My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 567: Triumvirate of Butt Problems

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Step into our office / pop tent / podcast Battlearium for some authentic skate tricks and a taste of that good thick orange drink. Just remember to keep everything sustainable by listening at 1.0x so the podcast can break down naturally in the compost pile.Suggested talking points: Be My Sherpa Sting, Phony Hawk, Vegecurious, Big TASTE, little nutritionSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship Could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello welcome to my brother my brother me an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy, I'm your middle-est brother big dog Travis wolf wolf from McElroy Hello, this is your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy Even though a lot of people like to pretend it isn't the case like my grandpa Dan, this is my job Yeah, this is my office. You're in my office now. This is on my courtroom Did I record this show last Friday for an audience of our beloved friends? I did yeah

Did I record this show again on the following Monday? Yes. Yes, I did my recording it now again on the Friday following that Monday making our third performance in Seven days. Yes, but this is my office This is where I work. I'm sorry to interrupt, but we also do Travis you're interrupting me at work I know I'm interrupting your work, but we did also do I guess at our other job Adventure zone and saw bones and strainers and wonderful are those separate jobs are in the same office. I'm lost my office, too That's different offices different offices different jobs same Coliseum. It's just us versus all the other

So what about when we do business meetings and stuff that's also in the battle area and when we do phone calls gymnasium battle Wait, are we fighting? Are we doing our job? battle knives Comedy what I'm gonna see my office. This is my office. What is it an office where you do battle? It's an office. It's a studio. It's a gymnasium. It's an art Thank you. It's a family. It's a dream scene. It's a fucking surfboard Wait, what?

It's a fucking a subway sandwich restaurant. It's a fucking pop-up tent. It's a my desk sucks compared to your guys Yeah, it's a desk. It's my mom. It's my father my mother. It's my it's it's my desk What it's your desk? It's a Coliseum. It's my studio space my work zone This is everything this podcast is everything to me. I just want to reinforce that like We take how seriously we take this and I Don't like they'll just listen to it and this is just gonna Be on but some people listen to this at a faster speed that we recorded it and like I don't want to be the person It's how you this but I will be it's not sustainable because I can't do them faster

You're gonna you're gonna use them all up. That's not sustainable. I want to reinforce sustainable use of podcast Yeah, when you know sustainable usage when you harvest the podcast you have to plant another podcast in its place, right? You gotta cycle through a podcast, you know, I mean like we got it We've stretched this taffy out as far as she'll go if we're not careful We're gonna we're gonna have a podcast dust bowl people. I've been saying this for years now But we gotta let some of the fields rest. They're gonna guide a dust They're gonna whip it up all the podcast cows are gonna get buried in podcast dirt And it's gonna be a real problem down in podcast, Oklahoma

And Travis is doing his best by starting a bunch of podcasts and then letting them die Yeah, and burying their corpses in the grounds to let their nutrients enrich the soil for the next podcast I killed how love land seven years ago the next podcaster the mushrooms that grow on the corpse of Travis is abandoned by Exactly. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm doing my best Even started I started streaming just to use up less podcast resources you guys are welcome Thank you for that. Your streams are the compost. Yeah Yeah

Here's a television show. This is what people don't know is I started streaming and I stopped creating podcasts But I'm still cancelling podcasts at the same rate. So now I'm creating more I've canceled other people's podcasts at this point, you know how your favorite podcast listener at home got canceled I did that. You're welcome. Yeah, true Well, we still got to do this one though, and I do we we do because this is our office. Oh, right Firefighter doesn't go into the office and say I put out three fires this week. I'm done. I'm done with fires People still need us, you know, but here's the thing Hey, you guys everything about if a firefighter goes into work and doesn't do anything all day. That's a good day, right?

Like I didn't do shit today people like awesome Congratulations Jim, but when I do that people are like, where's the podcast Travis? Yeah Yeah, the work you do is about on par with fire firefighters Well, I'm not allowed to take an easy day like a firefighter who doesn't get an alarm, you know what I mean All day or you think they you think they hit snooze sometimes Yeah, I'm the fire a fire alarm because off boop. Oh five more minutes It depends on how many alarms it is if it's a five alarm fire, they gotta be there, right? They got a two or one cute fire cute little fire

Oh one is like somebody dropped like a little cigarette in the trash can but it's outside and the trash cans made of metal So it's definitely a fire and there's a little figure itself out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Eventually the trash all burn up and then is that good? We don't know we don't know yet But it's all stardust, isn't it? Yeah star stuff, baby Wow. Yeah, okay. This is an advice show. We help people here. Believe it or not. You're having fun Just sit there and enjoy it. Just sit here and Fucking guzzle it. This might be grandpa's last podcast sit there and enjoy it. We're gonna have a good time together There's a family you can go, you know, watch a hollow cube on tiktok after this right now

You're gonna have a media delivery the way it got attended at one point zero X or slower Or slower Only you can preserve And you know what stop listening Keep consuming them at this Yeah, that's we would not to keep making them laugh more pause every time you laugh And listen to that died eight years ago and his brain is in a chart and they won't let it stop podcasting Well, let him die, you know, listen to podcast the way stingwood. That's what I say, you know, right?

