My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 497: Bugatti Boys

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

We’ve officially polished all the rough edges out of this weekly entertainment product that we’ve been making for like 10 calendar years. We’re nearly ready to enter our Closed Beta phase, which basically means we’ve stopped talking about bidets so much.Suggested talking points: Relatable Content, Accidental Lunch Thief, Perfect Farmwear, Animal Trivia, Nude Changeover, Val Kilmer’s Kickass Bat Wine, Genuine Sports Humor, Do Not Go In There

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. Hey, I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary back in a big way, Griffin McElroy. Hey guys, you know how last week we tried to be earnest and we really nailed it

and we were earnest the whole time? Yeah, I said a lot of shit and I meant all that shit. I meant all of it. I was thinking about it and this week, what if we keep that old train a rolling and we focus on the 20 funny things in life without your love? And this week, we aim for another goal and we try to be relatable. Okay, that could be good. Let's be honest, we've gotten so big or big shots as they say, palling around with the glitterati and I feel like maybe we might have lost touch a little bit with your quote unquote every person. Yep, yep, yep, yep. So I think a big tenet of this and it's a thing I've been meaning to talk to you two boys about for quite some time now is we have been awfully cavalier about open and frank conversations about getting our

buttholes sprayed by our toilets in the form of bidet seating. And obviously, it's important. Obviously, it's important. It's important, fast of my life, Justin's life, Travis's life, keeping it clean down there, getting the spray is, I love it and I need it, but I don't think the rest of America is ready to go there with us. Okay, so Griffin, you're saying like if we wanted to make it more relatable, instead of saying like, I don't think I could live without my bidet, you would say something like, I don't think I could live without, you know, every time I go to the bathroom and going outside and spraying myself off with the hose. I think that that's better. Yeah, because bidet is like a French word. And I think a lot of people are still

kind of sore about like all the Iraq war stuff. Yeah. And so like if we could just call it like a booty super soaker or something like that, I couldn't I couldn't live without my my booty spray. My booty spray is, but that sounds like actually something that could come out instead. I could live without that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the big that's sort of my big note. No more bidet chat. Maybe we have a separate podcast for, you know, yeah, maybe we should that is definitely I love that impulse Griffin. And I just want to kind of grab it and just kind of tweak it a little bit, give it a little tickle on the tummy and see if I can't change that frown upside down. Yeah. And maybe instead of not talking about

bidets, we could try to educate people a little bit more about how they're actually surprisingly affordable and hygienic. And good for the environment saves on TP. Good for the environment saves on TP. No, Justin, I like this because I was afraid we were becoming unrelatable, but maybe it's everyone else that is on we have become so relatable that people no longer know how to relate to us. So we need because they're daunted by how relatable we are. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, we're so relatable and approachable. And, you know, we're basically three every men over here. And so we need to educate everyone else. Three every, three every men, you hear that, you're like, wow, that's a lot of men actually come to think of it. That may be too many men

for me to sort of talk to you. It's like an infinite men. I think also in the spirit of the Max Fun Drive coming up pretty soon. Maybe we just fall. Let's have a conversation at least about cutting Bugatti boys, the segment in our show where we talk about all our Bugattis and their new colors of Bugatti's and the news about new Bugatti's that are coming out. I have actually been edit. Okay, this is this is embarrassing. I hate to do this here. I have been editing out Bugatti boys for the last four years. Yeah, it's like 45 minute long segments. Yeah. Yeah. If you guys have been wondering why those sponsorship dollars have not been pouring in, it is because I have been editing the 45 minute long Bugatti center. Now, we do every week.

I can't believe I'm about to have to even ask this. But Justin, you've left in Tiger Cub Chat, right? Were we talking about all the Tiger Cubs we've adopted? So what I do with that is because we endeavor to make Tiger Cub Chat as long as the actual episode itself, I have edited in underneath the episode at a really low volume. So if there's ever a long period of silence, that's where we're all talking so much. Talking over each other, cross talking is it's so we can cover up the chat about how we've adopted Cubs and have named them after our favorite U.S. presidents. That's constantly underneath the audio of us sort of praddling on about ghosts and horses. Can y'all even just, and I'll cut this out,

but if we could get a bidet in the Bugatti, a Bugatti day, a Bugatti day. Yes. Oh man, we sound like, it's hard not to sound like Adam Sandler when you say that word. And maybe a little special harness in there for my Tiger Cub. Yep, got to keep him safe, got to keep him safe. So no, no, no. Hey, rear-facing. Rear-facing, okay. Until he's at least, what, 40 pounds? A rear-facing bidet. Oh, a harness. I was trying to imagine what a rear-facing bidet is because I think that would just sort of hit my front stuff. Then he's rear-facing until he's three and turning around. And I like to think about that, think of that as roar-facing. Yeah, I like that. Because he's directing the roars directly at you. So if I'm rear-facing,

a roar-facing. Justin, at what point can I use my Tiger Cub as like a living hood ornament on my Bugatti? Oh, dipping your Tiger Cub in copper and freezing it for time immemorial? No, he bent, no, no, no, no. Let me be clear. He's fully animate. Right, inside of the copper. Yeah, but you do need to keep him like, eventually he's going to turn into a Tiger. And that's going to be true. Well, then I just flush him down the toilet after using the bidet. And this is, guys, this is exactly the kind of shit we shouldn't talk about on the show anymore. Also because we're burning up all our material. I don't know what we're going to talk about during these segments that we will continue to record despite the revelation that they are not included in the show.

