's a little boy, and there's so many shitty dads in that movie and it's like I could easily find the skips to get past at least two or three of these shitty dads and I'm working on this new strat where he doesn't go to college and so that's I'm picking up some time there. Okay. I guess, Griffin, what I'm confused about is like you could just fast forward or you could just like skip scenes. No, fast forward is cheating and everybody knows that but if you can get the shitty second

dad skip and then get right to grown-up Patricia Arquette, then you get what's going on in the movie but then the boy got really older and you did it in less time. I've been working on, I got the runtime down to like an hour five. The Japanese runner community for boyhood has figured out some new clips. There's a part where you can make the boy go right through the wall of his house and get outside of bounds and then all of a sudden he's like 15 or so. Yeah, so I've been working on that but it's like a picture. Are there any like warp whistles or anything? There is a warp whistle in boyhood Travis and I'm so glad you asked a lot of people miss out on it but it's in the silverware drawer in the kitchen of the second house. How are you

interacting with the scenes in this sort of scenario that you've crafted here? This real scenario. Is it a touch thing? Is it a voice activation thing? How are you interacting with the film boyhood? Is it like a click controller thing? Are you clicking your controller at the film boyhood? Was there like a Blu-ray? Choose your own adventure sort of thing that was so hot for a while. I'm so glad that Travis brought up click because I'm actually like third on the leaderboards for that one because in that one you can just make Adam Sandler press the go button way way faster and then like his kids like they turn into skeleton bones like from the Indiana Jones movie where the guy drinks the bad cup and he gets really sad but I get really happy because

my f***ing PB is like off the charts now. So it's not a hundred percent run? Just to be clear. No, no, no. Any percent kids turn into skeleton bones run is the category there but for boyhood it's mostly yelling at the boy to you know run through clip through the wall. It's you it's you running yelling at the boy. Yeah and then there is some screen touching but that's mostly for me. Now I have been doing this with the up series of films. Are y'all familiar with the up series? Like the film up? No there there was a documentary film series called the up series. It started with seven up and then it was seven plus seven, 21 up, 28 up, 35 up. They just every seven years they check in on this series of kids. So they started out as seven and then every seven years they make

another movie about these fools like how are y'all doing? How's it going? I actually found a hack for this one which is I just skipped a 49 up because who gives a s***? This is now you know what I mean? 56 up I got a new strat 56 up is coming out next year I think I'm just gonna skip to that one from now on so I'm hoping to get my time down even quicker. I can skip straight to these fools being 56 years old no problem. I you know I will actually say I've been doing this with Great British Bake Off because I'll start and you know you'll watch a bunch of it and then I realized like I can just go to the store and buy a cake. Yeah and like when you do that you kind of just like do it right without having to watch each episode because really the whole reason you watch Great British Bake

Off is so that you just get like so f***ing horny for baked goods yeah and you have to like eat them so just like cut out the middle man and just eat the baked goods. I had a memory last night of uh well I was watching GBBO last night with with my wife and um they it was cakes it was a cake episode and I was thinking about it during the cake episode I was remembering a time when I was in elementary school and I won a cake walk uh-huh and if you remember I don't know if y'all like that's I think that's just just a metaphor now for kids kids these days but cake walk is like a bunch of people standing like a circle and they call numbers kind of musical chairs so one but one person ends up owning a cake and at the end of this cake walk I ended up owning a cake uh-huh

as a child as a child I owned a cake and I can I realized that I peaked yeah then the feeling I had of like I own a cake this is my cake and I own it and I'm eight years old and I own this cake I'm the owner of an entire cake that I own I own this just right away to you that you accidentally did like crossover fanfiction of great rich big off and boyhood like you have to describe like you like put in a cheat code for Justin macaroy boyhood where like a great rich big off cake appeared and eight-year-old Justin just had it welcome to 37 up we're checking back in with Justin macaroy you'll remember and I passed four films Justin has just talked about the cake he won when he was eight so let's check in and see how he's doing nope still the cake

also love my kids love my wife love my kids love the wife got the house and podcast whatever can't beat the cake also we're very sorry that we missed a couple years there and had to do 37 up some of these rascally kids were just hard to give a hold of um this time it is worth pointing out that I want to it's not that because Justin if I may speak for you as your representative for a moment I don't think it's that Justin doesn't love his kids and his wife more than a cake but comparatively eight-year-old Justin a cake is like the bed like having eight wives and 16 kids it it's just that oh that sounds so good Trav no I think your metaphor fell apart a little bit there it was like being eight and owning an entire cake because it wasn't just you have to remember