Five minutes listen two hours off on a beach How would Stig listen to a podcasting I think Probably in a really cool oil Tantric thing but like he probably has a giant podcasting sweater He slips on when he's ready to enjoy one and a huge mug that he uses for his podcasting kombucha Oh, see, I was thinking more he would be in some kind of like floating sensory deprivation chamber where the podcast is all around him And he is in the podcast and the podcast is him and he fully experiences it with every like ounce of his body One time sting was like, yeah

I like to take my time before I nut and the rest of us lost our fucking minds and painted this picture I bet you sting. Here's my thing about sting. I bet you he's the most vanilla ass boring dude in the whole world It's just one time. He said, yeah, I like to not nut immediately and we're all like, wow, what a god It is amazing! Teach me This man made a budget Uncorroborated claim, let's just say Be my sherpa sting. Yeah, I just like to when I'm having sex I don't like to jizz like instantly

Wow, look at this fucking hippie Hippie dippy doo doo You're right in that it became the only thing we wanted to fucking talk about Like his name is Gordon Sumner No one ever mentioned it again because he said he liked doing it a little bit before he nuts I like to hold off I just don't go full at it right away because I'm worried about, you know, jizzing too soon So I take my time in these fields of cold

The man can't even release new music because people are like, he's certainly waited before he nutted on this one Yeah This is all we talked about was sting anymore Also, is that something anyone could do? Just like start publicly talking about how they like to wait before they nut And get a reputation for like tantric shit? Being really cool Yeah, is that just a thing? Like, because I don't feel like, I feel like sting would be like, I'm really cool and I wait before I nut And everyone went, okay

Whoa, what an awesome, no one went I don't think it did Fuck you, sting Prove it, yeah Prove it This is starting to feel like tantric advice at this point, please read the first question I just think, I just think it's a, you brought the point up That the only thing we talk about anymore with sting is that he likes to wait a bit before he nuts

What else does he do? I've gotten really into sourdough lately I mean, here's the thing, he's doing like duets with Shaggy And no one wants to talk about it Like, in a hundred years, it'll be like some popular musical artists of the 1980s and 90s were sting A guy that likes to take a second before he nuts everywhere What kind of music does he do? It's lost to time Honestly, don't remember

The only thing we captured was that he liked to take a bit before he nuts It might just be a breath Right, if they had let him finish, which is already a challenge He would have been like, yeah, I like to take my time when I have sex It takes me like seven minutes to do it And we're like, oh, okay That's all right, sting It's not bad, sting

I'm sorry, IMDb said he wrote two episodes of Lucifer That can't be right Get out Okay That can't be right Wait, sting wrote two episodes of Lucifer? It listed as a writer on two episodes of Lucifer, but that's gotta be wrong That can't be true

Oh, no, sorry, he wrote songs on the soundtrack for this series Lucifer, he did not write two episodes of Lucifer I was about to say Okay My wonderful father-in-law has a trail camera Do you guys know what trail camera is? It's a camera on a trail It's like an automatic camera that takes you to places

Trail camera, I should have waited for the context clues here That he uses at his house in rural Virginia to capture photos of the surrounding wildlife Between one and four times a week, he will email us photos of deer, bears, turkeys, and coyotes from the camera Although mostly it's deer I've run out of ways to respond to emailed photos of these woodland friends And if we don't respond, he texts us and says, did you see my photo? What are some good ways to respond to emailed photos of deer? That's from Befuddled in Brooklyn

I love these beautiful animals Yeah But we have deer that come in our front yard literally every day Oh, yeah They gobble up the jasmine And it doesn't bother me It's like, I'm sure you guys are getting more out of this than I am But I have become completely inoculated to deer

Unless I saw one that had big antlers the other day Oh yeah, that's the best That's great I don't know why that's so awesome I don't know why there's a natural thing when you see a deer that has big antlers Where you're like, that's different and awesome And I don't know how that instinct turns into And I'm gonna kill you because of it

Because of how many antlers you have and how big they are That's so awesome and different You must die I'll have them, thank you There's another end of that spectrum there too When I see a little youngling, a tiny deer who's maybe even a little wobbly need And I'm like, I'm gonna protect you with my everything And then there's the between deer where I'm just like, fuck off

Get out of the fucking way Grow antlers Deer come in, deer come in our yard all the time And every time my dogs go absolutely bananas But especially my little dog Buttercup who weighs about 30 pounds And I think, what the fuck are you gonna do? If I let you out there right now You're gonna take down that deer Buttercup?

Bullshit So you get too hung up on that you need to create a memorable response to something You know, sometimes not everyone has to be gold Sometimes it could just be like, hey, nice shot Yeah, cool deer Cool deer Love it Love this

Nice shot, alright I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say your father-in-law might be retired And sounds like he enjoys this and he maybe has not processed whether other people enjoy it So he assumes other people enjoy it at the same level he enjoys it And simply acknowledging the exchange He feels like he's giving you something all you need to do is acknowledge it and say, cool deer And that's it Help him get on to the gram

Oh, yeah Now we're talking Everybody could appreciate his great work And all you have to do is like it All you gotta do is one quick like and then he knows you saw it You don't gotta comment or nothing Then you can share with all your friends and be like, look at this great deer or this one This one's a good one everybody

Well, what's more likely is that he won't get a lot of engagement on his deer pics And that's how he finds out It's like, oh fuck, these are actually, oh wait These don't have the cool, they don't have a lot of antlers That's boring To be fair, but it doesn't sound like he's getting a lot of engagement now Right, but why not have the internet break that to him Then have you have to do it

Maybe he could find some really juggy deers You know what I mean? Oh, sick trap You fucking dog He's gonna get some juggy deers And then he's gonna get the deers He's gonna get them clings What is that even?

