My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 456: Good Happy Taste!!!

Episode Date: April 22, 2019

Keep your head on a swivel as we celebrate this birthday season, because there’s a LOT OF STUFF out to get us. Fridge traps, Cager the Basketball Monster, Minecraft Spiders — just, like, look lively, friends. Suggested talking points: Creams and Cakes, Birthday Boy Billy, Guinea Pig Brother, Fridge Epidemic, Disrespectful Hoops, Happy Taste Good, Joe’s Apartment But With Spiders, Boo Club

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother by brother. Me and advice show for the modern era. I'm our oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis the McElroy. But I don't want to record a podcast. But I don't want to record a podcast today. It's my birthday. I don't want to record a podcast today.

It's Griffin's birthday, except you're getting all the presents. I want cakes and creams. Oh no, not this again. I want cakes and creams. I want candies and streamers and sticky, sticky, toffee, not a podcast. Every year, and I'm sure you all noticed it because we've been doing my brother, my brother, and me for about 18 years now, every year on his birthday, Griffin becomes Little Lord birthday and it's a whole thing. He's done it literally since he was born. He came out of the womb doing it, which was very troubling for everyone. It's all about how it's his birthday and he wants candies and cakes and creams. Where are my Shetland ponies,

Daddy? And he needs his Shetland ponies. He calls him Daddy. I can't play with the Shetland ponies if I'm doing a podcast, Daddy. And he never wants to do a podcast. I remember I think he was six years old when he first started saying, I don't want to do the podcast, which was confusing. He was the first historically speaking is the first use of the term. Yes. Podcast was admitted by Griffin when he was six and not wanting to do one. Did the two of you even bring cakes and creams?

I sent you a birthday present. Did you get it? I've not received a present from you, but the fact that you said it's not cakes or creams. It might be. I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house. Did you get it? Fuck, that's funny. That's funny. You guys like snole? That's what I call SNL. Yeah, that shit's good. Oh, you snapped Griffin out of it with your super funny joke. Good job, Justin.

It was less a joke, more of a reference to an obscure snole bit. Yeah. I'm back. Yeah, I'm ready to do this one. I mean, it wasn't a joke. I would rather not be. I'd rather not be doing it. I'd rather be, you know. What have you got? Let's talk about the gifts. Gifts so far. What have you got? I got a bottle of water with like a screw top lid from our business manager, Amanda, because during the last tour, she watched me twice open up the lid that has like a little hidden straw in it of my contigo after being on an airplane with it and it blasted me fully in the face like a clown's like flower and strangers saw me do this and so did Amanda.

So she got me one that's a little more foolproof than that. What else? Daddy got me a Spider-Man statue. And then I just noticed that Justin, you and Sydney have gone in together on a, I believe, a classroom. Yes. You got me a classroom and I don't know where it says a gift of a new classroom and I don't know what I'm supposed to teach in. Oh, you actually don't. This is the great thing. It's, it's a classroom in the Sudan somewhere teaching impoverished children and stuff and you don't have to do anything. You just can bask in the reflected glow of knowing that

there's good in the world happening in your name. That is nice. But Gervin, can I tell you what? I got you, it should have been delivered. I believe like the 14th or 15th. Did I send it to the wrong house again? I might have. I was about to ask you your address and then I remember recording a podcast for public assumption. Do you want to know what it is? Sure. It's a bidet. Oh, Trav. Yeah. Shouldn't have. So it's like Justin got you that really nice classroom thing that helps other people and

I got something nice for your butt. That's great because the world has problems and I love gifts like Justin's because it helps, you know, cater to those problems. But I'm also having a problem and it's just my, my, my blighted bung has just been really a real issue for me lately and I'm really happy for the immediate sort of salve that my favorite brother Travis has provided for me. So. Excellent. Excellent. But Justin, yours is very, I like how it helps people. And let me, Justin, let me say this. If you want to come and one up him, because now it's, now we got to fight our hands and this is always how I got the best presence growing up. If you want to one up him, may I suggest cakes and creams.

Cakes and creams. I should have thought of that. No, you can do both. You can add it. It's an add-on. It's a DLC for the Sudanese classroom. It's a tech. Yeah. That way everybody wins with that one. With that one, everybody wins. I get something. They get something. So anyway, folks, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We're excited to get going. Happy birthday to you, Griffin. So excited about it. Thirty-two backwards. Michael Jordan number. Huge. Huge. That's a massive milestone. Okay. Here's a question. I'll be attending a Billy Joel concert, which is also his 70th birthday celebration. What if he tries to stop the concert

until they bring him cakes and creams? That sounds like something he would actually do. Should I bring a gift? No. How do I get it to him? You can't. What do I buy? What do you buy for the piano man who has everything? And that's from Unsure on the Upper West side. It's Billy's birthday and that you get the present this year because Billy is bringing to you all of his great hits of the 50s and 60s. And today, all of his hit. What's the spirit of the 50s and 60s? It's still rocking all day. The spirit of 50s and 60s through the lens of 80s just probably really coked up in this. Yeah. Let me ask you guys this. If you had the chance to get Billy Joel something, what would it be? Tombstone.

