My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 54: Thorwatch 2011

Episode Date: May 9, 2011

Hope you guys like Thor. We're talking Thor. It's basically all we're about, now. Advice, and also Thor, and sometimes long-since-cancelled television crime dramas. But mostly, just the Thor, thanks. Suggested talking points: Loki Love, Willpower, Party Avoidance, PB Proboscis, Minigolf Kidnapping, Tantric Relief, C'mon and Graduate, Cold Case, Yabba-Dabba Divorced

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome, my brother, my brother, me. Where Travis is suggested we lead off the show by mentioning the release of Thor. That's his high energy opening. Did you guys see Thor? Hey, did you guys hear about Thor? He's got this hammer thing. A hammer? Did you guys see Thor? Yeah, it's like the Prince of Asgard or something.

Thor watch. What's your say? Thor watch 2011, Griffin. The countdown is over. I saw Thor, there's a Thor signing up my Trader Joe's. He's picking up some soft pretzel bread for Loki. Thor watch 2011 is an advice show for the modern era. I mean, all this brother. That's a McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This is not a gag. I said, what should we lead the show off with? And Travis says Thor came out. All right. What else happened this week that's worth noting? Thor. Yep. So as I mentioned, this is an advice show for the modern era and a Thor watch simultaneously. We take your questions and turn them into a wisdom and first comes to us

from the Carolinas. A few weeks ago, I asked out a female friend and classmate of mine. She said she thought it would be best to just be friends, but we stayed pretty close. We've had a couple of double dates as she called them with a couple. We know I started actively pursuing a relationship with her after she gave me the just friends line, but we still kept up the flirty playful banter. We text each other very often. She sends me messages like, I love you after I say something particularly considerate or funny for what it's worth. She's going to prom with a friend of mine who likes her, but she doesn't feel the same way about him. Obviously, I'm still attracted to her, but I don't really want to try anything just to

get shot down or ruin our friendship flirting. What's her deal? And how should I respond? Confused in Carolina. You should respond by giving us far away from her as possible. Yes, you should just we should subtitle this question. Everything bad that one person can do to another person in a relationship. All the evils of the world condensed into one question. With our, let's see, how old are we all together over? We're over 70, right? We're like 80. We're almost 80 with our almost 80 years of experience. I, we just would like to tell you that you're about to get your heart broken in a way that you cannot even wrap your mind around if you don't take some immediate action. Imagine there's like a giant hammer being swung by Thor at your face. Yeah, that's what's going

on right now. You're on top of Mount Olympus. Nope. You're an Asgard and you're about to get a hammer. What's that? Here's the problem here. Is that nor do you guard your ass because you're about to get fucked in it. That's what we're saying. So your issue is that this girl really, really likes the attention. Like that's the problem here. You need to get away from her because she's using you. Like a toothpaste tube. I guarantee that if a dude rolled up that she dug on, she would drop you so fast, like you would have to pick your face up off the ground. Yeah. Hey, pick up your face. This might be painful to hear, but just imagine if it was like in gym. Yeah. And she was doing it in front of the bleachers and everybody like, trust us, it's better now in

the privacy of your iPod. It sounds like she's playing a trick on you, much like Loki plays tricks on Thor because he's the trickster. That's good, Griffin. I've never read it. I don't know what that. You're getting in the Thor watch. I don't know anything about the Thoriverse. But you do know a lot about Thor, Birch. Yes. I would also suggest that you take a step back and look at what she's doing to your friend that she's going to prom with and realize she's doing the exact same thing to you. Mm-hmm. What's up? She's like a thermos the way she's playing the hot and cold. You know that scene in Wayne's World where Garth finds the note from the agent that says, exploit feeble public access show? And he says, I'm really glad I'm not those guys. That's you

right now. Like you are, that is the exact guy that you are right now. You're that guy. Get out. Cut off all connections. And you know what? Here's the really crazy thing. You ready for this? She'll come after you. This is not a gag. If you have the wherewithal, the fortitude to just say, I'm out and run, she is going to be so into you in a heavy, heavy way. And that way lies madness. Yeah. It's important that you have a lot of willpower, just like Thor's best friend, the Green Lantern. Okay. So in closing, Thor is being shown in 3D and 2D and here near you. It's really turned into a really nice film here. I think you're going to enjoy the picture. Next question. How do you turn down a birthday invite when you know the party will be lame?

