My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 438: Face 2 Face: The Ham Up There

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

As we prepare for our hometown holiday extravaganza, we present to you our recent live show from Denver, CO! It was a rowdy one, y’all. We suspect that everyone in the room had been visited that night by their city’s nightmare airport horse, and had been driven into a state of pure, horrified ecstasy.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? When they turn those front of house lights on, it really lets you know how dirty your glasses are. Hello Denver, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Didn't get your fill earlier, I see. I'm well, I'm glad to see you're back for a second.

I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McElroy. It's gonna be a Travis show. I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 Under 30 Media Illuminary Griffin McElroy. Denver. Can we do that in a different order sometime where it doesn't feel like a fuck? Denver, listen, the last thing Justin said to Travis and I backstage, this is not a joke, and it's probably unprecedented I think in our career of live performance, he said, y'all gotta just like watch your chill level out there because they are incredibly hyphy. I think he was suggesting we don't match your level or else we'll just

start fucking crowd surfing and you guys won't get a very good podcast. We won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we shan't. Okay, we used to like horses a lot and we thought coming to a beautiful horse town like Denver, a town I would say competing with Louisville for how much they define themselves by horses. Even Lexington, Lexington too, I think loves horses. They all love horses. What are some other, think to yourself other cities that love horses because that's what this podcast has been for a little bit now. Yeah, and we thought they have such a powerful horse in Denver. They celebrate them, they think, they went to play football and they said,

which let's call ourselves horses. And they said, no, no, no, no, no. We should be the Magnum Horse, the most powerful horses on earth, the Bronco and Bronco. A bunch of sports fans in the audience tonight. There always are at our shows and that was until we landed at your airport. Okay, some airport fans tonight. Hey folks, what's with the horse? Okay, I have, I have two children and I could not explain to them some, some things about the horse. It's huge. It's fucking huge. And it has glowing, evil red eyes. It's somebody who, who in your goddamn city looked at that and said that perfectly encapsulates what we want visitors to feel right. You're greeting, you're greeting to this beautiful

mountainous city is, um, yeah, come on in, motherfuckers. I'm told it's nicknamed Blucifer. Okay, can I hold it? Stop, stop, stop, stop, wait. Why are you cheering for this horse? It's so fucking scary. It looks like, you know how it looks like a scarecrow for evil alien crows that like, like is designed to scare off aliens or something. Like if a monster came here, the monster would be like, Oh, no, they've already got a monster. If Godzilla came, he's like, I'm not doing battle with that. No way. No, thanks. Hard pass. Um, we do advice on this show. Justin, I don't know if he said it or not, but sometimes we do other stuff too. Like for instance, Yahoo. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Oh, I love that.

Um, could I get a bit more monitor? The horniness is interfering with my ability to hear. Here, here, I gotta kill him down. Here is one sent in by Adrian Cowles. Thank you, Adrian. It's Yahoo Answers user, Billy, who asks, Billy, what a get. Billy asks, does NASA drug test? I'm thinking of being an astronaut. First off, is astronaut just something you do on a whim? It's not like getting a job at like a gas station. I think I'll apply on NASA. Just roll the dice. Here's what I know about how to get a job at astronaut. Aliens invade and they need all hands on deck. That's number one. Number one. Maybe you have your own plane. Maybe you have your own plane. Sure. That they technically were freelancers in Independence Day. I'm pretty sure,

but I'll meet you halfway. Three, you work at an oil rig and what the fuck was up with that movie? They didn't have it. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That movie. It was easier to train drillers to be astronauts than train astronauts to be drillers. You're really indignant about this. Okay. So I think I would like to meet the person who's like, I should stop doing drugs. I have been kicking around the idea of becoming an astronaut. I think that the ship of time has already sailed for you. I'm not sure. You know, there's no, there's no film where like Randy Quaid decides and he's like mid sixties. He's like, you know what? I've still got a great pitch. I'm going to be an astronaut. Like I'm going to pursue my lifelong

dream of finally becoming an astronaut. Well, just to, just to correct you, the scenario would actually be I want to be an astronaut, but I'm not willing to give up smoking weed. Right. I very much want to do so. That's actually very true, right? Because they could just quit and circumvent the problem. Right. But okay. Also, NASA wouldn't have a leg to stand on for drug testing because they would not be where they are without drugged out people going, I want to go up there. Like, yeah, that's where that started. Somebody looked at the moon and go, I want to eat that. I feel like there's certain jobs. If you get elected president of the United States. Okay. I don't think they can drug test you because who would do it?

I got drug tested at Best Buy. Right. That said, the point is they wouldn't be like bad news, everybody. I know how you voted, but he failed a drug test. I feel like astronauts just like, what, like a hundred people living who've gone into space. I just made that up. I don't think they're going to, I don't think they're going to do it. I think you're totally fine. I think you're going to totally put them through pretty rigorous testing. If you pass every test except a drug test, they'd be like, still better than most. Get up there. Yeah. I'll tell you one thing. They obviously know how to handle your shift. Yeah. They sure don't test you while you're up there. That's a good point. There is an argument to be made for ground control being like, well,

I mean, you're the one going in the rocket. So you got to steer it. So I guess if you want to get high, I guess. I mean, it seems ill advised. It certainly happened. It's almost, do you all know about John Young and the space sandwich that he ate? I talked about this so I'm wonderful. So I apologize that I'm double dipping, but there was an astronaut named John Young who was in the Gemini missions and he was in a mission with a dude named Gus, who I can't remember. I just love that there was a guy with this. I'm Gus and I'm in space. He was probably great. And there's a recording that you can find on YouTube of Gus like what you got there. And John Young's like corned beef sandwich, brought it from home. And he just fucking eats it. And Gus is like, wow, you brought a sandwich from

home. He's like, yeah, it stinks, doesn't it? If that can happen, I don't see why you can't get like one joint up there in a fold of yours. Did he get in trouble? Yeah, he got very much in trouble when he got home. Yes. He was reprimanded by Congress. Hey, we all got together. We're angry about your sandwich. What are they going to do? They're like, you're not allowed to go to space. Like I already did. You're not allowed to have sandwiches anymore. No. The problem is he got in trouble when he came home. He shouldn't have came home. And should have been like, um, I, hey, listen, we're super mad about the sandwich. And as soon as you get down here by, I'm driving this bitch to Mars. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Turning it around. Bye.

