My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 57: Batman: Generations

Episode Date: May 30, 2011

Illness, fatigue and supernatural forces attempted to derail our regular recording schedule, but you know what? Ain't nothing gonna break-a our podcasting stride. Nobody gonna hold us down. Oh no! We've got to keep on advising. Suggested talking points: High Seas Tutelage, Shooty's, Seed and Sap, Paul Blart: Dark Knight, R.V. Double-Header, Higgs-Boson, Electro-Bryan, The Stupid 92, Sit and Spin, Restarting the Fire

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? All right, let's get ready to sell the 70s of comedy with my brother and my brother meeting a rice show for the modern era brought to you by parts of the Caribbean on Stranger's Hide. One second. Pretty sure that movie did not come out this week. And a bottle of Sprite.

Ho ho ho and a bottle of lofts. This is just, I'm Justin McElroy. What's that on the horizon? It's Chuckles. Chuckles Ahoy. I'm your Captain Parrot Black Justin. No, no, no. And I'm the first mate, Travis. Chuckles And I'm Davey Jones Coulier, who's, he's the dark pirate of comedy.

Cut it out or you walk the plank. So we're three Pirates of Comedy. We've sailed under Jack Sparrow for low these many years aboard the Black Pearl, taking in his tutelage. And this is a theme podcast. His high seas tutelage. Chuckles We're, this is brought to you, of course, by the new Disney picture. I think it's going to be a big smash.

It's Pirates on Stranger's Hides. I, Pirate, we in the know just call it Pirates, because what else could you be talking about? I call it P4 because I was, I'm a real fan. Chuckles Yeah. P4. Are you going to P4 this weekend? Oh, you know it. I thought the real fans didn't count three.

So this would technically be P3 in the canon. Um, in the canon spell with two ends, because we're just so crazy about pirate ships. Pfft. Yeah. All aboard for hilarity. So, uh, we, this is an advice show, of course, obviously. We take your questions and turn them, like, using the magic of the mysterious island of Tortuga into wisdom.

Like the witchcraft of Teodalma. Chuckles Here we go. A touch of destiny. I'm just going to say that every time Sabia, yeah. Yeah. Uh, my girlfriend refuses to make decisions from things like, what should we do, eat, watch tonight? If you're still figuring out what to watch tonight,

why is it just Pirates of the Caribbean 4 on Stranger's Hides, P4? To things like, where would you like to go on vacation? Or which apartment should we lease? Tortuga. Tortuga is the spot. I get the same. Tortuga is also a great apartment. I get the same.

Up to you, matey, uh, at response. I try to counter with, no, no, it's up to you this time, or similar. But at some point, a decision has to be made. How can I force my girlfriend to decide on things from time to time, to also indecisive, incoral springs? Make or walk the plank, that's A. Step one. Step one.

I, uh, here's an interesting idea. Here's, here's, here's, uh, something that's going to kind of blow your mind. She already has told you, like is not. She has already told you where she wants to eat, but now it's a puzzle that you've got to piece together from like the past two days. Like you have to reassemble the clues. So are you saying like if she mentioned like sushi the day before,

you need to say sushi? What, why, when she, it, when she says, oh, whatever you want, in her head, she's screaming, remember when I said sushi, please remember what I said, sushi. Is it, I mean, is that really that special to her? You think just, is it more special that he remembers that like a week ago, they watched P four. And so like now she wants to go once long, John Silver's.

Well, I think that, I think it's broader than that. When I think it's like, you need to remember that she's allergic to shellfish and not take her to Red Lobster. Well, bitch, I don't think he's going to take her to a place where he's going to kill her. That's probably implied in like the off the table choices. Just like, I don't go to the stab restaurant anymore because I hate getting stabbed. Like God knows, same, same thing. Oh, they're croutons.

They're so good. They are so good. They do that thing with the herbs. I don't know what it is. It's something in the oil and it's delicious and it almost makes getting chipped worth it. I'll tell you what it is. It's before they serve that oil, they stab it. Yeah.

They stab the oil and it really opens it up. If they do care, if you do carry out, they'll just cut your inner thigh like some place easy to hide and not, not super deep or like a surface. I appreciate that. We can't go to that restaurant anymore. No. Yeah. I don't care how they do this.

I go to that restaurant just to feel. Can we go to, can we go to shooties instead? Shooties, shooties is good. It, there, there is a surprisingly high prices though, which for a restaurant where you get shot a lot. I don't understand that. Can we go to some of this food is poisoned? That used to be way better, but it got out by Denny's and now it's way too corporate.

I got a less big kitchen on the wall where it's not like, you know, it's like, take my wife, please. You know how Denny's has bacon alien now? Yeah. That was an innovation inspired by some of this food is poison. Yeah. Some of this will food facts for you. Some of this food was poison.

The challenge there was actually the best and last episode of man versus food. I miss him still. I don't know why their challenge was to eat all the poison food and I don't know why he accepted it. But, but, but here we are. Also in decisive in Coral Springs, that, that is part one of the advice. Part two is just start to side my man. You need to. And I would say just this.

Maybe purposefully make some wrong choices until she steps up her game. Okay. Yeah. I'm saying like what she's like, where do you want to eat? Just be like McDonald's every time. She's like, maybe I'll decide tonight. And you're like, okay. You know that there are sponsors this week, right?