that it wasn't just my ability to eat an entire cake if I want to of course I was intoxicating but think about the power think about the power that I had as an eight-year-old an owner of a cake no one could take it from you because it was yours you had not snatched this cake it's extremely powerful I'll never top it how about a first question I would love to answer a question help people here on episode 413 hey we we always say this at the end but I it's on my heart right now thank you to everybody who is who has listened to us blather on for 413 episodes we appreciate you very much and we so appreciate you sparing an hour of your time 413 is like so many that's a lot it's a lot and uh I'm so appreciative to all y'all I work at a very fancy hotel oh and that

didn't mean that I'm a detective at a very fancy hotel uh a new employee recently joined my team of hotel detectives and in an effort to be friendly and helpful I've been answering their questions about our policies and so on however in recent days her questions have taken a different tone pumping me for info on things like how like the security guards stay in the building how many cameras are in the service corridors if the codes for interdoors change regularly how much trouble am I in shall I alert the hotel authorities then again I'm on minimum wage should I be asking to get in on the grip yep yep yep that's from unwilling extra in an oceans movie in Dublin Ireland okay so listen you are on the razor's edge right now you are on the thinnest

ice right now what you what happens now makes or breaks the ice I guess that you're standing on because you need to start very subtly laying down the hints that you are down to clown till you're in the ground and I'm talking about like this new employee walks into your office and is like where are you and then you climb out of the garbage can where you've folded yourself up to get in a real tiny place and you're like oh sorry about that sometimes I fold up my body real small into real small shapes to climb into the garbage can because I'm so super flexible but what was your questions and maybe like when you're when your employees when the employees nearby like in the break room or something without even batting an eyelash like steal a lunch from the refrigerator

and say like I don't even mind stealing things from people yeah yeah make it clear your morals are real flexible as flexible as your body I you ruined it already by writing into us oh you've just provided this do you realize this is probably the first episode my brother my brother may were somewhere in the world somewhere in time a detective has just like pulled off their headphones and turned around at the corkboard they have with like pictures and thread tied between it like this is it it all makes sense the clues were here the entire time in this dumb dumb podcast you know what in fact just in case that this ever gets played as evidence in a courtroom fart uh nice got him got him a big uh a big ass you hear that you hear that judge a big ass fart

uh I present for the benefit of the jury a big turd a big juicy one assholes I've got I got a new exhibit it's number 69 yeah I got an objection I'd like to turn your attention to exhibit D these nights I got you all you fucking courtroom dumb dumb okay this is this is more of a visual one so you're gonna have to picture me here but I have just walked up to the lawyer's briefcase and I've thrown all their papers in the end I've said these papers are out of order okay but that's you can't but like but you won't do that yeah I picture but you won't somebody do it stenographer stenographer flip those papers in there those papers are out of order I'm holding myself and contempt and like maybe hold yourself like a hug

that's nice everybody give yourself a nice hug in the yeah you know what jury you're free to go everybody everybody in the court oh this is gonna be good everybody in the court I'm evidence so you have to do what I say legally speaking everybody in the court just like let's just sort of close our eyes and bow our heads and just sort of like if you're into praying that's cool or just like sort of make peace in the moment right now okay run for it keep it closed everybody keep it closed everybody really really think it go go go go go you're free there's a car outside it's great so fun for it slash donate you just gotta go ahead and make sure you hit us back for this with emeralds we accept emeralds emeralds are fine I'm sorry but I've turned state's evidence

they've run out they had it out of the court open your eyes they're no Travis Travis the emerald I'm sorry it's too late I had a lot of stuff I was trying to beat and they said that they would let me off if I turn states that should deal I get it I you know this is a unique enough situation that I would like us to you know we've done a bunch of dumb stuff in the past few minutes what would you do because like this is kind of shady but I would I'm not sure I would want to like confront the person about it because they might be the sort that you know some have a heart of gold the only reason they say like they talk about some criminals have a heart of a gold is to differentiate them from other criminals who most assuredly don't yeah and I'm worried that

like maybe you're you got one of the bad eggs that just cut you down a heart of shit it's possible I have a I have an idea here at a certain level of like deniability that might save your life while still foiling their plans which is you then go ask those questions of somebody else right but in the exact same way they asked you and now that person will report you and you say like well they were asking about it and I didn't know the answer so I was just trying to help them out you've just increased the body count Trav well how high what if I ask 18 people how many people can they take out 19 including you because they could have be a real Deadpool mm-hmm oh no but at a certain point maybe if I told like the chief of police and ask them oh good Trav yeah no they have a they got a