It's not for a few weeks. So an excuse would seem weird. Action out on Twitter. Is he asking how to like, how to snipe future plans, like how to get them from far away? That's a toughie. That's a toughie. You had to have, the trick is with this one, you have to snipe them from the outset. Like if you're going to do a long-term snipe, it's got to be an immediate one because now you've lost the believability of doing a long-term snipe because they've already asked you and you should have had the conflict then. And first and foremost, start training yourself now to never respond in the absolute positive or absolute negative. For anything? Well, when you get asked to make plans that you don't want to do, don't say yes, don't say no,

say when is that? Oh, I'm going to have to check. I think that I can't remember for every single thing, Travis. I mean, it's a good habit to get into if you want to make crappy plans. If you want to be a douche nozzle. People, I've developed that habit and let me tell you, people just love it. I have that, I have that particular quirk where everything is like, because I hate to make plans. I hate to have plans. I'll say, yeah, well, we'll definitely try to get there. Trying to hold on to Travis is like trying to hold a handful of water. You can't do it. Go right through the cracks of your fingers. Well, the other option is someone says, do you want to come to my birthday party in three weeks? And you say, yeah. And now not. And then you go to their birthday party and you have a fucking

rager. Then we're ignoring the context of the question where he's asking, how do you say no to that without seeming like a dick? Yeah. I think it's a social contract where if you say, oh, I don't know, I'm going to have to check my schedule. That is the nice way of saying no. I'm going to assume that whenever you get a Facebook invite to an event, you say maybe. I do. That's like a construct that somebody built in for your, for your non-committal. The maybe is there so that you don't have to say no. And they know that you're not going to be there. Like, because if you say maybe, no one's going, that maybe probably means yes. I'm pretty sure Emily Walpost would have some, some choice words for you right now, Travis.

I'm pretty sure you're violating etiquette. But okay, in the exact, we're talking about how he should have, what a shoulda coulda. What does he do right now? Right this second? Get it off his plate. I would like to suggest A, just go put on a cat in the hat hat, roll some E, just go have a rager. Like it, just roll some E, put on one of those big cat to have a birthday rave. Put on a gesture hat. You're saying right on yourself and some glow in the dark highlighters. Exactly. I don't know the protocol now. Oh, and then it's a self-solving problem because then you'll never get asked to another birthday party again. Yeah. If you show up to your friend's lame-ass birthday party and you're fucking colon rolling, like one man, one man rave,

you'll have to suffer to this one, but it'll never happen again. You gotta go. Why? Well, because I think birthday parties are the one party like that people throw where it is a direct affront to your relationship. If you don't go, if they're like, I'm throwing a Halloween party and you don't go, then it's like, who cares? But birthday party, it's celebrating them being alive. Yeah. If you don't go, you're basically saying, I wish you were never born. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. This isn't worth observing. And try to think about like, when you have a birthday party, the people's birthday parties that you go to, they're going to feel obliged to go to yours. Oh, yeah. So you don't want to be that lonely little boy.

Do you, Alan? Do you, do you, Alan? Do you? Griffin. It'll probably be sick. Yeah. It's probably going to be sick. Griffin. Um, you want a yahoo? Yes. Yes, I do. Let's see. Had a lot of new. Thank you for still asking after all these years. Had a lot of new contributors this year. I like that. Um, how about this? This one was sent in by Krista Whalen. Thank you, Krista. It's by Yahoo Answers user, user Raven and a Lolita. Who asked? Okay. How can I lose weight off of my hands?

I need, I need to get to the peanut butter at the bottom of the jar that the knife won't get. Oh no. No. My hands are getting too big. So I need to make them small and I can't cut my fingers off because I need them to scoop up the peanut butter. Is this that question asked by a bear? I just want to get one more smackerel of honey. Here's the thing. Let's help. Let's suck a good honey jar. Guys, I've got this. Okay. Just cut your fingers off. No, wait. No, wait. You need, you specifically said in your question that you need those to scoop up the peanut butter. Fuck. Cut your fingers off and replace it with spoons. This is like a snake eating its own tail

because if you were to stop eating the peanut butter, you could probably fit your fat ass hand in there. Oh man, that peanut, I love that peanut butter. It's my only vice because I know when I eat it, it just goes straight to my hands. Is this, I'm imagining like a fucking ever long scenario. Yes. Putting it out here. A moment on the lips, forever on the fingertips. There it is. Uh, peanut butter is good. Yeah, who answers, user Asher responded, break or dislocate your thumb. Then your hand will slide right in and you can still use your other fingers to scoop out the peanut butter. Why not just cut open the jar? Yeah. Listen, if she had a knife, listen, if she had access to a knife,

she wouldn't need to put her whole mitt in the, in the peanut butter jar. God knows, she's not allowed to have sharp objects on the ward. I'm actually, I think that we could make a pretty compelling sequel to 127 hours here. Or instead of it being Aaron Rawlsson getting trapped under a rock in a canyon and having to cut his own arm off. It's a really dumb person. That's like, like soups hungry for peanut butter. And halfway through, she'd masturbate to a picture pizza she took on her digital camera. Here's what I love. Her complaint is that her knife can't get to the peanut butter and she wants to slim her hand down. Yeah. Just smaller than a knife? Is that what she's saying? She was, she was Edward Scissorhands. Edward. That old chestnut.