Yes. Sure. Why don't we do the regular show here, Bugatti boys? Yeah, we got to say, we got to, I've got the whole afternoon cleared out for all the different shows that we have to record. Excellent. Our first question is this, at my college, we have a buffet style cafeteria. I grabbed a plate of the chef's meal of the day, sat it down on an open table with my backpack, and then went to go get a drink. I came back with my drink and enjoyed my meal before wondering where my backpack was. And then I looked down two tables to see my backpack and my original plate of food. I had sat down at the wrong table and had eaten someone else's identical meal without realizing it. I quickly left afterwards out of fear and shame, correct.

Brothers, in what way could I tone for this sin to the unknown individual whom I accidentally dine and dashed on? That's from Momo in Virginia. Momo. I mean, Momo. Momo. Their instincts were correct. Yes. Fear and shame, that's perfect. That's a good blend to start with. That's great for me. Here's, can I tell you the part of this question that haunts me? So, Momo had time to eat the entire meal, which means that whoever the original owner of said meal was approached saw them eating the food and said, well, what are you going to do and left? Well, maybe. I mean, that's a possibility, Travis. I don't, I'm really challenged by the exfiltration from this situation because option one is realize the mistake, stand up, walk away.

And there's this sort of zone of, I like to think of it in social situations as a zone of culpability. Right. Like if you can make it, if you can make it 10 feet away from a thing, you could sort of like blend into the crowd. Yeah. And maybe even started announcing like, who did this? Who did this thing? Who could have done this? Sure. But, but I think that the other option, so that's option one, option two is you realize your mistake and then take it to the trash. And then you are running into the possibility of this person seeing you take their food, didn't see you eat it, but did see you pick up their plate, take it to the car bitch and empty it out, which is also very bad. I was trying to work out where the other person

was in this, in this scenario. And I think I've got it cracked. This person walked back to what they thought was their seat and saw a different person that wasn't them sitting in it and eating their food. And so their, their mind immediately told them, Oh, I thought I was sitting there, but that's not my food. So it's not. And then they kept walking and they saw the identical plate of food, but they saw a backpack by it. And so they said, Hmm, that is also not my food. I should probably just leave or go home. Yeah. Now we've, this is where we encounter the question mark that haunts me. Maybe they're still wandering the cafeteria to this day. Oh, you probably got something else to eat. Well, hopefully. What can you do to make it up?

I mean, you got to find them first if you're going to make it up for them. Because otherwise, you could just kind of start buying plates of food and leaving them around like you're some sort of you know, pelt hunter or something that you're trying to catch a hungry student. You got to find them. I don't know what you do for that. Is this a misconnection? That's what I was going to say. Yes. This seems like maybe, maybe you could even go even more grassroots and just post flyers. Like, did you get a meal and somebody snarfed it? I was the snarfer. I owe you one. It's me. Hey, everyone, it's me, the snarf. Thanks for coming to my Facebook page.

I am looking for a person who likes spaghetti. But not a strong enough way to say something when encountering someone else eating it. Mom, what did you do? What did you do with your original plate of food? Good question. Because now you just have a big plate of cold spaghetti and you've got to decide like, am I going to have to eat? Okay, there's three options. One, people see you empty it into the trash. Wasteful Ricky, not good. Especially since it does look like you ate your food and then walked over and took someone else's food and threw it away. I'm full. Everyone should be full. I'm throwing this in the trash. Kids, I'm done. Get back in the car. That's possibility one,

possibility two. Slide it into your backpack and you have to get a new backpack, but at least you've tamped down the shame. Three is you eat a second plate of delicious chef's spaghetti. And that's fine. I guess it's a lot of car. Maybe you do have college or something. You can do it. That's a good point. When I was in college, I had one meal at the cafeteria that was included in my plan a day and it was like, all you can eat, as you said, buffet style. So I would just go in and hurt myself with food, but I was like 20. So I barely even felt it. And then I'd go home and sleep for 14 hours or whatever because I could. Do you guys want a Yahoo? I'd love that. Yes, please.

Uh, here's one that was sent in by Brian. Thanks, Brian. Oh, it's from Yahoo! Enter's user. Who asked? Oh, not a great start. How does still look perfect in a farm? So me, my family and cousins are going to going to my grandmother's, my grandfather's farm for vacation for like two to three days. And I need to look perfect. Thank you. Oh, wow. What an open ended, like perfect. Like, are you, are you gramming it? Is that it? Or is this just like, if someone saw you, they'd be like, they totally belong here. Travis, don't be fucking obtuse, dude. They need to look perfect on while in their grandfather's farm for two to three days. Now let's go. This

can be tough. Uh, what I would do personally, and listen, I'm speaking relatively here. I would hide, uh, toiletry kits throughout the farm, uh, that include maybe some concealer, uh, new deodorant, maybe even like a new shirt so that I can constantly look fresh no matter what work I've been doing. Um, and, you know, and then what's great about that is if you don't use them, maybe the animals will and you have some, yeah, some freshly licking cows out there or whatever. They'll love your crane. That's for sure. They're going to get all over that. Yeah. Um, but let's talk about clothes. Uh-huh. Dungarees. Perfect in this. Sorry, go ahead. Dungarees. Now you go ahead. Dunkaroons. I've decided in, in the grand tradition of evolution

