My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 451: Spider-Man’s Magic Potion

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

Happy MaxFunDrive, everybody! We’re kicking things off with a genuine POTION PARTY! Come and get strong and fast and powerful with us, and consider kicking in a donation while you’re at it! This potion’s for you! Suggested talking points: The Piper, Surprise Bonus Fish, Big Monster Wheel Power Boy, My Foul Lady, Guy-Pounded Chicken, The Best Potion, Orgling, DVD Dead Drops

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? So we come in with me playing, I can go get Rachel's flute and we can do a pay a piper thing. If you know how to play it at all. No, I think it's better if he doesn't. Yeah, this is a good idea Griffin. This is a great idea. I don't want to go find Rachel's flute. Oh, come on. That's a good idea. I'll play it like this. Okay, do it. Go.

There it is. What is going on? That's a she's a she's a shrill one that one that flute. So it's the maximum fun drive is now. Did you already say the thing about paying the piper? No, I haven't done that yet. So this is a show that you pay money for to make it better like it is now if you can believe it. If you could even believe that you're probably thinking how could this get any better. And so I'm Griffin and this and there's Justin and Travis. What are we? What the fuck are we doing? This is the one time a year where we say we try to put on our good suits

and we stand in front of the church and we ask for money for the, you know, the big operation. Do you hear that noise? Yeah. In the back. That's the piper. There we go. And they're playing for you. I mean, technically speaking, that's Elizabeth Whitland and playing a flute solo and but but in D major. But what really the thing is that it's max fun drive time again, folks, and that means that it's the piper and it's time to pay for all those great hours of entertainment that you have enjoyed. I'm going to begin potting Miss Whitland. Here's the deal real quick. Let me lay it out. So maximumfun.org is a donor supported network. That means that once a year we come to you and we say, hey, do you love the

shows that are on maximumfun.org? Maybe consider committing to a monthly donation by going to maximumfun.org forward slash donate. And when you do, you're going to get some rewards and we'll talk more about this later. But the one thing I wanted to tell you about is in the rewards starting at the five dollar and included in every level is the bonus content. And it's like 100 plus hours at this point, because it's not just this year's bonus content. It's every year's bonus content. And this year we did commentary for episode three of the My Brother, My Brother, Me TV show. And our amazing and much funnier than us wives did another episode of My Sister-in-law, My Sister-in-law and Me. There's an episode of the worst title since My Brother, My Brother, Me. That's right.

And we on Adventure Zone played a game of Honey Heist where I DM'd and Griffin and Dad and Justin are bears trying to steal some honey. Yes, there's a lot of great content and we're going to dive more into what the drive is all about as we move on. But start flexing that wallet. Yeah. Start getting wet for donating. All right. Justin, you want to do a question? I would love that, bro. Or you want to dig around for a bassoon solo on the internet for 45 minutes? Maybe a sousaphone? What's funny about bassoon solos, Griffin? I don't understand why I would go after a bassoon solo. That's not a piper thing. Well, nothing was funny about a flute solo. It would have been funny if you guys had fucking leaned into it and done-

The problem is, as we started talking 20 minutes before you started playing, there was no clear delineation of where this episode started. Yeah. Well, I was just trying to find the music and you guys are like, I guess this is show now. We're all trying to find the music in our hearts. I'm trying to find the music right now. Oh, the absolute mad lad. The fucking mad lad. This is funnier. Yeah, that's a funny woodwind right there. You got me. Bassoons are weird. I didn't even know bassoons could do that. Last week, my coworker and I were discussing pets and I mentioned that I was hoping to upgrade my beta fish to a bigger tank once I saved enough money to do so. Pointless.

That she then told me not to get a tank since she had one she could give me to me. And obviously, I happily accepted this since it would be free as opposed to the alternative. Thank you. Today, she showed up at my house with the tank, all its accessories, and the fish that were apparently still using it as a residence. Oh, no. I was never told about these fish. I can't just add my beta with them since betas are extremely territorial and kill most other fish. Do I ask her to take the fish back if she doesn't have to a tank to keep them in or am I stuck with the responsibility of owning fish in number one in the first place? That's from a quadrically challenged in Albertville.

This is a terrible situation. You find yourself in. I'm very sorry. Also, hey, it was very nice of your coworker to give you a free tank or whatever, I guess, but it's hard for me to condone any pet owner that's like, oh, you want. Okay, great. That's like if I said, oh, you need like a new crate for your dog. Cool. Here's my crate with my dog in it. Bye. This is unprecedented. I don't think you need to feel bad about confronting this person because this is a wild twist twist and turn that they've sent you spiraling down. I, the reason I said pointless, I interjected that is because I already knew the betas were very territorial. You have to have a beta by itself.

You can't even have, I've heard you can't even have a mirror next to a beta tank because it'll exhaust itself to death trying to beat its own ass. This is, this is something that I've heard that I believe is true. Hold on. That's true of me too, if I'm in front of a mirror. Right. Yeah. He'll try to fight himself. So I say it was pointless. I don't think fish care, right? Like a fish, fish are in bags a lot of the time. One thing I don't think a fish has ever said is, oh, this sucks. Like I think fish are just like, it's fine. Like a fish in a bag. I'm like, well, I'm in a bag. That's, that's the way it goes, I guess. If you get a bigger tank, the fish isn't like, oh, I'm more room for furniture. Right. He doesn't care. The only

reason to get a bigger tank is to put more fish in it. Right. And you can't do that. The fish forgets the other end of the tank by the time it gets to it. It gets to, it swims to the other end and it's like, oh, hell yeah, look back there. Oh, other part of tank I'm going to go to. Awesome. When we were growing up, we had a fish tank and our dad put that like, I still think this story is apocryphal. Well, we'll get to that in a second. But he put this like thing on the back that was like just a picture of like undersea kelp or whatever. I guess that you like stuck to the back of the tank as if the fish was like, oh, now I'm back in the ocean. Oh, kelp, sick. But also we kept the fish tank in the back

room of our house, which was, I guess, poorly insulated and not heated. And one very cool winter, it froze solid. So dad took it to his office to thaw so he could get new fish. And when it thawed, dad claims all the fish were fine. Lies. Lies. Lies from our dad. We told that. And then he said they started to run and play just like they were young again. Yeah, sure. I have two solutions for this that I think are both equally amazing. And one is to arm the other fish. Arm the other fish with knife and pipe and gun. Small ones, honestly. And maybe, you know, let's see, a candlestick revolver. Poison if you want to. And then the beta will not have a weapon, but is a weapon. So there will be a little bit more equal grounds.

