My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 530: Boat Beauties

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

This one’s all boats and teeth, y’all. A lot of boat talk, a lot of cruising the high seas on our Yatch in search of adventure. A lot of teeth chat, specifically about our audience’s artistic dental desires. Boats and teeth, teeth and boats. All the way down.Suggested talking points: Cincinnati Prize Mummy, Grungy Dooblord, A Free Boat, Plastic Bag Art, They Will Use the TeethWays to support Black Lives Matter and find anti-racism resources: https://linktr.ee/blacklivesmatterRegister to vote: https://vote.gov/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I am your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, and 30 minute aluminum airman said that a while ago from McElroy, but it's still true. Guys, I'm so excited. Folks at home, you're gonna be so excited.

We got a special guest with us this week. You'll never believe it. It's the my brother, my brother, and me, full-time prize mommy. What? Oh, the prize mommy's back, juice. Remember the prize mommy? The full-time prize mommy. Yeah. The prize mommy, we did him back in what, 2012? Yeah. I do not, I have no memory of the things you're saying. We did prize mommy in 2012, 2013. I think that was the last one. We changed up the rules each time, like one, you had to rip a bandage off, and however much you got off, you got that much back in store, credit, and big sporting goods. I mean, it sounds funny. I'm wild about it over here. It was, yeah, it was fun. It was fun. It's only gonna be funnier. He used to be the Halloween prize

mommy, and then we did some focus testing, and that wasn't playing super well with our Christian base, so he became the full-time prize mommy. That might be why you don't remember him right away, but he's back. He's here sitting next to me, very close. That focus group also said they preferred the mommy to be dead, like a historical, in a museum, dead mommy, and didn't get up and move around, but at that point, what's the game? If you're not chasing the mommy down trying to rip off its precious expensive bandages, then you can trade in for store credit at Dick's Sporting Goods. What's the fucking point? It's been a little while. The mommy has asked if he could share some of his political opinions. He can't speak to air those opinions out, right?

Right. If he does try scarabs fly out of his mouth, which is rather unpleasant, I'd rather he didn't do that. I guess just interpret him for us, Trav, and maybe clean him up a little bit. I'm gonna try to. Okay, so he's holding up a sign here. Okay, well, that's interesting. On this one, he's just, he's written that women should get the vote. Oh, mommy, oh my god, prize mommy. Yeah, no, we did that. He's underlining an exclamation point, exclamation, okay. Yeah. Oh, he's crossing it out. Oh, wait. What's that mean, then? He's now just nodding slowly. Oh, no. Oh, prize, mommy. I don't feel like any prizes have even been exchanged at this point. No, he's kind of holding them hostage at this point. He's got them all tucked behind him, and he's holding a finger out at me

and waggling it and pointing at his dry erase board. Trav, can you sneak a peek? Yeah, let me see. The prizes, what do we got? Oh, it's a, huh, it's a lot of cans without labels. Can you ask him where he got those from? Yeah, let me, oh my, prize, prize, prize, mommy. I've already seen that it's cans. Where did you get the cans? Okay, you're shrugging. You can't shrug. You got the cans from somewhere. He's doing like a, I'll never tell. I'm a little stinker kind of thing. Prize, mommy, where did you get the cans? I think, Trav, maybe the more important question is where did you get the prize, mommy? Yeah, where did you find the prize money? Because as I understand it, he's apparently been

idle for a few years. Yeah, well, no, this isn't, this isn't the original prize money. The original prize money is working in LA now. This, I got this, I got this prize money off of Cincinnati Craigslist. But he told me he is a certified prize money with the guild. Yeah, he told you that. And what did, what did that exchange look like when you, I'm guessing, rented a, you know, a budget truck to pick up, to come with sarcophagus? Of sorts. It was, um, mostly, can I be honest? Yeah. It, it was, uh, it was just an old foot locker, the way he was in. A store, like the store? No, you bought a foot locker at an old mall and then there was just a mummy inside. Now hold on. Well, no, okay. I can see the confusion.

I did not buy the foot locker shoe store, but I did buy an old chest, a foot locker at a mall. Okay. And he was inside of there reading a book. Okay. And the book was Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, which was weird. That is weird. And so I think mummy in the foot locker is a really good episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? Uh-huh. I think that would be good. And he could do, we could do a fun bit where like he is wearing Air Jordan's. Was he buried in the foot locker? So maybe he was buried in the box at the store? Is that right? Can you ask when he was mummified? Because it's starting to sound like the answer might be like 1979. Let me ask. When were you mummified? Last week? Last week.

Okay. Okay. That's not a mummy. That's not a mummy person. That's a dead body. That's a dead body. Okay. Well, get out of here. Um, you could. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's find out what these prizes are though before we go kicking this cadaver out. No, but one can at least. Can I open a can? He's, okay, he's carefully picking which can. How, how do you know what they are? There's no labels. Oh, okay. This one, I should open this one. Okay. Let me open this one. Okay. Oh, oh, okay. It's, huh, it's alphabet soup. Oh, okay. But it's, oh, all the words are dirty words. It's just spelling out dirty words over and over. He's giggling. How is that possible? Yeah. I don't know. But no, you do know you're there. Well, it's just every time I shake the can

a little bit, the letters that float to the top are saying like poopy butt kind of thing. So it's like a magic eight ball of, but it's soup? Soup? Yeah. Oh, he's casting a spell. Um, okay. Okay. Okay. Uh-huh. Oh, no, sorry. It's just a card trick. Sorry. I, I miss when you're so what he was doing. Oh, it's pretty good. Yeah, this is my card. Wait. Oh, man, Trav, you really had us going with this prize mommy thing, but I feel like the last couple seconds have really been it. Yeah, I think we understand now what this is. Well, he left. If I'm being honest, he left as soon as I started asking questions about the cans. He got, he got pretty squarely and he left. So I was covering for that because I didn't want you guys to know that he's loose.

