My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 482: Face 2 Face: Big Stitch Energy

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Enjoy our most recent show from the gorgeous Kings Theater in Brooklyn, complete with a musical introduction from Lin and a cameo appearance by a guy who we are like — for real now — about 81 percent certain was Matt Doyle.

Hello. For tonight, I'm Billy Joel. Justin, Juice, McElroy, Charles, Daddy, Island Boy, Saw bones, farm wisdom, he knows Taekwondo. Travis Patrick Middle is expert, riddle piss, Huntington to Cincinnati, Sadlips on the show. Sweet baby brother Griffin sees things a little different. South Park, Kersingerie under 30 luminary.

Dungeon Master brings the drama. Barry Hussein Obama. Most people forget Hussein but he thinks it's important. He didn't start the brothers. They're from West Virginia. Now they're always in ya. He didn't start the brothers. No, he didn't light it.

So we candle-knighted. Hand-dark facecat. Pete and Pete and all that. Live show face-to-face. Play with me in this space. Good burger, kemen, kale. Off to Margaritaville. Matt Doyle, Matt Doyle.

Holy shit, it's Matt Doyle. Hey guys. It's Matt Doyle. Torsi, horse-chimp. Juggalo church camp. Teen Google munch squad. Travis is a mango god. Stack soap.

Time belts. Warrior cats. Brembo pelts. Finally emerging like the free-to-legged miners. We didn't start the brothers. We're all patriots. You've got extreme restraints. We didn't start the brothers.

No, they're very nice but it's bad advice. Glass shot. I've lost my cash. Olive garden. Golden pass. Black Jack. Nickel sack. Which one vapes?

Roker and I'm my city. Garfield, monstrosity. Quantum leap. Pacula rug. Least of gushy tapes. Future McDonald's pizza. Sydney, Rachel, Theresa. Watch them play every day.

Pack your bags and move away. We didn't start the brothers. We all watched like a haunted doll watch. We didn't start the brothers. But we'll make some noise for the McElroy's. It's familiar. But not too familiar. But not too not familiar.

It's a new craze. It's a new craze. It's a new craze. It's a new craze. It's a new craze. It's a new craze. Thank you. It's weird to know you've peaked.

Before a single word has been said. It's also weird for someone to perform. And then you go out to eat up all the applause. Delicious! Wait, wait. Is that what dad has supposed to been doing this whole time? Ha ha ha ha! Fuck!

He remembered more bits than I do. I assume extensive googling was involved. I was happy to see Link. Can I get one more round of applause for Matt Doyle? Matt Doyle! Matt Doyle! Matt Doyle! Matt Doyle!

Matt Doyle! Matt Doyle! Matt Doyle! Matt Doyle! I, here's a true story. Lynn told us he had a special guest. Wouldn't tell us who it was. I was holding my daughter, walking her back up and down the hallway to try to get her

to calm down because she was crying. And I walked past the hallway where Lynn was with his special guest. And I had this exact thought verbatim. Was that Matt Doyle? Ha ha ha ha! Hand of God! And then I walked past again because we were going back and forth. And I thought to myself, I think that's Matt Doyle.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's Matt Doyle. That is, in fact, Matt Doyle. Yeah, that's the real Matt Doyle. Or is it? This is a test. It's also especially fun to talk to Matt Doyle about how his agent has viewed this whole thing.

Yeah. Whereas agent's like, hey, why are people treating this? And Matt Doyle's like, I'm not sure. We'll never talk to Barack Obama about the many times that we've told people to tweet weird things at him. I'm worried that one day we will meet Barack Obama and he'll go, oh, you're those assholes. Yeah. Jesus.

You're the ones who ruined Twitter for me. Hello and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Thank you. I am your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. Hey, you know what, hey, Brooklyn, that felt pretty even across the whole thing. Yeah, I like that.

Thank you. Thank you. That's not always how that shakes out. And I really appreciate it. Should we, we don't need to do an intro, yes. That was a good introduction. Okay. How about we just get to this show and cut the bullshit?

I could. I could start with a Yahoo. Yes. If you feel comfortable. Okay. Let's do a vote. Are you all okay with starting with a Yahoo? Okay.

The votes are in. And now let us count one by one. Hands up. This one was sent in by Paul Saborn. Thank you, Paul. It's by an anonymous Yahoo Answers user who I'm going to call Matt Doyle for the rest of the night. Matt Doyle asks, what do mummies want?

It's my third favorite, Mel Gibson movie. It's a weird sequel. It became kind of like a Laurel and Hardy, Alan and Costello meet the mummies. It was what women want, then no, seriously, what women want? Question mark. And it's like, that's not good syntax. And his response to that review was, what do mummies want? Every undead being wants something from the living.

Vampires want to suck your blood. Zombies want to eat your brain or other parts of you. That seems weirdly nondescript. Hold on. We've never really thought about this, but people are like, zombies want to eat your brain, but they'll also settle for any other part of you. It should actually be zombies prefer to eat your brain, but we all prefer to eat fancy food.

But sometimes you grab a burger or whatever. Anyway, go scare the crap out of you. But what do mummies want exactly? Clearly they're after something, but what is all that shambling, moaning and arm raising all about? What will they do to you once you're in their clutches? Okay, listen, this is an excellent question, but I do feel like they kind of just glazed over the ghost thing of like, vampire wants your blood, zombie wants to eat your brain,

ghost wants to scare you. That's not the same. No, it's not. It's like a ghost is like, boo, and you run out of the room, and the ghost is like, yummy, yummy, yummy. Good fear. And best the ghost goes, I guess that's satisfying, but it's secondary, scaring you away. Ghost number one, finish unfinished business.

You are interrupting, so he'll scare you away. I'm trying to get back to my unfinished business. Please vacate the premises. Boo. Yeah. But what do mummy want? Mummy's just a dog chasing a car. He wouldn't know what to do if we come back.

Here's the problem. Everything listed off is true, right? Absolutely. They need your blood. Need it. Zombies, they want your brain, et cetera. It's their food. A zombie is a little more ephemeral, because a zombie, no, sorry, a mummy, which is a

zombie wrapped in toilet paper. Thank you. A mummy just wants to feel relevant, because that's really what you're dealing with is it's all these like kings and queens and princes and stuff who they died and now they came back and they're a person in cloth, and that's it, and they're like, there was a time when people thought I was the best. I feel you. I feel you.

There's no walking dead for mummies, because that show would be so fucking lit. I would watch every episode of that show. I just had that thought. But that's why. Like a zombie that's just sitting on a big throne and like drinking out of a chalice. No, it's literally walking dead shot for shot, but replace every zombie with a mummy. Exactly. The only change.

That's the only change. It's like somebody gets bit by a mummy and then they're like, raps start appearing. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay. Anyway, this is we get TMT. But what do the mummies want? TMT.