It's a reverent. It's an irreverent humor that I like to do my own twist in South Park humor. It is a reverent. I think I would get him the chance to switch places with me for one day. Prince and Popper that shit. Yeah. Take the pressure off him. Let me be the piano man for one day and he can just be a man without all the pressure, without all the piano pressure. Travis is just texted asking for my address. Just to update everybody. That was a private thing. I tried to send you a birthday birthday. Here's what you could do. You could. Okay. Let me hit you with this. Sit him down in a comfortable chair in front of a piano, right? And then you sit down at a different angle and then you turn the piano towards yourself and you say,

no, no, no, Billy, allow me. And then you play a version of we didn't start the fire that encompasses all of his and then everything in the that happened in the 30 years since we didn't start the fire. And you do like an updated. I think it's like, I want you to know, Joe, Billy, that you didn't start the fire, but I'm taking the fire. I'm picking up your torch and I'm going to carry it on for you and I'll continue to update this song that you seem unwilling to title it. I will finish the fire. I will complete the fire for Willie Joel. I will do it for him. You just call him Willie Joel. Friends call him Willie Joel. Willie Joel Pianamon. I would bet a million dollar hairs that this is not the first time we've talked about an updated we didn't start the fire.

Yeah, we didn't. It is the first time, though, that I'm thinking critically about the song, we didn't start the fire. And it's kind of that's true. It's pretty it's pretty shit. Huh? It's not if you think about Billy Joel sitting down at the old desk and saying like, shit sucks right now. Shit's getting really wild and people need me. Willie Joe Pianamon to really crack out a dinger forum that's going to help them soothe their soul and give them some artistic nourishment that addresses the issues of our time. I am going to write this song that is all about a passing the buck. We didn't do it. And then also in lieu of having a message to the song, I'm just going to say

I'm going to flip through some microfiche at my local library and just write down the words of things that I see there. He did kind of write it like an eighth grader doing like a report on something he didn't really read, but just kind of read the back cover like, you know, Berlin Wall, JFK. Leonard Bernstein. I think he was a dude. He was there. I am a little sad. I'm happy for his 70th birthday. Huge congratulations, Billy. It is a little sad, though, that we're in the last few weeks of him being 69. And we haven't really used it enough, I would say. I would say we have not taken advantage of the fact that he is 69. I didn't even talk about it. It feels like we could have referenced it so much more. It is the law that when you are

69, you have to do it that particular maneuver more often. So I bet he really knows how to just wail on that harmonica. If you know what I'm talking about. Griffin. It's still Billy Joel. Sir Billy Joel. Have you ever noticed how Piano Man starts with the harmonica solo? I think about that every time that goddamn song starts. Yeah. How about a Yahoo? I wish Billy Joel was funnier. Wait, as a person or as a topic? As a topic, I feel like Billy Joel is so muckwild in all his endeavors that he deflects. You try to make fun of Billy Joel as we have valiantly attempted for the past five minutes, and then Billy Joel's like, oh, good joke. Check this out. It's the video for River of Dreams. I did this one on me.

So what do you have in the fucking tank? You have nothing. I am bulletproof. So here's a Yahoo that was sent in by Jack. Thanks, Jack. It's Yahoo answers you. Bobby asks, if I am a 14-year-old, that's a wild way to say it. I guess it's Yahoo answers, so it has to be in the form of a question. If I am a 14-year-old and my family has a guinea pig, is he my brother or son? If I'm a 14-year-old and my family has a guinea pig, is he my brother or son? Is it possible he's your Belvedere? No, obviously. Update. I understand that technically he is neither since I am not a guinea pig. I think we're talking about structurally in the caste system of the family. You're drawing the family tree from which a branch

does little bing-bing dangle. Wait, who's bing-bing dangle? The guinea pig. His name is bing-bing dangle? Yes. What a great name. Where is he at? Where does he live? Is he a son or a brother to the 14-year-old? He might be the 14-year-old's dad. All right. Why do we assume that he's equal or less than? It's your brother. It's your brother. This is your new brother. I'm going to stick with you answer to the guinea pig now. If I'm the one that picked him out at the pet land or whatever, I don't know if they do guinea pigs at your local shelter, but if they do, obviously that's the ideal scenario. I'm pretty sure they sell these bad guys at Target, but if you're the one that picked him out from the Target lineup after shopping through Isaac

Mizrahi's new collection, I think you're the father of this pig. Hello. I'm Isaac Mizrahi, and these are my new gerbils. I'm selling them exclusively at Target. It's an Isaac Mizrahi branded line of guinea pigs. These rats are huge, and they are colorful, and they're going to awaken the goddess within you. I'm so proud of my new guinea pigs exclusively at Target. You look like you could use a really soft rat. Here, try one of my chinchillas. Try one of these socially acceptable rats. It was the first time somebody sees a ferret, right? They think, oh, it's a long one. A big old rat going to put it on my shoulders. I don't see why that was what we jumped to.

