My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 564: HANCH

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

It’s about to get real loud in here. Loud with FLAVOR. We’re talking sweet, salty, fat, acid, paprika, cheez-its, tarchup, and wasabioli. Suggested talking points: Holistic Hog Time, Reverse Johnny Appleseed, Who Washes the Dishwasher?, Sticky Dylan, Heinz Canada is Watching , There’s Cheez-Its Somewhere Support AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody, welcome to my brother my brother me if I show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middle of his brother big dog. Woof. Woof. I got please Travis McElroy, and I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy So this is a segment we like to do every episode where we asked Travis, how's your penis? My penis is fine. This is my scrotum that I'm doing this. We do it. Hey, hey boys. We doing this Yeah, it's a thing. It's a it's a great. It's a fan favorite bit. Yeah

Scrotum check and we can only do it. I mean God willing in the creek don't rise We can only do it one more time. Yeah got myself a vasectomy Yeah, and just you know, I'm not so plugged into so she but juice What was the response like when you talked at length about your You said that very good positive. Yeah good and positive. There weren't people like I don't want to hear about this dude's hog I want to hear him joke about fast food franchises. Well Griffin the vasectomy doesn't focus on the hog primarily it focuses more on The beans as it were it focuses on the buns Folks is on the meatballs. I like to think of it all is the hog. Oh, okay

Okay, it's a holistic hog Time down there and I'm here's the thing Travis. I'm your brother. I love you and I'm very concerned about your well-being I'm excited about your your your your impotence and all that jazz But even I don't feel that way does it but even even I Even I kind of don't want to hear about it You're not supporting me in this time when I need it when I need you the most Griffin and that I've ever needed you in my entire Life to just say yes to the dress you're saying No, and yeah, yeah, can I ask you just how did it so Trav if

If I can walk I'm in like a supportive place with you. Thank you. How did it? How did it go? How did how did the whole thing go mostly went fine? There was one weird thing. I don't know how you dealt with this Justin Yeah, the doctor just kept saying wow, what a radical scrote and yeah, yeah, that was a Flattering I guess but like I kind of wanted him to focus up It was the use it's the use of the word radical that makes me think that maybe this was not a licensed medical professional And maybe some sort of surf surf dude Well, sometimes you would just say under his breath like it's just such a cool sack

You know what I mean? And like that was yeah nice, but like I Expected it to be a little less and for lack of a better word clinical Yeah, if I I've listened to you talk about this for a few minutes now I wanted to give you a little bit of rope, but it seems like You're lying and that's fine No humor to be found in that but I am gonna go ahead and assume from your lives from the fact that you've cooked up a Fabricated thing that it the whole thing wasn't very funny. No, no It wasn't very funny and I feel like maybe you were going in hoping it would be a gut buster and maybe it was just sort of

You know an overall success and fun for everybody. Okay, I'll be honest now It was uh, I it was not bad the only part that really like hurt hurt was honestly He your balls your well No, he taped he taped my penis up out of the way so we can get in the way get out of there When I need to do that for me When he took the table And when he took the tape off it pulled off all it pulled off a lot of chest hair and that really It's all good stuff. It's all good stuff. Just fun regular conversation now

I I do find that I've spent the last 48 hours Thinking more about my own genitals than I did in all of my teen years put together Hey, same same for me But for you because you keep telling us about him you keep a dad keeps asking dad every four hours What's the check in on how my downstairs is doing? He's a caring father Yeah, he's a caring father, but he keeps saying how's your radicals grow and I don't know Doctor or what when I check in I say, how are you feeling? But I don't say tell me about the tell me about the incision site on your delicate bathing suit area

Because I love you, but that's your private place. That's your private zone and here's the thing is he said mine was the least delicate He's ever seen he said it was like tough and leather trying to get through there man You could just you kept saying he didn't do that with me. Did you guys have the same guy? There's only one guy in the tri-state area who like gets it just one regular normal guy Okay, he travels the world kind of a reverse Johnny Appleseed really. Yeah Hey, what was that well just a little sound bite of on the wings of love Yeah, that's why I call them casuses trying to call me. They'll never bring me down Is that their special ringtone Justin? They said were you using your data to hear things about your brother's testicles?

Cuz we're monitoring the whole thing the doctor kept calling him besticles. He said these are the besticles All right. I was all right. I'm not was interesting to me. All right So it wasn't funny. I'm starting hard started here He asked if he could do a charcoal drawing and frame it and hang it up. Yeah, he's personal home Yeah, that was nice, and I think I'm starting to think he didn't even get of a second. No No, no, no, I'm sure I'm sure he did but I just don't think anything funny happened and he was disappointed Griffin, I'll send you a picture to prove it. No. No, we don't need to do that Jackass style. This isn't like one of those that that would be weird if now like Jackass started up again

But it was just like oh man. Yeah, I got an actual like Prostate exam and it wasn't funny, but here here's my test results and yeah, they are they are getting older They are met welcome to make a run at it for sure But they should definitely check in and see what's going on on YouTube before they make any grand. Yeah Yeah, Jackass is back in the mix because things are Yeah a lot out there. Yeah, there's a guy on tiktok who's like in this tiktok over the next year I'm gonna eat my entire house and it's like Johnny and the gang How are you supposed to beat that? He's gonna eat a whole house in a year