Oh, that is awkward. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Go, let's just say, just take her out for because it's delicious. Go get some big and tasties and shove them in your mouth. So go ahead and make those choices. It may just be hard for her to, to, to decide and that's a facet of her personality that you've

got to sort of learn to incorporate and, but, but also listen to her because she will probably drop hints if you, if you pay attention. And a lot of times that's more important than what the food ends up being is, is sort of knowing that you, that you were there for her. And maybe, and maybe rather than like one of you making a decision, you can provide options and be like, well, would you rather have, are you thinking like sushi or you're thinking like, maybe go to like a steakhouse or something and then let her say, well, I'm not really feeling in the mood for sushi and make it a discussion rather than one of you has to make the decision.

Break right up with her. Okay. That would be a decision. Certainly. Life is too short to, to suffer indecisive people. Just tell me what you want, Catherine. What you really, really, really want. I'm 30 year old dude in rural Kentucky and I have a hard time meeting and maintaining

relationships with women because I'm an open atheist. I'm not confrontational about my lack of belief, but I don't hide it either. Whenever a prospective lady friend asks if I'll go to church with her or just how much I love the sweet Lord baby Jesus, I have to tactfully answer in the negative. Then I get dumped at this point. It has gotten demoralizing. I know the remedy for my love life would be more urban and educated area, but I'm unwilling to leave my family in the lurch just so I can have some female companionship.

What say you brothers three? Can you shed some insight on my lack of apostate lovin west? I think you should move to more rural area. Yeah. Why do people always limit super easy options? We could just knock this out of the park. You need to move to where there are more people like you in your situation. Or learn to keep your mouth shut.

Kind of keep your fucking mouth shut. Hey, how about this? When people start talking about how much they love Jesus, why don't you just go in the other room, make yourself, I don't know, whatever atheists eat, make yourself fat. Why an empty sandwich. An empty sandwich. Now you guys are ignoring the easiest solution, which is to accept the love of sweet Jesus baby in your heart.

Jesus came on a rocket ship and landed in Kansas low these 33 years ago. He was raised by mom pocket to save us all from Krypton and from Lex with her. And I think we should all believe in him because he's flying up above us waving down in space. And Green Lantern is there. Green Lantern is hanging out with him. Who's that Thor is hanging out and then having God talk. Yeah. My three gods are Green Lantern.

Superman. That's my favorite TV show. It's my gods. Yeah. It's a it's a pretty good show. Wes, there are many people that I know that I've known for, I don't know, almost a decade that I, if you put a gun in my head, could not tell me their religious beliefs. Yep.

That's the thing. You say you're not being confrontational. And I believe that you're not. But I also believe that you're maybe being more vocal about it than you have to be. Yeah. You just got to keep your mouth shut about it. And like, if you get to a point where- So who else here hates Jesus, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Right. That crosses a load of baloney, right? Like, what are you doing? Yeah. I mean, like, just keep your, just don't talk about it. And that advice really, like, I kind of think that extends to everybody.

Like, it's such a, if alcohol is a social lubricant, then religion is like social silly putty. It just gums up everything and no real like super productive fun talk can come out of that. Because the thing is, once you bring it up, that's all you're talking about for the next hour and a half till somebody gets up and walks away from the table. Yeah. Here's what I think. If you're an atheist, it means you don't believe in any God.

Make up a God. Another one. They got to respect that. Yeah. And also, Wes, look at it this way. If you're with a girl that's going to break up with you because she believes something different than you, you don't want to be with her anyways. But you're saying he's got to get his nut off, but he's got to get his nut off.

And he doesn't know where to find girls that will take him. Get his nut off? Excuse me? Pardon me? He's got to get his seat out and he can't find girls that- His one, is it his nut or his seat? You're throwing down a lot of arboreal references right now. He's got to plant-

He's got to germinate. He's got to- Stamen and or pistols. He's got to drop some sap on that bead. Hey. Hey. Hey. How about a Yahoo?

Yeah. Okay. Give me. This one is sent in by Steve Lewis. Thank you, Steve Lewis. It's by Yahoo Answers User. Oh, great. Listen to the Easter platypus.

Who asks, How long do you think it would take for someone wearing a Batman suit to be thrown out of the mall? Do you think he might get away with it for a couple minutes at least if he pretends to be there to promote something Batman related so he hands out flyers or something? Well, I think the factor we're ignoring there is the security guard assuming that that is Batman. Yeah. He could just be like, oh, thank god, somebody to help me carry the burden. Holy fuck, guys.

I think you- Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Batman Paul Blart crossover comics coming this fall from Dark Knight. Paul Blart Dark Knight. Crisis on Infinite Sandwiches. I like the image of this guy like fervently typing this into his phone as he walks into the mall in a Batman costume. I try it, guys.

Update. 23 minutes. 23 minutes. No one has taken me out yet. I honestly think that if you showed up to the mall dressed as Batman, the amount of time you could walk around dressed as Batman is infinite. I don't think he was going to be like, get out of here, Batman. Yeah.

In this crit now, unless you're like Batman with like a crotchless costume, like you're not getting booted out of the mall for dressing like Batman. Do they sell this? You're going to get looked. I don't want to talk about it. Let me reach in my utility belt. What's this? It's my bat bubble.

I only got one tool, but it's good for everything. This is my utility dog. I can't tell you how happy I am right now picturing Batman and Batman beyond. Like, where are your facial scrubbers? Why are you hanging out with Batman with his dick hanging out, Travis? This isn't the loofah I deserve, but it's the loofah I need. Why are you in the mall in a Batman costume, sir? Pardon me, sir.

