My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 449: The Cable Pie

Episode Date: March 4, 2019

Just in case you happen to physically see us sometime in the next few months, you might want to listen to this one, just to explain the beautiful, grime-free spaces between our pressure-blasted choppers. Gosh. GOSH, those teeth spaces, though. Suggested talking points: Waterpik Watch, Breakfast Break and Enter, Nintendo Nephew Dog, Romance Novel Deception, Jim Carrey Party, Farm Wisdom: Down Under, Karaoke Lessons

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and my vice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. I'm sorry, I can't contain myself anymore. Hearing that amazing annunciation and addiction,

you got the lips, the tip of the tongue, there's no Cheetos residue in there blocking the sound waves. The teeth, it's pick watch 2019. Had the water pick for a little over two weeks or so, sitting in the Amazon box, and I looked at it every day and said, not yet, not yet, not yet, but I had about 10 minutes to kill just before recording, and I got in there, and I just super soaked the heck out of it. I had a lot of trepidation the first time I used my water pick, because I was fairly sure that there was, there's definitely a pressure at which you know you're going to rip it up in there, and you're just sticking this tube in your mouth and going for it. Yeah, I'm just worried that if I ever used one, I would accidentally set it to

sand blaster, and it would just tear both the enamel and then everything underneath the enamel, it just straight out of my mouth. But I got to say, refreshing other than the horrible pain of pressure washing my inside skin, I got to say the results, folks, I saw a little bit of taste station come out of there, and yeah, those haven't even been around since like 1999. Do you think if we mentioned taste stations enough, eventually the company will just give us the IP? I don't think it exists. Wait, who owned, is that Nestle? That's Hershey's, if memory yes. But anyway, I used the water pick today, and my congressional Medal of Honor has yet to appear, and I'm confused about that. It's so strange. Yeah, or at least a big boy sticker.

Griffin, I do need to know when you said the pain in your mouth of blasting your inside skin. Blasting it. How can you compare that? I've never used a water pick. Could you compare that level of pain to something for me? Have you ever used one of those massage chairs at the airport that have the balls in it that go in? Imagine just putting your teeth right into one of those somehow, like sort of sitting on it teeth first, and just sort of get over the hygiene issues associated with that, but physically that's sort of the feel that we're talking about. I don't care for that. And then the water, there's a sort of manners issue of what you do with the water as it's being blasted in. You don't want anybody to see the unsightly side of you getting on in there and

just dribbling water out of your mouth like some sort of sea monster. So do you swallow it all? The answer is yes, and it's bad. Now, I just assumed that as you did it, you would kind of keep your mouth open, and it would just be like pouring from you like a character in a sci-fi show that was drowning on dry land. Sure, like a human water feature situation. Yeah, but folks close your mouth tight around it, it'll blast out your nose, and then it'll do a number on the sizes. But I have so much air moving between my, there, the gaps between my teeth are so big, and I'd never appreciated it. The space between. Yeah, there's a little dye. Let him keep going. That's all the words I know. That's all the words he knows,

because it's the only words in the song. I used my water pick today. Let's not lose the point of this. We can make jokes, but I used my water pick today. Where is that? We need a combo t-shirt. I used my water pick today, and hey, I might go eat some charcuterie later. What's up? Like just a two, and then once the charcuterie is trapped in my teeth, I'll use the water pick again in a never-ending cycle until one day I die. My favorite part is that the sort of relationship I've built and how it's evolved with my dentist, who at my first cleaning was like, oh my god, because it had been a while since my last confession. And then every sort of, you know, six months or so, he would be like, wow, you really need to floss,

and he'd be like, you should really be flossing, or at the very least go get a water pick. And then like on my last appointment, he was like, I know you're not going to floss. I give up, go buy a water pick. And then I used it two weeks later. Are you sort of hesitant to use the teeth again? You kind of hate too, because it's like, I'll be honest. Yeah, a little bit. And I'm trying. Perfect. Yeah, so I'm trying to figure out if there's other holes I can get the food in. If there's other sort of stuff I can do. Yes, there are other places to put the food. There's got to be other places I can get the food in. And I know the first thing you're going to laugh and joke about for this scuzzy podcast is my ass. I would never. I was going to say you

could freeze dry it, crush it up, snort it right up your nose. That's now we're going somewhere with that. Yeah. I'm trying to, I'm trying to think outside the bun, Griffin. I'm not just going to say ass. I'm going to put it up your elbow, put the food over your ass. Just put it like a pickle up your butt. I would never say that. Never say that. But it's disgusting. If you wanted to nose boof some frozen shark, you read, then I don't think there's a law against that. I have an exciting, an exciting new feature for the podcast that I'd like to pivot seamlessly into before, because Griffin mentioned taste stations. And half an hour ago. Half an hour ago. My mind has been on taste stations. And this feature, I think I'm going to call it where is it now?

And this is a feature where people on the internet talk about a thing that they miss very dearly. And we can all share in that with them and be there and bond with them. And this is a thread from the straight dope. Are you guys down with this? Are you feeling this right now? Are you asking? Are you down with me? Are you asking us or is this part of the content? Yes. Yes. I'm asking you. Okay. Yes. Let's go. Are we go? Are we good? Yes. Good. Yes. Travis, verbal confirmation. Yes. I guess, Justin, this is from the straight dope. Wolfmeister, February 27th. Holy fucking shit. Today, the day we're recording this, exactly the day 15 years ago. 2004. Granted, this is not the most pressing matter of the day,

but I'm sure it's important to some people. I visited the Hershey's website in 2004. And they don't even list it as one of their products. On message boards, it is rumored to have been discontinued. Of course, the only message board that matters is the straight dope message board. So, are Hershey's Tastations discontinued? I find it hard to believe these things are unpopular. IMHO, these are far better than Werther's, which are incredibly overrated. Whoa. Get them. Fuck. If Tastations. Shots fired. Have been discontinued. Is there anything similar out there? Werther. You know what I think of Werther's. They say it right here. You know what I think of Werther's. All right. And then, a day later, they say, well, there's no responses,

okay? A day later. Well, I see my posting has gone from relative obscurity to total oblivion. Whoa. Some of the dopers here must have a sweet tooth. Is it anyone else a fan of these candies? Free range maniac falls up. I'm sure I've seen them up here. I work in a large chain drugstore, so I'll have a look and see if I'm right. Maybe they just discontinued them in the States. I know you have candy and chocolate we've never seen in Canada. Paul in Qatar says, what were they? Wolfmeister, the original. Paul Tastations are, perhaps were, a great tasting hard candy sold in bags of about one pound. They came in a lot of flavors, butterscotch, caramel, and so on. To me.

No, stop. That was it. Those are the only two. You don't, there's butterscotch, chocolate, and caramel. So there's not a so on. There's three total. To be, and a lot of other people, they were the greatest tasting candy ever made. Wait, they weren't, I'm sorry. There wasn't like a strawberry and cream one? What am I thinking of? There was like a hard candy that was like a swirl. Yeah, I'm not sure about that. I don't know. Okay. So, free range renaissance. Yeah, I checked today. They're being discontinued. Maybe they're more popular in Canada. That was February 28th, 2004. October 24th, 2012. Anodomni, 2012. Chuckles 14901.

It's coughing. The dust. What's this old post? Look, I could just make it out. Some of the inscriptions here. It's about taste stations. I gotta get my two cents on these. Hold on a second. Tap, tap, tap. There are a few candies as delicious as the taste stations. The mint was smooth and refreshing. The caramel is tasty, but there's only one candy that ever made chocolate. Taste stations. No one has made such a delicious candy as the chocolate, which tastes like dark chocolate or fudge. It is wondrous. My heart is breaking. I would love it if I could find a place that still sells them for shipment to the States. I would pay $10 a bag of mint and chocolate

taste stations. Shipping and handling not included. So, you can reach through time and find taste stations. This cat will pay you $10 for a bag, just not going to cover the shipping and handling. This is see a need, fill a need kind of deal. I'm saying maybe the next MacRoy endeavor isn't a podcast, isn't a TV show, isn't a graphic novel, but it's taste stations. If we're making 10 bucks a pound on these things, no, this is breaking bad too. We got that crunchy brown. We get some people to build some compartments into their fenders on their old jalapes, have them drive them down. Maybe we make them up in Canada, and then they drive them down to the States. We sell them there, and then we fly the money down to, I don't know, Cuba, maybe, and we buy more

ingredients there, and the cycle continues. That taste stations money, baby. That was a lot of taste stations talk. Bring it back. But I think in the meantime, we should do a question. I love that, Griffin. You read my mind, basically. I was on a three hour drive this morning when I got hungry. I spotted a sign on the highway for a hotel chain that I knew had free breakfast. I like whatever you're doing here, Justin. This is a very like noir kind of reading you're doing. I was on a three hour drive. I think it's appropriate. I think it's appropriate question. I didn't know that going in, but I feel I feel good about it. It really works. Wanting to save a few dollars. I stopped at the hotel and walked into the lobby pretending I was

a guest. I went straight to the breakfast bar and helped myself to biscuits and gravy. I don't know if it was paranoia or if it was legitimate. But as I was eating, I got the feeling the hotel staff knew I wasn't supposed to be there. Unlikely. I was the only person in the breakfast area. After seeing three of the hotel staff talk quietly to each other and look my way, I gulped down what was left of my orange juice and made a run for it. I went out the hotel side of the door as to avoid walking by the lobby. And thus the staff turns out the side door led directly to the outdoor pool. Keep reading. There is a fence surrounding the pool that is too high to jump. And because I'm not a guest at the hotel, I don't have a key to get back in and look for

another exit. I'm stuck. Help. What do I do? That's from being caught stealing and batting rouge and you deserve whatever you have received here. I actually, I've got a great suggestion. Go to jail. Go to jail. Go to jail for the crime you did. You fucked up this whole thing. You couldn't at least like go to the bathroom for like an hour and then walk in from the bathroom and go eat. The reason they know that you're there, that you're not a guest at the hotel, is because you walked in from out. They saw you park your car, come into the hotel and eat their pancakes and then drink your juice really fast as you looked around at them nervously and then sprinted out the side door to just like go take a fever dip. You fucked up every step of this

heist and you need to go to jail for it. And while you're there, you can reflect on how to do better heists. You know where they got a lot of free breakfast? Jail. Jail at it. Yeah. You know, all of free meals. One time when mom and dad were visiting a Norman, Oklahoma where I went to college boomer sooner, they were like, yeah, you and your friends come over. I think Brent went with me and they said, and we'll get breakfast. And when we got to the hotel to meet them, they just took us over to the continental breakfast there at the hotel. And I'm pretty sure that isn't how it works. I did eat it. I was very hungry. I was in college, but I still feel tricked by dad and by extension mom, like saying like, we'll get you breakfast by which I mean,

best Western will get you breakfast. Yeah. Eat up. They got it. They got it to you. You had it. But that's like saying, hey, do you want to go get lunch? Cool. Let's break into my neighbor's house and I'll see if I have any sandwiches. Not at all like that. That's breaking and entering. The other one is a bending. They're not a breaking of policy. It's a bending and entering. If you were going to, if you were going to kick in the doors of this hotel, if you were going to plant a C4 charge on the front door of this hotel and smash and grab some pancakes, I'm not against, you know me. If you're trying to save a buck with a little harmless steel, I'm all for it. I love it. But like, you would have been better served planting a demolition

charge on the front door of the hotel, throwing in a smoke grenade, running in, grabbing, you know, four muffins and running out. You did a bad, bad, bad job. Especially once you introduced that the food you ate was biscuits and gravy. If you ate some like, you grabbed an individual like container of Lucky Charms or you grabbed a frozen Danish that had been thawed out, that's fine. I've made those biscuits and gravy. Yeah, absolutely. I, but, but it's also the, it's, you know what's wild about it? Travis, thank you. The, the, something about it had been bothering me and it's only now occurred to me. I, the fact that you sat down, you, you motherfucker, you didn't just want to steal. You wanted to sit there and fucking relish it. There's never,

I've never been to a continental breakfast where you could not have swooped a banana, some yogurt, a Danish, some, uh, uh, uh, I don't know, even a mouthful of bacon. I mean, whatever, whatever it is, you could have been in and out before they even registered your presence. But no, you wanted to sit down and really enjoy the ambiance of the, uh, the Holiday Inn Express. And as long as we're just doubling down on being angry at you, our listener, the last sentence here about, uh, turns out the side door. I'm assuming is now a skeleton. Yes. In the backyard of the, of the Holiday Inn. The side door leads to the outdoor pool. There's a fence too high to jump and I do not have the key to look for another exit. I feel like I'm

playing fucking Zork. I don't know what else is there. I can't send in my answer by mail. Right. Do you have a Holocaust cloak? Do you have a wheelbarrow or a deck chair? Something that could build an escape way out of here. Uh, let's do a Yahoo. I'm so mad. No, hold on. Can you, can you, uh, we don't often ask for follow-ups, but I would like a follow-up that, a detailed beat by beat, how the conversation of you offering to reimburse them for the biscuits and gravy went like, excuse me, what are you doing out here? Uh, yes. Uh, I stole your breakfast. Okay, cool. You're going to have to rent a room now to justify eating our breakfast. How about I, okay, let's play a game. I, and I don't want, let's send jokes out of the room.

This is a skill testing, um, puzzle for you. You are going to steal the breakfast. You're not a guest at the hotel, but you have to talk to the staff first to, before you can, um, steal breakfast. What is the lie you're going to make up? You can't say you're a guest. Are you ready? This is what I would do. I'm going to be checking in later, but I know that check in isn't until three o'clock. Would it be all right if I went ahead and grabbed something from the breakfast? If I smash and grab some, I mean, I just grabbed. I didn't mean to say smash and grab. Can I break an enter into your breakfast place and have the food? I promise I will get you back later at three when I definitely stay here. Here's my ID. This is

a Pokemon card. Rubble, rubble. My pockets are full of yogurt. You missed it. You'll never catch it now. My dad was robbing you fucking blind of Danish while you were talking to me. All this trick in the book. Yeah, it's rough. So, uh, how about that? Yahu now? Yeah, I guess. Here's one. I was sent in by Emma Kant. Thank you, Emma. It's the Yahu Answers user. Round square. Who asks? Okay. Come on. How do I make other dogs respect my dog? My dog lacks confidence and is clearly not an alpha male. He acts submissive towards other dogs and tired of defending him all the time. How do I teach him to defend himself so he won't be bullied anymore? Oh, okay. You probably, the question I get probably means

physically defending him, not like when your dog walks away saying like, Hey guys, he's doing his best. Yeah. Hey, can we all just be cool with Ralph? How do I make other dogs respect my dog who I have to defend with my human abilities? The obvious answer is you're going to dress up like a dog. And then when, when your dog comes around, you're going to act all scared of that dog and be like, Oh, I wouldn't mess with that dog. Right. See this guy over here. Oh, he's rough. And then the other dogs will be like, Are you the actual Scooby-Doo? And you're like, Yes. And then you let your dog kick your own ass. He's my cousin. Scooby-Doo is my cousin and I got a dad that works at Nintendo. That dog just beat up Scooby-Doo's cousin and Jim Tendo's son. This new dog is

cool as hell, guys. His cousin is Scooby-Doo and his dad works at Nintendo. Why is that other dog picking on him? Hey, Jerk, at least Scooby-Doo's cousin alone. Back off of our new best friend, Scooby-Doo's cousin, we respect you. Oh, I was just about to show you guys my four skateboards, but it looks like I can get my ass kicked by this big cool dog. That's backfired. My plan. That's the one I didn't see it. No, that's working. It's working as intended because the big cool dog is your dog. How did you guys lose the plot that fast? No, we didn't lose the plot. They love Scooby-Doo's cousin. They don't want to see him beat up. That's the fiction that develops. Everybody liked the new dog, the new giant dog, the new man sized dog so much.

Well, then you show up the next day and you're horribly injured and cool dog, your dog, has taken care of you and is nursing you back to health. You know what? I like that cool dog. He brings Scooby-Doo's Nintendo cousin around. That's nice. We hung out our differences. Yeah, we figured it out together. Maybe we go the other way then and opposite of my plan and you dress your dog up like a human and then teach them to walk on two legs and then you bring him around and like all dogs, I think, instantly have some form of respect for a human. I think that's a good part. And then you get him a fake ID that's old enough to buy beer. Other dogs are going to be so fucking stoked. Yeah, because dogs, I don't know of a dog old enough to buy beer. I don't think there's ever

been a 21-year-old dog. That's the dog dream. Every dog is like, if one of us could just make it to 21, we don't need a fucking smoking jerry. No, I mean for a dog that is three. So a three-year-old dog could stumble into a super America and say, let me get that high life, please. Yeah, I mean, Jack, you gotta get your dog jacked. You gotta get your dog fucking diesel, yoked huge. And I don't know how you do that. I don't know how you do that. I don't know if there's dog gyms. I know you can take them somewhere to train them for Westminster and all that. But I don't know how you get them. There's no ninja warrior gyms for dogs, I don't think. I was a dog trainer for a while, and I don't know the answer to this question.

Can dogs develop new muscle? And I'm terrified of this. I mean, if you crank them full a pure way and get them pulling tires, doing some CrossFit five to seven hours, five days a week, then they'll die. So don't do that. But there's got to be another way. Oh, I know. I freaking got it. Oh, you put the mask on them. Oh. From the mask. Okay. Capital T, capital M, the mask. Or the son of mask when the dog gets it on and gets really, really big. I think the dog gets on in both of them, Griffin. So either one, you are correct. Somebody stop him. Somebody stop him indeed. He's peeing all over everyone. And his pee is so hard, it's like a firehouse. It's so powerful. It has killed Jamie Kennedy.

We are down one lead actor. Please, somebody save Jamie Kennedy from that dog. Did that dog just piss so hard that Jamie Kennedy died? That's a cool dog. Not another Kennedy. That there is an elf. Did you know that Jamie Kennedy is Robert Kennedy and John F. Kennedy's little brother? Did you know that? I did not know that. He's the last one. I started a new job about five months ago. And one of my coworkers and I started bonding over mediocre romance novels hot. The problem is I haven't read it any since middle school because they're so heteronormative, not hot. But I remember a lot about them because my mom still loves to read them all.

My coworker is in her sixties and she's just happy to have something to talk about. So I didn't mention this. Two months ago, she recommended this series of 20-ish books that she has all of and offered to lend me the first one. I accepted with no intention of reading it and returned it after a week saying it was really good. Oh no. God damn it. You have to come to us before you fuck up. This is the breaking into the hotel breakfast of human social interchanges. This is rough. She came in the next day with the next three books. Now I'm on book eight. I've not read any of them. How do I make her stop? Oh my God. And that's from, oh God,

there's actually 26 books. Folks, you have to tell us the names of these franchises. And you have to reach out to us before you fuck up. But I will say at this point, it seems like you've already got a fine trajectory going. You've made it through eight. You've got 18 more to go. If you could just keep up this, like take it away for a week, bring it back by, yeah, super hot. I loved all the caressing. And then like maybe you can make it through all 26 and come out the other side half a year gone. Yes. But you're free now. You're free from these genies cave. Sorry guys, I got a sign for a package. Oh, got a sign for a package. Nice. This is how all great romance novels start, right?

Yeah. Somebody shows up at your door with probably alcohol if you have to sign for it and be over 21. Griffin took out the stylus and whipped his stylus around, signing on the tiny electronic pad. The letter spilled out of his hand. Like so much black jizz. Black ink jizz. Ink jizz, first a G and an R and then an I. Could you spell your last name for me? Said the delivery person. I'm about to climb it. I'm totally going to finish and I don't mean the delivery, although I am going to deliver an orgasm to you. I'm delivering a plentiful orgasm. Did you need another orgasm? I could be back tomorrow with another delivery. Or go back and add your middle name and I'll

climb back again. Yeah. What did I come back to? What did you come back to indeed? How is the delivery? So if you guys, I was signing for a package, did you guys already come up with funny fake names for the thing? Because I usually do those. But if you already did them, I don't want to double up. Wait, what? Signing for a package? Wait, what? We were making it like you were in a romance novel where you were being romanced by the delivery person. Oh, and I was going to make love to the mail carrier. Yeah, you said you had to sign for a package. Okay, so yeah, I can tell you what happened there if you want. Yeah, make it saucy. His name was Garbanzo. Yeah, the sexiest name.

He was eight feet long. He handed me my package. I said, this looks like the special shoes I ordered for the boat. And then he said, yes, yes it is. You ordered special orthopedic boat shoes? I ordered boat shoes, but not boat shoes, but shoes for a boat. Do you know what I'm saying? Anyway, Garbanzo kiss. No. Go in, go into extreme detail. I'm done with pornography. Go to extreme detail about your boat shoes. Are they shaped like boats? Boat shoes. They breathe really well. Anyway, Garbanzo said, have fun on the boat. This is just chapter one. You don't bork in chapter one. Of course. I wish that they would. Just get that out of the way. Chapter one of the romance novel

is where all the sex happens. And the next 27 chapters is just like a character doing their taxes. Yeah, but the problem is Garbanzo turned into a swarm of bats. He flew away. Classic. Sexy. Yeah, now how can I resist? The bats? Yeah, let me get it. But in that cloud of bats, nothing makes me heartier than Garbanzo, the cloud swarm of bats. That's my favorite Night Vale character. In case anybody has ever been asking, my favorite Night Vale character is Garbanzo, the swarm of bats. It's also my favorite Magic Tavern character. It's a crossover event, and Gryffin has sex with them. Not yet. Not yet. Sorry. Magic Tavern already does have a living swarm of bats.

That's such a better show than ours. Should we go to the Money Zone, at least? Yeah, they don't have a Money Zone. Go ahead and start. I gotta feed the cats. They're scratching at my door. Gotta feed the cats. Uh-oh. So I wasn't here for the last time you did this, but are we going to be like, does that make you horny, baby? No, Gryffin. Here's one about Casper. So Casper makes mattresses, and when you get on them and you fall asleep, then it's the best. The best dreams. You definitely get the best dreams. Your bones feel better and get longer while you sleep on them, because of how it cradles

your natural geometry. It creates an environment that is really, really compatible with bone elongation. Yeah, there is one thing. While you're asleep, you're actually absorbed within the mattress. As soon as you wake up, your paw's right back on top. So you're absolutely fine. You'll never know it. You won't know it unless the Goblin King comes up. Yes. Now you've got an issue, but Casper guarantees 90.99999% chance the Goblin King will not attack. No way. So we have not done any of the things that they want us to say yet. So here's a lot of that. They got free shipping and return to the US and Canada. So it's no hassle if you're not satisfied. You get to try it for 100 nights, and then

if you don't like it, you just send it right back and you banish the Goblin King right back to once he came. And we have, I think we all have Casper's at this point. You've heard us talk about how comfortable they are, but I'll say it again. It's pretty freaking comfortable. You can get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash brother and using the promo code brother at checkout. That's casper.com slash brother and promo code brother for $50 towards select mattresses. Terms and conditions apply. I'm starting to think that these businesses listen to our show because they've stopped including the phrase, enter my brother in here. Yes. They've wised up. I would like to tell you about me undies. Now we've talked about me undies before. I could tell you about

their like underpants and shirts, which are like three times softer than cotton. They're different prints. You can get like solid colors, adventurous prints. You can match with your partner, whatever. I want to talk about the sleep pants, which is, I think, maybe the greatest invention ever given to humankind. Real good. They are the comfiest things I've ever worn ever and I would like to be buried in them. You can get your 15% off your first pair of me undies, free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee if you go to meundies.com slash my brother. That's meundies.com slash my brother. Do you have teeth? Gerson does. But if he wants the space between clean, he's got that covered. But what about the nasty fronts and backs? Well, that is the purview of quip designed to make

the backs and fronts ass. They're ass. Back away. What a pig. Oh, they're affordable teeth. Sorry. Are you doing something else right now while talking about this? No, I just sat back down. I'm trying to get my fucking bearings. Quip was designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable and even dare we say it. Enjoyable. They've got sensitive sonic vibrations and a built in two minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you switch sides. Brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule every three months for just $5. You know, it's always exciting to get a package. And sometimes it's toothbrush heads.

Quip is backed by over 20,000 dental professionals. Quip starts at just $25. And if you go to get a quip, that's qyp.com slash my brother right now, you get your first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's a refill pack for free at gtqyp.com slash my brother. Wow, good. That that jingle is free. So they didn't even have to pay for that extra. Unlike Griffin Space Jam, which had to pay $500,000. I'm so rich. Have you ever watched a movie so bad you just needed to talk to somebody about it? Well, here at the flop house, we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Yeah, you don't have to do anything. We'll watch it and we'll talk it.

We do the hard work featuring the beautiful vocal talents of Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, and me, America's rascal, Elliot Kaylin, new episodes every other Saturday at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcast, dude. Bye bye. Bye bye. I have a yahoo here sent in by level 9000 yahoo. Drew, Drew Davenport, thank you, Drew. It's from an anonymous yahoo answers user who I'm going to call Baby Boy Asks. Jim Carrey tribute party, smiley face monocle. His best movies, he's made top six, things I should decorate with, food, activities, contest, music, act, which I believe is supposed to mean et cetera.

Anything to make this party off the roof, ultimate, the thought again, anything to make this party off the roof, ultimate, ha ha, smiley face and motocon, please, and thanks. I would say just off the top of my head, if you want to make it like a real ultimate Jim Carrey tribute party, you're going to need to reference Copper Mountain, the film he did in 1983 that was a made for TV movie, co-starring Alan Thicke, that was basically an hour long commercial for a club med location. That sounds great. It's a great, listen, a great film. You could also maybe do All in Good Taste,

another one. Listen Travis, we know, we know, we know. Hey, did you guys know that Travis knew it was a lot of Jim Carrey stuff? Yeah, we get it. Okay, let's talk about, let's talk about snacks. Number one, he's Eggman in the new Sonic movie, so I would say Eggs. Yeah. That's first. Then that one's taken care of. That one's taken care of. Maybe just pieces of rubber. His, in that TV show he's on, I think he's got a puppet or something named Mr. Pickles. So Pickles. How about some incredible Burt Wonder Toast? Oh, that's good. It would be Burt Toast. That would be another one.

Oh, like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Guacamole. That's very good. Earth girls are cheesy. That's good. What's that one? Earth girls are easy. Yeah, no, but like, oh, it's just easy. Like, but you get cookie cutters and it's like that, you know, like a, like shaped like a woman. There's also cable, the cable pie. And this is a, this one, you're going to take all those spare HDMI cables or those red, white and yellow cables that we don't use anymore. And you're going to put those in a short crust. Plum and plumber. Oh, delicious. It's, it's a bunch of plums and you put a picture of Christopher Plummer on them.

We're going to start off the evening with some apperates. We got a sampling of different beers to enjoy. It's called the all flighty then. It's a good place to start. The Man on the Moon Pie. That's snacks. We got snacks fucking nailed down. Things I should decorate with. I think a big sign over the front door of the party that says do go in there is a good start. Yeah, it's good. Um, into that, into that one, though, that's, that's, that's the only decorations are harder than snacks. You can do right past snacks.

I didn't blow right past snacks. We spent a long time in snacks, but we have lots of things to figure out. Oh, hey, listen to this. Read myself in Pyrene. It's just like your pie. But there's another one. I can't believe this dude's playing fucking Dr. Robotnik. I need to take a minute away from the bit and just close my eyes and visualize that good wrench heat he's going to bring to this honored role of Dr. Ivo Robotnik. Don't forget the series of unfortunate events heat too, Griffin. He's been so great in character roles in the last five to 10 years. God, I can't wait. Um, why don't, hey, I've got an idea for the

party. Why don't you have, um, Ed Harris show up and just every once in a while, like peek at people, I look from behind a corner or something like that. Ed Harris, a decoration in your mind. Ed Harris is a sort of a performer performance. I do like that. Just have Ed Harris move from closet to closet and we're like, zoom in. Zoom in. Darrell's double dipping. He's double dipping in the guacamole. Zoom in on Darrell's gross dip. So I think activities, Mr. Popper's penguins, that one speaks for itself. Every time a new guest comes in, you say, I love you, Philip Morris. And they say, yes, man. And that's a good sort of call and response. And also you could all just be

you just have free cigarettes out. And that could also be the smoking movie. That's good. And then also you could, um, like confront some of your friends who have been lying to you for a while. Like if you know you have an untrustworthy friend, this could be a chance to be like liar, liar, right? And then see who's lying or you couldn't make it a fun party game. But I like mine better where it's like the culmination of like maybe some deep seated distrust. If we wanted to do a contest, we could just do Jim Carrey impressions. Well, okay. The problem is everyone's super good at them. So it just ended up being a tie. Like Justin, do yours. Okay.

Okay. I mean, that's my impression of Jim. Yeah. Doing an impression of Andy doing an impression of locker from time. Can I do one? Yeah. Looks like they got murdered with a knife made out of their own bones. And that's from dark crimes. His 2016 movie he did. Yeah. This is sort of a darker here. Can I try again? Disgusting number keeps showing. I love this. I remember this film. This is the impression. Disgusting number keeps showing up all over the dang place. Did you figure it out yet? Farts. And that's, I believe. Oh no, Griffin broke himself.

It's just nice to laugh. It's just nice to laugh. It really is. Did we do all of them? What didn't we do? Oh, music. Yeah. Just play that fucking Cuban Pete from the mask. Everyone leaves. I think I could make it through three. It depends on how good the spotless mind guacamole is because that might get me to stay for a couple, a couple more. Yeah. I think that's it. Oh, with the etc. I don't think that's between you. I think etc. I just invite Jim Carrey to be there. He would have a great time. He's the only guest. He's the only guest. This party's almost certainly going to go off the roof. Someday, you guys promised me someday we can record a commentary track for Ace Venture or

Pat Detective Jr. I think about, do you guys have things that you think about a lot that you haven't seen? You're obsessed with theoretically, but you can't really bring yourself to actually ingest. Oh, so it'll be a coming in fresh commentary track. Yeah, it would be like a first time watch because Ace Venture or Pat Detective Jr. is like that for me. Came out in fucking 2009, never seen it. I watched the trailer for it probably 500 times and I've never watched the movie because I know it wouldn't be pleasurable, but I am obsessed with the idea that it exists, I guess is the best way of putting it. Do you guys have stuff like that? Yeah, I still have not seen, oh, what's the fucking Johnny Depp? Mordecai. I still have not seen, I've seen a lot of Mordecai,

but I couldn't finish it. I watched I think the first 25 minutes of it. Yeah, I was about to say Mordecai didn't age well, but Mordecai didn't birth well. Yeah. This is shame. How about another question? Yeah, I love that. Farm wisdom. Farm wisdom. Don't make a blunder down under farm wisdom. That's not farm wisdom. This is a farm wisdom. That's right. We're going to farm wisdom Australian edition from Ben Heatherington sent us. No way was that right? Ben Heatherington. Yes, you fully skipped at least one so fully. Yeah. I was coming in hot. There's a lot of letters all jumbled together and I was just trying to churn through it. Ben Heatherington missed farm wisdom and rather than complain like some people do when they miss bits, Ben made it happen,

bringing us some Australian farm wisdom. Here's if you have farm wisdom submit, please do. This is one of my favorite segments to do. It's just hard to find the exact right flavor. But I think Ben has done an admirable job here. Kangaroos and emus cannot walk backwards. The structure of a kangaroo's pelvis and tail won't allow it. However, nobody knows why emus can't. So it might just be won't. But that's why they're both featured on the Australian government's coat of arms and out and the 50 cent coin. They're supposed to signify that our country is always moving forward. I would maybe hazard that there are other reasons kangaroos are on the Australian currency. But I do like Ben's suggestion here. Yeah, I'd ask you all that.

Ben, you got these things run around on farm, but maybe an emu. I'll give you that because they have the big eggs. But I've never had kangaroo milk, I don't think. People eat kangaroo meat. I mean, kangaroo meat is pretty popular. I mean, they have kangaroo farming. There's a commercial kangaroo industry. Yeah, so read a book Griffin. Yeah, read a book. I would like to pause it, Ben. I don't want to put you on blast. But I say this only because it's exactly what I would do. Is it possible that some people might know why emus don't work backward and you don't? But nobody knows. Okay, I bet somebody knows. There's apparently, according to the Wikipedia article called kangaroo meat that my day has taken a strange twisty turn. I didn't expect to be here

when I woke up. There's a thing called kangitarianism. And that's where you only kangaroo meat. You're so wild for it. And it's apparently based on environmental and ethical grounds. Unsurprising. Goats smell really bad. Surprising. It's a common occurrence here to catch wild goats. And the best way to do so is to track them by smell. Wild goats are common in areas in northern New South Wales and southern Queensland and Australia, and can fetch a tiny profit when sold to a goat farm, even with our especially blunt sense of smell. A person can tell the size and distance of a goat herd at distances of up to a mile. That's a yeah, I mean, goats don't smell very good. Damn, that was funny. I'm just on the Wikipedia page called kangaroo industry. And

I'm trying to turn my fucking ignorance ship right around. You can't get me if I'm reading about the kangaroo meat industry. And you come at me and you're like, goats don't smell good. There's two pieces of information presented to me. I'm going to go with the savoriest nug. Dingo's eating lamb has been a big problem for stock farmers in Australia. And the easiest solution is to buy alpacas. Alpacas hate the living shit out of dogs, wild or domestic, and will often bomb a sheep and access their guardians. Alpacas can deliver a devastating kick. And a devastating insult. Yeah, they're so mean. Their insult comedy is beyond our approach. Alpacas can deliver a kick as their hooves will grow in displayed claws, if not trimmed,

and can hit anything within two yards in any direction. The lamb birth rate can be significantly improved by having alpacas in the herd because they make sheep feel safe and the reduced stress allows the use to carry a lamb to term. This is fucking soup to nuts, bananas. What this what this is said is like, let's just take it one thing at a time. Okay, the Dingo's eat lambs. Yes, that all tracks for me. Alpacas hate dogs. Okay, we'll have to take your word for on that. Alpacas can deliver a devastating kick as their hooves will grow into displayed claws, if not trimmed. So you basically have to choose an alpaca that you that you're making bad already. You are letting grow into a battling alpaca and can hit anything within two yards in it.

That's six feet. What? What are these alpacas fucking doing? In what sense, Ben? They look so goofy, but they're actually depredator. They can kick up to six feet. Am I understanding that correctly? If I'm understanding it correctly, up to six feet. I think two feet of that's just claws. I also, I think my favorite part of this, though, is like a sheep looks around, sees what he has to assume is a giant version of itself and says, that makes me feel comfortable fucking. That's jealous now. I'm going to, I'm going to totally carry this baby to term now. Look at that giant head of sheep here. Like if I looked over and there was like a 12 foot Travis, legs were guns. I feel comfortable now. Like I'm horny as hell.

Let's go. How about a question? Or is there more farm wisdom? No, that's all the farmers I have. I mean, I asked for more as if I need more. That's, that's, I am sated. That's good. That's good stuff. Thank you, Ben. Folks, keep that farm wisdom coming in. Would love to have a little bit more of it. How about another question here? Every so often, some coworkers and I will go out for a night of KOK. We all have fun, but I'm easily the worst singer. Kind of screechy. God, I love that fucking awareness. Inspirational. I'm the worst singer in the group, and this draws a lot of teasing from the whole office floor. I have a good sense of humor and I'm happy that everyone can laugh at my mangled

80s hits. But I thought taking an actual singing lesson would help me get out of the comically bad range. To my surprise, a number of my coworkers were very against the idea of lessons, saying that I was taking it too seriously and being a killer joy. Should I continue with the lessons? Or is it wrong for me to deprive every one of my unique voice? And that's from Music Hall in Mobile, I'm gonna go super saiyan over here. I've never been confronted by our questions as much as I have been this one episode. Yeah. Because hey, hey, hey, why did you tell your coworkers about the singing lessons? Why did you tell your coworkers about the singing lessons? You didn't want to have that, you didn't want to have that she's all that moment where you get

up there and you're like, oh yeah, you made fun of me in high school when I had this job and saying weird, well look at me now. I am like a bird. And you sound that good. Like that, like an angel, like I just sounded. Because I took singing lessons, I didn't tell anybody about it. I hate to bring it to you, but I'm afraid, I'm afraid, period. But I'm also afraid that your coworkers like that you're not good at karaoke because it makes them feel better at it. And they're going to say like, oh, you're taking it too seriously, but they're afraid that you're going to become a dominant karaoke-er. And that they, because here's the thing, if you stop being the bad one, someone else is going to become the bad one. And they're all afraid it's them.

Too true. You need another reason to be getting good at singing. I think maybe you're trying to get up on the voice. I think you're trying to meet Gwen. I think you're trying to meet Gwen in the fan. Can I proffer this? Stop going to karaoke. Keep taking singing lessons. Six months from now, the friends are all at karaoke. And then a new singer enters. They're wearing a tiger mask in a tiger costume. They're an amazing singer. No one can guess why this tiger has entered the karaoke room that they have rented. They're scared for their lives. Hours pass. Wait, sorry. Is it a believable tiger costume? It's a, no, it's very colorful and powerful. And hours pass, your friends drink with the tiger. They bond with the tiger. They learn the tiger's likes and

dislikes. The end of the night comes. You exchange numbers with a guy that you met there. You go home. You lie down. You realize that you forgot to dramatically reveal that you had been the tiger all along. You remind yourself the next time, for sure, when you show up at karaoke, well, you will definitely, definitely, definitely pull off your mask dramatically to reveal that you were, in fact, the tiger all along and that beautiful voice was attached to the former, not so great singer. It's time goes by. You realize it's been three years. You married that guy. You're still the tiger. Oh, he loves the tiger. You wonder, what have I become? And the answer is you've become the tiger. You're more comfortable now as the tiger than you've ever been before.

And then one day he pulls off your mask and your head falls off. You go back to karaoke. They don't remember the tiger. So we're basically starting from scratch again. You can just be a great singer. You don't have to be a great singer to excel at karaoke. There are two songs. Our former boss, Christopher Grant, sings, does karaoke with a passion and a gusto that I find profoundly moving and the gusto and passion are on point and I'm going to stop there. But Chris is also, through his karaoke artistry, introduced me to Hames the Wire and a telephone line by a yellow that I had never heard either of those songs before. Two songs that I adore brought to me by

the artistry of one Christopher Grant and his karaoke skills. It doesn't matter how talented you are. Now, let me say this though. Don't do cake. You're going to be tempted to do cake, but then one minute in the cake, you're going to realize it's pretty fucking boring. People liked the cake when it was cake, but they don't like me focaking out here because it's just mostly talking about cars. I'm basically talking about driving fast and I don't think that this is a great karaoke. You don't have to sing good to do karaoke. You do have to love the song you're doing. I've seen so many people make the mistakes and they're like, I'm going to do a funny song and then they most likely don't know the song well enough to do it. But two, halfway through,

everyone's like, okay, I get it. And now we have another like five minutes of meatloaf left. Yeah, practice your songs at home, folks, because you never know. It's so important to be great at karaoke. It's the most important thing. That is going to do it for us on my brother, my brother made this week. Thank you so much for indulging us and letting us sort of just jab your ear off here. I feel like we barely let you get a word in edgewise, but we very much do appreciate it. Hey, can I real quick, before I forget, like I forgot last week, we're going to be on the going on the JoCo cruise soon, which is very exciting, but out there on that there open ocean, we won't have much internet. So if you're going to be on the cruise and you have a question that you would

like us to like answer, please send it in now and include like JoCo cruise in the subject line. So we can go ahead and put together a question list for our live shows on the boat. Speaking of next week's episode on March 11th is going to be our live show from New Orleans. I just edited it and dang, that was a fun one. And then the week after that, we're going to kick off the max fund drive. So we will we'll have more on the max fund drive. If you if you're a new listener of Mabin Bam, we're part of maximum fun, which is a pledge supported network. And you can help us out and all the other shows that you like and get some cool get some cool stuff in exchange. So that'll kick off the week of March 18th. And we'll tell you more about it then.

Also, when you're listening to this, it'll be in March 1st, which means that there will have been new it will not be March 1st. It will be March 4th, which means that there will have been new Mac Roy Merch on the up for sale for three days. And there's some really cool new stuff. And we're going to try to keep putting more and more new stuff up there all the time. So if you want to check out, go to macroi.family and click on Merch, or you can go to macroimerch.com. And while you're at macroi.family, go ahead and click on tours there and get your tickets to see the adventure zone in San Jose. My brother, my brother and me in San Jose and my brother, my brother and me in Salt Lake City. That's April 2nd, 3rd and 4th. Get those tickets macroi.family.

Click on tours. Said it. Thanks to John Rodgerick in the long winters for these for our theme song, get to departure off the album, putting the days to bed, go listen to Dr. Game Show on maximumfun.org. We just picked them up, decided about that one. And y'all went that final. Yes. Yes. This final, yeah, who was sent in by level 9000, yeah, drew drew drew it drew dab import. Thank you, Drew. It's yeah, Drew answers user jurick who asks ants with wings. Who are they? I'm Griffin McElroy. He's been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips.

Hey, I won. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Welcome back and thank you, Dan, for that scathing report. As you know, Max Fun Drive is coming up March 18th to March 29th, which has some folks pretty excited. But as families around the world get ready to celebrate this season of giving, community and quality podcasts, some are wondering if it's just too much. Are they though? They are. Some people are all for comedy and culture, but with 45 shows offering hundreds of hours of bonus content, plus all the Max Fun meetups taking place around the world, some people think it's too much. While other people think it sounds

totally awesome. I took my granddaughter to the mall to get her picture taken and the mall pod fairy was short. And I, you know, I'm just going to say it. I'm sorry, but everyone knows the pod fairy is tall. Well, I think we should just leave it there. Until next time, here's the news you need to know. Max Fun Drive runs from March 18th through 29th. Be sure to listen to all of your favorite podcasts. I know I will.