That seems wild to me that we would make a pet from the ferret. At Capybara, I would just go running and throw myself in the river and let myself, I would drift away until I found a new home that this big, big rat didn't live in. I think that if you bring a guinea pig home, he's a roommate. I think that he has his space where he's in charge. If you go in there and you're eating his food, he's going to be really mad at you. If he was eating your food, you'd be really mad at him. That's not something you would say about a son or a brother. If Groven and Justin looked in the refrigerator, I wouldn't be like,

they shouldn't be in the refrigerator, but if Capybara was in the refrigerator, I'd be like, hey, that's my stuff, Brian. Actually, if I got in charge of such a refrigerator, he would probably tell me to get out of his refrigerator. That's true. I watched the Punky Brewster episode. I know it's not safe to plant in a refrigerator. I wouldn't have it safe to concern in mind, but of course, yes. I get out. You can't get out. I get out to tell you the number of times I've gone down stairs from my office to get a nice cold can of LeCloff from the refrigerator and open it up and had to fish my dang oldest brother out of there. Was there a time when you couldn't open

a refrigerator from the inside? That's a problem? It's not an ongoing problem. It just seems unlikely. Okay, let's talk about this. There is an episode of Punky Brewster where child is in prison in a refrigerator. I think it isn't covered, but this must be a very weak child. I cannot fathom how you can get stuck in a refrigerator. Do they lock? Is that a thing where you were afraid of the meat getting out? No, they had those metal latches that would shut and would hold the door shut, and they were only on the outside, so they'd have to remove the doors off these old refrigerators so dumb kids couldn't crawl inside of them at the city dump, and then the good thing about that is ready to go hot and fresh cough and just like right there,

I guess, and that's not ideal, obviously, but on the subject of if it is an ongoing concern, that would be wild knowing what I just said out loud. If Mr. Frigidaire had people coming up to him like, dog, you got to do something. The kids are climbing into, they're playing Fortnite and then going to take what they call dumpster breaks, and they're climbing in the fridges, and they are just getting just wrecked out there, and Mr. Frigidaire's not hearing that like. Okay, so I've looked into this just to clarify, because we all have a vivid memory of this very special episode, the message of which was don't go in a refrigerator because you can get locked in. This used to happen because it used to be that you could only open from the outside,

and then they made a law in 1956 that you had to use the magnetic thing instead of a latch, right? So this Punky Bruce episode, released in the 80s, was about the dangers of playing in antique refrigerators. That is like, hey, all the AIDS crisis was like in full bloom. Yeah, maybe talk about that. Kids getting stuck in fridges. They was always stuck. Sorry, I'm just sort of trying to think of how to update. We didn't start the fire. Well, I don't think he does it in the chorus. I don't think he swaps out the chorus. It's like, let's really, let's really dig into the Berlin wall. If I'm being honest, I couldn't remember how the verses go. It's just, it bothers me that it was a very special episode that I'm pretty sure I watched, but maybe I just know about because I exist in

the world and I hear people talk about things sometimes. And that has stuck with me more than most lessons I learned in schools is that don't play in refrigerators. You get stuck in them, which is apparently a concern that not even my dad had to worry about when he was five. Right. So why, why do I know it so well? Okay, that's it. You can look at, there's an article on mental floss. If you want to know more about this very special episode that you're probably, I would imagine 98% of our audience is completely in the dark on. But hey, here we go. We're getting on their case for talking about the dangerous of a 30 year old thing. And here we are talking about a 30 year old episode of television for comedy sake. So moving on. I work in a podcast is a

refrigerator that I've been trapped inside of for nine years. I work in a quote hip office park. And we share a parking lot with another hip company. They have their own coffee shop in that parking lot. We also share a basketball hoop. A few weeks ago, we got a company wide message that we needed to quote, be respectful regarding the basketball hoop. Nothing further was said. Two weeks later, we get a second message saying that we were banned from using the hoop due to an incident. No one in my office is talking about it. And I'm too scared to ask for fear of discovering some dark secret, what the incident was and why we were banned. The most I got from someone was, ooh, someone was a bad boy. How do I go about discovering the truth? Is it worth the

risk? This is from Detective Hoops in Atlanta. First, ooh, someone was a bad boy is not a piece of information, but probably just a guess or observation. Like no one's ever like walked into a police office and like a detective was like, what happened? And the detective was like, well, seems like somebody was a bad boy. What? No, you really cracked this one wide open, man. Yeah. Someone was taking it to the, I mean, yeah, we, we are all agreed here. Someone was refusing to fake the funk on a nasty. Oh, they were taking it to the hall. Yes. They were doing some disrespectful dunks. The other possibility is that they were doing nasty dunks, but when it came time for the funk to happen, they were kind of phoning it in. They were kind of thinking.

And so, and so it doesn't, you guys are assuming that somebody went boom shock a lot of the glass explode. I'm saying that maybe they were disrespecting the hoop by which I mean they were doing super bad at basketball and embarrassing the sport itself, embarrassing the hoop. Like they would go to dunk, but it was more just like they were barely like getting to the rim, you know, like they're kind of rolling the ball with their fingers to get it in. And people were like, no, you can't do that. You're disrespecting the god of hoops. That was an impotent dunk, Jeremy. The folks over here, the folks over here dunks, the folks over here at slick beans, the folks over here at cool coffee, they get nine feet high. They're so rad. Slick beans is the name of the

company, but then cool coffee is the shop they have. Not related at all. Slick beans does not handle actually any beans of any kind. It's just the name of the business. You're embarrassing us in front of slick beans. You're banned from the hoop. Everyone is. But I was trying my best. Maybe this is, maybe someone is playing a very high minded game of D, of basketball day. You were telling the other company that you were supposed to play that they, this is like, hello, you could, there's like the zone defense. There's like sort of man, you know, what, man to man, sort of that, that defense. And then there's like emailing the opposing team to tell them that they're not welcome anywhere near the hoop. There's small business on small business defense.

