My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 486: That’s So Hambone!

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

Hello! We’ve safely returned from the concluding show of the Become the Monster tour. We are weary, but we also didn’t want to put up another live episode, so we like … just recorded a new one. It’s wild, we think. It was all a blur. Comin’ in hot! Suggested talking points: Magic Al the Fleshmancer, Working Less, Two-Timing Dog, Day One Costume, Flamin’ Ice Cream, Nude Rider, Intermediary Brothers

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, welcome. My brother, my brother, me and advice show for the Modgenera. I'm your oldest brother, just Finn McElroy. I'm your middlest brother. Do you want to build a Travis McElroy? I'm your sweet baby brother, Griff Rosen McElroy, too. And this time it is frozen to watch, and this one is frozen to watch. Listen, boys, we could talk about character all day long.

Everyone's already doing that. They're saying, you know, they're saying, thank Gad, he's back. It's a lot for you. You know, there's all kinds of those cool, like Hollywood reporter headlines. Thank God he's back. I don't want to talk about character. Gaddammit, we're so fucking ready for this. Gaddammit, I've prepared myself for this no man. Right, yes. What are we doing instead? Because that sounds really good to me. I want to talk about predictions. I've seen the movie, so this is going to be tough for me. Okay, well, have you seen the movie? Did you get it in an early screening? I got the early screening for this one, and I saw all of her new powers, and it's kind of,

I don't want to spoil it. I guess hold your ears for the next few seconds if you want to spoil, but it's fucked up how many powers they gave her in this one. Okay, here's my question, because this is one of my theories that I'm going to see if it pays off. Everyone's saying there's going to be other people with other powers, and Elsa has frozen powers, and there's going to be someone with ice, or someone with fire, and somebody with, I don't know, whatever fall is. Is there someone who can control human flesh? There is a flesh man, sir. Okay, there is somebody who just has a song that's like, do you want to build a man? Yeah, and they can do that.

So most of the songs I'm traveling, I'm glad you brought this up, and again, spoilers, but most of the songs in Frozen 2 are parodies of Frozen 1. Yeah, this is huge. Did they get Al? Tell me they got Al. They got Al. Al plays Magic Al, the flesh man, sir. He's in it. He's got a little, a little ool off, but instead of snow, it is, of course, skins and bones and muscles and muscle groups and teeth. Is it still cute? It's, you know, it's Disney cute. It's not really my cup of tea. I'm more of a DreamWorks guy, but it's as cute as they can render it. And so there's that. There's Let It Poe and So Poe

from Kung Fu Panda shows up in that one. Oh, that's good. Oh, this is the DreamWorks crossover we've craved. No, you know, it's fucked up is they never even acknowledged DreamWorks or the character or the plot. It's almost like they got like sort of the computer assets for it off the DVD for Kung Fu Panda and just sort of put his skin in the movie. Oh, you know, guys, I'm reading here on Smoking Gun, a leaked copy of the script. Yeah. And they also, there's a song in here called Glove is an Open Door where the Hamburger Helper Glove shows up. The Hamburger Helper Glove does show up. And he's in it. He's in it for, it's more of like a can't, like blinking, you'll miss it.

He does do a whole song though. But it's just really fast or it's just missable. Yeah. And then there's for the first time for the, hold on, I'll get it. Come on, you'll get it. Get it. For the first time. For the worst time. In for Evan Rachel Wood. Wait, she's in it. She's actually in it. That's not a good one. How about Lee and Rhymes Forever? Lee and Rhymes. What? Yeah, Lee and Rhymes. They do two of that song. One with Rachel Neville, Rachel Neville Wood, who's her evil sister. There's a lot of evil sisters in this one. Of course, Princess Frozen is back. This time Sherrard Arm turns into a sword. And then there's also, he's a bit of a fixer-upper,

but this time is Chip and Joanna Gaines singing. Yeah. And that's so funny. So good. They get back together in the movie. And so it happens in real life too, I think. Griffin, I'm sorry. I'm busy calling a doctor because of that Chip and Joanna Gaines humor that I crave. Because it's a fixer-upper. No, Travis, if you explain to me, I'm going to bust a fucking nut. I can't think about it anymore. He shows us called fixer-upper. Oh my God. No, you can't actually sing it. That's too bad. Travis, you're so bad. Oh, I am bad. I'm naughty. Okay, Travis, tell me you got some other Frozen parodies in the hopper. Oh, let me see. Are there any other songs? Okay, what do we do? We did. Okay, let me go through.

You could do a parody of the first one. The one that's like, but it's hard to do a jokes on that one. I think it nails it. Well, it's mostly just syllables. Yeah, it's not our language. Yeah, they do sing a song about the ice. That one's a little on the nose. That one was good. We can keep that one in Frozen too. Yeah, maybe just a little north cold and winter air and mountain rain combining. I didn't know they were really worse to this. This is amazing. There's a big, big joke on the mountain top, and there's no on the top of the mountains too, is the words. Split the ice apart and break the Frozen thart.

Justin, that's really good. Hey, send them an email for Frozen 3 and let them know that you're ready to come back in. And I know you're uninvited from the set of Frozen 2. Say, ask if it's time for you to come back if they forgive you. Also, Olaf sings a love song about Summer Glau. Oh, that's fun. Also, in this one, Olaf's got a snowy dick. Whoa. Okay. It's funny you should say that because right after I said he sings a song about Summer Glau, I realized how inappropriate it was that the song is like how happy I'll be in summer. And then you, like you were reading my mind, said, I'm going to take a little bit of heat off of Travis, no pun intended, and make it even more inappropriate.