Edward peanut butter taste. Listen, sometimes tools, simple rudimentary tools aren't enough to get the job done. Your finger is the most elegant tool that God ever made. The finger is the most elegant peanut butter scooping tool. It's a great intersection of flexibility. And haven't you seen the videos of like the chimpanzee, like trying to get the thing, like the hunting out of the beaker. And then like a little kid tries to do it. And a little kid can't do it because he's so fucking stupid. But the chimpanzee just dips his, dips his finger in there. And it's like, hmm, sort of. Can I show your little kid like that? Like he eats the little kid's honey too? Yeah, he goes to the little kid, he's like, gimme that, you dumb fuck.

Come here, you got some nits in your hair that I'm gonna eat. I'm protecting you now like my child. Your fingers are made. These fingers are made for scooping. And that's just what they'll do. I would love to see this person's keyboard that they typed this question out. Pretty, pretty sticky, right? We would have to agree. Pretty, overall pretty sticky. We'd say it's stickiness rating. It's 10 out of 10. The P and B keys are like worn down. For all the, the PB forums. You know what? I'd like to see the roof of her mouth. It's going on up there. Oh boy. Can you do any tongue twisters? I cannot since the mid-70s. Ancient reservoirs of sweet peanut butter. There's kinds that they don't even make up there.

There's Peter Pan up there. So in closing, kill yourself, I guess. I don't know, like I don't, I don't have a good, I don't have a good answer for this person. They've, they've set themselves up with a logistical conundrum. You gotta pick your favorite PB scooping thing. Pick your favorite. Thank you. I think they understood what I meant when I said PB scooping thing. All right. No, like you've bought into the reality that this person has absorbed you into. You pick. The PB scooping thing is like a spoon or something. Choose your favorite thing. Cut all the others off. You only need that one. That would actually streamline the hand enough that they can get whatever their favorite, I don't want to bias them. But they could get their favorite

peanut butter scooping finger, slice the rest off. Yeah. And just make like a perfect PB tool. Like a hand probiscus. Like, yeah. Could they get another mouth on their finger? Is that possible? Hey science, can you do this for us? Hey science, I'm tired of lifting it all the way to my mouth. Yeah. If I could just put my probiscus. I need to cut out the middle man and just turn my middle finger into a probiscus, which I can use to sop up all the sweet PB. I'm now sad this question. I've been sad for about two and a half minutes. I'm hungry. I'm headed to my friend's bachelor party for a week and a food, fun, five beverages and frivolity. I plan on driving out with a friend of mine who lives in town since the party is two hours away. The only problem is that the party

starts pretty early in the morning. We're playing mini golf at nine and now the friend I'm driving with refuses to wake up early enough to get us there on time. I would really like to be there for the whole party since the groom is a good friend of mine and I'm sure it will be a good time. With rising gas prices, it would be an expensive weekend to drive alone. How can I make it to the party on time? Worry some in Wisconsin. Finally, some advice that everyone can apply to their lives. How do I make it to the bachelor mini golf by myself early enough? Tell your friend that you will make a little bed for him, a little nap zone right there in the passenger seat and then you go up to his room. He has to give you his house keys. You go up to his

room, you open the door, you lovingly like a parent whose child has fallen asleep watching their favorite Disney film. What could his face? He's tuckered. You've known each other for years. Just scoop him up and hold him close. Make sure he's big. Get his banky. Get his winky. Get his winky. Pick all four of them up himself included and carry him down. Oh, careful. There's a roller skate on the steps. Don't. Oh, good. You missed it. And then just lay him down in the passenger seat and stroke his hair. Maybe turn on some soothing music, maybe some some raffy, some Sharon Lois and Bram. I know you've got some Nora Jones in that CD book. Don't know why you're driving to mini golf this early. Something like that. Put that on and just let him sleep the whole trip.