What's that? Lean on Gryphon, think about it Lean on Gryphon, think about it The deer that can get it, you know what I mean? The ones that humans like, you know what I mean? You get juggy ones Oh, that was tasty deer Anybody can like a nice juggy deer

People can be into geos, it's 2021 I don't want to be This was acceptable, I think No, no, no, listen, listen, listen, listen This was acceptable for like the first two times you guys were talking about it And then I think for a minute and a half was way too long to talk about it Well, I'm sorry we talked about it for seven minutes I'm assuming that Rachel trimmed it a little bit

But we did about it at seven minutes of juggy deer material Yeah, I got another suggestion I got another suggestion for you guys You could, after your father-in-law, let's say his name's Dave After Dave sends you a picture of a deer Be like, this is great, Dave You gotta have some more pictures of deer And then be like, oh yeah, no problem

And then when you get those pictures you be like Oh, these are pretty good, but I gotta get some more Great pictures You just keep asking for more and more and more pictures until he runs out And he's like, this is getting a little bit irritating I don't really want to send you any more Oh, so you're just saying ruin the relationship No, I'm just saying like if you get real thirsty for deer pigs

Eventually he will run out of them You got any pics of the deer's feet, Dave? Dave, cool You gotta be more subtle with that, they're like, oh cool pic I love how you got a good shot of the feet there And then sort of slowly got him like, oh nice man, feet looking bigger Just over and over again Oh man, there should be a name for deer feet

You can also ask him to just hold on to them Until like maybe the last day of the month And then just let them loose in like a huge bodacious wave Or just ask him to save them all up And make a coffee table book for you for Christmas Awesome Or a flip book Yeah

Put all of them in one thing and it's a flip book Yeah, shitty, not like non-linear flip book Or it's just like bear turkey, bear turkey, deer, deer, deer, deer Bear turkey, bear deer If you flip it quick enough, it's a crime against God in nature You know what sucks about this? If I get pics of turkeys, who cares? Deers, who cares?

Coyotes, man, who cares? But if I get pics of bears, I'm gonna be like, fucking cool Look at the size of that unit So you can't shut the hose off Nope Because that'll mean no more bear pics No, this is like a, this is a wildlife blind bag And you have to buy it to see if you get a bear in there

Bear Yeah, a chase bear, yeah Might be a bear in there Woo, is this a shiny holographic bear? I love it Um, the summer months are upon us And so things are a little bit different this year And I don't know about you all

But the place I've been most excited to get out to Now that we've really cracked this thing By which I mean COVID By which I mean it's still an issue Is Escape Park Okay And so I did, I received, I talked to the Wizard of the Cloud Via Maria, who sent this WikiHow article in

And it's super important Does Maria work for the Wizard? Maria is a apprentice Ah, apprentice Basically, so the answer is yes, but unpaid Oh, Maria, you're better than this The Wizard of the Cloud has so much knowledge and power But is just kind of shitty as a, like ethically as a person

Oh yeah Or I guess an entity, I guess the wizard isn't I'm pretty sure you don't get to be a wizard without being kind of shitty Sure, yeah So anyway, this is going to teach us how to differentiate between a real skater and a poser skater Oh, thank God Yeah, a lot of it is, watch them skate Wow, okay

Which then we're getting a little bit into, let's test your, let's test your I guess this whole article is about let's test your cred out But there's ways of doing it that's not going to make you look like a huge creep Running up on them while they skate and say like, do a fucking trick Do a fucking trick Let's see it One, test their knowledge in a conversation Ask for bait, listen for basic skateboard terms and slang

Like props Real skaters are going to talk, real skaters are going to talk about front side and backside tricks Yeah And use basic skateboard terms like pop and kickflip Listen for one of the most basic terms of all, Ollie Yeah, man They won't say things like, so I hauled a bunch of perps into the station this weekend It was a great weekend of beer

They won't say anything like, who wants a pepperoni on another pizza pie Because that's a pizza restaurant worker Now, Griffin Skater will typically talk about Ollie's and kickflips They won't say things about your driveshaft because that's a car person Now, Griffin, are you scared that in doing this article publicly, what you're really doing is teaching people What other people are looking for out of real skaters And you're teaching people to pose more effectively

You're right, you could say one of these terms This first one's, I think, fake and actually Travis has the urabrosis wrapped all the way around And this article is in fact a test to see who is a real skater or not Because the first term they list here is a slapy I don't know, that's, kickflip, I've heard of vert, yes, tweak, I guess, stall, sure, shifty, huh? Kick turn, no, and mob, not real Some of those are not real, slappy is definitely not real Slappy is when you mess up on a trick and your board flips up in the air and smacks you in the face

And you cry a little bit You cry, I mean, that's what, that's, and you look shifty But it's a good way to ingratiate yourself to other skaters Because skaters are very caring and nurturing a lot And so when you slap yourself in the face and a single tear rolls down You still immediately want to make you feel better and take you out for ice cream and maybe use some fries And in that a better result from this than trying to shame somebody for whether or not they like actually know about skateboarding Hey, here's a little, here's a test, here's a fucking Blade Runner test for how to really catch him in your drag net

You could try asking something like, so, have you mastered a kickflip on a vert ramp yet? Or have you seen Robert do kickflips? He has huge pop What is this person in the article trying to do? Prove whether or not somebody's a real or a phony Yeah, we're a phony, we're a phony Well, it's Voigt Confing some skaters Voigt Confing a fucking skater poser, yeah I think this article should say, watch them skate for five seconds

If they fall over and cry for a half hour and then have their dad come pick them up, they're probably faking it But I mean, even that assumes that if I travel smack right down, I've never skateboarded in my life If I went down to a store and bought one, I don't even know where I would do that And went to a skate park and tried to skate that people would be like, he's trying to pose as a real skater And I'd be like, clearly I'm not, clearly there's nothing about what I'm doing right now that implies that I think I'm doing a good job I'm trying to learn and people might yell poser and I'd say, no, I'm just beginning, this is the second phase of my lifestyle and I'm just learning right now This is different A shitty skater is not a poser

No, no, no But if someone is just sitting on the sidelines holding a board that they've clearly scrapped up with a pocket knife or something And they're going, that's a bad jump bounce that you did Now that, my friends That's a poser God, how lazy is that person that they wouldn't even learn the Warwick Headflip I know Where were they going to learn it, Griffin?