of the show that I'm going to start outsourcing some of these to Cora, which is like the smart, it's like the actual good alternative. It's a positive universe. Yahoo answers. Uh-huh. And so the, there's a question here. What do they call the outfits that farmers wear? And I thought that that would be perfect, right? Because you're getting, um, uh, kind of a, you want to get the look right, right? Cause if perfect in this scenario is to be like the perfect farming look, is that fair? Can we grant this conceit? Okay. I mean, I got, yeah. So Janice, uh, here says, has worked with farmers for decades and she answers clothes. Oh, all right. Sure. Some farmers wear coveralls or overalls, which is what TV shows and movies would have us all think

farmers wear, but most of the farmers I know just wear clothes. So like I say on the work, I know farmers who wear long sleeve plaid shirts and others who wear sports wicking shirts. Some wear jeans while others wear shorts. This is getting a little doctor suits for my day. Now here's the part where this kind of like gets kind of fucking weird. Janice then writes, here is a dairy farmer friend working on his farm two different days. One day he looked like a stereotypical farmer in overalls and there's a picture of fucking, I don't know how to, I don't know how to say this other than creep shot of an old man in white overalls towards some cows or something. White overalls? White overalls? Is that, is that,

is that for milk work? It's Star Trek rules. You have to dress for the color of your job. So the first one is just this fucking creep shot of this man walking towards cows. And then it says, the next time I caught him in the barn unloading feed he just looked like everyone else. And then there's a picture of a man wearing khakis and staring at a huge fucking pile of cow food. And then both by the way are from behind. Yeah. Absolute creep shot. I said the link to you guys. Are you seeing? Yeah, I'm seeing it. It's not great. It's not great Janice. I think probably this would be like if Sesame Street is like kids today. I'm going to take you to show how farmers work and every shot is them fucking hiding in the bushes like shh. Don't be too loud. They'll

know we're here. Just watch them stare at feed and walk towards cows. But like my man in the big food picture is wearing a short sleeve button up looks like and it's so big and baggy. That's not perfect. It's not perfect. That's not perfect. That doesn't look perfect. Sportswear I'm excited by. You mentioned sportswear. I think sportswear is going to get a lot of the sweat and a lot of the stink out of there. But what's that? He has also in a more fashion forward choice. He's rolled his white coveralls up at the bottom up to above the calf, which I'm assuming is for various cow liquids that he'll have to sift through throughout the day. It's very on trend. It's kind of like a capri overall. It does kind of hurt the coveralls because you could just cut them off I guess into

sort of a cover all Jorts situation. Well, let's talk about the functional sort of purpose of coveralls because I'll tell you what else covers all the jeans and long sleeve shirt I'm currently wearing right now on my body. I'm fully covered with that. I don't know why my pants also need to be a vest. So let's just get that. Am I afraid of things getting in my pants? If so, I wouldn't have my my calves exposed like this so that all the dangerous cow worms, bacteria, whatever get up on them. This is not perfect. This is sub ideal. It does reduce. I think it's just so your pants don't fall down, right? Isn't that for this sort of look is just so your pants are sort of like permanently affixed above your shoulders. Yeah. So there's another picture on this page of a man

wearing coveralls and he does have a chicken sort of perched on his shoulder. And I do think that I hadn't really considered the organic component of your like the accessories. But like if you want to look perfect in a farm, you got to have a hen just on you. Like you just have a hen on you so that you you look like you belong there. That is important. We got to combat the sweat. We got to combat looking drab and boring. And you also need to have some sort of living barn element. I would say what you want is you want a hen on the shoulder and a collie at your heel, right? So that way you've got the I'm having fun with like the working animals up here, but I'm working with the fun animals down here. The animals at the ground are friends. Yes. The animals on your

shoulder, if you have a chicken on your shoulder, sort of a a far millier, if you will, that is a more symbolic choice. I think it's meant to tell something about the person that it's affixed to. Travis, I got to say that a hen on my shoulder and collie at my heel sounds like such a sexist of folksy idiom that is so veiled, you can't really even understand like what where it is that they're going with it. Like it's so deeply, so deeply rural. It feels like if Christians made a line of big Johnson shirts for farmers, that is the vibe it would be to sort of like we can't have anything racy, but it just needs to be sort of like right underneath the surface. Yeah, right. Like it would say in big letters, you know, a hen on my shoulder,

a collie at my heel, and then like the farmer winking. Right. And then like there would be a smaller like maybe URL at the bottom that you would go to that would maybe like break down what the metaphor was of it. Yeah. Just like if you want to find out you can go here, but he's wearing a t-shirt with a QR code on it to have the joke explained to you scan. That's great. And of course, I can't believe we've gone this long without saying it. And I don't even think you should be allowed on the farm without it, a long stock of wheat that you just kind of got hanging out of your mouth. Yeah, just to test it to make sure it's ready to go to market. Yeah, I like that. I haven't seen a farmer do that in real life. I've only sort of

seen like, you know, the mascots for farming based phone games always got a long stock of wheat sticking out of their mouth. And it tastes good. Maybe I don't know. Bread tastes good. That's how to pace your carbs right there. You can't eat a whole loaf of bread. Just eat one delicious stock at a time. Just vape a stock, dude. Oh, hello. Didn't see it come in there. I was just about to give a quiz to my brothers, but maybe you could play along at home. You're kidding me. Do you remember how this bit went last time? Now, these are all animal questions, fellows. Oh, fun. I love that segue. Oh, thank you. Now, boys, here's my question for you. And I invite our listeners to, of course, play it along at home. In proportion to body size, which animal