Done. He doesn't even have to wake up. He'll wake up and oh, what a good mini golf. Like, what could be better? I want to throw out one one change to that. Okay, don't tell him beforehand. Where am I? Oh, maybe don't take him to mini golf. Take him somewhere else and let him find his way to mini golf, but also steal his wallet and cell phone and keys. Okay, so you're creating more of a hitcher scenario where he's like a life or death. Yeah, test and just leave a note pinned to a shirt that says waking up early doesn't seem like a such a bad idea anymore, does it? Good luck. Call if you die. I think let's just let him sleep and you can take him and everything will be fine. And then when you wake up, just make him pay for gas and tell him

he can sleep the whole time. I do have to say, though, whoever this bachelor is or he's the worst fucking worst fucking god on the planet who makes people wake up early. I know I'm already like super inconveniencing you by making you come to my wedding, but also you're going to drive two hours to come play fucking mini golf. Like sorry about it. Being so early was the best tea time I could get. Do you know before my friend Tommy Redd's wedding, the day of he did a traditional bachelor party and then the day of the wedding before he actually went and got married, we went to the zoo to watch monkeys jerk it. It's 100% true. We did that and then we left. That was a pretty good start to the wedded bliss, I guess. Mini golf is like the shittiest bachelor party,

I think. I don't think it's just mini golf. I think they're starting with mini golf. That's so early, though. If you start partying at nine o'clock, like you're not, you can't party all day. Maybe that's the idea, but do you think it's sexy mini golf? Like there are ladies there that dance while they play it. They try to distract them even with their hips and shaking. Yeah, yeah. So like instead of a windmill, it's like a sexy lady and maybe she's just like swinging her arms. Just like shaking her around at the end of the game they'll put put out. Please go to the next question. Last night I ordered delivery from a local eatery. When the food showed up, it happened to be delivered by a friend of mine who I met this semester. We chatted a bit and when I wondered

what I was supposed to do for a tip, it's weird tipping a friend because it's like paying them for hanging out. Am I supposed to tip more because he's a friend? What do I do if this situation rises again? Okay. Ben, that's from Ben. Ben, it may have seemed weird to you, but I'm pretty sure you probably wanted that tip. Yeah, I'm sorry. The answer is you tip more. Yeah, because like he's your friend, so it's an opportunity to give him money guilt free, so you should probably just give him, like probably give him a good amount of money. I also like how that question evolved from, it was some dude that I met this semester, but he's like my best friend, so I shouldn't have to tip him, right? Like I were too close for that, I think. Here's the thing, you just want to get,

it's not weird, you just want to give them, because it's like, it's their job, you know, so they want to get paid to do it. So just give them a nicer tip than you would normally give to somebody and I think that they'll have warm feelings about you and they won't break up with you, break up with your friendship. And I tell you, as a dude who delivered food, when I rolled up to a friend's house, in my mind, like it was a big check mark of, now I know I'm getting a good tip because they're my friends, you know, they're going to appreciate that, hey, I know this guy. So if you were like, oh, this is weird. Nope. Could we play on that? If you're like a food deliverer in a small town, can you just be friends with everyone? So people

are like, oh, Ben's here. I think that's a bad idea. Let's make it rain on that fool. Let's take it one step further and get Ben so paid. Set up a delivery service for your friends or like say that they're sitting around, they want some Taco Bell, they call you, you drive the Taco Bell, pick up their food and bring it to them and they tip you. Or you get a whole network of people at your food station, at your food stand, so that you have a person for every single person that lives in your town. They'd be like, hey, anybody know Jerry? Like I know Jerry, like go get him. Go get his tips. Go get them, get that zon, bring it to him. How embarrassing was what this person ordered that they say they ordered delivery from a local

eatery? What did you get? Because there's something you're hiding here. You're covering up something, Ben. I'm a good enough detective. I'm good enough private dick to know when someone's hiding a food choice. Oh, maybe that's it. Hey, Ben, here's your novelty dick shaped pizza. Happy Valentine's Day. This is the first one we've made of these. Is there a dick shaped pizza that's not a novelty? Here's your average boring dick shaped pizza. Here's your run of the mill. Um, I, uh, yeah, just give him a, give him a tasty, tasty tip. And I think that they'll really, they'll, they'll, you'll be friends. Griffin. You got any more of those Yahoo answers just sort of lying around? Yeah, how about this one? How about this? This one was sent in by Hailey Keller.

Thank you, Hailey. Thanks, Hales. It's by Yahoo Answers user Iggy is being constantly reported thanks. Okay. Who asks, do you hate people who urinate loudly? I am listening to it right and it's taking all I have to not to start shouting at them to piss quietly. As I know that would sound strange and I don't feel like I should be judging or trying to control the way people urinate when they are presumably relaxing and doing something private, but it's just a pet peeve, you might say. I can't stand the noise when it happens to me, so I can't understand people who urinate so loud that it sounds like the roof is going to cave in from water pressure. Oh God. I don't mean normal urinating by the way. I mean loud. Yes, I realize this question is weird.