There, I feel like, and maybe it'll be like a mutually assured destruction thing and they'll leave each other alone. And the other solution is you still have the other original tank, the original small tank. So you scoop up the other fish and you do a little, you know, prince and popper swapper. And, you know, the ones, these, these fish that were swimming in this big ass tank live in the high life now have to trade places with your, with your beta. And then they'll learn a little bit about each other's, you know, shoes and the walks of life that they have to go on. And they will, they, they will just die of natural causes before they can do anything useful with that information. Yeah. Might I recommend maybe you put them in that smaller tank

and then you move that across the room, still in the line of sight of the beta, but far enough away that the beta won't try to attack. And then every day you move that tank one inch closer and then maybe in like six years you'd jump them in. If my experience with fish is any indicator, one thing you could try is wait just a little bit, like a month or so. And the problem will just sort of like sort itself out. You don't even need to starve them out. You can treat them like super good and really super, really, really super duper hope they don't die because your daughter doesn't even understand what death is. You could really wish them to do, to live and try your best to make them live and they won't. They'll probably be fit. You could also, following up on Griffin's

thing, scoop those other fish into the smaller bowl and then take it back to work and hand it to your coworker and say, Hey, here's your fucking family members you gave me. Here's, here's the animals that you are supposed to be responsible for. Hey, I've got some baby clothes. I know you're having a baby. Do you want some of these old baby clothes? Okay, cool. My baby's in it. For sale, baby shoes never worn. Yeah, I'll take them. What the fuck? There is a baby in this. Rubble, rubble. You got me again. I got a butt plug. Put your butts on it. Wait a second.

Can I do a Yahoo? Yes, it was sent in by Brendan. Thanks, Brendan. It's from Yahoo Answers user. They're anonymous. I'll call them Murphy asks, Why are tricycles only designed for little kids? Yes. Tricycles are a great invention and they should be used by commuting adults and in sports too. I don't understand why they are only designed for children because the ones I saw in the store are all pink and two feet high. Oh, and for sports. I didn't even think about that. Didn't think about sports. Oh, Boise. Can you imagine lacrosse with tricycles or football with tricycles? Loving that. Loving it all. How would you do the kicks? You would have a foot glued to the tricycle. Oh, yeah. Now you're cooking. You fucking Rube Goldberg machine brain having

motherfucker. I love it. There's a Yahoo Answers user named Mark. Sorry, what? I'm so tired. There's Yahoo Answers user named Mark who says, Yeah, this is a bill over at Yahoo. Mark says, They're like scooters with training wheels and safer. I guess they are. That's pretty dope. There are those things that you can prop your knee up on and push yourself along on. I think that is a three-wheeled means of conveyance. There are some three-wheeled means of conveyance. I don't mean to say that there aren't, but the tricycle, the tricycle, the brand tricycle, I don't think we're using as adults. Especially, I would say power wheels for adults. This is a thing. That's a four-wheeled vehicle. No,

what am I thinking of? Big wheels. Big wheels for adults. That's what I want. Did they ever make big power wheels? You know, a vehicle you can get in and drive around, but for adults. Motorized three-wheeled big boy tricycle for big adults like me, but I would do mine up so it looked like the motorcycle in a Kira. Can you fucking imagine me just doing a brake slide into the parking lot of the target in my sick ass big monster wheel power boy? Now, they do have three-wheeled motorcycles, but I've always thought that if I tried to roll out to a super cool biker bar in one of those, they would not accept me as one of their own. That's so important. All we want is acceptance in this life.

Listen, they'd let me in, and I would be allowed to hang out there, but I'd never really feel like I was actually part of the gang. They'd let me in, but when they were planning events or whatever, they would forget to call me. But if I was there, they'd let me in. You know what I mean? But I would always be on the outside looking in. You roll up at those big power wheels. Now, you're a son of anarchy. Oh, yes, I am. I might be the dad of anarchy. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I did not see the show. To me, is that an anarchy or a son? Well, that's any family member of anarchy. I imagine they got it just for some reason. I would not want to be a family member of anarchy

because it would make planning events really hard. That's true. Some of them were bad, but some of them were nice. Is this sort of the short version? Whoa, okay. Whoa. And I bet that's where a lot of the conflict came from. Yeah, that is actually, thank you. Yes, Travis. Okay. Did they ever hurt each other with weapons and stuff? Like badass fights? You want me to summarize the events of the first seasons of Sons of Anarchy? No, no, the whole show, please. Yeah, the whole show. And I want to know how many badass weapon fights they did.