kid on the way so that's great well done anybody else that you want to yeah um I think what I would do gosh this is a toughie because the two results in of this you seem like you're on the ball right now and that's good news you can either join their crew and now it's oceans I don't know how many people they got but let's say like five because you've joined as the fifth member and you get to steal all the emeralds maybe it's like chaos emeralds that are kept inside your hotel um and you get those and then you get a bunch of money and you get the thrill of doing that the other thrill you could get though is being a crime buster like my hero dead like my hero deadpool I'm just saying I think either way this breaks your good though the only thing you can fuck this up

with is if you do nothing you bust out you join them one of the two I will say though this this might be a strong nothing move Justin ask me um how late the security guard stay in the building how late to the security are good to stay in the building again I don't know yeah see that's not good Travis exactly what I just said is that yeah that isn't doing that you know what that buck sails right over your head and on to the next person it's fun you didn't help the person and you didn't help the show yeah you did too you failed twice I might have helped the person because it's a lot of pressure sometimes to say like you have to decide between either a life of crime or a life of detecting well what about just like nothing hey trav if you choose not to decide you still have

made a choice that was brilliant and rhythmic thank you how about a yahoo yahoo we have a lot of yahoo's this week from people like they sent I got the same yahoo from a lot of folks so thank you to everybody it was a very good week for yahoo's a bunch of folks sent this one in it's from yahoo answers user question mark uh let's say mani ocean asks is it blasphemy to say grace when eating food from burger king just considering it's fast food and always wonder if religious people consider to send to thank god for the food when eating stuff like that just curious so yeah you're at the table of burger king is the idea here that if god had interceded with his divine providence that you would have

served you up something better or like you would you would pray and Jesus would be like I'm not blessing that shit yeah you're at the burger king table you're like please bless these extremely salty two crunchy fries and our four sloppy sloppy baconator juniors uh in your most heavenly highest name I pray and then you know god's in heaven he's like oh hold on I gotta call and then you know a hole forms in the cloud floor and he looks down it and pulls out his magnifying glass and he sees what you're all are up to because you can see through the roofs of all buildings don't even try jerking off and so he sees the burger king and goes um no no I won't bless that one get at me next time maybe next time hit up you know steak and shake or more

reputable burger establishment I'll bless a red robin I'll red robin I'm sure red robin but the thing is god god and Jesus's love go where they are needed the most right not to fucking burger king now yeah just grow up read about fancy like steakhouse or something I don't need god's help I've done this whole fuck with a steakhouse that's it I'm good yeah so what what Justin is suggesting is that your family's your family's doing a big pray right before the prom um and they took out to Ruth's chris to get you like psyched up and then you know god's like uh yeah so uh I was thinking oh hold on I gotta call and a hole opens up in the cloud floor and he looks down with his magnifying glass he sees you in the roof chris and he sees just some just sizzling hunks uh just

sitting on your platter covered in like a nice garlic herb butter that's just juicily dribbling over the side and maybe into like a tasty looking uh potato puree and it just looks real nice and he goes you don't need my help on this one you're this is already I can't they're good anything to improve that that's doing good already you're a ruse chris baby that's what I think I just saying that I feel like god's divine love and Jesus is amazing bounty well like he helped the people that needed it the most right for uh for whatsoever you do under the lease of these you've done unto myself right like I feel like that counts for burger king as well I feel like Jesus is in this burger king no you know Jesus is in the in the no I think at most they send the Holy Spirit

at most yeah to do their dirty work that's that that's easily like farm I always wonder what the Holy Spirit has been doing that would actually explain a lot um can I pause it one reason why they might not be big burger king fans why idolatry okay yes yeah yeah there were everybody's worshiping the burger king the burger king does make you bow to him before he you know he sneaks up on you and he has the very very scary face and body and he makes you bow and pray to him um and accept him into your heart and then he gives like the kids crowns and now the kids think that there are these you know omnipotent god kings and don't get me wrong the big man's not a big fan of how nasty all of the the fries and burgers are but it's all the idolatry just running rampant

are you are you so the scenario you're suggesting is that you pray a hole opens up in the roof of the burger king Jesus comes down and looks and peeks and he's like but what of your earthly god what of your master the burger king what what of his blessing why do you need uh mine mine providence you have your your master that you've hitched yourself to yeah enjoy enjoy yeah enjoy your new god well let's see how long this one lasts dear burger king god um i'm having a hard time at school can you help me pass the test burger king god's not gonna help you out the test like jesus can well tell me fair burger king god just shows up in hands of your burger and you're like this is a test on salads this is good i mean it's a test on neuroscience i could use

