My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 557: Morgan Beeman Strikes Again

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

We thought it was high time to invite someone who’s actually smart to help us give advice; luckily Jean Grae agreed to be the newest McElroy brother. Jean is so smart that she had the foresight in high school to realize that the SATs are an outdated measurement built on a societal structure that values expedience, instead of like, a test that lets you drink wine and cry.Suggested talking points: Poison Factory, Complimentary Tony, Racist Vestibule, Anti-Hero Noid, Just Go With It, Life Hack RequestsSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate Support the AAPI Civic Engagement Fund: https://aapifund.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello, thanks for having me a great start solid To what is sure to be extremely chaotic my brother my brother me I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your mentalist brother Travis McElroy, and I'm the other brother Jean hi Jean hi Hi, Jean welcome everybody. This is this is our friend Jean gray. You may know her from God. What what what Jean? Things things and I'm so excited to be here and that you finally decided to let the show be my brother my brother in Jean

My brother and Jean actually sounds better. Yeah, we've been dancing around it for a long time I'm actually a little stressed out if I could say because you're one of the few people who I think actually gives good advice Yeah, I'm worried about that kind of standard of quality Coming coming to our program. Oh, well don't worry about that. It's really gone downhill since the pandemic Nothing to worry about there I'm I'm worried because Jean you are smarter than everyone. I know put together You got and I planned a lot of me though come on. I know that Justin

I said what I said. I got a 1280 on the SAT. Come on man. I got a 1,400 Why have we never talked about this? No, I know why oh, I didn't take my S.H.E.s No, I'm not doing that and they were like you can't get into NYU unless you take these S.H.E.s And I was like I'm gonna get into NYU anyway, and I did See so cool jean. Damn it. Yeah, I also just want to say before anybody Atts us as the kids say this is before they changed like the number of the highest you could get on that So 1400 used to be good. Oh, what used to be good I don't know. They had like another 800 points in there somewhere

I think just for putting your name on my emotional intelligence. Yeah, it's just like yeah How good of a friend are you? How caring are you? Are you open to new experiences? Yeah stuff like that Yeah, you just do tick-tock dances and they score you on it. I'm gonna take it now Can you do like adult S.H.E.s? Can you like retroactively? I'm sure you can't they'll take your money You should be allowed to be like I'm here for an adult as I'm an adult I just want to put it on Facebook what my score is that I'm ready Once you're once you're over 25 you should be able to rent a car and take The SAT but be able to write on different questions like not applicable. Yeah, not I would never you I'm 25

I haven't played also. Am I allowed to smoke during the SATs? I am it's the adult SATs I can smoke them. I think you should be able to put on game of thrones drink have a little like sippy cup of wine Have an ashtray Have some tears in case you need to cry take a break and watch something Yeah Renew So this is an advice show obviously take obviously we're gonna take people's Questions and turn the mouth me like in the wisdom with with Jean's help our brother Griffin is still

I don't know man. I guess Recuperating from having a baby. I don't know that he did that much. Well, he pushed a baby out of his body Yeah, I pushed a baby out. Wow, which part Yeah, well, that's what we're still trying to determine Jean We have our best people on this and we're just basing this on his sort of like attitude and work ethic It just seems like he took it really well I'm saying that like depending on which part I'd be like I understand like if it's his butt I'm like you definitely need a break but like come back to work

But if it's like his pee hole then he should be out for three years. Yeah, that's that's probably true No, we're very sympathetic to her Congratulations Yeah, congratulations Griffin would love to talk to you or see you again if you get this message Love for you to dip back in and put down the pina colada and come back Yeah, buddy get off the beach get back to work. Okay. Here we go Well, I want it to get started. I'm Jean. I have a special segment here. It's called a riddle me piece Yeah, now chain cast this is our

This is our guest Jean now. I've got some riddles. Oh, these are a little bit shorter faster riddles than we normally do These are sent by Hazel These are from of course the service riddles calm and Jean, you know, just do your best like I said, you're very smart So I'm sure you'll get these Jean the thing with the these that Travis finds is that they're Extremely bad riddles that no one would have ever gotten so please don't well. I don't know. Well, listen to this first one though And wait, what's my motivation? Like do I get to cross a bridge or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you answer all five of these You can cross the bridge. Oh extremely powerful. Yeah, you get a powerful crystal that will grant you two extra life

This first one what crawls and is yellow and black and doesn't fly and this is the ones obvious I think oh It's it's a bee with a back injury. Oh Very close Justin A yellow and black caterpillar I guess that's close to what crawls in his yellow and black. It doesn't fly why a bee spider, of course I was also gonna say Beeman oh Okay

Used to fly he's a little towel. He's now now this one. I just like the core concept of a guy works at the poison factory Poison like Belive Devoe Yes Demand for Belive Devoe's poison is off the charts folks. We got a print these these kasingles vinyl is back Vitals back. We got vinyl and kasingles Belive Devoe's poison Man, I hope we ever came up with the word kasingles was very proud of themselves He goes home from work and his wife tells him to wash his hands before eating so he doesn't die