TMT. TMT, obviously. What I'm saying is it's wild that they don't have that, because as far as I know, mummies are the only one of these that is real and you see in museums. Right. It's a good point though, because up till now, no mummy attacks, but that does not mean no mummy attack ever. Right.

It might just mean maybe that curse is going to kick in next year. That's hard because my kid could be like, I'm afraid of a vampire and a ghost and a mummy are going to team up and get me. And I would have to say to the child, well, you know, vampires and ghosts aren't real. Anyway, go to bed. What does mummy want? What does mummy want? Mummy wants to fit in.

He's been out of the game for so long. He wants to feel relevant. He wants to feel like he's part of the culture today. Mummy is very similar to like a one hit wonder from like the 80s or 90s. She's going on tour now of being like, please, everyone, just look at me. That's all the mummy is doing. Like when that mummy was buried, people just like piled jewels and gold on top of them. Now when mummy comes out and people are like, hey, lay back down.

As far as I can tell from that one tomb that they found a couple of years ago, those jewels just turn into brown slime eventually. And then ironic teens on Tumblr start petitions to want to drink the brown slime. So maybe they wake up not feeling so great. In the mummy movie, the guy, the mummy goes around and turns people into shivelled up dead bodies. But like, I want Brandon Fraser to roll up and be like, yeah, but why though? You're chasing me around in a wall of sand made into a face.

And it's so scary, but like, but like, why? And here's the thing. We all accept in that movie that we do not want him to capture Rachel Vice, right? We do not want him to resurrect a noxious on a moon. Yes, we get that. Oh, shit, what a fool. Thank you. I know.

I have watched that movie a million times, but, but here's the thing. What's never made clear is, yes, he would suck if we lost Rachel Vice, she's a treasure. But past that, it is not like the mummy is like, and then we'll go get a flat in the city and we'll get jobs at Best Buy. Yeah, it seems like the mummy is willing to destroy four dudes who did just the greatest doom. Okay, we'll get on there. And then he kind of has a crush on Rachel Vice.

They should let his dumbass bring his wife back so she could be like, okay, this is great, Carl. Now what? What is your grand plan? What are we doing now? Well, I'm going to take over the world. Cool. How's your credit?

What's your credit like? What's your credit like? What's your resume look like? Yeah, let's see it. Since I was young, my mother has had a violent hunger for other people's fruits and vegetables. OPP, other people's produce. Thank you. Oh, so a strong use of the word violent.

Yeah. It's, uh, she has a tendency to sneak into neighbor's properties to steal from their gardens. Jesus. Rooting through my root of Vegas. Lean over into strangers' gardens and take fruit off their plants. Sign Beatrix Potter. And sneak into people's properties to harvest wild plants.

We have our own garden in fruit trees. She doesn't need to steal. Yeah, it sounds like she does. I am, I am going to, I'm going to circle back on that justification, by the way. There's lots of different ways to get fruits and vegetables. And also, if you didn't have your own garden, that also wouldn't excuse that. Yes, it's not permission. I love my own garden.

I'll take yours. Uh, unfortunately, in the last few years, she decided that because I tell her not to do this, I'm a narc. And a square. And just makes fun of me for not wanting her to do these veggie crimes. How can I get my mom to respect me? This fruiting is tearing our family apart. That's from Jay, child of crime.

Are you here, Jay? Hello? Arrest them! Complicit! I will also say, just quick back up, veggie crimes would be a great, gritty reboot to VeggieTales. Coming this fall to the CW. Dick Wolf presents veggie crimes.

Veggie crimes. It looks like he went Old Testament on his ass, speaking of, have you ever heard the good news? I don't care if you like to talk to tomatoes, you're going to talk to me! Oh boy, we really play into the Vacation Bible School crowd out there, I'm not sure how. Okay, cool. Close one.

So maybe stop being such a fucking narc. Unconventional response? Well, Ovan, I do think we can agree, you can go to the store, you can buy a zucchini, but how sweet is that zucchini stolen? I have grown produce once in my life. Intentionally? Yep. Okay.

I grew a bunch of tomatoes. Accidentally. Okay, that was the question. No, wait, it was intentional, like once we saw that they were making a run at it, we were like, all right, let's see what we can do to help you out with our limited knowledge of this. We ended up with like 30 pretty good tomatoes, and that's when sitting in I realized we don't like tomatoes.

So anytime you come to our house to be like, thank you so much for coming here for tomatoes. We've squired them into your pockets when you weren't looking, enjoy. So you're assuming that everybody who grows produce in the yard is like planting some cucumbers and like, God, I'm going to fucking hate these things. Hey Griffin? Yeah. Yeah. Actually now that Justin has said it, in my experience, every time I've gone to someone's

house that has a garden, they have said, please take some of these. Okay, that's fair. To the boys who are no joke, my mother-in-law, one day we took VB up there to visit and as we were leaving, she just looked and said, by the way, Teresa, I put some tomatoes in your purse. I almost forgot to tell you that would have been quite bad for your belongings. It was a series of words that individually are not upsetting, but the combination of which was very emotionally troubling, which is when you were here, I put tomatoes in the

purse. By the time you got home, I had put salsa in your purse. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this. I'm trying to think of the type of person who gets so attached to their produce that they would call the cops on your mom. And the only person I can think is like somebody trying to win the blue ribbon at the fair. Because I've only tried to grow herbs and my basil will dry out because a bird looked

at it wrong or whatever the fuck. And I see that and I'm like, oh, well, it's just basil. It's like 11 cents down at the grocery store. I thought, you know, it would be really attractive. If I got some wooden window boxes, but instead of putting them on windows, I put them on my wooden fence. And then I planted it like an herb gardener and so they're hanging on the window. And then I really enjoyed watching them die.

And the whole time knowing, I could fix it. Like the whole time, it's not like I don't know what plants need. You have outlived those plants. You win. Yeah. In the circle of life. I'm like a mummy. I know what plants want.

Right. And I was making the decision of, yeah, but I'm not going to walk over there. Cool. Every day. And I have a child. Yeah. Oh, no. I've just had an existential crisis.

Bye, Travis. I have to go. I have a, I have a yahoo here. Go for it. Speaking of mom problems, it's an irrelevant one. This is sent in by Amelia Berger. Thank you, Amelia. It's another anonymous yahoo answers user.

So it is Matt Doyle who asks, how can I talk my mom into letting us keep our ghost? We have a ghost in our house. Mom says she's going to get a minister to come around and pray so that it goes into the light. Good luck. There is so much more that goes into it than that I imagine. A ghost is going to laugh at that minister. That ghost is going to be like, I am also Lutheran.

It's, you can't, I mean, if it was that easy, there wouldn't be any more ghosts. Right. Honestly. You can't just have like Joel Osteen popping and just be like, dear Jesus, make the ghost away. Okay, cool. It worked. Bye.