any help no just a burger again shoot if the son of man is indeed the is indeed the king of kings then you have to imagine that the burger king does roll up to jesus in which case all burger kings actions are by i mean according to the bible yeah are the direct result of the orders of jesus christ so what i'm saying is he is the king of kings that means he's burger king's boss okay so that means he's the he is the one that burger king is answering to when prophets aren't where they would like to be when burger king wanted to do a new fry formulation he had to ask jesus permission because he's the king of kings he walks out of the corporate headquarters looking all dejected because mcdonalds has beaten their pants up and down and they're thinking we might have to close

up shop because nobody wants the bk but then what's that on the corner it's a burning garbage can and what's that there's a voice coming from inside whoa whoa there's a burning garbage can i'm very scared of that but here's the voice it calms and soothes him as it says chicken fries dude just saying you about to say that you would murder some burger king right now they got these new crispy pretzel chicken fries that i'm dying to try yeah crispy pretzel coated chicken fries don't mind if i do also burger king does have the best fries uh a fast food chains the winner is rallies slash checkers well but that is the number one season curlies that doesn't count incorrect season strikes right fucking podcast season season curl it's it's it's it's actually

you guys are sort of infringing on my trademark podcast much squad so i'll see you in court um here's another question a fellow student has taken it upon himself to start writing fan fiction about all of us in my honors class at university i started actually reading them out of more of a curiosity it's come to my attention that if i often handily say i enjoy something in class it ends up becoming becoming a major trait for my quote character how do i explain to this kid there's more to me than liking star wars and escape room games without making things weirder than they already are i have to take multiple courses with this guy and i'm afraid he's going to kill me off oh my god this is beautiful that's from characterized in california that's the weirdest

thing now you know what we always we always jump in on these things and especially it's never me because i just finished reading the question and i feel like ahead of time maybe people maybe people don't really think that we're taking the time to think this thing through i want people to know that our advice is coming from a place of consideration we've edited out probably several minutes of consideration before we just leap in and start answering the questions it seems like the obvious solution right here is not blow up your spot because you don't want to get this this property this person's working on could end up being the new triple a summer blockbuster franchise i'm talking about uh movies i'm talking about graphic novels i'm talking about hbo premium tv with dicks and

everything i mean shades of gray was a twilight fan fiction so like my dad says was a twitter feed and now it's a hit tv show with bill shatner exploding exploding always exploding that that property i mean look at the cavemen were a geico thing and now look at them you know i mean they have their own sitcom probably still and then there's shit my caveman says where they did just the two properties were so hot there's two broke cavemen things they say shitty um yeah and there things my dad shit things my dad shit including a caveman and that episode william shatner goes in toilet and poops out a whole caveman and so anyway you want to be careful here you don't want to get written out of the story you got to make yourself as interesting as possible and i'm talking

about you open up your jansport one day and you start to pull out a very magical looking sword but then you look around and notice that the author has seen you you tuck that sword right back away you don't make a big deal out of it now you got a sword in the book or maybe like you open a really dramatic seeming letter with like a big wax seal and you kind of gasp a little bit right next to this person they're like what you say like well it turns out my great aunt died and she left me her spooky house but i have to spend the night in it if i want to inherit it that's really good too or it's you open it up you say whoa i got in the hog warts i have oh spells spell powers another person trying to buy my oil fields yeah i mean that one is going to go more of a sort of

dramatic non-hair Potter route i was trying to get that hpe well someone's trying to buy my magical oil fields yeah but you don't you don't need to you can't say well i for so many reasons you can't say anything about it right that's not happening i don't think the concern about making things weird like that ship is sails and it wasn't you that did it it's done it's weird already you have to get weird to fix a weird situation okay this is not good advice but welcome to the show maybe just got some like hey i read it love it i've got some notes and like got a few notes for you what if my character was six foot five next time write this in a g doc let me let your boy get in there and comment a little bit kind of help shape this narrative oh you

should be careful though because if they start to change things about your character it might start to change you in real life yes i was just about to say that strange fiction heat age master you come into school the next day and you're just sitting there in class you're taking good notes and expanding your horizons in mind and then you rip a bit huge one and then everybody in class then changes your name to you know the two uh the two doctor and then you go home and you're like wow that's stuck i'm gonna brighten my spirits up with some fan fiction about my life and you see that exact scenario and it ends with like a little ps like books do sometimes where it says ps toby i got you motherfucker

that's illegal you gotta be careful you gotta be careful you don't know who has magic pins and or notebooks these days are you checking the published date on this stuff by the way oh no are you checking the published date by the way are you see are you making sure that you liking star wars wasn't written before you told everybody how much you fucking love star wars i didn't even used to care about star wars so i love it now when did this come out june 6 well that's 1885 what it's i was always wonder wise yellowed amazing doc brown you got my fucking number dude uh let's take a break i want to tell you all about bull and branch bull and branch has the sheets they have the

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we can talk about all those sheets and i'm still sleepy and like i don't have nothing to put my sheets on justin what do i do well good news travis here is bed that's right look behind you it's a box i know what you're thinking there could never be a bed in there but there is it's a casper and all you have to do is cut the plastic and watch as that beautiful beautiful mattress expands our listeners are invited to take advantage of my box full of worms why'd you send me a box full of worms justin travis got a bed i just got like 80 worms the worms are part of it that listen take it from your man jay i'm not gonna steer you wrong you gotta see this skit it's a little bit spooky but that makes it funnier in a way i know you're ready to halloween

skit but there's no killing in this skit killing or cursing any questions oh yeah that's so much too it's good um this is a lot of times our um advertising company clips the ads out from the beginning to the end of the ad to send them to the advertiser so i hope that they get the all of this one uh you can be sure of your purchase of this fantastic bed with casters 100 night risk-free sleep on it trial the original casper mattress combines multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce uh for limited time visit casper.com slash savings and save up to 225 off your order and the special offer expires july ninth 2018 terms and conditions apply this next fucking jumbo tron so fucking stoked it is unbelievable

griffin i want you to read it because are you sure hometown boy i think you deserve this i know i do not live in san antonio though right you're confused because of the name please griffin read the name the name is uh joshua austin okay so i can kind of understand so uh maven bambinos who live in the san antonio area there's a hyperlink that we desperately need you to go to if you live in san antonio and you listen to our podcast and i find out that you didn't go to this hyperlink i will be so so peeved it's www 3ws dot joshua austin dds.com maven bambinos in the san antonio area you need a good good dentist check out josh www dot joshua austin dds.com for a dentist that vibes it accuses it tight this is a dentist this is a tooth doctor with tools and instruments and

everything that's going to get into that mouth close to the nerves and you're going to know exactly what kind of fucking righteous alt comedy that they are into is there anything better than that let me tell you about joshua austin was his dad a dentist he was you can't buy that sort of thing you have to inherit this level of dentistry joshua austin was named a super dentist by texas monthly in 2014 2015 2016 and that's all we know so maybe last year didn't quite nail it down i don't light year for super dentistry from josh that's why he needs you now more than ever oh last year he won evil dentist evil but he's bringing it back santonio's best evil dentist is joshua austin just catch him just some stuff i can say about

joshua just by looking at the jpegs on his website one he does own a very powerful handsome jacket and let me get yeah i can confirm a nice watch i bet he takes that off though before he gets a knuckle deep in the chompers to find all the nasty holes that have the food tucked away inside of them other things i know about him i mean the smile it's on point yeah it's raining it's radiating something and uh you're gonna you're gonna like that you're gonna see these teeth and know that you're in good mouth so go to joshua austin dds.com now i have i feel like joshua has broken the seal now of dentists knowing that they can now get advertisements on our show um when are we gonna have the perfect all dentist promotional spot that's just us talking

about some of our favorite dentists i uh i think we should do a special episode just for dentists they all gotta pay though they're all gonna pay oh he's a human he's a human dentist for humans by the way and we didn't specify he's not for you know dogs and horses and stuff uh i have a message for katie and i'm and this message is from neil and it says this year in lieu of having an arrangement sent to your office edible or otherwise i have decided to send you birthday wishes via these fine mackleroy gentlemen i love you more and more each day and i look forward to spending the rest of my life with you happy birthday sweetheart and uh i just want to go ahead and get it on front of this and say that katie's birthday was a month ago so katie you know

for the last month when neil has been promising you something good's on the way that's it i hope finally here hopefully my dog came through with just a backup edible that's gotta have an L range you always gotta have one on hand i think um also one more uh jomitron we have here this is for jack from tests happy happy birthday jack you are the best little brother who serves his country family and friends so well and i'm so grateful for you introducing me to the macros was the best gift ever but hopefully this evens the score enjoy one of the brothers saying go army beat navy and have the best day ever love and miss you i just really wish they would stop making the army and navy fight each other it seems so like super dangerous so wasteful really really disrespectful

we need them at their best also one of them's on the land and one of them's on the ocean like where they even fighting because they i guess they got like an island i think the only fair thing is we get all these folks in planes and make them do air force so it's just sort of like a neutral level of experience but it's just it seems like why let's get it together now i know as a max fun listener you love enamel pins but guess who are the first people to wear enamel pins everyone in starfleet we talk about them every week on our show the greatest generation originally about star trek the next generation now we're covering deep space nine the main thing we're trying to encourage you to do is listen to the show listen to the show and know that you are

