My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 539: Quantum Beef

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

When is beef considered beef and also not beef? To answer that, it’s important you possess a cursory understanding of the many-worlds theory and quantum entanglement — things that we, three super smart guys, totally know about. Now, let’s BURY THAT MEAT.Suggested talking points: Bumbles Bounce, Caricature Staredown, Hot Horsey Sauce, Root Beer Revolution, Mr. Wizard’s Meat Secrets, Grinchburgers, Schittpocalypse Ways to support Black Lives Matter and find anti-racism resources: https://linktr.ee/blacklivesmatter

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. It's like anytime he talks different from how he normally talks. You can feel it in the air. It's like I can feel my Jeep I'm driving,

so rolling backwards into bit country. But this is Griffin McElroy. Into the bit swamps. Yeah. What's, hey, Trav. What's the matter? You're just spinning, Griffin. We gotta get the hell out of here. What's the matter, Trav? I mean, it's not, it's not really a bit. I just, I, can I be- That always means it's a bit all day on Griffin. You gotta give a little more gas for him. Come on. Well, it's just, you know, it's a difficult time of year, and, you know, there's a lot of emotions at play, and can I talk to you guys about something kind of real honest, something real, something real? Griffin, I warn you, he is using the faux sincere tone. This is always a recipe for disaster.

We gotta get out of here, find those keys. I just, I forgot to put the damn snow tires on, but yeah. Damn, we're Trav. All right, Trav. Quick, just acknowledge what he said, Griffin. All right, Trav, tell us on our comedy podcast what's really making you very sad right now. Do you guys think, and I just, I really appreciate you guys letting me be vulnerable like this. Do you guys think that in the end, the Bumble and Yukon Cornelius end up together? Now that's something to talk about, isn't it? That's something worth, now that's something worth talking about. I don't know why that would make our brother so sad. Well, because I'm just worried that they don't, that they don't end up

together and that they just don't find love in a hopeless place. I'm in a hopeless place right now, pretty far from love and the light of the Lord, but I don't know that they end up together, Travus, because I'll be honest. I don't think those two are attracted to each other sexually or romantically. You don't get, you don't get a whiff of that when he says Bumble's bounce, that that's like a- On his, on his- Well, but I think that's more just like, they can get it, like Bumble's can get it, Bumble's can bounce, you know what I mean? Oh, I see. That's slang you've invented.

I know, I like that. So I can, if I was talking about, if I was talking about Travus, I could just say Travus bounce and you know what I, you know what that means. It would be inappropriate, let's say. Yeah, I didn't get it. Right. Well, because I think it's obvious that Rudolph ends up with Clarice and that Hermione ends up with this former boss, the dude with the weird pointy goatee. Not sure I like that, but keep going. Oh, the, oh, are you kidding me? Their chemistry is obvious. That's a no-brainer. And I feel like at the end, there's definitely a palpable attraction betwixt the Bumble and Yukon Cornelius. I'm just worried that societal norms might keep them apart. I think physical norms are really the, the big complicating factor.

Yeah. The size of, the size of the venture. I don't want to yuck Cornelius's yums, but I also don't want the Bumble to crush his bones by trying to bounce. Oh, the Bumble's the bottom. Okay. Now this is something we can sink our teeth into. Yeah. I think Yukon would top the hell out of him. Okay. Okay. Cause he's got like the climbing gear. Now that makes a lot of sense actually. Now that you put it that way. And also he would definitely be like the daddy in the scenario. I feel like just Yukon Cornelius has a lot of like, just a lot of power energy. Like he would be a power top. I don't know if that's a thing. Yeah. No. Um, I think we all thought that when we first saw this ancient, um, animated movie, uh, that we saw this prospector, this silly, uh,

gold obsessed sort of folk legend figure and saw him and said, I bet he could bounce a butt. Yeah. I bet he bounced a butt. Left, right and ever so rightly. You know what I mean? Now here's the question though, because I don't want this to skew just into the physical. Yes. Because I mean, they definitely fuck. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about if they end up together. Do they form a romantic relationship? I don't think so, man. Tiger can't change the stripes. Like he can love Bumble. Right. Yeah. And he does. And he does, but he, you know, what's going to be, I know Bumble is his third priority. And I know what the first two are. Now I'll give you a hint.

It's silver and gold. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to be the real problem to the relationship here. He's going to have to get out there during silver and gold season. Yeah. The time away, you know, the Bumble can't just sit in the cave and wait for Cornelius to come back if Cornelius comes back and doesn't fall into some sort of ice. Yep. Chasm. Because there's precedent for that. Can you imagine the Bumble being up all night on its little widow's perch waiting for their sea captain to return from the glaciers? No way, man. Now, could the Bumble go with you, Cornelius, on these adventures? Oh, they tried it, didn't they? Yeah. I mean, they tried it, but honestly, it's not the Bumble's passion. He doesn't love it the

way that you call Cornelius does. I will say, I'm willing to accept that they don't stay together if they really gave it a shot. I mean, if they really tried to make it work and like they communicated with one another and they put the time in and they just found that their priorities were different and they grew apart as people, I'm totally fine with that. Now, let me float this as long as we're having fun here in this safe place where we're just kind of getting out there and just sort of shooting out some silly string. That was an unfortunate way of saying that, but what if Cornelius ends up with Frosty, the snowman, and then it turns into less of a sort of sexual Randy Romp, like the one that Travis is floating, a sort of American pie for