Jimmy, Jimmy, turn down the nozzle. Yeah, dog. You're blowing my ears out. Narrow your aperture. Like, what kind of pressure are you dealing with? What was the last time you peed? I do know what he's talking about though. Not from the annoyance. I'm not the annoyance, but you go into the bathroom, you see like some giant 60-year-old Greek dude. That's who it always seems to be and he'll just open up. You're like, whoa, are you dumping out a big gulp in there? What's going on? I want to go a little bit deeper and insert this question. I bet you do. Gross. What? Okay, I want to talk about technology in the modern day

where this gentleman is able to listen to really loud urination and simultaneously ask Yahoo! Answers about it. I feel like there needs to be some distance between those two events. I presume he was just dictating it to his secretary. Is that not accurate? Margaret. Margaret. Take our notes. Um, dictated but not read from Stephen Billshop. Can you control your pressure? You gotta get that Tantric being. Oh, God! Oh, no! It's beep, boop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. Okay, saying we get it. It's not like a super soaker. We're like, oh, I'd pump it four times and it only goes 15 feet. Yeah, if you're in the studio this thing is like, I want to go take a pee.

Usually your answer is like, I'm going to go to the DMV or go get a hotel room or something because I can't, I can't wait for that. I'll see you tomorrow, Sting. The nice thing is he has so much control over it. He can do it in a second. He can just walk in, done. But it sounds like Niagara Falls. It sounds like somebody throwing a water balloon in a fat person. It's just like, done, out. I do feel bad for Sting. I think he's got a bum rap because everybody talks about his tantric sex and nobody remembers his hit music. You know, Fields of Gold was written about his urination. Stop it. It's true. It'd be fair. He is the poster boy of tantric anything, right? You hear the word tantric and immediately go

to Sting. I bet he loves that. Have you ever played tantric mini golf with him? That's why you have to start at nine. It takes slightly longer than normal mini golf. Yeah, Sting, holy fuck, you got, you shot a 730. How did you even do this? It's next week. We missed the wedding. We missed the wedding, Sting. Sting, we missed the wedding by six whole days. How are you so bad at this? Do you guys get a hint of jealousy from this question? Doesn't it seem like this person wishes they can have just a column of pee, just a jet of urine, a defiant blast of urine, just like just something that like picks him up like a little kid holding a fire hose in an 80s movie, like spinning around, you know. Oh, speaking of making mouth noises,

that's the guy I can't say it. Have the loudest urination you want, but I'm tired of these guys who start peeing and then go, what are they doing? Yeah, they're enjoying themselves. Is it time yet? It's so time, man. Like for the Money Zone? Yeah, like for the Money Zone. So this week, the Money Zone is another sponsorship. We're officially endorsing Alison Borges, a friend of the show, Alison Borges, I should say, to be named the official graduate. I want to say the official 2011 graduate because we're probably going to get a lot of other graduates, but the official 2011 graduate of my brother, my brother, and me, and we are forsaking all other graduates. That seems like a blessing and a curse. The amount of pressure

that Alison has on her now to live up to that title to succeed, right? You think she can slap that bitch on a resume? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So she got a degree in zoology, right? So when she rolls up to a zoo, I mean, it's the first thing that springs to mind, and she says, hey, Mr. Zookeeper, you should hire me to take care of the monkeys who are jerking it because I am the official graduate of my brother, my brother, and me. Class of 2000 in heaven. Well, that makes it sound like she's dead. Isn't she? Is she not dead? Now that college is over, it might as well be. Oh, God. All downhill from here. You made the biggest mistake of your life. Haven't you seen Van Wilder? You got to stay in college, you guys, as long as you can.

Where'd all my friends go? Oh, that's right. College ended. I miss all of them. Why do I only see them at lunch at the Indian restaurant? Because you're old now. You're an old person. I'm disappointed in you, Alison, but I'm proud of you and your friend, your special somebody, Nick Hoffman, wanted us to name you our official, official graduate. So congratulations, and Griffin, let's move on to the next question. No, but I think there was a thing. I think because I think I'm looking at this. I'm pretty sure there was a special note on this question. Not seeing any notes. That Nick Hoffman specifically wanted you to do the jingle for Alison. Uh-huh. Um, so let's go ahead and, uh, let's, let's get out that sixth string and kick it off one time.

