My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 491: Face2Face; Candlenights 2019

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

Happy Candlenights my friends! It's time once more for our annual Huntington pilgrimage! Enjoy! Suggested Talking Points: It's Candlenights!

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis claims he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this podcast kind of is for kids, I guess, just in case your babies out there know how cool you are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new place, and the girls didn't want to say hey I wanna, to say hey I wanna. Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother and brother meeting, and to my show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. And I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin McElroy.

Now, I want to say, as a long time Hunantonian, first off, welcome to our city. What a joy it is to have you here. I want to tell you it is a genuine honor and a pleasure to be playing here in the beautiful and historic Keith Albee Theater. Now, you will know the Keith Albee from its storied history as the place where that its trash jiff was made. Damn, Justin, I was gonna make that exact joke. Well, it's not a joke. It's history, Travis. It's a notable feature of this building that downstairs I opened a door and said it's trash, and it became a very useful jiff for a lot of people from 2016 on. I'm sorry for that. It's a storied theater, and a lot of great times here. Griffin, you had kind of your own adventure. Yeah, a fun time. Earlier today.

Beautiful. I'm so glad to be here. Can I tell it from my point? Sure. I think it'll hit harder if you hear it from Travis's point of view. So I got a, okay, this came after Griffin's wife, Rachel, said, where is Griffin? She's known for other things than being Griffin's wife. You've seen her performance two podcasts. Rachel's husband, Griffin, had gone missing. And she said, where is my husband Griffin? And Justin and I simultaneously, without checking, said, potty.

And then five minutes later, I get a call from Griffin that says, hey, it's your brother Griffin. You may know me from being Rachel's husband. And then he said, I'm on the third floor. I'm stuck in the bathroom. So, first I tried to go up that side of stairs and almost ate it onto the stage in front of you all. And then I learned you can only get to the third floor from that side of stairs. And then I reached it and I said, Griffin, are you locked in? And he said, no, just stuck. The dang door got stuck. Listen, folks, hey, it's me, Griffin McElroy. It was not my finest moment. And the worst part is that I don't only ask Travis to come help me out.

So I heard the news ripple literally up a flight of stairs onto a completely different section of the theater. Because I called Travis in the basement and then I heard very quickly people on the first floor saying, yeah, Griffin's stuck in the bathroom. You probably heard my peels of laughter, my absolute delight. While I was still on the phone with Griffin, I looked and Justin said, he's stuck in the bathroom. Yeah, I did announce it mid-call. It was a good few minutes there before anyone came to fetch me from the bathroom. And I do want to point out, Griffin was not locked in. Just couldn't physically open the door.

Because the paint of the door frame and the door had sealed the... I did, to be fair, have to shoulder check it open. I have a weak body. I love this theater. I love this theater. It does say on the signs hanging over the turlets backstage, it says, don't flush anything other than toilet paper to help preserve our historic plumbing. And I wanted to respond to this bathroom sign and say, this is history still in the making. I could have an important chapter in the history of this toilet. History is a living document.

So as you certainly guessed, Griffin's fine now. I spent three minutes locked in a bathroom knowing everyone backstage knew I was in there. There was an army of carolers laughing at me. I did a boy where three different people walked by and as I went up, I heard a caroler say, we might as well just keep the stairs open. So as you've guessed by this point, it's an advice show that we do around here. It is a genuine pleasure to have you all on Huntington. I've met many of you at Jolly Pirate Donuts.

I met you in line when I brought some of you Jolly Pirate Donuts. I met some of you when I tried unsuccessfully to park in the parking lot outside the theater and was chided by our fans so ribbedly that I chickened out of parking and drove away. Now, J-Man, we did get an audience question that said, why did Justin try to run me down in the parking lot? I was going very slowly. And why were you in a parking lot? You can still kill someone slowly.

It's for cars. And softly. It's for cars. It's an advice show. Pleasure to be here in the Historic Geek Habitat. I am a master model builder for Legoland Discovery Center. Every day I have dozens of parents that come through and comment on how easy and fun my job must be. While this is true for the most part, I still have the deadlines and paperwork of any other office job.

Any other office job? Come on, this is me, Justin. There are lawyers. Yeah, there's lawyers and stuff. There are doctors. The question is this. How do I keep their fantastical view of the job alive while still preserving my fragile ego with the amount of real work I do? That's from Self-Centered in Central Ohio.

Are you here? Yeah. Nice. Nice. Do you have any paper made of Lego bricks you could write upon? Because then they would have to watch you make the paper and then maybe a pen made out of Legos and then you try to write and it doesn't work. This is a fantastic world Travis has swept us all away into. A subtle way to do it is if you just left all around Legoland just a little bit of blood from your hands.

And you wouldn't even make a big, I'm not saying you walk, maybe you do walk around with bandages all over your hands and you let the parents piece it together. Oh, and maybe like a Lego sign that says it's been zero days since our last incident. Just a bunch of headless Lego dolls scattered around the park. Maybe just a bin of heads and you could be like, oh those, we don't talk about those. This is what happens when I lose focus for a second. Look at that Chewbacca. I spent all day on that Chewbacca's leg fell off, fell the heck over. And Osh is on my, Osh is on my keyster.

Yeah, this is a no cursing show. We're going to do our best. Osh is on my keyster. It has to happen right that some of your building collapses. Maybe not all the time, hopefully. No, you are going to have to sabotage some of your own creations to prove. But something so beautiful it cannot exist. Right.

Something, maybe you're making the Sistine Chapel and maybe God destroys it. God destroys your Lego Chapel because it's not, it's better than his chapel. Yeah. And then you just fall to your knees and you curse to the heavens like you do. Next thing you build up. And Tom Hanks comes in and says, yeah, next thing. Now. Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. Was that a Da Vinci code? I'm trying to think of literally any other Tom Hanks movie that it would be. But I also just assumed that at this point Tom Hanks is a mouthpiece for God. And he is also at Lego Land mostly. Yeah. He loves them. Loves it.

He loves Wankos. He likes the noise actually. That's the thing. It's not the aesthetic. It's the snap noise. It says ASMR. Hey, how about a Yahoo? Yes, please.

This one was sent in by Adrian Cowles. Are you here? No. Wait. Shh. Are you here? Oh, maybe not. Oh man.

I thought Adrian was supposed to be here. I may be putting Adrian on blast. And maybe Adrian doesn't want to be on blast. Adrian, are you not here? It's not good. Okay. Anyway, Adrian Cowles is a hero to all. It's from Yahoo Answers user Jamoka who asks, with all the milk santa drinks, where does

he go when he has to go? Obviously in the sleigh. Oh. That would be my guess is he's got a Santa's Little Helper. If you know what I mean. I don't. Viagra? Not Viagra.

A bucket that you call Santa's Little Helper. Such shit. Like kind of like the mass that drops down on an airplane. But he's got a tube. He's got a tube. In there. And he's got a tube in there and he just pees into it and then it fills up a pouch. Just one.

Because it's a lot of milk. It's a lot of pouches and they're. The sleigh is most. It's 10% presents. 90% Santa P pouches. And if you see that thing that you attach to a spigot and it fills up a bunch of water balloons at once. Yes.

It's like that. And then he dumps him into the ocean. Okay. Santa has been studying with Sting and just at the end of once a night. Oh wow. Travis has just introduced a fascinating new concept into my life. Which is how long can Sting go without having to. Drain the main thing as they say.

Okay. If Santa had to stop every time. I'm just realizing that as Sting gets older. He will be able to have tantric sex without. Hold on one second. Nutting. It's on the line for more and more time. But have to go to the bathroom more and more frequently.

So he will have to listen. I'm not going to, you know. I don't want you to think. I don't want you to think that I'm going to, you know. I just got to, you know. The other one that comes out. The make some of the. I'm going to keep my lapel.

My God. I got to make some of the fields of gold. If you know what I'm saying. I will not. And then I was going to say the C word. But I think that I will not. Okay. Little Gordon's got to.

Yeah. I want to move away from. No. Impossible region. Impossible. I'm just saying that if Santa had to stop. Yeah. Let's even say one hour, two hour.

To relieve himself. Right. That's a lot of time lost. I think he has to make it to the end of the night. And then. Just a two hour. Crazy. No.

Okay. You know what? Here's the only thing that makes sense. Okay. That's a thousand. Okay. That's that's a quarter in the swear jar. And I'm sorry.

The only. Also. This whole conversation. I forgot we had an ASL. ASL interpreter. And I'm sorry for that. I am so sorry for you. And you.

And us. So anyway. The only thing that makes sense. Is it Santa's peeing in your house. And he's doing it while he's eating the cookies. It's the only time. The time lost. The time lost.

The time lost. The time lost is be lost. It's a neck. Neutral. He's taking the cookies into the bathroom. He's urinating. He's eating the cookies and drinking the milk. Or a boros.

The snake eats its own tail. The cycle continues. At infinitum. Unless. Unless. Unless. Santa Claus. Santa Claus.

Is just. Always. Going. A little bit. A B B. Just. A little bit. That's what they don't tell you in the Santa Claus.

Film. Says here. That no matter what my beard grows back all the time. Because I killed a man and that's my eternal punishment. And I'm always kind of peeing. Sort of. That's the thing, you see, he only eats and drinks one night of the year, and then pees a little bit for the next 364 days.

I have another question here, and I'm sure you're all relieved to hear that. Not literally relieved. I'm a zookeeper at a small zoo in West Virginia, humble brag. Sometimes people who come to the zoo think that some of our animals are fake. Alligator, Burmese, Python, etc. Those are some animals. They usually ask me if they are real because they don't move around a lot. I respond with a yes, but even then they aren't convinced.

What are some ways I can absolutely convince them, these guests, that our animals are real? That's from Real, Wild, and Real Wonderful Animal Keeper. Are you here? Hello. Hello. To be fair, some of those people also think they're dead, so there's that. Are those real and also alive? Because I'm a zoo cop.

That is fair. I've taken my three-year-old to a lot of zoos, too. Most of the time when she sees any animal, even an active animal, she's like, is that real? Because there are animatronics and holograms now. It's hard to know, let alone an alligator who's just sitting there, we're being honest. The alligator isn't bringing a lot to the table. Yeah, that's a deep fake puma.

That's not a real. I think the way you can get around this, especially with the alligator and especially with the Burmese python, is to open the door and just say, go on in. Now wait, Griff, okay. Maybe it's real. Maybe it isn't. Are you brave enough to find out? Okay.

It's not an escape room, Griffin. Let's see. Put up or shut up if these are real or not. If they're real, you're going to be real dead. Hey, Griffin, you know a zookeeper is not mostly there to protect the animals, right? Listen, they are, if you ask me. Here's the other thing. How many times do you think a professional zookeeper gets to say the phrase, go on in

then, before they lose their job and charges are pressed against them? Like once, right? It's just the once. But how many times? Hold on. If that has started with, did you sign the waiver? Go on in. Because there are things where you go in and meet penguins and sometimes penguins are having

a real bad day. And the kids will see, the kids will see, the blood, the kids will see the blood as the beautiful, beautiful python eats the disbelieving grandma. And then the kids will go, I've learned a lot about humanity. This is an educational zoo. Thank you for bringing me. I've learned about snake enmity today. Oh, that's one thing you could do is you could put a fake python in the python zone, but have

like a human outline sort of inside of the fake python and then be like, go on in then. That guy thought the pythons were fake. Look how he fared. Not good, it seems. How about a yahoo? I'd love that, Griffin. Thank you. A lot of people sent this one in.

It's from an anonymous yahoo answers user who is, I'm going to call Torbence asks, Torbence asks, what happened if the cops are arresting someone on December 23 and it hits midnight on Christmas Eve? Will they stop as they close Christmas? The premise is, you're free to go shoot, close Christmas, but more than, okay, if they meant every word of that intentionally, what it is saying is, oh, we've hit midnight, it's now the 24th and this paperwork will take us at least 24 hours. No, they're closed for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Why do you want them to work all the time? Come on. Why don't they hold down with their families? When are they going to leave cookies out for Christmas? That's fair. You're right. You've got, oh, you did murder eight people, but I got to get home and put that goose on the stove.

It's okay. I can't murder on Christmas Eve anyway. Good night, coppers. I'll be back on boxing day when I'm putting all those people in boxes. Sorry, fellas. Sorry, fellas. It's December 24. They're Santa's problem now.

What I'm suggesting is this. He knows that you've been sleeping. He knows if you're awake. He knows if you did larceny. So he's the cops now. And I'm saying December 24th and 25th, Santa's out there. He sees everything that's happening. Santa can be cops on those days.

That is why no murder has ever happened on the 24th or 25th. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I'm just saying they don't get toys, which is, I think we can all agree. The worst punishment. There has to be a third list, yes, if Santa's cops for two days. So naughty, nice, death penalty. Naughty, nice list, naughty list. Slay.

Slay's pretty good. Nice list, naughty list, naughty list, special victims unit. When him and his partner, Christopher Maloney, go out. I would watch that show. I would watch that show. I don't have anything else. Santa's cops for two days. Santa's cops.

That's where Santa's cops for two days. Should we move on to another question? I have a segment. Oh, no. Oh, no. So I have a segment. You might not have heard it yet. It is a newer segment.

Oh, this one's good. Okay. Bum, bum, bum, bum, reach for the stars. In this segment, I'm going to read some reviews from Amazon. And Justin and Griffin have to guess what the product is. Now this, this is only two. This is only two reviews. I've got three different products.

This is a short one. Okay. The, this is a three star review out of five. The subject line is short lived. I love this guy, but sadly I got him out for a second season and he no longer works. Wish he would have lasted longer. And also I've never mentioned this before, but one person found this helpful. Okay.

I'm going to say it is a Christmas themed big mouth Billy Bass. Okay. Christmas sprinkler. Okay. This one might give it away. This is from Roger. This is the five star review for my granddaughter. She loves it.

He can really twerk. Is it a twerking Santa travel? Yes, it is a twerking Santa. Yes, it is a twerking Santa. Justin, that poor first person. I know. What is this broken twerking Santa look at this poor energy? What did, what did you have given anything to be in the room when this old man stares

down at his Santa and says, oh, nothing's supposed to be twerking. Hey, hey, watch it. I'm going to plug him in and watch this. Oh, man. I thought he'd twerk. You can do it. Put your back into it. Okay.

So these next to the last two, there's a theme. These are both Christmas movies. Okay. This is a one star review with the subject lined heartwarming, but strange. If you have a taste for the strange, this is the Christmas movie for you. Bad in every way. But we were able to watch it to the end. Congratulations.

That's great. I'm going to say jingle all the way to starring Larry the cable go. National Lampoon's Christmas vacation. Incorrect. Two. Nope. Eddie silent. Get away.

This subject line. One star review subject line. Spartan helmets don't float. And the rest of it is. And also everything else was just hot garbage as well. Do you want me to read it again? Is it 300 crazy nights? That's funnier than anything I was going to say.

This is a three star review. The subject line is so dumb. I watched this to the end because I was hoping it would get better, but it never did. I gave it three because tween girls would probably love it. So this is one film that tween girls would probably love and Spartan helmets don't float. And it's what was the first one? It's they hated it, but they did. Yeah.

Heartwarming, but strange. Heartwarming, but strange. It's a wonderful life. National Lampoon's Christmas vacation three. That's what I made up. That's going to be a mermaid for Christmas. A mermaid for Christmas. Okay.

Now this, these reviews make me so happy. All right. Subject line. Soft porn. One star. This has been advertised as a classic Christmas movie. We sat down to watch it with our teen aged grandchild. I ignored the R rating thinking it must be incorrect.

It was not. It is a piece of trash full of the most vile cursing I have heard. It is full of soft porn showing naked adults acting out copulation. I turned it off and threw it in the garbage where it belongs. I am not approved, but was much embarrassed to have played a part of it for my relatives. Amazon should move it to their adults only section. Does Amazon have a pornography section? This is a question I'm genuinely asking.

Before you guys guess, I just like to keep reading them because it goes on and on. I love it. Is it the bad Santa? Is it the bad Santa? This is a one star review. Okay. Subject line. Nudity shocking.

Was shocked by the nudity. Inappropriate for viewing. We'll need to only watch the edited version on TV. The rest of the content has a great positive message about the holiday. This is a one star review. Subject line is one star should be X rated written in the trash. One star review. This is not a family Christmas movie.

Would not have rented this movie if I'd seen the R rating. Filthy language in your window, not suitable to be listed as a Christmas movie. Very disappointed that I cannot get a refund. I rent a lot of movies. Okay. One more. One star review. Yuck.

Seriously. This movie is one creepy situation after another. Sleazy unprofessional work relationships. Old men and young women. Very bizarre fake sex on a movie set. This movie does not age well. It's a wonderful life. Do y'all know what it is?

Because I haven't. Justin, guess. I don't know. It's love actually. Yuck. Now I have not. Oh no, we wore out the first interpreter. Was it all the yelling?

Yes. The hand movements had to be bigger. Okay. Now I've never seen love actually. How close did I approximate it? The summer camp I work for holds an annual ravioli eating contest among the staff. I have whiplash from what Travis just did to the first thing you just said. I have been dubbed the ravioli champion.

As I have won for the past five years due to some changes in my health. I'm okay. I just got to eat better. Yeah. We all do. Time passes. Yeah, but also you're the ravioli champion. So I assume you do indeed have to eat better.

I've come to the conclusion. My one defining feature is I consume a lot of ravioli. Anyways, I have some health concerns. I've come to the conclusion that I won't be able to participate next year. When I tried to tell my coworkers this, they all thought I was joking. They even got me a certificate. Framed and all to hang on my wall for my past achievements and gorging myself on pasta. Brothers, how do I resist the peer pressure to eat a ridiculous amount of ravioli and remain a champion?

That's from Stuffed in Scotch Plains, New Jersey. Are you here? Yeah, that's a ravioli king. You know, the one thing I do have to say before we begin with the great goofs and spooks. A ravioli eating competition? Is this a common thing that I'm just not plugged into? No, no, here's what I will say because I edited this question down for time. But there was a line in it where they said that there was a restaurant in the town of the summer camp

that had an all you could eat ravioli night. Which in and of itself seems like it should be shut down by the CDC. Ravioli's not a type of food that I think I could stomach infinite of. No. Ravioli's not the type of food where I eat a heap in helping and I say, I could eat three to four more heap in helping to ravioli, please. It actually seems like you could set up a weird drinking style game, but ravioli game, where you set up a chess board with different ravioli squares.

And if you land on one of the other bars, then I have to eat it and they die. That's a fun game that you just invented. Thank you. I think you have to participate. Wait. Cool. Let me finish. You can't be ravioli champion and then just bow out and not let people take a shot at the master of ravioli.

At the crown. At the ravioli champion, right? They got to have a shot at the crown. What you got to do is go in and I'm sorry, eat a tasteful amount of ravioli. Just a regular, healthy portion of ravioli. You know, six. Yeah. It's six.

You're no longer able to compete at the maximum level and it's fair for you to bow out. But honestly, you do have to lose. I think you should have to lose. Now, here's what I will say. Bet against yourself. Okay. Take a fall. Now, you're the ravioli champion.

There is a certificate in your cubicle or whatever. Put a large amount of money against yourself. Is there a danger, Travis? Is there a danger that you won't make it into the ravioli hall of fame? No, that they'll start eating the ravioli and then, well, I do love this wonderful stuff. Oh. And I don't get that ravioli madness. I do have the fire of competition in my belly.

Yeah. And I do have the plaque and all. That's always a risk, Justin. I guess I should go ahead and pound more ravioli. I'm worried about that. It might happen. The spark. And then that stinks because you die of ravioli poisoning.

And also you lost your dang money is the other thing that you better get yourself. You may eat what you think is a normal amount of ravioli, make it to the end. And they're like, you won by a lot. And you look at everybody else like, what's wrong with you all? This stuff is amazing. That is a good question. Have you often won by two or three times as much as everyone else? Because it might just be when you've eaten one more than the next person.

Stop. I'm just not realizing I'm really hungry for ravioli. God, I know, right? I could go for some ravioli. Go for some ravioli right now. I need to be the devil's advocate here and say, don't enter the ravioli competition. Follow your instincts. Griffin's right.

Don't enter the ravioli competition. Let someone win, then challenge them. It's the second movie. You train someone to win. That's ravioli one. Then you're coming back for ravioli two to beat the person you train because they got pretty cocky. And you need to show them what a real ravioli champ looks like. It's like in Rocky 2.

Ravioli three. Yeah. Someone else eats your friend. Yes. It would be like if in Rocky 2, Rocky's doctor was like, hey, your cholesterol is crazy. You can't just keep drinking eggs out of a pitcher. All you have to do is stop eating eggs. No one's paying you to eat eggs.

Well, I'm the best egg eater. That's not it, Rocky. That's nothing. The movie's not about you being a good egg eater. Then what's it about? You could just have some celery. You burn more calories eating. I want to eat eggs.

Well, I'm the egg eater. Did you say, angry and out loud? I did. That's fun. It's fun. It just came across my, what if just slowly behind that hut, a doll rose up. Paul, don't do it. I just, on a doll watch.

If you've never listened to our program before, and it's in this room, distinct possibility. We like how many of you just heard there was something going on and you saw a huge line of people and you're like, screw it. I'll hop in line. We like to keep tabs on the paranormal being sold on the electronic bay. And here's what I found today. Oh, I'm looking at it. It's a two and a half foot tall Santa statue with a beach ball and a red hat. Oh no.

No, it's not the Haunted Doll on the stage. This is Haunted Doll Jody, a sad paranormal doll. Oh, currently it's on sale for $10. I'm assuming it will not be by the time this segment has ended. Haunted Doll Jody, a sad paranormal doll put on sale by Pretty Willow. 335 ratings, 100% positive feedback. This doll haunted. That's a guarantee from your friend Justin McRoy.

Haunted Doll Jody, sad paranormal doll. Story on Jody. I just got her last weekend along with many other dolls. But I have a few dolls that are getting upset that there are so many in my home now. That will happen. Hey Jody, is it the dolls or is it your niece Vicki? Are the dolls upset or does Vicki say you need to clean this house or I'm moving out? Oh, I thought you said meant the dolls didn't like Vicki.

I have a few other dolls getting upset. There are so many in my home now. With this being said, I work with all my dolls and many of them have many stories to tell. Expect this little doll. It's just what it says. That's it. It says expect this little doll. Can you buy it?

Expected. Expected. I will deliver. Jody is near five inches tall. She is old and she was found when my son and I did a paranormal investigation on a private property that was abandoned. Private property was abandoned. So you looted. You robbed.

I think a private property that is abandoned is a public property, right? I still think it's private. No one was in the house when we broke in. Yeah, to look for haunted dolls. Along with her, there was many other dolls that I had found. The owner said I could have the dolls. Wait, hold on. Hold on.

I don't believe you. It was a private property that was abandoned and you said, hey, can we loot your house? And they were like, take whatever dolls you want. They don't want me to loot. Stay perfectly quiet. They told me by how asleep they were. The owner said I could have the dolls. They had been there for such a long time.

And he never really bothered with them. So after bringing these dolls into my home, I decided to try to work with this one first, doing a spirit box on this doll. Yeah. I can't really get clear answers from this doll other than her name is Jody. She won't give me an age, but she says she is very sad. She was locked away too long. I don't feel she is bad.

Just sad. That sounds like you apologizing for a friend that none of your other friends like. Yeah. They're not bad. They're just sad. So I don't have time right now. He's just hungry. I don't have time right now to keep trying to get answers from her.

I'm busy. So why are you getting rid of your dog? I just can't with Jody anymore. Woof. This doll would be great if you have time to talk to her and maybe get the answers yourself. So if you work for yourself from home, adopt Jody. I do feel sad when I hold her. I must have this doll.

I would love to have something to blame my sadness on. Griffin, why are you so sad all the time? I don't know, but I'm holding this doll. I cannot guarantee your doll will quote perform for you. These are real individuals that lived real lives and are worthy of respect. None of those three things are true. They may take a bit of time to warm up to you or they may show themselves to you right away. Or they might just be an empty doll.

Please do not adopt a haunted object with no intent of offering them attention. They're like a Tamagotchi folks. You have to take care of them or communication. They're human beings. They're not though. Even if they're ghosts, they're ghosts. They don't need to eat or sleep or drink or anything. They're human beings, not party tricks or meant to just sit on a shelf.

So you want, don't expect them to do tricks, but don't not expect them to do tricks. Do tricks either. Have them do some tricks. An adoption to be taken seriously, particularly with children that need a motherly touch. Wait. Whoa. Hey, big job. That sentence is a journey.

English was not meant to convey this level of information with just a few words, but suddenly this person's entire world has been opened up to you. Come walk in the door of those 10 words and see their entire existence laid bare. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Oh, I have questions. What was the last thing you just said all about? Jump back 10 words one more again. Due to eBay rules, I must pose this.

All paranormal dolls and stories are for entertainment purposes. But I'll let you be the judge of that. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me all caps. I will be listing many more. The end. That's haunted doll watch. Do you think when they list in the thing like, this is for entertainment purposes only, but I'll let you be the judge of that.

eBay like context. I'm like, Hey, you can't actually say psych at the end. It's like a role. We asked you not to do. Like, it's like if we said you can't sell weed and like, this is a weed, but it is. But it is weed. It's not weed, but it's green. And when you burn it, it gets you high.

Great. All right. We can do audience questions. We have some sent in by you all. If we can get house lights turned on. No, listen, there were no seat numbers. So we have like names will do first initial and if there's any confusion. All right.

We're going to say the first initial of a first time. I meant the first initial of the last. All bees. Rest the stage. Yes. All bees. So we have a microphone right here and right here down front. And I'm just going to start calling some folks down.

Maddie M. You have a question about your grandma. Maddie M. With a question about their grandma. Come on down. Christie H. Who has a question about a speeding ticket. Come on down.

Logan. Thanks. I had that coming. All right. Logan W. Has a question about their gift for their roommate. Yeah, baby. Grab it and rip it.

Yeah. Crunch one. Hey, we're not going home yet. This is only been four hours long. Let's go. Yeah. And let's also get Charlie C. Who has a question about some bones.

All right. What's the deal with these bones? We're going to need more house lights because weirdly you're illuminating everybody. But the people standing at the microphones. That may be all we got to work with. It's a historic theater. All right. Friend over.

Hey, everyone. Turn on your cell phone lights. No, don't do this thing. Do it. It'll be like, it'll be fun and special holiday magic. Yeah. Okay. Here we go.

We'll start over here. Hi. No. Here's where. Oh my God. It's kind of working. Hello. Over here.

Hi. Hi. Okay. So my grandmother. Oh, what's your, sorry. What's your name? Hi. I'm Maddie.

Hi, Maddie. Thank you, Maddie. Yes. If you want to give your pronouns, that'd be very helpful. Thank you. So my grandmother is in the hospital and she like went into the hospital like three days ago. And so we were like, oh no, she is not going to be out for Christmas.

But my grandmother. Come on around. Come on. Yeah. I'm bringing it around. You can do it. I believe you. Yeah.

So my grandmother is an Irish woman who is resilient. Shall we say? So you already said old Irish woman. Yeah. So she texted my cousins and I in our group chat and asked if we could throw a Christmas rager in her hospital room. Okay. Yeah.

I cursed. I'm sorry. And so I just want to know the best way to pull this off without getting us or grandma kicked out of the hospital. Kicked out of the hospital. I don't know. Wait. Hold on.

Can they kick people out of hospitals for that? Hey, you are too cool. Get out of here. Granted Ford is pretty wild. Yeah. They can kick you right out of hospital, Travis. You're not granted diplomatic immunity because you're inside of a hospital. But I, it's hard to be sure the dean of the hospital.

You don't understand. You don't understand that hospital official. She's sick. Okay. And she wants to have a party. There we go. There's some more lights. Yeah.

You're going to need some IV bags full of vodka. Or gin. Yeah. Or white claw. Or Bloody Mary. Probably not the Bloody Mary. It looks like blood. That would be fun.

You're right. That would be fun, Trav. You're right, Trav. Don't know. Don't put it in your arm. Don't put any of them in your arm. Oh my gosh. Listen.

Everybody got the hospital booties? Get a little like old time rock and roll. Like slide. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. That's good. Like in risky business. You slide around. Little cups of jello shots.

Okay. That's good. I mean, listen. Hospital gowns don't have backs. You're halfway to a party already. Okay. I've been to a lot of parties. Rarely do they feature open butt cracks.

Maybe I'm going to the wrong parties. Is there a way, and I'll just base this on some of my like party expertise. Is there a way that there could be a comfortable couch in an entirely different room in a cat that you can just kind of hang out with? Where maybe Mario party is happening. Yeah.

So last time she got sick, I did sneak my cat into the hospital. All right. So my, you would you say that my idea has been the only good one so far? I don't know. The little jello, the little jello cup shots. That's a pretty good one too.

So you're saying that we've helped. You guys have. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Is this close enough to the mic? If we could get some more cell phone lines over here. Yeah.

Oh my God. Oh yeah. Thank you guys so much. I like the people over here holding up their phones. Thank you. Hello. Hello. I'm Christy.

Hi Christy. So for my birthday yesterday, I got tickets to come here. I was very excited. Oh, that's so nice. Is the person standing with you with you? Yes. This is my little sister. She's here for emotional support because I'm just so excited.

Well, all of the under lighting didn't help with Travis's sort of presumption. That was not a criticism of everybody's lighting job. Yeah. I saw you all reach up higher. We'll get an angle. You're too sweet. Okay.

Yeah. So on my way here, I was really excited and we were listening to Taz. But now you're disappointed. No, I was just swept away by the tapestry that I didn't realize I was speeding a little bit. Oh no. The adventure Zane does have that effect. What would Zane do?

I got pulled over for my first time on the way here. Oh no. By a West Virginia police officer? No, by Ohio. Oh, that's fine. I'm sorry. I'm Columbus. Hey, listen.

Here's a non-joke. As you're going home tonight, don't speed in Ohio. Yeah. Yeah. You will watch the speed limit of like 55, 60, 55, 60, 55, 60. There's real laws over there. Over here in West Virginia, there is no law about the number of people riding in the back of a pickup truck.

We're in Ohio. That number is zero. In West Virginia, this is true. The open container law is it has to be out of the reach of the driver. So you, as the driver, could just sort of play T-Rex and just be like... Anyway, tragic, we should have... Honestly, this one's on us. We should have warned you.

The first time I ever got pulled over was in Ohio. Wait, wait, wait. What's your question? So my little sister's in the car. I was freaking out and then I was like... Blame it on her. My parents paid for the tickets to come here. How do I get them to pay for the ticket for Christmas?

Okay. So the first time I ever got a speeding ticket, I was going 15 miles over the speed limit. That's what happened today. That's what I did today. That's what you did today? Yes. And the officer who broke me over said, I'm going to list it as being nine miles because of it's 10 or more, it's reckless endangerment.

This guy was not as nice. They said what? He was not as nice and caught me. Okay. So then I, as they were writing the ticket, I called my father, Clint McRoy, and I told him what happened and he goes, can you talk about it all the way? And I said, dad, I feel like he's already being pretty nice. And dad said, come on.

And I refused to try to talk the police officer out of it to the disappointment of my father. Can you get our father to guilt you in the past? Probably not. Where are you from? Columbus. Oh, you should have known then. So my advice is going to be don't go to Ohio anymore and you're fine. That's a real city.

That's a real city you should know about cops. Maybe talk to some police here and see if they get, because one time another story about my dad, I got a ticket for expired, like stickers on my license plate. And I had to go to a city hall and talk to someone. And my dad said, and in this tone of voice, ask them if they know who we are. He didn't mean podcast luminaries to be fair. And I did. And they did.

And it was fine. Wait, it worked? Yeah. Oh, that's what's wrong with America. So maybe try that. Has your dad been on radio for 40 years? Is that an option? No, but is it really?

He was. They don't know. It's radio. Listen. Yes. Are your parents cool? Pretty much cool. Yeah.

Do they listen to the show? No, but they know of you guys because they listened to you a lot. What are their names? No. Not last names. Not last names. First names. So what do you call them?

Mom and dad, but they go by Mark and Dory. Mom and dad. Hey, mom and dad. Hey, mom and dad. It's me, Travis. You know, if you think, how old are you? 19. 19.

If you think about it, what's $2.5 a year? All right. No. $25 a year. How much was the ticket? $35. Okay. That's not that bad.

I was really shocked. I thought it was going to be $300 because I've never been pulled over before. Okay. Look in there. Hey, mom and dad. Look in their eyes. That's your baby. Stop it.

Hey, no, no. Sit with me on this. That's your baby. Are you going to really make them sweat $135? That's like one stub hub ticket to my brother, my brother and me. That's nothing. I just feel bad. Like, because my parents paid for this and I just said nothing.

They paid for everything up till now. I'm a three year old. Can I tell you how much more money than that? Okay. Listen. I'll Venmo you. Just email me. I'll Venmo you the ticket money.

It's fine. Next question. I fixed it. Thank you guys. Email me. I'll Venmo you. Happy candlelight. Justin at Venbam.com.

Email me on Venmo you. Only you though. Justin at TeenGoogle.com. Justin at TeenGoogle.com. Justin at TeenGoogle.com. Hello. How can I help? Hello.

Wait. Did that help? Wait. I know it did. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you. This is so beautiful.

Hello. Hi. I'm Charlie. Hi, Charlie. It's a great name. Can you angle the microphone up just a little bit? Yeah. That's fine.

No worries. Jesus. And apologies in advance if like something doesn't make sense. I just got back from wisdom teeth surgery. Oh, hello. Hey, everyone. Grab the armrest. Go on.

Okay. So I live on a farm and my stepmom hikes a lot and she's gotten this hobby of collecting bones. Oh, a bone collector. Yeah. Like the documentary. Yeah. They're pretty much everywhere in our house.

Like our house is decorated in them. They're scattered throughout the yard because our dogs get them too. Oh, it's a family affair. Are you here to turn her in? Maybe. There's also piles of them on the front porch. Bone piles. Yeah.

And one might see in Castlevania. Yeah. Um, they've been there for about three years now. I asked her once why and she said she was bleaching them, but I feel like after three years they should be bleached. Um, Hey, and also that's not a good answer for why you have bones. That's as if somebody said, why, you know, the only reason to say why I have bones so

I can stand up and move my arms and eat food. But I mean, basically my question is how can I get her to take the bones off the porch at least? Well, here's the good news. If you steal them, what's she going to do? Call the police. Good luck with that call. Hey, is this the police?

Someone stole my boat. You should make a, you should make a bone pit, but work real hard on it and paint it and stuff with good colors. Put that on YouTube. Put up a fun sign and be like, I spent all day making you a bone pit. You're not going to move them to the bone pit. I made this for you. And then it's kind of a guilt thing.

Yeah. It works on me. And maybe start signs like 50 miles out like, don't miss the bone pit. Don't miss the bone pit. It's a tourist attraction. I made it. Yeah. What else is she saving them for if not for people to see them?

Because if she doesn't want people to see them, she killed those things. Well, I would assume she does want people to see them because they're like all over our house and she's not exactly hiding them on the porch. They're just in piles next to the door. But no one's coming. You have to get the word out. Okay. Okay.

If in the Texas chainsaw massacre, the documentary, if the teens had rolled up to the house and there had been an affable guide who was like, look at all my great bones. I don't think the bones would be very scary. True. I think we're all putting a lot of stigma on these bones. So what Gryffindor is saying is it's not a problem at all. No. It's not a problem.

The problem is branding. Yes. Yes. Yes. Maybe if you got on board with it, maybe the problem was with you. If you petition the Department of Transportation to put up an official sign on the highway advertising the bone zone, now it's fun. Now it's a moneymaker.

Hello. Does that help? Yes, it does. Thank you so much. I need my fireflies. We're going to help you extremely quickly because we're running out of time. Okay. Hi.

Hi. That was a great show. Thank you. You're welcome. Good speed, Travis. Hi, I'm Logan. Hey, when a shirt is great, you deserve it. I appreciate it a lot.

I'm Logan. She, her. Hello. So I like getting gifts that I know that people are going to use and that people can use over time and stuff. So would it be entirely too inappropriate to get my roommate cleaning supplies on Christmas? Yes. There?

Logan. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 10 seconds. Why is it a good idea to do this thing? Because I feel like it could save a lot of time, you know, busy people for you. Logan, is there any sort of little bit of like a kind of slight hint of maybe you could use these around the house?

Well, anyone could. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, Logan. But is there maybe like, are these maybe like shade brand? Like you're kind of throwing a little bit. So I was thinking of like those like, I don't know.

Like those litter boxes that I've seen online for years that are like, there's like a top layer that you can like, like sit down and they don't do it. Logan, they don't do it. Do they? They don't clean it out very much. Do they? Logan. Logan.

Logan. Logan. Logan. Okay. That might even gut out. Thank you so much, Logan. Thank you. Logan.

Logan. Do it. Just do it. I mean, it'll be weird for a while, but they might appreciate it. At least you're giving the greatest gift, which is a story of why they moved out. Does that help? It does. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Okay. Inga and Laura, the house lights. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, that's brighter. The other way. Turn the knob.

Grab the knob. Okay. Yeah. So I have, this is so cool. I'm really excited. So tonight's event is a benefit. This is the sad part of the show is what I tell you. Don't make any more of this.

And there's, I lost the money on this show because I bought this sweater. There's so many, and it seemed like a good idea, but then there are so many of you here that it started to feel a little bit like hubris. The good part of that though is that tonight's event is a fundraiser for Harmony House, which seeks to help non-sheltered people in our community. Are there any reps from Harmony House here? Any Harmony House folks in the audience? Yay.

Hey, thank you. So I've got some good news for y'all. Actually Harmony House folks, do you want to stand up so everybody can give you another round of applause because you do amazing work? Okay. So we have friends at a company called MeUndies, and I know that underwear is always a need for y'all. Our good friends at MeUndies have donated 200 pairs of underwear.

They have sent to, well, it's in a box at my house, but when Sydney comes to work, I'll have her bring it. So thank you so much to MeUndies. That's super cool. That's amazing. If they didn't read another round of applause from MeUndies, that's great. So here's the even more exciting news. The folks here have bought tickets.

They've bought posters. They got fired by my father-in-law. A service I received for free. They donated. And not counting what everyone is going to go out and spend on posters and what have you after this, we are going to be able to donate to Harmony House $43,355. That is cool. And here's the thing that I cannot stress enough.

When we say we, we mean we. Yeah. All of us. It is through you all that this is done. And this is what, our seventh. A hundredth. Yeah. We've done a lot of candle lights in every year, whether it's through the candlelight

show or MB&B angels or whatever, you all have continuously blown us away by your generosity and your willingness to support our hometown and the people here who need help. And I, I, I don't have words for it. Thank you so much. Give yourselves another big round of applause. Thank you. We can lower the lights now. That's great.

Harmony House, you all do amazing work. Thank you so much for everything you do. We're about ready to wrap up. Yes. Thank you. And we also want to say real quick, we couldn't do the show without Paul Saborn. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Yeah. You can all go ahead and take the house lights out. I'm Amanda who will put the show together. All the smurdles. Yes. Thank you to the Heart Choose Joy players. They sang for us the ushers, the calers, Levi Kelly, Michael Meadows and Joe Eddins helped make the stage amazing.

All the performers in the Solbonne show. Thank you so much to all of you. Wonderful. Thanks to Dwight Slabby who immediately after his role was complete went to the bar across the street to watch the bills game. Dwight. Let's hear it for him. Still buffering.

Still buffering. Woo. Let's hear it for a wonderful. Let's hear it for the Keith Alby. The Keith Alby. Amazing. Beautiful venue. The City of Huntington.

Another big round of applause because she worked so hard. My mother-in-law, Mary Smurl, made all this happen. She's amazing. Thank you to John Rodger and the Long Winters for these four theme songs instead of Barchoff. I've been putting the days to bed and also I guess Jimmy Buffett because there's been quite a bit. I also want a huge round of applause for our dad, Clint McElroy. Clint McElroy, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, time to wrap up. Everybody come on up to the microphones. Please don't be shy. We're all family here. Nobody's moving. Let's start playing the song. Just give me like a. One, two, three, four.

Nibblin on sponge cake. Everybody. Watching the sun bake. All of the tourists cover with oil. Strumming my six string. Now on my front porch swing. Smell those shrimp. They're beginning to boil.

Bubble, bubble, bubble, bubble. And ready. Whisking away again in Margaritaville. Searching for my lost shaker of salt. Salt, salt, salt. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame. But I know. It's my own dang fault.

Justin, take a verse. I don't know the reason. I stayed here all season. What's the next scene? But it's a real beauty. I'm Mexican. Wasting away again in Margaritaville. Searching for my lost shaker of salt.

Salt, salt, salt. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame. But I know. It's my own dang fault. Third verse. I forgot my flip flop. There we go. I'm going to cut my heel and the crews on back home.

You know these words. But there's booze in the blender. And soon it will render. That frozen concoction that helps me hang on. You all know this, Morris. Seema Morris! We stand away again in Margaritaville, Searching for my lost figure of salt. Salt, salt, salt.

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, But I know it's my own damn fault. One more chorus, I think. Yeah, one more. Everybody, let me hear you. We stand away again in Margaritaville. Griffin, jump off the guitar. Let's just hear it. Searching for my lost figure of salt. Salt, salt, salt. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, But I know it's my own damn fault. Everybody, thank you so much for coming to Caroline's Sweet 19. Drive them safely.

Thank you. Thank you. And kiss your necks square on the lips. Bye-bye. Say bye-bye. Bye-bye. Say bye-bye. Bye-bye. I know it's my own damn fault.