Can you explain your whole situation to me? Like, starting from the beginning. I'm not trying to kick you out. I'm worried about you. I just want to know. Like, I want to get to the bottom of this. You're the world's greatest detective, and I want you to explain this mystery to me. Why are you in Petland?

Why are you in Petland, Batman? If I see Batman, I'm running the opposite direction. Because wherever he is, the penguin can't be far behind. Because he knows what shadows hide in the hearts of men. Nope. Nope. That's not it at all. If you see a guy dressed as a shadow at the mall.

Oops, he's a hobo. That's your mistake. That's on you. If he tries to control your mind, well, they all have to. Can we go back and just really explore that Paul Blart, mall-caught Batman crossover? Because I think there's a lot in him first. So are you telling like Paul Blart as Batman, or like a team-up power dude?

I'm telling about team-up. I'm telling about a match-up, maybe. But maybe like, Ben comes in and breaks Batman's back. And then Paul Blart has to put on the mantle, only it doesn't fit. Because Christian Bale, Christian Bale's like cut and ripped, and Kevin James is like super fat. And there's like a montage of like him trying to fit it into the costume to the sound of like, I don't know, maybe Brick House or something.

I think it would just be like a tube, like a tube. And also for some reason, Jonah Hill is his sidekick. Okay. Yeah, Jonah Hill would be his Robin. Well, could we do Robin? We might get extra comedy if it's Batgirl. It's hey, Jonah Hill's cross-dressing, you guys. What if we get Alicia Silverstone?

Uh-huh. Oh, okay. Well, that's kind of on the nose, but I guess we could get her. What's she doing? I think it would be interesting if we did like Batman colon generations. Okay. I had Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl, and we had Christian Bale. And then-

So you're saying, okay, okay, okay. Jane DeVito-Pinglin at the all of these guys. All these guys are fighting a war of crime inside of Paul Bart's mall. Okay. Oh, and it turns out that Paul Bart is Batman from the future. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they will pass.

If I understand your generation's concept, what you're saying is that at some point in the narrative, Batman will become unable to do his job. And he will pass the suit on to Paul Bart, who will fit into it in a tube of music. And then Batgirl will become incapacitated, and Jonah Hill will have to take the Batgirl costume and rise up as Batgirl. Is that what you're saying? What I'm saying is Bane has two knees. He's going to crack Christian Bale, going to crash his Silverstone, and then where are those

cowls going other than the sweet and chubby heads of Jonah Hill and Kevin James? Okay. Okay. So who does what happens at the paint? Do they fight the same pink one or does the penguin get passed on to somebody else? The penguin is played by Ed Helms. The penguin is passed on to Ed Helms. Bane is the Hulk.

Hulk Hogan. Okay. Okay. Sure. I want you to know right now I see this movie. I would watch. Why? Where are the advertisers for a movie like this?

Why can't this be the sort of thing you're putting in the multiple? I would watch a Batman movie. That is nothing but two hours of Arnold Schwarzenegger making Mr. Freeze puns. Chill. I'm going to Orange Julius. I hope they put ice in by drink. Like that's the level of puns that we're talking about. Yeah.

Just saying. I'm saying ice in different ways. I'm going to Jared to get some ice. I mean diamonds. It was ice to meet you. Yeah. That's actually one that they say in the movie. Oh, burning hell, really?

Ice cream, you scream. We all scream for cold stone ice cream. Can you cut more ice into my ice cream? That's my top. That's my mix in. I had an illegitimate child. Oh, that's who Mr. Freeze can be. Mr. Freeze can be played by Arnold Schwarzenegger's 10-year-old love baby.

The baby shorts. Yeah. Baby shorts. Is that 10? Is that thing 10? If yeah, it's 10. Somewhere out there. There's like a super cut 10-year-old just getting real.

What is his future? 10 years, though. That's a good job. You want? Getting cast in a major Hollywood movie. No, I'm saying 10 years keeping a secret love child on the down low for 10 years. Oh, Travis. He's already got a job in Batman Generations.

Or. He's only 10 years old. On the flip side, maybe he's right now walking around a wall wearing a Batman costume and sitting in questions of Yahoo. What is the best thing in life to maybe see a boob someday? Hey, in BNBAM, I have a problem. Whenever I meet a lady, I'm usually very funny. Oh, good. That lasts for a few months until it becomes more serious, at which I'm extremely nice, but dull.

Now, I was never not nice to the ladies, but when it is less serious, I worry less about offending them. How do I bring back the funny but not offend them? G-mail. Wait, do you realize there's a difference between when like a relationship gets serious and when you have to get serious, you can still be funny. Nope. It's not like we're dating now. Let's talk about death.

It's like putting on, it's putting on like comedy sweatpants. You just give up. They no more comedy makeup or comedy curling your hair. You're just, you're just laying out some clungers and calling it a day. So are we dating now? Because I'm just about out of Napoleon Dynamite references. Love only makes you less funny. That is why I have remained single for so many, so many years.

It's for the show. He's a chuckle monk, basically. I am a chuckle monk. I am, I am silly, but silly, but Boy, I need to go write that down real quick. Don't do it. Yeah. Hey, I got another, I got another pun I came up with.

What's that? Check this one out. Diabetes. Hey, right? You fucker. You fucker. Pretty good. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, I mean, that's for real.