And I'm sorry about that world. I set him free from the Foot Locker in the Foot Locker. And now the prize mommy could be coming to your town today. So he could be anywhere at this point. Yeah. Do you think Brendan knows whenever this happens? Well, he gets a call from the government, doesn't he? Okay. Yeah, sure. Should we have asked him to do this bit with us? Brendan Frazier? It feels intentional now, doesn't it? It does a little bit. To not to keep him out. Fuck, I would love to get Brendan Frazier on this show. Fuck, I would love to do that. God, I'd love it. Wow. That would be cool. He doesn't have to talk you up the moment. No. Unless he wants to. If he wants to, of course.

He doesn't have to talk. He doesn't have to talk about the mummy. He just has to vanquish the Cincinnati mummy that Travis has now just let loose upon the world. Yeah. And I said I was sorry. If anybody knows, Brendan, that never works. But if you do know, Brendan, personally, I'd love to get him on the show just to talk. I feel like there's so much we could talk about. I'll talk to him about Blast for the Past. I'll talk to him about his Ark on Scrubs, which is really good. Oh, it's great on Scrubs. George of the Jungle? Tots and Monsters? Are you kidding me? Come on. What a talent. A red bread and doom squad. Anyway, this is my brother and my brother. You know, Encino Man set up a big sequel.

The big sequel on Encino Man that they never paid off. And I'm still a little chuffed, admit you googled Bedazzled. There's no way you remember. Actually, no one remembers the existence of Bedazzled. You tell me you googled it. That was Bedazzled with Elizabeth Hurley was also in the film. That doesn't remake of the Dudley Moore one. Maybe me and Travis are just big Bedazzle heads. Yeah. Yeah. This is an advice show. And we're going to, we're going to be helping everybody, no matter whether they want it or not. We have an excited promotion in the second half of the show. We will talk about what to do with the teeth. Yeah. But just passing mention here. Don't anybody else email us what you do with teeth? Now it's bad. Maybe you should

explain for people who missed that episode, what you just said is probably the wildest shit they've ever heard. They should listen to that episode. Then I guess I'm not going to, I'm not going to backtrack for people. We had a, we had, we had someone had some teeth that they wanted to unload and we offered to kind of like craigslist it for them on our show. So we had a bunch of people. Well, you'll see. Let's talk about later. Right now, I want to, I want to talk about you, the list. Me? No, not never you. Here comes the questions. I need to take a drug test for a boat captain's license I'm getting. Sure. These can be expensive when your company isn't making you do it on their dime. However, I'm also currently job hunting. So the interviews,

I want to ask if there is a drug test, but because I want to take it since they will pay for it. Wait. Okay. Hold on. Wait. Okay. Okay. This person needs a drug test. So they're trying to get a job so they can get a complimentary drug test. Yes. As a part. As I understand it. Yes. Yes. How do I ask if there's a drug test in the case I actually want to take the drug test? Wow. Charles youngest of three brothers. That is actually, Jesus. You're going to have to, you have to float this as reverse, reverse psychology where it's like, if you say like, oh, and is there a drug test because I really want to take one, they're going to think you're asking that because you don't want to take one. How do you then flip it back

judo style to the other side? I tell you, there's another trick to it too, where you say, is there a drug test? I really want to take it, right? Or there's there, let's start here. Is there a drug test? Now they're thinking it's because they're worried about drugs and, you know, they take drugs and that's why they're asking. But the other option is, then you say, because I really want to take it and I'm not afraid of it at all. And then they say, Oh, okay. Well, then like, why even bother doing the drug test? If they're asking to take it, they're probably good. So let's not worry about it. Are you suggesting you roll up and you're like, what's up? My name is grungy doob Lord. And I, I really, oh boy, I got a question to ask you, but I don't know if I should.

Y'all don't do, y'all don't do drug tests, do you? There's, okay, risk of this, risk of this, is that they're so enchanted by grungy doob Lord, that they actually are like, we normally do, but I don't leave people like you on staff. You have, you have, if I may, an intoxicating presence. I am, if you'll, if you'll forgive addicted to grungy doob Lord, and I do want to have you on staff. So we're going to waive the drug test or I'll give you some of my piss. Are you sure? Cause I'm happy to take the drug test. I want to party with you grungy doob Lord and whatever that it takes.

But I like getting high on the rules, so as well as drugs. So if, I mean, maybe if there's a drug test, that's cool. I was going to suggest that you just like be honest, because that would be like a very memorable thing in an interview. If you're like, do you guys do drug tests? Cause I'd actually love to take one because I need it for my boat captain's license. That'd be extremely memorable. But if I'm a hiring manager, Mike, that is going to raise a huge red flag with me. Like what, once you get permission to get out in those beautiful waves,

then I'm going to lose you to Lady C. You ain't coming back. You're a Poseidon's girlfriend now. You're not returning. Like you, I am but a port that you have stopped in on your way to bigger and better things by which I mean the ocean, which is both bigger and better than any job I could offer you. Unless the job is for an airline pilot, at which point that is better. That is one step above. It goes. Yeah, but there's no way they're going to fucking trust you then. That's true. There's no way the air pilots would trust a boat pilot or a potential I want to be boat pilot. You can't have dominion over the sky and the sea, but I think you are.

