My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 445: Pizzalicious Turbo-Moths

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

This episode is all about food mistakes, which -- you know, we could save a lot of time writing these descriptions if we just used that as a boilerplate for every episode. This, and all episodes: Food mistakes. Suggested talking points: 200 Convo Starties for Guys, Raccoon Ciabatta, Wingilingus, My Body is My Dad, Navigational Woes, Hole Uncle, Foodlifting

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. Happy hump day, weirdos. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Okay, it's Wednesday. Okay, but I mean, not when people are listening to this.

So we got an email to my brother, my brother, and me, email from Lydia, and Lydia shared with us a list of 200 questions from Conversationstartersworld.com, and the list is titled Questions to Ask a Guy. And the beginning of the description says, here's a great set of questions to ask a guy to get him talking. They are designed to get an interesting conversation started, but still keep it relatively casual. And folks, these questions are fucking bonkers. Well, this is good, Travis, because we're just three guys being dudes in this show, and so what a better way to get us going, get our sort of talk rocks off, and to just sort of get some convo stardies. And you know what? This represents the beginning

of a conversation, doesn't it? Right. And also at this point, if we're looking to keep the conversation going, we've been going most 450 episodes, we're starting to run out of things to talk about. So let me ask you this, question number three, and remember, these are questions designed to keep the conversation going, but keep it relatively casual. For big guys. Yeah, question number three, you wake up suddenly in the middle of the night. What would be the scariest soundie here after waking up? Oh man, when I'm trying to get to know guys, when I'm trying to like, you know, I've joined a football club and I want to get to know the other guys, this is always a good one. We like to bandy this one about. Hey Theo, hey bud, what's the

late night terror for you? What's the dark beating heart of the yawning void inside your soul, Theo? Hey dude, pass me a sprite. I always tell me about your greatest fears. I enjoyed question 18, which historical figure wasn't as amazing as most people think they were. Hey, you want to dunk on Ben Franklin with me, dick? Come on, buzz. Let's get Abe. It's time. Now, this is the one that I would like us to actually spend some time answering, because this is the one that I think, if you asked a guy to keep the conversation going, this would go totally normal. Question 19, you are in charge of making insects a popular food item. You have one billion US dollars to achieve your goal. How do you do it? Oh my God, that's actually one of the best conversation starters

I've ever heard in my entire life. Yeah, I walk up to a guy and say this. So it's like, hey, so glad you agreed to come on this blind date with me. Also, you're in charge of making insects a popular food item and you have one US million dollars to achieve your goal. How do you do it? Well, I'll tell you, a billion bucks buys a lot of marshmallows you can hide bugs inside. Oh, that's good. So that's step one. And I could probably pay some people to get get stuff in. And that's too hot. Let me be clear. To make bugs a popular food item, you would hide them in marshmallows. And then after like a year of people eating marshmallows, we're like, Hey, did you like those marshmallows? They were bugs in them. Listen, if things as they

are today in 2019 have taught me anything, it's that if you have a billion dollars, you cannot disperse it to people who need it much, much more than you. You have to spend it on space rockets. You have to spend it on bug marshmallows. So yeah, I think I'm leaning in the right direction on this one. Okay. I'd rebrand everything. I would make it illegal to say roach. I would make it illegal to say moth. I would make it illegal to say mosquito. They would be replaced with Fritos too. Okay. New nachos. Two. Guy Fieri presents moths. Guy Fieri's turbo moths. This is a different plan to bring on celebrities to endorse. I enjoyed that one too though. I would spend a billion dollars. Guy Fieri's dangerously cheesy moths. Yeah. Pizzalicious roaches.

Hugh Grant's pizzalicious roaches. Hey, it's me, Margot Robbie. Eat a cricket. I do. I love them. I'd spend a billion dollars hiring crop dusters to fly over bugs and like drop just get them. Yeah, put some salt on them or something, make them taste better, and then you be like, they're delicious now. Maybe some kind of like viral challenge. Oh. Spend a billion dollars doing like them. I don't even think about that. Get them eating bugs for a challenge, the bug eating, the snow piercer challenge. Gotta get a Netflix sort of movie about it first. So we get Sandra Bullock back for Bird Box 2. This one's called Bug Box. And instead of using the bird box to as a cudgel to beat the monsters, didn't see it. But people loved it and started to meme it pretty

hard. So in this one, it's a box full of bugs, but she opens it up and she's like, oh, actually, these look delicious. Are these covered in pizza dust? And Guy Fieri pokes out and he's like, yeah, and then the monster gets hand, but she eats them. And now Bob's your uncle, teen's got to eat this for their Snapchat story. I got a way to force everybody to eat bugs. All right. Just wait. Just wait. Well, it'll happen. We're gonna get there. There's no need to rush. We're all going to be eating bugs here before too long. Let's not rush it. Let's just enjoy bread while we got it. Justin with that extremely specific Alex Jones sort of stuff. And you know what? That's fine. It's dense protein and fuck bugs. Yeah. That's good bugs. And also people all