Let's pluck them out. I don't know how to like, I don't play guitar like you do though. Get out your sixth string and let's pluck one out. You always sort of freestyle. Yeah. Going well. This is a pretty chord progression. Barb, you gotta don't play your hate. Whoa, there's some science doing it across the room. Go and find some gold to bloot. Come on, learn about goats. Graduate. Whoa, study books. Don't mind their dirty looks. You gotta graduate. Whoa,

get some paper, earn some cash. Don't discriminate. Whoa, come on, Alison, wear that robe and learn about any animals around with robe. Um, antelopes? Antelopes. Whoa, whoa, come on, Alison, we're proud of you. Don't let us down to just like a cockatoo. Oh, yeah, nailed it. Chunky ending. That was good, right? Um, two notes, like Stevie Ray Yon. Two notes. Um, you did great with all the animals. You named at least two animals in there. One fake animal. Um, also the gold to bloons part, you kind of lost me a little bit. Hey, uh, I did just want to say gold to bloons

did not have a good connector there. I assumed that was because she was going to study in South America and, you know, Cortez and gold to bloons and everything. Mayans. What's going on down there? Hard to say. So congratulations, Alison. Um, how about another question from our dear friends out there on the, uh, the internet? Just a reminder, if you want to send us a question, mbmbamatmaximumfund.org, our form spring is formspring.me forward slash mbmbam. And, uh, or you can use Twitter, uh, just use the mbmbam hashtag. If you want us to take you to the money zone, uh, you just got to contact Teresa at maximumfund.org. That's Teresa with an H. It's $100 for a personal message like that one right there

or $200 for a business message. But either way, you still get a jingle, uh, to the tune of a Disney song. I'm pretty renowned writer in my neck of the woods. So I often have people run up to me on the street, show a manuscript in my hand and breathlessly explain, there's might be the next great American novel with a little help from me. I usually decline, but when one of my bestest buddies asked me to read his own work, I couldn't refuse. My question for you guys, how do I let my friend know that he sucks and just pinned a pile of shit without saying it like that? Also, he's a little dyslexic, um, feeling preemptively sucky or shitty, sorry, feeling preemptively shitty in Chicago. Man, this sucks. Hey, listen, if he listens to our show, just let us tell him. We just did.

Are you a friend of a prolific author in Chicago? Cause you're probably not writing. Are you slightly dyslexic? You suck. Yeah. You're not good at writing. Maybe audiobooks is the way to go for you. Maybe you could give him just like a positive and then two negatives into infinity. Like if you were like, I really like the title, but your characters are all shitty and your punctuation is terrible. So you're saying you give him one step forward and two steps back until he hangs himself. Right. So you give him like, you say like, I really like the paper you used, but everything on it is just the worst. Great font. Um, terrible story. Uh, you spelled, you spelled many of the words correctly. Um, but the one is clearly the plot to weaken the

Bernie's. You are just copying Bernie's style. What you've done here is you've written a book adaptation a week into Bernie's, but, but bad, but like bad, like super dyslexic. Like the most dyslexic version there could be. Everyone knows that in week and at Bernie's, Bernie was dead. Well, my book presupposes maybe he isn't. Um, I would read that book, by the way. If you came back and, what if he came back and started solving crimes? He was a detective. Oh, but like afterlife crimes. Afterlife crimes. Right. Like Beetlejuice basically mixed with dead men don't wear plaid. Something like that. Exactly. I've watched it. I don't watch them. Like the TV show medium. Like medium. Like the TV show medium. Or like the clothes there.

What are we doing? Are we just randomly, maybe it's like saving grace. Guys, guys. Maybe it's like the ghost whisper Travis. Yeah. Yeah. Cold case. So tell your friend to watch cold case. Hey, here's a, here's, here's a one that I always like to use. Why is the burden of truth placed on you? Clearly people throughout this person's life have told them that they do not, that they are good, that they're better than they are. Why can't you just just pass that book? Pass it on up the chain. Say like, yeah, this is good. I like it. I like reading it. I would give it to someone else. See what they think. I like it. You could also always switch for the lesser douche move of saying you never got a chance to read it. Like just stay

out of it. And maybe you're the jerk who couldn't take the time to read it, but you're not the jerk who has to lie to his friend or tell him he's crappy. Yeah. Cause it's not worth sacrificing the friendship for the, for the, the truth, the truth. But you know what? Here's another thing to think about. Snooki just published a book. Like shit goes out all the time that people like. There's no reason to say people won't like it just because it sucks. Like lots of things that suck. But you could have been the one person who like could have avoided that whole situation. See, that's where I think it gets tricky because as his friend, is it his duty to say, Hey, this should probably end with you and I, and you probably shouldn't show this to anyone

else. Cause I think it needs a lot of work. What's the harm though? Like it's not going to be any worse. If he's just going to tell him that he sucks, like it's not going to be any worse than some agent, like him not being able to get traction on it. Well, I think it's because like this dude is very clearly a respected writer in his neck of the woods, as he says. And like it seems like as an artist, it's his job to make sure that good art is being produced. Yeah, but his, his, that friendship responsibility comes first though. Yeah, I think so too. I'll, I'll agree with that. Lie to him. Just lie, right? Lie to me. That's another TV show.