This guy's over here eating houses. He's giving it away for free I think jackass should come back and just do unboxing videos, but every time they open the box inside It's just steve o's genitals And every time and they're still attached don't get me wrong still attached. Yeah, it's like the popcorn bucket trick Yeah, but he's been under the table for the whole time I love it. Funny. All right. This guy's just still got it. So this is an advice show So we'll only have to do this one more time, but when I get mine, I'm gonna be Like a very cooket-ish about it

You're not even good. You're not hiding behind a fan. You're not even gonna know This is an advice show. I need a second I'd started uh heating up a pot of water to make macaroni for Trisa when the kids got home And they haven't left yet. So now there's just a hot pot of water on the stove I gotta go stop that heat one second. All right Um I mean as long as you keep recording. That's a great. Yeah for sure. That's a great thing to let people know that Travis did Hey, as long as we're doing chores, I'm do can I get permission from you on something juice?

Yeah, here's a bad smell coming up through the drain on the floor of my laundry room And smells like an elephant died in my house somewhere and I can't find it So I got the door to my office open out to the outside and and getting a little sound of the city Do you think that's okay to get that in the mix? Yeah, it's fine to get the sound of the city in the mix Welcome back. Travis. We never stopped the show. Oh great. Great. Great. That's good content. I love that's good content Now that's some content. Um Okay, so you're back Griffin. That's fine. Get a little sound of the city. Okay Um, and I'm sorry about the smell. That's tough as

When your house just gets a smell it gets a bad one My dishwasher got a bad smell. Oh man And then I was like, well you clean you clean for a living It cleans you And it turns like you know what I mean, right the dishwasher washed the dish who washed the dishwasher That's great. It turned out it me I didn't and I didn't like it must be you and if you wait too long to clean those things Some bad things happen things you won't forget can't forget. She can't forget

So this is if I show Um, Travis you have placed a question from Cora in here. Well, I think that this is important You know what I mean? Like I we don't normally treat these as like regular Listener questions usually that's only because they're not Well, but this was sent from Nathan and I saw and I instantly thought like this is important. This is this is uh, Perhaps an important cultural touchstone that we could answer and fix and make the world a little bit better And it's rare that we have that opportunity It just seems like a we're gonna cuss a lot

Doing it is it here's a question Is it for fuck's sake? Or for fuck's sake It's for a work email. So it has to sound professional It's neither of the ways that they have written it here Yeah, they written it f u c k s no Apostrophe it is a possess. It's possessive. The sake is possessive of Of fuck of the f word. Yeah, and then can we move on because it's just it just feels like we're gonna get like really fucking like

Nasty here's what I think needs to happen Griffin. I think each of us needs to say fuck 10 times in a row until the world The word loses meaning right and then we can just discuss it No, because it's I'm we're not we're not a whole George carlin and we've also said that word so many times and it's fine to say it in the heat of the moment Fun, but to do it to do it like this It sucks. It sucks My my my three-year-old daughter threw a chapstick in my eye And it landed right in the eye

Was the chapstick open did you get any chapstick was open because I was trying to take it from her because she Judges it up the whole way. Oh, yeah, so it's just two inches of chapstick sticking out and it drives me crazy Like a dog. Yeah, she's like, okay. Sure. No problem Chuck and then throws it at my head and it goes right my eye and I said fuck And then charlie said don't say bad words and I said this is the exact opportunity to say fuck because the kid threw a If not now then when yeah, if not this then what that's weird coming from charlie who I believe Just per capita has cursed more in her life than I have So I don't understand where she gets off judging you just and I think you're doing fine

But the question that I'm left with justin is Was there chapstick on your eyeball? Yeah, was it lip smackers? Minthalated, what are we dealing with? Was this a birds of bees? It was a coconut. It was like a coconut cream pie or something like that And did your eye feel moisturized afterwards? Uh, no, it was unpleasant. I mean there were tears in it. So yes, I guess it was Okay, here's a different one. Hello brothers my partner and I are currently in the middle of making a lovely chicken casserole for dinner And we hit a snag the recipe calls for corn flakes for that crunchy touch But we're plum out at the moment. However, we do have for rusted flakes

Do I go for that sweet with this chicken bacon rice casserole? Or do you know anyway? I can get the frosted off my flakes without them getting soggy That's some casserole in without corn flakes. This is your moment. Justin. Yes, Justin shine shine, baby Okay, here is my suggestion to you and I think this is powerful It's a powerful cooking concept because you guys know I love to mess around in the kitchen. Oh, yeah Crime scene kitchen. I'll watch it. No problem. I'll watch anything with Joel, mackayl and kitchen A mystery. So here's what I'm gonna say. There's a little bit of sugar in everything. Okay Okay, is that fair to say you put corn flakes on

Your casserole you have introduced some sugar from the malt Flavoring in the cornflake and in the you know in the process of making corn flakes, of course Uh, wh catalog introduced sugar that his brother was unwilling to Introduce because he was a health nut. So You got sugar in there. Is this fair? Yeah But if you have frosted flakes, all you've added more sugar Okay, that's not bad All you got to do is you got to grab the other sliders