Anyway, my mom wants to get a minister to come around and pray so that it goes into the light. That even is presumptuous because it could be a hell ghost. Right. If it is a nice ghost, why do you want to get rid of it? Okay. Anyway, but I want to keep it because the kids at school all think it is so awesome that I live in a real haunted house.

How could I talk her into letting him stay? Oh man. Signed Tina Belcher. There is. Do you think there are hell ghosts that are really afraid of accidentally finishing their unfinished business? Yeah. Do you have to try really, really hard to not like make up with their dad or whatever?

Yeah. Like, even on accident. Hey, do you want to finish this season of Twin Beats? No. No, I do not. I don't want to. There's an update, and this may bring this question to a screeching halt and force us to.

Well, why don't we read that before we came on stage? I know, bud. Hey, I'm looking at it. You didn't have to include that. But now you've opened that door. Hey, enjoy this thing that we're going to cut out later. Yeah. This is the world exclusive.

I can't ask my dad to help. He won't even speak to my mother. Why? Why? Oh, to be fair, I would say saying to your dad, hey, dad, I need you to help me convince mom to keep this ghost around. That might actually break through a barrier, but hey, honey, do we need to talk about Matt? Is Matt doing okay?

It's probably not actually Matt Doyle. I know, but I was too lazy to think of a different name. But it's the only name that's kind of an earworm. Yeah. Anyway. Now I know what mummies want for daddy to talk to them. Oh. Wow.

Getting rough up here. So anyway, how do you keep a ghost? But the ghost is funny still. Let's come back to the ghost who wasn't someone, a live person, but it's funny that they're dead. Shit. Tramp. Damn.

What if you get a tutor on the internet or something, that probably exists, and then your grades really start turning around, and your mom is like, what's up? I didn't know you were good at school, and you would say, the ghost helps me cheat, I guess. Why couldn't the ghost be tutoring? Yeah, why didn't the ghost do it? Why didn't you jump to this ghost as a dumb shit? Well, no, the ghost could come to school with you, be invisible, look at the grade, look

at the tests, like worksheet, and help you get the answers. It might be ghostwriter or ghost cheater, which is also the gritty reboot of ghostwriter. That would work. She at least asked the ghost if it knows a lot about geology or something, so it could help you with your geology class or whatever, it knows something about something. It's got to know something. It's got to know something. It's a ghost.

It's been around. Unless it's one of those new ghosts. How about another question? No. I want to talk about new ghosts. Ghosts? What am I? Ghosts?

Hold on. You like ghosts? Okay, grandpa, let me tell you about new ghosts. I was sitting on the subway the other day, and a guy standing in front of me, who's dick, was an eye level with me, had a spider crawling on him. What should I have done? Would that alert him to the fact I was accidentally looking at his dick? Am I a creep for spotting the spider, or did I just let this unsuspecting person go about

their day with a spider on them? That's from accidental subway creep. Are you here? Okay, here's what I just realized. I assume that this question means the spider was on or around their crotch area. But it is worded in such a way that you might have been looking at the crotch and saw a spider on their shoulder. Let's absolute silence.

Was the spider on the crotch area? Yes. The spider was on the crotch area. This is confirmed. Okay. So, if you're like me, and you look over and you're sitting on the subway train doing your thing, and you see a spider on a stranger's penis region, you would... We can say crotch.

Crotch. You would say... Thank you. Oh, too bad for that, guys, dick. And go on. I think if someone said to me, there was a spider on your crotch, I would lose it. And then, probably award them with some kind of medal. Right.

I would not paw... If someone said there's a spider on you anywhere, I would not pause and say, I'll take care of that in a second. But first... Why are you looking at me? I want to take a dry run. Griffin, pretend you're thinking about anything else and I'm a perfect stranger. Not possible, but okay.

Just try. He's a perfect stranger. He's cousin bulky. Just think about anything else. Okay. Oh. Aged out of that reference. Got it.

Okay. Okay. I just... Hold on. Yeah. There's a spider on your dick. Oh, no. And nothing else.

So you're going to just like wipe the spider off your dick and then barrel the person. No. In silence. That's insane. No, he's looking at you because you're his brother. Try it again. Okay. Let me try again.

Spider on your dick. Oh. Thanks. Okay, but you're still barely... You're prepped, man. You're so fucking prepped. You're so prepped for it. It's hard for me to think of anything else than being on this stage.

Griffin. Spider on your dick. That's me opening the doors and jumping out of the moving subway car. There's just no, there's no follow-up. We don't have a conversational mode that's like, I'm a human being, you're a human being. I'm giving you this one, but that's it. Right. We are done.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Your dick or your day or how weird this situation is. I want a transaction. Give me $5 for what I've done for you and we'll walk. A fellow human spider on your dick. End.

End conversation. I think you can do that. Let me try and beat your part here. Yeah, let's see how fucking easy it is, Justin. Hey, spider on your dick. I know. Hey, Justin, I went through three classes of UCB and that was not Yes, Ending, sir. His name's Luther.

Okay. Okay. Try again. Try again. Spider on your dick. Yes, and? That's it. Hold on.

Do me a little. Try mine. Okay. Hold on. Wait, let me get in the headspace. Okay. Spider on your dick. Spider on your dick.

There's spiders on everyone's dick. No, there's not. I'm a cop. Shit. Hey, real quick, how does spider get on a train? There's a gap, yes? There's a gap between the car and the thing? Spiders are known for their ability to move between things.

That's Spider-Man's whole deal. You're not like, how does Spider-Man get to that building? There's a gap between buildings. There's Spider-Man's whole thing. I was taking the subway down to Brooklyn today and I'm not kind of like, I just like to get around like a local, you know? So, we were at the platform and there was a gentleman who was sitting on the edge of the platform, listening to their headphones with their legs dangling off the edge of

the platform. And everyone was just kind of like looking uneasily and then one gentleman who had his headphones on moments before removed him and said, hey, hey, you can't do that. That's against the rules. You're going to get hurt. And there was this really uncomfortable silence until I said what everybody I think was thinking was that if there was more people like that guy, everything would be fine. If there was just one person who was like, hey, Spider on your dick, I'm not going to

talk about it, okay? I'm just going to say it. I'm not going to think about the repercussions. I think that that is how you guys, like so blunt and matter of fact, is like, listen, I'm not looking for a fault because there has to be a transactional thing here, right? Spider, borderline, what if their crotch was on fire? Right. You definitely say something then, right?

You would have to. If someone was about to stab them in the crotch. Well, that one you could, okay, hold on. Hey, your crotch was about to be audited by the IRS. Okay, hold on. Travis has twisted it a little bit in a way that I really enjoy in which you have given agency to the aggressor, which is to say, have you thought about talking to the spider and being like, hey, you're on a dick.