Santa's Wonderland and instead becomes more of a coming of age like me, Earl, and the dying girl, but the dying girl is a snowman who like comes spring, but they're very much in love and so you get a walk to remember vibes and people love that. Oh, that's nice. Here's the twist to the graph and I think maybe they entered into their relationship and Yukon Cornelius is like, we only have these winter months, but then time passes and it's not getting any warmer and Frosty's like, well, we live, this is the North Pole. Oh, it's going fine. And suddenly Yukon Cornelius is like, oh, oh, shit. I got a dip. Yeah. I don't know that I like now that now that the timeline shifted, I don't know. I think maybe we were in this for like different things. Yeah. And I got a

bounce. I'm going to hit you guys with something that is you're gonna, the first thing you're going to do is laugh, but then you're gonna be like, huh. But do feel free to laugh and bust up. Okay. Okay. But don't skip to the, if Yukon Cornelius and the bumble found a way to conceive a child, it would be Wolverine. Walk me through that. Think about it. No, I died. Canadian? Obviously. Outdoors person. Yeah. Heiriness. Yeah. Cause and fangs. Metal bones. You know what I mean? Metal. Rough. Metal bones. Well, he's got the ice pick, doesn't he? Yeah, it's the silver and gold right there. Okay. Metal and the baby's bones. Uh-huh. Put metal in my baby's bones. Paid for the whole surgery. Put metal in the bones of my baby.

So he can be our hero for me. So that, wow. Oh my God. I just looked at the, we've been to do this for eight minutes. Are you kidding me? It doesn't seem right. It feels like two and a half, but eight, I guess. All right. It flew by. Griffin, did you say it flew by? It flew right by. I think I could talk. We haven't even gotten to the fact that Hermie rips all the teeth out of the bumble's mouth and the bumble's kind of cool with it, isn't he? Yeah. Well, he's kind of craves it. Yeah. Dental stuff. All right. We're getting, it's getting bleak. So what's next? Oh, this is an advice show, obviously. And so I thought we could do, on this one, a little advice for, for our listeners. Kickass advice. Are you sure? Cause I got some fan theories about Christmas Carol too,

if we want to get into those. Kickass idea. There has to be a portion of our audience, just the way the world works. It has not seen a rough thread as reindeer. And the past eight minutes must have been absolutely delirious. Yeah. Must have been quite a, quite a trip. I'm betting that those people probably enjoyed it more than the other ones though. How is that possible though? They're already, they're going to get sent to the hospital from Oling. The last time I was at an airport, there was a character artist doing free portraits. I was one and one. So I figured, why not? I got time to kill. That's actually a really good time. Oh yeah. That would be the moment, right? If they're on like a boardwalk at the beach,

no thanks. I'm having a great time with my family. But here alone in the Charlotte airport, as I wait for a flight, like, yeah, I'd love that actually. I'd love to take a moment to be considered. Yeah. I do want to say real quick, I do want to hear the rest of the question, but if I saw a caricature artist, I would be like, I don't know that I want to pay for that. And then they'd be like, it's free. And I'd be like, well, no, I definitely don't want it. There's something about it being free that seems weird to me. Like if it's good, then you should charge for it. What did he charge you for? How is your business model? You think it's a frame? He's like, if you want to have it, then you have to pay for it.

Wow. The only other explanation is that the airport has paid the caricature artist to be there. This would be fun for anybody. Yeah. As an amenity. Or the caricature artist draws you with like a grody butt and like your wiener is out. And you're like, what did you do that for? And they're like, if you want me to erase it, I got the eraser right here. But that's 50 bucks for this, for this no PPDLC. He draws you with photo realism in a compromising position with the mayor's wife. Yeah. You see, you don't give me $1,000 or this is going to fight its way into the inside edition studios. Inside edition studios is going to go for that, you think?

Yeah. They're pretty desperate at this point. They will take a charcoal drawing. They're willing to go outside the edition at this point. They're just looking for anything that will draw the people inside the edition. Okay. There's more to say about this wonderful scenario. About halfway through, he mentioned that I was the first person to stare at him while he worked. Uh-oh. And I immediately felt super awkward and suddenly didn't know where to look or how to act. If I ever see another caricature artist. It'll be too soon. What's the proper etiquette? Should I just avoid them all together? That's some cartoon buffoon. You can't avoid them. Well, I've actually done a pretty good job of it my entire life.

That is not true because I know for a fact that we've been to amusement parks together where they wait around every corner. You turn a corner thinking, oh, this might be like a fun vendor that sells perhaps some kind of kettle corn. Oh, no. It's a caricature artist who has done a Danny Zuko. Right. But if he tries to get up, if he rolls up on me, I give him a little chin music and I just keep on trucking. You got to or I'll say, we'll pin you to the ground and draw you in a crazy way that I don't appreciate. So sometimes you've got to give him a little buff, buffo, buff. I would say, dear listener, that you have found apparently one of the very, very few ways there is to genuinely screw up this interaction. And I would not trust you

who you are with your track record. I would not trust you with another caricature artist. I don't think they, it's a small community first off, you know what I mean? Small community, they talk. Yeah, they've talked. They know. They know about you. They got an eye out for you. Why on fuck would your choice be to stare dead eye, just stare down this person doing a caricature of you? Oh, I'm sorry, Justin. A little thing called the Mona Lisa. Like a piece of art where you're looking dead at the artist. Like, no, no, no, no, no. There is every portrait like that, where it's like staring out at the viewer. They have you look at the last thing. It's like five minutes before they're done. They're like, okay, go ahead and go ahead and look at me, Mona. Thank

you. Thank you. Okay, okay, okay. I'm done here. Okay, it's not what I would do. But I can see where looking in the direction of the person, rather than pretending they're not there, could arguably seem like the least awkward. Now, I will say, from a different point of view, why what do you think was going through the caricature artist head that they felt the need to say you're the first person to ever stare at me while I do this? Yeah, and maybe they're like sixth one ever. Like no one actually takes me up on this. That's why I'm doing it for free. I'm still learning. Right. This is in my residence. I'm actually not a caricature artist. I'm just waiting for a flight and I had a pad and I was bored. If I was getting my portrait done by a caricature artist,

