My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 555: Come Get a Sack

Episode Date: April 12, 2021

We’ve heard the news that Yahoo answers will soon be no more, and Griffin has returned from paternity leave to workshop things to fill the void. Things like mandatory joking at the office, forklift operator vigilantes, and cake-on-a-stick dessert. It’s a work in progress.Suggested talking points:Rad Face Tats, To Kill a Mocking Turd, Vent Coworker, Margin for Cowboy Murder, The Key to EducationSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate Support the AAPI Civic Engagement Fund: https://aapifund.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me and if I show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin the flamingo McElroy Hello, I'm Travis the biggest dog McElroy the middle this brother wolf wolf is Griffin. Hi. Hello It's such a delight to talk to you griff. We haven't talked since you're you got a new son I got one. I got a I'd put it. I did a pre-order on a new son and

Yeah, I got a new son. I got great pre-order bonuses Like see I decided to wait until they could fix all the bugs. Yeah, but this one's got Glitch or two Yeah, this one's got this one's got a few it needs a little bit more QA You know what I'm saying vis-a-vis diaper stuff, but we're we're all happy to be a couple leaks There's been a few leaks to the press on this one and no I just love them to bits and I'm just really

I'm stoked. I'm stoked to be here stoked for you guys had a great episode last week. That was big and then You know, yahoo set my fucking house on fire with me and my family inside of it Yeah, which was cool of them like I was like I just got the kid to sleep and he saw him dreaming having smiles and What's he dreaming about? I don't know cuz he doesn't fucking know anything So like I was thinking about that and the and then yahoo came and burned my house down and I thought that that was pretty fucked up Personally speaking, they what I mean, I can't I don't want to make too much of a thing out of it

But you definitely know that they were waiting until they knew. Yeah, sure Hard for it not to feel targeted feels very targeted like I don't know how it I guess I talked about it on the podcast that you know that I was gonna be out the following week and then Marissa is that the yahoo I get or did Verizon do it? Was it the can you hear me now guy? Who the fuck do I need to like intimidate to stop this thing? Because I'm not done like I'm not done fighting if you think I am that you Has this is your first episode of listening to my brother my brother of me Because I'm gonna devote every waking moment from this point on. Yeah, he's got nothing. He's clear to schedule

What's yeah, and what's great about it is that I have a lot more waking moments now Then I did you know a couple weeks ago So I'm not fucking kidding. I Don't know what I don't know what it looks like This this campaign. I've never really done one like this before I mean there was that one time I tried to get the show ed back on the air and I did Because it that was the only shit made me happy and the only thing for that one You asked that everyone send a bowling alley to NBC

That was the first step and the second step is they had to change there and everybody legally changed your names to ed But one word like Prince anyway I'm just so fucking happy to be here guys. You did a great episode last week. Oh, thanks griff We recorded that, you know a couple years back, but it was nice to finally get it out there. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely I have a I have a bit of a big announcement, too Yeah, well, it's come to my attention that and this is gonna really be hard for you guys here There's gonna be a shock for you guys to hear. This is feeling like a bit

No, no, no, no that that Apparently there's some folks out there who don't think that Sad lives and riddle me piss And and play along at home are funny. All right. All right And so I decided and this is hard to say but to temporarily Permanently temporarily put them on hiatus. Okay. All right, and in place. I've got a new Segment here You can't keep the dog down and I want you to know that I am going to be judging this thinking of it as the thing

That is gonna replace yahoo answers. So a bit that we do three or four times per episode So absolutely bring the fuck bring the fuckins bring that stinky heat. I think you will see griffin this Has legs. All right. Let's see him. So it's called the work of fart. Oh, right This is gonna be so good. I'm already fucking excited. Yeah, the dog is back So what we've got here what I've done here is I've taken some classic literary works Right, but I've taken their titles and I've punded them so that they contain a word referencing feces Travis, this is a fucking bad idea man. The dog's back. Don't get the dog out. So I will I will give you

I'll give you the description Travis, I love you so much. Uh-huh. Do you know my love for you the size of it? Yeah? Yeah, I do Tell me how much you think I love you to the moon and back Griffin. That's from that's what you will shit That's bullshit. You fucking nut brown hair. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how much I love you It's so much. I do anything for you and that's not a lot Let the dog out of his cage, please dog come on out. So I will give you the description of the book You try to guess the punny title. Okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, so hold on You're okay. Yes. Okay. I understand a bit. Yes. Okay. Yes. This is the story of

Multiple towns made of feces. Yeah, so this is Taylor two shitties. Oh So close in the tale of poo cities, but yes, very good Very good. Like my wife. I'm very good. We got it wrong. My wife listens to this show When you need to murder a poop that's been making fun of you To kill a mocking turd, yes But it sucks though like I fucking hate that I got it. It's comedy point slam dunk bit the show's back Now this is gonna be a tough one. This is gonna be a tough one cuz it assumes, you know Better than dookie humor though at this point I did this book in summer reading