How about a question from one of our friends sitting before us? I've got loads. I hosted a murder mystery party at my home for a dozen friends. Everyone had a great time solving a spooky vampire murder. They wouldn't have told you if they didn't. I'm just saying like you went through a lot of... Also, couldn't you just get some garlic and smash it into all your friends' faces? Easy peasy, beautiful. Wait, that's not how a murder mystery party works. I'm just saying if you're trying to find a vampire, sorry, Justin. But the real crime wasn't discovered until the following morning. Evidently, one of my guests found their way down to the basement and relieved themselves directly into my sewing box, filling it with an impressive amount of urine. There were

no witnesses, and no one will admit to being the perpetrator. Brothers, this mystery has haunted me for months. Ah, a cold case. How can I uncover the criminal behind this heinous act? And what do I do with this information once I have? That's from poor man's poor row. We would have also accepted this poor poor row. Yes, would have been. I answer the second part first. Are you here? All right, eight of you. A couple of people are here. You're at Tuvian Throats. That's so weird that there's multiple people having this exact same situation. So once you figure out the information, you'll have them arrested. We'll start there. They're going to go to jail for what they've done. It's a crime. It is a crime. It's a crime. You know, a lot of those puzzles can be really difficult

to figure out. And I could see getting to a point in like an escape room, where you might think like, maybe I'm supposed to piss in a sewing box. The clues seem to be leading me towards, I should piss in the sewing box. The hint screen flashes like, uh, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog. I clean this up after everything. Look up here. I thought you were doing a haunted doll watch for a second. No, no, no. It doesn't work like that. Yeah, I mean, you got the good news is you have so many options. Did the original mystery come with a DNA test? I'm saying this out loud. And of course, it didn't. I said DNA test, like it was going to have a little like 23 and me thing that you could Is there DNA in urine? I'm willing to bet no. No audience poll time.

Is there? Yes, it's a resounding yes. Okay. I didn't mean to set off. Why did you guys even come? Of conversation. You don't know the answer. Maybe here's what you do. Here's what you do. Right now you probably call everyone like, did you pee in my sewing box? Right? I'm not going to fast up to that. But if you go on and you're like, oh my God, somebody peed in the sewing box, he was hilarious. Yeah. Joke of the century. This person is the Banksy of Piss. Yeah. Right? That's the kind of thing where someone's going to be like, it was me. Then you slap the cuffs on them. And then, and then Banksy hears that and in a rage, just like destroys his piss art he was working on. He had a, oh my God, this is something Banksy would

do. Okay. I'm saying, I don't think so. Could it be Banksy? Is one of your friends Banksy? I don't think it could be Banksy on this one. Is their last name Banks? And you just never put it together. Do they work at a bank? Do they live by a river? I don't think Banksy on this one. Here's what I would do. Send a group text to everybody who was at the party and say bad news. Bad news. My dog pisses in my sewing box. I'm going to have her put down. It's real. I'm real sad about it, but they, it said in the book that if they piss in your sewing box once, they're going to keep doing it and I love to sew. So I've got to hatch it and I'm going to put my dog down. And then, and then you just keep going and like describing it and

eventually one of them is going to fucking crack. Yeah. It may not even be the person who did it. I'm the pisser. No, I'm the pisser. I'm Spartapiss. You will accept it. I think you also have a great opportunity. I have been to exactly one murder mystery party in my life. It was really fun. I got blackout drunk before the thing even started. How do you know it was fun? I spent a lot of it doing deep breathing outside, but then they brought in this like cheesy garlic pull apart bread. I got no clues. I've been desperate to participate in a second murder mystery party, but it's a real hassle to put those on. You have a baked in second mystery party on your hands.

You could say it's a Super Bowl party and then lock the door from the outside and say we're not leaving here. So you lock the door from the outside, then you come back into the window. Yeah. I've got 13 sewing kits here. You all know what to do. The person who steps forward first, suspicious. Yeah. I'm comfortable with this. You could also measure it by volume. Volume. Aroma. This is gross. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yes. Here's a, here's what I was sending by a few people. Thank you. A few people. It was asked by Yahoo Answers user Emily who asks, what non-toxic additions can you put into handmade soap to jazz it up? I'm learning to make soap so that I have a nice handmade gift to give to

coworkers, friends, et cetera. I was wondering if there are any non-toxic additions I can add to it. I've tried apricot seeds, for example, and may try glitter. Thanks for your help. Don't do glitter. Not glitter though. Update. Edit. Definitely won't use glitter. Thanks everyone. Good thing I never made any glitter soaps. Haha. You could put other soap in the middle. You didn't even need to think about that one. No, yeah. If somebody gave me some handmade soap and as I was washing my hand in the middle was a bar of Irish spring, I'd be really excited. I wouldn't wash my worst enemies grundle with Irish spring. I don't know what good, what is good bar soap? I'll tell you what it is. It's that

dove shit from the commercials where they pour it like a thing of milk and it forms the bar. When I was a kid, I saw that shit every time I thought that looks delicious. Was that their intention? There was a long time, there was a long time when I was a kid where I believed scientifically you were not fully clean unless you were that sure. I think you could put a key in there. A key to what? Exactly. I'm clean and curious. A key. What about a juicy fruit center? Like a gusher. Like a fruit gusher. Like a gusher. What about dirt? It would be tough to get to it while it's still good to go. In fact, the moment the fruit juice touches the soapy interior, at that point when you basically set up is like a center of fake blood. There's still a time where

it's potable, but time lost is flavor loss. You need to crack that thing out of the box. It just really just, like Rafiki at the beginning of The Lion King, just like snap it over your face. Okay, wait, I would like to make a pitch. Yes. Soap on the outside. Yes. Mud on the inside. More soap in the middle. I love this. That's an afternoon right there. You come back around. I do. I tell you, Trev, holy shit, that's a good idea. Listen, listen, and this doesn't have to be nasty if you don't want it to be, but doesn't everybody like getting a little muddy sometimes? Right? And you know how like with an iPhone, they design it to break after a while, so you have to buy a new one? Maybe in the middle of the soap, there's just a tiny little bit of mud

just to finish it off. Well, now I've got to go back to the store and buy more of this specific soap, because all of his soaps have been bought up by Travis, and I don't know, been ended. Travis has ended all soap. It's that mud soap. I hate this new dystopian future in which we live. What if you just, what if a soap shaped like a canteen is filled with water, and then you got everything you need? For what? If you're ever on Survivor or any other sort of island thing, you got everything you need. You got water from your canteen, and then the canteen is soap. That is the canteen is soap, so you can clean yourself because they don't have soap on the island, for sure, and water is in short supply, so it's a canteen made of soap, you see, and it's filled with

water. Water that has been in contact with soap? Yeah, because that's how you know that the water is free of germs. Hell yeah, and safe. Clean your fucking tummy out. I love this. Plus, if the soap gets hard in the sun, you can use it as a hatch to chop down some bamboo. You're not going to need the bamboo because you got your soap canteen, and all your needs are being catered to. Damn, Justin, that was a good idea, bud. Thanks. Thanks. I'm unappreciated in my time. Here's another question. I've worked at a large university, and when I was hired, I RSVP'd to compete in a salsa contest, but I became so... I like the use of RSVP'd there, instead of just like signed up. Yeah, volunteered, but I became

so busy that suddenly the day of the contest was at hand, and I hadn't made any salsa. You can't go that long without specifying what kind of salsa you're talking about. Fair. Rather than back out, I decided to run to my local Chili's and asked them to fill a jar of salsa for me so that I could enter. I ended up winning the contest. It's now been eight years, and people still ask me for the recipe. I've brushed off so many people that it's now built my salsa up as some sort of mystical super salsa. I love it when Goku goes super salsa. Over 9,000 Scoville units. The number was 9,000. Oh, geek check. Dammit. That no one has tasted since then, because I'm afraid they'll definitely

know it's Chili's if I break it into the office. Brothers, what do I do? I can't keep living this lie. That's from bluffing in Boulder, Colorado. Normally we would ask if normally we'd ask if you're here, but I feel like if I just looked, I would know who you are. But are you here? All right. There is a lot to discuss here, but just real quick, I want to talk about one tiny element that jumped out at me. When you went to Chili's and asked them to fill a jar, did you present the jar to them? Or did they just have a jar ready for such a request? And Trav, I got to tell you, bud, and it's good. Like we all come at these questions from different angles. That's what creates the heat of the cauldron that boils up the soup of my brother and my brother and me.

