My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 55: Spaghettageddon

Episode Date: May 16, 2011

We did another episode together in the same room, sitting on the same couch. We're very, very sorry about the slight dip in sound quality, but we do not apologize for the weird, weird things we say due to our proximity. See you guys at Pasta Party 2012! Suggested talking points: Destination Wedding, Ally McBathroom, A Frame for Fame, The Gym Ruiner, French Science/British Crime, The Pussycat Discography, The Book of Robots, Sister Sister, The Shrek Ending, Violet Bonergard

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new face Ain't the girls do you want it to say? Hey, I want them Just say, hey, I want them

Live, live from the spot, rough and raw, at our daddy's house Right at our daddy's house Let me check the date, I just opened up the calendar It's pasta party 2011 Welcome to our daddy's house We're live from our daddy's couch Let me check this, let me check the spaghettometer Because it looks like we're going full-blown pasta

Spaghetti on Spaghetti getting, 2011 As you well know, as you've probably guessed, we had a, we carbo-loaded pre-show at here in Irondon Our stepmom Carol fed us a bunch of spaghetti We're fucking primed for going full-fed of spaghetti She's looked down at us and said you're not fucking funny enough, eat some more spaghetti She shoved spaghett, fistful after fistful of sweet spaghett into my mouth

I am ready to blow Niddle up you unfunny fucks It's time to get spaghett You got spaghett Okay, um Spaghett, you fucker, you got spaghettin' I, for real though, rough and raw I know people have become accustomed to a certain level of editing juice applied to this show

This is not going to be one of those apps, this is going to be rough, raw Just cut it, set it, forget it I, uh, I, we, we are gathered around one mind The last time we did this, two of us were jet lagged And I was drunk And Travis was drunk So, it's not going to be like this This is my brother, my brother, me

It's an advice show for the modern era I am your most excellent eldest brother, Justin McRoy And I am the middleest brother, Travis McRoy And I'm Griffin And I'm a child This is an advice show, we take your questions and turn them into advice I am drinking a red stripe Because this show is coming to you straight from the islands

I've got a red stripe going and an amber brown No, honey brown, excuse me I just spilled it on my sh- Travis, Travis got a beer before we started And then said, I'm going to need a beer He had a beer, he has a backup beer Wait, so just so you guys know If I need an extra burst of energy, you'll hear quiet

And you'll know because we'll draw a dinge to it Our first question At some point, also our daddy's going to come in the room and take pictures of us No joke, and it's going to be super distra- It's going to throw us off whatever dope rhythm we're on So get ready for that moment I hope he's not at the- If he is-

If he comes through that door with a single tear Because he just heard you said that, I'll never forgive you I am getting married this summer And one of my groomsmen is getting married a few months after me He is having a very small destination wedding And has decided to specifically not give his friends plus ones Even if they are married My soon to be wife is understandably upset about this

Some people think she talked- Oh, some people she talked to think that I should decline To go to the wedding because she wasn't invited Ideally, I would like my fiance to be invited But I also understand my friend's choice to not invite any plus ones Given how small the wedding will be How can I support my good friend and my fiance at the same time As from Tristan, not the Marine

Tristan, Tristan, civilian Tristan Civilian Tristan, Civvie Trist Wow, that is- Susan, you didn't want to go to Cabo anyway, right? You were just talking the other week about how much you hate destination wedding Don't take this personally, but there specifically does not want you there It's the destination's Des Moines It's not going to be a big deal

Man, that's brutal What a great way to start off your wedded life Just pissing off everybody I honestly think that Straight up You can't go I wouldn't go I mean, honestly

If they- It's just- The thing is about a wedding is As much as it is For you guys It's just as much, if not more So for the people that are sort of gathered there I know it's their special day and what all, but

I think that it's- It is a slight I mean, it's like a- It's a- It's especially a slight Because it's your friend who's in your wedding Saying whether he has thought about it or not Saying, hey, I know you just got married and are happily wedded for all of three months

But you're going to need to leave her behind Like that's- That's a dick move Yeah, especially He's getting married a few months after the question asked her Yeah So she's going to be your wife When that happens

You can't leave your wife by- Especially Especially not if you're going someplace nice Like really Oh, god, no That is not the way to kick off your- Just- Destination weddings are the most horish thing you can do

Yeah, it's terrible already Like The only way it flies to me is if you invite no one If it's just like we were creepy sneaky and we bolted out of there Please come and give us presents in a big room What about? Webcast wedding Web?