I would be too preoccupied with which of my zany features are they gonna pop off? Yeah, I see what's my massive pecs or maybe my delts. It's never a good one. No one's ever looked at a caricature of themselves and been like, yeah, actually. Yeah, actually. Hello, new Bumble profile picture. It's not anything good ever. It's like, you know, here's my Austin Powers teeth that have been made big like a donkey's teeth. You know what I mean? Like a Hirschfeld like looks it's like a wild. What do you think your guys would be? Because I think in a good outcome, I've got a big pomp of purple hair on top of my head. But realistically, it's that I have a giant head is probably what the thing is. But that's a lot of caricatures,

right? Big head seems to be a pretty common one. I don't I just you don't have to do they don't they can't make you let them draw you. There is nowhere to look. I'm I've been thinking about it for six minutes now. There's nowhere to look except at your phone. I don't really think I don't really think they need to take you in. I don't think they need to drink you in for the art necessarily. I think they just need to spot your one flaw and then make it a big cartoon that makes you look like just a real idiot. Hey, I can't stop thinking about the fact that this person has gone through extensive security background checks to sit in the middle of this airport to do caricatures. Yeah, what's actually this email is from 1998. So back when back when you could just walk through

and have a fun have a fun time. You could just say I'm picking someone up from the airport. My favorite restaurant used to be the airport chilies. But then, you know, then, you know, and then I couldn't go anymore. I like I like when caricature artist Travis mentioned Danny Zuko and maybe think about how most caricature artists always have like several caricatures around to their station to like show you their their their skills, you know. And when I was younger, by which I mean in my mid to late 30s, I used to think that they were there. They were those were for sale, too. Like maybe just be like, oh, shit, is this Michael Keaton that's fucking cool. I love that. I have to imagine if you walked up and you're like,

I'll take the Terminator one. It would be jazzed about that. The work's already done. Now, the fucking power play is just while they're doing a character of someone else in the moment. It'd be like $500. And then you take it and walk away. No questions asked. This one's this one's going in in the vault. Can you just me as a Terminator? Can you make me a Terminator with the face and what all and the leather jacket? And I'll be back. Can you actually just add me to the Terminator one? So it looks like Arnold and I sat together. Can you do one? We're extremely Arnold and there's a long line of people waiting to meet him and I'm like 30 in the back. I don't want to focus, but I do want it to be obvious to me. I want people to believe I met him

and that seems believable, but I met him when he was a caricature. And no one had a phone or a camera or anything. And the only option to capture the moment was caricature. Hey, can you do a caricature of this receipt? So I don't have to, I don't have a scanner on me. And I do want to prove to my employer that I made this purchase. Yeah. So could you do a caricature of my receipt? Why did you make all the fives super big? You goofball. Hey, how about a Yahoo? Yeah, I'd love that, Griff. Thank you, bud. Hey, man, you're welcome. You know, hey, real quick, if you ever want a fake being in a relationship, having a caricature artist draw you with some made up person. Yeah. There's no reason anyone would do that if it wasn't true. I think that would be very convincing.

Yeah, probably. This was sent in by several people. Thanks, everybody. Trying to prove a Canadian girlfriend? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we had this done at the boardwalk. Or if you're trying to prove like some kind of physics theory, that would also work, I think, have a caricature artist draw it. Sarah asks a question, she says, Can you ask fast food restaurants to heat up sauces? You know, those little pots of sauces they give you at McDonald's, if you ask them to heat it up, would they? I'm really picky when it comes to sauces and I hate cold slash warm sauces on hot food. Like if you go through a drive through and ask any fast food chain, would they? Any fast food? No. Not any fast food chain. No, not any fast food chain. There are definitely some, and we don't

need to name them, but they would say no. Yeah. But there are some that I think would be super dry to say yes. And I will say though, I think the drive through is out. I think that has to be counter. The drive through is too far. Right. There's other people that have other things they need to do in there, okay? Okay. Is it, but that's the only thing I do it though. And I do want hot ketchup, so. Well, then you're not getting it. I mean, if you want. But I want it. If you, then you need to put a microwave in your car like any normal person. But if you want to go. But I fucking traveled back in time, didn't I? Well, that'll happen. That will happen. Just trying to make just trying to make some bagel bites. And I am going to the caveman times. And boys, you became

a king because of the bagel bites though. No, man, I was not suited for caveman's time. Bummer. They got big tigers. But if you want to get them warm sauces, you gotta go the extra mile by which I mean, talking to someone face to face inside a building. Right. I mean, this would be fixed if it just became sort of standard practice. And listen, and this is I could train my local McDonald's by going through and saying, I would like hot ketchup. And they would say, we don't have that. And then I would leave. And then the next 15 times I drove through, I would say, hello, how's that hot ketchup coming? And they would say, okay, just to satisfy you, we're going to make hot ketchup for you this one time. And they'll set up a little bond Marie

of ketchup packets. And then the next time I come through, like you still have that bond Marie set up and they'll be like, yeah, we do. And then it's hot ketchup city, baby. Now, but I will point out that in the question, it clarifies hot sauce on cold food and cold sauce on warm food. And then I do like because I enjoy the the different experience of like hot fries, cold ketchup. Everybody loves that, I think. Not this exact person said they said this one exact person. No, they said hot sauce, but there's a part where they say, when it comes to sauces, I hate cold slash warm sauces on hot food. That's all I said. Oh, why would you want a hot sauce on hot food? My mom said hot sauce on hot food because it's a lovely, what do you mean? Why?

Well, then there's no contrast. I want the contrast. And I want it now. We're not litigating what this person likes and doesn't like. I am into that. I am. And if it pleases the court, I think it's us. Oh, nice. I would for sure, I would for sure run this up the ladder. I don't know how I don't know what that looks like, right? Like, it doesn't go to the king himself. It's got to who who is it? Is it the is it the Arby's voice that we get for? I feel like if anybody's gonna do it, fucking Arby's is gonna be the one does it. I feel like Arby's would do it. Definitely. Okay. We have the means and we're listening. We're listening to you. We're here for you. We care.

I want a warm horsey. Justin set us free by reading another question. Well, my email tab has hung up. I mean, I've got it right here. Yeah. My mom, being careful during a pandemic, receives her groceries via curbside pickup. She recently ordered a case of diet root beer and the store gave her regular root beer by mistake. Oh, none of my family wants to drink the pop. So she said, quote, I'll leave it on the street for someone to take in quote, I thought giving away free pop on the street was strange. Would you take free cans of pop off the street? Can anyone offer free street pop nuts for diet pop only in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? I mean, absolutely not. Right. I mean, there's no reality in which

well, I assume you threw it out for this has gone bad. This this has got I assume it went bad. Right. Well, you know what, what fixes this a note, two words, free soda, not poison, not poison, regular, regular root beer. We never won. Yeah. I think that this won't work. And this is a this is I, I don't know any. Depends on how busy your street is before you just say it won't work. If the street's busy enough, someone's going to take it. Right. If you get a big enough selection of people, somebody's going to be like, this doesn't seem strange to me at all. Right. But if you're only getting like maybe if it's a small a quiet suburban street and you're getting maybe 20 people a week walking, yeah, chances that somebody's going to be like,

ah, yes, just like when I was growing up. Sure. Like it's if you're in a busy enough street, that is going to vanish one can at a time. Can I float this one to and this challenging year and it's been hard for all of us. Can she not just drink the root beer? Can let's speak guys. Hey, can you just roll up on your mom with this street beer and say, hey, let's be bad. And just and just do the damn thing. No one's going to tell on you. Yeah. The FBI is not going to kick in the door. Was that regular calorie? No, it's 2020. And we're at the tip of it, aren't we? We're about to jump off into freedom. Because baby, 2021 looking good. Yeah, that one's going to be a good year. It's going to be the best

year yet. Because I know all the fucking bad people who've been doing bad shit to keep this beautiful nation of ours just rattled with the covid. 2021 is going to roll over. The odometer is going to tick to 2021. And they're all going to be like, we did enough. And there was money in the bank, baby. I'm just imagining it's going to be like the end of Rockadoodle. When Shanti Claire is going to fucking finally crow, the sun's going to rise and all those evil owls are going to melt away to death. We bury the dagger in the chest of 2020 and it dies, taking along all unpleasantness with it. As the new beauty. There it is. 2021 cresting over the heart. What's that? And all good here?

Who will be the arbiters of which unpleasant things deserve to be dusted? Why it's the McRoy brothers, of course. We'll be deciding what is turned to dust. Who and what I should say, because there will definitely be some humans in there. No question. Soiler alert. We're cleaning house. Yes. Soiler alert. The cleansing. She is coming. Kiss your grandma. Goodbye. If you're not a hundred percent sure that she is a total penis. And boy, how do you better be real, real certain about it? We've got a fine sieve here, folks. Not a lot making it through. It's a rigorous, rigorous protocol we are applying. Just drink the fucking root beer, man. It's 2020. And we're almost done. Celebrate.

And you know what? Pretty soon you're going to have house guests again, so maybe save it for them. Yeah. Because pretty soon it's all going to be fine. Yeah, we're almost at the end. Do you want another Yahoo? Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, sure. This one was sent in by... Oh, it's another one that was sent in by many people. Thanks, everybody. It takes a whole village. It does. It's an anonymous Yahoo answers user. I'm going to call Vayner asks, can anyone invent a new way of BBQ or have they all burned done already? Hmm. Hmm. And that wasn't a play on words. It was B-E-R-N. So... Oh, because Bernie Sanders. Because Bernie Sanders, the fucking pit master.

You know, you get my man in front of the grill with a fucking high life in his hand. High life in his left hand, spatula in the other. The fucking apron. Kiss the cook. Oh, my God, Bernie. You don't think his apron would say feel the burn? That would be better. It would be better. I am again asking you to give me five more minutes on these sticks. That's good, man. Do another one, geez. Okay. And do this one less like Christopher Lloyd. Yeah. Actually, in the movie of Bernie's life, I cast Christopher Lloyd. Okay. Sorry. That tracks. The Larry David thing was two on the nose. Yes. Can anyone invent a new way of BBQ or have they all burned done already?

So Veeche. So Veeche BBQ. So Veeche BBQ. Does that mean you barbecue some meat and then you ceviche it or God forbid the other way around? No, no, no. You barbecue some meat, ceviche it, grill it again, and then you taste it and you're like, I don't know. Are you trying to say ceviche? No, sir. Ceviche. It's a way of cooking. You put all of mama's spices on it, then you ceviche. Yeah. And then that's a barbecue, baby. As long as there's corn. Pretty sure, Ceviche. It just means you put it in a bath of high citric sort of juices and you let it sort of. Right. And that is how it cooks. Right. So it becomes edible. Now we're talking about sort of very, very sour pulled pork or something. That doesn't tickle my

buds. I didn't say it was good. I said it was new. And did I mention the corn? Again, there will be corn surf, which elevates any meal to barbecue. What if you just, here's mine. Here's mine. May I suggest, yeah, I got one. I'd love to hear yours, Trev. Take some meat, whatever cut you want. You can do chicken or beef or pork. You know, you can even do like a meat substitute, like a meatless, a beyond meat option. And then you're going to leave it in the sun for 48 hours. Sun VJ. Yeah, uncovered, just loose and raw in the sun for 48 hours. And after 48 hours, it's done. Okay. I got one. Now don't eat it. Once again, it's not good. It's just a different way to do it. It's kind of like sun tea, but barbecue. You need to, in your grill, throw down just enough briquettes

or wood chips or whatever so that it might light when you throw a match on there. Okay. And then you're going to put a couple of steaks on, on the grill, on the barbecue. And you're going to throw the match in and close the lid real fast. And then you're going to weld that lid shut. And then you're going to bury it underground and like pour the whole with cement so it's filled in. And then it's quantum beef. Until that beef is observed, it is, it is both, it is cooked and uncooked. It's quantum beef. It could be either one, but we won't. It's both cooked and uncooked, but it is inedible in a concrete sense. Regardless. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Once again, this isn't to be eaten dry. Do you even understand molecular gastronomy? Come on. It's not about eating it.

It's about fucking it up. Who are you talking to? Because I feel like I've been on board with this first and you're, I don't know. I think I just kind of got mad at the world there. Hey, speaking of, I have an idea. Liquid nitrogen. Okay. I don't know how I would apply it in such a way that would make it barbecue-esque. I just know that that's a thing that like food scientists use a lot. I saw Mr. Wizard do that with a hot dog once. He's like, this could be, I saw him and he had the liquid nitrogen. He dipped a hot dog in it and he looks at the kid. He's like, that could be your fucking thing. Yeah. And then smashes it with a hammer, right? Remember that? They could have tried to eat it. And then he yelled, we're all just meat. I'm, I'm basically 225 hot dogs strapped

together with casing. What old casing? I saw some shit in now. But sir, what about the soul? We're just meat. Meets and dreams. You're dream meat. Mr. Wizard? Are you okay? Are you okay? I'm just going through some stuff at home. I'm okay. As okay as a shambling meat bags can be. Anyway, you wanna learn how to use that computer? Now get in this big barrel and push some water out through this tube. I made a box that looked like a coffin. Hey, do you want to look at the eclipse? Yeah. Should we build a button? No. No. What is it? You just burn a little bit of your eye meat. What do I care? It'll grow back or it won't. Then we'll all die. It's me. Life is a great experiment. Mr. Wizard, can I go home now? No. No. You're my son now. Your mom said I could have

dumped you. I probably didn't teach you science. Your mom and I came to an understanding. You're going to college. I revealed to your mom the arcane meat secret and she just said she gave up. Now you're my meat. Well, I love you. I plug four wires into a potato and plug the other ends into a clock. Nothing's happening. That's because time's an illusion. You learned something real more valuable than science today. Now get me a beer. Give me seven beers. How does that potato clock work? Oh, damn. I hate that science teachers always do that. They're like, hey, check this out. Wire, wire, tato, tato clock, tick, tick, tick, tick. They're pretty cool, right? You're like, holy fucking shit. The potato made the thing go and they're like, yep. You say, how's that work? They

say, I'll never tell. That's fucking up. They should tell us how the potato makes the clock go, I think. If anyone wants to tell me how crystals make a radio, I've wondered about that for fucking years. Yeah. Hey, the one thing I do know understanding the secrets of is commercialism. And I would love if you guys would accompany me with the money. Please. First up, first on the bat, it's Squarespace. You guys heard about this? You guys heard about this? It's a batting average of one, which is good for baseball. And it's not a baseball player, but it is a platform that allows you to build a website from Squarespace and you can showcase your work and sell products and services of all kinds, promote your physical or online business,

or make a website. And if you want to make a website, these tools give you the powers of website right at your fingertips. They have beautiful customizable templates for websites, and it's optimized for mobile. If people want to do phones and you can track your analytics to just see how many just clickos you're getting. And you don't have the hosting is secure, whatever that means. And you don't ever have to upgrade things. Upgrade? Boring. Don't have to do that with Squarespace. Go to squarespace.com slash my brother for free trial. And when you're ready to launch, you're going to use the offer code my brother, and then you're going to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Hey, Griffin, can I talk to you real quick?

Hey, everybody, stop listening. This part's not for you. I couldn't help but notice, Griffin, that your stitch is busted. Oh, my God. Yeah. I don't mean to embarrass you, but I mean, look at you, dude. Look, what's that shirt? What even is that shirt? It's an assless shirt. Yes, Griffin, but what does that even mean? I don't know. When I bought it from that food truck, I thought. Oh, fuck. You're wearing mittens as pants, Griffin. It's not right. I know it's not right, but it's been a hard year, Trav, on all of us. It's been a hard year on all of us for sure, Griffin. You need to fix your stitch with Sticks Fix. I'm going to take another run at that. No, sticking with it. Stitch Fix offers clothes hand-selected by expert stylists

for your unique size, style, and budget. Griffin, I'm going to say your style is a grown-up, thank you, boy, grown-up boy, like a big boy. Yeah, sure. A big boy. A big grown-up boy. Yeah, no, we get it. A big grown-up boy who's comfortable at a wedding or a funeral. I would say that's kind of your style. I described myself yesterday while on a call with some friends as having the body of a huge toddler, so that works. Yeah, yeah, that works. Mine, I like to think my style is benevolent drifter. Yes, absolutely. Like that guy who, at the beginning of the movie, you're like, oh, I don't know if I trust him, but then when the vampires attack, you're glad he's there. That's my thing. Justin's not here, but Justin's style is,

of course, vacation tat. Everyone knows that. So you can try on pieces at home before you buy, keep your favorites, and send back the rest. Stitch Fix has free shipping, easy returns and exchanges, and a prepaid return envelope is included, and there's no subscription required. I would also say just real quick, my style can also sometimes be rogue wizard, but that's more when I'm feeling fancy and want to get dressed up most of the time, benevolent drifter. It's between those two. And a lot of those clothes came from Stitch Fix. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash mybrother, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash mybrother for 25% off when you keep

everything in your fix. One more time, stitchfix.com slash mybrother. Hey, I'm Janet Farney, host of the JV Club podcast. Ah, high school. Was it a time of adventure, romance, and discovery? Class of 95! We did it! Or a time of angst, disappointment, and confusion. We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place, but enjoy adulthood, I guess. The truth is, it was both. So join me on the JV Club podcast where I invite some great friends like Kristen Bell, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Neil Patrick Harris, and Kee-Goon Michael-Kee

to talk about high school, the good, the bad, and everything in between. My teenage mood swings are getting harder to manage! The JV Club. Find it on Maximum Fun. Okay. What do you say? I want to munch squad. I want to munch squad. Welcome to Holiday Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profile in the latest and greatest in holiday brand eating. I'm so excited about this one.

Is it doughnut related? Because I really miss count doughnut. No, he's not in this one, but I'll tell you who is here. It's McDonald's, which actually doesn't figure in a munch squad as much as you think, because they don't really get buck wild enough. But they have done it, and this is a new press release. This just came out today as we're recording this, and this is a promotion that's kicking off December 14th. Holiday cheer arrives at McDonald's as fans can enjoy the favorite menu items of Santa Claus, the Grinch, and more. The favorite? Oh my God. Okay. So this is like when Travis Scott... Yeah, but it's like that except for Santa Claus,

the Grinch, and more. So this year goodies won't just be found tucked under the tree. McDonald's is tapping its elves gross to offer delicious daily in-app deals that feature the festive favorites of some classic holiday characters, including... Well, I'm going to skip that because I don't want to mess up the game that I have. Oh, I can't wait. Yeah, baby. Daily deals will conclude on December 24th with a certain jolly someone's most treasured treat, free soft baked chocolate chip cookies. That's nice. You roll in on Christmas Eve to McDonald's. It's not sad. You have free cookie. Quote from Morgan Flatley, the U.S. McDonald's CMO, Chief Marketing Officer.

After a year like 2020, I think we could all use some extra cheer this season. Go on, Morgan. Do tell. What better way to celebrate and get in the holiday spirit with free McDonald's menu favorites for everyone, including Rudolph, the abominable snow monster. Bumble, please. Please bumble and even, yes, even scrooge. Huh. Pre or post-scrooge? Looking at this probably pre. So you can get it in the thing. So you guys are about to do the hardest thing you've ever done in your entire lives. Okay. There are 10 days of meals here and there's, I say meals, but it's really like a free item that you get to celebrate a Christmas personality. Hey, Justin, can I just do one from downtown?

Yeah, bud. The abominable snowman is a McFlurry. Nope. Fuck. You asshole. Really? You thought you were at McFlurry? Try again on McFlurry. Try again. Try again. Try again. Is that frosty the snowman? There you go, bud. There you go, bud. You got it in two. That's very respectable. It's a fuck lot better than you guys are going to do with the rest of these. Okay. December 14th, come on down to McDonald's for a free double cheeseburger. Huh. A double cheeseburger. Wait, this is associated with a holiday figure? A beloved holiday figure? A double cheeseburger? Um, is it, is it, I mean, is it Santa Claus? I feel like it's the, it's Santa Claus is December

24th. I'm going to give that to you right now. Okay. He gets the free chocolate chip. I'm going to say it's the Grinch. No, but it's the Griswold. You know the Griswold's from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Oh, beloved Christmas icons. Yeah, they love the free double cheeseburger at McDonald's. And that's what they're getting. I remember that scene when he's, he's being horny for the other woman and they split four ways for double cheeseburger. Um, on the next day, you come back in, you're going to get a free Big Mac. Is that the, is that the bumble? That's got to be the bumble, right? That's the bumble. Good job, guys. That one you got. Because it's big, just like the bumble. The next day, come on in for a free egg McMuffin. The Grant, no. The voice

makes me think Grinch. I mean, it's the Grinch. That's the Grinchy shit. He's in there all day, every day. Give me a McMuffin. What is that? It's got that flat ham I love. Okay. Give that part to my dog, Max. Okay. Did you guys see that fucking musical, by the way? No. That NBC staged a live stage reading of, no, a staged version of the Grinch musical. Fucking, how did you turn that into two hours? Well, I'll give you a hint. They turned the dog into two separate speaking roles. Yes, an older dog and a younger dog, both of which had solos. Fantastic. Anyway, sorry. It's a free McDouble the next day, December 17th. Free McDouble. What's a McDouble? Is that just a two-patty burger? It's just a two-patty burger, baby. Yeah.

McDouble, huh? I'm, I'm George Bailey. No, listen, it's a free McDouble. Think, Travis. Use your fucking brain for once. Rudolph? I don't know, man. If I say Rudolph for all of these, eventually I'll, I'll get a hit. Double. Well, it's John McClain. Oh, because it's McDouble McClain. Is that anything? Yeah, there's a lot of things, though, because McMuffin was the last one. So, yeah, that is a wild, it's a wild pick, free, medium, world-famous fries with, according to this picture, two packets of ketchup. George Bailey. It's that one, Rudolph. That one's Rudolph, great. Good job. I'm tapped. Unless Donner and Blitzen are the next, I literally can't think of too many other

Christmas time characters. There is a beloved Christmas icon that's going to slide you over on a free six-piece McNugget on December 19th. Well, that's Scrooge. He loves them nugs. Elf? No, that's incorrect. Elf? At 8 p.m. On that day, you could be enjoying the, 8 p.m., you could be enjoying the McElroy family candle night spectacular, and you could be eating a six-piece nugget provided to you by beloved Christmas icon, Gizmo, from Grimlin. They have 10 of these, and one of them's Gizmo. Next. If Gizmo gets on the freebie list, and Jesus Christ does not. Thank you. I feel like every McDonald's is going to be burned to the ground by a certain type of, let's say, Chick-fil-A fan. Free hotcakes, December 20th. Who's bringing

you free hotcakes? Is that one Elf? That one's Elf, Griffin. Congratulations. That actually makes sense. That's one of the very few that tracks. I swear they came up with that one first. Yeah. Maybe. They were like, this is a great idea for promotion. Let's commit to it now. The next day, one hot coffee, please. Scrooge. That's great. Wow. Congratulations. We did frosty snowman on the 22nd. That's a free McFlurry. 23rd, this is our last one because obviously 24th Santa, 23rd is a free bakery item. That could be, of course, we all know that there's a new light bakery item. Yes. There's a delightful, there's a delightful marquee outside of my local McDonald's that says new bakery items and then on another line, taste good.

I'm going to say George Bailey for me. It's a wonderful life. That would be good. Can I also say George Bailey? No. Okay. No, but you're really, you're actually weirdly close with the first George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadel. Isn't George? George from Seinfeld? Yeah, he loves them. Jesus. No, wait, no, let's, you are so close. Is it Seinfeld? Why would it be Seinfeld? So fucking close. Please, you're so close. Just try a little bit harder. Think for a second. You can do this. Oh, it's the Festivist. I didn't watch enough fucking Seinfeld. I know they had their own. It's not George Costanza.

George's Dad Costanza. Frank Costanza and the rest of us were celebrating Festivist. How fucking wild. On the third with the free bakery item. You know, 2020's been hard, so this Grinch is giving you a McMuffin. That is absolutely bonkers. It's an in-app deal only though, y'all, so just kind of keep that in mind. I also have to read here that Seinfeld and all related characters and elements are TM, Castle Rock Entertainment, Elf and all related characters. Now it's a business thing again. Oh god, commercialism. I thought this was just a fun thing our friend McDonald's was doing. Yeah, they ruined it. With our other friends, George's Dad, whose name I already forgot. Frank Ocean. Yeah.

I am a college student and I really like giving gifts. My roommate is really into fantasy slash Lord of the Rings type stuff. So I recently bought him a map of his home state hand drawn in a fantasy style to gift him for Christmas. A couple of days after he arrived, he mentioned how he saw a Facebook app for the same thing and how stupid he thought it was to get a fantasy map of your home state. Right now, the map is collecting dust in my closet. Brothers, what do I do with this gift? That's from Shepa Shlep in Chicago. Hey. It's me, Chicago John. Forget about it. For good. Try my deep dish pizza. It is me, Chicago Cubsman. It's my club. I'll splash the fantasy map whenever I want.

Is it possible when your roommate said it was dumb what they meant is it's really cool and they're embarrassed at how cool they think it is and they're trying to seem cool by saying like, oh, yeah, it's dumb. I'd hate to get that because it popped up in their Facebook ads. So that must mean they really want it. Right. Listen to Facebook. Okay. Facebook's never wrong. I took a screenshot of a pretty bodacious shirt that it recommended to me that I'm going to try and find while I continue talking. I think you got to give your roommate the fucking map anyway. And then you can be like, isn't it? I'm being ironic, obviously. Get it? How silly it is? Can you imagine? I would say give it to your roommate. How could they never said anything?

I don't like that. I don't love it because that both gives them a gift they won't like and also says I don't listen to you. Well, the other option is you have it in your closet until you forget about it and move out and don't take it with you. I would know. I would lean into it. I like the ironic thing. Like, I thought this was such a crack up when you mentioned it being bad. Also, my friend Justin is a podcaster and he wanted me to ask you where the fuck do you get off being hugely into fantasy but being snide about fantasy maps of home state? Because it actually sounds really cool for me. It sounds so cool. I'm just saying, if somebody wants to tell me where to get one of these of West Virginia, I would take the hell out of that. Oh, yeah.

Now in the hatches, people know how to get at you. Where can I get one of those? Hey, where can I commission something like that but done in Fallout 76 but also in a universe where Fallout 76 was actually really good? Is it a game? Yeah. I mean, we're going to have also Fallout Boys in it. Fallout Play draw me that poster and I mean, all four of them at the same time. Holding just an exquisite corp style. And they're all kissing. That's also so I found the image like the screenshot I took from a company. It's a sponsored suggested advertisement on my feed, which I will admit is largely dormant. So I'm

not giving them a lot of cookies. I'm not giving them any cookies to deal with. This is get the perfect gift for loved ones order here. And then it's a shirt that's a white t-shirt and big black letters in like 14 different fonts. It says, sorry, I am already taken by a freaking awesome husband. He has anger issues and a serious dislike for stupid people. He's a perfect, perfect mixture of Prince Charming and warrior. He is my whole world. I love him forever and always mess with me and they'll never find your body. Yes, he bought me this. Fucking awesome. I thought about buying that for Rachel. I did do that and it's her. She'll love it. We both call it her outside shirt because it's

shirt she wears anytime we go. Y'all, if you could see this, the absolutely Lovecraftian sort of tome of different fonts that is on this one fucking t-shirt, it would completely boggle your mind. I must. Yeah, I loved targeted t-shirts like that. I think it could be more generic. Like if the t-shirt was like, yeah, I'm connected to another person who I see a lot and they're a mixture of carbon and other stuff. And if you just carbon, they just meet the dreams. They're meetin' dreams wrapped up. I do wish I could just get a shirt that just said Prince Charming and warrior on it. He is my whole world. What do you think is now, are you 50-50 Prince Charming and warrior

Griffin or do you think it's like 60-40 or where are you at? Well, I'm Prince Charming and warrior in the streets and sheets, respectively. There's gotta be a better way to say that. I can be, but sometimes I'm a warrior on the streets and a Prince Charming in the streets. I think if I were to choose, I would want Prince Charming and the sheets and warrior on the streets. Well, sometimes you get the one that you ask for. I fucked up recently with my Facebook algorithm and then I mentioned on there that Cindy and I had watched some Shits Creek and then the moment I posted it, the fucking t-shirt manufacturers were like, he's done it. Justin's finally done it. He did it. Open the gates. Here it comes.

Here comes all the hot, bad holiday sweaters. Here's everything. Let it all. Fantasy maps of Shits Creek. Toys from Shits Creek. Shits Creek toilet paper. Open the gates. Let it all fly. That scared me. If anybody wants to start a business doing Lord of the Ring style maps of Shits Creek, I would take that. I would take one, please. Fucking guarantee. I'm going to type in. I'm going to fuck my algorithm deeply. I'm going to ruin my Google for the rest of my life and type in. I will never dig out of this algorithmic hall. I'm about to dig for myself. I hesitate to even type it. But I am going to type fantasy map of Shits Creek and see what I get. And yep, there's a lot. And my computer is now giving itself a wedgie. Brutal. Just brutal stuff.

Well, can you take us to the bridge, Justin? Yeah, but thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it one third as much as we enjoyed making it, then... That's not a very good return on investment. No, it isn't. But still, we hope you had fun. Thank you so much for joining us. And we have so much to tell you about. I'm just going to blow through them real quick. I made a YouTube series with my friend Dwight Slapy. It's called Taste of Luxury. It's on YouTube on the Macquarie Family Channel. There's five parts of it. If you like the Mbem-Bam TV show, you will like this. It's called Taste of Luxury. Please watch it. We made it in 2017 and we've been working on bringing it to you ever since then.

December 19th, we already mentioned it, but Candlenight's special APM. It is a pre-taped Candlenight spectacular with segments from never before seen segments from Mbem-Bam, Salt Bones, Spanish Wonderful, Still Buffering, Needs, Special Guests, Celebrities. It's amazing. It's going to be a really fantastic show. Tickets are paid what you want with a 625 minimum, and all of the proceeds are going to Harmony House, which is a shelter in our area, for people experiencing homelessness. Bitt.ly forward slash Candlenight's 2020 is the web address. Please don't hesitate. We need to make enough eggnog and lot because for everybody. So we need to know ahead of time.

Yeah, we need to know ahead of time. Please RSVP. Can I pick it up, Justin? Can I pick it up from here? Please do. We've got a how-to podcast book coming out called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You, and we're doing a book launch event on January 26th at 9 p.m. Eastern Time. It's a free, virtual event. We partnered with six independent bookstores. If you pre-order from them, you'll get an exclusively designed book plate signed by one of us with your copy, while supplies last. Go to bit.ly slash McRoy podcast book event for bookstore links and more event info. Griffin and Rachel are doing a wonderful live fundraiser for the Austin

Batcave. That is December 28th at 9 p.m. Eastern Time. Tickets are 5 p.m. All proceeds go to the Austin- Tickets are $5. Tickets are $5. They're not 5 p.m. Thank you. Tickets are $5. All proceeds will go to the Austin Batcave, a non-profit organization which empowers students to find their voices and to tell their stories. More info and tickets available at bit.ly slash wonderfulabc. We've got all of our wonderful merch at McRoyMerch.com. The Festo Pin of the Month is still up there that benefits the Transgender Law Center. We've got the Adventure Zone Graphic Novel Crystal Kingdom coming out. You can pre-order that now at theadventureszonecomic.com. You can also get the Saw Bones book out in paperback on December 29th. Newly revised and

updated for 2020. That's at bit.ly slash Saw Bones paperback and my brother and my brother Meet Angels is back. You can go to mbamangels.com to claim some stockings. Is that it? Yes. I think that's it. Cool. Well, here's that final yahoo. First of all, thanks to John Roger for coming in. And thanks to Max and Fun. And thanks to Max and Fun. And here's the final yahoo. This one was sent in by Eliana. Thank you. It's a Yahoo! Answers user. They're anonymous. So I'm going to call them, um, Krusha. Krusha asks, is it true that if you shave your beard, your pubers grow faster? My name is Justin McElroy. I am Griffin McElroy. He's been my brother and my brother made

kiss your dads go around the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.