Yeah, that's fair You could try asking, do you hold your board by the trucks or deck? Do you think it matters? No, that's, that one might actually catch me Ask if they ride regular or goofy Now, listen, a poser's going to hear this and say, well, I don't ride goofy Oh I'm a fucking kick-ass skater I'm a good skater, a real serious one

Do you write, say, I strictly What do you think Max Goof would say? Max Goof, especially in an extremely goofy movie, do you think he would be like, I ride goofy Or even if he knew what he was talking about, he's like, I don't want to be like my dad, goofy, aka George Gief We can all agree that Max from Goofy Movie is a fucking poser skater Wow, hey, fuck off Hey, Griffin, fuck off Bart Simpson is a poser Yeah, sure

I mean, you see him, he skates once and then he'll go two years without skating That is true And then they'll see him skate again, it's like, okay, so do you love it? Do you live for it? Do you live for the grind, the daily grind? Well, he might also just be doing it when he's not on camera That's possible, yeah Ask them about their board, ask what material it's made out of Do you tighten or loosen your trucks when you get on your board?

What type of art do you have on your deck? You know, real stumpers for a person who can't just look at their fucking skateboard and say, oh, it's got a... Let's see Looks like some tribal art and some fire Yeah, tribal art and fire, man I put a funny mark on the Martian on there, it's pretty good Yeah, ask who their favorite skaters and skate brands are They'll know more pro names than Tony Hawk, Bam, and Ryan Shekler

Damn it I'm out Damn it, I'm out of them They will know about a few name brands, even if it's a negative opinion, it's still knowledge Ooh, that's a good way around it Is Dusty one? Dusty Birdhouse girlfriend

journeys Hot topic lids Spencers Orange Julius Anci and Wemo Slimo brand, silly skateboards

Big Kicks Skateboys Skateboys, skatemins You can go to the person and just be like, hey, get this phony Hawk And if they look at your arm busted, then you got them But if they look at you like, God, that's funny They carry their board by the trucks, that's called a mall grab, and it's usually considered to be a poser red flag Let me continue, because the next point is there's a lot of controversy about whether or not the mall grab truly indicates you're a poser

Since a lot of skaters these days do hold their boards like that So inconclusive So in conclusion, this is a bad article Watch them, then there's a whole section as I watch them skate, study what they do, watch them, follow them Watch them skate? I just feel like It should be one, right? It should be number one No Justin, because someone could be a bad skater and not a poser

Right? And someone could be a very good skater and be a poser That's true Classic poser moves include just standing around chatting, smoking cigarettes Oh that's a big one Texting and getting, and I'm gonna say vapes in there too Oh Texting and getting, only a poser even has their vape rig on them at the skate park because they could fall down on it And either break the glass on it or explode the battery

Yeah That's why I built mine into my board I got ohms everywhere, I got ohms all over my pants I do this thing where I go up in the air, I vert off the kid flip And then I hold the board up in the air and just rip a big rip right off the end of the board And then when I come down I let go of a big cloud and I call it puff of the magic wagon Yeah So these are getting more intrusive, you watch them study them, ask them to do tricks

They'll say like no I can't right now I'm sick and you say oh well here's some Here I brought medicine Why are you here, you should be at home I brought medicine for you, take the medicine and then fucking Ollie But then the next one is inspect their appearance Examine them for scrapes and bruises Yeah If you skate you're gonna fall off your board and get scraped off, even if you're good

When you're coming up with new tricks you're gonna fall Oh you will, I've been skating for years, I don't fall ever I have never been scraped or scratched while doing my art on the board Sometimes when I'm skating I will fall into the air That's how good I am And then look out for name brand clothing because that means that they're an opposer There's a lot of stuff in here, I'm sure there's good skaters who had, I just bought these shoes That's why they're not scuffed up, fuck off

Phony, phony jabroni No, I just got off work at Orange Julius, that's why my shirt says it Sure, sure, sure Let's take a quick break and head on into the money zone We're sponsored this week by Orange Julius, a company that I don't know has any brick and mortar stores anymore You can only order them online, you're gonna get an Orange Julius sent right to your house Alright, let me do the jingle and then we'll wrap this one up Orange Julius, when you gotta have thick juice

We are actually sponsored by Squarespace, which is a wonderful way Boring, that's not funny like Orange Julius, yawn If you wanna make an Orange Julius fan site, maybe turn into Squarespace It's probably being used by people who produce food, like Orange Julius maybe, I don't know for sure Sports teams, furniture, it says furniture, I think they'd probably be people who sell it or make it or something Not furniture itself, making its own bespoke website Gamers, web professionals, everybody's making websites and now you can make your dreams Take the first step, this is an attainable concrete step that you can take towards your goals