Justin, say something even more controversial than I just said, please. And now he's calling himself Snow Love, and it's like, that's nothing. Yeah. That is, I guess, inappropriate in a different way in that this is a comedy show. And so that was probably an inappropriate thing to say for that format. Snow Love, you're already, are you sure? So yeah, he's got a dick in this one, but it's never in frame. He's always in a dress camera. It's just a trail through the snow. You know, if you look at the trail that this dude's hanging the main vein right down to his brain,

and he's got a really thick rod, and but you don't see it. I'm gonna fucking release the Snyder cut with these wide-angle views of this, of this snow hog. Do you know that 20 minutes of Frozen 2 is just Olaf begging for Elsa to make him a child? Make me a child. Crap. Please make me a, make me a child. Elsa, make me a father. Oh, I'm reading here. This is a new one on Smoking Guy who's just released. They address the fact that in this one, you find out that the only way Elsa was able to bring Snow Love to life is she had to steal a soul from someone in town.

Yeah. So that's a dress. It's all of it. All his memories start flooding back. It was implied in one. And it's good that they just go ahead and, you know, put the tiger on the table and yell at it. And Olaf has to deal with like, you know, he finds his family, but like his human family. Yeah. And they, uh, they don't want him back. Do you know what the name of the guy was that they killed? What? Olaf. Oh, that makes sense. I thought you wanted to say it sounded like Michael Keaton.

User fucking brain. Frozen 2 is a good movie. Uh, I give it a hundred rate movie percent. Go ahead and let's do the first question before we get in any more trouble with the super fans though. All right. Here's my question. Do you, this is the first question. It's from Justin McRoy. Uh-huh. Do you think that Frozen 2 will join the illustrious club of Fish Perfect 2 and Austin Powers and Spider Shagamy as sequels that eclipse the total gross of their predecessors in their opening weekend? Travis. Huh. Yes. Griffin. Uh, what's just the opening weekend, right? I'm trying to think of a joke to say at this. Here's a joke. The Joker made a billion dollars. Yeah. Here's a joke on us from

if I may. Here's my follow up question, Justin. Do you think that Frozen 2 will eclipse Pitch Perfect 2? There's no way of knowing that, Travis. And that's impossible to do. You've said something utterly ridiculous. Instead of that, I'm going to read a question and we're going to actually help people this time. We'll see. I'm a writing tutor from. I'm a writer. Everybody stop highlighting the questions. You're messing me up. I'm begging you. This visual gag is not working because you're just highlighting things and making it distracting for me. I'm a writing tutor for my school. Part of my job is reading over and editing papers people have submitted online. As I am a fool, I started the year out strong and I've done way more papers

than anyone else. Griffin has now made the text read with a red background. I will not be stopped. Like the next person is about 10 behind me and the secret is 30 behind them. Everyone knows this. They all have the power to look it up through the cake. I would say the text extremely large now. He had initially wanted a quick edit, but now he's making it harder on himself. The document has become 20 pages long. Utterly unforgivable. I fixed it. No more joking around, Travis. Justin doesn't want to have fun with this one. Everybody knows this. They all have the power to look it up through the system. As the semester has gone on, however, I've just gotten lazier and busier. To what degree can I just stop doing this important part of my job and rest on this

reputation? That's from super lazy in San Marcos. I'm not sure I understand the question, but it might just be because I was goofing on Justin the whole time. This person grades exams and edits papers and stuff. They edit papers and they've edited so many more than their co-workers that it's embarrassing. But now they don't want to do all that work anymore. But they don't want to be the good one anymore. Yeah. Now they want to go when good editors go back. Well, that seems like it's it right there, right? Maybe this isn't a loudly announced thing. It's like you whisper to somebody like, hey, I'm going to take it easy because I know you're looking bad, right? And you say that to enough people. And then when people are like,

Jones really starting to slack off, everybody will secretly feel gratitude to you when really you're just like Ferris Buellering over there. You know what I mean? It is inherently rough stuff when you work at a job that has a leaderboard. When you work at a job that has the Xbox Live leaderboard where they can look at that and see who's working the best and the hardest. I don't like that. Yeah. I don't like that. We had that. The only time that works is on guts. That works on guts and that's it. We had this at God love them. But when Tommy Smoll employed me, tried to add a, it was like, how many documents can you scan during your eight hour ship? I always came in with my numbers were in the toyty. There's no way around it, folks.

And that was that just de-incentivized you, right? You didn't even want to work more after that because you knew you'd never be able to make a comeback. I thought I was working pretty hard. But my numbers were in the fucking toyty. And I don't know how I could have possibly put shit in a scanner faster. I don't know what kind of hot tech my contemporaries were doing. If they had like, you know, fucking like fushigi skills, like unstacking these papers and putting them and uncollating them and putting them in a scan. I don't know. But it made me feel like garbage. And then that's why I quit that job on top and wasn't fired. May I make a suggestion here, question asker? Why you, you seem like you have enough intel now

from grading all these other papers, editing these other papers. Why don't you just pick the ones from people who already do a good job and you just go ahead and rubber stamp those on through of like, this one was clean, no notes. And then you just do that from now on and slowly back off and put yourself in like third place. Just rubber stamp. So you're doing less work and aim for third. So you're doing less work. It's a little more believable because here's the thing. You're going to get caught on one paper, right? And then you'll know you need to start working harder, right? No one's going to be like, well, this one, I noticed a couple grammatical errors here. I better go back through all of their pay. No, because everyone's lazy. You're only

going to get caught once. That is, that Travis has said one helpful thing here. Just the one, and it said everybody wants to find the way to work the least amount. So like, you're not alone in this. Wait, that's the only helpful thing I said? You're not alone in this endeavor. And so like, you have that to rest on. You're not going to get in a bunch of trouble. People are going to be like, you, oh, I see you also were trying to work the least amount that you could. But you didn't work as hard at that as I did. And so I did catch you. Yes. I think that you should let the person don't do anymore until the person in number two is within like one paper and then do like six or seven in a row. You're just like always like just out of

reach. Just out of reach. Give them something to chase. That'll be fucking. That's right. Give them something to chase. So tight if you took like 50 papers and like graded like 99% of each one of them. And then somebody's like, oh, it looks like I finally overtook you. And then you go in and you just clear those out in like 10 minutes. And you're like, uh, check again. And then they're going to absolutely flip shit. What's this that? Oh, sorry. What's this side of the couch? It's all the papers I've graded. Whopam. Right. Oh, what's that behind your ear? It's another paper I graded. Or you go through their papers and find all the mistakes that they missed because they also are trying to pull this same. Listen, American education systems in a lot of trouble, guys.