So they definitely, there was definitely shooting. And I think they probably fought with this a lot. Do they use bow and arrows or guns? Guns. Yes, guns. Thank you. Yes. And there was a lot of bad looks. You know what I mean? That can cut the deepest, you know? Yeah, for sure. There were some harsh words said. I thought that bike fights were only supposed to happen with chains. I guess I'm going off road rash and that's not an accurate,

I guess it's not a historical look at the sort of bike life was road rash. Can we do another question though? My boss keeps asking me if I want to buy tickets to go see his amateur production of My Fair Lady. How do I decline politely? He has handed out the flyer to me twice already. Phew. That's from Not So Fair, a lady in Newcastle, okay. Maybe try like what next time your boss does say like,

oh, I've already seen it. Yeah, thank you. That would be a great excuse if you could use it for any community or local theater production. Just be like, oh, you're doing God's spell. I've seen it already. I've already seen My Fair Lady at the end. She does learn to talk good.

I wish I hadn't seen it already. That was so awesome because I read Pygmalion when I was fucking 12. Yeah. And I know all the different things in it and all the jokes and stuff. Oh, she wants his room somewhere and then she gets it. Yeah. No, you see, our production is special because it does. Oh, did you change it and now she doesn't learn to talk good?

Oh, no, it's still very much. Oh, yeah. I know that version. It reagons, eh? Yeah, he likes her face or whatever. Shoot. I think you could probably just tell him that Justin hates My Fair Lady. And that would be enough to sort of wave it off.

Like, that tells him everything they need to know. I would love to, but I took a pledge to Justin McRae that I wouldn't support My Fair Lady. Sorry. It stinks on ice. You hear that, Eliza, do little? Justin's coming for you. Maybe if someone says, hey, do you want to go see My Fair Lady?

You can say, I can't. I have a fucking cribbage came that day because I'm 80 years old, apparently. Yeah. No, wait, that's right. I'm not 80 years old. So no, I will not see My Fair Lady. Or just say, like, I don't have to go to community theater because I'm not related to you because I think contractually,

that's the only time you have to go to community theater. So your boss comes to you and they say, Philip, I would really appreciate it if you cared to see My Fair Lady. And you look at your boss and go, does it, dad? What do you mean? Are you my dad? No, I don't know why you would think that. Well, why the fuck else were I going to see that old ass whack shit?

Do something good. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I'd love to. I'd love to get out and consume the arts and support your work. Can you guys do a different show, though? Can you do a different one? Learn a new one. Change the channel.

She's sysical. She's sysical is fun. Everyone loves it. It's fun songs. Bright colors. I'm not saying I don't support community theater. I just don't support My Fair Lady. It's all about a man trying to change a woman.

Fuck My Fair Lady. Hey, here's one for you. Starlight Express. They're all on roller skates. Are you kidding me? Oh, hell yeah, dude. I'm musical about a bunch of people that are a train. If you want to do a show, that's a show.

Fuck yeah. Do it in the round. Are you kidding me with this? Do Equus. How close is Equus? What about your town? That's, what's about piss? Yeah.

Have you seen the piss show, boss? Have you seen it? It's fun. It's fun. And it hasn't been done a bajillion times. Do you know about Muppets? What if they said fuck? Have a new cue.

Go see it. You think you know the Founding Fathers, but guess what? These ones rap. These ones do rap. What if they rap? What if they rap, though? They could do a good one that nobody hates like me.

Go see a good theater. Well, make a good theater. Make a good theater. Show up at the theater with your money and they say like, it will cost you $15 to see My Fair Lady and you just ask like, what else is showing tonight? I'd like to see my boss in a different musical, please. I'd love to.

What's playing in the black box? Can you tell me now? What's your experimental show? The Curious Case of the Dog of the Nighttime, perhaps? I'll make you a deal. I want to support you. I want to support what you're doing. So here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to buy a ticket to go see your show and I want to use that ticket to go see Captain Marvel. Yes. You will know that it is in your name and I've already supported you, but I will be going to see the latest from Mr. Marvel and his incredible inventions. I both agreed to support you and Jim Marvel

and I've just known Jim longer. I want to see the latest confection from the mighty Marvel Power Rangers and all of their folks. And I will. I have to find out what happened with Thanos. Your dusty, rotten steamer trunk of a production sucks so hard and doesn't even have one fucking mutant in it.

I don't say fuck at all. If you do a like R-rated like My Fair Lady, maybe I'm in. You're fucking raiding Spain for spending the fucking planes. Isn't it? Isn't it, guys? I didn't know you were in the grime. Oh man, can you guys do Benjamin Button? Did they make a play of that yet?

Definitely. Do play the Button Man. Curious Jam of Button Man. Yeah. Love it, love it. Griffin, how would you guys feel about Yahoo? Because that would go down pretty smooth for me. Or should we?

I think we should do a Max Fun Drive set. Yeah, let's talk about our charge here, our cause, the reason we were put on this earth. The reason for the season. The reason for the season. It's Max Fun Drive time. We've been a part of the network now. This is our eighth Max Fun Drive, I believe, which is.

Oh boy. Yeah, it's really, really wild. And every year you all have come out to support us and your support has been immeasurable and remarkable and has changed our lives and allowed us to turn this into our full-time jobs. And so when you donate, you get to pick directly where your money goes to, which shows you want to support

directly. And so yeah, it is a very direct way to help out the people who make things that you like, whether it's us or whoever else at Max Fun. We love being a part of the network and get really excited to tell you about this thing they do every year. Also, you should get excited because you can get

some dope shit like, and then you guys jump in and you start talking about the tickets. Well, the number one thing that you get, and listen, there's some material, good you get to, but I sincerely believe the bonus content is the best. Like there's video stuff in there. There's us riffing on old school educational films. God, we made that like six years ago now.

We made that so long ago. I know and it's still there. You get bonus episodes of content you're not gonna hear anywhere else. We have last year for the adventure zone. There's us playing for Sherlock Holmes's and a vampire who is one of the aforementioned Sherlock Holmes's, I think is the, which is, I think one of the silliest

things we've ever done. There's my brother, my brother, and me, episodes you're not gonna hear anywhere else. There's an episode we did where we asked each other for advice. There's an episode with dad. Oh man, I forgot what the one where we asked each other for advice.