And so I have to assume that it is well-known enough it just a plain old anus Just a plain old anus, this is a tough one wait, I think I got it Just is it ordinary butthole ordinary poop hole Okay, and this was just a bonus one a Stephen King horror novel that takes Maybe uncomfortable to be in that bit Yeah Griffin complain the most about that bit. I got every single fucking death stroke the Terminator Charles could barely get about it was blowing him out of the air. Yeah, I know some of it

I feel like you're afraid of being on that wavelength, but you are deeply deeply Connected to it. Like, you know, it's no but it's just we it's just what our comedy is there. It means a lot to people And so when we when we just talk about Just my wife my wife listens to this show and my worry-driven is that we've been too Intellectual for the whole time, right? And I think it would be nice if we had one segment that was just pure I'll yeah, that was just that was or maybe. Yeah, I slightly less I Don't know

Intellectual slightly less high-brow audience. We do a lot of Fraser jokes. Yeah, and those are done now work a fart I can't believe you said that word actually out loud because we made certain assurances to our audience I just want to say let's not let's let's put a pin in it And keep workshopping it Ultimately though, we're not gonna need to replace The yahoo answers segments because it's not the website is not going to go away It's not a denial. This is now. This is that stage and what's great is and a lot of people won't tell you this is that if you stay on denial and don't do like the least the less fun

stages of grief then It's okay You can just chill on tonight. You know what I mean like denial okay anger. Oh, no one wants to be angry depression I don't think so bargaining can be kind of fun But denial if you just live there for a bit, then it's like it did it way better than acceptance way better Well, it's not a shorter road to hoe Yeah, and you know griffin I heard what you hear just if you just stay

Like with the tab open for yahoo answers. Oh, they even when they quote unquote shut it down You're still in there. That's it last one out turn off the Turn out the lights what they can't come to my computer and turn off my screen because that's not how a computer would work They can't get rid of all the floppies that you saved the entire website onto exactly Can I start with you got can I really got when I say start? This is the set now the second bit in the show third if you count the intro and then Travis's new segment It's a yahoo and I want can I read it? This one's sent him by the wizard Ben can't thank you. Thank you, Ben. It's yahoo answers users slip who asks

Could the president get a sick face tattoo this post isn't about politics Oh, thank God could the president get a sick face tattoo? Congress arguably has no power to stop the president from just hopping into a tattoo parlor and getting some rad tats on their face No, if they wanted to could the president United States get their face absolutely tatted up and I will extend this to full You know cheetah sleeves like the whole nine. I actually think okay Griffin I think that that is actually two different Things right because imagine a president and like I'm not talking about the current president

I'm saying like kind of a faceless amorphous idea of President capital B president and rolls up. There's been. Oh, no, there's been a tornado right devastation everywhere President rolls up looks around rolls up their sleeves and starts picking shit up with their tax Like what that's awesome like it's just fucking sleeves all the way up. Yeah, I mean has anybody ever seen President Joe Biden with his shirt off Hey, let me ask you hey, hey, hey guys. Hey, let me ask you a question. Okay You ever seen a picture of Joe Biden with his shirt off Let's head to Google. Can somebody can someone don't Google it

Can someone give me a picture of Joe Biden shirtless, please Can I have a nude detain? Can I can I have a nude Biden, please? So we've got an onion article is the top result. Oh, then it's not and it's they already did it They already did the damn joke say Justin. Hey juice as long as you're on the onion Can you check and see if they did a thing where they replaced the words of book titles with poop synonyms? Just check and see if they did that one already to I'm hitting a paywall guys It's right. It's so good. They they're charging for it

That's if the president already has sleeve tattoos, right? You'd never hear about like today the president went to the tattoo parlor and Got a cool and got a cool tattoo on his face I would say though that if you're the president though and you've got that poll Yeah, I think you get Banksy to like do your face tattoo. Yeah, sure I think you could definitely probably get Banksy to do your face tattoo because I bet Banksy Would love that real estate to like say something. Oh, but fucking Banksy though. He would say you would write something like

President shithead on him but it Or I guess straight words because then he couldn't read it in the mirror because the mirror may or makes things backwards Oh, like war pig. Oh, that's That's great, but like I get him but like from his perspective. Maybe like it's on his chin So when he looks down on it, it says like great Biden on it or maybe it yeah, maybe it's like I feel don't know that great Biden backwards is war pig. No, it's one of the it's like you you know That that font where you look at one way and it's like life and you look at the other way It's like go death, you know, I mean like that kind of thing and one way it's war pig in the other way