Yeah. Yeah. That's our hoop. And we are formal, formal. It's just taunting. We're just formally letting you all know that there's some disrespectful dunks. You are not allowed anywhere near our home, which is the hoop. You were dunking, but you didn't wash your hands first. And we saw that. So no, thank you. The ball was teetering on the rim and you burped and blew on it to push the ball into it. No, thank you. I don't want to dunk with no pee ball. We saw Derek come out of the bathroom without washing his hands and then go straight to the parking lot and start dribbling. No, thank you. For all we know, he's already dribbled twice. Yeah. Maybe one company like whoever, the TJ Max staff, uh, uh, challenge, a pretty hit business, Justin. That's a hit business.

The TJ Max staff challenged cool beans to a basketball showdown. And then they told them that that was their hoop. And then that the other team didn't have a hoop because there was only one hoop. So the only hoop available was the cool beans hoop. So then the score just got absolutely astronomically out of reach. And there was no more basketball because of that. And another possibility is that in an attempt to get a leg up on the slick beans, some select members of your staff, your coworkers, your cohorts did go out and steal the basketball energy from Mugsy Bulgs and, uh, Charles, Charles Barkley and, um, Michael Jordan, although he's playing baseball. So like, does he even still have it? And, um, Sylvester Stallone. I mean, Sylvester,

the cat and a Sylvester Stallone. He voiced Sylvester the cat. He was just noticed. He's got big. Hey, listen, Slay fucking Rocky. He's got huge muscles. That's got to help you jump. Yeah. Well, is it? Actually, I was going to say he didn't do any jumping, but he jumps up and down when he gets to the top of the steps. And he's got big muscles on his legs to push the earth away to get up to the hoop. So is it a problem that none of us have even theorized about flubber this one? Oh, should flubber have been brought up before now? Maybe the hip company is like a flubber company. It's a new flubber company. It's a new, the new flubber company, they call it. It's all like shade growth. So this market is flooded with flubber companies. There's just like

a new one. Yeah, but they're, they're, they're doing it. This is a new take. It's like organic fair trade flubber. Farm-to-table flubber. Ketogenic flubber. To avoid like, you know, FDA prying eyes, they have to call their company something else as a front. And so they, they do Apple is what, and that's how that's what they've actually been this whole time. And I've, yeah, so I've got a whole like, I got a whole dossier and I've sent it to Justin and Travis many, many times before about how Apple does flubber. And then I'm gonna crack it open soon, but I promise for your birthday, maybe that's our, is it possible that you work for the Harlem Globetrotters?

Huh? Huh? They're the, I mean, they have to have a storefront somewhere. You can't be a business without a storefront legally. I do, I'm going to step in here though and say, I cannot think of a conglomeration that all together throughout the history of time has been more disrespectful to the basketball hoop and the game itself and the people they play it. They will climb up on ladders and they will dunk, you know, confetti into the audience while another person scores a three from the concession stand. That is hugely disrespectful to this game. It's cheating. Yes. It is cheating. How come no one has called the Harlem Globetrotters on their flagrant cheating? They do a basketball jump over like five kids and I just, I didn't see my friend Michael Jordan doing

that during his big game, the sixth game of the series that he did so well in. So I don't, I don't know. One time I saw Harlem Globetrotter put the ball under his jersey and then pretend he was pregnant and walk with it. The junior. And at no point did anyone say, you're not dribbling, you can't put the ball under your shirt. They just let him do it. But then he said, oh, aren't I? And then his water broke and then they brought out a bed and then over the next 12 hours, he, he pushed that basketball valiantly, slowly, bravely, no epidural, no epidural, just raw dog. There was an, there was an epiduncle, which is of course a basketball doula. Yeah. And so it's just, just no, no juice, just raw dog in it. And then when it did come out,

there's three pointer, extremely disrespectful display, extremely beautiful, but also it was beautiful. It was beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, it was beautiful, like little slice of life. And it was, you know, it's the circle of life. And that's great. But you got, you know, plus in on the basketball, and that's disrespectful because that, that one's cashed. I don't mean to be, I'm not, you know, I'm not a brute. I've seen the, the majesty of this process, IRL first hand with my own special brood. But if you get placenta on a basketball, boy, because the little bumps on there, forget about it. That one's done. You know, the Harlem Globetrotters play against the Washington generals. Yeah.