That's like a, hey. It's 2019. You need to move. Well, even if it wasn't, that's their privates. Can you move? You looking for a meal? That's not how it works. Hey, spider, there's a dick on you.

This is very reserved. Oh shit. It's the Brooklyn 999. I want a munch. I want too much. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast. It's all about the latest and greatest in brand eating.

Hey everyone, three days ago, Justin had no voice. Yes, this is remarkable. And you just killed that. It's a miracle. Thank you. I want to, this is a Munch Squad junior. I just like literally have to tell you, because if a bunch of people see it, they're going to send it to me, but Fat Burger is doing a cranberry turkey burger shake.

I just want to say this out loud so I can say it. The delectable, customizable cranberry turkey burger will be served with cranberry jelly, cranberry mayo, lettuce, pickles, and onions. Imagine my relief to hear it is customizable. I'd like none of that and none of the ingredients and vanilla, please. Thank you. I'd like you to put a cup in a garbage can. Some human being thought, yeah, that's not what I want to talk.

I'm not going to talk about it. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Taco Bell's Steela base, Steela taco is back and with more on the line. Hold on. Do you know about this promotion? It's a thing in the World Series where, well, I mean, it's right there in the name. For the seventh year in a row, Taco Bell is giving fans across the country another reason to get excited for the World Series free tacos.

But this year, Taco Bell is raising the stakes again. By teaming up with Bet MGM, operated by Roy Digital, Bet MGM will offer sports and taco fans alike. So the chance to wage your real money on what player they think will steal the first base of the World Series. Wait, wait, this is not an innovation. That's called gambling. It's an honor that Taco Bell has dubbed the taco hero.

Oh my God. When it comes to the World Series, rooting for that first stolen base and rejoicing for free tacos has really become the part of the game within the game. So teaming up with Bet MGM to give fans a whole new way to participate in steal a base, steal a taco. Steal your money. Steal a future. Yeah.

Felt like a natural extension for us. That's from Will Boertz, director of brand partnerships and sponsorships at Taco Bell. I can't say I disagree with Will. It does seem like a natural extension. We can't wait to see fans engage with the program like never before. No shit. Oh shit. Damn, Will.

That's a bleak, dude. And of course, we're excited to see if their predictions come true. Not that you, you know, give a shit because you do make actual money when they get it wrong. Fans looking to test their luck this October can participate in MGM resorts in Nevada, Mississippi and New Jersey or download the, well. Chill the fuck out. You're clapping for this. Not for this.

Hey folks, they're good states. But wait for us to talk about one of their more virtuous aspects. Later we'll say something neutral about all those states and then you can applaud. Bet MGM odds makers will use historical data and their odds making process to post real odds, which will be updated as the post season progresses. But winner lose, everyone's a winner when free tacos are being offered. Holy shit. I would actually argue in this case, some people will lose.

Yeah. I'm not going to be like, well, my kids can't go to college, but this taco was free and delicious. Unless. No. No, no, no. The only way, the only way that statement holds true is if you bet a thousand dollars and there are a thousand and one stolen bases. Cause then you get a thousand and one free.

It doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that. Pretty sure. The taco hero steals the taco base. Everyone get free taco. Right. That's the, that's the promotion. That's the promotion.

Yeah. You know what would be a fun promotion that they should do? What's that, Traff? Um, not, not ruin people financially. That for sure. That would be fun. They should do a thing where every baseball player who steals a base in the post season, they make them eat that number of tacos.

During the game. So steal a base, eat a taco right away. You can't, how about this? You can't steal the base unless you've consumed the entirety of the taco. Yes. Yeah. Before you get there. And you can't start until you start running.

Okay. I like that. Well, uh, that sucks. Yeah. That one sucks. That's some bleak cyberpunk future shit. Again, I guess I should have in hindsight, I do wish I had closed with the cranberry turkey burger milkshake.

That is on me lesson for next time. We're all growing. So, uh, yes. I have a yahoo here. If you don't mind me slipping in here. It was sent in by Samantha. Thank you, Samantha. That's yahoo answers user Lizzie who asks, when it's cold or raining, why don't people

wear jackets or coats for their legs? Huh. Now listen, I got good stuff here to here. I don't like to brag, but, um, heart, liver, rib bones, uh, protectable. Most of spine. I like keeping that stuff cozy and warm. Absolutely. And it feels weird to be like, don't worry guys, I got you.

But then I look down at my lease like knees and I'm like, you guys figure it out on your own. I believe in you. Sorry, thighs. You look resourceful. And here's, here's what I really find interesting. There are people out there, probably in this room, maybe listening who say, there are. There's like warm pants.

You go to the, that's one of a snow suit. Yes. Okay. That's an extreme thing. I'm saying, oh, it's raining outside, better put on a jacket, which has a word for it. Right. And now my leg jacket to keep my pants from getting wet. That's because it's, hold on.

It's like a practicality thing, right? Does it need this? This is like a visual demonstration. If I come into my realtor's office and I take my jacket off, jump to Lee, and I give a little toss on the coat rack in a very dramatic fashion. Everyone applauds. What a debonair gentleman. But then I'm like, hold on one second.

And I lie down on the floor and I start yanking at my wet pants. That's not cool or debonair. There's no fun way to rip off your wet pants. You were thinking, it is the only time in which a human being could wear tear away pants. And someone might say, thank God. Yeah. There would need to be so many safety measures. You would have to like safety pin your underwear to your pants, to your hip skin to make sure

that you didn't accidentally get more than you wanted to when you removed your pants, which is all your overpants. Your overpants. But it's your exo pants. Here. Okay. I will also say this, right? And maybe this is just because we are culturally used to it.

I walk in, I go to take off my jacket, right? Everyone understands what's happening there. Even if I had tear away pants, the second I position myself, there is going to be a half second that will last a lifetime for everyone in the room. Your direct supervisor would be able to get out the words, you're fired. Like as the pants were ripping off. Is this why coat closets exist in like fancy places? Because it actually used to be like people would see people like, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Like what the fuck are you doing? You're ripping off your exo shirts. That's your chest and your belly. Get out of here, man. Now you have a secret space to do it in. Even ponchos don't go that far down. Everyone is just accepting of like wet shins in joy. Yeah.

Also, if you had thick overpants, spite on your dick, not nearly as big as- Not a problem. Nothing to worry about. It's non-stick. It's hydrophobic and arachnophobic materials. Spiders slide right on. No big deal. My wife and I recently downsized our closet.

I got rid of a bunch of old t-shirts that didn't fit me anymore. This included a shirt that I bought in an earthbound roughly five to six years ago when I donated it to a local thrift store. Today at lunch, I saw a guy roughly my same build wearing the same shirt. I asked him where he got it and he indeed got it from the thrift store. However, when I told him that it was originally my shirt, thinking this was funny, he gave me a very offended look and left without saying anything else. I thought this was a fun coincidence.