expanding the community of enamel pin wearing enthusiasts you can only resist big pin for so long so give yourself over to big pin and the greatest generation by subscribing and downloading right now the greatest generation at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts do you all want a yahoo from me to you yeah and someone was also hidden by a lot of people and i don't know if it's very rich a rich vein but it made me think of of something that i thought merited discussion uh thank you to everybody who sent this one and it's by an anonymous user i'm gonna call them uh shonda asks me and my friend both applied for the same job he got the job but i didn't can i sue papa johns now i know you're hoping that the job they applied

for was out of papa johns and not at like their local bank and this person's fury is just has just blinded them and they want to sue somebody in the first you know face they see is the papa john but no they both applied for papa johns and uh and they ended up hiring him but not me i've never been so angry in my life can i sue papa johns uh yeah what listen why do we fall mr bruce why do we fall mr bruce so we can do us a kid to continue quoting the movie i don't know what we're doing yeah give me the next line because i don't know it's something about so we get back so we can apply a pizza hut so you can apply a pizza hut mr bruce that's right and now i would much rather work at the hut by the way if we're just being straight up i'd much rather work at

a domino's i wouldn't much rather work at a pizza hut i would take a little scissors other than discriminatory hiring practices which i think is defo suable i don't think you can sue just because you know your friend tony is a dumb like awful piece of shit and you rule and you're so much cooler than tony and there's no way tony should have gotten this job and not you i don't know that that argument holds up in the court of law what you need to do is when tony gets sent out on a delivery uh you need to meet him in the parking lot with your own pizza and you need to beat him to the house and then call papa john send him a selfie say this is me here at the house five minutes for tony's dumbass as even finished fueling up his car which he honestly should have done

before he was on the clock anyway you chose poorly bye i'm very into that very snow crash if you can be wearing like a black trench coat and like matrix sunglasses and have a katana when you show up to the house absolutely and you're on like a cool motorcycle like that's that's gonna do it for me the thing that popped out to me for this question that i just had to float by you boys had to show you this balloon i found john shat shlatter whatever his name is the founder of papa john's and the most fucking just oozing charisma the most charismatic commercial man i've ever seen he named his business papa john's uh huh now don't just jump in here really look at that balloon his name is john uh-huh and he said i'm gonna make pizza so good that everyone's gonna call me

papa papa they're gonna i like it when you call me papa john because i'm making you do it every time you call my business and you say is this papa john's and i'm wire tapped in and i'm like oh nice hi i need to order think about what he was getting started uh hi i'm this is john well i'd like to order a pizza from who from you john ah gotta say it from papa john yes what do you want now it's just unbelievable to me naming things is hard i get it i i get it but when we were naming this podcast the name daddy griffin never even it could have been cool if it had been if the podcast the three of us do and had been doing for eight years was just called daddy griffin but it just seems strange to me

the name of the name of my business is papa nobody in his life had ever called him papa john ever to that point i bet there's no way this was a nickname and even if it was it's a bit presumptuous to make your nickname the name of your pizza place anyway you probably shouldn't sue yeah i don't think you can sue no not sue you're just gonna have to start a rival business and put them out of business yes daddy tyler daddy tyler's pizza and things the pizza and things what oh shit so much food in this episode it is a very food happy episode i want a much squad i want too much squad dunkin donuts launches donut fries across america jesus christ justin you gotta give me some build up

into it you can't just fucking vert ramp off into it like right from the get go dunkin donuts fries just ahead of the fourth of july holiday dunkin donuts is bringing donut fries across america what on what on earth could those two ideas have in common what on earth are those two ideas overlapping with or america i guess following a successful test earlier this year dunkin donuts yeah listen i know what you're thinking we put the fucking scientific method to this one okay uh dunkin donuts announced it will now bring new donut fries to guests all throughout the country available for a limited time at listen is it good or not at participating dunkin donuts restaurants nationwide beginning monday july 2nd this newest snack serves i mean it's what you think it is it

serves a sweet spin on classic fries creating a fun easy to eat way to enjoy the delight of donuts what notoriously hard to eat this whole time while on the go anytime of day donut fries feature individual pieces of delicious buttery croissant style donut dough that are tossed in cinnamon sugar and serve warm with just the right amount of crisp okay okay okay does it come with frosting you'd can dip it in uh no what the fuck guys i made donut pizza is there any kind of sauce or no it's just a big round flat donut what the fuck guys you can't set yourself up like that and drop the ball they are they are going to start having ketchup dunkin donuts tested for donut fries at a small number of locations in the boston and providence markets earlier this year according

