My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 493: Face 2 Face: U Up?

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

Travis and Teresa have CREATED NEW LIFE, so we’re taking this week off to celebrate. In lieu of a regular episode, please enjoy our recent romp in our nation’s capital!!

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? I just got so scared, boys. Okay. That's not a joke. What is this energy? I've never been that. Yeah, that. No, no, no. You don't understand it.

You're making your words. What you make as a group when you all do that is a scary sound. It activates my fight or flight response, and spoiler alert, my brain and body have never chosen fight. For McElroy, it is a flight response. Yeah. Slider fart. Hello, everybody. Welcome, my brother, my brother. I mean, if I show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. It's not a competition. It's not. I'm piss pants terrified.

I'm Griffin McElroy. All right. Much like so many years ago, those Chilean minors, we all love so much. We have returned here to the beautiful, is DC technically a city? Is that the right thing to say? Okay, the city of what? It's just a loose conglomeration of humans. I'm hearing a lot. Hey, I'm hearing a lot of you yell different things, and that's Buckeye. Let's clamp that down. Taxation without representation, am I right? The nerve of these fat cats. Anyway, we were so excited to be here. Last night, we did

The Adventure Zone, another podcast. Well, the road's tough. The road's hard on all of us in different ways. This is, God, at this point, this is our second show this tour, and the road. And we're not as young as we used to be. And not as young as we used to be. And last night, I'm sad to report we did have an injury. Trav, do you want to talk about it? I, after the show, I threw slap bracelets into the audience, and I threw them so hard I hurt my arm. We've heard about this injury, the slap bracelet injury that Trav has sustained quite a bit this evening. It hurts to do everything. I watched six episodes of Succession

in my hotel room today. I have heard Travis talk about this injury more than I've heard Brian Cox call his kids fuckwads. So it's like, it hurts to do everything, to undo my belt, to pee. And you wouldn't help me. Yeah, I know, Travis. I asked you to help me pee. We just wasted a lot of your time. We have horrible bodies. Let's get into the show. They're all broken and nothing works. Riddle me, piss voice. You're just making it worse. You're just in for it. Tis but to warm up. Okay, you don't have to do this, right? I won't do the voice for the actual riddle. Then get to the fucking riddle. But this is tis but the intro.

Now I want to actually hear the riddle out because it will put an end to this misery. Okay, now this riddle I picked solely for the answer. And I will read it caps appropriately. Jesus Christ. If I say that I will give you $100,000 tomorrow, when will you get it? I'm gonna say never. I'm gonna say tomorrow. Okay. This is, I'm going to read it word for word, caps, puncture, and I'll scoot this back a little bit. Never. Tomorrow never ever comes. It's always today. So now I understand the heart of this riddle, but if a human being said to me, I'll give you $100,000 tomorrow, and then the next day I said, I would like that $100,000,

and they said, haha, but tis not tomorrow. It is today. I'm like, fuck you, Dylan. Yeah, Dylan. Dylan, you're back. You told me yesterday, so it is now, and you do owe me $100,000. This is a person that has seen that sign that's in every fine bar, the sign that says free beer tomorrow. They saw that sign and thought, what a brain teaser. Yeah. The center of my next conundrum. Or they went and saw rent and just did not fucking understand kind of the whole thesis. This riddle was written by a dog. Yeah. It's never later. No day, but today, I fucking told you guys, didn't I? Told you. How about a question? Can we do one of them?

This is a question. My dad is a hairy, hairy man. Nice. Start the question, juice. My dad's a hairy, hairy man. So hairy, it doesn't matter how high the neck on his shirt is. The hair on his chest always manages to poke out the top of his shirt. He has been there. He has a tiny little dog, very cute, and he frequently sends pictures of her. The problem is, he sends selfies of him and the dog from a low angle, revealing how shirtless and hairy he is with a very serious dad face. How do I tell my dad to stop sending me shirtless pics so I can show my friends this cute dog, but not my hairy dad with no shirt that's from

desperate daughter? Yeah. Are you here? All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your decisiveness. What's a serious dad face? Okay, Trav, let's break down. We're in an audio medium, and also they are in a pitch black room that we can't say. We've used our words to weave pictures before. Yeah, that's true. I think it's kind of like this. Okay. God Almighty. One of these phones we got now, hey, what's the deal with these phones these days? They've got to have some sort of crop functionality. Yes, they have to have some sort of content aware. That's one hairy daddy. That is feature where it just auto fills with more dog. This is a cute, tiny dog with one enormous, wild man shaped lump on its back. That is true. Like there's the thing that I can turn on that

turns my head into a unicorn's head. There's not something I can hit that instantly puts a shirt on your dad. I think next time your dad's like, hey, I'm sending you a pic, just turn your phone around and hold it up. Like, guys, I got a good dad pic coming in. You guys look first. I'm gonna see what you all think. Or maybe just like cut a tiny shirt out of construction paper and glue it to your phone. Get the crop exactly right. Does your dad know? Were you like, hey, that especially a low angle. Yeah, hey, straight up. Nobody's accidentally taken a low angle selfie. He didn't trip on his skateboard and the shutter button hit with himself perfectly framed rule of thirds. Like, I don't know why you're saying this is a problem. I say you set your dad up

with an Instagram and let him make a million dollars. Right. I've been on the internet and your dad's going to find his audience. I have very little doubt about that. And the dog's hairy too, and you're not giving a shit about that. Thank you. All animals. Think about it. I'm just saying, no matter how hairy your dad is, not as hairy as that dog. Get him. Unless. Unless. Oh no. That's got to get a bigger dog. Solved it for you. Is your dad sureless? I cannot tell. Can you get a dog that exactly matches the color of his chest hair? Then it becomes like an eye spy poster. There's a dog in there. I swear. Cross your eyes. Yeah. That's funny.

Thanks, Larry, the cable guy. Lord, I apologize. Great. There's a, there's a, there's a, every time I drink wine on stage, and it's a new thing for me. I'm an adult now, and I like this, I like the stinky red beverage, but every time I do, bugs are like, what's up? You doing a show? Can I get in that? And it's very distracting. I'm just going to drink a bug and not even worry about it. Free protein. Here's a, I got a yahoo. Can I do a yahoo? Yeah, bud. So I'm going to send in by Seth Carlson. Thank you, Seth. It's yahoo answers user. Soops. Who asks? That's S O U P S. Not like Superman shorts. You know what? It never crossed my mind. I assumed it was S O U P S. Multiple soups. Okay. His avatar is the Hamburglar. There's a lot

going on with this. Anyway, Soops asks, could a gorilla become a vampire? Followed by, are vampires only human or can they be any mammals? Wow. That actually opens up the door. Humans, bats. Travis couldn't think of a third mammal, everybody. No, no, hold on. I'm saying vampires are already humans and bats. Oh, okay, okay. Please stop yelling mammals or anything. Um, what if they could, okay. The better question is, how hungry does a vampire have to be? Before he's like, Oh, fuck. I have to eat something. Why did we come to this place where there are so many gorillas? I'm going to do it, Vicky. I'm going to eat a gorilla.