I'm saying, okay, the structure, as we all know, at the top is astronaut, then airline pilot, then boat captain, then river boat captain, then a subway driver. Not long haul trucker. Long haul trucker, I think beats subway driver. Okay. Yeah. Long haul trucker, then subway driver, then subway sandwich artist, and then just say a kind of digger. Anybody just digs it in the ground with a big drill. Right? I think there's a problem with them above the subway sandwich artists. Oh, really? You also skip like train engineer, like above. No, that's counted. That's counted in riverboat driver because the railways are the rivers of the

earth. That's cool. Yeah. Metal rivers crisscross this beautiful land that we call America. Exactly. And just America were the only ones with trains. Well, still. I mean, this way. God, we should do trains at some point, right? America's to going all around hithering yon so freaking fast. Man, America's really buying into trains, huh? Should we buy into trains? Nah. Nah, it's a suckers bet. Nah, we're still using those boats that horses pulled along by the side of the river

because we don't know how sales work, I guess. Hey, do you want to... This question is so regressive and weird. The question's not regressive and weird, but why do boat captains have to take a drug test? Is it so important that... Captain, you think Captain Ron said a bad precedent? He ruined it. Yep. Okay. I'm just saying. Makes sense. That's such a good answer. I get why you maybe don't want your sky pilot to be under the influence,

but a boat, Captain. I feel like it's pretty hard to crash a boat, right? Well, I mean, okay, here's the thing. I will say, I would like... Oh, that's the contrary. I mean, people are crashing boats. But here's... To that point, Justin, I would like my boat, Captain, to be sober at the beginning and ending of the journey. In the middle there, a lot of open water. You're throwing a dart and just letting it fly, and while it's flying, just like, hey, we're cruising. Now, I'm cruising for a booze.

Yup. Catch you later. I'm thinking of, I guess, cruise ships and yachts and shit like that. If you're in a little speedboat, yeah, you should definitely, definitely tighten up. I got a yahoo here, and this one was sent in by Graham Robock. Whoa, beautiful, beautiful dovetailing here. Thanks, Graham. It's yahoo answers user Katie Jay who asks, What's the easiest way to get a free boat? I want a boat, but I don't have any money. How can I get one for free?

Huh. I mean, if you wait until a very intoxicated person falls out of their boat, but the boat's still moving, if you can catch it, round it up. Free boat. I get, okay, first things first, we need to define some terms, right? Because boat, okay, are we not a toy? I'm not, of course, not a toy, Griffin, but I'm saying, are we talking about perhaps a, like, simple, you know, like floats on the water, holds maybe like one person,

like, you know, a, you know, yes. Okay. Then I have learned from watching many movies that people often just leave those things like on, on the seashore, perhaps turned upside down with a crab living underneath it. You might just find one like on a, on a, like on a creek, you know, washed up, in a river, river delta somewhere. Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. So I think it's just that's persistence. Now, if you're talking about a quality boat, you're talking about a boat that others will envy.

Now you're speaking my language. I was watching this series, I can't remember if it was on TikTok, it was probably on TikTok, where somebody was doing some trading and they started with like a bobby pin and then they just went from person to person, seeing if they could trade up until they traded for a house. So why not do that? Start trading for a boat. That's just, I don't want me to think about it, but that's not free. Well, you get the bobby pin for free. If you told me right now, you would give me $100. If I could give you a bobby pin,

I don't think I could find, like, I'm not sure I could find one. Well, what's, what's the equivalent you could find? Justin doesn't have to be a bobby pin. It could be a safety pin. It could be a button. I got a boat. You have a boat? A boat for boat.

I'll trade you this bobby pin for that boat. Boat for boat. Boat for boat. I'm a B for B. I'm on crisis looking B for B. You got to start with a small boat and you start trading up until you get to your own cruise ship. Hey, no fucking games. I'm trying to do a B for B trade here in Austin, Texas. Hit me up.

No fucking drama here. Tell us about your boat to see if anybody else is interested. They bought their boat. Now they're having second thoughts and they're like, maybe this wasn't the boat for me. But maybe Griffin, your boat is the boat for them. So tell them about your boat. Gray, gray, white, white, gray stripes blue.

It looks like one of those, um, uh, salt like cups with like the cool sort of gray, seafoam blue pattern spraying across the back of it. Like a Dixie cup? Like a Dixie cup and on the back, it says, uh, boat. It says hard boat. Hard boat? How big is it, Griffin?

How big is your boat? Six feet. Wow. Nice. Is that? Real nice. How wide is it? Six feet tall.

Fifty feet long. Wait. And how wide? Griffin, this is so important. How wide? Six feet. It's a summary. So it's six feet, it's six feet tall and six feet wide

and 50 feet long. Yeah. If you're in a hard boat, you know what's up. Carry or go out to the ocean, rent a boat. Okay. Okay. Two, I have two plans. Rent a boat, keep going.

Free, free boat. It's great. That's a free boat. If there's a deposit, you, I fit, listen, let's get, let's fucking allow this one technicality. If there's like a $150 deposit, it's still a, it's still a free boat. Yeah.

If you compare it to boat, it's free. So that's what, that's the one option. If you don't want to get all nasty about it. Okay. What I would do is rent a boat, get a big tank of boat gas. Yep. And then drive around in the ocean looking for someone that has run out of gas.

And then. Sorry. Regular gas or boat gas? No, yes. Of course. Sorry. Thank you. Trunky boat.

Trunky, extra chunky boat gas. Yeah. Now we're not talking about sailboat oil, right, Justin? We're talking about specifically engine boat gas, right? Yeah. So okay. Engine boats. Yeah.

Boat gas. Okay. So you drive around, you find someone who has run out of boat gas. Okay. Yeah. And they're like, fuck, this sucks. I'm never getting home to my beautiful husband and my eight cents.

Okay. You say, don't worry about it, sir. I have boat gas for you. Okay. The only trade that we need to make is I need that boat. But you have a boat. Mine. But no, this is a rental.

You take this rental back. Okay. Okay. And I'll fill up your boat with boat gas, but it's mine. This is a B2B trade. Yeah, no games. The rental's still going to get back, and that person gets to live on. Now, I want to hit you with a second sub plan.