Oh Cast Who's invited? Everyone Because everyone's got an internet connection nowadays You got Ustream on that phone? You're invited? JustinTV, my wedding, please

I'm happy to TV anyone's wedding, by the way It's for a very reasonable fee Thank you Um Honestly, Tristan You are going to learn very soon that Choosing the side of your wife Is almost never not the right thing to do

I'm not sure how my negatives are How fucked up is your friend that he's like I want you to come but not your other half Not your better half And I say that kudos to you for realizing how big it is God, you are ahead of the fucking game, bro Good job, I'm proud of you See you, honey

A worsen man would have been like Hey, I remember to pack my trunks and my goggles But not my wife Okay, cool, I'm out Got the banana boat Don't have Barbara Don't got my SL But

Sorry, Tristan, I know that's awkward But honestly, you That's the kind of awkward you can feel good about Especially if you're going to be married You got to get used to You guys are a team now It's a package deal Especially if you're going to be legally married

It's not like she's your girlfriend It's a package deal It might be worth it to talk to your groomsman And be like, hey, I'm bringing her And if he's like, well, it's a small wedding Then say, okay, then I can't come Yeah, put that shit back on him Put that ball of heat back in his car

Yeah, this is his decision to make It's you two or nothing On Mother's Day I took my mom to a nice cafe in NYC for lunch After we finished eating, she needed to use the restroom However, there was a woman ahead of her on the line And both of them had to wait for a long time For the occupant to finish

Even though the men's room remained unoccupied I told her she should just have used the men's room It was as clean as the women's The only difference between the two bathrooms Was the sign on the door There were both single toilet rooms So there was no danger of running Into someone of the opposite sex in the bathroom

It's also fairly common for women to use the men's room At an overcrowded bar Is it? What is someone supposed to do in a situation like this? Is the inverse true for men using the women's restroom? It's from Jordan God, no No to everything

No to all of that? No to everything Here's what's up Okay When you are a gentleman or a lady Living and surviving And just barely getting by on the skin of your teeth And your charm alone

With irritable bowel syndrome Like when you see a wrong gender person In your right bathroom You get so fucking angry You get so angry because it's like For me it's always an emergency So it's like I have to go right now But I can't go

There has to, there better be a good There better be a goddamn great explanation for this I'm gonna counterpoint by saying I love using the ladies room And I was, it's painted better It's cleaner It's weird how they have lounges sometimes Yeah, it's nice

Better hand soap? Are you guys being serious? Yeah Yeah, sure, sure Is there a, is there a legal law that says you can't do that? A legal law, no Is there, is there a, is there a street law? Did someone take a bill to congress

And pass it with the president That said you can't do that? No It's just signs If you're in there with the intention Of being a sneaky creepy peeper I think that is illegal That's, I call, I call when I, when I

Get rid of waste in the bathroom I call it peeping So you'll have to be much more specific I'm always creepy about it What is the problem? They're just holes What, your butt, your butt hole in female? No, I mean, you're just

Oh, like a ladies vagina No, like the holes that you leave the bad things in Like, they're just holes Like, what's the matter? The, the, the turl it holes Why are you so adherent to society's rules? Is what I'm saying Cause, have you seen a little show called

Ally McBeal? Yeah Unisex bathrooms, my friend Sure, sure, sure, dear, dear, dear Oogachaka, I dig it, but listen Listen, listen, listen Am I worst fear a hundred percent of the time Even when I'm not, when I'm not peeping

My worst fear is that someone's gonna walk out on me on the bathroom If I'm in the men's room and somebody walks in And sees my bits and everything And like a full grown poop coming out of me Like, if a dude sees that I am haunting I am, I'm aghast If a lady sees it, I will commit septic poop on the SPOT

I'll tell you right now The biggest fear is when I'm using the bathroom In the ladies room And the handle jiggles Like, they were trying, and then you're trapped In this situation where you're like, oh, oh no Yeah, they're like, are you done? And you're like, I am now

Oh, goodbye! I have the weight of a cold on my shoulders now And then you gotta do a Mrs. Doubtfire style Like, put the keg on your face and seek out Before they realize you're a dude Can I, I wanted to point something out Real quick about bathrooms that made me laugh today Or it was actually yesterday that occurred to me

I was at the movie theaters in the bathroom And for me, it does not get better Than when two guys are in a bathroom And one guy just toots like it's nothing Like, all of society's rules have like combed around it And there's nothing more hysterical than a guy dropping it Like, what? What's up?

What's up? Check that out Check what I just did for you What are you gonna say now? What's up? Who's ruling this roost? You guys want a yahoo? Yeah, give it to me

This spaghetti-fueled yahoo is brought to you by Nick Jensen Thank you, Nick Jensen and Raghu Thank you, Raghu It's by yahoo answers user Darcy B who says Should I try out for My Sweet 16 or 16 and Pregnant? What? Really think about it I really want my 15 minute fame

So I am going to try and get on MTV I was thinking maybe my parents could throw a big party for me And I could appear on My Sweet 16 Although, if I sign up for 16 and Pregnant I could also go on Teen Mom afterwards This would give me more chance in the public eye Uh-huh So she's saying should my parents throw me a big party or should I get knocked out?