If I, I would lose the joke. So I would pull a fucking Eddie Murphy, Holy Man, like full on 180 career shift. Yeah. And all of a sudden you're doing Haunted Mansion and Meet Dave. Uh-huh. And why? Because I've got kids now. Hey kids, come laugh at Haunted Mansion.

What's this? Beverly Hills Cop? No, put that down. Put that down. You're too young for that. Kids are the kryptonite to, uh, a funny career. Did Mike Myers get kids before he did Love Guru? Is that what happened?

It would explain a lot. I, yeah, I, I think that's, that's so true when you see a movie and it's like, I want to do something that my kids could watch. It's like, why are your kids want to watch shitty stuff? Yeah. Why are you letting them watch? You know what? You know what?

Any more for you? If you want your kids to be cool, let them watch Trading Places. Cause that would make for a cool kid. When, when I become a movie star and I make a shitty movie, my explanation in the interview is going to be, I wanted to make something that I could make my kids watch when they misbehave. I didn't have a, a punishment tool. Now you have to watch Meet Dave.

You sit down. With your friends. Your friends are going to watch it with you. You sit down. You're getting, you, you rode on the walls with crayons. You're watching Pluto Nash. Come on in here. Strap in.

You, this hurts me more than it hurts you. We're doing, we're doing a back to back of RV followed by RV. And then I'm just going to talk to you for 30 minutes. Cause nothing can be worse than that. Ugh. Hey, speaking of this, this is what your, your, uh, pattern in relationships is exact same time adopted by Robin Williams in the American public. You try to be funny for like the first third and then you just, just give up and sort of plunk it.

You keep, I think we've talked about this before, but it's the idea of if you are putting on like a personality to impress someone in the beginning of your relationship, eventually you're going to drop that. Just be yourself from the get go. And if yourself is funny, be funny for like the rest of your life. You don't have to stop being funny. Uh, it's such a, such a hassle though. Be funny forever.

Can't do it, man. Well, if you're not funny, then don't be funny. Like don't try to be funny in the beginning. Don't weigh yourself out. Just be like, Hey, this is me. I'm kind of boring. In the beginning of our relationship, you should always sell yourself short. You should always.

So like under promise over deliver. Under deliver under don't, don't promise zero promises. And then like half ass delivery. And then you can pick up the speed. You can pick up the pace as it goes along. And then they'll be like, you're just getting funnier. And it's like, you think you're just getting better and better. I was, I was unsure about staying with you at the beginning, but now.

Like woof. In the immortal words of wide life, all things just keep getting better about you. Jerry, kiss my boobs. Get over here right now and kiss on these boobs. Just some mac them. I have two big bags of blood on the front of my body that needs some kissing.

And it's time for you to do the man. Is that what they are? Do that. You know the fat socks. I've never webmed eat it, but I would like to know what's going on in there. It's just blood. Blood and milk. How come when vampires bite people, they don't buy them right on the boob?

Because that's inappropriate, Griffin. Yeah, I can't show that on TV then. Jesus. Hey, how about a Yahoo answer question? Yeah, let's do that. This one was sent in by Sarah Westlake. Thank you, Sarah Westlake. It's by Yahoo Answers user Jack1081.

Who asks? How much fart can you store in a typical large glass jar? Such as this sort you buy pickles in. We are assuming this is what we're assuming, you guys. We are assuming that you've got a vacuum seal with the right equipment. The only time that the seal's broken is when you're sitting on the receptacle and ready too far. A flat mechanical lid slides open. The machine sucks fart in and immediately closes the lid.

Oh, like a postal pneumatic tube. Got that fart. We're basically, you know that thing in Ghostbusters, the proton trap or whatever? We're talking about that, but for flashlight. So like a really big twinkie full of farts. Well, oh god. That's gross mental damage. Think this person like, hey FBI, if you need to heads up on the dirty people that are going to like

steal toddlers and dress them up and make them do mock pageants in their basement, that this is the person, like this is the person that will do that. You need to get them. Go get them. I can get them, go catch, go fetch them. I think there's a time in every person's life where they think about how many farts would fit inside something. And that time is like four years old.

Yeah. I wonder if I could fart into my toy train and then keep it there forever. Like, oh, you can't. All aboard the fart express. Toot toot. Toot toot. Get it. Dummy.

Some, uh, Yahoo Institute's your bacon lover responded. In a typical glass pickle jar, you can fart as many times as you want, but it's impossible to fill it up a hundred percent of the way with farts. Too much fart will escape when you try to close the jar after farting in it. According to my estimations, you can fill it up about 42% of the jar with farts. What? According to my calculation, didn't this guy already tell the plan of how he's not going to let the farts escape?

He's got a secret plan to keep the farts inside. What fucking estimations are you doing? What equation? Let me just punch the numbers here into my, uh, my, my calc. And it looks like 42%. A little bit less than half is what you're going to get in that jar. You're going to get in that jar. It's going to be around 42% farts.

Actually, uh, it's funny. 42% farts is actually the first component of Avril Lavigne's new perfume. It's 42% part farts, 29% sandalwood, 11%, um, the smell of newborn babies, and about 8% particularly. Avril Lavigne's farts, are we, are we dealing with like, uh, now that they get them from, uh, they get them from Indonesian kids. These are Pete, these are Pete Wintz farts. Get these out of here.

Whatever you do. Do not buy like the CVS knockoff version. Smells like Avril Lavigne's farts. No, it's Mandy Morse farts. You know what that? Um, uh, um, why, why are you doing this guy? Hey, hey guy. Hey guy.