This one's extra spicy, so you even want to see the kids out of the room. But starve them out. Oh, no. Okay, wait. So they run out of gas. There's actually no that I think about it. They have, if you want to get Mad Max about it, they have nothing to offer you, you know?

So just wait until they have perished. Now, you're going to risk a Coast Guard rescue in this option. Yeah. And you, and let me tell you, friend, if the Coast Guard shows up and you're parked next door like a vulture, they are going to have a word with you. I'm just waiting for a free boat. Yeah.

I was going to take this and they died. I was just waiting. I wasn't actively hurting them, but I wasn't helping either. I wasn't helping. There's no rule that says I have to help, officer. International waters. You are 20 feet from the beach. They could have swam then.

What? This person deserves whatever they get. Guys, I'm thinking about it. There's so many fucking ways to get a free boat. It's wild that we all don't have boats at this point. I'm sitting here thinking about all the boat captains I could seduce and take their boats from. Why haven't I been doing that already just for the sport?

Yeah. I mean, my ways don't involve as much sort of murder or wrongful death as the two of you are sort of floating. Whoa. Whoa. Neither of mine involved murder. I said seduction, Griffin. Consensual seduction.

Seduction that you throw them over the edge of the boat. No, then I know. Oh, Griffin, I seduced them on land. And then once our lovemaking has exhausted them beyond their ability to mobilize. You sealed their boat. I sealed their boat. And then I sail it to the next port.

Seduced again. The perfect crime. And then I, and Griffin, can I tell you, I give that boat to my newly seduced captain and take their boat. You don't try and sail two boats at the same time? You fucking. No, I tried that in college.

Yeah. Didn't work. One foot on each one. It always sounds good, doesn't it? Yeah. Sounds good. It sounds good. You go to boat rental place to go back to that well.

You go back to boat rental place. You sail away in a beautiful, beautiful boat. If you do a deposit, it's fine. You eat that deposit. It's gone. And then you park it up the jetty and you come back without it and you say, ah, wouldn't you fucking know it? Big storm, the perfect storm.

White squall. Very localized. Very localized. Sunk to the bottom of Davy Jones' locker. Anyway, can I get another boat? And my deposit back. It wasn't my fault. White squall, perfect storm, please.

And you have insurance, right? That's also, that is an insurance loophole that if it's perfect storm. Yep. You are not liable for that. What are you going to do? What the fuck are you supposed to do? The storm is perfect.

If you can avoid it, it ain't perfect, you know? A lot of times you see a storm and you think it's about to knock your boat over and it looks almost perfect. You're like, fuck, I hope this gets a bit worse. Because if not, I'm going to be in kind of the, you're going to fall in between. Perfect, like imperfect storm.

A pretty good storm. Yeah, a pretty good storm. Oh man. You can also inherit your granddaddy's boat. That's just another option. Yeah, yeah, but you got to be good to your granddad, don't you? Yeah, that's not what it is. My boyfriend and I, I just also really

wanted to do real quick. There's a sidebar here with trending questions and one of them says, are yacht and boat owners right that support Trump or no? But also they misspelled yacht and they spelled it yatch. And that's the only way I'm referring to that type of boat from now on. And I would encourage our listeners to do the same.

Get me a big fucking bright turbo yatch. Turbo yatch with a big engine, chock full of fuel, me and my friends out on the water. Lots of boat gas. Lots of brews, lots of extra chunky boat gas with boat jelly floating around in there, just sailing around on our yatch. And maybe some boat beauties.

Oh, come on. Try some shrimp, shrimp cocktails. Yes, I said boat beauties. Oh, sorry. I forgot that Travis called shrimp cocktail boat beauties. Shrimp cocktail is, I'm glad somebody finally had the guts to say it. This is the wildest dish ever.

Like you imagine that went a lot as a kid. Shrimp cocktail, someone put it around a circle in a circle and then full of glass of the ice and said, I guess it's done. They put a little cocktail sauce somewhere adjacent. Yeah, cocktail. It's like somebody just delivered a handful of loose shrimp and they said, where did I put this?

And they said, well, you finished your drink, just put it in there. Put it in there. Travis renaming shrimp cocktail as boat beauties might be the true legacy of this show long after it is gone. Because I'm thinking about it, I've never seen a shrimp cocktail going around at some sort of event or even sitting on a table at an event

and not done to finger wiggling like, what are these? Don't mind. I might help myself too. Shrimp cocktail seems like something somebody did as a joke in the 40s. You know what I mean? Like, and here's a shrimp cocktail

because it's a bunch of shrimp in a cocktail glass. And everybody got a good laugh about it. And then there was one idiot there who's like, I guess that's how fancy people do it. Yeah. I'm going to do this forever. I'm going to do this at everything I go to forever. It's a British thing.

What? What is? Shrimp cocktail. They call it prawn cocktail over there. It's probably a fanticratic joint, which makes actual perfect sense. The Great British Meal. Okay.

This is a three-part meal that was a shrimp cocktail and then steak and chips and a black forest cake. Oh, decadent. That sounds so good right now. Decadent. So you start with the boat beauty and then you're going to get yourself into what they call the Land Lover.

And you're going to wash it down with a forest cake. With a black forest cake. You couldn't think of a fun name. You couldn't do it. You couldn't think of a good name for it. Well, it's already got. With a fudgy boy. Sorry, I got a biome in it already.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With a wooden boy. Don't think a wooden, a nice Pinocchio. My boyfriend and I went to Publix the other day. Bragg.

I decided, yeah, I decided to bring my tote to save on some plastic since I didn't have a lot of groceries to buy. After my boyfriend finished his groceries, I put my tote bag in the bagging area. The cashier noticed and said, oh, thank you for being so consider and bringing your own tote bag, which was nice.

But then before I could say anything, he says, I'm just kidding. I don't know how I would react. So I laughed it off, but it seemed kind of weird. Is it because some kind of inside joke to bring in personal bags? What the fuck? This is from.

The fuck happened to you? This is from Going Green in Georgia. In Georgia, yeah. In Austin, you're not allowed to, like, you have to pay money for the bags at grocery store if you want groceries there. But so you have to bring it, you are incentivized to bring your own bags

because of the environment. So it seems wild for it to be a goo for a gag. I'm just kidding. Can you imagine, can you imagine if I was really someone who cared about the environment? You don't know me, but it's extremely funny. If you do know me, you would be busing up. They call me Wasteful Wallace.

It's my whole deal. Does the tote bag say something kind of goofy on it? Fuck Publix is what it says. Fuck Publix. Kroger for life, fuck Publix. Giant Eagle eats Publix's dick. But in a bad way, it should be clear. Maybe it was a Mr. T ate my balls tote bag.

Fuck. Thanks for bringing that in. Yeah, can't sleep clowns will eat me. My honor roll student ate your honor roll student who was a dragon. Wait, cool, man. I love that one. That's badass.

My other tote bag is a Jetta. I remember that one. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because you are a crunchy and tastes good with ketchup. I saw that one and it sent me to hell for three days. I had to. I saw it in college and I still remember it to this day and I lay and I lay down on the ground

and I went into a tomb and my father woke me up after three days. He said, you're back, son. Yeah. Everyone follow this guy. Get out there and do some good. Just kidding. That's wild.

Just kidding. Where did that happen? I've never brought a cloth bag to the store before. Oh. Then you've never lived. I do keep all the plastic bags in the, you guys remember the pie safe? Oh, sure.

I still got the pie safe and I keep it full of plastic bags. Recently, the back of this came off and I fixed it because it's made of wood. I'm capable of doing so. You conquered that element. And then I was stuffing the bags back in and I found one from Kroger and it had a anniversary on it. It was celebrating this anniversary of Kroger

and the bag was from 2008. And I didn't know, is that still recycling or is that just me treating my home like a bag tomb? I don't know if I didn't know what to do with them at that point. Justin, I think if you really stop and think about it and maybe expand that question out a bit. That's what I'm trying to do. And you said like, I have some aluminum cans

and what I've done is filled my basement with all of them and then closed my basement door and just don't go down there anymore. Is that recycling? I think you know the answer to that question. Well, you could frame it like I made a shitty uninhabitable basement. That's what I have repurposed these cans into. And guess what? It's art.

You're pie-safe full of garbage bags, of grocery bags. That's going to be there until the end of time. That's art now is what that is. That is true. But you should really start using cloth bags at the grocery store. It's pretty choice. And you can recycle those plastic bags. I don't go to the grocery store.

Okay. I don't leave my house. There's a pandemic on, okay? And I think you need to start finding some things you could do with those plastic bags. Maybe make them into clothing for your children. I put them in the back of my jeans. I can fit about 30 back there.

And it's a nice juicy look. Oh, I see. But that's only 30. So I got the ones from, that basically gets me through like May or June of 2008. And then there's several, I mean, there's many, many, many more years to go. And I don't have that much pant room. Got by bigger pants, it sounds like.

Yeah. Is that an answer? That'd be cool. If you had huge pants, chalk a block full of plastic. I could hear you coming a mile away. Fucking, fucking Jeff Jololi would have a hard time with me. Who's that? It's got to attack me as he carried it.

Oh, I see. Oh, all right. You're padding your leg. You're protecting yourself. He would take a surgery, be like, not today, Jeff. Well, that's good because it'll save your ice skating career. I mean, you're kidding, but I'd like to keep my options open. Okay.

I thought it was just to maybe keep the farts in. If I saw you walking down the street, your pants were huge and full of plastic bags. I'd be like, uh-oh. And I assume you've taped them at the cuffs so that the bags don't fall out. Or I think you're part of the new Borat movie and that I'm being tricked somehow. How can I? Okay.

Thank God somebody said it. How do we keep doing a show in a world where there's a new Borat movie? I think you need to burn your soundboard, Justin. I think you need to ritualistically send it out on a boat on the river and shoot it with a firing arrow. Did you make this happen? Did I kind of bring Borat back? Interesting.

Mm-hmm. Interesting. Oh, quick. Do some awesome power shit real fast, back to back. I know. I wish. I don't know how many buttons for that. You have failed me for the last time.

Don't say that so quickly because right now we're about to head to the money zone. I might figure out a way to fail you there. It's time for stamps. Look at the clock. It's stamp per clock. What the fuck? My clock actually says stamps on it. Now look at your watch.

It's time for stamps. I just bought this watch. Now look at your oven timer. It's time for stamps. Oh, it sounds terrible. Whoa. Also, while you're down there, take those biscuits out of the oven. No, don't eat them.

They're too hot. Oh, dearie. With stamps.com, you can put. Can we all just shut up? I'm getting good at this. Justin, now you give him something to do. Okay. Griffin, look at the stamps.

In the drawer down below your feet. No, it's bats. It's made of eggs. Griffin, there's a bunch of horses that are bringing the mail. Oh, no. Someone shot the horse. Bang, bang. Hey, oh, Griffin, look at that.

It's Richard M. Nixon, and he's about to tell us more about stamps.com and his mouthful of peanut butter. No, I didn't do any tricks on him this time. I didn't do any crimes this time. I did them last time, but not anymore. Boy, it sure am sweet. He already got a big glass of water for me. With stamps.com, can I please read this fucking ad?

Yeah, I was about to do it for you because I thought you were incapable. I didn't think you had the fortitude. No, I'm not afraid anymore, Justin. With stamps.com, you can print postage on demand and avoid going to the post office. Stamps.com also offers UPS services, with discounts up to 60% and no residential surcharges.

Simply use your computer to print official U.S. Postage 247 for any letter, any package, any class of mail, anywhere you want to send. Once your mail is ready, just leave it for your mail carrier, schedule, pickup, or drop it in a mailbox. It's that simple. And with stamps.com, you get great discounts too.

5 cents off every stamp and up to 62% off USPS and UPS shipping rates. Right now, our listeners get a special offer that includes four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top and of the homepage and type in my brother. That's stamps.com and use the code my brother. All one word.

Hey, do you guys remember when old Tricky Dick Nixon got kind of sweaty during a debate? And then it was in every American history textbook I ever read in high school? That's a pretty fucking wild standard. That's a pretty fucking wild bar, yes? Anyway. Yeah.

Squarespace is, if you want to hear more of my sort of cutting political humor, you can go to the website I created on Squarespace. It's called the Washington Post. Whoa. And yeah. So they are, the Squarespace is sponsoring us this week and they help you make a website that looks beautiful

and you can showcase your work or sell products or services of all kinds, promote your physical or your online business and so, so much more and you're going to do that so easy, fun, stylish with beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers. Everything's optimized for mobile right out of the box and they have analytics that help you grow in real time

and there's nothing to patch ever, ever in your life. So go to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code MyBrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, Griffin just launched into the air. Bwaah, bwaah, our molecule. Oh, oh, Nixon's dead.

Again. Actually, I think he passed away. Oh, wow. I mean, yeah, no, he definitely is dead. Still missing, though. I'm going to make a website about how much I've missed Richard Nixon, but I don't know how to make a website.

Does that make me a coward? And I'll think so. It just makes me somebody who needs a little help and that help is going to come from Squarespace. Hey, Justin, are you doing the Squarespace ad again? Listen. We just did. We just did it.

Hey, J-Man, are you cool? What about Sam's.com? Yeah, we did. All right, I'll do Sam's.com. No, we did Sam's too. Partner. Macho man to the top rope. The flying elbow, the cover.

We've got a new champion. We're here with Macho Man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion. What are you going to do now, match? I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Tights and Fights podcast. Oh, yeah. Tell us more about this podcast.

It's the podcast of power. Too sweet to be sour. Funky like a monkey. Woke discussions, man. And jokes about wrestlers fashion choices. Myself excluded. Yeah. I can't wait to listen.

Neither can I. You can find it Saturdays on Maximum Fun. Oh, yeah. Dig it. 688 people wanted to use the teeth. Wow. We have in Gmail, if you look at the tag that we created called They Will Use the Teeth,

it says one out of a hundred of many. It won't even tell me exactly how many emails fit this thing that they could use the teeth. Have we gotten any since we started recording? Just so I know like how fast. The most recent was at 11.50 this morning. It is 3.25 as we are recording. It's been four hours.

OK. I mean, you're just going to give us the highlight. We can't read possibly 600 entries into this stage. OK, tough guy. But think about what you're saying. If you want me to give you the highlights, that would require me reading 688 entries. And we can't do that.

We've all agreed that that's impossible, right? How many of you read, Justin? Yeah. So here's one. I'm just going to start. I'm going to do kind of like lightning round. OK. So if you want to at any point veto,

I'll just go the next person. OK. At any point, I'm giving you guys the ability to like bail on it. Sounds good. From Laura. When I heard about the teeth, I came up with a fun and creepy design for a tooth fairy costume. I would cast the teeth so I'd be able to make duplicates if needed.

For the real teeth, I would make a halo crown style headband and attach them at the end of spikes. I'm out. That's that's pretty fucked up. I mean, it's very fucked up. But I have a feeling all of these will be. So I will use the teeth for a wooden back scratcher. Where the teeth.

No, next, next, next. Nope. I will use the teeth. I love this one. I will use the teeth. I read this one. I have started making my own container candles, usually in recycled jars and through a strawberry coffee

mugs when making candles as gifts. I added costume jewelry during the process. So my friends and family can have a fun surprise when all the wax is melted away. Yes. I would use the teeth to add to a candle, or maybe I would add each tooth to a different candle. It may not be a fun surprise when all the wax melts away,

but it would definitely be some kind of surprise. Fun for me, fun for me to know now that somebody's going to be melting a candle, trying to relax, or maybe create a sexual environment. And then, hey, why is that? Hey, Deborah, why is there a fucking tooth just like out on? Who did that come from? I'm going to say no to this because I think the wax

would compromise the teeth. I think that's really interesting. Tyler works at a company that does like larping and stuff, in summer camps. And Tyler makes the swords out of like paper mache swords. And he said, I would load nothing more than paper mache these chompers, perhaps into a snake's head or a skull on the head of a pommel or a sword.

OK. Hey, Tyler, my dude, this is great. If I saw a snake's head with some human molars crafted in them, I think that might be the goofiest shit in the world. He calls a part here. Tyler says, once complete, I will send this sword to you, Justin McRoy.

You fucked up, Tyler. We made it very clear we don't want the teeth. I never want to encounter the teeth. But everyone should picture snakes with molars instead of things. I am reading one here from Zoe who says, I'm an art student and would love to use the teeth in a piece. I promise I'll make it nice. I listen to you all so much while I paint,

and I would love to add even more of your essence to my practice. There's no specifics here, which is my first big red flag. The other one is that, and we should have maybe made this clear the first time, and I thought it was, we're not giving our own teeth away. I'm still wicked using mine a lot. I'm wild about them.

Love these babies. And I will also say, and this is a little bit of a job interview training, a word to avoid when you're trying to get something from someone you like is essence. It's the sound, I will use your essence, makes me think of like in hocus pocus when the witches are stealing the children's youth. Maddie said, I would like to put the wisdom teeth

in a dice mold and make T&D dice out of them for wisdom saving roles. Oh, that's good. That's very good. It's good, but not everybody's going to enjoy that. Well, not everyone likes art. No, but I mean, but you could go see the art if you want to. You know what I mean?

It'll be on display. It belongs in a museum, I guess is what I'm saying. The teeth belong in a museum. Jillian wants to make tooth earrings. That's OK. See, I'm also kind of avoiding people. We heard from a lot of people who collect teeth and have a lot of teeth.

You have enough teeth already. You have enough teeth already. Don't be greedy. I'm seeing a lot of people saying I have a birdhouse that I have that I've been looking despite. Here's somebody who says they have a lamp that they've been looking to spice up for a while. I feel like a lot of people are just looking at shit

and saying, you know, make this spicy is teeth. I want something a little bit more purposeful than that. Let them with thought through. My plan for the teeth would most likely involve teeth emerging from the eye socket of a crawling humanoid. Next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think we can do this.

Well, hold on. What's the standard? Are we holding this art to that? Does it have to be objectively not creepy tooth art? Because we may not find that. What? Okay. I have one here from Felix. I am a self-employed jeweler and craftsman

who specializes in weird and interesting material. I've previously made a wooden ring with a wallaby tooth inset that I found on a bushwalk. And I have a good range of brooches, pendants, knife handles, and rings made of bone. While I have, as above mentioned, practiced some post-mortem wallaby dentistry, I would absolutely love to be able to make some jewelry

with real human teeth. Who can say what I would make? Okay, Felix, who can say what I would make? You can. Yeah, you can right there. That was your moment to do that. Oh, now, Felix does suggest perhaps a matching pair of wedding rings.

You can suggest anything. There's one here from Greta who says that they made three of their own wisdom teeth into rings, but the fourth one cracked in half, so they couldn't do it. So it would be, can we just send one Greta's way so they can complete the set? Oh, that is a good question. Are we, is this an all or nothing?

I think it's got to be an all or nothing. I'm, yeah, I'm not arranging. I'm not paying for shipping to several different people. Marla said, I hope I'm not too late in responding. I would like to use the teeth in a Christmas diorama. And there's an attached concept photo here. Send that drop out for me in our Slack please so I can look at that please now.

All right, let me just pass this along to you guys. I would love to see this. Gonna pass this along and I'll let, I mean, either one of you guys can describe what you're seeing here. I'll just pass this along real quick. Oh! Huh, well, I like that it's non-secular or secular.

It's secular. Non-religious. Non-religious, thank you. That's the way I'd put it. Well, one of the teeth is an angel though. Does that count? We're trending towards, towards religion with that one. Yeah, I mean, it's just a winter wonderland scene

with a reindeer and Santa Claus. And it does look like most of these things were maybe store bought and placed inside of a panorama. Or a diorama. And then they have little clay teeth on everything. I don't know. I was, I was imagining that. I was thinking about what I had with this with,

I love it Marla, I love your work. The teeth in the model are much bigger than the teeth would be. Yeah. And that makes me feel like you don't actually appreciate kind of your materials that you're working with. That's a good point, Justin. You know, like that worry, that worries me. I don't want you to get the teeth and be like,

these are so fucking small. I can't do anything with them. Now, here's an interesting one. This, I will use the teeth. I am a knitwear designer who spends my own yarn. Where could this be going? You're wondering. I would make the teeth into some stitch markers

for my knitting work by wire wrapping them and attaching them to some bulb safety pens so I can use them to mark where I'm knitting. How do we feel about someone using them to create art? But not using them in the art itself. It seems like a cheat. Hey, fam, you sure have sent in some pretty accursed JPEGs our way.

And I do thank you for that. I am just sort of scrublin' here through the old tag and there's a lot of upsetting imagery. A lot of upsetting imagery. What did we, again, though, what did we expect? I would use them to make brass knuckles. Okay. All right, punch and bite with one swing.

Hold on. Frankly, I would never have to use them because people would back the fuck up just seeing them. Whoa, okay. Whoa, this is okay. Hold on. We're talking at this point about sort of like nuclear deterrents of just like this thing looks incredibly violent,

the punch biter. I could also add rhinestones to the sides of the brass knuckles, but that's optional. The real stars here are the teeth. Don't do it. I'm saying if you pull out brass knuckles with teeth on them, the fight will be stopped because nobody will want to mess with you. So this may be an incredible peacekeeping tool.

That's up there for me. Okay, okay. I would like to use the teeth for a mouth mug. I am planning on sculpting a mug to look like a realistic mouth and the teeth would be a great addition to make it look realistic. Now, I am assuming that what we were picturing here is the top of the mug is a mouth, not that the mouth is inset on the side,

but rather you would be drinking out of the mouth. Okay, hold on. You're talking about a mouth cup. How many wisdom... It's all wisdom teeth that I'm now trying to imagine a mouth made up entirely of wisdom teeth. And it's only four. Bookmark that one.

Bookmark that one. That one sounds good. I really like tooth mug. Molly, this is the entirety of Molly's email. Okay, so you're familiar with Giorgio O'Keeffe, right? I mean, if they had ended that email with, let me hit you with this Giorgio O'Teeffe. Then we could have been somewhere.

Allison says, I will dissolve the teeth in a jar of Coca-Cola on a time-lapse video as a commentary on the bourgeoisie. Okay, that's both. I like how the teeth don't exist anymore afterwards. Some of these emails like, whoa, this one's really a lot. Hold on a second.

Hold on. Guys, look at this one. I think this is what I want to use the teeth for. Whoa. There's so much great art in the world, and it makes you kind of weep. I feel like, you know, American beauty when Wes Craven sees the plastic bag flit there.

Uh-huh. I feel like that right now. Yeah. That bag's pretty cool though, huh? It fell out of his mother's Pisces. Oh boy. Whoa, hey. Huh.

Oh, yeah. These are, the problem, Justin, is that this is impossible to describe on our podcast. But oh yeah, I'm with you. This is art. This is, that's art right there. If I saw that in a building, I would say, where did you get this art from?

It's two sort of pseudo busts made out of what looks like reclaimed materials like rocks and wire mesh with like, I don't know, man, fishing tackle and wire. Here's what I love. These sculptures that we're looking at are definitely in a museum. Yeah, yeah, and there definitely are.

Now, can we be sure that this is not a person who just took a picture of some shit in a museum? Because I do not want you to just run up to some shit in a museum and slap illegal teeth on them. Yes, because I'm looking at Taylor Baldwin's website, and there's a lot of art on here. I love that. Somebody who makes so much art.

It's good too. I love this art, and I'm crazy about it. If you all go to TaylorBaldwinStudio.com, you can see more of Taylor's work. I think this is somebody who's talented, deserves our patronage, and would use the teeth. They will use the teeth. They will use the teeth.

I'm looking at this right now. They use everything. Yeah, they will use the teeth. I'm here for it. Okay, now I don't know if we have heard back from the person who has the teeth. That is one thing. Oh, so the question is, will we use the teeth?

Will we get the teeth? Will we pass along the teeth? Okay, but now we're in danger of other people saying like, oh, well, I feel bad for them. I'll send them some teeth. Nope, we said one time deal. We are black market traders of chompers. One time.

So maybe Taylor should set up a PO box where people can just send some teeth if they run into them. Oh, I don't know. I think that that will have to be up to Taylor. No prash, Taylor. No prash, Taylor. However many teeth he got in there, just... Here's what we do, Justin.

We get a PO box. We prepay it for a year. And then people could send as many teeth to it as they want. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then we stop paying for it. Nopey, nopey, nopey, nopey, nopey, nopey, nopey, nopey, nopey. I actually like the second half of that pretty good. We're going to make this happen.

The ideal outcome to me is that this work ends up in a museum and then there's a little plaque there that's like Spooky Boys and then it'll all say like Clay, Reclaimed Stone, Four Real Teeth from Podcast Jokes. Yeah. That would be pretty badass to me. Yeah. I think that would really save 2020.

We'd have to really ask Taylor to make the art so good though that it ends up in Louvre or other big art museums. Met. Met's one, I think. Oh, the Met. Or the Natural History Museum that's right by you know, the Central Park. That's one.

Sure. And teeth are natural history if you think about it. Stratford Cache in St. Paul has gotten back to us. I do have the Venmo. I'm sending the cache now. Okay. So you're buying. So Taylor, I need to hear from you to get a mailing address

so we can facilitate this. Nice. Did I buy them for $100? Is that what I did? Geez. Yeah? Sounds right. Sounds like me.

Sounds like something I'd do. Oh boy. All right, I'm paying out right now. Stratford Cache. I'm going to make this particular transaction from the Lord. Don't need to make this public. Can I ask what emoji, what you put in the details field? Teeth.

Teeth. You just wrote the word teeth. You didn't even put a teeth emoji. For those teeth. Nice. Oh, and there's a little, they got a little, they got a little brushing emoji. That's so good.

Because if anybody does hack your shit and see that, they'll think you've just gone to some sort of like independent underground dentist for criminals. Yeah. For the teeth, which I hope you still have, address forthcoming. Lylas. Justin.

Okay. This money has been sent. The gears are turning, Taylor Baldwin. It all depends on you for you to use the teeth. And nobody else send us submissions. Nobody else, please. Please. We can't help you.

Hey, thank you all for listening. Thank you for the teeth. Thank you for the art. Thank you. Thank you for the music. Thank you for the love, the spirit. And thanks to John Rodrick and the Long Winters for these sort of theme songs and the departure

off the album, putting the days to bed. And also thanks to Maximo and Fun for having us on the network. You should go check out that website and go check out some of the hyperlinks they have on there. It's crazy stuff, man. You'll never believe it. It's wild.

This stuff, it's real top notch. We want to tell you, so New York Comic Con is this weekend. It's all virtual. There's a free adventure. Ooh, can you believe it? Swookey bits and bytes. There's an adventure sound graphic novel first looks panel Thursday the 8th.

It's free. There's also a free podcast Q&A panel Sunday the 11th. And we are doing a ticketed DND workshop Sunday the 11th. You can get all the info and ticket links at bit.ly slash macaroysnycc2020 and the M, the E and the NYCC are all capitalized. Also, we put up some new merch over in our merch store. We got the tiger on the table pin of the month

designed by Sam Schultz, which benefits the Marsha P. Johnson Institute, which defends or protects the human rights of black transgender and gender nonconforming people, as well as the Sylvia Rivera Law Project, which works to guarantee that all people are free to determine their gender identity and expression. We've also got some candle nights ornaments by Lynn Doyle

and candle nights wrapping paper by Justin Gray. We got a new jump scare pan up there that's super cute. And you can see all that at macaroymerch.com. Let's see what else. There may be nothing else. Oh, we wrote a book. Yeah, that's okay. We wrote a podcast book.

We wrote a podcast book, How to Podcast. It's called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You and it's available for pre-order now. You can pre-order the hard copy, the e-book, or the audiobook at macaroypodcastbook.com. It's all there. It's going to come out in January. What are you waiting for?

Go get it. It's going to teach you everything you need to know to make a podcast you're proud of. And it's funny. Let's go check it out, macaroypodcastbook.com. Y'all want the final? Oh, yeah. It's the final Yahoo!

Sent in by Michelle. Thank you, Michelle. It's by Yahoo! Answers user. They're anonymous, so I'm going to call them. Tom asks, Is Joseph Gordon Levitt my mailman? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

Anything is possible, baby. He's great, man. It's been my brother and me. Kiss your dad. School. You wear on the lips?