Should I get pregnant and then get double fame? Well, no, this is ridiculous This is so stupid Have the Super Sweet 16 Announced during Super Sweet 16, by the way I want to get knocked up I'm fucking on it No, no, like the Super Sweet 16 about knocking her out

Like the knocking up theme party So it's a Super Duper Sweet 16 Yeah I think that in this high pressure society You have to try to get on as many TV shows as possible Absolutely So you're saying, uh, could we do something? Could we do, what's that?

You could do Super Sweet 16 and 16 and Pregnant And also maybe you have a really challenging cake You need bait for your party? What's the- How do you have to get on cake? What's the one where they make the real ass little baby girls Look like creepy ass porcelain dolls? That's not on MTV

But does it- oh, we're talking single channel Single channel, here's what I'm suggesting X-Factor True life I'm a man in a woman's body Okay Then you switch it in your- No, no, no

True life, I'm a woman in a man's body And then you do maid At that point you are an unofficial MTV VJ Right You're like the Jesse You basically sway in that way Yeah, you're basically sway And then what you want to do is get on Super Sweet 16

During the party, get knocked up You're saying like chain it They're like an entire like nine-year career A k-k-k-k combo That's what I'm saying But I have to be on- I'm not sure the human frame can withstand Can your frame handle the fame is my question

Are you famous enough? Actually, that is the plot to realize wise with New Jersey So I think they got that trademark Oh, poor sway He's doing his best His parents named sway What do you want from him? A couple of weeks ago

One of my friends invited me to his bachelor party in Vegas However, about a week before we were supposed to leave He calls me and says that a couple of guys couldn't make it So they were going to reschedule it sometime during the summer On the day we were supposed to go to Vegas I got a text from him That was meant for his fiance Saying that they had got to the rooms in Vegas

They're heading out to the casinos Should I confront him about this? Do I even go to the wedding after I got royally dicked over? Thanks, brothers That's from sulking in San Diego So they gave this guy the fucking San Diego slip They gave the San Diego slip, yes And then he doesn't...

He doesn't... What was the guy's follow-up after that? Like, oh, I guess I canceled my bachelor party We're not having it anymore Now you don't get to come Well, what I love is I love that I love his optimism that he thinks his friend accidentally said in that text

Or was he maybe like, hey, surprise We're in our hotel rooms Hey, can you get to Vegas? Like, dawg, we live in Ann Arbor, Michigan I absolutely can't get down to Vegas No, we can't do that What's up with this show being the theme of dick friends? Hey, of all the...

Hey, bachelor, hey potential groom You fucked that text up the worst you could possibly do it We're also having a great time And so glad Bobby's not here Hey, honey, I'm getting my dick wet Oops, Bobby, no Why did I marry a girl named Bobby? So what do you think that sulking in San Diego is just sort of the...

He's like the uncool one in the group And the group wanted to leave him behind You got a bad rap You got a bum rap You got a bum rap, and I don't know... I don't know what to tell you He's not... I do, one word, rampage

Okay Oh, I like it Tell me more Yeah, we're going to Vegas You're flipping tables I'm saying roll up to Vegas Sunglasses on Cigarette lit

Gun loaded Chilling with rampage Chilling with rampage Jackson, the fighter Yeah, yeah Befriend all the pit bosses you can find And like, say that guy over there Ocean's 11th style, like, huge conch Travis is 11th

Try to steal his wedding Steal your dignity back No Steal the wedding Steal the wedding Now it's your wedding Are those carnations? Gotta get them, Danny

Oh, I like this sulking You are gonna have to go A, Full Ocean's 11th, steal the wedding Hijack, heist, loving it I got a tiny Korean man He jumped through the window of the church He got the whole cake Is that in one jump?

Is that a priest? Nope, it's Scott Come on Who is that? That's some Casey Appleg is there We're not 100% sure anyone can pass Scott Conn is actually a legal minister though Minister in the Presbyterian Church

A lot of people don't know that You guys want another Yahoo? Yes, please Yeah, I suppose Oh, God, I should have looked at these ahead of time How about this? So I sent him my Jacob Locker It's by Yahoo Answers user Mark

Thank you, Jacob Locker, for giving us this Mark asks, why is this woman farting on my wife at the gym? Every time my wife and I go to the gym, a lady probably in her mid-40s Decides to go near her and fart the first few times My wife would give me a funny look And we would later laugh about it We'll get back to that By the 7th or 8th time, my wife has become considerably annoyed

She even said to the woman, excuse you And the woman completely ignored her Farted again in a walk-through wedding Should we complain to the gym's management Or could this lady have a problem? It's strange that she only farts on my wife And no one else at the gym Have you checked around?

Did you ask? What is you? It qualifies as a fetish If after 7 to 8 times, all you're doing is saying, excuse you That is not a... Passive aggression is maybe the first time it happens Or the half time it happens Because it's unacceptable any...