to tony wiseman chief marketing officer of dunkin donuts us okay as america's donut leader we put our passion and creativity towards finding fun and unexpected ways to please and surprise donut fans you're the leader of if you're the leader of donuts shouldn't you be operating with a modicum of responsibility shouldn't you at some point like try to blaze a trail for other donuts at the very least if you're trying to please donut fans make fucking donuts make a good donut don't make these tiny donut sticks without dipping i've never been this is fucked up because i've never been so angry that this idea of the munch squad isn't nastier than it already is i know i will say i'm looking at a picture of these donut fries they are not fry scale they are like big

hunks of donut their donut sticks which has been a thing forever um i listen i need to finish this paragraph because i've never we have a lot of fun with the english language here at the munch squad this one's out there there was a strong consumer response towards bringing donut fries to all americans during the initial test hey come again there was a strong consumer response towards bringing donut fries to all americans during the initial test so what tony is suggesting here is that some fine bostonians wins their table enjoy their donut fries then sprints it back up to the counter is like you have to get this to everyone everyone deserves this this i can't just keep this for myself tony i hate to point this out but just saying a strong response that could go

either way yeah that's how it hit me it's like when you you know go into a bathroom you smell all the smell so bad that you need you know everyone in the country see to shining shining see to come in and smell it too these are so nasty i need everyone to eat them because they're not going to believe me or like someone could take a bite and be like you're going to give these to everyone you can't can't wait to see this don't do it i'm having a strong response i have the idea of you trying to give these to other people i just real quick also want to mention the dunk of donuts according to this press release has a new shark bite donut it's a feeding frenzy for donut fans you can now put their jaws around this new donut featuring white icing

and special shark shaped sprinkles um leading this american donut lover to ask why hey wait i heard the whole sentence why because what i heard from you is it's got white icing and special shark shaped sprinkles what am i for why did you do that why did you do that why did you do the shark bite donut i don't understand i thought for sure the shark bite would just kind of be a hack where you walk up and you say yeah let me get the um let me get the raspberry jelly filled uh just one of those i i just you know i want a little snack my blood sugars roll around a little low can i get that shark bite style and the cashier says uh oh yeah sure and they pick it up by the counter and they go and then they take a big old juicy

jelly filled bite of that and just hand it right over oh no the shark got it i would not recommend finishing that it is not very good so anyway that's your that's your update i just the shark bite donut i get why i don't i really i don't understand why why did it happen yeah how about a yahoo i got a lot of really good ones yeah i guess well is there a good question no it's not sorry i'm kind of dejected also i found a picture of a shark bite donut they did in 2014 it looks like a life preserver that's the thing no it's kind of fun but that's this is different now because it's just white with shark sprinkles on it so this is this just all the middles they have left over from the life preserver donors presumably yeah here is a yahoo sent in by

hon malik thank you hon it's yahoo answers user question mark jesus papa john asks how can i stop youtube from recommending super mario gaming for me i hate super mario and no matter what i keep getting recommendation about these videos i click dislike and say not interested i don't like the video but i still get anything super mario on my recommended list i just this this happens to me on netflix where everything i watch netflix is like do you want to watch some frasier now and i'm like why we got lots of frasier clips listen here's the thing right i get it because i did just finish watching another episode of frasier yeah and it's like do you want to watch more frasier and i'm like yes like i you were you were you were hate watching it

and yeah but i knew it because you were laughing like can you fucking believe this family they're so out of touch well and that's the thing is like when i searched netflix for like 90s sitcoms about radio psychologists i wasn't looking for frasier and so then i was like you think i want to watch this shit and so i watch like 20 episodes of it just to prove netflix wrong yeah um i hate the plumber mario and yet somehow every time i get on youtube to watch some of my favorite vids uh from from some of my favorite vloggers he's always there and he always wants me to watch all of his videos maybe you could search out some videos of like mario getting killed all right you know what i mean like mario catches a fireball right in his dick yeah over and over again like a super cut of mario

dying yeah and then youtube will be like oh you hate mario yeah i get it some of those super funny like new grounds mid 90s like mario violence videos were like mario luigi getting a you know a big gunfight and then there's it ends with like mario dodging a bunch of his bullets but then luigi's right there and he's like dodge this and he shoots him right in the fucking face and you're like it's really fucking funny because that's mario because it's 1996 and like we're all still trying you know figured out i like mario all right okay i mean i'm just saying i find him pleasant yeah as video these days video games with with their fast cars and their loud music and they keep having all these like punk characters have you guys played the fast car video game the tracy

chatman the tracy chat and fast car game adaptation it was uh it was unofficially in it was the developers of need for speed but they went ahead and they were like we have a lot of fast cars and they approached tracy and we're like do you want us to just use some of these for the fast car game and tracy chatman was like yeah i guess so seems like a weird fit have you all ever made a song video game before you're like well no because there hasn't been a song called fast car before and that's kind of like our our whole thing if you if you were gonna make tracy chatman team racing and it's a kart racer always sets tracy chatman's fast car but all tracy chatman's friends are in the game who would you put into like steven curtis sorry you'd put steven curtis

