My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 550: The Spider-Man Truth

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

This week, Justin passes judgement on Travis's intro privileges. More importantly though, Justin has a new tool that is finally going to make the show good!Suggested Talking Points: The Dirty Side of the Shirt, What the Heck?!, Cougar Announcements, The Science Isn't In!Ways to support Black Lives Matter and find anti-racism resources: https://linktr.ee/blacklivesmatter

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Here come the McElroy's. We've got jokes and bits. We're gonna give advice and do funny sticks. Laughter, it is in store. Come inside and see. It's time to start. It's my brother, my brother and me.

I have a thing for the intro. It's really silly and light. Alright. Now, I don't think we need... I think we should just talk about what's been going on. Now, that has bummed everyone out. I like the tension between Travis's instinct and Justin's instinct. Let's see what happens with that. Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. Omi, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm Wolf Wolf, Travis McElroy, a dog? It's still doing it. This is Griffin, still doing it.

Well, I tried to make it go up at the end because I had a question I wanted to ask. Something that's really been stuck in my old craw. It's just an age-old question I've been trying to answer. A riddle even? No, not quite a riddle, but it's more like when you wear a shirt and you go out into the world wearing a shirt. Right. Which side of the shirt is the side that's getting dirtier? The outside that's out-facing the world or the inside of rubbing up against your body?

Well, this is challenging. This is tough. There's parts of my body that are fucking filthy. Right. And we take great strides to mitigate that. Right. But the armpits, are we limiting this to just the shirt or are we talking pants too? You can't ask that of pants because you know the answer of pants and it's which side's the googer on.

Well, yes, because the extension of this question is if you wear two shirts. Right. And I do. If you have an undershirt and an overshirt. Very prominent nipples, Justin Scott. It's got to get two shirts in there to just pin those bad boys in. If you get home, which shirt is the dirty shirt? The dirty shirt, yeah.

Can you wear the undershirt again? Can you turn the shirt inside out and you're good? Like, where are we at with us? Well, okay. Where are you spending your days? Are you spending it in sort of clean office? Are you spending a stinky fungus for us? Let's say I am walking around, okay, I'm walking around Columbus, Ohio on a 72-degree day.

Oh, perfect. Columbus really comes to life in the springtime. Yeah. But it's not so hot. The finches. Oh, baby. Oh, and the finches are flitting down the ol' Ohio. The Columbus finches.

Oh, when they return from Capistrano to Columbus. Oh, that's good clean air. That's good clean American air. Good clean air, but a recognizable city. Now, I could have gone with Cincinnati, but I already live here and I don't want to speak about it. It's hypothetical. It's too much baggage.

Yeah. There's a lot of emotion tied to that city. And during a game day, you all can't forget about it. That shirt's instantly dirty. It's 72 degrees. Perfect. Oh. Sorry.

Justin and I are just spending time in our memories thinking about all of our great Columbus springs. I understand. We've all been there. Can I emerge from the doors of the Center on Science and Industry or COSI? Of course. And I'm headed to COSI, the sandwich place. Oh, okay.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's feeling cozy in this great 72 degree weather. Here's, this question's a bad question. Why? Well, I can answer it with the single word and that word is jackets. Okay. Hmm.

You wear a shirt and a jacket outside in a beautiful 72 degree. Maybe it's like a light jacket. And you come back in and into the day, you put on your night clothes and you take off your shirt. Your night clothes. My long night shirt. Yeah. Right.

And your cap with your single, your single candle. And you retire the shirt that has been rubbed against your huge prominent nipples and your stinky arm, like your arm goochers. And that goes in the hamper. But the next day, new shirt, same jacket. Yeah. But just because we've always done that, Gryffin doesn't mean it's right. Listen, this is all good stuff, but Gryffin started talking about night caps and I was

thinking, you know, the cap and they got the fuzzy ball at the end all the time. Right. We love, we love that. What's that about? And so you can find the end of it easier. Yeah. Are you suggesting that I would be casually stroking up the top of the hat and I would get to a place where I wasn't sure if I was.

Yeah. It's dark. You only have the one candle. So you're like, how high is this hat going? And then you worry that maybe you've moved on to a set, like now you've reached the chandelier. Right. You miss the end completely and you just keep going. You need a sort of anchor when you're working in the dark and old Victorian times where

you just have the one candle. You need something to sort of establish a depth, perception, like target. And that's what the ball is for. It can also be a fun game for when you get bored or you're very, very sick with an old Victorian disease laying in bed. You sort of swat at it like a kitty cat does. Oh yeah. Or when you're snoring and you're going honk, me, me, me, me.

Your breath is like blowing that little ball up and it's bopping you back in the nose. You know what I mean? It's fun. It's so funny and cute. But to answer your question. So which side of the night cap is getting dirtier? The ball side. Oh.

Everybody makes more filth than the room or area I'm in. I can pretty much guarantee that. It's terrible. My body consumes things and turns it into, I guess, more bones and meat and flesh that makes me up. And then everything that doesn't make the cut just gets impressed into my clothing. It's a real horror show. Isn't it wild to think that we spend our lives eating food so our bones can get thicker and

thicker until one day we die and it's just skin on bone. It doesn't make any sense. What are you talking about? This is a comedy show. You said you had something fun and light for the opener. I'm so disappointed. I am officially revoking your ability to initiate the program. Hey, Justin, I just killed about six and a half minutes.

But that's not about this. I've been away from art for so long. It's been a while. It's been a while since I've made any art. Your friend, Art Garfunkel? No. See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. No more fucking duds.

This show has no longer been away from art. You heard the word art. Guys, it sounded like a name. And that name is Art Garfunkel. You are right now pointing at the basketball underneath the hoop and it's like, well, I thought I threw it high enough to get it in the hole, but I just threw it into the slushy stand. So that's what happened with that one.