That's not kidding around, that's real Do something, do something, take that first step and build a beautiful website from Squarespace You showcase your work, you can promote your physical or online business and you can do it all with beautiful Customized little templates, free and secure hosting, all that really helpful analytics There's nothing to patch or upgrade ever Just go to squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain I wanna tell you guys about Stitch Fix because I just got a pair of really beautiful boots

Beautiful boots, huh? Like black, like thick sold and they tie in the front but they zip on the side And that's a winning combo for yours truly because once I find that perfect fit, I don't wanna have to keep untying it or retying it These are beautiful boots and I got a cool jacket that I'm looking forward to wearing when the weather gets chilly And you could get into the Stitch Fix lifestyle as well because it's great and you never have to worry about if things don't fit Or if it's not your style because Stitch Fix offers clothing hand selected by expert stylists that's your unique size, style and budget You try on pieces at home before you buy, keep your favorites and send back the rest Stitch Fix has free shipping, easy returns and exchanges and a prepaid return envelope is included

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Hello internet, I'm your husband host Travis McElroy And I'm your wife host Teresa McElroy Every week on Shmanners we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners We talk about the history of it, we take a look at how it applies to everyday life And we take some of your questions And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette So join us every Friday and listen to Shmanners on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found Manor Shmanners, get it

So what now? Well now's the time Justin where we take a deep dark look into our souls and see how we're doing on this episode How do you think it's going so far guys? Uh, overall very, very good Yeah? I would say that this is the best episode we've ever done One of the top episodes we've ever done I have a quick, um, I wanna, this is like a new version of Munch Squad

Okay Where it's just for vegans and vegetarians Oh, okay So it's like Munch Squad but like the combination of vowels is maybe a little bit different Yeah, like, what would be a good name for like, light Munch Squad Like a, you know, like a meat-free fake Munch Squad You know, like with a K probably Or like Munch, Munch Squad

Why? Munch Squad with a K, kind of Anyway Okay Why does it, okay, no wait, hold on Why does any of it have to be different? I want a Munch Squad I want a Munch Squad

Squad This is gonna freak you guys out You guys know the naked chicken chalupa Yeah, sure, I love it Right? Listen to this They're doing They're doing a meatless version of the naked chicken

It's so meaty Because vegetarians are just like us And they want to be dirtbags too sometimes And this will let them simulate being absolute dirtbags It's really the main thing they miss out on Yeah, it's getting to live like straight up dirtbags They have ways of getting protein And all the strong beef power that I get when I eat a big hamburger

But what they don't usually get is that I feel like shit after I eat most meals Yeah, listen, when vegans get drunk They want to make food mistakes too Yes When they're real hungover They want to get rumbly-tumbly And it gives them the vegan shit later too You know what I mean?

So let's do this thing Give everybody an equal opportunity to make bad life choices The naked chalupa This is actually called the naked chalupa with a crispy plant-based shell Awesome name That's the actual name Really catchy It's a new menu innovation that gives vegetarian and veggie curious

I've been looking for a way to get into vegetables And this is just the gateway drug I require A new menu innovation that gives vegetarian and veggie curious fans everywhere reasons to Chellabrate Now hold on, wait Is that spelled S-H-E-L-L, a break? Or did it say do a share impression while you say this next part? Chellabrate

Okay No, Chellabrate So it's, um, you want one? No problem Because they're everywhere Oh In the kitchen of the Taco Bell at 2-2-2-2 Baronca Parkway In Irvine, California

Damnit, you got me again, Justin From now until June 27th, fuckin' Marty McFly Go getcha one Why would you? Go getcha one They're everywhere and here for good As long as you can kill back in time and make it to Irvine So that is happening there, Wendy's

Wait, what is it constituted? What is it? This is the most sinister thing about it is they don't say what it is It's just, you probably shouldn't worry about it No, I'm worried about it I know what, I know about like the Impossible Burger and Satan and Tofu and all that jazz, but Yeah, they'll never mention this fit Yeah, don't worry about it

They're doing it, they're still working with Beyond Meat to make fake Taco Bell meat So like this is, you don't end this with us This is not, this is never going to be a good concern You'll never hear about this thing again, you'll never see it again Okay Wendy's on the other hand is wants to get into the mix in the plant-based category With a spicy black bean burger Ooh

Right? Nah, man It sounds pretty good But So Erin Bennett is the manager of culinary production innovation And her team helped create this spicy new product Mint for flexitarians Huh

I don't know if you guys know about this term, but flexitarians According to John Lee, the vice president of culinary innovation Who describes it as Not your parents or your grandparents black bean burger No So I, Mr. Lee, I do agree that neither my parents nor my nanny Or my grandmother Barbara Allen would have enjoyed a black bean burger Just like this

I can't We are in agreement Hey, can we not blow past the flexitarian thing? Is that somebody who sometimes eats vegetables and sometimes eats meat? Because there's another name for that There's definitely another name for that It's omnivore Yeah, it's some of the centers on plant foods

But every once in a while you're like I want a bit of meat, please That's nothing I don't know what you want from me I'm just here to tell you about the spicy black bean burger Okay They explored 70 to 80 different options during the process Wow

And this is what they came to We have a, this is, I tell you, man If I can John Lee I don't know that we featured on the show before A bunch squad Which is, I should have mentioned earlier It's a podcast, then podcast That profiles ladies and grace at brand eating

John Lee is bringing it He says we have a lot of equity And a lot of strength And a lot of understanding In terms of what our customers want Jesus Part of it is flavor Yeah