I'm pretty. I have a better yahoo question. What is it? Why are you doing this? I, I listen. Why are you doing this? I'm a pretty nostalgic guy and I like to, I like to have little treasures from the past. But you know what guys, if I've learned one thing from the super collider,

sometimes science is just for science sake. You think you don't have that. You think there's a science project. At this point, his wife has left him. He's lost custody to his kids, but he has got to answer this question for science sake. I think it's more amazing that he's invented an apparatus that lets you fill a container with gas without letting the previous gas out of the container. Yeah.

How do you differentiate? Cause it, cause science says that there's displacement going on in there, right? Like you, you put the fart gas in and it lets non-fart gas out. But how do you, how do you, how do you differentiate between the two? I answer that and you get the Nobel. One will be brown. You think one will be brown. You think it'll be dense with particles and then.

Exactly. We're looking for the God particle here. I, uh, I think that this is his life's work. That's the important, the important thing is not that, that he, the poor thing is that it'll be done. Like there's no practical applications. Yeah. I think what he, I think for him, this is for his kids.

If you look at his tombstone, it's going to say here lies Greg as it turns out about 29 farts. Nineteen sixteenths and nineteen two thousand and eleven. If we're lucky, he will be dead. How pissed off are those CERN guys going to be? If by inventing a fart storage, a perfect fart storage apparatus, this guy actually discovers the Higgs boson particle and not them. The Higgs boson particle, of course. The Higgs boson particle, like, oh, you guys built like a 35 mile long tube

that costs you like a trillion dollars. That's cool. I just farted in this jar. Oops. The God element found it. Big bang made it in this jar. Well, I have my own little tiny universe. Talk about a big bang.

I think on that note, it's time to take a, a trip together. Just three brothers going on a journey. Grabbing who we're taking. Who's going to choose the trunk? Cut up the pieces. Whoa. Oh, God, no. Oh, God.

Um, well, riding shotgun in the RV on the trip to the money zone is Lacey Harbour. Soon to be Lacey Smith. She wants to send out a special wedding gift message to her fiancé and soon to be husband, Brian. Brian was a lie. Yeah, he's hip. It's a mystery. He's hip with a Y. When is there, when, when can we expect their nuptials?

They're getting married on June 4th of this year to Brian. That's like next, that's like next fucking week. Yeah. God. God, are you guys nervous? Cold feet? You got cold feet? I got cold feet.

Yeah. What's, uh, what are they into? What's your deal? Well, he received a masters in science by inducing E. Coli to produce. No, I read that wrong. Inducing E. Coli to produce human global. Oh man, you read that so wrong. I've been, I've been inducing E. Coli to produce.

You'll never catch me. You're gonna take me alive, fruit cop. Enjoy that fuck toy, motherfucker. He's a super good at Super Meat Boy. He is sadly allergic to black pepper. That's the best kind of pepper that there is, though. Yeah. I think you can, oh, you think you can have white pepper?

Because that's good. It is? And not just salt? He proposed to me on top of Guadalupe Peach in Texas. Where did he propose to Lacy? That must have been so special for you. He even made her a special meal to eat at the top because he's a great cook, except for he, he uses kind of a light hand with the black pepper because it would kill him.

I want to blow you guys' mind and say he's safe for two years, by the way. That's the trick. Two years' salary. I always say that. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. You'll know, Travis, one of these days, you're gonna make that magic leap and you are gonna know the kind of sacrifice.

I can't save two weeks' salary. I know, it's because you spend all of it on pancake materials. Stuff to make pancakes with. Jaws. So congratulations to you guys and especially to Brian for whom we are a gift, treasured gift that you can keep forever. Our other message comes from Ben Sawija and he submits that we should officially come out in support of Luminous Electric in Minneapolis, St. Paul.

That's right. They are skilled electricians serving homeowners, contractors, and commercial customers in the Minneapolis, St. Paul area. Christ. Yes. What do you need? What do you need? What do you need?

You need updated electrical panels in older homes? Whatever. Done. Check mark. How are your electrical issues? Oh, you have them? We will solve them for you. Check mark.

Lighting design and installation? Check mark. Free estimates? Probably. Do you want to have, do you want to have flashlights installed in your hands? Like a superpower? Or maybe a light bulb eyes. Do you want to replace your veins with wires?

Yes. Can I replace my heart with a ticking clock? Yes. Turn yourself into a mechanical man. Some sort of mechanical man with Luminous Electric. Luminous Electric will turn you into a mechanical man. Honestly, if you live in a Twin Cities area and you're listening to this and you do not hire these motherfuckers, you might go with it.

That's like the best electricians ever. Can you imagine how awesome that would be? What? What? I mean, okay. What else is there to do in Minneapolis, St. Paul? They get turned into a robot and then have like robot races. Yeah.

So they will transfer, they might say at first like, I don't understand what you're saying and we can't transfer that. They have to say that because the FDA. Yes. You're right. All right. And the FBI. The code word is French Stewart.

Yeah. You say French Stewart and they are full on French Stewart. Give me the French Stewart. Are you saying, wait, holy shit. Is he a mechanical man? He is a malfunctioning mechanical man. His light bulb eyes don't work. No.

So that's go to luminouselectric.com and you can just hire them. Just get them. And I honestly, if you listen to this and you don't choose them as like your cool electrician, I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with you. Justin. So yeah. You're going to need to jingle it up and you have so much to go on here.