Oh Wow, jack them up to me sugar. There's not a there's not too much sugar. There's not enough cumin. Yeah It's not enough paprika You put it all in there. You jack up all the flavors. Okay, then it's balanced and it's intense It's like that tv It's like that book in tv show this like salt sugar yummy sweet and then you got the four flavors You have the four flavors of salt Salt is salty sugar is has that sugary taste to it. Yummy is most of the other stuff and then sweet is

Like everything that's sweet, but isn't sugar like honey Um, that that that would be my suggestion is yes, you can introduce the frosted flakes But some flavors have got to come meet the sugar to play with it Yeah, or else the sugar will be standing out on stage of this pants down around his fucking ankles Yeah, you know, you got to have the other flavors meet it meet it midway. That is my suggestion What do you all what would you all really do in this? Don't do any jokes? No jokes Don't do any joke

Put joke out of room and just tell me what would you do? What would you do the truth is justin when I find myself in this place where it's like recipe calls for some kind of, uh, crunchy Breaded thing. This is where I start doing that pantry deep dive because there's almost always Some cheez-its in there, right? You gotta have some crunchums. Yeah, I got a four-year-old and a two-year-old Basically, there's some cheez-its somewhere somewhere and cheez-its make an excellent addition the other day It was making some meatballs And I didn't have breadcrumbs crunched up cheez-its. This is the secret ingredient

Just like mama used to make boom. Yeah um, I would say that A good thing that you could the one thing that you could do uh-huh is is Chee chili

cheese Cheetos Cheesy chili cheese. Sorry chili cheese cheetos. Cheesy. Cheesy chili. Uh, Fritos Those things are those things are fucking great, man I had Cheetos I had a talkies. No, not not those just chili cheese Fritos I had a bowl of chili the other night for dinner and we didn't have any regular Fritos to put in it So I put chili cheese Fritos in it and it and they cancelled out and they disappeared my bowl was empty when I looked down

That was crazy. Yeah, I didn't know that it worked like that. You know what? Why stop at the frosted flakes start replace. Let's see. You got chicken bacon rice Right, you're gonna add in rice Krispies in place of the rice Uh, you know what? You can keep the bacon, but I'm gonna want you to make it like maple like candied bacon Yeah, uh, and for the chicken egg egg is like chicken before but beginning of it Yeah, make a meringue right like do that, right? This is what we're talking. We're gonna make us a sweet Because here's the thing you have cinnamon rolls for breakfast and everybody accepts that right? But if I want a sugary sweet dinner everybody like turns their nose up at it, right?

I want a sugary sweet casserole for dinner Throw up everyone. It's 2021 big dog run. I'm making a sweet casserole. Get in or get out of the way Yeah So what if I don't get out of the way? I'm gonna hit you with my car Yeah And I'm gonna back up and do it again Because you got in my way on my way to a sugary sweet casserole sweet dinner and I'll fucking

Kill you Travis. I'll hit you with this car. You try to say he can't have sweet dinner I'll kill you with my car. Yes, we get it and I'll bankrupt your family Just just because you said don't put don't eat a caramel apple with that chicken pot pie And I'll buy your family stationery store that's been in your family for 200 years I'll thank I'll murder you and I'll fuck you up and then I'll buy it and I'll turn it into A store that only sells sweet casseroles. Yeah Get them. Oh, they're in the car. Oh, they got on board. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it It is embarrassing. Hey, do you want uh, do you want some wisdom of the crowd?

Yeah, please I I saw I saw a bunch of people on twitter suggest wisdom of the cloud, which I like quite a bit Uh, I I maybe maybe that's a good name for it, but you know, I'm in no hurry to You know solidify this segment Um, maybe would you just call it wiki how or wiki? Why not? Because wiki wiki how wiki yow wiki yow because this is another one of those dylan sent this in sticky sticky wiki sticky pdl sticky Oh, I thought you were saying stick you were describing dylan as sticky dylan sticky dylan sent this in this is sticky dylan and the article is how to be catlike

And whether you need to learn to act like a cat for an acting role Which is a very limited a very narrow window. I would say I believe there's literally one show that that applies to Or if you're gonna be like catwoman, but even she doesn't I don't think like cleaner Butthole or anything like that, but or you just admire feline behavior There's several ways you can imitate cats each cats different, but many of them share different behaviors Unlike dogs cats can be equally finicky and standoffish as they are affectionate and cuddly All right, how dare you dogs have like dogs have deep inner lives. I won't stand for this Okay, so doing method one doing cat activities sleep a lot and take cat naps

Yep, do yoga to stretch do yoga to stretch your muscles out so far you are describing People stuff. Yeah, nice try though Clean your clean yourself often at least at least once a day. Yep I Spend time playing outside like a cat or also Like a person does it cat doesn't go outside Yep, that's also another thing communicating like a cat use body language to communicate your feelings instead of simply your words Like people do it

Experiment with the tone of your voice now. We're talking now. We're getting into it. Yeah, I could definitely hiss more I've been thinking about this lately like the amount of hissing I do is not nearly as high as it could be Yeah, if you want to be able to talk there's a sub point If you want to be able to talk with cats mimic their meows and sounds the best you can listen to how they talk and mimic them Huh, are we talking now? Are we talking now? Um, this took a strong turn. I would say Talking and up talking an upbeat tone when you're happy and content and incorporate a growl into your voice when you're mad