A lot of joke. How about a yahoo? Yeah, I would like that. Oh, well, this one was sent in by Michelle. It's by Yahoo Answers users. Do you guys remember that Dane Cook movie, Employee of the Month? Okay. Just made me think about that is all because there's like a big competition. Oh my God, Travis. Holy shit, Travis. That can't be it. There's got to be more. There's got to be more. It can't just be that, right? It's employee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all remember the movie, but there's got to be more to the statement than that, right? Well, let me finish because you recorded it because there's, you know, we're using magnets to record the data that you're collecting, you're, you're creating with your mouth. Well, certainly if you know, we're putting it,

we're digitizing this for all of the time. Let me finish, let me finish, Justin, because I know to, I pray to sweet Christ in heaven above watching out for me and forgiving all my sins daily that Travis has something else. And it's not just saying, Hey, that was like the plot of the Dane Cook movie. Travis, please go ahead. Because at the end of it, yeah, they had a checkout competition betwixt the Dane Cook and Dax Shepard, in which it's discovered that the Dax Shepard has been accidentally giving away hundreds, perhaps thousands of dollars of free groceries because he flips things behind his back. Let's just pause, pause, pause, pause, pause real quick my stomach is, my guts are like twisting all up. My guts are twisting all up like in a vice

grip juice because you're worried that he's not going to have something, but I'm pretty sure that he does. There's a brick wall at the end of the runway and we are almost out of runway and I'm looking at that brick wall like, who the fuck put that there? But Travis, bring us on home. Anyway, do you guys remember that movie? The bile is rising up in my stomach and throat. I'm just saying, nobody talks about that movie anymore. Do you remember it? There was just a time when people were really trying to make Dane Cook into a movie star. Do you remember that? Like he was in waiting. Yes, it was harrowing. We remember. Stephen. He was in Good Luck Chuck, I think. It's from Yahoo Answers user Stephen.

Good Luck Chuck, that was one, right? Trav. Trav. Look at my face. Look at his face. Do you see it? Yes. You can't because it's just bones, it's just a skeleton. Why didn't he ever get a sitcom, do you think? They just jump straight to movies. He's back. Did you hear about this? Yeah, he's back. That is true. He is in Frozen 2, the biggest movie of the decade. Did you know who Dane of Blowfish is coming out with another album? Yahoo Answers user Stephen asks,

What would you do if you caught your dog cheating? At what? Eating in someone else's house when it was hungry instead of yours. Playing with another human in their yard. Going to the vet when you didn't take it. Waging its tail to someone else and barking at you for no reason. I'm sorry, Stephen. That's not your dog. That might just be a dog that looks a lot like your dog because that's true.

Like a lot of dogs look like other dogs, Stephen. Are you sure? No, that's fucking hand bone, dude. I'd know that dog anywhere. That's my pup hand bone. He's not answering the hand bone though, Stephen. No, no, no. I can prove it. Hold on. Watch this. Let me get a slice of bologna. Check this out. When I throw it, he runs over and eats it. That's my hand bone. Okay, that's pretty conclusive.

I thought about changing his name to bologna bone, but he already had a name on the books. Watch this. Watch what happens when I do the air siren. He'll use it sporting events. See? See him jump? That's hand bone. Look at him now. See? He's pissing. He's pissing. He's pissing. Only hand bone does this. Did you see the liquid coming out of his wiener? His little dog wiener?

It's amazing. Now, look, this is the weird thing. This, okay, this is weird. I'm glad you are here to see this because this is not only 100% bruise his hand bone, but it's absolutely fucking wild. Look at his butthole right now. Yeah. It's like fudge or something. I don't know, but he makes it with his body. He turns food into it. That's so hand bone. That's so hand bone. This dog is cheating on me.

I love hand bone. He is my precious boy, but he got, I got home from work today. I said, hi hand bone. And he said, hi, by the way, hand bone talks. That's how I know it's hand bone. Oh, you should have, wait, hold on. You should have led with that. It's, I mean, it's just hand bone being hand bone. I was like, how was your day? He's like, ah, pretty good. A little busy. I had to go. I went to the vet.

And I was like, I didn't take you to the vet. We can all agree that's the weirdest one posited here, right? Yeah. Right. Playing with someone else in the yard. Hey, yeah, people are fun. They're throwing a frisbee. Oh, my dog, it's in on that. Somebody offers my dog some food on a porch because my dog is lost and dogs eating the food.

Okay. My dog took themselves to the vet. Well, no, they went to the vet. No, you just didn't take them. Yeah. Someone else took them. Another human. Okay. They didn't say that though. Okay. But it's assumed they called the lift. What am I going to do about this fucking two timing ass dog, this cheating dog? Cause I can't make him sleep in the dog house.

It's where they sleep already. This does happen sometimes where like, we'll have people over and Buttercup will like sit in someone else's lap and cuddle with them. And I'm like, God damn it. And someone will say, someone will say like, oh yeah, Buttercup loves them so much. And I, because I am me, have the desire to say out loud, not as much as she loves me.