In the world of plant based protein There are a lot of Stop you real quick, Dustin Is there a press release here in which A human person said that we had to study To make sure that our customers at a food place Wanted to be able to taste the food Want good food

Okay, got it Listen to John Lee's bringing some fucking heat to you now Part of it is flavor In the world of plant based protein There are a lot of products out there That are just substitutes And they end up getting built in sandwiches That I call okay

Oh snap That's amazing They're not flavorful They're bullshit The way Aaron built this It really is craveable I don't miss eating meat I swear to God

On my dad's grave I swear On the grave of my father John Lee senior This burger is craveable May Christ strike me down I'll blame if I'm wrong You take this knife

You hold it in your hand In your other hand Tastes this burger If I'm wrong on what you stabbed me Directly in the heart May COVID-19 be supplanted by a far more Vicious COVID-2022 That wipes humanity for the face of the earth

But God damn it this is craveable I love this fucking burger And I don't miss eating meat When I eat that spicy black bean burger I don't miss anything Not even my ex-wife I love this burger I don't miss a fucking second of it

It's not just a black bean Says John Lee It's all that can put us together That give it the right texture The right flavor Nutritional profile that we felt good about Now we're focused on taste first I mean no doubt about it

Big T Little in Is what I call it Why? What? I don't know what he means No say that again because that was wild Now we're focused on taste first

Make no doubt about it Big T Little in Is what I call it Big Get the taste right Make sure it looks fantastic Nutrition comes second

Oh okay Big taste Little nutrition Little nutrition That's gonna be the attack line Spicy black bean burger Big taste And a little nutrition

Hey Lee I think you're pushing the wrong thing No no no I let him know that it tastes great And it's bad for you Yeah that's the Yeah you don't have to say that part That's what we want you to skip over

Next time buddy So all these ingredients Okay beyond the patty This is like the longest interview It's an interview on QSR The longest interview I've ever seen About a sandwich What are the odds that they call them

To just get like a quick quote And he would not let them off the phone Guys I tell you I fucking hate vegetables Fucking hate them Hate them But this is When I eat these It doesn't make me want to barf

Like every other time I eat vegetables I've never felt anything before I held my own baby in my arms I looked at his face and I felt nothing I took one bite of this burger I cried for the first time in my life Out of happiness Beyond the patty

We wanted to photo This is Aaron Bennett again Beyond the patty We wanted to really focus on Some texture and flavor contrast As I mentioned Not wanting to have that mushy Boring experience

That we see in so many other places So we added a lot of really nice Crisp, fresh produce Hell yeah Like onions and tomatoes And romaine lettuce Then we had this really cool new ingredient Crispy Chipotle jalapeño

They're actually jalapeños That are sea Which is like so weird That you have to specify that Aaron Yeah Oh these things These jalapeños They're actually jalapeños

That are seasoned with a chipotle seasoning That perfectly compliments the spicy The spicy black bean patty itself And we top it with chipotle sauce And then they really come together In addition to nice creamy cool Pepper jack cheese Hell yeah

Hell yeah Wait a minute It's not bland It's not boring It's spicy Is it vegan pepper jack cheese? No it's guys listen It's not bland

It's not boring It's spicy But I like to think of it as an approachable spice Oh Where you bite into it And you're like Okay I can eat this You know like when you're at the bar

And you see an attractive person But they're not too attractive Okay And you're comfortable walking up And talking to them But then also if they reject you You're not too sad Cause they weren't that super attractive

You get it You get it You look at a person and you're like Okay I can eat them You get it And they're PR rep hovering over his shoulder And he was like It's so spicy

It'll burn your asshole right off And they're like You know walk that back Walk that back Okay it's an approachable spice Yeah yeah perfect perfect perfect Dave Thomas rose from his grave And tried to choke me and my family to death

And this thing's so spicy He said this isn't my Wendy's anymore You have to change the name Change it to hell Cause that's what you've done to my beloved brand This fucking shit is spicy and creamable And walking back just a little bit It's an approachable

No that's what happened It must be told Dave Thomas rose from his grave And tried to choke me What he meant to say was It's an approachable spice Dave Thomas actually rose from his grave To say this is a great addition to our menu

And we pair great with a frosty It would really have to cool down your palate Just 99 cents He busted out He said this is great for vegetarians And god love our troops It's so spicy it made me hate our troops I have a clear shot

Take it Take it out God is dead and this sandwich killed him No no no no no no I've seen the end It was so hot I could see through time To the very collapse of the universe If this is all meaningless

Nothing matters Everything you do is pointless We're all on a trajectory That was playing long before the invention of time But do enjoy the frosty with the You can dip your fries in it It's delicious He's right it's craveable

The craveability is inarguable We can all agree on that The sniper's not in his head Yes we can Single tear on his face You are my best friend I have to take this shot And I have to put you in the ground

With this burger's flavorful incredible But I'll marry your wife just like I promised I will I don't raise your son Just like you would have wanted With lots of spicy foods But not too spicy I'm sorry I have to stop the interview Sir did you just morse code TAP on the table

That your butt got turned into a volcano By this hot hot spicy No No These are actual jalapenos Wink This is the perfect Triumvirate of butt problems

Where it's incredibly spicy With several new kinds of jalapenos That are actually jalapenos And mainly black beans And also made at Wendy's So it's gonna have a real A real kind of rippled bathroom After party

You should check out Hey listen if anyone from Wendy's is listening I'm actually a big fan of Wendy's I love what you guys are doing Love Wendy's Love them Love Wendy's I don't know why Justin said