It's great Biden great Biden or maybe it's just like a Rhombus, is that right a reboot what where it's just like a picture of a jet plus pigs. Yeah, it's a Rebo a rainbow I could tire. It's a rinse previous. It's a Ryan's previous It's a Prius. It's a Prius and Joe Biden's look at the Prius and he's like plain hog. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, plain hog regular hog Plain old hog man. I talk about Ryan's previous lie. He was chief of staff for our previous Stinker of a president and I didn't I guess I didn't know that the gentleman's Back background, but that's what a few days. It's funny few days, but he could he'd look pretty good with some

tattoos Let me see if there's a shirtless Pribus The biggest risk would be that if the president one day got face tattoo somebody invoking the 25th, right? I'm like, I don't know about this But I think that depends on what you got like what the tattoo is Yeah, because if it's bitchin if it's bitchin. Yeah, and if it's come back Oh, then maybe like the the opposition's like I guess we should pass that bill Look how cool they look right that could be a power if it just comes back and it's oh and it's bitchin

Yeah, and that's they don't they don't talk about that a lot of just like oh man They passed this really unpopular bill that sucks, but Ted Cruz looked so cool today And so he had like we did his well, that's the realm of fiction Griffin. That's never going to happen I don't know man. You seen that beard. That's a dude who doesn't piss his pants anymore because he likes the feeling of the warm water on His legs Hey, he likes big boy stuff now Like he likes fucking he's he's what currently watching the wire and also And he gets why everyone liked a man now

Real man real big man. He this man eats ribs Yeah extra sauce No, no, don't do that anymore Justin His favorite Disney park is California adventure The real man I heard he saw the Joker and he was like this makes a lot of sense to me And I get it. He got damaged tattooed on his head Yes, and that's why they passed his big bill. I didn't want him to do it, but it's me Ted

Sorry, I can't talk in front now me my daughters are watching reservoir dogs. We're not scared at all I'm not scared Why I can watch all the reservoir dogs that I don't get scared even a little bit on a school night Yeah, it's 1115 I got another five ten in me Don't let this party stop and we door-dashed BW three's. I got the spicy wings Yeah, not number tens, but it's like a seven out of ten. Yeah Oh, I couldn't do like the you know, the blazons, but I it's hot man. These are not miles some days

My distaste for Ted Cruz is he always keeps me going. Oh for sure. Yeah last night I was like blacking out trying to get my son to to please drink this bottle please drink this bottle and then my I was I started to actually pass out and then I remembered how much I fucking hate Ted Cruz and It it gave me a real it drew a real boost of adrenaline that I couldn't quite explain It's funny because sometimes I feel like my hatred of Ted Cruz and my hatred of Mike Huckabee They like to fight like I imagine if a giant gorilla Yeah, like a giant lizard we're fighting for supremacy. Yeah, except the end result was which one of these two Absolute dipshits do I hate more right now? That's kind of where I'm at

You know, I really hope this doesn't come off as performative gang. I really fucking hate Ted Cruz a lot He sucks major shit big time. Yeah big time Um, hey, how about it? It's me. Yes. It's a question. Yeah, I wanted one. I was meant to deliver one Okay, for the first time in my life. I have an awesome office job It's how long I've been podcasting came and say office anymore. I've got an office job My boss strives for close-knit and fun vibe. Oh, I however don't aim to be very social at work The other day I made a joke in front of my boss and he said I should channel that energy more awesome How can I come across as fun-loving and social when I am not and that's from grouching grand rapids

Hey, do you hear this one? Do you hear what Tom said? He said where do where do cows go to look at art? The museum channel that energy more time Hey, hey, I know your whole thing quiet guy, right? No, don't do that anymore. I want one joke a day on my desk I want you to come on my office once a day and tell me a joke right down the barrel, baby, or you're fucking fired You're gonna have fun at work or you're gonna have fun at home. Yeah, there are two choices We've already got a Toby. We've already got an Oscar. We need a gym here and you're that gym You can be our gym. I just walked by your desk

I looked in the trash can and I saw all the coosh balls I gave you yesterday to have fun with in the office. I'm fucking fuming man I know you don't see here. Are you sitting, huh? Are you sitting on a regular chair? I thought we said exercise balls Do we not say exercise balls? Hey, you haven't even opened the Nerf hoop. Hey That's Nerf hoop. I got it for you $7 the money doesn't go on trees and then your nerf hoops, but they might go on your door. Just put a nerf hoop up It kind of seems like you're always working hard and you're almost never hardly working. Yeah

It's important that we do both. I know you're meeting all your quotas just barely, but do you have time for softball? This is asked for 10 minutes a day for joke construction and Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's saying this is fine. I will bring this energy I'm gonna need 10 minutes paid on the clock to come up with a fucking banger And then a five-minute cool-down after right and it's just they walk by your desk and it's like What do you listen to there? And it's it's funny stand-up comedy from everybody's favorite comedians like Andrew Dice Clay Just listen great as he hits. It's it's oh man Andrew Dice Clay again, huh? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, damn