Yeah. On a mountaintop on Guadalupe peak made the decision and with this mouthy speech, I take you Lacey to be my bride. And I want some robot parts inside. I want to take you down the aisle with super robot strength. Hold your hand. Try not to crush it. Thanks luminous electric for making me a robot man.

Half love, half husband, all robot hero, Brian. Electro Brian. I said clap. Go crazy. So thanks to Electro Brian and luminous electric and the wonderful Lacey Harbor soon to be Lacey Smith for taking everybody to the money zone. We got a, I got a question here. I'm a graduating high school senior.

I don't want to go to my ceremony. The reason is that I have not made any good memories in high school. When I look at all these people, I think of how horrible some of them treated me. Some of my old best friends have ganged up with me a lot last year and bullied me saying backhanded comments all the time, like I'm ugly. And they act like I was beneath them. Our school said that if it's all right, if we don't want to walk the stage, but I know that graduating is a big deal to my parents.

I don't know how to tell them that I don't want to go. I don't know what it's used to make up. Should I just not go and tell them I forgot? Hey, mom and dad. Or was that today? Was that today? That's from Kelly in California. I know you already dropped a hundo on your Justin's robe.

Did all three of us walk? Did you walk? Yeah. Yeah, you got to walk in high school and walk in college. It took me five years to get through. I wasn't going to be like, I finally did it, mom and dad. I got my acting degree in five years. I did it.

I think that this is one of those things that I look back. I'm glad that I did everything that I could in high school, so I don't look back and go, man, I wish I'd gone to prom, or I wish I'd walked the stage. You did all the requisite high school-y shit. Yes. What you're saying is there's no sense in skipping this similar experience that is just like this one time it'll happen to you.

You can be snarky about it, but it is a big deal. Like graduating in high school, it's a big deal. Yeah, and it is a big deal. You know, don't think of it as like, I'm going to miss high school so much. Think of it as you rose above these fucking assholes who are trying to keep you down, and you're about to go into college where everything is cool,

or go into the real world where everything is equally cool, and nothing sucks as bad as what you just went through. You know, that's a great, like, Kelly, it ain't about them. Yeah, it's about you. You fucking did it. It's about you. You did it. You killed it.

You, you know, like, they tried to keep you down, and you fucking won. You know what the high school graduation rate is in this country right now? It's like eight. It's like eight percent. It's like eight percent. And Kelly, you beat the odds.

You're not in that nine. That's the stupid 92 they call it. You're not in that group. You're going for it. You're going for, it's like, you set your mind on a goal, much like Captain Jack Sparrow set his mind on the goal of retrieving the black pearl. And now you've gotten your black pearl,

so you're going to walk across the stage and take your, take your victory lap. You did it. And shoot Barbosa. Shoot Barbosa. On the stage. Only metaphorically speaking. Metaphorically speaking, shoot Barbosa when he's flesh.

You know, a flesh man. Take a gold piece. Take the bloom from the cursed chest. Yep. Gain the zombie monkey. Gain immortal life. Like, what else do you need to know? Also, this is really special to your parents.

And it's one of the, there are things in your life that you will always be faced with like, this is something you are doing for them and for you, but not for your asshole ex-friends and those people. This is for you and your parents. I'm saying, fuck your parents. I'm saying, this is Kelly time. I'm saying, you get on that stage

and you let everyone know how you feel about them. And maybe give your principal an extra hard handshake. Give my handshake and just like, turn towards all of your shitty classmates and just get your dick out and be like, bite it. And it'd be like, bite this wiener. No, not this and that. You've got to do something like super memorable

that'll get on TV. How is that not memorable? Just turn around and be like, make sure to listen to my brother, my brother meets at mbam.com. Goodbye. Maybe just the old San Dimas high school football rules. So Kelly, this is for you.

It's not about them. Fuck those guys. This is your time and you won. You succeeded. You triumphed and now it's time to... Oh my God, shit is about to get so good for you. Oh, Kelly, it's next four years out of your life. He's going to absolutely rule.

A switch is about to flip. A rad switch. An awesome switch. So guys, I was reading Cosmo. Don't do that. Sure. Like I do. Like you do.

And I bypassed, there was one article that I really wanted to read and it was 17 things you don't know about your vagina because it sounded mysterious and I want to know what my vagina's up to. What is going on in there? But I bypassed that through 25 surprising things that turned men on.

Okay. Now the terrible stupid thing that Cosmo has done here is they asked guys to submit them on Twitter. Okay. So these are straight up submissions. Before we start, can I say that the thing that turns me on most in this world is exploring the secrets of the vagina,

the 17 dark secrets. What your vagina does when you're not around. Yeah. Some of my favorites on this list. Number two is that early in the morning or tired at night phone voice, which translates to me of like, can we please just go to bed?

Why are you absurd? Hey, baby. Daniel. Um. I was totally turning you on. Number three, girls who swim. Like mermaids? I guess.

She's just moist all the time. She smells like chlorine. I love it. She's the best. Number eight, all caps. Paying for your own dinner. Got a major boner. She pulls out that visa and this boner just jumps right off.

You should see when the guy at Chili's is like, is this together or separate? She's like, together, but he's with me. I'm using my early in the morning voice. These are number. These are. Okay. These aren't things dudes like about women, right?

These are turn on. These are I am getting. I'm getting. I am. I am made a rod by this. I am. This is I am eroticized when you pay at Chili's. Number 10.