You're right. You're right. We know. Fart Garfunkel. Thank you. There it is. No, Justin. No, Justin.

Justin. No, Justin. Justin. You've lost you. He got there. I'm going to revoke Travis's privileges from now. OK, we haven't been able to make art for two weeks. Yeah.

Justin, you haven't been able to make art. Because of the weather and stuff. And because of that, because of that, Borat 2 beat Hamilton for the Golden Globe. And we let that happen on our watch because we didn't make any art. Yeah. For two weeks. And America forgot. You know what I mean?

Yeah. America forgot. Has anyone checked on Lynn? I talked to Lynn last night after Borat beat him so soundly. And I promised him on my mother's grave that if Borat beat him for the Golden Globe, it would be discussed in the introduction of this program. OK. So now I have cashed that in.

There it is. Thanks for checking in, Borat. Borat, is there anyone you'd like to thank? Wow. He really wants to thank his reggae horn that he travels with at all times. Right. That was a real bump set. Just dookie right on the ground.

It was a nice setup and a failure to deliver. We love Borat. But we're not. We do love Borat here. I'm saying, here's what I'm saying. Everybody wins the Golden Globes because everybody had a great time. Yeah. And the stars came out to play.

Yeah. And did you guys actually did you guys probably didn't watch? Did you? Oh, yeah. Sydney likes to watch shows. So we we checked in. It was all wild. It was a tough watch.

It was a tough watch. But Trav, this is going to sound like I'm making it up. But in the interstitial like before and after commercials, they would point the celebs that were about to be up for awards were all like logged into zoom, right? Sure. And and they would point basically point their screens at one another and encourage them to make fun small talk. So I got to watch Bob Odenkirk trying to lure Al Pacino out of his trance and lure him into

some light conversation as the announcer was like, next up, we've got another award. It was all, I mean, really. It was it was really, really difficult. Jason Bateman was there with his kids and I was like, he shouldn't be exposed to this environment. None of them were any of them like playing Fortnite while receiving their awards and telling people to smash that like and subscribe button. Essentially doing that.

Yeah. It was basically like mid kill streak. Nice. Yeah. Anyway, can we? I just want to say and seriously, it's been like a while since we've been able to record one because of Earth. And I just want to say it's it's a genuine pleasure and I'm thrilled to be here with

you and I won't let Travis post up anymore. Like a dookie. All gold. All right. 550. Yeah, a special one. We've got a lot of plans. I'm a big fan of formula one.

And a lot of the teams are doing raffles during the preseason period this spring. The prizes are mostly things like merch and invites to a virtual car launch events. And some are offering virtual meet and greets with the drivers. The issue is that while I love a signed team hat, the idea of winning a video call with a formula one driver fills me with terror. I'm trying to mentally prepare just in case, but I'm drawing a blank. What are some cool things to say when you're talking to a race car driver over zoom? That's from inane in the pit lane.

I tell you. Call in name. Got pit lane. Do you think that the best sort of telecommuting telework solution for a formula one driver is zoom? Do you think they feel very comfortable? Oh, I see. Like, oh, this is sounding like good fast car goes.

Zoom, zoom. I'm very comfortable. I can tell you I can tell you're uncomfortable talking to me. Like champs and talking to me over zoom. But let me tell you, I feel very comfortable because the name of this application is the sound of my cargo. Zoom, zoom. Thank you.

I think we can all agree. The first question is, of course, how fast have you gone? Right? Yeah. What's the fastest you get? That's because I think that they'd be excited to one have a nice softball. But if they're not excited to talk about how fast they've gone, why are they a formula one?

They get the fake back of a car like rear windshield driving background that they used to use for like toonses the driving cat as your rear zoom. Can you make that happen just to make the race car driver feel comfortable? Oh, and then have them be like your driver. So like you're sitting in the back seat and just turn into a conversation where you're like, hey, could you slow down a little bit? You're going very, very fast. Oh, you just took that turn pretty quick.

And I asked you to go to Whole Foods. No, I said take a right. No, only left here. Actually, I think formula one courses, they zigzag all over. They don't do just a big circle here. Really? That's too exciting for me. I think so, yeah.

I think that the how fast you go question doesn't really have legs or wheels in this case. If you want, try bouncing that off me. I'll be Chet Shampson, beloved Formula One racer. So how fast have you gone? 200. Miles per hour? Yep.

Well, we do kilometers, don't we, pre-European Formula One. Ooh, what's that translate to in Miles? No one knows. Oh, okay. Oh, sorry, my dog just came in the room. Hey buddy, what's up? Let me see those precious toe beans. These are his toe beans.

Oh, his honey. His name is Chet Shampson, the dog. I named him after you. I hate that. Hey, can I say that actually felt a lot more, I was going to try to illustrate like that's a bad topic of conversation because it doesn't really go anywhere from there, but Travis, you are a fucking born conversationalist. Thank you very much.

You made me, even when I was trying to fucking stump you, you made me feel so comfortable and involved. How did you feel when the dog came in? I loved that. It's not real, but I couldn't, yeah, I could envision the precious toppers toe beans. Especially if I can admit this, when Travis says his dog came in, I thought that his dog came in. Thank you.

He was like so deeply inhabiting the role. Well, I've actually been training my dogs to come over when I'm on Zoom calls because it makes everybody so happy. I give them a little piece of the bacon and they come over and everybody's like, oh, a doggo. And they get really excited. Yeah. I didn't even have dogs before the pandemic.

I bought them specifically for Zoom calls to make people happy. And you know what? When the pandemic's gone, I'm going to sell them, sell these dogs. Yeah. And you get a little bit of sweat equity there. The dogs have gotten bigger. Yeah, they've gotten bigger and I chained them. Right?