I've never tried that before. I've never tried that before. Let me try I loved this jet ski Are you hate this jet ski? Yeah, I think I've talked like that I think I've have you guys heard me talk like that before well I've never I've never heard you hate it jet ski before Yeah, yeah, I love it Hey, this one's appropriate. I have a signature scent So juice you didn't even know that you were on that kitty cat life in a major way

Yeah, with my signature scent It's great scent scent directly. I'll figure it out But I mean kind of in between signature scents right now, but I this this isn't the time to talk about no, no I imagine what he that was mall friend to interesting uh interesting response By the way to richard steak A lot of people said I I don't want it to ever happen again. Love it. Love that's got a tenor. Yeah, I loved it never again

Hey, Justin, welcome so much to a very exclusive club that I like to call what it's like making jokes when you're Travis Hello, come on in come on in one person. Yeah, no. Oh, it's too late. Look at that. You're already in here Oh my god, it's builds around me. You've constructed it around my prison. I trade that for fucking Seven years later. Eat a banana again idiot So um, I went back and treated myself to the video of you eating the banana and griffin I do I do want to point out one thing. Yeah, that crunch is extremely loud. Yeah It's pretty loud

In the chance that you want to repel someone make a point to cook with garlic and onions or handle other foul smelling materials And don't wash them off. That's pretty cool. Well on the other hand cats are not cooking with garlic and onions No, but they do I guess put a bad stink on them to scare bad cats away But regardless guess what else you're gonna do you're gonna scare good cats away with your bad smell. Yeah Hey, this one's wild now. We're getting into it now. We're getting into actionable cat activities cat Blink slowly to show you like someone reals. It says here real fucking slow

Make your make your eyelids make a noise when they goosh against the bottom eyelid Make them make those eyelids clap, baby And then they will know oh wow is something wrong with your eyes or do you like me a whole lot new tiktok challenge Film yourself doing this with your significant other and see how they react to it because I think they're gonna really love it Yeah, they're gonna definitely give the year into them Yeah, well, it does say here some people may not recognize this behavior And it may look more like glaring considering consider batting your eyes slowly instead to be less intimidating That's not anything swat someone who's irritating you

Swat someone who is irritating you to warn them. Okay hit them Yeah, this one just yeah, this one just says hit them a warning swat doesn't have to be hard travis Just swift and sharp enough to get someone's attention. But hey, what was that? I punched you Not very hard though. Yep. Use your words If a cat if a real fight does break out cats will bite and scratch their opponents Just be cautious and consider the consequences of using these methods in a real fight with someone Hey, this escalated pretty fucking quickly. I would say wiki how and I would say I would say someone who follows this and then accidentally

You know beats the shit out of somebody and goes to court and the judge is like What are you doing? Why are you blinking so slow at me? You'd be like no wiki how told me that this is how I was supposed to work people off You know how I have a bad smell that was supposed to do the job But fucking Derek kept coming around So it's hard. It's hard because you're so deep at that point. You're already a kitty cat at that point Yeah, you're gonna have to read a wiki how about how to act like a human. Yep Okay, so here's behaving like a cat around other people stay alert and aware of your ceramics. Yeah

Reacting erratically and jumping at things that startle you is another way you can imitate cats That's sure be shy around people you don't know but warm and welcoming once you've met Yeah, again Just sort of standard operating procedure or ignore people then request attention when you want it. So That would just be in shitty here now. It's just being shitty about cats. Yeah Basically anywhere in this article, does it say bury your poop in some sand? No, it says bring people presents well

You can consider uh cats also hunt and leave their kill to provide food to their owners You can take care of the people you like by feeding them such as cooking them full meals or sharing part of your lunch We can now I am pot committed at this point I am going to kill a bird and give it to my wife Because that's what I need to do in addition to gently headbutting and nuzzling the people I like I think at this point once you're gently headbutting and nuzzling people you like while blinking at them slowly You've passed the point of denying the fact that yeah, I am pretending to be a cat Last one is be mischievous

Oh That's good. Make little messes by knocking things off counters sit on people when they're trying to work on something Or be nosy. This has gotten so straight like you have just Absolutely overshot your goals. I feel like at this one. Yeah, this is the last thing wiki how leaves you with this Be obnoxious if someone asks you to stop don't respect their space and don't dial back the cat mimicking Don't tell no matter what Because if you dial back the cat mimicking, what are you doing? Yeah, you know what I mean? Like what are you even doing? You're never gonna get cast at that point. You know what I mean? Never because you are this is for the role. Don't forget

You gotta be scramble shanks. You need to be scramble shanks. You were born for this You're born for this role. Here's some questions. I have a cat collar that I made myself and sometimes I wear it Is that too cat-like? Not at all. You could even go to the extreme and get a real cat collar. Just make sure you can get it off Now hold on though because I would argue it is not very cat-like in that Cats are not out there making collars for themselves. Like if we're if we're going by like the letter of terminology I think that is very human pretending to be cat-like But I I have owned several cats in my life not a single one of them