Was I in the wrong here? Did I tread on some social norm I was unaware of? That's from t-shirt twin in Texas. Are you here? No. That's probably for the best. Because here's the thing, you did tread on a social norm. Yeah, there was a norm or two here that you did squish like a big giant.

Because here's the problem. I've been to many a thrift store. I enjoy going to secondhand shops and resale shops and that kind of thing to find what I think are amazing finds. And then if, yes. And then if I met the human being who cast them away, and I'm sitting there thinking, this is the best shirt I can't, I found it. And they're like, yes, but to me it was garbage.

What you were basically saying, you're looking at another human being in the eye and saying, oh, you found my trash. Oh, you liked that. And then you turn on your 18 inch platform shoes and slip on your moon goggles. Do you like these shoes? They could be yours in five to six years. I'll bury them under the tree like a time capsule. And you step in your Bugatti idiot.

How did you say, hey, that was my shirt? Because if you said it like, hey, that's my shirt. A bunch of thieves stole it years ago. I know that they launder and when you buy clothes at a thrift shop or consignment shop or whatever, they have been cleaned thoroughly and I don't want to stigmatize that. But if I did ever meet the person who wore the clothes that I wore them before, and they told me that was my fucking shirt, I would then think about like, I wonder what you smell like now.

And how many times you smelled like this then, back then. There are so many things in our lives that are based off of any kind of plausible deniability. And this would be like if I walked out of a hotel room and somebody walked by and said, oh, I stayed in there just before you. And it's like, oh, no. Another human being was in the bed and used the potty. It's like when somebody walks out of a bathroom you're walking into and says something like, enjoy, you won't.

Or you know what the worst is? All yours. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Not now. A lot of it's still yours. Yeah.

Kind of. Your memory still haunts it now because you've said this to me. All yours. Oh, no. You shouldn't have done it. Next time just say, cool shirt. I wish I had it. Still.

No. No. No, that's not it. You know what? Giving that shirt up was one of the greatest regrets of my life. You treat it good. You hear me? You love that shirt every day of your life.

Listen, I made a huge mistake. Can I buy your shirt off of you? I miss it so much. Please. How about another question, Justin? Can I do my guess? Okay. You need to pick up your iPad or else we'll see.

And you also didn't need to lead into this because the origin of this bit has not aired yet. Yes. So this is a brand new thing that I'm doing now. Just for you. And so I wanted to talk to you about it. It's called minion quotes. And here's how minion quotes works.

Okay. I am part of a Facebook. I will say community. Call minion quotes. And minion quotes is sort of like platitudes and then below it pictures of cartoon characters to match the platitudes. Neither one of which ever have anything to do with the mini example here. This one says the nicest people always get treated like shit.

And then there's a picture of Stitch. Stitch is sad, I guess. That's something like it. So here's the game. What is minion quotes? I'm going to tell my brothers a platitude. If they can guess the cartoon character that accompanies this platitude, I will post it to my Facebook wall without comment.

That sounds fun. To further emphasize these stakes, Travis came in with the sickest dunk on this game back in Philadelphia and Justin had to post on his wall after Travis guessed correctly, can't decide if I need a hug and XL coffee, six shots of vodka or two weeks of sleep. Travis said, well, that's droopy dog and it was. That's on Justin's wall. The comments on it from most of humanity that wasn't on that show are so delightful. Including my favorite, our Uncle Chris.

Our Uncle Chris who writes, love you, buddy. It's so earnest and well-meaning and I have friends and family on there who ask me if I'm okay and if I need anything and I can't fucking say anything because that's the fucking bit. It's a good game. Pray for us. Don't yell anything out. We need to do this honestly or else it doesn't feel as good. You can find this page.

Do not play along. You can check it out later when you go home. Close. Okay, okay. I think I might have told you guys this one already. So please be honest. Don't steal. Don't lie.

Don't cheat. Don't sell drugs. The government hates competition. No, you did not tell us this one. Okay. Write out my gut. Didn't overthink it. Marvin the Martian.

Shhh. Bugs Bunny. I'm sweating over here. Here's the Tasmanian Devil. We were in the right cinematic universe. Fuck. I would actually say Tasmanian Devil is the exact center between Bugs Bunny and Marvin the Martian.

Shit. Why is it that all the people you actually want to be around live nowhere near you? Here's what fucks this game up. A lot of them are Looney Tunes. Every time you guess Looney Tunes, most of the time it's not. Can you give us a universe? Is it Looney Tunes or is it Disney? I'll give you Disney.

It's Disney. Okay. I'm trying to say Lumiere. People that you want to be around are not the ones who are. Donald Duck? Stitch again. Fuck. Fuck.

Damn it. It's such a deep cut to be used twice. Fuck. Comment if you're left-handed. Like if you're right-handed. Huh. Hurry up. Come on.

Tommy Pickles. Okay. Griffin. Arthur. It's Stitch, but this is the last. Stitch. Stitch. Stitch.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Stitch. Give us a nice bit. The less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with.

Jesus. I will give you a species, which was my downfall before. It's a cat. Now really fucking don't. I have one. Okay. You go first. Sylvester the cat.

Okay. Travis. I'm going to say Felix the cat. It's the pink panther then. Shit. I felt so right. I felt very confident. I did too.

Okay. Okay. This is going to be the last one. Okay. I think, I think I'm getting, is it fair? Have I been fair at this point? Have I given them a little chance? Okay.

Would you slap your cousin for a million dollars? Okay. Here's the problem and I will answer, but here's the problem is I have to separate because I know it's incongruous. I know it is because I want to say angelic pickles. No. I want to say it's so bad. You have to remember the fucking target demo.

My problem is that this comment has big stitch energy and I'm going to say, wait, I'm going to give you a little bit of help here. One, I'll say it's a dog. It's a dog. Two, I'm going to read you some comments. Patty says, sure, if I was able to pick which one. Fuck. I'm from a large family.

Sarah says, no, I'd rather have love for my cousins and respect from them than the money. Deborah says, yes, then when given the money, we would share lol. Tell her I'm sorry, but we both need the funds. Okay. I'm torn between two. I have, I have mine in my gut. You go first. You go first.

No, because I'm torn between two and I want to see what you say. Snoopy. Clifford, the big red dog, would you slap your cousin for a million dollars? I don't know. It's as goofy. I believe you mean George Geith, George Geith and also that's bullshit to call him a dog. Thank you. It's, I know if I had said courted God dog man hybrid, that gives it away.

And I would have said, it's going to be do. Is that it? Or did you find another lawyer in love with? Come on. Okay. Okay. Okay. One more?

Yes. Is that the game? Okay. I'm exhausted. I'm grouchy. I'm mentally and emotionally worn out. So when the next idiot pisses me off and I snap and beat them to a pulp, someone please come bail me out.