That would have been about question 46 on my list. My first being, why didn't you go to the fucking grocery store where salsa is traditionally sold instead of trying to get back channel salsa from the baby back ribs? Please. I kind of feel like we need this frozen on mic. I feel like you need to come to the mic. There's a lot of things we need to do. If you don't want to, no pressure. You don't have to. Listen, can we get a look? If you're not comfortable, that's fine. Stay seated. It's not a big deal. If you're not comfortable, just right now yell no. Okay. No, no, no. Hold on. Don't you know? Okay, wait. This is not a peer pressure scenario. Can we get some house lights, please? Oh, yeah. There we are. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Hi. Hello. Hi. Are you cool with this?

Hi. Hello. Do you feel comfortable giving us your name? Absolutely. I'm Vanessa. You didn't even have to do the last name. You didn't even have to do the last name? Good luck with Facebook. I saw co-workers here. Okay. Vanessa, this is not a place for confession. Okay. Okay. Now everybody, please be quiet. I need to talk to Vanessa. Vanessa, why didn't you go to the grocery store? I didn't. I thought that I might have a chance to win with the Chili sauce. I knew it. Okay. I knew it. So, Vanessa, I love this because what I like about you, Vanessa, is that you were like sitting there like, who's got the fucking best salsa and boulder? Best salsa and boulder has got to be Chili's. Vanessa? I was so

worried that they would know it was Chili's that I actually watered it down. But not so worried. I watered it down with other tomatoes. Yeah. So, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Where did you get those fucking tomatoes from? You had tomatoes then. So, at your house? You had 98% of salsa? Vanessa, I I don't know why I do this, but I'm ready to absolve you right now because the good news is this is your salsa. Yeah. I mean, it is your salsa. There was a bunch of people at your office who have said to themselves, I love Chili's salsa. Of course, it's just not tomato enough for me. It's a little too zesty. A little too zesty. I love it to be muddled and watered down with some tomatoes. The next time

someone asks you, you can say, all right, fine. Here's my Zebra. Got some tomatoes. They can go to Chili's and bully them into putting some salsa in a jar, but leave some room in there for those tomatoes. How did the, can you fill my loose jar with salsa gal? I did bring a jar for it. You did bring a jar for it. Did you pay by the pound? Did you have muddled up tomato mash at the bottom of the jar? No, no, but I did put a special little thing on top of it to decorate it. And then I called it Vanessa's awesome sauce. Come on. Vanessa. Vanessa's a bridge too far, Vanessa. Do you want to like, should we stop talking while you finish listing the many crimes you committed during this heinous act? I was money. What was the price? Oh, how much?

It was 50 bucks. Nice. Yeah. How much was the salsa? The salsa was about $10. I had just started like two weeks before. All right. Oh, you wanted to establish yourself. Yeah. I mean, if anybody asks you the recipe, Justin's right. This is your own thing. You just say it's flavorless, watery tomatoes, and deceit. And Vanessa, does that help? That helps. Thank you. Thank you, Vanessa, for your honesty. Thank you. You can bring the house lights down now. Now, once Vanessa's safely back to their seat, you can, I mean, you can go ahead and lower the house lights now, I believe. Oh, no, Vanessa. Okay. There we go. Good. I just don't want to invest. And there they go. And there they go. Crawling down my object down. Yeah. Listen to

the sound of my voice. The house lights are gone. The lights are dimming around you. Be not afraid. This is an experience we're all having together. We're all. So they put in a switch to turn them on and they're frantically like, uh, guys, do these go off? And the lights are dimming. See, now I'm freaking out because it looks like they're dimming, but I think I'm just losing my mind. Okay, whatever. I'll keep doing the show, but please turn the lights up. Here's a yahoo. I was sitting by Rob Luppey or Loopy. Almost certainly not. It's yahoo answers user another part of me who asks, and God, holy shit, I should have prefaced this. This is going to be a fun one. You guys get to play your games all the time. I feel like you guys bring games to the show.

This one's going to be fun for me because I kind of know what's going on and you won't, and it's going to be a real hoot and a half. Okay. Another part of me asks, Boyzone scenario? Okay, it's your birthday. Whoop, whoop, LMAO. Whoop, whoop. Your parents take you out. Hold on. Nothing you just said would make someone laugh their ass off. It's your birthday. I get it. It is. I was, uh, I was born on this day. Thank you for your laughter. Your parents take you out to a lush restaurant and you need to use the toilet, but leading towards the back door, there's a trail of ink. This is the first mystery in this question. You follow it and bam, Boyzone are standing outside.

What would you do? X, XT, XT. Oh, I see. Big face. I'm not done. Pets greater than sign birds. A modicon where like one eye is kind of big and then there's a flat mouth and then a small mouth. Update. WTF at Diana. Big eye, flat mouth, little eye. Begin. You have interned my last room. Chad McElroy, do you understand this Yahoo answer? No. Griffin McElroy, do you understand this Yahoo answer? Only what a cursory Google searcher's taught me. Okay, and I'm out of no. This is a no Google. Okay, here's what I do know. Yes. They have said that birds are better than pets. No, pets are better than birds. Well, the birds don't include, birds will be in pets. Yeah, to some people, extremely much so. This is chilling. Yeah. My phone a friend is going to be,

what's a boy's? I assume it's a boy band? Here, let me frame it to you in a more sort of coherent sort of story. Okay. And then you guys can tell me what you do. Okay. You're at a lush restaurant, your parents took you there. Okay. You have to go to the toilet. Got it. There's a trail of ink on the floor. Okay, I have a lot of questions. Okay. You follow the trail of ink, and you find yourself in the boy zone. What do you do? Are is boys on like a team of squids? No. Is is it? Is this what's the you don't have to guess what boy zone is. Just tell me what the fuck you do. You know, no, you follow the ink. You arrive at boy zone. I just I can't. I can't determine through context lose if I'm excited or dismayed. Damn it. What would you do?