Well, now here I am thinking this. Does, does whoever have a placenta component in it? That's why you're supposed to save the placenta because they need it for flubber. They will pay top dollar for some fresh placenta. Hey, quick. It's just placenta and cornstarch really. You can DIY. I watch a lot of YouTube videos, DIY flubber. Now you're going to need some fresh placenta, nothing freeze dried, no powdered. I'm talking about fresh, just fresh out the Harlem Globetrotter, just right out. You know, on any other show, on any other episode of My Brother, My Brother Beat, the news that the

Washington generals have their own website touting what a great season they're going to have, and they're all new roster would be worth discussing. But I don't even, I don't even know if it's, okay, it is worth mentioning this. There is, oh man, this is, this is going to be a basketball themed episode of My Brother, My Brother Beat because we are going to have to discuss this currently. I want everyone to just join me over here at this webpage. If you're at home and you want to see what my brothers are about to laugh at, go to WashingtonGenerals.com forward slash Kager. That's C-A-G-E-R. You're going to meet Kager, the Globetrotter's biggest nightmare. Oh my God. This image is a very tall man in a black hoodie with arms open and almost sort of a

biblical pose, and he's most notably wearing a sort of black basketball mask. There's a quote here from Kager. We're like edging into Munch Squad territory. Quote, I don't like the way the Globetrotters are always joking around and laughing on the court. Basketball is serious business, says Kager with a scowl. I'm ready to release the beast and show how basketball is supposed to be played. I'm going to wreck some rims and wreck some dreams. Hold on, Kager. Hold on there, Kager. Pump the brakes there, Kager, because I'm all about you showing the Harlem Globetrotters that the way that they treat the basketball and the sport is somewhat disrespectful, but you got to leave those rims for the next generation. I appreciate where you're coming from, but you need to not

become the thing that you are trying to fight in this world. Now, it says here in Miss Kager article that he can drill shots from the four-point line introduced by the Globetrotters in 2016. So the Globetrotters are just like, hey, from now on, this line, you get four points. It's disrespectful in ways that I couldn't even imagine. Meanwhile, the Washington General say, okay, we have a seven-foot guy. We brought a giant in a black rask, and he's fighting for us. And there is a quote here from the coach of that team, which is maybe the most thankless position in all of sport. Quote, we might even seek, sneak a sixth player on the court when Kager is in the game. The guy can just hide behind Kager, and the rest will never

see him. Oh, now I don't fucking care who wins. Let him, but let him, let him destroy each other, and I'll mop up whoever's left. You can't sink to their level, Kager. And Kager closes with this. He menses no words when asked about his objective. My main purpose in life is to get the generals that elusive win and wipe the smiles off the faces of the Globetrotters. Y'all, I looked it up just to find out that Washington generals have beaten the Harlem Globetrotters at least three times. Oh my God. In 1954, 1958, and 1971. I mean, it has to be a revolt from one of the Washington generals each who was summarily fired after that, but this is a way to fucking go out. Like, oh no, oh no, he's got a ladder.

Swish, what are you fucking doing, Ronnie? What are you fucking doing, Ronnie? I don't want to be there, though, on the day when Kager does get his elusive dream of destroying the Harlem Globetrotters, because he wins that game. They come back the next day, Globetrotters like, guess what? We've all got civil war sabers. We all took a vote on basketball rules, and now we've all got swords. It's legal on the court to kill Kager. Yeah, if I can cut Kager's whole head off, I get 20 points. We're dangling Kager's beloved uncle from a rope from the rafters of the stadium. And if the general swin will drop and kill his uncle, and that's a new basketball rule. And the NBA sees the NBA. Tickets are starting to slow down. Tickets to the Harlem

Globetrotters games are just going through the roof, so now the NBA's got to start dangling uncles. Oh gosh. Should we go to the money zone? Yeah, yeah, let's go. Oh my god, we have a new sponsor, and I'm so extremely excited to talk about postmates. Okay, so who do you ask to bring you something when you don't want to leave the house? You could ask your friends, but how many of those can you call Griffin? They'll drive up from Austin, no problem, but no more of that relying on brotherly affection. Just go, just use postmates. Oh, it's no problem. I know it's no problem for you, Griffin, but it is your birthday, so if you need to get off here, it's Postmates. It's your personal food delivery, grocery delivery,

whatever you could think of, delivery service 24-7. You don't have to go to the store, you can just download the app for iOS and Android for free, browse local restaurants, and track your delivery. They're the largest on-demand network in the known universe, with more than 25,000 partner merchants. For a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. And you can start those free deliveries right now and use the code, just get the app and use the code, my brother. I love Postmates. You know what I love Postmates is when we're on tour and I don't know the area very well. So if you're traveling and you just need something and you don't know how far away that something is,

or where the place is, or whatever, Postmates is like a fantastic option for that. Yeah. I apologize for laughing in the middle of that. That was a time release, half-hour long delay from me realizing that my brother Travis had essentially sent a bidet to a stranger here in Austin. And I enjoy that very much. Again, get the app right now, then use the code, my brother, and get $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app. Get anything you need, anytime you need it, download Postmates and save with code, my brother. I would like to tell you about Bullen Branch. Bullen Branch, sheets, towels, what do you need? What do you need? Go to Bullen Branch.