Tweety bird. Griffin. Oh, I was close. It's a cat. It's Sylvester the cat. What? Is this one Sylvester? It's Tom.

You. Damn it. All right. We're not going to win this round. That's fine. If we won every time, it would ruin the game. Just impose some other bad bullshit to your Facebook page just to make them feel like they have done something.

No, what you should be able to do now is tag us and say, this is so you. You are already worried enough about me. I'm taking a little bit of an FB break for the moment, as we all should. Hey, everybody. This is your hardened road warrior, Griffin McElroy back from the tour, back from the long and winding road that did bring me on back home on my steel horse. And I'm here to tell you about some of the people who made this show possible for you to listen to, which is to say sponsors who allow us to live and have money and buy stuff.

So Stitch Fix is our first one. Stitch Fix is the personal style company that helps you figure out what looks good on your body, sends that stuff right to your house. Personal stylist is going to choose it, is going to help you figure out what you are, like what you are inside and out, and then they're going to get clothes sent to you that's going to look good on you, and you pay for what you keep, and the rest you just ship back for free. Don't worry about it.

And there's no commitment required. Shipping and exchanges and returns are always free. And if you go to stitchfix.com slash my brother and answer some questions about your preferred style, you're going to find an online soulmate who's going to ship you a box of clothes, shoes, and accessories. So get started today at stitchfix.com slash my brother, and you're going to get an extra 25% off when you keep everything in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash my brother, stitchfix.com slash my brother.

We are also sponsored in part by Squarespace. Get out with a beautiful website from Squarespace. Your website that you have now is probably not good looking if it's not from Squarespace. I don't care where else you got it from. If it's not from Squarespace, it probably looks like Dog Trash, but if you get with Squarespace, drop the zero, get with the hero, you can showcase your work, sell products and services of all kinds and promote your physical or online business and so much more with just this pretty, pretty website that Squarespace helped you build, giving you beautiful, customizable

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That's it. The rest of the business we do at the end of the live show, thank you so much for everybody who came out and saw the shows in New York and Philadelphia, we had a great time. And yeah, enjoy the rest of the episode. Bye. Hello, my name is Tusk Henderson and I am an outdoorsman. Are you looking for a new comedy podcast? This month's episode of Beef and Dairy Network podcast has as its guest the wonderful Nick

Offerman playing the part of Tusk Henderson, adventurer and outdoorsman. Think about fitting yourself a month's worth of provisions and a half ton cow into a kayak. So if you've never listened to the show before, this might be a good place to start. I string a bow string between her horn tips and I can fire a spear off the top of her head and took in some very delicious cod. So if you're after a new comedy podcast, why not try the Beef and Dairy Network for maximum fun? Download it now.

You flip a cow upside down, they make an excellent toboggan. Hello. I'm sorry the microphone is so high. I'm really short, so it's okay. Hey, who are you? I'm Jessica. Sorry, you really aggressive there, Jessica. Hey!

Have to get in here. Jessica, you have asked a question about a boomerang. So let's get into it. Okay, so my dad, when he was in Vietnam, he went to Australia afterwards and he got three boomerangs and his friend said, well, I know how to throw them and he threw two into the woods and they never came back. So my dad brought one back and he coveted. Hey, your dad's friend sucks.

Yeah, what a dingus. Hey, did you have the option of after you did Vietnam to be like, can you drop me an Australian way back? I'm actually going to kick it there for a second. I would love to grab some boomerangs. Yeah, I want to get some boomerangs then get home. Anyway, okay, so dad has one boomerang. So it's been in his closet for my whole life, which is almost 40 years now, you know, you

want everything in your dad's closet, you know, and I've wanted to. Hey, actually, Wicked, Defoe, no, where am I going to put all of these hero clicks? Where am I going to? Anyway, okay. Well, I've wanted to play with it forever. Okay, wouldn't let me when I was a kid. And now I have kids, which was like, dad, my kids want to see the boomerang. Can we take the boomerang out?

They're really into like, they really want to throw it in the yard. You know, it's just a guard. It's not like it's going to go into a forest and he won't let me still. Like he changes his object. Wow, you've, this boomerang's really been on your mind, huh? Yeah, my whole life. Let me ask you a question. Has your dad ever used it?

I don't know. I don't think so. Okay, but not to your knowledge. It's not like he's allowed to throw it. I think he got it. He got like a third one and he was just like, yeah, no one. Can I tell you something? While I sympathize with you and I definitely do, I think I'm going to side with your dad

here because he had three and then his friend was like, let's lose them. And suddenly two thirds of his boomerang stock was gone. I will, I will tell you some sad news. And I think a lot of you will probably be able to attest to this. If you don't know what you're doing, here's what your experience with throwing the boomerang is going to be like. You're going to throw this boomerang. It is going to go some distance.

Then you're going to walk over and pick it up from where I fell. This has been my only experience with the boomerang and I've tried it many times. Right. At that point, it's basically just a frisbee. Except with a frisbee, you experience very little disappointment when it doesn't come back to you. Hey, this is as expected. In fact, I would say if a frisbee did come back to you, that's way more exciting

than if a boomerang did. You could maybe go out to the yard with your kids and pretend like you're throwing a boomerang. Oh my God, that's chilling. And do it for so long and where he's like, well, this is worse. This is obviously worse that this is happening. I'd rather not have a boomerang than have this. Yes, maybe tell your dad here's the plan.

You're going to take it out and gently toss it between two people and tell your kids that's what throwing a boomerang is. But it's a boomerang. You could go like this with the boomerang. That was almost a fucking disaster. You could go like this with a boomerang and it would go right into a sewer drain. You don't know with boomerang. It's a mean tool.

I have an idea. It's 2019. Buy a drone and tape the boomerang to it. It's like all the boomerang with none of the practice. You can make it do whatever and shoot cool videos. So you dad won't, dad can't play with your boomerang. No, can I strap a robot to it and fly up in the sky? Yeah, OK, that seems.

That's good. Seems good. Does that help? Yes. We didn't know it doesn't. Hold on. No, it does. We didn't tell you how to steal your dad's boomerang, which is the way that this was

always going to go. You're going to need an identical boomerang. Because here's the thing. We've just met. But I've been in your head because I know at this point you're an adult and you could buy a boomerang. Right. And that's not the point.

You want your dad's boomerang. You want your dad to not have the boomerang. And you can't buy that. And at this point, would your dad even notice? I don't know. I don't know if he, like, checks that night. Yes. Now our dad would not notice.

I would. I will tell you this. You will do this heist and it will go over the fence into the neighbor's yard who has the big dog. And then you and your friends will form a lifetime bond trying to dredge up the courage to get over that fence and get it back. And it's been a while since I've seen the sandlot. But imagine I made a funny reference.