chatman in the tracy chatman racing get you'd put contemporary christian artist steven curtis chatman in the tracy chatman video game i was gonna say like i would put tracy allman desray in there tracy allman would be a great fit i feel like lisa lobe would be an unlockable character i feel like lisa lobe you'd be able to unlock for sure and then like the whole game is i think pretty short because you don't have to drive too far you just gotta cross the border into the city and then if you win you both get jobs and finally see what it means to be living and you will know that that's like the final cutscene and uh tracy chatman comes out and you know sings sings i mean it's it can't fit a lot on it because i'm imagining this is like a playstation one game and so like

the video quality is like i'd be really really like 140 pixels of just pure tracy chatman singing while uh a very fast car speeds into the background picking up bonuses and power ups and stuff fuck this would be a really good game did you not see griffin e3 there's a big release from bethesda i mean it's not it's gonna be on the next gen console but they're bringing it back they're bringing back fast car six yeah this this one it takes what you can customize your car you can customize your tracy chatman graphics still look pretty much the same um they didn't change and the song is of course still the same um but doris seems a lot more beefed up you know when's tracy chatman gonna come out with a new fast car right faster car faster car it kicks the

ass of that last car we thought that car was fast but this one's okay you won't believe how fast this one is you're gonna shit your pants when you see how fast a faster car goes we gotta make a decision take that slow dumb car this new faster one it's not a decision this one's so much faster idiot it's got a hemi i think that's important i don't know but i paid extra got that nitrous does it have nitrous what a dumb question of course it does press the button let's get the fuck out of here and rob a bank rob a bank rob 80 banks and crush we gotta get baby driver let's drive this car so fast drive this car off a building drive it straight into another building

hi my car just transformed into a robot didn't i mention it does that it does that it does that the rock just punched a torpedo into a slower car but that's okay that car was so unlike a faster car this is somebody get tracy on the phone you know that new song you've been looking for listen to this why didn't i ever think of faster car of course coming soon fastest car oh no let's okay let's really take we've we've had a long time to enjoy fast car i don't want to just skip right over faster car faster car it's really good uh folks that's gonna do it for us thank you so much for listening to our comedy podcast we hope you have enjoyed yourself um we uh do we have anything we need i don't think oh i really we wrote a book um my wife and i it's called saw bones is coming

out october 9th and you can pre-order that bit.ly forward slash saw bones book it's about medical history just like our podcast of the same name there's also a an adventure zone graphic novel that's coming out so soon less than a month just a few short weeks away you can go to the adventure zone comic dot com and uh pre-order that and if you would pre-order both those books we'd sure appreciate it um speaking of the graphic novel if you go to macquarieshows.com slash tour uh tours macquarieshows.com slash tours we have a bunch of events coming up uh some live show book tour things we're doing where we're going to be reading parts of it and doing some q and a stuff and uh also some like book signing things or girlfriends doing one in austin in july i'm doing one in new

port kentucky in august justin and dad are doing one in west virginia in august and then dad and i doing one in lexington in august so check those out macquarieshows.com slash tours you can also i think there's still some tickets for the orlando my brother my brother me show at the end of august and maybe a few for the atlanta my brother my brother me show on september first all of those you can get at macquarieshows.com slash tours i want to say thanks to john roger in the long winters for the use of our theme song instead of partying off the album putting the taste to bed it's a great album that you should definitely just you know have on you at all times no matter where you are you got it you just got to have it ready and and you know willing and also thanks to

max fun for having us on the networking go to maximumfund.org and check out all the great podcasts there shows like the beef and dairy network tights and fights the greatest discovery all kinds of great shows all at maximumfund.org and if you want to check out other stuff that we do it's all at macquarieshows.com folks that's gonna do it for us griffin do you have a final yahu to take us out on yeah kate berkeland sent this win thank you kate it's yahu answers user sorry something's gone wrong so that's what four for four this being the worst fucking website ever uh this one is asked by tavis this one what this one's asked this one's asked by tavis who asks does mr peanut need that monocle or is it just a fashion statement

my name is just a macaroy i'm griffin macaroy roasted this is my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported welcome everyone to the live wrestling spectacular in los angeles so far the world's most boring wrestling podcast has been destroying the competition isn't there anyone who can save us from this travesty wait could it be it's titan fights the perfect wrestling podcast titan fights is here to save us from the monotony of boring wrestling podcasts with hilarious conversations woke trips through the history of wrestling and joked about the

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