Yeah, it's all in there. And not just us. You get to hear every show on the network. It's incredible. I care about material goods though, unlike my brother. So if you go to maximumfund.org slash donate and you can pledge $10 a month,

you are going to get the aforementioned bonus content and a pin. You can choose whatever pin you want, but if you do the smart thing and choose the Megan Lincott design pin that is for our show, it looks like a pizza that I think has a face in it, but it's ghoulish and it says Munch Squad on it. And that's really gonna appreciate that.

At $20 a month, there's a beautiful 550-piece maximum fund puzzle that you can put together or not. There's a $35 monthly membership level. And at that level, you're gonna get the poster. You're gonna get the pin. You're gonna get the puzzle. There's no poster.

Let's list some stuff you're not gonna get. You're not gonna get a poster. You're not gonna get a new pair of shoes. You're not gonna get, I don't know, I was gonna say a hug, but if you see me at a convention and you say, I'm a donor, I'll give you a hug. Yeah, then you get something that rhymes with hug and it's mug.

Yeah. A mug, a monthly membership mug with a MaxFun rocket on it. And we just, that's a good chunk of money, but if you get a lot of entertainment out of it, like we don't force you to donate anything like Netflix does. I guess it's not really donated. Not a donation. No, that's just money cost.

It's payment for service. But if our shows mean something to you and you wanna help us make them, then go to maxfunfund.org or slash donate and you can help us do just that. And I will say, your donations go a long way. Even if you're like, I can only do $5 a month. Like really, is that such a big deal?

But here's the thing. At this point, all of us and our, well, so all of us are full-time podcasters and our wives do shows with us. Our dad does shows with us. Dad was an entertainer, but okay. Dad was able to retire and now like podcasting is pretty much the main focus of our family.

And that is because of the years of support from listeners and donors like you. And we have a lot more projects and a lot of things coming up that we're very excited about. And we're only able to focus on them because of support from you. And the network has grown. I feel like just in the last like six months

the number of shows has doubled. It's blown up right now. Thank you all so much for your support. If you're already a member, if you can try to signal boost it on social media with the hashtag MaxFunDrive or a link to maximumfund.org slash donate. Or maybe consider bumping up your donation.

Yeah, if you're listening to more shows on the network than you did last year. Also, I mean, make sure that it would be a great thing to do to make sure that like your card is still working. And that is just sort of a natural thing of being a pledge-supported network because we just lose a lot of donors just from cards expiring and stuff like that.

So there's ways to get involved no matter where you're at in life. We should mention, by the way, those gifts, aside from the bonus material, those gifts are for new and upgrading donors. So if you're already at, say, the $10 level, you're not going to get the pin. But if you update to the $20 level,

then you'll get all the $20 and the $10 and the $5 stuff. Yeah, all that stuff. Let's get back to the show. maximumfund.org slash donate. Think about it. And now, did you want to have me start reading in Yahoo and then you interrupt it? Or what's up?

I wasn't. You got to understand, man, you've established a pattern of- It's hurtful. Trickery. The thing is, Justin, you don't protest too much when you ask them for Yahoo because you'll say like, oh, you know what? I would just love a Yahoo song for your friend.

If only you would do a Yahoo. That would be the balm on my soul. Yeah, I'm so wet for Yahoo's, I'm so wet. And then here's one that was sent in by Brendan. Thank you, Brendan. Okay, I do have one, but I just didn't want it to be this big hostile thing. All right, we'll go ahead.

I'll do Brendan's shit later. Okay. I mean, I do have one. Okay. I just didn't want it to be- What? You know, it's good. No, it's good.

No, no, no, because now it doesn't feel like a trick. Now it feels like a natural flow. It feels like- Yeah, but if the music doesn't interrupt you, then does it- You know what? I'll take this one for granted. Would you like to interrupt me?

Yeah, that would be good, actually. Talk about some dumb shit. Okay. I want to take this a chance here to just tell you guys how much I love- Oh, I was just going to say how much I love you. It just means a lot to me to be able to make this show. I want a Munch Squad. It does hurt.

I want a Munch Squad. Are you all down with Guy Fieri yet? What? I think so. Down with or down on Guy Fieri? Down around? Down by Guy Fieri, because he is- No, that time it sounded like you said down by him.

I did. Down by Guy Fieri. Yeah, just take a left on second. And I'm down by Guy Fieri. Can't miss me. So, good news for everybody on Earth, especially those in Miami. Chicken Guy, a fa- And that's-

Let me say it again, because there's an exclamation point at the end. Chicken Guy is a fast- Chicken Guy! It's a fast casual chain dedicated to the serving delicious succulent chicken- Oh, my God! Paired with 22 signature sauces meant to please all palates. Hey, Guy, that's so many sauces. This, we have-

Okay, here's two different sauces. One is ranch. One is ranch. We threw down some stairs and then went and got it and gave it to you. That's two different ones. You can't have 22 or something and call them all signature sauces, right? Yeah, you can't put your signature on all these. Like, if I sign my name 22 different ways, that's not my signature.

Leave a little meat on the bone for the rest of us, Guy. Literally. The menu at Chicken Guy features, you guessed it, fucking chicken. All natural- Fucking chicken, idiot. How can we even read this? All natural fresh chicken tenders, hand-pounded. Nice.

Perfect. Hand-pounded. Ass slammed, just fucking primo meat. Fucking Shadrack chicken. Hand-pounded to max- Finger blasted, just fucking- Just reached around to all of us. Oh, God.

Okay, fresh chicken tenders, hand-pounded to maximize crunch. Oh, golly. Hey, hand-pounded to maximize crunch and paired with a wide selection of delicious sauces. Hey, PR writer, you just said you got 22. Like, we know it's a wide selection. Stop fucking bragging and tell us about hand-pounded chicken. These are brined and fresh lemon juice, pickle brine. Why is it called pickle brine?