Here is your biggest risk. You go through a lot of planning, a lot of work. You hire Brad Pitt. He eats the whole time. You steal this boomerang. You get it. You're successful. You put it in your closet.

The next day, your kids say, let's play with the boomerang. You open the closet. It's gone. It's back in your dad's closet. It's the world's best boomerang. Does that help? Yes. Thank you very much.

Thank you, Jessica. Let's go over here. Hi, hello. Hello. Hi. Get right up on the microphone. Don't be afraid. Hello.

I didn't I didn't mean to say afraid because that means it sounds like it's really Get up on the fucking microphone. It's OK. I'm very afraid. Oh, fantastic. So my name is Brock. Hello, Brock. I believe I wrote to y'all that I work for a mattress blog.

Yes. I should maybe explain that. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. OK. So the first thing is that it's not my mattress blog. I was hired to do some freelance work. The second thing is that it's like there's enough money in mattress

bloggery that they can hire freelance employees. Oh, yes. Wow. I'm paid obscenely well. Fuck yeah. What the fuck is that for you? Why don't you give us advice? Shit.

Well, it's somebody who has. We are paid to talk about mattress from time to time again. I've got an oceanfront loft with my mattress money. OK, Brock, so what's the problem? So the second thing, this is a mattress review blog. I don't write the reviews. The people who write the reviews don't actually sleep on the mattresses.

It's kind of. Whoa, mattress games. Whoa. So you're giving it all away. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This would maybe get me in trouble with my boss, but it's OK. You write for the mattress blog. The people who write the reviews don't sleep on the mattresses.

What do you do? I write the other content on the blog. No, but I think Griffin's question is, what would that other content be, gossip? Things like, you know, what's the difference between a latex foam mattress and a memory foam mattress? What is the difference? I mean, I would have to refer you to the blog.

Yeah, he's not going to give it away for free. He's not going to save us the click, Travis. OK, so this is wild. Continue. So my main problem is that I've been doing this for a couple of months. My roommate had the same job before me, and he did it for, like, a year.

What's going on? Are we in a dystopian future? Yeah, obviously, yes, but did you inherit the job? Yeah, basically. My roommate quit this spring and this summer I needed a job. So I asked if he could refer me, and he did, and now I have it. OK, cool. OK, great.

Yeah. So what's the problem? It sounds like a pretty cushy gig. The problem is that it's gone. It's fine. It went over like a lead balloon. Fuck off. The problem is that I've been doing this for two and a half

months, and I'm out of ideas. OK. Yeah, they are mattresses. So this is a OK. In order for me to give you any of my answers, I first need an answer to this question. OK. Do people follow up on, say, the truthfulness

of the things you write? Absolutely not. Fantastic. Here's what you're going to do. That opens a lot of doors for us. Here's what we've got. Celebrity mattresses. Just it writes itself.

It doesn't. I don't know what that is or means. Celebrities, they're just like us. They sleep on mattresses. They're also mattresses. Yes. When they eat spicy food, they turn into mattresses, just like us.

No, this isn't like celebrity corgis. I'm saying that these are mattresses owned by celebrities. Right. What mattresses do the celebs own? Yes. And you're going to treat it like a top goss. Like, you'll never believe this. What kind of mattress does Andy McDowell sleep on?

You know, that's a great question, but I can make it up. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's our point, Brock. Andy McDowell is not going to call your house and be like, oh, shit. And if that does happen, that's fucking cool. That's so cool.

Then you have another story for the vlog. You have a neat story. That's an extra story for the vlog. You could write about hero mattresses that saved their owners' lives. Yes. Very good. People love that.

Maybe a mattress that was seen on the subway eating a piece of pizza. That's fun. Smoking a cigarette. Yes. What mattresses are the best for wiping up ketchup if you're extremely rich? Nice.

Can you use mattresses in the napkins? Is that an option? Oh, can you do taste tests? Is that a possibility? Which mattress goes down smooth? Gosh. There's a lot of options. We've run out, but I bet you'll think of more.

Could you? No, I'm done. Can you use any of those? Yeah, I think that helps a lot. Thank you so much. Thank you, Brock. Thank you. Thank you, Brock.

Hello, I am Amor. I use they, them pronouns. Hello, Amor. And my question was, I sent in a little teaser. And I asked, how do I explain to my friends that my father enters the house through the window sometimes? Hey, Amor, I love this question. It's selectable.

Because it also leads to my follow-up question. How do you explain to us that your father finds out the window sometimes? And my follow-up question is your dad, Sam, from Clarissa, explains it all. I don't know who that is. So what's up with that? So my father is the superintendent

of two apartment buildings in Manhattan. And he is 70 years old. OK, waiting for the pieces to click into place. And he hates his job. He hates the people he deals with. So he will take the side entrance and go to the back of the building, which is like a five-minute walk, which is a bit.

Right. It's a bit. Five minutes is time. Yeah. Yes. And so he will open the window, climb through the window, and that's how he gets in. Yeah, you wait.

Just to avoid interacting with the people in the building? Is that the idea? Yes. OK. There are two apartment buildings, which holds a lot of people. Yeah, but he understands that if they're there, the interaction just becomes a lot longer and much less charitable, I would imagine.

What do you mean, if they're there in the back? Wait, OK. Are we talking about he? Your father enters his own domicile through the window. And not the. OK, OK, OK. I saw more. OK, that makes so much more sense.

I saw so many random tenants apartment. That's what we thought. You can't say he's a superintendent for buildings. He needed, like, all the showers leaking. OK, leave the window unlocked. And then he just, like, be your partners his way in. And then he just calls them from the street, like, it's big. It's big.

What? Leave the window unlocked. I'm coming up the drain pipe. It's like, for a second there, I was worried, like, my dad's a big criminal. So OK, have your friends ever seen him coming in the window? No. OK, but there's always the chance that that

is going to happen. Frequently, I'll be on Skype. And I'll be in the living room just chilling. And then they'll be knocking at the window. Terrible, terrible. It would never get you set in a million years. OK. And so I will have to be like, oh, hold on.

That's papa in the window. And then they are left. They are left there bewildered. And then I have to be like, well, my dad comes in through the window sometimes. And they're like, what the fuck? Now, I want you to know at that point you are oversharing because you could have said literally

anything other than my dad's coming in through the window. Oh, wow. You could have said that's my messenger raid button. I want to go get a cold Mountain Dew. Like, it could be anything. Hey, that's a big bird. I will scare it off now. Here, let me say this some more.

Hey, that's where that bird looks like my dad. Hold on. Oh, he's got a message for me from the front. Here's the thing. Once you've explained it to us, I get it. It's weird, but I get it. Right? I understand it.

But what if instead you cultivated an air of mystery and you said, oh, that's my dad at the window. And then when you came back and people said, what? You said, don't worry about it. But you see. Anyways, did you see the latest episode of Supernatural? You are Travis in this example. Yes.