has the largest penis? This is probably, okay, so juice, maybe it's like, last time he did this, we were like, maybe by the third question, there'll be like some big payoff for like a funny joke. Maybe this, maybe he's playing chess and it's like the third time he does this bit. So you're saying we power through this one? This one's gonna suck shit. Everybody at home, listen, this is Griffin and I'm gonna be real with you. The next few minutes of the show are gonna suck shit. But the next time Travis does this bit, the payoff is gonna be so decadent and so rich and juicy. The anticipation, like you guys are gonna be so hard for the third time that Travis does this bit. But to answer- Hippo. Yeah, a hippopotamus. A hippopotamus, you say.

No, actually, reaching up to 10 times the length of their body, the barnacle has the largest penis in proportion to the body size. The barnacle's not really an animal. It's a rock that gets stuck to ships and it's annoying. It's a needy rock. It's a needy rock. Okay. Now, according to the book, does it fart? What is the only mammal that doesn't fart? It is worse than I thought it was gonna be. But I will say- Duckbill platypus. I'll do hippo again. Hippo again. No, it is the sloth. And if things are working normally, the methane produced by their gut bacteria is absorbed into their bloodstream and eventually breathed out. Cool. I would like to change my answer to my wife. Oh, yeah, man. Okay. I would like to change Justin's answer to my wife.

Now, if faced with particularly dry air, the desert snail can hibernate for up to how long? And this will be the last question for this round. There's one more. A year? There's so many different amounts of time. There's a lot, yeah. I can think of like five different amounts of time just off the top of my head. I'm going to say they could hibernate for two years. For three years. Damn, if we had had one more brother, he would have fucking gotten it right on the nose, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, final question. According to scientists, other than human beings, what is in, you can name any one of the four other species that go through menopause? Dogs, cats, owls. Fish. It would be short fend pilot whales, beluga whales,

narwhals, and killer whales. Unbelievable. And humans. Unbelievable. What a weird list to be a part of, huh? That is a strange list to be a part of. And that was playing along at home. I hope you all had fun and maybe learned a little something. Can you at least tell me if it's going somewhere? Maybe next time we'll answer some questions about, I don't know, your favorite stories. Why do you do that, Trout? Why do I, why do I do what? Griffin, create little fun ways for people. It's not even that this segment is like bad. It's like nothing. Well, I want people to just have a little moment for them to feel like they're part of the show. I want them to be able to play along at home. You seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding of the relationship of observer

and creator. Well, you know, it's like how Mr. Rogers would often just direct address the audience instead of talking to the other people. And we're always talking to each other and saying, where's the part where we talk to people at home? Okay, Travis, what are they saying right now? That was a great quiz and I learned a little something that was fun for me. And while I was playing the quiz, I drew a little picture. So you shouldn't have to come up with ways to entertain yourself during your podcast. It's not a great lecture. I entertain them and inspire them to draw a little picture. Okay, it's not because they were bored. It's because they were inspired. They really enjoyed it and they learned something at home. What if episode 500 was just an

extended clip of play along at home? And it was our most interactive episode yet. It'll be our whatever it was called, Bandersnatch. What was the name of the fucking Black Mirror episode? They'll be our interactive experience. I think it was Snoochy Boochies. I think it was Bandicoot. I have been invited to a nudist party. It is a totally non-sexual thing. The clothes don't come off until after we eat and I don't know what I should wear. Should I go over the top or tone it down? That's for mooning in the Midwest. Okay, I will grant and it is fucking every, it takes everything in me to grant your premise that this nudist party is a totally non-sexual thing. It probably is for most. Right. Right, but I'll grant your premise just so we can move on.

They can't take a drop of blood from everybody as they enter and stick a hot wire into it to see who is the thing. And by the thing, I mean the secret horny because there's probably one and there's no way of knowing. I think what we can assume from the non-sexual thing is that this is not an eyes-wide sex party. Casually be nude. There's no stigma here. People want to have a nude party that's not, you know, that's non-sexual. It's all about being free, being loose. I'm into that. For me, I think my hang-up is that the clothes don't come off until after we eat. So that's the last time I want to do that. It could be a hot dripping meat situation, so maybe they don't want to get singes or stains. A lot of utensils around. I find that

intimidating. I do like the thing that if a little sauce should manage to dribble its way off of my chin and onto my shirt, I can just be like, oh, the fuck? Yeah, right? This thing's coming off. I might as well throw this in the trash. I think it's less about the proximity to eating time and more that there is a prescribed naked changeover. This party evolves. They jump it up at 7.30 as soon as they're done. I feel like in this scenario, I would be the guy that loses nerve and just be like, no, no, I could actually go for another dessert. If I could just get, you know what I would love to do? Let's get some bza in here. I'm fucking wrapping it still. You see Randy over there. He's snarfin' it the fuck down. That's the horny right there.