over the world that just aren't right here are eating them already. Yeah. They're like, they're like, give me, pass the bugs over here. They're afraid that we're going to find out about bugs. How good bugs are. Yeah. And good for you. God. And if you watch Shark Tank, half of things are bugs now. If you watch Shark Tank, half of all food products do have bugs in them. Yeah. Bugs is good. I feel like I've talked about this on the show more than once, but I see the Hakuna Matata scene where they ate the big fat grubs. And I've always found that scene incredibly, inexplicably appetizing. I want to eat the grubby bug that has the juice that comes out of it, because I want to know. They eat it like they're like, it's a women's sampler. And it looks so good

when he sucks the big one down. When he sucks that big one, I love it. He sucks that big one down and it looks so just like plump and writhing. It's just like, I want to know, maybe. We often struggle with how to pitch our podcast to people. I think from now on, it would be easiest to say it's the sort of show where my brother Griffin has had more than one opportunity to talk about how delicious he thinks the bugs in Lion King look. So it's that kind of program. Well, in my defense, they give you, I believe, yelling energy in the Lion King video game. Correct. So I feel a sort of attachment or health. It's either health or yelling energy. And second of all, if they start to get on my case about that good thing, that scene has a little

message that will help me get through these strife that that will cause. And what is that message? You know what it is. It's trademark. It's trademark, but it rhymes with Hakuna Mabata. It doesn't, actually. It kind of does. Okay. Raccoon. Chabata. Chabata. Raccoon. Chabata. Dragoona. Chubaca.

Setsuna Fritata. Dragoon Chubaca is my favorite character in Kingdom Hearts 3. Kingdom Hearts 3 is out, and I'd love to talk about it. We can't. We can't keep dipping in. We can't keep dipping in. I've been told I'm not allowed to, but boy, Siri wants to get in. Siri just thinks I said to it, Kingdom Hearts 3 is out, and I love it. Oh, man. I hope Google and Siri know that shit aren't listening because I just fucked my whole thing. My whole internet ad thing. It's ruined.

Tim Cook, while sitting on his Sora Riku Kairi bedspread, just got a notification on his computer, and he's like, ah, good. We got him. We got him. Hey, don't fucking give me a link to that great reply all episode about how those things aren't listening to us. Please. Please. I heard it. It's great. I get it. It was just a joke. God, it was just a joke. Yeah, you really want to smile there. Hey, let's do show. Let's do show. It's an advice show. Recently, my best friend's parents,

who I am not that close to. Fuck you, Marjorie. Boom. Boom. Marjorie. He's only a friend, so he ain't. Doug, Marjorie, eat my ass. What's up? No, I will not give you a ride to the airport. Fuck off. Let me finish, please. Sorry. Inviting me over for a dinner of pizza and chicken wings before I would be house sitting for them. Please, everybody. It's hard enough for you to read some wording things in the weirdest possible way.

I will have a dinner of pizza and chicken wings. Present to me. Cron gone. A dinner of pizza before I would be house. Okay. A dinner of pizza and chicken wings before I would be house sitting for them. Partway through the meal, my friend's mom said, oh, hang on. Fish to fork out of the door and handed it to me and said, for the wing. This is fake. Fake question duped again. You almost got one by the McElroy boys, but we weren't born. I was born during the day, but not yesterday.

This is a fake question. This is a fake? Scoop this one in the garbage can, yeah. Like, why are you so sure? Scoop it right in the garbage can. This person doesn't exist. No way. Fork winger. No way. Never fork winger. Get out of here. Dump this one in the front yard. Let it fertilize the roses. No way.

A wing forker. Stop it. I'm not wanting to be rude. I took it, but not understanding how she wanted me to use it and seeing as no one else is using what. I sort of awkwardly placed it on my napkin. For the rest of the meal, I became increasingly paranoid. She was noticing me not using the fork and then I was being very rude by not doing so. It's probably being completely bewildered as to how to use a fork for a chicken wing. Brothers, why does she give me the fork? Is there some new fork technique I would not be talking about?

They've done it. They've cracked it. What should I have done in this situation to avoid offending my hosts? That's a fork full pot in California. There's a few possibilities here, and I'm going to give you one from my files, from the J files, we call them. When I am eating the flat, not the drums, but the flaties, when I'm eating the flaties, sometimes I'll get a little bit, there'll be a little bit of that succulent chicken in between the two bones that make up the flat. Which is rude of the chicken to hide its meat in here.

I don't know. Let's just meat for yourself. Sometimes I'll stick my tongue in there like that to jam it out. The reason I'm saying this is that if I'm just realizing it in a moment, that that visual palette that I would be presenting there would be challenging at best. Essentially, you are not that close to this. They have not seen this this way before now. It's possible that it's just an inbuilt genetic thing that some rowdy folks do. If you maybe pulled this stunt, I think that maybe they observed it. Maybe if they observed the stunt, they might say like, actually, we're going to get you a fork, because we can't.