It was like begging me for a collar if anything quite the opposite And this is this is maybe the toughest one How do I know when to stop acting like a cat and begin acting like a human people keep calling me weird My cousin says that taking naps is for toddlers. Well, that's not true. Hey, that's wrong. Yeah, that's incorrect I'm 37. Let me tell you taking naps is for winners my man If I get to take a nap it is to me the sweet it's it that is It's really good for me like happy hour, you know, let's not let's not let's not focus on that. Let's focus on Your you've been undercover for so long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah that you will cross a threshold where

It's no it's more normal for you to be a kitty cat than a human and at that point like you can't There is an event horizon that once you cross it You're a cat now Do you know what I mean? And not a not a person and you would need to find a wiki how article that would need to reverse the spell and that I don't think they have that one. I'll tell you here's the number one problem. I have with this wiki how article Nowhere in here like it should be probably near the beginning is like sit your family and friends down Tell them you've made a big choice

And you're going to start acting like a cat, right? Because otherwise it seems like throughout here There's just kind of a growing uh underlying concern From people around you as it's like has he been cursed by a wizard you need it You need a clean break right where it's like tomorrow. I'm cat right Right, so that way tomorrow. I'm cat tomorrow on I'm cat So that way everyone's on the same page and they're not worried that you're cursed Right because if I saw I'm thinking we're in a shaggy dog situation, right? I'm seeing griffin act more and more like a cat

I think oh, he's ignored his family and he's learning a lesson somewhere out there There's a cat with griffin in it and here is a cat in griffin And right learning a lot like a lesson about I don't know how to not sit on people's laptops or whatever Right, and I need to rescue griffin and bring him back to his family And maybe stop a wizard You know, so you all remember that kid in your class that went over the teacher was giving you assignments They would like raise their hand and ask a question that they knew the answer to just to like Get on the radar like oh and miss tramples. Is this do you want mla citation on this? Oh, yes

Derek, of course. Thank you. Yes, please use mla citation. Thank you, Derek That's what the energy that this uh, this person asks I own a cat. Do you think observing him will help me? Fuck off Fuck off. Well, who's gonna be like no no It's not looking at a cat and studying how it moves and then trying to act like that Will not help you act like a cat after seeing how it moves. Come on grow up You're not bringing anything to this Would you guys like being cats?

um It seems like a lot of work. I actually think actually I don't actually don't care. Let's get the money down Stamp it. That's what I like to do whenever I have a package that I need to send I stamp it Now I know what things can you lick? That is fine. The number one stamps Okay, but you don't want to have to go to the stamp store to get to get these beautiful licking opportunities No, you could do it right from the comfort of your own home. I don't even know if you lick these bad boys You don't from sams.com. What print? No

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And um, I have to go to the counter and be like can I have the mail for this box? And they know what it is. They know what this deal is and it's like stuff from listeners and sometimes He'll just come back and just stare me eyes to be like you have nothing Oh, it's like oh man, and he knows like he knows it's like I guess it's over is what he says sometimes I guess it's over the magic's over and you peek That's so weird because my box is always full So stitch fix is pretty cool Speaking of boxes, they're full. Yeah stitch fix comes with clothes that you can lick if you want to I wouldn't recommend it

But there's nothing stopping you because you can do right, right What are you gonna do Ray Bradbury and you guys seem to laugh at that last time? Oh, I'm going to lick all the clothes Griffin Thank you so much for asking. I don't know why he does that. I think it's fucking weird Ray Bradbury get out of here Oh, he passed away almost 10 years. I know I'm a ghost 30 ghosts So here's how it works You have a personal Stylist who is going to say like hey you like this shirt you like these pants

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And you'll get 25 off when you keep everything in your fix That's stitchfix.com slash my brother for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix one more time stitchfix.com slash my brother Macho man to the top rope The flying elbow the cover We've got a new champion We're here with macho man randy savage after his big win to become the new world champion What are you gonna do now match? I'm gonna go listen to the newest episode of the tights and fights podcast. Oh, yeah Tell us more about this podcast

It's the podcast of power too sweet to be sour funky like a monkey woke discussions, man And jokes about wrestlers fashion choices myself Excluded. Yeah, I can't wait to listen neither can I you can find it saturdays on maximum fun Oh, yeah I What's wrong, Justin what happened? I forgot about this I want a much

I want too much Why Welcome to much fun as a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating A couple of people said this went in Um, uh, so thank you to uh, I know steven and emily

Um for sending sending that along. I very much appreciate it. Um Yeah, so Heinz in canada if you're in canada and you're in Heinz. There's this new promotion called the Heinz Bottle neck. Um, this is only a canadian promotion. Okay. Okay. I am shuddering with Heinz when Heinz gets in the scene Heinz gets in the so fucking nasty. They make their presence. Yeah, sometimes they skin and shear it So I can't wait to see what they've done now being stuck and exhausting and never ending traffic Heinz is a Really amazing brand by the way. I've been watching foods that build america. Did you ever see this one? Got camo scott narrating it as these very intense stories of like

The dominoes brothers versus the pizza hut brothers with they and it's got reenactments Oh, I love if you enjoy munch squad. I just want to give you the hardest possible plug for this show Which is like We have to make the crust ticker the people in new england hate it. It's like Uh, it's amazing amazing stuff Uh, anyway, but this is about Heinz through a partnership with ways and burger king Heinz will be identifying those stuck in traffic Driving at the same speed as its slow pouring ketchup, which is 0.045

kilometers per hour And satisfying their taste buds with Heinz ketchup an impossible whopper from burger king Let's say that say that one that last one again They're gonna be satisfying their taste buds with Heinz ketchup and an impossible whopper from burger king 80% of canadians say they will travel in 2021 and I would love to chill without remaining 20 real quick No, no, no, I have my year mapped out and I will be a saying but Uh, but most won't cross international borders Summer traffic is expected to be worse than usual this year, which is why Heinz is turning traffic into

a good thing So wait the idea is if you're in traffic and you're moving slowly Heinz has a way to identify that From june 3rd to july 4th those stuck in traffic who are driving as slow as Heinz ketchup Will be served traffic activated ads in the ways app what and select slow moving canadiens will be provided with this tasty summer combo of Heinz ketchup Okay, what the fuck and an impossible whopper from burger king

How this is going to this is going to destroy the canadian infrastructure As we know it because if people know this People are going to start Collaborating like you're driving slow and then it's like You'll be driving slow, but not slow enough as ketchup And you know what I mean, and then it's like I slow it down just a little bit. We almost got the ketchup guys The they have a mock-up Of what this would look like

And it's just a car with you know, and the ways app is there And it just says at the top we are giving you free ketchup for driving as slow as ketchup Which I guess is how it'll Really go surprisingly is a quote Surprisingly many people don't know that Heinz pours out of our glass bottle at 0.045 kilometers per hour That's a surprise to this. Oh, you don't know that The a lot of people don't know that Oh

With more canadiens potentially on the road this summer Whether within their own cities or for weekend getaways traffic is going to be a pain point that we all need to get used to again We want to help our fans see that going slow isn't always a bad thing And reward them with the delicious iconically slow pouring Heinz ketchup for those terrible traffic jams Huh says Daniel Gottlieb associate director of brand building and innovation at Kraft Heinz Canada These are the same maniacs by the way that made uh pumpkin spice craft dinner So I think this whole company needs to reevaluate what's going on up there of north Okay, so there are two

Very strong feelings. I need to finish the quote. Okay, please. We are thrilled Thrilled to team up with ways and also burger king To bring canadiens and the meal synonymous with summer and after sitting week in traffic We know there's nothing more satisfying than a delicious burger with Heinz ketchup Now why is it an impossible? Whopper question. I don't know that So here are the two overwhelming feelings. I'm having one. Okay, take me inside very much like Yeah, people talk about his technology gone too far and the idea that

My phone can communicate the information not just of like where I am or what's happening I'm used to that but also that I'm going as slow as ketchup And some of them like hey, Travis is going as slow as ketchup send him that ad that feels like too much but more than that Mm-hmm. It sounds like Kraft Heinz Canada Has put a lot of work and capital into this And I'm not a hundred percent sure that they've thought about the return on investment of this

This is what I actually think is I think this is my theory about it, right? I think that Heinz was like guys, we have a really fucking good idea But if we tell you you have to promise not to cut us out of it Because we are not essential to it at all But please it's such a good idea, but you gotta promise not to steal it and kick us out of it and just do it together Okay, because it's really good Yeah, I guess the speed of ketchup thing is kind of the hook on the whole Yeah, but for what they needed the iconography of ketchup they needed

Which so it had just been You went ketchup Because that's what they've said that every time it's like you win ketchup and I guess a burger if you want that but you win ketchup Just go to the drive-thru at Canadian Burger King and be like ketchup, which is already free at Burger King I don't pay just open your pocket and gush it to the top, baby You don't pay extra for the ketchup packets. It's not there's no deal being made here Well, that's how that's why it's so hard for the Heinz company right now. Think about it, Travis They've set up an expectation that their shit's always free and you don't it has no value

They should do it the other this should be a punishment if you get clocked going as slow as ketchup from now on You have to pay when you go to Burger King and you want ketchup now. It's incentive to not have traffic jams can we just like I just like Heinz Canada Is absolutely unhinged. Yeah, I just want to go we're just gonna go You know what? I got a couple more that I just found for the pet. Is that okay? Well, you guys take me on a journey after searching through decades worth of old posts on forgotten blogs and scouring old tweets and forums

Heinz is releasing three news. This is from march 15th Releasing three new sauce creations inspired by canadiens. Heinz starch up Wow Savioli And hantch hantch Say all that shit Say all that shit. I'm gonna say it one more time. Heinz tar chip tar chip was was Savioli

And hantch hantch Hantch bothers me Hanth hanth. This is my new boyfriend hant. This is hantch Hantch. This is my other boyfriend was Savioli I can't eat too much hantch on hantch is your new daddy. I put it in slack if you guys want to see I got Hantch So hantch the respect hantch deserves We're over here having a good time with hantch while like my boy clowning over here tar chip is also pretty deep in this set

tar chip is a mixture. Okay Tar chip is a mix of tartar sauce and Heinz ketchup Was shared in a decade old late night tweet by condiment mastermind arian from toronto Emma from toronto turned an online wedding forum to remove wasabi And garlic aioli stain on her mother's vintage dress Annoyingly releasing the recipe for wasabi oli right four years ago while looking to subreddit to spice up his pizza order Deep from vancouver Unsuspectingly shared hant. Okay, which is a combination of hot sauce and ranch. Okay, but here's the thing

Okay, I love a portmanteau, but if you look at tar yeah, you look at tar chip, right? It's the tar of tartar sauce and the chop of ketchup. You look at wasabi oli Oh, yeah, that that's a lot of wasabi in there and some oli in there. There's a lot There's only like one letter cut off of each hantch They took the h off of hot sauce macante And the rest is all ranch. Yeah, it's not it's not fair Ranch is most of the sauce I bet too in hand But hant you wouldn't you would look at that. I'm like, I'm gonna guess ranch and hands

It's ham ranch. I it could be anything. I don't know it could be hoisin ranch. I It's I hate it. You can you can shit all over them and their big ideas, but I would love to hear how you would match these two bad boys up Hotton a hot hotch Hotton here's the ad I got ad for this when this happened millions of people post online every day And some of them post about sauce

But little do they know Heinz ketchup is watching We dug deep across the entire internet to find your old posts And we turned them into condiments Introducing three new sauces sourced from the most random corners of the internet Heinz crowd sauce Hatch from the 12th post in an archived sub thread of people arguing about pizza Wasabi oli discovered on the advice page of a wedding fashion forum Can't touch them. They hosted on social media over 10 years ago

Then we shared the sauces with the actual people who unintentionally created them And now you can try them too Careful what you post big ketchup is watching Like what is what are you trying to establish about your brand? Except they're clocking your shit 24 seven because yet just a couple months later You'd revealed to me that they're watching the speed at which I'm driving and offering me free plant hamburgers in exchange Yeah I love this company

They're good. They're they this is one of those rare cases. We're like, yeah Go ahead and invade the shit out of my privacy. You have I will give you access I will give you access to my my children's birth certificates if you keep cranking out the hits like this Hatch They need to change their name from Heinz to hanch today. And if they this is the new company was called hanch They're they're uh, their last one that they did was they asked people to draw ketchup and then they turned What they drew into custom ketchup bottles I'm telling you can't Heinz canna's is is all over it. They've got things. Okay. I think I'd go with they got all handled hot saunch

Oh, have you been thinking about this time? Yes, that would explain your lack of contribution I've been working really hard to think about it. Let me give you a twist on that Travis. Let me just twist it a little bit Hanch, okay Did they pay the people that they stole these ideas from? Definitely not 100% no they pay they get they made their dreams a reality That's a payment right this payment greater than money if you think about it I wish nerf would come out and be like

As we all know nerf bullets leave the guns at 95 miles an hour So get out there and if we just see that you're driving 95 miles an hour Baby, we're gonna send you some nerf and then just see how how long it takes Um, how about another question? How would that be would you guys like that? Yeah, please sounds good I was recently invited to my friend's surprise birthday party The only caveat is that the party files falls on my birthday I also found his actual birthday is a few days before the surprise party is

I really want to celebrate my friend's birthday, but I also don't want to miss my own birthday I'm afraid to say anything to them for fear of taking the celebration away from my friend Should I just lay low and ignore my own birthday? Almost no one at this thing would know is my birthday too. So it may be possible That's from the fuddled birthday boy in Chicago and that that seems like a surface level question But as I kept trying to form sentences to currently respond to it. I actually wasn't coming up with a lot It's actually kind of challenging I I tell you the one thing hearing you say it out loud one of the things that jumped out on me was

Uh, the word almost because what that implies is this is not a perfect secret because if you went to this party There is a chance that someone would say hey Isn't it your birthday too? Oh Yeah Oh, man. Okay. You're gonna need a collaborator. That's what I'm saying. This is why I'm saying this is why it's so tough Because someone could very well be like wait it Is it your birthday? Yeah, and that's gonna be an absolute mood. Yeah now that's because now you made it about you You need a co-conspirator though who is gonna be in this room

Who can look out the window and when they see you coming not the the birthday party the you know person who's having the party They say oh, oh here. They come here. They come And then everybody hides and turns the lights off and then the door opens and it's you And everyone hops out and says surprise Oh, it's just michael or whatever your name is and then you be like, yeah, it's it is my birthday And now and now it's their fucking problem because now they're gonna have to take your birthday party away from you They just gave it to you They've just christened it your birthday party and now they are going to have to explain to you

I'm so sorry. We're actually celebrating another person's birthday Who it's not really their birthdays three days before and not yours. Fuck you get out of here. Yeah, sorry I yeah, I the thing is is I'm assuming you're an adult Um, and that this isn't like at least 18 or older And I would say that point birthday is much more become like an excuse to do something Incorrect, not that age. It's at 25 25. Okay. If you are 25 or older and you're asking this question I think you just dropped the knowledge because the fact of matter isn't I I'm sorry to be the one to reveal us It will not change

The event at all, right except that people will say happy birthday to you And that's really all you want at that point. Probably no one's gonna bring gifts Yeah, but if you say it beforehand People are gonna wonder why you're saying it like why are you saying? Oh, well that to go back to griffin's thing You do need a plant you need to tell somebody who's gonna tell the organizers like did you know? That's also michael if that is your name. It's also michael's birthday, right? I'm sorry to get that stuck in everyone Yeah, he's probably not michael, but now that's folded in You can't do it. Oh, let's be clear. You can't be like you can't oh derrick if the other person's name is derrick

Is having a birthday party? Oh, it's my birthday too. Yeah, no, that's oh I can't do that but you could have steven if the other person's name is steven say Oh derrick's having assuming it's derrick is having a party. Well, it's michael assuming it's michael's birthday too Let's just make it one big thing Right now that's all fine. That's all fine and dandy But if susan just assuming you have a friend named susan finds out that you told Dare or you told steven. Wait, let's just not let's just drop the names. Okay. If a Finds out that b told c to tell d that it was their birthday because of e

then uh I'm lost um this this no matter what the situation's gonna end with nobody ever throwing a birthday present for a Birthday party for anybody else in this group ever again. So just be careful because birthday parties are great I love all the cake and games Cakes and games are great Yeah, what you don't want to do is get there and then someone finds out your birthday and they hastily like scroll your name On to the cake or yeah, they put a post it under the sign. Happy birthday to derrick and michael

Huh? What that would be the moment too if you're gonna reveal it on your own And me and also me. Why didn't you remember as you're holding up your driver's license? For real though and also even more because it's today Those three days ago and I put it on facebook that today was my birthday and none of you fuckers I am anymore Just a quick update dad Late night checking with travi checking on his zone and his the the status of his zone

Did not get a response until this morning from travis said doing good. I think and dad just responded now two hours later Good good. Good period. You think you pissed. I think you pissed him off, dude I think that's p.o'd man. You you gotta you need to you need to Rebuild this bridge because it's tearing our family apart. Should I send him a picture? No I don't know because we're on the same thread. I don't just FaceTime him later and go into the same amount of detail That you went into for us on this show. It's a radical scrote. Yeah, do that whole good. Yeah, that's gonna do it for us Thank you so much for listening to podcasts. We've had a great time here with you And we hope that you've enjoyed yourself. Uh, just a reminder that hinds is watching you no matter what no matter where you're driving

Uh post remember where you post or where you drive hinds canada Is watching and they are always keeping tabs on you. Um, I don't know if american hinds is doing that But you gotta imagine probably worse I mean I it's a guess But it's probably worse. Um Hey, we're gonna be doing a this is this is fun We're gonna be doing live show what virtue that anybody can go to anyone on earth That has that has the ability to get on the internet

Can can come watch this program and it's gonna be I think it's gonna be a lot of fun with the last one of these was uh Was pretty silly and I think this one will be equally wild. It's june 25th at 9 p.m et tickets are 10 dollars and uh saw bones is gonna be there pretty exciting and uh, if you can't watch live, that's not big That's not a problem because there's vod that'll be available. It's video sorry

Available for two weeks after the show has ended bit.ly forward slash mb mb am virtual Is the address so you can go get tickets right now? And we would really appreciate you doing that. Thank you so much. Also very exciting It's only a couple weeks till the adventure zone crystal kingdom comes out this one It's a real doozy folks. If you haven't pre-ordered it yet What are you waiting on you can go to the adventure zone comic calm it comes out july 13th 2021 And just announced, uh, this is I think very exciting on july 13th We're doing an adventure zone graphic novel live and virtual event

You can go to bit.ly slash tas g in live 2021 for more info We're gonna have event exclusive signed book plates That are available from our pertinent bookstores and more info can be found at that link bit.ly tas g in live e 2021 for more info go check it out And don't forget to pre-order the adventure zone comic calm Thank you to montane for the use of our theme song my life is better with you Uh

Coming soon. Let's just say that maybe we have maybe maybe now we've get we're getting some intel from the industry insiders. I have an uncle who works at sam goodie Uh, coming soon. You're gonna. You're gonna love this track folks. Just wait The third verse you haven't even you haven't even heard the third verse. It's got so many It's got so much foul language in it. It's so cool. This is the one where it's like two Uh, and don't forget to go check out macro and merch dot com for all the cool macro and merch Uh, don't miss your chance to get our pin of the month. Uh, that is griffin saying I also want a sword for the my brother my brother meet tv show

The proceeds of which benefit the trevor project which provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lgbtq youth People under 25 We also have a you're going to be amazing shirt, uh, which if you've ever listened to taz balance Who will recognize an a portion of the proceeds from that also go to the trevor project check it out Uh, I think that said I don't have a fine. I don't think I don't want to overdo the final yahoo bit So I think maybe we should in so it's maybe a prayer likely in with a prayer And we can just like focus on like Hey, everybody a great job today. Well, this is more a prayer to us, isn't it? Okay. Well, you got to sit

Okay, dear justin and oh, oh sweet justin and travis. I think you guys did a really funny job today Thank you for being my brothers and for i'm so glad that both of yours Vesectomies went good and thank you for leading by example and please let me leave by example For my son's just like you do for me your child. You're the son of you And thank you for your gift of the of the of your child the lamb See you see you later love My name is just i'm travis mackroy. I'm grip for mackroy. Amen. This is my brother. My brother and me kiss your bad square on the lips

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