And then they get punched right in the butt By 7 or 8, we're at like restraining order And or butt punches Yeah, by the second time you should ask if you can Pull down the front of their tank top and puke down it Because I would like to know... Can we rewind back to you? I would like to know the look that is exchanged

And then I think this lady just farted on me Yeah, okay, that's the sticking point Because... Stinking point? A human being just expel gas On your wife, on your betrothed And what you did was she looked at you like, no Like, hey, did you get...

This is gonna be a fun story later Like, no it isn't You got to fart it on That's gross and disrespectful I can't even look at you anymore Yeah, as you are taking... How am I supposed to make love to you? By the way, I wanted a divorce

I needed a divorce Hey, sorry, wife, I'm out Thank you so much, exercise, Debbie You're a bitch This question was asked two days ago Okay How many more times is this woman gonna continue to terrorize this couple? It is one woman, right?

It's just one... Is it like a bunch of women or is this one serial dude? She's got... A Jack the Ripper, if you will She's got some sort of crazy obsession Like fucking one-hour photo with this wife Instead of jerking off the pictures of their family's photo She's farting on only the wife at the gym

Cut it out, everybody Cut it out You just ruined the fight At least fart on everybody Yeah, at least go I'm with that Robin Williams fart on me all day long Which is, I think, pretty much what he did during license to wed Is there a possible that this middle-aged woman is Robin Williams in a way?

It's really good My favorite part of the email is She says, excuse you, in a manner that says please leave And the woman's response is she farts once more and then dips Excuse me No, fuck you No, no, no She's a drive-by tutor

That's a down-fire deep cut What's everyone's favorite line from what yours may come? Bring them out Oh, fuck Oh, Jesus Um, I, uh I like when you get your Cooper Giggs junior career To start to like slide right down that hill

Griffin, let's, uh, we've been sitting on this couch And it's honestly, it's made me a little star-crazy The pasta has actually settled heavy in my gut Yeah, yeah, um, it's made me a little star-crazy And it made me want to take a little journey With my two brothers Do you know where? Uh, I don't know where

We've already joined so much today To the money So, uh, we've got a very happy birthday message to one Sherilyn is from her children Eloise and Jordan I hope they don't listen Well, they are four and two So they do listen Wow, they either don't understand

Or they understand so deeply First of all, these kids have no idea who Robin Williams is We should actually have a, uh, you know how, how deaf people have an interpreter there We need something like that for kids Can we get Robin Williams? He's like, he's like, uh, he's like, Barney We can get Robin Williams to interpret for himself This is how I relate to it

I'm like, he's the genie in Aladdin Mm-hmm Well, there's that, but I mean, even that might Kids don't even watch Aladdin You know the man you see on TV sometimes And he looks like he's on his, like, third or fourth heart And also his hands are carpeted Just related to, uh, Death to Synergy

Yeah Okay Kids love that movie Everyone So this, uh, from, uh, Sherilyn The message is from Jordan Eloise Um These kids are super fucking smart

They're really, they're emailing, uh, she, uh, is an editor of scientific documents Uh, uh, particularly for French scientists Which means she's, uh, probably smarter than the whole couch Or a secret agent That sounds like a job that someone comes up with And, like, oh, she edits science documents for Yeah Does it seem like that's every, every role that Nicole Kimmon has ever played in a movie

I'm a science editor for French Sciences I'm not okay with you taking French science And giving it the old American spit shine Yeah I would prefer that we keep our science here in our borders safe and sound Right We had to develop our science We had to develop it and you're just giving it away for free for France

Or whatever your salary is What I'm saying is I'll pay your salary Stop it Stop it Stop doing it I'll put your kids through college Uh, so the little kids aren't listeners yet We hope that when they get to be older, um, they will be listeners

And Sherilyn, of course, uh, Sherilyn Woltrop Happy birthday, uh, to you We hope you have a great one Shit, because this just changed from a birthday message to a time capsule Oh yeah Hey kids I hope you're at least 16 16

So 12 years from now A good, a good, or a mature 14 Oh, here comes daddy Very discreet Hold on, every smile It's a time capsule It's a time capsule for your kids And we're making a time capsule right now

Oh, but my hair looks terrible Oh, father So our other, uh, our other journey that we're taking to the money zone is, uh, our buddy James Gattie Who's, who is, I don't know if you see him He's active on the Twitter Active on the Twitter Constantly promoting the show And on the beat

He's on the beat because he's a police officer for the London Metropolitan Police The Met Police And he is going to be in BNBAM's resident policemen So he's British, right? Yep He's a Brit Brit? They don't get guns, right?