That you guys make people's butts hurt I've never had that experience With junior bacon cheeseburgers Like my favorite thing I don't know why Justin said that I'm conflating the time that I had diarrhea And had to drive quickly to Wendy's To throw away my underwear

But Wendy's was there for you in that moment Justin Yeah Justin You're punishing Wendy's For your mistakes Especially when they're turning out Some of the most craveable menu options I'm a vegan

And have a full time job So my brother called me I'm looking for a burger That will fucking shatter my reality I'm a vegan and have a full time job So when my brother called me And offered to make me Handmade vegan spaghetti

I accepted It's now sitting in front of me It's gross The problem is he spent Two and a half hours making it And he's sitting right behind me Brothers, how do I dispose of the spaghetti He made specifically without

Him seeing Follow up How do I get more food later Without getting caught That's from stealthily disposing Of spaghetti and spokane You can't just put it in the garbage Yeah

Too visible He's gonna open that garbage later Yeah Yeah God, and there's not a lot of like Outside animals that eat spaghetti That you could like chuck it to Well, you would have to make it

To a window at that point too I think your best bet is maybe A two part disposal Where you're gonna put it In like a drawer that's really used Right, dump it in that drawer And then you're gonna recover that In an hour or so when the heat's off

Yeah Right And then You're gonna need This is a two person operation Yeah, no matter what You need a friend to come up Yeah, yeah, yeah

A collaborator You could do an accident on a dump On the floor Right, where you like If you turn too quickly Yeah, yeah, that's really me That's gonna hurt a lot You know, spaghetti is a really good food

For Scooting it into mounds And then acting like Ugh I couldn't possibly Yeah I'm stuffed I've eaten so much of it

Could you put it on your head And pretend it's your hair Oh There's something there Yeah, is there Well, I mean you're gonna have to style it No, there's something there for sure It's a kind of permanent solution though

At that point Because if it starts to fall off Hmm Hmm You could say You could ask What's in this And then have them go down the list of ingredients

And at some point in there Be like Oh, did you say capers? This ain't vegan Yeah Oh, yeah Yeah, capers You wouldn't think it

But there's They're just little snail eyes Oh, are you sure? I thought they were like Nah, man They're fucking snail feet Sucks You worked real hard on this

Sucks that you did all that good hard work Just because you weren't paying attention How about I order some steaks I'll get on DoorDash Let's get some Get some steaks and some pork rinds I don't know what you Make Jeffy

I don't know what you want me to say to this question I need full situational awareness To do a cheat like this You didn't even like You didn't even give us like Exits What You know, we have no information here

How big are your pockets? Yeah Are you wearing loose pants? Like a Jinko Jean Are they lined? Yes With spaghetti-proof plastic Do you have a dog in the house?

And it's so important Make sure that the plastic is rated for spaghetti Don't just use Ziploc It's not rated for spaghetti How big is the kitchen counter? Because you could potentially spread Like one strand here, one strand there Like some sort of Easter egg kind

Where even if they saw individual strands It would not seem like enough To make up an entire plate of spaghetti And you could just Yes Oh, it was so delicious I just tore into it Like the Tasmanian Devil

And launched those little bastards All over the kitchen Yeah I tore it up all crazy Like a boil bowl I spun into it I turned into a tornado And I spun into the middle of it

And spaghetti was everywhere I'm so sorry Oh, that's good I mean, you could do it for real though Right in front of them And just like Yeah, like smash your face into it Like the Cookie Monster

And you're only going to have to eat a couple bites But the rest of it is just going to go Hit the rignan Yeah, if you Cookie Monster it It'll look like maximum impact With like minimum impact Very little work Oh, you could also do that thing

Where you turn like profile to him And you open your mouth up And you turn your head facing upward And you hold up one strand at a time And go like, aw But actually you're dropping it Beside your face On the opposite side of him

And you're going to do that a lot It's going to take a long time To get through this Just gnaw Gnaw And it's going to look like It's disappearing into your mouth But you're not really eating it

It's a magic trick Could you turn it into a braided bracelet? That's cool Give it right back Oh, yeah The skinny bracelet The skinny bracelet for brothers How do you fuck up spaghetti that bad

Especially once you work on it For two hours Spaghetti squash This is where I've been thinking About the entire time I've been sitting here Yeah Spaghetti squash

That you've just done wrong Right Squash has We could all agree Has a limited A limited window of viability Yeah Well, here's what I will say

As a parent It says it's sitting in front of you And it's gross Which makes me think Maybe you haven't tried it So maybe it doesn't look Maybe it doesn't look like your thing Open it up

Open it up But maybe take a bite And see if you like it How about a three bite rule Just like Pete the cat says You try three bites And you see if you like it Because it might be good

Little baby So open the hanger And here comes the airplane Room through Here we come Oh, no, we've been shot Gotta aim We're coming in for a hot landing

Oh, it's the sub with camel Being chased by the red bear And you're not opening your mouth What's wrong Eat it Oh, no Then it never crashes into the hanger, does it No

No I wish my I'm glad my son doesn't know that That if he just doesn't open his mouth I'm not gonna smash the spaghetti Into his closed mouth It's a little life hack for you four-year-olds Before we wrap up

Can I talk about my life real quick? I guess so This weird thing happened with minions Where the groups that were posting Lots of different memes Went private And then these groups were only minions It's really weird, guys

Like if you look for these groups You can't find them anymore It was really hard to find the last batch That's not what I want to talk about, though I got into one that was like invite only Oh, okay Where you had to answer questions like I mean, I think the question was like