It's Sunday, we just got back from church, and you're doing wingolingus over here. Kind of wingus. Was it especially like a shrimp fork with four wings? I would hope that they would mention it. Now, that could be useful. I would love that. I would hope they would mention it's a shrimp fork if it was a shrimp fork. Wowzers. Yeah, I mean, you probably had some ragged action on your eating, and the fact that she didn't offer it to anybody else means that you did the worst

job of eating the wings of the table. You can't take that personally, but there's lots of YouTube tutorials about how to do it good, and don't be ashamed to ask for help, especially with the big game coming. Oh, shit, this is going to be after the big game. Well, you'll catch it 2020 probably. Yeah, or maybe you'll watch a rewatch, maybe you videotaped the big game. Hopefully by then football will have been outlawed. Hopefully, fingers crossed. Now, it's possible that maybe this is just a matter of the parents, they love each other, and they love your friend, but they're not sure on you yet. So if parents or friends,

if family members got wing stains on the table, they can forgive that. But if you wing stain the tablecloth, they might then not trust you to then house it, and they have to cancel their vacation. So this might just be a defense mechanism so that you don't ruin their trip to Barbados or wherever they're going. Where are they going? Why didn't you include that in the question? This is important data that I need to know. Are you the only one who potentially did not get bone full wings, and in fact would find your wings to be bone less? And so by eating those with your hands, you're a wild animal.

Wait, why is that, Gryffindor? That seems like a double standard. I've made it easier to eat, and therefore now I have to introduce utensils? Yeah, yeah. Hey folks, folks aren't out there eating. Wow, this is a double standard though. I will eat a wing wing with my hands. And you know, using Justin's technique, sometimes my tongue and my heart. But in a chicken tender, you know I'm going to hand that one. That one's getting handed and dip it and mouthed. But a buffalo, a boneless guy, a buffalo wing, if you eat that with your hands, you're a dog in the street. Yeah. It's just a small tender, or you know, the bone full wings, floppier cousin.

Why can't I eat that with my hands? What about like popcorn chicken? Even smaller. Even chicken's hand, of course. If you eat that with a fork, you're out of your gourd, man. Right? So why is it just the boneless wing with the whole game done changed? Yeah. Well, we helped them enough. How about a yahoo? Okay. I love that, Gryffindor. This one's sent in by Sid Ross. Sid sent in a bunch of great ones. And thank you, Sid. It's anonymous yahoo answers user. I'm going to call the Quaker Oats guy looking at him. He looks regal. Regal Beagle. Quaker Oats guy asks,

Is he, is there an ad for Quaker Oats on your desktop right now? Like on the screen? No, it's my desktop background. It's an ad for Quaker Oats. I just love them. I love these guys. So Quaker Oats guy asks, and this is like, this is almost a riddle me piss. It's 12.46 a.m. Is it too early slash late in the day to make tortellini? I gotta know. It's 12.46 a.m. And to answer this one, we really have to look at the whole sort of like, the whole sort of clock using 12.46 is like the fulcrum of it. And try to figure out, is it, it's almost certainly too early for pasta time. But yeah. No one's making pasta at least, you know, you wake up at 6.30 the earliest and maybe start chowing

down on pasta. That seems weird. But you've, you know, you've made it now six hours in advance. It's going to be, it's going to be not great. I think it's definitely too early in the day to have tortellini. But I guess it's again, a question of perspective. Tortellini, what kind of, what kind of stuffing are we talking about with this tortellini? Because it seems like if you got maybe egg or maybe bacon, you might have yourself a kind of a breakfast tortellini. Now, Justin, I would argue that the stuffing does not change the fact that this would still be about six hours before you could justifiably have breakfast. Yep. I mean, Saturday Night Live just ended. I'm real horny. Gotta work this off by making my own

tortellini and stuffing it with breakfast. Wait, are you making it from scratch? I assume this is like a frozen scenario, perhaps a refrigerated scenario. You're like cranking out the dough and everything. I think so. What time was it? 12.46 a.m. I'm horny as hell. S and L just ended, had me a good belly laugh at that one. And I need a way to work out these jimmies. Well, now I don't know how long it takes to make tortellini from scratch. 12.46 might be the right time to start if you want to have it for lunch the next day. It doesn't take a lot. Any pastas are very quick. They come together quick. You put them in the machine. No, you're making it from scratch, man. From scratch, you come together quick. You put it in the machine. You start to get

the ingredients. You put it in the machine. You fold it into shapes. You wrap it around stuffing. You crimp. And now it's 6.30 a.m. If you're on the way, you get the deep fat fire going. Then throw it on the trash and go to Olive Garden because you don't know how to make it. Tortellini certainly seems like one of the more challenging pastas to try to make from scratch yourself. Definitely. Anything full is going to be tough. But it's fun because if you get bored of eating it, you can pick them up and use them as little rings. I used to do that when I was a kid. I'd have little tortellini rings and everyone thought it was really cute. Oh, shit. This is a trick question. Oh. Okay. This person works a shift

where they go into work like 4 a.m. to noon. And so 12 for them is the breakfast. That's brunch. Yeah. The other possibility here. Positability, please. The other possibility here, thank you, Travis, my brilliant brother, is that once you reach a certain age, you can do whatever the fuck you want, whatever the fuck you want to. So you can do this, but you need some sort of... All you have to do to justify this. The only person you have to justify this to is you, yourself, and the Holy Spirit that dwells within you because that's the end of the day. You just got to be able to fall asleep after this at 2.15 a.m. after you've made and consumed the tortellini. If you just treat it like,