They have all guns They are, their arms are guns Yeah, they make them surgically replace their arms with guns And not like the chintzy, like, I'm gonna look at the gun, gunshot You're saying, like, you're on Canada Foreign cannon Right, um, he fires a pint of Guinness right into someone's face Yeah, you can find him Gowdy James on Twitter if you, if you'd like to follow him

Everyone crush him Just crush him with followers And oh, he says I should throw in my English accent too So here's what I think it sounds like when a British person, uh, uh Is a cop? Is a cop Hold on, wait, why don't I just play the song, the jingle, and you can sing British cop lyrics over it You son of a bitch

Oh He's Gowdy, but she's not Gowdy She's a French scientist editor He's a cop on the beat She joins and on the street Unconventional partners Working the beat It's Gowdy and not Doughty Sherilyn

Hey, there's a crime Can you make it wrong with trees? Whee That's the only French word I know Gowdy and not Doughty Sherilyn Cancelled after three episodes Rabbit fan base Conventions, yeah, they got him

For Gowdy and not Doughty Sherilyn Hey Eloise Hey other kids, sorry I scrolled away from your name Happy birthday Happy 14th and 16th birthday Asynchronous twins French science British crime

Gowdy and not Gowdy Yeah, she's never party Governor Lovin' her I should say so Gowdy and not Doughty Sherilyn There we go, that's the money zone

I love it Yeah, I love it too I looked away for a second, I was like, whoa, is that Liam Gallagher? Yeah, is it Liam Gallagher? Is he here? So that was our journey of the money zone They're brothers too They're brothers too, did you know that, the strokes? If you're interested in joining us for a trip to the money zone

You can contact Teresa at MaximumFun.org That is Teresa with an H I'm a lesbian, and I, okay, that was British, okay I'm a lesbian, and I'm a re... I do that every time Okay, I'm a lesbian, and I recently cut my hair But now I'm having second thoughts Before it was all the way down to my waist

And now it's more a men's style cut Although still long enough to show my lovely curls I think it looks cute It's very low maintenance And it seems to be net positive with the ladies But I've noticed that strangers are rudder to me Should I stick it out and get used to being perceived differently by people Or grow my hair long and lovely again

So as to fly into the gaydar And avoid the occasional embarrassment mistake about my gender Fan from the post lesbian apocalypse Is she asking us if she should be proud of her lesbianity? Her lesbianics? She, well, she doesn't want to, she wants to be a lesbian She doesn't want to be mistaken for a dude Okay, but I guess that's...

I do have to tell you though This decision is largely out of your hands for the next month or so So here's my advice Try it for a month and see what you think If you still don't like it, grow it long then Here's, there are worse things that you could be mistaken for than a dude Do you know what I'm saying? Liam Gallagher, you'll kill it

No, but fucking Bieber Bieber You can look, you can get a Bieber, a sweet Bieber bowl And then you are in a lot of trouble Unless your name is Justin And your last name is Bieber And your middle name is whatever Justin Bieber's name is Saul

Saul, Justin, Saul Bieber Justin Schmoole Bieber No, we never saw that coming Hey, no, you know, it actually is Justin Osama Bieber Why do people don't know that? Usain Bieber Justin Hannah Montana Bieber You know what, if you like it

If you like it, if you like your haircut It's yours, it's your haircut, own it Yeah, fuck Bieber Well, if they, listen, if they're gonna think you're a dude They're obviously somebody you don't know very well That's a pretty good litmus test as to whether or not they're useless Hey, are you a dude? No, like fuck you, get out of here

I don't, like I obviously don't want to chill with you Look at my shapeliness Look at my shapely curvaciousness Look at this wombastic body Excuse me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot And slightly and draw to this like me Is my favorite pussycat, though

There are so many though, it's pretty Yeah, there are so many, buttons is good to you Buttons is good Pushing up my buttons, I like that Mr. Boombastic Mr. Boombastic Oh, holy, like That's another one

Duel of the Fates Listen, Cat Jolls are the most flexible artists of our time For you from my court They are unstoppable The Declaration of Independence Yeah, that hit song, Declaration of Independence What? Now you're just giving documents

The Rosetta Stone The Spins The Empire Statefield What are we doing? We are fucked up our pasta Oh, shit, oh, my God Holy shit, Jesus Oh, my God

You just call me a self-spaghetti I'm feeling this pasta vibe I got your answer Yes Oh, Christ Let's see Declaration of Independence You thought there was a song in the heat of the moment, didn't you?

You can admit it Just want to send him by John Ramsey Thank you, John Ramsey It's by Yahoo! Enteres user Pretty Who asks Is marrying a robot, parentheses, with sexual capabilities In parentheses Or an animal, more socially unacceptable

Oh, God The robot is designed so that you can, quotations, screw it Is marrying a robot, with sexual capabilities, or an animal More socially, we'll say, more socially acceptable Okay I'm gonna, we're gonna pretend that we don't live in the same universe as Beast Wars Because I think that really matters a lot Yeah

Well, I think it would be epic In the epic God case, Robo V Bobo Oh, asshole Um, marrying a robot with sexual I think marrying a robot with sex capabilities is more acceptable Because I have seen Lars and the real girl But I haven't seen Lars and the real alligator I think the problem is that every time you introduce someone to your wife

You have to say, this is my wife, a robot with sexual capabilities Yeah, check it, she's got holes in everything She is ready to party Is that better than like, this is my wife, Tracy, she's not a real llama What's up with that art, Mark? Don't you talk about my wife like that? We fuck all the time Wait, so we're assuming the animal has sexual capabilities, right?

It doesn't specify the question I think all, pretty much all animals, although it depends on the size Because if we are talking about like a, like a porcupine, or well that's a bad example But like a, I don't know, a hamster that, well still Fuck, there's a lot of sexy animals out there, you guys It is a minefield Uh, the worry of course with a fake girl is that you'll create an uncanny valley Yeah

And that is the tightest leg Oh man, this was just a little less canny Also, yeah, worry about self, self actualization, what's it called? Oh, like sentient Well, I mean, if it's a fuck robot, I would hope that it's sentient Or else I'd feel like I'm with a vegetable Yeah I want, I want somebody who like after a while figures out

This, this system that I've set up That you don't have to worry about that Third law of robotics is don't harm a human Fourth law of robotics, swallow Yeah, this is true We are in our daddy's house I'm not making this up We are in our daddy's house

I know Fifth law anniversary, anything goes Yeah I want to marry a sex robot that has standard Whisper the rest of the house We got to whisper the rest of this question Ow, I can't Nope, I can't do it

Got it, got it, you got it No, no We're in our daddy's house We're in daddy's house I, I can't go on with this At least first Yeah, we got, we got just this question Just this question

I want to marry a sex robot with standards Like rules are like, no, I don't do the butt Like that's what I want Like they have that program that you think that that would prevent them from Going into a killing frenzy? If they have certain restrictions Like, like Roger like F's me all the time

But at least he like gave me boundaries He programmed those boundaries in it I dig that But I don't want to go wow on that What about a robot animal? Do we already cover this? Can we not do that? Yeah, we get the robot wow on

With the Beast Wars contingent All right, establish that that can't be And now Travis really wants to explore that space Yeah Um, I mean A dog is man's best friend A robot dog is man's like brother And a robot dog with fuck capabilities

Hey, are there any answers? Did anybody dip in to give it a shot? Uh, it's Romans one 24th through 27th You fucker You're gonna try to drop the Bible on this person Like they never left Lift traditional morality behind a few puppies ago Robots one

Everyone turn your Bibles to the fuck of robots It's one chapter one verse It's robots one one Don't fuck robots You weirdo I'm sure there's stuff in the rest of the Bible About fucking animals Yeah, yeah, it's gotta be

Um, but it's gotta be You'll find the book of robots That's that was in the Dead Sea Scrolls, I believe With memory serves If you marry an animal, you're a freak Into beastiality E.g. a perv And you're harming a living creature

So it's a double dose of perversion Are we like, all right, first of all, stop It's like just my thigh out Stop that Listen, you are assuming that what I do to my Pet Lama Is harmful and that's like beautiful and natural Like, you know what? Think of it this way

Did you guys hear about that law? Somebody just passed a law I can't remember which state Probably one of the more fucked up ones That says you can't have sex with an animal But they worded it in a way that doesn't exclude human beings Because we're animals So they basically made it

I think it's in Florida You can't fucking Florida anymore Like that's the law is that you can't fucking Florida But that law brings up a good point Because we're animals too I should be able to fuck whatever I want Robots, not animals Not humanoid

They can't be humanoid shaped But they can't feel like they're walls Like the walls that they're trying to inside of Like it does it It's not It's not It's not my way Is what I'm saying

You know, usually these things in with big glass And when we want stuff Griffin, you've made it It just drops to the science It's like K's Yeah, I'm sold Animals, animals Animals

I think we settled it Case closed I'm interested in dating my brother's girlfriend's sister Is it acceptable for brothers to date sisters? If one pair get married Did the other pair have to immediately break up Tag team in Texas I feel like this one of those multi-layered questions

Where someone's trying to trick us into saying It's okay to have sex with their sister If we don't like, insect it at all Hey, hold on, wait Is your sister an animal? I think she is Yeah She's an animal called human

Called homo erectus Get it Get it Yeah Um Actually, she's not human, she's dancer It says here, so Okay, so my brother's

Girlfriend's Girlfriend's Sister Sister I think it's okay Like isn't that the plot of one of the Brady Bunch movies With all of them hook up Guys, we didn't think about something

Tell me Tell me Bicentennial man What you get You start out with Robin Williams Your whole robot By the end he's a human being He's had all of his robot parts

Replace his human being parts And he can feel and die and maybe go to heaven Like real people heaven Like straight up real people heaven And not while robots don't get anything But what do you think about that? Oh, now we're back to more ambiguity Yeah