Yeah. I think that if you get on a call with this stranger and you say, hey, thanks for taking the time to talk to me today, but I really just won a hat. Can you send me a hat and we don't have to talk? And the stranger goes, absolutely. And then you can hang up the phone. I will say this. I can think of almost no Zooms I've been on in the last year where someone said, Justin,

you can hang up right now if you promise to send me some kind of hat. Yeah. Absolutely. Done. I'm already closing the screen. Hey, Chet Champson, in all your 50 years of racing, what was the best fan interaction you ever had? Oh, man, let me tell you, one time this guy let me get off a Zoom call super quick.

It was amazing. I named my son after him and I just, I didn't know his name though, so I just called him Hang Up Guy. This is my son, Hang Up Guy, Champson. Happiest I've ever been. Better than any race I've ever won was that time it was the fastest Zoom call I've ever been on. And you know what I mean?

I love speed. I crave it. I was in the middle of watching the season finale Ozark. I was like, hell yeah, get right back into Ozark. See how Jason and the kids are going to get out of this one. Zoom Zoom. Zoom Zoom maybe. Zoom Zoom maybe.

I went ahead and knocked over a lids so I could have more get out of call free tickets. Now I'm in prison and it was worth it. It was worth it to get off that Zoom call. No questions asked. And I've knocked over the lids. They fucking caught me while I was driving away. Can you believe that? I think the irony.

Chet Champson. Do y'all want a Yahoo? Yeah, I'd love that. This one is sent in by Casey. Thanks, Casey. It's a Yahoo Answers user Bush who asks, my grandkids want to start a detective agency. Yes. Nice.

Should I start staging crimes for them to solve? I'm worried about them actually solving it and figuring out it was me. Well, yeah. I mean, the latter worry is a strange worry unless the crimes you were attempting to do was like manslaughter. No, but here's the thing. Even if it's like, oh, you know, Bugsy stole the fucking class pet or whatever. If you figure out that's your grandpa.

I mean, after two of those, even if it's just pretty money, you're like, you're like, fuck it, grandpa. Like, are you okay, dude? Like, you stole the class pet and then you stole that little kid's like prize marble shooter or whatever. Like, what are you doing, grandpa? Well, did you ever watch the Sherlock show with Ben and Bick coming? Elementary?

Yeah. Right? No, the other one. That one had. My mom's home's woke up and it was like modern day San Francisco and. No, that's still elementary. This one had been a kid. The Hobbit.

The Hobbit and they, it was just, it was just Sherlock. It was just right down the middle of Sherlock. There wasn't like a special thing about it. It was just straight over the plate Sherlock. Do you remember that one? Yeah. Well, in that one. A little bit.

Every case they'd be like, oh, the mummy did come back from the dead. Yeah. We were at the museum or the people at the circus have been also killing people. But at the end of each one, it turns out it was, it was Moriarty. And then at the end of the first season Moriarty dies. Whoa! And you say, whoa, hold on a minute. Now who's going to do the crimes?

And sure enough, the next season there's a big crime that happens where one of the guys is, his wife does it. And you're like, whoa, what? What, but then you're like, you find out later it was still Moriarty. Do you see where I'm going with this? I do. Is the grandpa Moriarty in this?

Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying is that you steal the lunch money and they find out, oh, it was grandpa. Grandpa said, I did that as a test for you. And then the next thing is the class pet goes missing and everybody thinks it's Bugsy, but it turns out it's the grandpa again. And they say, well, now we know

that grandpa's doing all the crimes. So grandpa fakes his own murder. Okay. And, but it turns out it was a plot by grandpa, but that point grandpa is no longer with us. And then another crime happens and the kids go, well, it can't possibly be grandpa. He's dead as hell.

But somehow it's still grandpa. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Hey, guys. The only way to get the kids off your case is to be dead. Well, I mean, obviously Griffin, that's one on one. Can I just say that my favorite part about this question is if you read between the lines a little bit,

that grandpa is worried that the kids will solve it, but not sure they will. So the grandpa does think one of two things. One, that these kids are wicked stupid. Or two, that grandpa might secretly turn out to be a master criminal and create an unsolvable mystery. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, we were talking about Sherlock. And then there's something wild about that is elementary. Remember that show? We were talking about elementary. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. You know?

Well, Justin, you were talking about elementary, but go on. But I want to talk more about elementary. Never watched a single episode of it. Ran for seven years. Yeah. Ended in 2019, which explains why I haven't heard a lot about it lately. Yeah.

But this is the thing I wanted to say. There's 154 episodes of this show. Okay. Syndication right there, baby. It makes it. Yeah. Johnny Lee Miller is, of course, is now the actor who's played Sherlock Holmes the most times.

Because there's so many episodes of it. Okay. Right. There's 154 episodes of the show. There's got to be one that centers on pro gamers, right? Okay. There's got to be one episode where Sherlock's like, this is the gamers.

The gamers are evolved. It's got to be his mouse called that did the motors. Right. Like there's got to be one elementary episode. The centered on pro game. Right. So there's a bit where Lucy Liu has like a Google cardboard headset strapped to her face.

And she looks up at Sherlock, but she's obviously still seeing the game world in her headset. And she says, so if you die in the game. And he says, then you die, then yes, you die in real life. Oh, I love. Hey, real quick. Trav, can you help us build this incredible. No, no, no, no, I understand.

I understand. I just want to read a paragraph here from the return of Sherlock Holmes in 1987, a television movie. Okay. Following those instructions, Jane Watson finds a hidden basement containing a primitive cryogenic capsule with a man lying inside whom she saws. The man inside the capsule turns out to be her

ancestor's friend and partner, the legendary Sherlock Holmes himself. Cool. Cool, man. That sounds pretty good. Hey, I have an exciting new segment. Okay. And I sneak previewed this to Travis, but I am so

excited to get started here. I was cruising the web recently. Like you do. And I was so excited to find out that there is a company that makes these decks of cards that you can use for podcasting. And it's to help you do a good podcast. Thank you.