okay, so I had dinner and then I... SNL started up, but during commercial break, I jetted on down to Taco Bell for fourth meal. And as everybody knows, the traditional fifth meal is a homemade pasta that you made yourself. It's half a serving of tortellini. You don't need a full serving. Come on. We're not getting silly here. This is... Can I say, Gervin, to your point? Thank you. You reach a certain age where you can eat and do whatever you want whenever you want, but your body begins to reject it in a way that I feel is inverse and unfair. Like, when I'm a child, I could have eaten ice cream every meal, three to four meals at a day,

but I was not allowed to. But now at 35, if I do that, in one day, I'll die. Yeah. When I was a kid, I would pack three packs of gushers for my lunch and dad would see that and say, no, you don't. And now that I'm an adult, it's like my body is my dad. It's my favorite John Mayer song. Is that what dad bod means? As long as you live under my skin, you'll obey my rules. Hey, young man. It's kind of like crang, Gervin. The brain that lives in your belly pilots the entire operation. That's kind of what you're feeling. Yes, but it would be like if the rest of Craig was like, I think I'd like pizza tonight. And Craig was like, we'll be up all night with hot

man. You don't think that that that shell that Craig wrote around in did what pizza? That thing looked nothing has ever looked like it wanted pizza more than Craig's body. Right. That shell suit is maybe the saddest character in all of television ever. He didn't ever get to do anything he wanted. He wanted to hang out with maybe he liked the turtles. He was a few like their their flips and their pizza. He had to fight against them. That's sad. Did those cowards ever put Craig in a movie? When I say no, because he would have looked if they're talking live action, he would have looked like a shaved scrotum. And I think I'd remember that. Tummy nuts. Here's a quick update. Quick update. He's he appears in Teenage Mutant

Injurals 2 and he is voiced by Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Brad Garrett. Wait. The perfect person. One person I hope would would play Craig. And then Ray Romano does the body's voice. I have had this problem for a long time and I can't get it to end. People ask me for directions constantly. I'm not over exaggerating. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, some stranger will do the best to flag me and ask for directions. I've had a mother pull over to the side of the road, children in the car, window rolled down to ask me for help. I've I've why, okay, I've had people basically run me down in the pouring rain for directions. I've tried to wear noise cancelling headphones. I even tried walking with less confidence that none of it helps.

I've been told by my friends that my resting face looks pissed off. So why is every person in the world want to ask you where the bathroom is? How do I make this stop? Is it impossible? Help. Sincerely, the minotaur. No, sorry, I misread it for Ava in Lake Forest. Yeah, I used to think so that I kind of get where this person's coming from because I used to think that I had some sort of weird power that in public people would just want me to take their take their phone or camera and take their picture. Like we would be I remember one time we were walking around in Central Park and like I got stopped like five different times so that some couple they would like hand me their phone and be like, can you take a picture of us?

And it happened to me so much I started to think that there was some sort of weird like Truman show shit going on. Normally and then what happened Griffin? Well, and then my boat smashed through the wall and who was back there? My real wife. Brad Garrett. My real wife. Now normally I would chastise this person because I feel like people coming up to you, I don't know where I'm at in my life. This isn't for everybody, but like it feels like a mitzvah, right? It feels like you have this opportunity to help people and that's like a sort of blessing. You should be happy that you can help somebody though one of like the only areas in which I cannot accept it is in fact giving directions. I couldn't give

anyone direct. People ask me directions to my home who are coming to like deliver something and I can't help them. I don't know what to tell them like just the phone took that from me. I don't have that anymore. This is true. The phone took that. I don't know what anything is and you should have a phone too and I know you do. This is a fun test. I don't know what the street that feeds into my street is called. I don't know what the street that goes into my street is called. I don't know what that is. I don't know what its name is, which isn't great. I don't think I do either. That's not great boys. If someone asks me for directions, I like if they're not starting from my house, I don't know what to tell them. Like okay first come to my house and now I can tell you

how to get to the store from there. I get this a lot. I think maybe it's because I've worked so many retail jobs but I give off a vibe whenever I'm in a store. I think that I know where stuff is in the store. I get asked that like if I'm at Home Depot or Croker or whatever, people will stop me and ask me specifically if I know where things are. You look like a shop boy. I do. I do look like and I you know I wear a lot of polos so I get it. I get polos and khakis. Everyone knows that's my go-to look. This is why I wear tank tops guys. People are only going to ask you directions to one thing and that's the bar. Or a gun show. Or a party. A gun show would be.

No it's not a real gun show juice. Talking about my big arms. Oh yeah because you're big arms. Okay yeah I was good. Hold on I'm writing a note to myself about the good joke you did. Who needs guns? I have these big arms and my and then I would cock my bicep like it was like a gun. Like you would like break your arm? Yeah I bend it. Bend it 90 degrees but then I bend it right back. And what comes out of my elbow? A little cannon. A lead a battle angel too. Griffin is him. Hey what's going on with that fucking? Hey Robert. Hey Robert. Hey I've been seeing commercials and it kind of looks like those you know there's like we turn the Simpsons into real people and this is what it looks like. It's kind of like that and I don't think that movie should

be allowed to come out. No one asked me about it and I just am not sure that it should come out because I've been seeing a lot of pictures from it Rob and I'm just not sure but I don't know. Well there goes that sponsorship. Let's try with the other ones I guess. I just hopped on Rotten Tomatoes to see if Elito is getting scores yet. There's a movie coming out called What Men Want. With Taraji P. Henson. Yeah that looks cool. I wonder how many of these great questions it's going to have in it. How many of these great icebreakers? Probably a lot. Probably a summer one. If you could design a tree house what would it look like that kind of thing. Mm-hmm. You know it would be a my tree house. Go for it. What's that? A Casper

mattress. Okay. And listen I know you're saying Travis how would you get a mattress up a tree? It would be easy because one I'd have a really cool pulley system. It would be very Swiss family Robinson but also they come in boxes and you cut them open and it goes and becomes a full-sized mattress like the raft in Indiana Jones of the Temple of Doom. So that's cool. Very cool. Also they're incredibly comfortable. I notice whenever we tour or travel or whatever and I sleep on a mattress that isn't my Casper mattress like I legitimately notice a decrease in the quality of my sleep. And they have free shipping and returns in the US and Canada and no hassle returns. So you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100 night risk free sleep on it trial. So you

can sleep on it for 100 nights and then on like night 100 be like no you know what forget this and you can send it back no hassle. But don't do that. That's that's that's not right. No don't do it. Don't do this. But you can also get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting Casper.com slash brother and using promo code brother at checkout that's Casper.com slash brother with the promo code brother for $50 towards select mattresses terms and conditions apply. And you get our personal guarantee you're going to have way more wet dreams than one of these bad boys. Yeah wet dreams and dreams. A 400% increase at least or our money back. Yes and I can give you a Travis McGarrett guarantee that one of the Hemsworths has slept on this mattress before it

got to you. Federal. Hey federal communications commission. That's a Travis McGarrett guarantee it's not legally binding. Federal communications commission you're listening to this one now. What's up. It's Goose. You know what if the SEC find us for you guaranteeing 400% increase in wet dreams I would wear that fine like a badge of honor. Stitch fix. I'm not going to lie about stitch fix. I'm only going to say true things but every single article of clothing I've ever received from them has a retail price of $15,000. And I don't know how they're selling it to me for they all cost seven cents and it seems to me. Oh Justin this one feels bad. No it's not true. Hold on. If you would like to start filling out your wardrobe but you're bad at picking out clothes

I get it. I've known a lot of people like that but but you don't have to live like a sloppy boy or girl or non-gender binary adhering individual any longer. No you can turn to stitch fix. I'm going to give them your measurements. You can tell them a little bit about some of the environments you find yourself in your day to day and then they're going to get you some looks and you're going to tell them what you think about those looks. Keep only the ones that you like and those are the only ones that you are going to be paying for and then your stylist, your personal stylist, is going to get feedback about what you like and don't like. In that next box it's going to be even better and so on

and so forth. The ones you don't like by the way you can exchange and return those. It's always free. There's no shipping fee and there's the styling fee, the fee for your own personal stylist. It's only 20 bucks and that gets applied towards anything you keep from your shipment so like no worries. Get started now at stitchfix.com slash my brother and you'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all the items in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash my brother to get started today stitchfix.com slash my brother. Can we just do a quick stitch check? My pants. Stitch. My shirt. Stitch. My pants are stitch and my over sweater is stitch. My jeans are stitch and my shirt says Hills is where the toys are. Didn't get it from stitch.

Oh wait can we go back? My pants are stitch and my tiny blue alien is stitch. Great Traff. That's good. That's just good. Okay. I'm glad we went back to pick that up. I would have felt terrible for days. Moving on. Not all heroes wear capes. Some heroes watch war movies and then review them. Friendly Fire is a war movie podcast for people who don't necessarily like war movies although it does not exclude people who love war movies. I'll have you know that I am wearing a cape. My cape is just made of sound deadening material from an audio recording studio. It's a really great show. John's daughter doesn't like it because we sometimes say swear words on it but almost everybody else that has ever listened to it has enjoyed the program.

Download and subscribe to Friendly Fire wherever you get your podcasts. To the victor go to spoiler alerts. I want a munch. I want too much. Took it into a minor key. The big game's coming up folks and I am. It was yesterday. Coming up next year. Super Bowl 34. Just 364 days away. Almost certainly we're not at 34 are we? 54. Super Bowl 54. Coming up real quick. I can't wait to watch it to see who's in it. Bojangles is cashing in on. We can't say super. Have you all ever known anyone so terrified to say anything as people are to say the Super Bowl? I know I'm just saying it but

what happens? It must be real bad, huh? There must be really aggressive about that because people work really hard not to say it. I think probably not us though. I think we're probably fine. I think the Super Bowl, yeah I said it, should all Super Bowl send out an email that says hey also the big game now. You can't say that one anymore and now you have to call it the Super Bowl from now on. The football party call it that or nothing. So Bojangles just competitive hugging. Bojangles adds an MVP to his lineup just in time for the Super Bowl. I added it. Not Bojangles. Come after me lawyers. The caption on this photo which is the biggest pile of chicken I've ever seen in my entire life says Bojangles encourage you. The name is plural. The entity is singular and

so it says Bojangles encourage you to call ahead to pre-order your 50-piece Chicken Supremes or Homestyle Tender Platter or Call of Duty Black Ops 5. Pre-order anything you want when you call Bojangles. We don't give a shit. All great teams update their playbook before the big game. All the teams update their playbook before the big game. That's why Bojangles is adding a new play just in time for this Sunday's showdown. A 50-piece Chicken Supremes platter available for $49.99. Do that math. It's a buck. A tender. A buck o'clock. A buck o'clock. This Sunday I participate. Holy fuck. A buck o'clock. It's this Sunday I participate. Bojangles. Check your luck. A buck o'clock. Packed with your choice of our popular, perfectly seasoned Chicken Supremes or our mild flavorful

Homestyle Tenders. Hey y'all, I don't know if you got Bojangles around you. One of those is spicy and fuck me if I could ever remember which one it is. There's a 50-piece platter. It also comes with 12 delectable sauces. Get your dip on. Woof. Oh man. Get your dip on with our classic ranch, tangy barbecue, Zesty Bo's special sauce gross, and of course that irresistible Bojangles Honey Mustard. Any good coach. I mean Bojangles is making a lot of sense about its knowledge of sports. Any good coach knows it's important to get your play in early and you can do the same. What? Hey you heard me. Start. Go. Go, go, go. All right guys, first down. Let's go for that field goal. First down. Better puns it. Get that play in early though. Don't twist it. Never expect it.

You can call your local Bojangles today to pre-order your platter for Sunday. You may be mad at me for telling you this after the Super Bowl, but I'm doing it for your own good. I always assume with these there's some small percentage of the audience that will say, buck o'clock, huh? Don't matter if it do. So I've just saved you from that. You're welcome. Packed with, let's say, quote, a Bojangles 50 piece platter will always win your game day gatherings. Most valuable platter award says Randy Poindexter, Senior Vice President of Marketing for Bojangles. Hey, I win over all the platters and Bojangles, you win most valuable platter. But wait, I baked brownies myself. That doesn't matter. Bojangles.

Spend 50 bucks on this, buck o'clock. Buck o'clock. Most valuable. This is a $50 retail price. I could take this out on the street and wholesale it for $75. Easy, no problem. Our Supremes and Homestyle Tenders are so delicious, you might even need to bring along a second platter for your group of monsters. It doesn't say of monsters, but hey, I don't care how many people are gathered in the Lord's name and by the Lord, I mean the Super Bowl. They shouldn't eat more than 50 chickens in. Yeah, this is my best friend. I hope you don't mind. I brought him to the game. He's a kiddie pool full of hydrochloric acid.

I brought this chipper shatter. I don't know. So if you don't mind, I'm just going to karate kick the leg of this table off, and then just let everything slope down into it. This is my uncle. He's a hole. So just a check. You did buy two of these platters, right? Because whole uncle wants to. Yeah, okay. He's got to grub down too. Get creative with your chicken Supremes or Homestyle Tenders. Check out Bojangles' Tailgate Hacks to learn how you can use Bojangles menu items as a base for creating

your own craveable game day recipes. So here is what Bojangles is presumed to tell you. You can take the things that we made and make them good for game day time. Wait, what are they suggesting? They're suggesting Tailgate Hacks, Griffin. Just so that doesn't mean anything to me. That sounds like some sort of cybermancer is trying to gain access to my station wagon through the rear. So here's the thing that's troubling. The press release says that you can check out the Bojangles Tailgate Hacks,

but that information is not available anywhere on the internet. I am currently very challenged by this Bojangles Tailgate Hack thing, because they do say that it is... Okay, okay. Okay, there's a Facebook page. Did you find the Facebook page? Yeah, I found the Facebook page. I got some YouTube's here from the Bo channel. Let's see. Or with some guacamole. I'm going to tell you this one. It's Buffalo Chicken Crescent Ring.

Okay, so the person's made a huge sort of sunburst out of croissant wedges. It's like a flower shape. And then they take a bunch of chicken off of three chicken breasts. Okay, then they dump in a bunch of hot sauce into them. I bet they're going to stir them. Yep, yep. They're stirring it, folks. They're stirring it up. Oh, an entire brick of cream cheese. Two... One container of Bojangles Ranch. No, sorry. Two containers of Bojangles Ranch sauce.

They combined those and... No, don't mix them to... No, they're mixing them together. Oh, Christ. Now they've made a ring of it and it's inside the croissant. And now they've topped it with cheese. How could you? And now they're folding up the edges to make a big slowdown. I'm writing this down. A big stinky ring of chicken.

And they've got more ranch for dipping because fuck you. This video came out November 17th, 2018 on the Bojangles Official Channel. And I am the 88th person to ever see it. Oh, no. How is this possible? Oh, no. How is it possible that there are only 88 views of this video? More than 88 people made it.

I'm looking at a different one where they've made a sort of bruschetta out of Bojangles Potato Rounds. And this one's got... It came out same date. 78 views on this one. Hashtag Saturday, hashtag food hack. These are so good. Hashtag football, hashtag tailgate with hashtag Bojangles, hashtag potato rounds. Yes, please, hashtag the first empty dish at the tailgate.

We are your tailgate HQ. Hashtag long live the tailgate. Go get you some. Do they really need the hashtag potato rounds there? As though if I wanted to find something about potatoes, I couldn't simply search the word potatoes. And that would probably bring up everything about potatoes. Let's all silently find this Facebook video.

I have not posted on Facebook since the birth of my son. I'm going to go ahead and share this now. I've just shared it now, and I will let you all know in real time how much social media traction I get with this video on my time. I want... Can I push this a little further Griffin? Yeah. I want everyone to share it. I want everyone to go to the Bojangles page.

And we're going to make... Yeah, you can find it easy. Just search hashtag potato. Everybody... I've shared it on my timeline. Everybody should go find this fucking vid and share it. And just start commenting on it. We'll be responding to questions throughout the week. We'll be doing an AMA.

What are you doing? We own the comments on this bitch now. These are ours. Lovin' this. Hey, I just commented. Lovin' this one. So that's the comments from me, Griffin. If you want to comment...

Yeah, let me get on yours. You get this reply to my comment. That we did on the... On the potato post. People are gonna... I don't know. Okay. My football guys love this one.

Oh, that's great. Man, this video is going to be viral all of a sudden. And I feel pretty good that if you're the person that made it, you're going to have a kick-ass week because of it. You're going to think that you finally had an impact. I mean, you did. You did. You did.

This ain't artificial. You did it. Okay, is there... Should I do a yahoo? Yeah. Or is there more? I mean, I had... There's other things where I feel like we've spent too much time on the Munch Squad already.

So we'll just move on. I got one here that was sent in by Adrienne Cowles. Thank you so much, Adrienne. It's yahooanswersuserwindow who asks, Is it rude to look at other people's shopping at the supermarket? Wait, have we talked about this before? Sorry, I was distracted because I'm sharing the link to the potatoes thing on my Twitter.

But with no comments whatsoever. It's got to be Facebook. It's got to be Facebook. I want it to be... It's got to be Facebook. Well, I'm sharing the link to the Facebook page. Okay, it'll be fully five days before this episode comes out. Yeah, that's a long time to wait for... But hey, bud, it's your Twitter.

Thank you. So is it rude to look at other people's shopping in the supermarket? I love looking at other people's shopping in the supermarket, but I hate when they look at mine, but everybody's looking all day, all the time, right? Yes, yes. When I roll pat, my favorite thing to do is to try to like

show a lock of thing and be like, Oh, they're going to make, I don't know, barbecue or what? Or they have diarrhea or whatever as you walk past and you look at the car and you're like, Oh, they're, I don't know, planning a big weekend with a college friend that they haven't seen in a decade. Yeah, the Mario Party minigame version of this is at CVS.

When you see me and I've got special orders, sort of these big boxes of emotium. And so you see me walk up and you know, sort of what my whole story is. But at the grocery store, I mostly try to just try to play a game of just like, are you being a healthy boy? Because that's really all I can get.

I don't like to snoop in there a lot, but I can tell like, I can tell, I can tell. If I see a lot of stuff from the produce section, I'm like, you're just bragging now. My worry is always that when I buy something with toilet paper, the people who see it are going to assume that whatever it is makes me poop. Yeah.

Well, if I buy a symphony bar and toilet paper, I would assume we're going to get symphony bars. You know what's heartbreaking? We've definitely talked about that. That's what I was going to say. This is the, I don't want to have another Hakuna Matata Bugs moment, but Justin is definitely talking about his fear

of buying stuff with toilet paper for the fear that it would make people think whatever he was buying. Okay. Yeah. Let's do it, dear friend. Well, that's why I like to buy all that stuff, the sort of unspeakable stuff in one lump sum, so I'll get toilet paper and Jimmy Caps and everything.

And then you don't know what kind of fucking day I'm having. I hate the feeling of buying 18-year-olds of toilet paper, like when I'm at the store, but there's not a quicker emotional flip I go through than buying 18-year-olds of toilet paper at the store and feeling like a bad person to seeing 18-year-olds of toilet paper in my whole closet, and I feel bulletproof.

Nothing could touch me then. Look at all this fucking toilet paper I have. I'm good for whatever happens. I'm so loaded. I'll never have to think about toilet paper again. Ever, ever, ever, never again. That explains why you keep calling your closet the panic room, and it just falls out the bottom of toilet paper.

So I'd say what I like seeing is just a lot of one thing in somebody's cart, just like chock full of activity, and it's good for you. Whenever I see something like that where someone's like, they got the ingredients to say make pancakes, but times 50, where I'm like, you are doing a charity fundraiser for something, and I support you.

And what never crosses my mind is that person fucking loves pancakes. Loves them, has to have activity. I noticed the thing that I think the thing I've seen the most in this situation is party pizzas. You see college kids, and they've got like 50 party pizzas in there, and they've got to look on their face like they're about to pull the heist of the century. Nobody can tell me how to live anymore, Dad.

99 cents for a whole pizza? I'm a savvy shower now. Their dad bod hasn't fully sort of formed yet. Hasn't really gested. There is a perfect three years where you have the money to buy party pizza and the physical ability to do so. Yes. And this is why they make carts so big and so fucking see-through

is so that everybody can scope out each other, everybody can clock each other's sort of needs without being like super, super obvious about it. It's really good people watching. Let me give you a number one Travis Shabing hack. This is why every softening just grab, like you're going to grab some like pickled onions. You're just going to grab something, right?

Three or four of them. But you're going to hand it back to the cashier when you get up there and say, oh, I changed my mind. I don't want these pickled onions. And that's going to keep the looky loose. I see. I'm guessing about what's going on.

And they're like, oh, pickled onions. What's he doing? Oh, those weren't my pickled onions. See, I like decoy. I like to go and get some. Also, it makes more work for the people who work at the grocery store. I bet they appreciate it.

I like to swing by the butcher, get some of that good sort of parchment, and line my cart with it. That's what I do. That's for now you can't see inside. This is my stuff. And you can also draw on it. You can draw for the kids.

Which is fun for, well, and for me. I like to put a hole in the bottom of my shopping cart for trash and claws and buns. So as I'm, as I'm eating my way through the grill. Oh, Justin. What? What's up? They don't, there's no way.

Man, we've talked a lot about shoplifting or lifting, as the lifting community calls it. But we've never really talked about food lifting before. There's, I've already used it up. You can't get this out of me. That's good stuff. You can pull the watch out of my pocket, you can't pull the Activia out of my GI tract.

Because it's already doing its great work in there. Hey, I'm going to give, I don't know, Kroger or Meyer or whoever's listening, a million billion dollar idea. Put little like self checkout throughout the store. So then as I'm walking, I'm like, I want to tear into these cheez-its right now. I can just scan it and pop the fiver in and then just start eating them.

Boom, my receipt, look out. Let's add back into the economy, Travis. We can have like a patients associate who goes around and if they see you sort of, you know, slavering over your own cart, they see you and like, can't wait to crack into that dry tortellini, huh? I feel you.

You want me to beep that out for you? And then you can beep it out and then you can have yourself a time. And we'll have private booths for you to do this work in. Yes. Oh, I like that. And you set me up with like a little camp stove and a pot of water

and I can have that tortellini right now. You get me a bic lighter and a can of Coke. I'll tortellini those up for you. My local Kroger has a program where you can have old cookies sitting out on the deli counter. There's a container of yesterday's cookies that is free, for the kids. And I talked to this outreach program

up to my four-year-old daughter, Charlie, a lot and because it was the first time we had Conor Kroger, I think. And I said, they got this thing, they used to have the same as a kid, where they would have like free cookies. So I rolled back to the counter of the deli and there's no container of cookies. And everyone working at the counter

is like 20 feet away from the counter. So I started standing there with like a casual kind of talking to my daughter about, huh, I guess there's no cookies, sweetheart. But I realized this wasn't loud enough to get the attention of anybody. So then I start talking louder. Well, sweetie, I guess they don't have any free cookies.

I'm sorry. I guess they don't have any this time. And then the person working the counter 20 feet away looks up at me, takes off their gloves and start walking up and I'm like, oh no, oh no, oh no, I don't want, this is too involved. Oh no. And they said, what do you need?

And I said, free cookies. As I said, it's completely blank. Like, of course you'd like some free cookies. Sir, this is a store. Everything is purchased here. I cut, I cut pigs. What are you talking about? I'm the pig cutter.

I have no jurisdiction over cookie prices. So, okay, for future reference, if you do go to Crocker, the free cookies are at the bakery counter. That's where you're going to want to go for that. You don't want to go to the place where they cut the meat. And ask for any cookies because you will be an embarrassment to your child and your brothers. And the audience of people, I'm assuming at this point.

So, I guess this is my roundabout way of saying I'm super sorry to Crocker and everybody. And I'm just really sorry. I've just realized that, oh no, this has become too involved. Could also be like the macaroy motto on our crest of arms. Folks, thanks for hanging out with us. We've sure appreciated our time with you. We hope you've enjoyed yourself.

We are, yes, we have one last chance to you to pitch our shows in Birmingham, Alabama, and New Orleans, Louisiana. These are going to be happening this week, as you listen to this. On February the 7th, we're going to be in Birmingham, Alabama, at the Alabama Theater. And on the 9th, we're going to be doing the Adventure Zone at the Orpheum in New Orleans. The 10th, we're going to be doing My Brother, My Brother Meat in New Orleans.

Both of those My Brother, My Brother Meat shows will have saw bones and shmanners opening up for them. So, it's a huge value. Come see them. Come see us. Also, go ahead and start sending in your questions for those if you haven't already. Make sure to put New Orleans or Birmingham in the subject line.

And I'm just going to go ahead and tell you to send in those yahoos too. Am I right, Griffin? Yes, please, please, please. If you go to McElroy.Family and click tours, you can get tickets for those shows. I think they're going to be very fun. And we would love to see you there. So, please come out for those. And while you're at it, just poke around McElroy.Family.

You can also find links to our merch and to our other projects, including video stuff, like episodes of Monster Factory. There should be a new one up by the time you hear this. So, go check that out. Thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed, which is a bop. And also, thank you to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. You can go to Maximum Fun, check out all the great shows there.

Lots of new additions to the network. Very exciting. All at MaximumFun.org. And do y'all want that final? You know I do. Yes. This final yahoo was sent in by Sid Ross. Thank you, Sid.

It is an anonymous yahoo answers user. I'm gonna call Preston. Asks. Can 38 year olds listen to Slipknot? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. And my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hi, I'm Viz. And I'm Teresa.

And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Whether you are a parent or just no kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. I'm just gonna end with this. Everybody, you're doing a remarkable job of swimming through the shit show that is parenting. So join us each week as we judge Aless, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job.

Find us on MaximumFun.org on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.