Damn it Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt the flow I would argue that if we eventually made him into Robin Williams He's not a person I think our bigger concern is Once you open the floodgate on one of them You're gonna end up with robots bearing animals Yeah

If you open Robin Williams' floodgate You guys get out the way He really isn't a person anymore He is a typhoon of a chockel He is a comedy shadow He is a walking awkward Unpleasant with him right now He's a negative laughter

I'm unpleasant on this The paw he is cast over this show Nanoo Nanoo Nanoo no thanks Son of a bitch Don't date your sister You look weird No, she's saying

Your sister in law? No, don't do it because if one of you I don't care about why do you get married I care about one of you breaking up Because that will take you to the awkward village How was your how was your how was your Christmas? It was great, there were sort of fights Because one of us dated and the other ones broke up

Just don't do it Just don't do it That was easy That was easy Romans 1 15 through 16 says don't Don't fuck your sister's sisters Sister's brothers Don't fuck anyone who is ever on the TV show

Sister Sister That includes Tajmaari I recently started to text and talk With an old college friend It's been five years and we live a few states apart But things seem to be progressing towards the romantic My problem is I've gained a significant amount of weight Since college

Like a hundo Putting me at six to three hundred LBs Six to three hundred That was great I weigh between six and three hundred No Six to three hundred LBs Do I mention this tour or just show up with some extra for her to love?

Rotund Romancer Okay You gotta drop that nomenclature Hey I've got some branding It's gotta be good news I got branded Check out my Lycra jacket I there stitched on the back I say you need to update your Facebook with a current picture

And just let the kids forward it With the caption Surprise Surprise This is it No I mean if it's what does she love? Does she love your heart? She love that heart of yours?

It happens guys It happens from time to time That a person doesn't love this fainfield frame They love that heart That sweet heart of mine Is that the case that you're going with? Did your heart get fatter? Because if that's the case it just means you have more love to give her

Here's what you should not do Absolutely you cannot mention it No Like you can't say hey listen just be new Just heads up I've really bulked up You can't say that Like don't say that but you know put some current pictures up there

And you know there's also a good chance She's like herself though How much shame is in your frame? Get the shame out your frame And get your frame some fame Made I want to be about 100 pounds less Made get down that episode You can I mean you cannot do anything

But there there may be a look on her face That you aren't going to be able to shake her Oh but imagine this beautiful moment There's a look on her much fatter face Oh shit Oh no Shrek it's a Shrek here dude We're after Natalie and Law I want to be a princess you are a princess

Get over here I have chicken Hey listener sorry about us Hey sorry about us I need I'm just I think that you should just go for it And if she turns you down then she doesn't deserve you She's yeah Put a current picture up if she says is that current Say no I'm chunking up and then stop eating

You gotta get slimmer say I'm going I'm on all my way down I promise please don't leave me Please I need you so bad Debbie And if not maybe like you guys would be friends or something The worst five minutes of advice Anybody ever give it any way Somebody go to CJ Maddie's with How about it how about one final y'all

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah This one was sent in by Golly A. Olly Thank you Golly A. Olly It's by Y'all Nancy's user Oh no the picture itself is pretty wonderful The real Marty Janetti Except no substance You guys are you guys soaking in that image

Got a tiny thumbnail It's a wrestler he's holding a belt Usually if I don't know a celebrity they're a wrestler The real something something asks How can I convince my girlfriend to dress up like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka I am in love with two ladies My sweet little blueberry aka my G friend And Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka

I think it's so sexy the when Violet inflates into a sphere And would love to see my lady do the same How can I convince her that this would be both fun and sexy She doesn't realize it yet But her nickname comes from my number one screen crush I bought the costume last week And I'm fighting up the courage to ask her Please any suggestions PS

Not like in the new crappy Johnny Depp Charlie That CGI looked horrible Only Mel Stewart's version I can't oh god I can't finish unless it's the Mel Stewart's version You look right now Rishanda you look beautiful But you look like that shitty that shitty uh Johnny Depp version Of Charlie and Charlie Franklin

Honey I got you this outfit and this bicycle pump Let's go to town Yeah we are gonna give you some artificial juice filled dumps Ever hear that thing or it's like if you press this button You'll get a million dollars but someone in the world will die Do you press a button If I can guarantee it's this guy I'm just gonna start hammering on it

Oh man how stealth do you have to be about your Number one screen crush That you have given this girl a nickname Which is my little blueberry And she doesn't know what it's referring to You have to watch this movie like on the reg right Like and you can tell he's got like a half motor Like when she walks in the room

She swells he swells baby That's how he do That's gross That is so unpleasant that you would like that so much If you're gonna get if you're gonna Jerk it To anything in that movie Why not a goosest loop getting sucked up

In that chocolate Pawn that chocolate tube Oh I feel like I feel like we've just found a really great psychological test It's like if you had to jerk it To one scene in Willy Wonka And your answer Means something