I just did a big old round of laundry and I had, this is not a joke because I noticed things like this, gosh darn it. I was folding some Bullen Branch towels and I thought these still feel brand new even though I've had them for like a year. And that's just a testament to the quality that Bullen Branch brings because they use 100% pure organic cotton and it's signature soft sheets that start out luxurious and only get softer over time, which I can 100% vouch for. And Bullen Branch products have thousands of five-star reviews. It's incredible. I'm a big fan, highly recommend. People are at the heart of everything they do from farmers who grow their organic people. And they offer a no risk 30 day trial and free shipping in the US. So to get started

right now, our listeners can get $50 off your first set of sheets at bullenbranch.com promo code mybrother, all one word. So go to bullenbranch.com that's B-O-L-L and branch.com and get $50 off your first set of sheets with promo code mybrother, all one word. The Greatest Generation is a Star Trek podcast that de-stigmatizes the very idea of having a Star Trek podcast. We're Ben and Adam, the hosts of The Greatest Generation and the technology we've developed is that nobody knows what you're playing in your earbuds. You know with legalization it's easier than ever to find out what's in your buds. But we suggest that you legally find The Greatest Generation wherever you download your podcasts. We'll send it to you in a discreet

unmarked package and nobody has to know but us. That's The Greatest Generation, the Star Trek podcast that you didn't know you needed yet makes you feel like you belong. So y'all want another yahoo? Yes, Griff and I would like another yahoo. All right this yahoo was sent in by Graham Roebuck, thank you Graham. Oh I love it. I love it. I love it. Stone asks, and this one's really fucking funny. This one's really gonna bust the nuts in the audience tonight. This one's gonna bust the nuts? It's guts and nuts. This one is so funny with Lalo even the big man, Cajer. Gold coins here. Welcome to the Munch Squad, the podcast is in a podcast that I feel like is in its

it's in its it's in its twilight years. I feel like and not to be sad and there's still plenty of Munch Squad on the horizon but I feel like we're probably round the bend on people being so buck wild. I'm not gonna say it has anything to do with Munch Squad but I'm not saying I'm gonna say that I did not kill this particular golden goose. Okay. But we've still got a few left in us and I just want to bring a home strong. I do want to give everybody real quick a quick Munch Squad Junior with the update. Welcome to the Family Curls Junior testing a CBD burger in Denver on 420. First ever quick service restaurants to introduce CBD infused item. It's named the Rocky Mountain High Cheeseburger Delight and that is the CBD. It's CBD. It features two charbroil patties

with the signature Santa Fe sauce infused with CBD. Pickled jalapenos, pepper jack cheese and criss-cut fries right on there to give the burger the extra crunch. That's easily the weirdest part of the whole burger I would say. That's the weirdest part of it. Listen to this the new menu item will be available at 4050 Colorado Boulevard Denver on April 20th. Yes that's right 420. Beginning at 6 a.m. Oh hey hey how's the morning going? Pretty good. I just ate a I ate a weed hamburger at 6 30 a.m. So I feel like the day's off to a good start but that's not what I want to talk about today. I want to I got big news from DQ. They've just unveiled a new tagline. Oh no that's the worst. That's the worst thing they could have been unveiling.

Yeah they're unveiling a new tagline. Here it comes. Ready? Happy take good. Oh my god it's already really great. Happy tastes good. Huh. Happy tastes good. Good happy taste. Mmm. I guess daddy like was taken. So now I got it. Happy tastes good. The cakes and creams taste happy. Good. Happy tastes good. Good taste? No. Happy tastes good. End of slogan. Happy tastes good. With fresh deals sweet new treats and crave worthy eats that make any meal feel like an indulgence because it is. I mean folks you're eating at Dairy Queen. It is an indulgence of a sort. Yeah it is reinforcing

that it's a smile above the rest and a destination for happy moments and memories and diarrhea later presumably to celebrate happy tastes good. It's great every time. What a great sentence. Someone was paid for. There's new Sunday toppings like rich choco chunks crunchy praline pieces and smooth I swear to god it's called this smooth midnight fudge. Oh my god. A midnight fudge. A midnight fudge. Oh god. These uh so they got a deal and Maria Hockinson who's the something there says we love being at the center of our fans happiest memories the center of my happiest memory why it's a meal at Dairy Queen whether it's toasting to a team win celebrating a birthday or simply treating yourself to make the everyday just a little more special. Fuck man. I just thought of somebody

that tried to make a boring day more special by eating at Dairy Queen and it's the most depressing thing I've ever heard in my entire life but happy tastes good. It's about the joyful moment you experience when you visit one of our restaurants from the first bite to the last spoonful. The last spoonful here is either the last spoonful of your food or the last spoonful before you realize that you only have the one human body and what are you doing to it and you have to go. Now here's the wildest part about this release to prove the DQ brand really is in the business of happy. ADQ that's American Dairy Queen Network I guess commissioned a national consumer survey which found that okay. By the way if you want to preserve numbers as something that and statistics as

something of a constant in your life that you rely on to become more informed or that you find any use or value in them please stop listening now because Dairy Queen is about to strip that away. 69% of the nice bill of the people surveyed believe that having a blizzard treat is a happier way to start the summer than activities such as taking a road trip 43% wearing shorts 40% or cannonballing into a pool 29% what what was the structure of the question what is the structure of that fucking question because one I added all your numbers and you're fucked it's all fucked straight to death okay that's all fucked 69% of people believe that having a blizzard treat is a happier way to start the summer than wearing shorts did you just ask people like would you rather have

some ice cream or put off some shorts right now shorts you what would be a happier start to your summer eating ice cream in slacks or wearing shorts I imagine they only asked 10 people would you what's a better way to start your summer eating a cool refreshing blizzard treat at Dairy Queen smiles taste good or wearing some fucking shorts is that a good way to start your summer and four people went shorts I guess and the other six people went rightly so what the fuck are you talking about time to pull on my shorts ah it's June 23rd let's go you can't you can't put on shorts like okay these people who said okay of all those I think the best start is cannonballing into a pool cool are you doing that in slacks are you wearing jeans and cannonballing into the pool no you're