Here's the thing. I get nervous doing something I've never done before. Not because I haven't done it before, but because I don't know the processes. I can't even imagine the levels that would spike for me and something like this. For example, I was just sitting here thinking, when the time comes, do you all get naked in the same room? Yes, exactly. Do you go separate places and come back nude? If you go to separate places and come back nude, are you legally prohibited from saying ta-da when you walk into the right? Is this a concern? Do you want to be the first person there or the last one? Do you want to find the best seats or do you want to come in last and make a show of it? Here's the one thing I can say concretely. If you're going to have a successful

nonsexual nudist party, when everyone walks in, they must be handed a card and the card has a place for signature at the bottom and it says, I, and you write your name in, do soundly swear that when it gets to the part where we all have to bend over and put our clothes back on, I will not look at anybody's asshole. Because I think that would be the, even if it was like the chillest time, everybody's like loving it, enjoying it, there's gonna have to be a point where everybody picks their clothes up off of the ground and you will have to bend over. And that would be the moment where I'd be like, well, here's my asshole. I really hope no one, I'm glad we all signed cards that said no one could look at it because I'd be very self-conscious

of the language, Justin. It's got to be, I will try my darnedest not to look at anyone's asshole. Because I think- Absolutely not. I think that there's going to be like just a second of, oh no, I looked, I'm so sorry, I broke the code. And there's going to be a lot of people who as soon as you make them sign a promise that they won't look at anybody's assholes, they may not have even been planning on scope and no, no holes, but as soon as they say they can't, yes. So let's get back to the actual question though, because this is a good question. Do you come in in like a loose fitted, like almost like a painter's, you know, like body suit that's like one zipper and you're out? Or is this like, I need many pieces and I'm going to slowly throughout the

course of the meal, remove my gloves and then my jacket and then the vest and then the ascots. It's not a burlesque show. I certainly don't think that's a burlesque. But do you want to seem overeager? I'm worried that the one zipper body is like a zip zip and it's like, whoa, look who's already naked. I feel like the norm at like parties like this is that there is like a zone of nudity or, you know, a zone of doing it if that's the thing, right? But the idea of it just being a general nude house party, those have to happen too. And you can't drive up to the house and be nude. You can't get out of your car nude on the sidewalks that the taxpayers pay for. I don't think. My guts tells me that what you want is to cloak

whatever it is you're working with. Like you, I feel like you have to have the element of surprise somewhat, good, bad and different. Everybody's beautiful. I think you do have to have a little bit of like surprise. This is what I was working with the entire time. Did you even guess? Because I bet you didn't. So are you suggesting like one of those bikini t-shirts that has a body painted on the front of it? Is that what you're suggesting? Yeah, I guess I'm suggesting that or something loose fitting might be a less sort of wild assumption to take from what I just said. Might I recommend maybe along those lines cloaking what you're working with? A late 90s starter jacket with maybe a football team. Very puffy, very oversized.

And you look at it and you're like, oh, I had no idea Doug loved the Steelers so much. Oh, what's that? Doug's got a six pack. Or. Okay, what about this? Or he takes it off underneath. He's got a San Diego Retardress tattoo. What? Excuse me? That must be embarrassing because they're not even in San Diego anymore. Yeah, he got it so long ago. You could also dress it really tight and then have it sort of unspool as you unzip. I don't know if that's physically possible and it would be mighty uncomfortable, but you know, it's all about the reveal, the prestige. What about a bunch of balloons? I don't know, Trav. You wear a bunch of balloons inside your shirt. Okay. So they don't know.

Hey, his body looks like the grapes from the Fruit of the Loom commercial. No, no, no. You take it off, balloons fly up to the ceiling and there's your nude body. Cool. That's good. Man, I bet this was the thing of like after, when everyone puts their clothes on and then you just have a long talk about who had the best prestige. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, well, anyway, that probably answers your question. We would love to talk more about the subject that we were imminently qualified to address, but for the moment we must adjourn to the muddy side. Griffin. Yeah. I've been trying to recruit for a while. I just yelled, I'm sorry, I yelled. I don't know why I that's okay. No, it was dramatic. I liked it. I've been trying to

recruit for a while. Okay. And I don't know how to do it. I'm trying to build, let's say a defense force, like highly skilled agents that I can send on missions. Right. Right. What was we're on? Yeah, I don't know that zip recruiter. I mean, they could, they post a lot to job sites, right? So they may be able to help you put together a sort of A team situation, if that's what you're suggesting. I mean, I wasn't even thinking A team at the time, but now, yeah, something like that. I mean, a codable co-founder Gretchen Huebner needed a game artist for her education tech company, and she went to ziprecruiter.com, posted her job and found the right person in less than two weeks using their powerful matching technology. So I don't see why you couldn't find a few,

you know, rag tag soldiers of fortune. Yeah. Do you think that when Gretchen Huebner hired that person, Gretchen was like, I need you to do like some, you know, design stuff and also maybe steal some plans for a missile. Right. Maybe, but there's only one way to find out, and four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. I know that seems like a non sequitur, but I did need to say it. Okay. It's the smartest way to hire a zip recruiter is, and right now, zip recruiter, you can try it for free at our web address, ziprecruiter.com slash mybrother, that's ziprecruiter.com slash M-Y-B-R-O-T-H-E-R. Now, Justin, if I was looking for a way to advertise my team of soldiers of fortune who are

going around writing wrongs and stopping bad people, Travis is extrajudicial sort of action team. Yes. Yeah. But because like for a while now, I've just been writing it out on note cards and taping it up on like a telephone poles in my area, but I feel like maybe that's not the best way to advertise my goods and services or to promote my physical or online business or sell products and services of all kind. Are we calling your extrajudicial action team a service or a product? Well, you know, it starts as a service, but then we can brand and maybe do a little merge. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. I love that. The best place to do all that is going to be Squarespace. You can do all the things you want to do with beautiful customizable templates created by