I probably start fighting my way out. That I'll take that answer. Is this is I'll give you a clue. You'll be outnumbered. Is this a splatoon thing? Absolutely not. Okay. This is what I love. You guys are thinking about the ink. You ever your minds haven't even conceived of the boy zone yet? If I I think I would stay perfectly still and wait for the boy zone to migrate or make myself big to see if I can scare them away. That might threaten the boy zone. Are they covered in ink? I don't believe so. Are they like 17th century poets? Here, I can give you I can give you another clue. It's from dirty Diana. So that's mystery one solve. Okay. Who says best answer, by the way, I see Ronan and he says, you look gorgeous tonight.

I blush as he bites his bottom lip. Then the rest is left to the imagination. I'll get reported. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So that would be laughing my ass off. There goes flopping across the floor. So when he bites his lip, yeah, and the rest that's left of the imagination as he eats his lip. Yeah, some ink dribbles out dribbles out of his mouth. And this is there's a Ronan in the group. There is. This is like a samurai without a master, right? Is that the Ronan? I'm going to reevaluate my standing still. I don't believe that'll be a match for the Ronan skills. Yeah. He's trained for that sort of thing.

You are even considering the possibility it's a good thing that maybe a boy zone is just a fun place where boys can go and be boys in their zone. Well, if I'm allowed to be a boy, final answer. What do you do when confronted with the boy zone Travis? I'd probably start screaming for my parents out of fear, excitement, probably concern. Okay, Justin, I would, I would ask for their autograph on their CD. Justin Wynne. Oh, they're an Irish boy band. Okay, they were active 1993 to 2000. Wow, they got a fucking ahead of the game, huh? They got in and they got out. And then they got in because they're active now 2007. Man band now. Yes, it's man zone. Man zone. Welcome to man place.

Thank you for playing my game. I got so excited. I saw boy zone and I instantly bookmarked it. I didn't even need to think fucking. Do you have any information vis-a-vis pets and birds? Oh, no. What pets and pets and birds ink lots of stuff. The ink was unclear. The ink is a huge part of this. Yep. Because you would see the ink and think maybe this will leave me the boy zone. Listen, we spent way too long on boy zone and I can admit that. What's the next question, Justin? Last year, my partner and I bought a house with a large Mickey Mouse sculpture mailbox. I don't like it very much, but I don't know how to get rid of slash destroy it. I also kind of feel bad removing it as the previous owners sculpted it themselves. Any suggestions on how to deal

with this massive mouse and it says picture attached for scale. You see that bad boy? From too much mouse and broom field. I'm going to show it to y'all. You're not going to be able to see great, but it is. It's a the size. Oh, it's the size of a full grown man. Size of a full grown man. And it seems to be made of stone. When I was reading this question initially, I thought stop asking us questions that could be fixed by spin kicks. If you can spin kick it away, don't bring it to our desk. You would just break your fucking foot. Yeah. It's a very large mouse and it's a Fantasia era Mickey, which is among his most powerful forms. Sure. I will, I will say that's that's you're going to have to move friendo credit where credit is due.

It's a well sculpted Mickey. That's great. But I will point out the mailbox seems like kind of an afterthought. Sure. John is belly or anything. Just one quick correction. You did say that it was your house. I believe if you really think about it, it is the statue of Mickey Mouse's house. It is the it is the house of mouse, you could say. And you live in the Mickey Mouse Club house. And I'm I'm really sorry about that. Can I hear about the way? Hold on. Why are you here? Hello. Not to point along, but you did see it when you first considered buying the house, right? It didn't surprise you. You can't say no because you can see it from space. You probably thought, well, certainly they'll take that with them. There's no reason they would

leave behind this beautiful art of the mouse. They would want to take it to their next home. Could you here's a thought. Yes, could you have the city redraw the bounds of your property so that the mouse is no longer sort of the mouse becomes a small park. Yeah, at this point. Oh, yeah, pocket park. No longer your problem. It's just a local park. Oh, as long as we're coming up with ideas for having the city fix it. If you carve a ding dong onto Mickey Mouse, I don't think the city will let it exist there sort of street side. Dicky mouse. I feel like Travis is just Could you call Disney and tell them there's a copyright violation?

Yes, it seems like they take care of it. And maybe you. If they don't, you have to start building other Disney female boxes next to it until it's just like they can't ignore it anymore. Once you got fucking Ant-Man and Baloo the Bear and all the, you know, all the great Disney characters. Yeah, all the main Disney states, Mickey, Ant-Man, Baloo, Lilo, Stitch, whatever. It's a big mailbox, though. Yeah, hey, I can't picture up because I didn't want to just become a joke to me. I needed to stay real because there's real people that are affected by this very large mouse. Hey, what are you gonna do? Yeah, but really, it's a big fucking mouse. I'm gonna

go fly home to West Virginia tomorrow and you're still gonna have this mouse. We can make a lot of jokes up here. A lot of fun at your expense, but the mouse will still remain. The mouse will persist. It will be there long after you die. Yeah, nothing will move this mouse. Yeah, good look. Oh, oh, do you want a water feature in your front yard? If so, maybe just some sort of ramp that pushes the water upwards will have to get some sort of engineers. I'm not one. That just slowly drips water down onto the Mickey statue. Oh, and erodes the Mickey statue over time. Over a period of millennia. If you're like me, a lazy person, you probably looked at that mouse and you bought the house and thought, I like Mickey. I'll learn to get into Mickey more

so that I could be someone with a affection commiserate with this size and a half of a statue surrounding my mailbox. You can probably blow it up. Blow it up with a bomb. Blow it up. It's just the thing you could do. I've watched a lot of Mythbusters. I would have. You call the Mythbusters to say like, Hey, I got a myth. Can you blow up a Mickey mailbox? Any which way? Challenge accepted. Got him again. Can you take my guess if you did a myth? Can you take my trash out? I don't know what the connotation is, but I have to imagine that this mailbox has become extremely significant to your mail carrier. This is either how they start their day in their day, a good like, well, I'm one third done. There's Mickey. I know. Time for lunch. I'm so tired, but

I'm one step closer to Mickey. I do get to see Mickey at the end of my day and I do love that zany mouse. And then the day he delivers the bomb you will use to explode the Mickey statue will be the sweetest, coolest irony of his life. There's a very good chance that they sold this house because of the Mickey. I didn't mean to build it so big. Whoever the owner was started carving it and then finished was like, what am I done? It's supposed to be goofy. I did such a bad job. You don't want to fucking give goofy your mail. Listen, guys, my son became a big fan of that whole universe. We went to Disney earlier this year. You cannot trust goofy with mail. That dude can't accomplish anything without showing his whole ass. Can I do a yahoo? Yeah. This,

this one was sent in by Nathan's. Justin, I feel like you're still this drag. Do I have big Mickey statue? It's so big and it'll be there tomorrow. Here's one standing by. All right. Consider the possibility. You might find the yahoo enjoyable also. It was sent in by Nathan Smith. Yeah, turn it off. Thank you. Give me this. Yeah. Nathan Smith sent this in. Thank you, Nathan. It's an anonymous yahoo answers user. I'm going to call Dickie who asks. Is a vegan allowed to eat extremely wafer thin ham?

Now listen. Listen, your gut instinct is going to say no. The ham. What if I told you I can get it so fucking thin you could you could put it in front of you and hold it with both hands and blow and it would turn into a bubble and fly away. So thin this ham. Could you hide it in other vegetables? It was no. It can't be a trick. They have to mindfully eat the thin ham. They will say I can't do this with anything else. This ham's so fucking thin. I can see my friends. It doesn't even count. I can see you through it. It's the thinnest ham. There barely there ham. There is a thinness of ham more statistically

you're not even really eating ham. Yes. Yes. You're inhaling ham. You're breathing ham in. Yeah. No, that's got to have some chew to it. Yeah. And the ham flavor that makes it so delicious and desirable. Will be present. Is there a thinness of ham that you could walk through it like a cobweb and get something in your mouth? Who hung all this ham here? This is Travis's fucked up reboot of Charlotte's Web where they switch places. Oh, that was some pig. Hey, listen. Hey, your fucking ceiling pig has written cool spider in ham. This is a thinness of ham where Wilbur should be able to peel them off of himself. Okay. That's it. This is cruelty free. We are talking. Well, a little cruel.

No, you are shaving a pig. You get it. It's cruelty free. It's like peelings, like sunburn, you know, you get some, get some pumice stone in the pig pin, whatever they rub off. Ham dandruff, basically. It's press ham dandruff, basically. Fine. I need you all to take over the show for 10 minutes while I write out the entire spec script to Wilbur's ham zone because it's, my mind is just racing with possibilities. The farmers would not like the huge spider in their barn. Wilbur would have his pretty tough road to hoe ahead of him. Listen, we got to do a pretty strong BR campaign here.

Get the gun. There's a big monster spider in the barn. What's it say in ham up there? No, don't think of the tax benefits. Shit. I didn't think about that. What's it say in the ham up there is one of the best sentences I've ever heard. What's it say? Hold on. Let's read the ham first, John. Read the ham. What's it say? It's blood is acidic and we'll get on you and you'll die. Damn. All right. Can't shoot the spider yet. Thanks for the warning, ceiling pig. The ham up there is my favorite movie starring Kevin Bacon. Hey. There was two. There's two in it.

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That's meundies.com slash my brother. And once you finish putting a Santa Claus on your, on your duff, why don't you go to Stitch Fix and put something on over those nasty things? Hey, Stitch Fix is good. It's an online personal styling service that finds and delivers clothes, shoes and accessories that fit your body budget and lifestyle. I gotta say, my, my, my shopper, my stylist has really dialed in on, on my shit. Not only on my styles, but like the, the fit on everything has been so choice lately. They helped me realize, Justin, my legs are considerably shorter than I used to think they were.

I would wear those jeans and I would get the holes at the bottoms of them, like a skater. Man, it's because my, my freaking pant legs were too long. They helped me dial that shit in and now my clothes fit better than ever. So it's great. You go to Stitch Fix.com slash my brother. You tell them your sizes, what you like, style wise, your budget. They're going to pick a stylist for you, who's going to pick items that they're going to send right to your door. And you only pay for what you love and you can return the rest. You get shipping and your exchanges and your returns. They're always free. And the styling fee is just 20 bucks,

which is applied towards anything that you keep from each box. So get started now at stitchfix.com slash my brother. That's all one word. Obviously it's a URL and you'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all the items in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash my brother to get started today. Stitchfix.com slash my brother. Well, those are all the sponsored messages for this week. We hope you're enjoying yourself with this delightful episode and thank you for listening. We appreciate you. Thank you to Denver for coming out. It was one of the most rowdy shows we've done in a long time and it was a lot of fun. We have a new website. We are going to keep talking about it for,

I don't know, a little bit until people get sick of it, which may be now. But if you go to macaroy.family or the macaroy.family, you can find our website. It's we teamed up with Vox to make it. We're still on the Maxfun network. And in fact, all of the shows we do on Maxfun and off are on macaroy.family. You can find them there. You can find new merch announcements and you can find general news. Like for instance, this week, we're probably going to be announcing an upcoming tour. So keep an eye on macaroy.family to find out more and also our social channels. Thanks for listening and we'll be back with you again soon. Bye. Hello, Maximum Fun. I am Oliver Wong, scholar, journalist, DJ, etc.

And I'm Morgan Rold. I'm a music supervisor who loves stilettos. We host Heat Rocks, a music podcast where we talk to influential artists and scholars about the albums that changed their lives. On our most recent episode, we had the chance to talk with none other than R&B legend, Macy Gray about one of her favorite albums, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Yeezy. We get deep talking about everything from Kanye's college dropout days all the way up to his most recent shenanigans. I just think it's weak and I don't think he has to do that and I was just disappointed. So make sure you, dear listener, are subscribed because you definitely do not want to miss this conversation. Heat Rocks every Thursday right here on Maximum Fun.

Uh, how about another question? Yeah, another guy. Just start reading it. Here is one sent in. No, no, you'll mess me up. It's like Rhythmless Freeform kind of, okay. I want a munch, squad. I want two munch, squad. Welcome to Munch Squad. The only podcast segment within, uh, built in, with our own wet bar, cocktail artist, Paul Seborn. I like that Paul said, I shouldn't bring Justin a full bottle of liquor while he's doing the Stinger for Munch Squad because who knows what might happen. Hey, big ups to Denver hooked your

boy up with the Hennessy VSOP privilege. Thank you. We still got a lot of show left. Sonic, ads, Fritos, chili, cheese, faves, starting at 99 cents. You know, folks, if something's your fave, the price should be imitated. If it's truly your chili, cheese, fave, you shouldn't need that 99 cents to be appended there. It could be $70, $80. You still buy it because it's your fave, but starting at just 99 cents, guests can order the Sonic Fritos chili pie and Fritos chili cheese junior wrap along with the Fritos Fritos chili cheese. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. You can't, you can't have possibly said that correctly. Sorry, Travis, can please confirm. Fuck. The Fritos Fritos chili cheese junior burger. It's the Fritos Fritos chili burger burger chili

cheese. This is a bit in the Munch Squad robot became sentient and insane. Fritos Fritos chili cheese junior burger. That's starting at 199, folks lost. Human beings would have to order that with their mouths. I need it. Fritos Fritos chili chili cheese burger burger burger. We didn't start the fire. Yeah, Sonic Drive-In is taking the quirky. That doesn't work, doesn't mean fucking anything anymore. The quirky comforting flavors of a beloved snack and making it available for any location, any time by adding new Fritos chili cheese options to a variety of menu items with at least three ways to add a warm, salty and savory crunch to any meal. The new Sonic Fritos chili cheese faves started just 99 cents. So what are these