How about if you jerk to any second about that movie Which is primarily about primarily about murdering kids Boy there is you know what as angry as I was about this guy There is a much more unpleasant gentleman Who's fetish is a little boy stuck in a chocolate too Yeah Is it I mean There's death

You don't have to lay it The parts of your brain Of fear and arousal are right next to each other Is anything scarier than that The look on that fucking kid's face When he's surrounded by plastic And tiny orange men and sweet chocolate It's like it's heaven and hell baby

I think he knows he knows death is around the corner What about the girl that gets thrown in an incinerator Yeah That movie is terrifying Why am I so a rat then Why am I Why oh that was a bad There's no earthly way of knowing why I have this huge boner

That was a bad Oh no no no There's no earthly way of knowing why my boner is still growing But the bulge is surely showing Is it shrinking is it blowing And the semen now is flowing Oh So I want to hear

Very last question But first I wanted to say well we we have a live show It's going to be June 12th We have a handful of tickets left And I'm not saying that like they say it to try to encourage people to buy We literally have like 10 seats left We have those on Sunday night and the show's going up on Monday morning So like no guarantees and hopefully like we've talked about it on Twitter

And our Facebook as much as we can And on our website On our website yeah it's all on maximumfun.org So like if you if you don't get tickets like we're sorry We're going to keep doing these live shows So this isn't like the last chance thing And this one's hopefully we'll be able to To we're all you know close enough to

Cincinnati maybe we can do this again at some point if you miss out on On the show because the response has been so awesome for you For you guys Thank you so much Christ And we're still shopping for opening acts We've got a few really good leads But if you live in Cincinnati or know like a really great comic or band

Or anything like that in Cincinnati At this point I'm really excited about magician It's something I'm leaning towards I'm getting some some fight from the brothers I would take a magician at this point Can we get a ball pit? You mean just like a half hour ball pit? Like I don't like yeah like we just put the ball pit up there and just like go nuts

We originally said that we could have another podcast Having for us and we did have a couple of suggestions But we were worried that they could be better than ours And we can't have that So we gotta have somebody who's not a podcast now We've decided because we're that's the kind of insecurity we're talking about And if you're already gonna be in town I'll give you your coming in town Cincinnati

Might I suggest checking out complete work So William Shakespeare Bridge to the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company Who they are wonderfully hosting our show So if you want to check that out in the afternoon And then come see our show at night Highly recommend it They act really fucking good They act so good

They act really good So thank you guys We love it when people tweet on Twitter About our show and use the MB&B hashtag So we make sure to see it Right Rickman is a relatively new convert I think Was tweeting up a storm Let's see our buddy Rhymeswag

He's a relatively new tweeter I haven't seen him popping up too much I do like IP and butts Which is a good Oh wait, I love this Go back down This guy's my favorite Onkmonk says at the bim bam

Fuck you Got us Got us Nailed us again I want to hand out a special congratulations to my friend Sabrina and Chris They just had a baby And I'm gonna go ahead and name it

Travis McRoy's pick For my brother My brother and me Baby of the Year The most pinchable baby of 2000 and heaven So let's give that up to Benjamin Prometheus Stoker Real name What a great baby

And thanks to our buddy Cole Ross That's Cole with a K He hosts and produces Stand under the don't treat and riddle me this And is also a co-host of those damn Ross kids And he is in Cincinnati So we'll be able to feel his vibes emanating through the air I feel him here

I feel him in Ironton So hi to everybody Ducklips513 Everybody tweeting about the show We really appreciate it Thanks to our daddy and to Carol for just Just ram jamming us Ram jamming us with pasta

So much pasta Gonna go eat some strawberry pie too Oh yeah Don't mind if I do So this has been pasta fest Thank you for being a part of it Thank you for joining us Tune in next week for Rasta Fest

Every year we're gonna do pasta fest in May Rasta Fest in late May or late June And Griffin right now is gonna hit you The listening audience with our very last question of the week Oh, one more thing If you're a If you'd like to introduce the show to somebody We've got a brand new way of doing it

It's the mbmbam sampler That is located at bit.ly Ford slash It's mbmbam So bit.ly Ford slash it's mbmbam So if you're gonna send You know if you want to tweet about the show

Till we listen to it Please use that link And just say like hey I think you'd like this Jerk It's about 12 minutes Some of our Classic bits Classic

If this is your first time listening If you one of the people introduces that Make sure to check out our website www.mbam.com Let's bury this bitch Thank you Final question is sent in by Osumane Mariko

Thank you Osumane Mariko It's by y'all who answers User PumperTech Who asks I'm bored What do you do for fun?

It is raining out also And I am an old man I'm good to back away I'm Travis McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy This has been my brother My brother me Kiss your daddy

Square on the lips Hi daddy Keep your heart Three stacks Keep your heart Hey Keep your heart Three stacks

Keep your heart Man These girls are smart Three stacks These girls are smart Play your part