not I I would maybe they like literally held up like a blizzard and said do you want to eat this and then they held up a pair of shorts I said or do you want to put on my shorts I'd be like I guess I'll eat the blizzard like I thought do you want to take off your clothes right now in front of everyone here in Times Square and put on these shorts or would you rather have this refreshing blizzard treat and guess what I'm gonna one up that shit it's covered in smooth midnight fudge can I do neither all right how about my day you eat this or I push you into a pool like um please don't do that or I'm gonna drop put you in the trunk of this car and drive you across the country please don't do that I'm not done fifth okay listen listen 56 percent said dipping a dq

chicken strip into sauce feels like a group hug for your taste buds wow no they didn't they agree they checked a box next to that sentence that dairy queen wrote right yeah but that means that 44 percent of the people just stared at the question asker in silence like what could that mean what what could that possibly mean trump is president what are you talking about there's there's real things going on in the world what are wasting my time what are earth are you talking about the last statistic they have here 53 percent said a trip to a dq location is as happy as finding twenty dollars in your pocket wrong what on earth could that mean you can you if you find the twenty dollars you could go to dairy queen with it yeah what on earth what do you mean the cycle

begins anew history repeats itself apparently um how about a yahoo yeah please this one's sent in by gram robot thank you gram it's from yahoo answers user stone who asks spiders in my house how get rid of like minecraft spiders in my house how get rid of like minecraft you're going to have to burn your house down well i mean maybe that's what yahoo answers user jihara meant when they responded put torches end of comment okay you can i like efficiency in language you can figure out what they mean from that yeah torches but torches spider on them near them so i have a whole bunch of these little these little creepo creepozoids in my house and they're

they want to catch me up in their net and suck me dry so i do want to get rid of them like but i do want to do it like minecraft i've been i've been honing the i okay yeah i don't think that this person just i mean it's all phrased very strangely i don't think this person is necessarily saying i want to get rid of spiders in my real home in the same fashion that i disposed with these little bastards in the game minecraft you don't think that's interesting because that's exactly how your boy took that's hit at me that's how it hit me no i think this person is saying i think the like minecraft here is meant to indicate uh i should have clarified when i began the question this is written in regards to the video game minecraft no i'm sorry i'm gonna put

my foot down here and say that they're saying i would like to get rid of the spiders in my house like i do in minecraft yeah so if you don't have anything fucking helpful to say go record a saw bones or something okay because travis and i are are dialed down two out of three brothers telling you that this person wants to minecraft these spiders and i'm here to tell you you find out where the spiders are and then you go to where that is and you punch the fuck out of the cube that they live in until that part of your house explodes yes that's it i mean that's i mean that's one of many ways to do it what else are you gonna do i guess you could carry around i don't know like bricks or like cinder blocks or something and like stack them on top of the spider does that

work in minecraft it does yeah that'll goosh them up real good and then you can take that and you can build spider guts wall out of it for um you're for a pervoid house very weirdo who wants to live in like an hr beaker sort of nightmare zone well here's some things to keep in mind apparently the the spider is a neutral mob that means that it will only attack you during the day in survival mode if you attack it first uh-huh but it will always attack you at night in survival mode i get they get moon horny is this an option to just avoid them during the day and just sort of like stay closed up in your spider free room yeah through the evening is that possible you don't even have to be yeah you can you don't even have to avoid them during the day it sounds

like like you guys can like chill in the house and like go out and talk and they can give you sex advice like joe's apartment and then uh after after that but then you're like bringing yeah dog we are fucking crushing it so the spiders are like yeah you gotta hit it from the back and then you're like oh shit guys it's uh it's 642 i better go board myself up and they're like yeah man get to it you know how we get um boy i wish i hadn't conjured the specter of joe's apartment there isn't it it's just there it's just there it's in my mouth jerry o'cottle hovers above your computer now he's just watching me hoping you'll reference him two more times and bring the remake to life um so that's one option i hate my book club oh i thought it'd be cool

but it sucks i've been in it for six months though and it's a really small club so i feel bad about bouncing especially because they talked about how grateful they are that i've joined any advice on the best way i'll leave without looking like a dick what excuse can i give other than i don't like your company or opinions will you meet every six to eight weeks so i'm really busy seems unbelievable that's from looking to leave in a lot la this book club must be the absolute pits if in six months that means you've met at most what like five times yeah four and a half times and you're like i can't anyone if i had an obligation that required me to only remember it every two months oh that would be heaven can you start inviting a lot of dope ballers

to your book club and it's in like a lot of real hip cats and you get them to come to the book club and just sort of dilute sort of buy out the dilute the shares of the terrible people until it's a cool book club is that is it a voting out situation i don't know i've never been at a book club i see uh that's good you could also just kind of dip and that's my jam is that if you are doing something you don't like doing you dip on it because best case scenario they don't actually care that much that you took off and worst case scenario is not really a problem anymore because you dipped didn't you you dip and you have more time to do cool stuff and hang out with people you enjoy oh and when they called to check on you just say like i finished the book i finished the book