Finally. Yeah, I know. But and I was like, finally, it's time to step up our game. You know, we're pros. We wrote the book on podcasting. It could always be better. You know what I mean?

That's what we should have called our book. It could always be better. I'm going to, each of you is going to get a card and I'm going to let you shoot. I have five different decks of these fuckers here, but we're going to talk about the, you're each going to get to pick one. Travis, would you like a card from the interview deck, the

would you rather deck, or the what the heck deck? Oh, would you rather? Don't you dare take what the heck? I have called dibsies. Yeah, I was going to select card at random from the would you rather deck? Finally, this podcast is going places. Yeah, right?

It's good, man, because we don't even have to think with our fucking four brains anymore. We could just slip slide into that. It's all instinct now, right? It's just instinct. All right, Travis. Yeah. Would you rather?

Got to help us dirty. Would you rather have to grow, hunt and kill your own food or eat only Taco Bell for a year? This is terrible. That is fucking terrible. I mean, no, really think about it, Travis. You are an impulsive person. I need you to really go through it.

Grow, hunt and kill. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you I mean, you could hunt a chicken and then eat it while it's still alive. That's a little brutal or eat Taco Bell for you. What wildly different options? Yeah, that's kind of what makes it fun, you putts. Well, no, Justin, typically in a would you rather, they don't pair up a really, really rough option

with an incredible windfall, with an incredible blessing. Yeah, I have never eaten. I think maybe once in a while. No, I've never eaten Taco Bell for two successive meals. Yeah, but if I talk about if I talk about every day for a year, you know what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, every month, every meal. Yeah, sorry.

Every year. Sure, sure, sure. But what I'm saying is, you know what I am now, Justin, fucking internet famous. I've made a documentary that's called Live Moss. And like, I'm Live Moss, you were, Live Moss, you were dying. Yeah, Live Moss E-minus, you know? And it's like, OK, now, who knows? Now, maybe I'm rich.

I'm got an endorsement deal from Taco Bell. Or the other option, do a lot of fucking work. Yeah, there's a lot. I mean, there's a lot on the Taco Bell menu. And we make a lot of jokes, but Taco Bell is delicious. You could rotate through the menu in a way that you could sustain your body and keep it alive, especially now that Papa Fritz is back. Yeah.

All right, Griffin, so did you want something from the? I want something from what the heck? What the heck? Just say what the fuck? No, that's you don't get it, man. Oh, OK. Yeah, you don't get it, man. It's a what the heck deck? It sounds better. What the tech deck? Griffin, what slogan or jingle got stuck in your head forever?

For ever. There's a lawyer in town. And I don't I am not familiar with the type of work that that he and his firm does. But I do know that he spent several hundred thousand dollars commissioning a song for his his little firm. And the song it goes, if I may sing a few bars, it goes. Funkin Associates, Funkin Associates,

Funkin Associates, call Funkin Associates. Funkin Associates. And it's good. And what's what I love about it is Dr. Funk or whatever his name is, the lawyer. Probably funk as their funk, Dr. Funk as a lawyer, the lawyer, Dr. had a really easy bridged cross there

to have a funky song, but he didn't go that way with it. He he went in a much more earnest funkin Associates. It could have gone, we want the funk. It could have been that or it could have just been like, oh, oh, oh, call me. Like, literally, it didn't have to be this song that goes as hard. And it's it's a it's a good I, you know, I lose track of time when I'm here because I'm having such a good time.

But I could swear it's like a five minute long commercial. That's great, Griffin. Justin, do you want to do one for yourself? I'll ask myself something from the interview deck. OK, OK, since I say other one, I have opened here. That would be a fun podcast, by the way. If anyone wants to steal this, we just interview yourself every week.

Yeah, let's see how this one goes. I picked a card at random. I'm not even going to look at it. I'm going to read it blind. It just says how big is it? How big is it? That ding dong, though. How much would someone have to pay for your little toe?

I don't want to answer that. No, tell me. And now they'll start getting fucking Venmo requests. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I don't need that. What's something I would never guess about you, Justin? Well, Justin, nobody knows me better than you. I think that that would be a pretty tough one to to answer,

because you know me better than I know myself. Right. What is something that people are obsessed with, but you just don't get the point of hot takes. Do something about like sports ball or like Game of Thrones. Is that still wildly popular? That could be good.

Have any opinions on lost? You want to share, Justin? If you were stranded on a desert island and you could choose one person to keep you company, who would it? Well, it's my just draw from the what the heck deck. Yeah, you're right. I'm clowning on myself. I need to just get into the what the heck deck?

Here we go. What the heck? Well, this one is. This one is why I haven't got it out yet, but I bet this one's going to be something else. If you could bring one famous person back from the dead. Who was it? Yeah, what the heck?

What the heck? Princess Diana, maybe? Or Travis, you're not. Sorry. Sorry. I know it's not my sorry. You already had your. This is my question. Travis, do you not realize what you just did? If Justin says anyone other than Princess Diana,

he's going to seem like a real jag off. OK, well, if Justin could think of somebody who died before their time. Yeah, super beloved. Yeah, he could see he's going to say anyone but anybody else. And people will be like, man, I guess Justin really doesn't like Princess Diana. Good job, Trab. I don't know, Trab. I guess I was thinking of Martin Luther King.

Oh, OK. Maybe that's a little bit better than your Travis. It is the classic. Would you rather bring back Princess Diana or Martin Luther King? Or Taco Bell or if you could eat Taco Bell with Princess Diana or go hunting with Martin Luther King. I'd bring back. I'd bring back Abraham Lincoln's.