So he goes washes his hand and the next day. He's found dead. How is that possible? It's endless I'll just go ahead and tell you cuz I want to discuss it when he went to wash his hands He opened the tap so the poison went on the tap and when he closed the tap he touched the poison again now He works in the poison factory He worked in the poison factory and what this what's this riddle presupposes is that he was just in there in The poison with his hands that he was just working the poison with his bear no safety But it doesn't get anywhere else. I guess drive home. You know, I get yeah

This is all I could think is that this is like Victorian London Okay, you've got a like I there have to be procedures for you to like scrub out you would think you would think What is correct, but it's always wrong me You personal The the what is correct always wrong? Yeah, and this one people at home are screaming the answer to this Well, we can't really it's that obvious. It's so obvious The answer is a bee because it always stings but also helps. It's Morgan beaman again It's Morgan beaman again. I was also gonna say that he might have stung the guy from the poison. He might have stung

They're all it's all Okay, so what this babble is all storylines interweaving one more. So dot dot dot There was this one time you were thirsty and decided to boil water, right? Just go with it All you had left were one thin wine glass and one thick glass Which is more likely to break of a thick glass a thick glass We I took a long time selecting our the glasses for this house because I didn't want them to be too thin or too thick Yeah, I want a nice heavy glass. Do you know what I did? I now that I'm 40. I have completely This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I'm just gonna go ahead. I have almost completely

eliminated glass Where from my lot we have a three-year-old and a six-year-old and and a me and I just don't want anything glass anymore Everything's like yeah recycle plastic. I don't I'm just out of the game. I'm out of the glass game I can't handle the pressure anymore. I set glasses down to a hurry and break them I and we referred to mostly everything I do is shrieking around just shrieking around I'm just out there shrieking around breaking glasses left and right. I don't need that Polyurethane glasses so I Mean wait what I just why was I boiling the water or what?

So there was this one time you were thirsty and decided to boil water, right? And then it says in parentheses just go with it in parentheses Hot or do I wait for it to all you had left? I'm telling you all the details. I have gene I So thirsty you decided to boil water, right? Just go with it Oh, you had left for one thin wine glass and one thick glass which is more likely to break The answer is uh, why would you be boiling water to drink in the first place, but I but are you fucking kidding me? I know that is the answer that is the answer

But what if you're in like what if you're on naked and afraid? Uh-huh? That's a good point. They told Travis this naked and afraid and two glasses. This is actually the most irritating one Gene this is not Travis is not making these up There's someone who like wrote that into the website and they're like wrote it into the world Just fucking good riddle good riddle riddle. Why would you write that and send it? What's the answer? Yeah, I am so fucking furious on the answer right at the answer. Let me talk trust. Let me talk. Yeah I'm furious. Okay, because at the one point where it's like

You might stop to think this is weird. Maybe this is part of the riddle. They literally said just go with it Like they did you that's cheating to the worst to the great It's like you can't get more unfair and they were like don't ask the answer and they also don't give the yeah I mean the the answer isn't the question isn't Do you drink the water? It's which is more likely to break has nothing to do with the fact that you're boiling water This is the very upset. I love it so much. There should be more. There should be more like this. Okay Yeah, don't send any more of those in stop. He's thank you Hazel Hazel sent us. Thank you. Thanks, Hazel Okay, no, we're gonna help actual people here. We go. I've started trading voice messages with a pen pal during quarantine

And it's been really fun and exciting. Oh good. She's French but speaks excellent English So we've been communicating via English so far, but I have secretly been learning French Oh through an app so that I could speak with her in her native language Well, I started my last message off with 30 seconds worth of what I thought was decent French But her response didn't mention it at all What the fuck do I do? Or should I never mention it or Speak French again

That's from fraught French fool. God, that's great alliteration Fuck that's better. Oh It's a difficult pill. Yeah Hi, I'm very confrontational so This one is difficult for me because my next message would have been like in French being like did you hear my fucking French? What's up? Yeah, yeah, did you believe who my you know the whole thing? Did you get it bitch? Like what happened?

I did it. What's up? Is it possible that like I'm not? Bilingual I speak a little Spanish like enough to get around right but like my brain still has to do the computations It's not happening like second nature. Is it possible your French was so good That it just didn't trigger Like they just kind of like processed it right like all I don't know. I'm used to hearing both of these it's not gonna like Mess me up like if you if you hang out with people who are bilingual Especially like two people who speak a different language from you you'll notice in conversation sometime. They'll just start like

You know, they'll switch without even really thinking about it Maybe your French was so good that they didn't even really process. I watched a lot of polyglots Trying to surprise people With their own languages videos on YouTube, that's my weird hobby And that happens that people are like immediately like oh, okay, and then just continue with the conversation So that's possible I said like when people are at like a like when the you watch the videos of like an American going into like a Chinese restaurant or something and then they're just like let me know

Like let me blow you away with the fact that I also know your language Statistically speaking isn't it strange that there's no video of someone walking up to someone to do street magic But then the person that they approach is also a street magician who does street magic back to them That should exist right that has to have happened right but that's like it's not gonna mix You know, I just not gonna be impressed What I would just keep going and they keep doing street magic back and forth between until they die Until they die Eventually, they're like we should buy some tigers together. Absolutely. We should let's take this show on the road. This is I enjoy France very much

I Especially because they call me Jean everywhere fancy lady and so when I was in France a lot of my My way of communicating. I was like, I'm never gonna be good enough right now So let me just choose things that I know are are funny like the monkey smoke in the pipe Like the song Schumann keep and I'd say a lot of things about B. C. Klett

And if I was charming enough, then they were fine with it. They were like, oh stupid French is hard and Yeah, no, it's I tried to learn it during the last year because why not and They have if I'm not mistaken 20 words, but those 20 words each have one million different uses and so like Vue could be Anything don't complain about a language that is unless you're like mainly complaining about English English No, English is the worst English is the worst because none of what we say actually means wait I've tried talking to a four-year-old and you use like a turn of phrase and the four-year-old's like what the fuck

What does that mean? And you're like, uh, don't worry about it. It's dumb. Don't worry about it What did you want the person to say it's like? Yeah, right like that's what you're hoping for like you're telling me you learned French In addition to English a feat which I've demonstrated Congratulations, I think you just nailed it right there. I think it's like, oh, okay So you decided to do the thing that I'm already doing. I'm not impressed. I'm already doing that thing and I think Mainly a lot of Americans are like look at the line everybody's like, yeah, we all speak like 80 languages like okay So great good for you

Yeah, we already do and also if you didn't contextualize it It probably seemed kind of weird like have you been catfishing this whole time and you spoke French this whole time Wait, if you had started speaking Esperanto, I bet they would have mentioned that right that would have been like whoa What was that? I didn't understand what you just said. Can you back up only 2% of the population understood what you just said if that Yeah, I mean keep speaking French. That's it's it's a great It's a great language to learn and to know but definitely like yeah, just ask Just ask and it is the best way to do it because you want to do it and not to impress somebody And I'm sure they'll help you that would be nice to have somebody to

Communicate in language. You're trying to learn the that's the best way to learn. Yeah, right It's the best way to practice maybe record some messages of yourself like congratulating yourself after you learn the French and then play it back For yourself so you can get the validation. There you go But like draw a fake mustache on and some cool sunglasses Alter ego complimentary Tony Yeah, just there to boo your spirits make you feel that was a real good friend. She did son. I'm proud of you. Did you call me son? Yeah, I'm also your dad. I Could tell you've been needing this you earn my respect for the first time

Finally, I respect you son and I was wrong to change the channel so I could watch mythbusters. You were right It wasn't your fault that your mom and I separated At the time it was your school, but no, it's all on me. I wasn't there for I was speaking in anger son It's something I learned from my dad, and I'm so glad you didn't learn for me I like that you're sensitive meet your new mother. You guys are the same age to get along great I just want to let you know you're trapeze in in my book in my book. You're always trapeze in So I want to try out something new here to replace yahoo. This was sent in this was a suggestion Did you know the yahoo answer service died? I did. Yeah, well, it's dying fire

I built empire at it is dying in front of us. You can no longer Put new questions on it is not they've not pulled the book. Yeah, you can't answer that it's read only It's everyone can stop by and say their last goodbyes Yeah, to know what Sarah said phase of its of its lifespan. So sack exchange calm has a part of its website for life hacks But it's life hack requests or someone is saying do you have a life hack for this? So thank you for sending this in Michael this request for a life hack was was asked

How to properly eat crumbly food with your hand? I'm talking about grated cheese the crumbs at the bottom of a pack of chips you get the idea Basically anything that gets stuck on your fingers and or falls to the ground when you try to put it in your hand Into your mouth. Is there a nice trick preferably without tools to get this kind of stuff inside your mouth Without making a mess that was asked by Max D Yeah, you tip the bag Into your mouth Just it's funny you should mention that Jane because the first answer

For the crumbs at the bottom of a bag of chips hold the bag with the opening on top make it almost flat and Slowly rotated about 45 degrees while shaking it a little bit so that the crumbs end up in a corner Continue to rotate and shake it while forming a small lip which easily fits into your mouth Once the bag is rotated slightly more than 90 degrees the crumbs will start to roll into your mouth No tools needed. I guess this works less well for grated cheese since they tend to stick more Maybe you have to shake a bit harder. Now you got a tap slow tap slow tap

You know, it's it's one of the few times when I really feel alive is when I'm doing this with a new Bottom there's a lot of like different leaving. Oh, yeah, I don't know I have no idea What kind of speed you don't know the speed or texture? I'm about to experience like I could get like a full Fun dip mouthful of like just salt and paprika. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and ruin my whole day I don't know but that you know what I don't even stop to think about it. That's how alive I am Yeah, and vibrant in the moment even at 40 That's how I feel with like when you when you're down to the crumbs of a pretzel bag and you know You know it's straight salt

But I still can't stop myself from doing it to feel alive You know what I mean like I feel like Bodie jumping out of the airplane, right? And I know Johnny Utah's chasing me, but I can't stop myself from doing it Justin I didn't understand any of that. Um, what it's a point break. Oh Christ, um, oh point break. It's a great movie. You guys should see it. Oh, I have seen it I've seen it many times and I remembered nothing all the musical. Oh The musical is good. Yeah Now sometimes okay now the only time I've gotten into trouble is this

Sometimes you do the tip up and you realize that in the opening of the bag initially you've left a small sort of Lockade in the corner. So what you've done is you've created a sort of stoppage where the salt and flavor Stuck behind it and you try to open you try and then you're then it's like okay Now we're in a real dire situation because I'm gonna try to open this up a little bit But that's real danger like you could be throwing Flavor all over the place at that point now I I what about an extra long one of those like candy sticks that comes with like the liquor made You know the liquor stick you lick it and then you stick it in the dust and the dust sticks to it

But maybe it's savory Where would you keep those? Yeah in your wallet No, no, that wasn't it You're talking about breadsticks first of all damn it. You're right you vented breadsticks. Congratulations You could keep like a tube like maybe like a sheath on your hip that you keep the breadstick in a sheath Yeah, so it's like a sort about a straw. What about a very thick like milk shaky straw? You can definitely die. So I'm just gonna suggest a shake and tap a

Slow shake and tap take your time. Take your time. Don't be too anxious Unless you're just like I this is how I live my life. I live on the edge then you know Yeah, or just combine all of the leave-ins into one bag over a period of time And then just go for it all at once just and lose yourself in the day. That's actually how they make everything seasoning. Oh, yeah Well at this point in the show, we're gonna ask another question here we go. Hello, I'm a middle school teacher in the Minnesota Okay, I accidentally stumbled across one of my students and her breakup tick-tocks about another one of my students One of her posts was literally a screen capture of their entire text conversation for the last couple months with the caption Watch the love of my life fall out of love with me. So obviously I needed to know about the drama

I had to keep pausing it to read and I accidentally double tapped and liked the post. I Unliked it, but I'm afraid she will see that I liked her posts. What do I do? Help me brothers well, let me Let me start with a quick clarification You didn't get that's where I was going all right that you didn't stumble across anything right chain They didn't stumble that is not an act. You did not trip and You're like, oh, what's this? It's somebody. I know it's one of my What a coincidence that out of the millions of tick-tock users I've stumbled isn't the world I should follow them

Just because of the happenstance I'm Fated to see this because I'm stumbling. I'm meant to be here think of the good I could do Yeah, I Think that's the answer to the question Basically what we're saying is you called down the thunder and now you got it you lean into it Just start liking all of them and when they're like, uh, miss Tom. No wait. No, okay Travis actually makes it good But trust me like you're a teacher. You're super old. I get it

I'm super old to what you could do at this point is just go through and start liking everything Yep, and just profess an ignorance of how the platform Like you I like I like you so just liking all your posts or go the other way and when they're like miss Thompson Did you like the post about my break up like yeah good content? Good content, sir. I'm loving it go viral I think your choices are are there's there's no middle ground here because you've already gone a full extreme See you have to choose one of those options that have just been provided to you You could use their sound to make your own videos. Mm-hmm. Yeah, just take the sounds from their videos and make Just do wet them. That's a thing you could do stitch it together and then post it in class

And then on the bright side after all of this you might go to jail and you won't have to see tiktok again That's the only thing that would get me off the top at this point You got to lock me up. Keep me away from it. Keep me away from that content I still feel I still have the feeling when I'm looking at tiktok that I have stumbled into some sort of like Contra band like old person contraband Yeah, like I'm not supposed to be able to have access to this this amount of culture Yeah, it feels wrong. I know that I'm not supposed to be there It's um, I've I've now had the experience of like being in a bar or some instance where I'm like, oh

These these people are I'm old enough to be everyone's mom and I need to go It's the record scratch moment, right? But the way I use Tiktok is like I walked in there was a record scratch But then I also just sat down and ordered a drink and just stayed for a while while everyone just continued to stare at Me the whole time I enjoyed my drink. Hey, isn't that guy really old Taylor should that old guy be he ordered seconds What's happening? You don't know life until you actually walk into a nightclub where your very famous DJ friend is DJing and they can't hear what you're saying So you go up to the DJ booth and you actually bump the record player and do the record

Scratch, thus the entire club turns to you Haven't wow at that point Jean I guess you either leave or start doing a very good rap that blows everybody away like those are your two options, right? Yelled I was like what I was saying was and then just Like just fucking lean into it and that's where we're at one time Griffin and I When he lived in Cincinnati with me and we lived in Batavia, which is like outskirts not a fantasy kingdom No, it's an actual real place Cincinnati Outskirts of Cincinnati and we anytime we wanted to do anything

We were always driving into Cincinnati to do something and so one day we were like well We're gonna go on a quest to find Like a bar around here that could be like a local place that we go to so we're not like driving 40 minutes Take it to a bar and so we were just hitting any bar We could find like on map quest or whatever the fuck and we found this one where we walked in and it was Pretty much felt like the bar from Peewee's big adventure And the griffin and I walked in Everyone literally turned and looked at us and we backed out and and left they should have I feel like bars should have a

Sort of vestibule breezeway kind of thing with with one side of glass You know what I'm saying? We're like you could where you have like a 10-second grace period like oh, no No, no, no, no, this is wrong I shouldn't have done the right thing because I know I can't just turn and turn heel and walk I tell you you guys are Like this experience is based. I would love that vestibule Because I would like to know driving across America I'm like being black and stopping at any random bar always feels like that and I would like to just know that There's a vestibule and it was like get out of here and I was like all right. Well

We're just gonna get back I'd like a racist vestibule You can generally tell by the town the town is kind of the vestibule, but you know How close is the cracker barrel to the bar? Start there. There we go Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break and do advertisements and then we'll come back and there will be more show I'm I'm I'm certain of it Oh these pants oh these pants Justin these these pants that I'm wearing oh these pants

Uh-huh. I got them through stitch fix Good. Yeah, I love stitch fix. I thought you would then maybe say like what is stitch fix or something like you would play Along you know, I know what stitch fix is Travis. It's a service that you can use to help Reimagine your wardrobe refresh Renew revisit. Yeah revive. Yeah It doesn't matter what you want to do as long as there's a re at the beginning of it stitch fix is gonna help you do it They got clothing that's hand selected by expert stylists for your unique size style and budget If you're like, I would never spend $50 that's if you look in at a t-shirt that cost $50 and you say that's $50 for a t-shirt

And and that's a problem for you. Yeah stitch fix can work around that. That's no problem They're gonna get you what you need the price that you know what if I want a dookie brown jumpsuit Justin The one thing we can guarantee you stitch fix is that they have no dookie brown You don't know that it's possible. You can't say that Justin It says right here in the fine print says don't say we don't have dookie brown jumpsuits There's no subscription required try stitch fix once or set up automatic deliveries You'll pay just $20 styling fee for each box, which it gets credited toward pieces you keep and there are no hidden fees Ever you're about to we're about to reemerge into the world. Why not reemerge with that fresh

Look get started today at stitch fix comm slash my brother and you'll get 25 off when you keep everything in your fix That stitch fix comm slash my brother for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitch fix comm slash my brother Oh this hamburger Justin this hamburger this hamburger really I got it through door dash Did you forget that one thing at the store? You know that one thing that thing wink wink Now you can get snacks drinks and household essentials in 30 minutes with door dash Door dash Justin thank you for asking it connects you with the restaurants you love right now right to your door And Justin. Yes. Yes, Justin quit asking now. You can get the grocery essentials you need with door dash too

Hey, Justin. Hey, could you quit asking? I'm trying to do that and you keep interrupting me. Um, sorry I'm really concerned. I forgot pro biotic gummies At the store. I didn't get them. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now try I was really distracted from you trying to tell me what to do if I forget something at the store Because I forgot to pre my my my pro biotic gummies Well, don't you see how ironic that is Justin because with door dash you can get drink snacks and other household items Including I assume pro biotic gummies delivered in under an hour with the contactless delivery drop-off setting You get it now right you see do you

Justin do you get it now? Okay, I get it. Sorry without my probiots. I'm a little slow on the uptake Yeah, but I am getting it now for a limited time our listeners can get 25 off and zero delivery fees on their first order Of $15 or more when you download the door dash app and enter code mb mb am That's 25 off up to $10 value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the door dash app in the app store And enter code mb mb am don't forget that's code mb mb am For 25 off your first order with door dash subject to change terms apply hugs and kisses door dash yours door dash Every journey comes to an end remember black the space will be with you always

Sorry, who are you again? Friendships will be tested You have to shoot black Okay Destinies will be fulfilled. I've become a complete bird I'm flying On april 28th the saga starts concluding guys

We don't have a choice We have to put on a show. We can do it in the old barn. We've got the costumes. We've got a stage We can do it you guys mission to zix the final season on maximum fun Bump, bubba bubba bubba. Oh Huh We're about to yell squad. Oh, yeah, he'll say lunch gene and then we yell squad Me

Okay, now he's trying to impress you. I want a munch squad I want too much squad Welcome to munch squad it's a podcast within a podcast Profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating and we have got such a mass. This is like This has never happened where a story has been this fucking fresh and hot off the presses. It's happening now We're living in this moment domino's pizza is

Has brought back the noid The noid which we try which they successfully did avoid For decades The noid has come home to domino's pizza New york stocks exchange ticker dpz It's the largest pizza company in the world and they've brought Back the noid now the noid

They describe here as an anti hero That has been trying to prevent great pizza delivery since 1986. I would just say that Is a villain. Yeah in my in my book. I mean, I guess it is literally the anti of a hero But that's not what that term. It's not what that term means um This is a wild press release here and and if you if you're I guess like younger than me at all Like if you're a young person and this is like lost. He looks like, um

Kind of like a superhero. He was in the incredible red. Yeah, exactly like that five big red ears and he had and he had a He was a big thing in the mid 80s and he would try to like mess up pizza delivery sort of like the hamburgler But for pizzas Yeah, exactly. And you so you would try to avoid the noid. There was a video game There was a video game. There was a and also shout out to a rapper big noid. This is huge news for you Yeah, this is matt. Yeah, that's gonna get that google juice going uh real nice for you So the big not big noid big noid is is not interfering with pizza delivery. No, well, I don't know of that

We know of right. Maybe who knows um Then this is the press release an anti here the the largest pizza company in the world has always had one nemesis The noid an anti hero. Okay. Yeah an anti hero that has been you would think it's other pizza, right? Nope. No Nope, it's a villain. They invented it's been trying to prevent great pizza delivery since 1986 and this is I can't believe they put this in the press release. Maybe it was the chaos of 2020 Gave the noid the confidence to return Hey, are you fucking sure that that's the angle you want to go with like maybe the You're you telling me the noid was watching tv and he saw the global pandemic claiming millions of lies

It was like I gotta stop pizza delivery. I'm back. Maybe I'm Yeah, this is my moment Or possibly the fact that dominoes has continued to innovate around great pizza delivery with amazing technology Whatever the reason the noid simply can't stand it anymore And the pesky anti hero has returned in dominoes new television ads which began airing today trying to thwart the advanced technology Of neuro's r2 robot a completely

Autonomous Occupantless on-road vehicle out on a pizza delivery wait What? Yeah guys, here's what i'm saying to you I watched this new ad if you go to youtube and search for videos of the noid that have been posted in the last week I watched it when it had literally 87 views this morning um, and it is a truck A robot truck

that is Trying to deliver pizza and the noid's like fuck that i'm gonna stop this robot from doing its job with all my different Tricks it just feels like it's a shortcut to vehicular manslaughter uh It this little robot by the way is so wild y'all I I wish you could see it It's just a tiny little pizza delivery robot and the noid in a sort of man versus machine Uh thing he can't thwart people anymore, but maybe he can stop a super smart ai pizza delivery robot

I don't know why that would be can I can I just say Just a little message to um dominoes if I might um sure maybe y'all Maybe just make better pizza Yeah This seems Incredibly elaborate. You had focus groups. You had so many meetings. You hired new people You spent just maybe you could have spent that money. I don't know Making better pizza

You know, it's also strange gene now that you mention it It is strange that they have introduced the idea the reintroduce the idea of the noid at the same moment that they say also just Sign note. We got robots The robots Very don't worry about them. I'm sure they're fine But the noid right it's don't worry about the uh pizza robots. They're fine and they're not gonna ever The pizza robots can't kill the noid. Did you say a robot truck that delivers pizza? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but look he's back Gene just raised a great point. Did the robot kill the noid?

Did the pizza robot can't legally kill the noid? Huh? You can't uh try a robot No, a lot of robotics a lot of robotics rule number one don't kill the noids So they basically have set up some murder robots Some murder robots that are decided to do two things deliver mediocre pizza and kill the noid The noid here's a quote the noid is domino's oldest and most famous villain. Wait What are the others? What are the others? Yeah, right? You all have a rogues gallery over there. Well, they're cyber noid The pizza delivery testing we're doing with neuro's autonomous vehicle

It's exactly the kind of technology innovation that could provoke the noid to return Said kate trumbull domino's vice president advertising However, after 35 years of practice and avoiding the noid we're pretty confident We know how to defeat it. It's what are you talking about? What are y'all? What are you talking about? You you invented it. What do you mean? You know how to fucking defeat it you lunatics What are you talking about? Yeah, if you close your eyes, he stops exist. Yeah, right Manifestation of your own Dark dark urges. Well, he used to be just in but now

We don't know While television screens are a great place for a classic nemesis to return Well, I I hate the parts of these where I can tell it's another it's a fellow human Same species in everything that's has to fill a paragraph And they're like, I guess one of the things that I could combine words into saying is While television screens are a great place for a classic nemesis to return Mobile devices are the newest place for the noid that cause problems So basically on may 7th the noid is going to join the new crash bandicoot game. What?

In ways that I don't and so the noid will be featured as one of the game's many bosses Pitting players against the noid as crash progresses through the story Avoiding the noid has never been so fun. Players are also have access to exclusive. No, just stop. Just stop. Just stop. Yeah. Thank you God, thank you. No dominoes You'll fucking make pizza and calm down What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody wants a dominoes video game or a villain. I just want like I just want Like I don't even want you to make like good pizza. Like just do like

Just just do your best at the pizza. Know who you are. Damn it. What are you doing? Here's here's it occurred to me that maybe And this is hard to say but the wildest thing about this has just occurred to me Neuros right is a separate company Yeah, so that means that at some point a representative of dominios had to go to neuro and say hey You know how you've developed a self-driving

Delivery truck and we're going to start using it. We love that And so we think the best way to roll out that news Is to bring back the noid Yeah Don't worry about it because there's also a limited The dominos has a limited number of hanging in there and avoid the noid t-shirts Is it like the kitten for yeah, it's just like the noid hanging on something For purchase on amazon and guys if you go and look it's literally just like

A no branding no anything just like a picture of a shirt that says avoid the noid And it does have some great features on it like a tear away label And it does say here and the features Noid design printed on front of shirt. Oh, cool. That's huge. Uh, if you want to put the noid On your shirt and yeah, there's uh, you can share the noid in gif and sticker search engines On facebook twitter instagram snapchat and tick tock I don't want the teams to find out maybe some maybe some gluten-free options. Maybe some keto or vegan options Like i'm i'm just i'm just trying to suggest anything else that they could have done with this money

Maybe help the homeless. Yeah, so that's what's going on with the noid In case for kimi. I i've been worried. I haven't heard from him since the last reunion. That's what's up with the noid Uh, I have another quick bit. I want to try real quick. Oh my god Uh, I I've titled this bit. That's interesting trivia son Uh, and what I did is it went on imdb looked up one of my favorite movies and I've pulled three bits of trivia from it And I want you guys to guess the movie. I am describing Okay, is this gonna be funny or is it gonna be more of a is a point break because yeah, is it point break? A little bit of a point break

I've titled it. That's interesting trivia. I mean it's interesting. It's interesting Doesn't always have to be funny. Justin. That's not what my comedy is about My comedy is not about being funny Sometimes it's making other people look funnier by comparison The working title of this film was hot and cold Is that it? That was the first one. Yeah Any guesses any guesses so far?

No, okay This was considered as a vehicle for cori haim and cori feldman early in production Before it was decided to make the leads older Was their movie licensed to drive together? No, it wasn't. What was the cori's movie? Was it Ferris Bueller? Oh, good guesses one more and I think that this one's a giveaway Body count one One person dies in this movie correct iced tea Is in it because he was in body count. I'm gonna I'd like to get really elaborate. Um, I

one person dies one person dies And it's a two-buddy comedy Uh-huh and the working title of the film was hot and cold uh Wait, is it um It's a comedy Yes

And the cori's are in it or they were slated to be in it They were they were planned to be in it, but then they made the leads older And let me say that body count one is incredibly essential to the movie Oh, oh, it's weekend. It is weekend at bernie's Oh The working title of hot and cold is the most bizarre of that He was because he was hot Then he was cold when he was dead

Another slam dunk bit from travis Okay, let's help more people I live in an apartment building at the end of my hallway There's an edible arrangement. I think those are two different I live in an apartment building and at the end of my hallway that makes more sense. Thank you travis There is an edible arrangements in front of a door It has been there for several days and it is starting to look bad I don't know these people if they're home or not, but should I knock on the door so they could check outside their door I'm afraid it'll look like I'm the person who delivered their fruit bouquet or a weirdo who cares about the weird old fruit in the hallway

Should I knock and escape through the stairwell next to the door immediately? Will it appear as though someone brought them an old maybe spoiled edible arrangements? What do I do? That's from g. I like to think it's from the noid It's from the noise. Maybe the noise like please take me back This is why the the noid is trying to stop pizza delivery because he invested big and edible arrangements And it hasn't quite taken off the way he had hoped as a pizza replacement I this I I like this question one of the reasons I picked this question is because that highlights to me Uh the way that sometimes the human brain can get spun up into anxiety

Because the idea that you would knock on this person's door and be like, hey, there's an edible arrangement out here And that your fears that they go did you bring this? I don't think that's going to happen But here's the problem is like and we've I've been preaching this a lot on this show lately And I'm just gonna keep reinforcing it You have to just act When the moment strikes because you always make it weirder by waiting There's just no sense in like it's so much less weird

To get to the end of the day and be like, I bet they'd want this fruit But to not go bad. I want to give them a quick knock on ruski. It's so it's so less weird To do that than to knock on the door and be like, did you want this rotten fruit or what? Yeah, because you will inherently Like doing it spontaneously. You are more likely to nail the delivery Than like thinking about it for too long Because the casual nature will be out the window if you've thought about it for more than 30 seconds fruit here, huh? What's who? Why did you not? Oh? Anyways, like that's it's that's how I would do. Yeah the anxiety um and the the overthinking and the over

Analyzing that you're doing with this you could be spending your time doing a lot more And I know that you are thinking about this a lot in the day like So many hours and you've made so many movies in your head of the different ways that this goes I would so you got to knock but also you live in an apartment building It's at the end of your hallway and you don't want whatever is coming for these edible Arrangements to end up in your apartment and I don't mean like the noid I mean like vermin or roaches or whatever like so It is

Also very important that you take control of the situation Just knock on the door. Don't leave them a note because I know you want to don't put a note under the door Also, they could be dead in there. Why don't you be a hero good point? Why don't you find out what's going on like everyone else and because we are all Sort of like you know everyone for themselves and we're living in this place and and especially in apartment buildings I I know that I didn't like like to talk to neighbors or for whatever reason or you may be uh, you know an introvert But right now you need to take control of the situation because no one else is going to do that

Just to clarify gene Do you think and I guess this is more subjective than anything else But do you think that if you were the person to discover that a neighbor is dead in their apartment? Would that get you to be considered a hero or is that just I think I I'm and I'm asking this. I don't know the answer. Oh, no, I'd be a fucking hero Because you don't like you don't know what's going on behind like they could have been what if they They've been like missing or what if you don't know what's going on? You don't know what's going on. They're just been very sleepy and you've woken them up and they almost miss work

The problem if you had done it the first day it would have looked like you were concerned about them getting some delicious When you do it four days later, it's yeah, I'm concerned about the mess you've got here and I need it removed Yeah, but you have to do it And this is it do have to do it and you have to stop thinking about it. Just do it. Just do stuff. That's my mind Just do five. I listen to this uh, this book called the five second rule and the the the lady said that Was mel robbins and she said that if you just just do five four three two one go and just do it Don't think about it any more than that if you had done that who knows who knows what possibilities you could They could have given you one of the strawberries

Oh, maybe one of the chocolate covered ones. They opened the door and they were like, oh, you're edible arrangements are here And they were like that's great. Here's a million dollars and now you thank you. You've passed the test the test This is a tick tock thing and now you're rich million dollar here. There is one The people said it was too elaborate so glad That it worked out There is one problem to adjust and with the just do stuff mantra is if you're a person that has impulse control problems And you think like oh, I thought of a funny bit for my podcast

That my friends and my brother will like and then you don't really think about it beyond that And then you do the bit and then the bit doesn't work. You're like, why did I do that? You know what I mean? It's so it's so worse. You just have to adjust it to 50. Just count the 50 50 Okay, I'll try that next time. Um, it also says it's maybe spoiled I'm saying it's a fruit bouquet and it's been there for several days. It is it has gone bad It it is my my metric for is something okay to eat now is like did it sit out long enough that like I forgot It was there for a second and if the answer is yes, it's a problem now for me I watched too many I worked a lot of food handling jobs

In my youth and I watched one too many Like instructional videos about the danger zone And now it's way up in my I throw a lot of stuff out that uh, quali thinks should still be fine and I'm like You're insane. Um So yeah, this is why I'm glad my wife because chorissa is is the same as quali in that respect And the number of times that I've had to be like, okay Well, I need you to smell this because I'm I'm already thinking about it and it's not gonna work out I don't I don't see how you see that this is fine or that you can like pick around it like don't don't do that

Um, oh, I also want to go back to the saint because there's a question The part of the question says should I knock and escape through the stairwell? Now I think that you should not that you should have the conversation But then you should also escape through the stairwell and really present yourself as mysterious Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait till they've been down to pick up the the edible arrangement again, then you're going I've thought about how much different batman would be perceived if he just walked away from conversations Because one that's not necessarily but two he always disappears like in the middle of the other person talking And if instead they like looked over and they're like, where are you going? And he's like, I gotta go away now

I know we're still I haven't told you where it's one of my favorite things that he just he just leaves and um in that I I aspire to be many different superheroes in many ways because of their strengths, but um, Batman's goodbyes It's it's so much further than like irish goodbyes He knows when he has all the information He needs and I wish someone would just like keep here's here's how you fuck up batman. You just never Never lose eye contact and then you'll be able to see him like clenching his teeth And it's like he really wants to go but just never give him the opportunity never turn away

You blink one eye at a time, right? So you can keep the other one open on him You can clockwork and now by this time The the joker has murdered a lot of people but you got one up on batman. He's like, oh my god If what would happen if you didn't give him the opportunity to leave And and then like the sun rose and now batman's just like walking He's like well, I guess he would probably drive. I have work. I have to go house. How's everything I like that. I made him like sort of louis armstrong

Yeah How's how's everything? commissioner How come I only see you for work stuff? We never hang out anymore I think if you just force batman into the rest of the conversation Um, yeah that he refuses to have that he would also be different Hey, yeah, so the ridler it's attacking the bank of Gotham, but also how are you?

How have you been? I like Where are you going come back batman? I'm back. Oh jean and I just had a whole conversation while you were on. Oh, was it for the show? Yeah All right, it's a lot about batman really. Thanks so much for listening to our podcast my brother my brother and me We hope you've enjoyed it Reminder you can buy our merchandise macro merch.com, but I'm more interested in talking about Jean jean, how can people find more Jean gray, uh, right now don't um, I'll find you which sounds like a threat. Um,

I I'm I currently have deactivated my twitter because I'm working. Um, but you should be checking back with me In the upcoming months on my instagram, and I'll come back on twitter on my ig. It's genie grigio And then you can find me at jean crazy on twitter with some very important updates of what i've been working on for the past year Yes, there are puppets involved Whoa, oh boy Justin, where can we find you don't don't find don't i'm I'm deactivating mine too because it sounded cool when jean said it, so i'm going to do it too Because i'm reactivating your twitter. I was deactivated in my twitter. No, I don't know

I don't know you're you've already found me. You're listening to my podcast. Thank you. Thank you for doing that. I appreciate it Hey, here's my plug go get your fucking vaccine. Please if you can get your vaccine go get your fucking vaccine, please Please just go get it. Please Please I want to see I want to hug a person. Yeah, I want to see other people hug Yeah, I just want to watch people hug for money, you know, what wait Hold on hold on Screen in person. Yeah, so I can see them shifting. Yeah awkwardly. Yeah, okay. Uh, thank you to uh

Montaigne for our theme song My life is better with you the full song will be available be available soon By the way, if you're in a place that can support Uh, a euro vision vote if you've got a vote in the euro vision uh, montaigne is going to be Battling it out and because of various travel restrictions. She's not able to come to uh, the the contest itself So she's gonna need all the votes she can get so please

Uh support montaigne in the euro vision song contest Uh, which I believe is like may 22nd Can I can I also sing I'm a version of uh the a theme song for this episode that I've been thinking about Which is definitely not ripped from a commercial from the 80s about a product Yeah, please sure. That'll be huge. My brother My brother Wherever he goes. I'm gonna go my brother My brother, who's that?

Me and my brother my brother and gene Gene See you're a musical genius this isn't talking about how do you come up with this and people who don't have video Don't see that gene had those lyrics typed up and did not just come in the in the moment. I had them hand Onto the wall with this. It's with a sharpie. So it's really That's permanent. That's not going anywhere Um, anyway, we know we used I'm realizing Terrifiably that we the the way we end this show is by griffin

Reading a final yahoo. We have neither of those. I have I have a final life hack. I can read. Oh, thank goodness That's perfect. Uh, this was also sent in by michael and asked by medulla oblongata How to roast a chicken in a hotel room My name is justin mackerel. I'm travis mackroy I'm gene mackerel Thanks for listening to my brother my brother and gene kiss your dad screw on the lips Oh

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