Number 10. At no good words as if you can spin around while you're riding it. It being your, your office chair, right? And not your penis because that's not possible. Yeah, these are secret things. These are secret things that turn 11 year olds on. I like when you, I bet I like when you squeeze it.

Super hard till stuff comes out. Number 12. A chick that will play PS3 with me. While sitting on it spinning. Number 13. What turns brown anymore? It says if you smell nice. You smell nice.

Smell good, baby. It's like chlorine. Can you spin around on it? Number 17. Good credit. Fuck you. What? Good credit.

Good credit. Scott says good credit. How do you like? Hey, listen, how do you, if you're reading Cosmo and you read that, how do you not just like pair that bitch in half like the power team and just give it up? Listen, baby, we had a special night and you know, I'm, I'm trying to crush them. God, see if you can sit and spend, but first gotta get on freecreditreport.com and just like find out what you're working with.

Is it in the 500s? Do you have a PDF? You could forward me for me that. Listen, I'll crush. I'm ready. I'm raring to go. You pay for your dinner. I've had a boner since we left Applebee's, but

first you smell real nice. You smell great. You've been swimming all day. But first I just gotta know if we can. What's your score? What is your score? What's your digits? Come here digits.

Number 18. Manigault music says toes dot dot dot. Well, cute toes. Bubbly toes. No, no hobbit toes. No hobbit toes for this, for this guy. Hey, hey, guess what? I talked to everybody.

No, no on toes ever. Well, okay. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't think there's such a thing as good toes, but there's definitely such a thing as bad toes. If you have dirty small fingers down there, I don't want to even be a part of your production.

Get your foot fingers away from my shit. You're saying that it's like you can only go down with toes. Yeah, I've never looked at toes and been like, boner, but I have seen toes and been like, never boner, like never again a boner. Narrow your boner. It's like, if you're not going to say, oh, that girl's got a nice back,

but if she doesn't have a back, you are just a front. How did you do that? Like the physics of it. How is your scene happening? Because I do not understand it. Totally. Is there anything else?

This fucking magazine. What are they doing? This is what our, this is what our young ladies are reading. No, no, no, no. They're reading Teen Comments. This is honestly, I think that magazines like this, are what causes the great divide between the sexes. These stuff like what he doesn't want,

is for you to get really into the game and chug a beer. And it's like, how do you know that? I don't want that. I don't want that. I just want to, I just want a boo who can swim and spin on my dick. I like it when we're swimming and she sits on it and spins in the water. And I use it to propel me forward like that. That's called a jet ski.

And a little James Bond mini something. It's amazing. You call that the steamboat, Willie? Toot toot all aboard. No, just me. Sorry guys. This is my, this is my Deborah boat. We're going to make Proud Mary.

Get in. Oh Christ. Okay, so Cosmo, I think you are the worst thing that is around. I think it's the worst thing that happens to this country. Hey, how about a yaku? Yeah, sure. This one was sitting by Golly A. Olly. Who has really outdone him or herself?

Itself. Itself. It's by Yahoo Answers user Sarah. Only it's spelled with like weird characters. I'm not going to get into it. Sarah asks, is my, we didn't start the fire continuation decent? What? Okay, like it says decent.

I know it's not good and some parts don't flow well, but that's okay. It's supposed to be 1990 through 2009. I don't know a lot about the 1990s. So there's a little lack of that. What? Are you ready? What universe is this?

Are you ready? Wait, Griffin, you've got to do it to music. You can't not do this to music. I can do it a cappella. Okay. Okay. Then I want you to go back and find the music and play it underneath it for me. I don't know.

Okay. I'll try. Okay. Are you ready? Okay. Middle East, CSI Twin Towers, Wifi, eBay, Dan Brown, Sarah Palin, Global Warming, Madonna, Internet, Marijuana, Obama, Titanic, Harry Potter, Organic, Steroids, Animation Cell, Phones, Immigration, Facebook, Walmart, Google, Modern Art, Ecoli, Bird Flu, Michael Jackson,

New Hans Zimmer, Green Day, Guantanamo Bay. Oh, God. Hold on. Did you say Lewis Gossett? Did I hear E. Coli bird poop in there? E. Coli bird flu. Bird flu. Bird flu.

Okay. What was, no, did they say Lewis Gossett? I don't think they said Lewis Gossett. Can you, can you elucidate the last stands before me again? E. Coli bird flu. Michael Jackson, who knew Hans Zimmer, Green Day, Guantanamo Bay. What? Okay.

All right. Hold on, hold on. Who knew what? Who knew what? I, I guess that Michael Jackson was going to die. And if that is the case, then everybody. Okay. I wouldn't, my bigger problem with this is not about the flow of her lyrics, but more,

do we live in a world where this gets updated like the encyclopedia? Like at the end of a decade, it's like, well, we need to go back and add a couple stanzas by the end of time. We didn't start the fire. It's going to be eight hours long. Yeah. It's going to be an epic poem written by Poet Laureate, Billy Joel. Well, I'm glad, I'm glad somebody's stepping up here because yeah, like I don't want our

school kids to be like, and then in the year was 1990. And after that, there is no more history. I mean, Sarah touches on some good points here. I mean, definitely, definitely CSI and Twin Towers and Wi-Fi should all be sandwiched together like that. Pretty much, they're pretty much like the same level of stuff, right? Right. Dan Brown definitely deserves to be remembered forever.

And Hans Zimmer, who knew. Wait, Hans Zimmer? Yeah, you know. And Harry Potter's in there? Harry Potter's in there. He's up in the mix. I'm down with that. That's a revolution.

That's great. Hans Zimmer? Like what, what, what, what, what contribution of Hans Zimmer's are you, are you honoring here? Like, did you feel, is it? Oh, I, no, I, excuse me. He did the motion picture soundtrack for Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger's Time. So that, that, that makes perfect sense.

He did that OST. So of course you're going to, yeah. I mean, what, what, what are we forgetting here? There's got to be some other important events. Like Iraq, Afghanistan, something like that. Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger's Time. Iraq, Afghanistan, Pirates of the Caribbean. How about Robert Downey Jr.'s return to the screen?

That was a pretty big deal. Robert Downey Jr.'s return to the screen. Like, I don't think so. Now what about Grey's Anatomy and then the spin-off private practice? Here's what's, I'm looking through this and I think my problem isn't. My problem is what did make the cut. So like, uh, oh, Dan Brown made it, but not Hurricane Katrina. Like, uh-huh.

Yeah. So, uh, Sarah Palin is up in the mix. Not 9-11 though. So. No. Well, she said Twin Towers in that sort of shorthand for 9-11. Never forget Twin Towers. It could be, see, it could be referring to the second Lord of the Rings movie.

It could not. No, it could not. Grey's Anatomy is made for you, Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2. Eric, I think that's a matter because it gets some like super important cultural stuff. I think that it would be better if it was all just not like what happened in the world, but like a personal recount of your 1990s or 2009. So it's like, met a guy, we broke up, went to dinner, met some people, then I went to college, and it was pretty cool.

And it was just like a personal telling of stuff that happened in your life. Can you explain to me the sort of sliding scale that puts going to dinner with some people and graduating college on the same import? Like. It was a good dinner. It wasn't, it wasn't a very good college. It was a very good verse. It was mostly a party school.

I graduated still a fool, and I went and got on Yahoo Answers with this song. So I want to hear Griffin's last question. Super quick, just sort of housekeeping stuff that we do every week. This is my brother, my brother and me. Our website is mbnbam.com. Our form spring is formspring.me and forward slash mbnbam. Our email address is mbnbam at maximumfund.org. Those are all good methods to get in contact with us.

If you want to get an ad at the money zone, she said this back then, but you want to email Teresa at maximumfund.org. Let's treat it with an H, of course. Got. What else is going on? What's up? Also, we haven't talked about in a while about listening parties. If you get a group of four or more together, let us know.

We usually record on Saturday or Sunday. So if you need a listening party, you need to let us know like a week in advance. Yeah. And we will, we will try to get it done for you. And you get a special greeting for your party, and we'll give you guys just like a little introduction. So that way if you got new people, they just get a little kind of special taste before the show starts.

The Cincinnati show is going to have in June 12th, and that's on Sunday. It's going to be super duper fun. It's going to start at eight o'clock at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company. We got a great opener, Felicia Gillespie. You need to go Google her tracks and see her because she's super duper funny. And also the best bar in Cincinnati, Arnold's Bar and Grill is opening up special for us and just us on Sunday night.

So we're all going to be hanging out there after the show. So if you're in the area and you weren't able to get tickets to the show, you can come hang out with us afterwards at Arnold's. We'll probably be there about 10, 10, 30. And if you weren't able to come to the show, hope may not be lost. We are next week, I think. We're going to have an opportunity for I think 10 or so people, maybe a few less than that, to get tickets.

But you're going to have to listen. Glatorial blood match fight. Yeah. Last man. Spears, nets, hammers. And so, like, don't lose hope yet. Hang in there. Well, we might be able to accommodate you if you live in the area. Don't make special plans or anything, but we might be able to set you up. We got a new t-shirt coming soon.

We're going to have a available at exclusively at live shows, like the Cincinnati show, the shows coming after. We're going to have, is it silk screened? Griffin, is that accurate? It is laser etched. Screen printed, I think, maybe. Carbonite. Carbonite, it is a carbon clone copy.

And once you see this image, you are going to poop your pants. It is pants, shittingly awesome. Justin Rootsow has really outdone himself. We love when you talk about the show on Twitter, MBNBAM, hashtag. Who's today's special guy? Ian Johnson Music tore it up this week. Just he's going back through the back catalog and spreading the word to people.

Also, I want to talk about SS Kinto. Basically, he took our sampler, the youtube samplerbit.ly slash it's MBNBAM, and was trying to pimp us to like Louis CK and Joe McHale and Donald Glover. I appreciate it so much walking that fine, fine line. Joel, thank you for listening to our show. Hey Joel, welcome. And hey, guys, don't forget, and he did it right, but when you pimp us to people, when you say, hey, check out the show, include that sampler link,

I think is maybe even better than our website link, because it's a really good entry point for people, and then they'll be down with it. It's digestible. It's digestible. FaceLauren is going back through the back catalog and listening to the whole show. And it's great. So we love you guys so much, and you are the reason that we keep doing this every week. Well, we would probably record it anyway, but you're the reason we release it.

I'm in it for the money. Yeah, gotta get that paper chase. So we got forums, maximumfund.org, go get it. Here's our final question, it's sent in by Philip Smith. Thank you, Philip. It's by Yahoo Answers user Zeno Zamor, who asks, Can I legally change my birthday? I was born October 9th, and I would like to change it to Halloween.

I'm just in back row. I'm Travis, and I'm literally in back row. This has been my brother and my brother. In case your dad just went around the lips.