Do you, is this a real thing that you feel trapped? Cause I'd like to really unpack it off the call. I'm already in therapy. I'll do it on the call. I just want to know that my dog loves me more than she loves anybody else on this planet. I think I've earned that. Well, then let me give you a tip trap. If I ever come over and I give your dog a slice of baloney, I will then become the person your dog loves the most

because of its dog brain. But if you come to it and say, but I have two slices of baloney, I have good news. You're back on top of the leaderboard. Listen, my worry is not my dog showing affection to others. My worry is my human friends who have human brains announcing, this is like, if someone made Teresa laugh and all my friends said, I guess Teresa loves them more than you. That's not how that works. Well, yeah. And yeah, because Teresa doesn't have a dog brain.

Do you know what I mean? Right. Yeah. Like she's not, she, she's not easily remanced by a single slice of deli meat. Like your dog, all dogs are. You see those videos. Hey, y'all seen these videos? Where like these folks like roll up to some sort of place where a lion lives and the lion's charging at them and you're like, oh, here we go. But then the lion jumps up and gives them a big hug and snuggles them

because they're like, oh, you raised me. I love you. You're my favorite. And then you feel like, oh, that is cute. I'm a little disappointed because I thought it was about to get well. Imagine now me walking into frame and saying like, hey, lion, I'll give you a piece of baloney. If you tear them limb from limb, they do it. I saw a video today that someone posted of like this guy who like saved this herd of elephants. He died and like the herd of elephants came to his house after he died.

And then a year later came back to his house and the people posting the video were positing as like they knew. And they, and all I could think is like, maybe if the elephants could talk, they're like, oh, shit. Yeah, I think we were supposed to take a right. Sorry. We didn't. Sorry. We didn't end up at this house. Y'all got any baloney though? Hey, you're elephants. Yeah, it's good.

Hi, we're here looking for that very, very small white elephant that had all the peanuts. Yeah, you know, the very small white element elephant that had all the peanuts. Is he around? He disappeared a year ago and we kept seeing him go into this bad cave. He died. Oh, he died. Oh, no. Are the peanuts still around though? Are they buried with him like an Egyptian pharaoh? If we come back in a year, will you have gotten more peanuts? We'll check. We'll check. We'll give you a year.

But listen, if we come back in 12 months and there's no peanuts here, you're dead ski. Yeah. All right. We're very big and you're very little. We've just in the past 30 seconds been introduced to the concept of mortality and we're itching to try it out on you. The juice is running. Get it? The juice she's running. They're going to have to be some indiscernible number of peanuts more, but we'll know because we're not good with math, but we can tell like amount of fullness.

I do need to share a response here from Yahweh. Oh, I love these. You know, we don't do that enough. I know we don't and here's why. Eric says, hell, my dog's a Jack Russell and I'm from the East Coast. We are both high strung. What? What's that mean, Eric? Eric also has shared a source and then the source for this information. Life as I lived it. And yeah, Eric kind of the East Coast, Matthew McConaughey.

Eric did done share a picture of himself with the dog and it's about imagine what it looks like. Yes. Good job. So does the dog look like it's got cheating on its mind? Yeah, I knew it. So this he looks like he looks like he's in the middle of talking about how the rest should get out of the way and just let him fucking play.

Yeah. And the dogs let him play. Yeah. The dogs here looking at a better like human being off just out of frame. Someone with probably an undisclosed number of baloney slices. I just got a new job. I start late in December. However, I've been told to attend the office holiday party that takes place

before my actual start date. On the invitation, I've been encouraged just up for a holiday costume contest. Oh my God. What holiday costume can I wear that will make a good fresh impression on my future co-workers and also win the holiday costume competition? Ho, ho, ho in Holy Hills. Ho, ho, ho, holy shit. You can't do this.

You can. You cannot do this. There is no way like you'll never undo that. The difficulty of this maneuver is incalculable. You have no frame of reference. No fucking clue. One, can I tell you something right now? I don't even know if this is holiday themed or just a costume contest that

happens on a holiday or what. And if I don't know that and I have nothing writing on it and it makes me nervous, why are you so confident that your question is not, how do I get out of going to this? Yeah, and you have, there's so many landmines here, gang. So many landmines, because you could think like, what's a perfect costume? I know exactly what it is. It's the new Joker. And you show up dressed up as the new Joker and some dude has a breakdown and they're like,

oh no, Jerry's extremely afraid of the Joker. As he should be. As he should be, but you didn't know that. If the clown prints a crime. You've ruined this holiday party form because you hate the Joker. Can I just say it's bonkers to me that your job is making you go to the holiday party before you've had your first day of work? They are probably not, they're okay, just devil's advocate.

They're probably not forcing this person to go. They're probably inviting them because they just got hired. I mean, I just have to go with the language you're adjusting and the language is, I've been told to attend. I guess that's okay. That's actually fair, Travis. You're right. I should have drilled down to the nomenclate the word choice.

It also says here by a dude holding a big pipe. Ah, man, what is this job? It's something you might be working for the Joker. Here's what you're going to want to do. You are going to attend this. You can wear holiday appropriate clothes, right? Maybe it's like holiday bounding, you know what I mean? Like, oh yes, that's definitely like holiday ass without it being like a Santa suit or I'm

a reindeer, right? You are going to look holiday appropriate. You are going to have at most one drink. You will stay for 45 minutes. If there's a gift exchange, you will not participate and then you will go home and hope that when you then start your first day of work, everyone will have forgotten you by then and you can start over. That's the perfect scenario for this and I don't need to be unless.