world-class designers. Everything's optimized for mobile right out of the box. That's another way of saying phones. A lot of people have asked analytics that help you grow in real time and nothing to patch or upgrade ever. You just let Squarespace handle all of it. Right now, you can go to squarespace.com slash my brother for free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. One more time because there's two different things. Squarespace.com slash my brother for the free trial. When you're ready to launch, use the offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Squarespace. Keep it secret. Keep it safe. Hey, everyone, Alden Ford

here with the cast of Mission to Zix. Hello. Our fourth season premieres on February 19th. And for those of you who aren't familiar with the show, we decided to ask one of our characters to give you a quick recap of what's happened so far. Say hello to the clone trooper, AJ. Sorry, people. What's happening? Okay, AJ, put your gun down. AJ, can you just tell us what's happened in the Zix quadrant in the last couple seasons? Oh, well, we destroyed the emperor. Oh, really? Okay, great. Yeah, I mean, I think, I think so. We knocked him into a chasm. Mr. Robot Manabarche's ship crashed through a window and Dar and baby horse I took out like a bunch of bad guys. Papa filled his destiny and the lizard was there too. Okay, great. I guess I was sort of

asking what the show is like. Oh, you mean, like it's an improvised serialized workplace space opera featuring brilliant sound design, incredible guest stars and an epic hilarious tale of fresh versus whack. Oh, yeah. Wow. Where did you come up with that? Jesse Thorne told me to write that on my pause. Okay, all right. Well, mission is season four debuts on February 19th and maximum fun. Check it out. Celebrity wine, why not? Celebrity wine, why not? They've got a passion for grapes. They think beer is for apes. Celebrity wine, why not? Good. So this is celebrity wine, why not? It is a sort of a trivia game show. And it's just about celebrities and their passion for wine.

Rather than put you all through incredible challenges that ask you to pass, ask you to match celebrities with their wine flavors or vintages, things that you would have no way of knowing. I've constructed a five question quiz about celebrity wine. Should people play along at home? No, I think actually to differentiate. I would ask they not. Yeah, please fucking don't play along at home. Please don't. Yeah, because that's mine. That's Travis's thing. Here's our first question. Knocking Point Wines is co-owned with Walla Walla natives Kevin Zenter and Andrew Harding and this actor. Hmm. Huh. Multiple choice. Paul Giamatti, Stephen Amell, Linda Fiorentino. Hmm. I feel like Giamatti is so on the nose. It's a trap. Yeah, it's a Giamatti trap. It's a

Giamatti snare. Who was the second one? Stephen Amell. Is that Aero? Paul Giamatti and Linda Fiorentino. Those are our three choices. I'm going with Linda. I'm gonna go with Aero. Well, Griffin, you're very smart. Seeing as Knocking Point is the place where you knock your arrow. It is, in fact, Stephen Amell. So, he named it that because it's like a cool thing that his super. Because it's like an arrow thing. His badass super. Because it's like an arrow thing. It's kind of like his thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like. Congratulations. So far, the score right now is Griffin won, Travis. Have you guys ever had Val Kilmer's kick ass bat wine? It's super good and the Joker hates it.

Little Jonathan Winery is a collaboration between this entertainer and Central Coast winemaker, Allison Crowe. They make a Merlot and a Cabernet Sauvignon. Who runs it? Now, give it to me one more time. Little Jonathan Winery is a collaboration between this entertainer and Central Coast winemaker, Allison Crowe. They make a Merlot and a Cabernet Sauvignon. Who is the entertainer? Is it Little Jon? It is, in fact, Little Jon. Wow. Congratulations, Griffin McElroy. Little Jon makes a wine called Little Jon. It's looking good. It's actually the funniest thing he could possibly be doing. Congratulations to you, Little Jon. Question three. There are five. Right now, the score is two to zero.

Okay. You could say that Chateau Miravelle wine was owned by Mr. and Mrs. Wine. Until time, circumstance, and dare I say it, fate intervene to make that sub-joke meaningless at best and unfeelingly cruel at worst. Who among us can say why a relationship between two beautiful, talented, and seemingly generous people would fall apart? Perhaps the lesson is that no matter your inner or outer beauty relationships are a fickle thing and not for us on the outside to take the measure of, no matter how many times a couple has been caught in the twinkle of the paparazos lenses, this year Chateau Miravelle will release a Rosé champagne. That would be Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Congratulations, Travis. Thank you.

Your score rockets to wine. Thank you. That thing that you just said, though, did you re... Is that like printed on the bottle? Because that was a bunch of wild shit. No, this is my question I wrote to try to cover up the fact that it was kind of an easy one. Okay. Well, don't say that. It's the first one I got. You can't be like, Travis got a real gimme. Hampton Water Wine, a Rosé blend is a collaboration between Jesse Bongiovanni and this entertainer. Hampton Water Wine, a Rosé blend is a collaboration between Jesse Bongiovanni and this entertainer. I'll repeat it one more time. Hampton Water Wine and Rosé blend is a collaboration between Jesse