I could beat him at Xbox. That would be so cool. But when he's like freaking out over airplanes, I'm going to steal his wallet. Can I just say to jump back to the Taco Bell conundrum? I didn't think about the implications of eating Taco Bell for breakfast and the effect that that do they have breakfast food at Taco Bell? Because otherwise you want to you may list the entire menu for you. I'd be happy to say if they don't and I have to eat tacos for breakfast,

it's going to severely impact my ability to get things done. You know, you know, it's awesome as I am looking at the Taco Bell menu website and they do have categories like combos, tacos, burritos, nachos, quesadillas, etc. That's sort of the major food groups. But then they also have a little section below that says can't decide. Perhaps you're craving something. And then there's three options and it says meaty, cheesy, spicy. So it's like, damn, I don't know what form I want the food to take,

but I do know what I want it to do to my mouth and taste receptors. Can I ask you something? If Taco Bell introduced a surprise me option, would you take it every day? Yeah, yeah, I think so. If I was going through the I think most like drive through places, if I just saw an option that said surprise me, I think I'd just take that one. Philip, if there's an option that says like fill a bag of it, Derek. Yeah, yeah.

And that's only when Derek's working. He's got a special promotion called fill a bag of it, Derek. Give me $20 worth, Derek. You got your D box. Come on over. How many things you can get? Fill it to the top, Derek. I was going to clap on these pod decks, but this is the name of the people

that make the pod decks. Thanks to that talk about conversation, fruitful. Yep. And I treasure it. Sure. We got there. Because now I'm just thinking about Derek throwing a bunch of fucking fire sauce into a bag loose. But if it's $20 worth of fire sauce, that's a good deal.

That's a great deal. You can resell that for sure. I hate when they ask me if I want sauce there and I can't. There's no chef to consult. Yeah, you know, I don't want to worry about anybody. Yeah, exactly. What would you suggest? What do I want to drink?

I don't know. Does Dr. Pepper go with the chalupa? We're going to take a quick break and the ad guys are going to come in and do their ads real quick. They'll be back as fun boys. We'll be back right after this. Hey guys, is it time for me? Not yet.

OK. Now it's time for you. Hold on. I got to do a bunch of cocaine first. OK. Sorry. Who is this character? Ad man.

Is this Dennis Travis? Just a stead, Sam back, let him do it. Oh, God, he inhaled it through his mouth. That's not normally how one does the cocaine. I know one never taught me they don't teach this stuff in school, you know. Hey, Joe. Squarespace. Squarespace lets you make a beautiful website that showcases your work,

sell products and services of all kinds and promotes your physical or online business and more. I don't actually know that Squarespace would love. No, I don't think so. I was just thinking of the same thing, Griffin. OK. This is normal Griffin. Uncocained Griffin.

I've not done any drugs. This is high on life, walking with Jesus. High on life, walking with Jesus. I mean, I smoked a bunch of pot last night and I drank coffee this morning and I took my sort of brain regulators. Jesus would be OK with all of those. Jesus is cool with all that stuff. And so would Squarespace because they have beautiful, customizable templates

created by world-class designers. They got everything optimized for mobile right out of the box and analytics that help you grow in real time and free and secure hosting and nothing to patch or upgrade it. Hey, folks, here's a call to action. Go to Squarespace.com slash my brother for free trial when you're ready to launch. Use the offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now, here's the here's the Griffin McRoy call to action. Squarespace has allowed us to get away with so much.

True. Yeah, if you if you need to make a website at this point for the principle of the thing, go to Squarespace.com slash my brother. Even if you don't think if you've ever thought to yourself, I wonder what having a website's like. Go to Squarespace.com slash my brother and use the free trial when you're ready to launch. Use the offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain

for you for your boys who have gone away with the murder yourself. My idea for a website is to rowdy for Squarespace. Apparently not. And they will not endorse it. I can guarantee you from life experience. This is not the case. I don't know if Squarespace has a front page like Twitch or Reddit or something. But if they do, I'm thinking the rowdy or the better to get up to that front page.

Squarespace is the cool parent who's like, my kids are going to fuck up. I would rather they do it at the house. Yep. Yeah. We are safe in this. Like Squarespace is going to get us through this this bad trip and they're going to still pay us at the end of the day. And that's radical and powerful for us. So Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial

when you're ready to launch. Use the offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Holy shit. Hey, you know what? Long words and doling out accolades. Same to you. Stamps.com. Yeah, it says here in the introduction of Thought Starter.

If you guys want to talk about butts or whatever, go for it. We know we can't stop you at this point. We we lost the email that lets us cancel these ads. Right. There's a two factor sort of code that we have to punch in, but we reset our phone and we can't stop the machine at this point. But taking trips to the post office isn't how you want to spend your time. Stamps.com allows you to spend your time.

Griffin reading this incredible ad copy because they allow you to mail and ship anytime anywhere right from your computer. You can send letters, ship packages and pay a lot less with discounted rates from USPS, UPS and more. I was trying to set it up that we could say something ribbled or blue there. Well, I do still want to promote the business because if you're a small office that's sending out invoices

or an online seller shipping out orders or even a giant warehouse sending thousands of packages a day, Stamps.com can't handle it all with ease. You get four photocopying my butt and mailing that to people. There it is. They love that, Trav. They love it. Well, you can get discounts up to 40% off post office rates and up to 62% off UPS shipping rates.

Oh, man, 40% off my butt. Is it great deal? Yeah, it's like a cheek and a fifth. So stop wasting time going to the post office and go to Stamps.com instead. There's no risk with our promo code. My brother, you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. And there's no long term commitments or contracts.

Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in my brother that Stamps.com promo code my brother Stamps.com. Never go to the post office again. Maximum Fun is a network by and for cool, popular people. But did you know it also has an offering designed to appeal to nerds? A show for nerds? On Maximum Fun, the devil, you say? It's true.

It's called The Greatest Generation, and they review episodes of a television program for nerds called Star Trek. They've reviewed TNG, DS9 and are now reviewing Voyager. Hey, Star Trek, my daughter enjoys that program. Well, if she enjoys that and she enjoys humor of the flatulent variety, might I recommend she subscribe to The Greatest Generation? Hey, are you calling my kid a nerd? Well, I ought to.