Like I'm not going to bullshit you. There's a million ways to fuck this situation up. And so it's like not worth, it is absolutely not worth it trying to go for this, but there is like probably one absolute success date that exists in here and it is if you like roll up, you fully spray painted your body silver and you have a Santa Claus hat on and you have two present cannons and your legs. What's the play here? Your legs are slays and you come in riding a, you know, a motorcycle that you sort of body

modded to look a little bit like a reindeer and you're like, you know, the fucking like, you know, holly bot, holiday bot, holly bot, and you roll in and you just fuck the place up and everybody like, and you don't even stay for the party. Like I think you roll in, you blast a few presents into some people. You, you know, you open up a flap of your motorcycle and dump it into the punch bowl and then people like, is that good? What you just did? Is that bad?

What you just did? And you just like, you get, I'm saying get in there for like 120 seconds and go fucking hog wild, destroy the place and then roll out and it'll be like, who the fuck was that? And then come back 10 minutes later with no costume. Yeah. What happened in here? That's crazy. A holiday robot.

I can't believe I missed it. What about this idea? Could you dress exactly like the person that hired you and just do a themed costume and do kind of a funny impression of them? Like if they have any personality traits that you could mock, you kind of do, do them basically. Really roast them. That's fun. Turn it into a roast.

I'm not going to tell you to hire a team of actors to try and infiltrate and take over the building posing as terrorists, but really they are very high-profile international thieves. And then you get into the building, take your shoes off, kill just all of them and rescue your ex-wife and then everybody will be a buzz about you. I won't say that because I think it's problematic to suggest you hire a bunch of people to pretend to be terrorists at your holiday party. Dress is Santa. When people say, hey, great Santa costume, you say, what costume?

This is how I dress. Oh. Get used to it. I'm doubling down on this bit and I'm going to do it every day. I was going to talk about, make a joke about like how funny would it be in die hard if he had been an actual new employee? But then I think about how weird it is that he did that, saved what has to be like super rich business kind of thing, right?

Then he went back to work. Like doesn't that feel like the kind of thing that he saved a building from a bunch of terrorists? They should have given him all his money. Like that's how it works. If I save your life, folks, you better give me all your money and assets because they were worthless a second ago when you were a skeleton and then before I saved you from it. It just seems like it should have been. If you save someone's life, that should be, they should have to start over.

Yes. You should get their spouse, their kids, their home, all the worldly possessions should become yours. They put a diaper on. They're a baby again. Yep. They're a baby again. They have to forget words.

They can't use words for five years until they like really, they have to relearn all of them. I'm just saying, compare what John McLean did to what Sully Sollenberg did. You know what I mean? Like. And that dude's fucking rich as hell. That dude is like. I'm saying, there's been like eight movies about him and he's dining out on that forever.

And John McLean had to go back to work. And you know what's fucked up? He's like in the Hollywood Hills and he's getting buzzed every night with his friends, Tom Cruz and Gerard Butler. And they're just like fucking like, you look up at those Hollywood Hills and you think, man, Sully must be having a great time. But really the only way that that dude can get it up anymore is to fuck up some geese in a big airplane and they won't let him do it again.

And he's asked like, I haven't enough money to buy the airplane, but they won't let, they still won't let him do it because it's dangerous because he would have to fly around looking for the geese. And he would. Do you think that dude has ever had to say out loud, are you telling me that I ran a plane into a bunch of geese and landed on some water and saved a bunch of lives? And I was able to do that, but I'm not able to play myself in a movie.

Are you sure? But Justin, I think he's probably said something along those lines, but replace, play myself in a movie with, I can't get extra bacon on this subway sandwich. I'm just saying if I was Sully Sullenberger, Sully Sullenberger, I would just say, I better fucking play me in the movie of my story and don't let anybody else steal it because it's my journey that I went on myself. But you know, he'd be like, and then I did a whole loop-to-loop in the airplane. I did a cool trick where I flew by Buzz Disguise.

Kit Cloudkicker was there and we fought off the sky pirates. It was so fucking tight. Got the plane up into space, didn't I? Sully didn't use that kind of language. He does now. It's that bad influence of Jarrett Butler. Jarrett Butler is a pottymouth. Do you mind if we take a brief intermission to go to the money zone?

Uh-huh. You do mind. Okay. Well, let me know when would be a good time for you. Y'all, I just got some holiday meanties. Oh my gosh, the snowman. Yes. Are you kidding me with this adorability?

So come on. And matching snowman socks. Oh my gosh. This is exciting, right? I have a package downstairs from that. I haven't opened it. This is what you're telling us what's inside it. Well, hold on.

Let me cook it. Rip. All right. What's this bit? Like this bit wasn't anything before I got started doing it. And then I got to the end of it and it still hadn't become anything. So sometimes you got to just take a run at it. Listen, it's the holidays and it's time to get yourself a present.

By which I mean meanties. Because they make the perfect hibernation undies and lounge wear. That's holiday season cozy up in their new robes. Treat your feet in their new soft slippers. And of course, match the whole fam with their soft new baby body suit. Yeah, check it out. They got holiday prints and cozy new products. They're going to have gifts for everyone, including yourself,

because you're worth it as far as I'm concerned. And get 15% off your first pair free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee. Just go to meanties.com slash my brother. That's meanties.com slash my brother. So you're sitting on your couch. You're in your meanties. Wait, give me a second. Let me get in the mind.

Okay. Go on. Okay. You're so comfortable, right? You're loving it. I'm loving it. I'm watching everybody loves Raymond and having a great time. I'm watching Griff and watching everybody loves Raymond.

Okay. I'm watching myself watch Barry and in the reflection of Barry, I can see Travis watch Griff and watch Raymond. Don't watch this next part. Zip. Hi, Maxfun. This is the postal service and I not only am I not paying for this stamps.com ad, I want you to pay me for the damage you've done to our product and nation.