faves? Well, the Fritos chili pie is made with crunchy Fritos, savory chili, and topped with melty cheddar cheese. Good. I know this friend, this friend I'm familiar with and I enjoy his work. The Fritos chili cheese junior wrap includes the same delicious ingredients bundled up in an eight inch flour tortilla. Stop. To create a perfect bite every time. In whose mouth is this a perfect bite? Shrek the Fritos, the Fritos chili cheese junior burger. Okay, so the name of the menu item is not actually apparently the Fritos Fritos chili cheese junior burger, but I think it is very indicative of the person around this press release. They looked at the name of it. They think there's got to be some more Fritos in there. It doesn't look right. I want to put

another Fritos at the beginning and see if that does it. Anyway, the Fritos chili cheese junior burger is made with Fritos chili and melty cheddar cheese atop a juicy 100% beef patty. I like the 100% beef patty because that indicates the person is really obsessed with making sure their meat is all natural with no filler and they just are going to put some Fritos on top of that. So it's sandwiched between a soft bakery bun. Cool bakery you got there. What are you going to use the buns for? Well, I'm going to slap some chips in there and then some other trash and sell it for a dollar. I don't know. I'm not a very good baker. My father is very disappointed in me. And you can amp up a sonic classic by creating one more option by adding Fritos to the

chili cheese cone. That's right, folks. You can go fucking off menu and just be like, is there anything else you can put Fritos in? Because I'm crazy about these little corn chips. So here's the quote from Scott Eulen, Vice President of Product Innovation and Development for Sonic. Quote, the bold flavor combination of crispy Fritos with mouthwatering chili and melty cheese is both incredibly classic and unique at the same time. Hey, Scott, what are we doing here? What are we playing at? Scott, what are we doing? Adding quote, adding the uniquely delicious and salty bite of Fritos. They're fucking Fritos. Adding the Fritos flavored Fritos from Fritos that you know as Fritos. Dylan and Scott, I need you to come into my office. But when you come,

bring every word if anyone's ever written about Fritos because I need to find some other things to say about Fritos. I'm not an expert, but the way that sentence is constructed, it does say uniquely something and, but that would be uniquely salty taste of Fritos. Yes. Like you would taste the salt of Fritos and be like, that's a salt I've never had before. Is this Himalayan sea salt? This is incredible. The uniquely salty bite of Fritos, chili and cheese was something many had had to hack menus to get. Thank you. You brave pioneers. And now people, some even had to bring their own Fritos. Unbelievable. People can, now people can order their faves in three cravable ways right from their cars. That's it. That's it. You got it. They want you to eat this in your car. That's the

same one that you're going to drive your spouse to when they deliver your first child and you're going to eat a Frito pie in there on a hamburger, on French fries, on a corn dog, on a milkshake, that you're going to eat that in your own car. And, uh, you know, it's starting at just 99 cents. Guests can order the Sonic Fritos chili pie and Fritos chili, cheese, junior rep along with the Fritos. Okay. Now here it says Fritos, Fritos, chili, cheese, junior burger. Okay. That's two out of three folks. It's called the Fritos Fritos chili, cheese, junior burger. That's starting at 199 while supplies last. Get in there and get those three cravo- Hey folks, if you ever find yourself as part of your job writing the word cravable, go home. Donate everything you own to

charity. Walk the world doing good for others because you have so much to atone for. You have, you have to start now. You've gone horribly awry and you have to fix it all right now. And anyway, that's the latest and greatest from Sonic. They talk, thank you for listening to the much fun. They talk a lot in there about the different ways without ever saying you could just order some Fritos if you want them. What if I just want a bag full of Fritos? Hey, dipshits, maybe you could buy a bag of Fritos and put them on whatever the fuck you want. Like you don't have to come to Sonic to get Fritos. Just bring your own Fritos. Let's do the audience questions. How do not, uh, don't, let's get those slides up. Don't get up. We have a new way of doing this. I

don't say, this is our first show in Denver, which by the way, sorry. Um, y'all are, yeah, we should come here soon. You guys are great. Hey, Nick, what are you doing, bread, pal? Uh, okay. So I take about sometimes four to five slices of bread and just like mash them up into a ball, uh, and just eat it like it's a big apple. Yes. Okay. The price of someone behind you enthusiastically like, yes, good, yes, good. Uh, I, uh, and the right way, and what's the right, that's just a statement of fact of what you do. What do you need our help with? How do I not do that? Yeah. Why do you? Okay. I did this when I was in elementary school and you get the school rolls. Oh yeah. I would take the bread meat out of the husk

and I would roll the bread meat back into its dough state. You're what? So you're returning ashes to ashes, dough to dough, returning the bread to its dough state, and then I would eat it in that state. And you know what? It was good. It was good. It was like a little gumball of bread. Nick, do you often find yourself like rolling the bread out thinking like, what am I doing? No! It's, uh, it's a process because most of the time I kind of just peel off the crust first and then eat that and then, oh Jesus Christ. Okay, come on. No, I won't fucking come on. You come, you come on back to the light of reason. What do you like about this? It's chewier. It's chewier. Okay, wait. It's all the same bread, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. In wadding it up, you've changed the...

Who's side are you on? I'm turning over to Nick's side actually because I'm thinking about it. And do you watch like Great British Bake Off whenever like Paul Hollywood... Yeah, I do. Whenever Paul Hollywood is like, this is leadin' and stodgy. You see that and you're like, fuck, send it over this way, Paul. This has no air in it. You didn't let it rise and you're like, yum, yum, give me some of that bad bread, Paul Hollywood. I wish every once in a while Paul Hollywood would take four or five slices of the baker's treat and roll into a ball and eat it like an apple. With his big hands. I can't really taste it unless I do it the traditional British way. No, okay, hold on. There's an element of this question where Nick is saying,

how do I stop doing this? And you're both like, nah. Don't do it. Chase your bliss. The question was it, I do this and I love it. How do I keep doing it? I used to dip into the pepperoni bag in the refrigerator, pull some out and put it in a single slice of white bread. Then I would crush it in my fist like I was Thanos claiming a fucking reality gym. And then I put that in the microwave for like 10 seconds. That's a pepperoni roll. It's not, it's not, it's not. I really don't think you should be giving me more fuel because I would do that. No, do it. No, this is great. Fucking chase your bliss. I'm serious, Nick. Eat your bread. Life's short. If it makes you happy, fucking eat your bread the weird way you eat it, like a, like a, I believe in you, Nick. Sure.