Well, got to go. Become a friend of DeSoto by subscribing to The Greatest Generation on MaximumFun.org today. All right. Yeah. I want a squad. Squad. I want too much. We've already talked about Taco Bell so much.

It almost counts. We're not going to talk about Taco Bell. I'm going to talk about Duncan. OK. Real quick note about Taco Bell, though. They are testing a crispy chicken sandwich taco. Uh-huh. Which is going to be a taco with crispy chicken in it.

There's only one thing I wanted to point out here. It's a crispy. It's got a premium, all white meat, crispy chicken marinated in jalapeno butter milk. Then seasoned with bold Mexican spices and rolled in a crunchy tortilla chicken. And God, I'm extremely hungry. I'm just not realizing. Yeah, me too. Fifty of these.

Uh-huh. I just wanted to read this paragraph. Taco Bell is offering both a regular and spicy sidekick. Each sandwich is served in a puffy bread. Hey, thank you, Taco Bell. Thank you, finally. This is a huge moment where Taco Bell has finally let go of any illusions that they are serving anything that in any way approximates Mexican cuisine.

Right. They are saying, this, here's what this is in. It's going to be a perfect sandwich. In any way approximates Mexican cuisine. Right. They are saying, this, here's what this is in. It's puffy bread. We don't have anything to add to it.

Okay. It's just puffy bread. Can I tell you what I love here? This is like if- Don't get hung up on this because it's- I know, I know, I know. But we talk about the chicken wars a lot. And this is like if, like in World War II, like some other, like if, uh, let's see.

What's a country I can pull out of my head? I'm going to sit here. Maybe if like, uh, if like Brazil. Oh, no. Brazil, I think was in it. Who's someone? Yeah. Go on.

Antarctica. Yes. If someone in Antarctica at a science research facility said, you know what? Now Antarctica is in the World War II as well. And we're a major player. Which side? We don't know yet. If somebody wants to court us?

Out. I'm, I fellas, I'm sorry. I'm looking at a picture of one of these fucking bad boys. And I would do some, I would do terrible things to get one of these in my mouth right now. Terrible things. I need to learn which countries are all involved in World War II. You very much do. I can tell you some that definitely were.

Don't get me wrong. Yeah. The big boys. It's just that I don't know- Some that definitely were, some that definitely were. And then there's like a whole kind of mushy gray area where maybe they got into it, maybe they didn't. Yeah, right?

Like those, right? Because then that's when I hear back like, oh no, they did terrible things. There's probably some that were on the bad guy's side that aren't exactly crewed about it. Right? Yeah. Maybe you could ask them to their face. Like, hey, was that you?

I don't know. I'd have to check up on that. But the same thing's happening in the chicken wars, by the way. We're going to find out 20 years or so. We understood. We'd know exactly where you were going with that. Okay. Burger King, by the way, getting the chicken wars.

I knew it. They got a new sandwich they've been working on since 2019. The chicken on it. Probably gone bad by now. Duncan has added avocado toast to the menu, folks. All right. Yeah. I wonder what Kevin Sorbo thinks about that.

So we get Kevin Sorbo on the phone to ask him about the Duncan avocado toast. What is it? Duncan avocado toast. You know what it is. It's a popular pick for breakfast or brunch. And now it's available for everyone to enjoy quickly and conveniently as part of any busy day. Duncan's avocado toast features creamy avocado spread made with four simple ingredients.

Avocado. But thank God. Sea salt. Black pepper and lemon juice. This smooth combination is, man, they really do have eight paragraphs here about what avocado toast be. This smooth combination is spread out edge to edge on Duncan's authentic toasted sourdough bread.

This is my favorite part. Duncan's authentic toasted sourdough bread made from a recipe created especially by Duncan. Okay. Wait. What? Hold on. I thought you were going to say anything else because that is the least surprising thing you can say.

Let me also just throw this out to someone who's been making a lot of sourdough bread over the last year. There's only like four ingredients in there, Duncan. That's not wildly impressive. But it's a recipe created especially by Duncan using a true sourdough starter for a tangy twist that elevates the avocado toast. Okay. You put some old flour water in it.

We get it. Yeah. That's not necessary. And for this one, we have salt. Yeah. Yes. Then for an extra dash of flavor, the avocado is topped with everything bagel seasoning, which includes sesame seeds, poppy seeds, onion, and everything.

Right? Yeah. It's everything bagel seasoning. Duncan's avocado toast is available for $2.99 and it's served in a special portable box. Oh, sorry. It replaces our previous option of a non-portable box made from dark batter. You have to sit here and eat it. We're going to watch here.

We're going to watch you. It's chained to the table like a 3DSD3. Sit there and eat it. The shape of the box is non-euclidean. Your hand will pass right through the bread. You might not even know it's the box when you see it. Uh-huh. Duncan's, this is from Jill Nelson, the Veep over at Marketing and Culinary, or Mark Cole,

as I call it, at Duncan. Jill says, Duncan's new avocado toast is the definition of quality. Oh. Delivered at the speed of Duncan. We've taken a popular brunch staple and made it accessible for anyone looking for something easy and delicious on the go. This is, so this avocado toast is for people that have been hearing a lot about avocado toast and just thinking like, how can I get me some of that?

Because I cannot piece it together on my own. I do like, hey, avocado toast now for everyone. Yeah. Now, you don't have to be some snooty hipster. Yeah. Now, even your racist uncle can eat avocado toast. Do you think that this marks the end of avocado toast? And I hear something I mean.

Not that I think Duncan's going to ruin it, but now that it's for everyone, I, a snooty hipster, am less interested in it. Right. Now that it's not fun anymore to blame the collapse of the housing market and diamond exchange and Stocks? Travel and stocks on this mushed up vegetable? Yeah.