I had to Google the best the Famous comedians to do that. I found a list and fucking Michael Richards is number 12 on the list. Are you sure guys? Well, oh wait, yeah, wait, what was the search terms? This is the most controversial comedians of all time and all of a sudden this makes a lot more sense Yeah, it's up there. Yeah, the fact that Andrew Dice Clay and Michael Richards is on the list driven made me wonder what your search terms were I searched cool guys Cool guys to hang out with griffin's personal heroes Folks with a real hearty funny bone

Comedy like it used to be Classic like your grandpa laughed at right right This sucks. Oh, yeah, but maybe there's something in you know, you did crack one joke And it does make you wonder maybe there's a joker deep down inside you, you know kind of a funny boy Oh, yeah, okay, and you got a awakened nerf. Why don't you just try to nurture your funny boy? I'm just saying do it on company time. Yeah, for sure to channel that energy Oh, this is good because like at best you find a funny within right and now you're another Funster right but at worst you're not good at it and maybe your boss will be like hey

Don't channel that energy anymore Hey, I see you working really hard to channel that energy. You need you to stop channeling that energy. Yeah, you're too funny Well get anything done. I am kind of fixated on this sentence. I However, don't aim to be very social at work. That's a very interesting about a boundary You've set for yourself. Yeah, like you got to work and you're like I get this I get it. I'm just not gonna I don't know. I'm not I'm really not gonna connect with anybody here first level. This is the decision I've made I will say I kind of get so I am a very social person, right? But when I had office jobs, I would oftentimes be like the first person there and

There was a certain magic Right up until the first time I had to interact with somebody right cuz even though I was there that time was mine Oh, yeah, now it's my like hangout I'm there doing the thing and as soon as I was like else came in it's like, oh, hey trust was like, oh No, it's work. Just work. I get that. So I think if I got an office job now I would see if I could go the whole day without that. I Think that that would be a very fun game to see how long I could go without Encountering another person. They don't have that option. It doesn't. Yeah. Well, this is something that's open to them. You know, it's

Well, well, hold on. It sounds like Travis has like a scheme I'm just saying that like maybe that's the thing the energy you could start to channel is a lot more Maybe like doing your work from hidden places from the vents The work is getting done, but they never see who does it. That's cool That's cool. And then they're chatting in the break room like hey Just you want a vision last night and they're like that show went off the air like a month ago Griffin, you should learn some new television shows and then you reach over to take a bite of your sandwich But it's gone. Yep. And then you look over at the nearby vent and it's sliding closed and you know

That's Terry. Yep. He does great. That's Terry the vent person this office bad boy and local person that lives in the and wall person How about another do you have more y'all I feel like it's not a new don't it's now a non renewable resource Yeah, sure. Let me burn some of my some of my fuel here. How about I ask another question? We'll save them No, because this one's this one's really fucking good. No, I want to read it It's also from been been can't the wizard really cast a spell on me this week with these great yahoos There's just a thing There's an alert at the top of the page now that says that they're gonna shut down on May 4th

They it's shutting down on May 4th But starting on April 20th the sacred holiday for weed funny stuff is this when they're not gonna allow you to write any more questions So really that's pretty much when it dies does not make you think that that's their highest traffic day then then they're like Yeah, we don't want to go through another 420. Do you guys think it's kind of weird that like I Don't want it. I don't want to distract but May 4th will now be the day that y'all who answer shut down and the day that we did the worst live show We've ever done or that anyone's ever done in their entire and I feel like maybe we need to be a little bit I'm starting to get like I love Star Wars. Yeah, don't get me wrong

I'm starting to get a little skittish about that date because this is the second really bad thing that's happened on a May 4th Yeah, but that I it's hard for me to hold that against Star Wars Justin cuz you know Phantom Menace just means so much to me and Travis loves that flick We agree that them stopping new questions on 420 and then shutting it down on Star Wars Day is fucking It's pretty fun. I'm really targeting But I do like that I do like that they thought we'll leave two weeks where people to finish answering the questions that are already there Oh, dude, it's read only you're not even answering shit. It's just like we're gonna give you two weeks to fucking Brush up on all the great stuff. I

Hope the thing that you wanted to know is something that somebody else has also wanted to know and asked on yahoo answers and that helpful people Beating the odds came to their assistance You have two weeks. Good luck. The fucking hunt is on. Good luck rat race So girlfriend, yeah, sure. Yeah, thank you Ben Kent. It's not gonna see how who answers you sir who I'm gonna call Jeffy asks Do all cowboys kill or do some have a no kill rule like superheroes? Okay, yeah There's a lot of bad there's a lot of bad cowboys out there who like quicken the dead

They're like shooting each other and they're not getting back up. They're yeah, they are they are dead And they're shooting each other in that movie without any kind of hesitation. Yeah as fast as they can It's kind of the thing Magnificent seven. I think one of them like shoots a dynamite and blows up a bunch of guys. So yeah Yeah, those guys are dead. You can't tell me they're not dead. That's easy Is this is this a a Like zero or all thing of like what if a cowboy just kills once is that Then are they a killer or are they just like yeah, I would say murdering one person makes you a murderer

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm just saying that like on the scale, right? Yeah There are probably some cowboy like maybe that there is a margin for cowboy murder No, it is just an acceptable level like well that cowboy only killed five people when they be cool if like more cowboy movies Ended with like the the police showing up and they're like, what have you all done? Yeah There are still laws. You can't do this. Well, I think most I think the Old West police are in are embroiled in this in all you needed back then was a star a metal star You want yeah, what if the real cops showed up and like we're excuse me We're the real police and this is a person with a metal star on their chest and they're going to real jail

I Think that there should be more cowboy movies in which the cow. Yes period But also that the cowboys do kill but with kindness and you don't see that Nothing cowboy movies where the bad guys like I'm taking over this whole town. Yeah railroads coming through here This is mine and the cowboys are like Okay, we'll help you move and clean up and maybe we'll show you a thing about what it means to really love Oh, I thought you were talking about like cowboy hospice Which I don't know what that looks like I'm ready to I am I am ready to transition to the next plane and

I want a tender transition and I want to be surrounded by loved ones and one cowboy I Want and these are these are all the special medicines. We're gonna use and it's gonna be a gentle tender time You're gonna be pushing up daisies, but it'll be pleasant passing. Don't worry. Don't worry We'll let you to rest in boot hill with all your loved ones You you see the undertaker measuring them and the person's like, oh, thank God You see it's kind of perplexing that more cowboy movies Don't have a scene where they come like the cowboy and they're like listen

The there's a lot of bad dudes and they're taking over the town and they're running it and the cowboy never says like actually have a Lot of cow related business Like you're looking for like I'm probably a murderer. It's what you're looking for a murderer. I actually have like Cow shit Literally, I know I've helped you out before with like some gun related activities and that was so cool But if you look around all these fucking cows, they're not gonna boy themselves. That's all I was saying I've got cow things was was there just one Really cool rancher in history who inspired this whole mythos that was just like oh man bad dudes are coming to town

Well, you need to get up to fucking Jefferson's Steers and stuff and go ask for Jefferson because that dude is off his fucking nut and he will absolutely kill He has he makes the good milk and he fucking kills lots and lots and lots of people He is fucking wild that dude go get Jefferson There's a reason that he works in a slaughter related industry, right? It would be like if in 200 years There's a movie we're like and there was only one man that people could turn to the forklift Much like all forklift operators. He was a fucking crazy murderer

They would call him like fork boys. Yeah Rowdy He's carrying a bunch of barrels, what's he gonna do with those barrels over us damn you lifting fork boys He palleted us again. Damn. Damn put dropped a pallet on my son To be fair my son was killing other folk to you Motorcycles kind of a steel horse. Oh my god, Justin, you're right. That's awesome. Fuck dude. God's cool You say the coolest shit sometimes Okay, say something cool about

Like Frankie said I did it my way. Yeah, fuck. Yeah That's cool and like a old Vegas like a like a old Vegas martini guy way Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do you know any Michael Buble lyrics or What Michael Buble? He's cool, right? I know some of the melodies You know awesome that also has big Vegas martini guy energy and I'm here for yeah, I love him I think I like let's kind of create a Michael Buble character For this show my brother. Okay. Okay. Well, okay, so he does the like I feel like he's here And he's like do a little crooning. Hey guys. How's it going? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, that's a good start

What's his thing that kind of makes him a freak like one of our own not Michael Buble play who seems like a perfectly normal Unless you thoroughly Why anymore, um Maybe he's the lounge singer who just loves to murder. I don't know with it. I Got stuck in my head Hey, can we go to the money zone? Yeah, or so or something next week. I'm gonna come back with my hit Michael Buble Being a parent is hard and I find it pretty smooth and simple really I love it Don't get me wrong. These two stinkers. They're great, but it's tough and it's even harder that it's even harder when you're an entrepreneur and

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Warby Parker is creating blue tea quality. I wear a revolutionary price point I'm not so wonderful. I remember before Warby Parker corner by glasses. Oh, and I'm being like how much is this? Yeah, I'll just take that clunky pear, please go into lens crafters And they'll be like so how do you want to be bullied you? You can decide what you'll look like when you're bullied and I don't know for a lot of talk about competitors in a negative way But more like lens crafters. Yeah, so Warby Parker is committed to providing exceptional vision care online and in stores offering Eyeglasses sunglasses eye exams and contact lenses glasses start at just $95 and that includes prescription lenses and they have sunglasses

Progressives and blue light sent lenses and they're all available at Warby Parker So you take the quiz you order try on a home kit, which I love because they come you see if it works And if it doesn't you send them away with me Hey, exactly back into the darkness. I'm wearing Warby Parkers right now. They are so stylish so comfortable And that try on program. I can't stress enough I have a giant head and fighting glasses that actually fit is a challenge So being able to try them on at home is incredible and you can try it now They're free home try on program you order five pairs of glasses and you try them on at home for free for five days

There's no obligation to buy it ships free and includes a prepaid return shipping label So try on five pairs of glasses at home for free at Warby Parker comm slash my brother Brea, what's your reader wheelhouse a woman on a journey space post-apocalyptic roads and magical food Mallory What's your reader wheelhouse werewolves potted houses weird fiction and Books set in Florida for some reason We're reading glasses and we want to know what your reader wheelhouse is We can use it to help you find more books that you love and avoid books that you don't so whatever you like to read about and However, you like to read it. We want to help you read better reading glasses every Thursday on maximum fun

Doesn't strong I want a munch Welcome to my podcast them podcast Profiling the latest and greatest in brand-eating. I don't know why I miss school word. I've only said podcasting seven or eight times in my life I've only ever read it. I've never seen it. I want to share two great things with you guys today The first is very brief, but I did want to mention. This is a headline on QSR Which is my number one source for brand-eating related news. Here's the headline It's gonna take more than a pandemic to stop a and W. Whoa, come on. They got good hot dogs fucking try it

Hey, A&W. Can we actually pause for a second and talk about hubris? Yeah I'm not sure that you want to invite like what is that the best you got universe? We're gonna talk a little bit. We're gonna check in on Kevin Basner. Who's one of my favorite CEOs in the game? Spit and fire every day. Just here's here's a quote to give you a little bit of Kevin Basner flavor uh sales started going up about 10 weeks into the pandemic and He said I think we eat every week. We were pinching ourselves. Is this a bump? Is this a head fake? Are we going to go back into the dumpster tomorrow? Listen, I'm a straight shooter folks

I It's just a great I because the implications there that there was a week a few weeks before that when CEO Kevin Basner is like I gotta spray the fucking dumpster. We need to get out the fuck together. Our only hope is that a pandemic gets Hey, Todd, you've been working on that pandemic virus that we're gonna spread around, right? All right to boost our root beer sales Because we okay, they went back to one of the things they point out is that they Stop making like when the young brands own them They were they're getting the root beer in a bag and it was coming in the bag and they put the fountain machine and Now they're 100% of stores are just making the root beer there. Whoa, they're making you in the store

ANW sells root beer three to one against other soft fuck. Yes farm to market sasperilla Yeah, absolutely, man Um, and then there's just a lot of that though could be credited to when you go through an ANW and they ask you What you want to drink if you say like coke they go really really do you really? really Really until you finally well that what they do is they say if you like coke this is gonna drive you wild This is like weird Um

This is just a quote from the article. This is not Kevin Basner One thing that doesn't get talked about enough especially in lockdown stretches is how drive-thru blairs We're open signal to guests. It's the herd counter to quarantine life. Whoa. Is it safe to eat at a restaurant? Well, ten cars were lined up outside ANW. That's a fucking wire That's humanity in the nutshell, right? I guess it is one of the things that I think they literally refer to human beings as a herd They're lining up to the trough to eat, right? Yeah, it's a fast food website. What do you want? Certain restaurants added a second menu board to handle elevated traffic. That's one way of an interesting way of helping deal with COVID

Here's another a Kansas location even created quote bubbles For employees to wear and guard themselves from the virus and the elements They had a tablet underneath the plastic and could talk to guests and the article continues from there and does not stop and like Hold on. I know you're wondering what the fuck we're even talking about So let us pause for a second explain the ANW bubbles that we trapped employees in for the COVID time I have never more in my life Where should they had interviewed the person that they were talking about then I do right then I need this one

Wild cat cuz they didn't say what they don't say. It's not like the one cat that invented the like you know Filet of fish and then McDonald's is like mmm. Good idea. We'll go. We'll do that at the other ones This is just one wild cat that did this in ANW. He was like, huh good after. Hey, cool Hey, maybe you shouldn't talk to everybody about this. It's like super good effort. We really wish maybe that maybe that employee Do that fouchy was gonna roll in that day and he really wanted to knock his socks off really make a good impression Here's the real story white castle launches birthday cake on a stick, huh? And then the the last word that headline is dessert, which yeah, okay, I gathered Ron not a savory app

Oh, no White Castle a family owned business since 1921 happy hundredth birthday white castle They formally kicked off the hundredth birthday on March 10th with special events and offers to continue throughout the year This month the fast food innovator unveils a few crave worthy items Do you you spend a lot of time in the QSR you spend a lot of time in that realm, right? Not a not a compliment No, do you think that quick service restaurants have used the word craves so much that it's lost all meaning Yeah, 100% craves is meaningless now. Okay in 1927 Billy Ingram the founder of white castle and great-grandfather Of the current generation at the helm invented restaurant carry out by offering a bag of sliders

It could be purchased specifically to take home and before that nothing and what were bags for no one knew Hey, can I have this food, but I want to eat it at home. No Can I have three hamburgers? You're being fucking ridiculous. You're gonna carry one on your head Alongside that innovation came one of the industry's most recognized taglines Buy them by the sack. Oh, yeah, I replaced their old tagline bring a hand-darned sack from home Fill it with our burger Come get a sack Today the traditions continue to white castle restaurants where a tin sack of sliders is available at any time

Morning noon or night because I guess denying people the right to do that at a white castle would actually be insane Why would you even be open? There's a special tin sack offer that covers Cravers for the meal, but often They There's a special tin sack offers cover Cravers Yeah, say it again, are you missing? Like this is not one of my like a little goof about the special tin sack offers cover Cravers for the meal Are you missing any words? Are you dropping words Justin?

There's a you know the offer is cover Cravers No, okay, listen here. Okay Travis. I would have said this to you. I but just put it in slack read this read the sentence Oh god, just read it a special tin sack offers cover Cravers for the meal But often dessert is essential particularly when celebrating something special Wow, so we've offered cover Cravers for the meal. That's that's that's standard Mark a calendar for April 18th Just write it up there. Nothing weird about it because white castle is gonna begin offering its new sweet edition Birthday cake on a stick now that seems like a wild promotion, but it's actually just joining

The lineup of dessert favorites, which includes fudge dip cheese cake on a stick Fudge dip brownie on a stick and gooey butter cake on a stick The birthday cake variation features a vanilla cake base with white frost Top with blue white and orange sprinkles This limited time dessert offering is perfect for celebrating 100 years of cravings. Now listen When it's late in the night and I've lost all sense of self-control when it comes to eating because you know life is hard Sometimes that sounds great. I would totally destroy three of those. Yeah, it sounds pretty good Jamie Richardson is the VP at one of our white castle and he says

Throughout this year throughout the year. We're inviting Cravers to be part of the festivities. Oh, thank God So pass around the birthday cake on a stick and let's celebrate the next 100 years And now that I mentioned it probably don't pass around don't do that cake on a stick there It's a global don't do that unless you've had all did you have all three vaccines? Then you can pass around birthday cake on a stick go nuts I like what that implies because that implies that it's like a birthday party and there's cake for everybody But that's like if I had a birthday party and everybody came to my party and I said, okay, cool. Do you want some cake? It's 399 a piece

It does kind of good that kind of looks like one of those little devies like a little Debbie But somebody but someone fucking stabbed it It looks like a little Debbie that someone desecrated Do you think you folks when you bring when you're done with your birthday cake cake on a stick and they mentioned this specifically And it says here Kevin Richardson then added please don't bring the stick back to white castle We've had so many people and their hearts are in the right place asking if we wanted the sticks back for other birthday cakes and we had to tell them know the stick is theirs to keep Which they have a hard time believing because it's a pretty good stick. I'll make it does not say that

Yeah, it's all in there Oh, man Do you think if you're in the white castle and you like take a fork and just kind of push the cake off the stick onto a plate? That one of the employees comes in is like we don't do table cake and they just take it away from No table cake at the white castle. Don't dirty a dish Keep a stick Don't dirty this make some trash I think we've only done one regular question

When I was 10 my fifth grade teacher gave us all keys as part of a class project and tasked us to find what the keys open I was extremely stubborn So I spent hours making my friends try the locks around my school and when we finally gave up my teacher told us We came back in 10 years. She would give us the answer. I vowed I would return However, she was a terribly mean teacher and I do not want any contact with him How do I find the answer to this mystery that has been in the back of my mind for 13 years while also holding a petty grudge That's from Ali. I'd love to get your eyes. Yeah, I got the I have that Answer. Oh, you have it perfect because it was gonna be something like you show up and you're but you're old and

She's much older now and you're like, oh, Mrs. Hawthorne and she's so fucking. I mean, it's a real Trunchable situation and you're like, remember this you hold the key and she's like, yeah you know, so what's that open and she's like it'll be some bullshit like the doors of Opportunity and the key is reading and behind the door is the is your future And you want to be an astronaut use the use your reading key to the opportunities future Now Griffin, I think that that is Optimistic, okay, that there was a lesson behind it because I am looking this right fifth grade

Gave a bunch of keys. Yeah said the class project is Find what in the world? This random key goes. Yeah, I don't think you're teacher fucking new. Yeah. No, here is the here is the story Teachers hungover. Yep, it was up at school. They're like teachers aid Mr. Peterson Lee says so, what's the lesson plans today and he's just like Okay, hold on, let me look and see what I got in my wallet Oh a kitty. Okay. Yeah, I'll come up with something out of this. This whole thing is made up

This is someone who is just stalling for time. Yeah, and he wanted to go back to be because why why would they say ten years? End of the year end of the years at the end of the year I'll tell you right you have when you get the day you graduate. Yeah, even that would be another But ten years is yeah come back in ten years Oh, they picked that they picked the amount of years that you definitely would not follow right exactly That's actually my answer is now. I think been proven categorically wrong Because you can't actually it'll be 13 years for this person come back and say like so what's the key do and they're like? It's the key to opportunity and then you're like I'm fucking like 36 and it hasn't really happened for me yet

So it's not a really that it's not really that I mean reading is great and all but it hasn't necessarily helped me be an astronaut And no one in the class were they all the same keys were they random? What the fuck happened? I think it was just a drunk drunk drunk draw keys I won't want sweaty kid come running in like mine opened the break room at the Kroger on Fifth Street. What the fuck? Did you have this? Mine on lots of safety deposit books and inside there was some bloody clothes. Yeah, this this one actually I Got inside of mr. Jeperson's Camaro and I drove it and I'm a fucking 10. So like this is on you. I think you tell me

I drove mr. Jeperson's Camaro and I hit a building on it and I'm 10 So what's the lesson here reading? Oh sure? I get it now the Camaro's like opportunities and the building I hit which was a hospital is future Does this mean does this mean yes, you're gonna be a doctor. Holy shit. That's a good lesson Yeah, for sure even with a criminal record. Well, well shit. Yeah come back in 10 years Come back in 10 years, you'll be old enough to drink and we could drink together 10 years teachers on airplane heart attack Oh, anybody here doctor. I am you hold out the key. You like I will be I Have my dog dreaded locksmithing. I have it. I have it up to this moment. I have a sneaky suspicion

This is my moment to be a doctor. It's only been 10 years since mid-grade. So you're what like 21. Yeah, they're about stand back Let's go Thanks for listening to our podcast, we hope you've enjoyed yourself Griffin is a pleasure I feel like there's been a fun energy I got that fucking sleepover energy right now and it's 231 p.m. On a Thursday, so I Can't stop looking at this stick. Yeah, the stick cakes pretty choice. Oh, she was a white castle around here I never thought that before. Hey, thanks for listening We really appreciate you. We got some new stuff. I think of romacroymerch.com if you want to

Support us there. That would be so cool of you We got a farm wisdom pin of the month that is fantastic and That pin by the way is the proceeds from that pen are gonna go to the AAPI civic engagement fund Which supports efforts by local community-based organizations to combat violence and hate So that is a great pin for a good cause or a good pin for a great cause It could be a great pin for a great cause Travis you got it one, baby. I want listen. I crawled so you can walk. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's an empty bowl pin We got some taste of luxury gear. Hey, did you watch taste of luxury? It's on YouTube. My friend Dwight and I made it

It's about Enjoying the finer things in life. We've also got the adventure zone a new adventure zone shirt over in the macro emerge.com It is they're both really cool, but I am very partial to that tie-dye one. Sure. I think it's really really cool Sure, um, I have been doing some streaming over on my twitch twitch.tv Slash the Travis McRoy playing a lot of fun games just played Just played animal crossing for the first time in like 10 months. I always had I hadn't gone swimming yet It was like an elephant graveyard Terrible, but their bodies had had

Fertilized yeah, my peaches. It was a fine crop. They turned into like playground slides and stuff Hey, also that you can pre-order the Crystal Kingdom graphic novel the adventure zone graphic novel of fourth in the series Because that comes out on July 13th, and you can pre-order it at the adventure zone comic.com and Hey, thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song of my life is better with you Great track great tune and go dig into Montaigne's whole catalog and enjoy yourself have fun Saturday You know a final Yeah, thank you so much for thinking of it. This final one was sent in by Merit Palmer. Thank you Merit It's from anonymous Yahoo answers user. I'm gonna just call it asks

Is yahoo answers going to heaven Oh Gosh, my name is just I'm Travis McRoy. I don't think it is I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother. My brother may kiss you bad. Let's go lay on the lips Oh It's better, it's better It's better, it's better It's better with you

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