It's the most dude-shaped animal. Maybe, maybe it's the thrill of the, at that point, it's like, humans. We're pretty easy. We're fucking weak. We're weak. I've seen a lot of vampire movies. Nine out of 10 of us are easy to take down. And I've had a lot of conversation about this, statistically speaking, about half of the people would be like, yeah, okay, seems all right. And a gorilla is like, oh, if that gets you though, oh, I kind of now want to see a gorilla fight a Dracula. That would be very good. I think we've got a little old lady who swallowed a fly situation in our hands. This we so often do on this show where the gorillas are going to wipe out a lot of the vampire population when they try to get froggy and leap. But the few that succeed

are going to make fucking vampa gorillas. And that's, hey, what are we going to vampirize to kill the vampa gorillas? Why stop there? What about a vampirino? Vampirino is bad news. They suck it through the, through the horn. Shit, dog. Yeah. They're not going to turn any humans, though, because there's not going to be a vampire with like a hole in its torso. What about a vampire whale? Vampire whale? All that fucking baleen. Oh, the baleen's just kind of sharp now. Yeah, I'm just chilling in here like a hammock. It's not bad. My, my juices are being trained, but there's just a lot of vampire krill running around now. If they do a vampire duckbill platypus, is it just going to gum you to death? Is it going to be

putting on you? Well, it already has poisonous spines on its feet. Yeah. Perhaps they just migrate out to its mouth now. Gross. Let me walk on you, Dylan. Let me walk on your back. Trust me. How about another question? Yes, my son. What? Twist. No insult. It's a big reveal. No one saw this coming so late in the series. I was wondering if you have any advice on how to ask my friends if I can massage them in a non-creepy way. For the last year or so, I have been watching massage tutorial videos on YouTube to relax before bed, and I feel like I have gained a lot of knowledge on the subject and want to practice the skills. I don't want anyone to think I'm a creep

or a weirdo. No danger of that. I just think it would be a fun skill to have. What do I do? How can I offer this to my friends? And that's from amateur massage therapist in Silver Spring. Are you here? Okay, hello. Now, it occurs to me, as my older brother is reading this question, that you've watched a lot of videos and have done no practical experience at all. So you've watched and you've kind of moved your hands in the air. I'm like, that's what I would kind of do on some skin. That seems right. It's like I'm practicing a kiss on a teddy bear, isn't it? Except there's no teddy bear. You're just kind of, I just mouth in the air. So,

the way you're going to have to phrase it is, can I massage you for the first time ever? I want to practice my art. Well, hold on, because that makes it sound like you have massaged other people, but you're treating them specifically for the first time. You would have to phrase it something wild like, can I, for the first time, massage and have it be you? May I offer you my first ever massage? Wow. We all forgot syntax, except for Travis up here for a bit. But there is also like, if any one of my friends started a sentence with, you know, I've been learning about massage, they wouldn't finish before I was like, do it, do it, go. Everything is stressful all the time. I know 800 people and if any one of them came up to me and

said, do you want to massage? I say, oh, absolutely. Thank you so much. And that's Justin, who is rife with social anxiety. I'll take a massage though. That gets rid of all the anxiety. I mean, I hurt myself. Oh, Travis, yeah. Hey, bud, let me see that arm. Yeah, I hurt myself throwing flat braids. Is it this one? It's both of them, Griffin. Here's some quick advice. One, don't open with, I'm not asking this in a weird or creepy way, but that's number one. Number two, massage is an art and a technique and perhaps a science, if I may be so bold, I would maybe take a class. It would be a fun, fun place to start. Number three, if you're really serious and you say, hey, I'm an amateur massage therapist, because aren't we all? I'm an amateur massage therapist.

My first fucking question is, show me the table. If you've got one of those weird tables and I just looked on Amazon, they're $84. And you know what that is, Justin? An investment in your future of having all kinds of stuff on a massage table. Why don't other pieces fucking chill? Okay, a list of some things you could do. Take a nap, have a straw to a drink underneath. Or just take it. Hey, everybody, we're all tired. You sleep on your side or you sleep on your back? I sleep on my fucking front. I sleep on my front with a hole for that. And I watch TV. I watch TV down there. My TV's on the fucking floor, rewatching Breaking Bad. I fall asleep, gently breathing through my good hole. If I roll three inches either way, I die. I am strapped to the bed. I'm strapped

to the bed. Yes, it's very safe. I have a friend I trust. What if you wake up and your butt looks awesome? And everybody's like, your butt looks so awesome. And you're like, yeah, I guess you're not supposed to sleep on it. We weren't supposed to sleep on it this whole time. So yeah, it looks really cool and good. Like you got bigger and it looks good. Are there not practice dummies? One could, I know I'm saying it out loud. No, this is good, Travis. You start rubbing them and they're like, oh, that's good. Yes, excellent. That is the spot. That is perfect. Right there. No, not there. Oh, I can't move my legs. I'm being forever now. I'm being forever. I'll never stop being. And then it says game over on the scoreboard. Coming to arcades this far. Massage, massage,

revolution. Rub rabbits. Yeah, sure. This one was sent in by Emma Kant. Thank you. It's an anonymous Yahoo answers user. So I'm going to call them Jeremiah asks my brain stopped working for a second there. Am I allowed to buy all the Super Bowl tickets to have the stadium to myself? This is Jeremy's big game. Have fun out there guys. Go Broncos. Go Jets. I don't care. Just have fun for Jeremy. Making a good game. I have to think that this is an airbud situation, right? Where Jeremiah would roll up, say here is, I don't know, $1.8 million or whatever. Probably considerably more than that. You think the gross take for the Super Bowl is 1.8 million? You think buying out the Super Bowl costs less than buying a commercial on the Super Bowl? You think if Coke could pay

50,000 dipshits to stand around and run white shirts that spell out Coke, they wouldn't in a fucking heartbeat? You're right, 2 million. Then I think that there will be a scenario in which the Super Bowl officials would go, wait, hold on, let us look. There's no rule against it. Yeah, it's your game now. I have to step in here and break out of the bill a little bit to say Travis's understanding of all law and order is defined by the airbud clause. Specifically, there's not a rule against it. Yeah. Yeah, that's how new rules get written. There has to be stop people like Travis. That's airbud six. It's like, the dog's gonna join this basketball team. No, they're fucking not. No rule against it. Okay. Hey, guys, get together.

I don't think dogs should be able to play basketball here. I, I, I, I. Yeah, so fuck off. That's actually, we used to only have the midnight amendments. Yes. Where we started was come on, be cool, nice. Yeah. And then the Travis's of human civilization started pushing the boundaries. Well, this is what I'm saying. Maybe airbud seven is just like airbud on a search for things he hasn't been legally ruled out of. Yeah. Yes. Can I be a doctor? No, we have a log. I'm going to be a teacher. No, we got you there too, you asshole. We saw you coming a mile away. Can I be a firefighter? You can be like a firefighter mascot. I'm not exactly sure how it works. I get to kill again. I think because you can't send a dog to death row. It's not in

the law books. One of the, you know, you're buying yourself all the Texas Super Bowl and that's great. But what you've also bought yourself is a private concert from Shakira and Jennifer Lopez. Yes. Who are doing the halftime show this year. Yes. If we are the arbiters of this news team. Lucky that Derek is small and humble. So I don't fuse him with mountains. What was his name? Derek. It didn't fit the meter very well. Waiting for Derek. Whoa. Is that better? Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got. I'm still, I'm still Derek for the block. All the songs will be about Derek. They would all work for Derek. I will give you a hundred dollars if you name another Shakira song and fit Derek into it. Okay.

That's the same song. That's the same song. It's hard to say, Trav. It's definitely a different part of the same song. If anything, I'll give you $50. Thank you. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. As a child, I, this isn't a question. Sorry. Oh, should I, as a child, I stole a toy from a restaurant in Philadelphia. My mom found out and made me put it back and apologized to the owner. And while I was in there, I stole a different toy. She still doesn't know. This was 10 years ago. It still haunts me. Please help. And that's, that's from Liam, who just used their name, no regard for their own safety. Liam, are you here? Liam, quick follow up question based on the subject line of the email. The toy in question,

is it a Shrek toy? Yes. Liam says no. That was a yes. That was a confirmation. That's a yes to the Shrek toy. Was it donkey? What? The first was a Lightning McQueen toy. Holy shit. This was terrifyingly recent. What was, what was the second toy? Absolute silence. It was a Shrek action toy. So it was Shrek, you really traded out. So yeah, up to the winning DreamWorks team. We are really stretching the definition of action with that one. Watch as he uses his stay away from other people action. Wants to be left alone action. I mean, he stomps a dragon. But on accident, that's all leading up to him being an introvert, where he just was to be left alone. Had everyone

else is forcing social interaction upon him, and we're supposed to side with them. You want to just recap all the Shrek movies? I'm just saying that maybe Shrek just wants to be left alone, and that's okay. Sure. Do Shrek forever after next. Don't you applaud? If Shrek is left alone, there's no films for us to enjoy. You know it, and I know it, okay? I'm sorry, Shrek was made uncomfortable, but in the end, pushing past Shrek's boundaries is very healthy for anyone. Healthy for the movie industry. Healthy for Jeffrey Katzenberg's bottom line. Here's what you do. You bring your mom into a parlor room, and you sit her down and say, Mother, the great game has finally ended. As the clock strikes midnight. And now,

the 10-year Statue of Limitations has passed. I can reveal to you my most perfect crime. It is my beloved toy. You remember my most beloved toy, Shrump? Well, if you remove his moustache. I did not. I did not. It is the, it is the green ogre. Shrek. I did not fashion him together for my straps of burlap and calico as I once promised. No. He was manufactured and I stole him fair and square, Mother. While I distracted you with my first crime at the Cracker Barrel, you you paid no attention to the actual heist. And that is how I got revenge on the man who ruined my father. Hey, ruined my father? Yeah. Was it a Cracker Barrel? Because this seems like the only restaurant where you steal toys. Wait, Lee, I just, I'm curious. Now, Liam is left,

Liam is so embarrassed. Wait a minute. Where is my fucking wallet? I mean, here's, here's, uh, I feel like 10 years is a good amount of time. I also feel like once you are post-30, you can casually bring up like a time you got so high at the University of Michigan campus that you slept under a tree in your gym shorts in front of your dad. And it's like, I'm an adult man. I'm an adult. And yeah, but you weren't there. You did not catch me. Griffin White. Double Jeopardy, baby. What are you implying there? Because Liam has told us this happened 10 years ago. And so what you're saying is that aged 20, Liam stole a track toy from a restaurant. I just had to have it. Liam, if you still have the toy, you know what you have to do.

You have to go back to the restaurant. And fall in love with the owner's child. What? It's a cute story on Reddit. Okay, I guess. Travis ruined my train of thought. Never mind, Liam. Just throw in the garbage and move on with your life. I will say the good news, Liam, if you have reached adulthood and the worst thing you've done so far in your life is take a track toy from a restaurant, you're doing okay. After stealing a lightning McQueen, I feel like two steals in one trip is kind of up there. It only counts as one steal. Yeah, they stole a toy from a restaurant. Hey, Liam, if you walk into a restaurant and you're like, Hey, what's up? I'm a thief. Sorry, my mom's busted me. You didn't. But here's your lightning

McQueen back. If they're not watching you like a fucking hawk. After that, like, Hey, watch that little idiot clear the, clear the front door because I do not trust his sticky fingers. That's on them. Yeah, they basically gave it to you. Yeah, maybe, maybe they were actually super excited. You took the Shrek. I'm like, we've been trying to get rid of that Shrek forever. We had that sweet honey pot just waiting for someone to steal it. Thank you. Oh, we hate that green ogre. For insurance. Somebody said for insurance. That's Shrek down for millions of dollars. Finally, someone fell for it. This one was hand kissed by Mike Myers. I have a Yahoo here that was sent in by Max. Thank you, Max. It's an anonymous Yahoo answers user

who I'm going to call, asks, poll, would you want a hallway full of vending machines? So when guests come over, you can make yourself a nice little profit. Let's just go straight down the line. No discussion yet. Poll. Yes or no? Would I do it? Would you want it? Poll. Yes or no? As a guest or as a homeowner? It's a homeowner. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I think so. Here's my argument. I'm, as Travis has so cavalierly thrown out, can be uncomfortable in some situations, socially speaking. If I didn't have to ask somebody for a Diet Coke and I just had to go put

fucking a dollar in the machine, I would be stoked as hell. I don't have to ask people for anything. I can just buy my own Kit Kat. Fuck yes, I would. Absolutely. That's a great host. They've cut down one uncomfortable interaction. If there was like a place I could pay to pee, that would be ideal for me. Because then you feel like you belong there. I'm supposed to eat this. I own it. I own this. I bought this from you. This is unprecedented because I've just thought of a way to answer an actual question with a yahoo answer. It's a sort of synthesis we've never done before, but you could put little index cards in the little spirals that say, good for one massage.

Okay. Okay. Or a boros. The snake eats its snake. Nope, it's a straightforward snake. It's just a snake. But I mean what you did just right there. A snake eats another snake. Yes. That could be good. Oh man. It depends on what kind of vending machines. Yes. We had one vending machine at the high school I went to. Huntington High. Go Highlanders. I guess I was never very enthusiastic about your sports when I was there. So I don't know why I would like 16 years removed. But anyway, we had a Frootopia vending machine way past Frootopia's tragic death. Where were they getting it? What? Where were they getting it? That's a good question. It was all

the same ones. It may have just been the same Frootopia. If Henry serves it was all sold out except for one flavor and that flavor must have been fucking bad. At my middle school they had a vending machine that only sold cans of a guava juice, which sounds bougie, but they all look like they were made in 1970s. But if you get one of those vending machines that have like lifesavers up top and pop tarts at the bottom for some reason, that's the only two things I need baby. That's terrifying when the lifesavers are on top because you know it's dust by the time it gets to the bottom. Right? That is a long fall for lifesavers to make and like survive. Let me hit you with this. Giant vending machine. Nothing but condoms. What is being messaged there? That's

my question to you. Why does it have to be giant? How many varietals are included here? Because Travis, a small vending machine full of condoms isn't very funny. I would actually argue that one condom size vending machine with one row of condoms. Or just one condom in it and it costs $500. I feel like if you have a one condom vending machine that's being judgmental. That's like putting it behind a paywall. You should just be giving those things away. But if you expand the size to a lot, then it starts to seem like you're an enthusiast and you just want to offer variety. Let me throw this out. 500 spots all sold out except one.

I had a big night last night. I don't want to talk about it. I tried to make my house liken up, but it didn't work. I imagine in that movie, the old man is just floating by other people's houses with his condom balloons just like looking in the windows and like flirting and that movie is called You Up. You did it, Griffin. Someone on Twitter is going to steal that joke and get a million followers. I don't think that would fit in the tweet, Mom. That's a long way around to get to that one. So now imagine there's a hallway lined with vending machines, right?

So giant vending machine, full condoms, price for each item, one massage, but received, not given. You let me give you a massage. I give you a condom. This is bad. This is actually gone. Don't do this one. This one is not a good one. We know what I'm saying and I'm hearing it. I'm hearing it. Yeah, absolutely. It's bad. Absolutely. This one's not good. Don't do that one. But do you watch your guests walk through this hallway judging their choices as they walk? Because I imagine a hallway full of vending machines. I'm imagining some like the shining but with product placement sort of action going on. Right. And so they walk past the, you know,

the sprite machine. They walk past the one with the lifesavers and pop tarts. They walk past one that has like your mixtape in it and you're like, oh, you're going to stuff with the mixtape one? I made that. These are some hand drawn zines. No, I'm going to keep on going. You're not going to buy my zines. Okay. Can you do a question for me, Justin? I love that Griffin. Thank you so much for asking. That's so sweet of you. I'm 24 and I want to get into eating. It felt like he was going to interrupt us, which is why I know myself felt like he was going to interrupt himself, but I was really excited to watch him happen. Yeah. So I'm 24 and I want to get into eating cheese so that I don't feel like a social

pariah at fancy dinner parties. Did you just lean over to fart? No, you was scared you were going to be afraid you're going to like yell at me. So I don't feel like a social pariah at fancy dinner parties. I'm not lactose intolerant. I just don't like how it tastes. Yes. I do love pizza though because pizza is the perfect food. Second only the sandwiches. That's incorrect, but whatever. I assume that at least for me, it will be an acquired taste. What would be a good type of cheese to start with? That's from cheeseless in the district. Now, brothers, I'm going to have to defer to you on this question. I'm assuming the first dozen pieces of raw cheese you put in your mouths were foul and profane as they would, they turned. Please explain the terminology of just

cheese. Raw cheese, we've talked about for it. I will, I don't fuck with raw cheese. I only like melted cheese like on pizza burgers. I just don't fuck with raw cheese. It's so good. It's not that weird. Raw cheese is milk. I just don't fuck with raw cheese. So you guys will have to talk about how don't don't don't do this to me right now. Okay. Trying to do a comedy show. I don't want to talk about raw cheese and how cheese has been cooked kind of my wife. It's been stirred enough, I think. We've been trying to get the kids to broaden their palates. And Sidney said, you know, you said a really bad example because you ruled out whole categories of foods that you won't even try. I said, name one. She said, raw cheese. I said, name two. That was a gimme. And she

she said, creamy dips. And it's fair. I won't eat creamy dips. And she said, you can't just say you won't eat creamy dips. You're 38 years old. I said, let me turn that around on you. I'm 38 years old. I can say that I don't like creamy dips. I'm just not going to do that. French onion, the soup's great. The dip's whack. Creamy ranch ranch. That's the one that boggles my mind. Ranch the like second, like I would say it goes like ketchup and mustard tied ranch. It's like right there of like most go to, don't fuck with it. Don't fuck with raw cheese. So, brothers, how did you start? How did you power through your first 100 nasty bites of raw cheese to trick yourself into thinking it was good? I'll get to how to enjoy it in a second. If you

want to sound continental, more than any other like food there is, cheese is the easiest thing to bullshit about and sound intelligence to the point where you can even comment on the consistency of it and sound smart and go, oh, that's a soft cheese. A thing anyone could tell. I kind of destroyed that with my teeth into a different state that was easier to swallow. So, I have a few catch holes that I use for wine that you could probably steal for cheese. Oh, assertive. And then you back it up again like take another sip and buy yourself a few more times, a little bit more time. It's assertive fruit. That's an assertive fruit on there. Oh, is that

pepper? Can I try one? Yeah. Take a bite of the cheese and go, oh, that's very cheese forward. That sounds like you're doing a sketch. I wouldn't do that. You could also take a bite. Here's the secret. Unlike wine. Actually, exactly like wine. Nobody has any fucking idea what they're talking about. So, if you pick up any cheese and bite it and go, oh, that's gone bad, nobody can disprove it. Start it with, actually, that's bad. Oh, don't eat this one, guys. This one's bad. Don't eat this one, Mary. That would go well with crackers is another like 95% of the time you're cool with that. I like how you guys have gone on to the easy part of this question, which is faking expertise, which anyone could do at any time, and not focus on the hard part, which is how

to eat fucking rowdy cheese. I'm not going to teach you how to do it. Yeah, I'm not going to do close up magic for you up here to show you how to pocket it. I want you to take a bite of the cheese. This is what I do when I go to the dentist. Take a bite of the cheese. What the fucks up with your dentist, my bud? No, no, no. Let me get to it. Take a bite of the cheese. Your teeth are fucked up and we're going to have to get in there like Rambo and save your mouth. But first, I melted some brie on some apples. That wasn't the part I was getting. That would be nice. Now that you're saying that, that would be pretty cool. If they melt it, sure. That's fine too. We're all in agreement. Take a

bite of the cheese and then start counting ceiling tiles. That's what I was going to say. Oh, that was it. Yes. Okay. Wow. That's what I do at the dentist. It wasn't a good bit, but I was hoping I'd give you time to think of something funny to say. Now we've pulled back the curtain too far. Oh, shit. Something in the monitor. I have something in the monitor. I saw I got to cut it. Not for DC. Speed back or something. Yeah, pump it up. Here we go. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast. Within a podcast, thank you to Jade for that theme song. This is a podcast of the podcast highlighting the latest and greatest in brand eating and quick service restaurant innovation,

fun innovation, if you will. I will. I have fucking huge news. Does everybody, does everybody feel kind of bummed out by how static the level of cravable innovation has been? Fear not. Fear not. If you listen to this show and the answer to that is yes, you're a mad man. Taco Bell has taken cravable innovation to the next level. I didn't want it to be them. It was though. Who else would it be? They're delisting the fucking cooler ranch Locos Doritos taco. They can fuck off if they're replacing it with... No, no, no, listen. Unless it's two Locos Doritos cooler ranch tacos. Here's the subhead for this. The company gives fans carefree indulgence in this elevated chalupa experience. Come, my friends. This is a very

accurate subhead because if you eat the toasted cheddar chalupa and someone's like, what are you doing? Your proper response is, I don't fucking care. Yes. I'm literally carefree. Not about my body, not about my spirit. I've never thought about carefree in those terms before. I'm like, I used to care and now I'm giving up. Yeah, I'm free of caring. That is also the most hedonistic subhead I've ever heard a company put its name. This is an intelligent pleasure. Eat the cheese and the beef we have supplied. You guys are having a lot of fun with the fucking subhead of this press release. The beloved Taco Bell chalupa, the fans know and love, is getting a next level cheesy glow up. Introducing the toasted cheddar chalupa.

Confirmed for nationwide release. Holy shit. Hold on. We checked with our scientists. We just checked with ourselves. We are definitely doing this, folks. I like that. That sounds like a threat. You can't reason with us. We've confirmed it. We're way past the point of no return on this one. Historically, also, they tested in one market, so it's like, well, we killed Buffalo, but at least we didn't get the rest of the country. The Tested Cheddar Chalupa presents brilliantly simplistic shell innovation by baking real aged cheddar cheese onto the shell. Since the classic chalupa was first introduced in 1999, Taco Bell has consistently found new ways to create all new chalupa experiences. Thank God. Whether it's flavor innovation,

like the Baja Chalupa in 2000, size innovation with the 2017 launch of the double chalupa. Is that an innovation Taco Bell? That is just, that is just addition. Or protein innovation with the naked chicken chalupa. That is not a protein innovation. It's a fucking chicken breast that they folded into a taco shell. No, I get that, but that's not like we've invented a new protein. Yeah, we found some new protein fossilized in amber. Naked chicken chalupa that same year. The chalupa experience has no boundaries, and that is a threat. That is a threat. We are not stopping here, folks. We are nowhere near the fucking Rubicon. At Taco Bell, here's a quote from Liz Matthews, Chief Food Innovation Officer at Taco Bell Corp. At Taco Bell, we get excited

by the what ifs. It gets us rock hard. It gets us rock hard, but the what ifs, we can dream up and bring to life for our fans. And it is a living sentient being. And the toasted cheddar chalupas, an example of just that. We know cheese makes everything better and baked, within limits, and baking aged cheddar into the shell of an already iconic product is a game changer for our fans. Our fans will love. I don't know what the game is, but I feel we've all lost already. To be fair, baking cheese onto most games is a game changer. Sure. That's a lot harder to play chess, huh? Hey, I think you're, I think your copy of operation is fucked. If there's one, this thing's 10 paragraphs long. If there's one sure sign of the latest foodie craze, it's a line stretching

around the block. That's why it's hot. That has nothing to do with fucking anything Taco Bell. Yeah, it would mean something if people were lining up anyways. Okay, listen, though, if there's one sure sign of life and a line stretching on the block, that's why Taco Bell is giving a few fans the chance to try Taco Bell's latest cravable innovation before it's even available nationwide. But because the foodiest hot spots are all the best kept secrets, fans will have to uncover where the advanced tastings of toasted cheddar are being served for themselves. Are they going to have to hire Nicholas Cage? The most wild thing about this paragraph, and I'm sure there's more wild things about the other paragraphs, but this paragraph

specifically is that they are basically saying like, wouldn't it be weird if we're like real food? It's basically like food face. Like they're pretending to be food. It's a perversion of what we understand food to be like. What if Taco Bell was like food that you'd buy at a restaurant? Wouldn't that be wild? Also the weird K-fabe of putting out a press release and saying, but we're not going to tell you as though they haven't published like a dissertation. They haven't published locations though. That's what's secret. Is this the start of a fucking Taco Bell ARG Justin McElroy? Is this, do you mean an alternate reality gordita? No, it is not. Is it I Love Cheese? And see there is an ARG called I Love Bees that promoted a halo. Okay,

six of you like that. The toasted cheddar chalupa is not just one of this year's biggest invasions from Taco Bell. It's also the largest international release of a menu item from Taco Bell since the naked chicken chalupa in 2017. Starting this month and for a limited time, the menu item will also be available in Aruba, Canada, Chile, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Guatemala, Panama, and Puerto Rico. After all, the love of cheese is definitely universal. Like the classic chalupa, the toasted cheddar chalupa is filled with the option of seasoned beef, chicken or steak, and then piled with shredded lettuce. These are just the ingredients. What takes the chalupa to foody worthy status is all on the outside of the shelf.

It's a fucking cheese you melted. Like, yeah, why do these press releases have to tell you six times and then we built it to cheese? We put cheese on it and made it real hot. Taco Bell has taken six month aged sharp cheddar cheese. Old cheese. There were six. I'm glad cheese ain't sentient. Because there that means there'll be six months where the cheese is like, they must be saving me up for something good. What is it? What is it William H Macy's birthday? I'm headed for big things suckers. I'm going to be all what outside of a chalupa. What's up? What's up? It's nice to be here. So you're your new dirty ground beef. Uh-oh. It's toasted on the iconic chalupa shell to create a crispy

blanket of flavor and texture. Unlocking a whole new cheese experience. That's this week's Munch Squad. Thank you for indulging. Thank you Munch Squad. Oh, hello there. This is Griffin McRoy, the littlest one of the three of them. And yeah, thanks for listening to this live episode from, gosh, last September that we did in Washington, D.C. I tried to give you all a heads up, but Travis and Teresa have just welcomed a new human being into the planet earth. And so things are going to be a little bit up in the air for a while. So yeah, get a live one this week. Next week, maybe another live one, maybe a Bros. Better Bros. Best. I don't know. I don't know. We're figuring it out as we go,

building the plane under our butts as we fly it. But thank you all so much for sticking with us. And of course, congratulations to Travis and Teresa. We're all super, super happy for them. And we're also super happy that stamps.com has decided to sponsor us this episode, equally happy, I would say, because New Year's resolutions, they are difficult to keep. I'm always saying that. But here's an easy one that you can do a resolution. I mean, you can stop wasting time going to the post office and use stamps.com instead. It's super slick, super easy, streamlined, efficiency business. It brings all the services of the U.S. postal service right to your computer. You just use your computer to print official U.S. postage 24-7.

And then once your mail is ready, you just hand it to your mail carrier or you drop it in your freaking mailbox. Don't worry about it. Also, with stamps.com, you get five cents off every first-class stamp and up to 40% off priority mail. So give yourself a resolution. You can actually keep this here. Stop going to the post office. Go to stamps.com instead. There's no risk. And with our promo code, My Brother, you get a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale, no long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in My Brother at stamps.com. Promo code, My Brother, all one word. That's stamps.com. Never go to the post

office again. Hey, Meundies. Meundies is also here and they're here for you. And they're also here for your dog or your cat or whatever. Because, hey, they have these new pants things that are called buddy pants and they allow you to match whatever you're wearing to whatever your pet is wearing. They've got not one, not two, not nine, but three new Valentine's Day prints that you can match with your buddy this year. If you're matching with your BFF, a loved one, whatever, or your dog, it still counts with Meundies. They also have new lounge where you can wear out and about, keep your eyes peeled for some cozy new additions. They've got a great offer for our listeners. For any first-time purchasers, you get 15% off

and free shipping, plus a 100% satisfaction guarantee. So to get 15% off your first pair of free shipping and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to meundies.com slash my brother. That's meundies.com slash my brother. Hey, we have a live show coming up in Cincinnati and go to McRoy.family. See if there's still tickets available for that one, doing Taz and Mbem-Bem, and we're figuring out what we're going to be doing for touring for the rest of the year. Got the Joko cruise coming up in March, but we're looking into the future for the Fill Your Life with Laughter and Love Tour 2020. Looking forward to that. I believe pre-orders are still open for the Taz board game. You can go to theadventurezonegame.com. We've been working

on some new content for that that we're all really excited about. And Graphic Novel 3 of the Adventure Zone graphic novel series is also available to pre-order. That one's coming out this summer. You can go to theadventurezonecomic.com and check that all out. I think that that's probably going to do it. Again, we'll be back next Monday, probably with another sort of special episode filled to get while Travis and Theresa are away enjoying the new human being that they've created. So yeah, we'll be back next week with something, and we'll talk to you then. Bye. Hey, gang. Jesse here, the founder of Maximum Fun. And with me is Stacy Molsky, who is, among other things, the lady who responds to all of your tweets.

Hi, everyone. I also send you newsletters. So anyway, something really awesome. You, MaxFun listeners, have given us the chance to do something really cool on behalf of our entire community, and we wanted to tell you about it. Last summer, following the MaxFun drive, we put all of the enamel pins on sale to $10 and up members, with proceeds going to the National Casa GAL Association for Children. Your generous support and enthusiasm raised over $100,000. Our bookkeeper staff would be quick to tell me the exact total is $109,025 to be exact. Your money will go toward pairing kids who've experienced abuse or neglect with court-appointed advocates or guardian-ad-light'em volunteers. In other words, kids in tough spots will have

somebody in their corner. Knowledgeable grown-ups who are on their team through court dates and life upheavals and confusing situations, whatever. The money we raise together is going to help a lot of kids. Whether you bought pins or not, you can help us build on that $109,000 foundation. Make a donation to support National Casa GAL and help some of our nation's most vulnerable children at MaximumFun.org slash C-A-S-A. That's MaximumFun.org slash Casa. And seriously, thank you. Our community rules. There's a question that was sent to us that we're not going to get to. A lot of people send us jokie jokes, and that's fine and everything, but it doesn't give us a long runway to go off of.

But somebody sent one in. That was really, really funny. So we're not going to do this question, but I wanted to read it out loud because it cracked us the fuck up. Jesse in section N, row J, seat one, asked, crushed it, asked, I keep accidentally tricking people into thinking I know shit about astrology by saying yikes to their sign. That is a solid ass bit. The good bit. It's a quality bit. Oh, I'm a Gemini. Yikes. People are going to steal that. It's going to be all over DC soon. Yikes. All right. Yikes. Oh, you're, ooh, Taurus. Yikes. Okay, let's begin. Hello. Everybody seems to have congregated on the stage. Right, microphone? That's totally fine. Let's begin. Hi, what's your name?

Uh, hello. Hi, Autumn. Autumn. Hi, how's it going? Hi, yeah. Now this is your part. Okay, okay. We don't have a question for you. Right, right. Uh, my question was, uh, what should I do with all these teeth? Yeah. Yeah. So we had some follow ups. I lied. We do have questions for you. No. Where did you get them? With, with, I'm sorry, with teeth? Okay. Um, wait, can I get a bit more Autumn in my monitor, please? Because it sounded like Autumn said teeth. Okay. Um, so I was sitting in my sister's car the other day. Okay. Not how I expected this to start. Please. I'm on pins and needles here. I opened the glove box and holy shit. Um, so she had this, uh, this like purple chest in her cup holder. And so I looked inside it

and it had three human teeth in it. That's way more than I expected you to say. Um, so I, I turned to my sister who's driving the car and I say, why do you have a bunch of teeth? Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. She said they belong to her children. She doesn't want to tell her children that the tooth fairy gave them back to her. So she, wait, hold up. That's what she would say. She's the worst liar fucking ever. The tooth fairy said your teeth are busted and super brittle. And she's also keeping them in a cup holder. Okay. Does she not know that garbage cans exist? She said she didn't feel right throwing part of her kid's body out. Okay. No. No, that's decent. That's good. That's fair.

So how does this story end with you receiving the teeth on them? What did you say? Well, here's, here's what I said. Um, we were actually listening to, uh, I'm a bim-bam bit on YouTube. Don't put this on fucking us. Oh, you dare. We're the one who said, we're good people. We're good people. You're the one who said, yum, yum, give me some of them teeth. Autumn. Autumn. So then, uh, so I said that I was coming to see you live and that you take advice questions from the audience. You didn't fucking bring the teeth. She said I should ask you what to do with the teeth. But you didn't bring the teeth, right? Well, I didn't, I don't have them with. Thank you. Oh, yeah. That's great. I was about to edit in the sound of like a maraca just to

freak everybody's fucking bean at home. Hey, Autumn, throw them away. Put them in the garbage can. She doesn't want to do that. Why not? Well, because they're part of her kid's body. No, they're not. So is hair you cut off? You don't keep all the hair, do you, Autumn? Now, wait a minute. Hold on. Autumn, we're coming at you pretty aggro right now. I want to take a step back. I will acknowledge, I will cede this to you. That teeth are a more precious part of my body than hair, my fingernails, my poopy. My hair is the most special part of my body. Go on. If I lose a tooth now, I will have the thought of, well, should I do something with this? I won't do that with anything else. So there is something to this question. Fair. You wouldn't do that with any other part of your

body. If you lost another part of your body, you would feel more cool chucking it than all of it to you. On the scale of, anyway, Travis, you know what I'm saying? Throw them away. I mean, okay. I don't think she's going to want them back, right? So I did find a place in Baltimore that buys human teeth. Oh my god. No, you cannot. Don't do it. Yes, do it. No, because in three years you'll see some people who look a lot like your nieces and nephews running around. So, okay. What does the place in Baltimore do with them? Uh, makes them into jewelry. Yes. Yes. Oh, I actually know that rule. Do that. Hey, wait. Get that for your sister. Hey, wait. So there is an actual tooth fairy, but it's, it's a company in Baltimore.

Is that what you're saying to me? So, autumn, if I may, what you have done, and listen, I appreciate this because it gave us something to talk about, but you said, what should I do with these teeth that I already figured out something to do with? Well, I, I actually only called that place after I submitted the question. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fair. But hey, cool. Don't fucking sell your nieces and nephews teeth to a fucking strange company in Baltimore throwing the garbage. No, but pay, you could pay to have them made into jewelry for your sister. Oh, thanks for this great necklace, autumn. I love it. This is great. It is a step up from a plastic cup and a cup holder. This is perfect for me. A Klingon blood

warrior. Does that help, autumn? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, autumn. Big hand, big hand. How about, what do you have for sale on nasty eBay, which this show has apparently become? Caitlin row F seat one head on down for the ad. Join the queue. Hello. Hi. Okay. I'm kind of freaking out right now. You've got this. You've got this. What's your name? I'm Tara. Hello, Tara. So I am selling my weird cursed Photoshop things on eBay, apparently. Okay. Is this a surprise to you? No. So my grandmother keeps asking me about this new digital art class that I'm taking in school. Right. Considerate thing for your grandma to do. What we do in digital art is our teacher lets us do whatever we want in Photoshop. Okay. And we are a bad teacher.

Yeah. Are you paying to go to this school? You could do that at home. He like gives us general guidelines. But for example, you had to combine a bunch of images in a landscape. And I made a giant crab with laser eyes attacking ocean city. Okay, sick. Yeah. I'm not sure how I tell my grandmother. This is a thing that I submitted in class and that I get graded on. Okay. You don't want your grandmother to see your crab master art. What if it turns out your grandmother loves it? That's definitely the pure and true and good and nice answer to this question. I must say, when I did read your question in our inbox, I did think, how do I explain to my grandmother that my digital art projects are not something she

wants to see would be a little bit more, how do I say? Yeah. I was talking with my friend after I submitted it like, oh, they're going to think about it that way. Yeah. You wrote it, right? You wrote the question with your physical body. Have you ever done any nasty digital art? I'm dying up here. Give us something. I'm going to hit you with something, Tara. Was it a crab, but like sexy? A sexual crab? I mean, is merging the faces of Hillary Clinton and Markiplier sexy? Because I didn't. I'm not here to yuck any yums. Tara, I'm going to hit you with something, not literally. We get mad, we get so mad at old people for not knowing about everything, but maybe it's because we get to a point where we stop showing them all the cool shit.

Maybe if we weren't so afraid to expose our old people to cool shit, I wouldn't have to explain everything to my dad. Maybe he would just know about dope shit, and I wouldn't have to try to sit him down and do a PowerPoint about how Steven Universe works. Like, maybe I could just fucking let him watch it. We had a powerful moment last tour. We were in Atlanta. I remember we were backstage and I broke down in tears because of the moment I was having my dad where I did all my fortnight dances in front of him. Maybe there is a beautiful possibility here, Tara, that you show your grandmother this crab attacking a thing and your grandmother goes and steps over to the closet and pulls out and she is cut out of magazines. The same thing from 1942

that has made the exact same picture. And then you finally connect with her on a very deep personal level. Or it'll be like Charlie Chaplin holding a beach ball and she'll be like, fucking get it. Did you see this meme I made? Yeah, it's great. Yeah, you got him. I'm going to take a while. Tara, how well do you know your grandma and your grandma know you? Well, we live with each other, so I know her. Okay, okay. That's pretty good. I'm going to hit you with something. Again, this is number two. Your grandma knows you're not painting some flowers, Tara. She knows you. She knows you're getting weird. Just let her see your weird art. It'll be less weird than she thinks as evidence by us reading your questions. Yes, you're in so much force for her not knowing.

Oh, Nana. Nana. It's a giant crab. Oh, thank God. Oh, my God, it's a giant crab. Tell me everything. At least I have some point of reference for that. Yeah. Does that help? Yes, thank you. Thank you. Hello. Hello. Hello. What's up? Hi, I'm Kyle. Hi, Kyle. So I was at my office. I worked at a music school, a lovely place with a lot of classical music everywhere, very professional setting. And one day my... I cracked your code. I know exactly where you're talking. Dang. One day my boss came in and she said, are you guys familiar with Beyblades at all? That's a bold way to lead into that. Go on. Yeah. Well, I said, would you like to see some? You didn't for a second think this is a trap? Yeah, that's a trap.

I thought maybe a raise was involved. But I had some Beyblades. How do you know about Beyblades? Here's $5,000. You never know. It's the arts. But we went... I had a couple Beyblades in an arena in my trunk. And... In case of what? Yeah. A challenger. In case you're being mugged by some Tufts and you'd be like, let's settle this on the Beyblade arena. Beyblades, let's rip. You did stab me. Why did I unlock my car trunk for you? I've made this so much easier. I'm just going to go ahead and get in here. All you've got is a knife. Well, I've got a blade. Oh god. So what happened next? Yeah. So I brought him into the office and I left him there for a while. And then one day I came back in and I realized that the arena was still there, but the Beyblades

were not. And... Don't. I mean, it's my fault. Yeah. But I'm just desperate to try and figure out how to crack the case of my very professional... You want us from this stage to tell you who in your office saw your Beyblade? Did you submit a list of suspects? Something? You have any clues? Did you take any kind of detail to counsel their comings and goings? I'm ready to use my little gray cells to solve this problem for you, but I need something to go on. Can I ask you a very sincere question that I want you to answer? Yeah, go ahead. Sure. When you brought them in, yeah, they were in your office. Yes. And you decided to leave them in your office. It's true. Why? In case of what? Can I try? Were you lazy and just didn't fucking feel like carrying it back

to the car? Yeah. Okay, yeah. That's an answer. I recognize my kind, air fist bump. Have you noticed other people in your office seeming especially, I don't know, relaxed, enjoying their life for the first time in forever? Travis thinks that this is the therapeutic effect of Beyblades. Honest to God, I know nothing about them. The closest comparison I have is fidget spinners, which I find to be very relaxed. You've got to put more better Beyblades in there and set up a camera. We set a trap. Wait, you already tried a trap? So. Lead with that. Lead with the Beyblade trap. It got complicated. No, yes, that's what I want to hear. There wasn't going to be an easy solution to this. Certainly. No, my Rubik's Cube went missing and a couple other things around the

office. And so we left a candy bar on a desk precariously placed. I didn't know what we thought would happen next, but surprise, surprise, it too was gone later. You were just trying to prove to yourself that things were in fact being stolen and not and what becoming sentient and walking away like Toy Story style? You never know. Okay. No, hey, you do. You do know. On this one, you do know. So that was it. That was the end of your investigation. That was your whole trap. Well, I know I'm here. That is an offering. Yeah. If I figured it out, I wouldn't have asked. That's a shitty trap. That's like a hunter going out into the woods and like laying a carrot down and then leaving.

Do it again, set up a camera and that'll be that. Or just go to the middle of the office, set your arena down, yell something about Beyblade. I've never had consumed. Sorry, this is the one I don't know about folks. So you know it's niche and then you just fucking rip it into that good bowl. And if nobody comes around, then you won't know who the thief is, but you will know that they're chicken shit. Does that help? Yep. Okay, great. Feel free. Hello. Hello. Hey, brothers. Hi, what's up? Not much, just enjoying a great show. Oh, thank you. Not enough people say that, Kyle. I'm like, Kyle's double take. What was your name for yourself? Kate.

Hi, Kate. What's your question? I'm here with my brother who came to see the show just because I asked him to, which is very sweet. And we were hanging out before the show and we decided to start watching John Wick, which I've never seen. We're not so great at timing things. So we only got to about the halfway point of John Wick. And I was hoping that y'all could help me feel like I've accomplished both things tonight, going to a show and watching John Wick. If you could explain the rest of the plot of John Wick to me. Okay, wait, hold on. What was the last thing you saw? No spoilers, by the way, this will be a spoiler free summation of the plot of John Wick. What was the last thing you saw before you like, I assume, hit stop as you walked out the door?

If you say he shot a Russian, I will have you removed from the theater. We need some kind of specifics. There was some cryptic exchanges happening in a hotel. That actually narrows it down 20%. So one of the three movies in the John Wick franchise. Okay, so John Wick is a pet enthusiast. Who loves his car? He not so much of the car carries through to any feature movies. He's not a gun enthusiast, but he's, but guns are enthusiastic about him. So there's the, you saw what happened to the dog. We don't have to get into that. That's no, some bad stuff happens to a dog and that's unfortunate. Yes, that's no good. But that dog was the fuel for the engine that was John Wick's angry, angry carnage. Yes. And they're,

okay, we said no spoilers. May I, just for a moment, there's a moment at the end. Are you skipping to the end though? Well, yeah, I know, but it ties back in where George Carlin shows up in a phone booth and they travel back in time and save the dog. Yeah, so it's good. Excellent. Hey, and then that dog ushers in like an eternity of happiness. Hey, hey, he shoots everybody and gets a new dog. Yeah, but hold on. There's no, I mean, he shoots everybody and then he gets a new dog. He goes to the dog store and the person's like, Hey, you want a new dog? They're $100 and he's like, bang. All these dogs are mine now. It's a really casual pet store.

He also drives a car real cool. He drives a car real cool. He shoots like a billion guys. He like kills the shit out of three young Greyjoy. You're just wasting time. He kills everybody and then he gets a new dog. That's, feel free to begin John Wick 2 because now you're caught up. He's not going to be riding on the back of a dragon on John Wick 2 and you're like, what the fuck did they not tell me? In John Wick 2 and 3, a dog dies at the beginning and it gets a new, better dog at the end and it just keeps escalating to a better and better dog. Right. Hey, does that help? In the last movie, he teams up with dog the bounty hunter and it's, does that help? Is that good? That's all extremely helpful. Good. So glad we can help.

You can bring the house lights down now. Thank you so much. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for coming. That's a beautiful painting. Yes, thank you. And the darkness is here. Now it's just me and my brothers. So, yeah, thank you all so much. These last two nights have been wild. Y'all are wild. Y'all are so good. Thank you all so much for coming here. It is wild. It is wild that we were invited to play here at Constitution Hall where, you know, actual people have performed major big shows. Thank you. This has been so cool here. Thank you so much. Yes, thank you for having us. So like, we have to leave very early in the morning to head to Pittsburgh. So we're not,

okay. All right. And like our families are with us and everything. So we're not, we're not going to be able to hang out after the show. I'm sorry. Travis's family's with us. I'm just tired. But I have to soak my arms in ice. Yes. So yeah, we're not going to hang out after the show, but we hope that our time with you now has felt like a close communion with the good Lord, the good Lord above. And thank you to Paul for all he does for us. Thank you too. If you haven't already, check out Paul, check out Paul and storm.gov.biz. Anyone will get you there. Dot net dot XXX. Yeah, don't go to that one. Wait, who do you think bought up the Paul and storm dot XXX? Somebody in the audience. Okay, finish it. Finish it.

Thank you to Schmander. I see you Paul. It's a race. Thank you to Schmander. Our terrific opener. Thank you to our dad. Thanks to Amanda and just, just everyone who made these shows possible. It's been a, it's been a real hoot. And I don't say that lightly. That's only the third time I've heard Griffin say the word hoots. Thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for these for a theme song and to depart from the album for the days to bed. Thank you, Maximum Fun, our podcast home. Yes. Thank you, Maximum Fun. And I have the final Yahoo here. I'm going to read it now. The Wi-Fi isn't working. Check Paul and storm.XXX later and see if I pulled it off. This one is sent by Seth Carlson. Thank you, Seth Carlson.

It's by an anonymous Yahoo Answers user who again is. Oh, a twofer asks, how the bleep? I'm going to add the cuss words in. How the fuck did Atlantis get lost? It's a fucking continent, not a dime. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me, kids, your dad's square on the lips. Maximum Fun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.