Do you love minions It's a tough one, but I came down with yes But now that I'm in the groups I'm afraid to leave Because what if I need them They would get suspicious if I left And I just want to tell you guys Some stuff that's happened in the groups

They've gone so that they're not really Talking about minions as much as you would think They would be talking about minions Quite a bit There's a good amount of minions material But here's a poll that someone put up That said the monsters or the Addams family Which one was the best show

Oh, fuck It's very nuanced I don't know if there's a clear answer to that I'm going to read you guys Without any names I'm going to read you guys Without skipping anything The answer

The answers that they're supposed to receive By the way People go absolutely bug nuts For these, there's 283 respondents Wanting to, rushing, rushing To give you their two cents, ready? Yep Both shows are better than most reality shows

They have now Okay That wasn't part of it So wait, wait, hold on Do you think Can we Did you think those are reality television programs? Huh

Anyway So both shows, okay Both Both Tammy Both Amber I like both of them

Beth Toss up Cassie Love them both Gordon Love them both Roma Both funny

Stephanie I love both Donna I love them both equally Donna I love them both Can't pick Sherry

Both Hermelina Love them both Huh Scott Love them both Eileen I hate making choices

Crap Lisa says I like both We're not getting anywhere Jan said Both But a force of pink I'd go for Adam's family

Claire Both We're awesome I grew up watching both Dwayne Can't choose Love them both Angela

Adam's family Spelled A-D-A-M Apostrophe-S Hi, I'm Adam This is my family Welcome to my wild mixed up family Debra Both

Lynn Picture of a Flossy Skeleton Okay Okay Frank Both Ah boy Which one would you guys pick?

Don't make me choose But probably Adam's family Yeah, Adam's family definitely But that 1313 Mockingbird Lane An unerred pilot That Brian Fuller made

There was an adaptation starring Jerry O'Connell As Herman Munster Yeah And Eddie is her just grandpa I think What? Yeah, it's very extremely good The answer is both It's what I was looking for

Oh both Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast We hope you have enjoyed yourself And had a lot of fun and made some new friends Learn something along the way Learn something by yourself Our video on demand of the summer boybekeer Is still available for just a little bit longer

If you go to bit.ly-slash-mbambam-virtual So go check that out Oh, Taz Crystal Kingdom Our newest Adventure Zone graphic novel Comes out next week July 13th, 2021 Go ahead and get that pre-order What are you waiting for?

It's bit.ly-slash-adventures-zone-comic-dot-com But even more exciting We're doing a live and virtual event To celebrate the graphic novel coming out On July 13th We've got special guests coming And I'm not gonna tell you who they are now But we're all gonna land up

And it's gonna be Wild? Wild? And silly And you're gonna have a great time Go to bit.ly-slash-taz-g-n-l-i-v-e-2-0-2-1 That's Taz-g-n-live 2021 For more info It's got event exclusive signed book plates

Are available from our partner bookstores More info can be found at that link And we have a non-event exclusive pre-order gift From first second Which is a Kravitz lenticular laptop sticker You can submit your pre-order receipts At bit.ly-slash-taz-for-pre-order A lot of bit.ly's in there

But it's all worth it All worth it Tell me about that merch, Griffin Yeah, we got lots of merch At our MacRoy merch page Including a new pen of the month For the Gushy Wolves Which if you've listened to the

Ether-C setup episodes You know, of course, it's the mascot For the, I guess, only school In that entire world We love the Gushy Wolves And the sales for that are going to benefit The Innocence Project Which exonerates the wrongly convicted

Through DNA testing And reforms the criminal justice system To prevent future injustice There's other stuff on there, too There's its trash sticker From the Mabumbam TV show There's a beautiful green stoneware mug With the Taz logo on it

And even the besties is getting in on the game With a video game book club shirt And it's very stylish And you'll get lots of compliments on it And hey, you know what? Thank you to Montaigne For use for our theme song And that theme song is called

My Life Is Better With You And when it drops And we know when We know when it drops We basically have our fingers on the switch That when we flip it Then the song goes live on iTunes Yeah, it's up to us

And we're withholding it And that's the real thing That's the important thing Is that you make sure that you know That it's fully us And we're the ones that iTunes calls us every day It's like, can we have the song now?

And we're like, oh, sorry, we're so busy Did you guys know that Montaigne Streams on Twitch? I did not know that, but it tracks Yeah, actual Montaigne on Twitch I just watched Montaigne do A Sims 4 stream the other day It was absolutely wonderful

If you are on Twitch You can also check out my Twitch channel It is the Travis McElroy I've been getting into Overwatch If you can believe it I'm trying to get good at it Yeah, it's 1998 Yep, yep, my bad

An NBA Jam Two new games I'm checking out Here's a final yahoo This one was sent in by Brecken Mayer Whoa Yeah, pretty badass And it's asked by Shrek and Pryor Huh

Who... Sorry Shrek and Pryor? Yeah It's Richard Pryor's grandson Got it His Shrek-based grandson Uh-huh

Shrek-inspired Shrek-inspired asks It's weird, it just says donky With five exclamation points And four question marks I don't even know how this one got past the filters On yahoo I think it has to be two words

But it just says donky Is there a question? That was it, donky That was the whole thing Yeah, that was the whole thing My name is Justin McRoy I'm Travis McRoy Maybe it didn't load

Let me refresh the browser You're finished, Shrek! This is Griffin McRoy It's the full page It's been my brother, my brother, me kissing ads Go wear on the lips My life Ah

It's better It's better with you This is true Ah It's better It's better with you My life Ah

It's better with you