Or just let us do it. We don't care. Hey, Kevin. Oh, it's amazing. Easy to great job. Take some night classes, maybe. Yeah, but I think you're close. I think you're really close. It's really good. Oh, I can feel, I can feel it. Maybe just change a couple of the character names and like locations and like the events that happen. Yeah, like you're really close to me. I'm not sure this feels like a script to me though. To me, it feels like it feels like an episode of cat dog and maybe you would just some reworking.

You could have a cat dog script published, printed, have your name in lights, I guess. You guys, you guys want a yahoo? Yes, please. Yeah, I guess I do actually. Unless there's like a super fresh question that you want. No, like I kind of want a yahoo now. All right. How about a yahoo answer? This one was sent in by Gali Ayali. Thank you, Gali. It's about yahoo answers user.

Question mark, who asks, what is an awesome wedding theme? Example, Jamaica, Lion King, New York, Asia, et cetera. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Did I mean to say prom, but instead I said wedding? Nope, that is the word. Can you give me those possibilities again? Let's run them back.

Yeah, give me a replay. Let's play that tape back. Jamaica, okay. Weird. Lion King, dig it. New York, sure. Asia, it's kind of a lot of things is Asia. Asia is kind of a lot of things.

Asia is very many, unless you're talking about the band Asia, which that would be a pretty good wedding. Pretty baller. I think that those are all equally good. Those are all equally great themes. It's a great test though, because if you have found an SO that agrees with you that you should have a Lion King themed wedding, you are meant for each other. I think you forgot some possibilities. There's an enchantment under the sea, Arabian night.

Paradise city. One night only is one that would be good. Snow princess. Snow princess wedding. One night in Bangkok. Well, I think Asia would. Well, first night in Bangkok, actually, if it's a wedding, right? One night in Paris.

I think that that's a bad one. I don't think that that's very good. Do weddings have themes in the way that parade floats have themes? I was not aware of this. Like, I did not know that weddings have that. You get a wedding marshal and then the Shriners show up. Do you license the rights to your wedding out to whichever Disney property hasn't been produced there for a while?

Justin's for Justin's wedding, the ring man was actually a Shriner in a whole car. He drove it up. It was cool. He drove it up the aisle. Sorry, the what? The Shriner? No, no, no, before that.

In what position did he fill? He was the ring bearer. You said ring man. Did I? He was the ring man. Now, if you're talking about a wrestling thing wedding right now, I'm fucking there. No, no, no.

No, we've already we've done that. We've done that wedding. Now we're talking about now. We're all about Asia. Is there some reason that your wedding can't be wedding themed? Like, well, that's an answer. One said, um, how about affordable or love, marriage and commitment, not five year old's birthday party?

My favorite. My favorite is saying vows, eating, drinking and dancing as adults. I'm not trying to recreate our prom. Oh, I hate it. Wake up your face. I hate it when the answer is I've already so thoroughly answered the question. Well, hold on, because there's a second answer on here

that's a little bit more constructive. Okay, good. Answer two says some off the top of my head that are out there. Las Vegas, Star Wars, Candyland, Winter Wonderland, Superheroes, Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I thought about that and how creepy it would be. Okay, I'm going to throw out this. If your wedding shirt, if your wedding has fucking mandatory face paint,

you have fucked up somewhere down the line. Imagine you get that invitation. You get that invitation and then you're looking at it going, okay, wait, I'm confused. Why is this invitation shaped like Mickey Mouse's head? So you call your friend and you're like, I got the invitation. Is this for your kid's birthday party?

What's going on? And they're like, no, it's for my wedding. It's Mickey and Minnie Mouse themed. Didn't you hear I'm a fucking crazy person now? I got hit by that bus. I got hit by that bus last month and now I'm fucking insane. Do you ever see that Jeff Bridges movie Fearless? That's me, except now I'm just really stupid.

Tasteless. Tasteless. Do you think the douche chills would be so bad that they would travel through time and make you vomit as soon as you saw the invitation? Yeah. A winter wonderland of douche chills. I am freezing.

The Flintstones, Disney princess theme, rock and roll theme, Hollywood glamour. See, this happens when we around 12 year olds to get married. Yeah, people push for that age to be reduced and then this is where we end up. Hollywood glamour. Night before Christmas. What? What?

This is wedding time. This is wedding time. Excuse me? The night before Christmas? Who officiated your wedding? Oh, I believe it was Uggie Buggy. It was the worst wedding ever. I told you we should have gone wrestling theme.

We went with a Beethoven themed wedding. Oh, like all Beethoven music? No, like the dog. It was awesome. Like the dog. He had a ring tied to him. It was great. But then he got into shenanigans and flipped over some chairs.

I went to Charlie's wedding. You know what he did? Thor, Thor theme wedding. It was so fucking awesome. Loki was there. Loki was there. Everyone saw it in 2D and 3D and screened near you. Super romantic.

You have to choose. There's a bride side, groom side, 2D side and 3D side. It's fucking sick. It was four side. It was arena theater. Hey, wouldn't that be the best priest, though, if he stood up, saw him in their Fred and Wilma costumes, and then just said, dearly beloved, nope.

Yeah, but Dabba divorced. I just want to throw out anyone who ever argues that legalizing gay marriage takes something away from the sanctity of marriage. To justify that point, you're going to have to hunt down this question asker and kill them with your bare hands. With your bare hands.

And there has to be a picture of it in the front page of the newspaper. Sanctity of marriage confirmed. Wedding safely. When stone wedding burned to ground. I want to hear Griffin's last question, but real quick, we've already told you how you can ask us a question, so we won't go into that again. But we will tell you that mbmbam.com is our website.

Got all kinds of interactive, interactive elements. You guys like flash games? We don't have any of those. We don't have any flash games. Sudoku. You like word search? Don't have those. Don't have those.

Do have pictures and a lot of aqua, aqua and yellow. There's a lot of those. So if you want those things, we have got you. Also, we have some pretty rocking forums. Yeah. Oh, that's good. You want to check out the community. That's there.

We are getting close to having our next live show all sort of straightened out. It's sort of in the final acts. Hopefully we'll be able to tell you that next week. That is our plan. You can tell me where it is though, right? Yeah. Where we are planning on having it.

Tentatively, we're going to be doing a show in Travis's hometown of Cincinnati. Probably mid-June-ish. So that's the plan right now. Kind of clear your calendars. We're thinking about like June 12th, right? Is it the tentative date? Tentative.

Tentatively, guys. We're trying to get it all worked out for you. We're in a prayer. We're holding on to this idea with both hands. Don't stop believing. It's not actually as hard as we're making out to be. We just haven't done it. So it is going to be a Flintstones theme podcast live show.

You're going to love it. It's good for you, good for the kids. And if you know somebody, maybe like a podcast or musician, a stand-up comedian in the area who'd like to open up for our show, get in contact. Reach out. But we'll have hopefully details on that for you next week. It's going to be bomb, though.

It's going to be awesome. And I think that's it. Do we have anything else going on? Anything else cracking? Um, if you haven't yet, take a moment and go check out Jordan Jesse Go and stop podcasting yourself and Judge John Hodgman and all those other wonderful Max Von podcast.

Did we win the Friendship War? We don't know. I don't think we were actually taking it down. We don't know, but I'm pretty sure we trounced them. It felt like we won. We got a little Twitter hashtag war with our friends over at Jordan Jesse Go. A tiff.

A tiff, I think. A spat. I'm pretty sure we destroyed them. We do love seeing those people quoting our show and talking about the show. Wendy Batty, Joey Weiser. They were all up in it this week. We got to thank.

Did you guys see Willie Ponds, sweet ass Pee Whom's nasty gum hat? Yes. Yes, that was sweet. Jen's Valor. We have to say Jen's Eric Valor. We have to say thank you to randomly promoting our show to Julie Benz.

Didn't seem to catch. Maybe next time. Just keep throwing at her and see what sticks. Can I throw out a personal message real quick? Yes, of course. I just want to say happy birthday to my wonderful girlfriend, Teresa. And happy Mother's Day to your mom.

Your mom is still around. Go give her a hug on the neck and a peck on the cheek. They say thanks, moms, for the love and support. And I think that's it. I think we're done. All right, this final question was sent in by Scatterheart. Thank you, Scatterheart. It's by Yahoo Answers, user down to earth, who says,

Where can I find an adult race car bed? I'm Justin McAuley. I'm Travis McAuley. I'm Griffin McAuley. This has been my brother and my brother and me. Kiss your dad. School wear on lips. Keep your heart through stacks.

Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart through stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart. These stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.