Then it's not who cares it, like who cares anymore? Also, do you think that when avocados came along, the person who had named egg plant before it was like, ah, fuck. Fuck me. I should have waited. I should have waited. That would have been a fucking great name for this thing. This is way better.

This is way more like an egg. Fuck. I'm going to call this. I'm changing this one. Guys, these are called sick pumpkins now and egg plants is avocados. Here's a question. I live on the edge of a forest. There have been cougar sightings in the area recently.

Ask them out on a date. Oh, yeah. That's yeah. That's why we that's the inch. That's the stuff with the intros again. Oh, okay. Yeah. But we got to think about it.

I got it. Cougars are sexy older lady. Yeah. No, for sure. And your response to that was they live in the forest and you should go ask them out on a dinner date. Well, why else would you call them cougars if they don't live in the forest? I'm sorry, Mr. Empire.

I thought the ball would be lower. Don't you see? Lower. And I just missed it entirely. That was the situation. Son, this is football. I clearly was misdirected by the goalie. Yeah.

The picture tricked me. I could be doing this body in a different way than I thought I would hit it pretty hard actually. So I'm going to, you know what? Let me take the double and we'll just call it. Don't worry. I can't run. I'm not making it the third.

Yeah. Yeah. So there's cougars in the fort. You've ruined me. I want to make sure there are no cougars nearby before I let my dog out in the backyard. I have been told the best way to scare them off is to speak loudly as they will not approach humans if they know where nearby. My question is what exactly should I say that will deter cougars, but won't make my neighbors

think I've lost my mind when I say it loudly alone in my backyard? That's from Matt Vancouver. He, him. Okay, Matt. Any cougars out here? Okay, cougars. Get out. I can't think of anything else.

This is this question is going to be a no from me on a couple. Just holistically. Just holistically for a couple reasons. One, there is nothing you can shout out of your windows that your neighbors will hear and say, oh, it's okay. You can shout, I'm yelling to scare cougars away. And even that, well, your neighbors will hear like, oh, that's. What if it's just like, soup's on, Hezekiah, come in from the fields.

But then they're going to know that one, no fields, two, no Hezekiah. Yeah. That's a good point. And then I'll flip side. What if one of the cougars names Hezekiah and they hear that, they say, mm, a good dog treat for me. Fuck soup. Can't wait.

What if he just yelled out the window, does anyone want to talk about the latest episode of Wanda vision? And then people are going to be like, oh, this is nice in the virtual age. Someone still wants to talk face to face. But then what if a cougars watching Wanda vision? If then they ought to be an important neighborhood announcement, something like, hey, we're going to be selling lemonade tomorrow. If anybody wants to get some, I'll have it outside my house.

Get your quarters ready. You might have to follow through on that. Oh, that's a problem. Does it, does it have to be talking or will singing also scare the cougars? Cause I would say singing would be even more scary. Yeah. And maybe, and maybe this is why like barbershop quartets are a thing. No.

Okay. There's no way a barbershop quartet is going to scare away a cougar. I mean, I was thinking maybe like metal or like, but if it's a soothing thing that cougar is going to be like, well, now hold on. Well, no, I'm sorry, Travis. It's going to be a shitty barbershop. Oh, okay. It's going to be audition, a daily auditions for a barbershop quartet.

It's going to sound like complete shit. Oh, like it's going to be like four tenors. You know what I mean? It's going to be like four tenors who are all coming like, moon over parma. And everyone's like, no, I'm going to do that one. And it's so discordant. Yeah.

Sorry, the other, I had two reasons. This was the first one and the second one is that there will be no deterring these cougars from eating whatever they damn well feel like. We live close to nature and we have coyotes and that's not a joke. Every night howling apparently over jubilation over some poor animal that they have turned into a meal. And you hear that enough times and you think, I hope these guys don't know how to pick locks because if that's,

there is nothing but a couple skinny locks keeping me from turning into coyote power. This is fair because if a cougar moved into my neighborhood and then left on my porch like a bag of Wendy's, I wouldn't be like, I don't think this Wendy's is for me. And so you moved to the cougar's neighborhood and you left a bag of dog on the front porch. Your dog is named Wendy. And the cougar's going to assume that dog was brought there as some kind of peace offering from you who moved into their neighborhood.

If you want to help protect your dog, Wendy, there is only one thing really that would be useful to yell. And it's, hey, Wendy, you better get jacked or you're going to get eaten by a cougar. Wendy, you need to get swole. Yeah. Do some exercises. I can't help you. Here's your magic knife that's poison the cougars, Wendy.

Take it outside in your teeth. Oh yeah. Wendy, please don't kill another cougar. Be careful with it, Wendy. It's double poison to dogs. Which is a design flaw, admittedly. I'm sorry about the knife. God, cougars are so big.

They forget about cougars, don't they? I feel like we've almost never taught. At least it's been a few hundred episodes since we talked about how big cougars are. You see lions on TV or whatever and you're like, God, I'm so glad I never have to fuck around with one of those bad boys. But cougars are in our, just our backyard. There's always, we're always within screaming distance of a cougar. Unless you live in the big city.

It's the mountain lion, right? And it's like somebody named that mountain lion and someone said, that's too scary. I'm going to call it a cougar. And it's like, okay, but it's still a lion. Right. That's a lion. And it's like, no, no, no. It's not a lion.

It's a cougar. Can I do another question? Yeah, I love that. Here's a quick yahoo sent by Amy. Thanks Amy. It's an anonymous yahoo answers user who I'm going to name Bianca asks, why did it take so long to invent vape pens? Come on.

I could imagine them being invented at least in the late 80s. Huh. And there's some Monday morning vape inventing going on here. No, but I like this idea because there are many things that I could imagine being invented way earlier than they were. Right. You know? Yeah.

Like cars? Why did it take us so long to figure those out? I could imagine those being invented in like 1500. Yeah. Yeah. We have wheels and boxes. Right. So can't believe it took us that long to sort of squish those two concepts together.

Now. Okay. Okay. Wait, wait. To Bianca's point, the 80s, what do we know about the 80s? They were wild. I love them. I love the 80s.

Vaporwave was the thing. It's right there. I don't necessarily know that the vaporwave aesthetic really peaked in the 80s or even existed in the 80s. Okay. I know what you're saying. In no sense. If they could have figured out a way to vape cocaine, I think it probably would have happened

in the 80s. They probably would have gotten that done. I think we were clearly smoking and there was lots of digital technology at that time. Yeah. Cell phones, pagers. Car phones. And I can't believe somebody wasn't like smoking while using their car phone and thinking like, what if the car phone was the smoking?

Do you know what I mean? Imagine if we could have watched Zach Morris vape in Save by the Bell. If they had invented it in the 80s, we would have had it by the 90s. There would have been Ninja Turtle episodes about how bad or cool it was. I'm not sure. Yeah. These new truth ads where they show the children and their battling big dragons made out of scrap metal and it's like, this is vaping.

Yeah. Hey guys, could you have made it look a little less radical? Yeah. Like there's some part, there's got to be some kids out there who are like, I would love to go on an adventure fighting a big metal dragon. Hi. I've got a new pitch for new truth ad. It's going to be some Fortnite characters vaping, but who's that?

It's a cool youth pastor who shows up and tells them the vaping is bad and then they all eat some apples together. Yeah, they go and play laser tag with Spider-Man and it's like, is this more vaping or not? And it's like, but be careful because vaping makes you lose. Okay, but it still seems like we had a lot of fun. Yeah, we had a lot of fun. And now they're vaping corn dogs. Wait, what?

Do you know the truth? The real vaping was the laser tag we played along the way with Spider-Man. Remember kids, only cool kids vape, but then they do maybe later regret it. All right, Spider-Man out. Maybe they don't. I don't know. The science isn't in. Goodbye.

And red wine's good for your heart. Or maybe it's not. Bye. Wait, hey, the Spider-Man message is getting a little muddy with the red wine stuff. Can we cut that? I'm like, no, that was in Spider-Man's contract. He feels very passionately about the red wine thing. When we went on a great adventure to battle the space monster Thanos, that's a lot like

vaping. Now we won, but maybe you won't. But you're going to have a lot of stories to tell, won't you? Science is out, folks. Listen, I got to go. Don't call me again. I'm really busy. Is it better than smoking?

Who the fuck knows? Is it better than smoking? Probably. Is it better than breathing? Absolutely. You know, when my friend, the Hulk wants to chill out, he vapes. There it is. Hulk vapes.

I vape. We all vape. But we are meta humans. Yeah. Would it affect you the same way? I don't know. The science isn't in yet. Reed is working on it.

Yeah. Stop the Reed Richards. He's working on the effects of it. Are there more important things he could be working on? We don't know. We don't actually know because it could be so bad. But also, what a lot of people won't tell you and your mom won't tell you is like, it could be good.

This is the science isn't in yet. This is my new character, Rip. And he vape a radioactive vape. And now he has super vape powers. And we don't know if this is incurred. Is he a villain? Is he a good guy? We don't know yet.

All I know is that when I got bit by that big magic spider, it made all the vape damage to my lungs instantly go away in a second. So there's a way out. There's a way out of this. Don't let the doctors tell you there's no cure. There is. There is. Big magic tarantula.

Hey, folks, thank you so much for listening to our program. We very much appreciate you. And we love you. We're so happy that you have us here with you. We have a lot of stuff going on. We had to postpone the adventure zone live show that will be an interactive installment in our Honey High series. That so far has only been one episode, but it's going to be fun.

We're doing choose your adventure stuff. We got Eric Ishii. That's going to be on it with us. And we had to postpone that. Now it's March 5th this Friday at 9 p.m. Eastern time. And you can still get tickets for 10 bucks at live.themacaroy.family. Or if you already purchased tickets, obviously, those are still good. And if you can't make the show and need a refund for whatever reason, that's at bit.ly.tazrefunds.

It will be available video on demand. Of course, you'll miss that on the interactive part, but you'll still be there. Speaking of interactive, I just real quick, when you mention, I started a Twitch channel. I'm trying to do it. Oh, my gosh. Trying to do it regularly. Twitch.tv. The Travis McRoy.

I'll have to tune into that to see if you got what it takes. I think I do. I've been playing some fun games. We got a new pin of the month. It's Sausage To Me, which is a fun German phrase. And we talked about it on Shweiner's. And that benefits Feeding Texas, which is the largest hunger relief organization in Texas. Currently, their network is supporting warming shelters for the unhoused, as well as those without power and water.

In addition to replacing perished food and feeding Texans in need, so go check that out. We got an empty bullpen designed by Samuel Redan and a 20 big dog run pin designed by Mel Westfall. Check those out and everything else at MacRoyMerch.com. Don't forget to pre-order the Adventure Zone Crystal Kingdom, the latest in our graphic novel series. You can pre-order that at TheAdventureZoneComic.com. That comes out July 13th, 2021. That's it. That's like literally everything.

Thank you to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. Go to MaximumFun.org. Check out all the great shows there. Hey, let's wrap up. Y'all want the final? Yes, please. Absolutely. Okay.

Well, this final one was sent in by Amy. Thank you, Amy. It's by Yahoo Answers user PandoraX, who asks, alcohol, can he go on a pizza? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, may he kiss your dad, square on the lips. Okay, that was the show.

Hope you had some fun. Talked for an hour and now our job is done. Go back into the world face the day ahead. Please don't tell our grandparents all the cuss words we said.