so i thought we were all working together to try and get through a war and peace and i beat it i beat the boss so i don't need your help anymore guys yeah we're all we're done right and now it and then act very confused and then i don't know uh tell him another like another book club invited you over and you like the book they were reading better and that's good it has nothing to about them you've just always wanted to read animal farm and so you had to go yeah i am distrustful of a person that can't come up with a great lie every six to eight weeks because i can crank out a bad boy i mean i'm doing this on the daily and can't come up with excuses to not do things i am i think it is suspicious that you can't cook one up every six to eight weeks because i could

definitely come up with shit i am doing if i only if i was only called to do that every couple couple months you can also come dressed up with a sheet with eye holes cut out in it and you walk in and they're like why are you dressed like that you know like it's time for me to be honest the whole time i thought it was boo club and i came here the first time thinking it was boo club and i was too embarrassed to say anything about it but i'm here now and i'm just i'm just a guy in a ghost costume standing before a group of people whose opinions i don't respect saying do you want to transform this into a boo club because if not i'm gonzo maybe you guys maybe you guys will have better opinions about ghosts and paranormal stuff i i love your company i can't

sand reading and i also love fighting so i want to turn this into a fight club and is that an option that's even on the table that we can talk about because i would love that who wants to destroy something beautiful with me come on let's do it let's start with the club not see any hands not see any hands shoot shoot okay i'm going to start a fight club outside anyone who wants to join me i'll be on the porch during your book club meetings uh who's still doing book clubs like who's still if you really want to bounce some ideas off the meaning of this shit like hack into some accelerated reader tests and take those online and then get good points that you can spend at pizza hut or whatever something something something just call the author did

i get it right you got it right awesome thank you thank you mr salinger sorry to bother you sorry to bother you that's okay no one ever talks i was so lonely why doesn't anyone ever want to talk to me was the catcher about uh difficulties of childhood youth i was drunk when i wrote it yes i think yes you got it right hey do you want to hear i've got the first few chapters of catcher done do you want to hear the picture in their eye you actually got it better than me you knew better than what i thought you've got it i'm passing it down to you now now you're the salinger and he takes off his ring and he turns into bones what's really sad is i know you're not a skeleton but the first thing i thought is like emily deschanel from bones ah trav that

doesn't make any sense i know but i'm a real character yeah um thank you so much for listening to our podcast uh my brother my brother main advice show for the matron era uh we hope you've enjoyed yourself sorry about all the very obscure references this time and a lot of placenta talk there for a lot of placenta talk um just some recommended reading for this week's episode uh you can google uh billy joel and google um cage cage or the washington generals monster joe's apartment which was a uh article about that punky bruster episode joe's apartment was a movie based on what was it like a like a it was a like a skit it's a short it's like between show like commercial basically on mtv it's wild okay but it is a movie they also did

roger ebert wrote at the time joe's apartment would be a very bad comedy even without the roaches mile okay that's wild really tying their their arms behind in there yeah right it wouldn't make much sense i would guess it would leave more room for o'connell to stretch his wings to really get out there and strut his stuff his acting wings um uh we have new i don't know if we talked about it but we have we we mentioned it last time but now they're on sale uh we have a ton of shows that have gone on sale recently um my knowledge of like see i'm going to look at that to tell you all how those shows are doing hold on one second okay um we're going to be in cleveland Cincinnati uh nashville uh indianapolis atlanta orlando washington dc pittsburgh philadelphia

brooklyn chicago and minneapolis um you can find all those at bit.ly forward slash become the monster because it is the become the monster tour i know some of those have already sold out i'm pretty sure don't quote me on this uh pittsburgh and brooklyn and maybe minneapolis uh have have sold out already uh so please if you'd like to come see us uh tickets are going fast so please don't wait go to bit.ly forward slash become the monster and buy uh tickets to those shows so we can see you some will be uh the adventure zone shows most arm and bm shows uh so please come see us uh so we have a ton of uh merch if you haven't checked out in a while we're trying to put new stuff up every month macroymerch.com uh you can also just head to macroy.family and see the merch listing there

and all our shows there and all that stuff uh thanks to um john rodrick yeah and the uh the long winters yeah man for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed uh it's gonna do you right no matter what time it is and um yeah thanks to maximum fun for having us on the network and uh thank you to you for listening and for uh supporting us however you do unless you don't and that's that's okay too it's not preferable do you all want the final yahoo of course this one's a real stumper is sent by mike thank you mike it's from yahoo answers user eva who does ask how do people in pie factories know which box or wrapper to put on a pie if they can't see what's inside of it yes damn that's good i am just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy

i'm griffin macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad's school wear on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hello this is amy man and i'm ted leo and we have a podcast called the art of process we've been lucky enough over the past year to talk to some of our friends and acquaintances from across the creative spectrum to find out how they actually work so i have to write material that makes sense and makes people laugh i also have to think about what i'm saying to people if i kick your ass i'll make you famous the fight to get lgbtq representation in the show we weirdly don't know as many musicians as you would expect i really just became a political speech writer by accident realizing that i have

accidentally uh pulled my pants down listen and subscribe at maximum fun dot org or wherever you get your podcast it's like if the guinea pig was complicit in helping the scientist