Never give up. Did that help? Did that help? Okay. Yeah, sure. Okay, go, go, go. Nick. Hi. Hi, I'm Hannah. Sorry I didn't put my name in the email. It's so a very important context for the question is that it's 2018. Yes. And that will become very clear when I hear an alien who found this in a like satellite. You never know. Like they might be. And so my mom works for the news and she is like a new media developer and like works for like internet news and whatever. She's like big and important, but so like in her work, she's very like new content, whatever. And then in her home life, she in the year 2018 still uses AOL as a web browser. Yes. And I honestly didn't know that was a thing that was still like you could physically do. Like I

thought that they had sort of, I don't know. There's one person still at the other end of the computer like I'll check and then they Google it and then type it back and send it back. I got her. She's on the internet today and I've stood over while she's, you know, like in college and whatever and now and like trying to like load any web page, but it's like, you know, hey, let's look at getting your health insurance and I'll be like leaning over her shoulder waiting for like a full minute for a web page to load because it's on AOL in the year 2018. And I've, I've tried to be like, hey, mom, Linda, uh, here's Google Chrome or any other web browser. Sure. Okay. So my question is, how do I get my mom who is again a professional like internet journalist to stop using AOL as a

web browser in the year 2018? I mean, it's unfathomable. It's unfathomable. Can you just snap the disc over your leg? Here's the thing though, it's already, like there's no more disc. It's already installed. Like I could uninstall it from the computer. She's got an AOL dev kit. I guess. All right. I don't know how to get it off. Why don't you download Google Chrome, but then set the homepage to AOL.com because then she'll still get all the great content that she craves. Folks, speaking as someone who until 2012 was employed by AOL, a lot of people go to AOL.com. It's a kind of a gross number of people definitely go to AOL.com as their own page. We're talking about the AOL web browser, which is a whole nother. Yes, no, but I'm saying AOL is a

popular outlet. They got a lot of great content. That's the first thing. Maybe just tell her like, AOL closed. Unplug the router. AOL must have closed. There's no more internet. Sorry. You should start by installing Netscape Navigator because you got a bill. You can't jump right into the deep end. Right, right, right. Yeah, and it's still, if anyone's curious, it still looks the same as it did in 1999. I'll tell you, sometimes when I do Google something, I get so many results back, it scares me. I would love to just type in the keyword, new applesauce, and it will show me the one website. It's like, here's the newest applesauce. Come get it. I do, I do miss the days where there was a man named Jeeps who would bring me one thing. Maybe it wasn't the one thing I

wanted, but I wasn't overwhelmed. Yeah. Now Travis has to go to Fiverr and try to find somebody named Jeeps to Google shit for. AOL, you can join a chat room for people that like sports. Can you fucking imagine football, basketball, whatever. He just joined and talked about sports. Maybe that's really what she's there for. Maybe she just likes sports, but she doesn't want to get too specific about it. Yeah, it's entirely possible. I'm going to give the same answers to the bread monster. Just, just let her chase her place. It sounds cool. She's happy with it. Seems like she's having it. Honestly, can I ask everybody in the room who's been having a good chuckle, take a beep, think about your experience with the internet, and if you couldn't put that

fucking genie back in the bottle, would you not? If you could un-internet yourself, you probably would right now. Yeah. Let's let, let's let her live, you know, like Charlie Bucket, have one more dream before we wake her up and tell her all the golden tickets are gone. Does that help? Yeah, it helps a ton. Thank you so much. Thank you. My pleasure. Let's kick. And hello. Hi. Who's you? I am Eric. Hello, Eric. You's Eric. Hello. I was in a real big hurry right out of work, and I needed to get to the mechanic who had my car, and the city. You get some, get some fucking nos? Yeah, it was an upgrade. No, I needed to get there quick, and the city had just got these electric scooters that, you know, and I thought this would be a real cool way to finish or like

to start my evening. Thought no one ever. Yeah, there's something new. I, I ate it. Like, do you ate the scooter? You ate the scooter? You did it so bad. They tell you that right in the app to not eat it. It says it. I know it looks delicious, but please. It's called a lime. All right. Listen, it's different things in different cities, but Travis is right. It's called a lime in some cities. It was a great joke that would have played in a city. In some cities, it's called a bird, which you could stress. Sorry. Okay. So you, uh, oh, you, oh, you crashed. Yeah, I, I crashed the scooter. Oh no. Was the scooter okay? The scooter was fine. Oh, I had gotten probably 11 feet. Holy shit. Now, I'm not, I need to hear a lot more about my stuff. I do want to

say it's quite a relief that we're going to have one tonight where we're not just affirming your life choices. I want to, I want to hear more about the big spill. Yeah. Take it in the slow mode for us. How does it feel? This is radio AFV for me. I am loving it. Well, you're okay though, right? Yeah. Okay. Then I'm loving it. Yeah. There is no way that someone at my work did not see it. Yeah. Okay. Was it a cool fall where you fell and landed like on your side on like a sexy pose? Um, maybe that's what it looked like. What did it feel like? Yeah. Um, so I, I was in a hurry, so I had gone as quickly as I could as quickly as I could. And, uh, so I, the scooter stopped and I did not. Right. Sure. And I hit in like an attempted sexy slide and kind of skid across the pavement

and lost my pants. Fuck, yes. In a cool way? Kind of a sexy, there's still a benefit, a shadow of a chance. It was still a cool crash. It took all my pants. Yeah. It took all my pants. Yeah. The street just a mouth opened up. Mine now. Your pants belong to the city. Okay. I would sell one of my children into maritime service to watch this happen to you. So, but it sounds like some of your coworkers did enjoy the show. I can't see a way that they, that someone didn't see it. So you're wondering if we have a job for you and then my brother, my brother, corporate ladder or yeah, part of it. No. Well,

your qualifications because I know riding a scooter good is not one of them. You're, you are okay though, right? I'm good. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Um, how are your pants? Stop. What's your, what is your question? Cause I can't uncrash that scooter for you. How do I sort through my coworkers and find out who saw? I would like to see if any of them have burst blood vessels from laughing. There, there was peepis. They're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So when you say took all your pants. Yeah. Yeah. No, all of the pants that I had. Okay. Hey.

Hey, hey, hey. Do you remember when I said the thing about how there's still a shadow of a chance that it was a cool crash? Listen, I'm not, I'm not judging you. This question's been going for a while. You really made us wait for that big reveal, but you didn't make your coworkers wait, which is great. Well, huh. Maybe you need a sketch artist like how you say Miss Bebas. That ain't going to do it. Hey, have you considered just trying to make eye contact with your, your coworkers one at a time? That seems foolproof. So where do you work now? Is it how long were you on the ground before you got a different state or just a different city or what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a cool story. You're going to fucking know who saw in your heart,

you know, or what you need is a way of making it just like foolproof where if somebody can't meet your gaze, you just like nod at them in a way to say like, you saw it and then they'll nod back and then you'll know. Maybe you need like them to sign a, this is, this is above HR's head is the problem. You, you must quit this job. There's no jokes. We're jokes left. Jokes left the room. Because quit would imply that you went back to turn into paperwork or something. I got it. I got it. I got it. You're going to have to do this again inside the office. No, listen, this accomplishes two things. One, whoever, there's going to be two tears of laughter at this point. People laughing very hard and then people laughing kind of hard. The people on that

lower tier definitely saw it the first time. The other benefit is now you will know that everyone has seen it and you don't have to sweat. That's how you start to rebuild. Does that help? Yeah. Thank you. Excellent. Glad we could help. Last one. All right. Yeah, Colin. Hello, Colin. Yes, Colin. Hi, Colin. So what happened? We were today at the Denver Zoo. Hell yeah. Which was great. How is it? It was super awesome. Cool. I'd never been. Anyway, lots of great animals. So it's the go like. That's what they go for there. They got there. So we were at the tropical exhibit with all the snakes and when we came outside, there's all the strollers they have parked there because you can have the strollers inside.

Of the snake exhibit. I like that policy a lot. Well, no, the babies were inside. Just can't have the strollers. So there's empty strollers just lined up there. So we walk out and the stroller nearest the door, I see that there is a squirrel tail protruding from the bag of this stroller. And I say, oh, neat. A squirrel, whatever. And then moments later, the squirrel leaps out and has in its mouth a ziplock baggie with half what I think was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Nice. That's a dream of yours. Sure, they love that. The squirrel was having a great time. So and then I was sort of watching the squirrel like, oh, is it gonna get in? And my first instinct was, should I help the squirrel open the bag? That didn't last very long, but that was sort of the

first thought. But then the second thought was, should we wait and tell the people that own the stroller? And I guess this is the question. Is there an etiquette to, if you see a squirrel in like somebody's baby bag, are you obligated to like, leave a note or like tell them there was a rodent in your baby bag, you have to burn, what do you do? Yeah, my immediate gut check is that you have to have that conversation and make sure you do it while I'm standing within ear shot. Because holy shit, I want to hear what that sounds like, bud. I will tell you right now, I have a two year old who I love very much. But if I walked out and found a, I guess a note on her stroller that said, I saw a squirrel in your bag, I wouldn't know what to do with that if I

raised her. I guess throw the bag away? Flipside, if I was going back to the car and my son was screaming for his peanut butter jelly sandwich, I reached down there and some fucking furry ripscallion has taken it away. I'm gonna lose my fucking gourd. So yes, I would like a heads up. Well, and so what what we ended up doing was sort of lurking in the area and as people with babies would walk by, we'd sort of watch and see if they were going to walk towards the stroller. Oh God, that's a good look, bud. So to my credit, I was there with my girlfriend, so I at least sort of had that feminine buffer. But we did realize quickly. It was more of like a couple of shopping than like the kidnapper. But we, we did realize pretty, not quickly enough, but eventually that we can't just be the people

hanging out by the strollers. So we did go and look at the lines. Hey Colin, hey Colin, tell me true. When you went outside and you looked at the strollers and you saw a squirrel tail poking out a one of them out of the bag, the storage bag in the back. Did you have, even for a little bit, and don't be afraid of the answers, yes. Did you have the thought of somebody's trying to steal squirrels from the zoo? At the time, I was very in tune with the animals. So it was like, I want this squirrel to succeed? Yeah, I like that. Ah, shit. I mean, I'm glad that you didn't chase the squirrel away because like, you can't go to a parent and say, hey, no big deal. A squirrel ate that a little bit, but it should be fine. I saved most of it. I saved most of it. It should be fine to give to your child a squirrel

and ate it a little bit. Well, part of what I wanted to hang around for is to see if the squirrel would hang around so I could see if it would get into the bag. Because I don't know if the squirrel got the sandwich. Yeah, you get dinner and you go, oh, I'm caught. Are you afraid it gave up? I don't know. I don't know how trepidation that squirrel was. That's the closest that squirrel has ever been to pure happiness. It's not going to quit. I guarantee you, let me give you at least that bit of solace, the squirrel got the sandwich. No question. Even if it had to throw it out of a three a bunch until the bag exploded, it got it. It got the sandwich. And his squirrel friends are looking at him like, just fucking give it up, Derek. Damn. Hey, I just decided do not approach

these parents. There you go. Thank you, Colin. If I look for a sandwich and it's not there, I'll be like, ah, what an inconvenience. If a stranger approaches me at the zoo while I'm with my kid and says, a squirrel got your bag, I'm gonna run away quite fast and dream about it for the rest of my life. Yeah. It sounds like you're covering up for a much worse thing you did. Honestly, that's how it sounds. Does that help, Colin? That helps very much. Thank you. It comes a little late, I imagine, this help, but I know I did the right thing. Good, thank you. All right, can we bring the house lights back down? We're gonna watch out for those house lights out. Folks, thank you so much for having us here in beautiful city. You've been so amazing.

I wanted to mention it's that giving time of year and we ask every year that you are kind enough to support our hometown of Huntington, West Virginia in helping to give the families there a little bit nicer holiday season here in these candle nights. It is more desirable than normal to give to charity. So we have asked that you go to mbamangels.com and claim some of the items there or you can just kick in some money to help give some folks a nice holiday season. So please do that. Thank you. If you'd be so kind. Also, we hope that you've already grabbed them because we don't know how many are left, but there are some really amazing posters. Yeah, Nisha Syed did those and they are great. They're fucking so good. Incredible. I also want to say we have a graphic

novel series based on our podcast, The Adventure Zone. Thank you. You can go to TheAdventureZoneComic.com and pre-order book two or order book one. If you haven't gotten it yet, TheAdventureZoneComic.com. Yes. I want to thank the wealth theater. It's so it's so big, first of all, which is wild and nice. It's very, very nice, but we walk down here for soundcheck and my stomach raised up into my lungs out of fear, but you all have been great. So thank you for that. Thank you to our daddy for coming with us on on tour and introducing us. Thank you to Paul for all the help. We could not do this without Paul. Thank you to our families who came with us and they're incredibly supportive and wonderful. Some of our incredible opening acts. Yes. Thank you to Sawbones. They're going places.

Don't forget to grab the Sawbones book. Griffin, I'm ready. Final Yahoo is sent by Morgan Davey. Keep it wavy, Morgan Davey. It's by an anonymous Yahoo Answers user who I'm going to call Ebus. Okay. That's a weird name when you know what the question is. Thank you for your bravery Previs, because Previs asks, can I vape and still be a Republican? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Come back to WKEP at night. Up next looks like we've got a PSA from local forest ranger,

Duck Newton. Do I start an hour? Yeah, I lean in, Duck. Yeah, sorry. Okay. I wanted to address the unfortunate situation that, okay, listen, two people, good people that I and a lot of y'all have known our whole lives are dead, torn to shreds by a savage bloodthirsty beast that defies human comprehension. If you'd like to know more, stop by the Cryptonomica Kepler's Premier Museum of the Macabre. Come on. We just wanted to warn y'all to beg you. If you see one of those things out in the forest, don't fight, don't scream, run, run as far as you can. Duck, it's almost midnight. Listen, folks, if you see anything, please go to thelamplider.org and let us know and get behind a locked door tonight. Anything else we need to... Oh, they're leaving. Okay. Well, that's thelamplider.org and

stay safe out there, Kepler.