Bongiovanni and this entertainer. It's John Bon Jovi, Justin. It's John Bon Jovi. Your score's rocking, Travis. You have blasted off to tie it with Griffin against all odds. Okay. It might have been as soon as I started laughing, I got it. I just couldn't form words. Oh, fuck. Venetore is a single vintage Chardonnay-based sparkling wine. Who created it? Now, for this one, there are two hints. Okay. You can use a hint if you wish. Venetore comes from the Latin for Hunter. There's a second hint that you can use. Is the second hint kind of just completely blow light open? I don't actually think so. All right, give it to me. But it will be funny for the comedy podcast. Okay. This actor said about his wine,

I'm so proud of this awesome juice. I was able to be a partner. Okay. Now, I will give you a third clue and this one might break it open. If Travis misses this one, he will be kicking himself. Awesome juice. Venetore, a single vintage Chardonnay-based sparkling wine. Venetore comes from the Latin for Hunter. He said about this wine, I'm so proud of this awesome juice. I was able to be a part of. Rider strong. No, Travis, it's Jared Pellecki. Damn it. Of supernatural fame. That is the sound of you kicking yourself. I am kicking the shit out of myself. And he is so proud of this awesome juice. He was able to be a part of. Sorry, Travis. Padalecki, by the way. Okay. You've given a half a point

for the correction. Travis wins. Celebrity wine, why not? Congratulations, Travis McElroy, from nowhere, from nothing. You have risen to take the celebrity wine, why not? That was close. Celebrity wine, why not? Celebrity wine, why not? They've got a passion for grapes, they think beer is for apes. Celebrity wine, why not? That's powerful juice. That's a powerful fucking segment. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I was really proud of it. Hey, I got a Yahoo here, standing by a bunch of folks. It's from an anonymous Yahoo Answers user who I'm gonna call Joe asks. And we know the answer to this one. Oh, good. I like a nice slam dunk. Yeah, but I think it's worth talking about. Okay. If you stink at golf, can you just throw the ball?

Yeah. Is that against the rules? Yeah, if you do this at the PGA Masters, the big show, the big beautiful game, you will be penalized. Yes. And I think they do that by adding strokes to your current score or now you don't get a caddy anymore, so you gotta carry the things yourself. I think it's pretty ridiculous. I think it's pretty ridiculous and frankly, kind of embarrassing to think that if you're not good at the game, if you're not good at hitting the ball with clubs, that you can just pick it up and throw it, right? Yeah. Well, but what if you could do that? Well, here's what they don't tell you. And I learned I took individual dual sports in high school where they taught us about golf. And this is a little known, I'll tell you,

a little known rule in golf. You can do it, but once you do it, everyone else gets to do it too. You break the, it's called breaking the seal. Correct. Once you break the seal, everybody, so you gotta watch out for if your opponent can throw things super far. Exactly. Right. If you think you are the strongest throwing golf person, do it. Right. But if you like, I saw Jenny the other day throw an egg really far, that probably translates to this. And it's not just about how far you can eat this golf ball. It's also about the precision game, right? It's about your approach. And it's about, you know, you go up against somebody who is on the Bozo's grand prize game, they're going to be draining buckets left and fucking right.

And maybe you want that, maybe you don't, but I do think that if you stink at golf, you can just, you should just be able to throw the ball. You can also kick it. That I don't like. You don't like the kicking rule? No, I don't like that. Golf ball is not good to kick because it's little and so it's like easy to miss it and it's hard so it can hurt the foot. But picking it up and throwing it, like that's got a good hand feel to me. Like a golf ball leaving my hand with tremendous force. I like that. You know what I like? It's rare to see this, but when like a powerful golfer gets up, hits the ball real good with the club and it goes a real long way. And then a real pipsqueak gets up there and everyone's like, oh, they don't got it. And they kind of

lightly tapped the ball and the ball starts rolling and everyone's laughing because of how lightly they tapped it. But then through a series of like it bouncing off stuff and little hills. Just an organic Rube Goldberg machine. Right. A bird picks it up thinking it's an egg and realizes it's not an egg. They get a hole in one. And I like, I like when that happens. That's basically the legend of Bagger Vance. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. It happens in Bagger Vance. Happens in greatest game ever played. Happy Gilmore. Happens in all the best one. Caddyshack. The Shia La Booth one. That's the greatest game ever played. Thank you very much. Sorry. I own that on DVD. What about the thing they do where they use the stick? What is it? A club? A club.

Thank you. When they use it like a pool cue. I think it's like in 10 Cup or Happy Gilmore, one of those like, is that okay? Is that promoting? In 10 Cup, he drives. He does one drive with a baseball bat. Yeah. Certainly. That's not okay. That's okay too. They are no rules in golf. Oh, wow. There's probably a few. I think if you can get up to it, you should be able to throw your opponent's ball backwards. That is true. But then it's like a, it's a sneaking game. Did you know that if your opponent gets between you and the hole, you're allowed to drive your ball through their chest? You can do that. You can plow right through them. No, let's stop joking around. And no court. No court in the world can convict you. It's international waters. But no joke,

you should be able to pick the ball up and throw it, I feel like. Especially if you get in the sand. Right. Like you know how when you're watching like the master is going to get in the sand? And then they spend like 30 minutes in there just like hitting sand over and over again. And it's annoying to fucking watch that. I want to see somebody hit it on the green part. Thank you very much. If my ball gets stuck behind a tree, can I chop the tree down? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. But you have to use the tree as your club from that point on. Now, what if I hit the ball and it lands in someone's sandwich? Do I need to hit the sandwich? No, they'll eat around it. And then you have your ball. Good to go. What if they're a slow eater? What if it goes in strict swamp? And it's

like, I don't want to bother that dude. Like, oh, no, mean, you could just ask don't get to get it back for you. What if it lands on a big mean guy's foot? Like it did happen in happy yield more. Yeah. What if it lands on a dog turd? What if it lands on poopy? Like it happened in the movie and you splatter it and it gets on Bob Barker and I'm over here busting my fucking guts up. Do you guys think we get enough credit for our sports humor? Because I feel like I'm sitting here thinking about it. Like, I don't feel like we get enough credit for how good we are with terms of phrase and different puns just from our wealth of sports knowledge. Especially considering Griffin sent us this question about three weeks ago and we've been researching or researching.