Listen, Maxfun. It's me, the postmaster general. And listen, we all jerk off to Ray Romano's great comedy, but can you not talk about it during my good stamps ad? So you're in your underwear in the fiction of this bit. You're so comfortable that you don't want to get dressed. Well, luckily there is a stamp. What else is happening in the scene?

What are you talking about? Griff into the background. I'm the one you're talking to. I'm getting stamped. I get that. Don't look at me. This whole bit, Travis is getting stamped. I'm getting stamped because I'm sitting comfortably.

I'm doing something else. But there is something else happening in the scene. I'm just saying. I'm just saying that you don't have to get all fancy to go to the post office. No, I don't because you can buy stamps with stamps.com. No matter what else is happening in the room. You can use your computer to print official US postage 24 seven for any letter, any package, any class of mail, anywhere you want to send.

You don't have to spend a minute of your holiday season at the post office this year. Sign up for stamps.com instead. There's no risk. Just go to stamps.com and enter my brother. That's stamps.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in my brother. You got to tell them what the special offer is.

Oh my God, y'all. You're going to get a special offer that includes four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Stamps.com. Click on the microphone and enter the code my brother on word stamps.com. Never go to the post office again. And don't invite Griffin to stay at your house for the holidays.

Hi, I'm Renee Colvert. I'm Alexis Preston. And we're the hosts of the smash hit podcast. Can I pet your dog? Alexis. Yes. We got big news. Uh-oh.

Since last we did a promo, our dogs have become famous. World famous. World like stars on the Hollywood Walk. Second big news. The reviews are in. Take yourself to Apple podcast. You know what you're going to hear? We're happy.

It's true. We're a delight, a great distraction from the world. I like that part a lot. So if that's what you guys are looking for, you got to check out our show, but what else can they expect? We've got dog tech. Dog news. Celebrities with their dogs.

All dog things. All the dog things. So if that interests you, well get yourself on over to Maximum Fun every Tuesday. Do you guys want any yahoo? Yes. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, fuck me, I guess. I want a munch.

You guys aren't really giving me much heat Gryffin was all disappointed you came in low I'm not gonna jump up eight octaves. I just meant Gryffin was like fuck me. I guess well. I started doing it I came in her to get interrupted Okay, so do you want to munch? Yeah But I want to G Gg gg gg gg Welcome to much squad as podcast within a podcast about the latest and greatest in quick service dining

quick Meatless update meatless mabimbamp meatless Monday meatless munch meatless munch. There it is quick meatless munch update the newest Meatless product four river smokehouse debuts beyond burnt ends Huh, this is a burnt-in sandwich That is meatless That just seems

It seems like there's a lot of other meats. We should try to get through Before we move on to burn in sandwiches. Listen. I like burnt ends. Don't get me wrong But it is one of the least advertising names for a thing Ever it makes this sound like hey here are the ruined bits like I'll take them. Oh really? You want the ruined bits like yeah, oh, I love the ruined bits. We've scientifically replicated ruined bits That's wild. What's wrong with us? Anyway, that's not the munch quad though. Okay this week We're gonna talk about yogurt land. Yes. I don't know that we've talked I don't know we've talked about yogurt. I I'm we gotta have talked about yogurt land. They are brave pioneers

They got 300 locations across the u.s I said across they got flea hundred locations across the u.s. Australia, dubai guam indonesia mayanmar oman singapore and thailand The holidays are here and yogurt land is rewarding fans with a new promotional flavor and topping beginning december 2nd Yogurt land is spicing things up with I will give each of you a couple guesses Uh, I will tell you this it is a it is a manufactured product Okay, spicy things are spicy candy cane sriracha

No, and no like takis Now it's flaming hot cheetos Out Available this holiday season for a limited time only thank fuck It pairs perfectly with a variety of yogurt lands frozen yogurt and light ice cream flavors with a variety of them this year we're This year we've introduced our fans to a variety of new toppings and flavors And cheetos flaming hot topping is by far

The most unique it yeah, but that's not a synonym for good. Yeah, what if Why is it flaming hot topping? Why is it not just flaming? Is it have they done something to the cheeto to make it more? I don't know It's flaming hot cheetos that they're putting on yogurt. Okay, but also that's the whole fucking bit We're excited they say we know our fans are headed. This is um, by the way, um I don't know some drone We know our fans are headed into this holiday season ready to spice things up The fucking fiction that you're trying to sell me on is that your fans

Of yogurt land are headed in there ready to put some fucking flaming hot cheetos on their ice cream Are you fucking around with me? Hey jesse, can I ask you a question? You're you're I would say Both the most educated on qsr Trends like person I know and maybe that exists on the planet Who is to blame For this like if you had to track because here's the thing yogurt land did not all on their own one day wake up and say We have to put flaming hot cheetos on our yogurt They had to have seen some kind of trend developing that forced their hand

It is a direct Fucking line. Do you want to know where it all starts? Yes For me? Yes It's a direct line to the double down. Yep Huh, it all comes back to the double down the first Time that kfc made a sandwich where the bread was fried chicken and the innards were bacon That was their bold way of proclaiming. We've got a great new sandwich for 3.99 and also god is dead. Okay Kfc started the downfall of everything with the double down

They threw some fire some some fuel to the fire with the fucking famous bowls And I think the taco bell has a considerable amount of blame With the doritos taco. I think that's a huge I also think McDonald's when they were like, um, uh, hey guys, uh Is pizza anything? And I think that kfc part I think the colonel probably looked at that like wait, hold up We don't just have to stay in our lane like we can get nasty. Yeah, but I would order that pizza is something

Pizza is something flaming hot cheetos on top of yogurt is nothing That is not that is nothing if if yogurt land said we're now going to do pizza too I would be like oh expanding as opposed to saying and now we're just going to ruin some yogurt Somebody was looking forward to eating you have to eat these cheetos on top of a yogurt land yogurt To save the world from the big asteroid rich flavor Do you pair it with vanilla?

I was thinking vanilla right because now I'm thinking of how the powder would look as it gets mixed in there And I don't hate it because I'm a fucking toilet But I also the thing is it's like any flavor that I love like I love like cheesecake flavor. No Like that's ruined now. I like mint chocolate chip. No, that's ruined now But okay, but I'm thinking of a sort of citrusy flavor, right like something with a little bit something with more acidic maybe a dark chocolate stomach turning dark chocolate Also available for a limited time dark chocolate might be yogurt lands New molasses give me dark chocolate dip flaming hot cheetos. I would eat those. Hold on. Let me try to fix my microphone

It's muted also available for a limited time yogurt lands new molasses gingerbread cookie frozen yogurt flavor is giving holiday fanatics a little spice with every spoonful The new flavor tastes like a chewy molasses cookie in this part fucking The new flavor tastes like a chewy molasses cookie straight from the oven huh by definition, I mean by fucking definition

It's it's fucking frozen yogurt. It does not taste fresh it could be Anything the one thing is incapable of tasting like is that it is fresh from the oven Now Some Cheetos on this would not be The the pits I feel it would be the pits, but it wouldn't be the worst imaginable combo because you do get I'd be able to choke some of it Yeah, cinnamon spice so very nice mouth is cold Chester's here to help me out with that with his hot heat

Hey guys, I like off-handedly said chocolate dipped flaming hot cheetos and now I'm afraid I've made that happen and I want them Right separating yogurt land from competitors. Oh, I'm sorry. I think why my company's muted hold on Let me check. Okay. You probably didn't hear me. I said some dark chocolate dipped flaming hot cheetos No, I don't think that would be good separating yogurt land from competitors is the company's team of flavorologists Who've developed more than 200 different? Cravable flavors. Okay, whether traditional or exotic each recipe uses Real ingredients from across the globe I want to break this down a little bit because you hear a lot of mealymouth

Sort of half truths in in these things and I do want to stop it and take a pull over the car and look at Each recipe uses real ingredients from across the globe The inverse of that statement were it not true would be that yogurt land uses imaginary Ingredients for across the globe. Yes that you do not have to tell that the that the ingredients are Here's the one thing we'll say about them. They're extant and they're present on this glow shadows They're real true ingredients Um challenging stuff juice challenging stuff. Yeah, I let me know how this is I guess if you got a yogurt land near you, I don't have one anywhere around. I'm pretty close. I'll fuck one of these up

Here's a yahoo is sent in by several people. Thank you everyone. It's from yahoo answers user Keith who asks Would a motorcycle with a nude rider go faster than a clothed rider? The weight saved by riding nude without any gear on could be up to 20 pounds The wind resistance may be less if oiled down or waxed perhaps no hair either So they mean they mean awfully Awfully nude. Hey, I'm not a scientist Does oiling yourself up make you less wind like Yeah, the wind just slides off of you. I guess. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I mean every

Thousandth of a second counts. I mean I guess when you're tearing down the track And racing for pinks You better be oily and nude All the greats are I uh, I think that you would get a little extra speed Yeah, I don't know if it would be discernible To like I don't think you'd be able to pay attention to the Thousandth of a second you were saving with all the

Bugs flying up your your reefer But I do think you would be going a little bit faster. Sure. Sure. Sure. Hey juice Yeah, do you anticipate that going fast on the motorcycles really gonna open up that that years? Uh Yeah, like, you know how you see the funny things where people use a leaf blower on their mouth and Like it blows their mouth back. You can see their teeth and you ever laugh at one of those for a while Right. Yeah, I've laughed at those for a little bit I'm sorry. I kind of cracked myself up thinking about so this would be like that

But for your your re-throw mouth open so you can see the teeth Yeah, that's that sucks, dude. Also, I have mine cut open bigger like the Joker That sucks too, dude. Is that what of a sec? Is that how they get in there for the Why so Why so fertile So, um, uh, would you go faster as a nude rider? Here comes the new look everyone here comes the nude rider Don't you use from like if you're uh, someone with a penis doing this Don't you lose something? That's yeah with like penis resistance to the air

Right. Yeah, and you You also are gonna go slower because you don't don't want to get a boner and make people think that going fast gives you a Why else would you do it? I guess that's true. Hey That would be Here he comes There's really no cool or chill part of the motorcycle experience for you to get a boner from if you do that thing Um, where you're revving your motorcycle outside my house

Uh, that should obviously be punishable by the death penalty But also if you do that and you get an erection while it's happening people are going to be like, um, dug and dug Are you Okay, I'm gonna have to yell unrelated Yeah, that's that was gonna be my point is if I saw somebody riding them boat motorcycle full nude and they did have chubs And my first thought would not be I'm sure that is from something else I'm sure that has nothing to do. Then I also would think they are driving distracted Can we get off the boner chat and talk about whether or not this nude greasy rider is gonna go faster than their counterpart

Who's wearing 20 pounds of clothing? Here's the okay I'm going to say my my vote. No, and here's the reason psychology Yeah, I think if you're wearing 20 pounds of you know leather and metal and you're looking all cool and like you feel First for whatever reason more comfortable gunning it And if if you were negative if I if this was me and I was naked on my chopper I don't know that I could physically make myself gun it the same way because I just kept thinking

Oh, if this goes bad. Oh, no Even if I even if the bike falls over going like five miles an hour Oh, you get quite a raspberry. It would be it would be not great And I know that mine would go slower because of the it would have to because of the sidecar Because I would have to get a sidecar to put my dipstick in And Okay I have made a potential friend

In my kim class The first time I met her she said she lived in forest club apartments Thinking she misspoke. I thought she meant forest bend club apartments where I live. So I told her I live there, too Now it's four months in and I've been living a lie as she bonds with me over our shitty apartment I want to be real friends with her, but I'm too lost in the sauce. How do I unfuck this? wait She listens to the show. Oh my god That's from living in an apartment of lies in georgia

The call is coming from inside. Oh, first of all, you just fixed it. Yeah. Yeah, that's it I could give you a lot. I was gonna say like you can move into that apartment now or whatever But here's the thing. Hey, if you're listening to this and you live in uh in forest club apartments in georgia And you made a new friend in kim class four months ago They meant forest bend club apartments, but they still want to be your friend And this is a long distance dedication Here's the song I fucked up and I'm lost in the sauce

I'm so sorry. I needed these three dipshits to help me get out of this one That might be the most we've ever helped someone. Yeah, it's like it's fixed. Maybe that's what maybe from that Episode 500 from that point forward our show is just going to be a direct messaging service Where people can send us messages to fix things that they don't want to deal with with like no names No, and we could just say like hey They fucked up if you're listening to this in new hampshire If you're listening to this in new hampshire and you went into a grocery store and

Like or you you went to buy a movie ticket and the person that enjoyed the movie and you said Yeah, me too. Like I want you to know that movie person forgives you That's good. It will be like the person in class who's like, hey Can you find out if michael has a boyfriend and tell him I like him? Yeah, then we can do that For that person and get a hundred dollars and we'll do misconnections too Misconnections could be fun Hey, literally, how long would we do that new format before it went so fucking terribly wrong day one that we would never recover It's like ep 1 right that it's like we like unintentionally dock somebody

Like for sure We would be privy to criminal knowledge and not do do the right thing like it would be like dear brothers Can you tell math you I hit his brother with my car? That's right. It was me and then we didn't tell the authorities I guess fast enough that we would go to jail like that funny Seinfeld episode griffin I don't know how much faster I would have to tell the authorities, but I think it was just as like good You'd think that but you know we finish recording you go to the bathroom You go get yourself a soda. It's gonna slip your mind

It's fair. Hey everybody. Thank you for listening. Um We've recorded so many episodes of this show in the last week And we're just we don't want it. We didn't want to give you another live one. So we decided to sit down Fresh off the plane And we're recording another one tomorrow It's the next week is gonna suck shit. So when you're like, I hate the live ones and we turn in a real shitty product Anyway, just thinking about that as you sit on your fucking throne king mitis

Everything you touch there's a shitty podcast episode So now whose fault is it? This one was good. This one kicked ass. We had all kinds of funny jokes the next one's gonna be a fucking Bunch of shit laying on the ground and it's gonna be you that made us shit while you watched Hey, what is this energy? It's gray energy. Hey, I'm gonna bump up the energy to say Adventure Zone graphic novel book three pedals to the metal is available for pre-order now If you go to the adventurezonecomic.com you can pre-order it Then you won't have to think about it again until it comes in the mail

Uh sometime in july so that's pretty cool. But you'll want to think about it again You will you'll want to think about it all the time and you will It will become the beating heart that echoes in your ears Until then it arrives You're causing a bit Anyway, thanks to john rodrick and the long winters for the use of a theme song It's a departure off the album putting the days to bed finding a link to well You can't find a link to that in the episode description. I say that for another show

But we've done this and won almost 500 motherfucking times now So I think y'all know where to find the song Music retailers both virtual and tangible and thanks to maximumfund.org for having us on the network You can check out all kinds of great shows like uh like uh stop podcasting yourself a mission to zix and can I put your dog And all kinds of them uh one more. Um, I'm going to be uh Louisville galaxy cologne this week and me and dad are coming We're doing a bunch of stuff friday saturday and sunday. Uh, if you want to check it out, uh, it's gonna be the schedule It's gonna be up on travis macaroy dot com. Uh, we've got photo ops and character building workshops and signings and all kinds of fun stuff

So, uh, you won't want to miss it. Uh Yeah, come to that galaxy cologne 19 We're doing some crafts with the kids. Yeah, it's gonna be great We should bring your kids down. We should also say last weekend. We wrapped up the become the monster tour 2019 Is the oh, yeah sort of well the most touring. I mean we got candle nights coming up But uh, it was the it's the most touring we've ever done in a in a year and uh, it all went super well because You all came out in a big way and and helped make it all a big success And so I just wanted to say thanks and that we had a lot of fun a hell of a lot of fun this year coming all your great cities

And yes, uh, we'll be we'll be whipping up plans for for next year soon. Um So how about a final yahoo in the meantime? Do it. Yes Tessa sent this one and thanks tess. It's from yahoo answers user tra boy who asks Is a wind turbine still a clean source of energy if it's powered by a fart Well, that's gonna do it for us Thanks for listening to my brother my brother and me. Uh, my name is jester mackerel. I'm travis mackerel I'm griffin mackerel

This has been the aforementioned podcast and kiss your dad square on the lips Hey girls Maximum fun or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported Hey, cool shirt. Oh this thanks. I got it at maxfunstore.com Maxfunstore.com. That's strange. I visited maxfunstore.com maxfunstore.com a few weeks ago and didn't see it That's because they've just launched a ton of new stuff right in time for the holidays. Oh, cool There's patches mugs totes Stickers even a onesie. Nice. Those would make great gifts for everyone. I know great because I already got you something from there

Thanks. Now, excuse me a moment. I need to look up maxfunstore.com maxfunstore.com on my smartphone You know to see what's new. Yeah, you can't go wrong with anything from maxfunstore.com