And they'll say, no, no, no, get back to the dad thing. And you'll say, well, I wish I could. Anyways, excited for Lucifer to come back. Still me. You're still Travis. Still me in this scenario. And you just let that breathe until eventually they stop asking about it because they're afraid.

No, seriously. Tell me about what's going on with your dad. I would, but I'm too preoccupied thinking about how I owe everything to my brothers. They're so incredibly talented. That went a lot meaner than you thought it was going to go, didn't you? Yeah, I thought it was going to be kind of funny.

In a fun way. Does that help them more? Because it's hurt us. It helps. Thank you. Thank you, Amar. Thank you. Hello.

Hi, boys. Hello. There's not a polite way to point at people. Hello. You know I was just kidding. There's a dizzy point. I feel bad now. You know I was just kidding.

No, I know. I would have done it about grandparent. I succeeded in spite of you. I know that. Oh, fuck. Hi, hello. That's not true. Sorry, we got our stuff.

It's fine. We all have shit. Falling apart are the same. Don't get us started on our dad. See, I told you we peaked and we're falling apart. It was so quick. Quicker than I could have imagined. Hi.

Hello. Hi. Hi. Sorry to make it so uncomfortable. It's always going to be uncomfortable. There's like 300 people here. At least. At least.

At least. Yes. Anyways, my question is, how do I estimate the number of people in a room? OK. Hi. Hi. Sorry, what's your name?

I'm Sandra. Hi, Sandra. Hi. So I'm getting married in six weeks. Oh, really? Congratulations. Oh, my god. It's exciting.

But the thing is, is that my partner and I have lived together for four years. That's him. And we have so much stuff in our house already. But when you get married, people just kind of expect you to have a wedding registry. Right. And so we went to bed bath me on and kind of just like took

that scanner gun and did our thing. Right. And now we're starting to get gifts in. We've received seven step letters. Cool. OK. Sandra. Hi.

Hi. How are you? I'm good. You scanned at least seven step letters, if not more. I know how this process works. You didn't go to bed bath me on and use about step letters. And bed bath me on said, we've got this. And they added them to the registry.

So were you hoping that your guests would look at the selection of step letters and, like Indiana Jones, pick the right one? Yeah. Were you trying to communicate? Would we have any of these step letters? You know, I think we just never owned a step letter. So you got fucking high on the opportunity?

You didn't ever want to have to be more than arms reach away for more than like, hold on, have you? The cookies are so high up on the shelf. One moment, reach? Listen, I don't want to assume anything to answer this question. You just said you've never owned a step letter, right? Yeah, no. You know there are taller versions of the letter.

You don't have to stack them up, right? This is a good question. So have you gotten anything else, or is it just the step letter? I've literally, like, I've gotten a fruit peeler, and that's a fruit peeler and seven step letters. So those are the two things every human being should own, a fruit peeler and seven.

Somebody's going to come over to your house and you'll be in the kitchen standing astride two step letters and making it rain apple peels. Welcome. You basically turned your home into, like, one of those houses from Elder Scrolls, or just looted, like, hell, yeah, this house has seven step letters. Want to sell these?

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Why do they have so many weights and balance sets? There's so many weights and balance, so many step letters. That's cool. They have a bucket on the dinner table. Have you found opportunity to use any of the step letters yet? So we have two closets, and I have a step letter in each

closet. So that's not really a traditional use for the step letters, not in your closet. Like, I'm being actively used right now. Yeah. And then right now, we have, like, two step letters next to our coffee table, like, quasi seats, but they're not very comfortable.

Can I just say, while un-traditional, I do like to create a usage. Have you thought about a step letter and a really long robe to make you seem super tall? That's great for Halloween. It's a fun bit. It's good for all the time, Justin. That's fair, yeah.

I mean, you could build a pretty bad-ass blanket for it at that with a bunch of step letters. But that only brings us up to, like, six. Yeah. So you got to eat the seventh one. Sorry. I don't make the rules. Can you, is there an aftermarket for step letters?

Probably not. I think if anybody needs a step letter, they probably know where to get them firsthand. I don't think it's very comfortable bringing them back to the store, like, walking you to the Best Buy, that poor employee, like, hey, I have six step letters for you today. But how would you choose the one that gets to continue to be a part of your family?

That's true. That's part two. Sandra, I have a brilliant idea. Oh, wow. I know. I'm very proud of this one. Have you thought about making the theme for your wedding step letters?

You both in the officiant stand-on one. Maybe you stack cupcakes on one. Every gas that comes gets one that's etched with, like, always and forever. And it can be 19. You raised me up. Yes, like, today is, yes. Yeah.

You did it. Yes. That's it. I know that helps, Sandra. Yeah. I've never helped more in my life. Thank you, Sandra. Happy marriage.

Thank you to Lin-Manuel Alvarenda. Thank you to Matt Doyle. Thank you, Matt Doyle. Thank you, King's Theater. We got a tour of this place earlier. It's the most beautiful. It's gorgeous. Yeah, it's wild that we get to play here.

Thank you to our father, Pointe Nucle. And can I just say, so I know, our dad not only does our wonderful interest in the show, but also, like, hangs out with us and, like, says, like, you guys are doing a good job and helps take care of our kids while we're doing these shows. And, like, he's helped so much. We couldn't do this without him.

He's a good pop-up. Hey, to that point, thank you to Mary and Tommy Sproul for watching our kids, too. That's very nice of them. They come just to do that. Thank you to Amanda and Paul for helping also make these shows possible. And thank you to Still Buffering for helping

for us and killing it. Killing it. And thank you to John Rodrick and the Long Winters to use our theme sense to push off the Pundit Days event. And thank you to Carrie Peach for our poster design, which was so large. Speaking of Carrie Peach, pre-orders for books three of the Adventure Zone graphic novel set,

Pedals to the Metal. That is available now. You get, well, the pre-order. You can pre-order now, TheAdventureZoneComic.com. And also, speaking of The Adventure Zone, if I may, the trailer for season three. Thank you. The trailer is out now that I am deeming the next art.

Thank you. You can go watch that at MacRoy Family on YouTube and enjoy. I love that trailer. OK, let's wrap it up. Oh, Max Fun. Max Fun. Max Fun for having us on the network.

Thank you, Max Fun. Every week on the show, you all know this, but some others may not. Every week on the show, Griffin reads a Yahoo answer at the end of the show. And then we come back the next week to talk about it, talk through it, and see what we have sort of learned from it. So Griffin, can you share that last Yahoo with us?

This finally, oh, I'm trying to shoot between two. OK, this final Yahoo is sent in by Graham Robach. Thank you, Graham. It's a Yahoo Answers user, StevieGuy, asks, why doesn't Batman just kill the Joker? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my mother and my brother, me, kids, your dad's square of the lips. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.