Yeah, researching. It worked in the room. I don't know, man. Here's another question I have from our listeners. How can I go big and go home this I don't know that this will work for the program. I don't know. I am now of an age. I am 36 years old. I have two children. I still want a party, but I do want to be done by like 83845. So this question from Boss is because I don't have a clean read on it. How can I go big and go home this year? So both go big and go home. I mean, I guess we should just say leave early and then sit in silence for seven minutes. But that's not big. That's just going home. Where's the big part? I want to make a big slash and then leave. Make 2020 the year

we stop using doors. Ooh. Okay. Tell me more about this. When God opens a window, Boss scuttles through it in and out like the cool friend on Clarissa. Sam. Only. No, Sam, thank you. Only windows, no doors. That is so big. And then if you do that, if I'm like at a party and I see somebody open a window and climb through it and then just fucking bolt, like run away as fast as you possibly can. Let me think about the other things I'm going to be talking about at that party for the rest of the night. Oh, that's right. It's nothing. Yes. It's nothing. You're the hit of the party. And if you can make it out the door to go home or make it out the window to go home, no one will see you leave. They'll assume you were there.

They're like, but I was by the door all night and never saw Boss leave. You could be in conversation for three minutes at a party. And then if you at some point, like turn, run, and just fucking tiger leap out an open window to the safe ground below, it has to be ground level or you're not, this isn't jackass folk. You could set up a crash pad. Yeah. Another good way of doing this is if it's a place that just has one restroom, you do the Ace Ventura thing, but before you use it, where you say, like, do not go in there when I'm done with it. And then you go in and shut the door, and you do lock it, and then you do climb out the window and go home. And then people will be like, yeah, that's Boss. They just like went to the bathroom with this party one time. They were in there for

three and a half hours. We never saw them again. Here's a different one you can do. I just want to take that and kind of tickle it, smell it a little bit. Make it smile. Make it smile. Here's the thing. You walk into a room and say, whoa, do not go in there, like Ace Ventura. But the room you have just walked out of is nowhere near the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that is one that you could do that people would not see coming. Can I take that? Can I take that and just tweak it? Just a little bit? Turn up the knob just a little bit. Yeah, yeah, crank it. Do that same thing, but hit the NOS, baby. Do that and progressively move from room to room until you've hurted everyone out onto the porch. Yeah, this is your house now. And maybe put like a big tent up over the house

and say you're fumigating. This is a sign it's a condom. In the 90s, there was a period where every condom home had a police officer stationed outside, just repeatedly saying, do not go in there. Woo. It got a little mechanical eventually, but hey, that's all the time we have for our podcast. We hope you enjoyed yourself, and we certainly appreciate you listening to it. If you are in the Cincinnati area, you should come and see us. There's still a few tickets left available. I think if you go to bit.ly forward slash 20 funny, you can get tickets to see us February 19th at the Taft Theater with Sawbones or February 20th. We're doing the Adventure Zone at the same venue. That link again

is bit.ly forward slash 20 funny. Also, so as we mentioned earlier, our 500th episode is coming up and we want to hear from people whose questions we have answered to get updates on how that all turned out. So if you had a question answered on the show, not just send in the question, but actually we answered it on the show, email us at mbmbamatmaximumfund.org and put in the subject line 500-app update and let us know how it turned out. If you followed our advice or if you didn't, anything like that. Let us know. Thank you to John Rodrick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. You can just go get that wherever music is sold. Thank you to maximumfund.org for having us on the

network. Go to maximumfund.org, check out all the great shows. While you're there, get ready, get pumped, get psyched for the Max Fun Drive. It's coming up soon. We just recorded our bonus episode. It's a wild one and you're going to love it. It's a hell of a thing. We'll tell you more about that as we get closer. But until then, hey, how about a final yahoo? Do it. I love that griffin. Okay, this final yahoo was sent in by Adrienne Cowles. Thanks, Adrienne. So yahoo answers user anonymous, so I'll call this one sham asks. What do you make of Gordon Ramsay? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my rather than my rather than me. Kiss your dad. Go wear on the lips.

Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. Hey, I'm Jared Hill, co-host of the brand new Maximumfun podcast, Fan Tide. And I'm Travelle Anderson. I'm the other more fabulous co-host and the reason you really should be doing it is I feel the nausea rising. To be Fan Tide is to be a big fan of something but also have some challenging or anti-feelings toward it. Kind of like Kanye. We're all fans of Kanye. He's a musical genius, but like, you know, he thinks slavery is a choice. Or like the real Housewives of Atlanta. Like, I love the drama, but do I want to see black women fighting each other on screen? We're tackling all of those complex and complicated conversations about the people,

places and things that we love. Even though they may not love us back. Fan Tide. Maximumfun. Podcast.