You know we're brining it. It's brining. It's brining and fresh lemon juice, pickle brine and buttermilk. And infused with, I don't think you brine in buttermilk. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't combine lemon juice and buttermilk. I'm pretty sure that's not part of the process for your brining. And buttermilk infused with fresh herbs. And these tenders deliver on flavor and texture.

We already know they're crunchy. The menu features the tenders, grilled or fried. I love these chicken tenders, but I want to strip away a lot of the excess and really just enjoy the flavor of them. Yeah, I want to see the knuckle marks from where Guy Fieri unleashed his rage with his bare hands on these fucking things. I mean, when you say hand pounded, you're insinuating the guy pounded them all, right? Yeah.

Like, that's what the insinuation is. You can have them in sandwiches, straight up on skewers, or in meal-sized salad bowls. Your choice is signature sauces to enjoy with the chicken. We know, okay. You have sauce in a lot of it. We can have whatever we want, please. Just a double check. You can get it on a sandwich, on skewers, or on salad.

But there is no just, can I just have it? We can't just give them to you. Can you just hand me a tendo? There's going to be a lot of skewers eaten in Miami. There's going to be a great deal of skewers just getting accidentally jumped down the gullet. They're so delicious, they're worried that you'll try to eat your fingers off if it's touching the chicken. There are sides, like chicken guy fries.

With guys, special fry seasoning. There's crowd-pleasing... Salt. Mac, daddy. Salt. It's salt and red stuff. It's the red stuff I found. I don't know what the red stuff is, but it hurts everyone's mouth.

I want to retroactively enjoy that they're called meal-sized salad bowls. At least Guy Ferry looked at the salad. He's like, what the fuck is this supposed to be? It's got a meal? What do you have for lunch, this salad? The fuck you are? Fuck that. Where's your lunch?

I'm going to punch a hole in this beach ball. Let's just fill this motherfucker up with salad. Now that's a meal. Now give me a minute. You might hear me slapping my chicken in the back room. Yeah, I got to punish it. It's been a bad chicken. Chicken guy offers two delicious flavor town frozen treats as well.

Guests can satisfy their sweet tooth with the triple double triple double ice cream treat. That's just six with triple chocolate and double mint or the cinnamon apple. Which isn't as utilitarian as I was hoping from the name. Anyway, I don't know much about fruits. I found this weird juicy red sweet chicken in the back and I rubbed this spicy dust all over it. We have cinnamon apple. We have sugar disc.

You're going to love these. Hey, Valerie, bad news. All our onions went bad. Those are apples, Guy. Are you kidding me? These sweet apples are delicious. I'm going to put my special fry stuff on them and see what happens. Fieri, a chef, TV personality, entrepreneur, and New York Times bestselling author.

You know, it's fun to imagine a person that doesn't know who Guy Fieri is, but did read those first three paragraphs. Like, who is this? I am hooked. I love it. Once again, creating blends of spices and seasoning. Oh my God. He's brought his signature blend of authentic meat's surprising flavors to chicken guy.

Once again, creating blends of spices and seasonings that keep his fans coming back for more. I do appreciate that they are honest enough to admit that it is people that enjoy Guy Fieri and not necessarily his cuisine that are coming back to lap these things up. In this new concept, Fieri has taken the chicken tender, endowed it, endowed it with a proprietary blend of flavors. Endowed it. He is not the Lord. And Fieri has looked down and dressed the chicken with some pepper, I guess, probably.

Then with God as my witness, the next line of this is, and provided guests with a myriad of delicious sauce options. Fucking if you don't look at me guy, if you tell me about how many fucking sauces you have one more time, I'm going to peel open your tear ducts and I'm going to pour your spicy double triple pickle hob in your ranch right down. I knew the good people of Miami love the real deal because some of my favorite diners, dry vins and dives joints are in the area, says Fieri.

That's a pretty good guy Fieri. Thanks. I do wish he had said, I like that he felt the need to append joints. My diners, dry vins and dives joints, you could have just said anyway guy. So I couldn't be more stoked to bring them the chicken guy at Aventura Mall. Yeah, I mentioned it's in a mall. Ah, sick. Nice.

Cool, bro. Real deal chicken tenders. 20 plus killer sauces. You motherfucker. I told you, I warned you guy. Get the ducks over here guy. 20 plus killer sauces and a whole lot of fun. Welcome to Flavor Town Miami.

All right. I love two things. Oh, I love many things in my life, but two things about this, which is that he believes that these folks in Miami who love the real deal, like someone might come visit perhaps and they'll go, oh, yeah, there's this tiny joint over there. And now you can do this amazing sandwich over here. But if you want the real deal.

The real shit. You're going to keep this down. There's kind of a local secret. You're going to head to chicken guys, you know, surprising meets authentic. And we're so glad that guy came here because finally, finally, someone brought some flavor to Miami. Yeah, it's about time. Justin, does it mention anywhere in that press release if they offer any kind of

sauces or anything in this one? We don't know about sauce count. Damn, it's not specific. That's a glaring omission. It's a huge problem. Can we just round Robin ranch barbecue, honey mustard? That's only three. And that that's pretty much the standard options.

I feel what about liquefied chicken. Yeah, it's possible. It's possible. I like this chicken. I just want it to taste more like chicken. There's one more quote that I did want to share with you. And it's the most American one of the most American quotes we've ever had on the show. I absolutely love working with guy on chicken guy.

And I can't wait to open at Aventura mall, says planet Hollywood founder and chairman Robert Earl. We've found the perfect venture with chicken guy. A proven crowd pleaser based on our first location at Disney Springs. I can't believe you would do this at Mickey's house. You would do this. You would do this at Mickey's house. At Mickey's house. He lives there, dog.

Just inches away from his bed. That's where Mickey lives and you do it at Mickey's house. That's where his dog stays. I think we had a listener at a live show say he had Guy Fieri feed him a chicken tender at this grand opening at Disney Springs. I didn't hear any complaints about the meat or the bevy of the, you know, the nearly two dozen sauces available. So maybe this is a good chicken.

Maybe. Listen, I love a Tendo given the chance. I'll eat it. I know his nasty track record. I'll still eat his Tendos. I have a Yahoo here. This one was sent in by Brendan. Thanks, Brendan.

You did a good job. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Whoa, that's weird. The box that usually has their name in it loads, but it doesn't have their name in it. It has nothing in it. It says 15% best answers. So that's actually maybe one of the highest I've seen.

They have 52,365 Yahoo points, which has earned them the level of seven. And they've done 11,934 answers. This person is the chosen one, but I can't see their name. That's Yahoo for you. My user has no name. It might be Neo. So Neo asks,

If you could create a potion, what type of potion would it be? Basically, what would you name it and what effect would it have? That is perhaps, and we have a lot on here, the most wide open question I've ever heard on Yahoo Answers. You know what? It's almost so general that it makes you worried you won't be able to do good jumps about it. It almost gets you to that point.

I would like to make a potion that makes me think of funny potion jokes. Okay, Griffin, you picked it. You started off with your best potion zinger. I wish there was a potion I could drink when I walk onto an airplane that would guarantee that I wouldn't have to use the bathroom at all until the plane lands. That's pretty good.

Actually, no, sorry. Because then the genie's gonna catch me in a trick, if I say it like that, because the plane's gonna land, and then I'm gonna release myself while we're on the tarmac. Is it a potion or a genie? Is that a genie potion? If you pour water in a genie bottle and you drink it, what happens? No, it's a potion, but the potion bottle also just happens to have a genie in it.

Oh, okay. So the plane lands, and then once we taxi to the gate, and then get off, and I make it to the toilet, I sit out on it, then I can go. But not before that. I chug it as I'm crossing the threshold of the plane. And I say chug, I wouldn't want it to be a lot of fluid. I would want it to be a pretty chug.

Yeah, it was even smaller than that, a little vial. And I just drink that, and then all the pee goes away, all the poo goes away, and then it doesn't come back until I make it to the tower. Tallahassee, which is my turn to phrase that I use. No, that's rude. I just went to Tallahassee. It was lovely. But that's my potion, and it's relevant because I just flew today,

and there was stuff. There was stuff that happened. Things happen. That's not a long flight, Griffin. Things happen. I know I've talked about this on the show before, and for some reason, I was just like, on fire today, up in the air. And I swear to God,

I swear to God, this is not a joke, diagonal from me. An older gentleman was watching the fucking second Eddie Redman movie, the second The Crimes of Grindelwald. And why? What are the freaking odds, man? Anyway, no pee playing potion. Justin? I would do one of your funny moments.

Okay, well, give me a second. Hold on. Flight, flight, flight. Now I do feel like that is maybe a little derivative of Griffin's, cause he talked about flying in him. I talked about flying in mine. Should we put it? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll let me restart the clock. Okay? Strong. I see. Strong. Very strong, very strong. With let me choose.

Okay. Very strong with the potion. Oh, okay. Thanks to the potion. Uh, so strong. So wait, the potion, the potion makes you strong? Yeah, that's. Potion.

Potion make Justin strong. Potion make Justin strong. What do you do with that strength once you get it? Like, what do you need the strong for? Lifting. Potion give Justin strong lifting. Yeah, good. Good.

Good at lifting. Best at push. Yeah. Okay. Potion make Justin good lifter. Best puncher. And if there's a heavy push that needs. Yeah, like a big door.

Yeah. If to push. For sure. Yeah, that's good. Champion of push. And how long does it last? Hour. Hour.

Yeah, you don't want it to be too long. Big push. Push champion, best at punching. Yeah. To lift for hour. For hour. Strong of potion. Good job, Justin.

That's a good one. I would just like a potion that's cherry flavored. No. No, I'm not. No, I'm not going to let you turn this into a fucking gag, Trav. Not this time. It's going to give you cool powers.

I would like a potion. Yeah, when I drink it. Um, it kind of impairs my judgment a little bit. No, you're going to do another freaking gag. I don't want to gag Travis. I want a big, powerful brother that drink a big potion. Not powerful. Powerful.

Powerful is just strong. Yeah. I'd like a potion. Make me fast. All right. Now you're cooking. Now we're fucking talking about it, baby. And I, uh, oh, how fast I would run and people would be like,

damn. Yeah. Fast. But I wouldn't like to be so fast that it's like a big deal. Yeah. I would just like to be faster. Like, I feel, I feel like this is how it was in the Marvel writers room back in the sixties.

And then Stan Lee was like, okay, start it. Hold on. Let's try this again. What about spiders? Is there anything there that we could do? Oh, that's a good point. Justin's Spider-Man potion is what I want. I didn't even think about fucking Spider-Man potion.

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, guys. He did in the comics where he drank the potion that the magic man made, uh, in the forest. And then he was able to turn into a spider. I would like that potion as well. I would actually, you know what?

I'd like 10 of that potion so that I can, uh, you know, do it 10 times. I would like a potion. Yeah. That gives me money. Now, there's actually, yeah, who answers user here who, um, well, they said they wanted a potion that would take me places wherever I go without worrying of needing an airplane, driving

a vehicle, taking a bus or heck, even riding a bicycle or a tricycle to reach a certain destination. Uh, and then also a potion that would make me a millionaire. A potion that would make you a millionaire, huh? You would have to shit money. Yeah. You would have to turn into money in your guts. And you know, that's the only thing that maybe pissed money,

but who wants to piss money? Oh, what if I drink that potion and the no peak potion? Oh, no, you have a bunch of money in your tummy. Full up. I would like to have a potion that helps me understand the gastrointestinal process. Yeah. I think a potion for many potions.

Uh-huh. Oh, you drink a potion and it gives you a thousand potions. But each one of those does the same thing. No shit. Well, now you're going to have so many potions, Justin. You're gonna have to drink a potion to have a whole house to keep your potions in. Enough potion for all.

Oh, Justin, that's lovely. I'd like to buy the world a potion. Yeah. Why didn't they ever, why is it they named it Coca-Cola? They could have just called it brown potion. Man, fuck, that'd be awesome. So good. Can I have diet brown potion?

Can I have a drink where you just kind of mix all the potions together? Oh, that's fun. I can kind of not pee on an airplane. And also I'm a little strong folks. We come to you once every year and ask you to pay for all the great entertainment that you've given us and yes, dance for us.

No, I mean, we give you entertainment. God damn. No, keep going. Damn. We do our best over here at the studio and we just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to leave a few coins in the hat as it were, as we finished our juggling show or our magic or street magic.

I was doing a living statue. Travis is doing a living statue. We've all got our different talents that we're showing off here. I'm doing back. I do backflips. I can stand very still. It has allowed us to go all over the country and visit all

of y'all and one by one, one by one and come to your house and eat your ministry after covered when you're not looking and where did that ministry go? We ate it. Thanks to your donations. Thank you. And we have always been so moved by your support and it means so much to us and it really does help us to keep doing this

show and to make the kind of the thing we hear from people a lot of the time is I wish that there was more of this kind of stuff in the world because we try really hard to be nice and make nice stuff that will make people happy and feel good and not hurt people. And I think that when you donate to our show and I think all the Maxfun shows share that ethos. I feel like when you donate to the network, it's your way of

voting that like that is the kind of thing you would like to see more of. There's a lot of places that are super well funded with a lot of I will say corporate corporate cash that are making entertainment that isn't really designed to make any one person extremely happy just make everybody feel sort of okay and it doesn't necessarily have making the world a slightly better place to be at the top of its priorities list and

that's really important. I would say the most important thing to us and I feel like when you donate to us and the network then that is your way of voting for that kind of entertainment. The gifts are great and we know that they're beautiful and cool to get and the promo material is great but I think that maybe the best reward I think as a Maxfun donor is knowing that like I am voting for the kind of entertainment I want to see

more of in the world and this is the time of year that you can do exactly that over at Maximumfun.org. I will also say something that has impressed me over and over again and without fail is the maximum fun community as a whole is amazing like both our listeners and also the other hosts and the Maxfun staff and like everybody that works. It's we have a lot of fun all hanging out we do meetups and Maxfuncon and all of this kind of stuff and it's a blast like

everybody is very nice and fun and it's great and speaking of coming up on the Tuesday of the second week of Maxfun drives there's going to be meetups maybe everywhere in the world depending on if you want to set those up but go to Maximumfun.org forward slash meetup I believe or it's Maximumfun.org slash meetups 2019 to see if there's one near you we're putting together one here in Cincinnati that I will be visiting if you want to come and check that out.

So we're going to we're going to finish talking about Maxfun Drive now but go Maximumfun.org slash donate you pick the shows you want to support and you get some cool gifts get the bonus content get the pin get the mug get whatever you feel comfortable with if you'd share the drive with your friends on social media that means a lot if you can think about upgrading if you're already a donor and you've been tuning into more stuff you know just think about it but do it now

before you before you forget it's Maximumfun.org slash donate and let us know if you want to tweet at us or you tweet at at McRoy family or just you know whatever and tweet that you donated so we can say thank you and now it's time for farm wisdom farm wisdom farm wisdom ain't no harm around this farm farm wisdom pretty good. Yeah, I guess I guess it's a very ethical farm leading there. Here is some alpaca from Adrian.

Thank you Adrian. One when male apac alpacas get Randy they make a sound called orgling which sounds exactly like how you think it does. I don't I don't think I don't know I can't generate in my mind the sound that I think that means they also don't ejaculate so much as dribble throughout the whole thing. So alpaca sex can take up to 45 minutes to finish. That's 43 minutes longer than anyone's ever had sex.

Yeah dribble dull dribble and hon that's I know that we all know that feel right right here is the sound of orgling I've prepared it for you good. Oh yeah and nothing says let's have sex like that sound. It only goes on for another minute and 20 seconds. Hey toss it on the soundboard. Yeah, maximum fun.org Ford slash. I also really like this fact because Adrian has written alpacas

have the cutest terms for the things they do and I would argue Adrian that they are not the alpacas terms but probably not just putting on your fucking your horny alpacas sound cloud turn it off. I can't hear it anymore. Can you guys yes yes very much. I will always hear it forever. Oh that's fun.

I turned off my monitor so I can't hear it but Adrian writes an alpacas when alpacas sits down and tucks its leg underneath that it's called Cushing when they bounce up and down in the field like Pevella Pew it's called pronging and when alpacas do decide to talk they honking pronging. That sounds like they should all of those also sound like sex stuff that they could be doing. See I was gonna say pronging kind of sounds like a new show

from Jamie Kennedy maybe like oh man I got pronged I got pronged by JK. I got pronged by that orgler. Stop hold on is there still alpacas sex noises happening because I keep hearing stuff in the background. That doesn't seem possible. It's not on my end I will say that might just be a ghost in the machine.

Oh shit okay. Also we have more farm wisdom here because it's a extra farm wisdom because it's Max Fun Drive. This is from AJ and AJ says that they worked with cows as a teenager and the most effective way to milk several hundred cows is by using a giant rotating cow carousel called the roto roto lactor. Yes the cows line themselves up and step on one by one on a

giant rotating platform and then slowly spin around as they get milked and when they're done they have their back of the gate and they can walk off so the next cow can get on but sometimes the cows don't want to get off because it's super fun and the farmer has to give them a little push or remind them to let another cow have their turn. Hmm that's so great. That's good.

I like that. I wish it's had maybe public how public restrooms worked or something. Oh shit. Yeah that'd be amazing. That'd be so cool. I feel smarter and more rural. Do we have another question.

I feel like a cow on a roto lactor. That's the thing I'm going to start saying when I'm like having a really great time. Here's a question. I recently purchased my first home congratulations. However it is an antique house with older toilets and thin walls. This all adds up to a very very loud echo whenever anyone

pees. I'm considering putting up a sign that says pee however you like. But if you pee standing up straight into the bowl you will be heard thoughts. That's from a little too loud in Alabama. I think I think the use you will be heard is a is oddly threatening.

You will be heard. We will know that the peeing is happening. Who's still pees straight into the bowl. Who's still doing this. Who's a who's who's blasting off into the water and not aiming for the you know the side of the porcelain. It's it's it's it's no one wants to hear that shit. I will also say so I we are we have potty trained BV but part

of the process was like bring your kid in so you could potty and make it see I guess how rad it is. So I would sit down to pee and man I'm never going back like I love sitting down to pee. It's so comfortable. Why wouldn't I give myself. Hey you've been working hard. You work hard.

You play hard. Sit down to pee. Travis McRoy. Take a load off brother. Take a load off Annie. Sit down to pee. I feel like sitting down to pee. I'd lose myself in a book.

Oh yeah. Sometimes I just fall asleep on there. Is that is that so bad though. No I got a lot of things. You could do them on the toilet. No that's just your mind talking baby. You got to sit down on that toilet and let it let it go and then dive on into a I have a little portable DVD player I

keep in every bathroom in my house and sometimes I'll sit down to do a number one and put a film put a film on in the you know DVD collections I keep in every bathroom in my house. Yeah I've hidden I've hidden DVD players in bathrooms all over this country as we've toured. It's good to have those dead drops. I remember yeah we did a show in Phoenix I believe and I

left a dead drop there with a bug's life in it. So I took a pee and I watched most of a bug's life. That's why I keep going back to Boston. I've just been trying to finish the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Yeah. I gotta find out what happens to them hobbits that ring. Yeah. It all works out in the end.

Spoilies. Spoilies. Sorry bud. Do they get to Mordor? I yeah but it turns out to be a letter and it turns out that the real Mordor was the frenzy. The I would just tell people so what like yeah we all pee so what doesn't matter what's embarrassing about that I'm

peeing I'm loving it I'm living life. I'm got a thick ropey brain fury. Like this let me do my thing. Well it's very very loud so just so loud I get that but also like I very very don't care I'm almost four years old like I'm glad I'm peeing I'm glad I'm here to pee. Yeah. That makes me so happy that I'm that I'm functioning and

all as well and I'm just peeing. Hey you know what why don't you do something more fun. Why are you so bored that they are listening to people pee maybe get an audio book or something watch an episode of Frazier. Go watch go revisit fringe it holds up. Does it I've never made it past the first season. Yeah.

It's real good. Cindy's been rewatching it and I've been rewatching the end of episodes sometimes I come in the room and it holds up. At least how about you tell your friends but you say it in a way of like when they come back you're like hey that's not a really healthy. Yeah good for you. I'm proud of you and then when all your friends come over

they're like oh I love peeing at their house like I get told what a good job I'm doing sometimes when I would take BB with BB would I would party and then BB would clap for me and I never knew how much I wanted that you needed that affirmation for sure. Fucking amazing. I kind of wish my friends would do that for me. If you put up a sign you're going to make the person very

paranoid about how loud that they piss. That's not great. If you don't put up a sign the person will pee very loud. It will make a loud noise and other people will hear it but speaking from my experience is 38 years as a human being when that person returns downstairs none of the gathered humans will take it upon themselves to say I heard you piss. Yeah true not going to have unless unless unless unless unless.

Well if you go out of your way to kind of turn your house into sort of piss venue where the natural acoustics have it's like your house becomes the Red Rocks amphitheater for this. This is what I'm saying make a celebration of friend comes in and you're like ladies and gentlemen welcome to the stage Brian let's see what kind of thick ropey braids he's. We can't anymore. Bring into the porcelain stage.

Let her rip right right. And then at the end of the year maybe feel like an award ceremony. Love that. Yeah sure. I love all your house you're in town. That's a musical. Oh fuck you're right folks.

Thank you so much for listening to our program. We hope you have enjoyed yourself. We again not going to give you the the hard press but if you can find it in a few minutes to go to maximumfund.org for slash donate and commit to a few bucks every month that would really help us out a lot and it really means a lot that you've you all have done that for us throughout the years and if you would make this year the same thing again that would just be

the top be cool. Thanks to John Roderick in the long winters for these for a theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed. It's a fantastic album and we are honored to have it as our theme song. And yeah we talked about maximumfund.org a lot already our website's macroi.family got new stuff on there we got it's

going to say a new monster factor but by the time this episode comes out it will actually be quite old. We do have merch up there which you can find and also you can still get tickets to our San Jose and tall like city shows and we should be announcing more dates soon. So keep an eye on that and on our Twitter account at macroi family and we'll announce it there as well. Y'all went to final Yahoo.

Yes. Yes a bunch of people sent this one and thanks everybody it's from Yahoo Answers user they're anonymous I'm going to call them. Beppo asks. How many calories are there in soap. My name is Justin McRoy Travis McRoy I'm Griffin McRoy has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad school on the

lips. Maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported.