My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 495: Play Along at Home!

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

You’re gonna have some questions after the new segment in today’s episode. Only one man has the answers. His name is Travis, and also when we said he has the answers, that’s actually not gonna be true a lot of the time. Suggested talking points: Laughter and Love Challenge, Cole Slaw Juice, Brutalist Cup Design, Pizza Box Repair, Travis Takes a Big Swing at a New Bit, RIP Nut, Sky Pipes

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new place, and the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Just say, hey, I want it. Hello, this is my brother, my brother Meena Vaishio for the modern year. I'm the middle of this brother, Travis McElroy. This is Justin Griffin. Sorry to rush, boys, but we don't have time to excuse my language fart around. We need to get down to business. Oh my gosh,

it's not going to happen, Travis. We are a month, a month into 20 Funny, and I don't know that there's any more laughter or love happening out there than normal. I think maybe even marginally less. This is a weird vibe to put down. I know you've been out the game for a little bit. I know you've been doing the baby stuff. Not a lot of sleep, I'd guess. Not a lot of sleep, but Justin and I like to take it as fucking slow, baby. Yeah, it's a building game. You can't check me on day 27th. You can't check me on the 27th move of the chess game. No one's ever done it. And I'm pretty sure Justin just, and I know that you've actually learned about chess and I haven't, but if you check me on any move, I think it's just the last move of the game. Yeah, they usually

stop there. There's not a bonus round for more points. It's not like check me. Now let's see where this goes. I filled my life accidentally. My life was filled with laughter and love this week, and I'd like to highlight it sitting an hour on a road trip, our first road trip away from the children this week. Was it intentional or accidental? Kevin, Kevin. No, it was a regular, non-humblin' situation. We stopped at a gas station in the middle of Zilchow, Ohio. Just nowhere is filled, Ohio. And we went in the gas station and we got some snacks, and the lady at the counter said, these are buy one, get one free. And that made us have to get a lot more snacks than we wanted, but they were buy one, get one free, so we're not going to leave some freebies behind.

And the fella in Coveralls behind us announces, if Bernie Sanders wins, those will all be free. Huh? I said, huh? That's an interesting energy with which delivered to that statement. He said, if Bernie Sanders wins, those will all be free. Was he saying it in like a, won't that be totally fucking rad? I love free snacks kind of way? Sydney said, actually that sounds, without missing a beat, actually that sounds pretty good because of all the free snacks. And he said, it's not, it's scary. Okay, listen, this is not an endorsement one way or the other, but I'm pretty sure any candidate saying like, and hey, free snacks. And hey, who here likes combos? Right? No one's going to be like,

I don't like your free snack policies. If Bernie Sanders wins, all those snacks are free. Like that, yeah. Okay. That, uh, sir, I can tell by your whole sneeze, you don't think that sounds chill. But if you break down the words, I don't think you could put accents on any of them in a way that makes it not sound extremely good and chill. Right. These colors don't run unless those Pringles are free 99 in which case I'm fucking out of here, man. No way. Yeah. So I was, I was filled my life with laughter that day. I just want to let you guys know. So I went to the mall and started handing out little paper bags of potpourri that I had made, dried out my own sort of apple slices, dried those the fuck out and some time and that sounds gross.

It's just apple and time. Listen, Griffin, I'm glad you filled your life with love. No, it's gross. You know, I have a recipe. If you start with grapes and thyme, do you know what you get when you mix grapes and thyme? What? Raisins. That's filled my life with laughter and love. Thank you, Justin. You can't hear it, but I'm laughing really fucking hard at that. Boys, step aside. Okay. I have an idea that's going to turn this whole year around. I feel like I have felt like you've had an idea, Trav. And that's why you've sort of been handling this intro the way you have. Listen, I'm kind of the idea man around here and everyone knows that and everyone agrees I'm super good at it. I think that you've got a fucking huge load of Mbim Bam Goofs. I've got

all my energy is backed up. You've been saving up and you need to just sort of clean the barrel a little bit. Yeah. I need to discharge some of my Goof juice. Right. Get it. Get it. Just and I are going to go leave and you do your dirty thing and then we'll come back when you're done. This is my pitch. The 20 funny challenge. Everybody loves those viral challenges. The ice bucket challenge. The other ones, the bottle flip challenge. Planking. Planking. That one where you eat a spoonful of cinnamon laying down in the middle of the road to prove to your coach that you mean business. Yes. All of these. Eat a whole basketball. Yes. I have two ideas. One, I think definitely has legs, but one has potential. I'm going to start with that one and it's this.

Do you want to say, do you want to say, do you want to get ahead of this? Do you want to stand right ahead of this and lay down on the road like I did for my coach and say anything you're about to say, Travis, people are actually going to do and send you a trillion pictures of on on Twitter. Okay. Part one, as you say, you know, hi, it's when you say your name and I'm doing the 20 funny challenge. Fill your life with laughter and love. And then part three is you nominate the next person to do the challenge right there in the middle. Part two, you film yourself watching the entirety of the movie Garfield starring Bill Murray. That could be good. Can it be also Tale of Two Kitties or just the first one? Huh? That's a good. Yeah. I think if you're really committed to 20 funny

fill your life with laughter and love, you do that. Sure. So is it a video of them watching the movie? Yes. It's on their face the whole time. Okay. On YouTube for people to find. Is that the idea? Well, I don't want there to be any kind of legal issues with the 20 funny challenge. So we can't show the movie. So the movie edit must be muted or else we're going to get copyright sorry. So you need to watch Garfield muted with your ear pods in or whatever. So this is one, I think this one's got legs. I think it's got legs. But this one could be the next big viral thing. And it goes a little something like this. You say your name. Say, hey, I'm, it would go like that. Okay. I can see from your guys faces. You're not getting the name

part. I'll say it like it's me. Hi, I'm Travis McGraw and I'm doing the 20 funny challenge. Fill your life with laughter and love. And then you tell a bad joke. A dad joke. Mine, for example, would be a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop. And then you say something nice about the person you're nominating to do it next. Like I would say, and I'm nominating my brother Justin, he's always been there for me and he's never let me down. And I love him. No, that's the fucking joke. Okay. Did you hear what I said? Did you hear what I said? But that, that's a little laughter, but it's not any, there's no. Well, you took a big diarrhea dump on my homemade potpourri. So now I'm doing mine on yours. Hey, okay. You know what? I'm

nominating my older brother Justin, he's always been there for me and my little brother Griffin. Everyone agrees he makes the best homemade potpourri in town. What's the hashtag, baby? Hashtag 20 funny challenge and it's two zero F U N N Y challenge. How about just, we dropped the challenge. That's so many words. Hashtag 20 funny. Hashtag 20 funny. This is good. All right. That's, I think that's going to get it out there. I mean, I did just nominate you guys. You could say something, you could say something nice about me. You've, but I'm not going to nominate you. That's doesn't make any sense. Hey everybody, this is Griffin McElroy. This is a 20 funny challenge. Watch how high I can kick.

I want to re nominate Travis McElroy. He said some dope shit about my potpourri. Didn't do a joke. Well, I figured that some people don't like doing jokes. Like my joke, my comedy. You can't change the challenge, Griffin. Well, but my comedy is more observational than that. The ice bucket challenge wasn't like dump a bucket of ice in your head or get a nice cold drink out of it. Well, I know, I know, but my thing's a little bit more observational humor, more narrative, confessional. Pratfall. No, it wasn't a Pratfall. I just did a really high kick and then I nominated Travis. And maybe out any pooped his pants when he kicked too high. Yeah, I could mean, well, I could rip a beef or add in a beef or sound effect in there. So I

think it can be like a do a joke or some sort of like, you know, light stunt. Like I don't want to see people jumping from rooftop to rooftop. I'm talking about like how high up can you jump? Maybe you can touch the ceiling with your fingertips. That's cool. Hey, it's just a macro. I do the 20 funny fill your life with laughter and love challenge. 20 funny challenge, fill your life with laughter and love. 20 funny challenge, fill your life with laughter and love. Horse walks into a bar bartender says, why the long face? I'm nominating Amy Adams because she brings a lot of sparkle to every movie she's in. Well, Amy's listening so you know she's on board. Amy, I'm so appreciate you listening.

Thank you so much. We're going to begin our advice show now. Travis was on paternity leave, so I got to pick the questions. So I picked extremely long questions. That's right. We're going on some journeys and I want you all to come with me. The irony here folks, just if I may, is as the regular question corralor is Justin's the one who's always like, oh, this is a long one. But apparently when Justin's in charge, the mice will play, you know what I mean? Yeah, the mice are playing. So I don't want you to feel like I need to charge through the whole question. If we need to take some diversions throughout these questions can sustain. They're powerful,

powerful questions. I work at a deli. Okay, let's stop there. So a deli, what is that? I work at a deli and recently a woman came in for coleslaw after we had run out. She told me that her favorite part of the coleslaw was the liquid anyway and asked if I could put the remaining liquid into a container for her. Oh boy. Oh boy. Challenging. Challenging stuff. It's already extremely challenging. Hey, everybody, this is Griffin McRoy. I'm doing the fill your life with laughter and love challenge. 20 funny challenge fill your life with laughter love. Oh, I did a whole thing. You did a whole shooter coleslaw juice. I know I'm in a prison of Barack Obama.

So anyway, we're gonna throw it out anyway. So I didn't put a price sticker on it. And I told her to come back for one if the cashier gave her a hard time. I will. I wish they had because I would love to be like, okay, let me get now a fixed value to coleslaw juice. Let me fix the monetary value to this coleslaw juice. Apparently she was able to walk out with no problem because she came back a week later and asked for more coleslaw juice. Oh my God. This is how great products get started, you know, like this is how top of the muffin to you got got moving. That's just the part that people like, which is apparently the juice. Well, here's what I'll say. I've never enjoyed the solid matter in the coleslaw particularly much. So maybe the juice

is the least bad part of the coleslaw. This time we were not out of coleslaw, but there was only a little bit of cabbage left. I refused to give it to her for free because it was actual coleslaw. And she became upset. She told me there was barely any cabbage. Wait a minute, it was barely any cabbage and said she was going to pick the cabbage out. Anyway, she should not pay for it. So I do want to highlight that this person came in the week before as a coleslaw fan and then they fucking mainline coleslaw juice and realized like I've been wasting my time with all the chewing, chewing, chewing. I need just get the juice. You should be paying me to pick all this lettuce out. Listen, I'll come and I'll take your juice

away. You won't need to worry about where your juice goes. Thanks to me and my juice removal service. So there was an argument I got into with a customer at Jimmy John's because we used to sell day old bread and you could get it for like a dollar and somebody came in and wanted to buy a thing of day old bread but we had sold all the day old bread so they wanted to just buy regular bread for a dollar since we were out of day old and I had to explain to them that that is not how it works and they said well how old is that bread and I think they were trying to negotiate a price based on that bread's relative age. Yeah that's not quite as wild as free coleslaw juice but it is certainly we'll put it on the leaderboard. At that point is it still coleslaw? Like I don't

know here's okay wait don't get ahead of me. I told her no but the ensuing argument made me think should I have charged her the first time? Yes. Should I have just given it to her the second? No. Surely if there was only one piece of cabbage in the liquid that isn't coleslaw. Incorrect. But where is the line? What is the exact ratio of liquid to cabbage at which point the mixture stops being slaw and isn't worth money? Also I do not know what this woman was doing with the juice but she said she liked it so much quote she could just drink it and that's from Teresa. Then Teresa if I may it sounds like you know exactly what she's doing right there. I know what she's doing with it. Here's the thing they say there's no such thing as a free lunch

right? What they don't say is what lunch is to everybody. One man's coleslaw leavens is another woman's lunch and you've given her a free sort of slaw broth lunch. I don't want to get too scientific here but I'm gonna tell you guys the issue here and that is that we are looking at it backwards because it is not the addition of cabbage to juice that makes it coleslaw. It is rather that we must look at it and say that the removal of the cabbage from the juice does not not make it no longer coleslaw. Let me explain you have a bowl of juice you put one sliver of cabbage in that is not coleslaw what have you done but you start with a bowl of full of cabbage right and then slowly take some away until all the cabbage is removed it continues to be

coleslaw until it is zero cabbage I would say it is still coleslaw what what is that juice I don't even know what because now I'm thinking about coleslaw is and coleslaw is you know the cap you gotta have the cabbage in there and then you're gonna have mayonnaise but mayonnaise ain't juice nobody's ever looked at mayonnaise and been like I'll have some of that fatty creamy white juice please that's not a juice I guess maybe there's there's probably a little bit of vinegar in there but that's not what the juice is I think this is water what is what's happening in there I think it's water where's the water coming nobody's dumping a full fucking aquafina bottle of water into like some cabbage and mayonnaise and saying now that's slaw there's a vinegar element to this

well so I think what you're getting in the juice is vinegar and a little pump of mayonnaise and then like broke down like molecules of it's the molecules it's that's what I'm thinking is the molecules cabbage and you know it is a very watery vegetable right the breakdown of that I think is creating the water god coleslaw sucks so bad it's the worst fucking food it's like homeopathy you're just getting like molecules of lettuce and and it's supposed to help you uh this is that hey can I just say Teresa not to the uh I'm not I don't know what else you do at your job so maybe everything else is so excellent that's great but you do work at a business so next time if you're wondering if you should charge something uh like charge for something that you're giving to a customer

the answer is yes yes they came in they came in they wanted a product you are giving them that product they're happy with that product you should charge for that all right Travis my brother's on the side of big deli but I'm on team coleslaw pervert here yeah if people come in with these terrible needs these terrible desires the least you could do is support your fellow man and hook them up with as much coleslaw juice no but that's the part they wanted they're just they just wanted the juice Justin and I over here throwing a fucking park bench through the window of that deli we're gonna fucking smash capitalism and chug the coleslaw juice baby if you give away the juice for the next person is gonna have less coleslaw and I think that's ideal for everybody well there's

less coleslaw for them that's it if this person comes in and again you say go find a friend who just likes the cabbage part and then I will separate the two into two containers and I will only charge you for one container but I'm not giving you how hard to codify it is what you're saying and then every other non pervert that comes in will have to stand there as you look at them straight in their human eyes and say and how much juice would you like with that slaw right yeah juice it we juice it to order yes this is this is a bespoke juicing uh that's good it's not it's still coleslaw at the end of the day but do you guys want a yahoo I like a nice dry slaw oh yes and I like it 25 feet away from me as the crow flies a bunch of people sent this one in thank you it's from yahoo answers

user hockey pnc one who asks why does the restaurant give me such a small cup when I ask for a water cup don't they trust me there's probably some sort of you know big capitalist energy answer for this question of just like they don't want you to drink the water they want you to drink the coca cola and so they they want you to run out of water see um you know joe six packs coca cola over there and say like well I'm done with the clear beverage I would like the brown beverage now you took this a different way than I did which I assume this was like a fountain drink scenario where I've said I need a cup and they handed me like a tiny child's cup to get a tiny bit of water out of can I just say the same nozzle the high sea comes out of come on where's my separate water

nozzle I don't want a little bit of high sea in there that is for sure not a hundred percent water you're gonna get some high sea on that um but they probably do not trust you well yeah why would you they've probably been hurt a lot before I know I don't think this is going on as much anymore but there was the very terrible uh like youtube prank going on sort of the opposite of the fill your life with laughter and love challenge uh where people are funny funny challenge where people were ordering cups of water at drive-thrus and then yeeting it like directly right back in yeah baby yeah rib one rib one ribbing loving it holy shit yeah baby oh my god that's a crisp one bud oh that was did you open two at once what was that double fist it's fucking yes baby

I'm more like coke hero this one's actually a strawberry guava diet coke so gnarly okay so that's not good it was bad that they did that so maybe that's sort of uh meant that just mankind could not be trusted with water going through a drive-thru um I do this to my kids you don't ask for more like I don't trust my kids with a larger cup than I care to clean up with a paper towel yes I have to envision everything I hand to my child upended on the floor and so I don't give them any it's my fault at that point if I have to clean up something larger than a very small cup of water that's on me but I feel every time my daughter sees me drinking something in an adult-sized cup and says I would like a drink of that and then I try to help her

and she says no and I think well there's the rest of my day gone that's my day I think that all the cups should be smaller huh I think when I if you go to a if you go to an applebee's and they give you a smaller water cup this is not a thing that happens at any chain restaurant this is only fast food yes yeah okay well because at the chain restaurant they don't want to have to keep sending someone over there as you're taking shots at h2o that's a that's a good point travis okay well when I'm at the fast food restaurant I'm just saying have you seen the size of some of these sodas they're pretty big can I also throw this out okay here we go are you kidding me I gotta hear more about these big sodas okay griffin go on in the background while I make my point I'm so heavy

that my car started to drag its front end and flipped upside down and I drive like upside down I think that not only should all cups be smaller I agree with you griffin I think also uh taking a note from the water cooler design all cups should be conical so that we cannot set them down you either finish it while you're holding it or you throw it away that is brutalist brutalist office design are they I've never thought of that are they conical so you can't set them down there's no other reason Justin it's a literal spike it's an actual spike that's what hellraiser drinks out of I just assumed they were cheaper to produce but there is something about like I don't want fucking cups everywhere yeah here you go no you have to throw it away you gotta

finish it and throw it away or turn it into a fun bird beak or a cat you or a tiny dunce cap fun hat a little crown of a bad kingdom that's pretty good I'm just seeing some of these cups are so big I fell in one and drowned once I am a law school student living in a pretty okay apartment and I've been in this apartment since I started law school about a year and a half ago my landlord has been pretty okay up until now but he just did something that has blown my mind I asked him to fix my sink because it was leaking from the bottom and he said he'd do it during a time when I'd be in class past experience tell me this is fine so let it happen I come back to my apartment and the sink is sitting on top of a folded pizza box wait what it's that have a folded pizza box

how could that be true it's fixed but brothers I have no idea where this pizza box came from wait did he bring it with him I haven't eaten pizza in two months what do I make of this wait that's from Cassie and Albany did he fix the sink by putting a pizza box under it what it sounds like to me uh-huh it fixed the sink to catch the drippings I'm trying to work through what here's what I think might be happening here is that the folded pizza box is sort of like underneath the basin and it's sort of like pushing it up this is not how it this is not what this question means that can't possibly that can't be it it's just I don't know how you it's the it's leaking uh-huh right so just squish a pizza box under there that's how a

kindergartner would fix it yeah this is Cassie if I may there's two words in here do not go with the rest of the question you can't say it's sitting on top of a pizza box and it's fixed it's fixed I think it's promise separate ideas okay I think the landlord ordered a hot and ready and treated themselves to it as they did the dirty sink work and they were embarrassed that they ate a pizza in your house so rather than put it in your trash can they folded it up and jammed it under your sink and in doing so somehow fixed the late fix the lead you're going at this with like wild lucas arts adventure game logic nobody's ever used pizza box on but but Griffin okay I come back to my apartment and the sink is sitting on top of a folded pizza box there's no room for

daylight there the sink is somehow sitting atop of folded pizza box and then let me see next two words it's fixed there's just the reason I put it there's got it there's one still image in the world that maybe Cassie captured maybe they didn't that makes this all go away there's just one picture that would congeal the entire situation of mine and I cannot conceive of it the sink was too low so it was leaking so it leaked sinks are very very particular how about another question well um I have a new segment I would like to try oh wow okay I was away for some time and this is listen this one's a little more straightforward there's not a big goof here but I wanted something everyone could participate in so I call this segment play along at home oh hello didn't see it come

in there I'm about to ask my brothers Justin and Griffin some questions why don't you play along at home are you guys ready you need us for this too I thought the listener was kind of taking our role no you're here no you guys are gonna try to I was gonna I was gonna follow their lead no they play along at home they don't play first at home they play is this like a Spartan fifth grader like you're gonna embarrass us no no no these are just some very straightforward questions and it sounds like they're not from the way I said that but they are very straightforward can I ask one last question is did you are you getting these questions from some sort of disreputable website no I made these questions up this is a straightforward legitimate quiz

in the song it wasn't me how many times is the phrase it wasn't me spoken huh probably an even number I would guess that makes sense I'm gonna say 32 times just now I'm I'm actually gonna say 18 times oh Justin is the closest it's 15 times it wasn't an even time because once in one line the non shaggy singer says how is she supposed to believe it wasn't me oh it went at one point shaggy does say it was not me it was not me if that does not count of the United States States how many state names have more vowels than consonants five Justin this I'm gonna say eight 10 18 8 8 10 Alabama Arizona Georgia Hawaii Idaho Indiana Iowa Louisiana Maine and Ohio cool I'm comedy rule of threes come on third one's

gonna be super fun how many times altogether did I see the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise in theaters 14 12 Justin you are correct I saw the first one Chris the black pearl nine times in theaters I saw uh two three and four once in theaters and saw the fifth one on a plane I hope my I hope my prizes is a joke from you okay one more one more question if you were to stand Travis's end to end how many Travis's would you need to be taller than the Empire State Building I feel like we're on a fucking car trip right now and I just like pick how many Travis if you stood Travis's end to end how many Travis's it's like I'm reading a highlights zine made by Travis to be taller than the Empire's I also had a question here

about Shakespeare shows but I edited that one for time for time I might throw it in if we have a tie I would say 220 Travis's okay Griffin I'm gonna say 221 Travis's oh it's 250 Travis's Griffin is correct eat my ass Justin Boo yeah you fell in my trap thank you no thank you uh I'm I think in this circumstance yeah three out of four Justin was closest congratulations Justin you won the first of I'm sure many play along at home okay well that was funny and now the money no let's not go to the money zone I think we need to debrief I'll and I'll cut the oh don't worry Travis I'll cut the debrief out of the show starting right here that clap was a for me to see when to start cutting it well Griffin let me

explain to you the it's fun because yeah do it man just explain your whole concept for it because we're not in the show anymore definitely so often the things we do on the show are just for us and we have a good time doing them but other people at home enjoying it I thought until I thought this time they could play along at home right so you I just need to clarify something yeah your intent with this was a way to help listeners pass the time yeah I wanted them to feel like we were opening the door and saying hey come on inside and play along at home you're just to give them a break from the comedy you wanted to give them like an active like a coloring but well you know how it's like at apple base when you watch like kids tv right every so often the people on the show will

stop what they're doing and turn towards the audience like which one's the square I thought it would be right if we included a moment like that where some would be like I helped the brothers figure out how many times Travis saw Pirates of the Caribbean franchise in theaters we should be giving the listeners some sort of puzzle that's a good point because not all of them like it and also we keep getting calls from the police like uh we got another dead body here they laughed too much at the show too constantly that they forgot to fucking breathing in so if you could start adding in a segment that would be guaranteed a time for people by design I would say guaranteed a time to do some deep contemplative breathing yeah well here's the thing Griffin we're

not supposed to fill our lives with laughter or love so here's the love part of the show the love part is that Travis has provided the love part is that Travis has provided a sort of chill right in the middle of our podcast it's not all about Goose if it's all Goose it isn't a fucking comedy show but it can't all be Pete's Griffin there's gotta be fucking that oh sorry so you admit it's a valley no but it's like it's a restful time where everyone can play along at home it's a chill restful valley like a little hammock so they can play along at home hanging between two listenable podcast trees yes it's a chance to play along at home but it's a but when people laugh at our baller jokes that's a that's that is a way of playing along at home no no where's

the chance for them to yell at the screen like like in uh Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune right they're laughing along with us and while we're like everybody loves Raymond that's great everybody loves that everybody loves Raymond but then where's the point for them to feel superior to you guys right like the rpg element right yeah no uh thank you for bringing interactivity to the program you're welcome as a grand slam uh and with that we will uh squire everyone away to the money so uh we got a new sponsor this week what a new a new yes so we're new to talk about its honey book that sounds nice doesn't it does sound nice is it just a book full of honey

it is a business management tool oh you got in you started your artisanal donut shop to make artisanal donuts and create new recipes i'm assuming yep so Travis uh part you shouldn't waste a bunch of time doing garbage that you don't want to do and a honey book helps with that it helps you automate your busy work they got templates for emails proposals brochures invoices it organizes your communications with your clients your bookings contracts and invoices it's all in place it just makes running a small business that much easier so you don't have to mess around with all the whack boring stuff you don't care about just um yeah can a honey book teach me how to make donuts uh this is a problem because i invested right now i can i be honest with you guys i don't mean

to figure out i invested all of our podcast money into this donut business because i love donuts you know that right yeah what was the name of it again of the donut business holes to me holes to me yeah right it was going off of like it's all holes to me you know but like i thought we were gonna call it holes on for one more day oh that's right that is better what about holes your horses well that sounds like we're gonna put whole we're gonna hurt horses which i thought we were gonna call it doughnut on my breakfast oh no how about doughnut right now honey book right now honey book is canceling all their other ads with us but also right now honey book is offering our listeners 50 off when you try honey book comm slash my brother payment is flexible this promotion

applies whether you pay monthly or annually go to try honey book comm slash my brother for 50% off your first year that's try honey book comm slash my brother hey are you sad because you can't get doughnut on my breakfast right at home you wake up and you're just you're not feeling putting on your big boy pants but you really want some doughnut on my breakfast uh well maybe think about getting up on door dash i don't think they work with doughnut on my breakfast uh because not yet it's fictional and also i think that they have standards uh but they do uh work with over 340 000 restaurants and 3300 cities to get food delivered to your your home uh when you use the door dash app you just pick what you want to eat and food will be delivered to you wherever

you are uh they got sorted you guys even as we're recording this this segment the orders are flooding in from door dash my business is saved hey thank you door dash you know what i like about door dash uh i uh a lot i'm trying to eat healthier it's me in the year i'm sure a lot of people are and a lot of times i just don't feel like the extra work it takes to like cook something healthy uh and in those situations door dash is great because you can like order uh ahead of time get something healthy delivered right to you and you don't have to put in all the work of actually making something also not just to your house because i've been out at bars before i got there and found out like they didn't serve food and i was starving i've door dashed to a bar before what's up not not

that's pretty cool stuff uh right now our listeners can get five dollars off their first order of fifteen dollars or more when you download the door dash app and enter the promo code my brother all one word that's five dollars off your first order when you download the door dash app from the app store and enter promo code my brother one last time promo code my brother for five dollars off your first order from door dash hey jakey hey helen i hear you have a true false quiz you want me to finish i do here we begin we host a trivia game show podcast on the max fun network called go fact yourself true correct the show is all about celebrity guests answering trivia questions about things jakeyth enjoys false we sometimes don't talk about

baseball or cats thank god it's questions about things they enjoy next we bring on surprise experts every episode true correct final question it's just the two of us sitting alone with these guests false correct we have a live audience at the angel city brewery see you can hear go fact yourself every first and third friday of the month and if you don't listen you can go fact yourself through i want to read one headline um and it's just chuckie cheese parent names david mcillips ceo i just think it's weird that chuckie cheese lets his dad i'm charles f cheese the king maker uh so right so okay so mr peanut died i fucking knew it is this played

mr peanut died saving the lives of matt walsh and what's this so random it's so random it's like i saw it i saw the news uh new york times front page uh big font top of the headline and i was like fucking random dude i saw the news and i thought good eat the rich you know with his monocle his top hat well he's also a nut so you could you could chomp down right on him but like i just it's so but can i say something though yeah is it about how random it is it's random we've covered that can i say what else what it's fucking twisted dude like that's their that's their guy like that's their whole guy and he's been in all the commercials and they're like what are we gonna do for the big game let's fucking let's kill mr peanut it ends with a car that says

mr peanut 1916 to 2020 because he's 104 years old and they died and i just wanted to point out that this is an ad that ran before the super bowl okay this press release one details exactly what happens in that in pros the entirety of that so we didn't see it they're on a car it's the novelization of the commercial it's just me it's a new concept last year mr peanut saved friends from snacking disappointment this year he's saving lives the newly released pregame ad shows mr peanut matt wall show us these types are on a nutty adventure in the nutmobile where mr peanut is forced to swerve causing the vehicle to spin out of control the trio jumps out of the nutmobile clinging on to a tree branch as the vehicle crashes down into a deep canyon below they momentarily find

the safety until their combined weight begins to break the branch in the ultimate act of friendship mr peanut let's go and sacrifices himself to save his friends from impending them so and then it says you can watch the him die in this video you watch him die and they're going to show that the pregame and then the brand's official super bowl commercial air on the third quarter of the game and broadcast mr peanut's funeral oh funny funny that's gonna be fucking funny and then but then can we just he is gonna smash out of the grave right i mean he's got to smash out of the grave with a like a new look guys i think he's really fucking dead i think he's fucking toast dude i saw him fall down i saw the car and slowed and i think he's really fucking dead you guys there's no getting

out of this one that brand mascot is dead as hell i don't see him coming back i think he's fucking dead as shit the fact that mr peanut fell a hundred miles into a huge ravine and wesley snipes didn't say and me without my jelly is probably the the biggest comedy tragedy of this generation or perhaps any any other can i i want to flip them in the limit and everyone everyone's mind of logging into twitter uh someday in the morning and seeing the breaking news that actor comedian matt walsh has died saving well no because it'll be it'll be mr peanut and then uh then matt walsh and then wesley snipes will have won the tontine and he'll get all the money okay see yes so it's gonna be a really funny

funeral for this beloved peanut who has lived longer than pretty much anybody on earth and then we killed him because that's what we do um i wanted to hear about his family at the wake they got smashed what does that mean because they're peanuts smashed peanuts like that great treat smashed peanuts turned into peanut butter okay that you're nothing air whoosh into peanut fancy no hold on wait travis started doing like a mr evil impression accent and that's where it was getting good for me so trap again but as as mr evil butter i love it say something else is mr evil doesn't shut the fuck up one million dollars in addition to mourning mr peanut during his funeral fans have several ways to celebrate his

life including fans who spot the nutmobile leading up to an on game day will receive a commemorative pin celebrating mr peanuts life hey y'all i know that mother fuckers dead if i see the nutmobile driving around i'm gonna freak also i'm gonna freak out and then find out he's not dead i feel like a real asshole mr peanut enthusiasts can show their family and friends how much the legume meant to them finally by shit by sharing the black crying monocle and their favorite memory on social using hashtag re peanut i feel like they're not taking this they're not taking this seriously they're like making a big fucking joke out of it a man has died yeah a man has died and he may be a peanut butter man and but i mean just because he was a peanut doesn't mean this memory

needs to be assaulted um the ad was produced by was that another peanut joke no sir okay i who do you wish had died in that three in that three fuck a mary kill can i just say though i am really glad they were filming when the car crash happened because if he had just died like if he had just died if he had had a heart attack and just died and then we see it in the news they like smell rotten peanut coming from his hotel room or something like five days later like that would have been sad but at least they were recording they got a commercial out of it they recorded it when he died and exploded so now i feel like i get a chance to say goodbye um i just want to say that there's no combination of the three of them in which i don't end up choosing

mr peanut for kill yeah because the he's and the reason for that is that he doesn't have flesh and bone and blood and brain at organs and cells and nerves um brand twitter fucking gizmo trying to get a slice of this one everybody's tweeting about this this tale um i think the most hypocritical one is um snickers who said we too would sacrifice it all for the nut hashtag ri peanut and hey fucking snickers you've been burying his brethren for decades in in people's moths i don't know where you get off being indignant about the loss of one peanut when you've been absolutely murdering them for ages i think pita said pita said that uh nuts have been a great source of protein for a long time so thank you shut the fuck up you can't even we're

trying to have fun over here with this dead ass nut and you come in here like well let me tell you about the body science so uno the brand uno of the game uh-huh the game uno so that brand replied to the other brand which is now i will give it up the twitter the twitter name of mr peanut has changed to the estate of mr yeah that that does rule that is extremely good pro uh i will give your proper respect for that uno uh replied to the tweet what no we're dropping a reverse card on this hashtag ri peanut hey uno can i talk to you over here for a second um it's 2020 if you have had the ability to drop reverse cards on events of the world i do not know why you've been on the fucking bench i can't believe this is what gets you in the fucking game

you know this is what you must have just drawn it i hope because if you have had this ability this is our time and this is where you say this far no far listen guys we only have enough crono silk to operate the time loom once so we uh and we've been waiting i think mr peanuts the one we got to burn it on if you're already got their reverse card going if you could just let it run for a few years i would love another second another pass at this uh very well very well done peanut company can i do a yahoo yes yeah please it was sent in by kevin thanks kevin it's anonymous yahoo answers you sir i'm gonna call mr peanut our respect does the washing machine in a home slash apartment share the same water that comes out of the toilet now i think that this person's

probably smart enough to know that you don't flush your dirty toilet water down and then it goes back up into the washing machine because i've certainly done both at the same time before and like i know that's not how it works but i guess i'm confused about what the what the flow direction like is there one big pipe and this pipe would be called like griffin's water pipe and then whenever i turn on washing machine griffin's water pipe is like let's get some water up there yes but then griffin's downstairs toilet pipe is like same same water or is there a yucky water pipe and then good healthy boy water pipe i've always taken sure that kind of like a whimsical kind of like pipe organ in a disney cartoon or maybe one of those disney movies like mary poppins or it's like mostly

live action but some animated stuff and like the pipe organ would be animated and it's like and some of the pipes are nasty water i love that yeah and there's somebody definitely playing it for each house yes somebody somebody's got somebody underneath each house like there has to be some kind of oversight right well oh you you just flushed your toilet let's get some of the yucky water in there don't waste the good boy water on there because otherwise you're telling me that like it's up to a machine and i don't trust that i don't trust a machine to always know where the nasty water can come where the good water can go right exactly yeah no i yeah because the computer's gonna switch it as like a cyber joke because the other option the other thing that i don't know

scientists might try to tell me is that the water in my turlet is the same as the water in my sink and there's no way that's true scientists can't possibly be true just you just is trying to google the i know just as gully answer like how does potty water work because he wants to be the smart but he always has to be the smart no it's just like it's so i just you flush it and it goes to the suit but how's it come back just why is it not about where it goes how's it come up because it's it's filling from the same place as your potable water done like all whoa you have one do you you don't have a potable and non potable water source going into your home you're telling me it's just the one water stop fuck you are you telling me that in my sink

is do-do water no travis oh in your toilet is sink water it's all in perspective but that way toilet the water that comes up and grabs my poop and takes it away it's the same water that i use to wash my lexapro down my throat no the same water you use to wash your lexapro down your throat is so fancy that you're also treating your your dookie that seems like a waste cool it's 2020 let's let's save some time and like money and energy where we can i don't need fancy water to grab my dooks all right you want to save money our infrastructure is a fucking disgrace and we're supposed to run new non potable lines to everyone's okay are you okay wait let's start here first new lines to flint michigan then new lines to grab my dookie water this is what's

bugging me out man and sometimes we pretend like we don't know things on this show to like be funny and like that's why we say sometimes funny stuff like uh that the you know potty water would get in washing machine and like that's funny but um i'm just double checking now i'm not washing my clothes in poo poo pee pee water right that's right no i just want to make sure i haven't been doing it i just want to make sure i haven't been doing it wrong this whole time because i didn't you know i've been adulting for a bit now but no one ever really teach me how so uh just making sure it's not uh i haven't been cleaning my clothes with poo poo pee pee water or brushing my teeth you know i used to watch those tiny house shows and the people would sometimes just kind of

let's be honest shit in a box and they would see like it's a compostable toilet but you're cheating in a box but now that i'm thinking about the risk of washing my clothes in poo poo pee water and i think maybe instead i poop in a box maybe i poop in a box i just think the pipes should be above the ground because when they're under the ground that's where first of all the machines can tell it where to go and which one gets put yeah also that's fun because then you can follow them like they do in Jurassic Park where there's like follow the red pipe and you know the red pipe is the hot water and the blue pipe is the cold water and the brown pipe is the poo poo pee pee water yeah um embarrassing what what justin what it's just so embarrassing it's

like you guys are even saying anything this is embarrassing i'm embarrassed i just think that here's the thing electricity i don't fucking care how comes electricity and internet and phone wires get to be high up in the sky paraded high up in the sky look at us everybody we've got electricity in us you have to look at us birds are gonna sit on us and poo poo all over your cars and crosswalks no matter what because we're electricity we get to be up high and meanwhile all the water is like we have to live below the earth like sloppy mole men uh i think we give it a chance to switch them around and we let the water ones be up above where we can keep an eye it's that way we can see the water the the water goes through the wires and the internet

goes through the pipes the pipes are gonna be the pipes are gonna be way up high so wait big heavy water pipes up in the sky not up in the sky that's girffins pitch not up in the sky like 10 to 12 feet off the ground you can put little birds on top of that that would look dumb i mean we can get like all kinds of animals up there um but they the pipes will be clean and there'll be one clean like water pipe and they'll be going in towards the city but then there will be the dookie water pipe and just maybe we paint that one black i can see into it i might be way off base here but i'm gonna throw some spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks clear pipes yeah no so you can see it that's why you see it all and and just throw this out here two three pipes one

for clean potables and laundry water right one for whatever water we don't need to put a dirty label and then the third one just you see some salmon swimming in there oh that's nice that's yeah for the animals to get through how you have a fish to get through the city right fish wants to see shit but how come bird gets to see everything fish never gets to see nothing yeah fish see nothing hey thank you so much for listening to our podcast we've so enjoyed spending time with you uh thanks for being patient with us in like weird schedules over the past uh a couple months between like live shows and travel and holidays and births of children uh thank you thank you for your your understanding we hope you've enjoyed the programming that has been available to you yes

also uh we're going to be performing some live shows here in Cincinnati at the end of February February 19th we're going to be doing my brother my brother and me in February 20th we're going to be doing the adventure zone you can get those tickets by going to macroi.family and clicking on tours and if you click on uh merch you'll see all the new cool merch you've got there including my favorite some new adventure zone graduation pens uh one for heroes one for villains one for sidekicks and one for hinges i think they're all super cool thank you to john rodrick and the long winters for the use of our theme song uh holy shit it's a departure i i got it confused with the other show that i do that i say the name of the theme song for and i actually forgot the name of this

500 episode long podcast theme song i apologize to everybody but it's a good song great album go check it out and also thanks to maximum fun for having us on the network go to maximumfun.org check out all the great shows there like uh mission to zix or jv club with janet varney or a bunch more all at maximumfun.org we have other stuff at macroi.family like travis talked about so that's gonna do it for us uh every week on the show we have griffin uh read yahu answer that we think about and come back next week and discuss yep i this one's uh sent in by ivy thanks it's the anonymous yahu answers user also uh mr peanut rips rips up asks how come if we flew to the moon nobody ever tried to fly underneath the earth to see what's really down there

whoa i'm griffin mackerel he's been my brother my brother me kiss your dad let's grab the lips um maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported